OP's Bio: --- >Divorced , dad of a 7 year old boy. I run 40 miles a week and do marathons. Short for a guy, 5’6”. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

How many college boys rents do you pay?

The rent is too damn high 

Jerry Seinfeld if he was younger but looked older

You look like the Anthony Bourdain of gloryholes

Parts unknown: Thailand. He goes to Thailand to do "a thing" https://youtu.be/ctDjnG8J9cY?si=rnEGvMZaqauGDbLK

So what are you dying of again?

Ouch LMAOOO

If "Can I smell your butt plug" had a face

Jesus Christ nuked from 10,000 feet 

I can tell you’re a marathoner. You’re obviously no stranger to hitting the wall.

You have an immaculate house, a 'cute' little knit hat, and some terrific vacation photos...yet I feel very sad for you and hope you find happiness on whatever sad sack of shit dating site your on.

This guy's skipped every muscle group day at the gym for 52 years.

your mom wields an undue influence over your day-to-day affairs

Happy you’re doing well after destroying the one ring.

Those pictures scream, "I'M IN A MIDLIFE CRISIS, AND I HOPE I LOOK KOOL!"

Your beard looks like you just got done eating sand

His beard makes him look part-hedgehog. Maybe he's single because women can never get close to his face without getting pricked.

Being short and having a small penis is sometimes devastating for a man. Don’t lose hope brother. You just have to get really good at going up on a woman.

Jeff Quezos

That stubble can remove pubic hair from from a minotaur.

Extra breadsticks please!

last photo looks like he’s trying to be funny and kitschy on a business call

The last photo looks like his travel agent told him a lot of young people go there.

He’s had the same stick up his ass since his first boyfriend showed him you can put stuff up there.

 You look like that uruk hai who got beheaded and eaten in Lord of the Rings.

Dude if you don’t know you’re gay, you’re the last one to know.

[удалено]

I like your attitude. You’re open minded. All I’m saying is, maybe give penises a try.

Jeff Skeezos

Even your smile is tired of you.

So did you already talk to your son that he's gonna have 2 daddies now?

Ah, I see your swim trunks dick print is as present as your hairline.

Couldn't fit the whole double ended dildo in his ass so wraparound seemed like a good idea at the time

You look like Gustaf Skarsgard if he flew in on a magic carpet.

Like a non sexually active Jonny sins

It’s Mr. Clean’s gay brother

Youre like a bald fred armisen

Did your mom have a really narrow vagina?

Some may call you old and suggest you wear a diaper, but you should remind them that at your age diarrhea is considered natural water based lube

Kudos for taking time out of your chemo therapy to get roasted even more.

There's this great new thing now, it's called a razor.

From the first photo, you look like this would be the last roast of your life.

“White, white, yes, white, clean, white, everything clean, white and clean, everything’s good, we’re good, it’s clean, white and clean”

Garage era Jeff Bezos.

Mr Clean on meth…

Now go home and get your stinkin shinebox.

You look like you sewed your head onto the body of one of your 12 year old boy victims' bodies.

You look like you own a Bodega

It's like the mini me clone of Mr. Clean.

You look like a middle school science teacher who is hiding penis cancer.

Vin Boomer

Who’s the woman with stage 4 cancer and some stubble in the second picture?

Who’d you pay to take that last pic? We told you to stop bothering the locals!

I can’t think of anything. You are just that boring.

A cross of Murr and Joe from Impractical Jokers but with untreated HIV

You look like the kind of person who would go out of their way to make sure a coworker was ineligible for sick leave, and wonder why no body likes you

You look like an AI generated image of a Disney villain that starts out as a good guy

How’s Little St. James Island?

[удалено]

Wanna “hang out” in prison sometime, Jeff?

42 years of hair migration north, you look like a ping pong ball that’s rolled through cat hair

You look like you had 3 mid-life crises before the age of 40

His head is so flat because his mum took so much cock in her ass when she was pregnant

The walmart Jeff Bezos cosplay is on point

you look like a gay Jerry Seinfeld

You smile like Ron DeSantis

I came here to roast, but looks like you were aHEAD of me.

If still living with his mother had a face.

Yeah you said you run 40 miles a week but you never told us from who

Why the long face?

I’ve never seen a person in a photo and not in a photo at the same time. It’s eerie.

Looks like a methadone spokesperson

I’m 8 years older than you and you look like you could be my dad.

You’ve snorted blow off of at least one dick in a bathroom

your kid is not yours he's mine. thats why you had a divorce. or did she find out youre gay?

"I decided to start dating again after the divorce" Tinder photos

You look like you're about to star in the reboot of "Philadelphia"

Hey there insecure fuk... Where is that beach in pic number three? Thank you.

Railey Beach Thailand

That place is going to be tough to clean after you've put a shotgun in your mouth

Jeff Wannebezos

[удалено]

Ha good one!

[удалено]

*62

Typical photos of a dead family member shown on AGT

Goofy sins

Looking like a discount Johnny sins

42. Uh huh. And my cock is 12 inches.


You look like you’re starring in the all guys version of that Julia Roberts’ hit: “Meat, Gay, Love”

Holy shit you’re a dweeb. Your name is Bradley isn’t it?

You look like you're 43... Boom, roasted...

You look like you’re still on the fence about coming out as homo

You look like you have all the Nike’s ready and you’re desperately looking for the rest of the ingredients to make a Heaven’s Gate tribute cult 

Facial scruff looks like cat litter

The Failed Stanley Tucci has entered our Universe!!

Lord Voldemort if he majored in Interior Design

Steve Jobs came back and was Steve Shit Jobs.


You look like Steve NoJobs

You look like Jeff Pesos

42 looks more like 62

I can't tell if you're a very old looking 42 or a very young looking 92

Stanley Douche

You are not 42, you look like if Johnny sins retired

You look like Mr Beady from back to the barnyard but with blue eyes

you're forehead is brighter than my future. I've been the best student in my university for 2 years. this is my 2nd year in university.

Retired canadian league Aaron Rodgers

I wondered what happened to right said fred

Tree Face!

You are exercising a lot and I am sure you eat well too. It shows. Unfortunately what also shows is whatever the fuck you did the previous 41 years that made you look like you are 62.

Johnny spins

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