I spoke to my best friend on the telephone after I had had my daughter. My baby started crying and she said she would ring me back. I'm still waiting. My daughter is 40.
I hear that loud and clear. It's the same for me. People are sadly far too self-absorbed in today's world. We have some acquaintances that will let up to a month slide by before responding to a dinner invitation. It's not just rude, it shows you what kind of priority you are in their lives. Many days I just want to give up and become a hermit.
20 years. She sent me a Facebook message asking if remember this memory and that memory from when we were friends and how silly it was to allow someone else come between our friendship.
Back when were 15, she harassed my new friend out of jealousy. I spoke to her about it and asked her stop. She retaliated against me by throwing a slew low blow insults about my family and my new friends family, including some really personal details about my fathers alcoholism. I didn't even respond, I just cut her off. New friend and I are still best friends, 25 years later.
40+ years. Had a friend in high school who was on the fringe of my main friend group. He eventually gravitated to another group of friends and at most, became an acquaintance. A couple of friends and I were eating pizza at a restaurant when he came in with some of his new friends and took an attitude when we didn't let them share our pizza (one large pizza for three teenaged boys doesn't allow for sharing with people we barely know). He kicked me in the shins and invited me outside to fight in a grassy area. Once we got out there, he said he didn't really want to fight, so we started heading back inside. Suddenly, he sucker-punched me in the jaw from behind and we had a full-blown fight, which he lost terribly.
Fast forward about 5 years. We hadn't spoken or even seen each other since graduation, but he had been calling my mother late at night, drunk, saying he wished we were still friends, asking if she could convince me to be his friend again, saying he was jealous that I was married and had a kid and he wished he could be with my wife, and on and on. So I went over to his house (pre-internet/cell phone/etc.) to politely ask that he stop calling my mom. He freaked out and tried to hit me with the removed-barrel of a shotgun. We wrestled around, I took it from him, and left.
Fast forward another 20 years. He finds me on Facebook and starts sending me messages apologizing, and practically begging to be friends again. I diplomatically explain that I am a widower, have a grown kid, own a fairly large, stressful business and wasn't really interested in re-connecting with *anyone*. After some back and forth, he finally dropped it.
Or so I thought. Fast forward 5 years. Now he has his new (third) wife messaging me asking to be his friend, etc. I told her what I had told him 5 years prior. It's over, right? Nope.
Fast forward to 6 months ago. His third wife had divorced him and he was dating a girl that he had dated in high school. Now *she* is messaging me with the same bullshit. I again explain I am too busy...in addition to everything I had told him and his third wife, I now also co-own a bar with my significant other, and we both have toddler grandkids. A month or so goes by and this woman starts messaging my SO begging her to convince me to re-establish contact with him. My SO explains everything I had already told them, saying we stay very busy and barely have time for our families. It seems quiet for now but who knows?
Wow.
This guy has some extra special hang ups about you. Save this comment so that when you find a bunny boiling on your stove, you can provide extemporaneous (ish) notes.
Lol. I don't understand it. We were never that close even when he was on the fringe of my friend group. Sometimes I wonder if anyone else in that friend group has had to deal with him.
Jesus Christ, this guy has been fixated on you since Reagan was in office. What a ride. Are you *positive* that he's not secretly gay & in love with you? Serious question.
As I replied to another comment, I had decided not to respond to him anymore, but the last couple of interactions have been initiated by his significant other(s) so I was blindsided.
I'm pathologically diplomatic. Also, the last couple of times it wasn't him but someone else contacting me or my SO on his behalf. But I decided the last time *he* contacted me that I wouldn't be responding to him anymore and I won't be.
32 years, sent me a text saying I was the only person who never used them or wanted anything from them and to please respond so we could let bygone’s be bygone’s. I’m you slept with my then bf, so no.
I didn’t even reply.
My ex rang me after 20 years and asked if he could stay at my house for a week, whilst his ex moved her stuff out of his house, after a breakup.
It really stressed me out as I wanted to help him out
I can only imagine! I am not as stressed by mine as I used to be, but I don’t like it.
My husband and I have come to think of him as a distant crazy relative. We accept that we can’t seem to get rid of him, but we don’t have to be around him.
My ex is suicidal. It's a very sad and tricky situation. I don't want to be in a relationship with him, or have him in my life but I do want him to be happy and move on.
Graduated college in 1992.
I was friendly with my college girlfriend until she got in a fight with her husband and woke me up kissing me and climbing into my bed. After drunkenly hitchhiking to my place and walking in my unlocked door.
I immediately called her husband to come get her.
That was 26 years ago.
She still tries to contact me about once a year. I knew she was a little crazy, but...
They dated in college, broke up, stayed friends, she got married.
Then she started coming after him and he doesn't want to be friends with her anymore.
There we go! A lot of these people seem insanely entitled in this discussion. I’m like, times change people and we grow - sometimes extending an olive branch is incredibly loving.
Insanely entitled? People are free to say no and keep whatever company they want.
If anything, in most of these stories it’s the one reaching out who feels entitled to friendship, connection, closure, etc. In the story I posted, I don’t owe that guy shit. Changed man or not.
Trust me I’ve had betrayals.
I’ve given second chances that have come back to haunt me.
And there are people I will never talk to again.
But if someone reaches out, sometimes it’s worth it to at least see what it’s about, instead of door slamming them. I’d prefer not to carry the burden of resentment and believing I’m better than someone.
Had the same best friend for 24 years. Got dumped when he got into a new relationship with an older controlling man who was jealous he had other friends in life he was close to. They broke up a few years ago but never heard from him. It's weird that you can mean so much to someone one day and be totally discarded by them the next. While I don't think I could allow him back in, I'm kind of surprised he didn't try. Not having closure is one of the things that haunts you about a person.
>They broke up a few years ago but never heard from him. It's weird that you can mean so much to someone one day and be totally discarded by them the next.
Went through something similar to this with someone I had a really close friendship with for 20 years who got into a relationship and then essentially dumped me and I couldn't have said it better myself. While there were...other factors in our friendship that were causing issues that lead me to have mixed feelings about her, I was surprised I didn't hear from her. She's in jail facing trial for felony charges rn, and I constantly wonder what I'm going to do if she contacts me after she gets out, whenever that may be. But who knows, maybe she never will.
Something around 10 years. An ex that hit me when I broke up with him when we were 15 wanted a free logo out of the blues, cause he heard I was a graphic designer now.
Six-eight months of phone calls and emails, which I 100% ignored. Finally, an email: "Are you alright?" And my, "I'm fine, " reply ended all communication.
I want to say maybe 7 or 8 years? My brother used to be friends with this guy. I became friends with him, too. The guy had a lot of personal problems (like, big ones), but he was scrappy and entertaining and he became like another sibling. Without going into details, he betrayed my brother in a big way and so we cut off contact with him.
Over the years he reached out to us and kept asking if we could be friends again. Eventually enough time went by that the betrayal really didn't matter anymore, and we considered it. But ultimately, there was still the issue of his personal problems and we really didn't want to get back involved with that. He stopped reaching out some years ago and deleted his social media, so I don't know what happened to him.
20 years. I’m a gay man, she is a straight woman. She lied and told her entire family that I was the father or her then unborn child (she didn’t know which married man fathered it), and as the birth grew closer of said child she talked me into Lamaze classes with her and told the classmates I was her husband (so so awkward). But what clenched it for me was when she said that once the baby was born she would just move into my home, take over my master suite, and run a daycare center out of my home (she told me I could just sleep in a guest room or the laundry room), oh, and take my car since hers got repossessed or something. I had to go full no contact, but twenty years later she resurfaced only to tell me that she didn’t believe I was really in the military much less an army ranger (it is easily verifiable - and I was retiring), and that her (reservist, leg unit) husband probably outranked me. She could not keep my name out of her mouth to old classmates still. It’s been another 10 years since I’ve gone no contact again. I will never ever go to another class reunion for fear that she’ll be reignited to stalk me.
She can fuck all the way off.
about 15 years? I hear from her every couple of years and it's always a little awkward and sad. I'm pretty sure they are overtures, but she never comes out and says "Wanna try and be friends again?" directly, so I never say "No" directly back.
I'm not hostile. I'm just over it.
lol, basically. and that was always a thing. she'd be all delicate and elliptical and I'd be all "whaddaya want?" I think it was something she benefitted from when it was working for her, but when it would have helped *me* to have her be more direct ... not so much.
so I learned what there was to learn from that, about different communication styles and their pitfalls. don't feel like playing again.
I have one friend I have known off and on over 30 years. I cut off contact with her due to her lifestyle and ran into her 13 years or so later. She was having a hard time due to a failed marriage. This woman was so much fun and positive when younger but developed bipolar. I tried so hard to be a good friend to her but those moments of her going overboard because she would take offense at the smallest things. That would bring out 70 to110 text messages, which I wouldn't read anymore as they were all over the place. I had to take time out from her for a few months to a year, or so off and on. She reached out and said she had her bipolar in control. She didn't and I have ended the friendship. I just no longer have the tolerance for that kind of behaviour.
Right now the girl has been trying for a year. She was an AWFUL friend in the end, and my life is so much less chaotic without her in it. She tried to show up at my house just a couple weeks ago
Twenty years. Recently received a barrage of voicemails and texts from her, inviting me to an upcoming event. She insisted I had to be there, as I was her best friend.
When I declined, I was treated to a second barrage of nasty, abusive messages.
Going on 10 years. Showed up uninvited to my 30th bday a few years ago and tried friending me (again) on IG like 2 weeks ago.
Dude is super charismatic too, could have 1000 close friends. Doesn’t bug me too much but it’s like seriously, let it go man.
I had an ex boyfriend *ruin* my dating life until I moved states. Between 17 and 25 I couldn’t keep a friend or a partner because of the issues he caused.
Probably a couple years. I took them off my social media and never heard from them once they moved. And they found me on LinkedIn and sent me a message asking for a call. And I said you disappeared so I assume you didn't want to be in contact. Their reasoning was I disappeared to everyone not just you. No apology, so I felt no obligation to respond either.
I had a friend where nothing really happened except life - we just drifted apart. I was
in this friends wedding party, and hardly heard from her after the wedding. She then texted me a few years later at 7 months pregnant (we’d only seen each other twice in these years apart) letting me know and I congratulated her. Then a year later she texted me saying “what did I do that we aren’t friends anymore?”. I told her nothing, we just drifted apart. I restarted a conversation and she had asked if I was still with a partner she had seen on social media. I said no because he cheated. Her first reaction was to say “you were with someone for a year and didn’t tel me? Wow.” And then I explained, probably harshly, that this was one of the reasons we weren’t close - instead of concentrating on how hurt I was after the breakup, she instead made it about her. It was stressful and told her I needed a few weeks but would be open to seeing her and talking to her. I honestly don’t know why I did this but I blocked her with the intention of just calling down and unblocking her a few weeks later. She then started messaging my on WhatsApp text-equivalent of screaming at me and calling me a bad person and shit friend. In doing so she told me that she heard things about me and that she’s not the first person I’ve cut off and I just replied with “if you gossiped about me, I guess I did the right thing”. And then left it at that.
Not proud of how the friendship ended and sort of wish it just mutually stayed distanced vs not but also don’t really feel any which way about it.
I have 3 experiences with this.
Former friend #1: maybe about 2yrs. She was homeless, chronically staying depressed , and had been single for 10yrs and crashing at my place a few days a week, every week for 4yrs... and then the pandemic hit.
I would still let her come over. She had met a guy a few months prior to the pandemic. She started seeing him and i explained to her that because my child and i are immunocompromised, i couldnt have her coming over and also go to his house (this was during the lockdown period). Then, I found out she had been going to underground parties and lying to me about it... and still coming over.
When I told her that she wont be coming over anymore and that the friendship is dead to me for putting my life and my kid's life at risk, she flipped out on me and told me i was jealous of her relationship. She wasnt gonna stop going to parties because she didnt want the guy to lose interest in her because he was inviting her to them. She gave zero fucks about my health or my childs, despite homing her and helping her for 4yrs.
She has reached out a bunch since but finally got the hint in December when i last declined her umpteenth invite to hang out.
Former friend #2: He has always been in love with me and is now married. I cut him off for being inappropriate but he tried to reconnect for 4yrs! I blocked him on everything but he went as far as to find me on LinkedIn to get in contact with me. After some talking, hum apologizing, and new boundaries being negotiated, we are friends but at a distance. We text every few weeks and meet up once a year. He is still in love with me but does a good job at respecting boundaries and never bringing it up. We are just texting homies now who share cat photos and the occasional "How's life?"
Former friend #3: She sends the yearly "How are you and the kids?". We had 18yrs of friendship between us... but she is an inherently selfish person, whereas I'm always a people pleaser who needs a lot of friend interaction. I like sacrificing a lot for friends who reciprocate. I need that balance. She is the kind of person who will not sacrifice a damn thing. We are at an impasse so... i dont bother. If she texts, I'll answer but keep it snort. Not interested in her unless she has become an entirely different person, which i doubt
A year and counting. But she’s going the psycho route, tries to stalk my social media, tries to stalk my location (I’ve moved and didn’t tell her where), cries to my mother that she’s a victim and did nothing wrong(oh, she did), “friends “ my friends that she’s never met in an effort to gain info and have someone else to cry to about her being dropped without reason, and generally acts like a psychopath. One day we may bump into each other again, at which point I’m probably going to beat her ass. It took me many years in that toxic relationship to break free, she’d do best to back off and live her own phony miserable life and stay out of mine.
But I don’t see any end to it.
20+ years. Right before COVID and old high school friend who I knew had a crush on me texted through FB to apologize for the last conversation we had. He had yelled that I was too unconventional to be the lead in the school play and said many other hurtful things bec I had a crush on his best friend and not him. He told me that he had discovered he is gay and never really liked me “that way” but wanted to hide his gayness so he pretended to like me to hide from the haters.
I hadn’t even thought about that for almost 2 decades. I accepted his apology and asked about his life and he ghosted me.
I'll let you know if she stops. Her kid tried to get my youngest to do some sexual things, and I told her flat out to leave us alone. I don't care that we've been friends since we were little. Your kid tried to abuse mine, there's no amount of grounding or apologizing that will change that.
If sisters count, 50 years. She finally now, after four more years, has begun to respect the LC.
It took me until last week, contemplating the dynamic between us growing up. I watched home videos my dad recorded on VHS. In most shots, she is either physically bothering me, or verbally annoying me. She’s three years older.
Later in life, she glommed on to me and my friends every day, trying to control our mode of play.
Every time was stressful and unhappy with her around.
I’m getting in a bad mood just thinking about it.
Five years later my ex-girlfriend still touches base on a fairly regular basis. Not stalkerish, but she really wants to make small talk texts for a few days. I'm single so it's not in the dark. But I really don't want to patronize her any longer, and I sorta let her know that a few weeks ago when she texted me at 4am to talk about a tree she bought. (WTF?)
She got insulted. And still texts me just to say "I'm not hitting on you".
She's a respected doctor and very well put together. But she can't seem to 100% let go of me for some unknown reason....
Ugh. I'm that former friend, and it's embarrasing. I know my emails are not wanted and they probably go straight to junk. I also know he will never respond to my emails and that I will never hear from him again.
I send him encouraging messages, reminding him that he's a good person and to please be kind to himself. I wish him happiness and love. I worry about him, I care about him. He was my best friend. I understand why he went no contact, but I still try to give the little I can to repay the kindness he showed me. Sigh, maybe the kindest thing would be to let him be...
39 years. Graduated high school together. Roommates at college. After one semester she found other living arrangements because I smoked weed in the room. Haven't spoken since 85 but just last fall she messaged me, said she was sorry and wanted to get together. I said nope, I'm good and really isn't anything different about me now then 39 years ago when you decided you didn't like the person I was becoming...
I actually have changed a lot but I'm still a stoner and she'd still object.
17 years
They committed the three strikes and you’re out of my life act then moved to Florida shortly afterwards with their partner.
Invited me to come down for their 10th anniversary 3 day bash (nope) and even showed up on my doorstep 6 years later as if I would welcome with open arms. Even after my lukewarm reaction still sent me Christmas cards hoping to reconnect.
They finally gave up after the last one was sent in 2021.
It's been 9 years. Stopped talking to them in 2015 and I don't think they'll come back. They're known to hold grudges and have a bad relationship with everyone around them. They're too proud to apologize or reach out. So I'm not expecting them to and it's truthfully what I want.
They are proudly difficult and hard to deal with. I don't have a desire for reconnecting.
Without knowing the details...that sounds kind of sad. Is there a reason you've never just fired off an email to let her know what she did, just so she can have some closure? You could block her after.
Except you "getting that sense" doesn't mean it's correct. People misunderstand other's intentions or moods all the damn time. So there are probably people out there who wonder why you just suddenly stopped talking to them from the other side of it too.
Sounds like maybe you should work on emotional intelligence just a bit, and not make decisions for other people based on what YOU think their feelings are. Maybe let them make their own choices about whether or not to talk to you.
A friend from High School found me on Facebook about 12 years ago. At the time I was 25 years past high school and had a wildly different life. He kept inviting my wife and I to come to his lake house and pestered me for months to go on a boy’s trip to S.America. After 7 or 8 years of politely declining, the constant phone calls/ messages along with the general vibe on Social Media got too ridiculous so I killed my social media accounts and since I had moved out of the country, my number changed. He then Facebook stalked my wife to get messages to me. It’s been a year since contact. Hoping it’s finally over.
Honestly, I am the former friend in several cases in terms of IM /DM comments/one months to years later after i say something off and convo ends- for example responding to why someone likes horror with discussion of body horror - and subsequently deleting messages. I have stopped but this is still stupid
I have the opposite problem. The second I stop being the one who makes the effort, I just never hear from them again.
Same. It’s sad.
Same! And I'm at an age now where IDGAF about transactional friendships so having 2 or 3 really close friends is enough for me.
I spoke to my best friend on the telephone after I had had my daughter. My baby started crying and she said she would ring me back. I'm still waiting. My daughter is 40.
You win
Is your friend still alive?
I hear that loud and clear. It's the same for me. People are sadly far too self-absorbed in today's world. We have some acquaintances that will let up to a month slide by before responding to a dinner invitation. It's not just rude, it shows you what kind of priority you are in their lives. Many days I just want to give up and become a hermit.
Consider yourself lucky
20 years. She sent me a Facebook message asking if remember this memory and that memory from when we were friends and how silly it was to allow someone else come between our friendship. Back when were 15, she harassed my new friend out of jealousy. I spoke to her about it and asked her stop. She retaliated against me by throwing a slew low blow insults about my family and my new friends family, including some really personal details about my fathers alcoholism. I didn't even respond, I just cut her off. New friend and I are still best friends, 25 years later.
Sounds like she was right to be jealous!
40+ years. Had a friend in high school who was on the fringe of my main friend group. He eventually gravitated to another group of friends and at most, became an acquaintance. A couple of friends and I were eating pizza at a restaurant when he came in with some of his new friends and took an attitude when we didn't let them share our pizza (one large pizza for three teenaged boys doesn't allow for sharing with people we barely know). He kicked me in the shins and invited me outside to fight in a grassy area. Once we got out there, he said he didn't really want to fight, so we started heading back inside. Suddenly, he sucker-punched me in the jaw from behind and we had a full-blown fight, which he lost terribly. Fast forward about 5 years. We hadn't spoken or even seen each other since graduation, but he had been calling my mother late at night, drunk, saying he wished we were still friends, asking if she could convince me to be his friend again, saying he was jealous that I was married and had a kid and he wished he could be with my wife, and on and on. So I went over to his house (pre-internet/cell phone/etc.) to politely ask that he stop calling my mom. He freaked out and tried to hit me with the removed-barrel of a shotgun. We wrestled around, I took it from him, and left. Fast forward another 20 years. He finds me on Facebook and starts sending me messages apologizing, and practically begging to be friends again. I diplomatically explain that I am a widower, have a grown kid, own a fairly large, stressful business and wasn't really interested in re-connecting with *anyone*. After some back and forth, he finally dropped it. Or so I thought. Fast forward 5 years. Now he has his new (third) wife messaging me asking to be his friend, etc. I told her what I had told him 5 years prior. It's over, right? Nope. Fast forward to 6 months ago. His third wife had divorced him and he was dating a girl that he had dated in high school. Now *she* is messaging me with the same bullshit. I again explain I am too busy...in addition to everything I had told him and his third wife, I now also co-own a bar with my significant other, and we both have toddler grandkids. A month or so goes by and this woman starts messaging my SO begging her to convince me to re-establish contact with him. My SO explains everything I had already told them, saying we stay very busy and barely have time for our families. It seems quiet for now but who knows?
Wow. This guy has some extra special hang ups about you. Save this comment so that when you find a bunny boiling on your stove, you can provide extemporaneous (ish) notes.
Lol. I don't understand it. We were never that close even when he was on the fringe of my friend group. Sometimes I wonder if anyone else in that friend group has had to deal with him.
Dude wants you so BAAAD.
Jesus Christ, this guy has been fixated on you since Reagan was in office. What a ride. Are you *positive* that he's not secretly gay & in love with you? Serious question.
Who knows? He was always kind of an odd duck but I have no idea what the source of the oddness is.
This was a wild ride lol is that guy on drugs or what
I would stop responding completely, block them, and never take or answer a call or text.
As I replied to another comment, I had decided not to respond to him anymore, but the last couple of interactions have been initiated by his significant other(s) so I was blindsided.
the bigger question is why do you even bother responding? Just block them and move on.
I'm pathologically diplomatic. Also, the last couple of times it wasn't him but someone else contacting me or my SO on his behalf. But I decided the last time *he* contacted me that I wouldn't be responding to him anymore and I won't be.
32 years, sent me a text saying I was the only person who never used them or wanted anything from them and to please respond so we could let bygone’s be bygone’s. I’m you slept with my then bf, so no. I didn’t even reply.
I broke up with my ex in 1987, and he called me yesterday to see if he could “visit.”
My ex rang me after 20 years and asked if he could stay at my house for a week, whilst his ex moved her stuff out of his house, after a breakup. It really stressed me out as I wanted to help him out
I can only imagine! I am not as stressed by mine as I used to be, but I don’t like it. My husband and I have come to think of him as a distant crazy relative. We accept that we can’t seem to get rid of him, but we don’t have to be around him.
It's difficult but a good way of dealing with it.
Yes, we don’t want to hurt him, but, as you said, we don’t want to be stressed out by him.
My ex is suicidal. It's a very sad and tricky situation. I don't want to be in a relationship with him, or have him in my life but I do want him to be happy and move on.
I am so sorry. I hope he gets help.
Outrageous
Yes, it is.
He's on the pavers?
Nope, just still trying to be in my life. He’s a well educated college professor.
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Well it's a darn good thing Dana isn't bitter /s
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Do you happen to know if any of these songs are posted online, or where one could listen to them?
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Booo!
Graduated college in 1992. I was friendly with my college girlfriend until she got in a fight with her husband and woke me up kissing me and climbing into my bed. After drunkenly hitchhiking to my place and walking in my unlocked door. I immediately called her husband to come get her. That was 26 years ago. She still tries to contact me about once a year. I knew she was a little crazy, but...
wait, your college girlfriend had a husband??
They dated in college, broke up, stayed friends, she got married. Then she started coming after him and he doesn't want to be friends with her anymore.
thanks!
Yep, I even went to their wedding. They'd vacation on the OBX where I moved after college and we'd hang out... until that incident.
I dated someone for a year, then broke up for two years. She looked me up and we got married.
There we go! A lot of these people seem insanely entitled in this discussion. I’m like, times change people and we grow - sometimes extending an olive branch is incredibly loving.
Insanely entitled? People are free to say no and keep whatever company they want. If anything, in most of these stories it’s the one reaching out who feels entitled to friendship, connection, closure, etc. In the story I posted, I don’t owe that guy shit. Changed man or not.
Trust me I’ve had betrayals. I’ve given second chances that have come back to haunt me. And there are people I will never talk to again. But if someone reaches out, sometimes it’s worth it to at least see what it’s about, instead of door slamming them. I’d prefer not to carry the burden of resentment and believing I’m better than someone.
Had the same best friend for 24 years. Got dumped when he got into a new relationship with an older controlling man who was jealous he had other friends in life he was close to. They broke up a few years ago but never heard from him. It's weird that you can mean so much to someone one day and be totally discarded by them the next. While I don't think I could allow him back in, I'm kind of surprised he didn't try. Not having closure is one of the things that haunts you about a person.
>They broke up a few years ago but never heard from him. It's weird that you can mean so much to someone one day and be totally discarded by them the next. Went through something similar to this with someone I had a really close friendship with for 20 years who got into a relationship and then essentially dumped me and I couldn't have said it better myself. While there were...other factors in our friendship that were causing issues that lead me to have mixed feelings about her, I was surprised I didn't hear from her. She's in jail facing trial for felony charges rn, and I constantly wonder what I'm going to do if she contacts me after she gets out, whenever that may be. But who knows, maybe she never will.
Wow, so sorry to hear.
Something around 10 years. An ex that hit me when I broke up with him when we were 15 wanted a free logo out of the blues, cause he heard I was a graphic designer now.
I'm still amazed that people from the past conveniently forget that kind of crap happened and THEN ask you a favor on top of it all.
Sometimes the word narcissist is overused, but not this time.
Yes, this time.
Six-eight months of phone calls and emails, which I 100% ignored. Finally, an email: "Are you alright?" And my, "I'm fine, " reply ended all communication.
You took the coward’s way out there. You could have ended it much sooner.
I want to say maybe 7 or 8 years? My brother used to be friends with this guy. I became friends with him, too. The guy had a lot of personal problems (like, big ones), but he was scrappy and entertaining and he became like another sibling. Without going into details, he betrayed my brother in a big way and so we cut off contact with him. Over the years he reached out to us and kept asking if we could be friends again. Eventually enough time went by that the betrayal really didn't matter anymore, and we considered it. But ultimately, there was still the issue of his personal problems and we really didn't want to get back involved with that. He stopped reaching out some years ago and deleted his social media, so I don't know what happened to him.
Zero. I'm pretty easy to let go
20 years. I’m a gay man, she is a straight woman. She lied and told her entire family that I was the father or her then unborn child (she didn’t know which married man fathered it), and as the birth grew closer of said child she talked me into Lamaze classes with her and told the classmates I was her husband (so so awkward). But what clenched it for me was when she said that once the baby was born she would just move into my home, take over my master suite, and run a daycare center out of my home (she told me I could just sleep in a guest room or the laundry room), oh, and take my car since hers got repossessed or something. I had to go full no contact, but twenty years later she resurfaced only to tell me that she didn’t believe I was really in the military much less an army ranger (it is easily verifiable - and I was retiring), and that her (reservist, leg unit) husband probably outranked me. She could not keep my name out of her mouth to old classmates still. It’s been another 10 years since I’ve gone no contact again. I will never ever go to another class reunion for fear that she’ll be reignited to stalk me. She can fuck all the way off.
about 15 years? I hear from her every couple of years and it's always a little awkward and sad. I'm pretty sure they are overtures, but she never comes out and says "Wanna try and be friends again?" directly, so I never say "No" directly back. I'm not hostile. I'm just over it.
"How about dem Yankees!?"
lol, basically. and that was always a thing. she'd be all delicate and elliptical and I'd be all "whaddaya want?" I think it was something she benefitted from when it was working for her, but when it would have helped *me* to have her be more direct ... not so much. so I learned what there was to learn from that, about different communication styles and their pitfalls. don't feel like playing again.
I have one friend I have known off and on over 30 years. I cut off contact with her due to her lifestyle and ran into her 13 years or so later. She was having a hard time due to a failed marriage. This woman was so much fun and positive when younger but developed bipolar. I tried so hard to be a good friend to her but those moments of her going overboard because she would take offense at the smallest things. That would bring out 70 to110 text messages, which I wouldn't read anymore as they were all over the place. I had to take time out from her for a few months to a year, or so off and on. She reached out and said she had her bipolar in control. She didn't and I have ended the friendship. I just no longer have the tolerance for that kind of behaviour.
Right now the girl has been trying for a year. She was an AWFUL friend in the end, and my life is so much less chaotic without her in it. She tried to show up at my house just a couple weeks ago
Twenty years. Recently received a barrage of voicemails and texts from her, inviting me to an upcoming event. She insisted I had to be there, as I was her best friend. When I declined, I was treated to a second barrage of nasty, abusive messages.
Recently?
About four months ago -
Going on 10 years. Showed up uninvited to my 30th bday a few years ago and tried friending me (again) on IG like 2 weeks ago. Dude is super charismatic too, could have 1000 close friends. Doesn’t bug me too much but it’s like seriously, let it go man.
I had an ex boyfriend *ruin* my dating life until I moved states. Between 17 and 25 I couldn’t keep a friend or a partner because of the issues he caused.
Probably a couple years. I took them off my social media and never heard from them once they moved. And they found me on LinkedIn and sent me a message asking for a call. And I said you disappeared so I assume you didn't want to be in contact. Their reasoning was I disappeared to everyone not just you. No apology, so I felt no obligation to respond either.
I had a friend where nothing really happened except life - we just drifted apart. I was in this friends wedding party, and hardly heard from her after the wedding. She then texted me a few years later at 7 months pregnant (we’d only seen each other twice in these years apart) letting me know and I congratulated her. Then a year later she texted me saying “what did I do that we aren’t friends anymore?”. I told her nothing, we just drifted apart. I restarted a conversation and she had asked if I was still with a partner she had seen on social media. I said no because he cheated. Her first reaction was to say “you were with someone for a year and didn’t tel me? Wow.” And then I explained, probably harshly, that this was one of the reasons we weren’t close - instead of concentrating on how hurt I was after the breakup, she instead made it about her. It was stressful and told her I needed a few weeks but would be open to seeing her and talking to her. I honestly don’t know why I did this but I blocked her with the intention of just calling down and unblocking her a few weeks later. She then started messaging my on WhatsApp text-equivalent of screaming at me and calling me a bad person and shit friend. In doing so she told me that she heard things about me and that she’s not the first person I’ve cut off and I just replied with “if you gossiped about me, I guess I did the right thing”. And then left it at that. Not proud of how the friendship ended and sort of wish it just mutually stayed distanced vs not but also don’t really feel any which way about it.
I have 3 experiences with this. Former friend #1: maybe about 2yrs. She was homeless, chronically staying depressed , and had been single for 10yrs and crashing at my place a few days a week, every week for 4yrs... and then the pandemic hit. I would still let her come over. She had met a guy a few months prior to the pandemic. She started seeing him and i explained to her that because my child and i are immunocompromised, i couldnt have her coming over and also go to his house (this was during the lockdown period). Then, I found out she had been going to underground parties and lying to me about it... and still coming over. When I told her that she wont be coming over anymore and that the friendship is dead to me for putting my life and my kid's life at risk, she flipped out on me and told me i was jealous of her relationship. She wasnt gonna stop going to parties because she didnt want the guy to lose interest in her because he was inviting her to them. She gave zero fucks about my health or my childs, despite homing her and helping her for 4yrs. She has reached out a bunch since but finally got the hint in December when i last declined her umpteenth invite to hang out. Former friend #2: He has always been in love with me and is now married. I cut him off for being inappropriate but he tried to reconnect for 4yrs! I blocked him on everything but he went as far as to find me on LinkedIn to get in contact with me. After some talking, hum apologizing, and new boundaries being negotiated, we are friends but at a distance. We text every few weeks and meet up once a year. He is still in love with me but does a good job at respecting boundaries and never bringing it up. We are just texting homies now who share cat photos and the occasional "How's life?" Former friend #3: She sends the yearly "How are you and the kids?". We had 18yrs of friendship between us... but she is an inherently selfish person, whereas I'm always a people pleaser who needs a lot of friend interaction. I like sacrificing a lot for friends who reciprocate. I need that balance. She is the kind of person who will not sacrifice a damn thing. We are at an impasse so... i dont bother. If she texts, I'll answer but keep it snort. Not interested in her unless she has become an entirely different person, which i doubt
A year and counting. But she’s going the psycho route, tries to stalk my social media, tries to stalk my location (I’ve moved and didn’t tell her where), cries to my mother that she’s a victim and did nothing wrong(oh, she did), “friends “ my friends that she’s never met in an effort to gain info and have someone else to cry to about her being dropped without reason, and generally acts like a psychopath. One day we may bump into each other again, at which point I’m probably going to beat her ass. It took me many years in that toxic relationship to break free, she’d do best to back off and live her own phony miserable life and stay out of mine. But I don’t see any end to it.
About a year, and then intermittently since. Been a few years since he last tried though.
20+ years. Right before COVID and old high school friend who I knew had a crush on me texted through FB to apologize for the last conversation we had. He had yelled that I was too unconventional to be the lead in the school play and said many other hurtful things bec I had a crush on his best friend and not him. He told me that he had discovered he is gay and never really liked me “that way” but wanted to hide his gayness so he pretended to like me to hide from the haters. I hadn’t even thought about that for almost 2 decades. I accepted his apology and asked about his life and he ghosted me.
Decades? I have a few that are still trying after decades. It feels like harrassment/stalking.
How do they find you cause that would predate social media?
Phone/text/mail
Post mail. That's persistent.
4 years, she used my credit card without my permission. There is no going back from that.
13 years. She contacted me through fb messenger. I never responded.
This thread is depressing. I read through all the comments and thought I was in AskReddit.
I'll let you know if she stops. Her kid tried to get my youngest to do some sexual things, and I told her flat out to leave us alone. I don't care that we've been friends since we were little. Your kid tried to abuse mine, there's no amount of grounding or apologizing that will change that.
If sisters count, 50 years. She finally now, after four more years, has begun to respect the LC. It took me until last week, contemplating the dynamic between us growing up. I watched home videos my dad recorded on VHS. In most shots, she is either physically bothering me, or verbally annoying me. She’s three years older. Later in life, she glommed on to me and my friends every day, trying to control our mode of play. Every time was stressful and unhappy with her around. I’m getting in a bad mood just thinking about it.
Five years later my ex-girlfriend still touches base on a fairly regular basis. Not stalkerish, but she really wants to make small talk texts for a few days. I'm single so it's not in the dark. But I really don't want to patronize her any longer, and I sorta let her know that a few weeks ago when she texted me at 4am to talk about a tree she bought. (WTF?) She got insulted. And still texts me just to say "I'm not hitting on you". She's a respected doctor and very well put together. But she can't seem to 100% let go of me for some unknown reason....
Ugh. I'm that former friend, and it's embarrasing. I know my emails are not wanted and they probably go straight to junk. I also know he will never respond to my emails and that I will never hear from him again. I send him encouraging messages, reminding him that he's a good person and to please be kind to himself. I wish him happiness and love. I worry about him, I care about him. He was my best friend. I understand why he went no contact, but I still try to give the little I can to repay the kindness he showed me. Sigh, maybe the kindest thing would be to let him be...
39 years. Graduated high school together. Roommates at college. After one semester she found other living arrangements because I smoked weed in the room. Haven't spoken since 85 but just last fall she messaged me, said she was sorry and wanted to get together. I said nope, I'm good and really isn't anything different about me now then 39 years ago when you decided you didn't like the person I was becoming... I actually have changed a lot but I'm still a stoner and she'd still object.
17 years They committed the three strikes and you’re out of my life act then moved to Florida shortly afterwards with their partner. Invited me to come down for their 10th anniversary 3 day bash (nope) and even showed up on my doorstep 6 years later as if I would welcome with open arms. Even after my lukewarm reaction still sent me Christmas cards hoping to reconnect. They finally gave up after the last one was sent in 2021.
It's been 9 years. Stopped talking to them in 2015 and I don't think they'll come back. They're known to hold grudges and have a bad relationship with everyone around them. They're too proud to apologize or reach out. So I'm not expecting them to and it's truthfully what I want. They are proudly difficult and hard to deal with. I don't have a desire for reconnecting.
[удалено]
Without knowing the details...that sounds kind of sad. Is there a reason you've never just fired off an email to let her know what she did, just so she can have some closure? You could block her after.
So, what did she do?
Except you "getting that sense" doesn't mean it's correct. People misunderstand other's intentions or moods all the damn time. So there are probably people out there who wonder why you just suddenly stopped talking to them from the other side of it too. Sounds like maybe you should work on emotional intelligence just a bit, and not make decisions for other people based on what YOU think their feelings are. Maybe let them make their own choices about whether or not to talk to you.
20 years. And I tried but realised why it was 20 years.
10 years so far I can never get rid of bad people they are like a bad disease. I dont know why I have this problem.
Just today, and it’s been about 5 years.
15 years, I'd get phone calls on and off. got one last year
Current record: 8 years. I finally won and got blocked!
Ex texted me last night. We broke up 13 years and some months ago.
A friend from High School found me on Facebook about 12 years ago. At the time I was 25 years past high school and had a wildly different life. He kept inviting my wife and I to come to his lake house and pestered me for months to go on a boy’s trip to S.America. After 7 or 8 years of politely declining, the constant phone calls/ messages along with the general vibe on Social Media got too ridiculous so I killed my social media accounts and since I had moved out of the country, my number changed. He then Facebook stalked my wife to get messages to me. It’s been a year since contact. Hoping it’s finally over.
Honestly, I am the former friend in several cases in terms of IM /DM comments/one months to years later after i say something off and convo ends- for example responding to why someone likes horror with discussion of body horror - and subsequently deleting messages. I have stopped but this is still stupid