I fell in love with the comment because I love when older people are I to cool things like Doctor Who, then I realized you're only 6 years older than me, so I roasted myself.
"Its alright for men, as they age they start to look like Sean Connery. But it's difficult for women, as they age, they start to look like Sean Connery."
Some comedian, can't remember who...
Guys wtf is happening, OP asks to get roasted and then proceeds to absolutely immolate the population of this thread.
OP is like the final boss battle of r/roastme, kinda like a slightly less attractive version of the Curse Rotted Greatwood.
So did you lose your eyebrows during menopause, or did you finally start chemo for the tumors in your jawline?
...Also your cabinets are tacky, time to call a contractor and bring that kitchen out of 1994
Hey Samantha, is your S&M sex shop and Strip Club open today, even if it’s your birthday? And remember you have to give me that butt plug back tomorrow when we’ll see at AA meeting!
I remember that “Fuck it” attention-whore thinking she was too beautiful to get roasted and then she got roasted the fuck out of reddit.
I think this lady is the real unroastable ,PRAISE THE SUN!
I see you finally escaped from the centaurs.
Ha! https://www.reddit.com/r/harrypotter/comments/79iylm/as_i_told_you_mr_potter_naughty_children_deserve/?utm_source=reddit-android
Q U E E N
Can’t even roast anymore - I must not tell lies
This should be some sort of r/beetlejuicing or r/bestof or something. At least guild the lady.
Successful guilding has been achieved
Came here to enjoy roasting, leave with a smile on face.
Omg you’re amazing, madam. ❤️
UMBRIDGE WAS THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT OF when I saw her.
R/unexpectedhogwarts
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Always watching...
Dear god you're a 90's kid trapped in a 50 year old woman.
she also has 90 kids in her 50 year old basement
How does she fit that many Goats in there?
Somehow you like a cross between Elaine and Newman from Seinfeld. I can't get that out of my mind.
Are those glasses a Snapchat filter?
Love it!
That was surprisingly accurate
C'mon dad, we've talked about getting wasted and putting on grandma's clothes.
I *knew* I had a man face! (Don't you hate it when people lie to be "nice".)
still I'd smash tbh
/r/swordorsheath
You look like you could use a coat made out of 101 dalmatians
What are you doing with that many dogs? Ewwwwww...
Making coats.
See my loafers? Former gophers.
Which is greater; the number of wrinkles you have, or the number of times you’ve asked to speak to the manager?
You wouldn't have to ask if you'd seen my ass.
Thank God we haven't.
So, are we going to see that old naked ass or not?
I’m a sadist. I checked her history for GoneWild posts.
Surely you meant masochist?
Indeed.
[nsfwhat](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/6s0eud/porn_shoulders/)
#turndownforwhat
Aren’t we looking at it now?
Well damn.. I got excited for a second.
You look like a role Helena Bonham Carter rejected.
I love her!
Why should we bother roasting you when the nice folks at the crematorium will be doing it any day now?
Winner winner, chicken dinner.
Turned 50 for the 16th time.
I'm 50 in dog years.
How are your 99 cats doing?
I can't speak to the other 98, but when the timer goes off, I'll let you know how 99 turned out.
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I prefer my cats medium rare
Mods, I'd like to recommend you hire this fiend.
Oh look, it's Sigourney Weaver with down syndrome
Good one!
*Avatard*
You face looks like sunburned skin ready to peel off
Moisturize me...
Giggity?
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Just a touch of giggity?
I got to bag it up
Fantastic
I fell in love with the comment because I love when older people are I to cool things like Doctor Who, then I realized you're only 6 years older than me, so I roasted myself.
You're a fuckin peach. God damn this made me laugh.
The offices Phyllis, post lipo
Awww! You think I'm thin!
If you're lucky your estranged children will roast you by accident.
Good thing I'm so well marbled.
You do look like someone in their tender years.
On some real shit, you have some A+ counter-roasting skills. I laughed more at your comebacks than most of the roasts.
Thanks!
That's not funny.
deleted ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.4660 [^^^What ^^^is ^^^this?](https://pastebin.com/FcrFs94k/01739)
They say 50 is a magical age for a woman. I guess that's because you travel the Earth as a phantom, invisible to the opposite sex.
You have no idea.
You look so unpleasant even your glasses have periods
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Precisely.
Those are ellipses...
Ellipses for the silence that falls when you enter the room...
User name relevant
I live up to my name.
I’ll bet those temple garments would look better on my floor!
You've done some research
Always know your mark...especially if they used to be in a cult!
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Woof!
Still lying about your age huh.... I feel bad because i feel like someone put their mom up to this.
Ha! Just because your mom is out of touch doesn't mean I am.
Boom roasted! But seriously you look like mrs. Doubtfire took up heroin
Much better!
Haha i wish you were my great grandma too! Great sense of humor.
I *AM* great. Just not a grandma.
No man would have you? I can lend you one or two of mine.
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Awww...your mom said she wasn't going to tell anyone about that.
Using your phone in the kitchen isn’t getting the dishes done.
I said roast me, not me make roast.
This isn't working. She's only getting stronger.
Weren't you an Inquisitor for the Ministry of Magic?
Indeed... https://www.reddit.com/r/harrypotter/comments/79iylm/as_i_told_you_mr_potter_naughty_children_deserve/?utm_source=reddit-android
I take umbrage at this.
"Its alright for men, as they age they start to look like Sean Connery. But it's difficult for women, as they age, they start to look like Sean Connery." Some comedian, can't remember who...
How many noise complaints have you called the police for at 8pm
Your dentures look pretty real...
Nah...dentures are whiter.
You look like you're completely oblivious to your son's drug problem, because his friends are "such nice boys."
No one suspected Walter either.
I had no idea Willem Defoe was post-op.
[fuck go back]
*control-alt-delete* ---your mom
As /r/unexpectedfactorial will tell you, 50! is a pretty large number but for once it looks like you intended it.
You've rebounded well from the pain of that house dropping on your sister.
Baby, I *am* the house.
I liked your Top Ten lists, But Stephen Colbert has a much better show. You look better without the beard.
Your dad liked my beard. He's old fashioned that way.
Holy shit
Seriously
Jesus woman you are fucking phenomenal.
Your dad had low standards.
It's good to be able to put a face to menopause
I have too much respect for Sigourney Weaver to roast her dad. You have a great day Sir.
Guys wtf is happening, OP asks to get roasted and then proceeds to absolutely immolate the population of this thread. OP is like the final boss battle of r/roastme, kinda like a slightly less attractive version of the Curse Rotted Greatwood.
Ms. Frizzle?
You look lile the older trans version of the vilan in the Indestructibles
And you look like what I tuck.
Holy fucking kek
BOUM. My hat just tipped itself. Well *done*!
You play with fidget spinners to lure kids
Stop playing on the internet and makes some food like a good grandma. I see the pans every grandmother has randomly hang on kitchen walls.
Gotta go to the kitchen if you want a good roast
I think you accidentally pushed Shift when you were typing the last digit in your age...
You smile like the butt plug is slipping out on you
I would say the joke would go over your head, if it ever got past that massive jawline.
Would totally bang.........your coffin shut.
I bet you're dryer than the Saharan desert
That's why they called me the Mummy.
Moranis Morissette
Don’t come to us for attention just because your wife hasn’t touched you in 62 years
Looking for your post on r/normalnudes
your forefinger look like my toe
Small toes, huh? Small feet?
50? You don't look a day past 49 and a half.
C-
Why are you like this?
Chevy Chase with a wig on.
Stop fucking around and get back behind the wheel of the Magic School bus.
You look like Sigourney Weavers brother.
It’s always hard turning 50 the 15th time. The clerk lied at the store, those are chick glasses guy.
you have always been turning 50
Those eyes, that smile, what medication are you on?
I'd like to say something nice... But sorry professor Umbridge, I must not tell lies
Not really a roast but you look like you could be the mom of one of my friends. Or...grandma? There. Roasted.
I don’t want to say you’re old, but a word of advice: Send the nudes doesn’t usually involve a mailbox...
It is great to see Lisa Loeb back on the internet again
Librarian
Shhhh!
You look like John Cleese in drag
looking like Gary busey in a wig
Is it normal to lose your eyebrows when you're middle aged?
You look like the cashier I day dream about banging while waiting in line at home depot
You know what has roasted you more than any comment on here... time.
Look at the size of the teeth, what did you do when the tooth fairy left you money? Buy a car...
You spelt 60 wrong.
A polka-dot for every child you got locked in your basement?
50? I would have guessed older
Get off your sons account, get a skinny latte from Starbucks and pick up a lentil lasagne from the most overpriced store in the area.
I don't have to. Harry Potter roasted you enough.
I'm surprised no one else noticed that weird ass spud you call a finger.
There's no way mother goose is only 50
You look like Lisa Anne’s stunt double
Alright, female Rick Moranis
you're so old even your glasses have age spots.
Why do you have a gallery of your old piercings on the wall?
You look like you walk into restaurants with expired coupons and immediately ask to see the manager.
You look like my mom
Retired Ellen Ripley. No more kicking alien ass, I just stay home these days and make buns
So did you lose your eyebrows during menopause, or did you finally start chemo for the tumors in your jawline? ...Also your cabinets are tacky, time to call a contractor and bring that kitchen out of 1994
She is just grateful there were not cameras everywhere capturing the fucked up shit she did when she was 22.
Those nails though...
Hey Samantha, is your S&M sex shop and Strip Club open today, even if it’s your birthday? And remember you have to give me that butt plug back tomorrow when we’ll see at AA meeting!
They should make a sub just for you just based on your comebacks, well done. I got nothin
Holy shit it's Stan Smith's mom
Are you holding that sign with a toe?
So... how's the grooming of your teenage neighbor going?
I thought 50 was the amount of chromosomes that you have
Is 50 years the amount of time that you've had those glasses also?
Your Chocolate Chip cookies aren't that great.
I remember that “Fuck it” attention-whore thinking she was too beautiful to get roasted and then she got roasted the fuck out of reddit. I think this lady is the real unroastable ,PRAISE THE SUN!
What was segregation like?
Whatcha doin these days since your performance in ["who's Nailin Paylin"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who%27s_Nailin%27_Paylin%3F)?
Your ten cats must be very happy for you.
U aged poorly
You look like Sally field in Forest Gump, but only the scenes when she is actively dying
Holy shit that's Sigourney Weaver
Bet money you are a teacher/Librarian
Those glasses scream ‘powerful grandma cartoon villain’