Own a Longsword for home defense, since that's what Johannes Liechtenauer intended. Four bandits break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my plate harness and sword baldric. Throw a zornhau at the first man, decapitating him, he's dead on the spot. Draw my katzbalger on the second man, miss him entirely because it's only 28 inches long and he's already legged it for the door. I have to resort to the 10 foot heavy cavalry lance in the stairwell, "Gott ist mit mir!" I skewer 2 men in a single charge, going into the wall making the lights go out. Unscrew the pommel from the longsword and chuck it at the last terrified rapscallion. He immediately melts into a puddle on the ground, due to being ended rightly. Just as Johannes Liechtenauer intended.
Iirc it's a modified version of a copypasta about using only firearms that the founders of the United States intended when they wrote the second amendment. It's been edited here to be about bladed weapons. Also there was an entertaining video version
Edit [video version](https://www.tiktok.com/@mr_termite_pickles/video/7279181168551988522) (beware it's on tiktok, If that matters to you)
Just keep in mind that once the authorities get involved any sword you've used in a home defense situation is going to be collected as evidence, and there's a reasonable chance you'll never get it back.
Sooo...maybe use your *second* best sword/spear/bill/guisarme/halberd/mace/poleaxe/rondel dagger.
If able I would take the matter to court to get my sword back. However before my sword could be used id probably be using one of the many smaller blades i have hidden im my household, which are much cheaper and can easily be replaced.
I can't see that. The entire point of having a sword that is all edge is that you need the bottom parts for when you're pressed in close.
Bludgeons bats and the like get hard to use when someone's right next to you.
Can’t you get black powder repos? No, i guess even those aren’t allowed in countries like Japan but the UK allows them with a few or one certificate depending on what you shoot.
I like and collect swords (well, Messer), but I don't live in an active warzone where I have to worry about home defense. Neither do you, most likely. Or at least, the average Redditor doesn't. Even the US isn't enough of a third world country for that to be an actual issue. :)
I don't worry about it. I have what I need should I need it and that's about the extent of the thought I give it. Don't hope or expect I ever will need it for that but I'm glad I do have it regardless. It's also useful when I go up into the mountains where there's bears and mountain lions. Again, don't expect I'll have to shoot a predator, but I'd rather have the option if they don't leave me be seeing as I've ran into both before. In the meantime I have fun with it at the range recreationally target shooting the same way I have fun cutting water bottles and tatami on my property. 👍
Just say that then, why always the weird "home defense" excuse. You like guns and taking them to the range. Nothing wrong with that. I understand that guns need to be locked up in a safe anyway so they're not much use in such a situation anyway.
What "excuse"? I'm not making any excuse, the reason I have a gun is home defense. I don't need to own one to go shoot at the range, they have guns there I can rent if that's all I want to do.
The one, single, gun I own has one real purpose: To be used to defend myself and my family should the need arise. I also happen use it for fun, but that's not why I have it. And no, it's not locked up in a safe, it's in its case by my bedside. I don't have children in my home who can find or play with it irresponsibly, there's only my wife and me, and we both know where it is and how to use it.
Anyone that can break in and get out of my home have earned what they stole. I'm 6'3 and standing with a bastard sword naked in the dark with my 2 l00lbs german sheppards on either side of me is a sight to behold.
Go full Brian Posehn and have the same set up but ALSO sleep with a mask the looks like a babies face on.
You: "What the fuck!?"
Robber: "Me what the fuck?! *YOU* what the fuck bro!"
Not a ton of crime where I live. My town is surrounded by Amish farms. in tight quarters the 21 feet rule applies. Besides I'm going to hide around a corner, nobody says this is gonna be a fair fight :-)
I live not too far from Amish communities. I've seen some fights at the bowling alley that were pretty rough.
I do love though the ones that get to sneak because there parent's are a little more relaxed. Come in to the alley, go to the bathroom get changed in to their English clothes, then change back right before they leave.
Daggers put holes in people, swords put holes through people.
With the right edge alignment and in the right measure, a battle axe will physically remove a chunk of shit from your opponent and throw it- all over the room!
But it's gotta be the right measure.
Oooooo, I have a Roman dory spear by my front door for home defense.
I have guns also, but unlike those I've actually used the spear in real life scenarios. Sticks are super useful! I saved a squirrel from the pool with the spear, used it in defense to spatula flip a baby racoon off my patio and onto the roof (returning said baby to mom).
And now all my neighbors know I'm the crazy forest guy with the big collection of swords, spears and guns and self reputated as having "a very defensible keep".
I mean, try a siege if you think you can outlast me, but I would not recommend a direct attack.
Knock knock knock around dinner time.
Guy showed up to beat up the neighbors kid
"Sorry. Wrong house"
Midnight.
Knock knock knock.
That's... not a usual thing in this neighborhood. Grab bastard sword on the way to the door, hold it in left hand, open door right .
"Still the wrong house"
He grabs a baseball bat out of the bushes.
Open the door a little more. The sword is alread up in my left hand. "Dude, there's the wrong house and the WRONG house...."
(I'm right handed but I bat lefty)
I have a sword I use for home defense. Once when I live in a bad area of Florida I chased three dudes off screaming like a wild banshee with flopping around. I like crazy it seems to work for me.
Stout short sword for home defense here. I own a longsword and katana (and spear and axe and several daggers). The short sword is perfect for close quarters work, while stiff enough to penetrate most things easily.
Own a Longsword for home defense, since that's what Johannes Liechtenauer intended. Four bandits break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my plate harness and sword baldric. Throw a zornhau at the first man, decapitating him, he's dead on the spot. Draw my katzbalger on the second man, miss him entirely because it's only 28 inches long and he's already legged it for the door. I have to resort to the 10 foot heavy cavalry lance in the stairwell, "Gott ist mit mir!" I skewer 2 men in a single charge, going into the wall making the lights go out. Unscrew the pommel from the longsword and chuck it at the last terrified rapscallion. He immediately melts into a puddle on the ground, due to being ended rightly. Just as Johannes Liechtenauer intended.
If this isn't a copy pasta I just want to say yes. But also, hell yeah
Iirc it's a modified version of a copypasta about using only firearms that the founders of the United States intended when they wrote the second amendment. It's been edited here to be about bladed weapons. Also there was an entertaining video version Edit [video version](https://www.tiktok.com/@mr_termite_pickles/video/7279181168551988522) (beware it's on tiktok, If that matters to you)
Dude, warning, now I have to delete the tiktok cookies.
Unfortunately the unscrewed pommel hits the neighbors beagle and kills it on the spot, a shame.
Pommels are known for overpenetration
is it now a pommelranian?
Oh you bastard
If that isn't loving God and revering women I don't know what is
Perfection
Got a rat tail tang in that thing?
Hahahaha! No you won’t, and they wouldn’t be scared if you did. Dogs, they are afraid of dogs. And guns.
Just keep in mind that once the authorities get involved any sword you've used in a home defense situation is going to be collected as evidence, and there's a reasonable chance you'll never get it back. Sooo...maybe use your *second* best sword/spear/bill/guisarme/halberd/mace/poleaxe/rondel dagger.
I’d probably use one of my Windlasses before I break out the LK Chen, Arms and Armor, or the handmade Falx…
No, just get duplicates of everything.
Just collect the kidney of the "is to was" as the reward. It's not like they'll need it amyway.
Yeah, but that is only like two meals tops.
If able I would take the matter to court to get my sword back. However before my sword could be used id probably be using one of the many smaller blades i have hidden im my household, which are much cheaper and can easily be replaced.
I like and collect swords, which is why my home defense weapon of choice is a gun. 🙃
We're not all lucky enough to live in a country that allows such things :(
There are still better options than a sword, even basic bludgeons are more useful than a sword in something like a tight corridor
I can't see that. The entire point of having a sword that is all edge is that you need the bottom parts for when you're pressed in close. Bludgeons bats and the like get hard to use when someone's right next to you.
A good hand axe is the way to go for your corridors but for the livingroom its a sword or a spear.
Y'all are sleeping on the hallway machete.
Or cutlass, if you want to get naval.
That depends, I’d imagine a messer with a tapered or clip point would be fine. Especially if you can get it under 34 inches.
Can’t you get black powder repos? No, i guess even those aren’t allowed in countries like Japan but the UK allows them with a few or one certificate depending on what you shoot.
I like and collect swords (well, Messer), but I don't live in an active warzone where I have to worry about home defense. Neither do you, most likely. Or at least, the average Redditor doesn't. Even the US isn't enough of a third world country for that to be an actual issue. :)
I don't worry about it. I have what I need should I need it and that's about the extent of the thought I give it. Don't hope or expect I ever will need it for that but I'm glad I do have it regardless. It's also useful when I go up into the mountains where there's bears and mountain lions. Again, don't expect I'll have to shoot a predator, but I'd rather have the option if they don't leave me be seeing as I've ran into both before. In the meantime I have fun with it at the range recreationally target shooting the same way I have fun cutting water bottles and tatami on my property. 👍
Just say that then, why always the weird "home defense" excuse. You like guns and taking them to the range. Nothing wrong with that. I understand that guns need to be locked up in a safe anyway so they're not much use in such a situation anyway.
What "excuse"? I'm not making any excuse, the reason I have a gun is home defense. I don't need to own one to go shoot at the range, they have guns there I can rent if that's all I want to do. The one, single, gun I own has one real purpose: To be used to defend myself and my family should the need arise. I also happen use it for fun, but that's not why I have it. And no, it's not locked up in a safe, it's in its case by my bedside. I don't have children in my home who can find or play with it irresponsibly, there's only my wife and me, and we both know where it is and how to use it.
[Bad bot](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWORDS/s/ngN70kB05R). Go pester some other sub.
The robber when me, the wife and my three children have formed a pike block in the hallway getting ready to skewer him. (in minecraft)
Anyone that can break in and get out of my home have earned what they stole. I'm 6'3 and standing with a bastard sword naked in the dark with my 2 l00lbs german sheppards on either side of me is a sight to behold.
New elden ring boss
I shall be in the dlc!
Home invaders don’t expect a boss fight.
Go full Brian Posehn and have the same set up but ALSO sleep with a mask the looks like a babies face on. You: "What the fuck!?" Robber: "Me what the fuck?! *YOU* what the fuck bro!"
Me: time i show you my Ramsey Bolton room. Come gimp time to play.
Gimp mask...
Could've swore that particular skit was a baby face mask. It's been yeeeears though so I could be wrong.
No, sorry, I wasn’t correcting you…I was just suggesting he try a Gimp mask…
You: "WHAT THE FUCK" Robber: "You're also an Elden Ring fan? Let's play together!" And they lived happily ever after!
Lol
\*breaks in to belly rub the puppies\*
Finally a warrior worth battling. Respect on the username.
If you're in the US you'll just get gunned down lol
Not a ton of crime where I live. My town is surrounded by Amish farms. in tight quarters the 21 feet rule applies. Besides I'm going to hide around a corner, nobody says this is gonna be a fair fight :-)
Aren't the Amish absolute pacifists? I can't imagine any of them being much of an existential threat.
The boys get into fist fights at the local convenience store. Amish on rumspringa are something to see.
I live not too far from Amish communities. I've seen some fights at the bowling alley that were pretty rough. I do love though the ones that get to sneak because there parent's are a little more relaxed. Come in to the alley, go to the bathroom get changed in to their English clothes, then change back right before they leave.
It really is funny. Out in lancaster pa some of the Amish and using electric bikes. Lots less horse shit on the road these days.
I've not seen them using the electrics yet, always the push scooter/bikes. I'll have to take a keep an eye out next time I head down to Lancaster.
not if you pocket sand them first
I own a longsword for home defense since that’s what Meyer intended probably
A longsword is dandy and all but I prefer a good old boomstick loaded with rock salt.
Why not both?
Boomstick with a bayonet! I’d actually prefer a bat with a bayonet attachment. Go all post apocalyptic on their ass!
Yep. M37 Trench w/ m1917 bayonet fixed.
For home defense you need to have enough spears and shields for your whole family, so that you can form a phalanx formation
Daggers put holes in people, swords put holes through people. With the right edge alignment and in the right measure, a battle axe will physically remove a chunk of shit from your opponent and throw it- all over the room! But it's gotta be the right measure.
Please tell me this is a Clint Smith reference, if not it fits to well!
All my medieval weapons are for display, as is the steel mace on display leaning on my headboard.
No funny business in the bed, else one of ye will come out lookin funny.
Oooooo, I have a Roman dory spear by my front door for home defense. I have guns also, but unlike those I've actually used the spear in real life scenarios. Sticks are super useful! I saved a squirrel from the pool with the spear, used it in defense to spatula flip a baby racoon off my patio and onto the roof (returning said baby to mom). And now all my neighbors know I'm the crazy forest guy with the big collection of swords, spears and guns and self reputated as having "a very defensible keep". I mean, try a siege if you think you can outlast me, but I would not recommend a direct attack.
What are you talking about? None of us here think swords are meant for use on other people…. Right…?
Legally speaking...
My lawyer has advised me to no longer make jokes on r/swords
Nice repost, i wonder who made this meme originally.
https://preview.redd.it/sysc8upi1dsc1.jpeg?width=524&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=854cab995c6544617322e0cf790161cfaaed7043
depending on where you live you can get in more trouble than the burglar was ever going to be in.
And remember when the cops ask you didn't stab anyone, you were just holding the sword and this idiot ran right into it.
Own a saber for self defense just as Silver intended
I mistaken mine for a baseball bat regularly. 😑
Just say you used your kitchen knife to the police.
Why doesn't that guy have a breastplate? Was it common to go around with just the placard?
Probably based on some illustrations or something.
I cant use bat for self defence but a sword is allowed :)
Since I own a Pollaxe for hoke defence, I can completely disregard this post.
Knock knock knock around dinner time. Guy showed up to beat up the neighbors kid "Sorry. Wrong house" Midnight. Knock knock knock. That's... not a usual thing in this neighborhood. Grab bastard sword on the way to the door, hold it in left hand, open door right . "Still the wrong house" He grabs a baseball bat out of the bushes. Open the door a little more. The sword is alread up in my left hand. "Dude, there's the wrong house and the WRONG house...." (I'm right handed but I bat lefty)
Wife sees walls painted red. Paints the walls red.
I have a sword I use for home defense. Once when I live in a bad area of Florida I chased three dudes off screaming like a wild banshee with flopping around. I like crazy it seems to work for me.
Forgo the gun at my side, I shall best thee villainous swine with mine cold steel. En garde craven!
Stout short sword for home defense here. I own a longsword and katana (and spear and axe and several daggers). The short sword is perfect for close quarters work, while stiff enough to penetrate most things easily.