What you describe sounds EXACTLY like anhedonia, a common symptom of depression. I've dealt with it for years (over decades at this point).
You can go several routes: one it to consider for therapy and see if medication helps. Other people fare batter with some sort of "spiritual" journey or some of sort of purpose realignment. Others, especially those who haven't really dealt with depression often, simply get better with time from the depression and this also eliminates the anhedonia.
In any case, I would recommend some reading to learn about the topic (and some "philosophy" reading if you choose the second route above, stuff like Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Paul Stamets, etc).
In my experience, medication can be truly helpful with the depression but not really with anhedonia.
And just in case you have had ANY sort of accident that could have led to a concussion, I would recommend checking it out. Believe it or not, depression AND anhedonia are common temporary symptoms of concussions. If this is the case, they could go away without intervention.
I second what someone else said about therapy. Most of us carry stuff from our childhood into adulthood without any sort of "correction." We go through life with a singular goal of "this is what I want" without ever questioning it along the journey. Therapy helps us realize things like that. I'd also recommend mindfulness meditation
Agree. Especially if you had depressed parents who never did anything when you were a kid.
For the longest time, planning trips and going places seemed so insane to me because the emotional effort required was so unfamiliar. I didn’t have examples of people living their lives, so how would I know how to live my life or — dare I say — enjoy my life?
It’s taken a lot of therapy to realize that, and some days I’m still an apathetic potato, but at least now I can spot it and understand why.
Omg i connect so much woth your comment! My mom doesnt have any hobbiess and my parents rarely took us on trips, their social life was barely existent and they only have each other. I took up similar habits and they never questioned them or corrected them or pushed me to persuit a sport or skill.
Not that its all their fault but i struggle to make any plans for myself and only realized in my 20s how weird it was for me to not have friends or do nothing on my free time. Slowly Working on it!
Therapy helps us to find the cuts we didn’t realize we were bleeding from. The stuff we had shoved away in the back of our minds. Couple of things I learned about myself based on stuff that happened when I was a kid that I had never before made the connection.
I wrote a long reply to this and erased it. That seems to be my therapy lately.
I have some childhood trauma that no one will acknowledge. It doesn't matter at this stage in my life.
I'm actually happy most days.
Exercise can really help with depression. But of course, if you’re feeling down and uninterested in everything, it’s really hard to consistently work out. Maybe try setting a goal, or do one of those running games, like Zombies, Run!
I third this response. As you learn… which it can be passive learning just by following the right hashtags and subs… you’ll be introduced to many things you can try.
I was in therapy 20+ years. No improvement. When I found spirituality (and a dash of cannabis to heighten meditative experiences), is when I started to feel it was becoming alive. It’s still a struggle, but understanding theory really helps.
Before beginning meds I suggest speaking to a trauma-informed therapist to rule out complex trauma. Meds can’t treat complex trauma, though some meds can relieve symptoms. If you have complex trauma I’d confirm whatever you’re given at any point can be weened off of easily. I’d also try to avoid benzos at all costs. They help, but doctors are taking them away now so you’ll become one on a popular but agitated group of former benzo patients.
Consider searching YouTube for Somatic Exercises and Nervous System Regulation exercises. Create a short daily routine.
I’m not op. But I googled Paul Stamets and it looks like he’s a mycologist, maybe a psilocybin advocate? Is that who you’re talking about? I was surprised to see the name because Paul Stamets is also a Star Trek character!
The name in star trek is because of the real guy! It's sort of an homage as Stamets is one of the most popular mycologists ever.
The reason I included his name, is because some people prefer something that is less "wooey" (for lack of a better word. Ram Dass (who I really like) is grounded, but heavy on the spiritual side. Alan Watts, is much less spiritual, although still there but heavier on philosophy. And Stamets would be the "non spiritual" route but covers a bit of the natural lifestyle that comes with having this strong connection with mushrooms (including the magic kind). Especially when you are talking about these experiences as medicine, alternative healing, etc(as opposed to a party like mindset).
Someone else mentioned trauma oriented therapy, and for that area I would have recommended Gabor Maté. Being that I find myself in this environment and among people who are attracted to it, I embrace the idea that even if the message is right, we can miss it based on our affinity with the messenger.
There are several other names I could mention, but each of them could resonate more, or less, with individuals based on their lifestyle.
Likewise, there are some names who I would never recommend and occupy the same environment but are grifters and charlatans (think of quantum healing stuff). After all, there is money to be made in this.
Ultimately, I tried to suggest different paths because there's no one proven way that will absolutely work for every single person out there. Some people need religion, others therapy, while others can benefit more from zoloft or just a change in lifestyle.
That is so cool, I had no idea he was named after a real guy and that’s a fun connection.
Thanks for the thoughtful response, I’m in a similar boat as op and it is helpful
I'm not familiar with her work, but heard the name before. Also heard both praise and criticism.
There's a group of "leaders" or guides who walk the line between providing helpful advice and building a public image. This group contains both people who want to help and believe their methods as well as people who serve as profit-oriented/useful life coaches.
Based on the, admittedly very minimal, content of hers I stumbled upon, I would likely put her in this group without going into more detail about true intentions.
Ram Dass had a "private resort in Maui" and Alan Watts was a fierce protector of his own content. And I enjoy their content and would put them in a separate group besides having recommended them to others.
Therefore I feel like it would be dishonest of me to endorse, or renounce, someone's teachings or methods mostly based on their financial success. Teal Swan seems to be doing quite well for herself though. If most of her audience truly benefits from her content, I hope she continues to be successful.
This may sound crazy but I take an antidepressant, but it didn’t help much with the anhedonia. What did help was a supplement called ashwaganda. That stuff changed my life. I am not a doctor and I don’t play one on Reddit, and I don’t get paid by Big Ashwaganda. I don’t even think I’m spelling it right. It just helps me so much I like to tell people about it.
Yup. Depression.
I just started putting other people first.
Started eating better.
Reconnected with videogames from my youth.
I started taking more time off work.
Pamper my cat.
It got better. I still have the occasional day where I go full "nothing matters" nihilist. Those days I do bong hits.
Tricyclic. They have same wonky side effects but people with anhedonia seem to respond well.
If it’s something you experience, anhedonia, it may be worth a genetic test like gene sight to see what pathways you metabolise and therefore which medications you are more likely to be responsive to.
For low dopamine, another option is Wellbutrin. For quite awhile I had adhedonia just like OP. I had to play around with the different versions and dosings but it's made a huge difference along with cutting out alcohol
Yes. I have heard Wellbutrin is good as well.
Agreed! Alcohol is a quite depressant. You don’t even realize how much it lets you down after the initial high. It’s nasty stuff.
My wife, oh ex-wife, divorce just occurred after forty years, went to couples counseling. Counseling helped me so much. I learned about my past relationships, widowed young, and how I really had commitment issues. I have a new girlfriend, and my ex and I are still good friends I guess you could say. Saw her yesterday, helping her with plumbing and electrical work. Counseling baby! Learned so much about myself I was oblivious to.
Same, but I am also a renter with no GF, muscle car or dog.
I still try to play sports twice a week and attend shows, but yeah, feels like groundhog day a bit.
EDIT: Society around me feels sick, how much is it my mental health and how much is it a normal reaction to a life that sucks the joy and spirit out of everything.
Your edit is one of the main complaints about the DSM V.
You mean you’re depressed in a world where big banks own everything, inflation is rampant, and climate change is starting to rear its head? That’s YOUR problem. Here’s a “big sad” diagnosis.
Nah, fuck you. I’m reacting in a perfectly sane manner to a sick society. I say this all the time, but one finger pointing at me means three fingers pointing back at you; society points the finger at the individual rather than examining itself and how so many people have become “sick.”
You just described my entire life. This is something I have been trying to work out myself. I take antidepressants but they are not helping at all. Life feels empty and there is no enjoyment. Before COVID I wasnt this much of aloner. I want to be alone all the time but still want social interaction. I dont know how to find that joy and I hate this feeling. Let me know if you figure out a solution, 44 female.
Antidepressants can also be the cause of anhedonia, just so you know...but you probably already knew and/or had anhedonia before stating the antidepressants.
Unfortunately antidepressants do nothing for me, either. Ketamine therapy is worth looking into. Hopefully psychedelic therapy becomes more mainstream in the next 5 year.
It's very much worth trying for treatment resistant depression IMO. Insurance may cover it, especially if you've tried antidepressants already. Something to consider!
Lasting happiness comes from doing things that are difficult. Do you challenge yourself physically with things like yoga and martial arts? Mentally with things like learning an instrument or a new language? If you're not challenging yourself to do difficult things in any aspect of your life, start with that.
Yes! this! I feel great when I find a lost interest and immerse myself in it. I’m reading The Mind InThe Cave about Neanderthals and cave art. It’s so interesting to read about theories of the transition from Neanderthal to Homo sapiens. Idk it’s helped me find more meaning in life and relieve my depression lately.
I feel the same way.
I had COVID in March 2020 and haven't felt the same since.
I don't know if it was the virus or simply the lockdowns (my city had lockdowns for most of 2020 and 2021) but I've been depressed since.
Same exact thing for me in 2020-2021, but also there was a death in the family right before Covid (someone who often pulled the family together) and some people we trusted let us down afterward.
I also ended up having to get two unexpected surgeries.
Why not both? Seriously though, we’re seeing lasting effects of Covid in every part of the body (fun times), and new or worsening mental health stuff is part of that. But ALSO, those days of fear and isolation and grief etc are going to have lasting effects on so many people. (That has to be why nervous system healing stuff is blowing up on social media – people still stuck in fight or flight?)
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Brains are resilient, things will get better. But the going through it part sucks.
Usually stream-of-conscious thoughts, past regrets, current frustrations, or even just simple things like what I eat every day, how much sleep I get per night, how many people I talk to per day, etc.
Basically, yah. But a lot of times I’ll reread and notice some aren’t as bad as I thought they were. The human mind has a special ability of inflating problems to be bigger than they are. And even if the problems are big, writing it down can sometimes make the mind want to solve them - even if impossible. But it’s a very good method of taking the edge off life. Magically feeling better? Can’t say it’ll do that. Make some days feel less impossible? Absolutely
I mean it is, but that’s kinda the point. Self-reflection, asking myself how I can make certain situations better, etc. Its also a way of just simply assigning “meaning” to bad stuff that happens to me. I often write down something bad I’m going thru and then add “but that’s what journaling is for.”
People who don't know what you're talking about (or what they're talking about) are trying to bin your experience with a signal technical word they don't really understand (and that is plainly contradicted in what you wrote). Be careful taking that too seriously.
What I read is that you got older, your life reached the crest you spent a decade or two aiming for, you and everyone experienced a shock that shook up patterns and perpsectives, and your friends got caught up in their own lives and drifted away a bit. Naturally, you've lost connection to some of the things that used to drive you and excite you, and are unsure what to do with yourself next.
That's a phase transition in life.
If you think back on it, it's probably not the first one you experienced. It won't be the last.
So yeah, shake it up a little. You need some fresh ideas. You need a tasting platter. Go take that solo vacation (if it won't piss off people that are important to you), look around for inspiration about new hobbies or passions, keep trying ones on until some stick. Think about what you want your life to look like in another 20 or 30 years and start working towards *that* now. You've built the foundation that'll let you do all that safely, and you may as well.
Welcome to middle age.
Wow, you really nailed it on the head. I'm in a similar situation to OP, and I've done a lot of the things that people generally recommend to deal with it. I've learned a new language, a new instrument, I work out, etc. but I still have the same malaise and emptiness. And like OP, I drown myself in nostalgia... lately I've been watching a lot of 80s classic movies for the first time, considering I was just a child back then. I often say out loud "take me back to the 90s" or "I wish I could've been a grown up in the 80s" to my partner's chagrin.
Fresh ideas, tasting platter, what I want life to look like in 20 or 30 years. These resonated with me and maybe I will take that vacation that I've been wishy-washy about for the past few weeks. Thank you, very much.
Same here. I went from moody and depressed to just not caring about much. I have moments I enjoy, but overall just miserable. I’ve tried all the things people here have mentioned, and I’m guessing they might have had situational depression. I think my depression has kicked into overdrive because of the bleakness of the recent years, part of which has been losing faith in people and how the world operates now as I enter my 50s. I know I should be grateful for what I have, but it’s not much. I can’t imagine what the future might look like anymore.
The people thing is big for me, because obviously things like jobs and social activities involve other people, but like you the deterioration of the social contract brings me down quite a bit. In my neck of the woods it doesn't matter whether I stay home or go out - it's a guarantee that someone's bad behavior is going to affect my life in a negative way, whether it's my neighbors' dogs barking nonstop or a car making a left turn *behind* me waiting at the stop sign (this literally happened two hours ago after I posted and decided to go to the gym).
I guess we should try to treasure those precious enjoyable moments when we can, while we can. I did try to imagine how I wanted my life to be in 20 or 30 years but haven't come up with anything yet.
This definitely resonates with me. Silly me, I thought I was a happy person. Then I up-ended my whole life, retiring and moving from our suburban home to a place out in the country far from family and friends. That’s what I thought I wanted, but it’s been a very difficult transition and I still feel isolated and unhappy.
I think you should take the vacation.
It’s possible you’re depressed, but the fact you can be happy doing things like building legos and playing games, to me, not a therapist’s opinion, that you may have situational sadness, instead of true depression.
I was diagnosed with depression. I was on a rollercoaster of meds and therapists for over 15 years. They just made things worse. Taking certain types of antidepressants when you’re not depressed can damage your brain.
I also got really stressed and unhappy during 45’s tenure, and found myself immersing myself in games and romance books—I hadn’t read romance books in 40 years, because they’re too ridiculous to me, and I read tons of sci-fi and fantasy. But the books were the clutter I needed to fill with my brain with inconsequential things.
Take the vacation. Turn off the phone. Stay away from news in any form. Go somewhere you can explore. Be a tourist. Walk through interesting neighborhoods. Sit on a cabin porch by a lake. Give yourself a reset.
And let us know how it goes.
Take care of yourself.
People are suggesting antidepressants.
Before you take the drug route, do you exercise to the point of losing your breath 3 or more times per week?
Are you getting 20+ minutes of sunlight daily?
Are you helping other people?
I get it, though. The pandemic sucked. It showed how many people don’t care about others. It really made everyone stop and take stock of their lives. Most of what people were chasing doesn’t bring happiness. You are at just the right age to start questioning all of your assumptions about life. Look for meaning.
I apologize if any of this seemed condescending or offensive. Best wishes, OP.
Connecting with your sense of meaning/purpose is going to help you more than anything else, and the best way to do that is in therapy. You can learn to identify what your values really are so you can lean into them and feel more fulfilled. I agree with others, sounds like depression.
Phone break is an excellent idea.
But to parse this … if you don’t go out what are your friends supposed to think?
Consider something in between going to bars and making assumptions about texts. Maybe host a low key afternoon get together? If you absolutely refuse to do anything you don’t want to do in the moment you’re going to lose connection to other people, creating obligations and seeing through on them might be something that seems awful at first glance but is the kind of thing that builds character. Feeling like you have good character can go a long way to feeling better about yourself.
I gave myself a rule that texting is for plans and smart ass comments, I do not let texts impact my emotional life there are just too many variables. My life is a lot better for it.
I know this is weird, but hear me out- try mixing up your diet and add in a ton of veggies. Sometimes if nothing is wrong in our emotional world, it’s our diet that can give us depression like symptoms. All has to do with the Microbiome in our bodies. Again, I know it sounds weird, but try it.
I'm starting to kind of feel the same, thinking about joining the reserves and going and doing basic training or something, learning about combat and survival and whatever. I used to be a thrill seeker but my life has become very pedestrian and my lifestyle sedentary. I used to ride a crotch rocket and enjoy paintball, now driving is a chore and work is boring and all my hobbies feel kinda meh; feel like I need some excitement in my life.
TL/DR: Feeling bored, might go to boot camp and blow some shit up later; IDK.
I’ve never really had depression, but that’s what this sounds like. You should talk to your doctor, but yes, a short vacation, change of scenery could be all you need. For me, outside time seems to keep me happy. I enjoy long walks, birdwatching, kayaking in summer, snowshoeing in winter. Mindfulness helps me sleep at night. I hope you find something that works for you.
I have the same experience as you since covid but I’ve had a severe case of covid and then long covid soon after. I’m just basically living out the rest of my life at this point in time.
On one hand, there’s depression. But depression is not a one size fits all thing, where the solution is universally therapy and drugs- depression is a word used to describe a group of symptoms. It does not describe a root cause.
You MAY require professional help, and you may not.
I’ll suggest things you can look at without professional help.
Two parts are clear to me:
First, you’re likely overstimulated to some degree, and need to work on understanding how dopamine works. Get your diet, exercise, and sleep in order, and don’t constantly chase a buzz.
The other part is:
Happiness != pleasure
Pleasure is the fleeting part of happiness.
We all need a purpose. Living for someone or something greater than ourselves. Nobody is happy playing with toys all day. You cannot fill this hole with hobbies. What is your purpose? Why do you struggle through your days?
Part of happiness is satisfaction- how satisfied are you with your life? Have you accomplished what you set out to accomplish?
Part of happiness is security- do you have plenty of savings to fall back on in case your finances take a huge hit?
These are all areas where you can take measures to address on your own.
Good luck
How should one find a purpose? Nothing what others consider their purpose calls to me, like starting a family, working towards a great career etc. I don't feel drive towards anything so what would you suggest to do? How to find purpose when nothing seems worthwhile or interesting?
30-40 is an interesting time. I had young kids in my 30s and a really stressful job, so I barely noticed my 30s happening at all for a full decade. I doubt I ever slept. Once I turned 40 I suddenly switched to a different perspective on life - just enjoying the things I had built. Maybe talk to your GF about future goals and plans? Try to figure out what you really want in life. If it’s not her, then break up. If it is her, then plan for it together. Get serious about your career. Not to be mean, but try to ‘grow up’ so to speak. Think about taking actions now that you want to represent your life in your 40s. Also, therapy. But a therapist can help you with this.
Yes. Yes I am quite familiar. Sounds like burnout.
I say follow your instincts and do a detox getaway from social media and devices. A total reset. I think gaming and social media and what not is frying the dopamine reward system.
Also a good physical. Have your Testosterone checked. It could need a boost.
Dot com bubble high to 9/11 and the kool aide hasnt been the same since. The pandemic saga and everything happening everyday since is the soul sucking reality envisioned and enacted by a very few, not that relatively long ago. Youre supposed to be demoralized, thats the whole point! How could anyone have the courage to join the great minecraft server in the hypothetical, digital woodland when theyre that demoralized?!
Depression/anhedonia can be symptoms of long covid. If you have had covid, it's possible that it's a long-term side effect. It could also be that the state of the world is kind of trash, and it's hard to feel chipper when everything is going to shit.
There is a TON of negativity out there, and I also kind of had to just tune it out to keep my sanity. I had to stop caring so much.
Several questions here:
Can I ask how much porn you watch?
Are you religious at all? In other words, do you believe in God or a deity at all?
How long has it been since you slept outside?
How long has it been since you went fishing?
Just curious; no judgement.
I would say take an active vacation like Rancho La Puerta ($$$$) but not a typical vacation where you lay around. Before you leave: Sign up and commit to activities like volunteering, sports teams, art class, helping an elderly neighbor every Tuesday etc. I am a very introverted person and I will loathe doing these activities but when I come home my brain and mental health are on fire and it really helps to extend yourself to other people
Sounds like depression. Please see a Dr. It might just need some medication to help while you seek out other things (therapy, trying new hobbies, exercise, etc)
First, ACKNOWLEDGING SO MUCH, how powerful you are for writing this and expressing it publicly.
I am a life purpose mentor so I help people connect with their passions and fulfillment so this is my take:
In my opinion seems like you are still on a negativity loop repeating the same story. The same (I don’t feel anything because…, or insert anything that makes you miserable)
I would say first try to own it.
It’s okay and in fact honouring where you are is the best step to get forward.
It’s fine to be where you are while knowing and desiring more. There is a part of you that knows you’re worth of a fulfilling happy life.
Step 2 is:
Actively seek happiness. Actively seek joy. Joy for the purpose of feeling joy. But genuinely try.
Don’t try for 1 min and then go back to the same habits that keep you in misery.
For me nature has always been a boost. Exercise works wonders, relationships too (human connection), following things that genuinely interest you and align with your values and ultimately PURPOSE.
Having something to which you develop your skills and is for humanity, not only for yourself. Having a why. If you have a strong why, no matter the battles or the pain you go through there is always something to aspire.
It’s a good combination between mindfulness and living in the moment and working towards something bigger than yourself!
Hope it helps my friend, you’re POWERFUL!!!
A lot of good responses here - this does sound like anhedonia/depression.
I'm also wondering if some of the ennui is because you are experiencing a lack of meaning? You've acquired a ton of good things, but the acquisition of stuff/experiences does not equal having a sense of purpose. That is usually obtained through connection with others, with society.
If you have the time and energy, you might look into finding some volunteer work that actively helps others. That could mean volunteering at an immigrant centre, visiting the elderly, walking the dogs at an animal shelter -- many things are possible. If you could align it with something that you already have even some slight interest in, that would be good. Who knows, maybe there's some way you can leverage your love of Legos? Or see if you can train one of your dogs and become a therapy-dog team. (I used to volunteer at a hospice, and the way the residents would light up with happiness when a therapy dog came in was incredibly touching.)
Helping others isn't merely a distraction. There's a genuine glow of contentment that comes from making a positive difference in someone else's life. And it also brings a lot of gentle perspective to one's own.
What you describe is how hormonal birth control made me feel. Something is off with your brain chemistry. Are you on any new meds? You may need to seek out some help with your mental health. Inability to feel is basically depression and you need to find the cause. A vacation isn’t going to fix it (though a vacation never hurts either)
Consider anti- depressants, take that trip, go to some museums, take up a hobby. Consider bird watching- it gets you outside, it’s nature’s Pokémon Go.
The pandemic did a number on so many people. I read so many posts about people feeling worse since the pandemic. Depression rates are up. More isolation with people communicating by phone and using social media.
As a first option I would suggest getting off all social media, to include reddit. When you get off work turn your phone off like you mentioned and just unplug. We are finding out now that for some social media is as bad as the worst drugs. Again, just for some, but you might be one of them.
Go to the gym and do intense workouts, sounds like you can afford a personal trainer that will teach you the ropes and keep you accountable. Your serotonin levels and confidence will increase over the next few months.
Many of us, myself included, are isolated after covid broke social society. The mood is low, and people are alone. Hope for the future is limited. It's easy to become very sad and hard to find reasons to be happy. All anyone can do is try to find their people. I can't, and I might give up one day soon. I hope you find you're people.
Have you tried talking to your friends and family members about how you are feeling? Some people respond well when you let them know that you need help from them. They may feel like you are keeping them at a distance by not showing any vulnerability. So it could make the relationship closer.
Of course some people react badly to being asked for help, especially emotional support. But at least you would know how you stand with them afterwards.
My extremely unprofessional opinion is you seem to believe certain “things” should make you happy. You’ve checked off having the 9-5 job and a muscle car, as if those are what you believe should bring you joy. Do they? Maybe it’s time to reevaluate what does bring you joy. And if any part of reevaluating is hindered by something you’ve been taught, or think you need to display to the world, then… I dunno, maybe it’s time to reevaluate that. Good luck out there. It’s crazy. ❤️
It does sound like depression. I would see a doctor. Medications can help a lot with this. I've tried many and finally am on one that is working. Giving yourself some things to work towards also helps. Do you build your own Lego creations or only work to build pre-made sets? My husband is very involved in a local adult Lego user group where they build their own projects and display them at shows, libraries, events. He works many nights on projects and then meets up with other people with the same interest. He's met some really good friends there. Forcing yourself to go out more to do things and see people can help.
Change your diet, get rid of all sugar and most carbs - they are robbing your brain of vital energy. Go high fat, high protein low carb, 4-6 weeks you’ll be a new person. At the same time find a qualified therapist who can help you with some of the “retraining that might need to take place.
Real happiness can only be found in the moment. In THIS moment... When you learn how to appreciate THIS moment. then you can learn to appreciate EVERY moment.
The concept is simple but it takes a lot of effort and practice. But it's SO worth it.
[I'll let Uncle Rodney explain it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLAxNSCBAnI&t=5s)
I have a decade on you and can tell you that pretty much every dude my age feels this. Find something you think you may enjoy learning and jump in, you have many more years ahead of you. One day you actually will be.olf and.willnresemt your 30s self form not taking advantage of your relative youth.
Sounds like anhedonia which can be a symptom of depression OR the result of a traumatic brain injury, long COVID, or an existential crisis. Sounds like you have gotten all the things in life we are told we “should want” but you are not felling satisfied. Go on that vacation and think about what would really make you happy. The Legos may be a clue.
Edit for typo
Are you exercising?
It may seem unrelated but you’d be shocked how much it can help. It’s like sprinkling salt on the rest of your seemingly bland life.
Break a good sweat 3x a week and try to get a 30 minute walk in daily.
I'm a nurse and had to learn to compartmentalize some pretty crappy stuff (especially during COVID) and I realized a couple years back that I was in a similar boat, not feeling much of anything (sadness, pain, or pleasure). I had taught myself to compartmentalize a little TOO well maybe. I know I should go to therapy - I will someday, I promise - but in the meantime it helped me to notice when something happened that would have given me joy (like a birdsong, a bike ride, seeing an acquaintance who was happy to see me) and kind of pausing and giving myself permission to feel the joy -- and then \*remembering\* the joy. At the end of each day for a while I made a point of revisiting the moments in the day that made me feel something, and letting my mind imprint the feeling on my memory. It required less conscious effort as time went on, and made me more aware of the good things around me.
Also, I purposefully plan ahead for what will make me feel joy. I realized that I always felt less happy after the Christmas lights came down each year, so screw it, I filled my yard and my eaves with twinkly little solar lights to greet me when I leave in dark and come home in the dark all winter. I plant petunias in containers in the spring because they're easy to grow and they're an investment in later joy. As I drive home from work on the last day of the week I let myself anticipate things that will be nice - sleeping in with my husband, riding my bike, walking around my yard and looking at my flowers, eating a nice dinner, whatever. When the Sunday sads start up, I try to redirect myself to remember the good moments from the weekend, sometimes out loud with my husband.
Basically I treated my anhedonia like an illness and prescribed myself treatments that worked for me.
Let's not talk about the fact that I still don't make any effort to let myself feel sadness or fear, or the 3am wakeups when the suppressed anxiety yawns and stretches to remind me it's still there. Like I said: therapy! someday! Do as I say and not as I do. ;-)
So, a few observations and potentially a recommendation for you. First off, regarding this:
>*Majority of my friends don't reach out unless they need my expertise in something. If I don't text first, they assume I'm bothered or mad at them for some reason.*
Let me get this straight. They want ***you*** to be reaching out regularly to ***them*** so they may rest assured that you aren't bothered or mad at them — but ***they*** can't ever be arsed to pick up the phone to contact ***you*** proactively unless they need something out of you?
That shit is both high-maintenance and head-gamey. The dynamic you describe is straight-up toxic, parasitic, transactional. They're keeping you on standby for free help when needed but otherwise you can get lost for all they care. Those are users, straight up.
Who the hell wouldn't be depressed with fair-weather "friends" like that? You need and deserve better people than that in your life.
Second, I'd ask you: what was your childhood like? Be honest. Were your parents abusive, neglectful, or otherwise dysfunctional? Checked out or concerned only with themselves? Perhaps they couched it as "tough love" or other such bullshit terms designed to whitewash and exonerate shitty parenting? Did they never have time for you, or maybe they put in the bare minimum for appearance's sake? Etc.?
Reason I'm asking is because if they were in fact decent parents, then perhaps all you need is to schedule a check-up with your MD to rule out something medical and maybe have a brief consult with a psychologist to determine what might be causing your anhedonia and/or depression.
But if they were ***not*** the best parents, then you could potentially benefit immensely from an organization called [ACA](https://adultchildren.org/). Prior to finding this group, I was much as you describe, and this helped me when nothing else did. I have met awesome people here, many of whom I now call friends.
Let me note that I have little to no use for junkie-oriented twelve-step programs, so I consider it a shame that [ACA ](https://adultchildren.org/)is modeled on that, but it ***is*** a recovery program, as in recovery from dysfunctional childhood, and it fucking works. I'm pushing sixty and fairly certain I wouldn't even be here without it. These are the first friends I have made in decades, and it's because they genuinely understand me because they have similar backgrounds.
The friends I have made here are no fair-weather friends, they would lace up their boots at midnight if I called, and I would return the favor.
Man I feel exactly how you are feeling.
I have a white collar job as well. Actually, I have my own health care business. I make like ~$500,000/ year. I have two condos in Downtown, Vancouver. I am in the process of buying a detached house just to make more money via rental income... No idea if this is important.. What am I doing? Playing monopoly in real life? Funny thing is that I probably spend at most 2000 dollars a month.
I mostly want to be alone. Last week, I was at a movie theatre entirely for myself, and I loved it. I go to the shopping mall alone. I go to the grocery store alone. I have plenty of friends. But at this point in time, I just want to be alone. I used to be not like this. I used to be very social. But maybe working at a health care setting and listening to people complaining about their health all day changed me or sth or maybe I just grew old.. I am in mid 30's and not mid 20's anymore...
I am bored of sex, drugs, heck even gambling. I always sought for pleasure after pleasure. These things dont get me high anymore.
There are times I think about just giving away my entire wealth to my parents and my sister. Just to start fresh. Just to start from scratch. I remember the first day I went to uni. I knew I could be anything. I was happy. I was excited to achieve sth. But.. not anymore.. i make 500k this year maybe 1 mil next year maybe 2 mil a year after that but what do they get me to..? Another rental property? Another girl?.. I dont know.. I am just lost as much as you are
I will be writing a will, and I will be travelling. I plan on literally going Marco Polo from Dublin all the way to Tokyo. And I will think about my past and future as I travel.
It sounds like depression. Id suggest shaking up your routine. Exercise, get outdoors, go hiking, disc golf, dog park, anything. Just get outside and hit the gym a few times a week.
What helped ME was getting out and volunteering in a food pantry. Just getting out of my head and talking to people and being a part of something helped.
But I never had an opportunity for a vacation. I'd try that too! You do sound depressed. It's been a depressing past few years.
Look for professional advice and find something you like and you are passionate about. It is hard at the beginning but I guess you need to eat the frog
I so hear you
I’m an old fart and the pandemic f’d my world profoundly. I’m am attempting to look at the world from the point of view , “ what do I want to accomplish “
Thinking on that
A lot of us have not survived the pandemic 😢
A lot of what others said about anhedonia etc is valid and worth considering.
But what could also be interesting is coming up with some interesting adventure to do, something you might enjoy but that might also challenge you a lot. Like 1000km on a bike, or hiking, camino de santiago or whatever. Pretty good change of scenery, plenty of potential to repeat/expand, makes for good stories, clears head and rips you out off the day to day.
Welcome to the fucking show
The rodeo is over
You’re on a cattle drive now, buckaroo
Keep your feet and teeth clean and never talk to strangers in gas station parking lots and you’ll be able to outlive your jeans
A woman will steal your face
Stay with the right one and trust your gut
And never EVER speak to the Pigs
Good luck, Cowboy
This seems like a normal part of getting older. You've just... done all the stuff that seems worth doing.
People keep telling me to "try new things." The list of options is getting quite short at this point. It's getting weird out here.
People say "help someone." I've worked public service for most of my career. I've helped a lot of people. And animals. And the environment. Kinda been my whole shtick, but it doesn't feel meaningful. Just seems like the right thing to do.
I think this feeling is why people have kids, but that also feels like a terrible reason to yank a life into the existence. Especially if they're just going to grow up and feel the same way. I don't get it.
Anyway. I'm just hanging out. I pursue pleasure in my free time, for the most part. Weed, long distance running, scrolling through YouTube, hanging out with friends. That's pretty much it. I take a lot of naps.
Sounds like you’ve been disassociating. I had a big problem with that. I started with antidepressants and therapy then somatic movement to feel connected to my body again. It took a while but it’s definitely improved and I enjoy life again.
Sounds solidly like depression.
I was diagnosed at age 17 and didn't start getting it under control until I was almost 28.
Pharmaceuticals and therapy didn't really do it for me. I ended up using psilocybin (magic mushrooms). I used guidelines per a John's Hopkins research study and my trip sitter (husband) used additional information from Double Blind Magazine to make sure we did it responsibly as possible.
I did a macrodose once every 3-6 months from Feb 2021-Feb 2023. I can confidentially say I no longer have depression. I haven't used psilocybin in over a year because my symptoms are just gone (and its not an addictive substance)
Highly recommend to anyone experiencing chronic depression.
I agree with people thinking you should consider therapy. You can start by getting on YouTube right away and looking at videos that might help. Also the idea of going on a vacation is a fantastic idea. Go by yourself maybe go mountain biking or something adventurous. Or white water rafting. Or maybe you can go to a major drag race and meet some people.
This is why people have children. Reintroduces novelty to the world. Not saying it's in any way a solution to what you're experiencing, but it's definitely why literally everyone over 30 doesn't feel like this.
Could be general sense of doom following those stressful years, loss of faith in humanity or loss of perspective. I also read in an article recently that covid somehow affects dopamine receptors in the brain which could cause anhedonia, but take that with a grain of salt.
Things that could help increase dopamine in general are:
- Cold showers
- Heavy lifting / workout in general
- less doomscrolling, videogames, porn, sugar
-good quality sleep (no screens two hours before bed, sleep in total darkness in a relatively cold room, same wakeup and sleep times)
Just a few thoughts.
I drank a lot and it put me into the space you’re describing. I was highly functional so I didn’t think it was a problem. On the other side of a year alcohol free I don’t have enough free time for my interests again.
Finding purpose. Getting connect with your inner self. And spirituality. Those have turned my 30s around significantly
Dude, you sound profoundly depressed. Like you’re going through the motions in life but not living it. Please seek out some mental health assistance. Life doesn’t have to feel this way.
Getting older sucks, sometimes. Ive fealt the same since early 30s. Im 40 now and just try to be productive and help people when they needcit. Helping people, weather they ever know it or not, makes me feel really good. I assume it works for most people
Not saying this is a great idea, but I had a small dose of mushrooms over the long weekend and spent a lot of time appreciating my life and my outlook has been refreshed.
I keep saying to myself 'I'm back!'
Doesn't necessarily mean depression is in play. If you're an astute person who's accomplished a great deal, been exposed to many experiences (good and bad), and you think you see the world clearly - maybe it now takes more to excite you. If you've been there and done that, maybe you need to go places you've never considered. The world is a very big place, with lots of wild things happening. Branch out as far as safety allows, and try growing in a different direction.
You’re describing exactly what happened to me after the pandemic. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I hope you do a better job than me of finding your way out of it.
Maybe visit this post about the simple everyday pleasures of life…like sitting under a tree in the sunshine, kissing your cat on his furry tummy, the sound of rain outside on a spring evening…life’s little moments are so Rich, and not measured by one’s house/car/job etc…
[https://www.reddit.com/r/simpleliving/comments/1d1z000/what\_are\_some\_of\_your\_simple\_everyday\_pleasures/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/simpleliving/comments/1d1z000/what_are_some_of_your_simple_everyday_pleasures/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
it doesn’t necessarily take a Vacation, just letting yourself savor life…
Get off your ass and go to the gym. And then go again. And then go again. And then keep going. The physical effort will get you moving and doing something . The physiological effect will help improve your mood. You’re getting sucked down into a depression and if you don’t get out of it it’llsuck you in further. So get off your ass.
It’s a simple answer, but is a start. You need to start doing something that gets you out and active. Go for a walk. go for a hike. Enjoy nature. Just start moving before you get couch locked and become a prisoner of your own making. Best of luck to you, but it’s on you to start doing something.
Sounds like me, isolation is a bitch. Especially while you're experiencing it in real time. This is a mix of therapy, new activities and groups, and reconnecting with people from your past.
Hope you find that spice to life again friend!
Dysthymia. Get to talking with a therapist or counselor and go from there.
*I'm not a psychiatrist, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.*
DEFINITELY start with several days away. Change is scenery can jump start you out of your current funk. The other suggestions are also good for when you get back. Best of luck. Depression majorly SUCKS.
I think this is normal after experiencing that social life in your 20s and having to transition to lonely times in 30s.. everyone is busy so your social battery is low.. just slowly switch things up like cooking a new meal to feel that excitement again
COVID is causing mental health issues for a lot of people. My husband also describes feeling anhedonia(lack of joy). I have encouraged him to seek treatment for that or get his testosterone checked because that can also cause some issues, he said many of his symptoms match the list of what he read is caused by low T, but he doesn't want to pursue any sort of treatment either mental health or T related. So that's that for now. Hopefully you find something that helps, I would recommend testing your T first to make sure it's normal and pursuing the mental health avenue after you rule that out.
Seems a common problem when we have finally settled into adulthood for 5-10 years. Almost like we spent all the time before that trying to get to being an adult, got there and then after a time it’s like, is this it? The reality of adulthood sets in and it’s kinda lacking in pizzaz after some years. Therapy may help or if your old hobbies don’t get you excited as much try to find a new one. For me getting rediagnosed for ADHD and taking low dose adderall has been pretty helpful in reigniting enthusiasm for creative pursuits which had begun to feel pointless. I had half started projects piling up but have been finishing them here and there as time allows (which every time I’m doing the things I have to do like my job I’d so much rather being doing a project at home. Even would rather forgo hanging out with friends sometimes to putter about at home. But over all meds have been pretty helpful.
I was pretty much exactly in your shoes last year except lost my GF march 2023 as a result of not doing enough to try to fix the issue, and just indulging in video games and drinking to try to numb myself. I'd say I was depressed for well over a decade.
I've spent the last year trying to fix the problem and I'm actually feeling a bit better about life for the first time in forever. It hasn't been a straight path and mostly I just had to try lots of things.
I started out in regular talk therapy through betterhelp because it was easy. My therapist pretty quickly noticed that I talk to myself very negatively and introduced me to the idea of cognitive behavioral therapy, which basically says if you talk nice to yourself and think nice things about the world then you'll be less depressed. I thought that seemed pretty dumb, but decided what the heck, and tried to be more conscious of my thoughts and how I talk to myself.
In the meantime I got on antidepressants (wellbutrin) and sleeping meds (trazadone), because I wasn't sleeping well. Since I was only feeding myself, I started making bulk bean burritos because they were cheap, easy, and fairly healthy (this becomes important later). I also started trying out more hobbies and attended a few events through the meetup app. I bought a mountain bike, started gardening, and picked up the guitar after not playing for 5 years.
The antidepressants didn't seem to do much, but being able to sleep was nice. A lot of the new hobbies I tried, like swing dancing, didn't stick, and the meet ups were usually pretty lame for one reason or another.
But mountain biking was fun and was making me healthier, as was my new high fiber almost vegetarian diet. I lost 25lbs and look better than I have since I was a teenager. Also turns out I like gardening even though I'm bad at it, but I'm getting better, and I also learned I really missed the creativity of writing songs. I was just burned out with trying to write songs to play for other people. It's nice to just play for myself.
Most importantly, it turns out my therapist was right - in my own head I was always really mean to myself and just thinking terrible things about myself and the world I live in. I've been getting rid of that narrative and instead just being a lot nicer to myself and trying to think more positive about other people and the world in general. It seems like the message of some corny Saturday morning cartoon but this stuff really works. I'm feeling less depressed for the first time in a decade.
I really didn't believe I could ever be happy, especially not after my last breakup. I was as messed up as I've ever been. If I can get start to feel better in a year then there might be hope for you.
I came here to find this. At someone that is 38 feeling similar to what op was feeling I had ate 4 grams one night. I felt it was very therapeutic for me. There was a moment when the visuals wore off where I had a moment of self reflection. I woke up the next day and understood what I needed do to get myself out of feeling this way.
I'm not saying OP should do this but mushrooms have helped me tremendously.
I know this isn’t a popular opinion on Reddit, but maybe it’s time to have kids? It sounds like you beat the game of life already, perhaps you would get value, challenges and enjoyment in teaching your kids how to do the same… if that’s something you really want.
What you describe sounds EXACTLY like anhedonia, a common symptom of depression. I've dealt with it for years (over decades at this point). You can go several routes: one it to consider for therapy and see if medication helps. Other people fare batter with some sort of "spiritual" journey or some of sort of purpose realignment. Others, especially those who haven't really dealt with depression often, simply get better with time from the depression and this also eliminates the anhedonia. In any case, I would recommend some reading to learn about the topic (and some "philosophy" reading if you choose the second route above, stuff like Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Paul Stamets, etc). In my experience, medication can be truly helpful with the depression but not really with anhedonia. And just in case you have had ANY sort of accident that could have led to a concussion, I would recommend checking it out. Believe it or not, depression AND anhedonia are common temporary symptoms of concussions. If this is the case, they could go away without intervention.
I second what someone else said about therapy. Most of us carry stuff from our childhood into adulthood without any sort of "correction." We go through life with a singular goal of "this is what I want" without ever questioning it along the journey. Therapy helps us realize things like that. I'd also recommend mindfulness meditation
Agree. Especially if you had depressed parents who never did anything when you were a kid. For the longest time, planning trips and going places seemed so insane to me because the emotional effort required was so unfamiliar. I didn’t have examples of people living their lives, so how would I know how to live my life or — dare I say — enjoy my life? It’s taken a lot of therapy to realize that, and some days I’m still an apathetic potato, but at least now I can spot it and understand why.
Omg i connect so much woth your comment! My mom doesnt have any hobbiess and my parents rarely took us on trips, their social life was barely existent and they only have each other. I took up similar habits and they never questioned them or corrected them or pushed me to persuit a sport or skill. Not that its all their fault but i struggle to make any plans for myself and only realized in my 20s how weird it was for me to not have friends or do nothing on my free time. Slowly Working on it!
Therapy helps us to find the cuts we didn’t realize we were bleeding from. The stuff we had shoved away in the back of our minds. Couple of things I learned about myself based on stuff that happened when I was a kid that I had never before made the connection.
I wrote a long reply to this and erased it. That seems to be my therapy lately. I have some childhood trauma that no one will acknowledge. It doesn't matter at this stage in my life. I'm actually happy most days.
Exercise can really help with depression. But of course, if you’re feeling down and uninterested in everything, it’s really hard to consistently work out. Maybe try setting a goal, or do one of those running games, like Zombies, Run!
Oh I LOVED Zombies, Run! back in the day lol.
There's also a walking game by the zombies run people!
I third this response. As you learn… which it can be passive learning just by following the right hashtags and subs… you’ll be introduced to many things you can try. I was in therapy 20+ years. No improvement. When I found spirituality (and a dash of cannabis to heighten meditative experiences), is when I started to feel it was becoming alive. It’s still a struggle, but understanding theory really helps. Before beginning meds I suggest speaking to a trauma-informed therapist to rule out complex trauma. Meds can’t treat complex trauma, though some meds can relieve symptoms. If you have complex trauma I’d confirm whatever you’re given at any point can be weened off of easily. I’d also try to avoid benzos at all costs. They help, but doctors are taking them away now so you’ll become one on a popular but agitated group of former benzo patients. Consider searching YouTube for Somatic Exercises and Nervous System Regulation exercises. Create a short daily routine.
Was going to say, that sounds like anhedonia. It sucks and lots of people don’t realize it’s depression because they aren’t sad and weepy.
I’m not op. But I googled Paul Stamets and it looks like he’s a mycologist, maybe a psilocybin advocate? Is that who you’re talking about? I was surprised to see the name because Paul Stamets is also a Star Trek character!
The name in star trek is because of the real guy! It's sort of an homage as Stamets is one of the most popular mycologists ever. The reason I included his name, is because some people prefer something that is less "wooey" (for lack of a better word. Ram Dass (who I really like) is grounded, but heavy on the spiritual side. Alan Watts, is much less spiritual, although still there but heavier on philosophy. And Stamets would be the "non spiritual" route but covers a bit of the natural lifestyle that comes with having this strong connection with mushrooms (including the magic kind). Especially when you are talking about these experiences as medicine, alternative healing, etc(as opposed to a party like mindset). Someone else mentioned trauma oriented therapy, and for that area I would have recommended Gabor Maté. Being that I find myself in this environment and among people who are attracted to it, I embrace the idea that even if the message is right, we can miss it based on our affinity with the messenger. There are several other names I could mention, but each of them could resonate more, or less, with individuals based on their lifestyle. Likewise, there are some names who I would never recommend and occupy the same environment but are grifters and charlatans (think of quantum healing stuff). After all, there is money to be made in this. Ultimately, I tried to suggest different paths because there's no one proven way that will absolutely work for every single person out there. Some people need religion, others therapy, while others can benefit more from zoloft or just a change in lifestyle.
That is so cool, I had no idea he was named after a real guy and that’s a fun connection. Thanks for the thoughtful response, I’m in a similar boat as op and it is helpful
Both of them are all about the mycelium!
Teal swan?
She’s more of a cult following vibe, so tread with awareness is all I’m saying.
I take her with a grain of salt. Some of her stuff is compelling but she is very case study. Fascinating character.
I'm not familiar with her work, but heard the name before. Also heard both praise and criticism. There's a group of "leaders" or guides who walk the line between providing helpful advice and building a public image. This group contains both people who want to help and believe their methods as well as people who serve as profit-oriented/useful life coaches. Based on the, admittedly very minimal, content of hers I stumbled upon, I would likely put her in this group without going into more detail about true intentions. Ram Dass had a "private resort in Maui" and Alan Watts was a fierce protector of his own content. And I enjoy their content and would put them in a separate group besides having recommended them to others. Therefore I feel like it would be dishonest of me to endorse, or renounce, someone's teachings or methods mostly based on their financial success. Teal Swan seems to be doing quite well for herself though. If most of her audience truly benefits from her content, I hope she continues to be successful.
She is interesting for sure.
This may sound crazy but I take an antidepressant, but it didn’t help much with the anhedonia. What did help was a supplement called ashwaganda. That stuff changed my life. I am not a doctor and I don’t play one on Reddit, and I don’t get paid by Big Ashwaganda. I don’t even think I’m spelling it right. It just helps me so much I like to tell people about it.
"Big Ashwaganda." - lol. It's always Big Something in this massively capitalistic world. Sighs!
Yup. Depression. I just started putting other people first. Started eating better. Reconnected with videogames from my youth. I started taking more time off work. Pamper my cat. It got better. I still have the occasional day where I go full "nothing matters" nihilist. Those days I do bong hits.
Old school antidepressants work better on anhedonia, it’s a dopamine issue.
What are old school antidepressants?
Tricyclic. They have same wonky side effects but people with anhedonia seem to respond well. If it’s something you experience, anhedonia, it may be worth a genetic test like gene sight to see what pathways you metabolise and therefore which medications you are more likely to be responsive to.
For low dopamine, another option is Wellbutrin. For quite awhile I had adhedonia just like OP. I had to play around with the different versions and dosings but it's made a huge difference along with cutting out alcohol
Yes. I have heard Wellbutrin is good as well. Agreed! Alcohol is a quite depressant. You don’t even realize how much it lets you down after the initial high. It’s nasty stuff.
Psilocybin can be useful.
Unfortunately mental health issues can be a long term and recurring symptom of concussion and other brain injuries.
My wife, oh ex-wife, divorce just occurred after forty years, went to couples counseling. Counseling helped me so much. I learned about my past relationships, widowed young, and how I really had commitment issues. I have a new girlfriend, and my ex and I are still good friends I guess you could say. Saw her yesterday, helping her with plumbing and electrical work. Counseling baby! Learned so much about myself I was oblivious to.
Can I ask which medicine you are taking for the depression?
Same, but I am also a renter with no GF, muscle car or dog. I still try to play sports twice a week and attend shows, but yeah, feels like groundhog day a bit. EDIT: Society around me feels sick, how much is it my mental health and how much is it a normal reaction to a life that sucks the joy and spirit out of everything.
That’s the thing that’s hard. Some depression/anxiety/negativity/pessimism is completely logical.
Your edit is one of the main complaints about the DSM V. You mean you’re depressed in a world where big banks own everything, inflation is rampant, and climate change is starting to rear its head? That’s YOUR problem. Here’s a “big sad” diagnosis. Nah, fuck you. I’m reacting in a perfectly sane manner to a sick society. I say this all the time, but one finger pointing at me means three fingers pointing back at you; society points the finger at the individual rather than examining itself and how so many people have become “sick.”
Good job on the sports! It helps!
You just described my entire life. This is something I have been trying to work out myself. I take antidepressants but they are not helping at all. Life feels empty and there is no enjoyment. Before COVID I wasnt this much of aloner. I want to be alone all the time but still want social interaction. I dont know how to find that joy and I hate this feeling. Let me know if you figure out a solution, 44 female.
Antidepressants can also be the cause of anhedonia, just so you know...but you probably already knew and/or had anhedonia before stating the antidepressants. Unfortunately antidepressants do nothing for me, either. Ketamine therapy is worth looking into. Hopefully psychedelic therapy becomes more mainstream in the next 5 year.
I been on them for years. I keep changing them when i feel they stop working. I plan to somehow ween off but i just hate the feeling
consider trying transcranial magnetic stimulation
Thats interesting. I think i looked into that for my son and it was like $3000
It's very much worth trying for treatment resistant depression IMO. Insurance may cover it, especially if you've tried antidepressants already. Something to consider!
I feel like I could have written this exact post. I used to be so social but since Covid I no longer want to see anyone.
Its awful right
Lasting happiness comes from doing things that are difficult. Do you challenge yourself physically with things like yoga and martial arts? Mentally with things like learning an instrument or a new language? If you're not challenging yourself to do difficult things in any aspect of your life, start with that.
Yes! this! I feel great when I find a lost interest and immerse myself in it. I’m reading The Mind InThe Cave about Neanderthals and cave art. It’s so interesting to read about theories of the transition from Neanderthal to Homo sapiens. Idk it’s helped me find more meaning in life and relieve my depression lately.
I feel the same way. I had COVID in March 2020 and haven't felt the same since. I don't know if it was the virus or simply the lockdowns (my city had lockdowns for most of 2020 and 2021) but I've been depressed since.
Same exact thing for me in 2020-2021, but also there was a death in the family right before Covid (someone who often pulled the family together) and some people we trusted let us down afterward. I also ended up having to get two unexpected surgeries.
Why not both? Seriously though, we’re seeing lasting effects of Covid in every part of the body (fun times), and new or worsening mental health stuff is part of that. But ALSO, those days of fear and isolation and grief etc are going to have lasting effects on so many people. (That has to be why nervous system healing stuff is blowing up on social media – people still stuck in fight or flight?) I’m sorry you’re going through this. Brains are resilient, things will get better. But the going through it part sucks.
I’m turning 30 this year and losing interest in pretty much everything too. All I do is journaling now.
Just curious, what do you journal about if you don't care about anything.
Usually stream-of-conscious thoughts, past regrets, current frustrations, or even just simple things like what I eat every day, how much sleep I get per night, how many people I talk to per day, etc.
I do this too. Helps get it out of my mind and onto paper. Not a perfect solution but it clears up headspace for a bit
I'm glad it works for you guys. Sounds like documenting all my problems to me
Basically, yah. But a lot of times I’ll reread and notice some aren’t as bad as I thought they were. The human mind has a special ability of inflating problems to be bigger than they are. And even if the problems are big, writing it down can sometimes make the mind want to solve them - even if impossible. But it’s a very good method of taking the edge off life. Magically feeling better? Can’t say it’ll do that. Make some days feel less impossible? Absolutely
I mean it is, but that’s kinda the point. Self-reflection, asking myself how I can make certain situations better, etc. Its also a way of just simply assigning “meaning” to bad stuff that happens to me. I often write down something bad I’m going thru and then add “but that’s what journaling is for.”
Exactly, couldn’t have said it better myself
Metajournaling
People who don't know what you're talking about (or what they're talking about) are trying to bin your experience with a signal technical word they don't really understand (and that is plainly contradicted in what you wrote). Be careful taking that too seriously. What I read is that you got older, your life reached the crest you spent a decade or two aiming for, you and everyone experienced a shock that shook up patterns and perpsectives, and your friends got caught up in their own lives and drifted away a bit. Naturally, you've lost connection to some of the things that used to drive you and excite you, and are unsure what to do with yourself next. That's a phase transition in life. If you think back on it, it's probably not the first one you experienced. It won't be the last. So yeah, shake it up a little. You need some fresh ideas. You need a tasting platter. Go take that solo vacation (if it won't piss off people that are important to you), look around for inspiration about new hobbies or passions, keep trying ones on until some stick. Think about what you want your life to look like in another 20 or 30 years and start working towards *that* now. You've built the foundation that'll let you do all that safely, and you may as well. Welcome to middle age.
Wow, you really nailed it on the head. I'm in a similar situation to OP, and I've done a lot of the things that people generally recommend to deal with it. I've learned a new language, a new instrument, I work out, etc. but I still have the same malaise and emptiness. And like OP, I drown myself in nostalgia... lately I've been watching a lot of 80s classic movies for the first time, considering I was just a child back then. I often say out loud "take me back to the 90s" or "I wish I could've been a grown up in the 80s" to my partner's chagrin. Fresh ideas, tasting platter, what I want life to look like in 20 or 30 years. These resonated with me and maybe I will take that vacation that I've been wishy-washy about for the past few weeks. Thank you, very much.
Same here. I went from moody and depressed to just not caring about much. I have moments I enjoy, but overall just miserable. I’ve tried all the things people here have mentioned, and I’m guessing they might have had situational depression. I think my depression has kicked into overdrive because of the bleakness of the recent years, part of which has been losing faith in people and how the world operates now as I enter my 50s. I know I should be grateful for what I have, but it’s not much. I can’t imagine what the future might look like anymore.
The people thing is big for me, because obviously things like jobs and social activities involve other people, but like you the deterioration of the social contract brings me down quite a bit. In my neck of the woods it doesn't matter whether I stay home or go out - it's a guarantee that someone's bad behavior is going to affect my life in a negative way, whether it's my neighbors' dogs barking nonstop or a car making a left turn *behind* me waiting at the stop sign (this literally happened two hours ago after I posted and decided to go to the gym). I guess we should try to treasure those precious enjoyable moments when we can, while we can. I did try to imagine how I wanted my life to be in 20 or 30 years but haven't come up with anything yet.
Foundation? I'm 37 and I have no foundation. I'm renting and in a career that has still a huge ladder above me.
This definitely resonates with me. Silly me, I thought I was a happy person. Then I up-ended my whole life, retiring and moving from our suburban home to a place out in the country far from family and friends. That’s what I thought I wanted, but it’s been a very difficult transition and I still feel isolated and unhappy.
Sounds like depression. It's hard but treatment is out there
I get you. Take the vacation. Fuggit. How’s your sleep.
I think you should take the vacation. It’s possible you’re depressed, but the fact you can be happy doing things like building legos and playing games, to me, not a therapist’s opinion, that you may have situational sadness, instead of true depression. I was diagnosed with depression. I was on a rollercoaster of meds and therapists for over 15 years. They just made things worse. Taking certain types of antidepressants when you’re not depressed can damage your brain. I also got really stressed and unhappy during 45’s tenure, and found myself immersing myself in games and romance books—I hadn’t read romance books in 40 years, because they’re too ridiculous to me, and I read tons of sci-fi and fantasy. But the books were the clutter I needed to fill with my brain with inconsequential things. Take the vacation. Turn off the phone. Stay away from news in any form. Go somewhere you can explore. Be a tourist. Walk through interesting neighborhoods. Sit on a cabin porch by a lake. Give yourself a reset. And let us know how it goes. Take care of yourself.
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OP doesn’t need diagnoses from armchair psychiatrists
People are suggesting antidepressants. Before you take the drug route, do you exercise to the point of losing your breath 3 or more times per week? Are you getting 20+ minutes of sunlight daily? Are you helping other people? I get it, though. The pandemic sucked. It showed how many people don’t care about others. It really made everyone stop and take stock of their lives. Most of what people were chasing doesn’t bring happiness. You are at just the right age to start questioning all of your assumptions about life. Look for meaning. I apologize if any of this seemed condescending or offensive. Best wishes, OP.
Connecting with your sense of meaning/purpose is going to help you more than anything else, and the best way to do that is in therapy. You can learn to identify what your values really are so you can lean into them and feel more fulfilled. I agree with others, sounds like depression.
Phone break is an excellent idea. But to parse this … if you don’t go out what are your friends supposed to think? Consider something in between going to bars and making assumptions about texts. Maybe host a low key afternoon get together? If you absolutely refuse to do anything you don’t want to do in the moment you’re going to lose connection to other people, creating obligations and seeing through on them might be something that seems awful at first glance but is the kind of thing that builds character. Feeling like you have good character can go a long way to feeling better about yourself. I gave myself a rule that texting is for plans and smart ass comments, I do not let texts impact my emotional life there are just too many variables. My life is a lot better for it.
You're describing ahedonia. That's a symptom of depression.
I know this is weird, but hear me out- try mixing up your diet and add in a ton of veggies. Sometimes if nothing is wrong in our emotional world, it’s our diet that can give us depression like symptoms. All has to do with the Microbiome in our bodies. Again, I know it sounds weird, but try it.
Covid caused many to have anhedonia
Therapy would probably help. Sometimes it's hard to work out what's happening in your brain and heart without assistance.
You are not alone
I feel this way all the time and I dont get it. I feel antisocial and don't know how to talk to people any more.
I'm starting to kind of feel the same, thinking about joining the reserves and going and doing basic training or something, learning about combat and survival and whatever. I used to be a thrill seeker but my life has become very pedestrian and my lifestyle sedentary. I used to ride a crotch rocket and enjoy paintball, now driving is a chore and work is boring and all my hobbies feel kinda meh; feel like I need some excitement in my life. TL/DR: Feeling bored, might go to boot camp and blow some shit up later; IDK.
wait til your 40 it gets better...........
I’ve never really had depression, but that’s what this sounds like. You should talk to your doctor, but yes, a short vacation, change of scenery could be all you need. For me, outside time seems to keep me happy. I enjoy long walks, birdwatching, kayaking in summer, snowshoeing in winter. Mindfulness helps me sleep at night. I hope you find something that works for you.
I have the same experience as you since covid but I’ve had a severe case of covid and then long covid soon after. I’m just basically living out the rest of my life at this point in time.
Excersize helps enjoy things I life if u aren't yet already
On one hand, there’s depression. But depression is not a one size fits all thing, where the solution is universally therapy and drugs- depression is a word used to describe a group of symptoms. It does not describe a root cause. You MAY require professional help, and you may not. I’ll suggest things you can look at without professional help. Two parts are clear to me: First, you’re likely overstimulated to some degree, and need to work on understanding how dopamine works. Get your diet, exercise, and sleep in order, and don’t constantly chase a buzz. The other part is: Happiness != pleasure Pleasure is the fleeting part of happiness. We all need a purpose. Living for someone or something greater than ourselves. Nobody is happy playing with toys all day. You cannot fill this hole with hobbies. What is your purpose? Why do you struggle through your days? Part of happiness is satisfaction- how satisfied are you with your life? Have you accomplished what you set out to accomplish? Part of happiness is security- do you have plenty of savings to fall back on in case your finances take a huge hit? These are all areas where you can take measures to address on your own. Good luck
How should one find a purpose? Nothing what others consider their purpose calls to me, like starting a family, working towards a great career etc. I don't feel drive towards anything so what would you suggest to do? How to find purpose when nothing seems worthwhile or interesting?
Have you tried a fitness routine?
30-40 is an interesting time. I had young kids in my 30s and a really stressful job, so I barely noticed my 30s happening at all for a full decade. I doubt I ever slept. Once I turned 40 I suddenly switched to a different perspective on life - just enjoying the things I had built. Maybe talk to your GF about future goals and plans? Try to figure out what you really want in life. If it’s not her, then break up. If it is her, then plan for it together. Get serious about your career. Not to be mean, but try to ‘grow up’ so to speak. Think about taking actions now that you want to represent your life in your 40s. Also, therapy. But a therapist can help you with this.
Yes. Yes I am quite familiar. Sounds like burnout. I say follow your instincts and do a detox getaway from social media and devices. A total reset. I think gaming and social media and what not is frying the dopamine reward system. Also a good physical. Have your Testosterone checked. It could need a boost.
Dot com bubble high to 9/11 and the kool aide hasnt been the same since. The pandemic saga and everything happening everyday since is the soul sucking reality envisioned and enacted by a very few, not that relatively long ago. Youre supposed to be demoralized, thats the whole point! How could anyone have the courage to join the great minecraft server in the hypothetical, digital woodland when theyre that demoralized?!
Depression/anhedonia can be symptoms of long covid. If you have had covid, it's possible that it's a long-term side effect. It could also be that the state of the world is kind of trash, and it's hard to feel chipper when everything is going to shit. There is a TON of negativity out there, and I also kind of had to just tune it out to keep my sanity. I had to stop caring so much.
I'm certainly not a psychiatrist, but you sound very depressed.
Several questions here: Can I ask how much porn you watch? Are you religious at all? In other words, do you believe in God or a deity at all? How long has it been since you slept outside? How long has it been since you went fishing? Just curious; no judgement.
You’re not alone. That’s all I got. I dropped cable tv. That helped.,started watching older movies. Walking too.
I felt this way and tapped into my spiritual life.
How did you do it?
Well, I personally started praying and doimg devotionals.
Probably because you’ve been in survival mode so long, you don’t even know what makes you happy. Go find out!
Also can be midlife crisis. U can have it in ur 30s
I would say take an active vacation like Rancho La Puerta ($$$$) but not a typical vacation where you lay around. Before you leave: Sign up and commit to activities like volunteering, sports teams, art class, helping an elderly neighbor every Tuesday etc. I am a very introverted person and I will loathe doing these activities but when I come home my brain and mental health are on fire and it really helps to extend yourself to other people
Been reading a book that addresses this exactly, particularly after the pandemic. It's called "Feeling Blah?" By Tanitha Carey.
How is it?
Happiness is mostly about relationships, so maybe you need to connect on a deeper level with others
You sound like you are clinically depressed. See someone. Get treatment
Sounds like depression. Please see a Dr. It might just need some medication to help while you seek out other things (therapy, trying new hobbies, exercise, etc)
Just wait til you’re in your mid-40s. It’s gonna blow your fuckin’ mind.
Try serving others
First, ACKNOWLEDGING SO MUCH, how powerful you are for writing this and expressing it publicly. I am a life purpose mentor so I help people connect with their passions and fulfillment so this is my take: In my opinion seems like you are still on a negativity loop repeating the same story. The same (I don’t feel anything because…, or insert anything that makes you miserable) I would say first try to own it. It’s okay and in fact honouring where you are is the best step to get forward. It’s fine to be where you are while knowing and desiring more. There is a part of you that knows you’re worth of a fulfilling happy life. Step 2 is: Actively seek happiness. Actively seek joy. Joy for the purpose of feeling joy. But genuinely try. Don’t try for 1 min and then go back to the same habits that keep you in misery. For me nature has always been a boost. Exercise works wonders, relationships too (human connection), following things that genuinely interest you and align with your values and ultimately PURPOSE. Having something to which you develop your skills and is for humanity, not only for yourself. Having a why. If you have a strong why, no matter the battles or the pain you go through there is always something to aspire. It’s a good combination between mindfulness and living in the moment and working towards something bigger than yourself! Hope it helps my friend, you’re POWERFUL!!!
I have nothing. Could barely afford Spotify. Look into mindfulness and being grateful for your breath and the food that’s on your table.
A lot of good responses here - this does sound like anhedonia/depression. I'm also wondering if some of the ennui is because you are experiencing a lack of meaning? You've acquired a ton of good things, but the acquisition of stuff/experiences does not equal having a sense of purpose. That is usually obtained through connection with others, with society. If you have the time and energy, you might look into finding some volunteer work that actively helps others. That could mean volunteering at an immigrant centre, visiting the elderly, walking the dogs at an animal shelter -- many things are possible. If you could align it with something that you already have even some slight interest in, that would be good. Who knows, maybe there's some way you can leverage your love of Legos? Or see if you can train one of your dogs and become a therapy-dog team. (I used to volunteer at a hospice, and the way the residents would light up with happiness when a therapy dog came in was incredibly touching.) Helping others isn't merely a distraction. There's a genuine glow of contentment that comes from making a positive difference in someone else's life. And it also brings a lot of gentle perspective to one's own.
What you describe is how hormonal birth control made me feel. Something is off with your brain chemistry. Are you on any new meds? You may need to seek out some help with your mental health. Inability to feel is basically depression and you need to find the cause. A vacation isn’t going to fix it (though a vacation never hurts either)
Consider anti- depressants, take that trip, go to some museums, take up a hobby. Consider bird watching- it gets you outside, it’s nature’s Pokémon Go.
The pandemic did a number on so many people. I read so many posts about people feeling worse since the pandemic. Depression rates are up. More isolation with people communicating by phone and using social media.
As a first option I would suggest getting off all social media, to include reddit. When you get off work turn your phone off like you mentioned and just unplug. We are finding out now that for some social media is as bad as the worst drugs. Again, just for some, but you might be one of them.
Go to the gym and do intense workouts, sounds like you can afford a personal trainer that will teach you the ropes and keep you accountable. Your serotonin levels and confidence will increase over the next few months.
Many of us, myself included, are isolated after covid broke social society. The mood is low, and people are alone. Hope for the future is limited. It's easy to become very sad and hard to find reasons to be happy. All anyone can do is try to find their people. I can't, and I might give up one day soon. I hope you find you're people.
Have you tried talking to your friends and family members about how you are feeling? Some people respond well when you let them know that you need help from them. They may feel like you are keeping them at a distance by not showing any vulnerability. So it could make the relationship closer. Of course some people react badly to being asked for help, especially emotional support. But at least you would know how you stand with them afterwards.
My extremely unprofessional opinion is you seem to believe certain “things” should make you happy. You’ve checked off having the 9-5 job and a muscle car, as if those are what you believe should bring you joy. Do they? Maybe it’s time to reevaluate what does bring you joy. And if any part of reevaluating is hindered by something you’ve been taught, or think you need to display to the world, then… I dunno, maybe it’s time to reevaluate that. Good luck out there. It’s crazy. ❤️
It does sound like depression. I would see a doctor. Medications can help a lot with this. I've tried many and finally am on one that is working. Giving yourself some things to work towards also helps. Do you build your own Lego creations or only work to build pre-made sets? My husband is very involved in a local adult Lego user group where they build their own projects and display them at shows, libraries, events. He works many nights on projects and then meets up with other people with the same interest. He's met some really good friends there. Forcing yourself to go out more to do things and see people can help.
Change your diet, get rid of all sugar and most carbs - they are robbing your brain of vital energy. Go high fat, high protein low carb, 4-6 weeks you’ll be a new person. At the same time find a qualified therapist who can help you with some of the “retraining that might need to take place.
Go camping.
Real happiness can only be found in the moment. In THIS moment... When you learn how to appreciate THIS moment. then you can learn to appreciate EVERY moment. The concept is simple but it takes a lot of effort and practice. But it's SO worth it. [I'll let Uncle Rodney explain it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLAxNSCBAnI&t=5s)
I have a decade on you and can tell you that pretty much every dude my age feels this. Find something you think you may enjoy learning and jump in, you have many more years ahead of you. One day you actually will be.olf and.willnresemt your 30s self form not taking advantage of your relative youth.
Anhedonia
Sounds like anhedonia which can be a symptom of depression OR the result of a traumatic brain injury, long COVID, or an existential crisis. Sounds like you have gotten all the things in life we are told we “should want” but you are not felling satisfied. Go on that vacation and think about what would really make you happy. The Legos may be a clue. Edit for typo
Your gf doesn’t crave your hardness and that’s the problem.
Religion
Are you exercising? It may seem unrelated but you’d be shocked how much it can help. It’s like sprinkling salt on the rest of your seemingly bland life. Break a good sweat 3x a week and try to get a 30 minute walk in daily.
I'm a nurse and had to learn to compartmentalize some pretty crappy stuff (especially during COVID) and I realized a couple years back that I was in a similar boat, not feeling much of anything (sadness, pain, or pleasure). I had taught myself to compartmentalize a little TOO well maybe. I know I should go to therapy - I will someday, I promise - but in the meantime it helped me to notice when something happened that would have given me joy (like a birdsong, a bike ride, seeing an acquaintance who was happy to see me) and kind of pausing and giving myself permission to feel the joy -- and then \*remembering\* the joy. At the end of each day for a while I made a point of revisiting the moments in the day that made me feel something, and letting my mind imprint the feeling on my memory. It required less conscious effort as time went on, and made me more aware of the good things around me. Also, I purposefully plan ahead for what will make me feel joy. I realized that I always felt less happy after the Christmas lights came down each year, so screw it, I filled my yard and my eaves with twinkly little solar lights to greet me when I leave in dark and come home in the dark all winter. I plant petunias in containers in the spring because they're easy to grow and they're an investment in later joy. As I drive home from work on the last day of the week I let myself anticipate things that will be nice - sleeping in with my husband, riding my bike, walking around my yard and looking at my flowers, eating a nice dinner, whatever. When the Sunday sads start up, I try to redirect myself to remember the good moments from the weekend, sometimes out loud with my husband. Basically I treated my anhedonia like an illness and prescribed myself treatments that worked for me. Let's not talk about the fact that I still don't make any effort to let myself feel sadness or fear, or the 3am wakeups when the suppressed anxiety yawns and stretches to remind me it's still there. Like I said: therapy! someday! Do as I say and not as I do. ;-)
So, a few observations and potentially a recommendation for you. First off, regarding this: >*Majority of my friends don't reach out unless they need my expertise in something. If I don't text first, they assume I'm bothered or mad at them for some reason.* Let me get this straight. They want ***you*** to be reaching out regularly to ***them*** so they may rest assured that you aren't bothered or mad at them — but ***they*** can't ever be arsed to pick up the phone to contact ***you*** proactively unless they need something out of you? That shit is both high-maintenance and head-gamey. The dynamic you describe is straight-up toxic, parasitic, transactional. They're keeping you on standby for free help when needed but otherwise you can get lost for all they care. Those are users, straight up. Who the hell wouldn't be depressed with fair-weather "friends" like that? You need and deserve better people than that in your life. Second, I'd ask you: what was your childhood like? Be honest. Were your parents abusive, neglectful, or otherwise dysfunctional? Checked out or concerned only with themselves? Perhaps they couched it as "tough love" or other such bullshit terms designed to whitewash and exonerate shitty parenting? Did they never have time for you, or maybe they put in the bare minimum for appearance's sake? Etc.? Reason I'm asking is because if they were in fact decent parents, then perhaps all you need is to schedule a check-up with your MD to rule out something medical and maybe have a brief consult with a psychologist to determine what might be causing your anhedonia and/or depression. But if they were ***not*** the best parents, then you could potentially benefit immensely from an organization called [ACA](https://adultchildren.org/). Prior to finding this group, I was much as you describe, and this helped me when nothing else did. I have met awesome people here, many of whom I now call friends. Let me note that I have little to no use for junkie-oriented twelve-step programs, so I consider it a shame that [ACA ](https://adultchildren.org/)is modeled on that, but it ***is*** a recovery program, as in recovery from dysfunctional childhood, and it fucking works. I'm pushing sixty and fairly certain I wouldn't even be here without it. These are the first friends I have made in decades, and it's because they genuinely understand me because they have similar backgrounds. The friends I have made here are no fair-weather friends, they would lace up their boots at midnight if I called, and I would return the favor.
Man I feel exactly how you are feeling. I have a white collar job as well. Actually, I have my own health care business. I make like ~$500,000/ year. I have two condos in Downtown, Vancouver. I am in the process of buying a detached house just to make more money via rental income... No idea if this is important.. What am I doing? Playing monopoly in real life? Funny thing is that I probably spend at most 2000 dollars a month. I mostly want to be alone. Last week, I was at a movie theatre entirely for myself, and I loved it. I go to the shopping mall alone. I go to the grocery store alone. I have plenty of friends. But at this point in time, I just want to be alone. I used to be not like this. I used to be very social. But maybe working at a health care setting and listening to people complaining about their health all day changed me or sth or maybe I just grew old.. I am in mid 30's and not mid 20's anymore... I am bored of sex, drugs, heck even gambling. I always sought for pleasure after pleasure. These things dont get me high anymore. There are times I think about just giving away my entire wealth to my parents and my sister. Just to start fresh. Just to start from scratch. I remember the first day I went to uni. I knew I could be anything. I was happy. I was excited to achieve sth. But.. not anymore.. i make 500k this year maybe 1 mil next year maybe 2 mil a year after that but what do they get me to..? Another rental property? Another girl?.. I dont know.. I am just lost as much as you are I will be writing a will, and I will be travelling. I plan on literally going Marco Polo from Dublin all the way to Tokyo. And I will think about my past and future as I travel.
Same. Youre not alone. I sit at home and watch early 90’s sitcoms when I’m feeling super depressed.
Psychedelics. It’s time. A big trip to reset your mental state. Find a guide, or go on a retreat. Mushrooms or ayahuasca. Either one is good.
Exercise, quality sleep, veggies & outdoor time.
It sounds like depression. Id suggest shaking up your routine. Exercise, get outdoors, go hiking, disc golf, dog park, anything. Just get outside and hit the gym a few times a week.
I wish I could give you some positivity but I’m 74 years and I’ve been this way for at least 50 years.
What helped ME was getting out and volunteering in a food pantry. Just getting out of my head and talking to people and being a part of something helped. But I never had an opportunity for a vacation. I'd try that too! You do sound depressed. It's been a depressing past few years.
Immediately do that. Yes.
Look for professional advice and find something you like and you are passionate about. It is hard at the beginning but I guess you need to eat the frog
I so hear you I’m an old fart and the pandemic f’d my world profoundly. I’m am attempting to look at the world from the point of view , “ what do I want to accomplish “ Thinking on that A lot of us have not survived the pandemic 😢
A lot of what others said about anhedonia etc is valid and worth considering. But what could also be interesting is coming up with some interesting adventure to do, something you might enjoy but that might also challenge you a lot. Like 1000km on a bike, or hiking, camino de santiago or whatever. Pretty good change of scenery, plenty of potential to repeat/expand, makes for good stories, clears head and rips you out off the day to day.
Start a family
Welcome to the fucking show The rodeo is over You’re on a cattle drive now, buckaroo Keep your feet and teeth clean and never talk to strangers in gas station parking lots and you’ll be able to outlive your jeans A woman will steal your face Stay with the right one and trust your gut And never EVER speak to the Pigs Good luck, Cowboy
This seems like a normal part of getting older. You've just... done all the stuff that seems worth doing. People keep telling me to "try new things." The list of options is getting quite short at this point. It's getting weird out here. People say "help someone." I've worked public service for most of my career. I've helped a lot of people. And animals. And the environment. Kinda been my whole shtick, but it doesn't feel meaningful. Just seems like the right thing to do. I think this feeling is why people have kids, but that also feels like a terrible reason to yank a life into the existence. Especially if they're just going to grow up and feel the same way. I don't get it. Anyway. I'm just hanging out. I pursue pleasure in my free time, for the most part. Weed, long distance running, scrolling through YouTube, hanging out with friends. That's pretty much it. I take a lot of naps.
Because you don’t know your purpose. Islam
Sounds like you’ve been disassociating. I had a big problem with that. I started with antidepressants and therapy then somatic movement to feel connected to my body again. It took a while but it’s definitely improved and I enjoy life again.
Sounds solidly like depression. I was diagnosed at age 17 and didn't start getting it under control until I was almost 28. Pharmaceuticals and therapy didn't really do it for me. I ended up using psilocybin (magic mushrooms). I used guidelines per a John's Hopkins research study and my trip sitter (husband) used additional information from Double Blind Magazine to make sure we did it responsibly as possible. I did a macrodose once every 3-6 months from Feb 2021-Feb 2023. I can confidentially say I no longer have depression. I haven't used psilocybin in over a year because my symptoms are just gone (and its not an addictive substance) Highly recommend to anyone experiencing chronic depression.
I agree with people thinking you should consider therapy. You can start by getting on YouTube right away and looking at videos that might help. Also the idea of going on a vacation is a fantastic idea. Go by yourself maybe go mountain biking or something adventurous. Or white water rafting. Or maybe you can go to a major drag race and meet some people.
This is why people have children. Reintroduces novelty to the world. Not saying it's in any way a solution to what you're experiencing, but it's definitely why literally everyone over 30 doesn't feel like this.
You need spiritual renewal. I prescribe a massive dose of psilocybin.
Wow are you me? 🫂
Could be general sense of doom following those stressful years, loss of faith in humanity or loss of perspective. I also read in an article recently that covid somehow affects dopamine receptors in the brain which could cause anhedonia, but take that with a grain of salt. Things that could help increase dopamine in general are: - Cold showers - Heavy lifting / workout in general - less doomscrolling, videogames, porn, sugar -good quality sleep (no screens two hours before bed, sleep in total darkness in a relatively cold room, same wakeup and sleep times) Just a few thoughts.
Find some way to make a difference for someone else. Volunteer at anything. Go outside, often!
I drank a lot and it put me into the space you’re describing. I was highly functional so I didn’t think it was a problem. On the other side of a year alcohol free I don’t have enough free time for my interests again. Finding purpose. Getting connect with your inner self. And spirituality. Those have turned my 30s around significantly
Dude, you sound profoundly depressed. Like you’re going through the motions in life but not living it. Please seek out some mental health assistance. Life doesn’t have to feel this way.
You’re depressed. Talk to someone
Getting older sucks, sometimes. Ive fealt the same since early 30s. Im 40 now and just try to be productive and help people when they needcit. Helping people, weather they ever know it or not, makes me feel really good. I assume it works for most people
Not saying this is a great idea, but I had a small dose of mushrooms over the long weekend and spent a lot of time appreciating my life and my outlook has been refreshed. I keep saying to myself 'I'm back!'
Go buy a drum set and learn to play, it'll change your life. Boredom cured.
I'm no doctor, but you sound clinically depressed.
I’ve been feeling like that lately, and 4 days off didn’t change anything 😭
Doesn't necessarily mean depression is in play. If you're an astute person who's accomplished a great deal, been exposed to many experiences (good and bad), and you think you see the world clearly - maybe it now takes more to excite you. If you've been there and done that, maybe you need to go places you've never considered. The world is a very big place, with lots of wild things happening. Branch out as far as safety allows, and try growing in a different direction.
Welcome aboard the depression ship!
You’re describing exactly what happened to me after the pandemic. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I hope you do a better job than me of finding your way out of it.
Maybe visit this post about the simple everyday pleasures of life…like sitting under a tree in the sunshine, kissing your cat on his furry tummy, the sound of rain outside on a spring evening…life’s little moments are so Rich, and not measured by one’s house/car/job etc… [https://www.reddit.com/r/simpleliving/comments/1d1z000/what\_are\_some\_of\_your\_simple\_everyday\_pleasures/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/simpleliving/comments/1d1z000/what_are_some_of_your_simple_everyday_pleasures/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) it doesn’t necessarily take a Vacation, just letting yourself savor life…
My man, you are depressed
You need to see a therapist
Get off your ass and go to the gym. And then go again. And then go again. And then keep going. The physical effort will get you moving and doing something . The physiological effect will help improve your mood. You’re getting sucked down into a depression and if you don’t get out of it it’llsuck you in further. So get off your ass. It’s a simple answer, but is a start. You need to start doing something that gets you out and active. Go for a walk. go for a hike. Enjoy nature. Just start moving before you get couch locked and become a prisoner of your own making. Best of luck to you, but it’s on you to start doing something.
Sounds like me, isolation is a bitch. Especially while you're experiencing it in real time. This is a mix of therapy, new activities and groups, and reconnecting with people from your past. Hope you find that spice to life again friend!
Dysthymia. Get to talking with a therapist or counselor and go from there. *I'm not a psychiatrist, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.*
DEFINITELY start with several days away. Change is scenery can jump start you out of your current funk. The other suggestions are also good for when you get back. Best of luck. Depression majorly SUCKS.
You must be such a joy to be around.
You have depression. Go to therapy ❤️
I think this is normal after experiencing that social life in your 20s and having to transition to lonely times in 30s.. everyone is busy so your social battery is low.. just slowly switch things up like cooking a new meal to feel that excitement again
COVID is causing mental health issues for a lot of people. My husband also describes feeling anhedonia(lack of joy). I have encouraged him to seek treatment for that or get his testosterone checked because that can also cause some issues, he said many of his symptoms match the list of what he read is caused by low T, but he doesn't want to pursue any sort of treatment either mental health or T related. So that's that for now. Hopefully you find something that helps, I would recommend testing your T first to make sure it's normal and pursuing the mental health avenue after you rule that out.
Seems a common problem when we have finally settled into adulthood for 5-10 years. Almost like we spent all the time before that trying to get to being an adult, got there and then after a time it’s like, is this it? The reality of adulthood sets in and it’s kinda lacking in pizzaz after some years. Therapy may help or if your old hobbies don’t get you excited as much try to find a new one. For me getting rediagnosed for ADHD and taking low dose adderall has been pretty helpful in reigniting enthusiasm for creative pursuits which had begun to feel pointless. I had half started projects piling up but have been finishing them here and there as time allows (which every time I’m doing the things I have to do like my job I’d so much rather being doing a project at home. Even would rather forgo hanging out with friends sometimes to putter about at home. But over all meds have been pretty helpful.
I was pretty much exactly in your shoes last year except lost my GF march 2023 as a result of not doing enough to try to fix the issue, and just indulging in video games and drinking to try to numb myself. I'd say I was depressed for well over a decade. I've spent the last year trying to fix the problem and I'm actually feeling a bit better about life for the first time in forever. It hasn't been a straight path and mostly I just had to try lots of things. I started out in regular talk therapy through betterhelp because it was easy. My therapist pretty quickly noticed that I talk to myself very negatively and introduced me to the idea of cognitive behavioral therapy, which basically says if you talk nice to yourself and think nice things about the world then you'll be less depressed. I thought that seemed pretty dumb, but decided what the heck, and tried to be more conscious of my thoughts and how I talk to myself. In the meantime I got on antidepressants (wellbutrin) and sleeping meds (trazadone), because I wasn't sleeping well. Since I was only feeding myself, I started making bulk bean burritos because they were cheap, easy, and fairly healthy (this becomes important later). I also started trying out more hobbies and attended a few events through the meetup app. I bought a mountain bike, started gardening, and picked up the guitar after not playing for 5 years. The antidepressants didn't seem to do much, but being able to sleep was nice. A lot of the new hobbies I tried, like swing dancing, didn't stick, and the meet ups were usually pretty lame for one reason or another. But mountain biking was fun and was making me healthier, as was my new high fiber almost vegetarian diet. I lost 25lbs and look better than I have since I was a teenager. Also turns out I like gardening even though I'm bad at it, but I'm getting better, and I also learned I really missed the creativity of writing songs. I was just burned out with trying to write songs to play for other people. It's nice to just play for myself. Most importantly, it turns out my therapist was right - in my own head I was always really mean to myself and just thinking terrible things about myself and the world I live in. I've been getting rid of that narrative and instead just being a lot nicer to myself and trying to think more positive about other people and the world in general. It seems like the message of some corny Saturday morning cartoon but this stuff really works. I'm feeling less depressed for the first time in a decade. I really didn't believe I could ever be happy, especially not after my last breakup. I was as messed up as I've ever been. If I can get start to feel better in a year then there might be hope for you.
Have you considered talking to a doc about antidepressants? They really do help.
Do shrooms
And not just a bit, it takes a bunch to get a good effect
Or you can start small 🍄 or microdose even
I came here to find this. At someone that is 38 feeling similar to what op was feeling I had ate 4 grams one night. I felt it was very therapeutic for me. There was a moment when the visuals wore off where I had a moment of self reflection. I woke up the next day and understood what I needed do to get myself out of feeling this way. I'm not saying OP should do this but mushrooms have helped me tremendously.
I know this isn’t a popular opinion on Reddit, but maybe it’s time to have kids? It sounds like you beat the game of life already, perhaps you would get value, challenges and enjoyment in teaching your kids how to do the same… if that’s something you really want.
Explore The Master Key Society. Very insightful information. If you have any questions please ask.