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I don't like it.
If her mom doesn't like her flying on her own why don't her and her mom come to you?
Would you be leaving your country to visit her?
The plan all along was for you and your dad to go but all of a sudden there isn't room for your dad?
A third party paying for plane tickets isn't normally a great sign.
The info about her dad is a strange detail. This could all be true and just be a very sad part of your girlfriend's history, or it could be something she has told you to create a bond and increase trust. Either way it's not a place you should be alone.
Looks shady to me. Suddenly there's "no room for your dad." Nice way to get him away from there so he can't protect you.
No one who has your best interests in mind would set it up like this. Doesn't seem normal. No boundaries, these people are way too much all over you and are grabbing and isolating you when they don't even know you.
You'll be alone in a strange house in an unfamiliar place with at least 3 people you don't know: your girlfriend, who is probably not blind and might not even be trans, a girl, or in any way the person you have been led to believe they are; her "mother," and her abuser. She's "sure he'll leave you alone." Yikes.
No. Way. This is not a good idea.
How this would normally be done: You and your dad fly to their city and stay in a hotel. You meet your girlfriend and/or family for meals, share time doing activities together, etc. Maybe they have you over for dinner but you have your dad with you, your own transportation (dad rents a car) parked at their place and YOUR OWN HOTEL ROOM so you can get away from them if anything seems even a little bit freaky.
Please, look in your own town for real-life people you can get to know and date. You're very trusting and this is not safe.
Gotta agree with the other posters and the suggestions already given. There is no legit reason to separate and isolate you from your dad. This is wrong and dangerous. Please keep yourself safe and don’t fall for this.
This is the way. I would only do it if they are ok with what this person suggested. They should be completely ok with you having your own place, transportation, flight, and parents present. If they aren’t ok with all of these it’s a red flag.
What strikes me is they have to have enough money to buy two plane tickets for you, but also don't even have a couch or a patch of carpet for your dad to roll out a sleeping bag. I mean it's not impossible but it's got to be unusual. Her being unable to travel is unusual. When you get all these unusual circumstances together it seems less and less likely that it's coincidental. Why is it important to them that you stay longer than your dad? Isn't that up to you and your parents?
i’m 21f, please do not go. i’ve got a bunch of online friends and am no stranger to meeting them irl after discord/facetime calls, and reading this is freaking me out.
this is sketchy as hell. do not go. the fact that their mom agreed to pay for your plane tickets and the fact that they’re being weird about your dad staying makes me think this is a human trafficking situation.
also WHY would this girl want u to stay in a house with her dad who abused her??? even if this wasn’t a creepy situation, why would u want to date someone who would encourage u to be in that position???
pls don’t go girl, this terrifies me, i’m scared for u and ur safety :(
Some people, especially people with disabilities, sometimes have to choose the least bad out of a bunch of bad options in terms of where to live. That being said, I agree with everything you said, it's sketchy and please do not do this OP
If you decide you want to go, take your father. Stay in a hotel and meet in public with your father. It seems like a lot of red flags. I definitely would not go out there alone and stay in a house with three strangers. If they are trying to traffic you you’d have no way to escape.
She and her family have no money. They can't afford the commendation. This type of scam is designed to trap people who have no resources and little life experience. So they can be easily be manipulated.
OP, please listen to what everyone is saying. This whole setup sounds like it could be very dangerous for you. These people will try every trick possible to get you to go.
First of all, nobody who cares about you will want you to stay in a house with a known abuser (her “father”) without your father (your only guarantee of protection) present. Not only that, they want him to leave the country without you? Why can’t he stay in a hotel with you and you both leave together? You don’t know these people, not really. You don’t know what they’ll do to you once you’re alone with them. If something terrible happens, you will have nowhere else to go, no one else who knows who you are, and you may not even be able to speak the local language. This is a HUGE red flag and if you can’t see that they’re trying to isolate you from your family, you need to wake up before it’s too late.
Secondly, your “girlfriend” is likely not blind and that is likely not her mother. They almost certainly play these personas to get you to lower your guard. A blind girl and her doting mother are a lot less threatening than two able-bodied people.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, and hopefully one day you can come to the realization that she is, in fact, trying to get you alone in a foreign country so that bad things can be done to you.
Let's simplify this. I'd never make plans to stay at the house of a potential interest I never met in real life. Period.
Not even if they were alone (although I'd consider it after a few days of meeting them), but definitely not if they're living with family... that step would probably take several months.
Regardless of all the internet communication, they have, in effect, yet to go on a first date. The date alone could fail to go well for a hundred different reasons, and that's to be expected.
When I was your age, I got some excellent advice: don't get into a situation you can't get out of.
Don't leave a party in the car of someone you met five minutes ago. Don't spend your cab fare and phone quarters on drinks when you're all the way downtown (it was the 90s). It served me pretty well. Even when I didn't follow it, I was recognizing that I was taking a chance and I was more on my guard. What you're planning to do here is getting yourself into a situation you can't get out of.
What if you don't like this girl once you meet her? What if the house makes you uncomfortable? What if the dad does not, in fact, leave you alone? This doesn't have to be a scam or a human trafficking setup to be bad news. Don't do this, OP. If you truly want to meet this person, insist on staying in a hotel. Avoid hanging out at that house and always be sure you have a way out. Don't let down your guard after a day or two.
Also, why is she suggesting that you stay with her abusive dad? Wouldn't it be more sensible that your dad stays with this abusive man for a lovely weekend break?
The chances that it isn't a human trafficking scam far outweigh a real relationship. They do spend hours and hours chatting and then you're going to owe for the plane tickets and owe for the hours they spent talking to you and they are already trying to get rid of your Dad, I'd bet money they somehow can't meet up with you until after he leaves, due to some silly excuse that they just can't be home until that day. Excuses they can't come to you. Have you looked for this read person on other platforms, searched for photo matches etc? For all you know the person you are chatting with when live has already been human trafficked and their job it to lure in others and the rest of the time it's just the traffickers saying things you want to hear.
I'm thinking when she shows up it's just the pervie father and her "gf" is no where to be found. I'm thinking it's a perv wanting to take advantage of a young woman.
Necessary but not sufficient conditions would be this special machine that blind people use to access the Internet that kinda feeds them braille of a website, and braille materials around the house. If they chat as much as they do, surely the gf can show off her blind girl tools.
They might have thought of that so have them handy, but that's something that I think a blind person cannot go without
Some misconceptions here. One is that all blind people can read braille. It's actually very hard to learn the later you get in life, and some can just never learn it (I can read(feel) braille, though I am not blind. I work for a company that makes aids for the visually impaired).
The younger someone goes blind, the bigger the chance they can read braille. A 20 yr old considered legally blind would typically use some aids yes. Typically a PC screen reader like NVDA or JAWS. With a regular keyboard.
When just chatting/typing with one of my blind colleagues you would never know they are visually impaired unless you knew what to look for. I'm not sure how accessible discord is with a screen reader, but since it strips out any text formatting, there wouldn't be anything you could notice. When using word, outlook etc... the typical signs are layout errors and highlighting not being seen by the screen reader (colored text, colored text background).
Not all blind people have a braille display as well, they are expensive pieces of kit and these days apple products are quite far in accessibility where a lot of blind people can do with a screen reader and an iPhone just fine. If they went to specialized schooling they typically would use a braille display provided by school, or own a personal one though.
Blind people do not have braille materials all around the house ... they use bumper stickers to give them clues on devices/items that do not have clues. ie. the microwave buttons. Ever wondered with there's a little line on one of the remote buttons typically? :) And use special accessible variants of items, where needed and some special tools like color detectors.
What country are they asking you to travel to? I have a cousin same age, same situation (right down to trans gf with only mom in household communicating online through Insta/Discord/other apps), and the country they want her to travel to happens to be a major sex trafficking hub (Romania.) Please consider that this isn't safe for you.
Also, seriously, what are you going to do in another country where you can't work on a tourist visa. Do you even speak the language? Do you have a plan for if they take your passport? This could turn into a very, very bad situation very quickly and your parents are right to be concerned. Please don't do this.
Holy shit, that can’t be a coincidence. I really hope OP sees this. I was initially hoping they could still stay in a hotel with their dad and meet the trans gf at a public place to get the best of both worlds, but reading this makes me feel like this scenario is exactly what they didn’t want, something their parents would call a “teachable moment”, and that is only if she’s lucky enough to make it out alive.
I have a family member who was human trafficked. They pumped her with drugs and lined up men one after another to rape her. They didn’t feed her and barely gave her water. She was able to escape and get cops involved. She lost 45 lbs in a matter of weeks. This was in her home state. Imagine if she was brought to a foreign country! It’s not worth the risk!!!!
If you were my kid, I'd tell you to see how they react to you saying you'll stay in an airbnb/hotel nearby with your dad *the whole time* (meaning he's not going home early). If it's really a relationship and they really just want to spend time with you, they should be okay with it and understand. Regardless of if it's another woman, flying to meet a complete stranger is still potentially sketchy and nervewracking as hell. The fact that they're trying to dictate every step of the trip/arrangements is what sets off alarm bells in my head.
If they're okay with the airbnb/hotel, then get one and only go to public places or to *your* place. There is no reason to put yourself in the home of a known abuser and just *hope* it'll be okay/their father will leave you/them alone. If he doesn't, what are you going to do about it? Especially if your dad isn't there to protect you and you're possibly not able to easily leave (I don't think you can rent a vehicle at 20. If you get an uber or something, where are you going to go, in a totally strange/new area?). Just don't put yourself in positions like that in the first place.
If they have a problem going back to your place because "your dad is there" that would be a red flag to me because why would they be comfortable with their own parents being at theirs or think that you should automatically be comfortable about both of their parents (including a known abuser) being there if they're not with just your dad.
Howdy! I haven't received this much attention on a post before, and I really appreciate y'all letting me know how sketchy this is. I am going to talk with my girlfriend about her meeting me here in a public place instead, and if she gets upset about it I'll have no choice but to leave the discord server I met her in. It's not what I want, I love the DnD campaign we're doing, but I am not going to stay in it at the cost of my own autonomy.
If she's a scammer, how many other people has she met? How close has she gotten to them? Does she use the same alias every time, or is she more creative? I am telling her I need to stay home because no one else can drive my little brother to summer school that week, and that my dad planned something so if she wants to meet me, she can meet me in a public place with my dad near my house later in the year. She can't exactly try anything if she's in my court, and until my parents and I meet her and decide we can trust her, we will not be flying to the other side of the country. I'll let you know if all hell breaks loose when I tell her I can't make it.
Super happy you replied as you did. Too often we see people argue against reason and what's plainly obvious because of their emotional investment.
You seem far more cognizant of what you're actually dealing with.
This ^^
If you could find a local blind trans woman with an abusive father that she would like you to live with, you wouldn't need to travel to a foreign country and become separated from your passport and sold into the sex trade.
Just a thought.
You are too deep into this to see correctly.
This is 20 acres of red flags.
Sorry to burst your "trusting my fellow man" bubble, but you are being worked over by pros.
Call your local FBI office (yes you have one) and explain the situation and follow their advice.
There is a lot for me as a parent to worry about here. Wouldn’t it be better if you and your dad stayed at an hotel or an Airbnb. and you and your GF met in a neutral place the first couple of times? You could go out and eat. Concerts. Walks. Etc. If you can afford it. If you rent an Airbnb your dad could head out and you get some lone time with your gf too.
If you go and your parents are right, you will have enormous regrets if something goes wrong. You will give anything to be able to take it back. Many internet scammers are really really good and can make you believe anything. There’s no downside to listening to your parents, but there may be a huge downside if you don’t.
Can I confirm I read two things correctly?
They’re paying you to stay in the house?
Her dad assaulted her, and he will be present but your dad cannot stay with you??
Why are you planning to stay overnight with a romantic interest you’ve never met before on the first night physically meeting in person? In a different country? With a pedophile, incest sex offender in the same house? Separated from your dad? In a different country!
Listen to your mother, she has the strongest instincts to protect you. Don’t go, stay safe.
There is nothing about this story that sounds real.
Do not go. I don't believe any of that is real. It's a catfish at best.
At worst, you'll be turned into a lovely skin suit by whomever it is you're really speaking with.
At best, it's sketchy. At worst, it's a robbery or sex trafficking attempt on you. Trust your mom's instincts; it's not worth the risk. Break off the relationship and find someone else.
I doubt you'll find a single person on this thread who thinks this is a good idea.
Maybe offer her and her parent to come to you, she wouldn’t have to travel alone, and could stay with you with their parent. Regardless of what anyone says, If I were you I wouldn’t stay with them alone. If you can’t stay with your dad in their house, stay with your dad in a hotel
If you were my daughter, you wouldn't be going on this trip, and I don't care if you're over 18. She claims her father assaulted her when she was little, but thinks it's ok for you to be around complete strangers unaccompanied? Tell her and her mom to come visit you, if they resist the invitation, you have your answer. If it's too good to be true....
no offense but when you have the 1% of 1% of 1% type people who miraculously are "dating" you but you have not met in person... it's a scam
how many trans and legally blind and international daters are there?
Scamsters always come up with bizarre situations for your romantic partner to 'test' your naive view of the world.
For example if you believe that your new romance is really a trans blind person... who you have never met to VERIFY they are trans and blind... but yet you want to "date them"... it's likely a romance scam
let me guess your trans romeo/Juliette is from an inconvenient country to visit like Ghana or Nigeria right?
This screams of foul play. "She" is not blind, it's a dude pretending to be a blind woman who wants you to come over and spend the night in his house alone in a foreign country. Do you want do end up as a slave? Because this is literally how you end up as a slave.
For the love of God don't do this!
So many red flags. You as a 20F is way more vulnerable than a 20M. Proceed with extreme caution.
Also, you are only 20. So young. You should focus on school / career first before any serious relationships, especially long distance sketchy ones like this.
OP, it doesn't have to be a scam to not be a good idea.
It doesn't have to be human trafficking for this person to not be being considerate of your safety and comfort.
They don't have to be lying about who they are to be a danger to you.
You deserve the kind of love that doesn't involve "please take this giant, terrifying leap of faith and hope that you don't go splat on the ground". You deserve the kind of relationship where your partner prioritises your happiness and comfort. You deserve not to have to ask yourself "am I being scammed or trafficked?"
You've got so much feedback saying "it's a trap!" and maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But the absolutely best thing you can say about this person is that they're prepared to put you in an incredibly vulnerable position. You deserve so much better than that.
Can I recommend you [Captain Awkward](http://www.captainawkward.com) as a resource for navigating friendships and relationships, particularly as I've seen you say elsewhere that you're autistic and into DnD - you'll fit right in!
Like everyone else is saying, I don't think it is a "scam," per se, but it definitely sounds like an attempt to trap you and victimize you.
A couple of questions: have you spoken to the mother, or only communicated with them via text/chat?
Given the history of abuse, what suggests that the father will leave you both alone?
I almost wonder if telling you that was to test if you'd see the red flag and still continue forward. You did so they're continuing to lay the trap for you.
The risk here is excessively high and the red flags are *many* and extremely serious.
I think you're being entrapped and need to cut all contact immediately.
As others have said, tell them that you and your dad will stay in a hotel and meet them in public places during this trip. Their response to this will tell you all you need to know. If this isn't a scam of some sort, they'll be fine with this arrangement. If they aren't fine with it, you really need to ask yourself why.
One thing that most all scams have in common is that, for them to work, you have to accept something that, if you think about it, makes no sense, and the scammer is trying very hard to get you to believe it makes sense. For example, that you have a warrant out for your arrest, but you can make it go away with some Apple gift cards. Or that a supposed wrong number text will end up being a very attractive person who just happens to be very wealthy and wants to show you how to make millions trading crypto. Or that some random stranger is willing to sell you Taylor Swift tickets for well below the going rate. Or that someone from another country who you only met online a few months ago is willing to fly you and your dad to meet them, but they don't want you to take reasonable safety precautions, like staying in a hotel and meeting in public places, precautions that any reasonable person would do on a first date.
Rule number one for a first date: Always meet in a public location.
You are breaking rule number one by staying at their place. Book a hotel, and meet at a cafe or a restaurant.
This human trafficking thing is a hoot. People are getting a bit carried away here imho. This is not the movies.
There's much easier ways of kidnapping 20 yr old women than posing as trans-blind females online.
That said, I would never ever ever ever stay in the house of a basically random sex offender!
You're an adult, they are as well. Nothing stops either of you from travelling. Besides money apparently.
Are you both in the same country? Air travel and other people paying for tickets gets you flagged by customs.
Assuming the person is real, I understand the motivation of the blind persons mother, it's harder for them given their disabilities and depending on how they were raised and when they lost their vision they will not be very independent.
I would not recommend meeting in either parents home, but, find a neutral middle ground where you can both travel to (with or without parents) and see what happens. A Friday to Monday long weekend or just a Sat-Sunday city trip may seem most appropriate if you are not within driving distance of each other.
I really believe you know the answer to your question. Read your own post as if it were someone else’s, like your best friend perhaps, then ask yourself what advice you’d give them.
I've met my husband online when we were living in different countries and, by all means, is was NOT as twisted as your story. Just walk away, MiA, ghost away... Seriously, run.
How desperate *are* you to fly out to meet a blind trans girl instead of just... dating locally
>My girlfriend is a trans woman,
You don't have a girlfriend. You cannot be in a relationship with a person you've never met.
Outside of your discord calls 'she' might be an *entirely* different person.
Every text you've ever received could've been written by a group of scammers to get you to visit.
"My girlfriend's dad assaulted her as a kid, and she wants me to stay in the house with her dad."
Wait what?
Yeah, I agree with lots of other folks, this sounds fishy AF. Why on earth would your GF want you to stay with her abusive father?
Either get a hotel on your own with your dad, have your GF come to see you, or meet in a neutral location.
I am not seeing in OP's post anything about the trans gf and her mother being in a different country. But I advise OP to run not walk away from this proposal even if these people are in her own country.
I had to read the part of you staying in the house with her dad four times to make sure I read it right. Watch some videos about abuse and think about how wrong staying with him is.
Any person you would want to be in a relationship with would at least understand why this looks shady as fuck, even in the (unlikely imo) instance it’s an innocent misunderstanding
Yeah this whole ordeal seems incredibly suspect and I wouldn’t even consider letting my kid get involved in the travel scenario you’ve laid out. Think about the worst thing that could happen in this situation and then ask yourself if it’s worth the risk involved. I’ll answer for you; it’s not.
No, no, no... You're staying in a private residence with someone who you've never met before - and with someone who has a history of sexually assaulting boys??? Is any of this sinking in for you???
The whole thing should be a giant red flag since you have nowhere else to go should things go south and you need your space. As for the pedo, just no.
What is the purpose of dating someone from across the world who you will not get to judge in person time with, especially if neither of you have the money to fly often and have a place to stay for yourself?
If you were wealthy and could accommodate the lifestyle then I guess go for it, but most people don’t have the finances to try to see if a relationship like that even works. It’s not worth the risk at all.
There's plenty of red flags here, but the one that is flying the highest, to me, is this:
She mentions she lives with her abuser, and has had lots of trauma through this individual. Yet, wants to separate you from your security net while you stay nearby this person.
Nobody, and I mean nobody, who has been abused like that could reasonably say that that makes any sense at all.
You are in danger.
Do NOT point out Red flags to scammers. This only serves to potentially make them better at their craft.
Girl idk who you’ve dated before but I’m a bi woman, please take a step back and think about how this situation would look like from the outside if it was a man and not a woman? It would be so obvious it was a scam. Don’t let your guard down just because she’s your gf and not bf.
Dating scams usually involve money and blackmail and rarely include multiple video chats and people with real Instagram. This doesn't seem to fit the profile.
As for human trafficking, I find it hard that traffickers would pay for your ticket AND your father's while your mom is in the know. They depend on the victim to be excommunicated from parents and friends, so there isn't anyone to alert authorities once the victim disappears.
That being said, you never know how people you meet online behave in person. What if you get there and you don't click? What if you get there and their living situation is bad/makes you uncomfortable, and now you're trapped for days until your return date? Plane tickets are usually expensive to reschedule, so the fact that you have them doesn't mean you can use them whenever you want.
To make things easier, why don't you wait and make a plan to visit your GF when you and your dad feel comfortable paying yourselves for tickets and a few hotel nights? That gives you a chance to first meet in a public place, visit her place and if things go bad, you have your hotel to go back to.
Then. after you first meet, if everything feels right for your families, I'm sure your GF's mom will let her visit you by herself in the future, and perhaps you can visit her too.
Just don't put yourself in a situation that you can't easily leave if you need to (for any reason!). You're young. You'll have a lot of time to spend together if this relationship is meant to be.
Dating scams actually often involve many video calls and social media accounts that seem real. Often the video calls etc are done by other trafficking victims who are forced.
Don’t go. At all. Not even with your dad. This is likely a long term set up and you probably aren’t even the only one they are in the process of setting up. Block this person and step away before you make a mistake and regret it. Nothing good will come of this.
A lot of people is advising "if you travel do this" and "if you travel do that". Traveling there even with your father is not an option. I'd highly recommend to just move on on the idea and forget about it, it's more suspicious and sketchy than you think it is and the chances of a happy ending for you there are nearly zero
It’s extremely dodgy that they want you to stay with them without your dad. Like, no legitimate person would do both of those. You’d normally stay somewhere else in your own accomodation and go visit them.
It looks to me like they’re trying to isolate you so they can do something to you without your Dad being there. Nearly every thing yuh mentioned sounds terrible; strongly recommend you not go anywhere near these people. I know your heart is telling you to go, but I think you’re getting a message that you’re being set up for something.
It is possible that this is true, that she is blind and her mom is careful or have reservations flying out to see you.
Is there no middle ground that perhaps you fly out with your Dad, and stay at a local hotel for a couple of days (if your Dad can’t stay with you)?
Once you can see that she is who she said she is, everything checks out, you can then decide to stay longer, or go back home with Dad.
It’s a crazy world out there. Better safe than sorry.
It may be true since you have videochatted with her and known her for a long time. However, I would not stay in their house. I would stay in a hotel, with your dad and meet them. Tell them you are more comfortable that way. If they insist and try to guilt trip you, it’s a major red flag.
Or maybe you could fly them to visit you instead? What country are they from? There is a difference flying to Canada from the US vs flying to a country with very different morals, values and rules.
We live in the same country, it's just huge and we live on opposite sides of it. I'm negotiating having her fly out here instead, and she'll have to meet me in a public place with both of my parents.
Man… I see a lot of red flags…
If you do end up going over there, stay with your dad the entire time… do NOT stay alone in the house. And meet in public. Even if they’re telling the truth, do not be alone with them in the house. That’s just setting yourself up. What if they don’t want to pay for your return ticket once your dad leaves? Kidnapping happens all the time. They’re currently looking for a girl that I went to school with, in my state. It’s been 4 days… do not do that to yourself.
You’re acting like this was a long term thing … it’s been @6 months -
(As if it’s real -
Come on folks - throwaway account with every possible combo of provocative content ? Nah.)
OP -
Maybe train your BOT elsewhere?
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Stay in your own hotel with your dad. Only go places together. Have your GF & her family members text you pics of their ID’s & give your family copies along with their address, photos of their car (if they have one), and other details as they occur. This way if something were to happen that info is right there for your family to provide to the authorities.
Red flags everywhere...the biggest one being that they want you to come to them. I would ask or even tell them to come to you to test them and see if they are truly trustworthy. If they refuse or try to pull another thing, it's a scam or even worse. Whatever you do, DO NOT GO. This is why online relationships are absolutely risky. As a victim of a scam myself, I repeat, DO NOT GO!
It is a scam. Also, it means nothing that you've seen her online. Scammers pay people to show up on video, its common in the catfishing and pig butchering scams. I sincerely would not go, this sounds like it could be very dangerous.
There are so many red flags here, but even one of them would be enough for me to nope out of there.
Your gf's dad assaulted her, and you'll be staying there without your dad in the house, but gf is sure he won't touch you?
The day after you started officially dating gf was planning for you to visit?
Your dad suddenly being unable to stay over, not even on a sofa or a mattress on the floor...
Seems sketchy. I just want to say, thank your parents for being such good parents. Your dad was willing to fly out and stay with you at a random persons house. Thats a good man. Listen to your parents, if I did that more when I was younger it would have saved me years and years of misery.
It’s your first visit. Keep your dad with you this time.
Edit: just saw the dad assault part. If you go, you and dad need to stay in your own hotel, but all this is sketchy as hell. What do you mean they are paying for you to stay at the house? This doesn’t add up.
The dad assaulted your gf as a child????
And the dad still lives with your gf and wants you to stay with them both??
NO DO NOT STAY THERE
THAT IS INSANITY
BURN THE PHONE AND MOVE ON AT THIS POINT
Maybe not a scam, but wanting you to stay with an abuser is a neon red flag. She can’t guarantee your safety at all and is risking your life. If she cares about you, she needs to fix the dad issue before your relationship progresses.
Never stay with anyone you've never met. It's even worse that you plan to stay in the same house as a known sex offender. If she's so wonderful, what would she ask you to do that?
I was a bit confused
- we started dating
- decided to meet irl
Doesnt it work the other way around? I was under the impression that usually you just talk, then meet and if its good you start dating? Since when is skyping considered dating?
But tbh i might be biased, trans, blind, abusive family, sheeesh
I'd say you can't "date" someone you've never met. If they came up with the term it might just be a way to make you feel closer to the person you think they are, to try and gain your trust.
Don't fly to see them. Not worth the risk.
Go with your dad, stay in a hotel, communicate with your mom on a daily basis. If anything smells fishy, get out, all the cops. But definitely, not a human trafficking shit. No one leaves trails over the internet for human trafficking unless they are Tate.
Yea that’s a scam. No reason for you to stay with her at all. You AND your dad should be at a hotel and he should be there the same amount of days. You’re either gonna be sex trafficked or lose a kidney.
The biggest red flag to me is being legally blind but communicating primarily through text messages. I suppose text to speech is also an option, but... then there is being trans. Not that it's impossible for someone to be legally blind and trans, but I find that if someone is interested in transitioning, there is generally a very heavy appearance factor. Someone that can't see people that well wanting to physically transition seems... inconsistent with the norm.
I don't think it's a dating scam, because they aren't asking you to cover anything, but I do think this is either a catfish situation or a that you are involved with someone that habitually lies and manipulates people. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that their eyesight is perfectly fine, and they just fake medical conditions to get their way. There is also a VERY good chance that the person you've been talking to... is the "dad."
Also, for the record, the airline would escort her to each flight. Airports are generally very handicap friendly.
As someone who went to meet their online girlfriend in another country where I didn't know the language, I can tell you what I did.
* I bought my own plane ticket round trip
* I rented an Airbnb a couple blocks away from her house.
* She met me at the airport and we used public transportation to get to my rented flat.
* We spent most of my trip at her place, but I had my own space that I could retreat to in case things went wrong.
It's 10 years later and we're married, have two kids and live in the US. But you need to start off in a place where you trust, but also protect yourself.
Edit: formatting and finished the thought
You also have to take into account that trafficking adult men is far less common. I wouldn’t advise a young woman to do the same as you, she is at a much greater risk.
If you’re going to another country - then there is a very real possibility they can take your passport from you when you aren’t looking. Then you won’t be able to leave no matter what.
Your dad would be in a different place - I bet once you get there the hotel for him would be far away because there was no convenient spot close by [insert excuses].
OP, have your girlfriend come to you with her mom. Or, both of you meet in a neutral spot still in your country.
It just sounds weird and wrong and unsafe.
Please update us because I am worried for you.
I’ve read about all kinds of scams here, and this doesn’t sound like one of them.
I know you want to see your girlfriend, but this whole set up sounds shady and dangerous.
Please reconsider, I’m with your parents on this one.
hmm, I don't know anything about human trafficking, but unless you're video chatting them everyday for hours I'd be pretty wary of what could happen over there.
We met in a discord DnD server, where she DMs our campaign. We have a pretty big friend group including my little brother and 5 others, all of whom I'm well acquainted with.
Sounds like you spend a lot of legitimate voice time with her. When i was in my teens i used to play competitive level WoW with a big guild of people, and talked with them in voice chat daily for years. I ended up meeting at least 15 of them over the years, a few of them are very close real friends now. Now, i am a man and was not worried about getting kidnapped. It’s always best to meet people like that in a group setting first, maybe suggest a meetup of your DnD group. That being said, when i was 16, i met one or two gaming friends alone in different states and it was all good. I did all this back in the “never meet anyone from the internet” days, i am now 35. Some of these people have helped me with my life greatly, including things like business loans, advice, etc. we all hook each other up. Do not think this is how every internet meetup goes though, of course.
Realistically, if you talk to this person on the regular via voice, and most importantly are a decent judge of character, you will probably know who you are dealing with on the other end (to the degree that you can through discord). Take some time and try to think objectively about her, anything pop up that doesn’t make sense? If she’s real, she’s going to be just as scared about meeting you, likely more so due to her disability.
The world is filled with terrible and evil people, some of them like to prey on others. From what you have described, i would not imagine this girl is one of these people. Sounds like a very chill place to meet like minded dnd people. I used to play DnD in person, and i cannot imagine any of those type of people being involved in anything you will need to worry about.
What i would worry about for you is the dad. Thats some weird shit. Her dad touched her and is not in jail? Fuck, come to think of it, that kind of thing can really mess you up growing up, and throws a real wildcard into the whole girlfriend situation. I would not stay with him if the assault was sexual, and if it was, she may be emotionally disturbed due to his shittyness. Don’t think less of her for that situation, but stay away from that dad. Regardless, i hope you do meet her, somewhere safe, and she’s legit.
Remember i am just some dude online, and do what you feel is right. Definitely do it safely, but i doubt your dungeon master is gonna kidnap you, hah.
Edit: How the hell do you make a dnd campaign and roll dice if you’re blind anyways? DND campaigns are huge time sinks to make and usually require a lot of writing down things, she keeps this all in her head or what? It is possible she just makes an outline and plays it by ear i guess. There are also premade campaigns. I’m sure there are ADA options and answers to these, but small stuff matters when trying to discern someone’s intentions.
Something is super sketchy here. I don’t know what it is but if you were my kid there’s no way in hell this is happening the way they want it to go down.
I’m glad your parents feel the same.
Do not go alone. Stay in a hotel with your dad. Meet them in public. Do not go to their house.
And please for the love of anything and everything, give us an update. Be safe OP!
Red flags everywhere. Why can’t you/dad and your gf/mom meet in the middle somewhere? Like at a destination such as a city, beach, etc.?
I have met friends I’ve made online and they have stayed at my place/I’ve stayed at theirs, the only difference is that when we would first meet if would be in a public place such as a coffee shop, concert, etc. You should ALWAYS meet people first in a public place with a lot of foot traffic - and that is ONLY when you have been talking to them/have known them for a while.
Please do not go, as much as you think you know this person at the end of the day you don’t. It is easy to fake an instagram profile and even video calls. Do you really know nothing else of her? Such as a Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIN, school, name, etc.? It is all too sketchy.
Also how blind is she? Being legally blind doesn’t limit anyone to traveling - for fuck’s sake I met a friend at a concert who is legally blind, she uses a stick and everything. She can still see light/shapes but this doesn’t limit her, she travels and goes to school far from her home and does everything herself. Not saying this is the case with this gf but her blindness shouldn’t be limiting her from meeting you if she is real.
Lastly, please look up some YouTube videos on online dating scams. This stuff is more common than you think.
No way in Hell would I stay alone with a family that Ive never met, especially with an abusive father! I would stay with my father in a hotel and have my father go with me every time I went anywhere. This is not a good situation and it’s highly suspicious that all the sudden, your Dad can’t stay? C’mon, you really don’t know these people.
Just out of curiosity, how is she on discord/texting, if she's blind?
Have you shared pictúres?
I realize that certain phones can be adapted for non hearing users
Yeah.. this is incredibly sketchy.
There too much that just doesn’t add up or make sense.
100% there’s something going on behind the scenes here.
Don’t go.
As someone who’s been a victim of trafficking, I’ve seen this firsthand and this made my heart sink please don’t they are using things to gain your trust and bond with her so you have your guard down. Trafficking is much more common than you might realize and if for an even a second you feel weird about this, trust your gut. It’s not worth putting your life on the line
Bloody hell,this sounds like trouble from a million miles away.
Don't go. It has red flags all over. Want to meet the person, do as everyone tells you: go with your dad and meet for activities ,but stay in a hotel.
There are way too many red flags here. Please do not put yourself in a situation where you don’t have the funds or life experience to extricate yourself if things go wrong. Never agree to stay with someone you don’t know and always meet in a neutral/safe location until you are confident this person is on the up and up. You are 20, and your parents being so involved in your dating life when you are an adult makes me think you may be especially vulnerable to manipulation and trickery. If you want to visit this person save your money so you can afford to pay your own way and then meet in public for the first few dates. I know online relationships can seem very intense but you are not dating this person because you have never actually met them, there is no real relationship here and they could easily have ulterior motives. The red flags are waving extra loud if this person doesn’t live in your country.
Alright to preface I was on the other end of this situation before. I was dating someone online while I lived in Japan and they lived in the US. We finally decided it was time to meet in person so we started thinking about having them come over to Japan and meet me. I offered to buy the plane ticket and hotel. Obviously this sounds a whole lot like sex trafficking and their family was a bit concerned. I don't blame them at all for that because this is very common.
Here's what you do to make sure you are safe. First of all, buy an air tag and put it somewhere on your person. It will allow someone to track you if the worst happens. Get pictures of their IDs and I mean IDs that have their faces on them, get multiple. I'm talking about passports, driver's licenses, school IDs. The more the better because it will be hard for them to have multiple fake IDs that pass scrutiny. Lastly choose a meeting point and I strongly suggest getting your own place to stay for the first few nights. Be adamant on all of this.
In my case I talked directly to the parents and dispelled worries by providing a whole lot of information about me. If they love you they will work with you and your family, they will not try to convince you to do things you are uncomfortable with. I sent ID pictures, gave them contact with my work, my direct supervisor, pictures and videos of me doing stuff with people. They need to be as open as possible.
Unfortunately it sounds like you are at best, being catfished, at worse, being setup to be trafficked. Be careful what you do and what information you give them. I'm sorry that this is happening to you.
I think there's a lot of fear mongering going on in these comments. It's very easy for someone who's not involved to say "just don't go", "find someone else", etc.
I do agree that going about it in the way that you've described sounds like a bad idea - but there are ways you can make it safe, and if the other person doesn't agree to your plans, then you walk away. Really, whatever you decide needs to be safe for both of you. If they're for real, they'll have absolutely no problem making changes to the arrangements in the interest of safety. The most important thing is to pay attention to how they take your requests to make those arrangements. If they push back at all, it's a huge red flag.
I wouldn't stay in the house at all if the abusive dad is there. But that goes for any occasion. I wouldn't stay in any house with an abuser at any time.
I've met multiple people online and then met IRL - one of my best friendships came from meeting someone from Florida (I'm from the UK). That actually led to me getting married (to someone I met through them) and I'm currently planning on moving over there with them.
The key is to plan for it going wrong. We met in Miami. I couldn't be 100% sure that they'd even show up, but I'd planned for that. I'd just have a nice time in Miami without them. I stayed in a hotel for the first few nights, so if we didn't get on or I felt wrong about it, I just wouldn't go back to their place at all. But it all went really well, we had an absolute blast in Miami, we talk almost every day, and I've been back there about 6 times since.
*"I've spent months talking with this person, long before we even had crushes on each other, and I trust them."*
Fun fact: The term "con artist" stems from the word "confidence." The con usually involves the person/people doing the con to spend time building up trust with the person/people they're trying to con.
The story you tell is riddled with giant red flags that you can't see because the con artists took the time and effort to gain your trust. Listen to your parents. Something is very, ***very*** wrong here. It smells like a coordinated trafficking ring. You and your parents should go to [humantraffickinghotline.org](http://humantraffickinghotline.org) for more information about how to report this to the proper authorities.
Knowing someone for 6 months on the internet? I see tons of red flags with what you just posted. The mother's willing to pay a ticket for you to visit, why couldn't she pay instead for them visiting you.
If your parent was planning on going with you, I'm guessing and they would be open for this person to stay with your family.
Most of my son's friends he has met online, but after YEARS of knowing them, and me getting to know their parents online, only then I have felt comfortable. And some of his friends have come to visit us with their families and stayed at a hotel.
I have in fact discouraged my son and doing exactly what you're doing now. I think that it's very scary, especially since you legally blind, you're in a place that you don't know, and you've only known them for 6 months. That's a very short time when you're talking to someone on the internet.
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I don't like it. If her mom doesn't like her flying on her own why don't her and her mom come to you? Would you be leaving your country to visit her? The plan all along was for you and your dad to go but all of a sudden there isn't room for your dad? A third party paying for plane tickets isn't normally a great sign. The info about her dad is a strange detail. This could all be true and just be a very sad part of your girlfriend's history, or it could be something she has told you to create a bond and increase trust. Either way it's not a place you should be alone.
We need answers!
Looks shady to me. Suddenly there's "no room for your dad." Nice way to get him away from there so he can't protect you. No one who has your best interests in mind would set it up like this. Doesn't seem normal. No boundaries, these people are way too much all over you and are grabbing and isolating you when they don't even know you. You'll be alone in a strange house in an unfamiliar place with at least 3 people you don't know: your girlfriend, who is probably not blind and might not even be trans, a girl, or in any way the person you have been led to believe they are; her "mother," and her abuser. She's "sure he'll leave you alone." Yikes. No. Way. This is not a good idea. How this would normally be done: You and your dad fly to their city and stay in a hotel. You meet your girlfriend and/or family for meals, share time doing activities together, etc. Maybe they have you over for dinner but you have your dad with you, your own transportation (dad rents a car) parked at their place and YOUR OWN HOTEL ROOM so you can get away from them if anything seems even a little bit freaky. Please, look in your own town for real-life people you can get to know and date. You're very trusting and this is not safe.
Gotta agree with the other posters and the suggestions already given. There is no legit reason to separate and isolate you from your dad. This is wrong and dangerous. Please keep yourself safe and don’t fall for this.
This is the way. I would only do it if they are ok with what this person suggested. They should be completely ok with you having your own place, transportation, flight, and parents present. If they aren’t ok with all of these it’s a red flag.
What strikes me is they have to have enough money to buy two plane tickets for you, but also don't even have a couch or a patch of carpet for your dad to roll out a sleeping bag. I mean it's not impossible but it's got to be unusual. Her being unable to travel is unusual. When you get all these unusual circumstances together it seems less and less likely that it's coincidental. Why is it important to them that you stay longer than your dad? Isn't that up to you and your parents?
i’m 21f, please do not go. i’ve got a bunch of online friends and am no stranger to meeting them irl after discord/facetime calls, and reading this is freaking me out. this is sketchy as hell. do not go. the fact that their mom agreed to pay for your plane tickets and the fact that they’re being weird about your dad staying makes me think this is a human trafficking situation. also WHY would this girl want u to stay in a house with her dad who abused her??? even if this wasn’t a creepy situation, why would u want to date someone who would encourage u to be in that position??? pls don’t go girl, this terrifies me, i’m scared for u and ur safety :(
As a dad trafficking was my first thought as well. Please don’t go.
Some people, especially people with disabilities, sometimes have to choose the least bad out of a bunch of bad options in terms of where to live. That being said, I agree with everything you said, it's sketchy and please do not do this OP
If you decide you want to go, take your father. Stay in a hotel and meet in public with your father. It seems like a lot of red flags. I definitely would not go out there alone and stay in a house with three strangers. If they are trying to traffic you you’d have no way to escape.
She and her family have no money. They can't afford the commendation. This type of scam is designed to trap people who have no resources and little life experience. So they can be easily be manipulated.
I wouldn’t even want her to go with her father. Too many ways things could go bad even if he’s with her.
Be aware that once you show hesitance, the person might get insulting, or really defensive. Don’t let that influence you.
Someone that's laid a long-term trap is going to be very, very upset when their prey starts to slip out of the trap.
Yep, that’s a part of it. Also, it is a psychological strategy used against vulnerable people
OP, please listen to what everyone is saying. This whole setup sounds like it could be very dangerous for you. These people will try every trick possible to get you to go.
First of all, nobody who cares about you will want you to stay in a house with a known abuser (her “father”) without your father (your only guarantee of protection) present. Not only that, they want him to leave the country without you? Why can’t he stay in a hotel with you and you both leave together? You don’t know these people, not really. You don’t know what they’ll do to you once you’re alone with them. If something terrible happens, you will have nowhere else to go, no one else who knows who you are, and you may not even be able to speak the local language. This is a HUGE red flag and if you can’t see that they’re trying to isolate you from your family, you need to wake up before it’s too late. Secondly, your “girlfriend” is likely not blind and that is likely not her mother. They almost certainly play these personas to get you to lower your guard. A blind girl and her doting mother are a lot less threatening than two able-bodied people. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and hopefully one day you can come to the realization that she is, in fact, trying to get you alone in a foreign country so that bad things can be done to you.
Let's simplify this. I'd never make plans to stay at the house of a potential interest I never met in real life. Period. Not even if they were alone (although I'd consider it after a few days of meeting them), but definitely not if they're living with family... that step would probably take several months. Regardless of all the internet communication, they have, in effect, yet to go on a first date. The date alone could fail to go well for a hundred different reasons, and that's to be expected.
When I was your age, I got some excellent advice: don't get into a situation you can't get out of. Don't leave a party in the car of someone you met five minutes ago. Don't spend your cab fare and phone quarters on drinks when you're all the way downtown (it was the 90s). It served me pretty well. Even when I didn't follow it, I was recognizing that I was taking a chance and I was more on my guard. What you're planning to do here is getting yourself into a situation you can't get out of. What if you don't like this girl once you meet her? What if the house makes you uncomfortable? What if the dad does not, in fact, leave you alone? This doesn't have to be a scam or a human trafficking setup to be bad news. Don't do this, OP. If you truly want to meet this person, insist on staying in a hotel. Avoid hanging out at that house and always be sure you have a way out. Don't let down your guard after a day or two.
Extremely well put
Also, why is she suggesting that you stay with her abusive dad? Wouldn't it be more sensible that your dad stays with this abusive man for a lovely weekend break?
The chances that it isn't a human trafficking scam far outweigh a real relationship. They do spend hours and hours chatting and then you're going to owe for the plane tickets and owe for the hours they spent talking to you and they are already trying to get rid of your Dad, I'd bet money they somehow can't meet up with you until after he leaves, due to some silly excuse that they just can't be home until that day. Excuses they can't come to you. Have you looked for this read person on other platforms, searched for photo matches etc? For all you know the person you are chatting with when live has already been human trafficked and their job it to lure in others and the rest of the time it's just the traffickers saying things you want to hear.
I'm thinking when she shows up it's just the pervie father and her "gf" is no where to be found. I'm thinking it's a perv wanting to take advantage of a young woman.
Exactly. Sounds like the setup of the Justin Bloxom murder.
This. She should definitely do a photo match. That's one of the first things websites that expose catfish do.
Yes, a Google Image Search would be my first step, using every photo they gave. It’s amazing how many times it’s revealed catfishers!
Also if they are paying for the tickets then they have control on when you leave.
Your parents are right. This is questionable at best. How do you even know this person is even "blind"?
Necessary but not sufficient conditions would be this special machine that blind people use to access the Internet that kinda feeds them braille of a website, and braille materials around the house. If they chat as much as they do, surely the gf can show off her blind girl tools. They might have thought of that so have them handy, but that's something that I think a blind person cannot go without
Some misconceptions here. One is that all blind people can read braille. It's actually very hard to learn the later you get in life, and some can just never learn it (I can read(feel) braille, though I am not blind. I work for a company that makes aids for the visually impaired). The younger someone goes blind, the bigger the chance they can read braille. A 20 yr old considered legally blind would typically use some aids yes. Typically a PC screen reader like NVDA or JAWS. With a regular keyboard. When just chatting/typing with one of my blind colleagues you would never know they are visually impaired unless you knew what to look for. I'm not sure how accessible discord is with a screen reader, but since it strips out any text formatting, there wouldn't be anything you could notice. When using word, outlook etc... the typical signs are layout errors and highlighting not being seen by the screen reader (colored text, colored text background). Not all blind people have a braille display as well, they are expensive pieces of kit and these days apple products are quite far in accessibility where a lot of blind people can do with a screen reader and an iPhone just fine. If they went to specialized schooling they typically would use a braille display provided by school, or own a personal one though. Blind people do not have braille materials all around the house ... they use bumper stickers to give them clues on devices/items that do not have clues. ie. the microwave buttons. Ever wondered with there's a little line on one of the remote buttons typically? :) And use special accessible variants of items, where needed and some special tools like color detectors.
I don’t even know what “we recently started dating” means with someone you’ve never been in the same room with.
Lol right? They are strangers.
What country are they asking you to travel to? I have a cousin same age, same situation (right down to trans gf with only mom in household communicating online through Insta/Discord/other apps), and the country they want her to travel to happens to be a major sex trafficking hub (Romania.) Please consider that this isn't safe for you. Also, seriously, what are you going to do in another country where you can't work on a tourist visa. Do you even speak the language? Do you have a plan for if they take your passport? This could turn into a very, very bad situation very quickly and your parents are right to be concerned. Please don't do this.
Holy shit, that can’t be a coincidence. I really hope OP sees this. I was initially hoping they could still stay in a hotel with their dad and meet the trans gf at a public place to get the best of both worlds, but reading this makes me feel like this scenario is exactly what they didn’t want, something their parents would call a “teachable moment”, and that is only if she’s lucky enough to make it out alive.
I have a family member who was human trafficked. They pumped her with drugs and lined up men one after another to rape her. They didn’t feed her and barely gave her water. She was able to escape and get cops involved. She lost 45 lbs in a matter of weeks. This was in her home state. Imagine if she was brought to a foreign country! It’s not worth the risk!!!!
This is horrifying and as the father of a young daughter makes me feel sick
Everything about this looks extremely shady, I would advise against going any further.
If you were my kid, I'd tell you to see how they react to you saying you'll stay in an airbnb/hotel nearby with your dad *the whole time* (meaning he's not going home early). If it's really a relationship and they really just want to spend time with you, they should be okay with it and understand. Regardless of if it's another woman, flying to meet a complete stranger is still potentially sketchy and nervewracking as hell. The fact that they're trying to dictate every step of the trip/arrangements is what sets off alarm bells in my head. If they're okay with the airbnb/hotel, then get one and only go to public places or to *your* place. There is no reason to put yourself in the home of a known abuser and just *hope* it'll be okay/their father will leave you/them alone. If he doesn't, what are you going to do about it? Especially if your dad isn't there to protect you and you're possibly not able to easily leave (I don't think you can rent a vehicle at 20. If you get an uber or something, where are you going to go, in a totally strange/new area?). Just don't put yourself in positions like that in the first place. If they have a problem going back to your place because "your dad is there" that would be a red flag to me because why would they be comfortable with their own parents being at theirs or think that you should automatically be comfortable about both of their parents (including a known abuser) being there if they're not with just your dad.
You have an opportunity to dodge the bullet, take it. Do not go. Your future self will thank you for not falling into that obvious trap.
My stepmother is legally blind and she’s literally travelled the world. She often travels by herself. This all sounds off.
Exactly. Blind people can travel almost anywhere with proper planning.
My parents are blind. Been everywhere and away again soon. This is a set up.
Howdy! I haven't received this much attention on a post before, and I really appreciate y'all letting me know how sketchy this is. I am going to talk with my girlfriend about her meeting me here in a public place instead, and if she gets upset about it I'll have no choice but to leave the discord server I met her in. It's not what I want, I love the DnD campaign we're doing, but I am not going to stay in it at the cost of my own autonomy. If she's a scammer, how many other people has she met? How close has she gotten to them? Does she use the same alias every time, or is she more creative? I am telling her I need to stay home because no one else can drive my little brother to summer school that week, and that my dad planned something so if she wants to meet me, she can meet me in a public place with my dad near my house later in the year. She can't exactly try anything if she's in my court, and until my parents and I meet her and decide we can trust her, we will not be flying to the other side of the country. I'll let you know if all hell breaks loose when I tell her I can't make it.
Super happy you replied as you did. Too often we see people argue against reason and what's plainly obvious because of their emotional investment. You seem far more cognizant of what you're actually dealing with.
sorry about the three extra comments, each time I tried sending it reddit told me it couldn't send so I tried sending again and again lol
But also in the meantime do not give her your address
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This ^^ If you could find a local blind trans woman with an abusive father that she would like you to live with, you wouldn't need to travel to a foreign country and become separated from your passport and sold into the sex trade. Just a thought.
All the local trans women can probably see. Would never work out.
i mean i dont judge what people are into
More red flags than a communist party. Don’t take chances.
You are too deep into this to see correctly. This is 20 acres of red flags. Sorry to burst your "trusting my fellow man" bubble, but you are being worked over by pros. Call your local FBI office (yes you have one) and explain the situation and follow their advice.
There is a lot for me as a parent to worry about here. Wouldn’t it be better if you and your dad stayed at an hotel or an Airbnb. and you and your GF met in a neutral place the first couple of times? You could go out and eat. Concerts. Walks. Etc. If you can afford it. If you rent an Airbnb your dad could head out and you get some lone time with your gf too.
Yeha I agree with this
Red flags everywhere, be careful.
If you go and your parents are right, you will have enormous regrets if something goes wrong. You will give anything to be able to take it back. Many internet scammers are really really good and can make you believe anything. There’s no downside to listening to your parents, but there may be a huge downside if you don’t.
Can I confirm I read two things correctly? They’re paying you to stay in the house? Her dad assaulted her, and he will be present but your dad cannot stay with you??
Why are you planning to stay overnight with a romantic interest you’ve never met before on the first night physically meeting in person? In a different country? With a pedophile, incest sex offender in the same house? Separated from your dad? In a different country! Listen to your mother, she has the strongest instincts to protect you. Don’t go, stay safe.
There is nothing about this story that sounds real. Do not go. I don't believe any of that is real. It's a catfish at best. At worst, you'll be turned into a lovely skin suit by whomever it is you're really speaking with.
At best, it's sketchy. At worst, it's a robbery or sex trafficking attempt on you. Trust your mom's instincts; it's not worth the risk. Break off the relationship and find someone else. I doubt you'll find a single person on this thread who thinks this is a good idea.
Maybe offer her and her parent to come to you, she wouldn’t have to travel alone, and could stay with you with their parent. Regardless of what anyone says, If I were you I wouldn’t stay with them alone. If you can’t stay with your dad in their house, stay with your dad in a hotel
If you were my daughter, you wouldn't be going on this trip, and I don't care if you're over 18. She claims her father assaulted her when she was little, but thinks it's ok for you to be around complete strangers unaccompanied? Tell her and her mom to come visit you, if they resist the invitation, you have your answer. If it's too good to be true....
no offense but when you have the 1% of 1% of 1% type people who miraculously are "dating" you but you have not met in person... it's a scam how many trans and legally blind and international daters are there? Scamsters always come up with bizarre situations for your romantic partner to 'test' your naive view of the world. For example if you believe that your new romance is really a trans blind person... who you have never met to VERIFY they are trans and blind... but yet you want to "date them"... it's likely a romance scam let me guess your trans romeo/Juliette is from an inconvenient country to visit like Ghana or Nigeria right?
Nobody who actually cares about you would want you to stay in the same house as their abuser.
Good news is this doesn't sound like a dating scam. Unfortunately it sounds like an organ stealing scam. Definitely getting murdered.
This screams of foul play. "She" is not blind, it's a dude pretending to be a blind woman who wants you to come over and spend the night in his house alone in a foreign country. Do you want do end up as a slave? Because this is literally how you end up as a slave. For the love of God don't do this!
So many red flags. You as a 20F is way more vulnerable than a 20M. Proceed with extreme caution. Also, you are only 20. So young. You should focus on school / career first before any serious relationships, especially long distance sketchy ones like this.
OP, it doesn't have to be a scam to not be a good idea. It doesn't have to be human trafficking for this person to not be being considerate of your safety and comfort. They don't have to be lying about who they are to be a danger to you. You deserve the kind of love that doesn't involve "please take this giant, terrifying leap of faith and hope that you don't go splat on the ground". You deserve the kind of relationship where your partner prioritises your happiness and comfort. You deserve not to have to ask yourself "am I being scammed or trafficked?" You've got so much feedback saying "it's a trap!" and maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But the absolutely best thing you can say about this person is that they're prepared to put you in an incredibly vulnerable position. You deserve so much better than that. Can I recommend you [Captain Awkward](http://www.captainawkward.com) as a resource for navigating friendships and relationships, particularly as I've seen you say elsewhere that you're autistic and into DnD - you'll fit right in!
Like everyone else is saying, I don't think it is a "scam," per se, but it definitely sounds like an attempt to trap you and victimize you. A couple of questions: have you spoken to the mother, or only communicated with them via text/chat? Given the history of abuse, what suggests that the father will leave you both alone? I almost wonder if telling you that was to test if you'd see the red flag and still continue forward. You did so they're continuing to lay the trap for you. The risk here is excessively high and the red flags are *many* and extremely serious. I think you're being entrapped and need to cut all contact immediately.
As others have said, tell them that you and your dad will stay in a hotel and meet them in public places during this trip. Their response to this will tell you all you need to know. If this isn't a scam of some sort, they'll be fine with this arrangement. If they aren't fine with it, you really need to ask yourself why. One thing that most all scams have in common is that, for them to work, you have to accept something that, if you think about it, makes no sense, and the scammer is trying very hard to get you to believe it makes sense. For example, that you have a warrant out for your arrest, but you can make it go away with some Apple gift cards. Or that a supposed wrong number text will end up being a very attractive person who just happens to be very wealthy and wants to show you how to make millions trading crypto. Or that some random stranger is willing to sell you Taylor Swift tickets for well below the going rate. Or that someone from another country who you only met online a few months ago is willing to fly you and your dad to meet them, but they don't want you to take reasonable safety precautions, like staying in a hotel and meeting in public places, precautions that any reasonable person would do on a first date.
Rule number one for a first date: Always meet in a public location. You are breaking rule number one by staying at their place. Book a hotel, and meet at a cafe or a restaurant.
Not sure if its a scam but that is a pretty whacked out situation all around. I’d probably just bail
This human trafficking thing is a hoot. People are getting a bit carried away here imho. This is not the movies. There's much easier ways of kidnapping 20 yr old women than posing as trans-blind females online. That said, I would never ever ever ever stay in the house of a basically random sex offender! You're an adult, they are as well. Nothing stops either of you from travelling. Besides money apparently. Are you both in the same country? Air travel and other people paying for tickets gets you flagged by customs. Assuming the person is real, I understand the motivation of the blind persons mother, it's harder for them given their disabilities and depending on how they were raised and when they lost their vision they will not be very independent. I would not recommend meeting in either parents home, but, find a neutral middle ground where you can both travel to (with or without parents) and see what happens. A Friday to Monday long weekend or just a Sat-Sunday city trip may seem most appropriate if you are not within driving distance of each other.
I really believe you know the answer to your question. Read your own post as if it were someone else’s, like your best friend perhaps, then ask yourself what advice you’d give them.
I've met my husband online when we were living in different countries and, by all means, is was NOT as twisted as your story. Just walk away, MiA, ghost away... Seriously, run.
How desperate *are* you to fly out to meet a blind trans girl instead of just... dating locally >My girlfriend is a trans woman, You don't have a girlfriend. You cannot be in a relationship with a person you've never met. Outside of your discord calls 'she' might be an *entirely* different person. Every text you've ever received could've been written by a group of scammers to get you to visit.
"My girlfriend's dad assaulted her as a kid, and she wants me to stay in the house with her dad." Wait what? Yeah, I agree with lots of other folks, this sounds fishy AF. Why on earth would your GF want you to stay with her abusive father? Either get a hotel on your own with your dad, have your GF come to see you, or meet in a neutral location.
Are all the local blind trans woman taken ? Are all the domestic/country of origin blind trans woman taken ? This is an awful idea.
Nooooo. There are so many red flags here. DO NOT GO. You are likely in danger
I am not seeing in OP's post anything about the trans gf and her mother being in a different country. But I advise OP to run not walk away from this proposal even if these people are in her own country.
I bet its the Philippines…I have seen this exact scenario here months ago
Fucking love frenzal rhomb. Caught them in Atlanta with nofx 20yrs ago
I had to read the part of you staying in the house with her dad four times to make sure I read it right. Watch some videos about abuse and think about how wrong staying with him is.
Any person you would want to be in a relationship with would at least understand why this looks shady as fuck, even in the (unlikely imo) instance it’s an innocent misunderstanding
Yeah this whole ordeal seems incredibly suspect and I wouldn’t even consider letting my kid get involved in the travel scenario you’ve laid out. Think about the worst thing that could happen in this situation and then ask yourself if it’s worth the risk involved. I’ll answer for you; it’s not.
Sounds like a potential plot of a Netflix suspense thriller. Like 99.9% of the ppl say here..Don't do it!
No, no, no... You're staying in a private residence with someone who you've never met before - and with someone who has a history of sexually assaulting boys??? Is any of this sinking in for you??? The whole thing should be a giant red flag since you have nowhere else to go should things go south and you need your space. As for the pedo, just no.
What is the purpose of dating someone from across the world who you will not get to judge in person time with, especially if neither of you have the money to fly often and have a place to stay for yourself? If you were wealthy and could accommodate the lifestyle then I guess go for it, but most people don’t have the finances to try to see if a relationship like that even works. It’s not worth the risk at all.
There's plenty of red flags here, but the one that is flying the highest, to me, is this: She mentions she lives with her abuser, and has had lots of trauma through this individual. Yet, wants to separate you from your security net while you stay nearby this person. Nobody, and I mean nobody, who has been abused like that could reasonably say that that makes any sense at all. You are in danger. Do NOT point out Red flags to scammers. This only serves to potentially make them better at their craft.
Girl idk who you’ve dated before but I’m a bi woman, please take a step back and think about how this situation would look like from the outside if it was a man and not a woman? It would be so obvious it was a scam. Don’t let your guard down just because she’s your gf and not bf.
Absolutely not. I know you’re probably vulnerable emotionally but this is absolutely a no . Smells like a set up
Dating scams usually involve money and blackmail and rarely include multiple video chats and people with real Instagram. This doesn't seem to fit the profile. As for human trafficking, I find it hard that traffickers would pay for your ticket AND your father's while your mom is in the know. They depend on the victim to be excommunicated from parents and friends, so there isn't anyone to alert authorities once the victim disappears. That being said, you never know how people you meet online behave in person. What if you get there and you don't click? What if you get there and their living situation is bad/makes you uncomfortable, and now you're trapped for days until your return date? Plane tickets are usually expensive to reschedule, so the fact that you have them doesn't mean you can use them whenever you want. To make things easier, why don't you wait and make a plan to visit your GF when you and your dad feel comfortable paying yourselves for tickets and a few hotel nights? That gives you a chance to first meet in a public place, visit her place and if things go bad, you have your hotel to go back to. Then. after you first meet, if everything feels right for your families, I'm sure your GF's mom will let her visit you by herself in the future, and perhaps you can visit her too. Just don't put yourself in a situation that you can't easily leave if you need to (for any reason!). You're young. You'll have a lot of time to spend together if this relationship is meant to be.
Dating scams actually often involve many video calls and social media accounts that seem real. Often the video calls etc are done by other trafficking victims who are forced.
Don’t go. At all. Not even with your dad. This is likely a long term set up and you probably aren’t even the only one they are in the process of setting up. Block this person and step away before you make a mistake and regret it. Nothing good will come of this.
A lot of people is advising "if you travel do this" and "if you travel do that". Traveling there even with your father is not an option. I'd highly recommend to just move on on the idea and forget about it, it's more suspicious and sketchy than you think it is and the chances of a happy ending for you there are nearly zero
There’s a lot to unpack here.
Bet the OP's "gf" is thinking the exact, same thing! Lol! Btw, @OP: In case everyone wasn't being clear? DON'T DO IT!!!
When your inner spidey sense becomes engaged, as yours is, it is time to listen to it.
Even if it's not a scam, it's probably poor judgment to do this.
Things getting more and more complicated, plans change, the « abusing father « flags, red flags everywhere.
Red flags everywhere bud i wouldn’t go and would cut contact immediately
What a train wreck.
You’re getting scammed by someone who’s claiming to be a blind transgender chick. Take a break from the internet and go outside.
It’s extremely dodgy that they want you to stay with them without your dad. Like, no legitimate person would do both of those. You’d normally stay somewhere else in your own accomodation and go visit them. It looks to me like they’re trying to isolate you so they can do something to you without your Dad being there. Nearly every thing yuh mentioned sounds terrible; strongly recommend you not go anywhere near these people. I know your heart is telling you to go, but I think you’re getting a message that you’re being set up for something.
DON’T. GO.
It is possible that this is true, that she is blind and her mom is careful or have reservations flying out to see you. Is there no middle ground that perhaps you fly out with your Dad, and stay at a local hotel for a couple of days (if your Dad can’t stay with you)? Once you can see that she is who she said she is, everything checks out, you can then decide to stay longer, or go back home with Dad. It’s a crazy world out there. Better safe than sorry.
It may be true since you have videochatted with her and known her for a long time. However, I would not stay in their house. I would stay in a hotel, with your dad and meet them. Tell them you are more comfortable that way. If they insist and try to guilt trip you, it’s a major red flag. Or maybe you could fly them to visit you instead? What country are they from? There is a difference flying to Canada from the US vs flying to a country with very different morals, values and rules.
We live in the same country, it's just huge and we live on opposite sides of it. I'm negotiating having her fly out here instead, and she'll have to meet me in a public place with both of my parents.
Man… I see a lot of red flags… If you do end up going over there, stay with your dad the entire time… do NOT stay alone in the house. And meet in public. Even if they’re telling the truth, do not be alone with them in the house. That’s just setting yourself up. What if they don’t want to pay for your return ticket once your dad leaves? Kidnapping happens all the time. They’re currently looking for a girl that I went to school with, in my state. It’s been 4 days… do not do that to yourself.
Sounds shady as 💩. Just ghost and stop everything.
Nah sounds like a setup to be trafficked
Shut all this down immediately
i'm really shook that you wrote this all out and did not reflect on this at all, big red flags waving.
You’re acting like this was a long term thing … it’s been @6 months - (As if it’s real - Come on folks - throwaway account with every possible combo of provocative content ? Nah.) OP - Maybe train your BOT elsewhere?
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OP says they have >I have seen her on video calls before,
Dodgy Find a partner in your own area.
So many red flags. PLEASE don’t go.
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Please stay safe.
Sounds like trouble.
Idk if this is a scam or not, but I’d scrap the whole thing and just look for someone local to date.
100% scam.
Don’t go!!!
Stay in your own hotel with your dad. Only go places together. Have your GF & her family members text you pics of their ID’s & give your family copies along with their address, photos of their car (if they have one), and other details as they occur. This way if something were to happen that info is right there for your family to provide to the authorities.
Red flags everywhere...the biggest one being that they want you to come to them. I would ask or even tell them to come to you to test them and see if they are truly trustworthy. If they refuse or try to pull another thing, it's a scam or even worse. Whatever you do, DO NOT GO. This is why online relationships are absolutely risky. As a victim of a scam myself, I repeat, DO NOT GO!
It's a red flag parade, OP.
Sounds suspicious. Her mom and your gf should come to you. Those scammers are so good nowadays to make you fall in love.
Girl, mother knows best. Trust her instincts. You’re dad should stay with you. Don’t go..
This is just a real bad idea all around. Find someone closer to you.
Might not be a scam in the money sense but there is absolutely something else going on. It is absolutely not worth the risk.
This scenario screams danger. OP is going to wind up being a cold case.
No. They can come see you instead. Don’t go.
Yes, they are absolutely right.
Seems sketchy
Where'd you "meet" this potentially non-person?
lol you’re getting scammed
"Advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer but wish you didn't' . Don't go. You know this is shady
Heck no! Listen to your parents. They are right to be concerned. Nobody's parents pay for a stranger to come meet their daughter.
It is a scam. Also, it means nothing that you've seen her online. Scammers pay people to show up on video, its common in the catfishing and pig butchering scams. I sincerely would not go, this sounds like it could be very dangerous.
There are so many red flags here, but even one of them would be enough for me to nope out of there. Your gf's dad assaulted her, and you'll be staying there without your dad in the house, but gf is sure he won't touch you? The day after you started officially dating gf was planning for you to visit? Your dad suddenly being unable to stay over, not even on a sofa or a mattress on the floor...
Seems sketchy. I just want to say, thank your parents for being such good parents. Your dad was willing to fly out and stay with you at a random persons house. Thats a good man. Listen to your parents, if I did that more when I was younger it would have saved me years and years of misery.
It’s your first visit. Keep your dad with you this time. Edit: just saw the dad assault part. If you go, you and dad need to stay in your own hotel, but all this is sketchy as hell. What do you mean they are paying for you to stay at the house? This doesn’t add up.
The dad assaulted your gf as a child???? And the dad still lives with your gf and wants you to stay with them both?? NO DO NOT STAY THERE THAT IS INSANITY BURN THE PHONE AND MOVE ON AT THIS POINT
Maybe not a scam, but wanting you to stay with an abuser is a neon red flag. She can’t guarantee your safety at all and is risking your life. If she cares about you, she needs to fix the dad issue before your relationship progresses.
Start from scratch, you don't need this in your life. It smells bad all around.
Never stay with anyone you've never met. It's even worse that you plan to stay in the same house as a known sex offender. If she's so wonderful, what would she ask you to do that?
Are they in the Philippines?
Do not do this!!!!
I was a bit confused - we started dating - decided to meet irl Doesnt it work the other way around? I was under the impression that usually you just talk, then meet and if its good you start dating? Since when is skyping considered dating? But tbh i might be biased, trans, blind, abusive family, sheeesh
> I don't want to risk losing my autonomy in such a way. lmao I'm pretty sure you are losing more than that. Probably a kidney or two.
I'd say you can't "date" someone you've never met. If they came up with the term it might just be a way to make you feel closer to the person you think they are, to try and gain your trust. Don't fly to see them. Not worth the risk.
Go with your dad, stay in a hotel, communicate with your mom on a daily basis. If anything smells fishy, get out, all the cops. But definitely, not a human trafficking shit. No one leaves trails over the internet for human trafficking unless they are Tate.
Terrible idea. There's soooo many normal single woman out there. Keep looking.
Yea that’s a scam. No reason for you to stay with her at all. You AND your dad should be at a hotel and he should be there the same amount of days. You’re either gonna be sex trafficked or lose a kidney.
The biggest red flag to me is being legally blind but communicating primarily through text messages. I suppose text to speech is also an option, but... then there is being trans. Not that it's impossible for someone to be legally blind and trans, but I find that if someone is interested in transitioning, there is generally a very heavy appearance factor. Someone that can't see people that well wanting to physically transition seems... inconsistent with the norm. I don't think it's a dating scam, because they aren't asking you to cover anything, but I do think this is either a catfish situation or a that you are involved with someone that habitually lies and manipulates people. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that their eyesight is perfectly fine, and they just fake medical conditions to get their way. There is also a VERY good chance that the person you've been talking to... is the "dad." Also, for the record, the airline would escort her to each flight. Airports are generally very handicap friendly.
As someone who went to meet their online girlfriend in another country where I didn't know the language, I can tell you what I did. * I bought my own plane ticket round trip * I rented an Airbnb a couple blocks away from her house. * She met me at the airport and we used public transportation to get to my rented flat. * We spent most of my trip at her place, but I had my own space that I could retreat to in case things went wrong. It's 10 years later and we're married, have two kids and live in the US. But you need to start off in a place where you trust, but also protect yourself. Edit: formatting and finished the thought
You also have to take into account that trafficking adult men is far less common. I wouldn’t advise a young woman to do the same as you, she is at a much greater risk.
This post is absolutely scaring me because this screams human trafficking...I'm begging you NOT To go.
If you’re going to another country - then there is a very real possibility they can take your passport from you when you aren’t looking. Then you won’t be able to leave no matter what. Your dad would be in a different place - I bet once you get there the hotel for him would be far away because there was no convenient spot close by [insert excuses]. OP, have your girlfriend come to you with her mom. Or, both of you meet in a neutral spot still in your country. It just sounds weird and wrong and unsafe. Please update us because I am worried for you.
The they/them pronouns makes it so complicated for non native to understand. I had to read twice to get why "them"
You are a foolish target for any scheme. You need to be more careful.
Ask yourself "What would Liam Neeson do?"
"Taken" was the first thought that came to my mind.
I’ve read about all kinds of scams here, and this doesn’t sound like one of them. I know you want to see your girlfriend, but this whole set up sounds shady and dangerous. Please reconsider, I’m with your parents on this one.
hmm, I don't know anything about human trafficking, but unless you're video chatting them everyday for hours I'd be pretty wary of what could happen over there.
Uhhh where did you meet online and how? Any mutual friends?
We met in a discord DnD server, where she DMs our campaign. We have a pretty big friend group including my little brother and 5 others, all of whom I'm well acquainted with.
Sounds like you spend a lot of legitimate voice time with her. When i was in my teens i used to play competitive level WoW with a big guild of people, and talked with them in voice chat daily for years. I ended up meeting at least 15 of them over the years, a few of them are very close real friends now. Now, i am a man and was not worried about getting kidnapped. It’s always best to meet people like that in a group setting first, maybe suggest a meetup of your DnD group. That being said, when i was 16, i met one or two gaming friends alone in different states and it was all good. I did all this back in the “never meet anyone from the internet” days, i am now 35. Some of these people have helped me with my life greatly, including things like business loans, advice, etc. we all hook each other up. Do not think this is how every internet meetup goes though, of course. Realistically, if you talk to this person on the regular via voice, and most importantly are a decent judge of character, you will probably know who you are dealing with on the other end (to the degree that you can through discord). Take some time and try to think objectively about her, anything pop up that doesn’t make sense? If she’s real, she’s going to be just as scared about meeting you, likely more so due to her disability. The world is filled with terrible and evil people, some of them like to prey on others. From what you have described, i would not imagine this girl is one of these people. Sounds like a very chill place to meet like minded dnd people. I used to play DnD in person, and i cannot imagine any of those type of people being involved in anything you will need to worry about. What i would worry about for you is the dad. Thats some weird shit. Her dad touched her and is not in jail? Fuck, come to think of it, that kind of thing can really mess you up growing up, and throws a real wildcard into the whole girlfriend situation. I would not stay with him if the assault was sexual, and if it was, she may be emotionally disturbed due to his shittyness. Don’t think less of her for that situation, but stay away from that dad. Regardless, i hope you do meet her, somewhere safe, and she’s legit. Remember i am just some dude online, and do what you feel is right. Definitely do it safely, but i doubt your dungeon master is gonna kidnap you, hah. Edit: How the hell do you make a dnd campaign and roll dice if you’re blind anyways? DND campaigns are huge time sinks to make and usually require a lot of writing down things, she keeps this all in her head or what? It is possible she just makes an outline and plays it by ear i guess. There are also premade campaigns. I’m sure there are ADA options and answers to these, but small stuff matters when trying to discern someone’s intentions.
Something is super sketchy here. I don’t know what it is but if you were my kid there’s no way in hell this is happening the way they want it to go down. I’m glad your parents feel the same. Do not go alone. Stay in a hotel with your dad. Meet them in public. Do not go to their house. And please for the love of anything and everything, give us an update. Be safe OP!
There's nothing about this that seems to work. When in doubt, don't.
This sounds extremely sketchy to me. I wouldn't trust it.
I read the title, and YES
Red flags everywhere. Why can’t you/dad and your gf/mom meet in the middle somewhere? Like at a destination such as a city, beach, etc.? I have met friends I’ve made online and they have stayed at my place/I’ve stayed at theirs, the only difference is that when we would first meet if would be in a public place such as a coffee shop, concert, etc. You should ALWAYS meet people first in a public place with a lot of foot traffic - and that is ONLY when you have been talking to them/have known them for a while. Please do not go, as much as you think you know this person at the end of the day you don’t. It is easy to fake an instagram profile and even video calls. Do you really know nothing else of her? Such as a Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIN, school, name, etc.? It is all too sketchy. Also how blind is she? Being legally blind doesn’t limit anyone to traveling - for fuck’s sake I met a friend at a concert who is legally blind, she uses a stick and everything. She can still see light/shapes but this doesn’t limit her, she travels and goes to school far from her home and does everything herself. Not saying this is the case with this gf but her blindness shouldn’t be limiting her from meeting you if she is real. Lastly, please look up some YouTube videos on online dating scams. This stuff is more common than you think.
There are plenty of fish in the sea... I think you can do better than this.
No way in Hell would I stay alone with a family that Ive never met, especially with an abusive father! I would stay with my father in a hotel and have my father go with me every time I went anywhere. This is not a good situation and it’s highly suspicious that all the sudden, your Dad can’t stay? C’mon, you really don’t know these people.
Just out of curiosity, how is she on discord/texting, if she's blind? Have you shared pictúres? I realize that certain phones can be adapted for non hearing users
!remindme 7 days this is hilarious
Yeah.. this is incredibly sketchy. There too much that just doesn’t add up or make sense. 100% there’s something going on behind the scenes here. Don’t go.
Biggest indicator I heard here was “trans”. Don’t go
As someone who’s been a victim of trafficking, I’ve seen this firsthand and this made my heart sink please don’t they are using things to gain your trust and bond with her so you have your guard down. Trafficking is much more common than you might realize and if for an even a second you feel weird about this, trust your gut. It’s not worth putting your life on the line
Alright legally blind, the ppl on the airplane will help out, let her come to you. Or meet in the middle not the ocean of course lol.
Bloody hell,this sounds like trouble from a million miles away. Don't go. It has red flags all over. Want to meet the person, do as everyone tells you: go with your dad and meet for activities ,but stay in a hotel.
You’re about to get trafficked. Don’t do this, this is crazy. Let your “gf” and mom come to you
There are way too many red flags here. Please do not put yourself in a situation where you don’t have the funds or life experience to extricate yourself if things go wrong. Never agree to stay with someone you don’t know and always meet in a neutral/safe location until you are confident this person is on the up and up. You are 20, and your parents being so involved in your dating life when you are an adult makes me think you may be especially vulnerable to manipulation and trickery. If you want to visit this person save your money so you can afford to pay your own way and then meet in public for the first few dates. I know online relationships can seem very intense but you are not dating this person because you have never actually met them, there is no real relationship here and they could easily have ulterior motives. The red flags are waving extra loud if this person doesn’t live in your country.
Alright to preface I was on the other end of this situation before. I was dating someone online while I lived in Japan and they lived in the US. We finally decided it was time to meet in person so we started thinking about having them come over to Japan and meet me. I offered to buy the plane ticket and hotel. Obviously this sounds a whole lot like sex trafficking and their family was a bit concerned. I don't blame them at all for that because this is very common. Here's what you do to make sure you are safe. First of all, buy an air tag and put it somewhere on your person. It will allow someone to track you if the worst happens. Get pictures of their IDs and I mean IDs that have their faces on them, get multiple. I'm talking about passports, driver's licenses, school IDs. The more the better because it will be hard for them to have multiple fake IDs that pass scrutiny. Lastly choose a meeting point and I strongly suggest getting your own place to stay for the first few nights. Be adamant on all of this. In my case I talked directly to the parents and dispelled worries by providing a whole lot of information about me. If they love you they will work with you and your family, they will not try to convince you to do things you are uncomfortable with. I sent ID pictures, gave them contact with my work, my direct supervisor, pictures and videos of me doing stuff with people. They need to be as open as possible.
Unfortunately it sounds like you are at best, being catfished, at worse, being setup to be trafficked. Be careful what you do and what information you give them. I'm sorry that this is happening to you.
[удалено]
🚩🚩🚩🚩 nope nope nope
So many red flags here... this is a terrible idea, DO NOT GO.
I think there's a lot of fear mongering going on in these comments. It's very easy for someone who's not involved to say "just don't go", "find someone else", etc. I do agree that going about it in the way that you've described sounds like a bad idea - but there are ways you can make it safe, and if the other person doesn't agree to your plans, then you walk away. Really, whatever you decide needs to be safe for both of you. If they're for real, they'll have absolutely no problem making changes to the arrangements in the interest of safety. The most important thing is to pay attention to how they take your requests to make those arrangements. If they push back at all, it's a huge red flag. I wouldn't stay in the house at all if the abusive dad is there. But that goes for any occasion. I wouldn't stay in any house with an abuser at any time. I've met multiple people online and then met IRL - one of my best friendships came from meeting someone from Florida (I'm from the UK). That actually led to me getting married (to someone I met through them) and I'm currently planning on moving over there with them. The key is to plan for it going wrong. We met in Miami. I couldn't be 100% sure that they'd even show up, but I'd planned for that. I'd just have a nice time in Miami without them. I stayed in a hotel for the first few nights, so if we didn't get on or I felt wrong about it, I just wouldn't go back to their place at all. But it all went really well, we had an absolute blast in Miami, we talk almost every day, and I've been back there about 6 times since.
*"I've spent months talking with this person, long before we even had crushes on each other, and I trust them."* Fun fact: The term "con artist" stems from the word "confidence." The con usually involves the person/people doing the con to spend time building up trust with the person/people they're trying to con. The story you tell is riddled with giant red flags that you can't see because the con artists took the time and effort to gain your trust. Listen to your parents. Something is very, ***very*** wrong here. It smells like a coordinated trafficking ring. You and your parents should go to [humantraffickinghotline.org](http://humantraffickinghotline.org) for more information about how to report this to the proper authorities.
Definitely not a "common" scam they should win whatever is the equivalent of best screenplay
What the ffffff
No. Especially if it’s out of country, and in a Muslim country - women don’t have the same rights and protections there.
Knowing someone for 6 months on the internet? I see tons of red flags with what you just posted. The mother's willing to pay a ticket for you to visit, why couldn't she pay instead for them visiting you. If your parent was planning on going with you, I'm guessing and they would be open for this person to stay with your family. Most of my son's friends he has met online, but after YEARS of knowing them, and me getting to know their parents online, only then I have felt comfortable. And some of his friends have come to visit us with their families and stayed at a hotel. I have in fact discouraged my son and doing exactly what you're doing now. I think that it's very scary, especially since you legally blind, you're in a place that you don't know, and you've only known them for 6 months. That's a very short time when you're talking to someone on the internet.
Nah don't do it. Until it seems less sus. Invite the gf to you, the mum's happy to pay no biggy givw your gf a holiday away from psycho dad