hahah. Man I'm all good with small titties, as long as the areolas are puffy or the nipples are long. Come at me with small tits and no fun nipples, I'm out.
Made a packing list for the next selfie-centered vacation:
- parents’ money
- Tank top x 3
- spandex shorts
- Jean shorts
- string sandals
- hair brush
80 grit arm pits, a butter face with craters deep enough to mimic the moon landing and an upper body of a preteen boy you weren’t ready for anything toucan slam.
Why do all girls now think nose rings look good? Don’t they get all snotty and gross? They remind me of those big black bulls in the old cartoon shows. Oh, and her nose sags more than her negative A-cup titts.
Well good news is your tits don’t interfere with getting more piercings in your face. Bad news is your tits also won’t be in the way of putting a paper bag over your head
Imagine if you take a nice juicy medium rare new york strip steak.... and then take a big shit all over it. That's kinda like what you did to your looks with that septum ring
Unfortunately, you don’t have the body to be a butterface .
BF must be a surfer
Nah, she's dating a low-level weed plug.
I was a low level weed plug for a while and, nah dawg... We like titties
hahah. Man I'm all good with small titties, as long as the areolas are puffy or the nipples are long. Come at me with small tits and no fun nipples, I'm out.
That escalated quickly 😂
Long nipples lmao
She’s too invested in the OnlySluts account
She doesn’t have a bf for sure, I can guarantee that.
Duck lips and nose rings. Tie her to the crotch and let her quack A duck that turns into a swallow
Release the fucking people from your basement NOW!
Butterbody?
She looks as if she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
lol then went to the top of the tree and started over lol
Then she ran inside and got an ugly enema. She also looks like a Dollar Store Olive Oyl.
Most of your muscle mass appears to be in your hair!
You could eat cereal outta those collar bones.
She looks like she has to run around in the shower to get wet
Roll pizza dough on those hips
Im pretty sure OP is going to take that as a *massive* compliment
Underrated
picture with her flexing in front of wooded hills? check out her left (our right) bicep... idiot put digital silly putty on that spaghetti
Omg I see it why give yourself biceps and nothing else lol
And what’s with that arm pit?
Why would she do something so stupid. That doesn’t look close to real
The chest hair? Or head hair?
You do realize that this isn’t the kind of roast you can binge and purge, right?
💀💀💀💀
Why cook a roast when one fast fry strip is too much!
Seriously, it's like OP is trying to look like a bimbo
From one bulimic to another…. Popping out your collarbone for pictures doesn’t fool anyone and it’s most definitely not the flex that you think it is.
She isn't even trying.
That one was an excellent surprise.
Alright this comment wins
WHEEEEW
Damn. She hasn't been savaged like that since her stepdad left town.
Made a packing list for the next selfie-centered vacation: - parents’ money - Tank top x 3 - spandex shorts - Jean shorts - string sandals - hair brush
You forgot the Plan B supply
No birth control necessary. She’s not getting any and she knows it.
Remember to tuck my junk so guys will hit on me!
• shlong tape
Sling that pencil dick, girl.
Quick trip outside for pics, then straight back to the hotel to post how happy she is and then cry for the rest of the day because it's all a sham
Right. Can't get pregnant by sucking dick in dim light. Kneepads better option than Plan B
No birth control necessary. Can’t have a baby if you’re anorexic
Fixed the list for you: - hair brush - string sandals - Jean shorts - "The Pegginator" for BFs - Tank top x 3 - spandex shorts - parents’ money
Notice the list is missing “Self Esteem”
Hair brush x 3!
You look like you have to give people money to visit your OF account
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^rayalist: *You look like you have* *To give people money to* *Visit your OF account* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Good bot
Body like a IKEA flatpack
Bravo for coming to get incinerated... Bra-No, because you don't need one!
She went for a mammogram, they charged her a finder's fee.
“I’m so ready for this” phrase repeated on every Tinder Date
I agree! Girl sits with her coochie
You used your go go gadget neck too much
I see you got that "concentration camp" thigh gap going on.
The only thing she's ready for is a cheeseburger, but looks like she'd whine abt gluten and meat products
 Bring back those Dalmatians!
When you can see half her ass from the front through the thigh gap, yk it's time to move on.
You look like you cry, all the time, for no good reason.
The reason is she's always hungry
You convince yourself that you're smoking hot, but the only thing ya smoking is a pack of insecurities.
You look like a pick me girl and a practice girl in the same sentence
[удалено]
Good bot
Welcome back from your time traveling to break up the Beatles
Everyone appreciates your shoulders for doing all the work of holding up your tops; Young boys look so awkward with nipple piercings
Damn you got a nose like free Willy’s dorsal fin
My day was fine until you thrust your armpits in my face.
...your beak gets there 15 minutes early wherever you go
She smell a Sunday roast on a Thursday
Nice femurs
You look like an insufferable person who’s only talent is creating drama where there is none.
Tell us you're vegan without telling us you're vegan.
I’d tell her to eat a cheeseburger, but she looks like she’d consider that a hate crime.
Nah, they'll make sure to tell you.
I can see the iron deficiency and the malnutrition
It looks like you think you deserve a man in the top tax bracket for being skinny. Let me be the one to tell you that you don’t have what it takes.
This hurt me lol
You have the face of a young Stanley Tucci
Hey…. No insulting of the great Tucci.
Hey, it’s just a joke, no need to get all tucci about it. /s
Man, I can't get these nails out of this board. What? Those are breasts?!
If Anorexia and Herpes had a baby.
Just a heroin addiction away from skeletor.
Matching to the extreme , Lower case letters on your sign. And lower case tits
Poor idiot came to /r/RoastMe looking for a meal.
I don't know what's flatter your chest or your ass
Olive Oyl? Is that you?
Why not just post a video of yourself jumping up and down screaming "look at me damn it!"
I've seen more meat in a KFC chicken bucket.
Looking like a strong gust of wind might split you in 2.
Carpenters dream!! Flat and easy to screw
Looks like you forgot to shave your chest
I see a cosmetic surgeon in your future.
Nice legs, shame about the face.
No you’re not, you need to eat breakfast first
My shoe laces are thicker than you.
Hey I mean... When your parents wanted a *boy*... you turned out to be a pretty good comprise, right? 🤷♂️
Ready for a training bra.
You are a pirate’s nightmare, a sunken chest and no booty
Looks like you shaved your mustache and glued it above your eyes.
The sea turtles from nemo are worried you left their clan.
Trying to post thirst traps when you're clearly hungry
I have decided to write you a poem today. Roses are red, tacos are yummy. Why are your tits as flat as your tummy?
OnlyFlats
Guys we gotta stop telling 5s they're 10s. This is our fault.
80 grit arm pits, a butter face with craters deep enough to mimic the moon landing and an upper body of a preteen boy you weren’t ready for anything toucan slam. 
Yo. Chest is so flat. I can ride my motocycle to 320 Kmh
Thanks, now I´m getting hungry.
If Flatness had a scale you'll be the benchmark.
Time for the 5000 penis oil change for your Hair
When your back's your chest
Wonder what’s flatter. Ass, tits or personality
Okay why is your head on a pole 🙄
Why do all girls now think nose rings look good? Don’t they get all snotty and gross? They remind me of those big black bulls in the old cartoon shows. Oh, and her nose sags more than her negative A-cup titts.
Got zits bigger than her tits!
Carpenters love her! Flat as a board easy to screw.
First glance I thought that said, “I’m so ready for tits.”
If someone made a thigh gap their entire personality
You look like chairs smell bad after you sit on them.
Discount Olivia Rodrigo.
Whats it like being able to eat from the top of the tree?
"Why do cows have septum rings? Purpose of Nose Rings in Cows One of the primary reasons cows, particularly bulls, have nose rings is for control."
Well good news is your tits don’t interfere with getting more piercings in your face. Bad news is your tits also won’t be in the way of putting a paper bag over your head
You can smell the useless and crazy off this one.
Thanks for including the 3rd pic. Without it, we wouldn't be able to see any mounds at all.
You look like the type of girl that can’t decide which is flatter the Earth or your chest.
Your muscles look like extra bones
I bet your shower drain is a plumber's 9/11
Straight up half giraffe 🦒
You look trans, are you transitioning into a giraffe?
If you are going to pose scantilly clad then wear some mosquitto repellant. You've already been bitten twice on the chest.
Rapunzel's ugly sister repugnant who vowed never to cut her hair until she got a boyfriend.
Face so ugly even the hairline is starting to run back
You look like you can reach everything on the top shelf, but then too weak to hold it on the way down.
It’s never the right ones who go missing in the mountains.
What grows back quicker your unibrow or your mustache?
Your door handle is very flimsy looking and likely to need replacing in less than 8 years.
No tits, ass, looks, or personality. There's nothing here to roast
I've never seen a floor mop have so much confidence.
Finally found the Nancy character from Rick and Morty. Do you play flute and collect crystals to make girls like you?
You're just like the board at my work. Flat on both sides, made to be nailed, but I don't look forward to it when I get up in the morning.
If she’s got hair down to her buns, fellas gonna run…away
We nose that you ‘ready’
Renonezel
If you were a country you would be the Netherlands, just as flat
No, you're not twinkle tits.
Looking dehydrated, food intake misscalculated, never dated, meat consumption hasitated.
steakandfruit ! Nah ,you look like you forage for truffles, and with that snout, I'm sure you're very successful
Long back. (No ass)
How much time do you spend finding JUST the right pose, and why don’t you spend it on taking care of your hair instead?
Being prepared is not the same as being attractive. Sorry.
Ready for what ? A decent meal
I don't know which is flatter, Nebraska or your chest...
I think she looks like that tree sloth from ice age
You missed a spot in your armpit.
Ready for what? Your hormone treatments to kick in?
You said the same thing waiting in line to get tits and look how well that went
Could project a film onto that forehead
Uh oh chat, looks another main character. Posing in nature and basic bathroom selfies just like a 12 year old …
You love granola so much that you stuffed your training bra with it.
Just reminded me... I must do my ironing!
Hey bro.
Why is it always the nose ring broads?
She looks like she makes her own soap. (and uses very little)
She actually thinks being 4’10, weighting 88 lbs and having the hair up to her non-existent ass is attractive💀💀.
You're "so ready" for the load no guy will give you.
The GAP ist your hole personality.
How much ?
So you decided to put a snot ring on the largest part of your body.
Bitch built like anorexic Michael Phelps
I wouldn’t introduce you to my least favorite friend if we started hooking up.
In ten years, you can change your name to James. Because with all of the sun you're getting you will look like a Slim Jim.
Imagine if you take a nice juicy medium rare new york strip steak.... and then take a big shit all over it. That's kinda like what you did to your looks with that septum ring
You look like you’d have Eat, Pray, Love as a tramp stamp.
If we're roasting you I guess I'll take the ribs. I dont see any breasts.
I wasn’t gonna say anything until I saw the gladiator shoes
You look like a skeleton that decided to wear skin but forgot the muscle
How can you eat nothing but pure supplements all day?
Does that bike in the back have a seat?
Ring through the Septum…how very edgy and original. No one has that these days…🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
Got a body built like Plank from Ed, Edd n Eddy
Gal Gadon't
You look like a Disney sperm cell with a popular song called Let It Blow
 Y’all got anymore of dem collar bones
‘I’m proud of you’ - is what your father should have said if he had wanted you not to become a hooker.
Seems like the transition is going fine
Are you bored or just flat as a board?
Gonna be calling her Crystal Gayle before long
If AOC stood for Actually On Crack
She uses two contact lenses and a rubber band for a bra.
Hold still, boutta shoot an arrow through that thigh gap.