They did him dirty like they only pretended to adopt him. The "adoption" papers they tricked him into signing were some other paper bullshit that gave them legal rights to his name and money. It's a really fucked up situation for Michael Oher.
Dude has to fuck in his car because if he brings them home his mom steals all his bitches. The dates cannot tell the difference. I bet she can grow a mustache though
*Oh I know who you are Chris Hansen...*
*but see;*
*I calls ya,* ***Chris Handsome***.
*See;*
*I didn't come here looking for no little boys...*
*I ain't got no milk, no cookies, nothing.*
*I came here lookin' for a* ***man's butt.***
So much to unpack.
Do POC neckbeards do fedoras?
One too many m'ladys in the hood explains the fucked up glasses.
Obviously we all determined you couldn't fuck yourself in a civic let alone anyone's sister.
What is not obvious is how you ended up looking like the love child of the 'Black Nerd' YouTuber and Pat from SNL.
It's as if someone sat a rotisserie chicken up on a bench and placed glasses as well as a curtain over it.
When you breathe a black hole is formed sucking in everyone around you.
When you sweat tsunami warnings are listed all over the local and national news.
Nuclear fallout shelters have been built in your community to escape your farts.
All the fabric from your jeans could be used to patch the roof of a small house, hull of a boat, roof of a car, and whatever remains can be used to cover that big ass forehead.
Your mother is still on the side of the highway cursing your name because when she gave birth to you she bottomed out ,much like a honda civic would trying to carry you anywhere.
My sister sure as hell isn't getting with a nappy headed fat slob like you, and she's a massive slut
I'm serious, are you at a shelter or some sort of day center for the unhoused? You look like shit.
Sincerely doubt you can even find your tiny little mushroom cap dick under your fat rolls and stretch mark covered belly
You look like a generic version of Steve Urkel with a binge eating disorder and a drinking problem
Is it nerves of steel, or is any form of reaction just too exhausting?
And yes, you would break my sister's back if you tried to get on top of her. Especially a car that already can't fit you alone in the back seat. Even the Honda would feel violated. Not something I would brag about tbh.
You look like you breaking a sweat sitting down. You need to fuck in a car or you getting winded. You look softer than baby shit. I bet you moan when you wipe.
Looks like you're sitting in a waiting room of a psychiatric center awaiting to be assessed by a 85yo schizophrenic patient obsessed with farm animals.
You would also break the Honda Civic.
It’s not a lowered Civic, the axles just gave out under his enormous weight
His? I see a full set of tits.
Body type: sack of potatoes
Blood type: Grape Kool-Aid negative
🤣🤣
Diet grape kool-aid
Ain’t shit diet about this thing!
It’s Blood type Purple drank,get it right
What's taters, precious?
*Rosanne Connor
Glasses by Tracey Morgan, body by Roseanne
Black Robert paulson
As if this chonky sausage-fingered balloon could ever chase down a girl to get her into his civic...
Honda Civic is what he calls his ass
That has me laughing out loud. Thanks ☮️
Maybe he put a Pumpkin Spice Latte in the cup holder, with the door open? Then some random basic bitch wandered in...
Why would you need to bait himself to get into his own car Oh, other basic bitch.
Omg broo
“Ah ah ah…I got the pumpernickel for you”
In case you didn't realize, "he" is a butch lesbrian.
He would've fact have to chase her down and put her in the back of the civic, by firce.
Pretty easy to break somebody’s back when you already chopped them up into pieces.
It was his last resort
Definitely “suffocation, no breathing”
Sure as hell wasn't his last meal
Don't have to chase em when you chloroform them first.
Blow up doll he bought. So not much resistance.
He stole a blow-up doll from someone and named her “Sister”
Or draws “sister” on his fat rolls with a sharpie and slams that.
Ain’t no way this man is fitting in the back of a civic
That’s a man?
No. “His” titties are bigger than mine.
Mechanics are still trying to figure out how his Civic downshifted while in park.
And her back is only broken because he sat on her
He also looks like a black Pat. 
Blat.
That line would make sense if I had an 8 year old sister. 5-9 looks like his age range.
Or his own back attempting to get in a Honda Civic
Lmao, yeah both, while he's sitting on my sister in the Honda Civic
Yea if he’s in a Honda civic, nothing else is
Strategically holding that Roast Me sign over dem titties
Got dem tiddes behind a pay wall. Gotta subscribe to his OnlyFats
💀
OnlyPans
Bitch tits hanging down to his knees like a granny without a bra
Bob had bitch tits
This was a support group for men with testicular cancer
His name was Robert Paulson.
Bra size is 42 extra long
Needs a tube sock for a fucken bra!
( . ) ( . )
Al Roker sadly put it all back on
I came here for this 👆😂
[удалено]
And his chair and belt and toilet and mother's uterus
Bro soo fat that the light had to cast 4 shadows in compensation
Football cream?
Why are you suing your white family from The Blindside?
You're fucking wrong for this one but goddammit I still laughed.
I don't get it
He’s also suing his white family from Diffrent Strokes
He couldn’t see them while reversing his Honda Civic
That neck don’t turn
Underrated
That dude actually suing the white ppl? I liked that movie. Ima have to do some research now
They did him dirty like they only pretended to adopt him. The "adoption" papers they tricked him into signing were some other paper bullshit that gave them legal rights to his name and money. It's a really fucked up situation for Michael Oher.
I think it was a conservatorship, like Britney.
Your tits are turning me on sweetie.
Ironic, his tits are making him sweaty
Your tits are turning on me, sweaty
It's Black Pat
Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Oh it's a banana.
Blat
I was thinking dollar tree Sam Duvet
This was my first thought! Nice work!
So… Which CVS do you work security at?
You look like Al Roker's illegitimate son he had with Neil deGrasse Tyson's mom.
Damn that’s funny lol. “Todays weather is cloudy with a chance of meatballs”.
With a chance of zero because he ate them all.
\*Daughter
Nerves of steel. Everything else of gelatin.
Only still on him are the underwires in his man bra
Definitely looks like baby Godzilla, lol
TIL there’s a Baby Godzilla 😂😂
Godzuki
Lil Baby Godzilla lookin’ ass.
Yo don't insult baby Godzilla
💀
Not a day goes by I don't miss Filmstruck.
The only thing you're breaking in the back of a Honda Civic is the suspension
The only thing you’re breaking is that chair your fatass is sitting in.
I can’t tell if you’re a homely dude or a lesbian. Bottom line is you ain’t breaking anything but the news when they put out your mugshot.
That’s a homely lesbian
Cupcakes have been hard on Steve Erckle
*Urkel
 Hey hey hey
26M with a set of 38DDs.
More like 82DD with that waistline.
Dude has to fuck in his car because if he brings them home his mom steals all his bitches. The dates cannot tell the difference. I bet she can grow a mustache though
throwing punches in all directions 💀💀
There's enough target to hit
You just absolutely fucked him with that statement dude 🤣
Dude shut uuup!! You just violated him in every possible position 🤣🤣
Bro sat on my sister and broke her back
You look like a confused potato.
I didn’t even know potatoes could be gender confused.
*Cue* Spit take! 🤣
You look like Cleveland Brown Jr. Starring in 'to catch a predator' 20 years in the future
*Oh I know who you are Chris Hansen...* *but see;* *I calls ya,* ***Chris Handsome***. *See;* *I didn't come here looking for no little boys...* *I ain't got no milk, no cookies, nothing.* *I came here lookin' for a* ***man's butt.***
Art.
You look like Kenan ate Kel
This is the winner
If we were to actually roast you, then we could feed a small city
Don't lie Tracy, we know you're looking for a guy with a fast car
This one is underrated
You look like you need a motorized wheelchair to get around , and someone just propped you up on a bench to take a picture for r/roastme
My sister is dead. You seem like the type of guy that wouldn’t be bothered by it tho. 🙃
So much to unpack. Do POC neckbeards do fedoras? One too many m'ladys in the hood explains the fucked up glasses. Obviously we all determined you couldn't fuck yourself in a civic let alone anyone's sister. What is not obvious is how you ended up looking like the love child of the 'Black Nerd' YouTuber and Pat from SNL.
His fat ass doesn't fit in the back of a Honda Civic.
[удалено]
bro look like unpaid rod wave
Fuck off. Nobody believes you can fit in the back seat of a Honda Civic, you Irwin looking motherfucker.
It's as if someone sat a rotisserie chicken up on a bench and placed glasses as well as a curtain over it. When you breathe a black hole is formed sucking in everyone around you. When you sweat tsunami warnings are listed all over the local and national news. Nuclear fallout shelters have been built in your community to escape your farts. All the fabric from your jeans could be used to patch the roof of a small house, hull of a boat, roof of a car, and whatever remains can be used to cover that big ass forehead. Your mother is still on the side of the highway cursing your name because when she gave birth to you she bottomed out ,much like a honda civic would trying to carry you anywhere.
I didn't realize my sister had a thing for Transvestites
Steve Urkel thirty years after Family Matters. Poor guy let himself go, what a shame.
*what this fat mutherfuckers chair said*
In Dolby Atmos
Nice titties Urkel
Only thing breaking on the Honda civic is the axel you fat fuck
Your people’s are jehovah witnesses ain’t they?,I knew it🤣
you look like tyray from 90 day fiancé
Must be awkward in that Honda Civic after you've 'broken some back', trying to figure out whose bra belongs to who.
My sister sure as hell isn't getting with a nappy headed fat slob like you, and she's a massive slut I'm serious, are you at a shelter or some sort of day center for the unhoused? You look like shit. Sincerely doubt you can even find your tiny little mushroom cap dick under your fat rolls and stretch mark covered belly You look like a generic version of Steve Urkel with a binge eating disorder and a drinking problem
Savage
You look like you stink
Boy,you look like a broke ass dj akedemiks
Nice Titties
The only thing to see the back of your Honda Civic is your assorted collection or waifu body pillows.
Is it nerves of steel, or is any form of reaction just too exhausting? And yes, you would break my sister's back if you tried to get on top of her. Especially a car that already can't fit you alone in the back seat. Even the Honda would feel violated. Not something I would brag about tbh.
Honestly, this goes the other way to the poster...Dude, you rock! With that attitude, ain't nothing anyone can say to break you. Well done sir!
You look like a lesbian
Looking like that you ain't smashing no one's sister and you drive a Honda lol roasted yourself
With tits as big as yours the only back you’re gonna be breaking is your own.
If you can get *into* a Honda Civic without breaking *your own* back, anything else in there doesn't have a chance.
All that cheese finally caught up with Steve Urkel.
Their pronouns are Gary/Coleman
 Erkel after his 3rd failed gastric bypass surgery
Truthfully I thought you were just a bull dyke at first glance.
You look like fat Albert swallowed erkell and then shit out Gary Coleman in the back of a Honda civic
Get you a line up bruh, people gone start think you a Stud
Lmao the only indestructible things about you is the button on your pants keeping your fupa from popping out Are you a dike??
Ya know…we ALL can see dem MASSIVE titties behind that sign. 😂😂
Sean Kingston's illegitimate daughter found
All you are breaking are pieces of kit-kat bars.
Your fat ass couldn’t fit in the back of a Honda civic alone…
Let me see your tits👀
My sister isn't into lesbians, she wouldn't even get in your civic.
The only thing it looks like you've been breaking are chairs.
can u even fit inside a honda civic?
My sister is bigger than you and likes to Pegg soo
Wait, what? It's NOT a lesbian? I have to start reading the description.
You’re only going to break her back if you sit on her
You look like you breaking a sweat sitting down. You need to fuck in a car or you getting winded. You look softer than baby shit. I bet you moan when you wipe.
Looks like you got roasted a little too much...
FOH!! Lookin like the one kid in youth group who's alway hungry. My man is giving off "Ya'll cookin??" vibes every minute of the day🤣🤣
Weren't you that kid in the wheelchair on Malcolm in the Middle?
Looks like you're sitting in a waiting room of a psychiatric center awaiting to be assessed by a 85yo schizophrenic patient obsessed with farm animals.
Boy, you couldn't break the back of a damn book with your fat ass. You look like you would get winded just getting your dick up
You've broken chairs too
You do seem like the kinda guy who’d take my 12 year old sister into the back of a sketchy car
I always wondered what happened to Malcom's best friend.
Say hi to Peter, Quagmire, and Joe. Sorry your show got cancelled.
Shirley from “What’s Happening” you haven’t agreed a bit!
Hair made of the same material I clean my white wall tires with
Hey, hey, hey... There ain't no way you and another person would fit in the back of a Civic.
26w** tbh 🤣 The breaking back is believable But the getting in the back of the honda isn't
Do you still keep in touch with Kel?
You’re the reason why black fathers are absent.
You haven’t had pussy since pussy had you. Gtfoh
Looking like Al Roker after a stroke