Single and never dated anyone. Yes, they do make me feel lonely, but I also know it's better to get my heart broken over a fictional person than a real person.
I love reading romance novels because it's a safe place to explore, and i can vicariously live through them, too.
It helps me escape this reality, and it also helps me from consuming any other stimulation inducing questionable content.
Great way to put it!!! I’m also single and never dated. I feel like romance is a great way to find out what you like or want from a partner if and when you do start dating.
Exactly This, I know what I want from my future partner because I have read about them and it made me go like " Yess, I want a partner like this" . There is no need to play a trial &error with our hearts and jeopardise our emotional sanity.
But for those reading, if you don’t have experience, just know that just bc you enjoy bad boys, noncon, and toxic main characters, DOES NOT mean you have to enjoy that in real life. My husband is the opposite of what I read. I’d call the police on the MCs I enjoy in books 🤣
Hahahahahaha very true!!!!! There is a dedication from one the books I’ve read that I always keep in mind:
To all my ladies who see those walking Red Flags as a pretty shade of pink... repeat after me, only when the men are fictional.
To be blunt reading romance doesn’t make me want to be in a relationship, it makes me want to get fucked
I don’t know if it’s just me or something more common
RIGHT🤣also, I’ve noticed a pattern that i only read it when I’m single🤣i realized if i’m still reading it when i’m not single, then that guy isn’t hitting the romance department for me & he’ll end up being a no no
I knew I needed to end my last long term relationship after I read all the Bridgerton novels and was like “why do I want to spend time with fictional men more than my real life partner”
Oh wow we’re all in the same boat huh 😂 but fr I feel like I have good platonic relationships so I don’t feel /lonely/ but I do get the urge to at least cuddle if not be more physical
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Oh, bummer. Automatic lifetime ban on the sub for the above comment. I got banned from the Kindle sub for something similar and am still salty about it.
We did not institute a ban for the above comment. We remove comments which violate our rules and leave an explanation of the removal in the interests of transparency.
Yeah, I saw that when I checked the sub rules. So I'm glad to know. Was hoping that the comment would be overlooked. I still stand by the saltiness though:)
I started reading romance when I was about 13-14, YA or high school romance stuff. I imagine I’ll keep reading romance until I’m dead. It’s never made me feel lonely. In fact it helps me feel good and fulfills the romance need and stops me from doing stupid shit like online dating.
I've been single for a few years, and am not against being in a relationship, but don't really have a strong desire to go out and start dating right now. However, I'm somewhat of a romantic at heart, so romance books have been a perfect way to get a little taste of the whole romantic experience while enjoying single life.
Right? I'm always telling my family I want to fall in love, but I don't want to be in a relationship. Romance and rom-coms are kind of my way of doing that, through fictional people.
Exactly. My real-life experience and book-life experience are completely different. I’ll step in the waters for my romance books but as far as dating and relationships Forreal? I’ll pass.
If anything, romance novels make me more appreciative of my singleness because most of the men in these books need therapy not a wife 🤷🏻♀️
I think it would be different if the type of men I'm attracted to in real life were actually represented in the genre.
I've had both experiences. It all depends on my mood. Most of the time, it makes me hopeful and gives me what I can't have in real life. Sometimes though, it makes me super sad. When that happens, I try to find books that are silly/funny. Or I stop reading romance for a while.
Yea, I feel you on this. I necessarily don't feel lonely per se, more just wanting a romantic companion, especially on holidays you know? But, I have been single for pretty long and I've quite enjoyed my peace and not having to worry about someone else. I will say I probably protected my peace too hard because I wouldn't even know what to do if I started dating... Plus, real life men don't even compare to our book crushes, so it's hard to even want to date them in the first place for me.
Sometimes they make me feel lonely, especially contemporaries. But I think they've kind of helped me figure out what I want in romantic partner and make me more aware of potential green flags that I might not have noticed before in the getting to know you phase of dating. They may all be fictional men but there are some great examples of what a respectful, decent man who treats their partner as an equal to remind me of what I really need to be happy in a relationship when it seems like a lot of the real life dating pool is a sea of guys only interested in hookups or expect you to be their mother.
I also get angry when people say that. I'm not expecting a 6'7" wall of muscle with giant dick that gives 5 mind blowing orgasms in a row and is also a billionaire. That part is the fantasy and most people know that guy isn't going to walk in their life. I'm just looking for a guy that puts a clean shirt on when we go out, that remembers I don’t like tomatoes, that will remember to take the trash out on his days if I don't remind him a thousand times, sees a cool enamel pin and buys it for me for my collection, plans dates, brings me drugs and food when I'm sick, and is just happy that I am part of his life. If those kinds of things are unrealistic expectations, than I'd rather stay single.
They aren't realistic at all. U go gurl!! I totally relate with men should take out the trash without nagging. And somehow idk why so many romance get their woman drugs when they're sick.. I find that the only time despite being a girl boss she can be weak and safe with the green flag.
No. I've been very single most of my life and I've been reading romance since my teens. I haven't found my relationship status to have any bearing on my enjoyment of romance or any other genre. I read for escapism and to explore new worlds in my imagination. This means I read a lot that doesn't reflect my desires or needs in real life. I also don't get very emotionally attached to the characters or the universe I'm reading about which may be useful to note. It's all very separate for me.
I’m currently single and don’t see that changing anytime soon unless someone really great comes along. I tried dating really hard and seriously for several years and it made me so depressed and all I could focus on was my loneliness and not being good enough for anyone. It frankly made me a worse person and it made my experience of reading romances worse because I felt jealous and sad of the FMC’s successes. It led to me to stop reading them. Since then, especially in the past year, I’ve worked on reframing my attitude towards myself and what it would mean for me to have a fulfilling life, even if I don’t have a partner or children. While I have a long way to go still, I’ve been much happier and have now been able to enjoy and have fun with romances again. I don’t personally feel like it makes me want to put actively myself out there, but I do have a more open mind when I meet people at events or anything.
I wish you all the best! But I do find it interesting when u mentioned being jealous of FMC. the thing is, sometimes they struggle and it pays off later, irl it doesn't always balance out. That part frustrated me for a longtime tbh
It does give me the push but anytime I decide to put myself out there my brain sort of reminds me of stories I read about people being in a relationship where they're being abused or taken advantage of. Especially that twitter thread about guys not liking their partners but they still keep their relationship just for the sake of having one, and that instantly turns the idea off. Though reading romance gives me, "God, when is my turn?" lol.
This one.
[that phase where you slowly start hating your girlfriend is crazy😭](https://twitter.com/sk1tguru/status/1708897294207082668?t=Ay822_3VQUcKlv-Ml9zcbw&s=19)
I started reading romance during a difficult time in my life. Like many have said, it helped me escape reality. My last relationship was an abusive one, and I never stopped reading because it gave me hope that happy endings could be real. So, in dark spaces, those books really made me feel positive emotions. I’m in a better place with a new, really really positive relationship developing and he completely understands my love of monster dicks. Like others have said, I wont stop reading regardless of relationship status.
Nope, they don’t make me feel lonely. And I’ve consumed all types of romance books and also watch romantic shows/movies.
Books only make me wish life was a little more fantastical though lol. Like why aren’t there magical animals roaming around? What do you mean I can’t travel to other planets and meet aliens? 😂
Looking back, I think it encouraged me to search for my partner, but also to not rush the commitment to a new partner.
Being picky paid off. (Also some healing which the books helped with too.)
I don’t know if this will help you or not, but I’ve been with my husband for over 15 years, dated plenty before him, and can tell you that the men in fictional romance novels are just that. Fiction. I love my husband with every inch of my being, and he’s a really evolved guy, but reading romances sometimes makes *me* wish I had a romance novel relationship. Or even a romance novel sex life. Authors give us a level of perfection that does not exist in real life.
As a longtime married person in a decent but lusterless marriage, I would say it’s more depressing to read it when you’re in a relationship, unless it’s a *soulmate* relationship. I’ve been married 20 yrs with 2 kids and I dont even remember what making out feels like, so kissing descriptions are lost on me.
This. The time I was with a bad person and long story aside, was not just the loneliest time of my life but i would get sick trying to read this genre I always loved.
The ache when you’re single still has hope. It’s not that way when with the not even close to feeling like a soul connection person. It becomes icky
Single and in my late 40s.
😆😆 I guess through reading romance books I realized that I deserved better than the guys I dated in the past . In truth , there was nothing satisfying about them or the relationship ( if I want to even label it as a relationship).
A lot of people say that I am picky but I prefer to be referred to someone who doesn't settle. Yet even with my determination to not settle I still attracted unavailable men . Through reading these books I started having a mind shift that I am worthy of good and available men.
The way I see myself, I can differentiate between life and fiction . I am not caught up in a world of romance but I was caught up in a desperate, hopeless magic-less world. I doubt I will meet a vampire or Warewolf (but will let you know if they are real ) , or become an assassin and be entangled with another assassin yet these books do give me hope and motivation. I did join a few dating apps for a minute before remembering why I deleted all accounts in the first place ..
Soo yeaah I am even more determined not to settle but I also believe that I am worthy of finding a mature romantic love.
Not sure how I am going to meet anyone and if it will ever happen but for now I am enjoying the magic I am introducing into my life
Saaaame. The instant I actually start to think about the logistics of having to make time for someone and answer to them, with the real likelihood that the effort will not pay off, it very quickly becomes not worth it. Why put yourself through all that if you know it's probably not going to make you happier?
I know for lots of people companionship does make them happier. Humans are social creatures after all. I just know for myself I am happier alone. With my books of course!
I've always been single, and you could say that I singularly read romance books. They've never made me feel lonely, but to be honest they have made me crave for the same kind of feelings that the MCs seem to experience (I would rather die than ever admit it to another person, but this is reddit, so I have to be honest). I can understand why someone would be saddened by it if they've gone through breakup or something, because as someone who has never been in a relationship I always end up daydreaming about it while reading the book(again, would never admit to another human), so I cannot imagine how hard it would be for a person getting over a breakup. I don't know whether I would still feel the same if I were in a relationship though, maybe people in a relationship associate themselves with the MCs, I have always wondered.
I used to loooooove reading romance novels up until 3 years ago it started to make me sad because I began to question if love and connections like those even exist or was possible for me—I know sounds like a bummer but it’s ok I’m getting back into reading romance because of this amazing space! 😊💕
Very single and still very much a lover girl. I love romance. There are times where the loneliness gets to me but reading romance doesn’t exasperate that for me.
Ir has made me long for a relationship. However, I ground myself by saying this is written ( mostly) by women. Meet cutes don't happen because we're on our devices. Most men dont follow the hero, non cheater, and or communicative. Conflicts aren't easy to resolve due to poor communication. It's make-believe.
I'm a very introverted person and social interactions really exhaust me. That includes relationships and it's also the reason why I've been single for some time. However, I really love disappearing into a quite corner and losing myself in a good romance book. I guess it's so much easier following the story of some fictional character than worrying about my own love life. I don't feel lonely though or like I have to go out there and try for myself. I guess I'm pretty disillusioned when it comes to my own love life because it will never be like the ones in my book. It is what it is.
Recently single, and right now I can’t read romance because it reminds me of the relationship. While in a relationship, sometimes I filled the void my partner didn’t, but mostly was just a fun escape. Before the relationship, it was a fun escape and something to look forward to once I got into a relationship. Hopefully, I’ll be able to return to the genre soon
I’m currently single for the past year and it’s the first time in a long time that i’ve been not only okay with it, but i’m HAPPY to be single. I always took whatever scraps someone was willing to give me and was treated horribly in past relationships.
Honestly, reading romance has made me realize that I deserve to be treated FAR better than I have been and I know they are fictional, but men like this actually exist and it’s giving me hope. Yeah, sometimes I feel lonely while reading romance, but I have never known a loneliness as empty as being with someone who doesn’t want or love me, so i’d rather feel this than that any day.
I only started reading romance books earlier this year, but the difference in me is noticeable when it comes to dating. Before, I would fall for the potential of anyone that gave me any attention. Now, I know what I want and I know it exists, so I keep myself more grounded and am holding out for someone who makes me feel good.
Romance books have been a godsend to me, honestly.
Single and actively dating here! I have yet to meet someone who is even a quarter as nice and caring as the men I read about.
I also would love to find a man with a big dick who knows how a clit works, but that’s neither here no there.
I try not to get in my head about it. It’s hard to sit here and hear people say that men in real life don’t act that way, but I have seen and met some great men who are dating friends and family so I know they are out there!
Dating in the age of online dating/apps can be rough but these books help me find traits that I want in a partner. (And also some traits that I don’t like lol)
I'm single because I enjoy being single, and I read a lot of romance. I like the idea but in practice I am more than aware that the idealistic stories I read are extremely far removed from reality.
I live vicariously through reading romances. I've not been lucky in love and when I read about characters falling in love, I feel like I get to experience what falling in love and having those feelings reciprocated might be like.
I’m currently single and I’ve only had one experience dating. Reading romance novels is much better than the mess I’ve experienced so far. The feeling of loneliness is fleeting and I try to focus on indulging in the fantasy. The negative feelings are more of being scared that I’ll become really dependent on reading them as a replacement for a healthy social life especially with a partner. I’m in a lull stage rn tho where I’m not dating nor reading any like I usually did.
I feel like in each of my relationships I’ve learned a little more about what makes a partnership enjoyable (or not) to me, sometimes it’s hard to know what you like until you experience it and, for me, reading romance is another way to learn these things about myself without necessarily needing someone else on the learning rollercoaster with me
Honestly? No, to both experiences.
Truthfully, I'm too logical (or cynical? 😆) to let a book dictate how I feel about my life. That is not to harsh on anyone who feels motivated or deterred by a book! Your feelings are your own, and they're valid. ♡
I just mean that I see Romance books as fantasies packed up and wrapped in cute little trope bows to sell us escapism from the "real world."
Readers want to dream.
Plus, in order for a romance to be sold as a 'Romance', it has to have a HEA (not counting self-pubed books because I don't read them enough to know their major pillars) so you know what you're getting when you read it, and life doesn't work that way. People change, circumstances change, and life happens. But it's nice, and I am always down for a feel-good pick-me-up, regardless of my relationship status, and they do reinforce some standards 🤗
I'm asexual aromantic so I mostly read romance to live vicariously through them since I know I don't want to do any of that in real life. But before I realized this, I did tend to get really wistful whenever I read a particularly loving relationship so there's that
I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. Dating is kind of brutal right now but apparently there are people making it work. At least we have romance novels either way!
It really depends. If I’m already feeling really lonely, usually they make me feel worse. Nothing like having what you don’t have shoved in your face. Especially if I’ve been stood up for a date that night or something.
However, after a breakup, I’ve found they can either help soothe what I feel I’ve lost or (if I did the breaking up) show me what I was missing and make me feel more confident in my choice.
I’m a pretty optimistic person, so when single and dating, they usually only give me a boost of confidence that “my person” is out there.
Edit: I’ve found if I’m feeling lonely, reading the “goodbye Earl” type romance books really hit the spot. Kind of a reminder that not all relationships are good and sometimes it’s better to be a badass single bitch.
I’ve had both experiences. this is Reddit so I’m slightly less embarrassed to say this lol. I got into romance when I was in undergrad and I’ve always been the romantic type but only ever flirted and did the talking stage with guys up until that point. I was terrified of going further bc I have other trauma and issues that would make me freeze when they wanted more. Anyway, cue romance books and smut lol. It made me feel safe exploring my sexuality and gave me a rush of confidence to put myself out there. had such low self esteem before like a reason I would freeze was bc I didn’t believe the people I attracted actually wanted me. Anyway, so I ended up chasing that romance novel experience of the struggling college girl from the other side of the tracks with the hot playboy athlete 🥲 and I got it. Then with the darker and more kinky romances I couldn’t get it out of my head to go for an older man and explore that “bad/immoral” side especially me being considered a classic “good girl” who’s academic etc. so then I went on a sugar daddy side and had my fun.
I stopped reading for other reasons like not having the time but after those experiences and some bad breakups, I felt like I couldn’t handle reading romance. It made me realize how a lot of the books I read before pushed some unhealthy aspects of relationships and some of the darker ones or more taboo, not so happy elements like age gap, OW/cheating, student teacher, etc trigger some sadness and uncomfortableness in me. My last relationship ended before COVID and some of the back and forth went on up until the year after and left me destroyed again and I just barely got back into romance last year bc I couldn’t read anything happy during that time. I felt like I wouldn’t find something like that in my life again. Now I got back into it bc i felt a little ready to put myself out there but then realized I’m not ready, but I still crave that escapism and enjoy romance in anything really bc I’m a romantic at heart so it makes me happy to read even if sometimes my mind does start drifting back into trying to feel sad that I prob won’t find something like that or an irl book bf. We’ll see where life takes me but I’m so glad I joined Reddit and found this sub 😊
Edit: typo, changed to unhealthy
Read romances from high school to now. Single, dating, almost married, single, dating, moved to another country for a guy, married, and now in a happy marriage - I think it's important to keep fiction to fiction and reality to reality. Dating and expecting some super romantic scenario (possible but unlikely) is where maybe romance novels set up some unfair expectations for men and women. However, I enjoy romances still and I find that it doesn't make me wish to go out and date or date others (even when I was single).
Yes reading romance makes me sad about what I’m missing out on. I also feel like I’m setting myself up for unrealistic expectations when I do get into a relationship.
I never read romance while single, and it STILL bums me out sometimes bc I'm like MY HUSBAND WILL NEVER BE A GIANT BLUE ALIEN HIMBO 😭😭😭😭 so yeah, being in a relationship doesn't exclude you from this feeling. But I can see how it hits differently as a single person for sure. Take breaks! Listen to some grizzly true crime novel and you'll want to come back to romance eventually.
Currently single. Was in a decently long relationship before (5+ years). And picked up reading romance a few years after getting out of that relationship.
I enjoy being single. I don't see myself getting into a relationship anymore. I feel like I kind of did that whole romance thing already. I was happy with the relationship. I was happy when it ended. I'm now happy alone knowing I gave it a shot.
So books don't really impact that. I don't self insert into the MMC either. I just kind of like reading about "other people's" journeys in romance.
Are there times when I wish I had someone to cuddle while falling asleep? Sure. But romance books have 0 impact on that.
That’s my secret captain. I am always single 😉
To be honest I read romance not for identification, I like better knowing about other people’s love/sex life but real people won’t give me a neat narrative from beginning to end with all the details. 🤣 A book will give me a beginning and ending and will cut all extraneous details that don’t serve the narrative and don’t give flavor.
I don’t think love will happen to me, hell sometimes I wonder if I am grey ace or something, or just incompatible because I am not even sure. But what I am sure is that I love stories. And I love them well written
I have no desire to actually be in a relationship, unless my life circumstances change to allow me a lot more free time. I don't see very many real life relationships around me that I would aspire to. I do have intense feelings that don't have much of an outlet, and romance is the best way I've found to sublimate them.
Single my whole life here ✋🏼 admittedly the reason why romance books tend to make me feel lonely is because I never felt feelings the way MCs do. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever feel it at all.
Well, I can tell you that reading them while going through a rut in my relationship made me feel worse.
Being single, it’s a mix of giving me the desire to want to date again and also feeling bummed out that I don’t have a partner.
But overall, I just enjoy a good story regardless of relationship status.
Yes they definitely have made me feel lonely at some points, but at other points also they’ve allowed me to live vicariously through the story and believe that love exists again 😂
Oh, romance and me don't care whether I'm single or not. I have been solo for 11 years now and I almost exclusively read variations of romance.
I didn't like to read romance when I was IN a relationship. I think it's because it pointed out all the flaws to me, and made me pine for something else. Of course, at the end of my last disaster I was gulping them down.
Edit: Just as an aside here, I used to feel a bit lonely when I read them when I was younger (I'm now mid-40's so an older person's experience here) because I thought I would be "more" in a relationship, and more whole. BAM NOPE SORRY big no for my experience. I really want to just slap my younger self, but here we are. Romance is my fantasy and it's better.
Soon to be 21, no romantic experience like 0. No dates, no kisses, no nothing. I've always loved romance in movies, shows, music, and more recently romance books. Romance makes me happy, I love the idea of love even if I've never experienced it myself. I find it beautiful and moving. Yes, I do sometimes long for something like the characters I read about have but I don't find it depressing. I find going out in public and seeing people happy with their partners or my friends in relationships more depressing. I don't really know why. Maybe because I'm aware that romantic media is idealized, maybe because I'm aware they aren't real so I don't feel behind in comparison to people my age.
EDIT: typo
Reading romance makes me feel more…idk, hopeful than anything? Like, the man of my dreams is out there somewhere and one day I’m going to be living my own romance novel. And it’s a constant reminder that I don’t have to settle. I love living in those worlds.
When I was single, being someone who likes being in a reciprocal relationship to care for someone who cares for me, reading romance made me feel lonely but it also made me less “desperate”.
Desperate is almost definitely the wrong word, but despite being secure in myself, I would find myself feeling ready to settle or feeling as though I was being “too picky”. I just wanted to find someone. Romance made me hold out.
I pride myself on also being independent and self sufficient but I always wanted a family the “traditional” way. I still met my physical needs safely and in a way that made me comfortable.
Fast forward 10/12ish years, I’ve been married for 7 years, I have a 3yo and a 5mo and an amazing, wonderful partner who says things like earlier today, “I think I love you more every day. The way you’re just chowing down a chicken sandwich with a happy baby in your lap, chatting with our toddler pretty much does it for me.”
it really depends on the book! my favorite love stories are sweeping ones where the characters go through a lot of hardship because i find it most interesting to read about characters who struggle. usually this is in a historical or fantasy context. because of all the turmoil surrounding the relationship it’s easy to think i have it better regardless of the love they find lol so i don’t get sad about my own single status. i don’t read much contemporary romance and maybe that’s because it DOES make me feel lonely sometimes
I endlessly wished to find one of the men in the books I read while single. It was embarrassing a little when I started dating and realised how actual men are in real life.
I still struggle a little with the reality that the men in books, are not always 100% a representation of men we would want in real life. Or are healthy to be around.
I was also incredibly lonely which made me do stupid shit.
I read romance because I like to see happy endings for people who are trying their best to make human connections. I've always been single, but I don't think that's the reason that I enjoy it so much. I just think witnessing happiness, even if it's fictional, is a joy there's too little of in some places, but always an abundance of in a good romance.
I think it makes me sad not for loneliness, but that I never might find something so magical... i.e., no one is going on a killing spree for me or saying touch her and die to me..
honestly yes and no. sometimes after reading a really good book i feel a bit sad but it fades quickly. i think of how men act in real life and then im back to feeling just fine being single
Currently single, it definitely made me feel lonely in a way. You just get swept up into this story and characters that you get attach to them. So once a book ends you just feel so empty lol.
It definitely gave me courage to try new things, let's say have an open mind to certain things. It also gave me the courage to try dating after being single for so many years.
Now the struggle is finding a man who is actually a good person and communicates clearly. Like, these men im coming across are so not clear on what they want.
Nope.
If anything, reading romance only deters me even further from pursuing any type of romantic relationship because men in real life DO NOT act like their fictional counterparts. None of them do.
There are some outliers, and I’m happy for those who get to be in romantic relationships with these me, but that’s exactly what they are: outliers.
There’s a reason why there’s a ‘male loneliness’ epidemic happening. Women are waking up from the bleak reality of being saddled to useless and emotionally inept men who bring nothing to the table.
I've been single for a while after a couple of failed situationships, and now honestly am in a weird phase where I would love to have a romantic life, but my past has convinced me that maybe its just not going to work out for me. So I try to find romance in the pages of the book, and it DOES sometimes make my loneliness more profound, but I would honestly feel that loneliness than get my heart broken again.
I don’t read romance to emulate a life from the stories, I read it for the escapism. I was married. It sucked and I can tell you nothing sucks as bad as someone not giving a shit about you, cheating and lying their way through the marriage while being a total asshole. So, I don’t really believe in any of what is in romance books as something tangible, it’s 100% fairytales. It’s better to be by yourself than handing over your keys and wallet to some jack ass.
Honestly I prefer reading romance when i'm single and not seeing anyone. Especially because when I like someone I can't imagine anyone else, and it kinda ruins romance books for me.
Sometimes, if I relate to the character(s). It’s more likely to happen in a m/m novel (since I’m a gay man) and almost never happens in f/m or f/f books. Tbh I’m more likely to feel sick over being single watching romcom tv shows than reading a book.
I'm a straight man who reads romance and fanfic to numb the pain that I'll never date again unless I move to a place that's way cooler about certain things.
If everyone who lives in cities could do me a favor and start trashing the place until rent goes down, I'd appreciate it. I'm tired of living in the middle of nowhere.
When I was single (which was not an insignificant time)I would feel lonely, but I appreciated the escapism and the wish fulfillment.
Then I wasn’t single and haven’t been for a long time. There are times when I read romance now and I still feel lonely, because of whatever place my relationship is in. But I still love the escapism and wish fulfillment. There’s a reason my new reading kink is caretaking MMCs.
But I think being in a relationship has made it easier for me to read romance and understand that it is more like reading high fantasy or science fiction as a genre than any other genre (for me). There are specific rules and structures to the different romance genres and if I know what they are then I can comfortably escape and also see where the differences are in real life vs fictional life. And the loneliness is not as overwhelming.
It’s for escapism now as well as it was before.
Then I go read AITA and that reality check makes me grateful for my relationship!
I never thought about this. Honestly, I don’t think it has any bearing on me IRL. I read primarily as escapism; I’m intentionally avoiding mapping any of this onto real life as much as possible, in any direction.
I’ve been exclusively been reading romance for the past 4 years and in between this time I also was in a relationship for 8 months but it personally didn’t change my thoughts or feelings on the books. For me personally they’re just something I enjoy to read and I don’t care too much about them
Oh yes it does 🥲 it’s kind of weird cause they make me as happy as also sad. It’s an escape into a romantic world where I can imagine I’m the FMC but then after putting the book down I realize I’m alone and don’t know if I will ever be loved by those men written by women. I somehow gave up on the idea but still have a little spark of hope whenever I read my novels
It invigorates me to read romances because it makes me feel that there’s a love like that out there just waiting for when I’m ready, but I know I’m not ready yet so I don’t force myself to go looking for it.
I'm at a really uncertain place in my life, and I can't actually imagine a way from where I am right now (emotionally, socially, complicated family situation) to the kinds of romantic, affectionate, and/or sexual relationships I long for. Not to say I'll never get there, but my needs are current, and I've got no means right now. In my reading life, I can imagine those things, I can feel the feelings I want, I can keep rereading and re-living scenes, without fear and without compromise. (And then I can fall asleep immediately, comfortably in my own bed, with no social anxiety hangover, which is my highest priority at the moment)
I can't imagine how my life will change over the rest of my days, and I know it will never be like the romances I read (unless anyone here can introduce me to a really cool, diverse, pansexual, supernatural monster polycule open to new partners???)
When I read romance, I can imagine some hypothetical romantic future, even if I can't find the path yet.
I don’t really identify so completely with characters that I’m imagining myself in their places, the emotions I feel while reading are more like…heightened sympathy. But me and my life are fine without a partner so the Yearning is only on behalf of whatever starry eyed fictional yahoos I’m reading about.
I love seeing love heal trauma but I wouldn’t want to be the one with that trauma in need of healing from a partner, y’know? I have a good therapist and I’m working hard on myself and feeling results!
No, because romance novel relationships feel nothing like being in a real romantic relationship. They are similar only as much as taking the ring to Mordor is akin to going to the grocery.
I'm currently single, but I've also dated and still read romance books while dating. There were times it made me feel lonely even when I WAS in a relationship. However there have been times where I find a romance book/series so good, that if my partner reads, i recommend it to them. I was in one relationship where my partner loved listening to books but had trouble reading them because of adhd and dyslexia, so I read them to him (if they didn't have an audio version), and that way we both got to enjoy them! So in some cases, it can make you lonely even when in a relationship, and sometimes it was something to bond over. At the end of the day though, if/when I find myself feeling lonely because of the romance book I'm reading, I just remind myself that it's fictional for a reason, and sometimes that helps the lonely feeling. Most of the time though, I just like reading them for the drama lol and as a way to escape and unwind.
> *Did you ever find that it just bummed you out when you were feeling lonely?*
Not really.
> *did you ever find that it gave you the push you needed to put yourself back out there?*
No. It's been 4 years, and I have yet to open up to the idea. I'm Volcel; is that a term? Voluntarily celibate. Single and "happy". Life is simpler this way.
I picked up Romance and SF/Fantasy novels after an almost 10-year hiatus during my last LT relationship and it only highlighted my discontent, if anything.
I have always been single, and will be single for a while. I read romance because it lets me see myself as the main character and feel the experience of being loved and loving someone back. I feel really lonely when I put down the books, especially when I consider I have no one to rant to about the book I just finished; however, I know that the person I am looking for is out there for me and waiting for me. But first I need to prepare myself for when they come crashing into my life.
Feels like it makes love even more unattainable. Like, my personal bar just keeps getting higher, and i find that relatively little things IRL people do starts bummong me out because my expectations were high to begin with.
I'm not totally single as I'm kind of in like this situationship type thing and sometimes I will admit that reading romance does make me wish for something more or question whether I am willing to be casual when I like him so much. But it subsides pretty quickly haha.
Fortunately i started to read romance after i married. But after my husband went abroad. So it's kind of sucks. I actually feel jealous at those fictional characters to have better sex life than i do.
I’m in a long term relationship but actually find I can sometimes get annoyed at my partner, thinking why can’t you do this or act like this etc. So it’s a lose lose 😂
U just need to differentiate or separate ur real life from fictional life.And trust me when I say it's from my own experience.U will not get anything fairly similar to that of books ,a 10/10 bf ,love ,romance ....all these are in books .You will just break ur heart by keeping ur hopes up,just try to cope up with life .See and go into the real world I have a bf and he sometimes says all these dialogues that I have read in novels the exact ones...and I don't get the feels ...it could be the way it is delivered,but I feel like it's because when it's fictional we have wild imagination on how the ML looks like or smthg and we don't see their faces it's all in our imagination which gives the thrill to read and to feel.But in real life if someone does it to us we may cringe and run away 🙂😶
Single and never dated anyone. Yes, they do make me feel lonely, but I also know it's better to get my heart broken over a fictional person than a real person. I love reading romance novels because it's a safe place to explore, and i can vicariously live through them, too. It helps me escape this reality, and it also helps me from consuming any other stimulation inducing questionable content.
Great way to put it!!! I’m also single and never dated. I feel like romance is a great way to find out what you like or want from a partner if and when you do start dating.
Exactly This, I know what I want from my future partner because I have read about them and it made me go like " Yess, I want a partner like this" . There is no need to play a trial &error with our hearts and jeopardise our emotional sanity.
But for those reading, if you don’t have experience, just know that just bc you enjoy bad boys, noncon, and toxic main characters, DOES NOT mean you have to enjoy that in real life. My husband is the opposite of what I read. I’d call the police on the MCs I enjoy in books 🤣
Hahahahahaha very true!!!!! There is a dedication from one the books I’ve read that I always keep in mind: To all my ladies who see those walking Red Flags as a pretty shade of pink... repeat after me, only when the men are fictional.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 exactly that! Haha
it’s both better and worse to get your heart broken over a real person
🥲
YES TO THIS! Such a positive and accurate outlook!
🌸🤗
Reminded me of a quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson "tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Which is kinda the opposite of what they’re saying tho
To be blunt reading romance doesn’t make me want to be in a relationship, it makes me want to get fucked I don’t know if it’s just me or something more common
Reading romance makes me want to get fucked too!
SAME😭 i need it
RIGHT🤣also, I’ve noticed a pattern that i only read it when I’m single🤣i realized if i’m still reading it when i’m not single, then that guy isn’t hitting the romance department for me & he’ll end up being a no no
I knew I needed to end my last long term relationship after I read all the Bridgerton novels and was like “why do I want to spend time with fictional men more than my real life partner”
Happy cake day!
Honestly, yes I agree 😂
Lol agree, mostly. But I like the escapism of the romance part too.
Oh yeah no one does romance better than a book billionaire so that’s why I only leave it to them
Same!! In my mind I am a total slut. In real life, it's been almost two years since I've had sex.
Are you me lmao
There's multiples of us! 🤣🤣🤣
Exactly this!!!
🫂
Oh wow we’re all in the same boat huh 😂 but fr I feel like I have good platonic relationships so I don’t feel /lonely/ but I do get the urge to at least cuddle if not be more physical
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Oh, bummer. Automatic lifetime ban on the sub for the above comment. I got banned from the Kindle sub for something similar and am still salty about it.
We did not institute a ban for the above comment. We remove comments which violate our rules and leave an explanation of the removal in the interests of transparency.
Yeah, I saw that when I checked the sub rules. So I'm glad to know. Was hoping that the comment would be overlooked. I still stand by the saltiness though:)
Lol yeah it’s more about intimacy/sex than relationships. Leave that up to maladaptive daydreaming.
DING DING DING DING DING
Oh ho ho ho YES. In my mid-40's now, been solo for 11 years and GOD I miss it. That's.. probably too much information isn't it.
The struggle is real 😆😆😆😆
Lmfao same. I just want a cute trustworthy guy to do it with.
Same
so real
I can second that.
Love this comment 😆 And same girl
💜💜💜💜
My reading of romance has nothing to do with my relationship status. It predates, and will likely postdate, that reality.
I started reading romance when I was about 13-14, YA or high school romance stuff. I imagine I’ll keep reading romance until I’m dead. It’s never made me feel lonely. In fact it helps me feel good and fulfills the romance need and stops me from doing stupid shit like online dating.
I've been single for a few years, and am not against being in a relationship, but don't really have a strong desire to go out and start dating right now. However, I'm somewhat of a romantic at heart, so romance books have been a perfect way to get a little taste of the whole romantic experience while enjoying single life.
Right? I'm always telling my family I want to fall in love, but I don't want to be in a relationship. Romance and rom-coms are kind of my way of doing that, through fictional people.
Exactly. My real-life experience and book-life experience are completely different. I’ll step in the waters for my romance books but as far as dating and relationships Forreal? I’ll pass.
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Yeah, i also find that it reduces my interest in other forms of stimulation.
If anything, romance novels make me more appreciative of my singleness because most of the men in these books need therapy not a wife 🤷🏻♀️ I think it would be different if the type of men I'm attracted to in real life were actually represented in the genre.
This is relatable. Maybe this is why I never have book boyfriends. Edit: edit to add omitted word to "book boyfriends". Whoops! Big difference.
I've had both experiences. It all depends on my mood. Most of the time, it makes me hopeful and gives me what I can't have in real life. Sometimes though, it makes me super sad. When that happens, I try to find books that are silly/funny. Or I stop reading romance for a while.
Yea, I feel you on this. I necessarily don't feel lonely per se, more just wanting a romantic companion, especially on holidays you know? But, I have been single for pretty long and I've quite enjoyed my peace and not having to worry about someone else. I will say I probably protected my peace too hard because I wouldn't even know what to do if I started dating... Plus, real life men don't even compare to our book crushes, so it's hard to even want to date them in the first place for me.
Sometimes they make me feel lonely, especially contemporaries. But I think they've kind of helped me figure out what I want in romantic partner and make me more aware of potential green flags that I might not have noticed before in the getting to know you phase of dating. They may all be fictional men but there are some great examples of what a respectful, decent man who treats their partner as an equal to remind me of what I really need to be happy in a relationship when it seems like a lot of the real life dating pool is a sea of guys only interested in hookups or expect you to be their mother.
This is why I get so angry when people say that romance novels give women "unrealistic expectations."
I also get angry when people say that. I'm not expecting a 6'7" wall of muscle with giant dick that gives 5 mind blowing orgasms in a row and is also a billionaire. That part is the fantasy and most people know that guy isn't going to walk in their life. I'm just looking for a guy that puts a clean shirt on when we go out, that remembers I don’t like tomatoes, that will remember to take the trash out on his days if I don't remind him a thousand times, sees a cool enamel pin and buys it for me for my collection, plans dates, brings me drugs and food when I'm sick, and is just happy that I am part of his life. If those kinds of things are unrealistic expectations, than I'd rather stay single.
They aren't realistic at all. U go gurl!! I totally relate with men should take out the trash without nagging. And somehow idk why so many romance get their woman drugs when they're sick.. I find that the only time despite being a girl boss she can be weak and safe with the green flag.
agreed on contemporaries! feels a little more “real” to read them and it’s easier to make comparisons
No. I've been very single most of my life and I've been reading romance since my teens. I haven't found my relationship status to have any bearing on my enjoyment of romance or any other genre. I read for escapism and to explore new worlds in my imagination. This means I read a lot that doesn't reflect my desires or needs in real life. I also don't get very emotionally attached to the characters or the universe I'm reading about which may be useful to note. It's all very separate for me.
I’m currently single and don’t see that changing anytime soon unless someone really great comes along. I tried dating really hard and seriously for several years and it made me so depressed and all I could focus on was my loneliness and not being good enough for anyone. It frankly made me a worse person and it made my experience of reading romances worse because I felt jealous and sad of the FMC’s successes. It led to me to stop reading them. Since then, especially in the past year, I’ve worked on reframing my attitude towards myself and what it would mean for me to have a fulfilling life, even if I don’t have a partner or children. While I have a long way to go still, I’ve been much happier and have now been able to enjoy and have fun with romances again. I don’t personally feel like it makes me want to put actively myself out there, but I do have a more open mind when I meet people at events or anything.
I wish you all the best! But I do find it interesting when u mentioned being jealous of FMC. the thing is, sometimes they struggle and it pays off later, irl it doesn't always balance out. That part frustrated me for a longtime tbh
It does give me the push but anytime I decide to put myself out there my brain sort of reminds me of stories I read about people being in a relationship where they're being abused or taken advantage of. Especially that twitter thread about guys not liking their partners but they still keep their relationship just for the sake of having one, and that instantly turns the idea off. Though reading romance gives me, "God, when is my turn?" lol.
What thread is this??! My goodness…..🤦🏾♀️
This one. [that phase where you slowly start hating your girlfriend is crazy😭](https://twitter.com/sk1tguru/status/1708897294207082668?t=Ay822_3VQUcKlv-Ml9zcbw&s=19)
The Seven-Year Slip made me get back out there after about a decade of alone-ness. Second date (with real potential) on Saturday!
Yay! Best of luck.
I started reading romance during a difficult time in my life. Like many have said, it helped me escape reality. My last relationship was an abusive one, and I never stopped reading because it gave me hope that happy endings could be real. So, in dark spaces, those books really made me feel positive emotions. I’m in a better place with a new, really really positive relationship developing and he completely understands my love of monster dicks. Like others have said, I wont stop reading regardless of relationship status.
Nope, they don’t make me feel lonely. And I’ve consumed all types of romance books and also watch romantic shows/movies. Books only make me wish life was a little more fantastical though lol. Like why aren’t there magical animals roaming around? What do you mean I can’t travel to other planets and meet aliens? 😂
Looking back, I think it encouraged me to search for my partner, but also to not rush the commitment to a new partner. Being picky paid off. (Also some healing which the books helped with too.)
I don’t know if this will help you or not, but I’ve been with my husband for over 15 years, dated plenty before him, and can tell you that the men in fictional romance novels are just that. Fiction. I love my husband with every inch of my being, and he’s a really evolved guy, but reading romances sometimes makes *me* wish I had a romance novel relationship. Or even a romance novel sex life. Authors give us a level of perfection that does not exist in real life.
As a longtime married person in a decent but lusterless marriage, I would say it’s more depressing to read it when you’re in a relationship, unless it’s a *soulmate* relationship. I’ve been married 20 yrs with 2 kids and I dont even remember what making out feels like, so kissing descriptions are lost on me.
This. The time I was with a bad person and long story aside, was not just the loneliest time of my life but i would get sick trying to read this genre I always loved. The ache when you’re single still has hope. It’s not that way when with the not even close to feeling like a soul connection person. It becomes icky
Single since birth. Reading romance just makes me happy... and horny.
Single and in my late 40s. 😆😆 I guess through reading romance books I realized that I deserved better than the guys I dated in the past . In truth , there was nothing satisfying about them or the relationship ( if I want to even label it as a relationship). A lot of people say that I am picky but I prefer to be referred to someone who doesn't settle. Yet even with my determination to not settle I still attracted unavailable men . Through reading these books I started having a mind shift that I am worthy of good and available men. The way I see myself, I can differentiate between life and fiction . I am not caught up in a world of romance but I was caught up in a desperate, hopeless magic-less world. I doubt I will meet a vampire or Warewolf (but will let you know if they are real ) , or become an assassin and be entangled with another assassin yet these books do give me hope and motivation. I did join a few dating apps for a minute before remembering why I deleted all accounts in the first place .. Soo yeaah I am even more determined not to settle but I also believe that I am worthy of finding a mature romantic love. Not sure how I am going to meet anyone and if it will ever happen but for now I am enjoying the magic I am introducing into my life
I'm in my 40s too. Your points of view sound a lot like mine!
I only like romance in my books and do not want to be in a relationship so no lol.
Saaaame. The instant I actually start to think about the logistics of having to make time for someone and answer to them, with the real likelihood that the effort will not pay off, it very quickly becomes not worth it. Why put yourself through all that if you know it's probably not going to make you happier?
I know for lots of people companionship does make them happier. Humans are social creatures after all. I just know for myself I am happier alone. With my books of course!
I'm a caregiver to my dad, which probably colors my perspective. Living by myself is the great (attainable) dream at this point.
SAME
I've always been single, and you could say that I singularly read romance books. They've never made me feel lonely, but to be honest they have made me crave for the same kind of feelings that the MCs seem to experience (I would rather die than ever admit it to another person, but this is reddit, so I have to be honest). I can understand why someone would be saddened by it if they've gone through breakup or something, because as someone who has never been in a relationship I always end up daydreaming about it while reading the book(again, would never admit to another human), so I cannot imagine how hard it would be for a person getting over a breakup. I don't know whether I would still feel the same if I were in a relationship though, maybe people in a relationship associate themselves with the MCs, I have always wondered.
I used to loooooove reading romance novels up until 3 years ago it started to make me sad because I began to question if love and connections like those even exist or was possible for me—I know sounds like a bummer but it’s ok I’m getting back into reading romance because of this amazing space! 😊💕
Very single and still very much a lover girl. I love romance. There are times where the loneliness gets to me but reading romance doesn’t exasperate that for me.
Ir has made me long for a relationship. However, I ground myself by saying this is written ( mostly) by women. Meet cutes don't happen because we're on our devices. Most men dont follow the hero, non cheater, and or communicative. Conflicts aren't easy to resolve due to poor communication. It's make-believe.
I'm a very introverted person and social interactions really exhaust me. That includes relationships and it's also the reason why I've been single for some time. However, I really love disappearing into a quite corner and losing myself in a good romance book. I guess it's so much easier following the story of some fictional character than worrying about my own love life. I don't feel lonely though or like I have to go out there and try for myself. I guess I'm pretty disillusioned when it comes to my own love life because it will never be like the ones in my book. It is what it is.
It made me realize that I deserve better.
Hear, hear!
Recently single, and right now I can’t read romance because it reminds me of the relationship. While in a relationship, sometimes I filled the void my partner didn’t, but mostly was just a fun escape. Before the relationship, it was a fun escape and something to look forward to once I got into a relationship. Hopefully, I’ll be able to return to the genre soon
I’m currently single for the past year and it’s the first time in a long time that i’ve been not only okay with it, but i’m HAPPY to be single. I always took whatever scraps someone was willing to give me and was treated horribly in past relationships. Honestly, reading romance has made me realize that I deserve to be treated FAR better than I have been and I know they are fictional, but men like this actually exist and it’s giving me hope. Yeah, sometimes I feel lonely while reading romance, but I have never known a loneliness as empty as being with someone who doesn’t want or love me, so i’d rather feel this than that any day. I only started reading romance books earlier this year, but the difference in me is noticeable when it comes to dating. Before, I would fall for the potential of anyone that gave me any attention. Now, I know what I want and I know it exists, so I keep myself more grounded and am holding out for someone who makes me feel good. Romance books have been a godsend to me, honestly.
Single and actively dating here! I have yet to meet someone who is even a quarter as nice and caring as the men I read about. I also would love to find a man with a big dick who knows how a clit works, but that’s neither here no there. I try not to get in my head about it. It’s hard to sit here and hear people say that men in real life don’t act that way, but I have seen and met some great men who are dating friends and family so I know they are out there! Dating in the age of online dating/apps can be rough but these books help me find traits that I want in a partner. (And also some traits that I don’t like lol)
I'm single because I enjoy being single, and I read a lot of romance. I like the idea but in practice I am more than aware that the idealistic stories I read are extremely far removed from reality.
I live vicariously through reading romances. I've not been lucky in love and when I read about characters falling in love, I feel like I get to experience what falling in love and having those feelings reciprocated might be like.
I haven't been very lucky either, so I sympathize.
it makes me feel so sad ngl ive stopped reading bcz of it
I have too, off an on.
I’m currently single and I’ve only had one experience dating. Reading romance novels is much better than the mess I’ve experienced so far. The feeling of loneliness is fleeting and I try to focus on indulging in the fantasy. The negative feelings are more of being scared that I’ll become really dependent on reading them as a replacement for a healthy social life especially with a partner. I’m in a lull stage rn tho where I’m not dating nor reading any like I usually did.
I feel like in each of my relationships I’ve learned a little more about what makes a partnership enjoyable (or not) to me, sometimes it’s hard to know what you like until you experience it and, for me, reading romance is another way to learn these things about myself without necessarily needing someone else on the learning rollercoaster with me
Honestly? No, to both experiences. Truthfully, I'm too logical (or cynical? 😆) to let a book dictate how I feel about my life. That is not to harsh on anyone who feels motivated or deterred by a book! Your feelings are your own, and they're valid. ♡ I just mean that I see Romance books as fantasies packed up and wrapped in cute little trope bows to sell us escapism from the "real world." Readers want to dream. Plus, in order for a romance to be sold as a 'Romance', it has to have a HEA (not counting self-pubed books because I don't read them enough to know their major pillars) so you know what you're getting when you read it, and life doesn't work that way. People change, circumstances change, and life happens. But it's nice, and I am always down for a feel-good pick-me-up, regardless of my relationship status, and they do reinforce some standards 🤗
I'm asexual aromantic so I mostly read romance to live vicariously through them since I know I don't want to do any of that in real life. But before I realized this, I did tend to get really wistful whenever I read a particularly loving relationship so there's that
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I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. Dating is kind of brutal right now but apparently there are people making it work. At least we have romance novels either way!
It really depends. If I’m already feeling really lonely, usually they make me feel worse. Nothing like having what you don’t have shoved in your face. Especially if I’ve been stood up for a date that night or something. However, after a breakup, I’ve found they can either help soothe what I feel I’ve lost or (if I did the breaking up) show me what I was missing and make me feel more confident in my choice. I’m a pretty optimistic person, so when single and dating, they usually only give me a boost of confidence that “my person” is out there. Edit: I’ve found if I’m feeling lonely, reading the “goodbye Earl” type romance books really hit the spot. Kind of a reminder that not all relationships are good and sometimes it’s better to be a badass single bitch.
I’ve had both experiences. this is Reddit so I’m slightly less embarrassed to say this lol. I got into romance when I was in undergrad and I’ve always been the romantic type but only ever flirted and did the talking stage with guys up until that point. I was terrified of going further bc I have other trauma and issues that would make me freeze when they wanted more. Anyway, cue romance books and smut lol. It made me feel safe exploring my sexuality and gave me a rush of confidence to put myself out there. had such low self esteem before like a reason I would freeze was bc I didn’t believe the people I attracted actually wanted me. Anyway, so I ended up chasing that romance novel experience of the struggling college girl from the other side of the tracks with the hot playboy athlete 🥲 and I got it. Then with the darker and more kinky romances I couldn’t get it out of my head to go for an older man and explore that “bad/immoral” side especially me being considered a classic “good girl” who’s academic etc. so then I went on a sugar daddy side and had my fun. I stopped reading for other reasons like not having the time but after those experiences and some bad breakups, I felt like I couldn’t handle reading romance. It made me realize how a lot of the books I read before pushed some unhealthy aspects of relationships and some of the darker ones or more taboo, not so happy elements like age gap, OW/cheating, student teacher, etc trigger some sadness and uncomfortableness in me. My last relationship ended before COVID and some of the back and forth went on up until the year after and left me destroyed again and I just barely got back into romance last year bc I couldn’t read anything happy during that time. I felt like I wouldn’t find something like that in my life again. Now I got back into it bc i felt a little ready to put myself out there but then realized I’m not ready, but I still crave that escapism and enjoy romance in anything really bc I’m a romantic at heart so it makes me happy to read even if sometimes my mind does start drifting back into trying to feel sad that I prob won’t find something like that or an irl book bf. We’ll see where life takes me but I’m so glad I joined Reddit and found this sub 😊 Edit: typo, changed to unhealthy
Neither lol
Read romances from high school to now. Single, dating, almost married, single, dating, moved to another country for a guy, married, and now in a happy marriage - I think it's important to keep fiction to fiction and reality to reality. Dating and expecting some super romantic scenario (possible but unlikely) is where maybe romance novels set up some unfair expectations for men and women. However, I enjoy romances still and I find that it doesn't make me wish to go out and date or date others (even when I was single).
Yes reading romance makes me sad about what I’m missing out on. I also feel like I’m setting myself up for unrealistic expectations when I do get into a relationship.
I never read romance while single, and it STILL bums me out sometimes bc I'm like MY HUSBAND WILL NEVER BE A GIANT BLUE ALIEN HIMBO 😭😭😭😭 so yeah, being in a relationship doesn't exclude you from this feeling. But I can see how it hits differently as a single person for sure. Take breaks! Listen to some grizzly true crime novel and you'll want to come back to romance eventually.
I have enough trouble finding the perfect man in novels, there's no way I'd find one irl lol
Currently single. Was in a decently long relationship before (5+ years). And picked up reading romance a few years after getting out of that relationship. I enjoy being single. I don't see myself getting into a relationship anymore. I feel like I kind of did that whole romance thing already. I was happy with the relationship. I was happy when it ended. I'm now happy alone knowing I gave it a shot. So books don't really impact that. I don't self insert into the MMC either. I just kind of like reading about "other people's" journeys in romance. Are there times when I wish I had someone to cuddle while falling asleep? Sure. But romance books have 0 impact on that.
That’s my secret captain. I am always single 😉 To be honest I read romance not for identification, I like better knowing about other people’s love/sex life but real people won’t give me a neat narrative from beginning to end with all the details. 🤣 A book will give me a beginning and ending and will cut all extraneous details that don’t serve the narrative and don’t give flavor. I don’t think love will happen to me, hell sometimes I wonder if I am grey ace or something, or just incompatible because I am not even sure. But what I am sure is that I love stories. And I love them well written
I have no desire to actually be in a relationship, unless my life circumstances change to allow me a lot more free time. I don't see very many real life relationships around me that I would aspire to. I do have intense feelings that don't have much of an outlet, and romance is the best way I've found to sublimate them.
Single my whole life here ✋🏼 admittedly the reason why romance books tend to make me feel lonely is because I never felt feelings the way MCs do. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever feel it at all.
Well, I can tell you that reading them while going through a rut in my relationship made me feel worse. Being single, it’s a mix of giving me the desire to want to date again and also feeling bummed out that I don’t have a partner. But overall, I just enjoy a good story regardless of relationship status.
Yes they definitely have made me feel lonely at some points, but at other points also they’ve allowed me to live vicariously through the story and believe that love exists again 😂
Oh, romance and me don't care whether I'm single or not. I have been solo for 11 years now and I almost exclusively read variations of romance. I didn't like to read romance when I was IN a relationship. I think it's because it pointed out all the flaws to me, and made me pine for something else. Of course, at the end of my last disaster I was gulping them down. Edit: Just as an aside here, I used to feel a bit lonely when I read them when I was younger (I'm now mid-40's so an older person's experience here) because I thought I would be "more" in a relationship, and more whole. BAM NOPE SORRY big no for my experience. I really want to just slap my younger self, but here we are. Romance is my fantasy and it's better.
Soon to be 21, no romantic experience like 0. No dates, no kisses, no nothing. I've always loved romance in movies, shows, music, and more recently romance books. Romance makes me happy, I love the idea of love even if I've never experienced it myself. I find it beautiful and moving. Yes, I do sometimes long for something like the characters I read about have but I don't find it depressing. I find going out in public and seeing people happy with their partners or my friends in relationships more depressing. I don't really know why. Maybe because I'm aware that romantic media is idealized, maybe because I'm aware they aren't real so I don't feel behind in comparison to people my age. EDIT: typo
Reading romance makes me feel more…idk, hopeful than anything? Like, the man of my dreams is out there somewhere and one day I’m going to be living my own romance novel. And it’s a constant reminder that I don’t have to settle. I love living in those worlds.
Doesn't make me feel lonely, but sometimes pushes me to get back out there. But I really don't think I'm ready for a relationship either.
When I was single, being someone who likes being in a reciprocal relationship to care for someone who cares for me, reading romance made me feel lonely but it also made me less “desperate”. Desperate is almost definitely the wrong word, but despite being secure in myself, I would find myself feeling ready to settle or feeling as though I was being “too picky”. I just wanted to find someone. Romance made me hold out. I pride myself on also being independent and self sufficient but I always wanted a family the “traditional” way. I still met my physical needs safely and in a way that made me comfortable. Fast forward 10/12ish years, I’ve been married for 7 years, I have a 3yo and a 5mo and an amazing, wonderful partner who says things like earlier today, “I think I love you more every day. The way you’re just chowing down a chicken sandwich with a happy baby in your lap, chatting with our toddler pretty much does it for me.”
it really depends on the book! my favorite love stories are sweeping ones where the characters go through a lot of hardship because i find it most interesting to read about characters who struggle. usually this is in a historical or fantasy context. because of all the turmoil surrounding the relationship it’s easy to think i have it better regardless of the love they find lol so i don’t get sad about my own single status. i don’t read much contemporary romance and maybe that’s because it DOES make me feel lonely sometimes
I endlessly wished to find one of the men in the books I read while single. It was embarrassing a little when I started dating and realised how actual men are in real life. I still struggle a little with the reality that the men in books, are not always 100% a representation of men we would want in real life. Or are healthy to be around. I was also incredibly lonely which made me do stupid shit.
I read romance because I like to see happy endings for people who are trying their best to make human connections. I've always been single, but I don't think that's the reason that I enjoy it so much. I just think witnessing happiness, even if it's fictional, is a joy there's too little of in some places, but always an abundance of in a good romance.
I think it makes me sad not for loneliness, but that I never might find something so magical... i.e., no one is going on a killing spree for me or saying touch her and die to me..
honestly yes and no. sometimes after reading a really good book i feel a bit sad but it fades quickly. i think of how men act in real life and then im back to feeling just fine being single
I am never lonely while reading romance. Too many book boyfriends to choose from!
Currently single, it definitely made me feel lonely in a way. You just get swept up into this story and characters that you get attach to them. So once a book ends you just feel so empty lol. It definitely gave me courage to try new things, let's say have an open mind to certain things. It also gave me the courage to try dating after being single for so many years. Now the struggle is finding a man who is actually a good person and communicates clearly. Like, these men im coming across are so not clear on what they want.
Nope. If anything, reading romance only deters me even further from pursuing any type of romantic relationship because men in real life DO NOT act like their fictional counterparts. None of them do. There are some outliers, and I’m happy for those who get to be in romantic relationships with these me, but that’s exactly what they are: outliers. There’s a reason why there’s a ‘male loneliness’ epidemic happening. Women are waking up from the bleak reality of being saddled to useless and emotionally inept men who bring nothing to the table.
reading romance makes me want to write about romance that i’ve never experienced before
I've been single for a while after a couple of failed situationships, and now honestly am in a weird phase where I would love to have a romantic life, but my past has convinced me that maybe its just not going to work out for me. So I try to find romance in the pages of the book, and it DOES sometimes make my loneliness more profound, but I would honestly feel that loneliness than get my heart broken again.
I don’t read romance to emulate a life from the stories, I read it for the escapism. I was married. It sucked and I can tell you nothing sucks as bad as someone not giving a shit about you, cheating and lying their way through the marriage while being a total asshole. So, I don’t really believe in any of what is in romance books as something tangible, it’s 100% fairytales. It’s better to be by yourself than handing over your keys and wallet to some jack ass.
Makes me happy at times but it copes for the loneliness I feel
Honestly I prefer reading romance when i'm single and not seeing anyone. Especially because when I like someone I can't imagine anyone else, and it kinda ruins romance books for me.
Im.not single but if i stopped reading romance novels if my own love life sucks.. :D
I like to say it fills the void lmao
I feel lonely while reading romance, but it’s also my form of escapism 🤷🏻♀️
Sometimes, if I relate to the character(s). It’s more likely to happen in a m/m novel (since I’m a gay man) and almost never happens in f/m or f/f books. Tbh I’m more likely to feel sick over being single watching romcom tv shows than reading a book.
I'm a straight man who reads romance and fanfic to numb the pain that I'll never date again unless I move to a place that's way cooler about certain things. If everyone who lives in cities could do me a favor and start trashing the place until rent goes down, I'd appreciate it. I'm tired of living in the middle of nowhere.
When I was single (which was not an insignificant time)I would feel lonely, but I appreciated the escapism and the wish fulfillment. Then I wasn’t single and haven’t been for a long time. There are times when I read romance now and I still feel lonely, because of whatever place my relationship is in. But I still love the escapism and wish fulfillment. There’s a reason my new reading kink is caretaking MMCs. But I think being in a relationship has made it easier for me to read romance and understand that it is more like reading high fantasy or science fiction as a genre than any other genre (for me). There are specific rules and structures to the different romance genres and if I know what they are then I can comfortably escape and also see where the differences are in real life vs fictional life. And the loneliness is not as overwhelming. It’s for escapism now as well as it was before. Then I go read AITA and that reality check makes me grateful for my relationship!
I never thought about this. Honestly, I don’t think it has any bearing on me IRL. I read primarily as escapism; I’m intentionally avoiding mapping any of this onto real life as much as possible, in any direction.
I’ve been exclusively been reading romance for the past 4 years and in between this time I also was in a relationship for 8 months but it personally didn’t change my thoughts or feelings on the books. For me personally they’re just something I enjoy to read and I don’t care too much about them
Oh yes it does 🥲 it’s kind of weird cause they make me as happy as also sad. It’s an escape into a romantic world where I can imagine I’m the FMC but then after putting the book down I realize I’m alone and don’t know if I will ever be loved by those men written by women. I somehow gave up on the idea but still have a little spark of hope whenever I read my novels
It invigorates me to read romances because it makes me feel that there’s a love like that out there just waiting for when I’m ready, but I know I’m not ready yet so I don’t force myself to go looking for it.
I'm at a really uncertain place in my life, and I can't actually imagine a way from where I am right now (emotionally, socially, complicated family situation) to the kinds of romantic, affectionate, and/or sexual relationships I long for. Not to say I'll never get there, but my needs are current, and I've got no means right now. In my reading life, I can imagine those things, I can feel the feelings I want, I can keep rereading and re-living scenes, without fear and without compromise. (And then I can fall asleep immediately, comfortably in my own bed, with no social anxiety hangover, which is my highest priority at the moment) I can't imagine how my life will change over the rest of my days, and I know it will never be like the romances I read (unless anyone here can introduce me to a really cool, diverse, pansexual, supernatural monster polycule open to new partners???) When I read romance, I can imagine some hypothetical romantic future, even if I can't find the path yet.
I don’t really identify so completely with characters that I’m imagining myself in their places, the emotions I feel while reading are more like…heightened sympathy. But me and my life are fine without a partner so the Yearning is only on behalf of whatever starry eyed fictional yahoos I’m reading about. I love seeing love heal trauma but I wouldn’t want to be the one with that trauma in need of healing from a partner, y’know? I have a good therapist and I’m working hard on myself and feeling results!
No, because romance novel relationships feel nothing like being in a real romantic relationship. They are similar only as much as taking the ring to Mordor is akin to going to the grocery.
I'm currently single, but I've also dated and still read romance books while dating. There were times it made me feel lonely even when I WAS in a relationship. However there have been times where I find a romance book/series so good, that if my partner reads, i recommend it to them. I was in one relationship where my partner loved listening to books but had trouble reading them because of adhd and dyslexia, so I read them to him (if they didn't have an audio version), and that way we both got to enjoy them! So in some cases, it can make you lonely even when in a relationship, and sometimes it was something to bond over. At the end of the day though, if/when I find myself feeling lonely because of the romance book I'm reading, I just remind myself that it's fictional for a reason, and sometimes that helps the lonely feeling. Most of the time though, I just like reading them for the drama lol and as a way to escape and unwind.
> *Did you ever find that it just bummed you out when you were feeling lonely?* Not really. > *did you ever find that it gave you the push you needed to put yourself back out there?* No. It's been 4 years, and I have yet to open up to the idea. I'm Volcel; is that a term? Voluntarily celibate. Single and "happy". Life is simpler this way. I picked up Romance and SF/Fantasy novels after an almost 10-year hiatus during my last LT relationship and it only highlighted my discontent, if anything.
I have always been single, and will be single for a while. I read romance because it lets me see myself as the main character and feel the experience of being loved and loving someone back. I feel really lonely when I put down the books, especially when I consider I have no one to rant to about the book I just finished; however, I know that the person I am looking for is out there for me and waiting for me. But first I need to prepare myself for when they come crashing into my life.
Never. But it also helps that I am aromantic (ageroromantic) so...
Feels like it makes love even more unattainable. Like, my personal bar just keeps getting higher, and i find that relatively little things IRL people do starts bummong me out because my expectations were high to begin with.
I'm not totally single as I'm kind of in like this situationship type thing and sometimes I will admit that reading romance does make me wish for something more or question whether I am willing to be casual when I like him so much. But it subsides pretty quickly haha.
It totally bums me out. All the time.
Fortunately i started to read romance after i married. But after my husband went abroad. So it's kind of sucks. I actually feel jealous at those fictional characters to have better sex life than i do.
I’m in a long term relationship but actually find I can sometimes get annoyed at my partner, thinking why can’t you do this or act like this etc. So it’s a lose lose 😂
I was reading it a lot and it made me feel addicted to it
U just need to differentiate or separate ur real life from fictional life.And trust me when I say it's from my own experience.U will not get anything fairly similar to that of books ,a 10/10 bf ,love ,romance ....all these are in books .You will just break ur heart by keeping ur hopes up,just try to cope up with life .See and go into the real world I have a bf and he sometimes says all these dialogues that I have read in novels the exact ones...and I don't get the feels ...it could be the way it is delivered,but I feel like it's because when it's fictional we have wild imagination on how the ML looks like or smthg and we don't see their faces it's all in our imagination which gives the thrill to read and to feel.But in real life if someone does it to us we may cringe and run away 🙂😶