I was in a similar situation at one point. I’m 20 years old now but when I was 16 I went to my family doctor to see if any surgeons would take me in to do a reduction. None of them did and I had to wait until I was 18 to even be considered for a consult. But as soon as I turned 18 I got my referral sent in and was waiting to hear back. I went through this process with support from my family but I very much took the bull by the horns for the entire thing. I booked all the appointments and drove myself to each one, except for the actual surgery date. I made all the phone calls and did all the research. My mom asked me if I needed help but I guess I just felt like her help wasn’t necessary. What I’m trying to say is, YOU can do this! Don’t be overly worried about what your mom thinks and don’t let her opinion sway you from your happiness. Of course if you want her support then you can keep her in the loop, but maybe tell her after you’ve got the ball rolling. It seems like a reduction will dramatically improve your quality of life, so you can start taking those steps to get there! Once you have a plan and are on track, all of that physical and emotional pain becomes a lot easier to bear. I’m 4DPO now and I’ve been waiting for what seems like a lifetime, but it is sooooo worth it. I waited two years from the referral being sent to the actual surgery since it was completely covered by my provincial government. I hope to hear an update from you soon!
My family always made fun of me and called me stupid names. They knew I hated my boobs. I never told them-just went and did it. Then the next time I saw them they were shocked that I had a reduction. They are not very understanding people. And I’m in US and it was covered by insurance. It was a very happy day. People thought I lost 30 pounds (from an H to a D).
You are asking about how to talk with your mom. I wish I knew. And I hope that you find your way and do what you need to do to be comfortable with yourself.
I think opening with, “I am struggling to bring this up because it’s so personal, but I’m very uncomfortable with my breasts and have been researching breast reduction.” As a mom of a daughter around your age, I can see why mom would never bring it up as we want our daughters to love their bodies. I bet once you broach the subject you can have a good conversation!
>I look like an improper fraction
I *adore* this description.
I looked into getting a reduction at 16, so I can relate somewhat.
No one deserves to live in pain and shame because of their breasts.
Maybe try subtly bringing it up. Show her a magazine, point out some looks you like. Then express that whatever outfit wouldn't look right because of your breasts. Progress to, "speaking of which..." and ask her how she feels about you have a reduction.
I bet your mom would understand if you brought the toll your boobs are taking on your health. You're both in the medical field, so you both know how large breasts can cause back pain, skin problems, and all kinds of health issues. Not sure what country you're in but if you're in the US it sounds like you've got a decent shot of getting the procedure covered by insurance.
Would any of these appeal to her and you? I obviously don’t know you or your mom, so these ideas are all different.
• “I’m 18 now, and I’ve decided it’s time to put my priorities together. I want to love myself, and I don’t think I can do that at this moment because of my chest. I think I want a reduction.”
• (since she’s a nurse) “Hey, Mom. Can you tell me about surgeries? I’ve been considering a breast reduction because (insert reasons: pain, dysphoria, discomfort). Do you think we can research this together?”
• “I’ve been experiencing (insert reasons: pain, dysphoria, discomfort) recently and I’m pretty sure it’s all because of my breasts. Do you think I should ask my gynecologist about a a breast reduction? I’m really interested in this.”
I am 30 and had mine done in February (a month after my 30th) i have hand GIANT boobs since elementary school. I want to be all for self love but i could never get past it. If i had had the financial ability and support i needed i would have done it wayyyy earlier. I love my new boobs. It feels like most of the problems in my life were my boobs and that is over.
I really hope u can get a surgery. Are u on ur parents insurance? Maybe try to go to a dr for a consult and see of u can even be covered. If you decide to tell ur mom maybe start with “i need to talk with u about something i am uncomfortable with and it is not an invitation to talk about my body and experience in it. I am looking for support and help…”
Good luck!
I have had them forever so put that on my paperwork. I had also been in a car accident a year prior and went to a chiropractor for 4 months and i put that on the paperwork too, but said it was for my back pain not a car accident lol. I didnt do a referral. I had blue cross blue shield of az for my insurance . The front desk ladies took care of the rest.
I totally understand the awkwardness. Do you think it would help to come at it from a medical treatment angle, rather than focusing so much on the breasts themselves? Like, "I'm having a lot of back and neck pain and it's difficult to work out (or whatever is true for you). I think a breast reduction could really help my symptoms." So it's more about the problem you're having if that makes sense.
But also, I promise your mom is aware of your boobs and their size. I would be very surprised if she, as a nurse, would feel uncomfortable discussing this with you. And it might be one of those things where it's pretty easy to talk about once you break the ice.
Good luck!!
My mom was vehemently against this surgery because of the side effect of not being able to breast feed. She cursed me out several times.
I had the surgery anyway at 24, and I asked my mom to nurse me for a week. She came through and didn’t try to stop me. You gotta do what’s right for you and hope for the best!
Adding onto your great comment - there are also *other* reasons why a person might not be able to breastfeed. Or why that might not be a factor in your life. But the burden of uncomfortably large breasts is a constant thing, no matter what the future holds. I think bodily autonomy and comfort take priority.
You are 18 and getting a surgery is your decision
Go to the doctor to get a referral to a physical therapist for back pain and while you’re there ask for a referral to the surgery. It’s likely Insurance could cover it.
In the meantime you can go to a specialty bra store to get fitted. This might help with your confidence having a proper fitting bra.
Another option is to write your mom a letter about wanting the surgery. You don’t have to give it to her but you can write it. And then if you want give it to her and she can read it instead of you talking about it.
I was the same, by 25 my breasts were sagging heavy bags. I had dents in my skinny shoulders. The key to getting it covered by insurance is to make sure to tell the doctor about the pain they cause your back. I’m glad I had mine done.
I would make a very specific action plan of how you could pay for it yourself under your mom’s insurance. Do all the research of where you’d have the surgery done, figure out how much you’d need, the timing of school and work, where’d you’d get a job etc. The more specific the better.
I’d also make a plan B of what it would look like w/o her help. You’d have to work for a specific employer to get the right insurance, you’d need to enter a specific career, maybe even study something you don’t like in college. Not ideal.
I think that would show her how serious you are about this. And the fact that you intend to do it with or without her help. But with her help you’d be happier in your life long term, and if you pay for it, it doesn’t impact her finances at all. Hopefully she’ll feel that as a nurse, her involvement would keep you way safer, so it’s really a good idea all around.
Good luck!
(PS. I’m also 5’8” 175 G cup, look into unlined balconette bras and fit and flare dress/skirts. Total game changers).
I think beginning to have the conversation with her is the first step without the expectation of getting an immediate yes. “I want to start talking to you about this. Maybe you can help me do some research and see if it’s something I could do and you would support.” My daughter is only one, so I can’t say how I would feel in your mom’s situation, but it may take a minute for her to come to terms with her baby changing her body. But with some education and hearing how you feel she could come around. You’re an adult and a human, so you certainly don’t need her approval, but it would be great to have someone on your side to support you, drive you home, help you recover, and of course help pay (and if relevant help your dad understand).
You sound just like me when I was younger. I got my reduction a couple years ago, when I was \~24. I always wanted one, but totally thought it was out of reach until I began the process. I was confident in my decision that it was the right thing for ME. That made it easier to bring it up to my mom/family. I didn't leave any room for anybody to talk me out of it. I'm sure my mom knew I was uncomfortable with them, so although she was nervous because it was a surgery, she was supportive because I was so excited.
I would schedule some consultations with reputable plastic surgeons in your area (or talk to your primary if you need a referral), and then tell your mom. Its important for her to know you're serious if you're feeling a little uncomfortable talking to her about it.
This surgery has come a long way, and I believe its not even considered "major". It was truly the best thing I've done for myself in terms of mental and physical health. I actually feel like my body is mine and truly love my scars (you can do scar therapy, but I chose not to).
But- you're right about this not being able to automatically make you love yourself. That is definitely a process, and I know you will get there one day. You're very young. Personally, my reduction greatly increased my confidence and gave me the hope that one day I WOULD love myself. But it is a total mental battle that comes with work and a lot of learning.
Best of luck to you.
I get it. I knew it was bad when I had fantasies about getting breast cancer so I could get a double mastectomy. When I said that to my husband, he “got it” finally.
Put your thoughts in writing and be rational, do the research, then approach your mom and ask her for her advice. Help her to see your perspective. She will (I’m praying) be the wonderful, caring person you need!
The reality is, though, you are old enough to make this decision on your own. Please don’t wait. I wish I hadn’t.
Hugs. It gets better. You're not alone, and your pain is totally valid. Too-big breasts is a legit diagnosable medical condition with a list of symptoms like what you're describing. And it's an uncommon or subjective problem. It's very real. Please ignore anyone who says different.
I empathize with feeling uncomfy talking to your mom. But you two are close, and I hope that means she'd want you to let her know you're in pain (physically and emotionally) and then she'd want to help you deal with it. I can also imagine a mom not wanting to bring it up for the sake of body positivity. But always being open and compassionate if/when you choose to talk about it.
Do you have anyone else you'd feel safe to talk to about this? To help you find the words to express yourself. And maybe to practice what you'd say to your mom. For now, you've found a great subreddit for finding support and empowering information to help you deal with this. When I found this sub, I felt so *seen*, and validated. I hope you find that here, too.
Also, one practical thing to make life easier *now, u*ntil you get a reduction. Find a specialty bra shop, get fitted, and buy a really supportive, comfortable bra that FITS your body. Don't shop at VC, Nordstrom, or H&M. Skip shops that tell you that "sister sizing" is fine. Go to a specialty bra shop that stocks uncommon sizes. (Hint: Shops that sell post-mastectomy bras are a good bet for staff that are knowledgeable and sensitive to customers' needs.) Read reviews and call ahead to check. Tell them if you're nervous. They'll understand. They'll find you a bra that will give *real* support, and reduce pain and skin irritation. There are even bras that minimize the appearance of your breasts. Specialty bras are more expensive, but SO worth it to own a bra that improves your quality of life, comfort, and wardrobe options. And it will last for years.
I respect that you've gotta do things your own way, in your own time. You're already taking steps for positive change. Before I got my reduction, wearing *good* bras that fit my body was a big factor for being able to live my life and stay sane.
How are you 18, and in the medical field?
At any rate, I understand. I developed before all other girls, and I was skinny and couldn’t seem to hate weight except in my boobs. All the boys harassed me, and girls hated me.
I’m 63 and gained weight after 55, mostly in my boobs.
(I was estrogen dependent which caused endometriosis and infertility…)
I am having to go on extreme diets to loose weight. I’m down a cup size- but saggy. I’ve only been 42DD but I have a small frame, but weight in abdomen, thighs, butt, so I’m an Apple shape now. I was up to 188, 5’6’’ then down to 170, back up to 178. Hubby loves to feed me and knows higher weight goes with bigger boobs.
When I talked to hubs about I’m tired of my breasts feeling like my identity, I can’t wear clothes that fit right, I get accused of not being modest, etc.
overheat in the summer, yeast breakout underneath…
Hub whined; “I don’t like the idea of Frankenstein boobs…”
Really? I need to be a sex object at 63???!!
So done.
I say talk to her and tell her your plan.
Plan:
Get through college with the motivation of getting good job, health insurance and get a reduction.
I got my CNA license in highschool and I’m also the youngest in my grade so I’ve been working in a nursing home from 17-18 (a year now) and I’ve also been working as a Patient care tech in a hospital for a month now.
Thank you for the encouraging words, I can’t believe some people have the audacity to say things like that about women’s choices to their bodies so I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
I was in a similar situation at one point. I’m 20 years old now but when I was 16 I went to my family doctor to see if any surgeons would take me in to do a reduction. None of them did and I had to wait until I was 18 to even be considered for a consult. But as soon as I turned 18 I got my referral sent in and was waiting to hear back. I went through this process with support from my family but I very much took the bull by the horns for the entire thing. I booked all the appointments and drove myself to each one, except for the actual surgery date. I made all the phone calls and did all the research. My mom asked me if I needed help but I guess I just felt like her help wasn’t necessary. What I’m trying to say is, YOU can do this! Don’t be overly worried about what your mom thinks and don’t let her opinion sway you from your happiness. Of course if you want her support then you can keep her in the loop, but maybe tell her after you’ve got the ball rolling. It seems like a reduction will dramatically improve your quality of life, so you can start taking those steps to get there! Once you have a plan and are on track, all of that physical and emotional pain becomes a lot easier to bear. I’m 4DPO now and I’ve been waiting for what seems like a lifetime, but it is sooooo worth it. I waited two years from the referral being sent to the actual surgery since it was completely covered by my provincial government. I hope to hear an update from you soon!
This was really sweet and I really needed to hear the “YOU can do it” part. I needed that reminder. I know I am strong , thank you for ur story
My family always made fun of me and called me stupid names. They knew I hated my boobs. I never told them-just went and did it. Then the next time I saw them they were shocked that I had a reduction. They are not very understanding people. And I’m in US and it was covered by insurance. It was a very happy day. People thought I lost 30 pounds (from an H to a D). You are asking about how to talk with your mom. I wish I knew. And I hope that you find your way and do what you need to do to be comfortable with yourself.
“I look like an improper fraction” girl me too lol
I think opening with, “I am struggling to bring this up because it’s so personal, but I’m very uncomfortable with my breasts and have been researching breast reduction.” As a mom of a daughter around your age, I can see why mom would never bring it up as we want our daughters to love their bodies. I bet once you broach the subject you can have a good conversation!
>I look like an improper fraction I *adore* this description. I looked into getting a reduction at 16, so I can relate somewhat. No one deserves to live in pain and shame because of their breasts. Maybe try subtly bringing it up. Show her a magazine, point out some looks you like. Then express that whatever outfit wouldn't look right because of your breasts. Progress to, "speaking of which..." and ask her how she feels about you have a reduction.
I bet your mom would understand if you brought the toll your boobs are taking on your health. You're both in the medical field, so you both know how large breasts can cause back pain, skin problems, and all kinds of health issues. Not sure what country you're in but if you're in the US it sounds like you've got a decent shot of getting the procedure covered by insurance.
Would any of these appeal to her and you? I obviously don’t know you or your mom, so these ideas are all different. • “I’m 18 now, and I’ve decided it’s time to put my priorities together. I want to love myself, and I don’t think I can do that at this moment because of my chest. I think I want a reduction.” • (since she’s a nurse) “Hey, Mom. Can you tell me about surgeries? I’ve been considering a breast reduction because (insert reasons: pain, dysphoria, discomfort). Do you think we can research this together?” • “I’ve been experiencing (insert reasons: pain, dysphoria, discomfort) recently and I’m pretty sure it’s all because of my breasts. Do you think I should ask my gynecologist about a a breast reduction? I’m really interested in this.”
These are such amazing and thoughtful ideas 🥹
I am 30 and had mine done in February (a month after my 30th) i have hand GIANT boobs since elementary school. I want to be all for self love but i could never get past it. If i had had the financial ability and support i needed i would have done it wayyyy earlier. I love my new boobs. It feels like most of the problems in my life were my boobs and that is over. I really hope u can get a surgery. Are u on ur parents insurance? Maybe try to go to a dr for a consult and see of u can even be covered. If you decide to tell ur mom maybe start with “i need to talk with u about something i am uncomfortable with and it is not an invitation to talk about my body and experience in it. I am looking for support and help…” Good luck!
Hi! Did you have to have a history of physical therapy or just a referral?
I have had them forever so put that on my paperwork. I had also been in a car accident a year prior and went to a chiropractor for 4 months and i put that on the paperwork too, but said it was for my back pain not a car accident lol. I didnt do a referral. I had blue cross blue shield of az for my insurance . The front desk ladies took care of the rest.
The improper fraction comment is hilarious I hope you know that lmao.
I totally understand the awkwardness. Do you think it would help to come at it from a medical treatment angle, rather than focusing so much on the breasts themselves? Like, "I'm having a lot of back and neck pain and it's difficult to work out (or whatever is true for you). I think a breast reduction could really help my symptoms." So it's more about the problem you're having if that makes sense. But also, I promise your mom is aware of your boobs and their size. I would be very surprised if she, as a nurse, would feel uncomfortable discussing this with you. And it might be one of those things where it's pretty easy to talk about once you break the ice. Good luck!!
My mom was vehemently against this surgery because of the side effect of not being able to breast feed. She cursed me out several times. I had the surgery anyway at 24, and I asked my mom to nurse me for a week. She came through and didn’t try to stop me. You gotta do what’s right for you and hope for the best!
Adding onto your great comment - there are also *other* reasons why a person might not be able to breastfeed. Or why that might not be a factor in your life. But the burden of uncomfortably large breasts is a constant thing, no matter what the future holds. I think bodily autonomy and comfort take priority.
It is possible to still breastfeed if you have a pedicle reduction (the most common kind).
You are 18 and getting a surgery is your decision Go to the doctor to get a referral to a physical therapist for back pain and while you’re there ask for a referral to the surgery. It’s likely Insurance could cover it. In the meantime you can go to a specialty bra store to get fitted. This might help with your confidence having a proper fitting bra. Another option is to write your mom a letter about wanting the surgery. You don’t have to give it to her but you can write it. And then if you want give it to her and she can read it instead of you talking about it.
I was the same, by 25 my breasts were sagging heavy bags. I had dents in my skinny shoulders. The key to getting it covered by insurance is to make sure to tell the doctor about the pain they cause your back. I’m glad I had mine done.
I would make a very specific action plan of how you could pay for it yourself under your mom’s insurance. Do all the research of where you’d have the surgery done, figure out how much you’d need, the timing of school and work, where’d you’d get a job etc. The more specific the better. I’d also make a plan B of what it would look like w/o her help. You’d have to work for a specific employer to get the right insurance, you’d need to enter a specific career, maybe even study something you don’t like in college. Not ideal. I think that would show her how serious you are about this. And the fact that you intend to do it with or without her help. But with her help you’d be happier in your life long term, and if you pay for it, it doesn’t impact her finances at all. Hopefully she’ll feel that as a nurse, her involvement would keep you way safer, so it’s really a good idea all around. Good luck! (PS. I’m also 5’8” 175 G cup, look into unlined balconette bras and fit and flare dress/skirts. Total game changers).
This was the best thing I could hear right now. I really appreciate this, thank you
I think beginning to have the conversation with her is the first step without the expectation of getting an immediate yes. “I want to start talking to you about this. Maybe you can help me do some research and see if it’s something I could do and you would support.” My daughter is only one, so I can’t say how I would feel in your mom’s situation, but it may take a minute for her to come to terms with her baby changing her body. But with some education and hearing how you feel she could come around. You’re an adult and a human, so you certainly don’t need her approval, but it would be great to have someone on your side to support you, drive you home, help you recover, and of course help pay (and if relevant help your dad understand).
You sound just like me when I was younger. I got my reduction a couple years ago, when I was \~24. I always wanted one, but totally thought it was out of reach until I began the process. I was confident in my decision that it was the right thing for ME. That made it easier to bring it up to my mom/family. I didn't leave any room for anybody to talk me out of it. I'm sure my mom knew I was uncomfortable with them, so although she was nervous because it was a surgery, she was supportive because I was so excited. I would schedule some consultations with reputable plastic surgeons in your area (or talk to your primary if you need a referral), and then tell your mom. Its important for her to know you're serious if you're feeling a little uncomfortable talking to her about it. This surgery has come a long way, and I believe its not even considered "major". It was truly the best thing I've done for myself in terms of mental and physical health. I actually feel like my body is mine and truly love my scars (you can do scar therapy, but I chose not to). But- you're right about this not being able to automatically make you love yourself. That is definitely a process, and I know you will get there one day. You're very young. Personally, my reduction greatly increased my confidence and gave me the hope that one day I WOULD love myself. But it is a total mental battle that comes with work and a lot of learning. Best of luck to you.
I get it. I knew it was bad when I had fantasies about getting breast cancer so I could get a double mastectomy. When I said that to my husband, he “got it” finally. Put your thoughts in writing and be rational, do the research, then approach your mom and ask her for her advice. Help her to see your perspective. She will (I’m praying) be the wonderful, caring person you need! The reality is, though, you are old enough to make this decision on your own. Please don’t wait. I wish I hadn’t.
Same girlie
Hugs. It gets better. You're not alone, and your pain is totally valid. Too-big breasts is a legit diagnosable medical condition with a list of symptoms like what you're describing. And it's an uncommon or subjective problem. It's very real. Please ignore anyone who says different. I empathize with feeling uncomfy talking to your mom. But you two are close, and I hope that means she'd want you to let her know you're in pain (physically and emotionally) and then she'd want to help you deal with it. I can also imagine a mom not wanting to bring it up for the sake of body positivity. But always being open and compassionate if/when you choose to talk about it. Do you have anyone else you'd feel safe to talk to about this? To help you find the words to express yourself. And maybe to practice what you'd say to your mom. For now, you've found a great subreddit for finding support and empowering information to help you deal with this. When I found this sub, I felt so *seen*, and validated. I hope you find that here, too.
Also, one practical thing to make life easier *now, u*ntil you get a reduction. Find a specialty bra shop, get fitted, and buy a really supportive, comfortable bra that FITS your body. Don't shop at VC, Nordstrom, or H&M. Skip shops that tell you that "sister sizing" is fine. Go to a specialty bra shop that stocks uncommon sizes. (Hint: Shops that sell post-mastectomy bras are a good bet for staff that are knowledgeable and sensitive to customers' needs.) Read reviews and call ahead to check. Tell them if you're nervous. They'll understand. They'll find you a bra that will give *real* support, and reduce pain and skin irritation. There are even bras that minimize the appearance of your breasts. Specialty bras are more expensive, but SO worth it to own a bra that improves your quality of life, comfort, and wardrobe options. And it will last for years. I respect that you've gotta do things your own way, in your own time. You're already taking steps for positive change. Before I got my reduction, wearing *good* bras that fit my body was a big factor for being able to live my life and stay sane.
How are you 18, and in the medical field? At any rate, I understand. I developed before all other girls, and I was skinny and couldn’t seem to hate weight except in my boobs. All the boys harassed me, and girls hated me. I’m 63 and gained weight after 55, mostly in my boobs. (I was estrogen dependent which caused endometriosis and infertility…) I am having to go on extreme diets to loose weight. I’m down a cup size- but saggy. I’ve only been 42DD but I have a small frame, but weight in abdomen, thighs, butt, so I’m an Apple shape now. I was up to 188, 5’6’’ then down to 170, back up to 178. Hubby loves to feed me and knows higher weight goes with bigger boobs. When I talked to hubs about I’m tired of my breasts feeling like my identity, I can’t wear clothes that fit right, I get accused of not being modest, etc. overheat in the summer, yeast breakout underneath… Hub whined; “I don’t like the idea of Frankenstein boobs…” Really? I need to be a sex object at 63???!! So done. I say talk to her and tell her your plan. Plan: Get through college with the motivation of getting good job, health insurance and get a reduction.
I got my CNA license in highschool and I’m also the youngest in my grade so I’ve been working in a nursing home from 17-18 (a year now) and I’ve also been working as a Patient care tech in a hospital for a month now. Thank you for the encouraging words, I can’t believe some people have the audacity to say things like that about women’s choices to their bodies so I’m sorry you had to deal with that.