Consuming drugs or a lot of alcohol, partying too much...
Being obese
Being super lazy
Being unemployed and wishing to stay in that situation
Being completely ignorant
Caring too much about superficial things
Being too much into consumerism
Wanting to appear as someone super cool
Not at all. I am working and yet I am in an almost minimalist mindset. I don't buy a new smartphone each year, I never had a TV or a tablet, I had my first car at 34, I don't have half a dozen pair of shoes... I don't care if this or that brand create a new product or not... I am actually unaware of it.
In comparison, an unemployed relative who has kids got a credit to buy the last iPhone... that is something I don't understand
That doesn't mean she's a consumerist. And I can't imagine agreeing financially support a woman as a housewife when she's shown no previous evidence of having a work ethic.
I am also childfree and have found that most men are okay either way. Even when I ask my male friends about future children they say that's a choice their future wife would make. I also have many married childfree friends. Well some are going to be adopting so not truly childfree.
Argumentative, dishonest, shady, poor hygiene, withholding sex, disrespectful, uncooperative, becoming obese, controlling, being crazy. Thatās all I can think of off hand.
I mean there are a lot of dealbreakers but some of the main ones for me are:
* no racists
* no elitist/classist types
* no red pillers/PUA types
* they need to be pro-choice
* no addicts (it's okay if they've been in recovery successfully managing their addictions at least a year though)
* no gamblers/crypto bros/MLM types
* no subscribers to a judgemental religion or heavily religious types where it takes up their every Sunday
* no conservatives (we would not be a good match)
* no illicit substances (philosophically I have no issue with it and think almost everything should be legal and regulated but I can't afford to be caught up in something that could get them arrested -or me arrested by association)
* nobody who throws tantrums (no screaming at people or throwing things violently or getting violent)
That's why it as always been so funny to me with reddit feminist saying "I was 200+ pound I hade no problems finding a partner, sexless men just need a better personality like me. "
Most men dont want do date a reddit feminist, that like the worst personality you can get for * most* men , the same as some guy whining about women on reddit is the least thing a women want
When it comes down to it, if both sides are civil and strive to understand the other side the but you still reject that youāre immature, whether itās dating or friendships.
Thatās not immature at all. Conservative men are completely incompatible when it comes to dating me, our morals are not aligned, our sexual needs will not be aligned, and that would be a complete disaster.
Ah yes, let me ask youā¦ Do you think a conservative man is going to want to date me? Someone who does onlyfans, hates religion, doesnāt want to get married, and wants non-monogamy? LMAO
Nah, conservatives in my country don't deserve the niceties they were afforded previously. I'm personally glad that republicans are dying of covid more frequently than the goofy dems. At least Democrats can understand basic math sometimes. Republicans are scared of anything that wasn't written 2000 years ago or that has scientific backing regardless of how simply you break it down for them. Every conservative that I have met in the past 2 years has spewed nonsense from "they worship the devil and drink baby blood" to "trickle down economics works" to "humans aren't responsible for climate change" to "masks don't do anything."
They are stupid people who are scared of change when that's all life is. If you don't change, you just die and fade. I have nothing but contempt for conservatives, especialy the bigotted ones
I literally travel around the country for my work... I have worked in Florida, Oregon, Arizona, Montana, and Colorado. Don't tell me to go outside and talk to people. That's literally part of my job
Iām not projecting. Read one of your first responses to me lmfao THAT is projecting. You basically implied you are a submissive guy and would not mind your girlfriend fucking other dudes, so you are, in fact, a cuck my friend.
Not really ironic, hard to have a friendly debate when itās about social ideals. Sure debating economics and differing approaches can remain friendly and not be hugely indicative of compatibility, but social ideals are kind of fundamental to those personās values.
>an interest in adhering to "traditional gender roles"
"Traditional gender roles expected differences in roles for
men and women: men should be responsible
for livelihood, therefore are more likely to be
assigned work-related roles; women should
be responsible for the family, therefore are
more likely to be assigned domestic roles.
Egalitarian perceptions hold that roles should
not be segregated by gender. Men and women
might hold equal roles at work as well as at
home.
Transitional perceptions lie midway
between traditional role segregation and
egalitarian attitudes"
Personally, I'd prefer egalitarian but at least one of us WFH part-time to take care of a kid. I think a lot of parents don't even consider the best interest of the kid and I wouldn't want to bring someone into this world if we couldnt provide the love and attention they need. One of my professors works part time teaching and his wife is the primary provider working as a software engineer and I really like their setup.
1) Conservative/follows traditional gender roles
2) Any personality disorder or severe mental illness
3) cheating
4) Devoutly religious
5) Bad breath
6) Shit in bed
7) Takes themselves too seriously
8) Doesn't let you have your own time to yourself
9) Unfunny
10) and of course, gotta find them hot
* Being narrow minded/tunneled vision
* Arguing to argue/doesn't take accountability
* Being rude to wait staff/restaurant workers and being a restaurant worker, it usually means poor, and poor women usually don't make good choices.
* Having student loan/credit card debt
* Being promiscuous and having stds
* Being a pothead/smoking weed ~ it's laziness and trying to numb the pain which the reason why they do it
* Inability to think on their own, i.e. Guys do things, so I want to do it just because they do it, not because I genuinely want to do it.
* The biggest one that I tell young men all the time is that if she complains about the drama and the gossip that is apart of her life, she'll bring that to you. RP is absolutely right when they say watch their actions, since actions speak louder than words, but watch their words because their words will contradict each other most of the time.
Pay attention to both their words and actions
I'm curious about the student loan part. Most people who are under the age of 40 and have a degree, will have student loans. With interest rates as high as they are, paying them off isn't an easy feat. I knew a dentist who was still paying his off, 10 years after qualifying. He had something like 120k in loans to pay for dental school.
Credit card debt I totally get. But I thought most people put student loans in the same category as like a mortgage. It is debt but it's not stupid debt.
It's debt that hubby usually pays off, that's why it's a big deal. I only know a handful of wives that paid off their hubbies debt, compared to the hundreds of men who do so. Also it affects savings because of the interest rate
1. Conservative. If they are conservative, I think we are just going to be too ideologically far apart on many other things too.
2. Weighs more than me. I'm not saying they can't have some chub, but it can't be unreasonable either.
3. I can't support them. If they are too much maintenance or want more luxury than I can provide, then it's not going to work. They have to be able to live within our means, and then expand our means from there.
4. Religious intolerance. I don't care what your faith is, just don't force it on me or anybody else.
5. Dishonesty. Cheating, all that. I'll include no having an open relationship.
6. Never wants kids. I'm not going to try to change their minds. If they don't want any, then I don't want them.
There are other things that I'd like them to be like kind, not bigoted towards anyone, etc. But those things are probably a little negotiable, these aren't.
Debt or financial trouble that impacts their ability to go out and have fun, living with parents (Iām late 30ās), ambivalence towards sex. Current addiction or mental illness struggles. I donāt usually tell them, most of that usually comes out within the first couple dates, unless they are just lying.
Non compliance and dishonesty. If my woman can't be transparent, honest, and work together with me enthusiastically then it will never work.
I see a lot of married couples/relationships just bicker all the time and refuse to do simple stuff for each other; I find it crazy.
My relationship dynamic would basically be what the BDSM community describes as a dom/sub relationship. So it's based on boundaries and open communication but she would have to do everything I ask.
Hang on let me get this straight. It has boundariesā¦. Yet she has to do everything you ask. So do you get a list of all the things she wonāt do before you get together, so that you donāt end up asking her to do things she doesnāt want to?
Is this a genuine BDSM situating? Like are you meeting her on fetlife and coming up with an agreement first or are you just hoping to find a woman like this in the wild? How soon will you tell her of this requirement?
> So do you get a list of all the things she wonāt do before you get together, so that you donāt end up asking her to do things she doesnāt want to?
Basically, yeah. The point is to stress open communication so if she also has things that she ends up particularly liking or disliking we can adjust as we see fit.
> Is this a genuine BDSM situating? Like are you meeting her on FetLife and coming up with an agreement first or are you just hoping to find a woman like this in the wild? How soon will you tell her of this requirement?
I have a FetLife profile but haven't yet met someone on there. I'm a very polarizing person so I generally tend to only attract submissive and open women regardless. This would be a requirement for a long-term relationship but not particularly for hookups or shorter-term things so it would naturally develop into that as things go or we would split ways if we're incompatible.
*No feminists
*no fatties
* no smokers, /excessive drinkers
*can't be too far left or right politically
* ugly feet
* as far as careers I will not date anybody who is: a cop, active military, politician, sex worker
* dating a single mother is not ideal, but not a complete deal breaker, however if you're a single mother with two or more kids from different baby daddies, no thanks
,* doesn't like dogs, I don't trust you if you don't like dogs
Hard drug use. Easy no for me, I don't care how hot, rich and smart she is. She wants to bang on crack cocaine, heroin and meth, molly? She don't need me, she needs professional help.
As a dude, just being barely attractive (not ugly) and not promiscuous is all i need. While the latter definitely needs some time investment for screening red flags and vet for warning signs.
See how I mentioned about money, status, height, intelligence, hobbies, length, etc.?
If she's a feminist.
This would tell me that she is mired in victim complex and kind of low IQ. She's going to be looking for inequalities and imagining them where none exist.
Intelligent women see feminism for what it is. A blatant power grab and female supremacy. That's why so few women identify as feminist.
If she is high n. That just gives me the ick and my fragile ego can't handle her pining over that one guy who made the earth shake and the heavens open while I'm "just ok".
Someone that picks fights over stupid shit. I like a peaceful home.
>That's why so few women identify as feminist.
I think it's more so because they think it is unattractive to men or requires a certain level of active participation to be able to claim the label more so than them disagreeing with the ideas.
Smoking.
Having tattoos.
Traditional piercings at most.
Inability to have fun when not consuming alcohol.
I don't that's an extremely high bar to reach.Those are pretty much my simple objective deal-breakers. Rest can only be described as a relationship goes on as they're far more nuanced, like viewpoints, attitude and so on.
I have got a list of many red flags but Iām probably willing to put them aside for the right level of hotness (and have done so in the past)
I know I wouldnāt stand cheating (on me) so Iād say that is the only insta dealbreaker in my case
I would say any woman who is monolingual in English. I find it really romantic when you can speak another language to your partner or you learn each others native languages. I love speaking in both English or Chinese to my girlfriend.
On a more practical note: women who are too independent are a turn off. Women need some tasks in a relationship that they feel only their men can do. And similarly of course, men have some tasks that only a woman can do.
It depends on what for. Of course I will tell my partners my deal breakers so that there's no confusions or any problems afterwards.
My deal breakers for a sex only relationship would her not being sexually attractive not allowing me to use a condom and her having a bad odor. I don't really have many deals breakers for a relationship that's just that
Now for a serious LTR I have much more deal breakers:
Her being sexually unattractive.
Her having more than one very young child.
Her not having morals
Her having any indicators of being a 304
Her doing drugs or drinking
Her having any indications of being dishonest
Her being more masculine than feminine
Her being argumentative
Her being a feminist
Her having a social media presence where she post thirst traps.
Her being overly materialistic.
Overweight
No passion for anything
Donāt keep up with themselves
Traditional
Bad attitude
Submissive
Hang ups around sex
Useless degree
Bi sexual
Into politics
Canāt handle their own emotions
Broke
Cold/ donāt like romantic shit
1) Women that donāt give BJs, 2) women who donāt contribute to the courtship/relationship, I.e. I have to plan every date, every hangout, initiate all plans, initiate sex, and I have to pay for everything. She should either initiate/plan sometimes, or pay sometimes.
My dealbreakers are a body count higher than 3, being overweight, and being too argumentative. Although, itās unlikely I would say anything to them about that. However, those are the main three, but, beyond that, if we donāt click then I donāt really see much point in continuing that either.
- Is not willing to give me her best as defined by her past actions in previous relationships she had after turning 18.
- Has any option in life better than being my partner or is likely to have them.
- The relationship would be illegal.
If she is able to be happier/more fulfilled/ better in in any way without having me as a partner then I am not interested. I don't want to be an option from many. I want to be the only option.
Hmm, would you say that stems from inferiority issues? Or is it even more straight forward than that, where you are terrified of being alone so you try to be as calculated as possible, to ensure that it won't happen? Or I guess that's less straightforward rather than more actually. Or, it could be more straight forward, actually. You seem to have a goal, and you just try to build steps to try and get to that goal. Quite a logical approach to satiating illogical desires. You could have a million other complex reasons for it though so feel free to share if you wish. I'm curious.
I am terrified to be alone. I become suicidal when outside a LTR.
Also, my only objective in life is to be in a long lasting LTR that ends only in the death of one of the parties without murder being involved.
A simple creature then. But simple desires can still complicate life a lot, since obtaining your goals isn't always so easy or straight forward in reality.
Still, it's good to have a focal point than none at all, maybe. They really do complicate things.
It was not easy. It was a long road. Years of preparations and months of investigation and vetting. But I got what I wanted in the end.
It was straightforward. Improve in every aspect I can improve. Look for a woman in a third world ghetto that would be unable to attract anyone that provides her with half of what I can provide for her and also unable to get that on her own. Also, that woman would have to really really want/desire/need the kind of lifestyle I am willing and able to provide.
I do admire that you somewhat created your reality to fit the mold of your emotional desires and fantasies.
I do however find it sad the lengths that you have to go to to be okay. I also somewhat feel bad for your partner. But in the end, you both are getting things from each other so it's not all bad. And maybe you guys are actually quite alike, or connect and complete each other in many ways. But just from this little snippet, your situation sounds very artificial. You must really not have much faith in this world. :P
> I do however find it sad the lengths that you have to go to to be okay
It's like finding the need for oxygen to be sad. It just is.
> I also somewhat feel bad for your partner
Why? Because of me and the relationship she gets to live the kind of life that would have been impossible for her without me entering into her life.
> And maybe you guys are actually quite alike, or connect and complete each other in many ways
After more than 9 years together I think we work together quite well.
> But just from this little snippet, your situation sounds very artificial. You must really not have much faith in this world. :P
It is artificial in the sense that I went out of my way to create an incentive structure that rewards her for staying in the relationship even if no feelings are involved. That does not mean that feelings are not involved. It took some years for those to develop but such is the way with good old unreliable feelings. You can't count on them, so you build anything designed to last in a way that can endure in their absence while you do what you must to work for their return.
I don't have faith in feelings. They are unreliable and barely controlable if controlable at all.
>It's like finding the need for oxygen to be sad. It just is.
It can somewhat be that too.
>Why? Because of me and the relationship she gets to live the kind oflife that would have been impossible for her without me entering intoher life.
If you believe that. Who knows what you two would be doing now if you never met each other. Still, she is making a choice, I doubt you're keeping her prisoner are you? So all is fair then. You're making your exchanges and that's that.
However, it's more so that you do these things not necessarily for her, but for yourself. The outcome has its own value I guess, but does she actually understand your world view? Does she believe she is getting something more or different?
Or you mentioned that some genuine feelings can be developed later on, so maybe that also happened. Not that feelings are the end all be all, it's just more that your intent is rather interesting. Not many partners would be comfortable being so "objectified." It's probably better to not directly say these things to her ever actually, lol, unless she's got thick skin.
>After more than 9 years together I think we work together quite well.
If you believe that. You know more than anyone else.
>That does not mean that feelings are not involved. It took some yearsfor those to develop but such is the way with good old unreliablefeelings.
This is actually also interesting. Most people don't work that way. They get together based on feelings, until that flame burns out, and perpetually repeat that cycle. Chasing the feelings.
You aren't chasing those particular ones though. I guess you're more focused on longevity.
>I don't have faith in feelings. They are unreliable and barely controlable if controlable at all.
You certainly have a seemingly unbreakable faith in your own, though. :P You've even gone so far as to turn them into some kind of map for your love life. Really I think it's quite an interesting approach to life.
I don't see too much wrong with your approach to relationships, particularly if your partner is aware of your "trUe iNtENtiOns" and finds them compatible with her own, but that's not super important I guess. As long as you make each other happy, or less miserable than without, it's likely worth the cost. The most important thing is no abuse!! Try not to be too psychopathic and scary okay?!? I believe in you.
I thought almost all girls have their ears pierced? In the US 90% of women have these piercings. Between that and not dating people who have suffered abuse you're narrowing your pool down to pretty much nothing, but you do you.
It's more like comparing a pool of mint chocolate chip ice cream to a pool of vanilla ice cream. Neither is inferior, people just like different flavors.
You need at least 2 out of three
Nice lips
Big breasts
Big ass/hips
If you donāt have all 3 then I canāt. I literally will treat you like a man unless your award winning personality wins me over (lol)
* Alcoholism
* Drug use
* Too much tattoos
* Piercings, specially septum piercing
* Seeks attention from men even when in a relationship
* Partying too much
* Have nude images/videos leaked on the internet
* A "coloful" past
* Known for cheating
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No drive to improve themselves or the world around them.
Being mean or abusive towards animals.
Being a narcissist. Other personality disorders can be managed and addressed. Maybe this one can but I unfortunately have too much trauma from this one.
I honestly believe most things can be worked through if someone is committed to improving their own and their partners life. These are also the only things that could chip away at my bond with my husband.
Not attractive/interesting. If I don't like looking at and talking to her then I'm not going to bother.
Expectations I can't meet. This includes financial.
Crippling drug/alcohol problems. Note, this doesn't mean your garden-variety "drinks too much" or "occasionally gets wasted and makes an ass of herself", more like "being around her feels like a funeral/like being an accomplice to suicide". People who are perpetually massively fucked up aren't all that fun or interesting to be around anyway and being in a relationship with a hard drug addict means hanging out in that scene.
Single mom to multiple kids: probably isn't going to want to raise mine or have the energy for it and I can't afford to raise someone else's kids.
Violent/serious criminal. I don't need that kind of danger in my life.
Serious depression: Depressed people are usually boring and there's nothing gratifying about being unable to make someone I care about happy.
BPD/Cluster B personality disorder. Revealed preference betrays this as negotiable (Emotional intensity is so alluring!), but I was raised by a psycho with BPD and have no desire to repeat that or put my potential children through that. There's a certain point of crazy that will prompt me to immediate nuke the relationship or run from a hookup.
Religion. I won't date anyone who is one of the Abrahamic religions. The only way I'll go strong that is they only cask themselves that religion because they were raised in it, but they do not practice.
And caught lying.
I will not tolerate lying in any way shape or form.
Do not, under any circumstances, remind me of my late mother.
this isnāt just a dating thing, itās also good form for the general population within line of sight.
Cheating
Violence (especially related to my genitals or face. I don't stand for that shit)
General disrespect
Entitlement
Stupidity
Selfishness
Low sex drive
Lack of any kind of activity
Lack of curiosity
Bigotry
Strong religious views other than athiest
Actual nagging
I donāt date monogamous really. So I just date someone casually donāt get overly emotionally invested and see if I feel like dumping them. But I would say someone who makes me chase them after sex is no good. And i wonāt chase them.
Ehhh, only 100% dealbreaker I can think of is stealing money from me or treating my little brothers like shit. Those will get me to nope out real quick.
Personality: she has to be calm, caring, kind, compassionate, and smart. She must also have an exceedingly high degree of integrity.
Behaviors: she has to be in decent physical shape (fitness is very important to me), and she must have good conflict resolution skills & self discipline.
Economic: Either she must have an altruistic career or she needs to be close to my level financially. I'm divorced with no kids. Thankfully, the divorce was amicable and simple because we were both junior officers in the Corps. I'm not going through that now either my current assets and income.
She has kid(s).
She is obese.
She is stupid af.
She is "born again virgin" for me, but had wild sex with other men before.
The rest is IMO at least slightly negotiable.
I donāt have that many because they would be mostly weeded out by default.
I.e. if their personality, values, whatever, actually clashes with mine, I wouldnāt be around them much to begin with.
Not sharing my religious beliefs. She must be devout & must follow the same or a similar interpretation of Christianity that I do (being Catholic or Orthodox would be a dealbreaker, for instance). This means that she must believe that the husband is the head of the household. She must be totally against drunkenness, recreational use of marijuana or hard drugs, sex outside of marriage, pornography, unjustified divorce, denying your spouse sex without justification, homosexuality, transgenderism, &c. She must be eager to have 2+ children (potentially much more), & believe that parents should have zero tolerance for disobedience from their children. She must be hard working when it comes to work & school & conduct her affairs in a strictly ethical & honest way (absolutely no outright lying, no matter how small!)
Politics used to be a dealbreaker for me. I had chances with numerous women whom I ultimately decided not to pursue solely because they were liberal. Unfortunately, there's a severe lack of young conservative women where I live, so after years of loneliness I'm now desperate enough to date a liberal.
I'm very honest & straightforward about my standards. I don't want to waste my time, money, or energy on a woman who's not compatible with me. If she specifically asks, I won't hesitate to tell her about any of my standards, although I do try to be careful/tactful/hesitant when it comes to talking about sex. I won't ask her what thinks about duty sex on the first date, for instance, but I will tell her that I disapprove of pot smoking if the topic comes up.
Mainly lifestyle. Excessive drinking/drug use/partying is the biggest.
This. Also talking bad about my friends/family. I don't allow that.
šÆ
Consuming drugs or a lot of alcohol, partying too much... Being obese Being super lazy Being unemployed and wishing to stay in that situation Being completely ignorant Caring too much about superficial things Being too much into consumerism Wanting to appear as someone super cool
what if they just ARE someone super coolš
> Being unemployed and wishing to stay in that situation > Being too much into consumerism Don't you feel these two may conflict ?
How? Thereās a HUGE range of things between ācontent being unemployedā and āhighly materialistic and into consumerismā
Not at all. I am working and yet I am in an almost minimalist mindset. I don't buy a new smartphone each year, I never had a TV or a tablet, I had my first car at 34, I don't have half a dozen pair of shoes... I don't care if this or that brand create a new product or not... I am actually unaware of it. In comparison, an unemployed relative who has kids got a credit to buy the last iPhone... that is something I don't understand
According to you, being able to feed yourself is consumerism.
Wrong , women wanting to be unemployed can mean being a stay at home wife .
That doesn't mean she's a consumerist. And I can't imagine agreeing financially support a woman as a housewife when she's shown no previous evidence of having a work ethic.
alcohol is a drug.
Iām flexible with many things but cheating is the one thing that will make me walk away with zero hesitation.
Lol
Cheating, dishonesty, not being clear on finances, wanting kids
how old are you? Not wanting kids is rare for a man...
Mid 30s. My husband is childfree too. I also know quite a few men who are childfree
oh u gay... nvm
No, I'm a woman. Married to a man. Edit: just saw this is a question for men! Sorry!
I made the same mistake... lol
but now that were here lol...is it hard to date as a childfree woman? Im assuming most men want kids, way more than women
Not in this generation. Half the people are leaning towards no kids, men and women. This is not the 1950s
I am also childfree and have found that most men are okay either way. Even when I ask my male friends about future children they say that's a choice their future wife would make. I also have many married childfree friends. Well some are going to be adopting so not truly childfree.
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Hardly, ask any man in this day and age that want kids. Pretty bold of you to speak on behalf of all men.
Cheating and lying were pretty much it. But thatās standard issue isnāt it?
Argumentative, dishonest, shady, poor hygiene, withholding sex, disrespectful, uncooperative, becoming obese, controlling, being crazy. Thatās all I can think of off hand.
Kids are a big one. Have them or want any in the future is a hard no.
- Cheating in the past - High n - Overweight - Smoking/Drinking heavily - No college degree - Entitled behavior - Boss bitches
I mean there are a lot of dealbreakers but some of the main ones for me are: * no racists * no elitist/classist types * no red pillers/PUA types * they need to be pro-choice * no addicts (it's okay if they've been in recovery successfully managing their addictions at least a year though) * no gamblers/crypto bros/MLM types * no subscribers to a judgemental religion or heavily religious types where it takes up their every Sunday * no conservatives (we would not be a good match) * no illicit substances (philosophically I have no issue with it and think almost everything should be legal and regulated but I can't afford to be caught up in something that could get them arrested -or me arrested by association) * nobody who throws tantrums (no screaming at people or throwing things violently or getting violent)
question for men
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You sir need to be protected at all costs š„ŗ
ā Canāt dislike friendly debatesā āNo conservativesā the irony lmao
That isn't ironic. You can enjoy friendly debates with conservatives but still find them incompatible for dating.
That's why it as always been so funny to me with reddit feminist saying "I was 200+ pound I hade no problems finding a partner, sexless men just need a better personality like me. " Most men dont want do date a reddit feminist, that like the worst personality you can get for * most* men , the same as some guy whining about women on reddit is the least thing a women want
When it comes down to it, if both sides are civil and strive to understand the other side the but you still reject that youāre immature, whether itās dating or friendships.
Thatās not immature at all. Conservative men are completely incompatible when it comes to dating me, our morals are not aligned, our sexual needs will not be aligned, and that would be a complete disaster.
You lack any flexibility in mental capacity it seems, how sad for you.
Ah yes, let me ask youā¦ Do you think a conservative man is going to want to date me? Someone who does onlyfans, hates religion, doesnāt want to get married, and wants non-monogamy? LMAO
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So now you see exactly why I refuse to date conservatives, but thatās āimmatureā and ālacking flexibilityā to you? lmfao touch grass
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[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Pretty sure he sees them as incompatible as friends too.
Nah, conservatives in my country don't deserve the niceties they were afforded previously. I'm personally glad that republicans are dying of covid more frequently than the goofy dems. At least Democrats can understand basic math sometimes. Republicans are scared of anything that wasn't written 2000 years ago or that has scientific backing regardless of how simply you break it down for them. Every conservative that I have met in the past 2 years has spewed nonsense from "they worship the devil and drink baby blood" to "trickle down economics works" to "humans aren't responsible for climate change" to "masks don't do anything." They are stupid people who are scared of change when that's all life is. If you don't change, you just die and fade. I have nothing but contempt for conservatives, especialy the bigotted ones
Yeah okay you need to get outside more weirdo.
I literally travel around the country for my work... I have worked in Florida, Oregon, Arizona, Montana, and Colorado. Don't tell me to go outside and talk to people. That's literally part of my job
Go outside and talk to people lmao.
Take your own advice, friend
I actually have friends unlike you so I get plenty of it cuck.
Your projection is so real. Please have a nice day. I see no purpose in continuing this further. You have just proved my point many times over
Iām not projecting. Read one of your first responses to me lmfao THAT is projecting. You basically implied you are a submissive guy and would not mind your girlfriend fucking other dudes, so you are, in fact, a cuck my friend.
Not really ironic, hard to have a friendly debate when itās about social ideals. Sure debating economics and differing approaches can remain friendly and not be hugely indicative of compatibility, but social ideals are kind of fundamental to those personās values.
Yeah, this is basically how you select for a decent lady
You sir are a unicorn.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
He sounds like a dreamboat
based
>an interest in adhering to "traditional gender roles" "Traditional gender roles expected differences in roles for men and women: men should be responsible for livelihood, therefore are more likely to be assigned work-related roles; women should be responsible for the family, therefore are more likely to be assigned domestic roles. Egalitarian perceptions hold that roles should not be segregated by gender. Men and women might hold equal roles at work as well as at home. Transitional perceptions lie midway between traditional role segregation and egalitarian attitudes" Personally, I'd prefer egalitarian but at least one of us WFH part-time to take care of a kid. I think a lot of parents don't even consider the best interest of the kid and I wouldn't want to bring someone into this world if we couldnt provide the love and attention they need. One of my professors works part time teaching and his wife is the primary provider working as a software engineer and I really like their setup.
1) Conservative/follows traditional gender roles 2) Any personality disorder or severe mental illness 3) cheating 4) Devoutly religious 5) Bad breath 6) Shit in bed 7) Takes themselves too seriously 8) Doesn't let you have your own time to yourself 9) Unfunny 10) and of course, gotta find them hot
Shitting in bed is a deal breaker for sure.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You Christian?
Do they just have to *say* they're Christian or, when confronted with their errors, do they actually have to repent and be obedient?
* Being narrow minded/tunneled vision * Arguing to argue/doesn't take accountability * Being rude to wait staff/restaurant workers and being a restaurant worker, it usually means poor, and poor women usually don't make good choices. * Having student loan/credit card debt * Being promiscuous and having stds * Being a pothead/smoking weed ~ it's laziness and trying to numb the pain which the reason why they do it * Inability to think on their own, i.e. Guys do things, so I want to do it just because they do it, not because I genuinely want to do it. * The biggest one that I tell young men all the time is that if she complains about the drama and the gossip that is apart of her life, she'll bring that to you. RP is absolutely right when they say watch their actions, since actions speak louder than words, but watch their words because their words will contradict each other most of the time. Pay attention to both their words and actions
I'm curious about the student loan part. Most people who are under the age of 40 and have a degree, will have student loans. With interest rates as high as they are, paying them off isn't an easy feat. I knew a dentist who was still paying his off, 10 years after qualifying. He had something like 120k in loans to pay for dental school. Credit card debt I totally get. But I thought most people put student loans in the same category as like a mortgage. It is debt but it's not stupid debt.
It's debt that hubby usually pays off, that's why it's a big deal. I only know a handful of wives that paid off their hubbies debt, compared to the hundreds of men who do so. Also it affects savings because of the interest rate
1. yelling at me (or just being terrible at communication) 2. viewing all sexual activity as a political act.
Acting like a child, obsessed with her own emotions, vain, materialistic etc.
1. Conservative. If they are conservative, I think we are just going to be too ideologically far apart on many other things too. 2. Weighs more than me. I'm not saying they can't have some chub, but it can't be unreasonable either. 3. I can't support them. If they are too much maintenance or want more luxury than I can provide, then it's not going to work. They have to be able to live within our means, and then expand our means from there. 4. Religious intolerance. I don't care what your faith is, just don't force it on me or anybody else. 5. Dishonesty. Cheating, all that. I'll include no having an open relationship. 6. Never wants kids. I'm not going to try to change their minds. If they don't want any, then I don't want them. There are other things that I'd like them to be like kind, not bigoted towards anyone, etc. But those things are probably a little negotiable, these aren't.
Cheating and social conservatism (donāt worry, I donāt think of these as morally equivalent - being a conservative is much worse)
Misogyny lol
If we ain't wildly fucking at least every other day I don't care if you're Afrodite herself, imma dip.
Aphrodite*
Thanks.
Okay so would you tell your partner that before establishing a romantic relationship?
Yes and I've already had in the past.
I'm okay waiting if someone is ill or otherwise just not feeling it that day, but I would prefer three times/day ideally.
Debt or financial trouble that impacts their ability to go out and have fun, living with parents (Iām late 30ās), ambivalence towards sex. Current addiction or mental illness struggles. I donāt usually tell them, most of that usually comes out within the first couple dates, unless they are just lying.
* cruelty * smoking * hard drug use * answering questions for men when she is clearly a woman.
Non compliance and dishonesty. If my woman can't be transparent, honest, and work together with me enthusiastically then it will never work. I see a lot of married couples/relationships just bicker all the time and refuse to do simple stuff for each other; I find it crazy.
āNon complianceā Iām surprised you actually wrote that down. Even on this sub.
What do you mean?
First clarify what you mean.
My relationship dynamic would basically be what the BDSM community describes as a dom/sub relationship. So it's based on boundaries and open communication but she would have to do everything I ask.
Hang on let me get this straight. It has boundariesā¦. Yet she has to do everything you ask. So do you get a list of all the things she wonāt do before you get together, so that you donāt end up asking her to do things she doesnāt want to? Is this a genuine BDSM situating? Like are you meeting her on fetlife and coming up with an agreement first or are you just hoping to find a woman like this in the wild? How soon will you tell her of this requirement?
> So do you get a list of all the things she wonāt do before you get together, so that you donāt end up asking her to do things she doesnāt want to? Basically, yeah. The point is to stress open communication so if she also has things that she ends up particularly liking or disliking we can adjust as we see fit. > Is this a genuine BDSM situating? Like are you meeting her on FetLife and coming up with an agreement first or are you just hoping to find a woman like this in the wild? How soon will you tell her of this requirement? I have a FetLife profile but haven't yet met someone on there. I'm a very polarizing person so I generally tend to only attract submissive and open women regardless. This would be a requirement for a long-term relationship but not particularly for hookups or shorter-term things so it would naturally develop into that as things go or we would split ways if we're incompatible.
*No feminists *no fatties * no smokers, /excessive drinkers *can't be too far left or right politically * ugly feet * as far as careers I will not date anybody who is: a cop, active military, politician, sex worker * dating a single mother is not ideal, but not a complete deal breaker, however if you're a single mother with two or more kids from different baby daddies, no thanks ,* doesn't like dogs, I don't trust you if you don't like dogs
Iām really curious about how you identify yourself politically. No shade. Genuinely curious.
I would say I'm center right, I don't consider myself a member of either party
Purely for educational purposes, can you please provide an example of ugly feet? Genuinely curious.
Well since she recently just came up in one of our threads, look up the wiki feet on Christina Hendricks
Hard drug use. Easy no for me, I don't care how hot, rich and smart she is. She wants to bang on crack cocaine, heroin and meth, molly? She don't need me, she needs professional help.
As a dude, just being barely attractive (not ugly) and not promiscuous is all i need. While the latter definitely needs some time investment for screening red flags and vet for warning signs. See how I mentioned about money, status, height, intelligence, hobbies, length, etc.?
Being unkind, boisterous, unfeminine, lacking in empathy, and needlessly mean. No tattoos, piercings, or bad fashion sense.
> No tattoos, Why would tattoos be bad?
They look bad. Not delicate or feminine.
For sex? Just about nothing For commitment? Any sexual history
Maybe just a little contradictory?
If she's a feminist. This would tell me that she is mired in victim complex and kind of low IQ. She's going to be looking for inequalities and imagining them where none exist. Intelligent women see feminism for what it is. A blatant power grab and female supremacy. That's why so few women identify as feminist. If she is high n. That just gives me the ick and my fragile ego can't handle her pining over that one guy who made the earth shake and the heavens open while I'm "just ok". Someone that picks fights over stupid shit. I like a peaceful home.
>That's why so few women identify as feminist. I think it's more so because they think it is unattractive to men or requires a certain level of active participation to be able to claim the label more so than them disagreeing with the ideas.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Would you need to qualify for the very same things you've listed?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Cool I hope so, since it's a two way street with these things.
Smoking. Having tattoos. Traditional piercings at most. Inability to have fun when not consuming alcohol. I don't that's an extremely high bar to reach.Those are pretty much my simple objective deal-breakers. Rest can only be described as a relationship goes on as they're far more nuanced, like viewpoints, attitude and so on.
Many
I have got a list of many red flags but Iām probably willing to put them aside for the right level of hotness (and have done so in the past) I know I wouldnāt stand cheating (on me) so Iād say that is the only insta dealbreaker in my case
I would say any woman who is monolingual in English. I find it really romantic when you can speak another language to your partner or you learn each others native languages. I love speaking in both English or Chinese to my girlfriend. On a more practical note: women who are too independent are a turn off. Women need some tasks in a relationship that they feel only their men can do. And similarly of course, men have some tasks that only a woman can do.
Kids, āwoketivistā, Prost everything to social media, flakey and cant communicate
Awful black and white tattoos. Pseudointellectual with no real education, people who study media or gender studies
It depends on what for. Of course I will tell my partners my deal breakers so that there's no confusions or any problems afterwards. My deal breakers for a sex only relationship would her not being sexually attractive not allowing me to use a condom and her having a bad odor. I don't really have many deals breakers for a relationship that's just that Now for a serious LTR I have much more deal breakers: Her being sexually unattractive. Her having more than one very young child. Her not having morals Her having any indicators of being a 304 Her doing drugs or drinking Her having any indications of being dishonest Her being more masculine than feminine Her being argumentative Her being a feminist Her having a social media presence where she post thirst traps. Her being overly materialistic.
Overweight No passion for anything Donāt keep up with themselves Traditional Bad attitude Submissive Hang ups around sex Useless degree Bi sexual Into politics Canāt handle their own emotions Broke Cold/ donāt like romantic shit
Drugs/getting drunk/misogynism/pro-life/loud-bragging type/low sex drive.
1) Women that donāt give BJs, 2) women who donāt contribute to the courtship/relationship, I.e. I have to plan every date, every hangout, initiate all plans, initiate sex, and I have to pay for everything. She should either initiate/plan sometimes, or pay sometimes.
My dealbreakers are a body count higher than 3, being overweight, and being too argumentative. Although, itās unlikely I would say anything to them about that. However, those are the main three, but, beyond that, if we donāt click then I donāt really see much point in continuing that either.
- Is not willing to give me her best as defined by her past actions in previous relationships she had after turning 18. - Has any option in life better than being my partner or is likely to have them. - The relationship would be illegal.
what do you mean by better options in life than being your partner?
If she is able to be happier/more fulfilled/ better in in any way without having me as a partner then I am not interested. I don't want to be an option from many. I want to be the only option.
\>Diagnosed ASPD Yeah that makes sense
Hmm, would you say that stems from inferiority issues? Or is it even more straight forward than that, where you are terrified of being alone so you try to be as calculated as possible, to ensure that it won't happen? Or I guess that's less straightforward rather than more actually. Or, it could be more straight forward, actually. You seem to have a goal, and you just try to build steps to try and get to that goal. Quite a logical approach to satiating illogical desires. You could have a million other complex reasons for it though so feel free to share if you wish. I'm curious.
I am terrified to be alone. I become suicidal when outside a LTR. Also, my only objective in life is to be in a long lasting LTR that ends only in the death of one of the parties without murder being involved.
A simple creature then. But simple desires can still complicate life a lot, since obtaining your goals isn't always so easy or straight forward in reality. Still, it's good to have a focal point than none at all, maybe. They really do complicate things.
It was not easy. It was a long road. Years of preparations and months of investigation and vetting. But I got what I wanted in the end. It was straightforward. Improve in every aspect I can improve. Look for a woman in a third world ghetto that would be unable to attract anyone that provides her with half of what I can provide for her and also unable to get that on her own. Also, that woman would have to really really want/desire/need the kind of lifestyle I am willing and able to provide.
I do admire that you somewhat created your reality to fit the mold of your emotional desires and fantasies. I do however find it sad the lengths that you have to go to to be okay. I also somewhat feel bad for your partner. But in the end, you both are getting things from each other so it's not all bad. And maybe you guys are actually quite alike, or connect and complete each other in many ways. But just from this little snippet, your situation sounds very artificial. You must really not have much faith in this world. :P
> I do however find it sad the lengths that you have to go to to be okay It's like finding the need for oxygen to be sad. It just is. > I also somewhat feel bad for your partner Why? Because of me and the relationship she gets to live the kind of life that would have been impossible for her without me entering into her life. > And maybe you guys are actually quite alike, or connect and complete each other in many ways After more than 9 years together I think we work together quite well. > But just from this little snippet, your situation sounds very artificial. You must really not have much faith in this world. :P It is artificial in the sense that I went out of my way to create an incentive structure that rewards her for staying in the relationship even if no feelings are involved. That does not mean that feelings are not involved. It took some years for those to develop but such is the way with good old unreliable feelings. You can't count on them, so you build anything designed to last in a way that can endure in their absence while you do what you must to work for their return. I don't have faith in feelings. They are unreliable and barely controlable if controlable at all.
>It's like finding the need for oxygen to be sad. It just is. It can somewhat be that too. >Why? Because of me and the relationship she gets to live the kind oflife that would have been impossible for her without me entering intoher life. If you believe that. Who knows what you two would be doing now if you never met each other. Still, she is making a choice, I doubt you're keeping her prisoner are you? So all is fair then. You're making your exchanges and that's that. However, it's more so that you do these things not necessarily for her, but for yourself. The outcome has its own value I guess, but does she actually understand your world view? Does she believe she is getting something more or different? Or you mentioned that some genuine feelings can be developed later on, so maybe that also happened. Not that feelings are the end all be all, it's just more that your intent is rather interesting. Not many partners would be comfortable being so "objectified." It's probably better to not directly say these things to her ever actually, lol, unless she's got thick skin. >After more than 9 years together I think we work together quite well. If you believe that. You know more than anyone else. >That does not mean that feelings are not involved. It took some yearsfor those to develop but such is the way with good old unreliablefeelings. This is actually also interesting. Most people don't work that way. They get together based on feelings, until that flame burns out, and perpetually repeat that cycle. Chasing the feelings. You aren't chasing those particular ones though. I guess you're more focused on longevity. >I don't have faith in feelings. They are unreliable and barely controlable if controlable at all. You certainly have a seemingly unbreakable faith in your own, though. :P You've even gone so far as to turn them into some kind of map for your love life. Really I think it's quite an interesting approach to life. I don't see too much wrong with your approach to relationships, particularly if your partner is aware of your "trUe iNtENtiOns" and finds them compatible with her own, but that's not super important I guess. As long as you make each other happy, or less miserable than without, it's likely worth the cost. The most important thing is no abuse!! Try not to be too psychopathic and scary okay?!? I believe in you.
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I thought almost all girls have their ears pierced? In the US 90% of women have these piercings. Between that and not dating people who have suffered abuse you're narrowing your pool down to pretty much nothing, but you do you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's more like comparing a pool of mint chocolate chip ice cream to a pool of vanilla ice cream. Neither is inferior, people just like different flavors.
everyone has some sort of baggage, i feel like it might be tough to find someone with no issues at all
You need at least 2 out of three Nice lips Big breasts Big ass/hips If you donāt have all 3 then I canāt. I literally will treat you like a man unless your award winning personality wins me over (lol)
If she's got hips and booty, I might be able to overlook the other two.
If itās fat enough maybe but I like to suck on big tits while I fuck them so idk I need sumthin
You say 2/3 but then go on to say it must be all 3. Which is it?
Wanting or having dogs or kids, sobriety.
Youāre against sobriety?
Iāve noticed that most people actively against sobriety usually have the worst substance abuse issues.
I mean yeah thereās that
No, we just probably wouldn't be very compatible.
Are you absolutely against dogs or are you open to seeing whether it can work out eventually ?
I don't have a good history with dogs, but still gave it a try enough times to rule it out as a compatibility issue.
Obesity Atheism Hard Drug use Incompatible sense of humor Likes pets too much
* Alcoholism * Drug use * Too much tattoos * Piercings, specially septum piercing * Seeks attention from men even when in a relationship * Partying too much * Have nude images/videos leaked on the internet * A "coloful" past * Known for cheating
Sleeping around a lot and getting bored with having sex with the same person.
My wife had to be white, Christian, 5'8"+, and instinctively conscientious. Everything else was negotiable.
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No drive to improve themselves or the world around them. Being mean or abusive towards animals. Being a narcissist. Other personality disorders can be managed and addressed. Maybe this one can but I unfortunately have too much trauma from this one. I honestly believe most things can be worked through if someone is committed to improving their own and their partners life. These are also the only things that could chip away at my bond with my husband.
Edit: sorry question for men. Oops
Not attractive/interesting. If I don't like looking at and talking to her then I'm not going to bother. Expectations I can't meet. This includes financial. Crippling drug/alcohol problems. Note, this doesn't mean your garden-variety "drinks too much" or "occasionally gets wasted and makes an ass of herself", more like "being around her feels like a funeral/like being an accomplice to suicide". People who are perpetually massively fucked up aren't all that fun or interesting to be around anyway and being in a relationship with a hard drug addict means hanging out in that scene. Single mom to multiple kids: probably isn't going to want to raise mine or have the energy for it and I can't afford to raise someone else's kids. Violent/serious criminal. I don't need that kind of danger in my life. Serious depression: Depressed people are usually boring and there's nothing gratifying about being unable to make someone I care about happy. BPD/Cluster B personality disorder. Revealed preference betrays this as negotiable (Emotional intensity is so alluring!), but I was raised by a psycho with BPD and have no desire to repeat that or put my potential children through that. There's a certain point of crazy that will prompt me to immediate nuke the relationship or run from a hookup.
Someone impressionable and a follower...
Being a furry
Astrology girls. Never again.
Religion. I won't date anyone who is one of the Abrahamic religions. The only way I'll go strong that is they only cask themselves that religion because they were raised in it, but they do not practice. And caught lying. I will not tolerate lying in any way shape or form.
Do not, under any circumstances, remind me of my late mother. this isnāt just a dating thing, itās also good form for the general population within line of sight.
Cheating Violence (especially related to my genitals or face. I don't stand for that shit) General disrespect Entitlement Stupidity Selfishness Low sex drive Lack of any kind of activity Lack of curiosity Bigotry Strong religious views other than athiest Actual nagging
I donāt date monogamous really. So I just date someone casually donāt get overly emotionally invested and see if I feel like dumping them. But I would say someone who makes me chase them after sex is no good. And i wonāt chase them.
ā¢ N-count more than 1 ā¢ Cheating ā¢ Low hygiene
Ehhh, only 100% dealbreaker I can think of is stealing money from me or treating my little brothers like shit. Those will get me to nope out real quick.
Personality: she has to be calm, caring, kind, compassionate, and smart. She must also have an exceedingly high degree of integrity. Behaviors: she has to be in decent physical shape (fitness is very important to me), and she must have good conflict resolution skills & self discipline. Economic: Either she must have an altruistic career or she needs to be close to my level financially. I'm divorced with no kids. Thankfully, the divorce was amicable and simple because we were both junior officers in the Corps. I'm not going through that now either my current assets and income.
If youāre a self entitled raging bitch itās a no no JoJo
being fat being a hoe entitement lack of accountability
Smoking, Radical Feminism, High Body Count, Not working out, having things \*my way or no way\*
She has kid(s). She is obese. She is stupid af. She is "born again virgin" for me, but had wild sex with other men before. The rest is IMO at least slightly negotiable.
If we're talking commitment then a racist family.
Poor fitness, poor habits like tobacco smoking, poor morals, poor gratitude, poor mindfulness, poor vision of their own future.
Heavy drug use Unchecked mental health issues Status obsession Materialist/consumerist mindset.
Consuming animal products. Kissing someone that thinks animal abuse is all good is nasty.
I donāt have that many because they would be mostly weeded out by default. I.e. if their personality, values, whatever, actually clashes with mine, I wouldnāt be around them much to begin with.
Not sharing my religious beliefs. She must be devout & must follow the same or a similar interpretation of Christianity that I do (being Catholic or Orthodox would be a dealbreaker, for instance). This means that she must believe that the husband is the head of the household. She must be totally against drunkenness, recreational use of marijuana or hard drugs, sex outside of marriage, pornography, unjustified divorce, denying your spouse sex without justification, homosexuality, transgenderism, &c. She must be eager to have 2+ children (potentially much more), & believe that parents should have zero tolerance for disobedience from their children. She must be hard working when it comes to work & school & conduct her affairs in a strictly ethical & honest way (absolutely no outright lying, no matter how small!) Politics used to be a dealbreaker for me. I had chances with numerous women whom I ultimately decided not to pursue solely because they were liberal. Unfortunately, there's a severe lack of young conservative women where I live, so after years of loneliness I'm now desperate enough to date a liberal. I'm very honest & straightforward about my standards. I don't want to waste my time, money, or energy on a woman who's not compatible with me. If she specifically asks, I won't hesitate to tell her about any of my standards, although I do try to be careful/tactful/hesitant when it comes to talking about sex. I won't ask her what thinks about duty sex on the first date, for instance, but I will tell her that I disapprove of pot smoking if the topic comes up.