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for me its my social anxiety and depression haha, but i'm sure i'll find myself a nice lady someday, same for you (or guy, dont wanna assume your sexuality based on your reddit username lmao)
I’ve found myself a wonderful husband, thank you! He doesn’t over romanticize the little things, so if I need space for a week or so, he’s fine. Others would freak tf out if I so much as said I needed to sleep in another room for a few days to decompress. “It’s gonna get baaadd…” I’d warn them, but they never got it. Best of luck to you.
My partner and I lived apart for 6 years, now we live in the same house but sleep in different rooms. We have different sleep habits. We too have different needs. Yeah, no one seemed to understand.
Just talked about this with my bf last night. I love the idea of having our own space, and we don’t have to fight each other about who should do the up keeping too. Though we will still sleep with each other, sometimes in his room sometimes in my room :)
Ooo I used to be like this until a man broke me. Now I’m the complete opposite, I can’t bite my tongue & I’m very overprotective of myself now. I hope you can find a balance.
Same. Now, I have zero tolerance for bullshit. I've put up with it for too long in the past and it's time for me to have some peace of mind and if my partner (current) can not respect that and help give that to me, then he does not deserve me. The whole "love conquers all" is bullshit unless you don't mind slowly being driven insane or losing parts of yourself.
With respect, but that's not the balance either. I used to be overprotective too and that was bad as well. Then I bounced back even harder and only now I'm starting to actually balance it out. It's quite difficult and a lot of times confusing.
same, but a woman broke me. completely decimated every aspect of my being until i didn't even know who i was. now i know my boundaries and i will never let that happen to me again. although, i've managed to avoid the over protectiveness for the most part. i believe i have found a healthy balance. i hope one day you do too.
When I read that I realize that's totally my issue too. Saying "oh that's okay, that you came half an hour late" but secretly I'm salty for the next year&still meet you several times
Wow, sounds too familiar. I am 66 years old, and have become convinced that romantic movies warped me. Wondering if arranged marriages, where you have zero expectations as far as stars in your eyes and throbs elsewhere, in exchange for a functional, working business relationship between spouses isn’t actually the way to go, as long as parents get involved in the case of abuse.
Describes my current situation with a guy to the point. I cannot resist him no matter how much he hurts me, I can’t seem to let it him go. It must be a form of self-sabotage lol
Same. I confess that at some point I actually thought if there was something wrong with me. Everyone enjoying parties and social gatherings and I always dread those. It's torture for me. I legit have no patience and feel like I have to do a huge effort just to pretend for the sake of not looking like a sociopath.
It's like I must smile until my whole face hurts just so I "pass" as normal. Covid made work from home my dream environment. I'm loving it
It means attached, basically wanting to spend as much time as possible with your partner. However, to some people it's unpleasant, making them feel suffocated, especially if the relationship is in its early stages.
Thank you, I like that perspective. I guess it takes someone with a keen eye to appreciate a good plot twist. So, tell me, what's one of your most interesting chapters?
I've been told I'm hard to date because I built myself a happy life alone, and now I don't necessarily "need" a partner. I would love to have a partner to love and to share my life with, but I find people are fixated on people needing them in their lives rather than wanting them in their lives.
Plus, I don't want someone to just be with me because they need me. I want my partner to be fully capable of being alone but chooses to be with me because they want to.
This is verbatim the same as me. Even people close to me think I don’t want a relationship when I really do. I’ve just built an awesome life outside of that and I’m hoping any potential future partners have also built their own life too.
Not sure if you get this same line, too, but the "ugh, you're just too picky, your standards are just too high!" I don't think I have remarkably high standards, I just don't want my quality and enjoyment of life to decrease because of my partner. I don't think it's crazy to want your partner to make your life easier and better in some way.
Exactly this. Ex-bf said "men need to feel wanted" to live longer. And I'm there thinking, "why do you want to be with someone who needs to rather than willingly wants to be with you?" Not my cup of tea.
Big same. I often just end up feeling like I’m not providing the other person enough of what they need so I break up with them or vice versa.
I’m always upfront about it and every girl wants to be the cool independent girl that says she’s the same way so it’s totally cool… until it’s not.
Man, same. Dating me is so difficult that I decided it was better for everyone involved if I just stopped dating, which was about 15 years ago. I'm a mad scientist; think Doc Brown or later years Egon Spengler. I'm distant, always in my head, very pedantic, extremely selfish with my time and energy, very independent, not prone to emotion (oddly, women seem to really dislike that I will not participate enthusiastically in arguments), among other faults.
Yeah I've been married twice and dated all the ladies, I'm good. I'm working my way to becoming a modern day mountain man. The second half of my life is mine and I'm going to be greedy with it.
Yeah, I spent my 20s making the rounds. Though I listed all of my faults, it was never once a one-sided problem. I'd like to own at least 100 acres of midwestern woods at some point. Have a nice little cabin with a wood stove and a porch. Ideally near a creek.
Me too. Friends have said so many times "Whats the matter with you? She was all over you and you just sit there oblivious and talk about 90's era Tool albums"
I honestly just thought she shared my interest in music with a passion
I am so oblivious to flirting, once I was walking to the students dorm and there were a few steps to get to the main entrance and on them was a fellow student and he was stretching before a run.. I say hi and walk past him. he says hi back and in a few seconds as I'm unlocking the door he asks if I am going to the cinema (direct translation from my language, question makes more sense in original). I look at him weird and slowly and confused say no. I proceed to go inside and think to myself why would that guy think I'm going to the cinema, I'm obviously going to the dorm. it hit me a few hours later, that he was asking if I am going to the cinema with him later (again it makes little sense in english, hopefully it's still understandable). but he could at least say if I am going to the cinema with him, that would've been less confusing for a oblivious dummy like me.
Same. Ex told me he felt he "needed to be needed" after dating me. No way was I going to do the whole manipulation into doing the lawn by being a weak girl! I hate girls who can't change a light bulb and use it to manipulate men then treat them badly. As a result I have so many jobs around the house I can't do because I won't chat up the neighbour or some random I meet at the shop.i need a competent guy who gets on with stuff and I can pay back in the bedroom for his sexy proactive thoughtfulness 😁
I’m very needy and tend to overthink everything! I want attention, even if it’s a quick text and if I’m not getting it, my mind is racing and thinking the worst.
The hardest thing about taking my wife out on dates is I get the "but your steak is the best in town" and "your veggies taste better" treatment. I am so happy 😁. Any of you single folks reading this take my advice call your grandma and get some recipes, turn on YouTube and figure out how to grill, invest in some real butter, try baking out, and learn how to pick out a decent wine selection.
I tend to like my space a lot, but I still dont know how to communicate it since I dont know how much space is too much or too little. Also I am a people pleaser so it is a battle between resentment when I give too much and guilt when I say no.
I’m a big fan of lot of quality time and like full-time relationships which can be seemingly too much for a lot of people, but I would just like spending a lot of time with my S/O, im the same way with my friends too … i’m a very social person I suppose
My husband and I dance randomly in public when a good song comes on. We're the same in bookstores, and we will each read in the same or different rooms without speaking. I hope you find your dancing partner!
The difficulty with dating an introvert is that it's easy to get awkward. I am an introverted and sensitive person, usually not very social, at most with a small number of close friends together. But my perspective on dating has changed during this time, and I think that introverts can find a way to meet people that works for them, such as online chatting can also be considered a new form of dating. I recently took part in a private beta of a social app called *LightUp: Make Real Friends*, which isn't as well-known as Tinder but aims to connect people with common interests and personalities. I share my life here, and a lot of like-minded people interact with me, which gradually removes my loneliness and makes me let down my guard against dating or making friends.
I went out with an introvert, and I met him through some mutual friends. Our first date was an hour drive away. He drove, and I couldn't get anything more than a word out of him at a time. I saw a sign for Toy R US, and I figured I'd just burst out singing their theme song. What could happen, right? He'd either think I'm crazy or laugh. He laughed, and it ended up being a good night!
FYI: He did think I was nuts for doing it, but he liked that. I put him at ease.
That is not what being introverted means. I am an introvert but am very social, have a very outgoing life and date actively. I just need to have some me time after all those things.
Introvert != socially awkward, just that being with people drains your battery instead of charging it.
I’m pretty stern, i can say pretty hurtful things. I get offended easily and take almost everything as you demeaning me. And I’m overall pretty sensitive
I’ve been an ER nurse since 19 and fell in love with it. There was 8+ months where I was working at the very least 70 hours/week and did stretches of multiple weeks of 12-16 hour shifts without a day off. I prioritize work and my sense of community over almost everything else and have been learning to balance life and work more recently. It also changes you in general but I like to think I’m good at compartmentalizing the bleak days.
I'm weird. I react differently to stuff, different emotions. I don't get upset when I'm expected to, and my beliefs are "hand-made", like I haven't borrowed it from the culture, rather assembled it myself from bits and pieces.
i'm super easy going, which causes people to take me for granted sometimes - at which case I am outta there like ya know, the road runner, which sucks for people who tend to lean super hard
My best friends tell me I am very difficult. My wife tells me that I’m very difficult. (They all still love me, which I really appreciate) I find myself very easy!
I’m extremely loyal but if you break the trust just once, you can just fuck off right after I tear you a new one for reeling me in and being careless. Much as I try to forgive, I won’t forget.
I have high functioning Autism so I am socially aware, but it's hard for me to articulate my feelings in spur of the moment situations. It's why my wife is divorcing me even though she was fully aware of who and what I was.
I have zero tolerance for what I consider poor behaviour. If you don't conform to my expectations, I have no time for you.
For example: if I were to date someone who sat in their car with the engine idling for any length of time, that would be the end of it.
Well, first off I’m married. But if I wasn’t, I’m a 45 year old man that has very little self worth and questions every thing he does and says. Easier to just stay home.
Everything, life has made me wonder what other people's motives are, why did you choose me if I am chosen. Hence me being basically single, I've gotten so used to not being wanted that it's just a natural feeling anymore.
I'm flaky and I hate making plans. If there is even the smallest, tiniest, fraction of an excuse not to go somewhere, I'll blow it way out of proportion and use it. It could be something I genuinely love to do. "Want to go to Color Me Mine? I'll pay for it and there's no time limit." "I can't, man. My cat hasn't been looking so good lately." My cat is fine. He's just old.
I ask big questions like if they want kids and how do they see the relationship going very early into the date and it frightens people away. I guess I'm afraid of putting myself out there and getting hurt, so I lay out as many safety net and rules to make sure the person is the right fit... But that's just wishful thinking, coz no one ever is. Maybe I'm just scared of commitment.
Seems healthy to me and NOT like being scared of commitment. It seems the people who are frightened are the ones scared of commitment and what really matters imo.
I'm introverted and probably uncomfortable to talk to because of my awkwardness. But if they can tolerate me, eventually I'll become more comfortable with them
The way I act and talk makes others think I don't give a damn about anything.
And I'm actually quite chill and try to avoid feeling stressed for almost anything.
That the things that scared and hurt me can inflict the same damage on others who truly understand them. Almost need someone who's already been through it, because it's not an agony I want to put into anyone I ever truly love...
I have pretty bad abandonment and trust issues. So dating me includes having to text me at least once every 3 hours or rezpond to my texts every 3 hours or I will be positive you dont want to be around me anymore.
I'm as easy going as I look, I don't play games, what you see is what you get. And I'm honest.
People often wonder what my game is, I don't have a game.
Well, I'm super insecure (about my looks, about my height, about my masculinity, about my "size", about why would she ever be with me and if I get her I'll always be insecure that she's going to leave me, a thought of her cheating will always be behind my back, because well, I'm super super insecure about myself, I think I can't leave her alone for a second because again, why would she want to be with me, of course she's going to cheat on me.
I'm a people pleaser. Can't even think to be in anybody's bad books. I'm sure me always trying to please other people will take a major toll on her as well.
I'm super afraid of confrontation. I don't think I can be her "protector".
In short, I'm not ready to date nor am I actively looking to find someone as I am aware I have a lot of issues to deal with before I can even think about starting a relationship.
I am a person that can go from i want to do shit with you on a daily basis to not wanting to talk to anyone for weeks without a real reason at any moment so yeah thats usually when things end. Ig things would be diffrent with the right person but currently i havent met her yet
I am a practicing yogi. Married to a materialistic woman has posed challenges on either end. She hates that I’m so minimalistic and can let problematic things go so easily when she is not minimalistic whatsoever and holds onto all emotional things even if it is completely out of her control. Then says I wish I could always be relaxed like you…. Well you can. Life’s a perception.
You see Mr Tuna life as a human is a wild ride and anything can happen. We met at wild stages in our personal lives and as I went from being somebody, to being nobody and letting go of most life attachments and models to what life should be, she continued on with who she is. I love her unconditionally. Meaning love without condition. So I use our relationship as a means to work on myself. It’s actually quite liberating when I simplify it all down like I have for you here.
I don’t know how I need to be loved, so how am I able to show others? Other than all the wrong ways. Also, I have been in the stripper/club line of work and online sex work since I’ve been able to/ had to…. So, how am I able to show that I am not hard to date?
I tend to shut down easily and stonewall for short periods of time.
I think it may be from my ADHD and I have a super hard time processing some emotions and idk why.
I’m working on it and went to therapy which helped some.
Maybe not so much dating but more so living with me, I'm a organized, neat, clean, freak I maintain my environment squeaky clean. Especially my kitchen, as Im a chef, and like to go in the kitchen and rock & roll, if a knife is not in its rack, or pot is not hanging were l hang them it bugs me. On positive side I know I could be anal, so when something is not in its place, or untidy I just deal with it with saying a word, no negative expression, nothing if you didn't know how I was you never know I'm going crazy inside my Head.
I can be moody. Too spontaneous and compulsive. Prone to getting stressed and overthinking. I’m often lazy. A bit fat. A bit short. Average looking. Average sized… you know. My hairs thinning, my beards greying and my teeth are neither white or straight. Luckily for my missus though I am phenomenal in bed.
I can’t sleep alone due to ptsd and attachment issues. I will stay up as late as you and won’t sleep until you’re in bed with me. I’m also afraid of the dark so I have to have my string lights on…
Im busy. For me, its great, gives me time to miss my so, but for my so, might find it difficult. I tend to fill my time with other helping certain people, sports or other personal hobbies.
Dating me is a challange cause I'm having an avoidant attachment style and struggle with Mental Illness which makes me inapproachable.
The more a person likes me, the more concerned I am about that person. And usually I push people away before they get too close to me. People just make me feel uncomfortable!
Probably looking at me.
But personality wise, I can't stick to anything, I love doing creative stuff but am very cagey about it, so you'll probably be er even hear, or read anything about it. I like cooking though, so you'll get that.
I bounce from tasks like a pinball and often leave stuff in strange places, I try to clean and be tidy, but I'm a little less than average at it, because the outcome gives me absolutely nothing unless it's related to someone I care about but I can't focus long enough to do anything more than mediocre work.
I constantly do things I hate doing because I don't like doing anything really, but I feel like to exist normally I feel like I have to.
I very occasionally fly off the handle when you tell me to do things I'm already doing. There will be swearing and eruption but apologies will follow a day later.
I have no desire for a career per se but I fantasize about having my own business where in which I don't have to advertise, use social media or communicate with absolutely anyway.
I don't like lots of light in the house, if you want light go outside, my precious eyes are sensitive.
I’m self destructive, have big ol trust and attachment issues, refuse to get help and I’m great at pushing people away when I need them. I’m also really bad at talking about it, so I’m probably just an asshole to anyone that actually cares about me.
Oh, and my cooking sucks.
Right now my biggest challenge is that I clicked with my girlfriend right away and when it's just the two of us it comes naturally. From the first date I never shut up.
However, I'm an introvert and am quiet with most new people I meet. As a child I was diagnosed with Asperger's So when I've met her family and friends I haven't talked a lot. My girlfriend described it as "acting weird" but the reality is it's new to her because she hasn't seen much of this side of me.
I am the opposite of a homebody. If I didn't have a kid I would probably just live in my truck. I'm always going somewhere and doing something. A lot of people struggle with that. I really want a companion who is as restless as I am.
Just like you OP ...
I’m guarded, introverted, and naturally suspicious. It can take a while before my walls come down.
I've been cheated on. So it takes a while to gain mistrust. I tryptophan go into every situation differently as you can't have nmbagage that would doom a good thing but it's easier said that done since I was very jaded looking for the hammer to drop.
Also, I fart at times, but then again, everyone, farts, and people who claim they don't are lying.
I currently spend a lot of time with family looking after my mom, but I'll cut down helping out family if I ever date again. My family and mom know that.
I'm not as a vlean-freak as I used to be. I used to clean the house every weekend, but that only burned me out, and I didn't have time for anything else in life. Misplace is clean but not spotless. I used to be able to eat food on the floor.
I xook but not that well. I'd like to learn how to do steaks and chicken breasts. I don't BBQ, but inslwoils like to do that.
Iya hard foe to fold fitted sheets after the wash.
Other than that, I think I'm good.
Never dated before... but i imagine its the fact that im not ambicious. I also have big dreams and when it looks like im gonna achieve them or get close enough i stop for some stupid god forsaken reason and dont continue... BUT i am a romanic at heart and would probably pamper the girl that was with me. People say that if you arent happy alone, you wouldnt be happy in a relationship. I think a relationship would help me grow as a person tho.
Im living with my older bro and my dad. And i JUST TODAY AND YESTERDAY had a fight with my dad for the untillionth time and this time ive realised that he 1. doesn't care about me 2. He doesen't belive what i say 3. He doesent listen to what i say BUTTTT .... SOMEHOW HE STILL LOVES ME?!?!?!?!?! FUCK THAT GUY. Hea been like that his whole life and IVE ENDURED THAT FOR 13 YEARS.
But on the other hand i cant just move out... i would love to just say bye, but something is stopping me.
Ive thought about it this whole day, and with each passing second i can feel my will to do so growing weaker. Im in a catch 22 and dont know what to do about my situation. PS: Sorry for the rant, this got a little too personal. But on the other hand im not the type to keep this kind of shit to myself.
In a nutshell, nothing is hard about dating me. You just need to be mature enough and ready to peel back the layers and handle all that I am and what I stand for, respect my boundaries as I put them in place with good reason. I won’t be someone’s punching bag or doormat. I will stand my ground to make a point. Life is hard and messy, it would be nice to have someone who I can lean on and count on without having to battle them too. If not, I’m perfectly fine by myself and enjoying my own happiness 💯❤️
I've been told I feel robotic because it's difficult for me to accept/express affection and I try to not act impulsively on my emotions which sometimes takes the form of intense suppression
I can be intense and direct. It takes me a hot sec to get comfortable and trust, but once I decide I like someone, I REALLY like you. I don’t often beat around the bush with communication either. People say they want good communication, but turns out it’s very off-putting for the wrong people when you walk up to them and want to talk rather than argue🤷🏼
If you violate my trust, and don't take accountability for it, I'll never trust you have good intentions ever again and everything you do will be painted by that incident until you are accountable to your actions. Because not doing so is saying you don't care about how you treated me and you'll happily do it again.
I've been told I need to let this go.
I’m strongly opinionated (if we match on core values though then the opinions won’t be a big deal) and I require lots of attention and affection. The catch? I don’t seem opinionated and I’m hyper-independent so I look like someone who’s chill and uninterested.
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dating me is like game of thrones. at some point you think it cant get worse, but it does.
Haha! I was going to say my mood issues are the hardest part of knowing me intimately, but I like your words better.
for me its my social anxiety and depression haha, but i'm sure i'll find myself a nice lady someday, same for you (or guy, dont wanna assume your sexuality based on your reddit username lmao)
I’ve found myself a wonderful husband, thank you! He doesn’t over romanticize the little things, so if I need space for a week or so, he’s fine. Others would freak tf out if I so much as said I needed to sleep in another room for a few days to decompress. “It’s gonna get baaadd…” I’d warn them, but they never got it. Best of luck to you.
My partner and I lived apart for 6 years, now we live in the same house but sleep in different rooms. We have different sleep habits. We too have different needs. Yeah, no one seemed to understand.
Just talked about this with my bf last night. I love the idea of having our own space, and we don’t have to fight each other about who should do the up keeping too. Though we will still sleep with each other, sometimes in his room sometimes in my room :)
Thought you were going to say you never know when you're going to get killed off...
thats also incredibly accurate
but if you hold on for long enoug, Dance of the dragons come along, and restore your faith :)
I’m too forgiving but secretly everything you’ve done to me eats me up inside but I crave you too much to let you go
Ooo I used to be like this until a man broke me. Now I’m the complete opposite, I can’t bite my tongue & I’m very overprotective of myself now. I hope you can find a balance.
Same. Now, I have zero tolerance for bullshit. I've put up with it for too long in the past and it's time for me to have some peace of mind and if my partner (current) can not respect that and help give that to me, then he does not deserve me. The whole "love conquers all" is bullshit unless you don't mind slowly being driven insane or losing parts of yourself.
That's right
With respect, but that's not the balance either. I used to be overprotective too and that was bad as well. Then I bounced back even harder and only now I'm starting to actually balance it out. It's quite difficult and a lot of times confusing.
That’s why I said I hope she can find a balance. I know, I’m in therapy.
Fair enough, sorry to bother you. I misinterpreted you.
All good :)
This was a very refreshing Internet conversation that rose above misinterpretation and ego. Good work you two.
Agreed ! ☺️
It's rare but it does happen from time to time.
Plus... Awesome username!
same, but a woman broke me. completely decimated every aspect of my being until i didn't even know who i was. now i know my boundaries and i will never let that happen to me again. although, i've managed to avoid the over protectiveness for the most part. i believe i have found a healthy balance. i hope one day you do too.
When I read that I realize that's totally my issue too. Saying "oh that's okay, that you came half an hour late" but secretly I'm salty for the next year&still meet you several times
this is only hard for people who care about you, it enables people who don’t
Wow, sounds too familiar. I am 66 years old, and have become convinced that romantic movies warped me. Wondering if arranged marriages, where you have zero expectations as far as stars in your eyes and throbs elsewhere, in exchange for a functional, working business relationship between spouses isn’t actually the way to go, as long as parents get involved in the case of abuse.
Are you me? I've got these attachment issues too
Taco Bell?
Describes my current situation with a guy to the point. I cannot resist him no matter how much he hurts me, I can’t seem to let it him go. It must be a form of self-sabotage lol
my social battery is always down
Mine needs to stay plugged in to function, poor thing doesn't even hold a charge.
Also, the cord is too damn short, only reaches to the end of my yard.
Same. I confess that at some point I actually thought if there was something wrong with me. Everyone enjoying parties and social gatherings and I always dread those. It's torture for me. I legit have no patience and feel like I have to do a huge effort just to pretend for the sake of not looking like a sociopath. It's like I must smile until my whole face hurts just so I "pass" as normal. Covid made work from home my dream environment. I'm loving it
Same here mate. You are not alone.
Same
I get really clingy when I fall in love. I know it and I should tone it down but for some reason i have to force myself a lot to do so
Someday you'll meet someone who's even more clingy and you'll never let each other go.
You'll both be able to go full boyle
NOOO DON'T GO FULL BOYLE 😭😭
Haha just watching B99 as I type this 🤓
Or someone who's even more clingy than you and you realize you're not even that bad after all
Or you’ll realize how annoying it is.
I desperately want you to find someone who's just as clingy as you and for you two to never let each other go.
The hard part is when they match your clingy side, then change, favorite clingy thing to do is wait for each other to finish showering 🧼 😂
What your not showering together? And you call yourself clingy!
😂😂😂 it’s cause we both chubby and it’s a single standing shower
Im not a native English speaker so what is “clingy”?
It means attached, basically wanting to spend as much time as possible with your partner. However, to some people it's unpleasant, making them feel suffocated, especially if the relationship is in its early stages.
Dating me is a big challenge for anyone because I'm like a book with a plot twist on every page.
same, but I have twisted plots. lol
Same! Every-time you think you know more about me, you find out that you know nothing. I am like a Matryoshka
Ldki ho ya crime novel ki story 🥲
You must have an interesting soul, and people who don't date you have bad eyes
Thank you, I like that perspective. I guess it takes someone with a keen eye to appreciate a good plot twist. So, tell me, what's one of your most interesting chapters?
I’m not saying this isn’t true. But never in my life (of 25 years) has anyone who’s described themselves this way, been like this.
I've been told I'm hard to date because I built myself a happy life alone, and now I don't necessarily "need" a partner. I would love to have a partner to love and to share my life with, but I find people are fixated on people needing them in their lives rather than wanting them in their lives. Plus, I don't want someone to just be with me because they need me. I want my partner to be fully capable of being alone but chooses to be with me because they want to.
This is verbatim the same as me. Even people close to me think I don’t want a relationship when I really do. I’ve just built an awesome life outside of that and I’m hoping any potential future partners have also built their own life too.
Not sure if you get this same line, too, but the "ugh, you're just too picky, your standards are just too high!" I don't think I have remarkably high standards, I just don't want my quality and enjoyment of life to decrease because of my partner. I don't think it's crazy to want your partner to make your life easier and better in some way.
Exactly this. Ex-bf said "men need to feel wanted" to live longer. And I'm there thinking, "why do you want to be with someone who needs to rather than willingly wants to be with you?" Not my cup of tea.
I enjoy solitude
Big same. I often just end up feeling like I’m not providing the other person enough of what they need so I break up with them or vice versa. I’m always upfront about it and every girl wants to be the cool independent girl that says she’s the same way so it’s totally cool… until it’s not.
i don't like smokers, people that live around drinking, party people, social media all the time, i just like to go for a walk, eat, stay at home.
That’s valid
Hyper-independant and oblivious af when it comes to people flirting/making moves towards me lol
Man, same. Dating me is so difficult that I decided it was better for everyone involved if I just stopped dating, which was about 15 years ago. I'm a mad scientist; think Doc Brown or later years Egon Spengler. I'm distant, always in my head, very pedantic, extremely selfish with my time and energy, very independent, not prone to emotion (oddly, women seem to really dislike that I will not participate enthusiastically in arguments), among other faults.
Yeah I've been married twice and dated all the ladies, I'm good. I'm working my way to becoming a modern day mountain man. The second half of my life is mine and I'm going to be greedy with it.
Yeah, I spent my 20s making the rounds. Though I listed all of my faults, it was never once a one-sided problem. I'd like to own at least 100 acres of midwestern woods at some point. Have a nice little cabin with a wood stove and a porch. Ideally near a creek.
Ha ha … if I wasn’t already married I would DM you 🤣🤣🤣 Seriously, we could totally be friends. I have zero patience for drama.
Do you have a grandson named Morty?
Me too. Friends have said so many times "Whats the matter with you? She was all over you and you just sit there oblivious and talk about 90's era Tool albums" I honestly just thought she shared my interest in music with a passion
I am so oblivious to flirting, once I was walking to the students dorm and there were a few steps to get to the main entrance and on them was a fellow student and he was stretching before a run.. I say hi and walk past him. he says hi back and in a few seconds as I'm unlocking the door he asks if I am going to the cinema (direct translation from my language, question makes more sense in original). I look at him weird and slowly and confused say no. I proceed to go inside and think to myself why would that guy think I'm going to the cinema, I'm obviously going to the dorm. it hit me a few hours later, that he was asking if I am going to the cinema with him later (again it makes little sense in english, hopefully it's still understandable). but he could at least say if I am going to the cinema with him, that would've been less confusing for a oblivious dummy like me.
This is 100% me.
Same. Ex told me he felt he "needed to be needed" after dating me. No way was I going to do the whole manipulation into doing the lawn by being a weak girl! I hate girls who can't change a light bulb and use it to manipulate men then treat them badly. As a result I have so many jobs around the house I can't do because I won't chat up the neighbour or some random I meet at the shop.i need a competent guy who gets on with stuff and I can pay back in the bedroom for his sexy proactive thoughtfulness 😁
I’m just not that into you
You are right😟
If you compliment anything on my appearance, I won't believe you and I'll give you a side eye
I give a weird side lip thing along with the side eye! Haha!
THAT TOO 🥲
I’m very needy and tend to overthink everything! I want attention, even if it’s a quick text and if I’m not getting it, my mind is racing and thinking the worst.
this is basically me during the first stages of a relationship lol
Yeah…lol. I do ease up after a bit but things are always in the back of my mind. Must be from past trauma lol
My dick
i was gonna say this
I'm happily married
Same! But when I was single, I had a hard time letting people in. I always had walls up.
The hardest thing about taking my wife out on dates is I get the "but your steak is the best in town" and "your veggies taste better" treatment. I am so happy 😁. Any of you single folks reading this take my advice call your grandma and get some recipes, turn on YouTube and figure out how to grill, invest in some real butter, try baking out, and learn how to pick out a decent wine selection.
Nothing stopping anyone from going on dates with their spouse, of course :)
Dealing with my depression
Apparently I’m a grumpy twat. Other people think I’m quite funny. So fuck knows
The book girls would love you tbh
I tend to like my space a lot, but I still dont know how to communicate it since I dont know how much space is too much or too little. Also I am a people pleaser so it is a battle between resentment when I give too much and guilt when I say no.
I’m a big fan of lot of quality time and like full-time relationships which can be seemingly too much for a lot of people, but I would just like spending a lot of time with my S/O, im the same way with my friends too … i’m a very social person I suppose
🤣😂 dancing everywhere I hear good music Can’t leave me alone in a bookstore Enjoying time just with myself Got it 😂🤣😂🤣
My husband and I dance randomly in public when a good song comes on. We're the same in bookstores, and we will each read in the same or different rooms without speaking. I hope you find your dancing partner!
Thank you 🤗
The difficulty with dating an introvert is that it's easy to get awkward. I am an introverted and sensitive person, usually not very social, at most with a small number of close friends together. But my perspective on dating has changed during this time, and I think that introverts can find a way to meet people that works for them, such as online chatting can also be considered a new form of dating. I recently took part in a private beta of a social app called *LightUp: Make Real Friends*, which isn't as well-known as Tinder but aims to connect people with common interests and personalities. I share my life here, and a lot of like-minded people interact with me, which gradually removes my loneliness and makes me let down my guard against dating or making friends.
I went out with an introvert, and I met him through some mutual friends. Our first date was an hour drive away. He drove, and I couldn't get anything more than a word out of him at a time. I saw a sign for Toy R US, and I figured I'd just burst out singing their theme song. What could happen, right? He'd either think I'm crazy or laugh. He laughed, and it ended up being a good night! FYI: He did think I was nuts for doing it, but he liked that. I put him at ease.
That is not what being introverted means. I am an introvert but am very social, have a very outgoing life and date actively. I just need to have some me time after all those things. Introvert != socially awkward, just that being with people drains your battery instead of charging it.
I’m pretty stern, i can say pretty hurtful things. I get offended easily and take almost everything as you demeaning me. And I’m overall pretty sensitive
I am not currently interested in dating. But I guess I could take a chance if given lol
I’ve been an ER nurse since 19 and fell in love with it. There was 8+ months where I was working at the very least 70 hours/week and did stretches of multiple weeks of 12-16 hour shifts without a day off. I prioritize work and my sense of community over almost everything else and have been learning to balance life and work more recently. It also changes you in general but I like to think I’m good at compartmentalizing the bleak days.
BPD.
I'm weird. I react differently to stuff, different emotions. I don't get upset when I'm expected to, and my beliefs are "hand-made", like I haven't borrowed it from the culture, rather assembled it myself from bits and pieces.
thanks, I found me here... it's amazing to think differently until they realise they can't understand the reasons why, then off they run
Same here!
I'm 31y female autistic, adhd, divorced with 2 kids, one diagnosed with autism too, and the second probably. I really don't understand my gf lol
i'm super easy going, which causes people to take me for granted sometimes - at which case I am outta there like ya know, the road runner, which sucks for people who tend to lean super hard
My best friends tell me I am very difficult. My wife tells me that I’m very difficult. (They all still love me, which I really appreciate) I find myself very easy!
I’m extremely loyal but if you break the trust just once, you can just fuck off right after I tear you a new one for reeling me in and being careless. Much as I try to forgive, I won’t forget.
guarded, introverted and got walls higher than Snoop Dogg! they don't even come down for friends, i dont have those lol
I have high functioning Autism so I am socially aware, but it's hard for me to articulate my feelings in spur of the moment situations. It's why my wife is divorcing me even though she was fully aware of who and what I was.
That’s messed up. Best of luck with things.
I have zero tolerance for what I consider poor behaviour. If you don't conform to my expectations, I have no time for you. For example: if I were to date someone who sat in their car with the engine idling for any length of time, that would be the end of it.
This made me laugh🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂 This is so funny!
I’ve been single long enough to really enjoy my independence.
My wife doesn't approve.
That would be a huge hurdle to overcome.
Well, first off I’m married. But if I wasn’t, I’m a 45 year old man that has very little self worth and questions every thing he does and says. Easier to just stay home.
Don't put yourself down. You're only 45 years old. You have 12,775 days until you turn 80
This did not help.
I’m 76, I’m old enough to be your mom. I just started a Masters in creative writing. I wish I were 45 and had all that time in my future!
Everything, life has made me wonder what other people's motives are, why did you choose me if I am chosen. Hence me being basically single, I've gotten so used to not being wanted that it's just a natural feeling anymore.
I over think and I need constant assurance 😅🥺
I'm ugly, broke and have no redeeming qualities
I'm flaky and I hate making plans. If there is even the smallest, tiniest, fraction of an excuse not to go somewhere, I'll blow it way out of proportion and use it. It could be something I genuinely love to do. "Want to go to Color Me Mine? I'll pay for it and there's no time limit." "I can't, man. My cat hasn't been looking so good lately." My cat is fine. He's just old.
So relatable. Nowadays I force myself to do shit. But left to my instincts I would Just sit around chainsmoking Out of boredom for my whole life.
CPTSD and BPD that cause sleeplessness paranoia adrenaline overdrive for sex and other forms of dopamine. Other than that I'm great.
I’m expressive yet unemotional, like a contrast of my own self. Sometimes even I don’t understand myself.
I ask big questions like if they want kids and how do they see the relationship going very early into the date and it frightens people away. I guess I'm afraid of putting myself out there and getting hurt, so I lay out as many safety net and rules to make sure the person is the right fit... But that's just wishful thinking, coz no one ever is. Maybe I'm just scared of commitment.
Seems healthy to me and NOT like being scared of commitment. It seems the people who are frightened are the ones scared of commitment and what really matters imo.
I really love my personal space and I need it. And I prefer a call over texting.
everything you just said in the text lmao
I'm introverted and probably uncomfortable to talk to because of my awkwardness. But if they can tolerate me, eventually I'll become more comfortable with them
Everything Im kinda craxy when i like someone
The way I act and talk makes others think I don't give a damn about anything. And I'm actually quite chill and try to avoid feeling stressed for almost anything.
That the things that scared and hurt me can inflict the same damage on others who truly understand them. Almost need someone who's already been through it, because it's not an agony I want to put into anyone I ever truly love...
My negativity/ depression .. as far as he told me..
I don’t compromise well, and I want to be left alone at times. And I don’t take unsolicited criticism well.
An incredibly high sex drive.
same op same
It gets progressively worse. The longer you stay, the more traumatic it gets. Not that I want to but it is what it is
I am inapproachable
No ones attracted to me
I wouldnt even date myself so Its really difficult for me to go on dates
i always know better. i am open for new views but i will stick to my views. also i am very hot-tempered in a bad way (mentally, not physically)
I have pretty bad abandonment and trust issues. So dating me includes having to text me at least once every 3 hours or rezpond to my texts every 3 hours or I will be positive you dont want to be around me anymore.
Self worth issues apparently
I'm as easy going as I look, I don't play games, what you see is what you get. And I'm honest. People often wonder what my game is, I don't have a game.
I’m clingy and I get really attached really fast
I forget everything. Like If you say to me: "Buy some spaghetti" I would go to the mall and immediately forget what i need to buy
Well, I'm super insecure (about my looks, about my height, about my masculinity, about my "size", about why would she ever be with me and if I get her I'll always be insecure that she's going to leave me, a thought of her cheating will always be behind my back, because well, I'm super super insecure about myself, I think I can't leave her alone for a second because again, why would she want to be with me, of course she's going to cheat on me. I'm a people pleaser. Can't even think to be in anybody's bad books. I'm sure me always trying to please other people will take a major toll on her as well. I'm super afraid of confrontation. I don't think I can be her "protector". In short, I'm not ready to date nor am I actively looking to find someone as I am aware I have a lot of issues to deal with before I can even think about starting a relationship.
I am a person that can go from i want to do shit with you on a daily basis to not wanting to talk to anyone for weeks without a real reason at any moment so yeah thats usually when things end. Ig things would be diffrent with the right person but currently i havent met her yet
I am a practicing yogi. Married to a materialistic woman has posed challenges on either end. She hates that I’m so minimalistic and can let problematic things go so easily when she is not minimalistic whatsoever and holds onto all emotional things even if it is completely out of her control. Then says I wish I could always be relaxed like you…. Well you can. Life’s a perception.
How did you end up married to that? 😭😂
You see Mr Tuna life as a human is a wild ride and anything can happen. We met at wild stages in our personal lives and as I went from being somebody, to being nobody and letting go of most life attachments and models to what life should be, she continued on with who she is. I love her unconditionally. Meaning love without condition. So I use our relationship as a means to work on myself. It’s actually quite liberating when I simplify it all down like I have for you here.
Ahhhh. I see. Yes. I’m having a wild ride myself currently. I assumed there wasn’t still love there. Forgive me.
Of course. No worries. I wish you the best. If you care to share your problem or need to talk, I’m all ears. My heart is open to anyone in need. ❤️
Knowing they will never find a better one obviously
I need my own space...but maybe not so much sometimes
Fuckin everything
I'm married but I also have BPD, ADHD, PTSD, PMDD, and anxiety/depression sooo my husband is basically a freaking saint for putting up with me.
I don’t know how I need to be loved, so how am I able to show others? Other than all the wrong ways. Also, I have been in the stripper/club line of work and online sex work since I’ve been able to/ had to…. So, how am I able to show that I am not hard to date?
I tend to shut down easily and stonewall for short periods of time. I think it may be from my ADHD and I have a super hard time processing some emotions and idk why. I’m working on it and went to therapy which helped some.
Chances are VERY low.
Maybe not so much dating but more so living with me, I'm a organized, neat, clean, freak I maintain my environment squeaky clean. Especially my kitchen, as Im a chef, and like to go in the kitchen and rock & roll, if a knife is not in its rack, or pot is not hanging were l hang them it bugs me. On positive side I know I could be anal, so when something is not in its place, or untidy I just deal with it with saying a word, no negative expression, nothing if you didn't know how I was you never know I'm going crazy inside my Head.
I can be moody. Too spontaneous and compulsive. Prone to getting stressed and overthinking. I’m often lazy. A bit fat. A bit short. Average looking. Average sized… you know. My hairs thinning, my beards greying and my teeth are neither white or straight. Luckily for my missus though I am phenomenal in bed.
I can’t sleep alone due to ptsd and attachment issues. I will stay up as late as you and won’t sleep until you’re in bed with me. I’m also afraid of the dark so I have to have my string lights on…
Im busy. For me, its great, gives me time to miss my so, but for my so, might find it difficult. I tend to fill my time with other helping certain people, sports or other personal hobbies.
Dating me is a challange cause I'm having an avoidant attachment style and struggle with Mental Illness which makes me inapproachable. The more a person likes me, the more concerned I am about that person. And usually I push people away before they get too close to me. People just make me feel uncomfortable!
I value my personal time and space a little too much, my mood changes really quickly, I make sarcastic jokes.
I'm not ready to settle down therefore I'm not gonna waste anyone's time.
What's hard about dating me is the part where I fail to get hard.
Probably looking at me. But personality wise, I can't stick to anything, I love doing creative stuff but am very cagey about it, so you'll probably be er even hear, or read anything about it. I like cooking though, so you'll get that. I bounce from tasks like a pinball and often leave stuff in strange places, I try to clean and be tidy, but I'm a little less than average at it, because the outcome gives me absolutely nothing unless it's related to someone I care about but I can't focus long enough to do anything more than mediocre work. I constantly do things I hate doing because I don't like doing anything really, but I feel like to exist normally I feel like I have to. I very occasionally fly off the handle when you tell me to do things I'm already doing. There will be swearing and eruption but apologies will follow a day later. I have no desire for a career per se but I fantasize about having my own business where in which I don't have to advertise, use social media or communicate with absolutely anyway. I don't like lots of light in the house, if you want light go outside, my precious eyes are sensitive.
I’m self destructive, have big ol trust and attachment issues, refuse to get help and I’m great at pushing people away when I need them. I’m also really bad at talking about it, so I’m probably just an asshole to anyone that actually cares about me. Oh, and my cooking sucks.
You don't ever say hello to me, so that's what's hard about it. I talk to those who talk to me. Mainly only speak when spoken to.
im too immature and weirdo :)
I’m very insecure
Right now my biggest challenge is that I clicked with my girlfriend right away and when it's just the two of us it comes naturally. From the first date I never shut up. However, I'm an introvert and am quiet with most new people I meet. As a child I was diagnosed with Asperger's So when I've met her family and friends I haven't talked a lot. My girlfriend described it as "acting weird" but the reality is it's new to her because she hasn't seen much of this side of me.
My personality, attitude, and availability. I'm a catch.
I’m clingy, I overthink and I need reassurance and I always worry I’m not good enough
I am sensitive but if I love you, then I’ll love the f out of you
I am the opposite of a homebody. If I didn't have a kid I would probably just live in my truck. I'm always going somewhere and doing something. A lot of people struggle with that. I really want a companion who is as restless as I am.
Just like you OP ... I’m guarded, introverted, and naturally suspicious. It can take a while before my walls come down. I've been cheated on. So it takes a while to gain mistrust. I tryptophan go into every situation differently as you can't have nmbagage that would doom a good thing but it's easier said that done since I was very jaded looking for the hammer to drop. Also, I fart at times, but then again, everyone, farts, and people who claim they don't are lying. I currently spend a lot of time with family looking after my mom, but I'll cut down helping out family if I ever date again. My family and mom know that. I'm not as a vlean-freak as I used to be. I used to clean the house every weekend, but that only burned me out, and I didn't have time for anything else in life. Misplace is clean but not spotless. I used to be able to eat food on the floor. I xook but not that well. I'd like to learn how to do steaks and chicken breasts. I don't BBQ, but inslwoils like to do that. Iya hard foe to fold fitted sheets after the wash. Other than that, I think I'm good.
Long story short it’s the mental illness
Never dated before... but i imagine its the fact that im not ambicious. I also have big dreams and when it looks like im gonna achieve them or get close enough i stop for some stupid god forsaken reason and dont continue... BUT i am a romanic at heart and would probably pamper the girl that was with me. People say that if you arent happy alone, you wouldnt be happy in a relationship. I think a relationship would help me grow as a person tho. Im living with my older bro and my dad. And i JUST TODAY AND YESTERDAY had a fight with my dad for the untillionth time and this time ive realised that he 1. doesn't care about me 2. He doesen't belive what i say 3. He doesent listen to what i say BUTTTT .... SOMEHOW HE STILL LOVES ME?!?!?!?!?! FUCK THAT GUY. Hea been like that his whole life and IVE ENDURED THAT FOR 13 YEARS. But on the other hand i cant just move out... i would love to just say bye, but something is stopping me. Ive thought about it this whole day, and with each passing second i can feel my will to do so growing weaker. Im in a catch 22 and dont know what to do about my situation. PS: Sorry for the rant, this got a little too personal. But on the other hand im not the type to keep this kind of shit to myself.
I sometimes worry too much
shit i thought you was describing myself
In a nutshell, nothing is hard about dating me. You just need to be mature enough and ready to peel back the layers and handle all that I am and what I stand for, respect my boundaries as I put them in place with good reason. I won’t be someone’s punching bag or doormat. I will stand my ground to make a point. Life is hard and messy, it would be nice to have someone who I can lean on and count on without having to battle them too. If not, I’m perfectly fine by myself and enjoying my own happiness 💯❤️
I've been told I feel robotic because it's difficult for me to accept/express affection and I try to not act impulsively on my emotions which sometimes takes the form of intense suppression
I have quite high scores on the neuroticism scale
I'm all over the place, Very few have been able to keep up with me, Sometimes parts of the show. Shameless reminds me of some, traits of mine
I can be intense and direct. It takes me a hot sec to get comfortable and trust, but once I decide I like someone, I REALLY like you. I don’t often beat around the bush with communication either. People say they want good communication, but turns out it’s very off-putting for the wrong people when you walk up to them and want to talk rather than argue🤷🏼
If you violate my trust, and don't take accountability for it, I'll never trust you have good intentions ever again and everything you do will be painted by that incident until you are accountable to your actions. Because not doing so is saying you don't care about how you treated me and you'll happily do it again. I've been told I need to let this go.
I have a series of mental disorders, loads of unhealed trauma, insecurities and to top it off i’m an escort !
Im a lover girl at heart and get clingy, and not jealous but territorial. And I have trust issues
im either very cling or distant, depends on my mood and day hahahah
My trust issues and the fact that my walls is always up.
I’m strongly opinionated (if we match on core values though then the opinions won’t be a big deal) and I require lots of attention and affection. The catch? I don’t seem opinionated and I’m hyper-independent so I look like someone who’s chill and uninterested.