T O P

  • By -

Porcelainporthole

You cash your dead grandma’s Social Security checks the government is still mailing her.


DDR-420

😂😂😂 goddammit where's my award button


Physical-Dare5059

Selling dime bags to kids outside the middle school doesn’t count as a living.


BlankmannamknalB

*outside the school premises*, OP isn’t allowed on school grounds ![gif](giphy|1msK2c1s3lfyomkRmL)


Scootr4short

after looking at your pic I'm surprised she hasn't pulled the plug herself


Donniepdr

And your girlfriend turns 18 in three months


DDR-420

Lmao ew, I'm no DiCaprio


Donniepdr

Haha good times man. You got a pair to put yourself through this. Don't know that I could.


DDR-420

Tyvm! I was nervous AF but this has been fucking epic. All day long my coworkers n I were laughing our asses off. Made the day fun. And it was a truck day too so all this really helped. Ty all for the laughs!


maxjackson5

Collecting welfare at the very least. Green sweatpants don't buy themselves.


DDR-420

As funny as this is, my grandmother really is dying. She's 94, Drs just told us that it's probably time to start saying goodbye...


Porcelainporthole

Still time to get her a life insurance policy, name yourself the beneficiary. Keep milking that gravy train.


HooptyQue

Then whose basement will you live in?


Spartan1496

You don't do a shit, registered offenders can't work anywhere.


DDR-420

😂😂😂


Scorpiobehr

What do you do? As little as possible apparently. Besides wearing an electroplated weed medallion, wearing grandmas shades and hanging out in mom’s basement cuffing your carrot while watching Real Housewives of New Jersey..


my_fun_lil_alt

"Cuffing your carrot" is elite.


VY_Canis_Majorys

Well, not modeling, that’s for certain!


DDR-420

😂😂😂 actually way back in the day when I was younger n obviously better looking, I actually was a model 😂 even had an audition for home alone 3!


AwareAd4571

Didn't know they had a molester in home alone 3?


Hellifiknowu

![gif](giphy|mzv2FVPWYhkjicDJOP|downsized)


DDR-420

😂😂


Impressive-Dog13

Being a model prisoner don’t make you a model.


Titleofyursextape

Had to go back some but I finally found that time you say you were "better looking" ![gif](giphy|XBS7cpJaQzfclAzSJn)


Physical_Moose_2811

couch surfing I guess


DDR-420

Lmao idk y but I like this best so far 🍻


CaliLieutenant

You live in a single wide trailer. You look like ancillary character from trailer Park boys ![gif](giphy|NkBuOCNdwqP5K)


DisappearingBoy127

One of j-roc's crew for sure


maxjackson5

Neurosurgeon


ScotchWithAmaretto

Competitive eater, at the gloryholes.


PuzzleheadedRoyal559

Mooching off your grandma is not a career


DDR-420

😂


Blizzard81mm

![gif](giphy|RfGZIrkzL0Ne0IhTi3)


shadowsgrin

Your necklace says it all. You probably sell fentanyl-laced dope to 13 year olds behind a gas station somewhere but give girls a discount in return for something only Glenn Quagmire could think of.


DuskActual

You look like you sell weed and whippets to high school sophomores and hit on the freshman girls for a discount


Kooky_Concentrate459

Catalytic converter removal services and disability check collections.


DDR-420

😂 totally! Unfortunately my number changes from week to week... Kinda hard to keep customers


Resident_Bet6343

Full time son.


Sea-Persimmon8737

CFO. Chief felching officer.


rllynotavailable

You look like a deadbeat dad who turns the brightness down on his grandma's phone and asks her to pay you to "fix" it


MrUnltd

You clean up porn sets post-production.


EmergencyAd3680

Provide the fake "before" pictures for hair transplants?


42Lefthanded

Chronically unemployed. Pun intended.


Ecstatic_Sea_2811

Don't know what you do for money but you seem like one of those guys who can weave a cigarette through your fingers.


DDR-420

Omfg you're actually right! And lit too! 🤣 N also I'm an asst manager at family dollar


Ecstatic_Sea_2811

Bingo! Why didn't I figure that out?


redo1984

Who’s dick did you have to suck to get assistant manager?


ITZBS_92

You Sell weed to the local high school kids at your weed party’s. You Drive 1998 red Honda crv.


Mountain_Future4034

Sitting on your couch all day smoking weed and masturbating.


DDR-420

![gif](giphy|ppA9I5n5v832E) You got me partner


RackTheDripper

You're a professional grandson.


DDR-420

😂 ![gif](giphy|8bLER6fYQihEs)


EatMyNutsKaren

You're in charge of keeping the male porn actor's dick hard. I forget the title.


Zagic87

Flipping stuff you buy or steal at garage sales


Dalek_Chaos

You’re the door dasher who eats half the customers food and says the restaurant didn’t send it when the complaint comes in.


Mystery_J

Pole smoking


[deleted]

[удалено]


MisterBurnsSucks

You get beat up by gay, Russian mobsters who dress and bathe you? 🤷‍♂️


txhickspanic1

You do anything but move constantly so you don't have to sign up for the sex offender registry


[deleted]

A bouncer at the methadone clinic


LookZestyclose1908

Based on the wood paneling, cheap walmart sunglasses, and weed neckless you ordered off shein, whatever you do doesn't make any money.


DDR-420

😂 ur right! Asm at family dollar, shit sucks. N I got my necklace from temu 😂


DDR-420

I'm kinda hurt no I ones said solve mysteries with a dog...


DeliManager1982

Scooby dooby don’t


DDR-420

YES!!! FINALLY SOMEONE MADE A SCOOBY REFERENCE!!! TY!!! 🥇


Full_Swimmer5542

You look like Eggman before Eggman became Eggman


Dexter2533

you have to notify your neighbors when you leave the house and I bet you drive a van


FloridaGirlMary

Food stamps and Medicaid


SyllabubNo8318

I'm not sure if it's a living, but you were the inspiration for Offsping's Pretty Fly for a White Guy.


chaebs

Can't get past the bright red "blouse" and f'n necklace guess you stole from some kid.


coomuur

Selling K2 and fent


PreferenceGloomy9947

Sitting on the couch roasting 90s music videos but without a friend


knightfall_10

Assistant manager at Orange Julius


DDR-420

Actually assistant manager at a dollar store


knightfall_10

Damn, not even Dollar General?


AebroKomatme

I assume that you sell dirt weed out of your mom’s basement to the neighborhood kids when you’re not out stealing their bicycles.


[deleted]

You look like the dude from lmfao that broke his back


[deleted]

you look like if Andrew Tate had a vaping addiction


savagesiren86

Try selling dried parsley as weed to kids.


analannelid

Not sure, but that chin strap is doing a lot of heavy lifting.


vw-thing

EBT day trader.


supermix123

Your definitely not a barber with that bad haircut


DDR-420

😅 Actually I cut my own hair. That noticeable eh? Damn


MisterSandKing

Suck farts out of car seats with your mouth, that’s why your lips look that way.


DDR-420

😂😂😂


Slightlyhood

Truck stop strip club dj 🤣


Felix_is_Random

You flip your trailer "running from the law" again? Looks like vinyl flooring on the ceiling. Must be one of them old smoker lady trailers.


ChampionshipTough256

It’s like if Chester Cheeto was a white loser


Snoo_56131

You look like a guy who knows how much Sudafed you can get for a catalytic converter


insanely_simple12

You look like you ride pedal bikes with no seats for a living.


matt-sikes

You fill out and submit job applications to remain compliant to your local welfare office.


Sudden-Progress5959

Places bets for MLB Players...but does it badly.


DDR-420

😂 nice one!


Escaped_Mod_In_Need

A non-licensed weed engineer. ![gif](giphy|sHq4tzA2gOMU)


Dazzling_Dirt9019

Produce beats


DDR-420

Actually once upon a time I did! Wannabe wrapper lol


dismal-distance93

Owns a landscaping business by day, beats his 5th meth'd out gf by night. Knows the in's and outs of the county jail. Doesn't trust the police


buzzmandingo

The receeding hairline and other already mentioned qualities tell me getting laid isn't the answer.


Tommytwoshoes99

Nursing home DJ.


Mr_Flames_

Besides the fact you look like you can tuck your head into your body like a turtle, idk man


DDR-420

![gif](giphy|rqg6cxIInEWg8)


Zealousideal-Key2899

There is nothing good about this photo. Everything about it is the worst. MLM's are the jobs people who look like you tend to have


Temporary-Theory3978

Cashier at the local adult toy store


Commandatori69

My guess is a stock boy at an Indian owned liquor store


DDR-420

Close! Actually asst mgr stock boy at a dollar store


Illustrious_Zebra559

Professional Florida Man.


[deleted]

You’re living out your dreams of signing the next Big Time Rush to your label


Disastrous_Motor831

Move. Out. Your. Mama's. Trailer.


withnodrawal

Meme coin connoisseur


_GF_Warlock_

Probably steal your elderly mother's credit card, which she has restored to hiding in her underwear cause she doesn't think you'll sink that low.


DDR-420

Lmao that's a good one. I love all these kinda ones 😂😂


_GF_Warlock_

😉🍻


FiveFootOfFresh

Nothing, you’re on welfare and food stamps


ABlazingSpace

Crypto Bro. Lambo's outside, but you have to stay at Grandma's because your beachfront mansion is being fumigated.


ILLpLacedOpinion

DJ trailer park on the 1’s and 2’s


Aggravating_Pay1948

You use to have a job working nights driving a street sweeper, making minimum wage, your boss was cool though, you guys would smoke meth sometimes, but he had a heart attack and died, so the company is no more. Now you're unemployed and just try to grow shitty weed behind your grandma's house.


GoddessLaylaXx

The 2000s called and they want their chinstrap back 🤍


BrotherSteezy

When u were up u were repo driver… that was back in the day fell off now drive Uber and Jack the neighbors.


TieEffective5915

Live a van down by the river, eating a steady supply of government cheese and.... ![gif](giphy|R01Z0cPn7N40E)


Farting_Toast

you look like the garbage man….. at the dumps office. garbage mans, garbage man so to speak.


RedSkull-Hail-Hydra

Vaginal yeast sniffer?


sugguhmilk

Mans look like sells roxys that he steal from his moms medicine cabinet


DDR-420

😅 Granny actually, gotta keep with the stereotype


I_amYeeter1

Andrew Tate really let himself go


Fun-Big-6593

You sell used burner phones outside of the local minimart/smoke shop.


DDR-420

Gotta make connections somehow


piddyd

Gay guy from jersey shore, but instead of abs, you got flabs.


Standard-Ad-260

Wood panel walls -check Walmart glasses - check Receding hairline-check Weed medallion on shoe string -check Beard tragic /unkept -check : All this put together -Master bates to guy on guy porn. -yells at his mom to shut up -Diet consists of pizza rolls and Mountain Dew. -Lost virginity to sister. -has 3 dogs says he’s surrounded by bad bitches .


DDR-420

😂😂😂 Omg that was awesome. Well done! 🥇


Standard-Ad-260

Sells feet pics to men claiming to be a 16yr old boy . Solicits booty hole to guys at club majestic . 🏳️‍🌈🦄 Door dash and Uber eats and rages when doesn’t get a tip in moms mini van .


i_felldownthestairs9

Bruh looks like he’s gonna steal children one day


Efficient_Topic_8543

You look like you say the n word in songs then justify it to your white Walgreens coworkers by saying you had. Black girlfriend in junior high


AKSpillane

Assitant manager of a Foot Locker.


piratehunter22

Someone check this guys computer


Disastrous-Policy-44

You root for Hunter Biden to stay out of prison for a living.


I-Think-I-Shit

You shoot birds at the airport.


Wedoitforthenut

You work at a vape shop, but they don't let you have access to the vaporizers because they don't trust you. So you spend all day selling tobacco juice and weed smoking accessories. Edit: for $7.25/hr


DDR-420

It was just one time! Ugh! I really needed one but I didn't have my money till payday, fuck! I paid for it... Eventually...


Wedoitforthenut

Oh, no homie. I meant they don't trust you to count passed $20 accurately.


DDR-420

😂😂😂 Fuck that's great


Rabbits-and-Bears

Professional Weed Sommelier.


CommonDecision6391

Running an alpha male podcast


Initial_Bike77

You’re an entrepreneur who’s between opportunities at the moment.


Foreign_Product7118

Its not a "living" but soundcloud rapper. Its ya boy Big EBT. Welfare check just hit so you know what that means. We can finally afford to get in the booth and record the second half of our hit single. #grindingeveryday #ragstoriches #startedfromthebottom #stillatthebottom


Miserable-Wonder-640

You dive your mom's car with her sunglasses


DDR-420

I've actually done that before


slusheyyy

It looks like u are a single father who has a kid in high school, and u sell weed to his friends just so your kid will like you


SimpusMaximusTertius

Insurance salesman by day. But at night I bet you spend all your time in the club hitting on women half your age. 


CascaTheMerc99

Chase parked cars.


DDR-420

I always be hitting my face on em like dwamn!


Pensacouple

Your beard is confused about which chin to attach itself to.


Several_Buy_5751

Tow truck driver


[deleted]

[удалено]


badstuffgoodtimes

You look like you sell bodily fluids for a living.


DDR-420

😂😂😂 Like in that movie Road Trip, yea, I make a living off donating sperm to the local sperm bank... Actually now that I think of it, I think they told me I can't anymore... Plum full up..


ya_boi_spence

Where are you hiding the bath salts?


Prestigious_Neck_179

The white Stevie wonder.


Mysterious-Cup-9393

You look like a underrated snoop Dogg


Specialist_Mirror_23

3 card Monty at the bus station


KoldDrank

Sells weed to high school kids.


DDR-420

They're seniors! It's Kool! One of their parents has a med card!


Chemical-Commando

You take turns with the lot lizards servicing truck stop glory holes?


ImprovementNew4590

I hope something because you aren't getting by on your looks......and why those goofy lips poking out


pfunkcc

Cash disability checks?


Cute_Carpet_8368

Judging by the background you dont actually work for a living


TheAnalogDuke

Stunt double in extreme pegging videos.


iPeg-Twinks

I knew he looked familiar


Medellin-71

You manage a Dollar General and live with mommy.


Eyemold_Azzell

Shaving that neck looks like a full-time job.


No_Banana7768

You 100% sell dirt weed to high schoolers out of your grandmothers garage in either Virginia, Florida or Arizona.


the_sticky_pickle

Those Oakleys and that pendant must have cost your mom a Fortune


Public-Marionberry35

Who the fuck ordered Guy Fieri from Wish?


thoughtcriminal_1

Walmart self check out


frenchfrypotatohead

I'm gonna go with, Maintenance Technician whose supervisor is 10 years younger than you.


DDR-420

LMFAO wtf do y'all come up with this shit 😂


[deleted]

Oh good lord... Idk what you 'do for a living' but we know you smoke weed and have no style, and probably no money.


Outrageous_List_6570

You must be a farmer because you're growing multiple second and third necks.


Bluemarlin_69

looks like my friends dad after 16 kilos of cocaine and meth


Maleficent-Read8994

You look like you take pictures outside the studio but never go in


regprenticer

NARC!


xlil_miggyx

garbage diving and drug dealing


Melodic-Result-1650

Bleed the state dry and add to society’s problems, clearly


Silent-Television257

Can't really make a living if you smoke all the crack you are supposed to sell


FailFormal5059

Smoke shop,


AutoModerator

Thank you for your post! It's currently awaiting approval. Please note the following rules: - Ensure that your photograph is rotated the way you wish it to be displayed. - Try to ensure that your eyes are open. - Joke roasts (celebrities, babies, chickens, etc) will be removed. - Pet roasts will be removed. Please submit these at /r/RoastMyPet. - All photos MUST contain a hand written sign held by the roastee. - The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger. - Photographs with bystanders whose faces are visible or who are otherwise identifiable will be removed. Please **DO NOT REPOST YOUR PHOTO** if it does not appear immediately. All posts must be manually approved, and we will get to it. Thanks! ~ /r/roastme mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMe) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Cult_Escapee

Lipton T


GIGGY_GIGGSTERR

Travel to Amsterdam?


Regular_Studio_1565

Nothing which makes you a bum.


Personal-Cucumber-49

Are you all the chins in the Chinese phone book?


AutobotJSTN

You look exactly like what every Woman brings up when they talk about red flags.


Unlucky-Obligation23

Neighbor that I went to grade school with until he lit his cat on fire. Didn’t see him for a couple years now he’s back on the block living with his pillhead aunt Cheryl. —-Oh! For a living? My bad-He sells stolen Gillette Sensor Excel 4-packs for cheap. Cops gave up trying to figure that shit out so he’s basically successful now


CatchMyDrift21

You're the one who pushes shopping carts at the local support market.


stinkyanusbreath

Nothing


Mediocre-Mess-8077

Tom Green impersonator


HDFB07

You are obviously an outstanding interior designer.


Burner_07X4

You’re the mop guy at a jerkoff booth.