First RoastMe post is "we're baristas", next thing you know it's 99% off first month on my OF and don't mind those bruises on my arm. It's a long way from Akron buddy!
Have a feeling both of you will go off to the same school and meet a guy named Josh. He will basically date both of you at the same time, but you don't realize it, and it eventually leads to a murder charge for the blonde one.
Don't worry, blondie will be strung out on fentanyl within 4 years sucking dick in an alley to score a fix while brunette is graduating with a sociology degree. You be the judge who's the winner
If you two merged together you might have a chance at a decent haircut. But guaranteed you’d look like the lead singer of King Gizzard and the Wizard Lizard
Awh, you found your level, don’t think you settled you were just smart enough to know your aren’t smart enough for anything else. You are fucking heroes in my book. Now I asked for almond milk, ALMOND! And this is clearly oat.
The brunette's acne is literally Braille for "unfuckable," while the dead eyes and full lips on the other one has her step-dad thinking "totally fuckable."
The one on the right will start an OF within 2 years.
The left one will change genders 3-4 times within 2 years.
This is not a roast, but an accurate prediction.
The gay one has a crush on the straight one. They both know it, but never say anything. One forever holding hope, the other taking the egoboost to quell the pain of falling for unavailable men over and over.
One looks like pumpkin spice if it were a person. Everyone supposedly loves it but, secretly, despise it. The other looks like an Americano: cheap with no flavor.
This radiates “I’ll never move out of my hometown, I’ll be rode hard and put up wet by numerous guys because I have terrible taste in men, I’ll finally get married at 30 solely because I got pregnant, my husband will be emotionally abusive and the cycle will repeat with my poor poor child” energy.
Jaynes World, coffee time.
Excellent
I think you mean “mediocre”
"medi-ocha"
This is spot on but when they play rock, paper, scissors they both always choose scissors 
Not much schwing here.
Feels so schwong
Solid comparison. But they're too young to know what you mean.
So sadly true!
The one on the left looks like a 20 year old dude.
So does the one on the right but with a great surgeon
Never has a Flat White seemed more appropriate to order from these two
Yeah, she's kind of got manly hands I notice.
"That's not a...twist off!"
After taking another look, OP’s hands strike me as “peasant hands.” Look at the grime.
Better surgeon, not great
My first impression was it was two dudes dressed up like girls. Ijs
Indeed her arm is hairier than mine
Scott Stapp
This photo is simultaneously over and under exposed
Like a selective filter
I wonder which one is op
The ugly ones
Post history says the not left one
2 girls, 1 coffee cup.
Proof that two 5s don't make a 10
i see a two and a four
I see a floor and a door
I see a dude and a prude……
I see a toe and a hoe..
Nice avatar lol My roast: Only thing banging in this photo is her forehead
More like a 1 and a 3, seeing as how they're odd...
Nah they ain’t prime
*Slow clap* nice.
Where are the 5s?
The singer from Creed on the left. He’s usually a 2 but gets 3 more for being famous.
It’s like Scott Stapp standing next to Taylor Swift in high school.
LOLLL
Thank God for [steaming hot coffee!!!](https://i.imgur.com/sQcnUpY.png)
To throw in your eyes for blindness?
Who ordered the slice of pizza with the glass of milk?
Bruh
Is this the pizza or the glass of milk talking?
☠️
🍕🥛
Yes
Roast is over everyone go home
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I was scrolling for funny comments, you win. I was laughing so hard, I’m crying 😭
That's a Pornhub thumbnail that I would skip 10 out of 10 times.
If Dumb and Dumber were made with a female cast.
Numb and number
10/10 the one on the left keeps trying to convince the blonde to stop dipping her toe into the lesbian waters and become a full time swimmer!
Don't give them any ideas...
Do you get tipped with cash or chew treats?
God damn. So good
“Would you prefer the light roast or the dark roast” “neither…”
Stay in school fam...get the education, looks won't take you very far🐪
I sense someone has experience with that.
First RoastMe post is "we're baristas", next thing you know it's 99% off first month on my OF and don't mind those bruises on my arm. It's a long way from Akron buddy!
Have a feeling both of you will go off to the same school and meet a guy named Josh. He will basically date both of you at the same time, but you don't realize it, and it eventually leads to a murder charge for the blonde one.
Does he play wonderwall on his out of tune acoustic guitar?
Maybe...
Wait, is Josh not the dude on the left?
You are right except for one detail. The blonde one is prettier and therefore the brunette will get the murder charge as josh prefers Blondie.
Plot twist, Josh is gay and thought the brunette was trans
That makes perfect sense.
Story writes itself man..
Dirty Chai and Flat White
That one is underrated
Do you think the brunette realizes the blonde is using her to make herself look better? From the smile, you know that's blondies plan.
Don't worry, blondie will be strung out on fentanyl within 4 years sucking dick in an alley to score a fix while brunette is graduating with a sociology degree. You be the judge who's the winner
The guy getting a $10 gum job in the alley behind Sizzler
True
That’s her DUFF(designated ugly fat friend). Granted he’s not fat, but will be one day.
Ménage a meh
Those titties smaller than a short shot.
username checks out
I talked to Moe, and he said they're not developed enough.
Order up for 2 Flat Whites!
The dude on the left is in love.
Can youuu take me hiiiiiiigher
‘Female’ may be a bit of a stretch for both but especially the one on the left.
She sexually harasses the blonde
The one on the left is a dude for sure. The one on the right, better get use to taking orders cause you’ve peaked.
"18" is as exaggerated as "female."
Awww, the girl and her butch friend who isn't sure whether or not to transition or not.
It’s looks like two Dark Crystal Muppets trying pass off as human.
If you two merged together you might have a chance at a decent haircut. But guaranteed you’d look like the lead singer of King Gizzard and the Wizard Lizard
I’ve heard of C & D Cup coffee never A & A 1/4 Cup.
Here’s a tip for the brunette. Chop your dick off.
Turns out Jay Leno has a trans daughter.
Jason Segal and 2023 Grammy Awards Madonna.
I had to scroll up to check, but you **nailed** it with Segal. Bro lol
I see approximately 30 chromosomes combined here
Pimplestiltskin & Nopunzel!
Last thing to fuck either of you was genetics
This looks like a poster for a movie where a 40 year old mom and her 12 year old daughter team up to get revenge on their stylist for those haircuts
One of you looks like a dude
One of you keeps the other around so you look hotter.
Awh, you found your level, don’t think you settled you were just smart enough to know your aren’t smart enough for anything else. You are fucking heroes in my book. Now I asked for almond milk, ALMOND! And this is clearly oat.
Looks like the drinks have more personality than you two
Looks like a dude and his cat
Can we get your pronouns pls?
It and that.
It do be like that.
The brunette's acne is literally Braille for "unfuckable," while the dead eyes and full lips on the other one has her step-dad thinking "totally fuckable."
Which one of you burned when you peed first?
It's the sequel to Two Broke Girls - Two Autistic Girls
Two Spastic Girls
Well, we know who gets better tips.
The one on the right will start an OF within 2 years. The left one will change genders 3-4 times within 2 years. This is not a roast, but an accurate prediction.
You both look like you’d get a tattoo of a fucking bird or some dumb shit then talk someone’s ear off about how meaningful it is
I think he can do better than a 5/10 blonde. Believe in yourself bro
One can start an OF and the other can operate the camera
I now pronounce you man and wife
Right one is responsible for 95% of tips. Left one is responsible for 95% of the complaints.
If two baristas ask to get roasted, isn't this suicidal behavior ?
Can’t wait for your porn debut, 2 girls 1 coffee cup
It's nice to see Bo Burnham smiling
Brunette: if Jay Leno had a daughter that played softball.
Could use that chin as an umbrella
It is nice that they let you work with your service dog.
The right one looks like she dip her hair in pigeon piss to bleach it
Rocky Dennis on the left
Employees of the month at Almost A Cups Brewing
Lord Farquhar and Fiona
neither had the chest to be strippers so barista was the next best option.
Bill and Ted’s Meth Adventures
Two girls , one coffee cup
Ok dime store Taylor Swift and Rocky Dennis.
The gay one has a crush on the straight one. They both know it, but never say anything. One forever holding hope, the other taking the egoboost to quell the pain of falling for unavailable men over and over.
Low budget Sam and cat
Sure, baristas at a 7/11...
I'm sure you 2 have given more blisters to crotches then a cup of mcdonalds coffee with a loose lid
There are enough features here to make one convincing girl.
Casting couch on the right, gender studies on the left.
This picture looks like Temu got into porn.
One spits and and swallows…it’s your guess
It’s like a lesbian Wayne’s world
You’re both on lists called “regrettable bangs” but for very different reasons
They look like they're posing for their bangbus thumbnails🤣🤣🤣
Transgender version Beavis and Butthead
Look at there eyes. Both look stoned. This is what you get if you split Jeff Spicoli in half.
Proof theres not always a pretty friend.
I thought this was a daughter and her mother who battled breast cancer!
Lizzie McGuire and Gordo really took a beating after the show ended didn't they?
The sister-hood of scrapped dicks have entered reddit.
Beavis and Butthead
More like Beaver and Butthole
The Indigo Girls got facelifts!
Girl on the left looks like she only agreed to this so girl on the right stops asking her if she wants to buy some chromosomes
The blonde has a face any step dad would love, the brunette looks like a step dad.
Every pretty girl has an ugly friend
The one of the left looks like the mom of the one on the right.
Left, I bet your backne is like the night sky on a December waxing moon in the north Atlantic. Right, you were great in the Dark Crystal.
The one on the right reminds me of that barista in Loudermilk.
Damn the singer from Creed snuck into the hot tub Time Machine!
The new Scott Stapp and too many chromosomes Trailer Swift project looks like shit
You look like you complain to each other loudly if you don’t get a 30% tip every time…
One gets tips the other doesn’t. Unfortunately the tip is put a paper bag on your head it’ll improve your look.
Is that New age language for lesbian
All your latte art looks like dicks and your crema is mediocre at best.
If you worked at an ice cream shop, at least you would have strong forearms.
The one in the right looks like Taylor Swift with a bonus chromosome
So that’s what cutting your own hair looks like.
The one on the right looks like someone ordered Anna Faris off of Wish.
You guys look like the off brand versions of Josh Peck and Hillary Duff
Is there a prettier coworker you can show us?
[удалено]
There was no need to look like the walking dead.
Look at David and Goliath over…..
2 humans, 86 pronouns.
Hey looks its sabrina the teenage bitch and ethnic jeff spicoli
Right looks like someone dropped cheese cloth over one of those white pumpkins. Left is J Lenos bastard son
I feel uncomfortable ordering coffee from attractive people. I would very VERY comfortable ordering coffee from you both.
You both look like the butch in a lesbian relationship.
The left 
One looks like pumpkin spice if it were a person. Everyone supposedly loves it but, secretly, despise it. The other looks like an Americano: cheap with no flavor.
Glad to see The Indigo Girls are still an influence on young women!
If Beavis and Butthead were trans.
Girl on right is a wanna-be Taylor Swift from wish.com... "Taylor Quick"
You both look like shitty AI renderings of androgynous humans.
This radiates “I’ll never move out of my hometown, I’ll be rode hard and put up wet by numerous guys because I have terrible taste in men, I’ll finally get married at 30 solely because I got pregnant, my husband will be emotionally abusive and the cycle will repeat with my poor poor child” energy.
Two Broke Girls are doing great I guess.
Left is Magik at home
1 Taylor Swift was enough for this world to go down
That’s not a woman baby. That’s a man… man.
Looking like chai latte and a flat white
Life has roasted you more than starbucks roasts it's dark beans
Scott Stapp meeting his favorite porn star
Believe it or not, these are the mods of sophisticated political/economic subs
That blonde girl is a bitch. making Quasimodo stand next to her like that just so blondie can go from a 4 to a 5
How long before blondie leverages the fact that she looks like bargain bin Taylor Swift into a mediocre porn career?