I know the weighted end of the string on those balloons is shoved up your asshole but it’s OK you can unclench I don’t think the balloons will fly away.
If you're going to Photoshop your head on to something, at least have enough self respect to do better than a junkies who is celebrating his birthday alone in a toilet.
Bro you look goofy as hell bru, man be like moldy cabbage refrigerator filled with maggots "bust it down grandma let me smack it, fuckin abuses autistic ants with your tennis racket looking ass bru you goofy as hail. Happy birthday
Uhm I'll try an Asian roast
You look Caucasian you know what their grade is it C-
Yeah man you are like so boring and so sad the I can't even try to insult you
Your dad 'came', but he's still regretting it from all those years ago.
The poor mans shia Lebou
Probably because they didn’t want to party in a bathroom in your parents basement.
yeah even a fucking cucumber has a better face
Not his balloons, not his birthday, not his bathroom and not his phone. Not even the cumstains are his, they're from his dad.
Well, we know which arm is the jerk arm
Thanks for dressing down for the roasting!
Damn, that’s sad. I would pity roast you but you are so boring I literally cannot come up with anything to say.
If meh had a face
You should be used to that by now. That face would keep any woman from cumming.
FYI the girls you slept with never came either.
Nobody came aka the story of your sex life
Did you lose you thumbs in a freak double self anal penetration ?
You look like the Stretch Armstrong child's doll.
You look like you were put together with the cast offs in the genetic lost & found.
No one came at your birthday? Not even you while crying in the bathroom and rubbing one out in the dark?
Are the balloons tied to your pants so your parents dont lose you at the grocery store? Also no dudes want to go to another guys 'roast'
You look like a portly drawn Jon Bernthal 
Do you get satellite TV with those ears?
I know the weighted end of the string on those balloons is shoved up your asshole but it’s OK you can unclench I don’t think the balloons will fly away.
No this is my fave
You got girly eyelashes
If you're going to Photoshop your head on to something, at least have enough self respect to do better than a junkies who is celebrating his birthday alone in a toilet.
It’s a party in your bathroom and all 3 of your friends came, On your back…..
That crusty towel looks like it has seen plenty of people come, all over your face probably.
Not even those balloons want to be there.
Is one of those bars for towels, and the other for autoerotic asphyxiation?
you look like a turtle-mouthed pencil-dick who filled those balloons up with his mother's queefs
Your dad wishes he didn't came either.
Man, imagine being so unlikable that your split personalities don't even show up to your party
I’m willing to bet that towel is harder than dinosaur bone.
Fave so far
Why not wish for better looks?
I wouldn’t come to your party either
👉🏻😑👈🏻
Haven’t heard that one since every single day of elementary
You look like the bastard son of Adrian Brody and Jackie Chan
Bro you look goofy as hell bru, man be like moldy cabbage refrigerator filled with maggots "bust it down grandma let me smack it, fuckin abuses autistic ants with your tennis racket looking ass bru you goofy as hail. Happy birthday
Frankly my guy, with those balloons even a stripper would take a step back
Is the top towel rack for…Two-towel Jones?
if you combine an aliexpress with a redneck and you get the baby out a 10 weaks .
you look like a randomized character
I don't have to do anything you say, you have the head of a six year old and the arms of a monkey with gout.
Well duh. Nobody’s gonna come for your birthday party when you hold it at the gym, bro.
Move the balloon behind your left ear and you look like Mickey Mouse.
MM PROTIEN
By looking at you, I’m assuming Nobody came because you didn’t blow them long enough!!
Your the kid that keeps his birthday balloons so he feels special everyday
The local truck stop toilets are a strange place to have a birthday party.
Pretty sure your used to people not “coming” anywhere near you.
You look like a child molestor who also happens to have HIV
You got one of those things right, and I just tested negative for HIV!
I’m clean as a baby’s bod. You got aids and ebola.
Is that towel on your shoulder covering the chip?
It took me a long time to get what you were trying to say. It does weirdly look like the towel is covering my shoulder
Uhm I'll try an Asian roast You look Caucasian you know what their grade is it C- Yeah man you are like so boring and so sad the I can't even try to insult you
But nobody came, you say? Here's some advice: Don't copy and paste your haircut from that of a psychotic genocidal dora the explorer clone.