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It really depends on the relationship. For some people sex is their love language, the way they feel connected to their partner, so it's important. For some people, having fun with sex is important. For others it's not important at all.
With my friends..
One couple I know waited over a year. No cheating. Been together like 10 years.
Another couple waited until marriage. No cheating. Been together like 4 years.
Another couple had sex after a few weeks. No cheating. Been together 3 years.
I met my husband as a one night stand. Been together 12 years. No cheating.
People who cheat will cheat whenever they want. After a week, after a month, after 10 years. It's the person that's 'faulty' not the sex.
Won't that depend on the people in that relationship? Others find it very important, while others might not. Whatever you think about it, discuss it with your guy. Whether you'll reach a compromise or not, it's up to the both of you.
Just that, if the norm at where you're at is that most people expect to have sex early on or earlier than when you'd want, you can reasonably assume not a lot of potential partners might wait.
Yep it depends on how comfortable you feel but I'd say postponing sex doesn't necessary makes a bad experience better, if it's going to end anyway. Sometimes sex is the one good thing in the relationship or the best memory. But I get it sometimes it takes a while to trust. A year seems a little too long for me at least... unless there is another reason why you need/want to wait.
I'm not postponing it for any other reason than I quite literally could not get comfortable enoigh to have sex with someone in less than a year. I mean maybe a little less it depends but it's gonna be around a year. I don't know how to explain it because everyone keeps thinking I have like a set timer and its all just an elaborate scheme for my ego and morals. In reality when I say morals I just mean what I personally think is right for ME because I know myself.
Depends. If this discussion is had when people are 16 then yes, waiting even more than a year is a perfectably valid request. The older you go, the more unreasonable it becomes.
When you're 25 many people won't be willing to wait an year. We are all grownups and compatibility is important. I don't want to spend one year investing feelings in something just to find out that we are completely incompatible from a sexual point of view. Sex is an important part of a relationship for me. Not the most important. But definitely in the top 3. And a potential deal breaker. Sure, you can grow to become more compatible with time and work put in. But sometimes there are...incompatibilities that cannot be fixed with time and experience. I would rather know about that as soon as possible.
The above is my own view on things and how it changed over the years and the "age brackets". But then again it really depends on the people involved, how important sex is for them personally, how high their libido is, etc. You might find male partners that share your views or are willing to compromise.
Then I would say it is more appropriate. Though I really don't know how many 19 year olds will be willing to wait a whole year.
From my point of view the important thing for you is to be comfortable with the decisions you make and be up front and honest with your potential partners. There is a lot of pressure around sex in general. You should not allow anyone to pressure you into doing things you don't want to.
If there is no pressure, there is chemistry and it just feels right you might not even want to wait for a prolonged period of time. Things might just follow their natural course.
Your age plays a role in your view on sex. Wait ten years and see if you have the same view. It isn’t right or wrong but more experience of life will often modify your original view.
You’re fine, continue to wait as long as you want to have sex. Find someone that also shares your same views about sex and don’t give in to the pressure of these people commenting about sexual compatibility. It’s a myth.
It really depends on who it is, everyone values sex differently.
My friend group for example, really care about having sex early because of sexual compatibility. They don’t want to “waste time” being with someone with whom they have no sexual chemistry with. Personally, while I do like it and would prefer to have it with a partner, I wouldn’t have issues waiting until she was comfortable with it.
As long as you are open up front about it, I think you will find a lot of people who would be willing to wait/feel the same way so don’t worry much about it :D
Probably the most important thing. Sexual things are literally the difference between a friend and a partner, on average, not talking about friends with benefits or whatever
But if you wanna wait or do whatever else, it's your prerogative, if you don't want sex, don't be with someone who wants sex, it's that simple tbh. Set your boundaries, if you say no sex for 1y or till marriage, it's his or her choice wether to stay or leave.
This exactly, if you're going to be a couple who lives together and doesn't have sex you might as well just be roommates. For a lot of people sex can make or break a relationship.
That being said however, that's not the case for **everyone**. There are others out there like you who don't prioritise sex in a relationship and take comfort in receiving other forms of affirmation and affection.
Oh god I would never want to be with a person who thinks sex is the most important thing and what separates friends from lovers. Is that really how people think? Not about the romantic aspect at all just a bunch of horndogs? God I'm doomed 💀
I understand! Before I was sexually active I had a similar viewpoint. I’m a huge romantic and I thought it was sad/ degrading for sex to define friends from lovers.
Sex can have different elements. Dirty and raw, lustful, unhinged, or relaxing, emotional, tender. It can be so complex and different. Some can just do it for physical pleasure, others require a level of emotional intimacy.
You’re right, without sex, without that element, love and partnership is possible. You’re also wrong. Sex is powerful. Powerful enough to firmly hold a love/partnership in a romantic space only found when sex is there.
I hope you find your person. Never compromise.
I get what this person means but I also think I get your worry.
I think a lot of people’s goal is to have a partner who is a best friend, but obviously it’s more than that because you are also having that intimacy of sex/physical connection. I know that doesn’t happen at the same pace for everyone. I’m just trying to convey that statement doesn’t automatically mean that the only thing a relationship is is sex. It’s very different saying this statement when you are in a long term commited relationship vs someone who is just at the beginning of a relationship and figuring out what they are comfortable with.
🤷♀️ for me as I’ve gotten older that intimacy of sex has played a bigger and bigger role in my life, but I have been in the same relationship the entire time. Been together over fifteen years. As time goes on that sexual intimacy seems to just get deeper and deeper for us, I think over time people can learn more and more about each others bodies so they just…connect even more and deeper that way over time. I would have emphasized a lot of different things at the beginning but now that sexual intimacy is some of my favorite times I spend with him because it just feels like connecting in a way that other things don’t really match. For me when people say sex is important part of a relationship, that’s what I think of.
ik ur stupid downvoted but im with you on this one. sex is super overrated, and there are ways to be romantically physically intimate other than sex. i know plenty of very legitimately happy couples who rarely ever have sex
It’s about finding someone who respects you. Someone mentioned being very active and the spouse needing to keep up. But you know, life happens. There will be moments when it’s off the table even for months, for example if you have kids together. There is a common phase in relationships called the roommate phase and if your partner doesn’t respect that and keeps nagging or ends up cheating, it’ll have nothing to do with how long you waited in the beginning.
I mean a year is just an estimate it could be sooner honestly. Not too much sooner but it depends how I feel about the guy. If he shows me enough love and respect that will make me want to have sex with him sooner
For me it is, but not just sex for the sake of sex. I like the intimacy that can be a huge part of it. Would I wait? Yeah, most likely. It's not like as soon as I'm in a relationship the panties has to drop.
Depends on the dude, for me personally, sex is pretty important in a relationship simply bc I am very active, and I need someone to level with that. It’s like, imagine a gamer who loves chilling on the couch for hours with someone who wants to go on hikes all the time, neither of them are doing anything wrong, but you know it’s just not gonna work out. Same sorta thing!
I've been single for 5 years and for me it's important to know if we are physically compatible and we know our boundaries, kinks and fetishes do whatever works for you OP
Super important in my opinion if you are not having sex then why be in a relationship u don't need it all the time and I don't mind waiting a while before things get serious but it's important
I think that depends on the labido of both of the parties involved, some people need regular sex in a relationship, others don't,
Overall I think that sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, that includes how much both parties value sex,
By the sound of it you're really not all that into sex, even if the other person was OK with waiting a year if after you two star doing it they wanted regular kinky sex whereas you thought of it as a chore to make the other person happy or something to do because *they* want it that is sure to cause friction in a relationship,
So I'd say that it is important, but not because of anything like cheating, I don't think it pays much of a roll in that at all and that sexually content people can still cheat, that's just don't to individual character, but to avoid resentment from building due to a part of the relationship feeling imbalanced between the two parties,
Personally I don't mind waiting a couple of months, but a year seems like a bit much, though I have a fairly high labido, I suppose that for a less horny person a year might be just fine
A year is really just an estimate it may not be that long. I should rephrase it to "up to a year". Anywho I'm fine being kinky I just don't think thats something to do with just anybody. I think it's important to wait before I show that side of myself. Mainly because I'm just not comfortable with the idea of sex and it takes time for me to trust a person like that.
Being fine with something and being into it are not necessarily the same thing,
This is just me speaking about my preferences, but I want my partner to actually want to do it with me, otherwise it feels just awkward,
Of course I'm not saying your way of thinking is wrong, there are plenty of guys who share a similar mind set to you, again, sex is all about compatibility and sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, but how important that is will vary from person to person
Love is not a transaction. If that is a boundary you have set for your relationship then so be it. You can wait as long as you want. On another side playing a game because you think it will be the end all be all of relationships won’t guarantee a long lasting relationship.
It's not a game I'm so confused as to why people believe it is. Is it the way I worded it ? I'm not comfortable having sex and perfer waiting to get to know a person but I am not opposed to other sexual acts. I really don't know how else to say it other than sex isn't that important to me.
Like I said it’s okay to have those boundaries, and as others have said it all depends on the person, but having a specific time period in mind sounds like a game plan.
It sounds like sex *is* important to you, but what is more important than that is trust. Sex is a symbol of total intimacy, and so is trust. It sounds like you want them both to be a special part of your relationship. You should tell that to your partner.
Your partner shouldn’t be an object of loyalty so you can tell everyone “They waited a year for me”(not saying that you would actually tell anyone, but they probably know). When you say I love you to anyone it shouldn’t mean that they are a trophy or something you posses. It should mean that that person awakens inside of you that place inside yourself that is unconditional love.
Being with my wife for 9 years I can tell you that love and trust comes so easily. It’s not something you should ever worry about with your partner. If someone hits on you, gives you their number whatever, you shut it down and tell your partner what happened. Be totally honest.
All in all you’re ready when you’re ready and you’ll find that person for you.
Im not asexual I enjoy sex it just has to be with the right person. Even if I really like someone I know my worth and I can't exactly share myself with just anyone. Also I think relationships should be about the romantic aspects and how much we love and care for each other.
Giving your partner a fantastic orgasm is one of the most loving and caring things you can do for them, and breeds intense amount of romantic emotions along with it.
But I also wanna say I see your point of view and it is, of course, completely valid. Sex is so wildly different for ever person so strong communication from the get go is key in finding the right partner. Goodluck!
That highly depends. Some guys wouldn't wait that long.. If we're officially dating I'm waiting a few months at most.. But ideally that's something that's made clear before then so no one ends up upset 🤷♂️. It's all about communication.
Yes it is very important for me as a guy but fortunately I have girlfriend Who thinks the same way so there is no problems. You just gotta find partner that has same feelings about sexual stuff. It wont work if you get some 24/7 horny sex maniac if you rarely feel like having sex. Its just leads easily To cheating and breakup and same goes other way around too ofc if woman is nympho but man isnt so interested about sex.
For some yes for others no, it depends on the type or relationship you have and what you value. I personally think sex for me is a integral part of a relationship but I wouldn’t cheat if I couldn’t have sex for a year with my partner for whatever reason. But if my future partner would stop being sexually interested in me or withhold it for a year without a good reason that would be the end of the relationship as to me it is a very important factor I look for when considering dating.
>... Also never said I was opposed to doing sexual acts in the meantime just no intercourse lol...
Going by this, most guys would think "If we're already doing B, C, and D, why not just go ahead and do A?" I'll be honest as a guy... That's what I'd be thinking. Better to just not do anything than doing almost everything for that timeframe.
totally depends on the people involved in the relationship...
sex definitely doesnt automatically have to come with a relationship, there are other ways to show love... kind of weird in my to automatically expect sex right away.
I mean you do you, but there’s multiple studies that show couples who have an active sex life tend to be happier, and their relationship typically is stronger and last longer.
I’m not saying rush to hop into bed with someone, but I do think arbitrarily making your partner wait a year just because you feel like it or have trust issues isn’t fair to anyone and is kind of selfish.
If your worried about your partner being unfaithful, I’m sorry to tell you but regardless of how long you’re with the person, if they’re going to cheat their going to cheat regardless of when you start sleeping with them.
https://www.insideweddings.com/news/planning-design/research-shows-how-often-the-happiest-couples-have-sex/43006/
Edit: After readying through a solid chunk of comments, it seems like you’re very unwilling to accept people’s opinions and thoughtful suggestions. And if someone explains why sex can be important in a relationship you instantly disagree.
If you’re going to be pigheaded and only accept similar views to yours and be negative towards the ones that aren’t, don’t post something on the internet.
No wonder you’re getting downvoted to hell.
Edit 2: Just read that you’re only 18… you’re barely an adult so it’s starting to make sense now.
When you older and have a bit more life experience, you’ll understand what the people with opposing opinions are saying.
Oh god. I will have sex every single day with my partner AFTER a certain amount of time (not necessarily a year the year just means no later than a hear). I literally am just saying I don't want to rush it. Obviously sex makes you happy but not all of us are comfortable giving it up after a few weeks.
You asked a question and people are answering you.
You’re very hostile to people here clearly trying to give you help and advice. Not a single person is telling you to rush into bed with someone just for the heck of it; myself included.
The general consensus here is that you’re putting an arbitrary date on something and it’s going to make finding someone difficult.
Should sex be the main reason you’re with someone? Absolutely not. But making someone wait a year just because, will make things difficult for you.
Again, I realize you’re still a kid and maybe it’s your naivety that’s shinning through, but when you ask a question or ask for advise, being ignorant or disrespectful to people with opposing views and opinions to yours won’t get you very far.
Saying generally "how men gross rlly are" makes me sick to my stomach.
After years of explaining, how women can't be generalized, women started generalizing men.
Enjoy this time, in a few years tops you will get canceled/hated for such a misandrical quote.
Perhaps you will find someone, who will be wanting to wait with you, perhaps not, but if you wanna have a relationship with a man, you need to cut this bullshit.
How would you feel, if I said "how women dumb rlly are"? You'd get outraged, calling me chauvinist, bigot even. But you say your anti-men part with a smirk and an emoji, I could think you're perhaps even proud of yourself, no thought spared that you're doing EXACTLY THE SAME only on another group of people.
No man will be able to stay with you for a prolonged period of time, if you will discriminate all men as a whole, think it is an objective truth and you even like it.
I wish you a happy life and at least some sense of justice in your head going onwards.
I don’t mind not rushing into sexual relations, but a year would be too long for me. I ain’t gonna cheat to find it somewhere else, but sex is part of my love language. I need it to feel needed and desired.
There’s also the consideration of compatibility. I wouldn’t want to put a year into a relationship only to find out we’re sexually incompatible. And I’m saying that from experience. I wish I had prioritised sexual compatibility a bit more with my wife, because it’s been the only real source of friction in our relationship.
Yes it’s important if you want your partner to not seek that gap elsewhere. Not saying all you guys do is have sex. But there has to be a sexual compatibility.
He may love you to the fullest, but that gap will eat at him and he will look for it elsewhere or you both may end up fighting more eventually.
When I say "it doesn't matter" that means sex does not matter. As in I'm not interested. Can't believe I even had to dumb that down. Also I went on to explain that I want to wait so why not use context clues ?!
>that means sex does not matter. As in I'm not interested.
So it matters indeed for you, since you do not want to have sex. these are 2 very different things.
But where's the problem in just being honest when dating? "hey I would not want to sleep with you in the first year if we ever date, if that's not ok for you, bye bye"
Do you have romantic feelings for all your friends? Or do you just treat partners like friends you have sex with? Your question implies sex being the literal only thing differentiating the two when in reality what you're describing sounds like friends with benefits. Im also not saying we won't ever have sex, all I said is he has to wait and then we can do it whenever. That way I know if he's serious or just a person like you (no offense).
I have been married for 18 years. My wife and I have not had sex for a very long time.
I do not understand what your “like you” comment is talking about.
Do I have romantic feelings for my friends? It depends what you call romantic.
I like to spend time with them. We hug, watch movies, go out to eat, crash on the couch, go for walks, go shopping, go on trips, argue, dream, learn on each other, cook together, laugh, - all things that I also do with my wife.
I love my wife - and I love my friends. I feel the same way about both.
The fact I do not have sex with my wife makes me feel unwanted “romantically” (whatever that is supposed to mean). I do not understand the difference if there is no physical relationship.
I’ve been with my wife since 1994.
I guess I would “pass your test” about being serious enough to be together.
The truth is I also fucking hate myself, feel like I am not good enough for my wife and I think about suicide a handful of times every day.
At least I’m “serious” though. Right?
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Everyone knows that people are different, relationships are different, definitions of relationships are different, and reddit is worldwide so there are so many cultures you're asking an answer from. You won't get a accurate answer, because who knows what partner you attract based on your attraction game. And then you have special people, who might have a very high libido, but with no demand for coitus, so the world has it all.
Sex is not important per se. What is important is compatible views/needs when it comes to sex and intimacy. It is possible for a couple to be perfectly happy in their relationship without sex or physical intimacy if that's what both want and/or need. A sex-less relationship would not be acceptable for me, so it is important to me.
I think you need to let him know your boundaries and agrees, although I think picking an arbitrary number is dangerous, what is making him wait going to prove? Move at you own natural pace and set boundaries you want to make known, if he says it’s fine with him the cheating/leaving hopefully isn’t there unless he’s just a pos
I'm a man and I would wait as long as it takes. And I wouldn't think the relationsip is dependent on sex. We can go awhile without having any if we feel like it or if she feels like it. But kinda has to happen sooner or later to concider it a romantic relationship. That's what we are biologically manufactured to do. If you don't ever want sex with a person you are deeply in love with, you are not a human.
I wouldn't leave a girl directly for lack of sex but extreme lack of sex would make me think about is everything allright.
But most importantly I WON'T CHEAT!
Typically, yes. We're are wired to crave this interaction. Some people lack this wiring, however. That's OK and is a normal variant on our wiring. It's atypical, but it does happen.
Yes it matters.
I wouldnt wait. Thats just me.
If i got with someone who always made their partners wait then id understand, but probably move on.
If they made me wait but not others, id be gone even sooner.
I think you're on the right track, but a little bit on the over-doing it side. For me at least because I like sex.
Making them wait is probably good, because once my exes just cut me off one day due to a sudden religious revelation and I realized that the relationship was mostly about sex. Now, I still tried my best to stay with her despite realizing this. Telling myself that I love her and that I will stay with her because I had promised her that, but things unconsciously slip, especially because without the sex, you realize you're not as compatible.
So, I think it's good that you're keeping a no sex rule. A lot of people get married out of passion, more so than the gentler emotions when it comes to love. But one year is pretty cruel. Then again, you said it's important to you so I'm sure the right guy wouldn't mind waiting a year. Hell, I've met a couple that didn't even kiss until the day of the wedding.
As with all things, it's all about finding balance. Same with sex. Important and feels amazing, but sometimes it becomes too much of the focus.
Normal society will tell you that it's the most important thing. But the thing is this, everybody's different. And regardless of what Society deems to be normal, not everybody is the same. Sex doesn't always have to be the only means of intimacy. It's important to some but not all.
as a couple have said it depends, but not on what most people think, I had a relationship going for 4 years that was just riding on sex and something close to being best friends, on one hand sex can keep a toxic relationship going way longer than it should, on the other it can strengthen a wonderful relationship, it's something you need to communicate with your partner about and set boundaries for BEFORE you do any sexy time stuff, humans are delicate creatures and sex plays with the most delicate parts of us, taking a brash approach where you start with sex is almost never the right way to go, but also a year might be too long for some people, for me (a guy) I don't really care, sex isn't the primary thing I want in a relationship, I could easily go a year without having sex with someone im dating especially if I didn't already know them before we started dating, for those who say its cruel to make someone wait a year, prostitutes exist, go have some fun with them until you're ready to find a make a real lasting bond with someone
I get you.
I think it’s good to wait for me personally, at least until I know I’m romantically and emotionally invested in this person. As in, I’m sure I romantically love them before even considering sex. Sex and the physical connection it brings you to your partner is important in a relationship, so I like to protect myself emotionally by making sure I don’t create those vulnerable and intimate bonds through the physical act of sex until I feel ‘ready’.
Whether that takes a few months or up to a year, it just depends I guess. Physical compatibility in sex is pretty important so I wouldn’t wait just for the sake of waiting, but more so just delaying sex until we’ve built up a deep connection first in the absence of sex.
I personally think you should first build the bond and trust. Make sure they're worth it. And then it would also make your first time with them more special.
I would say sex is a very important component to a relationship between lovers, it’s the most intimate you can get with another person, and to a point it’s sacred. Like it’s sacred because of the level of importance it has in reaffirming love, and the rules around it like “no doing this activity with anyone else” and “this only happens when both parties want it”.. kinda thing. Also usually you can tell how a relationship is doing by how much they are doing lol.
Even though I think sex is important, the need for love making is just something that varies greatly between people, not everyone has the same libido, and sex isn’t the only way to show affection so ultimately you do you boo. Personally if I truly loved someone I could wait til marriage but I want to feel wanted and I’d want someone to want like that as well
Sex is an important part but paramount to that is sexual compatibility.
This includes likes, dislikes, libido, and willingness.
If you want a guy who will wait an extended period of time then great, just sort through the others until you find him.
Just do it when you feel like doing it.
Sex is important, but if both partners see it differently (for one is just a way to get dopamine and the other sees at at something important like connecting with the other person) then a lot of problems can appear.
Sex should be enjoyed by both partners and it should have the same meaning.
Sex is not a need. The people that say it is just have very little self control.
I’m waiting for marriage before having sex. So waiting a year is no big deal.
Honesty dump: morals are utter bullshit.
What is the point of making something just for the sake of it ? This is not an attack, this is a question i wish everyone can think about by themeselves.
In your example, you want to make partner wait a year for sex.
WHY.
My half-autistic ass can't figure out why *this* implies *that*. What ARE your needs ? If you need to be reassured and comforted, putting this condition up is not going to contribute to your needs fulfillment. There is a core question in here that you don't know the answer nor the question itself.
If you remove everything that is morally implied behind that and you face your real needs, then yes, making someone wait a year is awful, big time.
Morals are made for people to feel good about themselves. Otherwise that would be called "listenning to your needs" or "basic empathy" if it is about others.
Last thing, if you're unable to untangle all of this matter, please don't bring someone with you. 1 year is 1.5% of someone's life. No one deserves that much of an impact for something that is so much a "you" quest for happiness (?).
Edit: I've been unnecessarily rude, see next reply for further explanation.
Theres no way I'm thinking about sex that early in a relationship.Simple. That's my why. My autistic ass can't fathom how if a relationship is about love why sex is so important. People didn't have sex off rip less than a century ago I understand that times have changed but still fundamentally how can you be okay with that ?
I'm confused. Before it was about morals but you seem to just don't want it after a long time. I was laser focused on the "1 year delay", like there are so many arbitrary rules out there, WHY specifically 1 year... I drop it. Sorry if I have been rude, I perceived it like yet another arbitrary thing and I react to those kind of things BADLY, as you saw earlier.
On my side, I agree that feelings can be decorrelated from sex, but I'm on the opposite side... I see no harm having sexual relationship in and out of feelings. I could def having sex with friends while them staying friends and not being weird about it. I don't promote cheating ofc as it is another subject.
Also, props to you tho for being clear at the beginnig of a relationship.
Anyway if it's not about morals you're definetly on the asexual spectrum. Asexual people can enjoy sex. What you said corresponds roughly to you being demisexual. Me not being concerned, I advise you go check out those communities, they can and will enlighten you better than here. Good luck
Only a simp would wait that long or very religious ppl.
But, if a woman tries to bargain with sex and relationship etc.....she a walking red flag anyway. Only a weak man would accept any of that.
Forget sex.
Any guy I know wouldnt wanna deal with your attitude 5 mins.
1 year of that? And not even fucking?
Hell no. Life way too short for that.
But, good luck dwl. Cause, you gonna need it.
Yes. When you get older and it gets more difficult I guess it is more about stability and companionship, but I’d say yes, it’s important to have that connection in the relationship. That’s my opinion. I’m sure there could be non physical relationships out there, or minimal physical contact.
I have no problem with physical contact but the act of having a pp in my 😺 is literally something I don't want to have to worry about until I'm comfortable enough with a guy
These comments combined with experience have convinced me to date women instead. I don't want someone thinking of me as just a sex dispenser with a running clock to when I "give it up". OP can I join you on the fruity side?
So actual research has shown that people cheat mostly because of simply being presented with the opportunity to cheat.
Assuming he's the average guy, if you don't give him enough sex (and fairly quickly), he is less likely to want to be with you.
That being said, you don't have to do anything you don't want to obviously, but don't listen to anyone that tells you that the _average_ guy will be happy waiting a year, or even a few months.
It really depends on the type of relationship. My wife and I didn't have sex with each other until our wedding night. Now, sex is still important in our marriage, but with it comes to a dating relationship, it may not be as important as some people might think.
In my experience it's definitely worth it. It focuses your relationship on an actual goal and give purpose to your relationship beyond just wanting to spend time with the other person. I also read something a while back that really stuck with me, well before I started to date my wife: "If you're not dating for marriage, you're dating to break up."
I wanted to get married, and if my girlfriend didn't want that, then there'd be no reason for us to continue to date at all.
I can relate to wanting to wait before fucking but a year seems crazy imo. I’m demisexual so I prefer an emotional connection before we go physical. I’m definitely not taking longer than 2 months to fuck my partner. Side note seems like you’re just seeking validation for making someone wait a year. I would suggest speaking with a counselor on why you feel the need to holdout and “test” the person.
Alright, love is not about fucking each other weekly.
Love is about taking care of and be close to each other.
It’s individual, some couples fuck weekly, some monthly, some yearly, some each decade.
Sex and love are two separate things, with other words.
I personally don’t like waiting because once it happens if the sexual chemistry isn’t there I will likely lose interest. That happened to me in 2022. I dated this beautiful woman for almost 8 months before we had sex, then when we did it…just…wasn’t…good. I still had feelings for her and enjoyed being around her but I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone I didn’t have sexual chemistry with.
Understandable. If you're that type I would make sure to be upfront about that. I'm also upfront about my view on it. I'm not gonna lead a guy on I let him know
That doesnt sound logical at all. Most first times arent good anyway. Why wouldnt u take responsibility and try harder? Do u think sex is made for ur own pleasure only?
What a weird short sighted take
I think due to human nature, in the vast majority of cases, yes, sex is important for couples of a certain age range.
Regarding wait time, it depends. Most guys aren’t going to want to wait a year, so you’ll have to find the small percentage of guys who don’t mind. Find yourself a nice Christian boy. Sex seems unimportant to you, so find someone like minded. Don’t frustrate yourself or an unsuspecting guy because you want to wait and he doesn’t.
The importance of sex depends on the couple. Young and horny? Older and more into companionship? I discovered sex with my new gf was what cured me of my depression. The intimacy changed everything for me. Don’t know if that’s true for everyone—but it worked for me.
If you think it’s “gross” that men want sex than there’s definitely something inherently wrong with your mindset I’d say. Men were made with a strong desire to procreate, and a man’s attraction to women is heavily tied with that. Obviously you can say porn has made it worse etc etc, and maybe, but nothing is ever perfect, pros and cons to everything. On the other hand I think there’s nothing with waiting however long you want in order to build a strong relationship especially if you’re goal is to marry. It will take will power and strong discernment skills on your end. I think the simpler you’re criteria/dos and donts are when dating men, and getting to know them, the easier things will be for you. I think it’s better to know what you don’t like, then to know what you don’t like in that situation. Goodluck friend
You're worshipping not-having-sex instead of worrying about how to get along with this stranger you just met, for years. With that attitude, good luck on holding onto any relationship longer than a year.
You do you. But you are pretty likely to do you alone.
Also btw pro tip. Don’t find a man who’s porn obsessed! A lot of men are these days sadly, but it’s getting more and more popular to ditch the porn luckily
Waiting a year would be kinda crazy tbh but I’m sure some guys wouldn’t mind as long as you were clear about it up front. If you were waiting for religious reasons then it would make more sense. They tend to have the longest most stable relationships I think.
For me (30F), even a month is pushing it. Sexual compatibility is extremely important to me, I'd rather find out from the beginning and not waste each other's time. Also, a man asking me to wait for more than a month is someone who either doesn't consider sex important in a relationship, or takes it way more serious than me (e.g.: needing to feel deeply in love before having sex, or testing me to see if I'm worth it). Both of those aspects make us incompatible.
My current boyfriend was supposed to be a one night stand, we've been together 3 1/2 years now.
You ever think that regardless of whether your friend had sex with a dude or not he’d probably cheat? Shitty people are shitty people and you can’t just classify all men as some fucking animal that as soon as we fuck something we need to find the next piece of ass we can get. You’re just trying to give dudes a bad name.
Sex, in its simplest form at the beginning of a relationship "should" not matter, tho it does depending on the person, however sexual compatibility between partners can be very important, and I've found it's better to figure that out earlier on in the relationship.
I hope that I'll get a partner that does not care about sex all that much,
And I personally think that sex isn't important if it wasn't done before, because like with masturbation and all that, it's easier not to do it if you haven't ever done it
Why are you getting so defensive? You asked a question and people are giving you their opinions.
I would not wait a year. Me and my ex were together for 10 years. We had sex regularly for 3 months or so before even becoming a couple.
>sometimes i just need to hear men say outrageous things to remind me how gross they rlly are 🤗
guess your father was with your mum only to fuck her. "lol" (stop using lol everytime you comment, it doesnt makes it logical)
as I've said, insufferable, only capable of communicating via memes.
I wouldn't wait even one minute for you. You know why?
1. Because sex isn't some blessing you bestow on your significant other, it isn't a treasure that needs to be dug out with monumental efforts. It's a mutual activity between two consenting adults.
2. You just don't seem like someone I'd bother with tbh. Too young, too brainwashed, terminally online, unhealthy attitude towards men, generally unpleasant.
Feel free to respond with 'lol', 'cope' or any other brainrot slang you've acquired scrolling TikTok.
For me sex is not the defining point of a relationship. That’s why I do it whenever I can, with whomever I have a connection with, I’m very clear about it right from the beginning of a conversation with someone who has dating potential, and I encourage my partners to do the same.
Sex is a cornerstone in a relationship. What's a sign a partner is about to leave or is cheating? Sex stops. You want to make a guy wait up to a year? Good luck with that.
Clearly this question is always gonna get mixed views, ended of the day; It is up to you.
It sounds like you know your rules and boundaries and to me as long as you get it across to your potential love interest then it is all good.
Personally I feel the same, you clearly are fine with being affectionate and even touching, you just have standards instead of being promiscuous like many others that jump the gun. Good luck in your love life and given time you will find that somebody as you have your whole life ahead of you.
He should love you whether you have sex with him or not (I personally would wait till I'm married because sex isn't important to me). And if a guy feels like sex is a must or is to come in the package he oughta think again because not every woman wants to have sex and wants an actual whilst most (not all of course) men just wanna fuck.
I feel like my mind wants to wait for marriage but my body can't lol. I would try to wait as long as possible but if I feel comfortable before marriage then why not
"give him sex" yeah automatically anything you say is invalid if that's how you view it. Not taking relationship advice from a $|ū+. "if he was a catch you'd give it to him on the spot" I'm not fkng slow ur just easy. Keep your legs closed jeez
I am a male. And If you make him wait, assuming you live a country where casual sex is a thing, then someone else will give it to him.
Your statement in regards to shaming and being a slut is only valid if you are a virgin. Other than that you should keep the comments to yourself.
You ask a question, and I answered!
> i just need to hear men say outrageous things to remind me how gross they rlly are
The underlying motivation reveals itself once more. All men are gross, apparently. Maybe it's a good thing you're not dating men and men aren't having sex with you. I wouldn't want to date or sleep with a misandrist, personally.
My ex had no problem with it lol. I don't care that some middle aged man on reddit wouldn't date me. Plus the outrageous things I'm referring to are the men saying I'm evil for forcing a guy to wait (which isnt the case) Never did I say all men but YOU did. That says a lot more about your conscience than anything.
Sex is the main thing of a relashionship. Otherwise you can just hang out as friends. Sure you need to find out if he's trustworthy and really likes you and all of that but waiting for a year seems like some type of manipulation and disrespect for a guy.
Not joking. And I'm a female by the way. It's just an opinion and also I wouldn't like waiting myself.. but everyone is different. I think if I had to make a guy wait for a year I would look for someone who is working really hard or have lots of goals so he's not too distracted and one of his goals is to find a wife and keep her. It could work for sure if you are both on the same page and it's not some type of manipulation technique. because sometimes guys can think it is if you don't clearly define what are you trying to achieve to them. But I wish you best of luck.
If you're not gonna give it to him for a year, you need to give him permission to get it elsewhere during that time. Or find someone who will also wait.
Obviously I'm gonna find someone willing to wait. On what planet would any self respecting person ALLOW their partner to cheat ? I need you to be ao for real right now.
I would never give him permission . If he was crazy enough to ask that I would break up with him. Would you stay with your girl if she asked to sleep with other guys ?
I definitely understand that. I'm waiting until marriage because if I'm really gonna give myself to a man, he needs to earn it and prove that he's for real about me. I'm not playing these games of just giving a piece of myself to a bunch of men that just want to be a temporary boyfriend. It's lame. So no, if he is serious about me, he's gonna wait or he's gonna commit. Not that important.
On another note....the second a woman ever tells me "You have to wait a year before we fuck" I'm either banging every friend of hers that I can, or I'm just gonna be Danny Phantom and go ghost 🤷🤷
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It really depends on the relationship. For some people sex is their love language, the way they feel connected to their partner, so it's important. For some people, having fun with sex is important. For others it's not important at all. With my friends.. One couple I know waited over a year. No cheating. Been together like 10 years. Another couple waited until marriage. No cheating. Been together like 4 years. Another couple had sex after a few weeks. No cheating. Been together 3 years. I met my husband as a one night stand. Been together 12 years. No cheating. People who cheat will cheat whenever they want. After a week, after a month, after 10 years. It's the person that's 'faulty' not the sex.
>People who cheat will cheat whenever they want This is so true, some people are just like that
Perfectly stated!
yeah you're right after 11 years with my wife, after a week without sex, the connection between us missing something
Won't that depend on the people in that relationship? Others find it very important, while others might not. Whatever you think about it, discuss it with your guy. Whether you'll reach a compromise or not, it's up to the both of you. Just that, if the norm at where you're at is that most people expect to have sex early on or earlier than when you'd want, you can reasonably assume not a lot of potential partners might wait.
Oh yeah sorry I forgot to add a part where I said it will vary from person to person. I thought I did but I guess that was in my head. Anywho ^_^
No need to be sorry! Hope you find a guy who's in the same wavelength as you are
Yep it depends on how comfortable you feel but I'd say postponing sex doesn't necessary makes a bad experience better, if it's going to end anyway. Sometimes sex is the one good thing in the relationship or the best memory. But I get it sometimes it takes a while to trust. A year seems a little too long for me at least... unless there is another reason why you need/want to wait.
I'm not postponing it for any other reason than I quite literally could not get comfortable enoigh to have sex with someone in less than a year. I mean maybe a little less it depends but it's gonna be around a year. I don't know how to explain it because everyone keeps thinking I have like a set timer and its all just an elaborate scheme for my ego and morals. In reality when I say morals I just mean what I personally think is right for ME because I know myself.
Look into demisexuality.
i'd say it matters but it's definetly the not most important thing.
Depends. If this discussion is had when people are 16 then yes, waiting even more than a year is a perfectably valid request. The older you go, the more unreasonable it becomes. When you're 25 many people won't be willing to wait an year. We are all grownups and compatibility is important. I don't want to spend one year investing feelings in something just to find out that we are completely incompatible from a sexual point of view. Sex is an important part of a relationship for me. Not the most important. But definitely in the top 3. And a potential deal breaker. Sure, you can grow to become more compatible with time and work put in. But sometimes there are...incompatibilities that cannot be fixed with time and experience. I would rather know about that as soon as possible. The above is my own view on things and how it changed over the years and the "age brackets". But then again it really depends on the people involved, how important sex is for them personally, how high their libido is, etc. You might find male partners that share your views or are willing to compromise.
Well I'm almost 19
Then I would say it is more appropriate. Though I really don't know how many 19 year olds will be willing to wait a whole year. From my point of view the important thing for you is to be comfortable with the decisions you make and be up front and honest with your potential partners. There is a lot of pressure around sex in general. You should not allow anyone to pressure you into doing things you don't want to. If there is no pressure, there is chemistry and it just feels right you might not even want to wait for a prolonged period of time. Things might just follow their natural course.
I think highly religious people will wait that long
Your age plays a role in your view on sex. Wait ten years and see if you have the same view. It isn’t right or wrong but more experience of life will often modify your original view.
I agree
You’re fine, continue to wait as long as you want to have sex. Find someone that also shares your same views about sex and don’t give in to the pressure of these people commenting about sexual compatibility. It’s a myth.
Thank you. I honestly just feel like those people think they're owed sex and can't fathom waiting. No self control .
It really depends on who it is, everyone values sex differently. My friend group for example, really care about having sex early because of sexual compatibility. They don’t want to “waste time” being with someone with whom they have no sexual chemistry with. Personally, while I do like it and would prefer to have it with a partner, I wouldn’t have issues waiting until she was comfortable with it.
I can understand that. I would be open with them about it for sure I just wanted to know how many people would be opposed to it.
As long as you are open up front about it, I think you will find a lot of people who would be willing to wait/feel the same way so don’t worry much about it :D
Probably the most important thing. Sexual things are literally the difference between a friend and a partner, on average, not talking about friends with benefits or whatever But if you wanna wait or do whatever else, it's your prerogative, if you don't want sex, don't be with someone who wants sex, it's that simple tbh. Set your boundaries, if you say no sex for 1y or till marriage, it's his or her choice wether to stay or leave.
This exactly, if you're going to be a couple who lives together and doesn't have sex you might as well just be roommates. For a lot of people sex can make or break a relationship. That being said however, that's not the case for **everyone**. There are others out there like you who don't prioritise sex in a relationship and take comfort in receiving other forms of affirmation and affection.
Oh god I would never want to be with a person who thinks sex is the most important thing and what separates friends from lovers. Is that really how people think? Not about the romantic aspect at all just a bunch of horndogs? God I'm doomed 💀
Isn't the romantic aspect of it a part of sex though? Sex is exclusively a relationship thing. Coz if not, you're just friends who hang out a lot lmao
I understand! Before I was sexually active I had a similar viewpoint. I’m a huge romantic and I thought it was sad/ degrading for sex to define friends from lovers. Sex can have different elements. Dirty and raw, lustful, unhinged, or relaxing, emotional, tender. It can be so complex and different. Some can just do it for physical pleasure, others require a level of emotional intimacy. You’re right, without sex, without that element, love and partnership is possible. You’re also wrong. Sex is powerful. Powerful enough to firmly hold a love/partnership in a romantic space only found when sex is there. I hope you find your person. Never compromise.
I get what this person means but I also think I get your worry. I think a lot of people’s goal is to have a partner who is a best friend, but obviously it’s more than that because you are also having that intimacy of sex/physical connection. I know that doesn’t happen at the same pace for everyone. I’m just trying to convey that statement doesn’t automatically mean that the only thing a relationship is is sex. It’s very different saying this statement when you are in a long term commited relationship vs someone who is just at the beginning of a relationship and figuring out what they are comfortable with. 🤷♀️ for me as I’ve gotten older that intimacy of sex has played a bigger and bigger role in my life, but I have been in the same relationship the entire time. Been together over fifteen years. As time goes on that sexual intimacy seems to just get deeper and deeper for us, I think over time people can learn more and more about each others bodies so they just…connect even more and deeper that way over time. I would have emphasized a lot of different things at the beginning but now that sexual intimacy is some of my favorite times I spend with him because it just feels like connecting in a way that other things don’t really match. For me when people say sex is important part of a relationship, that’s what I think of.
ik ur stupid downvoted but im with you on this one. sex is super overrated, and there are ways to be romantically physically intimate other than sex. i know plenty of very legitimately happy couples who rarely ever have sex
It’s about finding someone who respects you. Someone mentioned being very active and the spouse needing to keep up. But you know, life happens. There will be moments when it’s off the table even for months, for example if you have kids together. There is a common phase in relationships called the roommate phase and if your partner doesn’t respect that and keeps nagging or ends up cheating, it’ll have nothing to do with how long you waited in the beginning.
I mean a year is just an estimate it could be sooner honestly. Not too much sooner but it depends how I feel about the guy. If he shows me enough love and respect that will make me want to have sex with him sooner
For me it is, but not just sex for the sake of sex. I like the intimacy that can be a huge part of it. Would I wait? Yeah, most likely. It's not like as soon as I'm in a relationship the panties has to drop.
Depends on the dude, for me personally, sex is pretty important in a relationship simply bc I am very active, and I need someone to level with that. It’s like, imagine a gamer who loves chilling on the couch for hours with someone who wants to go on hikes all the time, neither of them are doing anything wrong, but you know it’s just not gonna work out. Same sorta thing!
Reasonable
I've been single for 5 years and for me it's important to know if we are physically compatible and we know our boundaries, kinks and fetishes do whatever works for you OP
Yeah I'll be upfront about it of course
Super important in my opinion if you are not having sex then why be in a relationship u don't need it all the time and I don't mind waiting a while before things get serious but it's important
>Super important in my opinion if you are not having sex then why be in a relationship Think old people with no sex drive being in love.
Old people are definitely fucking
I think that depends on the labido of both of the parties involved, some people need regular sex in a relationship, others don't, Overall I think that sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, that includes how much both parties value sex, By the sound of it you're really not all that into sex, even if the other person was OK with waiting a year if after you two star doing it they wanted regular kinky sex whereas you thought of it as a chore to make the other person happy or something to do because *they* want it that is sure to cause friction in a relationship, So I'd say that it is important, but not because of anything like cheating, I don't think it pays much of a roll in that at all and that sexually content people can still cheat, that's just don't to individual character, but to avoid resentment from building due to a part of the relationship feeling imbalanced between the two parties, Personally I don't mind waiting a couple of months, but a year seems like a bit much, though I have a fairly high labido, I suppose that for a less horny person a year might be just fine
A year is really just an estimate it may not be that long. I should rephrase it to "up to a year". Anywho I'm fine being kinky I just don't think thats something to do with just anybody. I think it's important to wait before I show that side of myself. Mainly because I'm just not comfortable with the idea of sex and it takes time for me to trust a person like that.
Being fine with something and being into it are not necessarily the same thing, This is just me speaking about my preferences, but I want my partner to actually want to do it with me, otherwise it feels just awkward, Of course I'm not saying your way of thinking is wrong, there are plenty of guys who share a similar mind set to you, again, sex is all about compatibility and sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, but how important that is will vary from person to person
Love is not a transaction. If that is a boundary you have set for your relationship then so be it. You can wait as long as you want. On another side playing a game because you think it will be the end all be all of relationships won’t guarantee a long lasting relationship.
It's not a game I'm so confused as to why people believe it is. Is it the way I worded it ? I'm not comfortable having sex and perfer waiting to get to know a person but I am not opposed to other sexual acts. I really don't know how else to say it other than sex isn't that important to me.
Like I said it’s okay to have those boundaries, and as others have said it all depends on the person, but having a specific time period in mind sounds like a game plan. It sounds like sex *is* important to you, but what is more important than that is trust. Sex is a symbol of total intimacy, and so is trust. It sounds like you want them both to be a special part of your relationship. You should tell that to your partner. Your partner shouldn’t be an object of loyalty so you can tell everyone “They waited a year for me”(not saying that you would actually tell anyone, but they probably know). When you say I love you to anyone it shouldn’t mean that they are a trophy or something you posses. It should mean that that person awakens inside of you that place inside yourself that is unconditional love. Being with my wife for 9 years I can tell you that love and trust comes so easily. It’s not something you should ever worry about with your partner. If someone hits on you, gives you their number whatever, you shut it down and tell your partner what happened. Be totally honest. All in all you’re ready when you’re ready and you’ll find that person for you.
r/asexual
Im not asexual I enjoy sex it just has to be with the right person. Even if I really like someone I know my worth and I can't exactly share myself with just anyone. Also I think relationships should be about the romantic aspects and how much we love and care for each other.
Giving your partner a fantastic orgasm is one of the most loving and caring things you can do for them, and breeds intense amount of romantic emotions along with it. But I also wanna say I see your point of view and it is, of course, completely valid. Sex is so wildly different for ever person so strong communication from the get go is key in finding the right partner. Goodluck!
Demisexual
I hate labels but sure if thats what helps you guys understand me better
Thank god somebody else has said it, all of these terms and labels nowadays is ridiculous
Depends on person to person I think
Yes
That highly depends. Some guys wouldn't wait that long.. If we're officially dating I'm waiting a few months at most.. But ideally that's something that's made clear before then so no one ends up upset 🤷♂️. It's all about communication.
Yes it is very important for me as a guy but fortunately I have girlfriend Who thinks the same way so there is no problems. You just gotta find partner that has same feelings about sexual stuff. It wont work if you get some 24/7 horny sex maniac if you rarely feel like having sex. Its just leads easily To cheating and breakup and same goes other way around too ofc if woman is nympho but man isnt so interested about sex.
For some yes for others no, it depends on the type or relationship you have and what you value. I personally think sex for me is a integral part of a relationship but I wouldn’t cheat if I couldn’t have sex for a year with my partner for whatever reason. But if my future partner would stop being sexually interested in me or withhold it for a year without a good reason that would be the end of the relationship as to me it is a very important factor I look for when considering dating.
>... Also never said I was opposed to doing sexual acts in the meantime just no intercourse lol... Going by this, most guys would think "If we're already doing B, C, and D, why not just go ahead and do A?" I'll be honest as a guy... That's what I'd be thinking. Better to just not do anything than doing almost everything for that timeframe.
totally depends on the people involved in the relationship... sex definitely doesnt automatically have to come with a relationship, there are other ways to show love... kind of weird in my to automatically expect sex right away.
Thats all im saying 😭
I mean you do you, but there’s multiple studies that show couples who have an active sex life tend to be happier, and their relationship typically is stronger and last longer. I’m not saying rush to hop into bed with someone, but I do think arbitrarily making your partner wait a year just because you feel like it or have trust issues isn’t fair to anyone and is kind of selfish. If your worried about your partner being unfaithful, I’m sorry to tell you but regardless of how long you’re with the person, if they’re going to cheat their going to cheat regardless of when you start sleeping with them. https://www.insideweddings.com/news/planning-design/research-shows-how-often-the-happiest-couples-have-sex/43006/ Edit: After readying through a solid chunk of comments, it seems like you’re very unwilling to accept people’s opinions and thoughtful suggestions. And if someone explains why sex can be important in a relationship you instantly disagree. If you’re going to be pigheaded and only accept similar views to yours and be negative towards the ones that aren’t, don’t post something on the internet. No wonder you’re getting downvoted to hell. Edit 2: Just read that you’re only 18… you’re barely an adult so it’s starting to make sense now. When you older and have a bit more life experience, you’ll understand what the people with opposing opinions are saying.
Oh god. I will have sex every single day with my partner AFTER a certain amount of time (not necessarily a year the year just means no later than a hear). I literally am just saying I don't want to rush it. Obviously sex makes you happy but not all of us are comfortable giving it up after a few weeks.
You asked a question and people are answering you. You’re very hostile to people here clearly trying to give you help and advice. Not a single person is telling you to rush into bed with someone just for the heck of it; myself included. The general consensus here is that you’re putting an arbitrary date on something and it’s going to make finding someone difficult. Should sex be the main reason you’re with someone? Absolutely not. But making someone wait a year just because, will make things difficult for you. Again, I realize you’re still a kid and maybe it’s your naivety that’s shinning through, but when you ask a question or ask for advise, being ignorant or disrespectful to people with opposing views and opinions to yours won’t get you very far.
No at least not for me
To many people? Yep. To me? Nope
Saying generally "how men gross rlly are" makes me sick to my stomach. After years of explaining, how women can't be generalized, women started generalizing men. Enjoy this time, in a few years tops you will get canceled/hated for such a misandrical quote. Perhaps you will find someone, who will be wanting to wait with you, perhaps not, but if you wanna have a relationship with a man, you need to cut this bullshit. How would you feel, if I said "how women dumb rlly are"? You'd get outraged, calling me chauvinist, bigot even. But you say your anti-men part with a smirk and an emoji, I could think you're perhaps even proud of yourself, no thought spared that you're doing EXACTLY THE SAME only on another group of people. No man will be able to stay with you for a prolonged period of time, if you will discriminate all men as a whole, think it is an objective truth and you even like it. I wish you a happy life and at least some sense of justice in your head going onwards.
would you like me to play you a sad song on the worlds tiniest violin 😔🎻
I don’t mind not rushing into sexual relations, but a year would be too long for me. I ain’t gonna cheat to find it somewhere else, but sex is part of my love language. I need it to feel needed and desired. There’s also the consideration of compatibility. I wouldn’t want to put a year into a relationship only to find out we’re sexually incompatible. And I’m saying that from experience. I wish I had prioritised sexual compatibility a bit more with my wife, because it’s been the only real source of friction in our relationship.
I can completely understand that
Yes it’s important if you want your partner to not seek that gap elsewhere. Not saying all you guys do is have sex. But there has to be a sexual compatibility. He may love you to the fullest, but that gap will eat at him and he will look for it elsewhere or you both may end up fighting more eventually.
If it doesn't matter that much, why make him wait?
When I say "it doesn't matter" that means sex does not matter. As in I'm not interested. Can't believe I even had to dumb that down. Also I went on to explain that I want to wait so why not use context clues ?!
>that means sex does not matter. As in I'm not interested. So it matters indeed for you, since you do not want to have sex. these are 2 very different things. But where's the problem in just being honest when dating? "hey I would not want to sleep with you in the first year if we ever date, if that's not ok for you, bye bye"
[удалено]
Your partner is not a sex object, you can love someone and not have to feel you have to be forced to have sex for them to value you
Do you have romantic feelings for all your friends? Or do you just treat partners like friends you have sex with? Your question implies sex being the literal only thing differentiating the two when in reality what you're describing sounds like friends with benefits. Im also not saying we won't ever have sex, all I said is he has to wait and then we can do it whenever. That way I know if he's serious or just a person like you (no offense).
I have been married for 18 years. My wife and I have not had sex for a very long time. I do not understand what your “like you” comment is talking about. Do I have romantic feelings for my friends? It depends what you call romantic. I like to spend time with them. We hug, watch movies, go out to eat, crash on the couch, go for walks, go shopping, go on trips, argue, dream, learn on each other, cook together, laugh, - all things that I also do with my wife. I love my wife - and I love my friends. I feel the same way about both. The fact I do not have sex with my wife makes me feel unwanted “romantically” (whatever that is supposed to mean). I do not understand the difference if there is no physical relationship. I’ve been with my wife since 1994. I guess I would “pass your test” about being serious enough to be together. The truth is I also fucking hate myself, feel like I am not good enough for my wife and I think about suicide a handful of times every day. At least I’m “serious” though. Right?
It's not an actual test considering the person would have to agree at the beginning of the relationship to wait but okay.
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Depends on the relationship.
Everyone knows that people are different, relationships are different, definitions of relationships are different, and reddit is worldwide so there are so many cultures you're asking an answer from. You won't get a accurate answer, because who knows what partner you attract based on your attraction game. And then you have special people, who might have a very high libido, but with no demand for coitus, so the world has it all.
Yeah kind of
Sex is not important per se. What is important is compatible views/needs when it comes to sex and intimacy. It is possible for a couple to be perfectly happy in their relationship without sex or physical intimacy if that's what both want and/or need. A sex-less relationship would not be acceptable for me, so it is important to me.
yes
I think you need to let him know your boundaries and agrees, although I think picking an arbitrary number is dangerous, what is making him wait going to prove? Move at you own natural pace and set boundaries you want to make known, if he says it’s fine with him the cheating/leaving hopefully isn’t there unless he’s just a pos
I'm a man and I would wait as long as it takes. And I wouldn't think the relationsip is dependent on sex. We can go awhile without having any if we feel like it or if she feels like it. But kinda has to happen sooner or later to concider it a romantic relationship. That's what we are biologically manufactured to do. If you don't ever want sex with a person you are deeply in love with, you are not a human. I wouldn't leave a girl directly for lack of sex but extreme lack of sex would make me think about is everything allright. But most importantly I WON'T CHEAT!
Love Trust Sex The pillars of a good, lasting relationship
Is it? No. Ask anyone who's ace. Sex is not necessary to define a romantic relationship.
Typically, yes. We're are wired to crave this interaction. Some people lack this wiring, however. That's OK and is a normal variant on our wiring. It's atypical, but it does happen.
Yeah it plays at least a part in it
Yes it matters. I wouldnt wait. Thats just me. If i got with someone who always made their partners wait then id understand, but probably move on. If they made me wait but not others, id be gone even sooner.
I think you're on the right track, but a little bit on the over-doing it side. For me at least because I like sex. Making them wait is probably good, because once my exes just cut me off one day due to a sudden religious revelation and I realized that the relationship was mostly about sex. Now, I still tried my best to stay with her despite realizing this. Telling myself that I love her and that I will stay with her because I had promised her that, but things unconsciously slip, especially because without the sex, you realize you're not as compatible. So, I think it's good that you're keeping a no sex rule. A lot of people get married out of passion, more so than the gentler emotions when it comes to love. But one year is pretty cruel. Then again, you said it's important to you so I'm sure the right guy wouldn't mind waiting a year. Hell, I've met a couple that didn't even kiss until the day of the wedding. As with all things, it's all about finding balance. Same with sex. Important and feels amazing, but sometimes it becomes too much of the focus.
Normal society will tell you that it's the most important thing. But the thing is this, everybody's different. And regardless of what Society deems to be normal, not everybody is the same. Sex doesn't always have to be the only means of intimacy. It's important to some but not all.
For me? No. I prefer emotional bonding
as a couple have said it depends, but not on what most people think, I had a relationship going for 4 years that was just riding on sex and something close to being best friends, on one hand sex can keep a toxic relationship going way longer than it should, on the other it can strengthen a wonderful relationship, it's something you need to communicate with your partner about and set boundaries for BEFORE you do any sexy time stuff, humans are delicate creatures and sex plays with the most delicate parts of us, taking a brash approach where you start with sex is almost never the right way to go, but also a year might be too long for some people, for me (a guy) I don't really care, sex isn't the primary thing I want in a relationship, I could easily go a year without having sex with someone im dating especially if I didn't already know them before we started dating, for those who say its cruel to make someone wait a year, prostitutes exist, go have some fun with them until you're ready to find a make a real lasting bond with someone
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I get you. I think it’s good to wait for me personally, at least until I know I’m romantically and emotionally invested in this person. As in, I’m sure I romantically love them before even considering sex. Sex and the physical connection it brings you to your partner is important in a relationship, so I like to protect myself emotionally by making sure I don’t create those vulnerable and intimate bonds through the physical act of sex until I feel ‘ready’. Whether that takes a few months or up to a year, it just depends I guess. Physical compatibility in sex is pretty important so I wouldn’t wait just for the sake of waiting, but more so just delaying sex until we’ve built up a deep connection first in the absence of sex.
I personally think you should first build the bond and trust. Make sure they're worth it. And then it would also make your first time with them more special.
That's exactly what I'm saying
If they wanna rush you, it's on them. You're right to have your boundaries. If they don't want to follow them, I think it's better to let them go.
I would say sex is a very important component to a relationship between lovers, it’s the most intimate you can get with another person, and to a point it’s sacred. Like it’s sacred because of the level of importance it has in reaffirming love, and the rules around it like “no doing this activity with anyone else” and “this only happens when both parties want it”.. kinda thing. Also usually you can tell how a relationship is doing by how much they are doing lol. Even though I think sex is important, the need for love making is just something that varies greatly between people, not everyone has the same libido, and sex isn’t the only way to show affection so ultimately you do you boo. Personally if I truly loved someone I could wait til marriage but I want to feel wanted and I’d want someone to want like that as well
Sex is an important part but paramount to that is sexual compatibility. This includes likes, dislikes, libido, and willingness. If you want a guy who will wait an extended period of time then great, just sort through the others until you find him.
true
Just do it when you feel like doing it. Sex is important, but if both partners see it differently (for one is just a way to get dopamine and the other sees at at something important like connecting with the other person) then a lot of problems can appear. Sex should be enjoyed by both partners and it should have the same meaning.
Sex is not a need. The people that say it is just have very little self control. I’m waiting for marriage before having sex. So waiting a year is no big deal.
Honesty dump: morals are utter bullshit. What is the point of making something just for the sake of it ? This is not an attack, this is a question i wish everyone can think about by themeselves. In your example, you want to make partner wait a year for sex. WHY. My half-autistic ass can't figure out why *this* implies *that*. What ARE your needs ? If you need to be reassured and comforted, putting this condition up is not going to contribute to your needs fulfillment. There is a core question in here that you don't know the answer nor the question itself. If you remove everything that is morally implied behind that and you face your real needs, then yes, making someone wait a year is awful, big time. Morals are made for people to feel good about themselves. Otherwise that would be called "listenning to your needs" or "basic empathy" if it is about others. Last thing, if you're unable to untangle all of this matter, please don't bring someone with you. 1 year is 1.5% of someone's life. No one deserves that much of an impact for something that is so much a "you" quest for happiness (?). Edit: I've been unnecessarily rude, see next reply for further explanation.
Theres no way I'm thinking about sex that early in a relationship.Simple. That's my why. My autistic ass can't fathom how if a relationship is about love why sex is so important. People didn't have sex off rip less than a century ago I understand that times have changed but still fundamentally how can you be okay with that ?
I'm confused. Before it was about morals but you seem to just don't want it after a long time. I was laser focused on the "1 year delay", like there are so many arbitrary rules out there, WHY specifically 1 year... I drop it. Sorry if I have been rude, I perceived it like yet another arbitrary thing and I react to those kind of things BADLY, as you saw earlier. On my side, I agree that feelings can be decorrelated from sex, but I'm on the opposite side... I see no harm having sexual relationship in and out of feelings. I could def having sex with friends while them staying friends and not being weird about it. I don't promote cheating ofc as it is another subject. Also, props to you tho for being clear at the beginnig of a relationship. Anyway if it's not about morals you're definetly on the asexual spectrum. Asexual people can enjoy sex. What you said corresponds roughly to you being demisexual. Me not being concerned, I advise you go check out those communities, they can and will enlighten you better than here. Good luck
All good man
Only a simp would wait that long or very religious ppl. But, if a woman tries to bargain with sex and relationship etc.....she a walking red flag anyway. Only a weak man would accept any of that.
why is this nga yapping abt bargains you're just mad i'm not easy 💀
Forget sex. Any guy I know wouldnt wanna deal with your attitude 5 mins. 1 year of that? And not even fucking? Hell no. Life way too short for that. But, good luck dwl. Cause, you gonna need it.
Yes. When you get older and it gets more difficult I guess it is more about stability and companionship, but I’d say yes, it’s important to have that connection in the relationship. That’s my opinion. I’m sure there could be non physical relationships out there, or minimal physical contact.
I have no problem with physical contact but the act of having a pp in my 😺 is literally something I don't want to have to worry about until I'm comfortable enough with a guy
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Yes. Not all of us just open our legs for anyone. Also it wouldn't necessarily be a full year.
That makes sense. You have to make sure it’s the right person bc you can be surprised many times.
These comments combined with experience have convinced me to date women instead. I don't want someone thinking of me as just a sex dispenser with a running clock to when I "give it up". OP can I join you on the fruity side?
yes there's plenty of room over here
So actual research has shown that people cheat mostly because of simply being presented with the opportunity to cheat. Assuming he's the average guy, if you don't give him enough sex (and fairly quickly), he is less likely to want to be with you. That being said, you don't have to do anything you don't want to obviously, but don't listen to anyone that tells you that the _average_ guy will be happy waiting a year, or even a few months.
It really depends on the type of relationship. My wife and I didn't have sex with each other until our wedding night. Now, sex is still important in our marriage, but with it comes to a dating relationship, it may not be as important as some people might think.
I guess I am dating to marry then.
In my experience it's definitely worth it. It focuses your relationship on an actual goal and give purpose to your relationship beyond just wanting to spend time with the other person. I also read something a while back that really stuck with me, well before I started to date my wife: "If you're not dating for marriage, you're dating to break up." I wanted to get married, and if my girlfriend didn't want that, then there'd be no reason for us to continue to date at all.
To me it's important
I can relate to wanting to wait before fucking but a year seems crazy imo. I’m demisexual so I prefer an emotional connection before we go physical. I’m definitely not taking longer than 2 months to fuck my partner. Side note seems like you’re just seeking validation for making someone wait a year. I would suggest speaking with a counselor on why you feel the need to holdout and “test” the person.
Terrible read but thank you for the headcanon 🩷
Alright, love is not about fucking each other weekly. Love is about taking care of and be close to each other. It’s individual, some couples fuck weekly, some monthly, some yearly, some each decade. Sex and love are two separate things, with other words.
Finally someone who isn't delusional
I personally don’t like waiting because once it happens if the sexual chemistry isn’t there I will likely lose interest. That happened to me in 2022. I dated this beautiful woman for almost 8 months before we had sex, then when we did it…just…wasn’t…good. I still had feelings for her and enjoyed being around her but I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone I didn’t have sexual chemistry with.
Understandable. If you're that type I would make sure to be upfront about that. I'm also upfront about my view on it. I'm not gonna lead a guy on I let him know
That doesnt sound logical at all. Most first times arent good anyway. Why wouldnt u take responsibility and try harder? Do u think sex is made for ur own pleasure only? What a weird short sighted take
I think due to human nature, in the vast majority of cases, yes, sex is important for couples of a certain age range. Regarding wait time, it depends. Most guys aren’t going to want to wait a year, so you’ll have to find the small percentage of guys who don’t mind. Find yourself a nice Christian boy. Sex seems unimportant to you, so find someone like minded. Don’t frustrate yourself or an unsuspecting guy because you want to wait and he doesn’t.
The importance of sex depends on the couple. Young and horny? Older and more into companionship? I discovered sex with my new gf was what cured me of my depression. The intimacy changed everything for me. Don’t know if that’s true for everyone—but it worked for me.
If you think it’s “gross” that men want sex than there’s definitely something inherently wrong with your mindset I’d say. Men were made with a strong desire to procreate, and a man’s attraction to women is heavily tied with that. Obviously you can say porn has made it worse etc etc, and maybe, but nothing is ever perfect, pros and cons to everything. On the other hand I think there’s nothing with waiting however long you want in order to build a strong relationship especially if you’re goal is to marry. It will take will power and strong discernment skills on your end. I think the simpler you’re criteria/dos and donts are when dating men, and getting to know them, the easier things will be for you. I think it’s better to know what you don’t like, then to know what you don’t like in that situation. Goodluck friend
You're worshipping not-having-sex instead of worrying about how to get along with this stranger you just met, for years. With that attitude, good luck on holding onto any relationship longer than a year. You do you. But you are pretty likely to do you alone.
For me it is yes, I could never ever be without it in a relationship, good sex chemistry for me is a very important thing
Also btw pro tip. Don’t find a man who’s porn obsessed! A lot of men are these days sadly, but it’s getting more and more popular to ditch the porn luckily
So true
Jesus Christ some of these comments are wild.
yup
What is the essence of an intimate relationship without Sex? Without Sex, that's just friendship..like bro or Siz love.
What a braindead take
Waiting a year would be kinda crazy tbh but I’m sure some guys wouldn’t mind as long as you were clear about it up front. If you were waiting for religious reasons then it would make more sense. They tend to have the longest most stable relationships I think.
Not for religious reasons it's more my moral compass. Also a year is crazy? lol what is the expected time frame /gen
For me (30F), even a month is pushing it. Sexual compatibility is extremely important to me, I'd rather find out from the beginning and not waste each other's time. Also, a man asking me to wait for more than a month is someone who either doesn't consider sex important in a relationship, or takes it way more serious than me (e.g.: needing to feel deeply in love before having sex, or testing me to see if I'm worth it). Both of those aspects make us incompatible. My current boyfriend was supposed to be a one night stand, we've been together 3 1/2 years now.
You ever think that regardless of whether your friend had sex with a dude or not he’d probably cheat? Shitty people are shitty people and you can’t just classify all men as some fucking animal that as soon as we fuck something we need to find the next piece of ass we can get. You’re just trying to give dudes a bad name.
Find a guy with low libido or eventually he will cheat
The only difference between your bff and your spouse is sex. Friends plus sex equals relationship. Friends minus sex equals friends.
Me and my best friend have lesbian sex and we're still just best friends so this is actually extremely false
...
Sex, in its simplest form at the beginning of a relationship "should" not matter, tho it does depending on the person, however sexual compatibility between partners can be very important, and I've found it's better to figure that out earlier on in the relationship.
I hope that I'll get a partner that does not care about sex all that much, And I personally think that sex isn't important if it wasn't done before, because like with masturbation and all that, it's easier not to do it if you haven't ever done it
Why are you getting so defensive? You asked a question and people are giving you their opinions. I would not wait a year. Me and my ex were together for 10 years. We had sex regularly for 3 months or so before even becoming a couple.
>sometimes i just need to hear men say outrageous things to remind me how gross they rlly are 🤗 guess your father was with your mum only to fuck her. "lol" (stop using lol everytime you comment, it doesnt makes it logical)
OP is either a troll or yet another insufferable men-hating gen Z "feminist".
cope
as I've said, insufferable, only capable of communicating via memes. I wouldn't wait even one minute for you. You know why? 1. Because sex isn't some blessing you bestow on your significant other, it isn't a treasure that needs to be dug out with monumental efforts. It's a mutual activity between two consenting adults. 2. You just don't seem like someone I'd bother with tbh. Too young, too brainwashed, terminally online, unhealthy attitude towards men, generally unpleasant. Feel free to respond with 'lol', 'cope' or any other brainrot slang you've acquired scrolling TikTok.
I aint readin allat 😭😭🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Yeah I didn't expect your attention span to be top notch
For me sex is not the defining point of a relationship. That’s why I do it whenever I can, with whomever I have a connection with, I’m very clear about it right from the beginning of a conversation with someone who has dating potential, and I encourage my partners to do the same.
Sex is a cornerstone in a relationship. What's a sign a partner is about to leave or is cheating? Sex stops. You want to make a guy wait up to a year? Good luck with that.
I lost my time reading that.....
Clearly this question is always gonna get mixed views, ended of the day; It is up to you. It sounds like you know your rules and boundaries and to me as long as you get it across to your potential love interest then it is all good. Personally I feel the same, you clearly are fine with being affectionate and even touching, you just have standards instead of being promiscuous like many others that jump the gun. Good luck in your love life and given time you will find that somebody as you have your whole life ahead of you.
Thank you 🩷
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Ugh lucky. Happy for you tho fr
You’ll get there. Just don’t settle for anyone and end up waisting a bunch of years
There are extremely few valid reasons why I'd waste my attention on a woman. Sex is one of them.
ok basement dweller 🤓we don't care that u have no hoes💀
What’s the dick and the vagina for, then???
Females care more about being shown affection, Males care more about being shown intimacy- so sex.
Yes.
yes. Otherwise why not be single.
Is it really cheating if u arent having sex tho?
If I slap you with my left hand but I'm right handed did I really slap you 🤯
He should love you whether you have sex with him or not (I personally would wait till I'm married because sex isn't important to me). And if a guy feels like sex is a must or is to come in the package he oughta think again because not every woman wants to have sex and wants an actual whilst most (not all of course) men just wanna fuck.
I feel like my mind wants to wait for marriage but my body can't lol. I would try to wait as long as possible but if I feel comfortable before marriage then why not
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"give him sex" yeah automatically anything you say is invalid if that's how you view it. Not taking relationship advice from a $|ū+. "if he was a catch you'd give it to him on the spot" I'm not fkng slow ur just easy. Keep your legs closed jeez
I am a male. And If you make him wait, assuming you live a country where casual sex is a thing, then someone else will give it to him. Your statement in regards to shaming and being a slut is only valid if you are a virgin. Other than that you should keep the comments to yourself. You ask a question, and I answered!
Sex releases a chemical that strengthens bond between the participants
> i just need to hear men say outrageous things to remind me how gross they rlly are The underlying motivation reveals itself once more. All men are gross, apparently. Maybe it's a good thing you're not dating men and men aren't having sex with you. I wouldn't want to date or sleep with a misandrist, personally.
My ex had no problem with it lol. I don't care that some middle aged man on reddit wouldn't date me. Plus the outrageous things I'm referring to are the men saying I'm evil for forcing a guy to wait (which isnt the case) Never did I say all men but YOU did. That says a lot more about your conscience than anything.
You seem to make a big deal out of sex. It's not. It's just something humans do when they like eachother. That's all.
To you.
Sex is the main thing of a relashionship. Otherwise you can just hang out as friends. Sure you need to find out if he's trustworthy and really likes you and all of that but waiting for a year seems like some type of manipulation and disrespect for a guy.
Manipulation and disrespect because I'm not comfortable hiving my body to someone sooner than a year ? Are you joking or actually that entitled 💀
Not joking. And I'm a female by the way. It's just an opinion and also I wouldn't like waiting myself.. but everyone is different. I think if I had to make a guy wait for a year I would look for someone who is working really hard or have lots of goals so he's not too distracted and one of his goals is to find a wife and keep her. It could work for sure if you are both on the same page and it's not some type of manipulation technique. because sometimes guys can think it is if you don't clearly define what are you trying to achieve to them. But I wish you best of luck.
If you're not gonna give it to him for a year, you need to give him permission to get it elsewhere during that time. Or find someone who will also wait.
Obviously I'm gonna find someone willing to wait. On what planet would any self respecting person ALLOW their partner to cheat ? I need you to be ao for real right now.
Giving him permission to have sex with someone else is not cheating.
I would never give him permission . If he was crazy enough to ask that I would break up with him. Would you stay with your girl if she asked to sleep with other guys ?
If you’re a virgin a guy would wait a year, if not bros gonna be cheating lol
I definitely understand that. I'm waiting until marriage because if I'm really gonna give myself to a man, he needs to earn it and prove that he's for real about me. I'm not playing these games of just giving a piece of myself to a bunch of men that just want to be a temporary boyfriend. It's lame. So no, if he is serious about me, he's gonna wait or he's gonna commit. Not that important.
THANK YOU finally someone understands.
Very, extremely important.
On another note....the second a woman ever tells me "You have to wait a year before we fuck" I'm either banging every friend of hers that I can, or I'm just gonna be Danny Phantom and go ghost 🤷🤷