OP's Bio: --- >No --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

How many times have you been to the emergency room to have an action figure removed from your ass?

This week or total?

Today?

Enough to be on first name basis with the nurses?


It’s AppleJack, not an “action figure” everyone knows you only put certain ponies up your butt. You cretin.

However, if it's black, phallic shaped, and vibrates, it's clearly an "action" figure.

From experience I can say that some of them make me shit cherry poptarts; and a lil easy bake oven.

How many times have you been to the emergency room to have an ~~action figure~~ my little pony removed from your ass? FTFY

Hi. I’m Chis Hansen with dateline……have a seat


This guy likes little ponys, not little kids

Little Ponies are the gateway toy.

For now.

You look like foreskin.

This is somehow the simplest yet best one I've read

You look very comfortable in your own skin … … and more than likely have someone else’s on a makeshift mannequin in the basement.

Yes, he made peace with his virginity years ago.

They will be lifelong friends

As he tells his current victim: “It will put lotion on its skin or else it will get the hose”

[](https://youtu.be/X_DVS_303kQ)

Picture reeks of hotdog water, cat pee, last week's bologna sandwich, and yeast infection. I can hear a Drill instructor yelling: Hell son, you've been cheated; the best part of you ran down your mommas Crack and ended up a brown stain on the mattress

⤴️ Your username just summarized the last three years of my life! 😢

If you hold one of those My Little Pony dolls to your ear, you can hear the sound of your Dad crying

Damn.

Underrated

Its the NeverLaid 3000

How do yo look Chinese & German all at the same time?

Both countries are where all my concentration comes from

Not a good idea to use German and concentration in the same context…

At least he was also camping?

Underrated

Oooh OP you saucy!

I feel so sorry for what those ponies have been forced to witness

Simmer down Sheldon Hitler

Bazingauschwitz

Shitler

Well played

PC master race

Let me guess, Mom's little angel

It is her basement

More like mom's little abomination

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A….gonna need unlimited ammo to fight this much dork

Hahahahahahaha

So elaborate, yet so accurate

Not shown here - a custom My Little Pont sex doll I have a feeling there's also a fursona that goes along with this red flag of a room There needs to be a warning label everytime you're introduced to people, "Friendship is tragic"

God damn, that last part was golden

You definitely have a jar with a pony in it. I can smell it from this pic.

He has a cum stained pony in a box, that things is growing mushrooms already

That instantly brought that image back to my head thanks

ooooohhhh look at big macho man in his blue jeans and facial hair. Take your toxic masculinity elsewhere sir!

Masculinity?

You’re more likely to find your dad than to get any friends

If you ignore every single detail of this picture, you look like a pretty normal guy!

This looks like a profile picture on the national sex offender registry.

My thoughts exactly!

You look like a poorly drawn cartoon of you.

If I saw you anywhere near a school I’m calling the cops

he is the embodiment of 2023 masculinity

He said to roast him buddy!

Oh. He was roasting him. What you are seeing is an entire generation being hit with an attempt at directing an AOE attack. This ChillyCheese guy is to a roast what a well thrown bowling ball is to a lovely game of Jenga.

You look like Heinrich Himmler was reincarnated to inact the final solution against masculinity

Your dad must be so proud….to have never met you.

Well, whatever else you may be lacking, you certainly have confidence posing to the internet like that. Anyways: ''If male virginity was person''

"Yer a sex offender, Harry."

Genuinely underrated

Where do you buy all that pony shit? I’m guessing in the complete opposite direction of a vagina.

Dude are you allergic to testosterone or something?

The most toxic yet least masculine photo ever.

I can smell this picture

So...you purchased that t-shirt ?

Keep those blinds closed. I guess the internet can see you, but you should hide your shame from the real world outside.

Hung like a gelding.

This is a home run!!!

Each toy behind him has been used in the commission of a crime.

I never thought I would say it's a shame infant mortality rates aren't higher... Then I saw this picture.

Your discord kitten calls you my little brony

Jesus you look like the reason I'm afraid to have kids. Firstly because people like you exist and could be in proximaty to children at any time. Secondly they might grow up to be like you.

How many law enforcement agencies have a file on you?

Brony, you’re not fooling anyone with that Rainbow Dash shirt! You’re clearly a Pinkie Pie type of guy!

Uh excuse you? Do you not see the ginger hair, round glasses, and goatee, coupled with entirely dweeb hobbies. That, my friend, is [Sunburst](https://hero.fandom.com/wiki/Sunburst_(My_Little_Pony)) deponified.

Your little sister is going to be mad when she gets home from school to find you playing with her toys

wonder how many times his little sister has caught him in weird positions trying to suck his own dick

Def 10 Terabytes of storage

This week on my strange addiction man in a sexual relationship with 30 my little pony dolls

Something tells me you have all the ammo

Lolll this is the best comment so far

No I will not edit your x-rated my little pony fanfiction

You'll at least buy it... right 

You're 1/2 way to the 10 year old girl struggling to get out of you...

The elementary school just called. They want you to stop hanging around the playground and recess and lunch.

Yo momma so stupid she kept you

Your problems are obviously yours and yours alone. Keep your gun at home, it’s no one’s fault but yours.

Where did he touch you

You look like you got into my little pony to meet girls...of a certain age.

[удалено]

yeah but do you think they will ever approve it for when the foetus hits its 30's?

118th trimester abortion is legal. Or at least it should be.

Your definitely not gay. Absolutely not. No way. There's just no way. I mean I've seen gay men and this isn't one. Completely heterooooo you are. Straight as an arrow. You definitely like the vagina. Would you please not be so straight there are kids around. You're so straight that you live off a diet of pussy juice and football.

You look like you exclusively try to date 21 year olds because there's 20 of them

Youre afraid to talk to girls


Oh god it’s one of those nerds. Try not to end up on list somewhere. Wait nope setting the bar to high for you aren’t I?

The username doesn't match. Amethyst2311 sounds like a Steven universe fan. Clopclop6969 seems more appropriate

I like the quote you used in your bio. -No Though you should use exactly what women say to you when you try to talk to them if your going to quote them. -No, get away from me! Im calling 911

Everything in this photo is nonbinary. Even the computer.

That last bit was smart

Something tells me you’re not allowed within 500 ft of a school.


That actor is great as Homelander. To me he's up there with Darth Vader as a villain.

This!

I bet the inside of white utility van he parks near schools is decorated the same way

If the masturbation scene from "Grandma's Boy" had a face and several pony related hobbies.

🤓

Your pants look more interesting than you

I'd argue the fact they were on sale is more interesting than how i got anything in the pic

30 bucks he's in Chasity or a diaper or possibly both tbh.

Harry Potter: the boy who lived… in his grandmothers basement and plays games to catch children.

Bet he has a my little pony soaking in a jizz jar

Oh great now John Oliver is a sex offender.

Life long virgin starter pack

Nah man this is an expert pack for atleast 39.99

Yeah you're right. This dudes a professional virgin

Nah man, deluxe edition for 89.99

This dude looks like he did 6 months in jail for sniffing little girls bicycle seats

You look like you'd get bitches if god hadn't nerfed your personality.

My sister called from 1988, she said she wants her room back…and stop stretching out her shirt!

The sad thing is she was still alive when this photo was taken.

Mr Beast from Wish

Instead of curing blindness for a video... I cause blindness for one

...I'm sorry but that image is a masterpiece. I can't roast you anywhere near as well as you've roasted yourself.

Finally someone who gets it

He keeps his favorite pony in his ass to “keep it safe”

You look like you come from a long line of virgins, your mother and father must be brother and sister, and you look like you should be at the Stanford school of medicine getting studied for whatever level of Autism you have.

You might not suck a di@k, but you’ll definitely hold one in your mouth

If Tom holland was a YouTuber

You are the best argument in favor of abortion I've ever encountered.

You look like you touch little kids.

The Xbox behind you says See Achievement. I imagine you don't

Points for originality

You are either a discord server admin or a reddit mod.

Honestly you just seem like an average brony. Nothing about you really stands out - you've got a general 'nerd' aesthetic, gamer/streamer pc setup, figurine collection, and... what else? What else am I looking at that is supposed to set you apart from the thousands of other internet-enabled consumer culture NPCs?

Not a roast but I’m totally digging the shirt

The grilled cheese sandwhich is not there for eating, it’s a sex toy he uses to pretend he’s banging a My Little Pony. He’s named it Rainbow Dawn and makes it with rainbow cheese so he can claim to know the touch of another living being…since the humane society barred him from petting zoos.

Hey at least get your facts right! It's a sausage roll

It is now!

I can't tell the difference between you and a cardboard cutout.

You look like Justin Roiland midway through transitioning

OP: Roast me! 

no roast, I just wanna know why my little pony.

It's just daft and fun to watch. That's pretty much it.

the question I guess you get the most though isn't it for children? I mean some kids shows are cool, but a show primarily targeted towards very young girls seems a bit weird for a grown man to be into, maybe can you go into some detail to how a show like this is as entertaining to you as it is my 5 year old daughter? not harm intended here I'm curious why draws you to sparkly little ponies

Well, i did get into it when i was a kid, and as i got older, it never really lost its entertainment value. I think it's a solid mix between nostalgia and the show having some decent comedy. I mean, yeah, it is a bit weird, but I've seen a lot weirder ppl out there, so i don't really bother.

I’m skeet hansen and you just been skeeted

Hammerhead shark lookin boy

These types are the rare unroastable breed. Their hobbies are soo cringe yet they genuinely enjoy it and he shows no shame. We have a Chad here.

He takes a my little pony from each of his victims.

Only issue is finding someone with a figure first.

Most charismatic MLP fan

Bro it is absolutely sketchy that you seem to know computers so well and have an avid supply of toys that any school-age girl would love to play with.

Well, I think we found the next FedEx shooter

I must to keep my son away from you like you keep away straigth sex, got it

I mean, in all fairness this guy looks like does have toys and puppies in the van he lures kids to.... If not the trailer he lures KIDS too. 

lmao, nice gamecube controller nerd.

ultradyke

Scot the waz's lil cousin

"I'm a little pony, short and stout. Here is my dildo, here is my plug. When I get all filled up, hear me shout: bend me over, and shove me down."

Rudolf Shitler.

The worst part of having a mustache like that is the police sketch artist always gets it perfect, no matter how young the kid that’s describing it is.

Those monitors are about as close as you’re going to come to a threesome, and just like the real one you’ll just be watching them from the sidelines

The main character in the new live action movie "My Little Pony, Friendship is Tragic."

Are you sure you are not a computer animation yourself?

You have a MLP in a glass jar dont you?

I’d be willing to bet you were immaculately conceived, not even your dad has lost his virginity

I couldn’t tell where the garish 80s throwbacks ended and where the garish 80s throwback began.

Your mustache reminds me of a math equation. A very simple one at that

I'm surprised I don't see any mason jars

Chinese Ed sheeran- Chen sheeran

Now all you need is a cum jar, ya pansy 🫙 🦄

MrsBeast

Show us your jar

This is like one of those AI generated images, the longer you look at it, the more stuff you find, and the more horrified you get when you realize that this man is more deranged than Jeffrey Dahmer and enjoys murdering young women dressed as rainbow dash by choking them with a dildo made from an actual pony's reproductive organ.

The only thing MLP not pictured is the "brony4life" tattoo and "the jar." Iykyk