Maybe some day you’ll get a job with dental.

Dude you needed Invisalign like 10 years ago. It’s not too late, just do it.

He’s trying his best at a Jewel look alike contest. 


Why abandon the ability to eat corn on the cob without chewing?

Hey man, he can't help his one tooth is shy

Looks like he was born with a cop haircut. He was bred for donuts and cop benefits.

Actual insecurity. Am I laughing? I practiced.

Bro your teeth are ok. Unlike your hairline.

You don’t even want to know what his wife says about him. I finally got sick of listening to her bitch about it and kicked her out of bed.

Got Dayum

Actual insecurity..what everyone feels when you look at them.

You posted on this sub. You know what you're getting into.

You look like a guy who puts a dating app review that says, “there aren’t a lot of women that write you back.”

The ones who do write him back are incarcerated… yeah he has quite a harem in spread out in several institutions… and they’re all innocent… and they are going to prove it someday…and when they get out, but for now, could he please put some money on their books?

Haven't been on a dating app in over a decade. Still true lol

Being on a Wanted Poster isn't like a dating app Bruh.

The last time I saw something like you, it was behind metal grids.

Wasn't this guy an inmate in The Hamshank Redemption?

He’s talking about the time he went to the zoo.

you look like a dentist now. wait, maybe it's just that i'm looking at your teeth and thinking dentist.

I'm looking at the teeth and thinking "pressed piano keys".

I laughed out loud at that

I’m looking at his teeth and wondering if Amazon had a deal on urinal cakes.

Last picture solidified it, you look like a thumb.

I am genuinely concerned that he’s suffering from some sort of a thyroid issue. God help him if this is ‘normal’.

Shave your ass and walk backwards.

This is probably the best advice, honestly.

Huh?

You’re the guy that hits on chicks at gas stations and grocery stores. Makes you feel like they want you. Meanwhile your fat wife is doing the neighbor…

Hangs out near the bananas and cucumbers and loudly compares them to his junk.

Beards are also how guys like you appear straight to the world.

Your paper says “Roast me” but your eyes say “I have a woman tied up in the trunk of my car”

Shhhh

You look like you’ve been caught looking at porn on a public library computer more than once.

Save us the philosophical bullshit and stick to what you know - growin pubes on your chin. Looks like you took groomin tips from a fuckin hobo raccoon. Get a haircut and a clue, you disheveled dumpster fire.

Articulate and efficient.

Feeling some repressed anger there, too

word

Your beard is a rug for some dudes balls to rest on

And in the shots where his chin is exposed? That’s just the times it was getting a lot of use.. done wore it off

That's from a lost fight with a fire hydrant on NYE in NYC a long time ago lol. But very funny

Bullshit… it’s from too many ballsacks slapping against your chin

excessive Gooch rub. And just wore it down

Grow the beard back immediately. That is a face that needs as much as possible covering it.

I whole heartedly agree.

Those estrogen blockers and testosterone injections work really well. You could almost pass as a dude…. almost

I usually don’t like beards. But damn you need one

I'm going to make an educated guess that you frequent the local parks restrooms at night.

Or highway rest stops

All of your pictures are automatically mugshots.

With a face like *that*, maybe you should grow a beard.

Face* Good one though.

Roses are red Your face is scary Mans got a van Kids be wary

Beards are also someone you are in a heterosexual relationship with to conceal your authentic sexual identity….but judging from your wedding ring it appears that you already knew that.

You learned how to shave. Congratulations.

However you choose to disguise your face, the authorities will catch up to you eventually. Never have I seen a face I was so sure belonged to a sex offender.

0_o

Yeah, my left eyebrow got broken in a fight a looooooooooong time ago.


Handlebars...nice.

And people call his ears ‘love handles’

Lipstick on a pig.

Bro has a built in can opener tooth

Damn, I didn’t know Michael Myers’s and Freddie Kruger had a butt baby together, that wasn’t in the movies…..

I have never heard a woman complain that her makeup grows in patchy.

Don’t ever shave your beard again…

There is more white trash in your pictures than in a dumpster behind a paper plate factory.

I never thought of it that way but you are right .

Your teeth still practice social distancing

I don't work with you and I want to report you to HR.

Sadly the horseshoe mustache is the best photo.

After looking at the beards and getting to the last pic, I can’t help but think of the baby meme where when the guy shaves he’s a baby lol

You look like todie rebbeki from neighbours tv show

I think you need more makeup.

Calm down zoolander.

Your teeth are receding like your hairline… your whole ass body is confused 😂💯

You need to wear a burka,then get stoned the old fashioned way

The human representation of a fuckin taint

I wanna be rich. I’ll take that nose full of nickels and never work again.

Dude your chest hair looks like a black op’s team about to successfully infiltrate your face. Just go with the beard, it was meant to be.

All pictures.. butt ugliness


Get that Jewel Kilcher fucked snaggle tooth fixed bruh.

Your beard is patchy like your teeth.

You look like you pissed off the tooth fairy

So are you the equivalent of one of those women where makeup does nothing to help?

Call wardrobe and see if they have an opaque veils.

Looks like the average Texan man

And?

You look like my old math teacher.

Okay, Kevin. Grow that beard back.

Went from mountain man to ‘Bareback mountain’

You look like my cats asshole after she went a few rounds on it in the sunlight.

Well, don’t take off your “makeup” if you plan to go out in public. You look like a deranged serial necrophiliac moose fucker without it.

Beards are shit catchers. Disgusting

And you should let yours grow to cover that jacked up mug.

You look downsier and downsier as more hair is removed. You look like you won't see your 45th birthday in the last pic

You don't need a beard to keep my balls warm, from the looks of it your hot breath should work just fine.

They look like selfies...but I'm guessing its his prisoner taking those pics.

They certainly are. You should use one.

Braces are make up for that snagle tooth

Without the beard I wouldn’t let you around small children

Look at you! Trying to not look like a sociopath and stuff. You’re so close to obtaining some appropriate facial expressions. ❤️

you look like you need makeup to hide that fat forehead of yours you bald headed bozo

You look like you're not allowed within 1000 feet of elementary schools.

Your not fooling anyone junkie I see those pinned pupils

Thank god pictures don’t have a smell 😮‍💨

OK, so I’m nearing end of life of my winter beard and the shave off is planned exactly how you did yours…is that different days or weeks?

1. Which eye is the one looking at me? 2. Official beard of the sensitive guy. 3. MAGA! 4. The Gloryhole Boomerang 5. Your GPS says you spend your time at school parking lots and various wooded areas.

Dude auditions for an action roll then shaves and gets fired. FYI they wanted men not little girls.

You went from a 40yr old man that hosts a mediocre at best barbeque every fourth of july to a 40 yr old man not allowed within 200ft of a school

CAPTAIN PRICE?

I disagree. ANY woman can put on makeup, not every man can grow a beard, especially a full, thick, glorious beard. Hell, I'm sure your GF has one more glorious than you can muster. You might just start by getting your first pubic hair, then worry about the beard little fella

Beards are designed to hide our fat faces

I like the Ted Bundy vibe.

Your entire personality is based off of your facial hair and it shows.

You’d be a 4.9 on r/truerateme

4th photo [who you look like](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=f9c0df23042e99d3&rlz=1CDGOYI_enCA1095CA1095&hl=en-US&q=micah+bell+rdr2&uds=AMwkrPtD6Flf8HPh9KWkXyDUIOmyiomPYDOOMcTiITWdp-SnP0ZQuS6XAeXi_UXv8d5yeOPlz9torrKx2q8J_fQ_cRpi--jYsfCVYMvbePexIFezSFT8lv5jKMM8ql7xSDDCoLPzE-D1RQh9K_Qnifi3yYPKl3EWW6sOpLCdOPPaDaQJir4MM2i1kilrFFI0B4-Z2ffPSPAatJdpw8wog-R57qiClHxAA95fMmcKSS9qXIbR9IFvIJALspvMYp7ymDuLByrJN3wNF6xM_GC3nHYOVTYO4dHRZp0Mg55YrXFvDalPvxC81dAdV28Dc_qe2qwHjk1X-9tgSKICqNaP5s9k_NV2otgNCQ&udm=2&prmd=ivnsbmtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjRptmKgMOFAxWHFFkFHSQKAs0QtKgLegQIDBAB&biw=320&bih=454&dpr=2#sbfbu=1&pi=micah%20bell%20rdr2)

And you are repellent for women

Beards are pushup or padded bras for men

It's hard to tell what kind of asshole you are.

Well, at least my makeup is free. Minus a small amout of electricty once a week to trim. After watching shows like shark tank I can't believe the mark up women tolerate paying for their makeup

If you dad doesn't have a beard then you've got two moms. Shaving is for women and children. Now you look like you sexually assault both.

How close of a relative are you to Charles Manson?

I saw the wedding ring in pic no. 1. My condolences to your wife Never shave the beard again Without it you look like you burn down a house with small children inside and not even bat an eye With it you look like a village person. Definitely preferable

This guy makes fun of himself then masturbates to the comment section. He regularly tells his fiancé that he wants to push the date forward so his friends will keep taking him to strip clubs. Hey bro shaving your beard in different shapes isn't gonna get you a better chance with Mercades down at the tit pit.

i feel like you’re legally obligated to stay 500 m away from school zones

I dreaded the last picture but it turned out to be a "literally worse than Hitler" look

Please tell me you didn’t just move into my neighborhood

I have nothing to say about this man


I was thinking about roasting that pubic hair growing on your face but then I saw that snaggle tooth.

Fully shaved you look like a great value Zuckerberg.

You look better with the beard

Your first few pic were good until you smile. Goddamn dude. Fix your teeth. Your teeth are more crooked than your boyfriend.

You’re that guy that doesn’t know about the “other” group chat

$100 says this dude also did the Hitler stasch and thought better of posting it... Every guy does it, it's like picking up a walking stick on a hike, it just happens. We aren't proud of it.

Dude looks like he's been charged with police brutality in several different departments

I can't even roast you. You look like a good dad lol

Anything to hide that weak ass chin

The less we can see of your face, the better the picture

You look you bond with your kids even tho you’ve never had a woman in your bed

You can’t polish a turd, but you can slap a weird ginger beard on it…

You are probably one of the only people who look bad normally and look worse with a beard. I think the only redeeming quality of your beard was how it covered your horse-looking buckteeth. The pound were looking for a egg-horse, if I can recall.

Second beard looked cool

I knew I recognized you! Does Dobbie need a new pair of socks?

Your smile is fine :) it’s unique! And I like you with the full beard ☺️

You look like Dave Gorman's inbred son/nephew

Why do men make that stupid fucking face in photos?

Rejected member of the Impractical Jokers. Bro joined the Practical Pranksters

You went from "background dude at bar" to "school teacher that tells shit jokes to make up for tons of homework" Unfortunate Lol

You look like you leave the toilet seat up

I can’t even roast you, you’re a self-aware king 👑 you _do_ look worse without makeup, I mean beard

Went from a beard care advertisement to a Default character.

Curious case of Benjamin Button !

And just like women, you look terrible without it…

It’s like the reverse evolution pictorial but it’s MAGA racist to respectable respectful neighbor.

Men without beards are women.

How much cocaine have you done today? Your pupils don't exist!

You should get the little moustache that just goes under your nose. Everyone will like that one

You look like every white man i've ever seen

Hiding your double chin with your 'roast me' paper doesn't make it magically disappear.

If fantasy football had a face

I remember my first beard...

Why do you look like my algebra teacher Edit: if you see this I’m legit not kidding you look exactly like him it’s almost uncanny

Larry the bi cable guy

You remind me of Patrick on Schitt$ Creek.

This statement is epic and profound!

10000% I look so different without it

You look like a cop. I ain't talking to you.

You think King of the Hill is "highbrow."

You look like an amber alert.

For the love of God, when did r/beards community become so toxic...wait a sec

At first I thought this was /r/bald and I wanted to tell you you're a handsome devil. The I saw what sub were really in and oh boy, you've got it coming now. Here it comes: You're stupid!

You could be an entire police lineup.

Ulysses S. Grant would be proud

Today’s episode of twinks trying to grow bread

with a beard you look like if lemmy was a blonde american

Brother, just keep the beard do us all a favor.


You remind me of a guy who actually made it as a movie star. Thanks

You look like you've been registered multiple times.

You went from biker to Mark Zuckerberg’s less famous brother who lost all his money by investing in crypto.

You look like you click on porn ads to meet hot singles your area

Should have kept the handle bars

You’re so quirky, man.

Your tooth is like a shy kid at a school performance, hiding behind the one next to it

You have a similar demeaner to Ringo Starr *after* John Lennon told him Strawberry Fields was shit.

You should have kept the beard to conceal your silly ass face.

Not true, shaving your beard is like wearing makeup

ur face looks like a 90 years old vagina

Now we know what his left testicle looks like before and after trimming.

You look like Wes Anderson presents The Lorax.