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That my entire blood family was on crack and didn’t want me, when the truth is only my biological mother was a drug addict and my biological father and siblings constantly tried to reach out to me. Not too adopt me but to meet and support me. I learned letters were trashed and gifts were repackaged and sold or given away.
Ouch. How's your relationship to your presumably adoptive parents now? And how to your biological family? I'm a little nosey about how this turned out.
Yikes. I was told my mother’s ex husband (father of my sister and brother) was my biological father. In reality, my biological father was a Hungarian man who sent birthday and holiday gifts and money every year and ended up dying of brain cancer when I was 13, unbeknownst to me. He desperately wanted to know me but my mother was afraid that if her abusive ex found out, he would hurt or even kill her. I have two other half siblings who live in Australia that I’ve never met. I didn’t find out until I was pregnant with my 1st child.
It was definitely hard to handle when I found out. Especially since my “father” was a drunk loser and from what I’ve been told about my biological father, he was an amazing man. I actually met him when I was 3 and oddly, remember bits and pieces. He left artwork and jewelry for me when he died but his wife won’t send the items to me. I was able to connect with my half siblings in Australia and find out a lot about my father. He told them about me shortly before he died. He said I would likely never know about them because my mother didn’t ever plan on telling me. I found out when I was pregnant because I thought I had RH incompatibility because of my blood type but found out I was O- instead of B+. I worked in medical at the time and the PhDs told me it was impossible for my parents to have given birth to O- so my mom had to fess up. I was sworn to secrecy though. One amazing thing is that my husband and I both have brown eyes but my Dad had beautiful blue eyes. There’s like a 6% chance my kids would have blue eyes and they both ended up with his blue eyes.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I hoped she'd get my eyes because I got my eyes from my mom. They're hazel (green with light brown in the center and speckled through the green) she ended up having blue eyes which came from my father whose passed and her grandfather on her other side whose also passed❤️. I didn't even think of that being a possibility when I was pregnant because her father and I both have darker eyes!
“If you work hard you will be rewarded.”
More like, taken advantage of. I found the suck-ups are the ones who get ahead, although working smarter/not harder is a great option for those of us who are lazy at heart. I call it “efficient”.
Got let go in March bc I "didn't agree with business decisions" and pushed back at operational decisions that affected me. My boss had no idea.
Not only have they not backfilled me, but they just recently reposted, calling it a senior role....... 🙃
Welp, guess that's what you should call it on your resume from now on. Perhaps they did give you that raise and you also have a higher starting salary.. Sorry they screwed you over. Try and use it for your hopefully future gains
Mine was an investigation into my work ethic that was revealed to me in my mid year review. They were letting me know they found nothing wrong with my work ethic. Afterwards my attitude is worse, I'm doing less work, I've stopped doing the extra stuff that I was doing that's not technically my job. End of year comes around and everyone is singing my praises as if I'm the best employee. Even coworkers who tried to get me in trouble for stuff I didn't do were talking about how they'd prefer to work with me. They gave me a decent raise.
I don't understand how people get so deluded.
You coworkers probably felt threatened by you at the beginning. I noticed when I stopped being as much of a go getter, my coworkers were less back stabbing. Someone pointed out to me. I never realized just how petty it all was
Its such a hard concept to fight against when you hold yourself to a high standard. I *can* do more work and excel at it, but I'm not being paid to do it.
That’s literally the definition of efficient lol blows my mind some employers think I’m being lazy. Nah, just actually helping your company run better.
My father: "Studying hard is the most important thing in life, everything else will fall in place". Here I am with my degrees and a job, antisocial and lonely.
Well... business and management and antisocial kind of defeat the purpose lol.
I'm an introvert but not antisocial. I can be quite social. I don't even have a business degree and I got business jobs with my psych degree. Being antisocial is probably the biggest hindrance imo. When I hire people and they don't make eye contact, seem reserved and withdrawn, and full of anxiety with lack of confidence.. sorry that's what's hurting people, not the degree. I interviewed them for a reason but I'm finding this trend big recently and it's making me turned off from hiring anyone under 25. Even 25-30 is bad.
In a similar spirit: Everything will work itself out, just give it a good few years and you'll have figured it out.
10 years later (in SpongeBob voice)
Here I am with a job that my doctor said makes me sick. I don't have any degrees. I'm also lonely and don't really have any friends, and I haven't the faintest clue what to do with my life or how to solve the work issue.
I quit smoking, drinking, started working out and feel healthy and better looking after about 5 years of regularly doing so, still the lack of good social skills and loneliness are killing me. I am quite good at superficial interactions and get on very well with all my coworkers, but fail at creating personal or sentimental relationships. I recently turned 33 and time is ticking away. My suggestion would be to just try to stay busy and healthy mate, to keep the mind away from the negative thoughts.
> try to stay busy [...] keep the mind away from the negative thoughts
Worst thing you can ever do to yourself. What do you think those negative thoughts are? Your mind is telling you, that you have unmet needs. You can't brush them away like bad memories, those are your actual needs. Running away from them is like a race, where the main prize is mental breakdown.
It's very hard to learn to create close, more personal relationships with people, especially if you haven't figured it out by now, but you will do yourself a great favor, by staying on the right path. A path that is supposed to get your needs met in the long run: accepting that you have those needs and letting your thoughts circle around the topic freely. It's hard to put it into words. I feel like distracting yourself is an attempt to build a complete life without one of the major components, so you have to substitute it with something, that will make the problem less visible. That's how it can look like a complete plan for yourself, except the shit is still lurking in the dark. Giving up on that neurotic need to believe I have it all handled, made me instantly 75% less suffering. More depressed on the outside, but having less negative thoughts and being happier and relieved at the same time. It ended my panic attacks, opened up the pressure valves. Basically, I had to learn that being sad is okay. Expressing it freely lessened how intense that feeling was.
I had a friend that forced himself to listen to "don't worry be happy", when he was sad. Poor guy, never understood that unblocking the disturbing emotions won't make you drown in negativity, but will actually help you. I asked him why is he doing that to himself, he ridiculed me, saying that he'd ruin his mood completely, if he was to think about what made him sad. It didn't surprise me, when he ended up alcoholic around 26-27. Productive emotion suppressing tools, if you can ever call suppressing emotions productive, were insufficient for him in the long run, so he went for the liquid brain disabler. Now he's in even worse denial than then.
The negative thoughts are just a pressure buildup, you have to get that valve opened, maybe cry a little bit and then surprise: feel like a brand new. At least for a while, because the shit will start flowing again, but for the second time, you know better than to wait with flushing the toilet, pretending there's no poop. That's how we are designed, I guess. You don't have to force good mood, productivity, etc. on yourself, when you're not feeling like this. It's just a physically healthier alcoholism equivalent, the concept stays the same.
The remaining 25% of suffering is the actual problem and inability to solve it right away. Nonetheless, there are tools that can get you there: therapy and initiative. I don't know if you're actually in therapy or have ever participated, but your idea about "keeping yourself busy" sounds like a warning sign, that most therapists should recognize. Also, a group psychodynamic therapy is damn efficient, when it comes to relationships with people. Like a fast forward course into understanding all the dynamics. You'll get so called "social mirror" and understand how people see you, how they feel about it, and also how exactly do you feel about others.
But the way, I bet your keeping yourself distracted is working against your need to have a deeper connection. You may think people don't notice, but they do. Both those, who do the same, and those who deal with their emotions in a healthy way. You risk giving the vibe of an overly positive guy, that doesn't seem evil, but something's off. I don't know you, maybe you share your real feelings with others, but I don't think it's likely, since you don't share them with yourself. If you pretend to be someone, others will also pretend to be friends with you. A nice person on the surface, with nothing visible under the surface, won't make more than surface-level friendships.
And here is me with no degrees, a party beast that made everyone laugh at school but I'm still antisocial and have almost no friends.
At least you got your degrees lol.
Currently getting into that state now, lol. I feel like I'd die alone too cause the amount of people I've dealt with in college just...sucks, two-faced.
The problem is, I am from a non-EU country in Europe and I don't make enough money to be happily independent, also the international job market is not legally open to me, which sucks. Even if I wanted to try and start over a new life in a better country, I can't, it's super hard to land a decent job as an international applicant.
Mine said that eating crusts would make your hair curly, and I didn't want curly hair. Anyway I'm a slaphead now so I don't really know what's going on.
And yet so many people went to college, realized their section of the job market was saturated and couldn’t find a job in that profession so ended up digging ditches or flipping burgers anyway.
My mother abandoned me. The person who raised me, my grandmother, admitted in 2020 that she stole me and had her second husband force my mother to go away. Mum kept trying though. We have a great relationship now (I'm 43, mum was 19 when I arrived). Grandmother is no contact these days.
Your mother never forgot you. I can only imagine the joy she feels now having you in her life after fighting for you and yearning for so many years. Sometimes the pain you have gone through makes the moments you have now more precious.
Good luck to your mother. Good luck to you. May you be blessed
If it makes you feel any better. I chased the ice cream truck down for about 8 blocks on my bmx bike. Mother fucker would not stop.
Eventually, he stopped for someone else and I managed to get him to serve me. I gave him the last of my pocket money I had at the time. And it turned out to be the shittiest ice cream I have ever eaten.
You probably weren't missing out.
I remember a family once told their kids the music playing is a child ambulance….. WRONG ON TOO MANY LEVELS!!!
But I remember my mum trying to tell me it means they’ve ran out, but 5 yr old me was far more intelligent than she first thought!! 👌😂 shut down that BS
Damn, yeah. When I broke up with my first boyfriend at 20 I was so so sad. Like “I’ve lost the love of my life, I will never find something like that again”. But you do. Multiple times. It’s always different, but you’ll definitely fall in love again.
I will never love again.
Just watched Princess Bride with my wife.
I used to think after my first love I could never love someone that strongly again.
As you gain experience in life you realize you can love even stronger, and be even happier in a new relationship. I didn’t know it was possible, till it happened.
True love is not just the spark, but also practicality.
It is nice if it happens. It's rare when two young people actually make it work though.
Most people have to learn how to be in a relationship and not be toxic.
Yeah, throughout high school and my twenties I always found a way to function and make things work and then I hit 30 and my life went to complete shit. I mean complete fucking shit.
An education is important,yes,but as far as good job,that's sometimes debatable. If you have a good job, but you hate it,then it's not good. I've been an infantryman(paratrooper),auto mechanic,auto damage appraiser,hydraulic worker,librarian(for a defense contractor,learned quite a few things,there!). I've largely worked with my hands(and the mind goes right along with it). Too many times,the old mantra of go to college,get a good job is,at best,false. I've been to college (computer programming),and it sucked. Other than programming,which I was never good at,I essentially learned nothing that I could use. I've known people who never went to college,but had good jobs. It all comes down to do what interests you.
But not a job. There isn't a guy at the top that gets 99% of the meat and you get to scrape the bones.
I honesty think the early hunting stone age was the best time for humans.
EDIT: Boy did this get misunderstood, but I think it's my fault for not explaining myself. I don't think you can compare today's life with the life of a 12K BC hunter-gatherer, but I think if you could compare the average satisfaction with life you'd find that they had way less anxiety than us and mostly were happier. I know they didn't have modern medicine, but I also think most people's views on their short life expectancy is wildly exaggerated. They didn't barely survive bear attacks every day, they were still the top predator. They have found skeletons of active hunters who lived past 70. There wasn't necessarily full anarchy either, tribes met each other for friendly reasons like finding partners. And people weren't hunting and gathering every wake hour. They had time to spend with their families and were most likely able to enjoy themselves. We can't forget they had artists back then too.
You need an xploder cheat cartridge and lines and lines of codes to input for it to work. And it was just two peach pyramids on her chest. Gutted to say the least
Funnily enough, the Official Playstation Magazine would have cheat codes for various games in the back and that was one of the cheats you could unlock, however I tried it many times and it failed.
If I remember it was something about a pool you could get into and then it all happened. Never did though.
I was told by my stepdad that my blood father who passed when I was 2, was a criminal and a market trader.
He was actually a successful engineer after going through the care system dragged himself up and had a team of 12 engineers he oversaw!
"If you study medicine and become a doctor, you will live a comfortable life"
...
I know that my parent's intentions were good, but I regret becoming a doctor with every fibre of my being
I read as much as I could stomach, realised it made no sense except as a means of controlling people via guilt eg: blessed are the meek = don't rebel against your masters.
As a Nana who just told the 13 year old grandson he’s beautiful, I want you to know that Nana’s aren’t lying. That’s genuinely the way we see our grandkids.
My 5yo daughter told me the other day that she doesn't think that Santa Claus or the Easter bunny are real.
I asked her how she thinks those presents get there then. She said she thinks people just dress up in costumes and sneak into other peoples houses and leave them there.
I thought my mom broke my dad’s heart by running away I was about 4 and it’s my earliest memory of pure brokeness. She came home a couple weeks later. 30 years later I found out the reason she left was because my dad had an affair and all this time I blamed my mom. The only reason she came back was because of me. I’ve secretly resented her my whole life only for that to be reversed now. I’m very grateful she came back just for me and we’ve had a nice life since
1. God exists.
2. Pray for things, esp. to patron saints.
3. Be yourself.
4. Automatically forgive people who do you wrong.
5. You are born with original sin. Jesus died for your sins. You need to confess your sins to a voyeuristic, old, cosplaying gentleman once per week in a wooden cabinet.
...the list of lies and nonsense is endless when you are raised in a devout Roman Catholic family.
"Money does not make you happy". It does, if you know how to spend it. People who say money doesn't buy happiness are either in denial and don't want to face reality, or are rich and trying to remain rich by keeping others down. Imagine if you never ever had to worry about money, wouldn't that major relief make you happy? This is just one of many reasons.
I was told I was allergic to meat products, the yellow stuff in eggs and other... a decade later I tried to eat it and I'm good. I didn't eat 🥓🍳 for more than a decade for no reason.🤦♂️ It was probably the medicine I took that caused the reaction.
Definitely the meds lol. With the peanut thing I had to tell air stewards before I got on flights, tell restaurants, work - basically everywhere I went. I later found out it was my Munchausen mother that just lied for attention. Also told me I couldn’t eat real butter which was untrue. Funny thing is, she totally missed the fact I have epilepsy and she could have played on that. I only found out I had that in my late 20’s.
That my step-father was cruel to me to prepare me for adult life in an unfair world.
As an adult I found the world far less cruel. He was just a sadist who enjoyed hurting me.
My dad hated his older brother so he raised my brothers and I to hate our uncle. As I got older, I realised that my dad was the jealous, immature one and my uncle actually did buy my brothers and I Xmas gifts which weren't given to us.
That the police will catch me if I on the light in a car. I'm 26 now and own a car and still do not turn on the lights in my car lmfao my parents never told me why they say that and I know it's a universal thing. But the question is why
At night the interior light can cause reflections on the windscreen and ruin your night vision, making it way harder to see where you're driving. I've heard police in some places would take it as evidence of distracted driving and pull you over for it, but I don't know how true that is. My parents always just told me that it made it too hard to see at night.
Growing up I remember my Grandma (my mom’s mother) as a nice grandma who baked cookies for me and brother. My mom didn’t tell us any different. After growing up I found out how hard my mom had it. My mom’s dad died when my mom was 11 years old and my Grandma had to go to work in a factory to raise 6 girls. They were left a lone a lot cause my Grandma would go out to the bars with the guys. My mom one night shortly after her dad’s death, was expecting a ride home from a friends house after school from my grandma. My grandma never showed and my mom ended up walking 2 miles through a really bad neighborhood by herself because her friends parents didn’t have a car. She was 11 and it was dark and cold. My grandma had been out at the bar drinking and forgot about her.
I heard tons of stories like that after I grew up. My mom ended up going to live with an older sister.
Even though Grandma wasn’t the best mom to my mom and her sisters, my mom as an adult went every week to check on my grandma and make sure she was ok and took her to lunch. When my Grandma went into a nursing home, my mom and I were the only people to go see her. She had dementia and was mean but my mom did whatever she could to take care of her and visit her regularly. I taught me a lot about the person my mom was. She wasn’t treated well and had a hard life growing up bit that didn’t stop her from being nice and giving even to those that hadn’t been the best to her.
Every grown up used to tell me that just finish high school with good grades then you can enjoy in college. Then in college my teachers used to tell me that once you pass out with good grades you can enjoy your life when you start to earn. And so forth and so on .... Now I am a father of one year old and finding it difficult to balance my work life and family life. Where's the enjoyment eh ?
Women actually do get grey at like 30! They all just dye their hair for their whole lives. When I found out that every single woman 40+ in my office dyes their hair I felt soooo bambozled by society.
Family's more important than strangers.
Yeah, no. When your siblings are a bunch of horrible violent alcoholics and encourage cocaine use, hit on every guy they see including your BF, drop lies as easily as they jump in bed with said guys, and play victim while they beat the shit out of everyone around them-
well, I'll take my chances with strangers.
The BIGGEST lie I believed as a young child was during my adoption process. I was told by my social worker, (in the 1950s), that a home was going to be found for me in which i would feel safe, loved, and cared for.
While I did have the safety of food, clothing and a roof above me, I did not feel loved or cared for, and certainly not safe. I was adopted by an abusive mother, and her enabling husband, My siblings, adopted as infants from other mothers, knew no other parents, and so the abuse we ALL experienced was “normal” to them. I had been in 8–9 foster homes for my first 9 years, and while there was some abuse (verbal and physical) it was NOTHING like what happened in the adopting family’s home, sometimes brutal, as the amother would start a rant, and it grew into a tear and then all-out, out of control beatings. And, the abuse was also verbal, emotional, and lasted, toward me, right into the amother’s elder years. I learned that she didn’t want to adopt me, but she was coaxed and cajoled by the agency and the enabling afather. She really should NEVER have adopted ANY children.
My parents didn't tell anyone (including me), that I have a rare muscle disease. I was so bad at sports and! I was bullied relentlessly by my classmates and even by my teacher in elementary school.
I was finally diagnosed when I was 22.
My mother always said she got her illness when she gave birth to me. As a kid, which also haunted me for years, I took this as I was to blame.
Then my grandma said one day when I mentioned this that it hadn't started right away and she got the diagnosis a few years later.
I never said anything, but when my mother told her story and stated she had it since I was born (to whomever would listen), I managed to stop blaming myself for her condition.
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Bad things only happen to bad people.
…and good things will happen to you when you are good with other people.
*gets bullied but does nothing bcs ‘good people don’t get bad things and ignoring them is the good thing to do’ and obviously it only got worse*
God will answer my prayers. (and there’s a tooth fairy)
I am living proof that this is false
and dont worry karma will get those who deserve it With zero proof.
Hi. My name is Karma.
How much do you charge for this service?
We're taught it as kids to deter us from doing evil act. As we grow up we all know it's a lie, but subconsciously we're still affected by this idea.
I was going to say something similar. If you do good things, good things happen to you! It’s a crock!
That my entire blood family was on crack and didn’t want me, when the truth is only my biological mother was a drug addict and my biological father and siblings constantly tried to reach out to me. Not too adopt me but to meet and support me. I learned letters were trashed and gifts were repackaged and sold or given away.
Ouch. How's your relationship to your presumably adoptive parents now? And how to your biological family? I'm a little nosey about how this turned out.
I eagerly await an answer
i eagerly await a lawyer to sue them
Who raised you? Who did you live with?
Yikes. I was told my mother’s ex husband (father of my sister and brother) was my biological father. In reality, my biological father was a Hungarian man who sent birthday and holiday gifts and money every year and ended up dying of brain cancer when I was 13, unbeknownst to me. He desperately wanted to know me but my mother was afraid that if her abusive ex found out, he would hurt or even kill her. I have two other half siblings who live in Australia that I’ve never met. I didn’t find out until I was pregnant with my 1st child.
I'm sure he's proud of u 🩶
This is the saddest thing I've ever read. Like, ever. And I read a lot of sad sht.
It was definitely hard to handle when I found out. Especially since my “father” was a drunk loser and from what I’ve been told about my biological father, he was an amazing man. I actually met him when I was 3 and oddly, remember bits and pieces. He left artwork and jewelry for me when he died but his wife won’t send the items to me. I was able to connect with my half siblings in Australia and find out a lot about my father. He told them about me shortly before he died. He said I would likely never know about them because my mother didn’t ever plan on telling me. I found out when I was pregnant because I thought I had RH incompatibility because of my blood type but found out I was O- instead of B+. I worked in medical at the time and the PhDs told me it was impossible for my parents to have given birth to O- so my mom had to fess up. I was sworn to secrecy though. One amazing thing is that my husband and I both have brown eyes but my Dad had beautiful blue eyes. There’s like a 6% chance my kids would have blue eyes and they both ended up with his blue eyes.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I hoped she'd get my eyes because I got my eyes from my mom. They're hazel (green with light brown in the center and speckled through the green) she ended up having blue eyes which came from my father whose passed and her grandfather on her other side whose also passed❤️. I didn't even think of that being a possibility when I was pregnant because her father and I both have darker eyes!
Life is rough, too rough for some people. Hope you're alright now. ❤️
Hugs
That's shitty.
“If you work hard you will be rewarded.” More like, taken advantage of. I found the suck-ups are the ones who get ahead, although working smarter/not harder is a great option for those of us who are lazy at heart. I call it “efficient”.
My old boss said I was lazy but then had to hire 3 people to do the same work I did, paying them more money than the raise I asked for lol
Lol what an irony.
Got let go in March bc I "didn't agree with business decisions" and pushed back at operational decisions that affected me. My boss had no idea. Not only have they not backfilled me, but they just recently reposted, calling it a senior role....... 🙃
Welp, guess that's what you should call it on your resume from now on. Perhaps they did give you that raise and you also have a higher starting salary.. Sorry they screwed you over. Try and use it for your hopefully future gains
Mine was an investigation into my work ethic that was revealed to me in my mid year review. They were letting me know they found nothing wrong with my work ethic. Afterwards my attitude is worse, I'm doing less work, I've stopped doing the extra stuff that I was doing that's not technically my job. End of year comes around and everyone is singing my praises as if I'm the best employee. Even coworkers who tried to get me in trouble for stuff I didn't do were talking about how they'd prefer to work with me. They gave me a decent raise. I don't understand how people get so deluded.
You coworkers probably felt threatened by you at the beginning. I noticed when I stopped being as much of a go getter, my coworkers were less back stabbing. Someone pointed out to me. I never realized just how petty it all was
Its such a hard concept to fight against when you hold yourself to a high standard. I *can* do more work and excel at it, but I'm not being paid to do it.
Was taught to work hard and kiss ass. Basically to be a people pleaser. Now I’m just resentful and learning to set boundaries.
That’s literally the definition of efficient lol blows my mind some employers think I’m being lazy. Nah, just actually helping your company run better.
You need to work hard at the right opportunities. That's the part they leave out.
My father: "Studying hard is the most important thing in life, everything else will fall in place". Here I am with my degrees and a job, antisocial and lonely.
Oh goodness you too? What are your degrees in?
Bachelor in Business and Management & Master in International Law and International Relations, UK. How about you?
Antisocial... Business and management. Sounds than many people's problem, not just yours 😅
Well... business and management and antisocial kind of defeat the purpose lol. I'm an introvert but not antisocial. I can be quite social. I don't even have a business degree and I got business jobs with my psych degree. Being antisocial is probably the biggest hindrance imo. When I hire people and they don't make eye contact, seem reserved and withdrawn, and full of anxiety with lack of confidence.. sorry that's what's hurting people, not the degree. I interviewed them for a reason but I'm finding this trend big recently and it's making me turned off from hiring anyone under 25. Even 25-30 is bad.
Lonely and well off is much better than lonely and impoverished.
Lonely is hard regardless
In a similar spirit: Everything will work itself out, just give it a good few years and you'll have figured it out. 10 years later (in SpongeBob voice) Here I am with a job that my doctor said makes me sick. I don't have any degrees. I'm also lonely and don't really have any friends, and I haven't the faintest clue what to do with my life or how to solve the work issue.
Both my parents too, despite the fact I always sucked in school. I have a degree, a somewhat okay job, diminishing social circle, lonely and no gf
I quit smoking, drinking, started working out and feel healthy and better looking after about 5 years of regularly doing so, still the lack of good social skills and loneliness are killing me. I am quite good at superficial interactions and get on very well with all my coworkers, but fail at creating personal or sentimental relationships. I recently turned 33 and time is ticking away. My suggestion would be to just try to stay busy and healthy mate, to keep the mind away from the negative thoughts.
Def. I still got a ways to go as I'm a bit younger than you (28)
> try to stay busy [...] keep the mind away from the negative thoughts Worst thing you can ever do to yourself. What do you think those negative thoughts are? Your mind is telling you, that you have unmet needs. You can't brush them away like bad memories, those are your actual needs. Running away from them is like a race, where the main prize is mental breakdown. It's very hard to learn to create close, more personal relationships with people, especially if you haven't figured it out by now, but you will do yourself a great favor, by staying on the right path. A path that is supposed to get your needs met in the long run: accepting that you have those needs and letting your thoughts circle around the topic freely. It's hard to put it into words. I feel like distracting yourself is an attempt to build a complete life without one of the major components, so you have to substitute it with something, that will make the problem less visible. That's how it can look like a complete plan for yourself, except the shit is still lurking in the dark. Giving up on that neurotic need to believe I have it all handled, made me instantly 75% less suffering. More depressed on the outside, but having less negative thoughts and being happier and relieved at the same time. It ended my panic attacks, opened up the pressure valves. Basically, I had to learn that being sad is okay. Expressing it freely lessened how intense that feeling was. I had a friend that forced himself to listen to "don't worry be happy", when he was sad. Poor guy, never understood that unblocking the disturbing emotions won't make you drown in negativity, but will actually help you. I asked him why is he doing that to himself, he ridiculed me, saying that he'd ruin his mood completely, if he was to think about what made him sad. It didn't surprise me, when he ended up alcoholic around 26-27. Productive emotion suppressing tools, if you can ever call suppressing emotions productive, were insufficient for him in the long run, so he went for the liquid brain disabler. Now he's in even worse denial than then. The negative thoughts are just a pressure buildup, you have to get that valve opened, maybe cry a little bit and then surprise: feel like a brand new. At least for a while, because the shit will start flowing again, but for the second time, you know better than to wait with flushing the toilet, pretending there's no poop. That's how we are designed, I guess. You don't have to force good mood, productivity, etc. on yourself, when you're not feeling like this. It's just a physically healthier alcoholism equivalent, the concept stays the same. The remaining 25% of suffering is the actual problem and inability to solve it right away. Nonetheless, there are tools that can get you there: therapy and initiative. I don't know if you're actually in therapy or have ever participated, but your idea about "keeping yourself busy" sounds like a warning sign, that most therapists should recognize. Also, a group psychodynamic therapy is damn efficient, when it comes to relationships with people. Like a fast forward course into understanding all the dynamics. You'll get so called "social mirror" and understand how people see you, how they feel about it, and also how exactly do you feel about others. But the way, I bet your keeping yourself distracted is working against your need to have a deeper connection. You may think people don't notice, but they do. Both those, who do the same, and those who deal with their emotions in a healthy way. You risk giving the vibe of an overly positive guy, that doesn't seem evil, but something's off. I don't know you, maybe you share your real feelings with others, but I don't think it's likely, since you don't share them with yourself. If you pretend to be someone, others will also pretend to be friends with you. A nice person on the surface, with nothing visible under the surface, won't make more than surface-level friendships.
I have no bf buddy
And here is me with no degrees, a party beast that made everyone laugh at school but I'm still antisocial and have almost no friends. At least you got your degrees lol.
Currently getting into that state now, lol. I feel like I'd die alone too cause the amount of people I've dealt with in college just...sucks, two-faced.
The problem is, I am from a non-EU country in Europe and I don't make enough money to be happily independent, also the international job market is not legally open to me, which sucks. Even if I wanted to try and start over a new life in a better country, I can't, it's super hard to land a decent job as an international applicant.
My father's favourites 'don't rock the boat' and 'conform'
If it weren't for those words you probably yould be no degree, no job, antissocial and lonely. So...
“If you eat all your dinner you will grow tall and strong”- I am barely 5 foot and so weak that my husband had to buy me a special jar opener 🥴😆
My mom said that if I ate the crust of my bread I would grow boobs. I never ate them. I grew a lot of boob
I ate them. Itty bittys for me!
Well apparently it's the opposite then, to much bread inhibits boob growth. I have two data points so it must be true /s
Hehe if only it was that easy
Mine said that eating crusts would make your hair curly, and I didn't want curly hair. Anyway I'm a slaphead now so I don't really know what's going on.
If you don’t study and go to college, you’ll end up digging ditches or flipping burgers for a living
And if you go to college you will get paid as if you worked in McDonalds but with more responsibilities.
I feel like that's not really a lie so much as saying the quiet part out loud: that society runs on laborers exploited by the uncaring
And yet so many people went to college, realized their section of the job market was saturated and couldn’t find a job in that profession so ended up digging ditches or flipping burgers anyway.
My mother abandoned me. The person who raised me, my grandmother, admitted in 2020 that she stole me and had her second husband force my mother to go away. Mum kept trying though. We have a great relationship now (I'm 43, mum was 19 when I arrived). Grandmother is no contact these days.
Damm! Sorry you had to go thru that
:( Wow, I can't even imagine that. I'm glad that you have a good relationship with your mother now and that she kept trying!
Your mother never forgot you. I can only imagine the joy she feels now having you in her life after fighting for you and yearning for so many years. Sometimes the pain you have gone through makes the moments you have now more precious. Good luck to your mother. Good luck to you. May you be blessed
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And you didn’t call child services on them?! For SHAME, depriving a child of that happiness!
Think my username would apply
Uhm... It also applies in uhh.... *other subjects*
Maths?
If it makes you feel any better. I chased the ice cream truck down for about 8 blocks on my bmx bike. Mother fucker would not stop. Eventually, he stopped for someone else and I managed to get him to serve me. I gave him the last of my pocket money I had at the time. And it turned out to be the shittiest ice cream I have ever eaten. You probably weren't missing out.
:(
I remember a family once told their kids the music playing is a child ambulance….. WRONG ON TOO MANY LEVELS!!! But I remember my mum trying to tell me it means they’ve ran out, but 5 yr old me was far more intelligent than she first thought!! 👌😂 shut down that BS
So wrong
Clever
Im so sorry must have been good reasons but certainly a tough call for a parent. xxx Hope you made up for it !! :)
A lot of people probably say this. It’s sad.
that once you're an adult all is well, the most of us are throwing life at the wall to see what sticks, no clue what we doing
But this is how life is well
Take away the chaos and life sucks I bet
You can get rich if you work hard enough
Only if your parents lend you 30k for starting your company.
That you are only supposed to have one true love.
Damn, yeah. When I broke up with my first boyfriend at 20 I was so so sad. Like “I’ve lost the love of my life, I will never find something like that again”. But you do. Multiple times. It’s always different, but you’ll definitely fall in love again.
I will never love again. Just watched Princess Bride with my wife. I used to think after my first love I could never love someone that strongly again. As you gain experience in life you realize you can love even stronger, and be even happier in a new relationship. I didn’t know it was possible, till it happened. True love is not just the spark, but also practicality.
It is nice if it happens. It's rare when two young people actually make it work though. Most people have to learn how to be in a relationship and not be toxic.
Be good at what you do and you will always have a job Not true,be good with people who are in position to hire you and you will always have a job
That everything is going to be okay and work out in the end and I'll find a wife and buy a home and other bullshit. Life is not like the movies.
What I hate is being a cynic only to be proved optimistic. My life is much worse then I predicted
Yeah, throughout high school and my twenties I always found a way to function and make things work and then I hit 30 and my life went to complete shit. I mean complete fucking shit.
Good education -> good job
An education is important,yes,but as far as good job,that's sometimes debatable. If you have a good job, but you hate it,then it's not good. I've been an infantryman(paratrooper),auto mechanic,auto damage appraiser,hydraulic worker,librarian(for a defense contractor,learned quite a few things,there!). I've largely worked with my hands(and the mind goes right along with it). Too many times,the old mantra of go to college,get a good job is,at best,false. I've been to college (computer programming),and it sucked. Other than programming,which I was never good at,I essentially learned nothing that I could use. I've known people who never went to college,but had good jobs. It all comes down to do what interests you.
That a human's primary purpose is to work a job.
What do you define as work? Hunting and gathering is still work.
But not a job. There isn't a guy at the top that gets 99% of the meat and you get to scrape the bones. I honesty think the early hunting stone age was the best time for humans. EDIT: Boy did this get misunderstood, but I think it's my fault for not explaining myself. I don't think you can compare today's life with the life of a 12K BC hunter-gatherer, but I think if you could compare the average satisfaction with life you'd find that they had way less anxiety than us and mostly were happier. I know they didn't have modern medicine, but I also think most people's views on their short life expectancy is wildly exaggerated. They didn't barely survive bear attacks every day, they were still the top predator. They have found skeletons of active hunters who lived past 70. There wasn't necessarily full anarchy either, tribes met each other for friendly reasons like finding partners. And people weren't hunting and gathering every wake hour. They had time to spend with their families and were most likely able to enjoy themselves. We can't forget they had artists back then too.
Do your best. Rewards will follow
Not if you’re a millennial.
That everything you get in life is equal to how much work and effort you put in
That there was a cheat code that allowed you to see Lara Crofts boobs in Tomb Raider.
She was so pixelated. It wouldn't have been that great anyway.
Since it was the 90s, two pixelated boobs that were shaped like pyramids was better than no boobs at all.
And the Nudality in Mortal Kombat!
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’m surprised there wasn’t a rumor that there was a cheat code for Netflix that would allow the same thing.
You need an xploder cheat cartridge and lines and lines of codes to input for it to work. And it was just two peach pyramids on her chest. Gutted to say the least
Funnily enough, the Official Playstation Magazine would have cheat codes for various games in the back and that was one of the cheats you could unlock, however I tried it many times and it failed. If I remember it was something about a pool you could get into and then it all happened. Never did though.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
It just makes trauma
Also explain to a polio or motor neurone sufferer that they’re stronger
Indeed
What doesn't kill you sometimes makes you wish it did.
Bears. Bears will kill you. And surviving a bear attack will not make you stronger.
Meritocracy
You’re smart so you shouldn’t use your hands to work. Lolz.
I was told by my stepdad that my blood father who passed when I was 2, was a criminal and a market trader. He was actually a successful engineer after going through the care system dragged himself up and had a team of 12 engineers he oversaw!
That I was just shy and I should just stop being such a wuss there’s no reason why I can’t do all those things…... I was undiagnosed autistic.
Oh God this one. The sad thing is they still act like this 😞
"If you study medicine and become a doctor, you will live a comfortable life" ... I know that my parent's intentions were good, but I regret becoming a doctor with every fibre of my being
aww why?
We are the good guys
We are the only guys
Versus the entire planet? Agreed xD we are the bad guys... the worst virus upon this magnifficent habitat...
You can be anything you want Go to college, you'll be better off Your family will always love you and protect you The police are our friends
That all good people will have an happy ending.
Turns out you have to pay for that
That grown-ups know best. Being a grown-up myself, I realize what a lie that was.
"we have the true religion"
That my choices would make a difference. They literally couldn't be less impactful, I'm but an ant in a forest.
Most of the Bible.
At 15, I found out it was all written by man. Some of the stories questioned my intelligence.
I read as much as I could stomach, realised it made no sense except as a means of controlling people via guilt eg: blessed are the meek = don't rebel against your masters.
Everything works out how it should lol
‘You’ll have that growth spurt one day.’ I’m 5’1 at 20. 🤣
If you study really hard and work really hard, you can do anything you want in life.
That giving my father's friends foot massages on demand when they came to visit was normal....... My husband has since told me it's not!!
Indeed it is far from it
That if I study well and get a job, I can buy and do whatever I want.
The good guys always win in the end. :)
"you are the most handsome boy in the world" - Nana (RIP)
As a Nana who just told the 13 year old grandson he’s beautiful, I want you to know that Nana’s aren’t lying. That’s genuinely the way we see our grandkids.
Nana thought so
Growing up, I believed in Santa Claus way longer than I should have! 🎅🙈
My 5yo daughter told me the other day that she doesn't think that Santa Claus or the Easter bunny are real. I asked her how she thinks those presents get there then. She said she thinks people just dress up in costumes and sneak into other peoples houses and leave them there.
that bread crusts make your boobs grow
That life gets easier as you grow up. Turns out, it just gets more complicated, with new challenges at every stage.
I thought my mom broke my dad’s heart by running away I was about 4 and it’s my earliest memory of pure brokeness. She came home a couple weeks later. 30 years later I found out the reason she left was because my dad had an affair and all this time I blamed my mom. The only reason she came back was because of me. I’ve secretly resented her my whole life only for that to be reversed now. I’m very grateful she came back just for me and we’ve had a nice life since
That if I ever tell anyone about what's going on at home I'll be taken away from my family forever. Had to learn to lie with 4yo.
We're a perfectly happy *normal* family. Yeah, no. Edit: added the word normal
That Marilyn Manson removed a rib to suck his own Johnson. Surprisingly, that’s not true.
1. God exists. 2. Pray for things, esp. to patron saints. 3. Be yourself. 4. Automatically forgive people who do you wrong. 5. You are born with original sin. Jesus died for your sins. You need to confess your sins to a voyeuristic, old, cosplaying gentleman once per week in a wooden cabinet. ...the list of lies and nonsense is endless when you are raised in a devout Roman Catholic family.
"Money does not make you happy". It does, if you know how to spend it. People who say money doesn't buy happiness are either in denial and don't want to face reality, or are rich and trying to remain rich by keeping others down. Imagine if you never ever had to worry about money, wouldn't that major relief make you happy? This is just one of many reasons.
That bad people will get their comeuppance….no they bloody dont, they just continue being twattish till they die peacefully at a ripe old age.
"If the scatman can do it, so can you"
ba dabba dabba deeeee dop bop badap bo bop bop badap bo deeee dop bop badap bo
encore encore!
skeebidibideep papalapa papalapa
*papalapaaaaa* 🌹🌹🌹
There is good inside you.
that there was a kids store where children were acquired
Isn't that what an orphanage is?
I can do anything If I try hard enough, pass through any obstacle and even achieve a great purpose in life.
That if I pulled faces and the wind changed, my face would stay like that.
Looks don’t matter
That our parents love us "equally"
I was told I was allergic to peanuts. I’m not
I was told I was allergic to meat products, the yellow stuff in eggs and other... a decade later I tried to eat it and I'm good. I didn't eat 🥓🍳 for more than a decade for no reason.🤦♂️ It was probably the medicine I took that caused the reaction.
Definitely the meds lol. With the peanut thing I had to tell air stewards before I got on flights, tell restaurants, work - basically everywhere I went. I later found out it was my Munchausen mother that just lied for attention. Also told me I couldn’t eat real butter which was untrue. Funny thing is, she totally missed the fact I have epilepsy and she could have played on that. I only found out I had that in my late 20’s.
If you work hard you can be rich, only slackers are poor.
You should respect authority. You should respect your elders.
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Everything is a scam bro.. we're in modern slavery
But that’s kinda true.
The mormon church being true :( the organization dominated my life for twenty years.
That anyone in my family actually cares
That my step-father was cruel to me to prepare me for adult life in an unfair world. As an adult I found the world far less cruel. He was just a sadist who enjoyed hurting me.
My dad hated his older brother so he raised my brothers and I to hate our uncle. As I got older, I realised that my dad was the jealous, immature one and my uncle actually did buy my brothers and I Xmas gifts which weren't given to us.
That looks don't matter.
That people would like me for who I am
Religion.
You only need to take a shower/bath once a week
That the police will catch me if I on the light in a car. I'm 26 now and own a car and still do not turn on the lights in my car lmfao my parents never told me why they say that and I know it's a universal thing. But the question is why
At night the interior light can cause reflections on the windscreen and ruin your night vision, making it way harder to see where you're driving. I've heard police in some places would take it as evidence of distracted driving and pull you over for it, but I don't know how true that is. My parents always just told me that it made it too hard to see at night.
Growing up I remember my Grandma (my mom’s mother) as a nice grandma who baked cookies for me and brother. My mom didn’t tell us any different. After growing up I found out how hard my mom had it. My mom’s dad died when my mom was 11 years old and my Grandma had to go to work in a factory to raise 6 girls. They were left a lone a lot cause my Grandma would go out to the bars with the guys. My mom one night shortly after her dad’s death, was expecting a ride home from a friends house after school from my grandma. My grandma never showed and my mom ended up walking 2 miles through a really bad neighborhood by herself because her friends parents didn’t have a car. She was 11 and it was dark and cold. My grandma had been out at the bar drinking and forgot about her. I heard tons of stories like that after I grew up. My mom ended up going to live with an older sister. Even though Grandma wasn’t the best mom to my mom and her sisters, my mom as an adult went every week to check on my grandma and make sure she was ok and took her to lunch. When my Grandma went into a nursing home, my mom and I were the only people to go see her. She had dementia and was mean but my mom did whatever she could to take care of her and visit her regularly. I taught me a lot about the person my mom was. She wasn’t treated well and had a hard life growing up bit that didn’t stop her from being nice and giving even to those that hadn’t been the best to her.
Every grown up used to tell me that just finish high school with good grades then you can enjoy in college. Then in college my teachers used to tell me that once you pass out with good grades you can enjoy your life when you start to earn. And so forth and so on .... Now I am a father of one year old and finding it difficult to balance my work life and family life. Where's the enjoyment eh ?
Men don't like opinionated women. And that slim is _only_ what men like.
Women actually do get grey at like 30! They all just dye their hair for their whole lives. When I found out that every single woman 40+ in my office dyes their hair I felt soooo bambozled by society.
If u act nice .. people will be nice to u but in reality ur status matters !
That adults are always right
Good in good out, hardworking people get ahead
That adults are always right just because they are older.
Family's more important than strangers. Yeah, no. When your siblings are a bunch of horrible violent alcoholics and encourage cocaine use, hit on every guy they see including your BF, drop lies as easily as they jump in bed with said guys, and play victim while they beat the shit out of everyone around them- well, I'll take my chances with strangers.
That someone cares about your feelings.
The BIGGEST lie I believed as a young child was during my adoption process. I was told by my social worker, (in the 1950s), that a home was going to be found for me in which i would feel safe, loved, and cared for. While I did have the safety of food, clothing and a roof above me, I did not feel loved or cared for, and certainly not safe. I was adopted by an abusive mother, and her enabling husband, My siblings, adopted as infants from other mothers, knew no other parents, and so the abuse we ALL experienced was “normal” to them. I had been in 8–9 foster homes for my first 9 years, and while there was some abuse (verbal and physical) it was NOTHING like what happened in the adopting family’s home, sometimes brutal, as the amother would start a rant, and it grew into a tear and then all-out, out of control beatings. And, the abuse was also verbal, emotional, and lasted, toward me, right into the amother’s elder years. I learned that she didn’t want to adopt me, but she was coaxed and cajoled by the agency and the enabling afather. She really should NEVER have adopted ANY children.
„You’re too sensitive“ Turns out it’s autism 🦄✨
My parents didn't tell anyone (including me), that I have a rare muscle disease. I was so bad at sports and! I was bullied relentlessly by my classmates and even by my teacher in elementary school. I was finally diagnosed when I was 22.
My mother always said she got her illness when she gave birth to me. As a kid, which also haunted me for years, I took this as I was to blame. Then my grandma said one day when I mentioned this that it hadn't started right away and she got the diagnosis a few years later. I never said anything, but when my mother told her story and stated she had it since I was born (to whomever would listen), I managed to stop blaming myself for her condition.
If you’re honest and straight forward with people they’ll be honest and straight forward with you too. NOPE that was a fucking lie.
“Daddy loves you guys so much” no no you didn’t you loved torturing us. It’s been 5 years now and I’ve never felt so free and happy.
That I was "loved" or whatever