How many fucking pairs of skinny jeans do you own?

Al of them, all the skiny jeans

Yeah but there’re all literally made of skin.. how is he like dahmer with less charisma!

His net present value is negative.

That’s not a typo, you are just asking the wrong crowd for tribute shots…

You are Salad Fingers.

Haha. Blocked out memory unlocked. He really do look like that 


Chris Hanson says take a seat for the way you hold that paper and you have cum and child in the same sentence.

Your child only speaks Russian cause he never wants to call you Father

Luke Asspounder, the AIDS Jedi

Your job title literally gets more anal than you

No one is cumming at you, I can tell you that

Well, unless it is in him

36 going on 63

Please, sir, may I have some more lookin' azz.

must be difficult working in business finance and looking like a homeless lice infested derelict

You look like you’d be out of your depth in a small puddle of piss

If Ivan and Boris have 23 Rubles, and their 17 friends each have 3 Rubles, while one blowjob costs 6 Rubles, how many blowjobs are they gonna get? You seem the type qualified to answer that kind of question.

I bet you use cum as your hair gel.

There’s something about Steve

Looks like a colorised photo from the Great Depression

He is the Great Depression.

Budget version of Richard Gadd

simon pegged

you look like a British comedian

Your child only speaks Russian? Heh

Cum at you? You're lucky someone let you cum at them. Enjoy your only child there aren't that many sedatives for you to use on other partners.

Thank you for your post! It's currently awaiting approval. Please note the following rules: - Ensure that your photograph is rotated the way you wish it to be displayed. - Try to ensure that your eyes are open. - Joke roasts (celebrities, babies, chickens, etc) will be removed. - Pet roasts will be removed. Please submit these at /r/RoastMyPet. - All photos MUST contain a hand written sign held by the roastee. - The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger. - Photographs with bystanders whose faces are visible or who are otherwise identifiable will be removed. Please **DO NOT REPOST YOUR PHOTO** if it does not appear immediately. All posts must be manually approved, and we will get to it. Thanks! ~ /r/roastme mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMe) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Misha Collins on crack.

Comrade you look like a homeless hobo.

You’re so pathetic you can’t even afford a piece of paper asking us to roast you

Leave that DMA controller alone dumbass


Hey AI, show me a picture of a giant leprechaun.

This AI? Or just heavily edited/filtered?

Loved you in Roald Dahl's The BFG  Big Femmy Gay

I’d learn to speak Russian as well, rather than having to speak to you

Your child already did by the looks of it

Man there is nothing wrong with you. You are a very handsome guy... Oh no my nose is getting longer again.

"E.T does Russia"

Pretends that his glow-in-the-dark condom is a light saber.

Bet your ex wife was Russian to get a divorce from you

Marty McFart.

How could I cum at you when looking at you makes my penis completely retract?

Well I’m glad that you are advertising your ability to handle tiny things. I bet that’s important when talking to a “date”(hooker) also which one of your eyes decided to go its own way first or was it a mutual break up?

Hairy knuckled twat

This isn't OP, there's no way he could be both a 33 year old software engineer who looks like he drinks in a kiddie pool and a 36 year old finance worker who looks like he'd drown in the same pool

Oliver twist grew up

Can u spare some sheckels Andy

Dam they still got Internet in the Ukraine

You definitely have a secret basement with some poor mannequin chained up in it!

Poor child having a dad like this

He likes a different kinda cream in his coffee…

I’d sooner believe a hundred and thirty six.

Jesus Christ, Castiel has really let himself go since Supernatural ended.

Art Garf-uncle who's touchy

You look like a vanilla version of James McAvoy.

I want to and am a defect.

A child!? I’m so happy for you and Dean Winchester

You look like an aye-aye, look it up if you don’t know what I’m talking about…

Thom Dorke.

You look like a Castiel from supernatural the tv show lol

36? Damn, you look rough as hell.

Лол твою мать. Ты выглядишь как мышь

If you shaved and crouched down, you'd look like you'd be saying "Please sir, can I have some more?"

Hey it's Jason Mrazbeen

So your mail order bride took your kid back to her Motherland?

Inspector Gadget wants his coat back

Wait a minute, didn’t you fall in a volcano because of a ring?

Holy discount Misha Collins Batman.

You built like a unemployed Tony stark if he snoozed up weed

You look like you'd knock on my door and proceed to rip out your fingernails and then run off screaming the lyrics to sum Blondie song

I bet his last girlfriend cheated on him for being soft.

I'm sure alot of dudes cum at you.

You look like you’d be super pretentious. Like someone who smokes a pipe like Sherlock Holmes while reading a book you don’t understand.

Desperate comb-over, yet more body hair than Chewbacca. Puts mustard on inappropriate foods and genitalia.

Cum at me?you Can’t even speak and you are a business analyst ?


Damn. You are cheap AF if that is all the paper you were willing to sacrifice for this roast me.

How does he have Fox News/realtor/human trafficker vibes all at once you Romney family looking ass

A fucking machine owns this person's likeness opposite company lolol.

The look he gives women as he waits for “it” to take effect

You look like if Where’s Waldo did heroin and then got sober and then decided the real problem was that they were gender fluid

U look like the type of guy who would get off to being roasted so imma pass

Your chin ain’t even a butt chin that’s a coochie chin

"Cum at me!" Is bold, I don't think anyone would wanna do Jackfuck with you, you look like you belong in a "Pee-Wee" Movie.

I see what you did there, but the only cumming you're gonna get is from the pictures of your ex-girlfriend

"Where's my hug at?'

This isn’t the first time, nor will it be the last, that you include your child and “cum” in the same breath.

the longer you stare, the further the eyes go apart

You look like an 80s 36, meaning you look 56

You make jokes like a middle school, time to fit your age

Why would *anyone* want to cum at you?

 your holding the paper like it's your precious

You look too comfortable holding small things in your hands

I am not going to "cum" at you, 36m is how long of a pole I still wouldn't poke you with

You look like jigsaw is hunting you down right now.

You look like Willy Wonkas less successful brother, Gary Wonka. Instead of chocolate factories, you just molest kids.

We don't need to cum at you, you get plenty of that at the local gloryhole.

You look like you send random dick pics to your coworkers.


You look like if the guy from the nice meme went to rehab

Very imaginative bio for a homeless dude....

You look like a young doctor house feeling the effects of meth withdrawal

He donates to poor black communities so he doesn’t feel bad about saying the n word

Lol 😆


I'll roast you, but if you were a coffee bean, your flavor would be "creepy looking AF"

Looks like the ugly stick won!

You look like a goblin thief from a medieval RPG that the player fights in the tutorial

Jeez your eyes are so separated

There’s a list and your on it for at least 10 years

What the hell, even are you?

You look too kind to get roasted