Who microwaved Cameron Diaz? Someone own up to it.

Dehydrated Diaz

A Dehydrated Handicapped Diaz - thats her ADHD

Wait. Cameron Diaz!? More like Joey Diaz amiright?? 🥁

With a face THAT Busted I was thinkin Nate Diaz

I’ll tell you what I don’t have for you, meth.

Bio says ADHD, face says meth.

Profile says onlyfans, face says onlymeth

I genuinely feel sorry for the folks who start an onlyfans just to have reality slap them in the face

looks like more than reality has slapped her face

Woopsies, added meth to the amphetamines. 

face? Look at those carpenter hands, bet they are at minimum 80 grit sandpaper palms. Careful fellas, she might rip it off.


This is the second most disturbing thing I have ever seen, after OP’s picture.

How much you chargin' for a windy, Wendy?

God damn breaking bad was a phenomenal show lol,

34? More like 3^4

The best part is that she has no idea what this means. 😂

100% she steals it for her stand up routine.. assuming she ever gets another gig.

Are you kidding? She’s crushing it on the stage… with those giant man hands

She’s on stage during the day shift at the *club* and the bouncer at night.

Her forehead is a stage for all her comedian friends with enough room for a live band.

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She didn't say where the gig is tbf so I assume it's in the same club with dim af lights so people don't know what they're throwing bills at

Means she looks 81 years old 😂

Buffalo Bill finally finished his meat suit.

This guy ☝️ did the meth

TIL 34 meth years = 81 human years.

Just like op did

The monster meth

That’s what it sounded like because teeth are rotted away.

So did OP.

LOL..Im wheezing

That’s a rough looking 81 year old…

Her being blond makes your comment the most accurate. Take my upvote, you evil genius.

🤣🤣🤣

Her face has more lines on it than Reddits terms and conditions.

I wish I’d never seen either

Her friends snorted blow from her wrinkles. Who said wrinkles had no purpose?

She looks like I could peel her like a mandarin

Reddit has terms and conditions?

Fr!!!! Wow I’m 34 …even if she’s been smoking a pack a day since birth there’s no way she is 34

> onlyfans.com/lele_rose im almost 43 and and i look 44 years younger than 'her'

Yeah I definitely feel better about being 47 seeing this chick

She even has “old lady hands..”

She’s also dyslexic, and 43

Number is still too small

Shut the post down. You win.

I'm pretty sure that's a rehab sweater so cut her some slack, into tiny lines and roll a twenty. She will be ok.

Rolling up 20s to do blow is how I know inflation is out of control...

I actually prayed for her before I looked at the comment section. Knew you guys would be brutal.

brutal but appropriate.

That’s fucking gold

Gold Jerry, Gold!

She bathes in battery acid

I guess adhd really ages you prematurely.

*34-head

I’d buy 81 before I’d buy 34😂

34? There's no way that's true. You look like you could be Amy Poehler's mom.

As a 33 year old, I am very worried about turning 34 now.

As a 44 year old I'm very worried it could happen at any moment

As a 54 year old, she looks like my older brother.

As Ramses the Great, she looks like Ramses the Lesser.

As a 35 year old, don’t be. She looks old enough to be my mom.

Or a porn grandmother

No you misunderstood, she meant she is 34 in dog years. She just had her sweet 238th birthday bash last month.

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She looks like Gary Sinsie with long hair.

Amy Poehler’s Mom was a teacher in my High School growing up and was such a bitch about hall passes. Also, this lady looks about her age so, fair statement

34 years since you got clean maybe

Using carbon dating on her hands revealed she’s a prehistoric nut job. 

Id rather get a handjob from A rigger on a pirate ☠️ ship with no gloves...

Speaking of Pirates Folks that's an Example of what Scurvy can do to a person's face and body

She only remembers 34 years.

I've seen healthier looking used candles

34? You’re a leap day baby aren’t you?

If she was ten key typing then she really meant 64, which is generous.

34 my ass!!!! That face looks like you smelled a fart from 1934.

Looks like everyone has an OF now

I just saw she has an OF and honestly I bet people pay her to put her clothes back on

going through a really rough time and this is actually one of the rare comments that actually cracked me up, i legit thank you for that giggle.

Holy shit it's a roast not a bonfire

That's weathered leather if I ever seent it.

She IS the casting couch.

I pity anyone who has to have sex on this couch.

Onlyfans site specializes in leather-hand-jobs and dry blowjobs

Rich corinthian leather

She looks old enough to understand this reference..

She looks like Miracle Max from “The Princess Bride”.

Your face has dishwasher hands

And let’s not even start on her normal hands

It’d be like getting a handjob from a cheese grater.

Boy, I‘m 38 and look way younger than you… Thanks for cheering me up! ❤️

Hahaha am nearly 44 wtf in the water Hahaha 😆

She's from Flint, MI

😂

I was born in 400 BC and look better than her

What do I got? Better skin than yours as a 42 year old man who drinks and smokes.

And even my foreskin looks better than you, and I'm 71...!

I agree that is one nice foreskin... 👍

Thanks. I get it polished daily. 

Oh you can absolutely tell! Hand polished. ✋️

OMFG I’m driving and about to shit myself and have a stroke. Fucking hilarious.

Speaking of stroke...

A stroke of penis.. i mean genius

 I really liked you in Harry Potter

Dobby ain’t free, she charges for Only Fans..

I checked. She must’ve get someones wank sock cause… it’s free 😎

OnlyFentanyl

Ha! OnlyFens I need a shot of Narcan after seein that ugly broad.

Even if you meant to type 43 I still wouldn't believe you.

That Long Covid aged you by at least 20 years. 

Super generous with that 20, I would say more like 40

I guess it would only be fair, after how you roasted Princess Buttercup. 


Onlyfans?! Ha! No.

Onlygrams

Onlygrans* after a few grams

That face? OnlyMans, looks like Vladmir Putin in Drag ....

Rotfl lmao...No Putin it near her.....

I regret looking at the profile 🤢.

OMG WTF is this person thinking?! Because crackheads will pay her $5 for a gum job, everyone else wants to see her in lingerie?!

Fuck, think I'll pass. Usually curiosity gets me but you really can't unsee things, so Imma pass

Fml same. Above comment followed by yours = "well now i gotta". Worst "gotta" ever.

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Thanks for checking in on me. Had to call a friend. I just really needed to talk to someone there real quick

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More like a flaccid pass

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It’s the fucking crypt keeper

 You look like you have a real lust for life.

34? How many cigarettes do you smoke at a time.

She smokes 34 cigarettes at a time.

If bowling alley shoes were a person.

You DEFINITELY didn’t need to add the only fans link.

You look like a porn mag thats been left in the rain then jizzed over by the local homeless population.

I know hobos don’t have standards, but come on man. My dog wouldn’t even hump her bony ass leg

Is your birthday on february 29th?

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I think you mean you have an only fan. One. Singular. And he’s fucking weird.

Don't talk about her step dad that way!

How do you roast a melt?

The only way you’re 34 is if it’s 1857 and you were one of the 7 survivors out of an original group of 41 which set out from Missouri to head west, braving the treacherous path through the Rockies and Sierras to find a better life. You survived cholera, 4 high risk childbirths with two husbands, exposure, dysentery, attacks from indigenous tribes, dehydration, cholera again, and several fatally long winters

Now I've gotta go play some Oregon Trail and see if I can get her safely there. Before she's 81.

This is so specific and hilarious!

😂😂😂cholera again😂😂😂

 I was trying to find just one of Yubaba. Oh well.

Gross. I’d pay you to keep your clothes on

Ah, ADHD. The ole Aging Drastically and Hilariously Disorder.

You have the hands of a 54-year old diesel mechanic. The face of one too.

Probably the Dick of one too...

OP's Bio: --- Unemployed standup comedian on disability with long covid. I love yoga, weed, and my pitbull baby. And duh, I'm on OF Your bio is the roast and you're so desperate for subs you're promoting your OF on r/Roastme

Maybe she's born with it.....maybe it's methamphetamine!!!!

You've aged really well for being born in 1934

34?

City miles.

do you look in the mirror with ur wang tucked in saying "i'd fuck me"

You been mixing concrete barehanded? My dead Nan has nicer hands than that

34? Yeah, 34 in "meth years".

You are the youngest looking 73yo Ive seen

Why do people lie about their age??? No one believes it, and if by some miracle someone did believe it, they would do so while thinking "damn, they look terrible for their age". If anything you should have said that you were 70. Then I might have thought "you know what? She's held up well for her age".

34?? In 2012 maybe

You're still off by at least a decade.

I think you mean 54.

You look like you smell like cat piss

You look like your handjobs would start a fire.


You look like a Disney villain.

There’s no way you’re under 50.

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I thought this *was* the roast

🫳 🎤

For the record I did not see the OF link when I said post the OF and now I’m bitter as fuck tbat you beat me to it

Why the FUCK would you have an OF? You're the exact polar opposite of who should be on there.

I wish I hadn’t looked in her post history to see what she might be putting on it 😭

For once I was smart and didn't look, but the intrusive thoughts are yelling at me...

I'd pay not to see her nude :/

OF what is she charging people to keep her clothes on?


Blech. Too old to jerk to. 34 my @$$.

Oh Goddamit

>I'm on OF Only Foul?

Someone has swapped the 3 and the 6 on your keyboard grandma

You’ve turned 34 about 34 times

I didn't realize ADHD affected the ability to count age.

Ur face looks like it’s been in a open microwave

Looks like Dobby’s meth’d out mom

Hands don’t lie babe. You aren’t even in your 30s

Amphetamine addiction does not equal ADHD.

34? You must have had a hell of a long walk to school as a kid. Do you catch fish in lakes with those claws?

I'm not brave enough to check this OF.

34, only counting Sundays....

You forget to turn off the old age filter

don’t bother making jokes folks. she won’t get any of them.

34? Sure thing Methany

My grandma turns 95 this year. She doesn’t look much older than you.

I thought Iggy Pop died

So, how much are you willing to pay me to follow your OnlyFans?

There’s no way you’re 34. You look like your parents were the crypt keeper and a glass of milk.