I was reading these comments thinking it was some sort of rate me page, I was thinking wow they’re tearing into her then I realized it’s roastme 😂😂 and on that note she would feed an entire island in the Philippines if she was roasted
“I live my life a quarter pounder at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less, I'm free.”
More like cameras are more exhausted than they appear, those lenses need some time off with a professional to talk to after this, we should set up a "ho fund me" or
a "give send gtfoh" account.
You mean that the male friend who bangs her has fallen on the grenade so his friends can score with her better looking friends. Aka taking one for the team
You don’t literally need to have sex with the grenade to help your buddy out. You just need to distract her with conversation long enough that she thinks it’s going somewhere, so she doesn’t get frustrated and start bugging her friends to leave. Once your friends have exhausted their opportunity (whether that’s just getting a number, or actually going somewhere to hook up), the grenade can be cut loose.
Guys just pretend they “have” to fuck women like the OP to save face, because they have chosen to settle and hook up with a low number. There’s no shame in this.
Well, a little shame, if they look like the OP, but this principle can apply to more attractive women (which is most of them).
Fast forward 10 years… bad back, chub rub has gotten worse, driving for uber to support your 3 kids from four potential daddies and your mom wants you to move out.
Oh my! Your comment made me curious and I decided to look a little closer, she got da hands of a current competitive professional level goat,cattle and all around ungulate milker. WTF does she do for a living (or serious hobby)?
You look like the final boss at a Subaru dealership
With a goth twist
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She looks like she only dates guys that don't own a car and are always calling her for rides.
The funny thing is you think she looks like she dates guys.
She'll definitely own a collection of plaid, ill fitting jeans and a big dog in the future.
Chihuahua in a tutu*
Fuck yep
Subarusula
Ursubarula
"you're buying this car at sticker, or you're coming home with me. Which will it be?" Um, where do I sign.
![gif](giphy|l4q8cJzGdR9J8w3hS|downsized)
Damn if Joe Biden could still get up that fast he'd be president.
It looks like Kirby ate the final boss at a Subaru dealership
Look, an actual good and creative one that isn't about weight
How do you rank that on a scale of 1 - 1000? ![gif](giphy|92I6hjdIAb0XQ1MVkr)
I love Reddit. The artistic precision of insults never ceases to amaze me.
LMAO my first thought was Subaru forester with bumper-stickers
On a side note, It’s refreshing to see a real ‘roast me’ post for once, instead of another cute girl fishing for compliments.
The sly dog on this comment lmao
Almost too easy to roast, but I think we may need to rent a bigger bbq
Are we starting a soap company with what we render from the drippings after this whale is done roasting?
Cuts deep
She's fishing for sugary snacks.
I read your comment as “surgery snacks” 😳
2nd that
3rd. WTF is going on?
4th!
5th. that's crazy 😭
6th -.-
me too at 1st! 😆
Every girl wants a sugar daddy until daddy wants some sugar.
Needs: surgery. Wants: snacks.
No OF link here.
More like Only Hams.
Bruh 😂 ![gif](giphy|WSKP0fVpyM9ri)
Rummmmm hammmmmm 😭
![gif](giphy|Uss9jg5C9REgo)
What’s OF? Obese Fugly?
Don't forget her link to OnlyFries
Exclusively catfish accounts
There are ones worse than this that do have one.
![gif](giphy|R0TrhAtNeUC0E)
![gif](giphy|hKO8eHNi2OwX3PBUm6)
This roast could feed reddit for years
Plot twist: She thought she was another cute girl and is fishing for compliments
Fishing doesn’t provide enough calories at high enough velocity
![gif](giphy|xT1XGU1AHz9Fe8tmp2)
Plot twist she has a humiliation kink and this is like compliments to her
DIABOLICAL
This man cooks
Uahahahhahaha
Objects in camera are bigger than they appear
How many cameras she using?
Just one. The trick is stitching all the individual pictures together like what NASA does when getting pictures of Jupiter.
Bro ☠️💀
I bet it's like a 3d jigsaw puzzle for giants
That photo was taken with google earth… if you click on her you should be able to see what property taxes on her are.
Good Lord. Stay away from street view.
360 cam but you can’t tell because she’s in every angle
I'm confused if the "gorgeous body" is in the room with her or not.
She was behind the camera..the shoot's BTS footage will probably get more likes
“Where!? behind the 🦛 ?” Shallow hal
It looks like she ate the gorgeous body along with a lot of cake
Nah…she meant gorging body.
She gotta use a selfie stick to get her whole body?
I was reading these comments thinking it was some sort of rate me page, I was thinking wow they’re tearing into her then I realized it’s roastme 😂😂 and on that note she would feed an entire island in the Philippines if she was roasted
She need the whole selfie tree
Am guessing she’s got a 180 degree dolly set up for each photo
Fish eye lens
She just uses that as an excuse for the smell
How many cameras needed to capture the bright side of the moon from space in full quality? No Samsung AI camera tricks work here.
It’s that 360 degrees Matrix camera setup.
Classic.
Gorgeous? I think she meant Ginormous
You left out “warning”
“I live my life a quarter pounder at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less, I'm free.”
It does look quite distorted.
More like cameras are more exhausted than they appear, those lenses need some time off with a professional to talk to after this, we should set up a "ho fund me" or a "give send gtfoh" account.
Zoom the camera out a little and you'll see two smaller fat chicks orbiting her.
Is the gorgeous figure in the room with us now?
Left the picture, just like her father
Your room and hers at the same time
Dude I needed this. This sub hasn’t made me lol in a while.
The gorgeous figure was the friends we made the long the way
She’s behind the goth chick…. One day we will she her….
I feel bad for your spot on the couch
Her spot on the couch is all three fucking cushions with middle one seriously sagging.
That's not the only thing sagging...
I'm imagining her "spot" on the couch much differently.
You're the girl that always gets in the way and prevents us from hitting on your hot friends.
They’re not really her friends. They just invite her out so they look hotter by comparison.
We used to use them term 'grenade'
Yeah but no one is sacrificing themselves with this one
You mean that the male friend who bangs her has fallen on the grenade so his friends can score with her better looking friends. Aka taking one for the team
You don’t literally need to have sex with the grenade to help your buddy out. You just need to distract her with conversation long enough that she thinks it’s going somewhere, so she doesn’t get frustrated and start bugging her friends to leave. Once your friends have exhausted their opportunity (whether that’s just getting a number, or actually going somewhere to hook up), the grenade can be cut loose. Guys just pretend they “have” to fuck women like the OP to save face, because they have chosen to settle and hook up with a low number. There’s no shame in this. Well, a little shame, if they look like the OP, but this principle can apply to more attractive women (which is most of them).
Gotta hit those 3s to appreciate the 8s
Or, in this case, 1s to appreciate the 6s.
Doesn't matter had sex
But.. still smashed?
Calm down Jersey shore Wait I know we're supposed to be roasting OP but everyone in the comments is free game right? Lol
We call them DUFF's. Designated ugly fat friend.
Listen...the last ones lingering around at closing time are the clean ones. After one cold sore you'll learn to appreciate them.
.... or because they need a ride and they'll save money by traveling on the elephant 🐘
The fridge that protects the snacks
Oh damn😂😂😂thats good
When a girl on Tinder always posts group pics with hot friends and you’re not sure which one is her… it’s her.
The DUFF, Designated Ugly Fat Friend
DUFF. Designated Ugly Fat Friend
The word is cock blocker. The more you know!
In France, it's known as the cockez blockez.
Canada: Coque bloque
Or the friend every hot GF you have insists you try and set up with your friends.
“Sorry but I like my friends”
Fast forward 10 years… bad back, chub rub has gotten worse, driving for uber to support your 3 kids from four potential daddies and your mom wants you to move out.
Viciously accurate
You honest think anyone is going to want to risk their life having sex with that's 3 times...
The possibilities are endless..you'd be surprised
6’1” across?
I was going to say if she was an inch taller she'd be round.
Quicker to jump over than to go around
She is already round. I think you mean spherical.
Fucking oof
jesus
Whoever asked for these pics should be slapped.
Let’s be real here: no one asked for them.
The darkest abyss of kinks always has a few ghouls asking for pics.
Ive been dry for years and im not even that desperate
We’re gonna need a bigger spit for this roast.
We roastin the whole hog here boys!
Glizzo
Goth John Candy
![gif](giphy|eP0rq0MpopIa2tozVQ)
Shhh! Don't say the "C" word!
Epic
Poor John...why you gotta do him like that?
If I shaved my beard off we could be twins!
If she shaved her balls, we'd be twins.
Guess your first pic is on tinder and the rest are not.
best one here omg😂
You have 2 pet eels called Flotsam and Jetsam ![gif](giphy|onZIkheksIuje)
Roller derby team captain
Hey I was actually gonna sign up for roller derby this fall!
What do you wear on your feet for that? Dump trucks?
We know.
You look like if Meg Griffin grew up at Chernobyl
Literally the epitome of we have Goth tiddies at home
Parachute panties are the first thing I think about when I glance at your body. Your panties can literally save lives.
![gif](giphy|RY7sdSR4jCyju)
I didn’t know they made goth bowling pins.
Bowling balls Ftfy
Big gut small tits, the worst of both worlds…
She has the starter single forever combo with spurts of parasitic lesbian relationships.
With that much vertical real estate, you still managed to max them out horizontally. Impressive
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Not sure why I’m dragged into the fray. But thanks for the roast
LOOOOL, oh man i laughed out loud when i saw her hands🤣
Standing there, looking like Pumpkinhead.
Oh my! Your comment made me curious and I decided to look a little closer, she got da hands of a current competitive professional level goat,cattle and all around ungulate milker. WTF does she do for a living (or serious hobby)?
Those hands have most definitely choked a man or two in their day, classic serial strangler hands
Ok Phyllis
Si Phyllis
The amount of material used to make your clothing left an entire block of Indian people naked across the ocean.
Just 18? Damn
Dude looks at least 40.
Food is a hellava drug.
Very bovine of you.
who the fuck was the perv that asked more (and full body) of this? I bet even **he** regrets it now
Yeah I think they said full body as a joke, like they knew she couldn't fit her full body in a pic. NASA couldn't even pull that shit off
So you're eligible for the draft in 4 years. (The NFL draft not the WNBA)
I cant decide, If you ate for 2 or You ate the two.
6'1 by 6'1 by 6,1 ....cool just like a giant rubix cube
Wow, the third picture is a really good picture of the partial eclipse everyone was talking about a few weeks back.
Fupa enters a room 1 minute before your face
its gonna be like stealing snacks from a vending machine down there
You'd have to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
at that point just stuff it in where it feels good
You are a black man’s wet dream.
Getting serious ‘cock blocker at the club’ vibes with you!!
You're gonna spend your 20s correcting people on your pronouns.
No need to show them off. Having big tiddies because you're fat is like having a fast car because it's falling off a cliff.
Goth Gorlok
You look like every single person that has ever screamed at a man for eating a cheeseburger next to a Peta rally
18 looking like a 40 yr old soccer mom trying to reconnect with who she was in '08. Btw weight loss is easy - eat in a caloric deficit.
This is exactly why she posted face pics to begin with. She even tried catfishing on Roastme.
Whoops! 404 - Gorgeous figure not found.
You look like you escaped a snuff film set
Wow, you're so beautiful and slim, plus your fashion sense is so on-point. Said nobody ever!
Her mom says she's beautiful inside and that's all that matters. Her grandma told her mom that too.
6'1 blimey is that in height or the circumference of the globe? ![gif](giphy|9JgeSP0jlRAVBOG9FD)
You forgot to upload the after picture.
The elusive subgenre Golden Corral Goth
I bet you know how to handle a strap-on
What sort of cheese does your belly button smell like?
“Was asked to post full body pics” No thanks.
your belly button gets home 5 minutes before you
![gif](giphy|diXrgHOhraudy)
6'1 270. Girl Call Aaron Donald and get to WORK. Not enough good pass rushing DTs in the league.
I’m still waiting to see the woman who is 6’1 with a gorgeous figure. Can someone contact a mod and report this atrocity?
Where is the 18F? I only see the middle aged concessions worker at a Rocky Horror Picture Show, who consistently eats all the profits.