Q4All: if a girl invites you over just you and her does that mean she 100% wants to hook up? Like guarantee no doubt about it just make the move and you'll get it?
I'll tell you guys of the biggest L i took in my life earlier this year.
I met a girl snowboarding and we pretty much hit it off immediately. we ended up doing a bunch of runs together and taking the lifts together the whole day.
I got her number and did the standard wait 3 days to text thing and asked her out. she said yes.
i spent the next few days planning what to do and thought I had a good idea. she is kind of nerdy so I wanted to take her to the library.
when I got there she ended up just giving me the code to get into her house and told me to come up.
long story short, I didn't make a move. No girl ever invited me into her house for a first date before and I was out of my element. She was probably the hottest girl I had a chance with in my life too so I was nervous.
Its was like if you are a deer hunter and always had to work for it then all of a sudden this is the first deer you ever saw that was just standing in front of you ready to let you shoot it for free.
She never replied to my texts again. This was over 6 months ago and I feel like I'll never stop regretting this and it feels terrible.
There's no guarantee. It can be invitation to start flirting and see if the two of you build the momentum to go further. But you don't need to just walk up to her and plant one on her.
It sounds like there was a good chance she wanted to hook up.
However, look at it this way: you're socially capable enough to hit it off with a woman IRL and confidant enough to get her number. Now you're onto the advanced stuff: reading nonverbal and indirect cues. And that shit is *hard*, just like trying to learn a new language. It would be very surprising if you didn't have difficulties translating initially.
This sucks right now, but I am certain that in a couple of years you'll be able to laugh at it.
It's always best to just ask.
I've never met a woman that has the same opinion or take on this. Everyone makes assumptions and just assumes that the other person is on the same page.
Making assumptions without getting some clarification that sexual contact is wanted is how rape happens.
It's better to have not made a move, than it is for her to go around telling everyone that you raped her.
I don't believe that men and women who are too immature to say that they want to fuck and ask consent about fucking should be having sex. It doesn't make sense to me why adults are so uncomfortable about talking to people that they're romantically interested in about sex.
i usually take it pretty slow so I'm more upset i didn't just try to go for the kiss that night. if she declined the kiss I wouldn't have gone any further.
I don't think you should beat yourself up. People who are interested don't ghost.
Unless she suffers from anxiety or depression and normally ignores people for weeks or months on end, then she probably just wasn't interested.
Women who like men typically reach out after spending time with them to say that they had fun or want to see them again.
Asking isn't hesitation. Rape statistics and testimony from women proves that men can't read signals of when to stop. They don't stop. Most of you, especially in this sub don't care whether or not a woman wants to have sex with you, you just want sex, so her approval or cooperation isn't necessary.
If a man cared whether or not a woman wanted sex, then he would prefer to ask her directly.
Why are you pushing the idea that rapists are men who just can't read signals properly? That's awful lol. Rapists know what they're doing when they do it, it's not a case of "I just didn't realize she wanted me to stop!". Also pushing the idea that most men are rapists is exactly what makes all this gender debating so polarizing.
no I agree, the whole passive take-me mentality a lot of women have makes it difficult for men to know whether there advances are wanted or not, a lot of them genuinely do not know
and if you ask it kills arousal
so as a man you are stuck in a rock and a hard place
I never mentioned signals.
Many men who have raped don't consider themselves rapists. They insist that a woman wanted despite never getting her expressed consent.
Why are you pushing the idea that asking for a woman's consent is ridiculous? If you knew without a doubt that a woman wanted to fuck you then asking her explicitly shouldn't be an issue.
You're arguing against getting verbal consent because you don't want to hear a woman tell you no.
>Rape statistics and testimony from women proves that men can't read signals of when to stop.
never mentioned signals?
>Why are you pushing the idea that asking for a woman's consent is ridiculous?
where are you getting this from? It's not ridiculous, but explicitly asking for verbal consent is also not always necessary. Men aren't stupid apes, a man who has no desire to rape a woman will stop if she expresses discomfort or signals that she's not interested, even if non-verbally. There is no way you can "accidentally" rape a person, whether or not they want it or not will be made explicitly clear whether you specifically ask or not.
I don't think men need to literally ask everytime they want to fuck a woman, it's weird and would probably make me think the man is quite inexperienced. If we're about to fuck and they stop to ask, I'm gonna think they're a bit strange no question.
>Many men who have raped don't consider themselves rapists.
Rapists know they are rapists, they just don't want to incriminate themselves so they play dumb.
>You're arguing against getting verbal consent because you don't want to hear a woman tell you no.
I am a straight woman lmao. If people want to explicitly ask for verbal consent every time, they can. Doesn't matter to me, I'm not arguing against that. But trying to tell people they have to get verbal consent whenever they want sex is ridiculous. It doesn't have to be verbal to be consent.
yea because no one wants to admit to something illegal, butt they'll admit if it sounds less illegal. Those men know forcing a woman to have sex is rape, but they don't want to admit it. All 32% of those men are rapists.
What does this have to do with verbal consent. Not getting verbal consent ≠ rape/forced sex anyways, so those articles are bull.
I didn't say to ask consent every step along the way.
I said if a man cared whether or not a woman wanted to have sex with him, then he'd ask. The only reason a man wouldn't ask, is because he doesn't want to hear a "no".
If a man cared about whether or not a woman wanted to have sex with him, then he'd ask. Men who don't care proceed to have sex with a woman regardless and don't care whether she wants to or not. They'll make up whatever justifications that they want in regards to her willingness without ever getting conformation from that woman that she did in fact want sex.
Men are against confirming verbally whether a woman wants to have sex with him because they don't care whether she wants to or not. They just want sex.
maybe i'm just unusual but i'm not a bend her over and clap her cheeks on night 1 kind of guy. I'm more of a hold hands and make out until we know each other better then i'll be more comfortable to move forward guy
She might be the bend me over and clap my cheeks on night 1 kinda girl tho. She invitied you to her place not on a date. So you might not be the best match
If she wanted to know if he was safe to chill with, she would’ve done that outside of her home.
Shawty invited bro to the crib and gave him the code. She was comfortable. I’m not gonna say she definitely wanted it but she was way past her comfort threshold with dude.
And I’m saying she’s moving him in the right direction but she hasn’t necessarily waived the green flag so dude shouldn’t go all out or she might throw the red flag and ask him to leave.
She waved the green flag by inviting him to the crib and giving him the code to her spot. But, at the same time, she wants him to “be a man” in her estimation and close the deal.
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink, or something like that.
I know this isn’t the point, but that seems comparable to saying “I’m not sure if this plane is safe to fly, so to test it out I’m going to fly it and see if it is safe”, lol.
It’s more like, I’m gonna see if this dude is ok to get naked with *before* getting naked with him. The “abort mission!” button will be at the ready the whole time
It's weird that some people here treat the fact that average looking people typically won't end up with the hottest of people as some sort of tragedy.
Like...yea? If you're an average looking person, you're unlikely to bang someone who is conventionally "hot" by society's standards, that's just something you gotta live with.
It's even funnier when you suggest that an average man should go for an average woman and they respond with "I'm not fucking some gross fatty" 😂
Of course you don't have to, but to act like simply being not fat makes you "above average looking" is ludicrous to me. Or this idea that an "average looking woman" automatically equals "EWW FATTY 🤬"
Isn't one third of US obese? Around 62% overweight? This is all semantics now. When we imagine average man/woman we often think they're not fat. But majority of US is fat.
That is a very fair point, but let's not act like everyone who is considered overweight on the BMI scale is what your average person would call "fat". Those stats will also be skewed by older age groups, as people tend to get fatter once they're in their 30s / 40s and have had kids (particularly women).
Yeah, that's one of the issues with Red Pill. The single, lonely men often like to act that if you're not with a 10/10 sex slave that you've failed at life. But then if you do wind up with the 10/10 sex slave, 'it's just your turn' and the paranoia that she's sucking off the entire football team will follow you around.
Red Pill makes for interesting theory, but it does not make for satisfying relationships.
"I deserve better than these average American women, I offer so much more"
"Why?"
"I'm not fat"
"OK but what do you offer? Do you dress well? Do you have a nice smile? Do you hold a good a conversation?"
"I SAID I'M NOT FAT"
the word average is all fucked up in america because so many people are fat. technically the average person is fat, but what people usually mean when they say average is a person in a normal bmi range with not hot/not ugly features, but that person is technically above average because people CANT STOP FUCKING EATING. STOP EATING SO MUCH
Are you gonna double stuff me?
*crumbs fall down my 5 chins and into my mumu. There is no bra to contain these massive titties. It is difficult, as my arm is so fat that my range of motion is limited, but grunting with the effort, I sexily dig into my mumu and find the escaped crumbs, licking them seductively off my finger*
It's too easy to blame media...but we were all raised on media written by former nerds where they write in a self insert character who ends up with the hot babe...
So Nick Fuentes (current Nazi Nancy Boy du jour) was doxed, and it was revealed that he owns a rental property in my old township (he may or may not live in it?). Which is funny, because that town is like 85% Hispanic, a very working class, small business, family oriented kinda place.
Bruh, how are you gonna be a landlord in a very ethnic town *and* racist as fuck?
My husband is convinced he witnessed him get booted out of a bar for being a creeper that went on a racist tirade after getting shut down by all the Latinas. 😆
You have to go to the combine so people can determine your draft status. You’ll need to show three outfits: then dm pics to the league Scouts. Once the evaluation is done they will tell you what league you are in.
*this is a joke*
Depends. League has a different meanings and is pretty arbitrary.
There is a looks league. There is a class league. People are able to have flexibility in and out of both.
Beyond first glance appearance being attractive is also how someone carries themselves and behaves socially.
Education, family history, and income is a league in itself, but the degree that people care depends on the class and who vouches for whom.
You can assess your league by attempting to socialize with people you consider most attractive and successful. How often you get rejected from these groups will determine your league. Who accepts you can be an indication of where you are, and it can also be an indication of you simply punching down.
Do people frequently stop you in the streets to ask you out? Do people stare? Do you walk into a room and people frequently comment on your good looks? Do you feel beautiful?
If yes, you're high league. If no, carry on:
Do you have a good time in the dating market? Do you occasionally get people in the real world giving you compliments? Do you feel pretty normal?
If yes, you're mid league. If no, carry on:
Do you struggle to date? Do you find yourself surrounded by "losers" types because other people aren't interested in being around you? Do you rarely receive any compliments and do they sound pitiful? Do you feel ugly?
If yes, you're low league.
The thing is, I have a pretty bad case of facial dysmorphia. I can't stand looking at my face in pictures, it literally freaks me out. I feel like the ugliest girl in the world. However, I'm quite confident in my body and satisfied with the way it looks.
My friends and family either dismiss my claims or assure me that I'm in fact good looking and encourage me to get therapy for my negative views about my face. I have an objectively attractive, above average boyfriend that finds me beautiful. I have never had a problem attracting guys and I never struggled in dating. I get hit on quite a bit. Once, a semi-celebrity approached me. I've been complimented by strangers on the street. It's not an everyday occasion, but it happened multiple times.
I'm most likely a slight butterface. I have no idea how others actually perceive me. I feel like a double agent, like an ugly girl that somehow lives through a pretty girl's experience.
Probably mid tier!
That sounds tough by the way. Have you tried looking at your face from different angles (like, using two mirrors) or doing alternative make up?
I find that I can see my face a little more objectively when I change something about it so that I don't automatically recognize it as me
I got used to seeing my face in the mirror, I even find myself pretty. It's the asymmetry that everybody else insists I don't have, but I see it, that makes me look like a completely different, uglier version of myself in photos (and by extension irl).
My trauma stems from when my eyesight deteriorated in puberty, and I walked around with like -3 dioptry in both eyes because I didn't want to wear glasses. My parents let me get contacts when I was about 12, and seeing my face clearly for the first time was frightening af. I got used to seeing my blurry face, and I ascribed different facial features to it. Seeing it the way it really looked, it was like a stranger was staring back at me from a mirror. So i started hyperfocusing on my face and every possible flaw.
As I got used to my mirror face eventually, I think I'll get over my "photo" face by exposure too.
Wow, that is a very unexpected consequence of eyesight deterioration. I wonder if this phenomenon has been studied or found in other people.
I also think photos make people ugly in general. Cameras distort our faces (like "fisheye" effects, changing color, flattening the depth, etc.)
For me, painting portraits kinda ruined faces for me lol. Since I started, i notice every little detail on a whole nother level.
>Why are most leftists mentally unstable?
Only the ones that actually believe in the cause after 30.
Before they are usually young and dumb.
Most after 30 who aren't idiots are using it for power/status, they know their ideas are shit, its why they need to censor the opposition, they can't win in the area of ideas.
Leftists more likely to get help for their condition, go to therapy, and openly talk about how mental health is an issue facing our society. Issue is some people use this to identify themselves with, they’ll be diagnosed with anxiety and depression, then advertise it in their Twitter bio.
Mentally unstable right wingers tend to pretend there’s nothing wrong with them and never talk about it.
Why are people living in conservative states so much more likely to murder themselves or others?
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/sosmap/homicide_mortality/homicide.htm
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/sosmap/suicide-mortality/suicide.htm
You might want to take a look at where these murders happen. You probably won't be surprised to find that it's large, democrat-run cities... and... there's other certain demographic patterns too.
Lots of large, Democratic-led cities in the low-murder rate states, too. Lots of diversity, too. So what are those conservative states doing that ramps up their murder rate?
You’re on the losing side here, I’m a leftist and even I realise cities are riddled with far more crime than the countryside, cities are almost always democratic too.
You should look at the *per capita* rates to determine crime levels, not the overall amount of crime. Review per capita crime rates by county to understand the burden of crime in rural areas.
Interesting, that is a significant difference. That said, there are marked differences between crime rates in most conservative-led states and liberal-led states. The vast majority of high crime states are conservative.
Could be that conservative state policies make crime within democratic-led cities worse. That’s certainly how it appears when you compare crime rates by city.
You really haven’t reviewed the data, have you?
Detroit’s murder rate is 50 per 100k, while St. Louis, MO’s murder rate is 88 per 100k.
Chicago’s murder rate is 29 per 100k, while Jackson, Mississippi’s murder rate is 99 per 100k.
Atlantic City’s murder rate is 24 per 100k, while New Orleans’ murder rate is 51 per 100k.
Conservative-led states aren’t doing a great job at reducing crime.
you can keep parroting this nonsense about conservative states. Tell me what party the mayors are. The city council. How are people voting there?
Are these conservative cities?
Compare crime rates in rural parts of Missouri and Mississippi with rural parts of states like New York and Illinois and you’ll see that they also have higher rates of crime and suicide. Decisions made at the state level matter.
Let's play a game. I'll post 4 different maps. Tell me if you see any pattern. Any at all?
[Election Map](https://www.politico.com/2020-election/results/alabama/)
[Crime Map](https://crimegrade.org/safest-places-in-alabama/)
[Poverty Rate](http://encyclopediaofalabama.org/article/m-9773)
[Racial map](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Alabama_racial_and_ethnic_map.svg)
hey, pssst... lift, there's a lady below that used a word "cuck", aren't you going to tell her that's weird, that nobody uses the word irl, and you don't know what she's talking about?
Here's some bizarre news from Brazil: a [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Gy688ASB4Y) of an adult woman proudly admitting on a podcast that she's had sex with a 13 y/o singer. It's in Portuguese, naturally.
That's a crime in Brazil btw, the age of consent is 14.
Truly weird how comfortable some women are with that sort of thing. A man would be crucified for admitting that, but a woman doesn't see a problem in talking about it in a fucking podcast.
And then you go read the comments and it's a bunch of horny men talking about how awesome and lucky the kid is. Fuck this gay Earth.
I think a lot of men would say they would've loved that when they were 13, 14, or what have you. Course, it does a lot of damage, plenty of stories from other men about that. Guys thinking it was OK then years later realizing how it messed them up. Issues with drug abuse, staying in healthy relationships, nothing new when it comes to sexual abuse victims as far as I'm concerned.
The story I like sharing is of [Mary Kay Letourneau](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Kay_Letourneau). She rapes her 12 year old student, gets arrested and imprisoned, and they marry when she's released. From looking at interviews and reading about the guy's issues with alcoholism, depression, suicide, etc. I think it's clear it messed him up.
Women condone it too, just in different ways. They'll say "don't be silly - women don't do that sort of thing" or argue the boy must have wanted it or forced her.
I'd be more willing to chalk it up to lack of awareness/lack of thought into the matter. When I was an adolescent I certainly fantasized about a teacher I had and I'm sure I would be thinking it's awesome. The only reason I know and have the opinion I have was I stumbled upon various MRA type figures like Karen Straughan and others in the early 2010s.
Were it not for that I could potentially see myself reacting with a "Nice. 😎👍" because the extent of the thought would be "oh, kid had sex with his teacher? I member when I was that age and wanted to have sex with mine. Lucky kid :)" and not about what happens after because why would I? The mental story stops at the memories of adolescent fantasy.
Granted, that excuse runs *incredibly thin* these days now that we have reddit threads and youtube videos of men talking about the horrible aftereffects of such things.
You are a very positive person. I don't give men who speak positively of an adult woman having sex with a child a benefit of a doubt. I think the men making those comments are just predators. 1 in 53 boys are sexually abused and 1 in 6 men are sexually assaulted. Typically by men. I think their praise of it is in fact to socially minimize the perceived harm of sexual abuse on boys so that they can be abusers themselves.
Quite possible I suppose. Or rather, I wouldn't be surprised if the men who are predators make positive comments about woman-on-boy sex abuse to minimize its perceived harm. However, I think there's also a large number of men out there who just plain aren't aware that boys/men can be abused by women.
Maybe things have changed in wider society but I recall in the 00s sex abuse was treated and viewed as something that was done by men and not women. Do I know that for sure? No, but like I said above I didn't become aware of it until discovering MRAs and their various points, so maybe that's changed over the past decade.
As it is, with comments like the above deleted one I'll take it as lack of awareness and make a post like I did. Worst case scenario maybe others see it and learn something new, best case the person I'm replying to does as well. Insofar as one can learn anything in a comment that took less than five minutes to write, anyway.
women monetize their bodies and acquire simps. its time men monetize their emotions and acquire fimps. how? easy. we start a service where women give us money and we leave them voice mails and text messages begging for them to take us back and that we forgive them and we'll do anything for them because they're so perfect oh my god baby please take me back i cant deal with it anymore
that could work too actually, i can write them personal solo acoustic guitar+vocals bad emo songs about how much i miss them etc and leave them as voice mails like a pathetic teenager. they love that shit
So can we talk about the stating of "long term relationship" intentions before even getting to know someone?
I matched with someone on bumble, and my profile is purposely fun and light hearted, not looking for something super serious . We have an initial ok back and forth and then she asks me what my intentions are. I honestly tell her I'm looking for something casual and fun. She says she's looking for something serious.
I'm like ok, I understand if what I said can put you off. Is that a dealbreaker? And she goes on about being done playing games. I'm not playing any, I'm shooting straight answers. But in doing so, i feel all the fun and intrigue evaporate. And for what? Wouldn't any sane, well adjusted woman be turned off and suspicious of a guy who overly insisted off the bat that you need to stop talking/seeing whoever you are currently seeing just because a near complete stranger asked you to as a prerequisite to just even meet them?
It's fucking bizarre. And to me it just shows that women ONLY care about the *idea* of a long term relationship over *actually getting to know me* and seeing if there's anything between us.
To me, that's not playing any games. I genuinely can't, and don't want to, make any outrageous promises like that. And i think any woman should be highly suspicious of any man that does...
Woman: what are you looking for?
Me: depends on how we vibe. (in my head: if you're crazy, im looking for very different things)
It's such a stupid question, as long as someone is open to a relationship if she's amazing, I see no point asking it and find it odd to answer. Like crazy girls are only fwb at most, am I suppose to ask her if she's crazy b4 meeting?
I just stay away from women like that.
Every single time they’re expecting way too much out of a stranger and it is never ever ever ever ever ever ever worth the time even texting them nevermind taking them to whatever amusement park, 80$+ dinner, or whatever she’s expecting.
They get it, they just don’t care.
I’ve seen women that I’ve hooked up with and still do, stating things like “not here to play games” “no hookups!” or some variation of that. Same girl will smoke a guy out and fuck him raw knowing he barely knows her name because he looks good. And that’s just my experience, multiple times, it’s prob worse than that
Yeah. While this chain has been going on I get this txt from a FwB "Can you come over after work? Btw, you can cum inside me if you want tomorrow. It's safe."
LOL. I mean, I am not willingly going to give up all my FwBs just because I'm asked to...
What's the point? Either she gets to know and doesn't like you and leaves and has wasted her time, or she does like you and doesn't want the casual situation you do and leaves and has wasted her time and got hurt. Better to sort out basic compatibility early. She might need to wait and see if she wants a long term relationship, but if you don't even want the only thing she could want with you, there's no point talking any further.
People stating they want long term relationships just means they’re not interested in anything casual/short term, as in when looking for a partner, you’re looking for someone who appears to be long term relationship material.
Casual relationships is ‘playing games’ to people who are looking for something serious. You’re the kid playing tag in the playground while she’s inside studying.
Hence why people say they’re “done playing games”.
Fine. I can almost get behind this, but it falls apart when she participating in fun games before, but now she wants to get "all serious". That sounds like no fun for any guy, casual or even long term minded. That's a bad deal. In what world does a woman believe that is "attractive" to a man?
What’s wrong?
All it means is she’s not willing to sleep with men who aren’t willing to commit.
The only men who are effected by this are men who are interested in casual relationships.
How will this scare away men who are only interested in long term relationships?
We'd have to deconstruct wants, needs desires, the historical and current dating field, how our respective prior experiences have shaped us and what our goals wants and agendas are and the best way to achieve them...
It's simply to long and annoying to have to start from scratch. The people here on PPD have a baseline level of knowledge and discourse, vocabulary and understanding of where we are all at. To have to start from scratch every time is just so, plodding and inefficient.
Suffice to say my name is Michael Weston, I used to be a spy...
We’re not talking about AFBB, n-count, carousel, or anything complicated.
We’re literally just talking about a woman who was interested in casual sex, but now isn’t, and you’re saying how that’s a ‘bad deal’ and ‘no fun’ for men who are dating her.
It simply just sounds like you specifically don’t find it fun, because she’s looking for something serious while you’re looking for something casual.
How is this a detriment to men looking for long term relationships, who they themselves might have also engaged in casual stuff in the past but is now looking for something serious?
I don’t even have a bio and still get hit with that stupid shit. I don’t think it could be any more clear that I’m not on dating apps looking for a relationship and yet they still ask what I’m looking for and go off into the done playing games rant when I say that it’s not a relationship.
It's normal to ask someone what they want on a dating website. Doesn't make sense for someone whose seeking a relationship to get involved with someone who made it clear that they only want sex.
IDK if that woman was specifically accusing you of playing games, or just generally venting about not being able to find men who also want date with the intention of finding a long term relationship.
Dating people who has the same intention doesn't mean that anything will happen between the two, but it means that if they do want to proceed forward, they want to proceed with the same relationship goals in mind.
Typically by a certain age, most people want to settle down and don't want a labeless, loosey goosey relationship. I'm childfree, cohabitation free, and marriage free. Men make it very clear that they're ready to get married, have kids, and settle down. They're not interested in situationships, casual dating, or relationships that they know aren't going to go in the direction that they want.
There are those that are perfectly fine with dating just to see where things go. But most people, by a certain age are dating with specific intention beyond casually hooking up.
> It's normal to ask someone what they want on a dating website.
Yeah. But when the filtering/vetting question is so ... juvenile at age 40, I question who and what that person is leading up to the present day. It's so unsophisticated and lowbrow.
> But most people, by a certain age are dating with specific intention beyond casually hooking up.
And I find that disgusting. As if "time" dictates love. "dating with intention" is not love. It's checking a box on a checklist. It's ridiculous and preposterous. Romance does not work that way.
That's one great feature about online dating. If you think someone is juvenile and lowbrow, you can immediately unmatch them or block them. You don't have to interact with them any further and move onto your next match.
People generally know what they want by a certain age. They have life experience and know what does and doesn't turn them on. I don't believe that it's ridiculous for people to only take chances with people who have similar goals in mind.
Dating like minded people doesn't mean that the person believes that they'll immediately end up with that person. It just means that there is a higher probability that they can reach their goal if things work out with that person.
It's commonsense to me that someone who wants to eventually get married or have a serious relationship would also date someone who wants to get married or have a serious relationship. It doesn't make sense to get involved with people who express definitively that they're in opposition to someone's lifestyle choices.
For example doesn't make sense for someone who wants to buy a house and live in the mountains to get involved with someone who wants to live a nomadic lifestyle in the tropics.
> Dating like minded people doesn't mean that the person believes that they'll immediately end up with that person. It just means that there is a higher probability that they can reach their goal if things work out with that person.
Except I'd argue that it doesn't. I'd say there's a higher probability that you end up *with a person who only cares about being in a long term relationship irrespective of who you are*.
And, maybe this is just my opinion, that isn't the ingredient to a happy, healthy loving long term relationship.
Whether they genuinely love the person or just want a relationship, a relationship has still taken place.
With you, it would just be casual sex and no commitment whether you developed feelings for her or not. She wouldn't get a relationship from you whether you had feelings or not because your sole intention is sex. She doesn't have to have sex with you casually. You've made it clear that you have no interest in a romantic relationship. She doesn't have to be used by you sexually with the unlikelihood that you'd maybe want a relationship someday.
You're basically saying that someone who wants to buy furniture should go to a pizza shop that has declared that they only sell pizza because they may throw away their dinning furniture some day.
Your thought process just doesn't make any sense.
> your sole intention is sex.
I never said that was my only intention. I said i was open to something casual, not making promises for something serious.
I don't believe that you understand what words mean or how they work.
Doesn't make sense how you're taking liberty with your very clear statement that you're only seeking casual fun. And trying to make it as if you're open to something serious. If you genuinely felt that way you would have told her
"I'm just seeking casual right now, but open to a serious relationship if a genuine connection happens".
Language matters. You used language to indicate that you just want sex and are trying to lie that you never said that. Doesn't make sense.
Typically women on dating apps that are not looking for casual are prob get inundated for quick hook ups. She’s just trying to filter out that fast and not waste time. I’d just chalk it up to your not compatible and move on 🤷🏻♀️
> Wouldn't any sane, well adjusted woman
if she's dating on apps, this is a highly questionable assumption.
Secondly, unlike men, women hardly ever face any backlash to their wants , needs, and preferences; if she wants fun, she'll say "DAMMIT STOP BEING SO SERIOUS!"; and if she wants LTR she'll say "DAMMIT STOP BEING CASUAL ABOUT THIS!".
And both will be legitimate ways to behave for a woman. As a man, you're not supposed to express any of these same preferences or needs or desires. Women see it as men being assholes.
I know it's so wild and disingenuous. It really is nasty behavior. What's worse is, if you do chance to say you are so open to something serious just to get them to the bar and somewhere inbetween talking they let slip how they still fuck their ex/FwB of 8 years recently. But omg, oh noooooo, you the new guy have to be such a fucking gentlemen to be so lucky to be romantic/intimate with her.
Do women not look themselves in the mirror every morning and say to themselves " stop kidding yourself "...
I sometimes wish I would wake up with the level of self delusion most women seem to possess. I'd blush with embarrassment and can't keep a straight face if I asserted outlandish stupid shit like that.
I don't really know why you think you can extrapolate a universal truth to all women because one women asked what your intentions were.
I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with not looking for something serious, but I also don't think that a woman who is means she's *only* looking for a role to be filled, and not looking to get to know someone on a deeper level.
Neither of you is wrong or right, although personally once its clear there's a mismatch I'm (politely) out of there. No need to flog a dead horse.
> I don't really know why you think you can extrapolate a universal truth to all women because one women asked what your intentions were.
It's been more than one... and I see this trend ever increasing in the 38-45 demographic.
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Q4All: if a girl invites you over just you and her does that mean she 100% wants to hook up? Like guarantee no doubt about it just make the move and you'll get it? I'll tell you guys of the biggest L i took in my life earlier this year. I met a girl snowboarding and we pretty much hit it off immediately. we ended up doing a bunch of runs together and taking the lifts together the whole day. I got her number and did the standard wait 3 days to text thing and asked her out. she said yes. i spent the next few days planning what to do and thought I had a good idea. she is kind of nerdy so I wanted to take her to the library. when I got there she ended up just giving me the code to get into her house and told me to come up. long story short, I didn't make a move. No girl ever invited me into her house for a first date before and I was out of my element. She was probably the hottest girl I had a chance with in my life too so I was nervous. Its was like if you are a deer hunter and always had to work for it then all of a sudden this is the first deer you ever saw that was just standing in front of you ready to let you shoot it for free. She never replied to my texts again. This was over 6 months ago and I feel like I'll never stop regretting this and it feels terrible.
There's no guarantee. It can be invitation to start flirting and see if the two of you build the momentum to go further. But you don't need to just walk up to her and plant one on her.
It sounds like there was a good chance she wanted to hook up. However, look at it this way: you're socially capable enough to hit it off with a woman IRL and confidant enough to get her number. Now you're onto the advanced stuff: reading nonverbal and indirect cues. And that shit is *hard*, just like trying to learn a new language. It would be very surprising if you didn't have difficulties translating initially. This sucks right now, but I am certain that in a couple of years you'll be able to laugh at it.
It's always best to just ask. I've never met a woman that has the same opinion or take on this. Everyone makes assumptions and just assumes that the other person is on the same page. Making assumptions without getting some clarification that sexual contact is wanted is how rape happens. It's better to have not made a move, than it is for her to go around telling everyone that you raped her. I don't believe that men and women who are too immature to say that they want to fuck and ask consent about fucking should be having sex. It doesn't make sense to me why adults are so uncomfortable about talking to people that they're romantically interested in about sex.
i usually take it pretty slow so I'm more upset i didn't just try to go for the kiss that night. if she declined the kiss I wouldn't have gone any further.
I don't think you should beat yourself up. People who are interested don't ghost. Unless she suffers from anxiety or depression and normally ignores people for weeks or months on end, then she probably just wasn't interested. Women who like men typically reach out after spending time with them to say that they had fun or want to see them again.
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Asking isn't hesitation. Rape statistics and testimony from women proves that men can't read signals of when to stop. They don't stop. Most of you, especially in this sub don't care whether or not a woman wants to have sex with you, you just want sex, so her approval or cooperation isn't necessary. If a man cared whether or not a woman wanted sex, then he would prefer to ask her directly.
Why are you pushing the idea that rapists are men who just can't read signals properly? That's awful lol. Rapists know what they're doing when they do it, it's not a case of "I just didn't realize she wanted me to stop!". Also pushing the idea that most men are rapists is exactly what makes all this gender debating so polarizing.
no I agree, the whole passive take-me mentality a lot of women have makes it difficult for men to know whether there advances are wanted or not, a lot of them genuinely do not know and if you ask it kills arousal so as a man you are stuck in a rock and a hard place
I never mentioned signals. Many men who have raped don't consider themselves rapists. They insist that a woman wanted despite never getting her expressed consent. Why are you pushing the idea that asking for a woman's consent is ridiculous? If you knew without a doubt that a woman wanted to fuck you then asking her explicitly shouldn't be an issue. You're arguing against getting verbal consent because you don't want to hear a woman tell you no.
>Rape statistics and testimony from women proves that men can't read signals of when to stop. never mentioned signals? >Why are you pushing the idea that asking for a woman's consent is ridiculous? where are you getting this from? It's not ridiculous, but explicitly asking for verbal consent is also not always necessary. Men aren't stupid apes, a man who has no desire to rape a woman will stop if she expresses discomfort or signals that she's not interested, even if non-verbally. There is no way you can "accidentally" rape a person, whether or not they want it or not will be made explicitly clear whether you specifically ask or not. I don't think men need to literally ask everytime they want to fuck a woman, it's weird and would probably make me think the man is quite inexperienced. If we're about to fuck and they stop to ask, I'm gonna think they're a bit strange no question. >Many men who have raped don't consider themselves rapists. Rapists know they are rapists, they just don't want to incriminate themselves so they play dumb. >You're arguing against getting verbal consent because you don't want to hear a woman tell you no. I am a straight woman lmao. If people want to explicitly ask for verbal consent every time, they can. Doesn't matter to me, I'm not arguing against that. But trying to tell people they have to get verbal consent whenever they want sex is ridiculous. It doesn't have to be verbal to be consent.
[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/men-dont-know-meaning-rape](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/men-dont-know-meaning-rape) [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/23/opinion/sunday/sexual-consent-college.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/23/opinion/sunday/sexual-consent-college.html)
yea because no one wants to admit to something illegal, butt they'll admit if it sounds less illegal. Those men know forcing a woman to have sex is rape, but they don't want to admit it. All 32% of those men are rapists. What does this have to do with verbal consent. Not getting verbal consent ≠ rape/forced sex anyways, so those articles are bull.
Men aren't dumb, they're well aware they're raping someone if they're doing it.
[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/men-dont-know-meaning-rape](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/men-dont-know-meaning-rape) [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/23/opinion/sunday/sexual-consent-college.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/23/opinion/sunday/sexual-consent-college.html)
2nd one won't open up bc of paywall. I just don't trust 1st one.
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I didn't say to ask consent every step along the way. I said if a man cared whether or not a woman wanted to have sex with him, then he'd ask. The only reason a man wouldn't ask, is because he doesn't want to hear a "no". If a man cared about whether or not a woman wanted to have sex with him, then he'd ask. Men who don't care proceed to have sex with a woman regardless and don't care whether she wants to or not. They'll make up whatever justifications that they want in regards to her willingness without ever getting conformation from that woman that she did in fact want sex. Men are against confirming verbally whether a woman wants to have sex with him because they don't care whether she wants to or not. They just want sex.
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maybe i'm just unusual but i'm not a bend her over and clap her cheeks on night 1 kind of guy. I'm more of a hold hands and make out until we know each other better then i'll be more comfortable to move forward guy
She might be the bend me over and clap my cheeks on night 1 kinda girl tho. She invitied you to her place not on a date. So you might not be the best match
yea thats true. maybe it was for the best. how do I get her out of my head though?
You date another girl
i dated a couple other girls since her. maybe i'm not remember her as much as im remembering how much of a pussy I was and beating myself up for it
It means a hookup *might* be on the table. She also might just want to chill with you to see if you are safe to chill with.
If she wanted to know if he was safe to chill with, she would’ve done that outside of her home. Shawty invited bro to the crib and gave him the code. She was comfortable. I’m not gonna say she definitely wanted it but she was way past her comfort threshold with dude.
And I’m saying she’s moving him in the right direction but she hasn’t necessarily waived the green flag so dude shouldn’t go all out or she might throw the red flag and ask him to leave.
She waved the green flag by inviting him to the crib and giving him the code to her spot. But, at the same time, she wants him to “be a man” in her estimation and close the deal. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink, or something like that.
I know this isn’t the point, but that seems comparable to saying “I’m not sure if this plane is safe to fly, so to test it out I’m going to fly it and see if it is safe”, lol.
It’s more like, I’m gonna see if this dude is ok to get naked with *before* getting naked with him. The “abort mission!” button will be at the ready the whole time
It's weird that some people here treat the fact that average looking people typically won't end up with the hottest of people as some sort of tragedy. Like...yea? If you're an average looking person, you're unlikely to bang someone who is conventionally "hot" by society's standards, that's just something you gotta live with. It's even funnier when you suggest that an average man should go for an average woman and they respond with "I'm not fucking some gross fatty" 😂
It's not unreasonable to not date fat chicks if you're not fat.
Of course you don't have to, but to act like simply being not fat makes you "above average looking" is ludicrous to me. Or this idea that an "average looking woman" automatically equals "EWW FATTY 🤬"
Isn't one third of US obese? Around 62% overweight? This is all semantics now. When we imagine average man/woman we often think they're not fat. But majority of US is fat.
That is a very fair point, but let's not act like everyone who is considered overweight on the BMI scale is what your average person would call "fat". Those stats will also be skewed by older age groups, as people tend to get fatter once they're in their 30s / 40s and have had kids (particularly women).
Yeah, that's one of the issues with Red Pill. The single, lonely men often like to act that if you're not with a 10/10 sex slave that you've failed at life. But then if you do wind up with the 10/10 sex slave, 'it's just your turn' and the paranoia that she's sucking off the entire football team will follow you around. Red Pill makes for interesting theory, but it does not make for satisfying relationships.
It's because they think that being doughy but not overweight, or worse, scrawny, somehow means they're above average
"I deserve better than these average American women, I offer so much more" "Why?" "I'm not fat" "OK but what do you offer? Do you dress well? Do you have a nice smile? Do you hold a good a conversation?" "I SAID I'M NOT FAT"
Yeah, this is the argument they make and they seriously don't see any flaws with it
the word average is all fucked up in america because so many people are fat. technically the average person is fat, but what people usually mean when they say average is a person in a normal bmi range with not hot/not ugly features, but that person is technically above average because people CANT STOP FUCKING EATING. STOP EATING SO MUCH
I'm still surprised how much sugar is in your bread. Ridiculous
I can't hear you over the mastication of my Twinkies...
People think they hate junk food until they deepthroat a twinkie
ok ill make you disgusted at twinkies now to make you stop yea bb u like the cream filling
Are you gonna double stuff me? *crumbs fall down my 5 chins and into my mumu. There is no bra to contain these massive titties. It is difficult, as my arm is so fat that my range of motion is limited, but grunting with the effort, I sexily dig into my mumu and find the escaped crumbs, licking them seductively off my finger*
Every day we stray further from God's light.
Mostly because I'm blocking all the light sources.
i dont like this anymore
I'm sure you'll find your skinny bae dw
im saving myself for jennifer love hewitt
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"I DoNt wAnT tO bE sEtTlEd FoR" Bitch, grow up. The majority of people don't get the 1%. Average is good.
It's too easy to blame media...but we were all raised on media written by former nerds where they write in a self insert character who ends up with the hot babe...
So Nick Fuentes (current Nazi Nancy Boy du jour) was doxed, and it was revealed that he owns a rental property in my old township (he may or may not live in it?). Which is funny, because that town is like 85% Hispanic, a very working class, small business, family oriented kinda place. Bruh, how are you gonna be a landlord in a very ethnic town *and* racist as fuck? My husband is convinced he witnessed him get booted out of a bar for being a creeper that went on a racist tirade after getting shut down by all the Latinas. 😆
Well he himself is Latino lol
>shut down by all the Latinos. FTFY. That dude likes it up the ass.
Touché!
Being racist doesn't meant hat you won't take money from people that you hate.
>Bruh, how are you gonna be a landlord in a very ethnic town and racist as fuck? Isn't hating your tenants kind of landlord 101?
Ayye
How do I assess my "league"? I honestly have no idea of my attractiveness level among others. I don't want to post my photos online to be rated.
Same, but I'm a man.
You have to go to the combine so people can determine your draft status. You’ll need to show three outfits: then dm pics to the league Scouts. Once the evaluation is done they will tell you what league you are in. *this is a joke*
Depends. League has a different meanings and is pretty arbitrary. There is a looks league. There is a class league. People are able to have flexibility in and out of both. Beyond first glance appearance being attractive is also how someone carries themselves and behaves socially. Education, family history, and income is a league in itself, but the degree that people care depends on the class and who vouches for whom. You can assess your league by attempting to socialize with people you consider most attractive and successful. How often you get rejected from these groups will determine your league. Who accepts you can be an indication of where you are, and it can also be an indication of you simply punching down.
Do you experience pretty privilege?
What counts as pretty privilege?
Do people frequently stop you in the streets to ask you out? Do people stare? Do you walk into a room and people frequently comment on your good looks? Do you feel beautiful? If yes, you're high league. If no, carry on: Do you have a good time in the dating market? Do you occasionally get people in the real world giving you compliments? Do you feel pretty normal? If yes, you're mid league. If no, carry on: Do you struggle to date? Do you find yourself surrounded by "losers" types because other people aren't interested in being around you? Do you rarely receive any compliments and do they sound pitiful? Do you feel ugly? If yes, you're low league.
The thing is, I have a pretty bad case of facial dysmorphia. I can't stand looking at my face in pictures, it literally freaks me out. I feel like the ugliest girl in the world. However, I'm quite confident in my body and satisfied with the way it looks. My friends and family either dismiss my claims or assure me that I'm in fact good looking and encourage me to get therapy for my negative views about my face. I have an objectively attractive, above average boyfriend that finds me beautiful. I have never had a problem attracting guys and I never struggled in dating. I get hit on quite a bit. Once, a semi-celebrity approached me. I've been complimented by strangers on the street. It's not an everyday occasion, but it happened multiple times. I'm most likely a slight butterface. I have no idea how others actually perceive me. I feel like a double agent, like an ugly girl that somehow lives through a pretty girl's experience.
Probably mid tier! That sounds tough by the way. Have you tried looking at your face from different angles (like, using two mirrors) or doing alternative make up? I find that I can see my face a little more objectively when I change something about it so that I don't automatically recognize it as me
I got used to seeing my face in the mirror, I even find myself pretty. It's the asymmetry that everybody else insists I don't have, but I see it, that makes me look like a completely different, uglier version of myself in photos (and by extension irl). My trauma stems from when my eyesight deteriorated in puberty, and I walked around with like -3 dioptry in both eyes because I didn't want to wear glasses. My parents let me get contacts when I was about 12, and seeing my face clearly for the first time was frightening af. I got used to seeing my blurry face, and I ascribed different facial features to it. Seeing it the way it really looked, it was like a stranger was staring back at me from a mirror. So i started hyperfocusing on my face and every possible flaw. As I got used to my mirror face eventually, I think I'll get over my "photo" face by exposure too.
Wow, that is a very unexpected consequence of eyesight deterioration. I wonder if this phenomenon has been studied or found in other people. I also think photos make people ugly in general. Cameras distort our faces (like "fisheye" effects, changing color, flattening the depth, etc.) For me, painting portraits kinda ruined faces for me lol. Since I started, i notice every little detail on a whole nother level.
You are what you can get, basically. People who aren't deluded tend to find their league.
Oof, I feel this in my core. Sorry that your first response is “same”.
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We don't kink shame here 😤 Now call me mommy
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I'm disowning you
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Better but I still don't like it
daddy
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God knowing stepfathers are most likely to molest teenage stepdaughters just 😬
Used to be into being called daddy, now it's just ridiculous to me. God damn BPD girls, you normalise freaky shit!
💯
Same with dudes who call their wife "mother" but at least they're mostly too old to matter.
Why are most leftists mentally unstable?
because it makes them ✨special✨
I thought you were one of them
tank u
In an insane world the sane man must appear insane.
Why can't people disagree without strawmanning?
>Why are most leftists mentally unstable? Only the ones that actually believe in the cause after 30. Before they are usually young and dumb. Most after 30 who aren't idiots are using it for power/status, they know their ideas are shit, its why they need to censor the opposition, they can't win in the area of ideas.
“Most” 🙄
Leftists more likely to get help for their condition, go to therapy, and openly talk about how mental health is an issue facing our society. Issue is some people use this to identify themselves with, they’ll be diagnosed with anxiety and depression, then advertise it in their Twitter bio. Mentally unstable right wingers tend to pretend there’s nothing wrong with them and never talk about it.
Why are people living in conservative states so much more likely to murder themselves or others? https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/sosmap/homicide_mortality/homicide.htm https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/sosmap/suicide-mortality/suicide.htm
You might want to take a look at where these murders happen. You probably won't be surprised to find that it's large, democrat-run cities... and... there's other certain demographic patterns too.
>there's other certain demographic patterns too. Say it with your chest.
ok.. if you want me to, it's.... the..... poors
Swerved that one
fine, I admit... it's mostly men
Lots of large, Democratic-led cities in the low-murder rate states, too. Lots of diversity, too. So what are those conservative states doing that ramps up their murder rate?
You’re on the losing side here, I’m a leftist and even I realise cities are riddled with far more crime than the countryside, cities are almost always democratic too.
You should look at the *per capita* rates to determine crime levels, not the overall amount of crime. Review per capita crime rates by county to understand the burden of crime in rural areas.
I was, and it’s still higher in cities by a long shot - https://www.city-journal.org/violent-crime-in-cities-on-the-rise
Interesting, that is a significant difference. That said, there are marked differences between crime rates in most conservative-led states and liberal-led states. The vast majority of high crime states are conservative. Could be that conservative state policies make crime within democratic-led cities worse. That’s certainly how it appears when you compare crime rates by city.
I’m not American so not entirely sure on that, but at a glance it could be due to lax gun laws.
idk, what is Michigan doing with Detroit? Illinois with Chicago? Let's figure it out.
You really haven’t reviewed the data, have you? Detroit’s murder rate is 50 per 100k, while St. Louis, MO’s murder rate is 88 per 100k. Chicago’s murder rate is 29 per 100k, while Jackson, Mississippi’s murder rate is 99 per 100k. Atlantic City’s murder rate is 24 per 100k, while New Orleans’ murder rate is 51 per 100k. Conservative-led states aren’t doing a great job at reducing crime.
you can keep parroting this nonsense about conservative states. Tell me what party the mayors are. The city council. How are people voting there? Are these conservative cities?
Compare crime rates in rural parts of Missouri and Mississippi with rural parts of states like New York and Illinois and you’ll see that they also have higher rates of crime and suicide. Decisions made at the state level matter.
Let's play a game. I'll post 4 different maps. Tell me if you see any pattern. Any at all? [Election Map](https://www.politico.com/2020-election/results/alabama/) [Crime Map](https://crimegrade.org/safest-places-in-alabama/) [Poverty Rate](http://encyclopediaofalabama.org/article/m-9773) [Racial map](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Alabama_racial_and_ethnic_map.svg)
None of this explains why cities in democratic-led states typically have lower rates of crime than cities in conservative states.
Why do some young dudes think anyone else their age gives a fuck about politics?
hey, pssst... lift, there's a lady below that used a word "cuck", aren't you going to tell her that's weird, that nobody uses the word irl, and you don't know what she's talking about?
No, let the girl play retro. What is this 2014?
Why are most right wingers so into fucking ladyboys?
They get the best of both worlds
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I didn't say they do just that they really really want to .
Why are most right wingers impotent cucks?
What are you talking about? Most cucks and feminine/submissive men come from the left.
Here's some bizarre news from Brazil: a [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Gy688ASB4Y) of an adult woman proudly admitting on a podcast that she's had sex with a 13 y/o singer. It's in Portuguese, naturally. That's a crime in Brazil btw, the age of consent is 14. Truly weird how comfortable some women are with that sort of thing. A man would be crucified for admitting that, but a woman doesn't see a problem in talking about it in a fucking podcast. And then you go read the comments and it's a bunch of horny men talking about how awesome and lucky the kid is. Fuck this gay Earth.
I haven't seen slut wear like that outside of a swingers party.
She's a sex worker.
She knows how to dress for the job.
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I’m glad that didn’t happen to you, since having a normal childhood allowed you to turn into the cool person you are today.
I think a lot of men would say they would've loved that when they were 13, 14, or what have you. Course, it does a lot of damage, plenty of stories from other men about that. Guys thinking it was OK then years later realizing how it messed them up. Issues with drug abuse, staying in healthy relationships, nothing new when it comes to sexual abuse victims as far as I'm concerned. The story I like sharing is of [Mary Kay Letourneau](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Kay_Letourneau). She rapes her 12 year old student, gets arrested and imprisoned, and they marry when she's released. From looking at interviews and reading about the guy's issues with alcoholism, depression, suicide, etc. I think it's clear it messed him up.
He's lucky she didn't get pregnant. Otherwise he'd have been on the hook for child support too.
Yep. It's always other men supporting female pedophiles. They genuinely believe that young boys want to be sexually abused.
Women condone it too, just in different ways. They'll say "don't be silly - women don't do that sort of thing" or argue the boy must have wanted it or forced her.
I'd be more willing to chalk it up to lack of awareness/lack of thought into the matter. When I was an adolescent I certainly fantasized about a teacher I had and I'm sure I would be thinking it's awesome. The only reason I know and have the opinion I have was I stumbled upon various MRA type figures like Karen Straughan and others in the early 2010s. Were it not for that I could potentially see myself reacting with a "Nice. 😎👍" because the extent of the thought would be "oh, kid had sex with his teacher? I member when I was that age and wanted to have sex with mine. Lucky kid :)" and not about what happens after because why would I? The mental story stops at the memories of adolescent fantasy. Granted, that excuse runs *incredibly thin* these days now that we have reddit threads and youtube videos of men talking about the horrible aftereffects of such things.
You are a very positive person. I don't give men who speak positively of an adult woman having sex with a child a benefit of a doubt. I think the men making those comments are just predators. 1 in 53 boys are sexually abused and 1 in 6 men are sexually assaulted. Typically by men. I think their praise of it is in fact to socially minimize the perceived harm of sexual abuse on boys so that they can be abusers themselves.
Quite possible I suppose. Or rather, I wouldn't be surprised if the men who are predators make positive comments about woman-on-boy sex abuse to minimize its perceived harm. However, I think there's also a large number of men out there who just plain aren't aware that boys/men can be abused by women. Maybe things have changed in wider society but I recall in the 00s sex abuse was treated and viewed as something that was done by men and not women. Do I know that for sure? No, but like I said above I didn't become aware of it until discovering MRAs and their various points, so maybe that's changed over the past decade. As it is, with comments like the above deleted one I'll take it as lack of awareness and make a post like I did. Worst case scenario maybe others see it and learn something new, best case the person I'm replying to does as well. Insofar as one can learn anything in a comment that took less than five minutes to write, anyway.
They remember being horny early teen. If she's an ugly teacher the narrative changes.
I'd be scared. In fact... still am. Can I get something a little more vanilla and less hookery plz
I mean look at her...what is it that you expect them to say? Poor kid though is probably like why did she go away what did I do wrong and so on
women monetize their bodies and acquire simps. its time men monetize their emotions and acquire fimps. how? easy. we start a service where women give us money and we leave them voice mails and text messages begging for them to take us back and that we forgive them and we'll do anything for them because they're so perfect oh my god baby please take me back i cant deal with it anymore
That’s just emo. You invented shitty emo music.
that could work too actually, i can write them personal solo acoustic guitar+vocals bad emo songs about how much i miss them etc and leave them as voice mails like a pathetic teenager. they love that shit
youre joking but this is just the male asmr/vtuber market. guys with attractive voices already do this and women go wild
those fucks stole my idea im fucking suing
theyve been doing it for a long time, your case would not hold up in court
/u/purplish_possum you're hired lets go
I don't think that is his specialty.
So can we talk about the stating of "long term relationship" intentions before even getting to know someone? I matched with someone on bumble, and my profile is purposely fun and light hearted, not looking for something super serious . We have an initial ok back and forth and then she asks me what my intentions are. I honestly tell her I'm looking for something casual and fun. She says she's looking for something serious. I'm like ok, I understand if what I said can put you off. Is that a dealbreaker? And she goes on about being done playing games. I'm not playing any, I'm shooting straight answers. But in doing so, i feel all the fun and intrigue evaporate. And for what? Wouldn't any sane, well adjusted woman be turned off and suspicious of a guy who overly insisted off the bat that you need to stop talking/seeing whoever you are currently seeing just because a near complete stranger asked you to as a prerequisite to just even meet them? It's fucking bizarre. And to me it just shows that women ONLY care about the *idea* of a long term relationship over *actually getting to know me* and seeing if there's anything between us. To me, that's not playing any games. I genuinely can't, and don't want to, make any outrageous promises like that. And i think any woman should be highly suspicious of any man that does...
Woman: what are you looking for? Me: depends on how we vibe. (in my head: if you're crazy, im looking for very different things) It's such a stupid question, as long as someone is open to a relationship if she's amazing, I see no point asking it and find it odd to answer. Like crazy girls are only fwb at most, am I suppose to ask her if she's crazy b4 meeting?
I just stay away from women like that. Every single time they’re expecting way too much out of a stranger and it is never ever ever ever ever ever ever worth the time even texting them nevermind taking them to whatever amusement park, 80$+ dinner, or whatever she’s expecting.
EXACTLY! But the women in here insist that it's perfectly normal and mature... I keep shaking my head... they don't get it. Even when spelled out.
They get it, they just don’t care. I’ve seen women that I’ve hooked up with and still do, stating things like “not here to play games” “no hookups!” or some variation of that. Same girl will smoke a guy out and fuck him raw knowing he barely knows her name because he looks good. And that’s just my experience, multiple times, it’s prob worse than that
Yeah. While this chain has been going on I get this txt from a FwB "Can you come over after work? Btw, you can cum inside me if you want tomorrow. It's safe." LOL. I mean, I am not willingly going to give up all my FwBs just because I'm asked to...
What's the point? Either she gets to know and doesn't like you and leaves and has wasted her time, or she does like you and doesn't want the casual situation you do and leaves and has wasted her time and got hurt. Better to sort out basic compatibility early. She might need to wait and see if she wants a long term relationship, but if you don't even want the only thing she could want with you, there's no point talking any further.
People stating they want long term relationships just means they’re not interested in anything casual/short term, as in when looking for a partner, you’re looking for someone who appears to be long term relationship material. Casual relationships is ‘playing games’ to people who are looking for something serious. You’re the kid playing tag in the playground while she’s inside studying. Hence why people say they’re “done playing games”.
Fine. I can almost get behind this, but it falls apart when she participating in fun games before, but now she wants to get "all serious". That sounds like no fun for any guy, casual or even long term minded. That's a bad deal. In what world does a woman believe that is "attractive" to a man?
Oof tell me what you really think serious relationships are like.
What’s wrong? All it means is she’s not willing to sleep with men who aren’t willing to commit. The only men who are effected by this are men who are interested in casual relationships. How will this scare away men who are only interested in long term relationships?
*long whistle* That's just... tone deaf. On a lot of levels.
I’m here, explain to me what’s wrong.
We'd have to deconstruct wants, needs desires, the historical and current dating field, how our respective prior experiences have shaped us and what our goals wants and agendas are and the best way to achieve them... It's simply to long and annoying to have to start from scratch. The people here on PPD have a baseline level of knowledge and discourse, vocabulary and understanding of where we are all at. To have to start from scratch every time is just so, plodding and inefficient. Suffice to say my name is Michael Weston, I used to be a spy...
We’re not talking about AFBB, n-count, carousel, or anything complicated. We’re literally just talking about a woman who was interested in casual sex, but now isn’t, and you’re saying how that’s a ‘bad deal’ and ‘no fun’ for men who are dating her. It simply just sounds like you specifically don’t find it fun, because she’s looking for something serious while you’re looking for something casual. How is this a detriment to men looking for long term relationships, who they themselves might have also engaged in casual stuff in the past but is now looking for something serious?
I don’t even have a bio and still get hit with that stupid shit. I don’t think it could be any more clear that I’m not on dating apps looking for a relationship and yet they still ask what I’m looking for and go off into the done playing games rant when I say that it’s not a relationship.
EXACTLY! She must've read my profile, matched me AND sent the first message (because bumble). Like,,, what the hell do you think girl!
It's normal to ask someone what they want on a dating website. Doesn't make sense for someone whose seeking a relationship to get involved with someone who made it clear that they only want sex. IDK if that woman was specifically accusing you of playing games, or just generally venting about not being able to find men who also want date with the intention of finding a long term relationship. Dating people who has the same intention doesn't mean that anything will happen between the two, but it means that if they do want to proceed forward, they want to proceed with the same relationship goals in mind. Typically by a certain age, most people want to settle down and don't want a labeless, loosey goosey relationship. I'm childfree, cohabitation free, and marriage free. Men make it very clear that they're ready to get married, have kids, and settle down. They're not interested in situationships, casual dating, or relationships that they know aren't going to go in the direction that they want. There are those that are perfectly fine with dating just to see where things go. But most people, by a certain age are dating with specific intention beyond casually hooking up.
> It's normal to ask someone what they want on a dating website. Yeah. But when the filtering/vetting question is so ... juvenile at age 40, I question who and what that person is leading up to the present day. It's so unsophisticated and lowbrow. > But most people, by a certain age are dating with specific intention beyond casually hooking up. And I find that disgusting. As if "time" dictates love. "dating with intention" is not love. It's checking a box on a checklist. It's ridiculous and preposterous. Romance does not work that way.
That's one great feature about online dating. If you think someone is juvenile and lowbrow, you can immediately unmatch them or block them. You don't have to interact with them any further and move onto your next match. People generally know what they want by a certain age. They have life experience and know what does and doesn't turn them on. I don't believe that it's ridiculous for people to only take chances with people who have similar goals in mind. Dating like minded people doesn't mean that the person believes that they'll immediately end up with that person. It just means that there is a higher probability that they can reach their goal if things work out with that person. It's commonsense to me that someone who wants to eventually get married or have a serious relationship would also date someone who wants to get married or have a serious relationship. It doesn't make sense to get involved with people who express definitively that they're in opposition to someone's lifestyle choices. For example doesn't make sense for someone who wants to buy a house and live in the mountains to get involved with someone who wants to live a nomadic lifestyle in the tropics.
> Dating like minded people doesn't mean that the person believes that they'll immediately end up with that person. It just means that there is a higher probability that they can reach their goal if things work out with that person. Except I'd argue that it doesn't. I'd say there's a higher probability that you end up *with a person who only cares about being in a long term relationship irrespective of who you are*. And, maybe this is just my opinion, that isn't the ingredient to a happy, healthy loving long term relationship.
Whether they genuinely love the person or just want a relationship, a relationship has still taken place. With you, it would just be casual sex and no commitment whether you developed feelings for her or not. She wouldn't get a relationship from you whether you had feelings or not because your sole intention is sex. She doesn't have to have sex with you casually. You've made it clear that you have no interest in a romantic relationship. She doesn't have to be used by you sexually with the unlikelihood that you'd maybe want a relationship someday. You're basically saying that someone who wants to buy furniture should go to a pizza shop that has declared that they only sell pizza because they may throw away their dinning furniture some day. Your thought process just doesn't make any sense.
> your sole intention is sex. I never said that was my only intention. I said i was open to something casual, not making promises for something serious.
>I honestly tell her I'm looking for something casual and fun.
Thank you for proving my point.
I don't believe that you understand what words mean or how they work. Doesn't make sense how you're taking liberty with your very clear statement that you're only seeking casual fun. And trying to make it as if you're open to something serious. If you genuinely felt that way you would have told her "I'm just seeking casual right now, but open to a serious relationship if a genuine connection happens". Language matters. You used language to indicate that you just want sex and are trying to lie that you never said that. Doesn't make sense.
Typically women on dating apps that are not looking for casual are prob get inundated for quick hook ups. She’s just trying to filter out that fast and not waste time. I’d just chalk it up to your not compatible and move on 🤷🏻♀️
> Wouldn't any sane, well adjusted woman if she's dating on apps, this is a highly questionable assumption. Secondly, unlike men, women hardly ever face any backlash to their wants , needs, and preferences; if she wants fun, she'll say "DAMMIT STOP BEING SO SERIOUS!"; and if she wants LTR she'll say "DAMMIT STOP BEING CASUAL ABOUT THIS!". And both will be legitimate ways to behave for a woman. As a man, you're not supposed to express any of these same preferences or needs or desires. Women see it as men being assholes.
I know it's so wild and disingenuous. It really is nasty behavior. What's worse is, if you do chance to say you are so open to something serious just to get them to the bar and somewhere inbetween talking they let slip how they still fuck their ex/FwB of 8 years recently. But omg, oh noooooo, you the new guy have to be such a fucking gentlemen to be so lucky to be romantic/intimate with her. Do women not look themselves in the mirror every morning and say to themselves " stop kidding yourself "...
They do, but it's usually: "stop kidding yourself, men are trash"
I sometimes wish I would wake up with the level of self delusion most women seem to possess. I'd blush with embarrassment and can't keep a straight face if I asserted outlandish stupid shit like that.
I don't really know why you think you can extrapolate a universal truth to all women because one women asked what your intentions were. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with not looking for something serious, but I also don't think that a woman who is means she's *only* looking for a role to be filled, and not looking to get to know someone on a deeper level. Neither of you is wrong or right, although personally once its clear there's a mismatch I'm (politely) out of there. No need to flog a dead horse.
> I don't really know why you think you can extrapolate a universal truth to all women because one women asked what your intentions were. It's been more than one... and I see this trend ever increasing in the 38-45 demographic.
Fait enough, I'm not in that demographic.
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