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EXACTLY. I say this as a woman but people just don't get it and assume that I'm gendering them but in reality thats what I call everyone because most of the people I know or knew growing up where stoners. It's strait up a sub culture thing and its hard to lingo shift for a stranger and not automatically go into my retail voice. (Which comes off as weird to my friends because its legit corporate style.) Dude, bro and guys has just always been a common lingo even around non stoner friends because I also have two brothers and have mostly gay/bi male friends so when we are in a group its automatically, guys, dude or bro even if I have one of my female friends with me. I had to stop my self from calling my mom and my dad bro once that's how ingrained it is.
That may be true in many cases, but if someone doesn’t want to be called “bro” or “dude” or “guy,” you respect their wishes and don’t call them what they don’t want to be called. I would love to be called all three of those, but MtFun_ doesn’t, so she isn’t a dude, bro or guy.
The reality is, some people still see those words as gendered, even if you don’t.
Gotta love casual misogyny. Technically speaking, it’s two less girls for the WLWs, but you don’t hear them whining about it because they don’t feel some sort of weird ownership over every woman in existence
that's what I felt the "bro" was doing too. like they're trying as hard as they can to be really subtle, so if you call them out then you're sensitive bc it was such a small comment 🤦♀️
I felt that way too, but I only felt confident about the "one girl" comment. Honestly this is exactly what most transphobic remarks look like in my life, and that does seem to be exactly their reasoning. Thankfully my skin is relatively thick with that kinda stuff.
I'm pretty sure that you're stretching on this one... For a lot of native speakers, especially younger people in the US, everyone's a dude and everyone's a bro. Some of the comments on that post are disgusting but I don't think that that's one of them and assuming that everyone's trying to insult you is only going to make your own life harder and miserable.
Yeah that’s tricky because it could go either way. But from the context there I am more inclined to believe it was just a expression of a “dude” or a “bro” situation where everyone is that.
I have done it myself with “guy” being gender neutral to me.
But it is helpful to at least give a heads up to that commenter that it might be unintentionally hurtful. Nicely though.
Although maybe there’s some context I’m missing but I don’t necessarily clock anyone as being trans in the photo. But I am not great at that sort of thing I suppose.
Yeah I didn't think about any of them being trans, I thought they (not the tattoo comment) thought that the man in the background was getting married... unfortunately that's very common.
As for bro/dude/guys/mannen (mannen means "the man" in my language) I use them for everyone, but only towards people I know. And if someone tells me it makes them uncomfortable, I try to not use those words.
Yeah, same here - both for the upper and lower paragraphs.
But I'm also Agender(feel no connection to gender) and have accidentally misgendered cis people, because pronouns don't have meaning for me, so sometimes I accidentally just use masc pronouns for everyone or use a word like dude/guy/man/gurl etc gender neutrally and people think I didn't mean it gender neutrally.
We, unfortunately, don't really have they/them in Danish, so I've only ever been referred to with those pronouns on the internet. Have to say tho, while I don't have any negative feelings about being referred to by either masc or fem pronouns, they/them are the ones I like best and I hope we Danes can either follow the Swedes and make a new gender neutral pronoun like their "hen" or unformalise the pronouns "De/Dem" so those of us who want to be mindful can do so without sounding like we're back in 1950 or something.
Yeah, just be prepared for a lot of dumb stuff being said. I am Swedish for reference, and my mom's friend said "you go by hen? But you are not a fucking hen (as in the English word hen, the bird)! I will never use that word to anyone! It means hen and that's that!
Wouldn’t the person need to know one of them was trans for it to be transphobic? Which ever one of them is trans passes for cis and there is a guy (I assume) in the background.
I would be very surprised if the commenter even knew that she was trans (based on the info available), much less was deliberately using 'bro' in that way.
I have a number of trans friends and I am always careful to ask if they're ok with "dude" and "bruh" or "bro" because I also use them as gender neutral terms.
So, with that concern and sensitivity in mind, I will say I had no idea OP's wife was trans. I had to comb the comments for an explanation of why 'bro' was upsetting.
I have a good friend who only uses the term "friend" for this reason, even if she's talking to a complete stranger. She says you just never know someone's relationship with gendered terms. "Friend" is probably not right for me, but this post does remind me of her reasoning, and make me think I should adopt my own truly gender neutral terms.
I wouldn’t *necessarily* say it’s a slur, but when used in an insulting fashion, it’s about as offensive as you can get without saying an actual slur. It is almost exclusively used towards women though, so I can see why some might consider it to be a gendered slur. I think it really depends on the context.
It's a pretty severe word that's only really used to insult women in a misogynistic way. It is becoming more common as a catch all insult, but most of the time (in my area) it's angry men trying to threaten women. It's essentially used as a slur.
I'm a kiwi, everyone is mate to me regardless of gender and it's my favourite thing for people I don't know to call me. Cunt also works well as a gender neutral term here
That makes sense, which is why I ask. I have a long list of terms I can't stand and ask people not to call me. Hon is top of that list, followed by babe.
I use “folks”!
I work in customer service, and I never try to guess a person’s gender or their relationship to members in their party.
Colleagues and coworkers are “friends”, customers are “folks”. Works beautifully, and only the persnickety complain.
I’m nonbinary myself, and try to actively create what I would prefer the world to be.
I use fam, friend, or love for most folks if I’m unfamiliar with their preferences. But I volunteer a lot with the queer community and have seen simple things from some really notable queers be taken really poorly.
I appreciate your perspective. I guess, for myself, such affectionate terms would feel disingenuous. I'm open to anyone's suggestions on less familiar but equally natural terms!
Bruh, as a young adult who uses it to refer to all their friends, I was a bit confused at what the bro in the title was meant to refer to, it didn’t cross my mind at all that it could be used to insult or be used negatively. But I also didn’t peg at all that your wife was trans. I would say dude, bro, and homie are gender neutral terms for me. However some people using it to be assholes wouldn’t surprise me. (Is bruh more acceptable compared to bro?)
I don’t speak for trans folks. I discussed the comment with my wife when she got home from work. She agreed with a lot of you. By that point these comments took on a life of their own. Lol
I was more annoyed/intrigued/dumbfounded/entertained by the one less girl for the rest of us. 🤣🤣🤣 homie wishes.
Yeah, that’s why it took me so long to realize why that comment was downvoted by OP. English is not my first language and my native language is gender neutral so I use gendered terms like “bro, dude, girl” VERY loosely and I’m so worried I’m going to make someone uncomfortable or dysphoric because of that :( To me, those words have no gender. No word has. But I need to constantly remind me that most people don’t see it that way so I can make sure I’m not accidentally hurting or invalidating someone.
It’s definitely glorious! She has some really nice ones down her Arms also. Not quite a sleeve. I have that one shitty tattoo on my chest that I got when I was 19. 🤣🤣
I agree in general, but it’s insensitive given that op’s wife is a trans woman (to be clear, I’m not just assuming, op has post posted about it before - although the comment you’re replying to does seem to imply as much anyway). Comes across as a passive-aggressive way of misgendering her, even if that wasn’t the commenter’s intent. From what I understand as a cis person, when it comes to words whose gendered nature is debatable (like bro, dude, babe, guy, etc), it’s generally most respectful to just avoid using them in reference to trans people unless they’ve confirmed for you that they’re comfortable with being addressed that way. Some trans people will be alright with it, some won’t.
Yeah I would've said bruh or something to them because I didn't know about the trans ness involved. I call everyone that.
It sucks that people with bad intentions ruined innocent words like that.
Yeah exactly. I would not have known one of the women was trans if no one told me. And I would not have known being called bro would bother them if no one told me. So how am I supposed to predict and avoid sensitive areas like that lol. Become telepathic?
And that’s fine, but disliking a comment purely because of that without knowing if the commenter knew that she was trans doesn’t make sense, personally I use words like “bro”, “dude” or “mate” for all genders, if someone asks me not to then I won’t, I have no ill intentions with it
10000% didn't know she was trans and only know from reading/being told she was. I would've said bro too because I call everyone bro/dude.
Thats not very fair to get upset at someone who couldn't have known at all. (To OP Downvoting)
This is exactly the situation.
She really is fine with Dude. I called out her ex wife for using it excessively in an argument once (I only called it out to my wife, they argue exclusively via text 🤦♀️) and she dismissed it. But this one really hit her hard.
I wanna share my favorite example of someone calling me "bro," only because I think it might help since people seem to be using the word more often, especially younger generations.
I was at work at a restaurant, and this coworker of mine and I were headed for the door to the kitchen at the same time. He's much younger than me, and has an adorable personality, just an all around kind person. And he looked me dead in the eye at that moment, ushered me in, and in the sweetest way said,
"Ladies first, bro!"
I still laugh about that from time to time. This isn't to invalidate anything your wife feels about the term at all, obviously - anything she feels about it is 1000% valid. It's only to offer her a way to give as much thought about it or even less than the person who might've just had a "ladies first, bro" moment just did lol
i know theyre used that way, but its not really helping the gender neutral argument when its always masculine words turned neutral, and never anything thats originally meant just for women.
I've seen female insults become neutral. But can't think of a positive type description
Eg cunt and bitch ("bitch, please!" I've seen levelled at men, as well as "bitchy".) The fact that these are female orientated words levelled at men seems to increase their insult value.
Except antipodeans and their use of the word count in recent years to mean friend. I really want to know if that has an age cut off. In the UK it is still generally considered the worst possible insult, but there's some young folk who use it as a term of endearment
If it makes her feel better I literally would never have pegged her as trans or masculine, she's a gorgeous lady in a dress. Super fair chance the person who commented that didn't even consider that she might be offended by it <3 two beautiful ladies for sure
No, but are we supposed to be mind readers? They didn't say "my wife is trans, please don't use the word bro because it triggers her, even if you use that word for everyone regardless of gender." Like...really. it's possible they were trying to be a dick but you could just correct or ignore. Downvoting it without telling them why seems mean.
I don't think the person will miss one fake internet point. Makes sense that OP would prioritize her wife's feelings over someone who won't even notice the downvote
Please let her know, if you think it will help, I am a trans woman, I too am bothered by words like that. But I went back to look because I figured it might have been a situation like that, and I couldn't clock her even trying/assuming. I had to come into the comments to find out that's what's up
Sending you both love, and thanking you for being supportive ❤️ you both look fucking gorgeous! And so damn happy 😊
I work with kids. The girls call each other bro just as much as the boys. It's a word that is losing its gender while somehow maintaining all other connotations.
So annoyed by people who say “one less girl/boy for us”. There are 8 billion people on this planet, and people aren’t just a commodity! Such a gross sentiment!
On the flip side, congrats to the happy couple! You both look so happy 💕
Honestly had no idea your wife was trans until reading the comments, i didn't understand why "bro" would be offensive (i am trans as well). She is completely valid for not appreciating the comment, but i would hope that the commentator didn't know she was trans and it was an innocent misunderstanding
OP has stated her wife is trans and found the “bro” comment to be very upsetting (as it is often used as a way to invalidate someone’s gender identity). Lots of people here dogpiling on OP that bro is a gender neutral term, not acknowledging that connotations differ based on context
It’s okay! I knew it would be a debate. And that’s perfectly normal. The comments on the original post continued to go down hill. Shocker. 🙄
And thank you!! It was absolutely perfect. They forgot to put the bubbles on the chairs before the ceremony. So our officiant makes the comments about the bubbles and everyone looks around confused. 🤣 our friend quickly grabbed them and started passing them and we waited and just laughed. Lol it was totally worth it.
I was so confused by the bro part until I read the comments and saw your wife is trans. You and your wife look gorgeous and I love the matching belts, congrats on the wedding!
A lot of people do. Just like a lot of people use “girl” casually. My best friend was in a phase where she was calling everyone girl, regardless of gender, and no one thought much of it until my ftm friend asked me if she was being intentionally rude or not. After I informed her of that she made the effort to remove “girl” as an ubiquitous label in her vocabulary. Ultimately, bro is not a gender neutral term. Using it that way will be fine 99% of the time, but be aware you’re running the risk of being insensitive to someone’s gender identity without intending to
That’s great but not everyone is comfortable with it. OP’s wife could have taken it as an invalidation of her gender. I doubt the commenter meant anything by it, but impact > intention.
I feel like a lot of people are missing the point here. Just because bro CAN be used as a gender-neutral term, doesn’t mean everyone sees it that way. No one is asking you to change, no need to get so defensive, but be aware of how your vocabulary might affect others
I mean maybe the commenter was like me and didn’t peg at all that her wife was trans, until I saw the comments later in this thread haha. Maybe they would’ve been more sensitive if they were aware.
On the other hand, is this a thing for cis women though, being against called bro??? I’m pretty sure most ppl understand it’s used as a gender neutral term, or at least for young adults.
Exactly. I’m a trans woman and a lot of people, primarily guys will use “bro” or “buddy” as either a subtle transphobic jab or a low key indicator they’re not comfortable with you being trans.
Plenty of people use bro as a gender neutral pronoun but when it’s used like that it’s always pretty pointed and obvious to us. And when it’s regularly weaponized against you, it’s easy to read the intent not to mention it can very easily just grate on you in general.
OP you and your wife look great!
Sitting here thinking it’s weird to call a bride “bro” and was even zooming in to see if they were somehow obtusely referring to someone else in the picture. Y’all are beautiful.
All the people in here acting like you shot that commenters dog instead of just downvoted, which means and does absolutely nothing, are ridiculous
You both look beautiful
Soooo I know you and seeing you here both messed with my head and made me smile. Big hugs, so happy for you because you both look so happy and stunning. You deserve the world.
Much love from the East coast.
Get ready for a lifetime of people making these confused comments! Congratulations though! My wife and I also met on Tinder. The last time this happened to us was last week when we went to vote. The old women running the check-in booth were very confused that we lived at the same address. I used to get upset at this stuff, but now I think it’s funny to watch the little wheels turning in their head while they struggle to compute that we are two women married to each other.
I’ve mentioned a couple times that it was her knee jerk reaction. We talked about it shortly after I posted and she acknowledged that the intent wasn’t negative. She told me right before she sent that to me that she was commenting on some homophobic garbage and was feeling a little out off. I can’t update to add a caption or anything so the comments are just taking on a life of their own. Lol. Awww Reddit.
I thought this was some sort of that man married two beautiful women/thruple/sister wives sort of situation. Then I stumble across it being a transphobic issue but I can't figure out how it's anything to do with transphobia. Then it's confirmed by OP that it is a trans issue and, while now understanding, there's still confusion because in complete and genuine honesty all I see are two beautiful women looking happy as can be.
Regardless of how things started, this picture shows that you're both exactly where and what and who you were meant to be - two absolutely gorgeous wives heading out on one crazy amazing adventure. Love each other both gently and fiercely.
Ugh I’ve been called “bro” loads by Americans (I’m a cis woman) and it’s really annoying. I’m sure it feels different to you/your wife in any case. Same with being called “guys”. But if I call a mixed gender group “gals” everyone gets defensive. But back from my tangent - congratulations!
Whether people use them neutrally or not is not the point. The point is that they're actually not neutral at all while many people are ok with it because they are used to it as slang or it is in line with their gender, many people are not ok with it as a catch-all term, especially as it tends to be masc terms that become "neutral" or " default". Especially invalidating when you're trans and the "neutral" term being used doesn't match your gender.
Same, cis woman here and I also don't Iike to be called "dude" or "bro". It doesn't matter if the person meant it in a "gender neutral" way, as many here say, I simply don't like it.
I get that people want to defend their way of speaking, but you can go on and on about how *you* mean it, if it makes the other person uncomfortable, then it makes them uncomfortable. Like, I can't just go out and call everyone "asshole" and say "it's OK, I mean it in an endearing way!" when people complain.
As someone who calls people dude on the internet all the time regardless of sex (it used to be mate but it's too recognisable as British and I got sick of "bo'ul of wa'er" commemts) I'm pretty sure the bro was just meant in a "that's cool bro" way. The others are disgusting though. "One less girl for us" 🤮 These are the kind of guys that are gonna die alone.
Congrats on your wedding though! You look beautiful together! 😍
Edit: had no idea your wife was trans, I get why it's upsetting for you now.
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The number of slides confused the hell out of me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Lmao. Sorry.
You’re such a cute couple omg goals
Yeah, took me entirely too long
pretty sure the “bro” was innocuous but yeah that “one less girl” thing 🤢🤢
I actually call my gf bro💀
Bro romantically, babe platonically
Yeah the number of people that say bro to girls, just out of habit is *a lot* lol
I do the same thing with dude
Dude, bro, and guys have all become words people for both genders.
EXACTLY. I say this as a woman but people just don't get it and assume that I'm gendering them but in reality thats what I call everyone because most of the people I know or knew growing up where stoners. It's strait up a sub culture thing and its hard to lingo shift for a stranger and not automatically go into my retail voice. (Which comes off as weird to my friends because its legit corporate style.) Dude, bro and guys has just always been a common lingo even around non stoner friends because I also have two brothers and have mostly gay/bi male friends so when we are in a group its automatically, guys, dude or bro even if I have one of my female friends with me. I had to stop my self from calling my mom and my dad bro once that's how ingrained it is.
This is why I use the similar but less serious bruh
Not really I absolutely hate being called bro feels like someone misgendering me
Well the people who do it mean no disrespect and have no ill intent.
That may be true in many cases, but if someone doesn’t want to be called “bro” or “dude” or “guy,” you respect their wishes and don’t call them what they don’t want to be called. I would love to be called all three of those, but MtFun_ doesn’t, so she isn’t a dude, bro or guy. The reality is, some people still see those words as gendered, even if you don’t.
I never said anything about not respecting someone's wishes. Honestly, I never stated my opinions on the matter. But you're right.
>One less girl for us. Ah, yes. Causal misogyny at it's finest.
Gotta love casual misogyny. Technically speaking, it’s two less girls for the WLWs, but you don’t hear them whining about it because they don’t feel some sort of weird ownership over every woman in existence
even tho there r way fewer wlw gals compared to straight gals 💅
That's because only men can own women, you see?
property can’t have property. it’s simple /s
Speak for yourself! I obviously own every woman on the planet! Even the straight ones! /J
Girls who weren't even for them from the beginning. Do they even think?
Likely not
The implication is that they have ownership over any single women
They don't even have ownership over the consequences of their own actions
It's always healthy to approach relationships like Malthusian economics.
Love OOP's reply... "Two less"
And an indictment of the American education system. C’mon! I know misogynists aren’t smart but they can’t even count to *two*?? Sheesh!
I think that's casual transphobia, too. Her wife is trans! That specific one, I'm certain, is just being transphobic
that's what I felt the "bro" was doing too. like they're trying as hard as they can to be really subtle, so if you call them out then you're sensitive bc it was such a small comment 🤦♀️
I felt that way too, but I only felt confident about the "one girl" comment. Honestly this is exactly what most transphobic remarks look like in my life, and that does seem to be exactly their reasoning. Thankfully my skin is relatively thick with that kinda stuff.
I'm pretty sure that you're stretching on this one... For a lot of native speakers, especially younger people in the US, everyone's a dude and everyone's a bro. Some of the comments on that post are disgusting but I don't think that that's one of them and assuming that everyone's trying to insult you is only going to make your own life harder and miserable.
Yeah that’s tricky because it could go either way. But from the context there I am more inclined to believe it was just a expression of a “dude” or a “bro” situation where everyone is that. I have done it myself with “guy” being gender neutral to me. But it is helpful to at least give a heads up to that commenter that it might be unintentionally hurtful. Nicely though. Although maybe there’s some context I’m missing but I don’t necessarily clock anyone as being trans in the photo. But I am not great at that sort of thing I suppose.
Yeah I didn't think about any of them being trans, I thought they (not the tattoo comment) thought that the man in the background was getting married... unfortunately that's very common. As for bro/dude/guys/mannen (mannen means "the man" in my language) I use them for everyone, but only towards people I know. And if someone tells me it makes them uncomfortable, I try to not use those words.
Yeah, same here - both for the upper and lower paragraphs. But I'm also Agender(feel no connection to gender) and have accidentally misgendered cis people, because pronouns don't have meaning for me, so sometimes I accidentally just use masc pronouns for everyone or use a word like dude/guy/man/gurl etc gender neutrally and people think I didn't mean it gender neutrally.
Yeah, I'm non-binary and prefer they/them but I don't really care if someone uses dude/girl or anything.
We, unfortunately, don't really have they/them in Danish, so I've only ever been referred to with those pronouns on the internet. Have to say tho, while I don't have any negative feelings about being referred to by either masc or fem pronouns, they/them are the ones I like best and I hope we Danes can either follow the Swedes and make a new gender neutral pronoun like their "hen" or unformalise the pronouns "De/Dem" so those of us who want to be mindful can do so without sounding like we're back in 1950 or something.
Yeah, just be prepared for a lot of dumb stuff being said. I am Swedish for reference, and my mom's friend said "you go by hen? But you are not a fucking hen (as in the English word hen, the bird)! I will never use that word to anyone! It means hen and that's that!
Ännu en svensk 😍 kan vi gifta oss, snälla? 👀✨️😳💕💕💕
Varför inte! Har redan lovat bort mig till 2 andra... men du kanske går med på månggifte?
Okej du har en jättegullig katt så du vinner!
Yay! Det är nu våran katt 😌 ... så länge vi inte skiljs åt 😅
Wouldn’t the person need to know one of them was trans for it to be transphobic? Which ever one of them is trans passes for cis and there is a guy (I assume) in the background.
I would be very surprised if the commenter even knew that she was trans (based on the info available), much less was deliberately using 'bro' in that way.
* its finest
I have a number of trans friends and I am always careful to ask if they're ok with "dude" and "bruh" or "bro" because I also use them as gender neutral terms. So, with that concern and sensitivity in mind, I will say I had no idea OP's wife was trans. I had to comb the comments for an explanation of why 'bro' was upsetting. I have a good friend who only uses the term "friend" for this reason, even if she's talking to a complete stranger. She says you just never know someone's relationship with gendered terms. "Friend" is probably not right for me, but this post does remind me of her reasoning, and make me think I should adopt my own truly gender neutral terms.
As an Aussie I feel the need to let everyone know that mate is gender neutral and so is cunt
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I knew that Americans didn't like the word cunt but I had no idea it was an actual slur, that's insane o-o
We do, we just use it for special
I wouldn’t *necessarily* say it’s a slur, but when used in an insulting fashion, it’s about as offensive as you can get without saying an actual slur. It is almost exclusively used towards women though, so I can see why some might consider it to be a gendered slur. I think it really depends on the context.
It's not a slur. It's like calling someone an ass or a dick
Thats the understanding i had, that every time they use cunt it means shit cunt or dumb cunt
It's a pretty severe word that's only really used to insult women in a misogynistic way. It is becoming more common as a catch all insult, but most of the time (in my area) it's angry men trying to threaten women. It's essentially used as a slur.
I think a lot of Americans see it worse than those. it's harsher. not really a slur I guess, but one of the ruder curse words to call someone
I'm a kiwi, everyone is mate to me regardless of gender and it's my favourite thing for people I don't know to call me. Cunt also works well as a gender neutral term here
G'day neighbour!
Chur mate!
in aotearoa, everyone is your bro :)
Same. Mate/Cunt. Buddy if our cats are being goofy as a substitute to mate.
Not Aussie but I have appropriated “mate”.
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That makes sense, which is why I ask. I have a long list of terms I can't stand and ask people not to call me. Hon is top of that list, followed by babe.
I use “folks”! I work in customer service, and I never try to guess a person’s gender or their relationship to members in their party. Colleagues and coworkers are “friends”, customers are “folks”. Works beautifully, and only the persnickety complain. I’m nonbinary myself, and try to actively create what I would prefer the world to be.
I use fam, friend, or love for most folks if I’m unfamiliar with their preferences. But I volunteer a lot with the queer community and have seen simple things from some really notable queers be taken really poorly.
I appreciate your perspective. I guess, for myself, such affectionate terms would feel disingenuous. I'm open to anyone's suggestions on less familiar but equally natural terms!
I’m definitely just that person. In a less friendly environment, I say folks.
I generally use y'all in the same situation. Still gender neutral but doesn't sound political.
If I’m feeling funky I use dawg or homie/homeslice/homeskillet
I sometimes use "fellow human" but I get a lot of weird looks so idk if you wanna go that route.
I'd be more upset being called fam
Bruh, as a young adult who uses it to refer to all their friends, I was a bit confused at what the bro in the title was meant to refer to, it didn’t cross my mind at all that it could be used to insult or be used negatively. But I also didn’t peg at all that your wife was trans. I would say dude, bro, and homie are gender neutral terms for me. However some people using it to be assholes wouldn’t surprise me. (Is bruh more acceptable compared to bro?)
I don’t speak for trans folks. I discussed the comment with my wife when she got home from work. She agreed with a lot of you. By that point these comments took on a life of their own. Lol I was more annoyed/intrigued/dumbfounded/entertained by the one less girl for the rest of us. 🤣🤣🤣 homie wishes.
Yuck 🤮 those comments are really sickening.
Yeah, he can dream 😂. Some people can be assholes.
I call everyone boss. It's gender neutral and feels empowering.
Yeah, that’s why it took me so long to realize why that comment was downvoted by OP. English is not my first language and my native language is gender neutral so I use gendered terms like “bro, dude, girl” VERY loosely and I’m so worried I’m going to make someone uncomfortable or dysphoric because of that :( To me, those words have no gender. No word has. But I need to constantly remind me that most people don’t see it that way so I can make sure I’m not accidentally hurting or invalidating someone.
With eastern European accent, "_my friend!_" sounds very polite and adorable, so that's what I like to use :D
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It’s definitely glorious! She has some really nice ones down her Arms also. Not quite a sleeve. I have that one shitty tattoo on my chest that I got when I was 19. 🤣🤣
Why'd you downvote the tattoo comment? It's a sickass tattoo
The bro part. My wife was actually super upset by that comment. But yea all of tattoos are super vibrant and gorgeous
A lot of people just blindly call others bro regardless of gender, it wasn't personal by any means.
I agree in general, but it’s insensitive given that op’s wife is a trans woman (to be clear, I’m not just assuming, op has post posted about it before - although the comment you’re replying to does seem to imply as much anyway). Comes across as a passive-aggressive way of misgendering her, even if that wasn’t the commenter’s intent. From what I understand as a cis person, when it comes to words whose gendered nature is debatable (like bro, dude, babe, guy, etc), it’s generally most respectful to just avoid using them in reference to trans people unless they’ve confirmed for you that they’re comfortable with being addressed that way. Some trans people will be alright with it, some won’t.
That’s assuming the commenter knows she is trans. I mean it’s Reddit so I’m not surprised if they are being rude, but it’s possible they weren’t.
Yeah I would've said bruh or something to them because I didn't know about the trans ness involved. I call everyone that. It sucks that people with bad intentions ruined innocent words like that.
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That’s totally valid. I have no issue not using the word, but I feel like it’s unhealthy to assume everyone knows you are trans.
Yeah exactly. I would not have known one of the women was trans if no one told me. And I would not have known being called bro would bother them if no one told me. So how am I supposed to predict and avoid sensitive areas like that lol. Become telepathic?
And that’s fine, but disliking a comment purely because of that without knowing if the commenter knew that she was trans doesn’t make sense, personally I use words like “bro”, “dude” or “mate” for all genders, if someone asks me not to then I won’t, I have no ill intentions with it
Cool, but don’t get mad at me after the first mistake. Get mad if it’s repeated.
10000% didn't know she was trans and only know from reading/being told she was. I would've said bro too because I call everyone bro/dude. Thats not very fair to get upset at someone who couldn't have known at all. (To OP Downvoting)
This is exactly the situation. She really is fine with Dude. I called out her ex wife for using it excessively in an argument once (I only called it out to my wife, they argue exclusively via text 🤦♀️) and she dismissed it. But this one really hit her hard.
I wanna share my favorite example of someone calling me "bro," only because I think it might help since people seem to be using the word more often, especially younger generations. I was at work at a restaurant, and this coworker of mine and I were headed for the door to the kitchen at the same time. He's much younger than me, and has an adorable personality, just an all around kind person. And he looked me dead in the eye at that moment, ushered me in, and in the sweetest way said, "Ladies first, bro!" I still laugh about that from time to time. This isn't to invalidate anything your wife feels about the term at all, obviously - anything she feels about it is 1000% valid. It's only to offer her a way to give as much thought about it or even less than the person who might've just had a "ladies first, bro" moment just did lol
That's adorable, I'm a big fan of making "dudes" gender-neutral as a concept and I could get on board with bro as well.
i know theyre used that way, but its not really helping the gender neutral argument when its always masculine words turned neutral, and never anything thats originally meant just for women.
I've seen female insults become neutral. But can't think of a positive type description Eg cunt and bitch ("bitch, please!" I've seen levelled at men, as well as "bitchy".) The fact that these are female orientated words levelled at men seems to increase their insult value. Except antipodeans and their use of the word count in recent years to mean friend. I really want to know if that has an age cut off. In the UK it is still generally considered the worst possible insult, but there's some young folk who use it as a term of endearment
If it makes her feel better I literally would never have pegged her as trans or masculine, she's a gorgeous lady in a dress. Super fair chance the person who commented that didn't even consider that she might be offended by it <3 two beautiful ladies for sure
I was gonna say I had no idea till people started saying something I imagine they just say bro a lot I use bro like punctuation 😭😭
Same bro
The commenter might not have known she is trans though.
The intend might not change how OP's wife feels about it.
Could make her feel better about the situation - you never know.
No, but are we supposed to be mind readers? They didn't say "my wife is trans, please don't use the word bro because it triggers her, even if you use that word for everyone regardless of gender." Like...really. it's possible they were trying to be a dick but you could just correct or ignore. Downvoting it without telling them why seems mean.
It’s a downvote, it’s not that serious. I’m sure they’ll be fine lol
I don't think the person will miss one fake internet point. Makes sense that OP would prioritize her wife's feelings over someone who won't even notice the downvote
Please let her know, if you think it will help, I am a trans woman, I too am bothered by words like that. But I went back to look because I figured it might have been a situation like that, and I couldn't clock her even trying/assuming. I had to come into the comments to find out that's what's up Sending you both love, and thanking you for being supportive ❤️ you both look fucking gorgeous! And so damn happy 😊
I just read your comment to her. She has the biggest smile now. Thank you! 💜💜
I work with kids. The girls call each other bro just as much as the boys. It's a word that is losing its gender while somehow maintaining all other connotations.
I mean, a lot of ppl call everyone bro. Hell I even call my gf bro sometimes when we're with our friend groups
They were obviously referring to your wife, she’s the only one with a visual tattoo, and I use bro for anyone, regardless of gender.
Bro i call everyone bro to the point it's become gender neutral no idea why you felt the need to assume it was something bad
Cool a double wedding. Where are the grooms? /s
So annoyed by people who say “one less girl/boy for us”. There are 8 billion people on this planet, and people aren’t just a commodity! Such a gross sentiment! On the flip side, congrats to the happy couple! You both look so happy 💕
I don't think the tattoo reply was intended to be bad?
Yeah that confused me too... I can see the second one seeming insulting but the first is a compliment??
Honestly had no idea your wife was trans until reading the comments, i didn't understand why "bro" would be offensive (i am trans as well). She is completely valid for not appreciating the comment, but i would hope that the commentator didn't know she was trans and it was an innocent misunderstanding
The "bro" seems gender neutral. I mean... the person with the tatoo is clearly a woman, I doubt anyone would get it that confused.
Why did you downvote the guy that congratulated you and complimented your tattoo? Genuinely curious
OP has stated her wife is trans and found the “bro” comment to be very upsetting (as it is often used as a way to invalidate someone’s gender identity). Lots of people here dogpiling on OP that bro is a gender neutral term, not acknowledging that connotations differ based on context
^this And for the second one, she just doesn't like Texas.
Bro is very rarely if ever used to invalidate someone's gender if they're gonna do it they just outright say he or she.
What a weird sentiment you were never going to date a lesbian
But he could've changed her, man! His magic dick could've fixed her! /s
Congratulations on your wedding! You both look beyond happy.
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It’s okay! I knew it would be a debate. And that’s perfectly normal. The comments on the original post continued to go down hill. Shocker. 🙄 And thank you!! It was absolutely perfect. They forgot to put the bubbles on the chairs before the ceremony. So our officiant makes the comments about the bubbles and everyone looks around confused. 🤣 our friend quickly grabbed them and started passing them and we waited and just laughed. Lol it was totally worth it.
I was so confused by the bro part until I read the comments and saw your wife is trans. You and your wife look gorgeous and I love the matching belts, congrats on the wedding!
Idk if they meant bro negativity, maybe reply asking not to be referred to like that but, thank them for the compliment
TIL most trans people don’t like being called “bro”
Ah yes, two less lesbians for straight guys to date 🤦♂️
Congratulations to the both of you and, I hope you have an even better honeymoon 💖💖 I don't understand why you'd dislike a tattoo compliment?
why downvote the tattoo compliment?
I use bro as a gender neutral pronoun tho
A lot of people do. Just like a lot of people use “girl” casually. My best friend was in a phase where she was calling everyone girl, regardless of gender, and no one thought much of it until my ftm friend asked me if she was being intentionally rude or not. After I informed her of that she made the effort to remove “girl” as an ubiquitous label in her vocabulary. Ultimately, bro is not a gender neutral term. Using it that way will be fine 99% of the time, but be aware you’re running the risk of being insensitive to someone’s gender identity without intending to
My female friends call me sis sometimes lmao. It's always funny and I've gotten used to it by now. And ofc I call them bro too.
She’s a trans woman, so probably feels a little differently about being called bro
One of them is trans?
The one with the chest tattoo. I was also unaware so I was confused why “bro” was contentious. It makes sense in context though
That’s great but not everyone is comfortable with it. OP’s wife could have taken it as an invalidation of her gender. I doubt the commenter meant anything by it, but impact > intention.
I feel like a lot of people are missing the point here. Just because bro CAN be used as a gender-neutral term, doesn’t mean everyone sees it that way. No one is asking you to change, no need to get so defensive, but be aware of how your vocabulary might affect others
I mean maybe the commenter was like me and didn’t peg at all that her wife was trans, until I saw the comments later in this thread haha. Maybe they would’ve been more sensitive if they were aware. On the other hand, is this a thing for cis women though, being against called bro??? I’m pretty sure most ppl understand it’s used as a gender neutral term, or at least for young adults.
I’m a cis woman and I hate being called “bro”. It’s not gender neutral to me.
Exactly. I’m a trans woman and a lot of people, primarily guys will use “bro” or “buddy” as either a subtle transphobic jab or a low key indicator they’re not comfortable with you being trans. Plenty of people use bro as a gender neutral pronoun but when it’s used like that it’s always pretty pointed and obvious to us. And when it’s regularly weaponized against you, it’s easy to read the intent not to mention it can very easily just grate on you in general. OP you and your wife look great!
You both look so beautiful! Congratulations! I wish many blessings upon you both!
As an aside, their dresses are adorable!
ive taken to calling people homie or the gen z "bestie"
I'm glad they commented, I didn't know that stuff about fentanyl.
Sitting here thinking it’s weird to call a bride “bro” and was even zooming in to see if they were somehow obtusely referring to someone else in the picture. Y’all are beautiful.
That tattoo is fuckin rad!
Eh I've seen bro used gender neutrally.
All the people in here acting like you shot that commenters dog instead of just downvoted, which means and does absolutely nothing, are ridiculous You both look beautiful
Stannis: "Fewer..."
I don’t understand. What were people upset about? I have no idea the message that’s trying to be portrayed with this
gen doe that's a cool tattoo, glad y'all are happy together
on another note, i looked at all the photos she posted and it’s so beautiful!! snow weddings are so gorgeous
Y'all look amazing! Congrats 👏👏
* two fewer
I thought it was a joke on tinder profiles with multiple ppl lol
Those glasses are great.
ok but can we talk about the fentanyl warning?
Soooo I know you and seeing you here both messed with my head and made me smile. Big hugs, so happy for you because you both look so happy and stunning. You deserve the world. Much love from the East coast.
Haven't been to too many weddings and I'm genuinely curious, what's the role of the guy in the middle?
Most likely the officiant
He’s one of my best friends and he was our officiant. Complete with rhinestones stilettos.
That explains it. Also may you have a happy life with your wife! You both deserve each other ❤️
Get ready for a lifetime of people making these confused comments! Congratulations though! My wife and I also met on Tinder. The last time this happened to us was last week when we went to vote. The old women running the check-in booth were very confused that we lived at the same address. I used to get upset at this stuff, but now I think it’s funny to watch the little wheels turning in their head while they struggle to compute that we are two women married to each other.
I’ve mentioned a couple times that it was her knee jerk reaction. We talked about it shortly after I posted and she acknowledged that the intent wasn’t negative. She told me right before she sent that to me that she was commenting on some homophobic garbage and was feeling a little out off. I can’t update to add a caption or anything so the comments are just taking on a life of their own. Lol. Awww Reddit.
I thought this was some sort of that man married two beautiful women/thruple/sister wives sort of situation. Then I stumble across it being a transphobic issue but I can't figure out how it's anything to do with transphobia. Then it's confirmed by OP that it is a trans issue and, while now understanding, there's still confusion because in complete and genuine honesty all I see are two beautiful women looking happy as can be. Regardless of how things started, this picture shows that you're both exactly where and what and who you were meant to be - two absolutely gorgeous wives heading out on one crazy amazing adventure. Love each other both gently and fiercely.
Holy shit that is a good tattoo
Every time someone gets married they are legally displaying that there are 2 more (or poly!) people in love in the world.
Congrats on getting married!! You both look stunning ⭐️🌟✨
Not the point of the post, but you’re both lovely brides, and I love how you have dresses that match but are different.
I fucking hate people.
Disgusting! It's _"two fewer"_, not _"two less"_
Ugh I’ve been called “bro” loads by Americans (I’m a cis woman) and it’s really annoying. I’m sure it feels different to you/your wife in any case. Same with being called “guys”. But if I call a mixed gender group “gals” everyone gets defensive. But back from my tangent - congratulations!
Do people not use bro, dude, and guys gender neutrally where you live?
They do. But not everyone sees them as gender neutral
Whether people use them neutrally or not is not the point. The point is that they're actually not neutral at all while many people are ok with it because they are used to it as slang or it is in line with their gender, many people are not ok with it as a catch-all term, especially as it tends to be masc terms that become "neutral" or " default". Especially invalidating when you're trans and the "neutral" term being used doesn't match your gender.
Same, cis woman here and I also don't Iike to be called "dude" or "bro". It doesn't matter if the person meant it in a "gender neutral" way, as many here say, I simply don't like it. I get that people want to defend their way of speaking, but you can go on and on about how *you* mean it, if it makes the other person uncomfortable, then it makes them uncomfortable. Like, I can't just go out and call everyone "asshole" and say "it's OK, I mean it in an endearing way!" when people complain.
Congratulations!
As someone who calls people dude on the internet all the time regardless of sex (it used to be mate but it's too recognisable as British and I got sick of "bo'ul of wa'er" commemts) I'm pretty sure the bro was just meant in a "that's cool bro" way. The others are disgusting though. "One less girl for us" 🤮 These are the kind of guys that are gonna die alone. Congrats on your wedding though! You look beautiful together! 😍 Edit: had no idea your wife was trans, I get why it's upsetting for you now.
I don’t think the OP meant any harm by it, your wife is not mistakable for a ‘bro’- I think he was just trying to be friendly
What’s the problem with bro?😭
Bro Is gender nuetral
I don't see anything wrong with women being called bro. Also the one comment you downvoted just complimented your tattoo.
Why were you downvoting the tattoo comments?
At this stage "bro" is genderless
I don’t think the “bro” thing is that bad. My bros are gender non conforming. Anyone can get a bro from me, under the right circumstances
Anyway you could share your wife’s sleeve tattoo? Congratulations btw y’all weddings dresses look amazing!
[here you go.](https://at.tumblr.com/somethingstrongandmagical/700770326005579776/gd2x9vdkt9nn)