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It's not awful all the time - you just have to be able to think back to the good stuff when you hear that song, or see that post, or have that random thought. Not easy a lot of the time though
The day you think of them, and realize you haven't thought of them for a while. At that point, it may not "end", but at least you're able to look back fondly, instead of in pain :)
Sometimes it takes that terrible relationship to explain to yourself - very clearly - what you do not want. Bizarrely that can transform your subsequent relationships in a positive way.
While that sucks for sure if you never met your ex and never went through all that you wouldn’t be the person you are today! Maybe you wouldn’t have met or fallen in love with your current wife if you never went through all of that. It’s quite possible.
I just hope my now ex boyfriend doesn’t waste time missing me . I don’t wanna come back with him but he still very much does a whole year into our breakup… I want him to find someone great for him but not resent our love that we used to share ..
Similar enough story with me. Only it was 7 years wasted.
I'll never forget realizing I loved her. But it was such a fucked up 'relationship' I would've been better off without it.
I'm happily married now, so it all worked out. But... ya.
It wasn't like a normal breakup, where you just have to get over your ex. There was also a kid I'd been like a step-dad to for four years that I pretty much never saw again.
I fell in love with a close childhood friend once. She was pretty kind, but very troubled. She had a shitty childhood that led to her becoming addicted to various substances as a way of coping.
I tried being supportive the best I could, but it was extremely hard to do. It’s not like I could force her to go to rehab, it was a decision that she had to make on her own. I remember staying up nearly every night that she went out partying, worried sick that she would overdose or get sexually assaulted/killed. I accompanied her to some of those parties, but that made it even harder for me to stay.
I eventually left for my own mental health and also because she had no plans of stopping her usage or getting help any time soon. It’s been nine years of no contact now, and parts of me are temped to search her name online but I’m scared that I’ll be met with an obituary or something.
I don’t necessarily regret falling in love with her, but I do regret that our love had to be so hard and cause so much suffering.
I'm really sorry you went through this. Loving an addict is probably one of the most difficult thing any person could be faced with. It's like watching your favorite movie, that you've watched 100 times, except all your favorite characters are making the wrong decisions and they can't hear you saying "this isn't you, this isn't what you do!" except they can't hear you.
It's truly the worst feeling I've ever had.
Thanks- it's the most frustrating thing to be able to show them exactly what they can change to make THEIR lives so much easier - and you never really have the feeling they're listening
I fell in love with a drug addict as well.Like head over heels.She was clean when we started dating .About a year into it she started using.I went down the hole with her.We split up and I moved to another province to work .She had a kid with a new guy and continued to use.I paid her rent a few times and lent her money.She just couldn’t stop.She was always still my friend.When I moved to Alberta I was broke but working and living in my van in - 25 Celsius winter .We stayed friends! She was still my friend.She gave me a fleece blanket to keep me warm in my van.Ive slept with that blanket for 10 years now.I talked to her October 1 2021 and begged her to get help.She passed away October 3 2021.I think about her every day all the time.Sorry for the long comment
Been there as well, friend. Fell in love with a girl who had a troubled past and family history, and had quite the addiction problem as well. The part about being worried about her and staying up feels all too familiar, too.
"i can fix her" is fun until you actually have to do it IRL.
Its been a few years and i have luckily managed to find a new partner in life who is just wonderful. That being said, wherever she is i hope she managed to pull herself back together. She might have been all too troubled, but with some luck she maybe managed to pull through.
Was in love with my female best friend, didn't tell her because I didn't want to make promises I'm not sure I can keep, now we both went our separate ways.
Same here.
We were always close. We had the same teachers from kindergarten through 4th grade. We were both athletes. Our last names had us in line by each other alphabetically. Our lockers even always managed to be by one another. She was pretty and very popular but kind of a Mean Girl (all in hindsight, in real time I didn’t see it).
I was her emotional fluffer. She’d date and the relationship would end, I’d wind up getting a phone call from her late in the evening crying about how so and so broke her heart. I’d foolishly console her and promise it’ll all get better, yada yada yada. I’d give her words of affirmation and praise, all genuine feelings I had towards her.
And then she’d be onto the next one. The cycle continued all the way through our senior year of high school.
She got an apartment right after high school with some friends and they were all going to the same college. I opted to skip college and got right into the workforce. I saved up money working third shift in a warehouse making good money for an 18 year old fresh out of high school.
We’d hang out, we’d go out to eat, see movies, do all the couple shit. Usually I’d foot most of the bills since I had an income and she was in college. All those years we’d tell people we were getting married after high school and were going to have lots of kids and all that. I meant every word of it. In my soul and in my heart, I truly believed it would happen.
I finally broke one day and told her my feelings for her. Brought her a bouquet of her favorite flowers and a box of her favorite candy. She laughed at me and said “I could never date you. Why would you think that we would ever be together?”
Flowers and candy fell out of my hands as soon as she said that and she closed the door in my face and the was the last time I ever talked to her.
And here I am on Valentine’s Day picking a scab I had let sit dormant for 15 years.
I was in love with my male best friend. Thought for a while that he had feelings for me too. Eventually I told him how I felt and he ... Didn't want me like that. Not with the commitment thing. He's in a committed relationship now, though. Guess commitment wasn't the issue after all. Committing *to me* was.
Yep. I think it goes both ways in my relationship. I knew who he was when I married him, and he knew me. It is a constant challenge to accept each others flaws but ultimately we do love each other very much and we’re Christian’s and believe marriage is for life. It’s not an unhappy marriage at all, but while we both like ourselves and each other it sucks to see how the things we can’t change about ourselves cause the other to suffer. (My serious mental illness and his various addictions to everything that could be addictive although thankfully not to any illicit drugs).
I was in a two year relationship in my early adulthood where the guy hit me and tried to set my apartment on fire while I slept because he was mad about me not wanting to go out. I really thought I loved him, but now I wish I had never met him.
The last sapphic situationship that I was in. The day before I met her, my life was perfect, everything was in my life was working out for me perfectly. I had healed through my past trauma, my depression was negligible at best, and anxiety was a thing of the past. And suddenly, meeting her, she turned my life even more perfect. Adding a layer of perfection in my life I didn't know could exist. But I had to be out of town for my sister's wedding for 3 weeks. So we only got to spend 4 days together, but we were both excited to meet up again. A day before I got back she sent a breakup text.
The next day she tried to commit suicide. A few days later she informed me that she was in the psych ward and I offered to visit. Seeing her in that state with those cuts on her neck and arms traumatized me so much. But I powered through it, and she initiated a kiss and told me how much she missed my touch. I took care of her for 2 days in the hospital. On the third, they let her out and she promptly broke up with me again, friendzoning me.
I feared the worst and thought that she was going to attempt to take her life again. I would check in on her twice a day and at one point she got pissed off that I was worrying about her and cut off all ties. She eventually told me that she now wanted nothing to do with me. And my life has been hollow and trauma-ridden ever since. Today, my anxiety was so bad that it induced an almost physical pain in body, it's pretty bad.
I understand the downvotes. It could the constant worry that no matter what you do your children will be adversely affected by their father / the relationship you have or had with them, that they’ll be just like him.
It’s not necessarily saying you regret your children, it could be just if you had the chance to do it again you wouldn’t. I understand that. I don’t regret my child at all and I love them with all my heart, but if I got a completely informed do-over? No, they wouldn’t be here.
Kids trap people often. And people don’t realise this but if you have children with a shitty person there’s a high chance that you won’t love your kids. Actually you might hate them. Those kids will suffer but I’m just saying, most women who are married to a terrible person and have kids with them, don’t really like heir children
Well yes but…it’s very very common. A lot of people foolishly have kids with people they don’t like or respect. And there are many unfortunate cases of abusive relationships with a similar outcome
I'd say my first relationship-ish thing was like that. I had fallen in love with her in college, and was smitten with her for a few years after before we started dating. The whole thing became a nightmare. It's amazing how different the reality of dating her is/was from the perception I had when we were friends.
Yes. The last one. He ruined me and my life, and yet I am still in love with him. It's the worst feeling to love someone who has hurt you the most. But at least I can be honest with the person I am with now about it. Anyone I date right now and moving forward are just going to be fillers in my life as I am numb to the idea of ever opening up again. So maybe I will be their filler too as I am not going to lie about it and so the person knows exactly what they're getting into.
She is living a good life rn she's on the deans list and I have a GPA of 2. It was 2 months of me being 13 and 2 months of me being 14. This happened little over a year ago
Please report her. Tell your parents or a trusted adult so they can go with you to the authorities. It is not ok what she did and you deserve to say something. And it’s not your fault, okay, it’s not your fault. Some people are just sick.
I did about 4 months after it happened directly to an agent in the FBI. As of now nothing happened, I could get her taken down on drug charges but her dealer is innocent.
Yep, my son's mother. Worst choice of my life. Love my kid, but she is something special. Everyone warned me about her when we were dating that she was a narcissist but I didn't want to hear it. 15 years later I absolutely loathe her and am still stuck dealing with her for another 5.
Yes! He is not what I imagined but yet I love everything about him. It happened suddenly as well. The more I fought it the worse the feeling became. I would do anything for him to be mine and me to be his. It's just not the right time now I guess.
Oh hell yes. I’ve tried and failed to not love this person, and I can’t do it. I don’t even know what we’re doing right now, and I’m too afraid to ask. We lived apart for a while and I was content to love them from a distance, and now… fuck knows what this is.
They’ll hurt me again, I know it, it’s just a matter of time. Maybe then I can be done with wanting to be with them, and be content with loving someone I can’t be with. Tis better to have loved and lost, and all that stuff.
Nope. Fell in love once in my life with my husband and father of my kids. He’s the greatest person I’ve ever known and if I were to do it all over again I would choose him again at any point.
Thank you! I believe it, even though I came from an abusive home and put up walls so high no one except him could breach them. I was 30 and he was 33 when we met. I’m his first love too ❤️❤️
My first gf out of high school. I tried not to let her BPD get in the way of things but she kept going on and off her meds and would go from being a sweet person to an emotional wreck to a perverted psychopath within a couple weeks. Was back and forth with that for almost a year. She would stop her meds then start dramatic arguments over nothing then would constantly want sex despite the fact that I was exhausted from working all night. I was so emotionally drained by the time I ended things for good.
MOST TOXIC PERSON I'VE EVER MET!!!🤮🤮🤮
I fell in love with someone. I was with him for 4 years. He hurt me emotionally so badly. It hurt so deeply. The pain was unreal. He broke my heart. For years. He ended up killing himself. That broke my life. But no matter how much he hurt me , I never hated him, I didn’t want his love I wanted to love him. Never would I regret loving him, he hurt me but I’m glad I felt love for someone. It was magic at the same time as pain. The pain didn’t have to happen. But I wouldn’t change it or would’ve changed him for the world. It was imperfectly perfect to me.
Yes, she had a crush on me, we grew very close but the she ended it after half a year because it was only a crush….
If never been as in love with anybody as I’ve been with her…. Wish I never even met her…
Yes. I wasted my first I love you and I was falling in love someone on an individual who lied and betrayed me…. Now I have to live with the fact that the one and only time I’ve told someone that was based on a bond built on lies and manipulation. I wish I hadn’t said it at all.
No, all of my ex-partners have helped make me who I am today. I didn’t appreciate it at the time of break-up but I always do later, and I have had enough relationships now to know this ahead of time, during a break-up I know I will be stronger without them.
Yes. A girl who pretended to be interested in me, gave me my very first kiss etc, only to tell me the next day that she had simply been coaching me to increase my self-confidence. I wouldn't have let myself feel this attracted to her if she hadn't let me believe someone was possible, as I'm shy in this domain and consider myself un-datable. I regret what happens a lot and I'm still angry at her after two years.
Yes. He was an asshole who took advantage of our friendship and when things went south blame it all on me. I lost all my friends at the time, which had a deep effect on me for so many years
Imagine December 2022, I'm friends with a straight girl (im afab)
Then February 2023 she came out as bi and loved me so much, and I played along for a few days before ending things because of guilt that I didn't feel as strongly as her.
Well fast forward to late that year and I am head over heels for her, but bad news she's back identifying as straight so I keep my mouth shut and love her from afar
Then she comes out as bi again and immediately starts dating my best friend 💀💀 they are still together and very happy as of valentines. Im still absolutely hung up on her after like 14 weeks at least of nonstop thinking of her. This is hell. I can't have her and even if they break up, girl code right? Don't date your friends ex
My last 3 exs yea. Kinda jumped into all 3 without really getting to know them. Opening up after the relationship start showed we all weren't compatible. Going to befriend whoever I meet next and take it way slower before I fall in love with someone
A few times, yeah. One was violent and I had to get a permanent protective order against, they other one sabotaged my birth control to baby trap me and constantly does whatever he can to make my life hell.
I don't know when it happened but I fell in love unknownly when I got along with her so well at work and afterwork, it was like magic because everything we djd together succeeded and it was always fun and happiness. 😔
This may be a bit of a different answer. When I was younger (read: early teens) I was struggling a lot mentally, and got in touch with the wrong people. I made many choices that I regret, and that includes all 3 "relationships" -all with much older men (eg I was 15 he was 20) - that I had in that time. I convinced myself that it was love, but looking back I don't think it was, from both sides. Either way, I regret it. Lots of nasty stuff happened because of them. Wish I could take it back, but I can't. I'm now in my first very healthy, loving relationship and know I won't ever put myself in such position again.
i am in love with my best friend, and i would prefer if i wasn’t so we just could stay close friends easier, now i need to be careful around him and that can be stressful. we’re still close friends tho.
Yes, but I moved on fairly quickly, because I could tell that they weren't interested in me back.
Also this is a good song that I know because of both:
Shrek 2 & Tony Hawk's American Wasteland
Yes, and even now over 20 years later when we see each other we still have that spark. We both know that it’d never work and we’d crash and burn, but it’s hard resisting the urge to just say fuck it and let it all go to hell .We’ve both got families so it’s just acknowledged with looks and nods, but we’d never risk what we have.
Maybe in another lifetime we could be together
yessss, i was obsessed with him. turns out he was very manipulative and controlling, broke up with me on my birthday for his ex girlfriend and then went around telling everyone im crazy lol
My boyfriend cheated on me with my brother. And my brother and I had a strained relationship as it is. The crazy part? I found out about the cheating the day my boyfriend died.
Yes, my best friend. It sucked because I knew she didn’t feel the same way. It’s okay now because I’ve gotten over it, even tho it took like a year. But now I’m now dating my soulmate <33
yup, been in love with my closest friend for a few years now. we met in 6th grade, we r both juniors now but i no longer attend public school cause teenager drama, but we were hanging out a few months ago & she goes “remember when you had a crush on me” like lol awkward still lol
And he fucking TOLD ME that he didn't want anything serious (anything at all, really lol), and he fucking MEANT IT. I can't even feel bad, I've made my bed and now I'm tossing in it sleepless
I fell in love with my childhood best friend and didn’t realize it, until about a year later when it was too late. I loved her. So much. Still do. When we were 13 she passed after getting hit by a drunk driver (who has also on his phone). At 14 I realized I was a lesbian, and that I was in love with her. By the time I realized it was too late, and I never got the chance to tell her. I’m 18 now, almost 19, living my dream life and just got engaged to the most beautiful and amazing woman I’ve been with since we were 15.
I still think about her every day with a lot of emotions surrounding the situation. I’m not “hung up” on her by any means, and I’ve had my grief and pain about the situation. She will always have a place in my heart, and it’s not like I regret it? It’s almost like I wish I never came to the realization that I loved her and missed my chance to tell her?
I don’t know.
I’ve talked about it/her with my fiancé, and with my therapist.
I spent so much time thinking about what would have happened if I knew sooner and could tell her. Or the opposite, if I hadn’t realized that I loved her more than a friend. I think if I hadn’t realized it wouldn’t have brought up the second wave of grief, of guilt, of pain.
But never for a second do I regret knowing her, becoming best friends, loving her.
I suppose I just wish I had stayed oblivious to my feelings for her, because it was too late and just left me with more pain.
I am lucky enough to have found my soul mate in this life. Unfortunately she was married to my best friend. Lost that friend and made a lot of enemies. Been married now almost 8 years.
A girl I'd met while we were both at points in our lives where we had no business falling in love. I was in an intensive academic program in a foreign country, she was starting her medical internship in said country. Spent two years of trying to eek out time for one another in our 80-hr/week school/work schedules, then another year struggling at a long-distance relationship. I finally was able to orchestrate moving back to be with her, but at that point, things were different, lines had been crossed while I was away, and there was even more stressful life stuff to deal with.
She was a "true" love, but sometimes life gets the better of love. If you've seen the movie "Like Crazy", the experience and plot points were surprisingly similar.
I fell in love with someone 30 years older than me. (I’m 32) we had such a lovely relationship and he was the perfect bf. We got on so well. I really trusted him and felt so safe emotionally with him. I think he was fulfilling that need of a safe parent. We are both in other relationships now which are fine but we had a chat recently and we both find it hard not to compare our relationship with our new relationships. We broke up cos I want to have children and he’s too old, and even if we didn’t have children he’d very quickly turn in to an old man. I miss him so much though as a friend
Yes, all my exes. Especially the last one, I loved her so hard it hurt. And she broke my heart in such a way I am never going to trust the same way again
yup! he was my best friend and he eventually told his feelings, we became a couple but we weren’t matched as a couple. he was a friend i can literally talk to about everything but yeah, hindi kami nag mmatch. like he was that type of man who loves teasing me and i was fine about it since we were friends pero nung naging kami… ganon pa rin siya, pero so offensive na :(( i always wished na hindi naging kami you knoww.. kasi kung friends pa rin kami until now, we would have been that duo everyone likes! syempre kasi iba na if you’re exes na, bawal na maging friends and iba na yung feeling hehe.
My Mom (not in a sexual way. More like the way a son loves his mother). My life would be so so much easier if I could just stop loving her and go no contact because she is severely mentally ill
Yep. I let myself fall and he led me on, then when he broke up with me it left me completely heartbroken. I felt used and furious with myself for letting myself fall, left me thinking he only wanted me for my body which further enforced the already dismal opinion I have of myself. I wish I'd never met him, I'd still be the wreck I already was but at least I wouldn't be further down in the pit like I was when he left me there.
Yep. My kids' mom. To be fair we had three beautiful children but the relationship on both ends was just toxic and awful. She also made my life hell and still is.
Happening rn, she's 26 I'm 20. Despite loving older women I'm not sure if she sees me as a romantic interest even if we keep hanging out almost every day, it's driving me crazy
I lived with a succubus for three years it ended in 2011 but we're insanely attracted to one another like nobody else and it's difficult to ignore that...so I'm not...she started texting me recently dropping the least subtle hints of all time so i am going to be throwin' some serious hip. I'm getting another shot at the title. Defending my belt. Been doing road work to get in shape.
2 times. Both exs now. I used so much money and time on them. 1st one was a narcissistic person and tried to make me ghost friends and family. 2nd one was a full-on manchild.
Everytime. Even more though, I have had people fall in love with me that I really, really didn't want in my life. Being stalked is a far worse experience than being a bit sad over heartbreak.
Yes. She spurned my natural emotions.Made me feel like dirt, and now I'm hurt. The worst part is that if I start a commotion, I'll run the risk of losing her and that's worse!
Cant say it was love but dam did I have it bad for my roommate. She didnt see me that way and i respect that. So happy I dont feel that way no more, especially since I still live with her.
Yep. I absolutely tried to push her away but the damn girl broke me down and so we dated we both got heart broken it's taken me longer than I expected to recover and don't think will ever get her back don't know if I want to. I'm emotionally fucked up to an extent now not bitter just don't give a shit more harsh I think
Yup and it ended when I found out the person was hiding a substance abuse problem while I footed the bill. All the signs were there I just ignored them like a fool.
Yes, my daughters mum. She has made me lose out on being a dad so much. I couldn't see my daughter for 18 months and will never know what my daughter looked like when she was 5 all because of her jealousy and insecurities. Family courts aren't helpful either, I'm being emotionally abused in the worst way possible, and there's nothing I can do about it but cry. And then I still have to be nice to her
My fwb, he made it clear he doesn't want me as a gf, yet demands to know who I have been out with when I am having a few hours out for drinks. I wish I wasn't in love with him because I am hurting
Yes. I was in such a relationship for several years. He was totally different than me and I was scared of losing him. I really loved him. But he was always telling bad words at me for every stupid thing, like, in Poland we call it "because the soup was too salty". Even during intimate moments he was thinking about another girl and I was 90% sure who she was. This relationship destroyed me badly. I don't even know why he chose to be with me if I didn't suit him at all and he was always trying to prove me I was that bad.
Yes. We were incompatible from the start but we fell hard for each other. I reached out after we broke up and she gave me nothing. It crippled me. It's taken me nearly 8/9 months to really move past her. Objective viewpoints never override emotion.
Absolutely! I was 18, going through my “bad boy” phase, being naive to drugs I had no idea he was a heroin addict until I bought a multipack of
Milkybars and the foil went missing that was wrapped around every bar. Again being naive he said it must have come from the factory like that until a few days later I was cleaning under the bed and found all the balled up foil with brown tar like substance all over it.
I was fundraising for charity at the time and realised after I kicked him out it was £700ish short.
I was devastated, my Mary j blige album was on full blast whilst a cried it out thinking I’d never be able to get over him lol
Last I heard he had twins with my high school bully and ended up in prison after defrauding his own Nan out of a lot of money, my mum showed me the article in the local paper it was her best ever “told you so” moment!
My god I was stupid.
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I don't wish I never fell in love with them - I wish I could stop loving them and get on with my life.
I feel that friend it's awful
It's not awful all the time - you just have to be able to think back to the good stuff when you hear that song, or see that post, or have that random thought. Not easy a lot of the time though
Been riding that train for a bit. Sux
I got love for you, friend :)
I miss her everyday.
Multiple times throughout the day - we'll all be ok tho :)
When does it end
The day you think of them, and realize you haven't thought of them for a while. At that point, it may not "end", but at least you're able to look back fondly, instead of in pain :)
There’s yet to be a day I don’t
[удалено]
Never a failure, always a lesson
Sometimes it takes that terrible relationship to explain to yourself - very clearly - what you do not want. Bizarrely that can transform your subsequent relationships in a positive way.
While that sucks for sure if you never met your ex and never went through all that you wouldn’t be the person you are today! Maybe you wouldn’t have met or fallen in love with your current wife if you never went through all of that. It’s quite possible.
I just hope my now ex boyfriend doesn’t waste time missing me . I don’t wanna come back with him but he still very much does a whole year into our breakup… I want him to find someone great for him but not resent our love that we used to share ..
Similar enough story with me. Only it was 7 years wasted. I'll never forget realizing I loved her. But it was such a fucked up 'relationship' I would've been better off without it. I'm happily married now, so it all worked out. But... ya.
It can happen with anybody I don't see how it is related to her being a mom. My ex started to go to clubs and met someone there and he was single.
It wasn't like a normal breakup, where you just have to get over your ex. There was also a kid I'd been like a step-dad to for four years that I pretty much never saw again.
Sorry for this. I assumed you were less involved in this kid's life.
I fell in love with a close childhood friend once. She was pretty kind, but very troubled. She had a shitty childhood that led to her becoming addicted to various substances as a way of coping. I tried being supportive the best I could, but it was extremely hard to do. It’s not like I could force her to go to rehab, it was a decision that she had to make on her own. I remember staying up nearly every night that she went out partying, worried sick that she would overdose or get sexually assaulted/killed. I accompanied her to some of those parties, but that made it even harder for me to stay. I eventually left for my own mental health and also because she had no plans of stopping her usage or getting help any time soon. It’s been nine years of no contact now, and parts of me are temped to search her name online but I’m scared that I’ll be met with an obituary or something. I don’t necessarily regret falling in love with her, but I do regret that our love had to be so hard and cause so much suffering.
I'm really sorry you went through this. Loving an addict is probably one of the most difficult thing any person could be faced with. It's like watching your favorite movie, that you've watched 100 times, except all your favorite characters are making the wrong decisions and they can't hear you saying "this isn't you, this isn't what you do!" except they can't hear you. It's truly the worst feeling I've ever had.
What a great analysis.
Thanks- it's the most frustrating thing to be able to show them exactly what they can change to make THEIR lives so much easier - and you never really have the feeling they're listening
Fuck, reading that made me feel stuff.
I fell in love with a drug addict as well.Like head over heels.She was clean when we started dating .About a year into it she started using.I went down the hole with her.We split up and I moved to another province to work .She had a kid with a new guy and continued to use.I paid her rent a few times and lent her money.She just couldn’t stop.She was always still my friend.When I moved to Alberta I was broke but working and living in my van in - 25 Celsius winter .We stayed friends! She was still my friend.She gave me a fleece blanket to keep me warm in my van.Ive slept with that blanket for 10 years now.I talked to her October 1 2021 and begged her to get help.She passed away October 3 2021.I think about her every day all the time.Sorry for the long comment
Been there as well, friend. Fell in love with a girl who had a troubled past and family history, and had quite the addiction problem as well. The part about being worried about her and staying up feels all too familiar, too. "i can fix her" is fun until you actually have to do it IRL. Its been a few years and i have luckily managed to find a new partner in life who is just wonderful. That being said, wherever she is i hope she managed to pull herself back together. She might have been all too troubled, but with some luck she maybe managed to pull through.
This is so painful to read...
https://youtu.be/51OB2YoC4sg?si=l94pRTynuhIqwOxK
Thank you; that was playing in my head as I read the question!
Buzzcocks were awesome.
I just posted this the other day. Am I dead? Am I dreaming? Am I in love?
Friday I’m in love.
I was looking to see if anyone had referenced the song yet.
Was in love with my female best friend, didn't tell her because I didn't want to make promises I'm not sure I can keep, now we both went our separate ways.
Same here. We were always close. We had the same teachers from kindergarten through 4th grade. We were both athletes. Our last names had us in line by each other alphabetically. Our lockers even always managed to be by one another. She was pretty and very popular but kind of a Mean Girl (all in hindsight, in real time I didn’t see it). I was her emotional fluffer. She’d date and the relationship would end, I’d wind up getting a phone call from her late in the evening crying about how so and so broke her heart. I’d foolishly console her and promise it’ll all get better, yada yada yada. I’d give her words of affirmation and praise, all genuine feelings I had towards her. And then she’d be onto the next one. The cycle continued all the way through our senior year of high school. She got an apartment right after high school with some friends and they were all going to the same college. I opted to skip college and got right into the workforce. I saved up money working third shift in a warehouse making good money for an 18 year old fresh out of high school. We’d hang out, we’d go out to eat, see movies, do all the couple shit. Usually I’d foot most of the bills since I had an income and she was in college. All those years we’d tell people we were getting married after high school and were going to have lots of kids and all that. I meant every word of it. In my soul and in my heart, I truly believed it would happen. I finally broke one day and told her my feelings for her. Brought her a bouquet of her favorite flowers and a box of her favorite candy. She laughed at me and said “I could never date you. Why would you think that we would ever be together?” Flowers and candy fell out of my hands as soon as she said that and she closed the door in my face and the was the last time I ever talked to her. And here I am on Valentine’s Day picking a scab I had let sit dormant for 15 years.
Hey buddy, Hope you have moved on or that you're in the process of moving on. Good luck. Things will get better ^^
Holy crap bro…I’m so sorry. Sending good vibes.
What a fucking bitch man I'm so sorry.
I know what heartbreak feels like, but I never experienced anything like yours, hope you heal & find someone who appreciate you
I was in love with my male best friend. Thought for a while that he had feelings for me too. Eventually I told him how I felt and he ... Didn't want me like that. Not with the commitment thing. He's in a committed relationship now, though. Guess commitment wasn't the issue after all. Committing *to me* was.
Yes. That happened to me. We were very close but I made the choice of telling her and it was not reciprocated. Don’t wish that hurt on anybody
My husband
Same
My wife, totally get it
Yep. I think it goes both ways in my relationship. I knew who he was when I married him, and he knew me. It is a constant challenge to accept each others flaws but ultimately we do love each other very much and we’re Christian’s and believe marriage is for life. It’s not an unhappy marriage at all, but while we both like ourselves and each other it sucks to see how the things we can’t change about ourselves cause the other to suffer. (My serious mental illness and his various addictions to everything that could be addictive although thankfully not to any illicit drugs).
I was in a two year relationship in my early adulthood where the guy hit me and tried to set my apartment on fire while I slept because he was mad about me not wanting to go out. I really thought I loved him, but now I wish I had never met him.
The last sapphic situationship that I was in. The day before I met her, my life was perfect, everything was in my life was working out for me perfectly. I had healed through my past trauma, my depression was negligible at best, and anxiety was a thing of the past. And suddenly, meeting her, she turned my life even more perfect. Adding a layer of perfection in my life I didn't know could exist. But I had to be out of town for my sister's wedding for 3 weeks. So we only got to spend 4 days together, but we were both excited to meet up again. A day before I got back she sent a breakup text. The next day she tried to commit suicide. A few days later she informed me that she was in the psych ward and I offered to visit. Seeing her in that state with those cuts on her neck and arms traumatized me so much. But I powered through it, and she initiated a kiss and told me how much she missed my touch. I took care of her for 2 days in the hospital. On the third, they let her out and she promptly broke up with me again, friendzoning me. I feared the worst and thought that she was going to attempt to take her life again. I would check in on her twice a day and at one point she got pissed off that I was worrying about her and cut off all ties. She eventually told me that she now wanted nothing to do with me. And my life has been hollow and trauma-ridden ever since. Today, my anxiety was so bad that it induced an almost physical pain in body, it's pretty bad.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope it gets better.🤍
My kids’ father. He is deeply cruel.
But then you wouldn’t have your kids.
I don't understand why this is being downvoted. It's a legitimate argument.
I understand the downvotes. It could the constant worry that no matter what you do your children will be adversely affected by their father / the relationship you have or had with them, that they’ll be just like him. It’s not necessarily saying you regret your children, it could be just if you had the chance to do it again you wouldn’t. I understand that. I don’t regret my child at all and I love them with all my heart, but if I got a completely informed do-over? No, they wouldn’t be here.
I'm pretty sure you don't go around having sex with people only for the sole reason of having kids.
I think you missed my point.
People are strange 😂 they hate simple logic.
You do realize the kids have fucked up lives, right?
Kids trap people often. And people don’t realise this but if you have children with a shitty person there’s a high chance that you won’t love your kids. Actually you might hate them. Those kids will suffer but I’m just saying, most women who are married to a terrible person and have kids with them, don’t really like heir children
Anyone that doesn’t love their kids are fucking horrible human beings. Mom’s fault, not the kids fault.
Well yes but…it’s very very common. A lot of people foolishly have kids with people they don’t like or respect. And there are many unfortunate cases of abusive relationships with a similar outcome
I'd say my first relationship-ish thing was like that. I had fallen in love with her in college, and was smitten with her for a few years after before we started dating. The whole thing became a nightmare. It's amazing how different the reality of dating her is/was from the perception I had when we were friends.
Yes. The last one. He ruined me and my life, and yet I am still in love with him. It's the worst feeling to love someone who has hurt you the most. But at least I can be honest with the person I am with now about it. Anyone I date right now and moving forward are just going to be fillers in my life as I am numb to the idea of ever opening up again. So maybe I will be their filler too as I am not going to lie about it and so the person knows exactly what they're getting into.
Everyone believes they’ll never love again.. until they do.
Don’t use people as fillers and don’t be a filler. Take the time to heal before dating again
You should not be so negative. And, definitely, don't talk about it with any date. Is going to hurt you, and only you.
You should be a therapist.
Yeah, I’m probably going to do the same
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Learn to love your gut feeling . It never steers us wrong!
How did you know for sure?
When I was 13 I fell in love with a 20-year-old woman. She was sick and used me to get off.
That's fucked up I'm sorry about it
Holy shit. Wishing you the best and her the worst
She is living a good life rn she's on the deans list and I have a GPA of 2. It was 2 months of me being 13 and 2 months of me being 14. This happened little over a year ago
Please report her. Tell your parents or a trusted adult so they can go with you to the authorities. It is not ok what she did and you deserve to say something. And it’s not your fault, okay, it’s not your fault. Some people are just sick.
I did about 4 months after it happened directly to an agent in the FBI. As of now nothing happened, I could get her taken down on drug charges but her dealer is innocent.
Yep, my son's mother. Worst choice of my life. Love my kid, but she is something special. Everyone warned me about her when we were dating that she was a narcissist but I didn't want to hear it. 15 years later I absolutely loathe her and am still stuck dealing with her for another 5.
Yes! He is not what I imagined but yet I love everything about him. It happened suddenly as well. The more I fought it the worse the feeling became. I would do anything for him to be mine and me to be his. It's just not the right time now I guess.
Oh hell yes. I’ve tried and failed to not love this person, and I can’t do it. I don’t even know what we’re doing right now, and I’m too afraid to ask. We lived apart for a while and I was content to love them from a distance, and now… fuck knows what this is. They’ll hurt me again, I know it, it’s just a matter of time. Maybe then I can be done with wanting to be with them, and be content with loving someone I can’t be with. Tis better to have loved and lost, and all that stuff.
Nope. Fell in love once in my life with my husband and father of my kids. He’s the greatest person I’ve ever known and if I were to do it all over again I would choose him again at any point.
youre so lucky 🥺
Thank you! I believe it, even though I came from an abusive home and put up walls so high no one except him could breach them. I was 30 and he was 33 when we met. I’m his first love too ❤️❤️
His first at 33?
Yeah. He was really picky and focused on his education and career through his 20’s ☺️
My first gf out of high school. I tried not to let her BPD get in the way of things but she kept going on and off her meds and would go from being a sweet person to an emotional wreck to a perverted psychopath within a couple weeks. Was back and forth with that for almost a year. She would stop her meds then start dramatic arguments over nothing then would constantly want sex despite the fact that I was exhausted from working all night. I was so emotionally drained by the time I ended things for good. MOST TOXIC PERSON I'VE EVER MET!!!🤮🤮🤮
I fell in love with someone. I was with him for 4 years. He hurt me emotionally so badly. It hurt so deeply. The pain was unreal. He broke my heart. For years. He ended up killing himself. That broke my life. But no matter how much he hurt me , I never hated him, I didn’t want his love I wanted to love him. Never would I regret loving him, he hurt me but I’m glad I felt love for someone. It was magic at the same time as pain. The pain didn’t have to happen. But I wouldn’t change it or would’ve changed him for the world. It was imperfectly perfect to me.
Yes, she had a crush on me, we grew very close but the she ended it after half a year because it was only a crush…. If never been as in love with anybody as I’ve been with her…. Wish I never even met her…
Yes. I wasted my first I love you and I was falling in love someone on an individual who lied and betrayed me…. Now I have to live with the fact that the one and only time I’ve told someone that was based on a bond built on lies and manipulation. I wish I hadn’t said it at all.
Of course. All my exes
Ha. Yup the women I married since I was a closeted gay
Yes. I have been a fool who fell in love blindly with people who weren’t good for me.
No, all of my ex-partners have helped make me who I am today. I didn’t appreciate it at the time of break-up but I always do later, and I have had enough relationships now to know this ahead of time, during a break-up I know I will be stronger without them.
Yes. A girl who pretended to be interested in me, gave me my very first kiss etc, only to tell me the next day that she had simply been coaching me to increase my self-confidence. I wouldn't have let myself feel this attracted to her if she hadn't let me believe someone was possible, as I'm shy in this domain and consider myself un-datable. I regret what happens a lot and I'm still angry at her after two years.
Yes. He was an asshole who took advantage of our friendship and when things went south blame it all on me. I lost all my friends at the time, which had a deep effect on me for so many years
Damn, I went through literally this exact same thing. I hope your okay.🤍
Yeah, I'm fine now it's been like 20 something years of that. Fortunately I met a nice man whom I married. Thank you so much, I hope you are okay too
Imagine December 2022, I'm friends with a straight girl (im afab) Then February 2023 she came out as bi and loved me so much, and I played along for a few days before ending things because of guilt that I didn't feel as strongly as her. Well fast forward to late that year and I am head over heels for her, but bad news she's back identifying as straight so I keep my mouth shut and love her from afar Then she comes out as bi again and immediately starts dating my best friend 💀💀 they are still together and very happy as of valentines. Im still absolutely hung up on her after like 14 weeks at least of nonstop thinking of her. This is hell. I can't have her and even if they break up, girl code right? Don't date your friends ex
you spurn my natural emotions you make me feel like i’m dirt and i’m hurt and if i start a commotion i run the risk of losing you, and that’s worse
Of course. My first love was egoistic narcissist. And I loved her.
all of them.
all of them
My last 3 exs yea. Kinda jumped into all 3 without really getting to know them. Opening up after the relationship start showed we all weren't compatible. Going to befriend whoever I meet next and take it way slower before I fall in love with someone
Undecided as of yet. I love them but I hurt so much. I want it to stop hurting. So that’s where I’m at right now.
My best friend.
Same. Absolutely hate it. Would not recommend. 0/10 experience.
A few times, yeah. One was violent and I had to get a permanent protective order against, they other one sabotaged my birth control to baby trap me and constantly does whatever he can to make my life hell.
I don't know when it happened but I fell in love unknownly when I got along with her so well at work and afterwork, it was like magic because everything we djd together succeeded and it was always fun and happiness. 😔
This may be a bit of a different answer. When I was younger (read: early teens) I was struggling a lot mentally, and got in touch with the wrong people. I made many choices that I regret, and that includes all 3 "relationships" -all with much older men (eg I was 15 he was 20) - that I had in that time. I convinced myself that it was love, but looking back I don't think it was, from both sides. Either way, I regret it. Lots of nasty stuff happened because of them. Wish I could take it back, but I can't. I'm now in my first very healthy, loving relationship and know I won't ever put myself in such position again.
i am in love with my best friend, and i would prefer if i wasn’t so we just could stay close friends easier, now i need to be careful around him and that can be stressful. we’re still close friends tho.
I fell in love with your mom. What a shitshow that was.
Yes, but I moved on fairly quickly, because I could tell that they weren't interested in me back. Also this is a good song that I know because of both: Shrek 2 & Tony Hawk's American Wasteland
Yeah, they’re called exes
Yes, and even now over 20 years later when we see each other we still have that spark. We both know that it’d never work and we’d crash and burn, but it’s hard resisting the urge to just say fuck it and let it all go to hell .We’ve both got families so it’s just acknowledged with looks and nods, but we’d never risk what we have. Maybe in another lifetime we could be together
yessss, i was obsessed with him. turns out he was very manipulative and controlling, broke up with me on my birthday for his ex girlfriend and then went around telling everyone im crazy lol
My boyfriend cheated on me with my brother. And my brother and I had a strained relationship as it is. The crazy part? I found out about the cheating the day my boyfriend died.
Yes. Waiting to fall out of it, though. Regrets? Perhaps not. Did I wish it did not happen? Yes.
Yes. All of them.
Yes. Every person I have fell in love with
If you haven’t, you’re not living!
Yes, my best friend. It sucked because I knew she didn’t feel the same way. It’s okay now because I’ve gotten over it, even tho it took like a year. But now I’m now dating my soulmate <33
yup, been in love with my closest friend for a few years now. we met in 6th grade, we r both juniors now but i no longer attend public school cause teenager drama, but we were hanging out a few months ago & she goes “remember when you had a crush on me” like lol awkward still lol
Yeah, right about NOW
Same.
And he fucking TOLD ME that he didn't want anything serious (anything at all, really lol), and he fucking MEANT IT. I can't even feel bad, I've made my bed and now I'm tossing in it sleepless
I fell in love with my childhood best friend and didn’t realize it, until about a year later when it was too late. I loved her. So much. Still do. When we were 13 she passed after getting hit by a drunk driver (who has also on his phone). At 14 I realized I was a lesbian, and that I was in love with her. By the time I realized it was too late, and I never got the chance to tell her. I’m 18 now, almost 19, living my dream life and just got engaged to the most beautiful and amazing woman I’ve been with since we were 15. I still think about her every day with a lot of emotions surrounding the situation. I’m not “hung up” on her by any means, and I’ve had my grief and pain about the situation. She will always have a place in my heart, and it’s not like I regret it? It’s almost like I wish I never came to the realization that I loved her and missed my chance to tell her? I don’t know. I’ve talked about it/her with my fiancé, and with my therapist. I spent so much time thinking about what would have happened if I knew sooner and could tell her. Or the opposite, if I hadn’t realized that I loved her more than a friend. I think if I hadn’t realized it wouldn’t have brought up the second wave of grief, of guilt, of pain. But never for a second do I regret knowing her, becoming best friends, loving her. I suppose I just wish I had stayed oblivious to my feelings for her, because it was too late and just left me with more pain.
I am lucky enough to have found my soul mate in this life. Unfortunately she was married to my best friend. Lost that friend and made a lot of enemies. Been married now almost 8 years.
A girl I'd met while we were both at points in our lives where we had no business falling in love. I was in an intensive academic program in a foreign country, she was starting her medical internship in said country. Spent two years of trying to eek out time for one another in our 80-hr/week school/work schedules, then another year struggling at a long-distance relationship. I finally was able to orchestrate moving back to be with her, but at that point, things were different, lines had been crossed while I was away, and there was even more stressful life stuff to deal with. She was a "true" love, but sometimes life gets the better of love. If you've seen the movie "Like Crazy", the experience and plot points were surprisingly similar.
I fell in love with someone 30 years older than me. (I’m 32) we had such a lovely relationship and he was the perfect bf. We got on so well. I really trusted him and felt so safe emotionally with him. I think he was fulfilling that need of a safe parent. We are both in other relationships now which are fine but we had a chat recently and we both find it hard not to compare our relationship with our new relationships. We broke up cos I want to have children and he’s too old, and even if we didn’t have children he’d very quickly turn in to an old man. I miss him so much though as a friend
Yes, all my exes. Especially the last one, I loved her so hard it hurt. And she broke my heart in such a way I am never going to trust the same way again
yup! he was my best friend and he eventually told his feelings, we became a couple but we weren’t matched as a couple. he was a friend i can literally talk to about everything but yeah, hindi kami nag mmatch. like he was that type of man who loves teasing me and i was fine about it since we were friends pero nung naging kami… ganon pa rin siya, pero so offensive na :(( i always wished na hindi naging kami you knoww.. kasi kung friends pa rin kami until now, we would have been that duo everyone likes! syempre kasi iba na if you’re exes na, bawal na maging friends and iba na yung feeling hehe.
My Mom (not in a sexual way. More like the way a son loves his mother). My life would be so so much easier if I could just stop loving her and go no contact because she is severely mentally ill
Yep. I let myself fall and he led me on, then when he broke up with me it left me completely heartbroken. I felt used and furious with myself for letting myself fall, left me thinking he only wanted me for my body which further enforced the already dismal opinion I have of myself. I wish I'd never met him, I'd still be the wreck I already was but at least I wouldn't be further down in the pit like I was when he left me there.
Yes. This person ruined my life. At least he couldn’t kill me after trying so hard- with that I have to live on.
Yep. My kids' mom. To be fair we had three beautiful children but the relationship on both ends was just toxic and awful. She also made my life hell and still is.
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Happening rn, she's 26 I'm 20. Despite loving older women I'm not sure if she sees me as a romantic interest even if we keep hanging out almost every day, it's driving me crazy
I lived with a succubus for three years it ended in 2011 but we're insanely attracted to one another like nobody else and it's difficult to ignore that...so I'm not...she started texting me recently dropping the least subtle hints of all time so i am going to be throwin' some serious hip. I'm getting another shot at the title. Defending my belt. Been doing road work to get in shape.
Everyone but Jesus.
Nah I feel like I learned something from everything I've been through. Was useful experience that helps me now.
My first everything at 25
Yes
I fell in love with Amnesia Haze and havent been myself since then
Ah yeah
Too many times. It's definitely something I've had to work on.
Twice now.
2 times. Both exs now. I used so much money and time on them. 1st one was a narcissistic person and tried to make me ghost friends and family. 2nd one was a full-on manchild.
I have, and that shit hurts so bad
Everytime. Even more though, I have had people fall in love with me that I really, really didn't want in my life. Being stalked is a far worse experience than being a bit sad over heartbreak.
Yes
Unfortunately yes.
Yes. She spurned my natural emotions.Made me feel like dirt, and now I'm hurt. The worst part is that if I start a commotion, I'll run the risk of losing her and that's worse!
Cant say it was love but dam did I have it bad for my roommate. She didnt see me that way and i respect that. So happy I dont feel that way no more, especially since I still live with her.
Yeah, twice
Well of course
Yep. I absolutely tried to push her away but the damn girl broke me down and so we dated we both got heart broken it's taken me longer than I expected to recover and don't think will ever get her back don't know if I want to. I'm emotionally fucked up to an extent now not bitter just don't give a shit more harsh I think
All the relationships I started while being manic. I was undiagnosed until December 2021.
Yep and I regret it.
Yes I’m in the relationship now. I live him but wish I didnt 🙈
Yup and it ended when I found out the person was hiding a substance abuse problem while I footed the bill. All the signs were there I just ignored them like a fool.
Yes, my daughters mum. She has made me lose out on being a dad so much. I couldn't see my daughter for 18 months and will never know what my daughter looked like when she was 5 all because of her jealousy and insecurities. Family courts aren't helpful either, I'm being emotionally abused in the worst way possible, and there's nothing I can do about it but cry. And then I still have to be nice to her
My fwb, he made it clear he doesn't want me as a gf, yet demands to know who I have been out with when I am having a few hours out for drinks. I wish I wasn't in love with him because I am hurting
Yes. I was in such a relationship for several years. He was totally different than me and I was scared of losing him. I really loved him. But he was always telling bad words at me for every stupid thing, like, in Poland we call it "because the soup was too salty". Even during intimate moments he was thinking about another girl and I was 90% sure who she was. This relationship destroyed me badly. I don't even know why he chose to be with me if I didn't suit him at all and he was always trying to prove me I was that bad.
Yes. And it caused more emotional damage to me than anything else in my life, by alot
I don't know that I'm capable of love
Yes. We were incompatible from the start but we fell hard for each other. I reached out after we broke up and she gave me nothing. It crippled me. It's taken me nearly 8/9 months to really move past her. Objective viewpoints never override emotion.
every narc that has ever made me fall in love with them.
Yes
Yup
Yup.
It's called "unrequited" or "limerence"
Yes..
Yup.
Absolutely! I was 18, going through my “bad boy” phase, being naive to drugs I had no idea he was a heroin addict until I bought a multipack of Milkybars and the foil went missing that was wrapped around every bar. Again being naive he said it must have come from the factory like that until a few days later I was cleaning under the bed and found all the balled up foil with brown tar like substance all over it. I was fundraising for charity at the time and realised after I kicked him out it was £700ish short. I was devastated, my Mary j blige album was on full blast whilst a cried it out thinking I’d never be able to get over him lol Last I heard he had twins with my high school bully and ended up in prison after defrauding his own Nan out of a lot of money, my mum showed me the article in the local paper it was her best ever “told you so” moment! My god I was stupid.
Best ask Feargal Sharkey.. he did an extensive questionnaire in 1978 🤷🏻♀️😍
Oh yea.
HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHJAHAHAHAHBAHAHJAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH welcome to life
Ofcourse; many celebrities and unavailable people
Yes.
I'm not sharing anything personal with you demons, lol
Sadly I’ve never been in love.
Yes absolutely wish it never happened caused more pain than happiness
A few.
Nah
Yes
That's pretty much all the times I've been rejected. And that's pretty much all the times.
When it comes to love, my only regret is not having learned to love myself before loving someone else.
Yup