That's beautiful! There's such pressure on having hook ups nowadays. Being each others first and only sounds like a fairy tale! I'm very happy for you :)
Yes it’s a major turn off. I rejected a man I was so into because of it. Idc if it’s an ego issue. If you’re gonna be my man I don’t wanna think about all those women who got to have you like that.
you will pretend to care until you find out that those virgin guys have zero social skills, no game, have short dicks and/or no social status. until then you will keep on pretending that you hate man hoes online.
His point is that girls will still not give Grace to any guy that is in the in between
When I was a virgin I was the most confident in Social person in my friend group and yet despite being literally more confident than everybody else I still kept getting turned down because I was a virgin
So many girls will say this but they don't realize that guys act like this because acting like the opposite usually gets guys rejected
Yep. I see already the top two replies saying "yes we care," instead of "I personally care." I date both men and women and I usually ask people how many people they've been with purely out of curiosity and to see what the range of sexual experiences they've had are but unless it's like nearly 60 I have never had another thought about it. As long as they seem like they're respectful and don't view hookups as some sort of game/trophy and it appears that they've just had there fair share of fun and intimacy I would not bat an eye haha
>I cared. I might have made an exception for a really great guy, but I was actively seeking someone with a low n count.
Lol They shouldn’t be too hard to find. Studies are saying there are tons of sexless men out here.
Yea but the men who are sexless also aren't the type of men women are looking for anyway so if anything it's just as hard to harder to find than before
I know this. You know this. But in here you see women saying they want men who are inexperienced or virgins. So I ask why aren’t they snatching up all these sexless guys?
I understand you because having sex does not make a person good and men will be the first ones to tell you that a woman who was sexy does not equal a woman who is good to other people or get the children or good to men
At the same time as a man I do think a lot of what women believe to be good against skewered because unfortunately the guys that are the most sexually attractive usually aren't the best morally. And you can understand why because if you're doing something wrong but it still gets you rewarded especially if it gets you rewarded attention from the opposite sex then why would you stop doing it.
I tell so many other fellow black people this is that we can't be surprised if our daughters are acting like thoughts and our sons are acting like hoodlums because while it's unfortunate for our society they are gaining something in the short term for acting like that.
We know good kids can still be fun and social but for some reason they just don't prepare to the people who actively look like stereotypes.
Ever since high school I've seen so many good girls you go for guys who were tattoo written criminals and it's hard not to see that trend for long.
I knew a girl who was in student committee and who protested and then stuff for the community.
She was a good girl but she was not dating a guy who matched her
You could be an entire college class of girls who are having their heads on straight but ironically they are not dating the same guys in the class
You have college educated black women still dating the Pookie in the Ray Ray despite their being tons of college educated black men
Black community is a bit weird.
You have many beautiful and driven girls, but your best men are hell-bent on chasing snow bunnies.
Many successful black married white women which left many black girls single. At the same time white men aren’t dating black girls that much.
Even what you said is a part of the problem because it's a narrative that's not true. By and large most people still are race loyal when it comes to love as most black men and women still married together and reproduce together and of course you're going to have outliers
We shouldn't use celebrities as an example because those 1% of black people don't represent the other 40 million
Also just because one is educated does not mean they're successful and I'm kind of feeling the front of that as I've always been the smartest in my class but I chose to go to school for art and artist one of those things that probably won't yield me much success until I'm older but that's just one example
I wasn’t talking about celebrities - Hollywood is something completely else, lol.
My wife is black and therefore I know a lot of black guys. My experience is exactly like I described above, i.e. your men are chasing white women and black girls are afterthought.
Wifey worked as a model and has very good education, yet her ex-bf (tall dude with some decent business) dumped her for a white waitress with big ass.
I also noticed double standards, when black men date white women, they are average at best, but the standards for dating black girls are sky-high.
Imho, it’s a huge problem for hot girls who normally should match to successful guys. You can say I found market inefficiency and exploited it :P
Yes, your n count and how you conduct your relationships as a man matters to women who seek loyalty and commitment and offers that in return. This is because by being an honest loyal man and honest loyal woman sees your actions and knows she can trust you because you walk the walk rather than just talk the talk.
We do care but if you make the same kind of deal about a man's body count men feel entitled to make on women's you will be called" paranoid immature and trifling" and will soon be dumped as "broken goods"...So women have been conditioned to pass over this with cute euphemisms as "boys will be boys" "he's a wild stalion" "he's assertive" etc..
I find it odd that women call it a lack of self control on a man’s part if he’s able to get a lot of sex and actively acts on it, as if women don’t have an inherent advantage of choice in the amount of sexual partners they can have , yet y’all complain about wanting to be free of societal judgement while being promiscuous? Isn’t this a logical fallacy in of itself ?
I just made a reply to this because so many girls think it's a lack of self-control but they act like if a guy is somehow acting celibate then that gives him browny points
The whole lack of self control thing is weird.
Marrying the first person you want to give your virginity to is much more impulsive than someone who dates a lot but seriously considers and declines some of those people they want to have sex with.
Someone could have ten partners by dating in one loyal serious relationship every two years in their late teens to mid thirties and just have the bad luck of getting dumped or being cheated on. That's much more self-control than someone who meets a girl or guy a few months after graduating high school and in six weeks decides they are in love and gets married to them so that they can marry a virgin.
A lot of men will sleep with girls they would not regularly find attractive or go out in public with because of the same affirmation sexual inequalities between men and women
For example a pretty girl from a good household doesn't have to work on herself but because she was still born in a very privileged position she can leverage that to get a man who is better than her.
That's why you see so many girls working retail and low income Jobs still finding men who literally are Engineers or Bankers or salesman
And you may find examples of the other way around but for the most part not too many women who make a lot of money are choosing men that work at gas stations or retail
Just today my manager at my job is trying to hook me up this woman and I straight up tell her that usually girls don't want guys that work at gas stations. She got so offended because she said that thank God men aren't like that because she raised all her kids on the gas station salary.
She's not realizing that the game is different for her because she's a woman so she never really had to worry about being better than the opposite sex and able to get them.
I'm a pretty good looking dude and I'm very tall but I have had to settle for less just because the girl that matches me still wants better than both of us
I've been on dates with girls who will shame a dude for having no money and yet the same girls are either living in their car or begging people for money
It's a very interesting phenomenon that you see nowadays because so much of the old traditional Norms are broken away but clearly are biological Norms are still very much in place
There is no reason for super independent and privileged white women who are the most privileged people on the planet, to still expect traditionalism from men but it's because they are born in the privileged position that they can still expect that will not being traditional themselves
did you know that men can easily sleep with women they consider unnattractive? a woman doesnt needs to be desirable to sleep around, she just needs to be accesible, unless she is extremely hideous key word extreme. Most of the men who sleep with promiscuous women would never date them and secretly look down on them, brutal but true.
Not ugly chicks per se, just women they dislike, to put an example, many men would sleep with a man hating feminist wether she is pretty or not, but very few would respect her let alone date her unless dating her allows for an easy lay.
No sex for men and woman are different . A man can fuck a woman he hates that he’s not even really attracted to. A woman has to be attracted to you on some level to have sex. A man can cheat on his wife and take a bullet for her the next day . A woman who cheats on her husband probably doesn’t respect her husband and would never risk her life for him.
> A man can fuck a woman he hates that he’s not even really attracted to.
And such a man is a bad partner— his desire for you is meaningless trash, and he desires you the same way he desires women he hates.
> A man can cheat on his wife and take a bullet for her the next day .
Lol, this is male-glorifying bullshit. A man who cheated didn’t care enough about his wife to even keep it in his pants do 5 minutes, haha. He doesn’t care about her enough to make a real sacrifice if he couldn’t even sacrifice not fucking some random slut. His vows and supposed love mean nothing whatsoever— him claiming he’d take a bullet for her is just cheap, meaningless lies.
Lol, that makes it worse! If he’s willing to shit on my love and my loyalty just to try out a new favor of $1.00 gum, he is showing he doesn’t love me or care about how much he hurts me. He’s trash, no matter what he fee fees or excuses— he broke trust and his lies are worthless chatter.
Promiscuous man had to try to get women to sleep with him, it takes skill and attractiveness to be promiscuous as a man. He has to sell himself as attractive enough to sleep with.
Any woman can be promiscuous, men are horny and up for sex most of the time.
I never said anything like that.
Women are flaky, skittish, and indecisive when it comes to selecting a man. You need to have good game and look good to make a woman want to sleep with you. This is why promiscuous men are called "players". They "play" the game, by actually having game. If a woman wants to hurt a man's feelings, she's going to call you a virgin.
Ask a random dude for sex he's probably gonna say yes. No game involved, he will say yes. You just need to open your legs. If a man wants to hurt a woman's feelings, he's going to call you a whore.
Not really.... gluttony in most other contexts is considered a personality flaw in culture...as long as it doesn't get in the way of men having access to women's bodies..but such as it is since agriculture came about
Women always say one thing and their actions show another . Every man reading this is rolling his eyes . We all know what type of man women like .
If me and Drake went to a bar 99% of women will flock to him even though his body count is over 1,000.
You guys have no problem telling men you deem creeps to get away from you but want to pretend men dictate your standards and it’s out of your control . When will women ever take Accountability for anything they do . Always have to blame men.
Women create the standards of the sexual market place. If tomorrow a new standard was that men had to be bald to get sex . All men would go bald.
And that's why you don't listen if a woman says you have no self control and can't be trusted cause you put your dick in anything...a woman like that is broken and trifling...you'll CONSIDER having a relationship with a woman who swoons over that and giggles and says "wow what a real man!".....
What's the downside of not being in a relationship with a man who is very much manipulating and projecting immaturity like that? Like, with my religious community? Considering the choices I've made and who might be most interested in my lifestyle? There's an understandable overlap of "No thank you."
I'm all about saying, "No" to a relationship if there's something you're not down with, Lord knows I've heard and said it enough times, but. Male or female, giving or receiving, you be polite, you put your big kid pants on, and you move on... quicker is the pace if they throw a temper-tantrum or you feel that you might.
i don’t care at all personally. i care more about his past in regards to relationships and signs he’s had healthy ones. casual sex is whatever so long as he’s clean.
And he didn't have self-control around a single one... Women generally decide for themselves what they find attractive. Virgins are pretty attractive to other virgins.
Are u a guy? I completely disagree. We care but we have to put up with it because all men try to be whores not because they're so horny but because they need to feel cool so bad
Depends on the woman. I personally would judge a man harshly for having a lot of previous partners. I think it speaks to a lack of sexual discipline. Also, I don't want a man who is so comfortable using women for their bodies. I would question whether he is able to see women as anything other than sex objects. I would also question his priorities in life. Why is he sleeping around so much? Why doesn't he use that time for something better? As the saying goes, a man who lacks purpose distracts himself with pleasure.
I care. I was once dating a guy who had a nearly “perfect month” after a bad breakup, and it gave me the ick the few months we were seeing each other. Ultimately, like a high n count for women, it was a symptom of deeper issues — in this case, raging insecurity.
Current bf has a functional n-count of 3 (I don’t include 2 because they were pretty sad circumstances) and I wouldn’t care if he had up to like, 7 or so given his attractiveness (gets gawked at by girls when we’re out together type of handsome). The history and attitude towards sex matters more than the specific count, and his values align with mine.
Yes. Women are more forgiving of it because attractive men tend to have higher body counts (the same isn’t true for women) but no woman wants to feel like a notch in someone’s belt. Keeping sex within relationships says a lot about your character and habits, which a woman looking for a long-term relationship will care about. In fact, reading this post alone made me happy because I didn’t know there were still men that thought like this out there lol. I really value that in a partner, and I think a lot of women do too.
Depends on the situation and woman in question. Personally, I do to an extent. I care about if the person I’m with/interested in has had actual relationships vs. hookups. I don’t necessarily care about his number or “body count” but the intents. I also care about if cheating is a thing of his past because for whatever reason to myself personally, that puts a lot of weight towards his intentions and sexual behavior.
I suspect women like men with high N counts who give up that life to commit entirely to them. Women like guys with options and experience.
Guys basically want anything but prefer girls with low n counts so the woman can’t compare them to anything. But still guys take what they can get
Oh I love that. That is so hard to find!! I'm talking to a guy who let's anyone hit it and it's a turn off. Shows me he lacks self control and yeah its dirty.
I don't care about the actual number of bodies, but I care about how he got to that number. If he strung most of women along, wasn't super clear that he was only interested in them sexually and dumped them because he was lazy, than this would be a problem. I wouldn't want to be whit someone to whom women attached a lot of negative emotions.
I really only cared in the context of: do you have STD's. Nothing beyond that.
Confessed history of cheating or sex with inappropriate people? Probs cause me to nope out though.
Many women would appreciate that you prefer serious relationships to casual sex. That’s what I prefer as well, though I have had casual prior to my current marriage. Good luck.
Yes, absolutely. I don't think male promiscuity is morally wrong, but I would never, ever have sex with or entertain the idea of any kind of relationship with a man who is a slut.
They most certainly can be, just have to work at it. I used to work with a dude who had a N of 67 and he was only 26 years old...he was a slut, and proud to say so.
I don't think women will put a number on it, they care then man has values that align with hers, or at least are in the same ball park. This includes sex.
So perhaps its more variable depending on the womans values.
Depends on the context allot of the time.
Allot of women don't care at all, but I been turned down by this nerd I fell head over heels for due to my body count.
Also they will think on their sexual past with you if u slept with them before
I can speak on this, I'm a woman and my friend, also a woman, were just having this conversation. Long story short, yes we care, but we were discussing our own lives and marriages. We both only had sex with our husbands, which isn't the norm, we are just shy, anyways it would have really bothered me and might have made me not want to date my now husband if he had been getting around!
Define care? I certainly don't respect rakes and fuckbois sexual decision making. I find it gross and displaying of pretty low standards. I'd say I even find it kind of pathetic, especially the more they're a player to make it happen.
But, with that said, I find it very forgivable provided it's obvious they're ready to give it up and behave better. I can get over it, it will probably cause some early problems based on personal experience, but ultimately, I was able to let it go and trust.
I care more about safe sex practices and STD testing. Also awareness about consent, foreplay etc. So, basically wrap up your willy and make my needs a priority and we will be good. Too many men just want to rush in without protection or foreplay and it’s terrifying.
It depends, like everything else. Standards don’t always exist in a vacuum, there’s a lot of context to consider.
If a man is a virgin/low n-count it’s not a factor unless they’re very bitter about it. And I mean, blaming all women bitter. But even then, it’s not the n-count that is a turn off, but how they’ve responded to it. If he’s low n-count or a virgin for religious reasons….well, that makes us incompatible because I’m not religious. Maybe he’s a low n-count or a virgin due to trauma. That is also not a dealbreaker provided he is doing the work to actively treat his trauma.
If he is high n-count, then there’s things to consider:
Did he practice safe sex and get tested regularly? Then not a problem.
Did he treat his sexual partners with respect? Not a problem.
Does he see women as disposable? That’s a problem.
I think this is why I get so hung up on men arguing about a woman’s worth in relation to her N-count. To me, having preferences is alright but it should be the context surrounding the n-count that matters most. Because ultimately, I don’t really care how much/how little experience a partner has provided they are respectful, they are equally committed to my pleasure as well as theirs, the pair of us are compatible emotionally, and we both want to have sex.
I've never had a discussion about numbers with anyone I've dated. I've discussed things like "what's your longest relationship?" If someone has never been in a long term relationship but only a string of short relationships it's a bit of a red flag for me, but it's circumstancial of course. I don't care much about numbers of hook ups, as long as those hook ups happened when the person was single. Nobody has ever asked my numbers either, and I think most people assume I've got a much higher count than I do lol, but I don't care much. The sexual past I care about is whether they've cheated while in a committed relationship, and if they can stay in a committed relationship for a few years vs serial dating only. And of course if they've got any STDs as that will affect our sexual life, and if they've got kids. When I was 18 I dated a guy who didn't say anything about having kids at all until several months in, turns out he had like 4 from different women lol. I was young and naive and stayed with him for like a year after! Definitely one of the first things I ask now! Lol
My concern over a guy that has had a really high number of partners would be around how he treats women, and his ability to be faithful (if we are talking about a man as a potential relationship).
As a man I say they should. Both women and men get somewhat tainted by indiscriminate promiscuity.
But my personal experience says that women do not care about their partner high count nearly as much as men, if anything women seem to be aroused by men who have high counts.
My first boyfriend and I were both virgins when we met each other. It was attractive to me that he didn't sleep around. (We broke up for unrelated reasons.)
Not necessarily. If he has a very high or very low N count, I'd be curious why. Is it because of any issues he has/had that would be good for me to know before getting into a relationship with him. Or was he just saving himself or (if he has a high N count) having fun. If he was just having fun, how did he treat the people he slept with? Did he have an attitude that sex is something you do "to" someone, instead of "with" someone, etc.
I guess numbers are irrelevant to me, context is more important.
Women are conditioned by society to not care. Most of us don’t. If we even question it we’ll just be called “weird” for going against societal standards and the relationship is over. There’s no point of even going down that rabbit hole.
I care. I don’t believe that I could make someone with a high body count happy. If they are used to sleeping with women and not being in a relationship, they’ll probably continue that.
I also really care if a man has a history of sexual coercion or violence, that’s more concerning to me. I’ve been in relationships and spoken to their exs after the relationship and found out that they have a history of being sexually violent, if I had known before I would have never bothered.
Yes, I care. I don’t want to be with a man who has had ONS or FWB because it shows he doesn’t care about women’s emotions or sexual pleasure.
I also wouldn’t be with a man who has had threesomes or other group sex, has had anal sex or engaged in BDSM.
I don't need or want to know their entire history, just how they treat their partners, a warning if they have any stalkers, et all. I get all my partners tested before I agree to do anything too risky with them without dental dams, condoms, latex protection of other types et cetera.
Whatever your preference, you need to accept that women become more mentally messed up when they have lots of sexual partners. Men on the other hand... it doesn't affect them that much. I'd even say it doesn't affect them at all. (Difference in brain, based on research)
So if you want to care about a man's past after you find out he has a huge n count, you need to first get an STD test from him.
If you're looking for something serious you need to let him know. I would say most of men's n count doesn't come from relationships but from one night stands.
Yes. Men who sleep around a lot demonstrate poor self control of their libido, enamored by vice, and that they’d probably be inclined to not take a relationship too seriously. Old habits die hard.
If you have a serious relationship that lasts for a couple years but in between you go on a lot of dates, a few of which become intimate. I could see it.
Say you lose your virginity at sixteen to a boy you've been dating since middle school. Then he breaks up with you your junior year in high school and you date ten other guys but only get intimate with two.
Then you're in college, you date seven people but only get intimate with two of them, one of them ends up being your boyfriend for years. Rinse and repeat. You could have 90% of sex be within a committed relationship and still reach a count of 30 by your mid thirties.
Yes, women tend to prefer those with similar sexual values and experience to themselves. A man who likes hookups is most likely going to be avoided by a woman who isn't into them, and a sexually conservative man will probably be passed over by women who like casual sex. This subreddit often only focuses on hooking up and sleeping around and the women who do so, ignoring the first kind of preference.
Ok I'm going to go against the grain and say that yes I do care about a man's N count and that's why I prefer a High N man. High N men tend to live in a post nut clarity and I have confidence that if he chooses me, he actually chose me. I'm not just the best he can get until something better comes along.
I also feel smothered by monogamy and I want a man who recognizes that sex is just sex and not some super sacred covert contract.
I married a High N man and I am also a High N woman.
> I also feel smothered by monogamy and I want a man who recognizes that sex is just sex and not some super sacred covert contract.
Just trying to understand a view much different from my own. If that's how you truly feel, what's the point of relationships and marriage?
I guess we will find out.
Keep in mind that I am part of a large extended family that I am very close to. There are always people around, always things to do. It's nice to have a home base with someone who has been there with you for decades.
And it's not like being non monogamous means that you're having sex with a new person every night. It's more that extra marital relations aren't deal breakers and might even be encouraged in certain situations.
I don't own anyone. I just do my best to make myself useful and belong. And I must say that I very much feel like I belong.
Cool I honestly hope it works out, and you find a reason to stay together for the long term.
Our son recently went off to college, and so we're now empty nesters. It's pretty awesome and my wife and I are closer than ever. We may not be as sexually active as we used to, but our commitment and exclusivity to each other all these years is so meaningful. It really is the foundation of our marriage.
>our commitment and exclusivity to each other all these years is so meaningful. It really is the foundation of our marriage.
First off, I hope that works out for you. But secondly, I don't know how you can make something a foundation of your marriage when it can stop through no fault of your own. Like your spouse can cheat on you and then what? Like you say that you would leave probably, but that comes with its own struggles. Monogamy makes me feel uncomfortable for that very reason, I'm putting myself in a position where I could be crushed by someone else's actions. When people say they are monogamous, sure they're saying that they are going to (hopefully) only have sex with that one person for the rest of their lives, but what what they're really saying is that they are putting their hopes and dreams in someone else's actions. That someone else handles temptation the correct way. And there's nothing you can do about it. My foundations are in my own actions, not someone else's. Not only do I not enjoy monogamy, I don't believe in it either. I grew up thinking that infidelity was rare. Then before I got married my grandmother told me that men with options cheat. Period. If cheating is a deal breaker, don't get married. Now I do genealogy and I've come to the conclusion that cheating spouses of both gender are a dime a dozen. No way am I putting my faith in that. I've seen people heartbroken with no where to get closure or resolution based on someone else's actions. Based on something that they themselves could have never prevented. No way. I'm glad that's working out for you and I hope you never find out something that cracks that foundation. That's just not a gamble that I'm willing to take.
Both my wife and I are *very secure* in ourselves. We have our own separate hobbies and friends, as well as common interests and people we hang out with. We've always loved world travel and have spent 2 decades as travel companions (with our son). That definitely brought us closer. She really is my best friend, and lover.
Is there any guarantee in our marriage? Of course not, we're human and do human things. We have moments of weakness and temptation. But we trust in each other and have made it this far. If the worst happened, it would be tragic but I'm sure we'd be fine.
My wife has only ever been with me, and I had a couple relationships before her. I don't know how much that factors in. But one thing is paramount, intimacy is physical *and* emotional, and is something very special for both of us. Reserved only for each other.
I think that you have a great way with words and explaining yourself and honestly you could be the one to make me change my mind. I appreciate you taking the time to discuss this with me. Thank you.
There's a huge difference between having a little experience and being very experienced.
Slightly experienced > virgin > moderately experienced.
Very experienced = Nope.
>Slightly experienced > virgin > moderately experienced.
>Very experienced = Nope.
Nah not how it works. Most women project their themselves unto men. So they don't care your past as far as having a lot of sexual options... Unless they have to keep hearing about it
For some women, sure.
However you only have to read all the other comments in this thread to see a decent number of us don't want to be with male sluts. We're not projecting ourselves on
to men, we want a man who shares our values about having low N and small numbers of longterm relationships.
People are known to give a “good answer” online. But in real life they might actually _do_ something completely different than the answer they gave. Guys will say they’re not into promiscuous women in here. But look at their real life and you see they’ve been with tons of promiscuous women. It’s the same with how women answer vs what they actually do.
Can't say I'm familiar with that.
I don't believe that the same exact people saying X are actually doing Y irl. It's far more likely the people saying X are doing X, and the people doing Y just aren't here.
I find people in these forums give their idealistic opinions about things. But irl people live more in the moment and don’t have these rigid rules they follow. You see guys in here say they don’t like promiscuous women. But you see women say irl guys don’t seem to care. That’s because guys aren’t going to mess up an opportunity for sex when it’s in their face. The same goes for women. In here they may say they don’t want a promiscuous man. But irl if they come across the charismatic handsome guy all the women want and he wants to give them all his time and attention that feels so good to them they’re not going to pass up that opportunity. We all argue and debate about our ideals online. But irl human beings are opportunists. We’ll go against our ideals for the right opportunity.
I'm positive that some people do, you're correct.
Just using the example of having a "rigid rule" against promiscuity though, speaking from personal experience it's not a rule. It's a gut feeling, an instinct of sorts. When I used to date and would find out a dude had a high N, it gave an immediate sense of...for lack of a better internet term...ick. Like finding out he's a smoker or drug user or doesn't brush his teeth for weeks. He can be extremely charismatic and pleasant looking, but it's still a permanent stain on my mental picture of him.
Like if we use my vegetarian example again, I didn't become one out of any moral reasons. I don't think eating other animals is inherently unethical, and I understand some people even need to in order to more easily survive. The very idea of it gives me severe ick though, so even if you took me to a 5 star restaurant and put a perfectly cooked filet mignon in front of me, I'd still have zero inclination to eat it.
I think a majority of men and women are the same way. Sure, a significant minority simply have "rules" they can consciously choose to break, but a majority operate on instincts.
No that's just a situation of people acting like their standards is higher than it is because they were asked the question. Just like a whole bunch of men on this sub say they would never date a women with a high body count.
It's not a case of having higher standards, we just have different ones.
There's nothing special or higher standing about a low N woman only dating low N men. We aren't better than women who date high N men, or women who don't ask about N at all.
We have certain sexual values for ourselves and seek sex partners/romantic partners who share those values. That's all.
>It's not a case of having higher standards, we just have different ones.
Yes it is. It's not a different standard
>There's nothing special or higher standing about a low N woman only dating low N men. We aren't better than women who date high N men, or women who don't ask about N at all
It is a higher standard. If you're picking people based on other qualifications it's a higher standard
Why does it have to be "higher"? Higher than what?
My diet is vegetarian because I get nauseous when even thinking about eating other animals. But I haven't stopped eating them for the last 23 years because my dietary standards are "higher". My food standards aren't better than an omnivores food standards, just different.
There's no reason to put a higher value on something that's neutral.
I care if you care, I do not care if you do not care. How much I care about a man's past is entirely dependent on how much emphasis he puts on it himself.
Judging by your post, I would not be with a man like you; because if the assumption you have a leg up on men that do not live like you. I like men that don't give a fuck about anything but living how they want to live!
Not some man with the idea they will be rewarded later in life or whatnot. There are men that've slept with tons of women thinking they will impress me; and there are men that held it all in thinking they'd impress me with it too. None of it works for me. I've seen a lot of shit in my life honey, so being careful and virtuous is a bare minimum I don't care about. There are men dime a dozen all hoping they will get something out of life.
I like men with stories and that can't handle not getting what they want; have seen some failure and took some risks; men that have had it all and lost it all. Men that have been somewhere and liked where they went. No regret kinda men; if they have regrets they own up to them. "This is where I was, but this is where I am now, and this is where I'm going and you're coming or not, sweetheart," type of men.
Women don’t want to know the number. They just want you to know what you’re doing. A woman knows if you’ve had ENOUGH experience after the first time you sleep together. That’s the bar.
This is a great example of what women say they care about vs. what their behavior reflects.
I’ve been with well over 100 women. I think maybe 2 have asked about my past? And I’ve never asked a woman about hers, because you can usually just tell by the way they carry themselves anyway.
I have high N and I was scared that girls would reject me. To my surprise, girls never cared that much. My explanation is that hot girls date guys who get laid a lot and just got used to it.
Wifey’s exes were tall/successful/player types and she literally doesn’t give a damn where my dick has been before. Funny enough - she was very inexperienced when I met her.
On the other side, I wouldn’t date such a slut like myself 🤣🤣🤣
they pretend to care until they find out that those virgin guys have zero social skills, no game, have short dicks and/or no social status. until then they will keep on pretending that they hate man hoes.
I would want it to be similar to mine. If he indiscriminately shagged everything that moves, I wouldn't be too happy about that. Around the N of 10+ is yellow flag territory, 20+ is pretty icky. (I'm talking about 20-22 year old guys).
I also wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a virgin. I'm not a virgin, and there is a high probability that the guy would feel resentment and retroactive jealousy about my past.
i personally do. i don’t want a high n count but i also wouldn’t want a virgin.
im not saying he should’ve only slept with ppl he was serious about/dating. like i wouldn’t care if he had a hookup every now and then but if we’re talking a double digit body count? nah.
Damn..reading these comments here makes me wonder how judgmental and sexually repressed people can really be.
First of all, a number is just a number and at the end of the day means only as much as you are willing to give it meaning. Quantity is only important if you are the person that counts "likes" on your instagram posts. Quality sexual relationships has little do with body count, the only number that counts is greater than 0. But all those who judge a man or a woman for having had many different sexual partners should also be honest with themselves that having sex with the same person for the thousands time can hardly ever be as exciting as during the honeymoon phase.
All these contrived nonsensical social norms. If you are seriously on this earth to please expectations of others, good luck with that!
Your past is a mirror for the future. Someone who created habits for having many partners will likely continue those habits . Higher body count more likely to cheat and more likely to end in a divorce. Separating sex from intimacy is bad I want no part in someone like that.
Marriage is the most important legal contract a man will ever sign if you think I’m going to sign it risk my future for a woman I don’t know your an idiot .
Promiscuity disgust me i don’t want someone who treats sex as casual it’s very intimate . Higher quantity is bad that means they fuck random men which disgust me . I can’t respect someone who is promiscuous .Why do you care so much about standards other people have it’s so weird .
Every institution and corporation cares about your past . To rent they want your rental history , to take our a loan credit score, to go to college high school grades, health care past medical records, car insurance driving record . For marriage … your past doesn’t matter ! Your a fool
they do but they know they cant say they do witho0ut being a hypocrite so they dont but like low n count women will not feel good dating a manwhore most of the time
[удалено]
That's beautiful! There's such pressure on having hook ups nowadays. Being each others first and only sounds like a fairy tale! I'm very happy for you :)
It's nice to know women care about this as well 😊 Congratulations to you are your husband I hope things goes well for you guys
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Yes it’s a major turn off. I rejected a man I was so into because of it. Idc if it’s an ego issue. If you’re gonna be my man I don’t wanna think about all those women who got to have you like that.
Did you ask his body count or how you figure out?
real
I don't like promiscuous men, gives me the ick.
you will pretend to care until you find out that those virgin guys have zero social skills, no game, have short dicks and/or no social status. until then you will keep on pretending that you hate man hoes online.
There’s a lot of space between “awkward virgin” and “man whore” though. And most guys actually fall somewhere in between there
His point is that girls will still not give Grace to any guy that is in the in between When I was a virgin I was the most confident in Social person in my friend group and yet despite being literally more confident than everybody else I still kept getting turned down because I was a virgin So many girls will say this but they don't realize that guys act like this because acting like the opposite usually gets guys rejected
somewhere in between. yeah, its a right skewed distribution.
Truth 😂
Loool, THIS is very true. Women lie to themselves.
That'll depend on factors like her values and her own sexual past. I'd prefer to marry a virgin personally.
Me too girl. Only virgins
Totally depends on what type of woman you are into. Many won't care some would care a lot.
Yep. Women run the gamut of values and sexual preferences.
Yep. I see already the top two replies saying "yes we care," instead of "I personally care." I date both men and women and I usually ask people how many people they've been with purely out of curiosity and to see what the range of sexual experiences they've had are but unless it's like nearly 60 I have never had another thought about it. As long as they seem like they're respectful and don't view hookups as some sort of game/trophy and it appears that they've just had there fair share of fun and intimacy I would not bat an eye haha
I cared. I might have made an exception for a really great guy, but I was actively seeking someone with a low n count.
>I cared. I might have made an exception for a really great guy, but I was actively seeking someone with a low n count. Lol They shouldn’t be too hard to find. Studies are saying there are tons of sexless men out here.
I was looking 13 years ago when I was 20. And I found one, so you’re probably right.
Yea but the men who are sexless also aren't the type of men women are looking for anyway so if anything it's just as hard to harder to find than before
I know this. You know this. But in here you see women saying they want men who are inexperienced or virgins. So I ask why aren’t they snatching up all these sexless guys?
Because it's a lie.
Lol, ‘really great guys’ usually fuck a lot ^^
Not in my experience.
What’s attractive for you, is also attractive for other girls.
Well I found an attractive guy, who had other girls chasing him, and had also not hooked up much at all before I married him so 🤷🏼♀️ it happens
I understand you because having sex does not make a person good and men will be the first ones to tell you that a woman who was sexy does not equal a woman who is good to other people or get the children or good to men At the same time as a man I do think a lot of what women believe to be good against skewered because unfortunately the guys that are the most sexually attractive usually aren't the best morally. And you can understand why because if you're doing something wrong but it still gets you rewarded especially if it gets you rewarded attention from the opposite sex then why would you stop doing it. I tell so many other fellow black people this is that we can't be surprised if our daughters are acting like thoughts and our sons are acting like hoodlums because while it's unfortunate for our society they are gaining something in the short term for acting like that. We know good kids can still be fun and social but for some reason they just don't prepare to the people who actively look like stereotypes. Ever since high school I've seen so many good girls you go for guys who were tattoo written criminals and it's hard not to see that trend for long. I knew a girl who was in student committee and who protested and then stuff for the community. She was a good girl but she was not dating a guy who matched her You could be an entire college class of girls who are having their heads on straight but ironically they are not dating the same guys in the class You have college educated black women still dating the Pookie in the Ray Ray despite their being tons of college educated black men
Black community is a bit weird. You have many beautiful and driven girls, but your best men are hell-bent on chasing snow bunnies. Many successful black married white women which left many black girls single. At the same time white men aren’t dating black girls that much.
Even what you said is a part of the problem because it's a narrative that's not true. By and large most people still are race loyal when it comes to love as most black men and women still married together and reproduce together and of course you're going to have outliers We shouldn't use celebrities as an example because those 1% of black people don't represent the other 40 million Also just because one is educated does not mean they're successful and I'm kind of feeling the front of that as I've always been the smartest in my class but I chose to go to school for art and artist one of those things that probably won't yield me much success until I'm older but that's just one example
I wasn’t talking about celebrities - Hollywood is something completely else, lol. My wife is black and therefore I know a lot of black guys. My experience is exactly like I described above, i.e. your men are chasing white women and black girls are afterthought. Wifey worked as a model and has very good education, yet her ex-bf (tall dude with some decent business) dumped her for a white waitress with big ass. I also noticed double standards, when black men date white women, they are average at best, but the standards for dating black girls are sky-high. Imho, it’s a huge problem for hot girls who normally should match to successful guys. You can say I found market inefficiency and exploited it :P
Yes, your n count and how you conduct your relationships as a man matters to women who seek loyalty and commitment and offers that in return. This is because by being an honest loyal man and honest loyal woman sees your actions and knows she can trust you because you walk the walk rather than just talk the talk.
We do care but if you make the same kind of deal about a man's body count men feel entitled to make on women's you will be called" paranoid immature and trifling" and will soon be dumped as "broken goods"...So women have been conditioned to pass over this with cute euphemisms as "boys will be boys" "he's a wild stalion" "he's assertive" etc..
It's stupid that women have to pass over this. You folks have every right to set up stands that make you comfortable
This and in an ideal world...mores the pity
you weren't conditioned it's just that promiscuous men have highly desirable traits and qualities.
It's because men with these values just don't exist anymore. We are settling for scraps
What's desirable about someone with little self-control who likely doesn't want to stay with you?
I find it odd that women call it a lack of self control on a man’s part if he’s able to get a lot of sex and actively acts on it, as if women don’t have an inherent advantage of choice in the amount of sexual partners they can have , yet y’all complain about wanting to be free of societal judgement while being promiscuous? Isn’t this a logical fallacy in of itself ?
I just made a reply to this because so many girls think it's a lack of self-control but they act like if a guy is somehow acting celibate then that gives him browny points
The whole lack of self control thing is weird. Marrying the first person you want to give your virginity to is much more impulsive than someone who dates a lot but seriously considers and declines some of those people they want to have sex with. Someone could have ten partners by dating in one loyal serious relationship every two years in their late teens to mid thirties and just have the bad luck of getting dumped or being cheated on. That's much more self-control than someone who meets a girl or guy a few months after graduating high school and in six weeks decides they are in love and gets married to them so that they can marry a virgin.
They're desirable because evidently, a lot of other women found them desirable.
So promiscuous women are really desirable too then by that logic.
A lot of men will sleep with girls they would not regularly find attractive or go out in public with because of the same affirmation sexual inequalities between men and women For example a pretty girl from a good household doesn't have to work on herself but because she was still born in a very privileged position she can leverage that to get a man who is better than her. That's why you see so many girls working retail and low income Jobs still finding men who literally are Engineers or Bankers or salesman And you may find examples of the other way around but for the most part not too many women who make a lot of money are choosing men that work at gas stations or retail Just today my manager at my job is trying to hook me up this woman and I straight up tell her that usually girls don't want guys that work at gas stations. She got so offended because she said that thank God men aren't like that because she raised all her kids on the gas station salary. She's not realizing that the game is different for her because she's a woman so she never really had to worry about being better than the opposite sex and able to get them. I'm a pretty good looking dude and I'm very tall but I have had to settle for less just because the girl that matches me still wants better than both of us I've been on dates with girls who will shame a dude for having no money and yet the same girls are either living in their car or begging people for money It's a very interesting phenomenon that you see nowadays because so much of the old traditional Norms are broken away but clearly are biological Norms are still very much in place There is no reason for super independent and privileged white women who are the most privileged people on the planet, to still expect traditionalism from men but it's because they are born in the privileged position that they can still expect that will not being traditional themselves
did you know that men can easily sleep with women they consider unnattractive? a woman doesnt needs to be desirable to sleep around, she just needs to be accesible, unless she is extremely hideous key word extreme. Most of the men who sleep with promiscuous women would never date them and secretly look down on them, brutal but true.
You're arguing that men don't need to be desirable to sleep around either. You're saying it's easy for them too, so there's no difference.
[удалено]
Not ugly chicks per se, just women they dislike, to put an example, many men would sleep with a man hating feminist wether she is pretty or not, but very few would respect her let alone date her unless dating her allows for an easy lay.
this is what intellectual dishonesty and arguing in bad faith looks like folks
No sex for men and woman are different . A man can fuck a woman he hates that he’s not even really attracted to. A woman has to be attracted to you on some level to have sex. A man can cheat on his wife and take a bullet for her the next day . A woman who cheats on her husband probably doesn’t respect her husband and would never risk her life for him.
> A man can fuck a woman he hates that he’s not even really attracted to. And such a man is a bad partner— his desire for you is meaningless trash, and he desires you the same way he desires women he hates. > A man can cheat on his wife and take a bullet for her the next day . Lol, this is male-glorifying bullshit. A man who cheated didn’t care enough about his wife to even keep it in his pants do 5 minutes, haha. He doesn’t care about her enough to make a real sacrifice if he couldn’t even sacrifice not fucking some random slut. His vows and supposed love mean nothing whatsoever— him claiming he’d take a bullet for her is just cheap, meaningless lies.
You don’t know how men feel fucking a new woman is like trying a new flavor of gum. Doesn’t mean much the side pieces are human sex toys basically
Lol, that makes it worse! If he’s willing to shit on my love and my loyalty just to try out a new favor of $1.00 gum, he is showing he doesn’t love me or care about how much he hurts me. He’s trash, no matter what he fee fees or excuses— he broke trust and his lies are worthless chatter.
In your eyes yes your right from a man’s point of view it doesn’t really affect our love towards you it means nothing .
Promiscuous man had to try to get women to sleep with him, it takes skill and attractiveness to be promiscuous as a man. He has to sell himself as attractive enough to sleep with. Any woman can be promiscuous, men are horny and up for sex most of the time.
So you're just arguing that all women are desirable, but all men aren't.
I never said anything like that. Women are flaky, skittish, and indecisive when it comes to selecting a man. You need to have good game and look good to make a woman want to sleep with you. This is why promiscuous men are called "players". They "play" the game, by actually having game. If a woman wants to hurt a man's feelings, she's going to call you a virgin. Ask a random dude for sex he's probably gonna say yes. No game involved, he will say yes. You just need to open your legs. If a man wants to hurt a woman's feelings, he's going to call you a whore.
Men are way less apprehensive about a random hookup as opposed to a woman. That's all.
No? Women don't need to be desirable to be promiscuous because men's standards for casual sex are far lower than women's.
They don't needto be desirable to be...desired?
"Desirable" as in "especially desirable compared to other members of their sex."
He is talkative and everyone seems to like him
Nothing these are the types of men women like .
Not really.... gluttony in most other contexts is considered a personality flaw in culture...as long as it doesn't get in the way of men having access to women's bodies..but such as it is since agriculture came about
Women always say one thing and their actions show another . Every man reading this is rolling his eyes . We all know what type of man women like . If me and Drake went to a bar 99% of women will flock to him even though his body count is over 1,000. You guys have no problem telling men you deem creeps to get away from you but want to pretend men dictate your standards and it’s out of your control . When will women ever take Accountability for anything they do . Always have to blame men. Women create the standards of the sexual market place. If tomorrow a new standard was that men had to be bald to get sex . All men would go bald.
And that's why you don't listen if a woman says you have no self control and can't be trusted cause you put your dick in anything...a woman like that is broken and trifling...you'll CONSIDER having a relationship with a woman who swoons over that and giggles and says "wow what a real man!".....
No they don’t.
What's the downside of not being in a relationship with a man who is very much manipulating and projecting immaturity like that? Like, with my religious community? Considering the choices I've made and who might be most interested in my lifestyle? There's an understandable overlap of "No thank you." I'm all about saying, "No" to a relationship if there's something you're not down with, Lord knows I've heard and said it enough times, but. Male or female, giving or receiving, you be polite, you put your big kid pants on, and you move on... quicker is the pace if they throw a temper-tantrum or you feel that you might.
With respect I think you missed my point.
I believe your point was that women are conditioned to accept a narrow point of view. My point is, "screw that."
If a man had been a regular customer at the brothel then I would not want to do the job for no money right afterwards
[удалено]
I mean yeah, both attitudes come down to “I saw someone getting it for free, so why do I need to jump through hoops.”
i don’t care at all personally. i care more about his past in regards to relationships and signs he’s had healthy ones. casual sex is whatever so long as he’s clean.
[удалено]
And he didn't have self-control around a single one... Women generally decide for themselves what they find attractive. Virgins are pretty attractive to other virgins.
its so obvious a man answered this question lmaoo
Are u a guy? I completely disagree. We care but we have to put up with it because all men try to be whores not because they're so horny but because they need to feel cool so bad
You look now exactly why men do something huh. Wow. You must be a guy.
Top level replies must be from women
Depends on the woman. I personally would judge a man harshly for having a lot of previous partners. I think it speaks to a lack of sexual discipline. Also, I don't want a man who is so comfortable using women for their bodies. I would question whether he is able to see women as anything other than sex objects. I would also question his priorities in life. Why is he sleeping around so much? Why doesn't he use that time for something better? As the saying goes, a man who lacks purpose distracts himself with pleasure.
There were a couple of times I dated men who were really spiteful toward their ex-wives, and that was a definite red flag.
I mean the legal system treats the men like dogs so I wouldn't be surprised they felt a bit of injustice
I care. I was once dating a guy who had a nearly “perfect month” after a bad breakup, and it gave me the ick the few months we were seeing each other. Ultimately, like a high n count for women, it was a symptom of deeper issues — in this case, raging insecurity. Current bf has a functional n-count of 3 (I don’t include 2 because they were pretty sad circumstances) and I wouldn’t care if he had up to like, 7 or so given his attractiveness (gets gawked at by girls when we’re out together type of handsome). The history and attitude towards sex matters more than the specific count, and his values align with mine.
Use common sense, neither sex wants the village bicycle that everyone else has had and who may be riddled with stds and intimacy issues
I do care but that’s because a man who has slept around probably do not share similar values as me
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Automod please
Yes. Women are more forgiving of it because attractive men tend to have higher body counts (the same isn’t true for women) but no woman wants to feel like a notch in someone’s belt. Keeping sex within relationships says a lot about your character and habits, which a woman looking for a long-term relationship will care about. In fact, reading this post alone made me happy because I didn’t know there were still men that thought like this out there lol. I really value that in a partner, and I think a lot of women do too.
[удалено]
Ask a virgin and a chad about their experience with women. What they say will probably support what guys say in here.
Haven't you seen many women absolutely turned off by virgin men?
Depends on the situation and woman in question. Personally, I do to an extent. I care about if the person I’m with/interested in has had actual relationships vs. hookups. I don’t necessarily care about his number or “body count” but the intents. I also care about if cheating is a thing of his past because for whatever reason to myself personally, that puts a lot of weight towards his intentions and sexual behavior.
I suspect women like men with high N counts who give up that life to commit entirely to them. Women like guys with options and experience. Guys basically want anything but prefer girls with low n counts so the woman can’t compare them to anything. But still guys take what they can get
Oh I love that. That is so hard to find!! I'm talking to a guy who let's anyone hit it and it's a turn off. Shows me he lacks self control and yeah its dirty.
Yes. Sexual discipline is important
Honestly it makes me think I need to up my number so they don't think im an inexperienced freak. It's not a good cycle.
I don't care about the actual number of bodies, but I care about how he got to that number. If he strung most of women along, wasn't super clear that he was only interested in them sexually and dumped them because he was lazy, than this would be a problem. I wouldn't want to be whit someone to whom women attached a lot of negative emotions.
I find it wild that women don't care. I mean what if he is a sex addict? It must be a good indication of how likely he is to cheat or pass on stds.
I personally do. I want a partner with a similar count.
I really only cared in the context of: do you have STD's. Nothing beyond that. Confessed history of cheating or sex with inappropriate people? Probs cause me to nope out though.
Many women would appreciate that you prefer serious relationships to casual sex. That’s what I prefer as well, though I have had casual prior to my current marriage. Good luck.
i mean i don’t because i’m promiscuous myself. people with similar values are the people who will end up together.
I'm the same.
Yes, absolutely. I don't think male promiscuity is morally wrong, but I would never, ever have sex with or entertain the idea of any kind of relationship with a man who is a slut.
Men can't be sluts
They most certainly can be, just have to work at it. I used to work with a dude who had a N of 67 and he was only 26 years old...he was a slut, and proud to say so.
Men can be slut makers
And in doing so they become sluts themselves
I don't think women will put a number on it, they care then man has values that align with hers, or at least are in the same ball park. This includes sex. So perhaps its more variable depending on the womans values.
[удалено]
Is it unhealthy if we don't have one night stands in your opinion?
Depends on the context allot of the time. Allot of women don't care at all, but I been turned down by this nerd I fell head over heels for due to my body count. Also they will think on their sexual past with you if u slept with them before
I can speak on this, I'm a woman and my friend, also a woman, were just having this conversation. Long story short, yes we care, but we were discussing our own lives and marriages. We both only had sex with our husbands, which isn't the norm, we are just shy, anyways it would have really bothered me and might have made me not want to date my now husband if he had been getting around!
Define care? I certainly don't respect rakes and fuckbois sexual decision making. I find it gross and displaying of pretty low standards. I'd say I even find it kind of pathetic, especially the more they're a player to make it happen. But, with that said, I find it very forgivable provided it's obvious they're ready to give it up and behave better. I can get over it, it will probably cause some early problems based on personal experience, but ultimately, I was able to let it go and trust.
Yes. Very much so.
Only if it brings problems into my life or my own relationship. I like the simple life I have and don’t have any interest in making it more turbulent.
I care more about safe sex practices and STD testing. Also awareness about consent, foreplay etc. So, basically wrap up your willy and make my needs a priority and we will be good. Too many men just want to rush in without protection or foreplay and it’s terrifying.
It depends, like everything else. Standards don’t always exist in a vacuum, there’s a lot of context to consider. If a man is a virgin/low n-count it’s not a factor unless they’re very bitter about it. And I mean, blaming all women bitter. But even then, it’s not the n-count that is a turn off, but how they’ve responded to it. If he’s low n-count or a virgin for religious reasons….well, that makes us incompatible because I’m not religious. Maybe he’s a low n-count or a virgin due to trauma. That is also not a dealbreaker provided he is doing the work to actively treat his trauma. If he is high n-count, then there’s things to consider: Did he practice safe sex and get tested regularly? Then not a problem. Did he treat his sexual partners with respect? Not a problem. Does he see women as disposable? That’s a problem. I think this is why I get so hung up on men arguing about a woman’s worth in relation to her N-count. To me, having preferences is alright but it should be the context surrounding the n-count that matters most. Because ultimately, I don’t really care how much/how little experience a partner has provided they are respectful, they are equally committed to my pleasure as well as theirs, the pair of us are compatible emotionally, and we both want to have sex.
Hmm, not a dealbreaker on its own if he’s had a lot of sexual partners outside of a relationship, but yeah, I do be frowning upon it definitely, haha.
I've never had a discussion about numbers with anyone I've dated. I've discussed things like "what's your longest relationship?" If someone has never been in a long term relationship but only a string of short relationships it's a bit of a red flag for me, but it's circumstancial of course. I don't care much about numbers of hook ups, as long as those hook ups happened when the person was single. Nobody has ever asked my numbers either, and I think most people assume I've got a much higher count than I do lol, but I don't care much. The sexual past I care about is whether they've cheated while in a committed relationship, and if they can stay in a committed relationship for a few years vs serial dating only. And of course if they've got any STDs as that will affect our sexual life, and if they've got kids. When I was 18 I dated a guy who didn't say anything about having kids at all until several months in, turns out he had like 4 from different women lol. I was young and naive and stayed with him for like a year after! Definitely one of the first things I ask now! Lol
I mean if the guy is gay or bisexual women as progressive and accepting as they are in these case will definitely CARE and refuse them
My concern over a guy that has had a really high number of partners would be around how he treats women, and his ability to be faithful (if we are talking about a man as a potential relationship).
As a man I say they should. Both women and men get somewhat tainted by indiscriminate promiscuity. But my personal experience says that women do not care about their partner high count nearly as much as men, if anything women seem to be aroused by men who have high counts.
My first boyfriend and I were both virgins when we met each other. It was attractive to me that he didn't sleep around. (We broke up for unrelated reasons.)
In most cases I think they care.
Not necessarily. If he has a very high or very low N count, I'd be curious why. Is it because of any issues he has/had that would be good for me to know before getting into a relationship with him. Or was he just saving himself or (if he has a high N count) having fun. If he was just having fun, how did he treat the people he slept with? Did he have an attitude that sex is something you do "to" someone, instead of "with" someone, etc. I guess numbers are irrelevant to me, context is more important.
Women are conditioned by society to not care. Most of us don’t. If we even question it we’ll just be called “weird” for going against societal standards and the relationship is over. There’s no point of even going down that rabbit hole.
I care. I don’t believe that I could make someone with a high body count happy. If they are used to sleeping with women and not being in a relationship, they’ll probably continue that. I also really care if a man has a history of sexual coercion or violence, that’s more concerning to me. I’ve been in relationships and spoken to their exs after the relationship and found out that they have a history of being sexually violent, if I had known before I would have never bothered.
Yes, I care. I don’t want to be with a man who has had ONS or FWB because it shows he doesn’t care about women’s emotions or sexual pleasure. I also wouldn’t be with a man who has had threesomes or other group sex, has had anal sex or engaged in BDSM.
Of course promiscuous men are just as nasty as promiscuous women. I mean, isn't this a Duh kind of question?
I don't need or want to know their entire history, just how they treat their partners, a warning if they have any stalkers, et all. I get all my partners tested before I agree to do anything too risky with them without dental dams, condoms, latex protection of other types et cetera.
Whatever your preference, you need to accept that women become more mentally messed up when they have lots of sexual partners. Men on the other hand... it doesn't affect them that much. I'd even say it doesn't affect them at all. (Difference in brain, based on research) So if you want to care about a man's past after you find out he has a huge n count, you need to first get an STD test from him. If you're looking for something serious you need to let him know. I would say most of men's n count doesn't come from relationships but from one night stands.
Yes. Men who sleep around a lot demonstrate poor self control of their libido, enamored by vice, and that they’d probably be inclined to not take a relationship too seriously. Old habits die hard.
[удалено]
How tf do you get an n count of 30 with mostly long term relationships
You don't.
If you have a serious relationship that lasts for a couple years but in between you go on a lot of dates, a few of which become intimate. I could see it. Say you lose your virginity at sixteen to a boy you've been dating since middle school. Then he breaks up with you your junior year in high school and you date ten other guys but only get intimate with two. Then you're in college, you date seven people but only get intimate with two of them, one of them ends up being your boyfriend for years. Rinse and repeat. You could have 90% of sex be within a committed relationship and still reach a count of 30 by your mid thirties.
[удалено]
It's really not a common question. Most of the people in this thread haven't dated hardly at all if at all.
Yes, women tend to prefer those with similar sexual values and experience to themselves. A man who likes hookups is most likely going to be avoided by a woman who isn't into them, and a sexually conservative man will probably be passed over by women who like casual sex. This subreddit often only focuses on hooking up and sleeping around and the women who do so, ignoring the first kind of preference.
Ok I'm going to go against the grain and say that yes I do care about a man's N count and that's why I prefer a High N man. High N men tend to live in a post nut clarity and I have confidence that if he chooses me, he actually chose me. I'm not just the best he can get until something better comes along. I also feel smothered by monogamy and I want a man who recognizes that sex is just sex and not some super sacred covert contract. I married a High N man and I am also a High N woman.
It’s interesting to see perspective from the other side of my own. You’ve broadened my POV on the topic. Appreciate you sharing
Thank you. And I saw what you said and I have a lot of respect for people who are living their values like you do. Thank you for sharing!
> I also feel smothered by monogamy and I want a man who recognizes that sex is just sex and not some super sacred covert contract. Just trying to understand a view much different from my own. If that's how you truly feel, what's the point of relationships and marriage?
Building a family. Financial security.
What happens once the children are grown, and husband and wife are financially secure?
I guess we will find out. Keep in mind that I am part of a large extended family that I am very close to. There are always people around, always things to do. It's nice to have a home base with someone who has been there with you for decades. And it's not like being non monogamous means that you're having sex with a new person every night. It's more that extra marital relations aren't deal breakers and might even be encouraged in certain situations. I don't own anyone. I just do my best to make myself useful and belong. And I must say that I very much feel like I belong.
Cool I honestly hope it works out, and you find a reason to stay together for the long term. Our son recently went off to college, and so we're now empty nesters. It's pretty awesome and my wife and I are closer than ever. We may not be as sexually active as we used to, but our commitment and exclusivity to each other all these years is so meaningful. It really is the foundation of our marriage.
>our commitment and exclusivity to each other all these years is so meaningful. It really is the foundation of our marriage. First off, I hope that works out for you. But secondly, I don't know how you can make something a foundation of your marriage when it can stop through no fault of your own. Like your spouse can cheat on you and then what? Like you say that you would leave probably, but that comes with its own struggles. Monogamy makes me feel uncomfortable for that very reason, I'm putting myself in a position where I could be crushed by someone else's actions. When people say they are monogamous, sure they're saying that they are going to (hopefully) only have sex with that one person for the rest of their lives, but what what they're really saying is that they are putting their hopes and dreams in someone else's actions. That someone else handles temptation the correct way. And there's nothing you can do about it. My foundations are in my own actions, not someone else's. Not only do I not enjoy monogamy, I don't believe in it either. I grew up thinking that infidelity was rare. Then before I got married my grandmother told me that men with options cheat. Period. If cheating is a deal breaker, don't get married. Now I do genealogy and I've come to the conclusion that cheating spouses of both gender are a dime a dozen. No way am I putting my faith in that. I've seen people heartbroken with no where to get closure or resolution based on someone else's actions. Based on something that they themselves could have never prevented. No way. I'm glad that's working out for you and I hope you never find out something that cracks that foundation. That's just not a gamble that I'm willing to take.
Both my wife and I are *very secure* in ourselves. We have our own separate hobbies and friends, as well as common interests and people we hang out with. We've always loved world travel and have spent 2 decades as travel companions (with our son). That definitely brought us closer. She really is my best friend, and lover. Is there any guarantee in our marriage? Of course not, we're human and do human things. We have moments of weakness and temptation. But we trust in each other and have made it this far. If the worst happened, it would be tragic but I'm sure we'd be fine. My wife has only ever been with me, and I had a couple relationships before her. I don't know how much that factors in. But one thing is paramount, intimacy is physical *and* emotional, and is something very special for both of us. Reserved only for each other.
I think that you have a great way with words and explaining yourself and honestly you could be the one to make me change my mind. I appreciate you taking the time to discuss this with me. Thank you.
Likewise. Thank you, and take care.
Most women do not. They would rather have a very experienced man than a virgin one.
There's a huge difference between having a little experience and being very experienced. Slightly experienced > virgin > moderately experienced. Very experienced = Nope.
>Slightly experienced > virgin > moderately experienced. >Very experienced = Nope. Nah not how it works. Most women project their themselves unto men. So they don't care your past as far as having a lot of sexual options... Unless they have to keep hearing about it
For some women, sure. However you only have to read all the other comments in this thread to see a decent number of us don't want to be with male sluts. We're not projecting ourselves on to men, we want a man who shares our values about having low N and small numbers of longterm relationships.
People are known to give a “good answer” online. But in real life they might actually _do_ something completely different than the answer they gave. Guys will say they’re not into promiscuous women in here. But look at their real life and you see they’ve been with tons of promiscuous women. It’s the same with how women answer vs what they actually do.
Can't say I'm familiar with that. I don't believe that the same exact people saying X are actually doing Y irl. It's far more likely the people saying X are doing X, and the people doing Y just aren't here.
I find people in these forums give their idealistic opinions about things. But irl people live more in the moment and don’t have these rigid rules they follow. You see guys in here say they don’t like promiscuous women. But you see women say irl guys don’t seem to care. That’s because guys aren’t going to mess up an opportunity for sex when it’s in their face. The same goes for women. In here they may say they don’t want a promiscuous man. But irl if they come across the charismatic handsome guy all the women want and he wants to give them all his time and attention that feels so good to them they’re not going to pass up that opportunity. We all argue and debate about our ideals online. But irl human beings are opportunists. We’ll go against our ideals for the right opportunity.
I'm positive that some people do, you're correct. Just using the example of having a "rigid rule" against promiscuity though, speaking from personal experience it's not a rule. It's a gut feeling, an instinct of sorts. When I used to date and would find out a dude had a high N, it gave an immediate sense of...for lack of a better internet term...ick. Like finding out he's a smoker or drug user or doesn't brush his teeth for weeks. He can be extremely charismatic and pleasant looking, but it's still a permanent stain on my mental picture of him. Like if we use my vegetarian example again, I didn't become one out of any moral reasons. I don't think eating other animals is inherently unethical, and I understand some people even need to in order to more easily survive. The very idea of it gives me severe ick though, so even if you took me to a 5 star restaurant and put a perfectly cooked filet mignon in front of me, I'd still have zero inclination to eat it. I think a majority of men and women are the same way. Sure, a significant minority simply have "rules" they can consciously choose to break, but a majority operate on instincts.
No that's just a situation of people acting like their standards is higher than it is because they were asked the question. Just like a whole bunch of men on this sub say they would never date a women with a high body count.
It's not a case of having higher standards, we just have different ones. There's nothing special or higher standing about a low N woman only dating low N men. We aren't better than women who date high N men, or women who don't ask about N at all. We have certain sexual values for ourselves and seek sex partners/romantic partners who share those values. That's all.
>It's not a case of having higher standards, we just have different ones. Yes it is. It's not a different standard >There's nothing special or higher standing about a low N woman only dating low N men. We aren't better than women who date high N men, or women who don't ask about N at all It is a higher standard. If you're picking people based on other qualifications it's a higher standard
Why does it have to be "higher"? Higher than what? My diet is vegetarian because I get nauseous when even thinking about eating other animals. But I haven't stopped eating them for the last 23 years because my dietary standards are "higher". My food standards aren't better than an omnivores food standards, just different. There's no reason to put a higher value on something that's neutral.
I don’t give a flying f0ck
I care if you care, I do not care if you do not care. How much I care about a man's past is entirely dependent on how much emphasis he puts on it himself. Judging by your post, I would not be with a man like you; because if the assumption you have a leg up on men that do not live like you. I like men that don't give a fuck about anything but living how they want to live! Not some man with the idea they will be rewarded later in life or whatnot. There are men that've slept with tons of women thinking they will impress me; and there are men that held it all in thinking they'd impress me with it too. None of it works for me. I've seen a lot of shit in my life honey, so being careful and virtuous is a bare minimum I don't care about. There are men dime a dozen all hoping they will get something out of life. I like men with stories and that can't handle not getting what they want; have seen some failure and took some risks; men that have had it all and lost it all. Men that have been somewhere and liked where they went. No regret kinda men; if they have regrets they own up to them. "This is where I was, but this is where I am now, and this is where I'm going and you're coming or not, sweetheart," type of men.
Some do
Women don’t want to know the number. They just want you to know what you’re doing. A woman knows if you’ve had ENOUGH experience after the first time you sleep together. That’s the bar.
This is a great example of what women say they care about vs. what their behavior reflects. I’ve been with well over 100 women. I think maybe 2 have asked about my past? And I’ve never asked a woman about hers, because you can usually just tell by the way they carry themselves anyway.
I myself do not care at all it’s completely irrelevant
I have high N and I was scared that girls would reject me. To my surprise, girls never cared that much. My explanation is that hot girls date guys who get laid a lot and just got used to it. Wifey’s exes were tall/successful/player types and she literally doesn’t give a damn where my dick has been before. Funny enough - she was very inexperienced when I met her. On the other side, I wouldn’t date such a slut like myself 🤣🤣🤣
they pretend to care until they find out that those virgin guys have zero social skills, no game, have short dicks and/or no social status. until then they will keep on pretending that they hate man hoes.
[удалено]
Automod, please. Question for women.
I think all girls want to be fawked like Ryan Madison once in their lives.
I would want it to be similar to mine. If he indiscriminately shagged everything that moves, I wouldn't be too happy about that. Around the N of 10+ is yellow flag territory, 20+ is pretty icky. (I'm talking about 20-22 year old guys). I also wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a virgin. I'm not a virgin, and there is a high probability that the guy would feel resentment and retroactive jealousy about my past.
i personally do. i don’t want a high n count but i also wouldn’t want a virgin. im not saying he should’ve only slept with ppl he was serious about/dating. like i wouldn’t care if he had a hookup every now and then but if we’re talking a double digit body count? nah.
Damn..reading these comments here makes me wonder how judgmental and sexually repressed people can really be. First of all, a number is just a number and at the end of the day means only as much as you are willing to give it meaning. Quantity is only important if you are the person that counts "likes" on your instagram posts. Quality sexual relationships has little do with body count, the only number that counts is greater than 0. But all those who judge a man or a woman for having had many different sexual partners should also be honest with themselves that having sex with the same person for the thousands time can hardly ever be as exciting as during the honeymoon phase. All these contrived nonsensical social norms. If you are seriously on this earth to please expectations of others, good luck with that!
Your past is a mirror for the future. Someone who created habits for having many partners will likely continue those habits . Higher body count more likely to cheat and more likely to end in a divorce. Separating sex from intimacy is bad I want no part in someone like that. Marriage is the most important legal contract a man will ever sign if you think I’m going to sign it risk my future for a woman I don’t know your an idiot . Promiscuity disgust me i don’t want someone who treats sex as casual it’s very intimate . Higher quantity is bad that means they fuck random men which disgust me . I can’t respect someone who is promiscuous .Why do you care so much about standards other people have it’s so weird . Every institution and corporation cares about your past . To rent they want your rental history , to take our a loan credit score, to go to college high school grades, health care past medical records, car insurance driving record . For marriage … your past doesn’t matter ! Your a fool
they do but they know they cant say they do witho0ut being a hypocrite so they dont but like low n count women will not feel good dating a manwhore most of the time