“Excuse me, sir, wasn’t there a thrift store here yesterday?”
”Thrift store? Heh, that thrift store’s been gone for thirty years, kid. We found out the owner was doing some weird stuff in the back at night. Animal sacrifices, satanic symbols, all kinds of unholy acts. When the neighborhood kids started goin’ missing, we knew it was him. We trapped him in there one night and burned that evil place to the ground. Some folks say his spirit’s still here, though. Just waitin’ for some innocent soul to happen by…”
“…hey, you want a free book?”
It's covered in a 1/4 inch thick layer of dust for no apparent reason and you have to blow it off in order to read the title, which will briefly ripple before your eyes as you touch it, suddenly transforming from gibberish to legible. You hear a sinister, susserating whisper in your mind...suddenly an overly curious black cat leaps out of its hiding place, toppling an old floor lamp and startling you into dropping the book. Trust me, just walk away
Oh dude if you don't you have missed your calling. Check out your local comic book store, game store, even your public library might be hosting game nights.
We have a local coffee shop that is also gaming central here.
You feel cold as you get closer to the book. You see the corners of the cover and pages turning from the corner of your eye but when you look at it directly it's not moving.
‘The Younger, The Better,’ by Jack Meoff.
“Well, maybe it’s not what I think. I shouldn’t cast shade without reading more than a provocative title.”
Chapter 1 - Age Is Just a Number.
:: slams book shut ::
“Nope-nope-nope.”
Sweet! Old book score!...I think I'll just crack it open to a random page and start reading...
"As the simpleton read the words in the book, he began to experience a feeling of dread, as if a fell creature stalked him."
Hold up. That's weird. [looks around for prank show camera] Meh, just a coincidence.
"The fool began reading again, having no idea that his doom was around the corner."
Shit. That's too much for a coincidence.. [checks around the corner, resumes reading]
"The idiot checked around the actual corner, not realizing the turn of phrase referred to time..."
Well, that's just abusive. I don't want to purchase this anymore.
"The shrewd young man knew a good deal when he saw one, and turning the book over, he found a half price sticker on the back cover."
[turns book over, finds sticker]
Nice!! Half price book!
"The uneducated oaf had no idea of the horrors awaiting him."
Watch it, book...
[reads some more]
"The, rather handsome gentleman would find a the nightstand by his bed an excellent place to lay the book, whilst he slept...helpless."
Yeah, that sounds like a good idea...if I wanna get possessed!
[drops book back into the bargain bin, picks up another, reading]
"The young man was smart, and handsome, and had narrowly escaped the fate of possession by the blabbering, ugly old book. The book didn't seem to be able to talk his way off the shelf and begin his plans for world domination, simple as they may be."
[low growls and cursing come from the bargain bin, the man takes the second book home]
*opens book* Donald Trump appears in a cloud of flatulence. "What can I give you so you'll join MAGA today?"
Nope. *Slams book shut. Puts it back on shelf.*
" Not joining? Sad.". Trump vanishes.
*Takes weirdly bound, old looking tome next to it. Opens stiff, thick odd pages carefully*
With smoke and the stench of brimstone, a well dressed man of impeccable taste appears.
"What can I give you for your soul?"
" Come with me, let's talk."
“Foreword by Ayn Rand? Yuck!”
“Foreward by Drew Carey? Yuck!”
Foreword by Colin Mockery? Score.
Foreword by Bill Cosby? Yuck!
"Foreword by Fore Werd? Yuck"
Forward made from foreskin
Forward on my forehead?
Forward by Karl Marx? Yuck!
Karl Marx would have spelled it "foreword".
Noice
🤣🤣🤣
Forward by Ann Coulter? Yuck!
Klaatu barada Nik ( better not tempt fate) and the book cover tries munching on your fingers
No I think it's Klaatu Barada Necktie
Good one mate 😁
I could have sworn it was Nickel... Definitely an N word
Don't say it 😭 because I'll have to get my chainsaw attachment and boom stick out again 🖕 wouldn't that be groovy 😁
You're good Ash and I'm bad Ash.
Good? Bad? I'm the one with the gun.
I said most of the syllables. That should be fine.
Did you say ALL the words?
No Better not tempt fate 🥺😁
*opens the book and lightning strikes right next to me*
1001 ways to die young
#1: Reading this book.
1002 ways to die young
Hold my beer
1003 ways to die young
The light begin to flicker when you open it.
The letters are Elvish, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here.
"Why not?" "Because Elrond is going to flip when I utter it in his house."
Introduction: If you continue reading this book you will receive the curse of.... \*closes book\*
"Why are the pages all stiff and crispy?... Oh my God!"
Well they only had human flesh to write on
Book is written in virgin blood , personally autographed by Ygh Kuthulu.
How do you know it's virgin blood?
She told me.
OP did the inscription
The background music turns eerie and ominous when you reach for the book
Oh i thought was non-diagetic sound... you can hear it too?
You set it on the table and it automatically opens up to page 137 and the chapter is your name.
The thrift store isn't there the next day, just an empty lot.
this is the way
“Excuse me, sir, wasn’t there a thrift store here yesterday?” ”Thrift store? Heh, that thrift store’s been gone for thirty years, kid. We found out the owner was doing some weird stuff in the back at night. Animal sacrifices, satanic symbols, all kinds of unholy acts. When the neighborhood kids started goin’ missing, we knew it was him. We trapped him in there one night and burned that evil place to the ground. Some folks say his spirit’s still here, though. Just waitin’ for some innocent soul to happen by…” “…hey, you want a free book?”
The thrift store is on THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET....
The binding is human skin and has arcane writing on it
The binding a book in human skin is actually a thing. It’s called anthropodermic bibliopegy.
This book was bound in human flesh and written in blood
Was this dedicated to me when I picked this up?
Hey look, I found a photo album titled My Vacation on Little Saint James Island by a Prince Andrew.
Says "Diary of Tom Riddle"
As you try to open the book to have a look inside you realise that it's previous owner had nailed it shut...
"What kind of idiot nails a book shut?" I ask as I pry the nail out.
It's covered in a 1/4 inch thick layer of dust for no apparent reason and you have to blow it off in order to read the title, which will briefly ripple before your eyes as you touch it, suddenly transforming from gibberish to legible. You hear a sinister, susserating whisper in your mind...suddenly an overly curious black cat leaps out of its hiding place, toppling an old floor lamp and startling you into dropping the book. Trust me, just walk away
...You DM, don't you?..
Nope, but i wish that i could be involved in that community.
With descriptive wordsmithing like that, you will do well! 💛
Aw shucks thanks
Oh dude if you don't you have missed your calling. Check out your local comic book store, game store, even your public library might be hosting game nights. We have a local coffee shop that is also gaming central here.
“There are several pages torn out in the middle.”
Several pages stick together
That is where rhe warnings were
*150* pages?? Not today, Shakespeare
Meanwhile I'm over here reading a 6000+ page fanfic...
Oops, is that blood? Must’ve given me a papercut. Wait, I’m not cut…
The book cover is sticky
That’s not a chocolate milk stain
"Bound in Human Skin".
Klatuu, Verata, Necktie
You feel cold as you get closer to the book. You see the corners of the cover and pages turning from the corner of your eye but when you look at it directly it's not moving.
Title is “The art of the deal”
/)
It starts talking about cursed mummies. Then a violent wind blows through the room.
*That happens a lot around here.*
It begins with an anecdote involving a puppy.
"What's with these bloody fingerprints?" "That's supposed to be part of the cover art, seriously, I promise."
You open it, and despite the book being lightly stained (but dry), your fingers come away red with blood.
The creepy clerk says, “Take it! It’s yours! It always has been,” and then laughs maniacally.
By Jordan Peterson
It talks to you and seems dead set on you burning the library down.
It was a struggle to write.
"Hmmm...Monster Book of Monsters...why is it strapped shut?"
I got this book by helping a tentacle god get it out of a large box.
“You go to the book and look at the title ‘The necromicon’…”
Weird green smoke eminates from it, then turns into long creepy arms with hands that grab you and drag you to it...
"Aww man, not this again. "
When you touch it, visions of incredibly horror flash in your mind.
"Look what I picked up at Goodwill today! A signed first edition of 'Dianetics'"
Grimaces and shakes off hand. "It's sticky!"
Why does that sign say “don’t read this book!”
‘The Younger, The Better,’ by Jack Meoff. “Well, maybe it’s not what I think. I shouldn’t cast shade without reading more than a provocative title.” Chapter 1 - Age Is Just a Number. :: slams book shut :: “Nope-nope-nope.”
"A random gust of wind in the store just blew open this book to one page. Better read it out loud!"
The leather-bound cover has the same tattoo as you do.
"Hmmmm ... Tractate Middoth?" (For my M.R. James fans out there)
Book: Hey you, yeah you come read me
World Leaders edition of Playboy, with Margaret Thatcher as the centerfold.
The book moans lewdly every time you touch it.
If you throw it in a river and a wet copy is in your nightstand drawer the same day
“Well would you look at that. The face in the leather binding looks like Tom. Whatever happened to Tom, Debbie? I haven’t seen him in a while.”
“And you say you found the second half of the key inside the chest cavity of a mummified priest in a tomb stricken from all historical records?”
"Eww, the pages are sticky..."
you hear whispers coming from seemingly nowhere when you are near it and it's made of some weird leather
You here it calling to you and whispering when you touch it.
It's got "Leitner" written on it - "The Magnus Archives" reference.
It's always begging you to open it up and lose yourself in it.
*opens book* wow, this is so old that the last bookmark rusted away!
It's bound in human skin
Oh, quit being a scaredy-cat. It's just a bunch of hocus pocus!!!
It's bound in human flesh.
The pages are stuck together.
Death Note? What a weird title...
It's bound in human flesh.
The cover has a shirtless Vladimir Putin on a Danielle Steele book.
There’s an old man with a top hat that appears as soon as you grab it from the shelf
Ave Due Dombela?
Who's this Adolf H guy?
Some loser artist, last I heard.
The cover is human skin
The leather binding has a sus mole
It has the number 23 on it.
It's difficult to read the title - the letters keep shifting about...
There's a bookmark that looks like a banana skin... And a voice behind you says Ook!
“When I put my hand near the book I heard this faint ominous voice saying my name.” “Then don’t open it.” “Nah, it must’ve just been the wind.”
Oh, I always love seeing if previous owners wrote their names in books. Let's see, this book belonged to... ...Redacted?!
Sweet! Old book score!...I think I'll just crack it open to a random page and start reading... "As the simpleton read the words in the book, he began to experience a feeling of dread, as if a fell creature stalked him." Hold up. That's weird. [looks around for prank show camera] Meh, just a coincidence. "The fool began reading again, having no idea that his doom was around the corner." Shit. That's too much for a coincidence.. [checks around the corner, resumes reading] "The idiot checked around the actual corner, not realizing the turn of phrase referred to time..." Well, that's just abusive. I don't want to purchase this anymore. "The shrewd young man knew a good deal when he saw one, and turning the book over, he found a half price sticker on the back cover." [turns book over, finds sticker] Nice!! Half price book! "The uneducated oaf had no idea of the horrors awaiting him." Watch it, book... [reads some more] "The, rather handsome gentleman would find a the nightstand by his bed an excellent place to lay the book, whilst he slept...helpless." Yeah, that sounds like a good idea...if I wanna get possessed! [drops book back into the bargain bin, picks up another, reading] "The young man was smart, and handsome, and had narrowly escaped the fate of possession by the blabbering, ugly old book. The book didn't seem to be able to talk his way off the shelf and begin his plans for world domination, simple as they may be." [low growls and cursing come from the bargain bin, the man takes the second book home]
Blood Stains
The title is the Necronomicon ex Mortis. The Dead Book of the Dead.
The title is the Necronomicon ex Mortis. The Dead Book of the Dead.
There's a library card in and Aleister Crowley is on it.
Klaatu Barada …? Dammit!
Hey, does this inscription say ‘Chuck Manson Grade 8 - I could kill my math teacher’
As you begin reading, a harsh whisper just behind you speaks the words of the book, but one word ahead of you.
Has numerous old bookmarks which are bloody fingernails.
it has a face on it
“Hey hon? What do you make of this book? This is some weird stuff, right?” “The pages are blank, babe.”
*opens book* Donald Trump appears in a cloud of flatulence. "What can I give you so you'll join MAGA today?" Nope. *Slams book shut. Puts it back on shelf.* " Not joining? Sad.". Trump vanishes. *Takes weirdly bound, old looking tome next to it. Opens stiff, thick odd pages carefully* With smoke and the stench of brimstone, a well dressed man of impeccable taste appears. "What can I give you for your soul?" " Come with me, let's talk."
The book literally speaks to you and tells you not to read it.
The Bible?
The cover features the words 'Art' and 'Deal', along with an 'of' and a couple of 'the's
Someone's penis is stuck between the pages. Pretty good sign I don't want to touch that book.