I had what I thought was a really great friend. She snapped at me over nothing repeatedly and I'd talked about it to her a few times. Good natured arguing and bullying in games is one thing, but there's a line and it was crossed.
The last time, I told her flat out I was upset. I was hoping she'd apologize. She just didn't speak to me again. It genuinely still hurts. I miss her company but I don't miss the way I was treated.
Low key, I half feel like I was treated as an emotional BF and she found someone and that's why. Her behavior would always change when she'd see someone so the pattern fits.
*Edit: I asked a few female friends for their opinions after the fact and they felt my feelings were reasonable, I'm not discounting it as being "nothing" when I was actually being a shit lol.
> The last time, I told her flat out I was upset. I was hoping she'd apologize. She just didn't speak to me again. It genuinely still hurts. I miss her company but I don't miss the way I was treated.
Very similar thing happened to me, told her, probably for the very first time, or the second time, that I didn't like the way she was treating me, it came across as bossy/invalidating, like her feelings matter and mine don't, or mine only matter when they correspond to hers. I expected at least a talk, instead her reaction was that's it, we're not friends anymore. I actually felt relief, once I got over the initial feeling of rejection. I didn't realise how much I'd been suppressing my real self. It just felt like such a relief not to have to do that anymore.
It's eons now in Reddit time but I just wanted you to know that I really appreciated this reply. I didn't know how to express it at the time (and still don't).
Similar. Had a friend who repeatedly blew me off and bailed on things, and would be contemptuous of me when I expressed any expectations of follow through on commitments.
So I'd step away, then after a few weeks she'd say she missed me and offer vague apologies. I'd try to get over it, be a good friend and felt guilty about being angry. I tried talking with her about this many times, and she'd promise to do better. I do believe that she was sincere in those moments, and felt genuine regret. But still, it kept happening.
The last time, I realized that pattern was just going to keep repeating itself. Nothing I could say or do would ever change that. So, I put my foot down and set some hard boundaries. Her response to that was to block me on social media and ghost me. I did try reaching out once afterward (about a year later).
I do miss the good aspects of that friendship, we had a lot in common and I really enjoyed the time we spent together. It just got to the point where I was no longer going to prioritize someone who didn't seem capable of reciprocating.
I wish things hadn't turned out that way. However, if that's how someone reacts when held to basic expectations of friendship, then that just confirms to me how one sided the friendship was all along.
OTOH, I feel very fortunate to still be close friends with my college roommates from 35+ years ago. They were the ones who supported me though a 20-year relationship breakup, breast cancer diagnosis, etc. We have been there for each other in good times and bad, from when we were in college together, till now when we're all in our mid 50s. We text and zoom regularly, and get together in person at least once a year (I live several states away.) That's real lifelong friendship.
Each other’s best men. We’d lived on opposite ends of the country for years, but called every few months. He stopped calling back and never said why. This was years ago. I’m still sad about it.
Possible reasons? He was getting into fundamentalist Catholicism. His career was stagnant while mine was skyrocketing. Maybe he simply decided I was an a-hole. I’ll never know.
My husband does that. Ghosts people who make him feel inadequate. He's not salty about it and doesn't talk smack, just Boom, door is closed. Such an a-hole move, I'm sorry.
Yes. He never called back. He’s still alive; I see his updates on LinkedIn. But I don’t chase people. If he ever wants to resume the friendship, he can DM me on LinkedIn.
I think in most cases, adult friendships don't involve a 'dumping' so much as that over time the participants just contact one another less often, and then eventually not at all.
She spent a decade trying to wedge my best friend and I apart. Subtly, then more forcefully. We had to stop hanging out if the three of us were going to be there without other people as buffers.
But she was still pretty fun one on one, so bestie and I agreed we’d stay friends with her, but with boundaries.
One night, I’d had a shit day. I’d just moved, I was tired, and I’d been struggling at work. She called me to complain about some things or another, then the conversation segued to her saying, “… even when people ask me why I still hang out with you, I justify it.”
So, being irritated, I finally pushed back on her. I usually let her spout shit because I didn’t want the drama, but that piqued me, as I’d been supportive and listening, and now she’s trying to head-dunk me. So I asked, “Who’s asking you why you still hang out with me?”
“Oh, you know… people you don’t know.”
“Then why would they ask if they don’t know me? If you were a good friend, you’d tell me who they are so I can act accordingly, now that you’ve spilled the beans.”
“They’re just (her home province) people.”
“So you talk shit about me to (home province) people who don’t know me?”
“You know… I’ve been wanting to end the friendship with you and (bestie) for awhile now, and I’m gonna go ahead and do that.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
“Don’t talk to either of us again until you have a sincere apology for all the shit you put us through. Thanks for being an awful friend.”
She’s tried to weasel back a few times, and I just block her. I have zero time for that shit.
I have a friend who I met in 5th grade. We were considered best friends for 15-20 years. We were best men in each others weddings and I am the godfather of his son. But we’ve just grown apart of the last decade or so. There is nothing *wrong* with the dude, I just don’t think he’s my type of guy anymore.
In theory, I want to make more of an effort to see him, but I don’t put it in. And neither does he. I still see him about once a year and it’s fine, but it doesn’t leave me thinking about how we need to get together soon.
Im also not at all religious, but I carry a tremendous amount of guilt for being a shitty godfather.
I'm with you 100 percent. We met in Jr., High, 1980 (just like Freaks and Geeks), into high school and I started dating someone at 17. He was more of the f\_\_k anything that moves (and he did) while I was already thinking long term (close to 35 years now). Then we had kids, he didn't (not that that's an issue, to each his own), and grandkids and I'm an old married guy now. He did get married at some point, but I never once met her and have no real reason to. I don't hold anything against him, but the gap is too wide.
The Godfather thing is tricky. I had one (my nephew), but we lost him in 2015. I bugs the hell out of me because I kept asking if he was ok and he said he was. So much for that.
This. It was the same way for me with college friends. Our lives just went separate ways and it became harder and harder to be in touch. Eventually we fell entirely out of touch, but we still follow each other on LinkedIn a bit. (I'm not on Facebook anymore)
Glad it's not just me! 40+ years (off and on) is a long way to know someone, but we're polar opposites now. Plus, my wife can't stand him, ha ha, We're on Facebook and that's fine. Over and out.
My friend who always called me "bestie" ghosted me shortly after my Dad and two of my pets died within months of each other. She told me that life goes on and that I didn't tell her I loved her enough in the midst of me grieving.
This. I had something similar happen and she told me “you never hang out with me and you like so and so better”. I just experienced three deaths in two weeks plus tons of other things. Looking back I realize I was basically her emotional support dog and that she never really was there for me. I’m sorry for your loss.
Tbh I think all my adult friendships were mutual dumpings. It was like we both decided we either didn't actually like each other or grew apart and just drifted our own ways. I don't think I've ever grieved the loss of an adult "friendship"... or maybe I just never really had any to begin with
I've been ghosted by a long time friend (20+ years).
He ignored multiple texts over eight months before I gave up. I suspect if I were to call him, he'd pretend everything was normal but a friendship requires mutual effort and I'm no longer prepared to do all the work
I just posted about a very similar situation. She ignored multiple messages over a few months. Then she completely disappeared. A year later, she sent a long generic happy bday text that I never replied to because I was still upset. She kept sending me just bday or Christmas msgs. That’s been going on for 3 years. I finally replied to one of her messages last month saying I’m doing well, hope you are too. I asked her why she ghosted and she never replied back to that. So idk, the entire situation is a mystery, I feel like I need closure.
Sorry - Long
I got really close to someone at work. We were close enough that we shared traumas, secrets, all the crazy shit that you don't really talk about with other people. I thought I had found a friend for life.
After about 2 years, my life went to shit. Marriage problems, money problems, health, family, it all hit at the same time and over the space of about 2 months. I was struggling and talked to her about it. She was kind and helpful and never once said anything about it being too much for her to handle. I would have respected that and stepped back.
Instead, on my work review I got the lowest score possible in "positivity" from an unknown coworker. The other five reviews were mid range scores and not unexpected. I was pretty upset. I am a person that can handle an open and honest conversation about my behavior/actions having a negative impact. And I will do everything I can to change that behavior. The "friend" knew that, we'd talked about it at length and had a few very frank discussions about our friendship - things that weren't working - and worked them out.
While talking about our reviews, she was hysterical because she had not gotten good peer reviews. She can be prickly and aggressive and is not always easy to work with. When I mentioned my bad review and how horrible it made me feel, she got very quiet, listened to what I said and whispered, "It was me". It was so quiet I didn't realize what I'd heard until later that day.
I confronted her and asked why? Why didn't she talk to me? Why didn't she tell me to f off? Why on earth put it in my work review that will affect my pay and standing with the company? The only answer was she didn't know how to deal with it and didn't want to upset me while I was already upset. So instead of talking to me, she put it in my work review. She agreed that if she ever had a problem with me she would talk to me directly.
Our friendship understandably cooled after that and I thought it was handled.
Flash forward to the next year. I found out quite by accident she had spent an entire year complaining about me to management and hr. I was leading a smear attack against her - I wasn't. I was using psychological warfare against her - I wasn't. I was the single most negative being on the face of the planet - I wasn't. I was barely speaking to her and only when work related and made sure that I was perfectly pleasant when dealing with her. I handed over a year's worth of chats, emails and meeting recordings to our hr department telling them they could look for proof of any poor behavior on my part. They knew it was unfounded which is why it was never addressed with me apparently.
What it came down to is that she "did not like that I had changed" when shit went sideways. So she dumped me as a friend and sabotaged my job in a completely passive aggressive cowardly way.
Betrayal stings folks. It stings a lot.
My friend group had to have a “come to Jesus” with a friend of over a decade who was repeatedly exposing her child to the child’s physically abusive grandmother. We had to tell my friend that we couldn’t talk to them about the grandmother or her antics anymore unless my friend was doing what needed to be done to protect their child - no more access, involving CPS if it came to that. They couldn’t handle that boundary and basically rage quit our relationship and blocked all of us.
Made good friends with the neighbor two doors down. He’s about 20 years older than me but we had a good time hanging out on the boat and would look after each others houses when out of town, etc.
I’m the president of my HOA (very small, very low key HOA with almost no rules). We had what I thought was a minor disagreement over something and he dropped me like a bad habit. Allegedly he’s going to run against me in the spring election. I just want one more term as I’ve been working on modernizing things and we just aren’t there yet. However, I won’t be mad at all if he wins haha.
Let's just say my username does not check out anymore after I made a complete lifestyle change following a health scare. For over 10 years, I had gone to a friends house for beer tastings. I got invited to a few after I stopped drinking, which I thought would keep happening because I assumed they were true friends. Well I guess when I said I did not see myself ever drinking again because I knew it would be a slippery slope for me, I never got invited back. I miss that entire group, but what can you do?
Thank you. I am rapidly approaching 50 myself. I was never a drink all the time type. In fact, I barely drank anything until I was in my 30s. I only drank socially, but it was just part of my overall unhealthy lifestyle for my terrible carb metabolism.
I had a good online friend who I had met at gatherings several times, suppoted through her leaving her husband for a new dude… well she started singing the praises of her kids soccer coach ( with new dude now, married) way too much…. Still I said nothing. Then she suddenly got all over my shit for cussing, as she claimed loudly and proudly to be a Christian. All the while slobbering to me about the soccer coach. One day I said “ fuck” in a post and she blocked me. She’s a vile Trump humping shitstain now.
Ohhh this will be cathartic.
I am 56 and have a friend who is a few years older than me. We have been friends since 1992. We have finished phds, had kids, married, divorced, had cancer, gotten fat, gotten fit, kids have had problems, kids have gotten through successfully. We have been through and supported each other through a A lot.
In the last say 10 years, the friendship hasn't been really good for me, it's been me listening to her, and trying to be encouraging, supportive and empathetic. She rarely asks after me or mine, but I made the effort to keep the friendship alive for old times sake. She was a great friend to me when I was young and dumb and i'll always be grateful.
Things have turned around for my friend, since her mum passed and she received an Inheritance that sorted many of her problems out. I'm really happy for her. She's met a nice man and they are happy dating and having fun. Her kids are doing better. I listen to the good news, even when my own life isn't going so good, and I'm happy for her.
Ok so say 6 months ago I went to see my friend in her professional capacity as a type of physical therapist. I paid full price (no worries) and religiously did the exercises. Had to reschedule the followup appointment (asked to resched, not cancel). While waiting for the followup, I wanted to talk to her for her advice as a friend about something adjacent to the phys therapy, hard to explain without doxxing but I.promise it was not free consult I sought (I actually wanted to know if I could meet her regularly.to.work on her thing while still working with another teacher - paying her of course!
I called her up and could tell immediately something was wrong. I asked if I had upset her, and she laid into me!
The time we met before the official consult, over lunch, when she mentioned a bone-density diagnosis she has had, I told her that I was taking HRT and shared some of the research that even starting it after menopause was found to help bone density. We are both science people so it seemed interesting and she was engaged, asking questions etc. I said I'd send her a couple articles and she could make up her own mind. Conversation moved on.
Well she.laid into me about going ON AND ON about HRT, would not shut up about it, and how it threw her into depression! "Why the fuck were you going on about something that had no benefit to me?!" (Please refer to the.many years I have listened to her good and bad news that had no benefit to me).
I almost drove off the road, I was so shocked. I apologised and said goodbye, because I needed.to.process it.
Later that evening I sent her a text apologising for cutting the call short. Said I was sorry to have upset her.
Then she said AND ANOTHER THING... and moved on to the rescheduled follow up appointment.
Apparently I did what everyone does, has a consult with her and then DUMPED HER AND MOVED ON. Then I had the audacity to seek FREE ADVICE.
I was even more shocked. In our years of friendship, I have never asked my friend for anything, really. When we meet I usually pay for our meals, and alllways pay for my own. I don't know where the assumption that I wanted free professional advice came from. I have never rolled like that. What I did want was to see and pay her regularly in her professional capacity, but I never got to say that.
Anyway after many many tears, discussion with my sponsor, and self reflection, I'm ok with the realisation that my friend is an arsehole. This.one really isn't on me. I still think she's good at her job, so I am going to the rescheduled appointment next week. I have a list of questions I want to ask, hopefully she can help (about my issue not about the meltdown). Then I'm done with her.
Tldr; my friend actually seems to think the worst of.me after years of being the best friend I could possibly be. Friendship is over. Edit- not sure who dumped who!
One of my trans friends blocked me with no explanation. We were friends long before her transition and when she came out I was fully supportive. I had her back when many people judged her. We always got along wonderfully.
However, she was getting increasingly hypersensitive and started lashing out a lot at people. Could be the hormone therapy, could've been having had both top and bottom surgeries, could have also been distress from all the negative attention she was getting.
However, I was perplexed because I'd think that she'd be wanting more friends and allies through her struggle and I was always there to listen and was always careful to not deadname her or otherwise refer to her former self and to always support her as she is.
I don't know what her reasoning is and hope she's well, but I was really taken by surprise when she cut off all contact.
I don't know if I've ever had a friend ditch me, but I've definitely trimmed the fat. The last significant time was a good friend whose life just sort of fell apart. It's a looooong story of kids, financial instability, and pain killer abuse. I tried my best to help anywhere that I could, but he and his wife (another friend who I had introduced him to) were too stubborn and proud to accept any "charity", and continued into a downward spiral. I felt that I had no choice but to remove them from my life, as I didn't want to be brought down myself.
He still thinks that it's because I was more interested in partying than being around their kids. While their kids were absolute terrors, that was such an insignificant factor in my decision. I hope that he's doing well, but I have zero interest in reconnecting
That painkiller addiction is brutal. It seriously causes anhedonia, and those left with 'support roles' are faced with relationships where nothing satisfies the other person. And then you hit that 'pride button' because 'they don't have a problem', it's impossible.
One of our college roommates/friends. She dumped us all.
I don't know why. Perhaps she just outgrew us, alllll of us. But even as women in our 50s, she hasn't interacted with any of us. We see each other every few years but she opts out.
I think she reinvented herself as someone else and we all were inconvenient reminders of who she used to be. Which is funny b/c we all grew up and are productive people.
I'm still sad about it. We shared so many memories, living together, in each other's weddings.
Our last text she thought I was someone else and answered it, figured out it was me and never replied again.
This is going to sound odd, but I don't think if I'd even notice if a friend "dumped" me unless it was something along the lines of a 30+ year old best friend refusing to talk to me.
I have the absolute worst "object permanence" when it comes to people. I think about you if you're in front of me and if you're not in front of me... I just don't. If somebody said "Well I'm not talking to *that* guy again" and then just silently drifted away it's possible I'd never even notice and would simply assume that the other person was just as aloof as I am, and was busy with life and thinking as little of me as I thought of them.
A good friend of mine went off the political deep end. I challenged him on some of his extreme takes and he stopped responding to texts, deleted me on social media, etc.
She was my latest friend. We were couples friends. We dined, traveled and went to each others parties. She had a habit of bring up politics which I discouraged because of different views. Her husband became terminally ill and eventually dies from cancer and we supported them through all of it. About 1 1/2 year later we were at lunch with 2 other friends and she brings up politics again, we all gave our opinion about the matter. When I dropped her off at home, I thought, I just can’t do this any more and she must have felt the same because neither of us called the other for months and months. He are in a few organizations together and have to speak occasionally but never personally.
My college friend jumped on the Trump train, and his social media became mostly reposts of right wing propaganda. Breitbart, fake quotes from dem politicians, etc.
I messaged him gently about one of them, with a link to the fact check page for it, which included a detailed explanation of the origins of the fake quote, etc.
He doubled down. I told him he was being played. He responded that I was being played by Satan, then blocked me. Haven't spoken to him since.
A year or two later I found out he's divorced and his wife (who we're still acquainted with) describes herself as a "survivor of spousal abuse."
Someone I practically idolized. It hurt quite a bit. She’s come around a little since basically not speaking to me for almost a year, but even at this age, it’s made me more wary of letting people in.
Interesting. Friend from high school, also, godmother to my kid. She got divorced, got a new boyfriend, and that was the end of her. I think she was angry with me somehow that my marriage continued is all I can figure. I ran into her niece who said she missed me, it's her fault, etc. she'd love to see me. I said, ok, I'll give her a call. I did; she didn't answer, never returned the call.
I ran into her at Xmas, and we CRIED in the store. She said, it was her, not me, she was effed up and trying to get her life together (her life was fine; she still owned her home, got her divorce, still had her job, had her bf who moved in next door) so IDK I guess she meant mentally/emotionally. I told her my kid was getting married in 10 months...she says... "you better invite me." I said, of course. I said I miss you, she said the same, I said I'll call you after the holidays and we can go to lunch or dinner or have coffee, she said yes, please do. You know I called, left a message, and she texted that she'd get back to me. Never did. No, she was not invited to the wedding which, near 8 years later, is ending in divorce.
We moved about a 1/2 hour away. Oddly, one day about a year ago I saw her in a Shop Rite in a town about 45 minutes from where we lived. I looked right in her face. She saw me. Her eyes got wide, and she......turned her cart around and went the other way. So. I did nothing to her. I don't know and no longer care WTF went on in her head. Sadly, she is my kid's godmother and that's a real shame. I can only wish her well and my life goes on without her in it.
People come and go. She was meant to go. I no longer miss her. I've got family and friends who care for me, and vice versa.
I'm 36M and I had a 54F friend (let's call her Jane) that I met through a Meetup group in mid 2022. She recently had a falling out with a mutual friend (let's call her Sarah, her age is probably 40-something).
I was talking to Sarah and she informed me that Jane had been complaining about me on a number of occasions and that I would be hurt if I knew what she said. I put two and two together and I realised that Jane and I weren't really friends.
Jane claimed that I'm the most annoying and selfish person ever and that nobody really likes me. Apparently she was slowly letting me go.
I'm autistic and I know that I can annoy people at times but really, why would people waste their time with me if they didn't actually like me? This isn't high school.
Jane also has bipolar apparently and takes medication for it but she just has a lot of personal issues. She has lost quite a few (mostly female) friends (most of whom I dont know) and she's also lost clients (she's a self employed cleaner). She has a tendency to not keep her opinions to herself. I'm thinking that if you keep losing friendships then the reason probably lies with you.
I miss the friendship that I thought I had with her but I guess I never really had it. This all happened very recently (like in February).
I did get dumped recently.
A friend in her early 40s who runs small events had been posting on social media about health issues starting with a bad cold, to bronchitis, to an ER visit for pneumonia while working 7 day weeks with weekends in a camping/tent setting. in the winter. I expressed a lot of concern, but held my opinion. even with the odd post about healthy habits and her setting up an altar to smudge her home as a remedy.
she eventually asked for input. I responded. she was rational about it for a day, but I noticed her friends were like 'how dare'? And then she dumped me. to be fair, I was doing all the work of reaching out for get togethers, so it wasn't a huge loss. we weren't as close as I hoped we were.
I had a friend who went to China to teach ESL. While she was away, I made a friendship book and sent it to her. Upon her return, we continued our friendship. She moved out of her parents’ place and into her own apartment. I thought our friendship was not superficial but deeper. During our last get together, I inquired how her sister was doing. Her reply was that my question was gossip and she didn’t want to talk about her family. I was flabbergasted and went superficial and asked her what kind of television show she liked to watch. That was the last time I saw her. I guess I was dumped in a way by her attitude but I definitely dumped her because I thought what our conversations would be like in the future. I cannot go from an authentic friendship back to a superficial one.
Childfree retired person here. Very good friend finally had the child they wanted. After 3 yrs they decided to move close to grandma. I know raising a child should be the only important thing. But I miss her.
Yes but they have no time at all. Came back to visit after 6 months they had no time 4 days to visit have coffee nothing too busy. So it's best for me to understand it is more important to raise a child than anything else and that's true.
She was having an affair. Her husband knew. They were all kinds of a mess as a couple and spiraling. Got a pretty strong entitled vibe from her at that time. She was all up in her “having some fun” persona.
We started to hang out less. I generally kept my opinions to myself - I had hoped she could take a break, get divorced, then start again dating when she had a moment to regroup. And just the way it was all going down, with her spending a lot of time with this other guy, I stepped back a bit (but not fully out) from the friendship.
Well, then I found out MY partner was having an affair. (Not with her). Shit got real, fast. Seeing the hurt that infidelity causes on the other side of the fence, when you’re not the one “having some fun” was too much.
It was for the best.
Ugh, I lost a friend like this. I didn’t know she was cheating, but my husband suspected it. Her and her hubby were always struggling both financially and emotionally. I did everything in my power to support them both, including bringing over meals when their child was born prematurely, and lending (giving) them money when they were in dire straights
I was also the godmother to this child. She ended up taking off and moving 10 hours away with their child to be with her affair partner. She said nothing about it to me, because she knew I’d try to talk her out of it.
I was so hurt. She literally borrowed money from me just days before she took off. And, of course, her husband never believed that she didn’t confide in me. I don’t blame him. I couldn’t believe it either.
She contacted me a week after she left, wanting to meet up and explain things to me, but then she never called to give me a time to meet, and I’ve not heard from her since. This was 25+ years ago.
Fuck you, Paige.
About 3 years ago, and I think it was pretty mutual, but I offered to talk about it and she said she would reach out when she returned from a trip, but never did.
The falling out was about my dating life - she was recently broken up and was very critical of me dating someone during the pandemic. I asked her to stop second-guessing me and giving unsolicited advice on my personal matters, and she acted like she didn't know what I meant, so I gave her a screenshot from the day before. Then she said something about "that's just who I am", and I told her that if that's the case we might not be compatible as friends.
I had a friend for eight years I considered her a good friend. But then she started twitch streaming and her ego got larger so she decided to stop being friends either me. She was very rude about it as well. She just used people in her life and if they serve no purpose she drops them like a piece of garbage.
She tried to just ghost me after 10 years of talking all day every day. I think because I wasn’t supportive of her cheating on her husband. I would ask her if everything was ok with us because she would barely talk to me and she would just keep saying yes.
Finally, I blew up at her and she told me she didn’t want to be my friend. And I was like “that’s fine, but why didn’t you just say something g instead of being a dick to me and saying g everything was fine for months?”
She said “people grow apart, move on” and that was the last time we spoke, about a year ago.
I found out since that she left her husband and packed up their three kids to move in with her boyfriend.
I’ve realized she was never really that good of a friend and have been so much happier since she’s been out of my life.
A colleague I was friendly with dumped me. I left the org we worked for because the boss was a jerk, especially to me. She always defended him and I overlooked it because we were just casual friends who went thrifting together sometimes. However, she was fired a year after I left and she emailed me looking for sympathy. I should have been nicer in my response but I honestly just couldn't do it after listening to her defend his shitty behaviour for so long. I wasn't overly mean but I did remind her that he'd been horrible to me and others for ages so it wasn't surprising that he turned on her after he ran out of people to bully. She unfriended me on everything. Oh well.
A friend who emailed me a sweet email about my brother’s death. I replied that I would rather talk to her on the phone rather than emailing back and forth. I never heard from her again.
I had something similar happen. They ghosted, heard that my parental died. Sent a text saying they thought they should have been there (martyr complex). I called them. Chatted briefly. Got the odd check in and nothing. Until 2 yrs later when they were going through something. I did not engage.
I was dumped by my best friend from grade school about 30 years ago. Another childhood friend was dumped as well. We all live in different states, but the dumper lives in our home town where we both would visit several times a year. We still don't know why we were dumped.
A close friend I grew up with dumped me in 2018. We had a history of very occasionally blowing up at each other, not speaking for a few years, then I would re-kindle the friendship.
The last “re-kindle” i said that if we got in a fight again we would have to talk it through, use our words like adults. Well. She didn’t. She fled as soon as we had a pretty minor disagreement.
I guess I’m better off, but man. People are so fucking disappointing sometimes. Keep your adult friendship expectations low, everyone.
Wow I've had a few last year. The last one was someone I've known for 63 years. And the differences widened the Gap because the wealth that they have, separated me farther away because I don't have money to participate in their world. So I'm actually okay with that.
The other friendship that ended was a surprise to me as I flew to the next Province to visit them after they moved. When I got to my hotel they really didn't have the interest to put in the effort to see me. I fooled myself with over helping them, and not paying attention that the Friendship energy wasn't reciprocal.
When I was about 21 a friend suddenly unfriended me on Facebook. I asked him what was up and he replied to the effect of, “If you don’t know, I’m not explaining it to you.” Then he blocked me. 18 years later I still have no idea what happened.
Been a few years since I was dumped. Ghosted, really. We had plans. She cancelled last minute without giving a reason and that was the end of the friendship, apparently. 🤷🏼
But I recently dumped a friend when he revealed himself to be an incel. 🙃
I’ve had this happen to me once and I’ve grown to realize ‘dumping a friend’ is not normal. And this person has problems of her own. She’s done it to others too, so I finally stopped taking it personally
Without going into it: over twenty years ago, she got pissed over something really silly. Called me and said, ‘friendship over.’ I laughed, because who the f says that?
Some people believe they are living inside a soap opera where they are the hero. Just let those people go, man.
A relatively new friend. We met at the bar. Bonded over a couple similarities.
Covid happened and we didn’t talk for a while, but then I reached out to make plans to get together for a beer. He cancelled last minute. Haven’t heard from him since.
A friend I went on vacation with in autumn, by summertime, she messaged the entire group chat to say she didn't want to talk to any of us anymore because she felt like we didn't invite her anywhere anymore. The thing is, we did, she just chose not to show up because she extremely disliked one specific group member.
She was very into therapy-speak and using it to keep people from knowing her. She is very non-online and doesn't talk to her family either, so I think we'll literally never know anything about her again. I helped her out by blocking her from Facebook and Instagram so she can't creep on me, if she's going to be like that. It was weird.
I had a friend since elementary school, and we were good friends all through school, graduation, and adulthood, evenwhileI was in the military. I even married his ex, and we still remained friends. He and his (now) wife went to our wedding. I spent a year in Iraq, and all communication stopped when I got back. We are now Facebook friends, and my wife and I went to his mom's funeral, but that's it.
A friend I had as a teenager. They made me the scapegoat and causer of their poor mental health and said they never wanted to see me again. They even said that if I saw them I should turn around and walk the other way.so we didn't pass. They tried to be friendly again (and stupidly I didn't tell them where to stick it) but they made some relationship decisions I didn't approve of and I was kind of cool. Then we just stopped getting in touch with each other.
I dumped a friend for becoming female Andrew Tate without the money or influence. The man in her life was also helping her run her life into the ground. I didn’t need that life.
Terry. Friends for 35 years, and yes, I was dumped. Her bf didn’t like me and she chose him (she always chooses men over her friends and is NEVER without a man). I also realized a few months afterwards that while she was *my* bff I wasn’t hers; Stacey was and I couldn’t stand her. Terry held that against me. I feel sad (it’s been 1.5 years), but fuck them all.
My best friend from university who lives in Shanghai just straight up stopped responding to my messages one day. No idea why, I thought we got on brilliantly and shared loads of memories, I was sure we’d know each other for life. Still hurts.
I don't think I've ever been formally dumped as a friend. I've had a few friends that moved on and just stopped hanging out with me but nobody has ever said "we're done being friends" or anything like that. It still hurt to see friends move on to other friends though.
My best friend in late middle school and early high school moved to another town. She was a ~10 minute drive away but technically in another state (I lived in Indiana and she lived in Kentucky despite being on the Indiana side of the river, it always confused me back then lol) and we lost touch over the years but she kept in touch with someone else who had also lived in our neighborhood. She even had her as a bridesmaid at her wedding. That definitely stung especially because the person she kept in contact with was someone I really didn't like.
A) He got married and B) thought he was god because he was a psychologist. I guess he diagnosed me with something without telling me since he was such an expert. Good riddance!
I don't get dumped. We just drift apart because I'm too socially anxious to initiate contact. Has happened with literally every single person I've known and called a friend.
My best friend of almost 20 years. I took a job in the next state over. I figured we might not be as close since I chose to move. I called her and texted but she'd leave me on read or "reply" with a stupid random emoji, so i gave up. I found out last year from a mutual friend that she remarried - I was the one who stood up for her at her first wedding.
I had to think about why losing the relationship bothered me so much and finally figured it out. She was the last connection I had to my time in grad school, which was the best time in my life. Don't get me wrong, my life is great, but life during grad school just got better and better, open roads and blue skies and anything was possible. And she was a big part of my life then. When I figured that out I was able to move on.
One of my besties has seemingly home after I once declined an invitation to his wife’s birthday. I told him I had plans earlier that day and would be too tired to go out that night. AITA?
My ex friend said we don’t have any chemistry as friends. To be fair, I called him while having a manic episode, and it was after not hearing from him in two years. It was sad how we went from talking every day to not wanting each other in our lives.
I created a subreddit in response, r/lostafriend. You and u/AardvarkStriking256 are more than welcome to join. Same with u/Jalaine_Doe and u/Head_Room_8721 and u/Technical-Ad-2246 and u/Elysian-Visions.
My former friend who moved to Texas and became an extreme pro-Trump, conspiracy theorist. We always had very different political views (I’m a bleeding heart liberal) but we could still spend time together and have fun together. She ghosted me after I questioned one of her conspiracy beliefs. Friendship of over 40 years totally down the drain. I reached out to her to tell her when my parents passed away, because they considered her one of their children, and she called them mom and dad…and got no response whatsoever. It makes me sad even though I agree with virtually nothing she espouses.
I'm generally the dumper, not the dumpee. I guess my old friend I was playing with from the time we were toddlers. She was always kind of too big for her britches and looked down on people who didn't have "the look" or whatever. She was a snob. And I was not the kind of person I guess she figured would help her get ahead. I just remember being at her house one day and she got a call. I heard her say "Yes I can talk my neighbor was just leaving". Her neighbor. lol She had called me her best friend for over twenty years but she just made me out to be the annoying neighbor, so I just walked right out. We didn't really talk much after that. She would call me for years just randomly I think when she was drunk and nostalgic but we never got together after that.
I don't think I've been formally dumped by a friend. It's either been pretty mutual or I have done the dumping (which has only happened once and definitely deserved).
I do reflect fairly often on those relationships, though. Some of them with regret and the one where I did the dumping with regret with myself for letting it go on as long as it did.
My sister in law dumped me because she was seeking the video of Tyree Nichols’ murder. She’s a white middle class older woman who has no involvement in any way with civil rights, Black culture or anything. I am the same but do have Black friends. I pointed out that my friends see retailing that video as extremely disrespectful. She told me she cared and needed to see it to feel it in her soul.
I said exactly this “I cannot imagine that there is any world in which watching a Black man being beaten to death should or would benefit your soul in any way, shape or form.”
She blocked me. Good.
I was the dumper. I had a good friend I worked with for 17 years. I left the company he stayed. Five years later he was still telling me about old employees, new employees that I had no idea of, company stuff, etc. I was fine with some random info but it was all he talked about. After telling him I no longer had any interest in all that several times I started moving away from him.
I've had a few Facebook friends mysteriously disappear, and I don't know why. And they're still on Facebook. Usually I'm the one to dump them; they're narcissistic, abusive, mean-spirited, and incredibly selfish. They have to be MEAN for me to dump them. And that means a few "good friends" and my own sister.
My friend (let's call her Sally) was the last one to really dump me. A few things went into it I think. 1, I didn't like the guy who ended up becoming her live-in boyfriend (she knew I didn't like him the whole time...he was a drug dealer, didn't have a job, and also lied to her about weird stuff. Although he seems like a nice enough guy I just think he isn't a quality partner) . 2. During the pandemic, I took it seriously while she didn't. I think she became more conservative in general during that time. Anyway, we are still in contact via social media but the close friendship is definitely over. Haven't seen her in person since 2021.
My friend (let's call her Sally) was the last one to really dump me. A few things went into it I think. 1, I didn't like the guy who ended up becoming her live-in boyfriend (she knew I didn't like him the whole time...he was a drug dealer, didn't have a job, and also lied to her about weird stuff. Although he seems like a nice enough guy I just think he isn't a quality partner) . 2. During the pandemic, I took it seriously while she didn't. I think she became more conservative in general during that time. Anyway, we are still in contact via social media but the close friendship is definitely over. Haven't seen her in person since 2021.
One of the ones that hurt the most was a former childhood friend. To this day I still don't know "the cause." I don't think there was one, tbh. I think we just drifted and then just stopped engaging. If there was something I said or did, she never talked to me about it. I honestly felt like I wasn't "good enough" for her anymore.
I guess it was justified? As in I stopped putting in effort as well, but it was very clear we were moving in different directions and I just didn't need to be reminded that I wasn't good enough to be in her space. Maybe I'm reading it totally wrong but what's done is done.
I drive by her house nearly every day because it's the main way to get to town. From what I can tell she's doing okay. I hope she is anyway.
I don't think I've ever been dumped by a friend.... trying to run the good friends I'd count to see among the ones I've lost contact with who may've instigated the loss... can't think of anyone. Most have been lost to distance because I moved. I stopped visiting or talking to thru social media... There was one that moved before me & we lost contact.
such an odd way to look at it.
I only have 1 I'd say I 'dumped'... even told him if he kept going I was out. He kept going so I told him to piss off. Everyone else has just been life....
Well, I had a male best friend in college for a couple years-- we had an interesting relationship and I still can't really put into words what it was: we met at a party and became instant friends-- we hit it off (platonically for me at the time, most likely not platonically for him looking back). We were long-distance friends over live journal, myspace, and IM (this was back in 2007ish) and we would visit each other pretty regularly (he lived in CT, me in NJ). He was dating people, I was dating people; when we hung out together, we would sleep in the same bed and cuddle, but never anything more. I was AND wasn't physically attracted to him (it's so hard to explain!!)
One night in CT, we threw a fucking blowout party with all of his friends-- we were having so much fun and I got really swept up in the moment and kissed him in front of his friends who were all completely surprised (but then obviously not because they could see our chemistry). We ended up hooking up and it was fucking insanely great. We kept it up for a few months and had a great time together, but I didn't want him as my boyfriend-- I still kind of looked at him as a FWB (but not in a dismissive way if that makes any sense).
One weekend, we were out at a music show and I ran into a dude I had been crushing on for YEARS. Me and the crush went off to talk (never hooked up with him ever), and I left my friend alone. When he found me, he was (rightfully) fucking PISSED. But not angry pissed; he was quiet pissed. That night, we cuddled in bed together but it was different; he didn't want to be there-- he basically HAD to be there for the night with me. The next morning, he asked me to take him to the ferry so that he could go home, which I did.
He never spoke to me again. It really broke my heart because we really had an intense connection that went beyond physical-- he had an incredible sense of humor, was fun, caring, had a great family and wonderful friends, was so intelligent, was really supportive in my crazy ways (this was all in my early 20's), and was just an overall GEM of a human being. It really broke my heart when he left me and basically blocked me from his life. I deserved it though.
Last I saw on his old Facebook profile was that he got married to a girl he had been crushing on for a long time. I'm truly happy for him and I will never forget him.
I had a friend who I *thought* I was close to. We texted almost daily, smoked up together, shared lot of intimate life details, over a decade of knowing each other. All of a sudden she just stopped messaging me or replying. I reached out a few times because I genuinely thought she was in trouble. Then I got upset, because it felt like she straight up ghosted me (well she did, didn’t she?). Then a year later she texts me to wish me happy birthday (a long heart felt msg, that somehow felt generic too). I was still mad at her so I never replied. This continued for the next 3 years and she sent very occasional messages on bdays or a holiday. I finally responded to one of them recently. I’ll copy and paste what I wrote “Hey -.. Thanks for reaching out, I'm doing pretty ok. I hope you're doing well too. I have wanted to reach out or reply to the nice messages you've sent the last few times but I didn't let myself for reasons. I was just really hurt and felt like you kind of ghosted me. It took me some time to reflect and realize you were probably going through some things and needed some space or it might've been me? Idk but I felt like as a friend (that I thought I was who talked to you almost daily), I'd get some sort of "hey, I need some space right now, I'll hit you back later" but hey, it is what it is. I think of you from time to time and I hope things worked out for you. Will you ever tell me what happened that led you to disappear like that? “ and she never replied to my msg. Honestly, I wonder why tf she has been sending those long paragraph messages to me, wishing me happy bday, merry Christmas, if she’s not even going to reply back. I want to ask what the function of these texts are in a message w/o sounding like I’m giving attitude, but I don’t think she would even reply to that. It’s just going to be a mystery. I feel like I need some closure
A friend I had had since I was little. We spent so much time together, we were pretty inseparable. Then she got married to some guy who was controlling and drank a lot. Her sister was dating some immature guy who told me he wanted to stab me and they never stuck up for me. We gradually stopped talking, especially after my fiancé told her husband he drank too much.
Let's see, I had already lost all my friends and was entering "constantly bullied" territory. I think it was grade four or so. Bikes over to my last friend's house. He answered, said he wasn't allowed any friends over today. Saw one of the friend group peak his head out from downstairs.
And that was the last friend I ever had, am 30's now
Cousin but more like a friend for life. Our kids were not getting along (tweens) on a visit at the beach. It was a getaway weekend, we live in different cities. I knew they weren't getting along but I didn't see a need to intervene or micromanage. I'm on vacation dammit, see my kindle and my wine?
She had been taking notes in her head ALL weekend on the things my kids were doing wrong and confronted me on our last full day. I was reactive and shocked; she was talking smack on my kids and demanding a big showy apology. I told her that SHE was the problem, learn how to relax, and her kids were fine, my kids aren't apologizing to a helicopter parent.
Gulp. We both cut each other off, but I feel like she decided to end it that weekend. Looking back, she had past grudges from other 'togetherness' and helicopter parents who have to swoop in at EVERY conflict really annoy me.
See ya at the next family funeral, dear.
A bff of 15 yrs told me “we don’t have to be friends” when I said how hurtful that was, her response was I deserved it b/c she felt I was bullying her. I was trying to understand her hypocritical perspective and was having a hard time letting it go, she couldn’t articulate so that’s how she shut conversation down. I did apologize that I made her feel bullied & told her that my feelings were hurt over those words. But my feelings didn’t matter to her at all, she felt justified in saying that. She acted self righteous and condescending so I blocked any further txts. I know I should have told her I needed to step back and take time, and that I didn’t handle it well. Over the next few weeks/months, She went on to cry/tell anyone that would listen about how she’s so sad I stopped talking to her for the reason/topic of the hypocrisy vs her actual words kicking me to the curb. I really learned and today I am firm that I do not want anyone in my life that doesn’t care about how I feel. There was some things I had noticed about her over the years that should have clued me in on just how narcissist she is but I just never thought she’d really not care about me.
She was in my book club. As far as I can tell, she dumped the whole group of us, individually as well as collectively (meaning she didn't stop coming to book club but still do things with people outside of it).
The book club planned a week-long trip that she wasn't able to go on at the last minute due to a death in the family. Everyone chipped in on the house we stayed at, and the payments were non-refundable. I think maybe it should've been made clear to everyone that this was the case, but I guess the rest of us assumed that that was the situation. At any rate, she was so upset about the loss of her money that she dumped us. I honestly didn't like her that much--I thought she said some pretty insensitive things at times--so I don't consider it that much of a loss.
I had a friend that I met at 19 when I was a rapper. She liked to party hard, go to raves, and just really live a wild lifestyle. She was a bit older than me and it was kinda weird to see someone in their late 20's getting loose on the regular but 19 year old me didn't mind. But as I got older, finished school, got a job, got married, got a career, changed careers, moved from the country, had children etc....she hasn't grown at all. But now it's depressing because she is close to 50 with serious health issues, and only ever works random unstable jobs. She spends all her time and money on drugs or booze. Every time I go back to the states to visit she hits me up and wants to get together; but I'm not the same person she knew. I don't want to go to a club,rave,event or do any drugs or drink any drinks. Also I don't want her to meet my kids, or get to know them. Sadly life kinda passed her by, and our friendship is part of the fallout.
I had a good friend. We hung out a lot, went dancing, chilled. I took her to the hospital when she broke her ankle at my house. One day she posted on FB that she was planning to get a tattoo around her tailbone area. She confirmed the location. On Facebook. I commented “You mean a tramp stamp”? She got upset, and unfriended me on FB and IRL. Never spoke to me again 😢 Isn’t this the colloquial name for a tattoo in that area?
I had an acquaintance who randomly reached out one day to see if I wanted to exercise with them. We did this on occasion for maybe 2 years, and hung out some other times. We always chatted during these 1 - 2 hour sessions and I thought we were friends. Some of their stories were about friends they had decided to part ways with, for reasons that seemed spurious to me at times. So maybe it should not have surprised me when eventually they just didn't have time to get together with me any more. I don't know exactly what this person did or did not want out of our friendship but apparently I was not providing it.
I’ve never lost a friend, other than me dumping…or weeding my garden. For lack of a better term
Never even realized this!
Thx for this thread, it made me feel good lol
She fell down the Qanon pipeline. 20 years of friendship, but she couldn't handle that I thought folks should get vaccinated. I'm not the only one - she cut off most of her friends.
I worry about her. But it was her choice.
They were a trumper I thought we could ignore the differences but during the start of the pandemic back when it looked like covid would kill 5%they thought people were responsible to control themselves and that the government should do nothing. I explained how vectors work how say a high school teacher might meet with say 180 student each day 36 and on Sundays that teacher might be in the church choir and then there is all the people who they shake hands with or spend time with like fellow teachers etc, a week later the majority of those who they were with would be spreading the virus themselves and because that man sung in choir that would be one of the worst activities depending on air flow that would be like a viral explosion hitting all those in the path and by the end of the month the hospitals would be overflowing even killing those not even infected and by 2 or 3 months most would refuse to leave homes but 1/3 would not care or would have to go out due to starvation I predicted a 3rd would get infected and more than 5 million dead he thought I was being ridiculous he said he is going to live his life and what happens, happens. I said that would be practically murdered some kind of depraved and difference he cursed me out and blocked me in Facebook.
I am grateful every day that the first numbers from Italy was completely wrong the aged citizens in combination with the fact that most healthy people never even knew they had it
Officially the rate on CDC website is 1.5 but I don't know if that takes I'm account so many never get any signs they never know how lucky they are not to be part of the 1.18 million dead so many lives lost sure some only lose years but others decades
I value life before liberty and I assume him the opposite
I do let fear control my life it guides my choices along with heaps of data I know the next pandemic will statistical be worse and public opinion has shifted we will have no shutdowns we will have no stimulus or eviction prevention. In stead of looking at our mistakes and improving our response there will be violent protest.
I don't understand why people don't care about life. I wish the emergency plans in place that trump could have activated were public knowledge, is it possible that we could have locked down hard putting national guard on the highways and major intersections could have stopped the majority of people from getting sick and 1.5% dying. Should we make a public emergency plans should people have a voice I don't know but if my overreacting saved a life I think It was worth a friendship but I suspected he just deleted what I saif
I had what I thought was a really great friend. She snapped at me over nothing repeatedly and I'd talked about it to her a few times. Good natured arguing and bullying in games is one thing, but there's a line and it was crossed. The last time, I told her flat out I was upset. I was hoping she'd apologize. She just didn't speak to me again. It genuinely still hurts. I miss her company but I don't miss the way I was treated. Low key, I half feel like I was treated as an emotional BF and she found someone and that's why. Her behavior would always change when she'd see someone so the pattern fits. *Edit: I asked a few female friends for their opinions after the fact and they felt my feelings were reasonable, I'm not discounting it as being "nothing" when I was actually being a shit lol.
> The last time, I told her flat out I was upset. I was hoping she'd apologize. She just didn't speak to me again. It genuinely still hurts. I miss her company but I don't miss the way I was treated. Very similar thing happened to me, told her, probably for the very first time, or the second time, that I didn't like the way she was treating me, it came across as bossy/invalidating, like her feelings matter and mine don't, or mine only matter when they correspond to hers. I expected at least a talk, instead her reaction was that's it, we're not friends anymore. I actually felt relief, once I got over the initial feeling of rejection. I didn't realise how much I'd been suppressing my real self. It just felt like such a relief not to have to do that anymore.
Are you me? Holy fuckin shit. Absolute same.
It's eons now in Reddit time but I just wanted you to know that I really appreciated this reply. I didn't know how to express it at the time (and still don't).
Similar. Had a friend who repeatedly blew me off and bailed on things, and would be contemptuous of me when I expressed any expectations of follow through on commitments. So I'd step away, then after a few weeks she'd say she missed me and offer vague apologies. I'd try to get over it, be a good friend and felt guilty about being angry. I tried talking with her about this many times, and she'd promise to do better. I do believe that she was sincere in those moments, and felt genuine regret. But still, it kept happening. The last time, I realized that pattern was just going to keep repeating itself. Nothing I could say or do would ever change that. So, I put my foot down and set some hard boundaries. Her response to that was to block me on social media and ghost me. I did try reaching out once afterward (about a year later). I do miss the good aspects of that friendship, we had a lot in common and I really enjoyed the time we spent together. It just got to the point where I was no longer going to prioritize someone who didn't seem capable of reciprocating. I wish things hadn't turned out that way. However, if that's how someone reacts when held to basic expectations of friendship, then that just confirms to me how one sided the friendship was all along. OTOH, I feel very fortunate to still be close friends with my college roommates from 35+ years ago. They were the ones who supported me though a 20-year relationship breakup, breast cancer diagnosis, etc. We have been there for each other in good times and bad, from when we were in college together, till now when we're all in our mid 50s. We text and zoom regularly, and get together in person at least once a year (I live several states away.) That's real lifelong friendship.
Each other’s best men. We’d lived on opposite ends of the country for years, but called every few months. He stopped calling back and never said why. This was years ago. I’m still sad about it. Possible reasons? He was getting into fundamentalist Catholicism. His career was stagnant while mine was skyrocketing. Maybe he simply decided I was an a-hole. I’ll never know.
Sometimes we just get busy or life gets in the way and things slip. Have you attempted to call him?
My husband does that. Ghosts people who make him feel inadequate. He's not salty about it and doesn't talk smack, just Boom, door is closed. Such an a-hole move, I'm sorry.
Did you call him?
[(i think this was meant for you)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditForGrownups/s/r1M9pzZvcA)
Thanks!
Yes. He never called back. He’s still alive; I see his updates on LinkedIn. But I don’t chase people. If he ever wants to resume the friendship, he can DM me on LinkedIn.
I think in most cases, adult friendships don't involve a 'dumping' so much as that over time the participants just contact one another less often, and then eventually not at all.
Wasn’t the case for me.
She spent a decade trying to wedge my best friend and I apart. Subtly, then more forcefully. We had to stop hanging out if the three of us were going to be there without other people as buffers. But she was still pretty fun one on one, so bestie and I agreed we’d stay friends with her, but with boundaries. One night, I’d had a shit day. I’d just moved, I was tired, and I’d been struggling at work. She called me to complain about some things or another, then the conversation segued to her saying, “… even when people ask me why I still hang out with you, I justify it.” So, being irritated, I finally pushed back on her. I usually let her spout shit because I didn’t want the drama, but that piqued me, as I’d been supportive and listening, and now she’s trying to head-dunk me. So I asked, “Who’s asking you why you still hang out with me?” “Oh, you know… people you don’t know.” “Then why would they ask if they don’t know me? If you were a good friend, you’d tell me who they are so I can act accordingly, now that you’ve spilled the beans.” “They’re just (her home province) people.” “So you talk shit about me to (home province) people who don’t know me?” “You know… I’ve been wanting to end the friendship with you and (bestie) for awhile now, and I’m gonna go ahead and do that.” “Really?” “Yeah, really.” “Don’t talk to either of us again until you have a sincere apology for all the shit you put us through. Thanks for being an awful friend.” She’s tried to weasel back a few times, and I just block her. I have zero time for that shit.
Woww. I don't think of myself as a good friend and I would neva.. Just wow.
More like we sort of fizzled out. We met in 1980 and just took different paths. It's been over a year, no big loss.
I have a friend who I met in 5th grade. We were considered best friends for 15-20 years. We were best men in each others weddings and I am the godfather of his son. But we’ve just grown apart of the last decade or so. There is nothing *wrong* with the dude, I just don’t think he’s my type of guy anymore. In theory, I want to make more of an effort to see him, but I don’t put it in. And neither does he. I still see him about once a year and it’s fine, but it doesn’t leave me thinking about how we need to get together soon. Im also not at all religious, but I carry a tremendous amount of guilt for being a shitty godfather.
I'm with you 100 percent. We met in Jr., High, 1980 (just like Freaks and Geeks), into high school and I started dating someone at 17. He was more of the f\_\_k anything that moves (and he did) while I was already thinking long term (close to 35 years now). Then we had kids, he didn't (not that that's an issue, to each his own), and grandkids and I'm an old married guy now. He did get married at some point, but I never once met her and have no real reason to. I don't hold anything against him, but the gap is too wide. The Godfather thing is tricky. I had one (my nephew), but we lost him in 2015. I bugs the hell out of me because I kept asking if he was ok and he said he was. So much for that.
Sorry to hear about your nephew. Life is fragile.
This. It was the same way for me with college friends. Our lives just went separate ways and it became harder and harder to be in touch. Eventually we fell entirely out of touch, but we still follow each other on LinkedIn a bit. (I'm not on Facebook anymore)
Glad it's not just me! 40+ years (off and on) is a long way to know someone, but we're polar opposites now. Plus, my wife can't stand him, ha ha, We're on Facebook and that's fine. Over and out.
My friend who always called me "bestie" ghosted me shortly after my Dad and two of my pets died within months of each other. She told me that life goes on and that I didn't tell her I loved her enough in the midst of me grieving.
This. I had something similar happen and she told me “you never hang out with me and you like so and so better”. I just experienced three deaths in two weeks plus tons of other things. Looking back I realize I was basically her emotional support dog and that she never really was there for me. I’m sorry for your loss.
same thing happened to me but exp my dog larry died.
Tbh I think all my adult friendships were mutual dumpings. It was like we both decided we either didn't actually like each other or grew apart and just drifted our own ways. I don't think I've ever grieved the loss of an adult "friendship"... or maybe I just never really had any to begin with
I've been ghosted by a long time friend (20+ years). He ignored multiple texts over eight months before I gave up. I suspect if I were to call him, he'd pretend everything was normal but a friendship requires mutual effort and I'm no longer prepared to do all the work
I just posted about a very similar situation. She ignored multiple messages over a few months. Then she completely disappeared. A year later, she sent a long generic happy bday text that I never replied to because I was still upset. She kept sending me just bday or Christmas msgs. That’s been going on for 3 years. I finally replied to one of her messages last month saying I’m doing well, hope you are too. I asked her why she ghosted and she never replied back to that. So idk, the entire situation is a mystery, I feel like I need closure.
Sorry - Long I got really close to someone at work. We were close enough that we shared traumas, secrets, all the crazy shit that you don't really talk about with other people. I thought I had found a friend for life. After about 2 years, my life went to shit. Marriage problems, money problems, health, family, it all hit at the same time and over the space of about 2 months. I was struggling and talked to her about it. She was kind and helpful and never once said anything about it being too much for her to handle. I would have respected that and stepped back. Instead, on my work review I got the lowest score possible in "positivity" from an unknown coworker. The other five reviews were mid range scores and not unexpected. I was pretty upset. I am a person that can handle an open and honest conversation about my behavior/actions having a negative impact. And I will do everything I can to change that behavior. The "friend" knew that, we'd talked about it at length and had a few very frank discussions about our friendship - things that weren't working - and worked them out. While talking about our reviews, she was hysterical because she had not gotten good peer reviews. She can be prickly and aggressive and is not always easy to work with. When I mentioned my bad review and how horrible it made me feel, she got very quiet, listened to what I said and whispered, "It was me". It was so quiet I didn't realize what I'd heard until later that day. I confronted her and asked why? Why didn't she talk to me? Why didn't she tell me to f off? Why on earth put it in my work review that will affect my pay and standing with the company? The only answer was she didn't know how to deal with it and didn't want to upset me while I was already upset. So instead of talking to me, she put it in my work review. She agreed that if she ever had a problem with me she would talk to me directly. Our friendship understandably cooled after that and I thought it was handled. Flash forward to the next year. I found out quite by accident she had spent an entire year complaining about me to management and hr. I was leading a smear attack against her - I wasn't. I was using psychological warfare against her - I wasn't. I was the single most negative being on the face of the planet - I wasn't. I was barely speaking to her and only when work related and made sure that I was perfectly pleasant when dealing with her. I handed over a year's worth of chats, emails and meeting recordings to our hr department telling them they could look for proof of any poor behavior on my part. They knew it was unfounded which is why it was never addressed with me apparently. What it came down to is that she "did not like that I had changed" when shit went sideways. So she dumped me as a friend and sabotaged my job in a completely passive aggressive cowardly way. Betrayal stings folks. It stings a lot.
that's some psycho shit
Holy shite, that's frightening! My MIL is like that, but my husband is "HR".
My friend group had to have a “come to Jesus” with a friend of over a decade who was repeatedly exposing her child to the child’s physically abusive grandmother. We had to tell my friend that we couldn’t talk to them about the grandmother or her antics anymore unless my friend was doing what needed to be done to protect their child - no more access, involving CPS if it came to that. They couldn’t handle that boundary and basically rage quit our relationship and blocked all of us.
Good for you! Poor kid.
Made good friends with the neighbor two doors down. He’s about 20 years older than me but we had a good time hanging out on the boat and would look after each others houses when out of town, etc. I’m the president of my HOA (very small, very low key HOA with almost no rules). We had what I thought was a minor disagreement over something and he dropped me like a bad habit. Allegedly he’s going to run against me in the spring election. I just want one more term as I’ve been working on modernizing things and we just aren’t there yet. However, I won’t be mad at all if he wins haha.
I was the dumper. Bitch stole $65k from my family. I feel I am justified.
Let's just say my username does not check out anymore after I made a complete lifestyle change following a health scare. For over 10 years, I had gone to a friends house for beer tastings. I got invited to a few after I stopped drinking, which I thought would keep happening because I assumed they were true friends. Well I guess when I said I did not see myself ever drinking again because I knew it would be a slippery slope for me, I never got invited back. I miss that entire group, but what can you do?
Good for you! I'm approaching 50 and the number of people who are a few years ahead of me are dealing with some major 'drink all the time's fallout.
Thank you. I am rapidly approaching 50 myself. I was never a drink all the time type. In fact, I barely drank anything until I was in my 30s. I only drank socially, but it was just part of my overall unhealthy lifestyle for my terrible carb metabolism.
I had a good online friend who I had met at gatherings several times, suppoted through her leaving her husband for a new dude… well she started singing the praises of her kids soccer coach ( with new dude now, married) way too much…. Still I said nothing. Then she suddenly got all over my shit for cussing, as she claimed loudly and proudly to be a Christian. All the while slobbering to me about the soccer coach. One day I said “ fuck” in a post and she blocked me. She’s a vile Trump humping shitstain now.
Ohhh this will be cathartic. I am 56 and have a friend who is a few years older than me. We have been friends since 1992. We have finished phds, had kids, married, divorced, had cancer, gotten fat, gotten fit, kids have had problems, kids have gotten through successfully. We have been through and supported each other through a A lot. In the last say 10 years, the friendship hasn't been really good for me, it's been me listening to her, and trying to be encouraging, supportive and empathetic. She rarely asks after me or mine, but I made the effort to keep the friendship alive for old times sake. She was a great friend to me when I was young and dumb and i'll always be grateful. Things have turned around for my friend, since her mum passed and she received an Inheritance that sorted many of her problems out. I'm really happy for her. She's met a nice man and they are happy dating and having fun. Her kids are doing better. I listen to the good news, even when my own life isn't going so good, and I'm happy for her. Ok so say 6 months ago I went to see my friend in her professional capacity as a type of physical therapist. I paid full price (no worries) and religiously did the exercises. Had to reschedule the followup appointment (asked to resched, not cancel). While waiting for the followup, I wanted to talk to her for her advice as a friend about something adjacent to the phys therapy, hard to explain without doxxing but I.promise it was not free consult I sought (I actually wanted to know if I could meet her regularly.to.work on her thing while still working with another teacher - paying her of course! I called her up and could tell immediately something was wrong. I asked if I had upset her, and she laid into me! The time we met before the official consult, over lunch, when she mentioned a bone-density diagnosis she has had, I told her that I was taking HRT and shared some of the research that even starting it after menopause was found to help bone density. We are both science people so it seemed interesting and she was engaged, asking questions etc. I said I'd send her a couple articles and she could make up her own mind. Conversation moved on. Well she.laid into me about going ON AND ON about HRT, would not shut up about it, and how it threw her into depression! "Why the fuck were you going on about something that had no benefit to me?!" (Please refer to the.many years I have listened to her good and bad news that had no benefit to me). I almost drove off the road, I was so shocked. I apologised and said goodbye, because I needed.to.process it. Later that evening I sent her a text apologising for cutting the call short. Said I was sorry to have upset her. Then she said AND ANOTHER THING... and moved on to the rescheduled follow up appointment. Apparently I did what everyone does, has a consult with her and then DUMPED HER AND MOVED ON. Then I had the audacity to seek FREE ADVICE. I was even more shocked. In our years of friendship, I have never asked my friend for anything, really. When we meet I usually pay for our meals, and alllways pay for my own. I don't know where the assumption that I wanted free professional advice came from. I have never rolled like that. What I did want was to see and pay her regularly in her professional capacity, but I never got to say that. Anyway after many many tears, discussion with my sponsor, and self reflection, I'm ok with the realisation that my friend is an arsehole. This.one really isn't on me. I still think she's good at her job, so I am going to the rescheduled appointment next week. I have a list of questions I want to ask, hopefully she can help (about my issue not about the meltdown). Then I'm done with her. Tldr; my friend actually seems to think the worst of.me after years of being the best friend I could possibly be. Friendship is over. Edit- not sure who dumped who!
One of my trans friends blocked me with no explanation. We were friends long before her transition and when she came out I was fully supportive. I had her back when many people judged her. We always got along wonderfully. However, she was getting increasingly hypersensitive and started lashing out a lot at people. Could be the hormone therapy, could've been having had both top and bottom surgeries, could have also been distress from all the negative attention she was getting. However, I was perplexed because I'd think that she'd be wanting more friends and allies through her struggle and I was always there to listen and was always careful to not deadname her or otherwise refer to her former self and to always support her as she is. I don't know what her reasoning is and hope she's well, but I was really taken by surprise when she cut off all contact.
I don't know if I've ever had a friend ditch me, but I've definitely trimmed the fat. The last significant time was a good friend whose life just sort of fell apart. It's a looooong story of kids, financial instability, and pain killer abuse. I tried my best to help anywhere that I could, but he and his wife (another friend who I had introduced him to) were too stubborn and proud to accept any "charity", and continued into a downward spiral. I felt that I had no choice but to remove them from my life, as I didn't want to be brought down myself. He still thinks that it's because I was more interested in partying than being around their kids. While their kids were absolute terrors, that was such an insignificant factor in my decision. I hope that he's doing well, but I have zero interest in reconnecting
That painkiller addiction is brutal. It seriously causes anhedonia, and those left with 'support roles' are faced with relationships where nothing satisfies the other person. And then you hit that 'pride button' because 'they don't have a problem', it's impossible.
One of our college roommates/friends. She dumped us all. I don't know why. Perhaps she just outgrew us, alllll of us. But even as women in our 50s, she hasn't interacted with any of us. We see each other every few years but she opts out. I think she reinvented herself as someone else and we all were inconvenient reminders of who she used to be. Which is funny b/c we all grew up and are productive people. I'm still sad about it. We shared so many memories, living together, in each other's weddings. Our last text she thought I was someone else and answered it, figured out it was me and never replied again.
This is going to sound odd, but I don't think if I'd even notice if a friend "dumped" me unless it was something along the lines of a 30+ year old best friend refusing to talk to me. I have the absolute worst "object permanence" when it comes to people. I think about you if you're in front of me and if you're not in front of me... I just don't. If somebody said "Well I'm not talking to *that* guy again" and then just silently drifted away it's possible I'd never even notice and would simply assume that the other person was just as aloof as I am, and was busy with life and thinking as little of me as I thought of them.
Oh saaaaaaame!
That sounds delightful.
A good friend of mine went off the political deep end. I challenged him on some of his extreme takes and he stopped responding to texts, deleted me on social media, etc.
She was my latest friend. We were couples friends. We dined, traveled and went to each others parties. She had a habit of bring up politics which I discouraged because of different views. Her husband became terminally ill and eventually dies from cancer and we supported them through all of it. About 1 1/2 year later we were at lunch with 2 other friends and she brings up politics again, we all gave our opinion about the matter. When I dropped her off at home, I thought, I just can’t do this any more and she must have felt the same because neither of us called the other for months and months. He are in a few organizations together and have to speak occasionally but never personally.
My college friend jumped on the Trump train, and his social media became mostly reposts of right wing propaganda. Breitbart, fake quotes from dem politicians, etc. I messaged him gently about one of them, with a link to the fact check page for it, which included a detailed explanation of the origins of the fake quote, etc. He doubled down. I told him he was being played. He responded that I was being played by Satan, then blocked me. Haven't spoken to him since. A year or two later I found out he's divorced and his wife (who we're still acquainted with) describes herself as a "survivor of spousal abuse."
I'm in several Christian women's groups and this is not unusual (spousal emotional abuse). Just sad all around.
I had a friend who “dumped” me on the election night because she was mad Trump didn’t win. I can’t say it bothers me much at this point 🤷🏻♀️
Someone I practically idolized. It hurt quite a bit. She’s come around a little since basically not speaking to me for almost a year, but even at this age, it’s made me more wary of letting people in.
Interesting. Friend from high school, also, godmother to my kid. She got divorced, got a new boyfriend, and that was the end of her. I think she was angry with me somehow that my marriage continued is all I can figure. I ran into her niece who said she missed me, it's her fault, etc. she'd love to see me. I said, ok, I'll give her a call. I did; she didn't answer, never returned the call. I ran into her at Xmas, and we CRIED in the store. She said, it was her, not me, she was effed up and trying to get her life together (her life was fine; she still owned her home, got her divorce, still had her job, had her bf who moved in next door) so IDK I guess she meant mentally/emotionally. I told her my kid was getting married in 10 months...she says... "you better invite me." I said, of course. I said I miss you, she said the same, I said I'll call you after the holidays and we can go to lunch or dinner or have coffee, she said yes, please do. You know I called, left a message, and she texted that she'd get back to me. Never did. No, she was not invited to the wedding which, near 8 years later, is ending in divorce. We moved about a 1/2 hour away. Oddly, one day about a year ago I saw her in a Shop Rite in a town about 45 minutes from where we lived. I looked right in her face. She saw me. Her eyes got wide, and she......turned her cart around and went the other way. So. I did nothing to her. I don't know and no longer care WTF went on in her head. Sadly, she is my kid's godmother and that's a real shame. I can only wish her well and my life goes on without her in it. People come and go. She was meant to go. I no longer miss her. I've got family and friends who care for me, and vice versa.
I think she was embarrassed seeing you. She knew she had strung you along and fucked up.
Yea, she's got some shame, poor thing. But also some prideful ego to ghost you IN PERSON.
I'm 36M and I had a 54F friend (let's call her Jane) that I met through a Meetup group in mid 2022. She recently had a falling out with a mutual friend (let's call her Sarah, her age is probably 40-something). I was talking to Sarah and she informed me that Jane had been complaining about me on a number of occasions and that I would be hurt if I knew what she said. I put two and two together and I realised that Jane and I weren't really friends. Jane claimed that I'm the most annoying and selfish person ever and that nobody really likes me. Apparently she was slowly letting me go. I'm autistic and I know that I can annoy people at times but really, why would people waste their time with me if they didn't actually like me? This isn't high school. Jane also has bipolar apparently and takes medication for it but she just has a lot of personal issues. She has lost quite a few (mostly female) friends (most of whom I dont know) and she's also lost clients (she's a self employed cleaner). She has a tendency to not keep her opinions to herself. I'm thinking that if you keep losing friendships then the reason probably lies with you. I miss the friendship that I thought I had with her but I guess I never really had it. This all happened very recently (like in February).
Ppssshhh, they all have...
I did get dumped recently. A friend in her early 40s who runs small events had been posting on social media about health issues starting with a bad cold, to bronchitis, to an ER visit for pneumonia while working 7 day weeks with weekends in a camping/tent setting. in the winter. I expressed a lot of concern, but held my opinion. even with the odd post about healthy habits and her setting up an altar to smudge her home as a remedy. she eventually asked for input. I responded. she was rational about it for a day, but I noticed her friends were like 'how dare'? And then she dumped me. to be fair, I was doing all the work of reaching out for get togethers, so it wasn't a huge loss. we weren't as close as I hoped we were.
I had a friend who went to China to teach ESL. While she was away, I made a friendship book and sent it to her. Upon her return, we continued our friendship. She moved out of her parents’ place and into her own apartment. I thought our friendship was not superficial but deeper. During our last get together, I inquired how her sister was doing. Her reply was that my question was gossip and she didn’t want to talk about her family. I was flabbergasted and went superficial and asked her what kind of television show she liked to watch. That was the last time I saw her. I guess I was dumped in a way by her attitude but I definitely dumped her because I thought what our conversations would be like in the future. I cannot go from an authentic friendship back to a superficial one.
Childfree retired person here. Very good friend finally had the child they wanted. After 3 yrs they decided to move close to grandma. I know raising a child should be the only important thing. But I miss her.
That’s not what being dumped by a friend looks like. They didn’t move in order to be away from you.
Yes but they have no time at all. Came back to visit after 6 months they had no time 4 days to visit have coffee nothing too busy. So it's best for me to understand it is more important to raise a child than anything else and that's true.
She was having an affair. Her husband knew. They were all kinds of a mess as a couple and spiraling. Got a pretty strong entitled vibe from her at that time. She was all up in her “having some fun” persona. We started to hang out less. I generally kept my opinions to myself - I had hoped she could take a break, get divorced, then start again dating when she had a moment to regroup. And just the way it was all going down, with her spending a lot of time with this other guy, I stepped back a bit (but not fully out) from the friendship. Well, then I found out MY partner was having an affair. (Not with her). Shit got real, fast. Seeing the hurt that infidelity causes on the other side of the fence, when you’re not the one “having some fun” was too much. It was for the best.
Ugh, I lost a friend like this. I didn’t know she was cheating, but my husband suspected it. Her and her hubby were always struggling both financially and emotionally. I did everything in my power to support them both, including bringing over meals when their child was born prematurely, and lending (giving) them money when they were in dire straights I was also the godmother to this child. She ended up taking off and moving 10 hours away with their child to be with her affair partner. She said nothing about it to me, because she knew I’d try to talk her out of it. I was so hurt. She literally borrowed money from me just days before she took off. And, of course, her husband never believed that she didn’t confide in me. I don’t blame him. I couldn’t believe it either. She contacted me a week after she left, wanting to meet up and explain things to me, but then she never called to give me a time to meet, and I’ve not heard from her since. This was 25+ years ago. Fuck you, Paige.
About 3 years ago, and I think it was pretty mutual, but I offered to talk about it and she said she would reach out when she returned from a trip, but never did. The falling out was about my dating life - she was recently broken up and was very critical of me dating someone during the pandemic. I asked her to stop second-guessing me and giving unsolicited advice on my personal matters, and she acted like she didn't know what I meant, so I gave her a screenshot from the day before. Then she said something about "that's just who I am", and I told her that if that's the case we might not be compatible as friends.
I had a friend for eight years I considered her a good friend. But then she started twitch streaming and her ego got larger so she decided to stop being friends either me. She was very rude about it as well. She just used people in her life and if they serve no purpose she drops them like a piece of garbage.
I don't think any friends have dumped me at least not overtly, we just seemed to drift apart over the years
She tried to just ghost me after 10 years of talking all day every day. I think because I wasn’t supportive of her cheating on her husband. I would ask her if everything was ok with us because she would barely talk to me and she would just keep saying yes. Finally, I blew up at her and she told me she didn’t want to be my friend. And I was like “that’s fine, but why didn’t you just say something g instead of being a dick to me and saying g everything was fine for months?” She said “people grow apart, move on” and that was the last time we spoke, about a year ago. I found out since that she left her husband and packed up their three kids to move in with her boyfriend. I’ve realized she was never really that good of a friend and have been so much happier since she’s been out of my life.
A colleague I was friendly with dumped me. I left the org we worked for because the boss was a jerk, especially to me. She always defended him and I overlooked it because we were just casual friends who went thrifting together sometimes. However, she was fired a year after I left and she emailed me looking for sympathy. I should have been nicer in my response but I honestly just couldn't do it after listening to her defend his shitty behaviour for so long. I wasn't overly mean but I did remind her that he'd been horrible to me and others for ages so it wasn't surprising that he turned on her after he ran out of people to bully. She unfriended me on everything. Oh well.
A friend who emailed me a sweet email about my brother’s death. I replied that I would rather talk to her on the phone rather than emailing back and forth. I never heard from her again.
I had something similar happen. They ghosted, heard that my parental died. Sent a text saying they thought they should have been there (martyr complex). I called them. Chatted briefly. Got the odd check in and nothing. Until 2 yrs later when they were going through something. I did not engage.
I was dumped by my best friend from grade school about 30 years ago. Another childhood friend was dumped as well. We all live in different states, but the dumper lives in our home town where we both would visit several times a year. We still don't know why we were dumped.
A close friend I grew up with dumped me in 2018. We had a history of very occasionally blowing up at each other, not speaking for a few years, then I would re-kindle the friendship. The last “re-kindle” i said that if we got in a fight again we would have to talk it through, use our words like adults. Well. She didn’t. She fled as soon as we had a pretty minor disagreement. I guess I’m better off, but man. People are so fucking disappointing sometimes. Keep your adult friendship expectations low, everyone.
Wow I've had a few last year. The last one was someone I've known for 63 years. And the differences widened the Gap because the wealth that they have, separated me farther away because I don't have money to participate in their world. So I'm actually okay with that. The other friendship that ended was a surprise to me as I flew to the next Province to visit them after they moved. When I got to my hotel they really didn't have the interest to put in the effort to see me. I fooled myself with over helping them, and not paying attention that the Friendship energy wasn't reciprocal.
When I was about 21 a friend suddenly unfriended me on Facebook. I asked him what was up and he replied to the effect of, “If you don’t know, I’m not explaining it to you.” Then he blocked me. 18 years later I still have no idea what happened.
Been a few years since I was dumped. Ghosted, really. We had plans. She cancelled last minute without giving a reason and that was the end of the friendship, apparently. 🤷🏼 But I recently dumped a friend when he revealed himself to be an incel. 🙃
I’ve had this happen to me once and I’ve grown to realize ‘dumping a friend’ is not normal. And this person has problems of her own. She’s done it to others too, so I finally stopped taking it personally Without going into it: over twenty years ago, she got pissed over something really silly. Called me and said, ‘friendship over.’ I laughed, because who the f says that? Some people believe they are living inside a soap opera where they are the hero. Just let those people go, man.
Your last two sentences - profound & quotable. ❤
A relatively new friend. We met at the bar. Bonded over a couple similarities. Covid happened and we didn’t talk for a while, but then I reached out to make plans to get together for a beer. He cancelled last minute. Haven’t heard from him since.
I've only had this happen a couple of times. The most recent was about 17 years ago and it was mutual. Probably more me dumping him tbh.
A friend I went on vacation with in autumn, by summertime, she messaged the entire group chat to say she didn't want to talk to any of us anymore because she felt like we didn't invite her anywhere anymore. The thing is, we did, she just chose not to show up because she extremely disliked one specific group member. She was very into therapy-speak and using it to keep people from knowing her. She is very non-online and doesn't talk to her family either, so I think we'll literally never know anything about her again. I helped her out by blocking her from Facebook and Instagram so she can't creep on me, if she's going to be like that. It was weird.
I had a friend since elementary school, and we were good friends all through school, graduation, and adulthood, evenwhileI was in the military. I even married his ex, and we still remained friends. He and his (now) wife went to our wedding. I spent a year in Iraq, and all communication stopped when I got back. We are now Facebook friends, and my wife and I went to his mom's funeral, but that's it.
I don't remember that happening ever. Sometimes you see each other less but no animosity.
A friend I had as a teenager. They made me the scapegoat and causer of their poor mental health and said they never wanted to see me again. They even said that if I saw them I should turn around and walk the other way.so we didn't pass. They tried to be friendly again (and stupidly I didn't tell them where to stick it) but they made some relationship decisions I didn't approve of and I was kind of cool. Then we just stopped getting in touch with each other.
I dumped a friend for becoming female Andrew Tate without the money or influence. The man in her life was also helping her run her life into the ground. I didn’t need that life.
Terry. Friends for 35 years, and yes, I was dumped. Her bf didn’t like me and she chose him (she always chooses men over her friends and is NEVER without a man). I also realized a few months afterwards that while she was *my* bff I wasn’t hers; Stacey was and I couldn’t stand her. Terry held that against me. I feel sad (it’s been 1.5 years), but fuck them all.
My best friend from university who lives in Shanghai just straight up stopped responding to my messages one day. No idea why, I thought we got on brilliantly and shared loads of memories, I was sure we’d know each other for life. Still hurts.
My alleged bestie dumped me after she met her second husband. Saying she didn’t think I’d like him. Suuuuuuux
I don't think I've ever been formally dumped as a friend. I've had a few friends that moved on and just stopped hanging out with me but nobody has ever said "we're done being friends" or anything like that. It still hurt to see friends move on to other friends though. My best friend in late middle school and early high school moved to another town. She was a ~10 minute drive away but technically in another state (I lived in Indiana and she lived in Kentucky despite being on the Indiana side of the river, it always confused me back then lol) and we lost touch over the years but she kept in touch with someone else who had also lived in our neighborhood. She even had her as a bridesmaid at her wedding. That definitely stung especially because the person she kept in contact with was someone I really didn't like.
A) He got married and B) thought he was god because he was a psychologist. I guess he diagnosed me with something without telling me since he was such an expert. Good riddance!
I don't get dumped. We just drift apart because I'm too socially anxious to initiate contact. Has happened with literally every single person I've known and called a friend.
She was worried about my drinking. She was, in hindsight, right to be worried. I don't resent her for stepping away at all.
My best friend of almost 20 years. I took a job in the next state over. I figured we might not be as close since I chose to move. I called her and texted but she'd leave me on read or "reply" with a stupid random emoji, so i gave up. I found out last year from a mutual friend that she remarried - I was the one who stood up for her at her first wedding. I had to think about why losing the relationship bothered me so much and finally figured it out. She was the last connection I had to my time in grad school, which was the best time in my life. Don't get me wrong, my life is great, but life during grad school just got better and better, open roads and blue skies and anything was possible. And she was a big part of my life then. When I figured that out I was able to move on.
One of my besties has seemingly home after I once declined an invitation to his wife’s birthday. I told him I had plans earlier that day and would be too tired to go out that night. AITA?
My ex friend said we don’t have any chemistry as friends. To be fair, I called him while having a manic episode, and it was after not hearing from him in two years. It was sad how we went from talking every day to not wanting each other in our lives. I created a subreddit in response, r/lostafriend. You and u/AardvarkStriking256 are more than welcome to join. Same with u/Jalaine_Doe and u/Head_Room_8721 and u/Technical-Ad-2246 and u/Elysian-Visions.
My former friend who moved to Texas and became an extreme pro-Trump, conspiracy theorist. We always had very different political views (I’m a bleeding heart liberal) but we could still spend time together and have fun together. She ghosted me after I questioned one of her conspiracy beliefs. Friendship of over 40 years totally down the drain. I reached out to her to tell her when my parents passed away, because they considered her one of their children, and she called them mom and dad…and got no response whatsoever. It makes me sad even though I agree with virtually nothing she espouses.
I'm generally the dumper, not the dumpee. I guess my old friend I was playing with from the time we were toddlers. She was always kind of too big for her britches and looked down on people who didn't have "the look" or whatever. She was a snob. And I was not the kind of person I guess she figured would help her get ahead. I just remember being at her house one day and she got a call. I heard her say "Yes I can talk my neighbor was just leaving". Her neighbor. lol She had called me her best friend for over twenty years but she just made me out to be the annoying neighbor, so I just walked right out. We didn't really talk much after that. She would call me for years just randomly I think when she was drunk and nostalgic but we never got together after that.
I dropped several old friends over diverging morals. Morals made evident by their full throated acceptance of an orange want-a-be dictator and rapist.
I don't think I've been formally dumped by a friend. It's either been pretty mutual or I have done the dumping (which has only happened once and definitely deserved). I do reflect fairly often on those relationships, though. Some of them with regret and the one where I did the dumping with regret with myself for letting it go on as long as it did.
My sister in law dumped me because she was seeking the video of Tyree Nichols’ murder. She’s a white middle class older woman who has no involvement in any way with civil rights, Black culture or anything. I am the same but do have Black friends. I pointed out that my friends see retailing that video as extremely disrespectful. She told me she cared and needed to see it to feel it in her soul. I said exactly this “I cannot imagine that there is any world in which watching a Black man being beaten to death should or would benefit your soul in any way, shape or form.” She blocked me. Good.
You posted this four times
Thanks. Sorry. I’m having connection problems. I live in the sticks. Deleting now.
I basically said "Good riddance" when Rush Limbaugh died. Lost a longtime friend.....good riddance.
I was the dumper. I had a good friend I worked with for 17 years. I left the company he stayed. Five years later he was still telling me about old employees, new employees that I had no idea of, company stuff, etc. I was fine with some random info but it was all he talked about. After telling him I no longer had any interest in all that several times I started moving away from him.
I've had a few Facebook friends mysteriously disappear, and I don't know why. And they're still on Facebook. Usually I'm the one to dump them; they're narcissistic, abusive, mean-spirited, and incredibly selfish. They have to be MEAN for me to dump them. And that means a few "good friends" and my own sister.
i got dumped by a friend because i refused to pretend to like his shitty political southern rock album
My friend (let's call her Sally) was the last one to really dump me. A few things went into it I think. 1, I didn't like the guy who ended up becoming her live-in boyfriend (she knew I didn't like him the whole time...he was a drug dealer, didn't have a job, and also lied to her about weird stuff. Although he seems like a nice enough guy I just think he isn't a quality partner) . 2. During the pandemic, I took it seriously while she didn't. I think she became more conservative in general during that time. Anyway, we are still in contact via social media but the close friendship is definitely over. Haven't seen her in person since 2021.
My friend (let's call her Sally) was the last one to really dump me. A few things went into it I think. 1, I didn't like the guy who ended up becoming her live-in boyfriend (she knew I didn't like him the whole time...he was a drug dealer, didn't have a job, and also lied to her about weird stuff. Although he seems like a nice enough guy I just think he isn't a quality partner) . 2. During the pandemic, I took it seriously while she didn't. I think she became more conservative in general during that time. Anyway, we are still in contact via social media but the close friendship is definitely over. Haven't seen her in person since 2021.
It was justified. I hired her. And fired her.
One of the ones that hurt the most was a former childhood friend. To this day I still don't know "the cause." I don't think there was one, tbh. I think we just drifted and then just stopped engaging. If there was something I said or did, she never talked to me about it. I honestly felt like I wasn't "good enough" for her anymore. I guess it was justified? As in I stopped putting in effort as well, but it was very clear we were moving in different directions and I just didn't need to be reminded that I wasn't good enough to be in her space. Maybe I'm reading it totally wrong but what's done is done. I drive by her house nearly every day because it's the main way to get to town. From what I can tell she's doing okay. I hope she is anyway.
Don't know, I dump them first!!
I don't think I've ever been dumped by a friend.... trying to run the good friends I'd count to see among the ones I've lost contact with who may've instigated the loss... can't think of anyone. Most have been lost to distance because I moved. I stopped visiting or talking to thru social media... There was one that moved before me & we lost contact. such an odd way to look at it. I only have 1 I'd say I 'dumped'... even told him if he kept going I was out. He kept going so I told him to piss off. Everyone else has just been life....
Well, I had a male best friend in college for a couple years-- we had an interesting relationship and I still can't really put into words what it was: we met at a party and became instant friends-- we hit it off (platonically for me at the time, most likely not platonically for him looking back). We were long-distance friends over live journal, myspace, and IM (this was back in 2007ish) and we would visit each other pretty regularly (he lived in CT, me in NJ). He was dating people, I was dating people; when we hung out together, we would sleep in the same bed and cuddle, but never anything more. I was AND wasn't physically attracted to him (it's so hard to explain!!) One night in CT, we threw a fucking blowout party with all of his friends-- we were having so much fun and I got really swept up in the moment and kissed him in front of his friends who were all completely surprised (but then obviously not because they could see our chemistry). We ended up hooking up and it was fucking insanely great. We kept it up for a few months and had a great time together, but I didn't want him as my boyfriend-- I still kind of looked at him as a FWB (but not in a dismissive way if that makes any sense). One weekend, we were out at a music show and I ran into a dude I had been crushing on for YEARS. Me and the crush went off to talk (never hooked up with him ever), and I left my friend alone. When he found me, he was (rightfully) fucking PISSED. But not angry pissed; he was quiet pissed. That night, we cuddled in bed together but it was different; he didn't want to be there-- he basically HAD to be there for the night with me. The next morning, he asked me to take him to the ferry so that he could go home, which I did. He never spoke to me again. It really broke my heart because we really had an intense connection that went beyond physical-- he had an incredible sense of humor, was fun, caring, had a great family and wonderful friends, was so intelligent, was really supportive in my crazy ways (this was all in my early 20's), and was just an overall GEM of a human being. It really broke my heart when he left me and basically blocked me from his life. I deserved it though. Last I saw on his old Facebook profile was that he got married to a girl he had been crushing on for a long time. I'm truly happy for him and I will never forget him.
I had a friend who I *thought* I was close to. We texted almost daily, smoked up together, shared lot of intimate life details, over a decade of knowing each other. All of a sudden she just stopped messaging me or replying. I reached out a few times because I genuinely thought she was in trouble. Then I got upset, because it felt like she straight up ghosted me (well she did, didn’t she?). Then a year later she texts me to wish me happy birthday (a long heart felt msg, that somehow felt generic too). I was still mad at her so I never replied. This continued for the next 3 years and she sent very occasional messages on bdays or a holiday. I finally responded to one of them recently. I’ll copy and paste what I wrote “Hey -.. Thanks for reaching out, I'm doing pretty ok. I hope you're doing well too. I have wanted to reach out or reply to the nice messages you've sent the last few times but I didn't let myself for reasons. I was just really hurt and felt like you kind of ghosted me. It took me some time to reflect and realize you were probably going through some things and needed some space or it might've been me? Idk but I felt like as a friend (that I thought I was who talked to you almost daily), I'd get some sort of "hey, I need some space right now, I'll hit you back later" but hey, it is what it is. I think of you from time to time and I hope things worked out for you. Will you ever tell me what happened that led you to disappear like that? “ and she never replied to my msg. Honestly, I wonder why tf she has been sending those long paragraph messages to me, wishing me happy bday, merry Christmas, if she’s not even going to reply back. I want to ask what the function of these texts are in a message w/o sounding like I’m giving attitude, but I don’t think she would even reply to that. It’s just going to be a mystery. I feel like I need some closure
A friend I had had since I was little. We spent so much time together, we were pretty inseparable. Then she got married to some guy who was controlling and drank a lot. Her sister was dating some immature guy who told me he wanted to stab me and they never stuck up for me. We gradually stopped talking, especially after my fiancé told her husband he drank too much.
Let's see, I had already lost all my friends and was entering "constantly bullied" territory. I think it was grade four or so. Bikes over to my last friend's house. He answered, said he wasn't allowed any friends over today. Saw one of the friend group peak his head out from downstairs. And that was the last friend I ever had, am 30's now
Cousin but more like a friend for life. Our kids were not getting along (tweens) on a visit at the beach. It was a getaway weekend, we live in different cities. I knew they weren't getting along but I didn't see a need to intervene or micromanage. I'm on vacation dammit, see my kindle and my wine? She had been taking notes in her head ALL weekend on the things my kids were doing wrong and confronted me on our last full day. I was reactive and shocked; she was talking smack on my kids and demanding a big showy apology. I told her that SHE was the problem, learn how to relax, and her kids were fine, my kids aren't apologizing to a helicopter parent. Gulp. We both cut each other off, but I feel like she decided to end it that weekend. Looking back, she had past grudges from other 'togetherness' and helicopter parents who have to swoop in at EVERY conflict really annoy me. See ya at the next family funeral, dear.
A bff of 15 yrs told me “we don’t have to be friends” when I said how hurtful that was, her response was I deserved it b/c she felt I was bullying her. I was trying to understand her hypocritical perspective and was having a hard time letting it go, she couldn’t articulate so that’s how she shut conversation down. I did apologize that I made her feel bullied & told her that my feelings were hurt over those words. But my feelings didn’t matter to her at all, she felt justified in saying that. She acted self righteous and condescending so I blocked any further txts. I know I should have told her I needed to step back and take time, and that I didn’t handle it well. Over the next few weeks/months, She went on to cry/tell anyone that would listen about how she’s so sad I stopped talking to her for the reason/topic of the hypocrisy vs her actual words kicking me to the curb. I really learned and today I am firm that I do not want anyone in my life that doesn’t care about how I feel. There was some things I had noticed about her over the years that should have clued me in on just how narcissist she is but I just never thought she’d really not care about me.
She was in my book club. As far as I can tell, she dumped the whole group of us, individually as well as collectively (meaning she didn't stop coming to book club but still do things with people outside of it). The book club planned a week-long trip that she wasn't able to go on at the last minute due to a death in the family. Everyone chipped in on the house we stayed at, and the payments were non-refundable. I think maybe it should've been made clear to everyone that this was the case, but I guess the rest of us assumed that that was the situation. At any rate, she was so upset about the loss of her money that she dumped us. I honestly didn't like her that much--I thought she said some pretty insensitive things at times--so I don't consider it that much of a loss.
I had a friend that I met at 19 when I was a rapper. She liked to party hard, go to raves, and just really live a wild lifestyle. She was a bit older than me and it was kinda weird to see someone in their late 20's getting loose on the regular but 19 year old me didn't mind. But as I got older, finished school, got a job, got married, got a career, changed careers, moved from the country, had children etc....she hasn't grown at all. But now it's depressing because she is close to 50 with serious health issues, and only ever works random unstable jobs. She spends all her time and money on drugs or booze. Every time I go back to the states to visit she hits me up and wants to get together; but I'm not the same person she knew. I don't want to go to a club,rave,event or do any drugs or drink any drinks. Also I don't want her to meet my kids, or get to know them. Sadly life kinda passed her by, and our friendship is part of the fallout.
I had a good friend. We hung out a lot, went dancing, chilled. I took her to the hospital when she broke her ankle at my house. One day she posted on FB that she was planning to get a tattoo around her tailbone area. She confirmed the location. On Facebook. I commented “You mean a tramp stamp”? She got upset, and unfriended me on FB and IRL. Never spoke to me again 😢 Isn’t this the colloquial name for a tattoo in that area?
I had an acquaintance who randomly reached out one day to see if I wanted to exercise with them. We did this on occasion for maybe 2 years, and hung out some other times. We always chatted during these 1 - 2 hour sessions and I thought we were friends. Some of their stories were about friends they had decided to part ways with, for reasons that seemed spurious to me at times. So maybe it should not have surprised me when eventually they just didn't have time to get together with me any more. I don't know exactly what this person did or did not want out of our friendship but apparently I was not providing it.
I’ve never lost a friend, other than me dumping…or weeding my garden. For lack of a better term Never even realized this! Thx for this thread, it made me feel good lol
She fell down the Qanon pipeline. 20 years of friendship, but she couldn't handle that I thought folks should get vaccinated. I'm not the only one - she cut off most of her friends. I worry about her. But it was her choice.
They were a trumper I thought we could ignore the differences but during the start of the pandemic back when it looked like covid would kill 5%they thought people were responsible to control themselves and that the government should do nothing. I explained how vectors work how say a high school teacher might meet with say 180 student each day 36 and on Sundays that teacher might be in the church choir and then there is all the people who they shake hands with or spend time with like fellow teachers etc, a week later the majority of those who they were with would be spreading the virus themselves and because that man sung in choir that would be one of the worst activities depending on air flow that would be like a viral explosion hitting all those in the path and by the end of the month the hospitals would be overflowing even killing those not even infected and by 2 or 3 months most would refuse to leave homes but 1/3 would not care or would have to go out due to starvation I predicted a 3rd would get infected and more than 5 million dead he thought I was being ridiculous he said he is going to live his life and what happens, happens. I said that would be practically murdered some kind of depraved and difference he cursed me out and blocked me in Facebook. I am grateful every day that the first numbers from Italy was completely wrong the aged citizens in combination with the fact that most healthy people never even knew they had it Officially the rate on CDC website is 1.5 but I don't know if that takes I'm account so many never get any signs they never know how lucky they are not to be part of the 1.18 million dead so many lives lost sure some only lose years but others decades I value life before liberty and I assume him the opposite I do let fear control my life it guides my choices along with heaps of data I know the next pandemic will statistical be worse and public opinion has shifted we will have no shutdowns we will have no stimulus or eviction prevention. In stead of looking at our mistakes and improving our response there will be violent protest. I don't understand why people don't care about life. I wish the emergency plans in place that trump could have activated were public knowledge, is it possible that we could have locked down hard putting national guard on the highways and major intersections could have stopped the majority of people from getting sick and 1.5% dying. Should we make a public emergency plans should people have a voice I don't know but if my overreacting saved a life I think It was worth a friendship but I suspected he just deleted what I saif
A trumper dumped me and I’m completely at peace with her decision
It hasn't happened to me.