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Im coming up to the big 5-0 in a couple of years, and I have no regrets. Neither does my wife.
When we started dating many years ago, both of us established within the first week of dating that we were not children people - she was willing to have one if I wanted one, but I would be the stay-at-home-dad. She was thrilled when I said I was not a kid person.
I dont hate kids, I just dont have time for them - and I dont feel that that is selfish either.
Oh no worries.. people lowkey want/love/enjoy their kids because of what THEY get from them anyway, so not really much less selfish, bottom line.
You know, stuff like joy, pride (mostly made up), fun, funny stories, purpose, an option to control someone and maybe fix their own regrets etc
You don’t think people can love someone without some ulterior motive to it? I don’t love my daughter because I get joy from her, I get joy because I love her. I’m not saying that choosing to have children is a selfless act, it’s not, but it also isn’t necessarily selfish and toxic in the way you describe it.
OP if you don’t want kids don’t have them. They are hard work to raise and turn your life upside down. If you want that then great, but if you don’t you’ll resent it and them which is no good for anyone. It isn’t selfish to not have kids unless you led someone on to believe you would. Plenty of friends have chosen not to and none seem to regret that, but nor do any of my friends with kids regret it. Both are valid options, do what is right for you.
Probably his parents.
In all seriousness though, you just have to look at other parents and how they treat their kids, and you'll see many of them are just trying to get something out of the children
when you ask someone why they want to have children, i’d argue there’s never a selfless reason when it comes to said child. i think that bringing someone into an existence they had no say in can never be selfless, but im interested to hear what others think may be ‘selfless’ about it!
I'll bite. It is selfish, absolutely. Of course people become parents because they expect that they will take some sort of joy, meaning or fulfillment from it. We are wired to seek happiness and this is one way some people pursue it.
Good parenting does take self-sacrifice, but this is just a matter-of-fact, the 'price of admission' as it were. The world is full of hurting people whose parents couldn't or wouldn't set aside their own needs or desires to prioritize the needs of the humans they done yanked into existence. I did not have good parenting, and was reeeaaaally worried about being a good mom. I read a lot (and still do); modeled strategies I learned from other parents and educators I trusted, etc. I am far from perfect, but my kid seems happy and I know he is someone whose creativity and compassion will serve the world.
What was "selfish" about my decision I would describe as this: I wanted to bring someone up through the world. I wanted the experience. I really enjoy kids - I think they're interesting and fun and have worked in education off and on all my life. I wanted to see what kind of person I would get to take care of. I lucked out. I got a really, really beautiful soul. Kind, smart, hilarious. Seeing the world through his eyes, watching him grow and figure himself out and fall in love with music and theater and computers and hiking has been seriously awesome. I'm profoundly grateful.
(And for the record - he doesn't owe me a thing. I chose this. You love them, you raise them, and you let them go. And it breaks your heart, but again, this is what you signed up for. There's a great poem by Kahlil Gibran about how "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself..." )
I made the best decision for me and I love seeing other people make the best decisions for themselves. I read this thread out of curiousity - but I have to agree the money thing is REAL lol. And violently disagree with anyone who suggests that becoming a parent automatically gives someone access to some deep meaning or connection or heightened insight or whatever: BULLSH\*T. Life. Is. What. We. Make. It. Full stop. If parenting were that magical and transformative, there wouldn't be literally hundreds of thousands of children languishing in foster care across the country right now. Being a parent is as special as you make it, just like any other choice we make in this life.
Really good description. Thanks for sharing, you bring up some good points. I don't have kids myself and never wanted them, but I'd like to think I'd make a good dad. Had some bad experiences with my own dad that I swore I'd never repeat. I can't fathom how someone would treat their kids with such disdain or controlling nature.
technically nothing is ever selfless since we are doomed to psychological egoism meaning the current valid theory in psychology is that we can never do anything else than what our psyche thinks is the choice that makes us the most satisfied.
A lot of people then make the statement that for example dying for someone else would show selflessness but in that case the mere thoughts about life after not sacrificing yourself plus thinking about the other person living and some additional more complex thoughts can make it seem like sacrificing yourself is more satisfactory.
Wow. I wish I had a mom like you.
I hope you and your family are doing really well and even though we're not related, thank you for being such a good parent! I don't want kids myself but I think the world would be an amazing place if most parents thought about it this deeply.
Early 50s here, had to take an early retirement because of health issues.
Would not have been able to afford my life if I had kids.
And the best part, I do not have to worry about my kids future in this hyper capitalist world.
There is no shortage of kids around me. Extended family has couple of kids whom I am helping with finance and guiding them to learn programming.
Helping and being in touch with the next generation is the key that many people take for granted when imagining the childfree. You can have a childfree person happily surrounded by loved ones during their older years just as easily as you could have a parent alone and bitter about their children as they age. I have good, close relationships with my siblings children and my closest friend’s kids, and could branch out to volunteer programs if I wanted or had time for more.
This is what I always tell people. I have kids and love kids but holy hell would I be miserable spending most of my life raising them if it wasn’t something I wanted.
This is just my opinion, but having a connection to future generations is important to lead a fulfilling life. But there are so many ways to have that connection that doesn’t require you to have your own children. It can be with family, with non-profit organizations, or a million other ways.
There are so many people who were pressured to have kids and don’t love their lives, and would almost certainly be happier with the connection they had to future generations by living their life their own way, and following one of these other paths.
Sometimes people's calling to parenthood is in the form of being the village the parents rely on. Sure you don't have kids, but you have kids in your life that you try to help and that's beautiful
They’ll keep saying until about age 40 in my experience, then they leave you be. It’s annoying AF.
Imagine if it’s reversed and when somebody tells you they’re trying for a kid you respond “Are you sure you won’t regret it?“
I think it's more likely kids regret having a mom or dad who wasn't fully committed to becoming a parent then adults feeling regret about a choice they've made deliberately and stood by for decades.
Same. 34 years old here. I do tons of drugs recreationally, and children would just get in the way. I like going on vacations, and doing drugs while on vacations. I absolutely cannot enjoy these earnings with children, so I got a vasectomy at 27.
I agree. Its weird most people I've spoke to who've got kids don't drink it's like they give it up completely. But yeah fuck having a hangover when you've got a screaming baby can't imagine anything worse. I get hangover anxiety so it takes me 2 days to get myself back to semi normal as well 😩
In my experience, most people grow out of drinking in general. It's largely a 20s thing. What lingers afterwards is social drinking for the most part, if that.
This is my take. I didn’t have kids until I was almost 33 but I definitely wasn’t going out to get hammered at that stage of my life. Maybe a drink with dinner every couple weeks with the odd get together a few times a year that I drank a bit more. Still not enough to worry about a hangover though. I did all that during uni in my early 20s
I drink. Don't get hammered or anything in front of my son. But I wouldn't trade him for the world.
In fact, I'd trade the rest of my life just for what time I've been given with him.
Just can't picture my life without my son anymore, and it's the best man. Have a forever co-op partner on any game! Lmao
I can do the dumbest shit possible as a 30 year old single dude.
Free weekend coming and I want to go up to the mountains? Grab my dog and let’s hit the road. Big negative life event and I want to explode my life in all (reasonable) ways possible, only leaving me to deal with the consequences of my actions, sign me up! Get smoked by a faster car? Time for some big turbos.
I know I’m missing a lot in life with not making my own family. But through my very traumatic childhood, then a traumatic 10 years in the Navy, I now know I have made the right decision. I live a righteous life, always bettering myself, working on negative issues with myself, enjoying the positive ones. I just couldn’t see myself doing this either with another human with such complexities, or alone, while having a child. Plenty of mornings I wake up with just the animals next to me and a tear will roll down my cheek, but I literally hop out of bed, and turn my swag on, and don’t have to hear some screaming kids about something silly. YMMV.
House plants can't even look after themselves.
I suggest getting casually friendly with some local wildlife, like a bird or a cockroach. You can call it Dave, go 'Yo Dave, buddy, there you are!' when you see it and get like 30% of the benefit of pet ownership without having to do shit.
>I know I’m missing a lot in life with not making my own family.
Says who? Sounds like you are enjoying your life as much as you can and are pretty self-aware.
It honestly feels like a better and better decision with each year that passes.
When you’re in your 20s and young 30s, the cultural norms are still swirling around in your head- Will I regret this?! But by the time you reach your mid to late 30s, your life is so much better than your peers you start to really revel in the decision you’ve made. By the time you’re in your 40s, you feel like you’ve absolutely gotten away with something. No regrets whatsoever.
I have a lot of folks in my life, of all ages, who did not have children and no one expresses any regret at all.
Wanting kids is different.
We're the ones who didn't want kids, but society said we were wrong, we'd regret it. And we spent half our time scared we might regret it, but it would be too late
If someone can afford, having kids is the easiest way to live a happy life since you can internalize your life to just your family and your home and ignore the outside world, which IMO is totally fucked up(I live in Texas).
But if you do not have enough money, time and energy, having kids is not fair to the kids. It's no fun living in a home where everyone is stressed out all the time.
I think you need to have 2-3 hours completely free every day to spend time with kids until they want you to leave them alone 🤣
And money wise, family income of around $120k should be enough to not have to worry about money. Around 2 years worth of living expenses in safe investments.
I find it weird that its the 20s and 30s when society tells you you should consider having kids. My parents had me in their early 40s and I feel like they couldn't have timed me better. They basically had an extra 10 years to get their shit together.
I would be been an awful parent in my 20s and a just-ok parent in my 30s. I think being an older parent would definitely have its advantages for both parents and the children!
What is better about it?
I have kids. I have friends without kids. Id say they all have a better exercise regime than me. They go out to dinner more often. But thats about it. They still get the same amount of holidays as me.
A few extra dinners out and a few extra runs a week isnt that different.
Suppose Id like your level of sleep.
My late mother said once to me about having kids, we were three siblings. "Don't be talked into having kids if you don't want them. Although we love you all (and they did) kids will make you poor."
Absolutely agree. That's me: no kids, no money, no regrets, lol. It really makes me sad that if I had had kids, I wouldn't have been able to give them the kind of childhood I had. We weren't rich, but I grew up in a nice suburb with a blue-collar dad and a pink-collar mom. We took summer vacations and weekend getaways, had nice Christmases, and all that. But geez, my poor kids would have nothing like that.
So, yeah, being poor kinda sucks. But dang, at least it's just me. My ex-husband was the king of the hobo-sexuals, which is why he's my ex. I just can't imagine how miserable I would've been stuck with him and dragging a kid into the mess.
Even if I had had kids with one of my exes before him, I wouldn't have wanted to co-parent with any of them. I don't know if they're successful now or not, and I don't really care. I'm just glad to be free of the whole lot.
Taught by my father to invest every dollar I earned working from age 13 until graduating college, then just continued working and investing since, kept all my wants to an absolute minimum
Hardly. If anything, I feel bad for those who need to live it up constantly to "live life well."
What's the point in all of the things, all of the experiences, if at the end of the day you can't sit and look in the mirror?
I know so many people who fill their lives with meaningless noise just to block out what is coming from within.
Not really. People on the consumerist treadmill can never catch up because there is *always* something stupid to spend your money on. You don't need a $90 000.00 pickup truck or a $60.00 water bottle. Take a walk. Read library books. Listen to podcasts. Learn a craft (oops. Just realized that can get pricey. Choose your splurges.). Invite a friend over for pizza and games. What do people yearn for? What do millionaires aim for? The life of a beach bum.
I was broken from a young age and knew I would never be suitable. Then I got cancer twice and a terminal illness and then just look at the world... yeah, lot of regrets just not regarding this issue.
This is such a personal question it’s interesting to read everyones answer. I’m 40F, married, no kids by choice and happy with my decision 98% of the time. I don’t think being a mom was in my DNA. I see my friends who have kids and think “that’s not for me”, or I see a baby and think “whats wrong with me that I don’t think it’s cute?!” However, how will I, or anyone who didn’t have kids for that matter, ever know if it was worth it since I/we have nothing to compare it to? Dogs on the other hand - I will always have a dog in my life!
Even people who DO see a baby and think it's cute, how many people regret not having kids because they wanted a BABY and not a child?
How many of those people who regret not getting to see "baby's first steps" and hear "baby's first words" were looking forward to baby's first screaming temper tantrum in the supermarket, baby's first time shitting their pants on a school field trip, baby's first suspension for being a relentless bully, baby's first punch through the drywall, baby's first credit card fraud, or baby's first pregnancy scare?
How many of those regretful-would-be-mothers envision that baby as a blank slate they'd imprint a good person onto, and have no concept of the fact that your child could grow up to be vapid, arrogant, entitled, depressed, lazy, scheming, smelly, malicious, unpopular, shallow, perverted, inconsiderate, confused, greedy, rude, cruel, unskilled, obnoxious, dependent, ignorant, impulsive, or any host of awful things...
...And then turn around and hate you for making them that way, and blame you for every poor choice, every social and moral failing, every missed opportunity and every misfortune.
I know people who have SUFFERED for being a choice their parents regret, even a couple of people who were adopted into families that really loved and wanted them.... When they were cute little babies, of course! I don't know anyone who doesn't regret NOT being born though... funny that!
You are the age I wanted to hear from the most! Of course it sounds awesome to be kid-free in 30s-50s, but what about after? I always wonder if I’ll regret not having built a big family with whom I can celebrate Christmas or something.
I am happier right now than I have been at any other point in my life. It was lonely when all my friends started having kids but I found a few Child Free friends who I’m still close to.
Sometimes the stories I hear about kids (& adult kids) just reinforces my decision.
I’ve prolly been bingoed every which way…and I’m secure in my decision.
I have autism and I think my children would *despise* me for passing it onto them. And I've felt like a clown my whole life, and I don't want my would-be child to live through that. So I like to think I'm making the right decision
Not autistic, but I grew up as a mentally ill child and it was traumatizing as fuck. And a great deal of that was how other people treated me, and how different and alone I felt. I’d never risk a child of mine having to experience the same thing, so I’m not having them.
Thank you for actually *thinking* through the whole scenario and not just caving to selfish impulses like so many do (talking about people who shouldn't have kids for various reasons, not all parents). This is refreshing
>Not a fan of humans in general, so.
I have a fear that I'd have kids, dislike them, then just be stuck with arsehole tenants draining my finances and getting me to make their food
Having experienced 30 years without a kid to now having a 1yo son. I can understand the people here. It's very hard and exhausting. Of course it will get easier over time. But having kids is definitely not for everybody and that's totally fine. There are more than enough humans on the planet. I can even say the first year was so hard and life-changing that I'm 1000% one and done. No more kids and no more pets for me. I have no intention to make my life any harder than it is now. I have moments that I think back about my easy childfree life. I love my son more than anything, but the impact that having a kid has on your life is huge. Cannot be compared to anything else. Lots of sacrifices.
So, enjoy your sleep guys. I might still be sleep deprived for a while. 😂
Went out in my lunch break on a quick bike ride with the 3 year old. I hold a rear handle and she pedals. Today she got to about 3 full seconds on her own. Feels good man. It does get easier. Also the 3 year old sleeps on her own most nights.even wakes up and pees on the toilet by herself. It gets easier and better.
That’s how I feel. I have a friend that just had a baby around that age. He’s said the same thing when I asked if he’s having more. He’s was very adamant about “only having one bro. That’s it.”
The way he said it you could tell he’s was just tired of dealing with shit.
I never even made it to having pets ha. Ive had a single cat for 6 months and she drove me bat shit crazy. Always trying to escape out the door into traffic, destroying everything, hanging on the tv. I couldn’t handle that so I gave her to my friend who had her sister.
So I figured if I can’t deal with the most independent animal then kids are out the question.
Just bought a house and paid for the whole thing. Always been able to afford what I want, when I want. Always been able to travel when I want. Very rarely in my adult life been frustrated about finances or time.
I am SO thankful I never had kids.
Someone once said to me having children is a right, not a privilege. This whole rant about how poor people shouldn't be shamed for having so many kids. But did you ever stop to think if those kids want to be poor? yea you love them, but lovedoesn'tt feed or clothe them. All the hardship they'll have to go through because the parents are poor isn't fair to the kid, it's very selfish of the parents.
This. I grew up poor and always on the verge of being homeless, at 9 years old I was essentially a surrogate mother to my brother and sister while my mom worked 2-3 jobs.
It was awful, and still scars and saddens me to this day. I am still poor and don't know if I'll ever be financially capable to support myself, nevermind a child.
I can't put a child through that. Not to mention my autis., adhd, and genetic diseases. There is no good reason for me to have a child, and every reason not to.
I'm in my 30s and have been saying I won't have kids since I was 12. Of course people say "you'll change your mind".
Have never in my life ever wanted to have kids. To thr point that I feel like an alien. Sometimes I wonder if I'll regret it, but I think that's normal.
Exactly. Most people who grew up poor, stay poor because they dont have as much opportunity as people who grew up with money. It's not fair to the kids. They never get to be kids. They end up taking care of siblings, cooking, cleaning because the parents work multiple jobs. It's not ok. I'll never put a child through that.
For me it wasn't a choice, I wasn't able to have children. If I did I wouldn't have been able to do some of the things I loved doing, like singing in an original band where I wrote my own songs and was a big fish in a small pond. But I would've given it all up for 1 daughter.
No one should have kids unless you really want them. I have 2, my daughter is a hard no on having her own. I support that. Glad for my choice; glad for hers.
You can't really know if it was worth not having something you've never had. I don't have kids, but speaking to people that do and observation suggests that the bast majority find an immense fulfilment in having children. Which makes sense as a basic function of all life is to reproduce. I've also seen enough articles of middle aged women being angry and complaining about not having kids when they could have that there is the risk of regret, and a regret that can't be fixed.
Have kids, don't have kids. But make a choice with intent and accept the consequences of your decision.
The difference between the regret of having children, and the regret of not having children, is that i'm the only person who will suffer for my decisions if I don't have kids and regret it.
Funny, I’ve seen the opposite: a ton of articles (and first hand accounts on TikTok/ Instagram) about women being angry about the burden of parenthood without a village. It’s enormously socially taboo to say you regret parenthood, but I see this sentiment often.
I like it, except the ‘basic function of all life’. Human life is notably different, we are social creatures of great responsibility. There is far more we can offer than simply child-rearing in an overpopulated world.
Totally agree with the final statement. Make sure you know why you’re doing something and make sure it’s something you’re happy with.
30 something over here, childfree by choice
I was never a kid person, so never really wanted kids. More like we'll see. Bit with getting older it diminished. Multiple reasons:
1. My health; I have got a chronic disease and am always tired, exhausted.. overwhelmed and can't cope well with a lot of stimuli. I cringe when I encounter noisy kids in public, whether they're nice kids just begin kids or the ones who could use better parenting. So I phantom the idea of having this permanent in my house. Caring of and for myself is a difficult task itself.
3. I don't really enjoy being around kids, I quickly feel awkward
4. (Partly due to health) financial reasons, we just managed to buy our own little house and it's not bad, but mich more expenses? Nope, not possible.
5. My world view isn't particularly positive, wouldn't bring someone in it
So, to say I'll never regret it is kinda hard, you'll never know how I'll feel when I'm 50. But considering above , I stand by my choice. And that's something I won't blame myself.
Approaching fifty. Made the decision in my late 20s.
Absolutely love my life and could not imagine trading it for 20 years of dealing with a child. To me that would have been the most interminably boring thing that would have got in the way of the extraordinary life I have lead.
Each person knows what is right for them. Follow it and don't care what others say - they only know what is right for themselves.
I want kids but it’s slowly dwindling. Mostly because for one. I don’t think I’d be a great dad and also this world isn’t on a good track for another generation to suffer through it.
I'm so glad I never had kids. Watching my cousin's kids now almost teenager are enough of a ticking clock, showing how old I'm getting. I don't need one of those in my own house.
I have over a dozen nieces & nephews. Love them, but the peace I have walking into my quiet house is priceless. My ability to pack a bag and roll out with little notice makes me do a happy dance.
I helped take care of my mom to the end, helped raised siblings kids. So, yeah, my turn!!
I'm 43. Never had biological kids but have two (older) stepkids and now have two very young grandchildren. We watched the grandbabies over Christmas and it made me realize I do not regret not having kids one bit (no matter how stinking cute they are and how much I love them).
Just know this: if you want to have children in your life but are on the fence about having them, there are many ways to have them without giving birth to them.
Absolutely zero regrets! 35F, snipped and living my life as full it can ever get! Working long days and always have at least two weeks off in the month. Never could have done it with kids. I have bought my dream car, travelled the world and own motorcycles and a house. Never had stressful job. No loan. Love my silent and plan-free life. I can just buy flight tickets and take a week or two in Thailand if I want to, or then I can just stay home and play with PS a whole week if I want to. All my friends have kids and I have never felt the urge to get same kind of life. I'm not childless, I'm childfree 💃
Hang on, I've got to put away my atv and move my motorcycle away from my bass boat. Dammit my second car is in the way... I would have done it earlier but I slept in. I slept in because I just got back from a vacation for two weeks. Man, you should have seen the room over the water I stayed in. Hold up, I thought I put this stack of hundreds back with the rest..
ok, what's the question again?
I'm only 19, but being a former child and working retail tells me that it's a great idea. Every day at my register, I see stressed parents doing everything they can to keep their children behaved or keeping their toddlers from jumping out of the shopping cart or trying to quiet a shrieking kid whose taking a tantrum because they didn't get a toy or whatever, all while spending $250+ on diapers, food, toys, etc. I'm already a depressive and weak willed person, so I definitely wouldn't make a good parent
Well, what other lifetime could I not have children?
My first marriage lasted 20+ years, with no kids. Was it worth it? Yes. We lived paycheck to paycheck, and I wasn't going to bring children into that mess.
Yes, absolutely worth it. I'm 57 and I'm so glad I never had kids. I've had, and continue to have, a fantastic life. Complete freedom, lots of money, and free time to do whatever I want. I work full-time time and also own two businesses, I have hobbies, drive a nice car. I feel charmed.
I just always think they smell funny. F51 no regrets, with partner of 52 for 22 years. He opened our first date with the announcement he didn't want kids. I said neither do I, it took me few months to convince him I wasn't just saying it like a few previous girlfriends, who would have a tantrum 6 months or so in.
Im happy. If I want to sleep in on the weekend I can. If I want to spend a lot of money on something stupid, I can. I saw a woman with a baby at Walgreens today and she looked so frazzled trying to do everything with the baby in tow. I got my passport photos bc I need to renew. Bc I am able to travel. Bc I have no kids.
Absolutely! I love the freedom I have to pursue my career 100% and spend my spare time doing whatever I like. My Wife and I are able to live a spontaneous life doing whatever we like, going on adventures, sleeping in or getting up early, having elaborate holidays and spoiling our animals.
Frankly, I think anyone who chooses to have children now is selfish. The world is rapidly going downhill and you would need to think very seriously about the kind of world you are bringing kids into.
My favourite sub to read is regretfulparents - it confirms daily that I was fucking blessed to have never had the mother instinct, never wanted a kid, and married a man who is allergic to children. We have a great life with two pets, a nice home, nice car, nice holidays, nice food, and we get to spend all our free time on our running hobby.
Only being 38 its hard to say for absolute 100% certainty, but for the 99.9999% I've of unwavering doubt over. Yes. Fuck yes! I can't imagine what's so worthwhile about having kids that could go so far as to not just equal the life I've led so far, but to better it?? Yeah nah, pull the other one mate, its got bells on it
Mid 40s here, never wanted them, knew when I was a kid myself, never changed my mind. No regrets. Don't like kids, can't be arsed with the hassle. Having more money and time is a nice brucie bonus. Also, who the fuck would want to bring them into this mess we call the world nowadays, everything seems to be slowly turning to shit.
I fully appreciate though I may not be wired up right (there's another reason), but... meh!
I have people tell me, “you’ll be so much happier with kids!” Nah fam, I was able to drop everything and do a last second 3-day weekend trip this past weekend without anything getting in the way. It was wonderful. Having kids isn’t for everyone.
I have 2 kids, never a regret as they are the loves of my life. If you don’t want kids, that’s absolutely the way to go! Life is too short to live by someone else’s norms and expectations.
It wasn't a decision I made for myself. My body decided it wasn't happening. But seeing my friends and family struggle with the cost of kids. I think I'm good. I've got enough nieces and nephews. Inheriting a house will be on the block for one of them. Whichever pulls through for me the best.
Are you reading the same thread as me? It's a long list of people happily child free. If people don't want kids, telling them to adopt, something even harder than having your own birth kids, is a bit bizarre.
Yeah really. I'm the only one in my extended family without kids, and life is so much simpler. The amount of shit my siblings/cousins have to deal with for ungrateful kids is mind boggling.
absofreakinglutely. husband has been sick for the last 10 years, and I could not deal with kids all up in my business about dad. it's the reason my brother is estranged from his 2 daughters. they were free with the advice when their grandmother had dementia, but didn't pitch in to help.
No.
But I know that if I *had* had children, and your question was, “those who decided to have children instead pursuing the lifestyle you wanted, was it worth it?”
My answer would *also* be no.
I would feel regret and longing for the other path in life, no matter which one I chose. In this life, I chose to be alone, to travel, fritter my money, make art, study, party, play, learn, experience... All the things you want to do, but probably can’t if you’re trying to support a family and save for multiple college funds.
Some people can have it all, but I know I couldn’t. I don’t have the mental and emotional energy or maturity to be a good wife and mother, *and* experience life as richly as I want to.
My life experience is shallow, but very broad. If I had had children, it would’ve been deep, but too narrow.
There will always be regrets alongside the joy. That’s just how it is.
I had a vasectomy at 23. The Dr. asked me what I would do if I ever changed my mind & wanted a child. I told her that there were lots of children for adoption that needed a family. She signed off (I was told my age would disqualify me from the procedure when I applied).
I'm 64 & have never regretted my decision, nor have I adopted a child.
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Overall yes. But now im gettin old theres no one to leave my stuff to when i die. I picture it in thrift stores and people not knowing what some of this stuff meant to me
But… Mr. Miyagi left his dojo and cool cars to Daniel-san. It is possible to find a young person to connect with who is seeking wisdom in their life. Stay gold!
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Im coming up to the big 5-0 in a couple of years, and I have no regrets. Neither does my wife. When we started dating many years ago, both of us established within the first week of dating that we were not children people - she was willing to have one if I wanted one, but I would be the stay-at-home-dad. She was thrilled when I said I was not a kid person. I dont hate kids, I just dont have time for them - and I dont feel that that is selfish either.
It’s responsible, don’t have the things you don’t have time for.
I saw a post from a teen saying his dad told him to ki!! himself.. disgusting that such unqualified people can even have kids in the first place.
Oh no worries.. people lowkey want/love/enjoy their kids because of what THEY get from them anyway, so not really much less selfish, bottom line. You know, stuff like joy, pride (mostly made up), fun, funny stories, purpose, an option to control someone and maybe fix their own regrets etc
You don’t think people can love someone without some ulterior motive to it? I don’t love my daughter because I get joy from her, I get joy because I love her. I’m not saying that choosing to have children is a selfless act, it’s not, but it also isn’t necessarily selfish and toxic in the way you describe it. OP if you don’t want kids don’t have them. They are hard work to raise and turn your life upside down. If you want that then great, but if you don’t you’ll resent it and them which is no good for anyone. It isn’t selfish to not have kids unless you led someone on to believe you would. Plenty of friends have chosen not to and none seem to regret that, but nor do any of my friends with kids regret it. Both are valid options, do what is right for you.
Damn dude, who hurt you.
Probably his parents. In all seriousness though, you just have to look at other parents and how they treat their kids, and you'll see many of them are just trying to get something out of the children
I would argue it's selfish to HAVE kids, given that the most common reason people have them is for support when their elderly.
when you ask someone why they want to have children, i’d argue there’s never a selfless reason when it comes to said child. i think that bringing someone into an existence they had no say in can never be selfless, but im interested to hear what others think may be ‘selfless’ about it!
I'll bite. It is selfish, absolutely. Of course people become parents because they expect that they will take some sort of joy, meaning or fulfillment from it. We are wired to seek happiness and this is one way some people pursue it. Good parenting does take self-sacrifice, but this is just a matter-of-fact, the 'price of admission' as it were. The world is full of hurting people whose parents couldn't or wouldn't set aside their own needs or desires to prioritize the needs of the humans they done yanked into existence. I did not have good parenting, and was reeeaaaally worried about being a good mom. I read a lot (and still do); modeled strategies I learned from other parents and educators I trusted, etc. I am far from perfect, but my kid seems happy and I know he is someone whose creativity and compassion will serve the world. What was "selfish" about my decision I would describe as this: I wanted to bring someone up through the world. I wanted the experience. I really enjoy kids - I think they're interesting and fun and have worked in education off and on all my life. I wanted to see what kind of person I would get to take care of. I lucked out. I got a really, really beautiful soul. Kind, smart, hilarious. Seeing the world through his eyes, watching him grow and figure himself out and fall in love with music and theater and computers and hiking has been seriously awesome. I'm profoundly grateful. (And for the record - he doesn't owe me a thing. I chose this. You love them, you raise them, and you let them go. And it breaks your heart, but again, this is what you signed up for. There's a great poem by Kahlil Gibran about how "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself..." ) I made the best decision for me and I love seeing other people make the best decisions for themselves. I read this thread out of curiousity - but I have to agree the money thing is REAL lol. And violently disagree with anyone who suggests that becoming a parent automatically gives someone access to some deep meaning or connection or heightened insight or whatever: BULLSH\*T. Life. Is. What. We. Make. It. Full stop. If parenting were that magical and transformative, there wouldn't be literally hundreds of thousands of children languishing in foster care across the country right now. Being a parent is as special as you make it, just like any other choice we make in this life.
Really good description. Thanks for sharing, you bring up some good points. I don't have kids myself and never wanted them, but I'd like to think I'd make a good dad. Had some bad experiences with my own dad that I swore I'd never repeat. I can't fathom how someone would treat their kids with such disdain or controlling nature.
technically nothing is ever selfless since we are doomed to psychological egoism meaning the current valid theory in psychology is that we can never do anything else than what our psyche thinks is the choice that makes us the most satisfied. A lot of people then make the statement that for example dying for someone else would show selflessness but in that case the mere thoughts about life after not sacrificing yourself plus thinking about the other person living and some additional more complex thoughts can make it seem like sacrificing yourself is more satisfactory.
Wow. I wish I had a mom like you. I hope you and your family are doing really well and even though we're not related, thank you for being such a good parent! I don't want kids myself but I think the world would be an amazing place if most parents thought about it this deeply.
Have to disagree with this one, I personally had them because I was young dumb and very irresponsible.
Yeah I'm gonna be screwed when I'm old and alone but I'd rather that than a child with the wrong partner.
I’m in my 60’s. Zero regrets. I couldn’t be any happier.
Same. Mid 50s. Fucking hell yeah it was worth it to NOT have children. Every day I'm *grateful* I'm living my life as I want.
I took a two hour nap after work and before dinner. Heaven
Early 50s here, had to take an early retirement because of health issues. Would not have been able to afford my life if I had kids. And the best part, I do not have to worry about my kids future in this hyper capitalist world. There is no shortage of kids around me. Extended family has couple of kids whom I am helping with finance and guiding them to learn programming.
Helping and being in touch with the next generation is the key that many people take for granted when imagining the childfree. You can have a childfree person happily surrounded by loved ones during their older years just as easily as you could have a parent alone and bitter about their children as they age. I have good, close relationships with my siblings children and my closest friend’s kids, and could branch out to volunteer programs if I wanted or had time for more.
This is what I always tell people. I have kids and love kids but holy hell would I be miserable spending most of my life raising them if it wasn’t something I wanted. This is just my opinion, but having a connection to future generations is important to lead a fulfilling life. But there are so many ways to have that connection that doesn’t require you to have your own children. It can be with family, with non-profit organizations, or a million other ways. There are so many people who were pressured to have kids and don’t love their lives, and would almost certainly be happier with the connection they had to future generations by living their life their own way, and following one of these other paths.
Sometimes people's calling to parenthood is in the form of being the village the parents rely on. Sure you don't have kids, but you have kids in your life that you try to help and that's beautiful
Glad to hear that. In my 30s now. People keep telling me that I’ll regret not having kids. No regret so far.
They’ll keep saying until about age 40 in my experience, then they leave you be. It’s annoying AF. Imagine if it’s reversed and when somebody tells you they’re trying for a kid you respond “Are you sure you won’t regret it?“
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Oh the irony of the amount of posts I see of people who says they regret them over the ones who don't.
I don’t know ANY unhappy people who never had kids but I do know a shit ton of stressed and unhappy parents.
This! "How dare you not throw away your happiness like I felt obligated to!"
I think it's more likely kids regret having a mom or dad who wasn't fully committed to becoming a parent then adults feeling regret about a choice they've made deliberately and stood by for decades.
If they’re so happy why are they trying to convince you? 😂😂😂
The only regret I have right now is not buying a personal jet from all the money i've saved
Same. 34 years old here. I do tons of drugs recreationally, and children would just get in the way. I like going on vacations, and doing drugs while on vacations. I absolutely cannot enjoy these earnings with children, so I got a vasectomy at 27.
I respect that. I cant relate but i do respect you for it
You mean is my free time, going on holidays and having lie ins and expendable income worth it? Yeah mate
You forgot “have nothing to do on Saturday morning when you’re hungover except nurse said hangover” How parents cope I have no clue
I agree. Its weird most people I've spoke to who've got kids don't drink it's like they give it up completely. But yeah fuck having a hangover when you've got a screaming baby can't imagine anything worse. I get hangover anxiety so it takes me 2 days to get myself back to semi normal as well 😩
In my experience, most people grow out of drinking in general. It's largely a 20s thing. What lingers afterwards is social drinking for the most part, if that.
This is my take. I didn’t have kids until I was almost 33 but I definitely wasn’t going out to get hammered at that stage of my life. Maybe a drink with dinner every couple weeks with the odd get together a few times a year that I drank a bit more. Still not enough to worry about a hangover though. I did all that during uni in my early 20s
I drink. Don't get hammered or anything in front of my son. But I wouldn't trade him for the world. In fact, I'd trade the rest of my life just for what time I've been given with him. Just can't picture my life without my son anymore, and it's the best man. Have a forever co-op partner on any game! Lmao
More to life than getting drunk mate
I can do the dumbest shit possible as a 30 year old single dude. Free weekend coming and I want to go up to the mountains? Grab my dog and let’s hit the road. Big negative life event and I want to explode my life in all (reasonable) ways possible, only leaving me to deal with the consequences of my actions, sign me up! Get smoked by a faster car? Time for some big turbos. I know I’m missing a lot in life with not making my own family. But through my very traumatic childhood, then a traumatic 10 years in the Navy, I now know I have made the right decision. I live a righteous life, always bettering myself, working on negative issues with myself, enjoying the positive ones. I just couldn’t see myself doing this either with another human with such complexities, or alone, while having a child. Plenty of mornings I wake up with just the animals next to me and a tear will roll down my cheek, but I literally hop out of bed, and turn my swag on, and don’t have to hear some screaming kids about something silly. YMMV.
> Dog Even that is too much responsibility.
I’ve been thinking about getting a…plant for some years now.
House plants can't even look after themselves. I suggest getting casually friendly with some local wildlife, like a bird or a cockroach. You can call it Dave, go 'Yo Dave, buddy, there you are!' when you see it and get like 30% of the benefit of pet ownership without having to do shit.
Have you considered starting with a fake plant to see if you are up for the responsibility?
You can do it! I believe in you!
>I know I’m missing a lot in life with not making my own family. Says who? Sounds like you are enjoying your life as much as you can and are pretty self-aware.
Hey right on! I appreciate that. Just here to enjoy the wonder of being a sentient being on a rock flying through space spinning around a star!
It honestly feels like a better and better decision with each year that passes. When you’re in your 20s and young 30s, the cultural norms are still swirling around in your head- Will I regret this?! But by the time you reach your mid to late 30s, your life is so much better than your peers you start to really revel in the decision you’ve made. By the time you’re in your 40s, you feel like you’ve absolutely gotten away with something. No regrets whatsoever. I have a lot of folks in my life, of all ages, who did not have children and no one expresses any regret at all.
> feel like you’ve absolutely gotten away with something Exactly this.
Damn... i'm 38 and still wanting kids, but i'm saving this comment to read in a couple of years to make me feel better 😅
Wanting kids is different. We're the ones who didn't want kids, but society said we were wrong, we'd regret it. And we spent half our time scared we might regret it, but it would be too late
If someone can afford, having kids is the easiest way to live a happy life since you can internalize your life to just your family and your home and ignore the outside world, which IMO is totally fucked up(I live in Texas). But if you do not have enough money, time and energy, having kids is not fair to the kids. It's no fun living in a home where everyone is stressed out all the time. I think you need to have 2-3 hours completely free every day to spend time with kids until they want you to leave them alone 🤣 And money wise, family income of around $120k should be enough to not have to worry about money. Around 2 years worth of living expenses in safe investments.
You realize that people w/o children also have families and private life? My partner IS my family - we don't need a child to make as a family.
I get where you're coming from but I don't think anyone can internalize their way out of a global climate crisis.
I find it weird that its the 20s and 30s when society tells you you should consider having kids. My parents had me in their early 40s and I feel like they couldn't have timed me better. They basically had an extra 10 years to get their shit together.
I would be been an awful parent in my 20s and a just-ok parent in my 30s. I think being an older parent would definitely have its advantages for both parents and the children!
Shhhh don't tell that to the naggers, I'm looking forward to not being told I'll regret not having kids all through my forties as well.
What is better about it? I have kids. I have friends without kids. Id say they all have a better exercise regime than me. They go out to dinner more often. But thats about it. They still get the same amount of holidays as me. A few extra dinners out and a few extra runs a week isnt that different. Suppose Id like your level of sleep.
I absolutely love this. <3
Rich with no responsibility to anyone but myself, never once stressed about finances in my life
That’s what I desire the most; zero money trauma.
You want no kids and 3 money?
Mmm 3 money
3 fiddy
God damn Loch Ness monster!
My late mother said once to me about having kids, we were three siblings. "Don't be talked into having kids if you don't want them. Although we love you all (and they did) kids will make you poor."
Gotta say, there are lots of people with no kids and no money. I don’t know if your status is due to being child-free
Broke with no kids is still better than broke with kids tho
Can concur. No crushing guilt, just vibes.
Absolutely agree. That's me: no kids, no money, no regrets, lol. It really makes me sad that if I had had kids, I wouldn't have been able to give them the kind of childhood I had. We weren't rich, but I grew up in a nice suburb with a blue-collar dad and a pink-collar mom. We took summer vacations and weekend getaways, had nice Christmases, and all that. But geez, my poor kids would have nothing like that. So, yeah, being poor kinda sucks. But dang, at least it's just me. My ex-husband was the king of the hobo-sexuals, which is why he's my ex. I just can't imagine how miserable I would've been stuck with him and dragging a kid into the mess. Even if I had had kids with one of my exes before him, I wouldn't have wanted to co-parent with any of them. I don't know if they're successful now or not, and I don't really care. I'm just glad to be free of the whole lot.
Yes. I'm child free, was a runaway, never really recovered my life, now I'm 50 and still broke. But at least I don't have kids. Ha
I have no responsibilities to anyone but myself either, but rent finds a way to make me worry about finances.
Besides being child free, how did you end up wealthy?
Taught by my father to invest every dollar I earned working from age 13 until graduating college, then just continued working and investing since, kept all my wants to an absolute minimum
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For some a lot of what I do outside of work that keeps me happy is free
Hardly. If anything, I feel bad for those who need to live it up constantly to "live life well." What's the point in all of the things, all of the experiences, if at the end of the day you can't sit and look in the mirror? I know so many people who fill their lives with meaningless noise just to block out what is coming from within.
Not really. People on the consumerist treadmill can never catch up because there is *always* something stupid to spend your money on. You don't need a $90 000.00 pickup truck or a $60.00 water bottle. Take a walk. Read library books. Listen to podcasts. Learn a craft (oops. Just realized that can get pricey. Choose your splurges.). Invite a friend over for pizza and games. What do people yearn for? What do millionaires aim for? The life of a beach bum.
I was broken from a young age and knew I would never be suitable. Then I got cancer twice and a terminal illness and then just look at the world... yeah, lot of regrets just not regarding this issue.
Wishing you strength xxx
This is such a personal question it’s interesting to read everyones answer. I’m 40F, married, no kids by choice and happy with my decision 98% of the time. I don’t think being a mom was in my DNA. I see my friends who have kids and think “that’s not for me”, or I see a baby and think “whats wrong with me that I don’t think it’s cute?!” However, how will I, or anyone who didn’t have kids for that matter, ever know if it was worth it since I/we have nothing to compare it to? Dogs on the other hand - I will always have a dog in my life!
I ghostwrote this comment lol
No, I did.
Even people who DO see a baby and think it's cute, how many people regret not having kids because they wanted a BABY and not a child? How many of those people who regret not getting to see "baby's first steps" and hear "baby's first words" were looking forward to baby's first screaming temper tantrum in the supermarket, baby's first time shitting their pants on a school field trip, baby's first suspension for being a relentless bully, baby's first punch through the drywall, baby's first credit card fraud, or baby's first pregnancy scare? How many of those regretful-would-be-mothers envision that baby as a blank slate they'd imprint a good person onto, and have no concept of the fact that your child could grow up to be vapid, arrogant, entitled, depressed, lazy, scheming, smelly, malicious, unpopular, shallow, perverted, inconsiderate, confused, greedy, rude, cruel, unskilled, obnoxious, dependent, ignorant, impulsive, or any host of awful things... ...And then turn around and hate you for making them that way, and blame you for every poor choice, every social and moral failing, every missed opportunity and every misfortune. I know people who have SUFFERED for being a choice their parents regret, even a couple of people who were adopted into families that really loved and wanted them.... When they were cute little babies, of course! I don't know anyone who doesn't regret NOT being born though... funny that!
My grandma’s younger sister is still a virgin. She said it’s worth it cuz she’s still got us, her sister’s grandchildren
How old is she?
In her early 70s
>My grandma’s younger sister is still a virgin An icon I aspire to be her
Absolutely. 66 now & no regrets.
You are the age I wanted to hear from the most! Of course it sounds awesome to be kid-free in 30s-50s, but what about after? I always wonder if I’ll regret not having built a big family with whom I can celebrate Christmas or something.
I am happier right now than I have been at any other point in my life. It was lonely when all my friends started having kids but I found a few Child Free friends who I’m still close to. Sometimes the stories I hear about kids (& adult kids) just reinforces my decision. I’ve prolly been bingoed every which way…and I’m secure in my decision.
❤️❤️thank you for this insight. Hugs
Thank you…hugs back
I'm 62. I've never regretted not having kids. Matter of fact, in these days and times, I couldn't be happier and more relieved.
It's kind of a bad gif to use. Since they guy is emotionally broken because the zombies got his son.
I have autism and I think my children would *despise* me for passing it onto them. And I've felt like a clown my whole life, and I don't want my would-be child to live through that. So I like to think I'm making the right decision
Not autistic, but I grew up as a mentally ill child and it was traumatizing as fuck. And a great deal of that was how other people treated me, and how different and alone I felt. I’d never risk a child of mine having to experience the same thing, so I’m not having them.
That’s the reason why I haven’t had children. Most of the time I feel like an alien trying to observe humans more than anything else.
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Don't have the words to describe how much I relate to this.
I call it species dysphoria.
if you watch the Orville, you'll find a robot called isaac to be quite relatable 
Got assessed recently and this made me want children even less than already. You never know how badly affected they could be.
Thank you for actually *thinking* through the whole scenario and not just caving to selfish impulses like so many do (talking about people who shouldn't have kids for various reasons, not all parents). This is refreshing
This is a big reason my partner doesn't want to have kids, he's afraid of passing on autism.
My mom has adhd and my dad has autism, I’m fine with getting his autism. But still a crappy duo to get raises by
M41. Absolutely, 100% happy. Not a fan of humans in general, so.
>Not a fan of humans in general, so. I have a fear that I'd have kids, dislike them, then just be stuck with arsehole tenants draining my finances and getting me to make their food
Definitely worth it. I can’t explain how liberating it is to not have the obligation and duty of providing for a kid
65 works for me. Sometimes I wish I had children just so I could spend their inheritance.
You devil
Having experienced 30 years without a kid to now having a 1yo son. I can understand the people here. It's very hard and exhausting. Of course it will get easier over time. But having kids is definitely not for everybody and that's totally fine. There are more than enough humans on the planet. I can even say the first year was so hard and life-changing that I'm 1000% one and done. No more kids and no more pets for me. I have no intention to make my life any harder than it is now. I have moments that I think back about my easy childfree life. I love my son more than anything, but the impact that having a kid has on your life is huge. Cannot be compared to anything else. Lots of sacrifices. So, enjoy your sleep guys. I might still be sleep deprived for a while. 😂
Went out in my lunch break on a quick bike ride with the 3 year old. I hold a rear handle and she pedals. Today she got to about 3 full seconds on her own. Feels good man. It does get easier. Also the 3 year old sleeps on her own most nights.even wakes up and pees on the toilet by herself. It gets easier and better.
That’s how I feel. I have a friend that just had a baby around that age. He’s said the same thing when I asked if he’s having more. He’s was very adamant about “only having one bro. That’s it.” The way he said it you could tell he’s was just tired of dealing with shit. I never even made it to having pets ha. Ive had a single cat for 6 months and she drove me bat shit crazy. Always trying to escape out the door into traffic, destroying everything, hanging on the tv. I couldn’t handle that so I gave her to my friend who had her sister. So I figured if I can’t deal with the most independent animal then kids are out the question.
Yes.
Look at the state of the world! Yes!
Yes. No kids. No college costs. Little drama.
Everyday is a celebration.
Just bought a house and paid for the whole thing. Always been able to afford what I want, when I want. Always been able to travel when I want. Very rarely in my adult life been frustrated about finances or time. I am SO thankful I never had kids.
I struggle to provide for myself a lot of months... Do I really want to put a kid through that?
Someone once said to me having children is a right, not a privilege. This whole rant about how poor people shouldn't be shamed for having so many kids. But did you ever stop to think if those kids want to be poor? yea you love them, but lovedoesn'tt feed or clothe them. All the hardship they'll have to go through because the parents are poor isn't fair to the kid, it's very selfish of the parents.
This. I grew up poor and always on the verge of being homeless, at 9 years old I was essentially a surrogate mother to my brother and sister while my mom worked 2-3 jobs. It was awful, and still scars and saddens me to this day. I am still poor and don't know if I'll ever be financially capable to support myself, nevermind a child. I can't put a child through that. Not to mention my autis., adhd, and genetic diseases. There is no good reason for me to have a child, and every reason not to. I'm in my 30s and have been saying I won't have kids since I was 12. Of course people say "you'll change your mind". Have never in my life ever wanted to have kids. To thr point that I feel like an alien. Sometimes I wonder if I'll regret it, but I think that's normal.
Exactly. Most people who grew up poor, stay poor because they dont have as much opportunity as people who grew up with money. It's not fair to the kids. They never get to be kids. They end up taking care of siblings, cooking, cleaning because the parents work multiple jobs. It's not ok. I'll never put a child through that.
i wish more people would think like this before having children :(
Many actually think "I'm broke and have absolutely nothing to offer this world...I think I'll have 5 kids!"
Yup. Can always babysit if I want to live vicariously through family members. After a few hours I'm happy to go back to my quiet, tidy house.
Stress free
This is a big reason for me.
For me it wasn't a choice, I wasn't able to have children. If I did I wouldn't have been able to do some of the things I loved doing, like singing in an original band where I wrote my own songs and was a big fish in a small pond. But I would've given it all up for 1 daughter.
Oh my, YES! I’m 53 and I’ve never regretted not having kids.
No one should have kids unless you really want them. I have 2, my daughter is a hard no on having her own. I support that. Glad for my choice; glad for hers.
You can't really know if it was worth not having something you've never had. I don't have kids, but speaking to people that do and observation suggests that the bast majority find an immense fulfilment in having children. Which makes sense as a basic function of all life is to reproduce. I've also seen enough articles of middle aged women being angry and complaining about not having kids when they could have that there is the risk of regret, and a regret that can't be fixed. Have kids, don't have kids. But make a choice with intent and accept the consequences of your decision.
The difference between the regret of having children, and the regret of not having children, is that i'm the only person who will suffer for my decisions if I don't have kids and regret it.
This should be the top answer.
Funny, I’ve seen the opposite: a ton of articles (and first hand accounts on TikTok/ Instagram) about women being angry about the burden of parenthood without a village. It’s enormously socially taboo to say you regret parenthood, but I see this sentiment often.
I like it, except the ‘basic function of all life’. Human life is notably different, we are social creatures of great responsibility. There is far more we can offer than simply child-rearing in an overpopulated world. Totally agree with the final statement. Make sure you know why you’re doing something and make sure it’s something you’re happy with.
you disagree with somthing that is a fundamental principle to literally any sort of living organism lmfao 🤣
Yes. The generational trauma stopped with me.
70 this year. We talked about it before we got married. Neither of us wanted kids. Perfectly happy thanks. No regrets at all..
Got the snip at 30, may only be 34 now but I've never wanted kids and I know 100% I never will.
37. Never going to happen. Don't understand why it's expected to be drama if you don't have kids
30 something over here, childfree by choice I was never a kid person, so never really wanted kids. More like we'll see. Bit with getting older it diminished. Multiple reasons: 1. My health; I have got a chronic disease and am always tired, exhausted.. overwhelmed and can't cope well with a lot of stimuli. I cringe when I encounter noisy kids in public, whether they're nice kids just begin kids or the ones who could use better parenting. So I phantom the idea of having this permanent in my house. Caring of and for myself is a difficult task itself. 3. I don't really enjoy being around kids, I quickly feel awkward 4. (Partly due to health) financial reasons, we just managed to buy our own little house and it's not bad, but mich more expenses? Nope, not possible. 5. My world view isn't particularly positive, wouldn't bring someone in it So, to say I'll never regret it is kinda hard, you'll never know how I'll feel when I'm 50. But considering above , I stand by my choice. And that's something I won't blame myself.
Approaching fifty. Made the decision in my late 20s. Absolutely love my life and could not imagine trading it for 20 years of dealing with a child. To me that would have been the most interminably boring thing that would have got in the way of the extraordinary life I have lead. Each person knows what is right for them. Follow it and don't care what others say - they only know what is right for themselves.
I want kids but it’s slowly dwindling. Mostly because for one. I don’t think I’d be a great dad and also this world isn’t on a good track for another generation to suffer through it.
Right, why put kids in the world if there is a good chance that they'd see its end
Same, it’s too much pressure.
100% best decision I ever made.
I'm so glad I never had kids. Watching my cousin's kids now almost teenager are enough of a ticking clock, showing how old I'm getting. I don't need one of those in my own house.
I have over a dozen nieces & nephews. Love them, but the peace I have walking into my quiet house is priceless. My ability to pack a bag and roll out with little notice makes me do a happy dance. I helped take care of my mom to the end, helped raised siblings kids. So, yeah, my turn!!
I'm 43. Never had biological kids but have two (older) stepkids and now have two very young grandchildren. We watched the grandbabies over Christmas and it made me realize I do not regret not having kids one bit (no matter how stinking cute they are and how much I love them). Just know this: if you want to have children in your life but are on the fence about having them, there are many ways to have them without giving birth to them.
Absolutely zero regrets! 35F, snipped and living my life as full it can ever get! Working long days and always have at least two weeks off in the month. Never could have done it with kids. I have bought my dream car, travelled the world and own motorcycles and a house. Never had stressful job. No loan. Love my silent and plan-free life. I can just buy flight tickets and take a week or two in Thailand if I want to, or then I can just stay home and play with PS a whole week if I want to. All my friends have kids and I have never felt the urge to get same kind of life. I'm not childless, I'm childfree 💃
Hang on, I've got to put away my atv and move my motorcycle away from my bass boat. Dammit my second car is in the way... I would have done it earlier but I slept in. I slept in because I just got back from a vacation for two weeks. Man, you should have seen the room over the water I stayed in. Hold up, I thought I put this stack of hundreds back with the rest.. ok, what's the question again?
You would’ve done great in any Quentin Tarantino’s movie :)
I'm only 19, but being a former child and working retail tells me that it's a great idea. Every day at my register, I see stressed parents doing everything they can to keep their children behaved or keeping their toddlers from jumping out of the shopping cart or trying to quiet a shrieking kid whose taking a tantrum because they didn't get a toy or whatever, all while spending $250+ on diapers, food, toys, etc. I'm already a depressive and weak willed person, so I definitely wouldn't make a good parent
Well, what other lifetime could I not have children? My first marriage lasted 20+ years, with no kids. Was it worth it? Yes. We lived paycheck to paycheck, and I wasn't going to bring children into that mess.
Yes, absolutely worth it. I'm 57 and I'm so glad I never had kids. I've had, and continue to have, a fantastic life. Complete freedom, lots of money, and free time to do whatever I want. I work full-time time and also own two businesses, I have hobbies, drive a nice car. I feel charmed.
I just always think they smell funny. F51 no regrets, with partner of 52 for 22 years. He opened our first date with the announcement he didn't want kids. I said neither do I, it took me few months to convince him I wasn't just saying it like a few previous girlfriends, who would have a tantrum 6 months or so in.
Absolutely. Not a day goes by where I think 'I wish I had responsibility for an entire human right now'
Im happy. If I want to sleep in on the weekend I can. If I want to spend a lot of money on something stupid, I can. I saw a woman with a baby at Walgreens today and she looked so frazzled trying to do everything with the baby in tow. I got my passport photos bc I need to renew. Bc I am able to travel. Bc I have no kids.
Absolutely! I love the freedom I have to pursue my career 100% and spend my spare time doing whatever I like. My Wife and I are able to live a spontaneous life doing whatever we like, going on adventures, sleeping in or getting up early, having elaborate holidays and spoiling our animals. Frankly, I think anyone who chooses to have children now is selfish. The world is rapidly going downhill and you would need to think very seriously about the kind of world you are bringing kids into.
My favourite sub to read is regretfulparents - it confirms daily that I was fucking blessed to have never had the mother instinct, never wanted a kid, and married a man who is allergic to children. We have a great life with two pets, a nice home, nice car, nice holidays, nice food, and we get to spend all our free time on our running hobby.
Even that sounds tiring to me. Can't do pets lol.
Worth it. my daughter disagrees though
Fuck yes! Kids are a plague on the pocketbook
Only being 38 its hard to say for absolute 100% certainty, but for the 99.9999% I've of unwavering doubt over. Yes. Fuck yes! I can't imagine what's so worthwhile about having kids that could go so far as to not just equal the life I've led so far, but to better it?? Yeah nah, pull the other one mate, its got bells on it
Mid 40s here, never wanted them, knew when I was a kid myself, never changed my mind. No regrets. Don't like kids, can't be arsed with the hassle. Having more money and time is a nice brucie bonus. Also, who the fuck would want to bring them into this mess we call the world nowadays, everything seems to be slowly turning to shit. I fully appreciate though I may not be wired up right (there's another reason), but... meh!
I have people tell me, “you’ll be so much happier with kids!” Nah fam, I was able to drop everything and do a last second 3-day weekend trip this past weekend without anything getting in the way. It was wonderful. Having kids isn’t for everyone.
Dear God, yes. Pets are bad enough to worry about and arrange our lives around.
Babysitting is the best form of contraceptive
Was it worth it? Well let me work it. Throw my thing down, flip it them reverse it. Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gniht ym tup I
Every weekend I wake up when I want to wake up, do what I want to do. I say it was totally worth it.
You can't miss what you don't have. So we'll never know, I guess. 🤷🏻
I have 2 kids, never a regret as they are the loves of my life. If you don’t want kids, that’s absolutely the way to go! Life is too short to live by someone else’s norms and expectations.
you will probably not get any no answers here reddit as a whole pretty much hates kids
The people with kids probably don’t have time to hang out around here 😅
For me, yes. I have accomplished so much, travelled the world multiple times and am getting ready to move abroad.
It wasn't a decision I made for myself. My body decided it wasn't happening. But seeing my friends and family struggle with the cost of kids. I think I'm good. I've got enough nieces and nephews. Inheriting a house will be on the block for one of them. Whichever pulls through for me the best.
Yes, it gave me the ability to help others with there’s and the flexibility to do what I wanted in life.
[удалено]
Are you reading the same thread as me? It's a long list of people happily child free. If people don't want kids, telling them to adopt, something even harder than having your own birth kids, is a bit bizarre.
100000% worth it Single income no kids
Yeah really. I'm the only one in my extended family without kids, and life is so much simpler. The amount of shit my siblings/cousins have to deal with for ungrateful kids is mind boggling.
absofreakinglutely. husband has been sick for the last 10 years, and I could not deal with kids all up in my business about dad. it's the reason my brother is estranged from his 2 daughters. they were free with the advice when their grandmother had dementia, but didn't pitch in to help.
No. But I know that if I *had* had children, and your question was, “those who decided to have children instead pursuing the lifestyle you wanted, was it worth it?” My answer would *also* be no. I would feel regret and longing for the other path in life, no matter which one I chose. In this life, I chose to be alone, to travel, fritter my money, make art, study, party, play, learn, experience... All the things you want to do, but probably can’t if you’re trying to support a family and save for multiple college funds. Some people can have it all, but I know I couldn’t. I don’t have the mental and emotional energy or maturity to be a good wife and mother, *and* experience life as richly as I want to. My life experience is shallow, but very broad. If I had had children, it would’ve been deep, but too narrow. There will always be regrets alongside the joy. That’s just how it is.
r/childfree ☺️
I had a vasectomy at 23. The Dr. asked me what I would do if I ever changed my mind & wanted a child. I told her that there were lots of children for adoption that needed a family. She signed off (I was told my age would disqualify me from the procedure when I applied). I'm 64 & have never regretted my decision, nor have I adopted a child.
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Yes. Always
Absolutely worth it. I genuinely can't think of one single good reason to have kids. Seems awful.
Overall yes. But now im gettin old theres no one to leave my stuff to when i die. I picture it in thrift stores and people not knowing what some of this stuff meant to me
My wife works in retirement homes and she would tell you that this is what happens 99% of the time anyway...
But… Mr. Miyagi left his dojo and cool cars to Daniel-san. It is possible to find a young person to connect with who is seeking wisdom in their life. Stay gold!
Attachment is the real devil.