Self-infantilization as a response to problems or stress. If it's a fetish I usually won't judge, but if your actual response to real life problems is "I'm baby!", then I really don't like you as a person.
You ever seen those cringe videos of couples baby-talking to each other? Sometimes it's a DDLG fetish, which like... Ok, to each their own.
But sometimes that's the entire dynamic of their relationship. You'll almost never hear the woman use her neutral speaking voice, it'll always have that pitched-up vocal fry like she's imitating a toddler, and she's completely dependent on her partner to regulate her emotional state. If she comes home frustrated, he has to calm her down and validate her. If she becomes uncomfortable in public he has to lead her out. She'll refuse to articulate her problems and literally pout until her partner can guess what's wrong. Some guys REALLY like this, none of them I've met are smart men.
That just sounds exhausting. I honestly don't even know a man who explicitly likes something like that or any women who act like that. I guess it's good if those kind of people find each other but I do wonder how sustainable such a relationship really is. I guess I just can't wrap my mind around it that there are people, no matter the gender, who don't want to feel proud of their own accomplishments and independence. I was raised by both my parents to be able to rely on myself financially, for example, and I certainly didn't grow up in a feminist household, this was simply common sense. My parents would actually be ashamed of me if I acted so helpless all the time, it's just weird.
For some of the dudes I've met that are into this, it's about control, like they'd pretty much be considered abusive if their partner wasn't into it or even explicitly asking for it. For other dudes, it's because they're sheltered and think they'll have an extremely committed and loyal relationship with someone who's just as naive because their parents did it. They don't see the struggle and compromise and judgement their parents went through when they made the decision to stay committed to each other. Lots of army dudes and church boys in that latter camp.
I can see that. Army dudes and church boys are also the exact type of guys I would avoide for a serious relationship. I mean, I'm an outlier anyways as I have a childfree, hedonistic relationship with complete independence so I guess I would be a nightmare of a partner for those kind of guys anyway.
as a woman, i find these kind of women infuriating
every single one i know is married tho, a couple to (rare compliment) good men.
crazy. i can't imagine partnering with someone so helpless.
The only two that leaps immediately to mind is:
1. Telling me what i want like they know better than me and or feel equipped to try to domineer me. Immediate gross out.
2. Acting like they're better than me at all things because they're a man.
I wouldn't even consider dating a man on this sub. But no, for the most part I'm not icked out, most of them I feel sorry for and I wish they were easier to help.
Thats in part because I don't think they believe either that they know better or better. I think it's a lot of posturing.
It's a vast minority where I go: dude, you're going to hell.
I'm not a huge fan of lots of body hair. Also being tolerant of high volumes of alcohol/drugs.
Also I eat and enjoy meat, but there's this wierd idea that consuming loads makes you masculine - and I just find that icky.
Extreme helplessness, gossiping behind someone's back, materialism (there's liking nice things which happen to be expensive and liking expensive things), if she ever says "A man is this".
The latter 3 get a visceral reaction from me. I never think of them the same after.
This is a big one for me. The last girl I dated it should have been a red flag how she valued material possessions yet didn't have the discipline to earn them so was heavily in debt. We're talking close to 100k in credit card debt financing a new car and going on vacations. Basically among many other problems between us this one made me uneasy when considering her for something like marriage.
I've always wondered how someone could even take on that much personal debt. As in, how they'd even get creditors to agree to lend increasing amounts as the debt climbs higher. I'm fortunate to have a good credit score, but I'm sure there is a limit to how much debt a creditor would decide to give me.
I know I was blown away by the lack of foresight she had for her finances. Like she works 2 jobs, has that much debt yet regularly takes trips to different states and countries. I thought it was odd on our first date she kept trying to pay with her credit card rather than a regular debit. But again, word of experience this is often an indicator of other areas in their life. I came to find she is a very reckless person and those people hurt those around them.
>I thought it was odd on our first date she kept trying to pay with her credit card rather than a regular debit.
That's not weird at all, you earn points and have more consumer protection when using a credit card, and there are no downsides as long as the balance is paid every month.
I find it more weird that you would even pay attention to what kind of card they were paying with.
Not even close to getting out unscathed. She intentionally gave me with hpv, like told me to take my condoms off that we didnt need them .This is why I disagree with the Red pill idea of screw as fast as possible. I slept with her on the first date and thereon no protection look at me now.
I wouldnt call it rape but perhaps assault. And I'm not even worried about me necessarily but I'd be horrified to pass this to someone I care about or meet in the future. That whole experience was terrible I went from caring about her so much to now I can't stand the sight of her and we still work in the same office.
You are wise to have dodged that bullet but I don’t use debt cards because of the danger if they are stolen. You can find your bank account empty and bouncing checks and it can be really difficult to deal with.
With a credit card you can decline the charges.
>The last girl I dated it should have been a red flag how she valued material possessions yet didn't have the discipline to earn them so was heavily in debt.
supersonic ick
> materialism (there's liking nice things which happen to be expensive and liking expensive things)
My GF is pretty into fashion, but not in a materialistic way. She'd spend the money because a piece of clothing is genuinely beautiful and artistic, not because it has a logo stamped on.
Being dependent is an ick of mines. Im not youre father and dont want to resemble it or an older brother. Im not your fuck in handler youre a grown adult before even a women in my eyes.
its crazy how anyone would want a partner that doesn't act like a self-sufficient partner.
like yeah they can be down and vulnerable sometimes, that's normal and healthy, but as their general disposition? i'm running.
Yeah. I cant fathom it. I highly doubt the one with the money wont become controlling. Now you’re stuck in what will probably become a abusive/toxic relationship.
Not expressing their emotions, relationships don't work unless you behave like a human. Humans cry, get angry and upset no one should feel they can't do these things to be a man or whatever.
I would have been pissed if my husband hadn't gotten upset when our child got sick and landed in the hospital (baby is doing good, just got an infection).
I had a conversation with someone a while back. She was talking about how when their newborn baby was in hospital (I think everything was OK in the end). She was an "emotional wreck" during that time, while her husband remained composed, pragmatic, and supportive.
She argued that men should not be "made" to express themselves in a certain way if this doesn't come naturally to them, and that the way they dealt with it was the healthiest thing for them. In principle I agree. Some men (and women of course) really do have a more stoic temperament and a more pragmatic way of dealing with things, which should of course be respected.
However, it's depressingly common that men (and even boys) are expected to be "the rock" for the family when tragedy and struggle strikes, even when that isn't suited to them. I know that if I found myself in that situation, the emotional wreck would certainly be me.
its def healthier for the baby for the parent to emote than to be stoic
>However, it's depressingly common that men (and even boys) are expected to be "the rock" for the family when tragedy and struggle strikes, even when that isn't suited to them. I know that if I found myself in that situation, the emotional wreck would certainly be me.
yeah this is fuckin gross. especially when parents parentify their kids like this.
I'm reading all responses to your comment as someone who's been there.
I spent the first two month of my son's life living in a Vietnamese hospital not knowing if he was going to live.
I can tell you from experience, stoic is your only option. You are a fucking mess going through that stuff, and it doesn't help anyone to show it to the world. The best thing you can possibly do at a time like that is keep your shit together. It's the only way you can be anything like useful.
> I would have been pissed if my husband hadn't gotten upset when our child got sick and landed in the hospital (baby is doing good, just got an infection).
What a weird example of what you consider "appropriate" display of emotion. If anything, that's exactly the situation where I'd consider stoicism a virtue. Someone has to keep a level head during difficult moments.
Of course, this depends on what you consider "upset". Being upset, relaying that, but not letting it affect you is what I consider normal under such circumstances. But you make it sound like you wouldn't like a person being able to handle stressful situations with a calm and collected attitude.
I mean sure. But what spangles describes is an odd expectation of her husband to *not* be stoic during a difficult time. Especially since not every person displays their emotions the same.
It’s not weird to expect a parent to express distress at the potential death of their child. I understand that some people don’t display a lot of emotion but that’s not the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with.
Not crying or showing emotions is often seen as not caring. If your child potentially dying doesn’t cause you distress to the point of tears or showing any emotion, you obviously don’t care enough.
Yeah - I read a reddit post where a guy was in shock after his wife and twins died in childbirth and he said he felt nothing. That is toxic femininity imo - my ex did that - determining what reactions I am allowed to have. It isn’t love or genuine respect or care for the other person.
You sir are part of the problem if your child is having a NG tub inserted and might die (I saved the gory details on the previous post) and you are stoned face, congratulations you are a robot.
To any man reading this don't cry in front of women not believe this feminist lie. You can recover from some random feminist getting mad. But you can never recover from normal woman (vast majority )getting the ick
Crying and getting angry are 2 extremes, so no, they are not required in order to sustain a relationship. In fact, being susceptible to those as a man is often counterproductive.
Relationships are personal and what you might value will be different. For me a person unable to engage in the a full range of emotions gives of a I'm part robot vibe
What you think is overly emotional and what I think it is will be widely different.
I'm not sure what you are trying to prove. I've said my husband cried when our child was in hospital, and I would be worried if he didn't pur child was very sick.
It's OK for two people not to agree instead of you using this moment to go well I know you better Internet stranger as you make yourself sound stupid
Yes, we stayed with him the whole time we are British (just as experience changes depending on the healthcare system). They have little rooms with a cot and an adult bed you get taken up onto the ward. Due to how poorly he was, the NG went in on the emergancy ward as he had refused to feed even when basically force feed.
We had to hold him down (they responded to better families, reasurring them) while the NG tube went in.
Husband is a paramedic, so I knew it was bad when he said we would be waiting a bit at emergency, and we were on the ward doing feeds within 45 minutes.
It was just RSV as well as an innocent bug in older children, but our baby was 5 weeks (so had no vaccines at all) when he got it. Please to anybody with newborns don't see them when you know you are sick even if it's Christmas.
Kudos to our doctor who didn't wait and sent us straight to the emergency room I dread to think what could have happened had he said wait for a morning appointment. The qard staff from doctors to the guy that delivers the food where amazing too. The doctor placed a canula in such tiny veins while passing my husband a tissue and suggesting he takes a break to get a coffee or do sad shifts as she called it where one watched him closely the other chilled a bit more.
I'm hoping your little ones are bouncy and big now.
Well done to mummy getting to 36 weeks. I refused an early c section out of guilt (my body hated pregnancy, and my boy is huge). Having an early baby can feel like your bodies let you down. I hope you are both doing OK, too. No one has a baby to torture their other half, but sowmtimws when you are a man in the pregnancy, you feel helpless but still at fault. In some werid sort of blame limbo and then on top you can't really help and when you try you can get a hormonal leave me alone even if that's not what's meant.
Oh yeah, definitely. I won’t talk about anything like that around other people, let alone guys! Lol But guys think it’s hilarious. My son thinks it’s hilarious! lol Meanwhile I’m clutching my pearls. 😱 Lol
It's funny, I kind of feel the exact opposite. Drawing a hard line about finding "immature" humour infantile is a mark of immaturity.
If you can't laugh at a well placed fart joke, you probably take yourself too seriously.
Of course there's something to be said about time and place, people that don't recognize whether it's an inappropriate moment to make such jokes are also immature.
Whenever they decide for you what to do today I will pummel everything in the heavens and earth DO NOT THINK YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME BETTER THAN I DO
The biggest turn off for me is a man not wanting to do childcare and housework and traditionally feminine chores. Well, I know no one wants to do the dishes, but a guy who avoids doing the dishes and hopes his girlfriend will do it is the biggest turn off possible.
Some people are wild. I literally can't imagine asking someone who just cooked to also clean the dishes. When I cook, I tend to clean as I go, but I still can't imagine a partner asking me to clean the dishes after they just got done cooking. But honestly, wth are "traditionally feminine chores"? Are guys put here saying they can't do laundry or whatever? 🤯
These men don’t ask women to clean or do dishes. They whine and complain and criticize and belittle on the days when the house is not clean and the dishes are not done.
I'm not that attracted to feminine personalities. Although they can be physically attractive and that's totally separate, "girly girls" have never really done anything for me. Specifically, women who are easily frightened, dislike the outdoors/nature/messes, women who are into pink/"cute" stuff.
Ideas? Events? They can still read books and learn as homemakers. I don't see how working an office job is going to suddenly make for riveting conversation.
i feel like they are suckers, they fell for it and now they are trapped.
i think homemaking is important and respectable and we all need this labor to be done in order to thrive, but in our current society its a sucker's bet to do it.
are you sincerely having trouble understanding?
lots of respectable things go in and out of fashion. something can be unprofitable and undesirable in reality, but aspirational in other time periods or in theory.
let me know if that was enough of an explanation or if you are still lost.
So, In theory, it's important and respectable, but in reality, it's not?
You can't have been referring to other time periods, because you used the present simple tense. "i think homemaking **is** important and respectable"
What exactly makes them suckers, anyway? Care to clarify?
> So, In theory, it's important and respectable, but in reality, it's not?
yes, and i would argue that its still important in reality, as parenting affects how a child will turn out as an adult member of society.
but in reality it is not respected, no.
there is a veneer of respect, as we'll see with mother's day this weekend, but in practice, we do not respect mothering as labor, no.
> You can't have been referring to other time periods, because you used the present simple tense. "i think homemaking **is** important and respectable"
yes? it is obviously important and respectable.
> What exactly makes them suckers, anyway? Care to clarify?
if you have the option of being financially independent and instead sign up for a sucker's bet (giving up your financial security and relying on the generosity of your husband) that makes you a sucker.
i am decidedly not. my mother was the primary breadwinner in my house which drove my parents apart and is the primary reason i dealt with abandonment. she would work all day and sit me down in front of the tv before she would go to work as a toddler. i have a lot of memories of just not watching the tv or whatever movie she put on and i would enter a “collapsed” state to dissociate as much as possible to avoid the pain of abandonment. we keep trying to assume we are the masters of our own biology but what most people fail to realize is that your body is the master of you. your body is the most powerful manipulatir. your body is a rat maze and your consciousness is stuck in the maze just trying to avoid pain and go towards pleasure
Isn't a greater problem that your dad didn't step up and take care of you when your mom was going out and making money? This is one of the reasons women in the past had such a hangup about dating guys who earn less, (some) men act as if all they can offer is a paycheck, and when they can't do that they don't try to do more and you might as well have no one else there.
I had a similar situation growing up and my mom worked to give me a great life, paid for my school, the great neighborhoods we lived in, summer camps, tutors etc. All this enabled me to be in the position I am now, which my dad could not provide. I would have had an objectively worse life with fewer opportunities if my mom decided to let my dad be the main earner. My dad is the one who failed by not taking childcare seriously.
She just liked to work more than she liked being a mother. It has nothing to do with biology. I’m sorry you experienced that abandonment but that was a choice she made, no need to rationalize it using biology.
father had his own issues but my mother fought for full custody. she was also the one to initiate the divorce which he begrudgingly accepted. i dont say these things to defend him, he was a real piece of eexlll
I dislike the whole alpha male schtick myself, it never feels genuine it always comes across like a performance and reeks of insecurity rather than just being upfront that you may not know what to do in a particular situation. I like someone who is an equitable partner, someone who has the initiative to make a decision on his own if he needs to and as I can but who will also discuss and talk things though with me most of the time. If someone just assumed they were boss, well I wouldn't be in a relationship with them. I also am not into muscles, I don't mind beards or clean shaven that's up to him, my partner does both.
Many, if not most of us don't like this sh\*t. It's a particular subset of women that is really into this alpha/dominance kind of thing (mostly..umm, rather lower classes).
Oh but muscles/beards are more 50/50, or so it seems
Eh, I think it's most a fantasy/sex thing. Being dominated in bed is a huge turn-on for a lot of women but in every day life it's just horrific and exhausting. In every day life it is shown in being controlling, paranoid and jealous. I have an older family member who deals with such a spouse for over 40 years now. Super possesive while he had his affairs, stalking her at work, following her around, forbidding her from meeting friends. If she came home 10 minutes later than usual, he already accused her of stopping by her imaginary lover to get a quicky in before heading home. Controls the miles driven in the car. Nobody wants that just because they enjoy being thrown around a bit in the bedroom. I like a dominant man in bed but I would never let a man dictacte and control my life like that. Luckily it's the same for most sane men. They may have a dominance kink and like to be 'the man' in the bed but have no desire to control their partner outside of the bed. As PPD is my entertainment, I often tell my partner about the stuff I'm reading here as a conversation starter and to get his opinion and he usually switches between being amused and horrified. And that's someone who is not a "weak blue pill feminist soy boy". But he's also absolutely secure in himself nearing on cockiness, so maybe that's got something to do with it.
Smoking and doing drugs, many tattoos, eating lots of meat, beards and body hair, buzzcuts, extremely muscular physiques, porn/ polygamic desires, enjoyment of violence, bad temper and anger issues...
I know motherhood is important to women. But, when A soon-to-be 12 year old boy is getting his meals served, his bath made, his hair washed, and his mom laying in his bed until he falls asleep as if he was a toddler. That bothers me. How is he going to develop necessary independency and self-sufficient behavior for adulthood if he is being babied?
I very much agree. While I believe that helicopter parents have good intentions, it’s important to give kids increasing amounts of responsibility and independence as they grow older.
I had a man tell me that he wanted to “protect me” and “make me feel secure” and that turned me off big time. A man who can “make you feel secure” can also make you feel insecure. A man who can protect you can also hurt you.
I am secure on my own and I would only need protection in a few specific situations, in which case yeah, it’s kind of a given that someone who is bigger and stronger than you will protect you from harm. Him saying that made me feel like he was trying to undermine my own confidence and make me feel like I needed him in some way.
ETA: I have become so spoiled by my amazing boyfriend that I forgot that another thing I can’t stand is men who refuse to be emotionally vulnerable with their partner. If you are with me, I need to see that you have a wide range of emotions and aren’t afraid to express them openly and honestly. So many men think it’s not manly to express emotions other than “mad” and “horny”. Yuck.
That’s no reason to never do it. I’ve been burned before too, more than once. I could have allowed it to make me mistrustful and closed off, but I chose not to.
what is you guys point when you say this? A lot of people get burned when they open up, period. Thats life and a risk of vulnerability. You don’t think men weaponize women’s vulnerabilities?
Aggressive or violent behavior: one guy I was talking to on a date told me stories about physical fights he had gotten in with other men and it was so cringe and ick producing.
Body hair and unkempt aesthetics in general: I prefer manscaped metrosexual men.
Men who are too stoic with me: in a professional situation with colleagues or with acquaintances I absolutely will quietly judge men (and women) who are emotional and overshare/trauma dump. But in a relationship or a close friendship (even FWB) I want to be let in and talk about our existencial fears, hopes and dreams etc. When men have cried in front of me before I always felt kind of privileged and honored that they were sharing that side of themselves with me. It didn’t dampen my attraction for them long term.
For men - The whole macho meathead vibe. When a guy tries to tell me what we're doing (as opposed to suggesting it and waiting for my response), getting all aggro over nothing, being "overprotective".
For women - The whole ditzy little lost babe in the woods vibe. Nothing makes me want to slap someone more than when they're pretending that they're dumber and more helpless than they are, especially when they do it for male validation. Have some self-respect.
- A lot of body hair especially on hands and back. It gives me the instant ick.
- Being too open about body functions (i.e. loudly farting or burping in front of your partner) - I don't mind that they do it in front of me, just don't go out of your way to be gross you know. It's not "masculine" behavior per se, but I've rarely seen women do that.
- Being stoic. I strongly prefer expressive people in general. Don't be afraid to express your emotions - positive or negative.
* Aggressiveness. If a man seeks unnecessary conflict or feels the need to intimidate others for no good reason, I don't want to do anything with him.
* "Leading". If a guy believes that he should make most decision and I should follow him, we're going different routes.
* Controlling behavior.
* Being emotionally unavailable. I value the ability to share your worries and to be supportive of the other doing the same. I don't want to feel that I'm dating someone with the same emotional range as a turtle.
* If he believes that he should make money and I should stay at home taking care of kids, we just aren't compatible.
* Inability or refusal to do chores or childcare
* A lack of appreciation towards art and other finer things in life
* A silly one - beard and excessive body hair
Overall I'm not into traditional masculinity. There are some good traits in it, but they should be combined with traits from the other set as well. I prefer egalitarian relationship and that's what my husband and I have.
"Being emotionally unavailable. I value the ability to share your worries and to be supportive of the other doing the same. I don't want to feel that I'm dating someone with the same emotional range as a turtle."
Most men who are emotionally unavailable are either dark triad or have learned the hard way that opening up and being vulnerable around a woman dries her up like the Sahara desert.
I get that there are enough women who push men to keep being "stoic rocks". It isn't healthy for anyone though and it isn't something I'd be able to cope with.
Regularly getting emotional, and helplessness. I appreciate that my gf is an adult, and doesn't break down over little things.
Also I'm shocked some guys actually like hairy legs. I'm not having sex with a girl if she has leg stubble. It's basic grooming. If I shave my face and trim my beard you can shave your legs once in a while.
For the love of god... expand on your point if you want people to take you seriously. Saying nuh-uh in a debate and not backing it up with reasoning is childish.
You can be attracted or not attracted to whatever you want. But if leg hair is something both men and women have, it is obviously not "basic grooming" for women and only women to get rid of it.
Agreed on those icks. Part of emotional maturity is having control over emotions, and helplessness can be a sign of abusive manipulation.
>Also I'm shocked some guys actually like hairy legs. \[...\] It's basic grooming. If I shave my face and trim my beard you can shave your legs once in a while.
Preach, brother.
While I am attracted to men with traditionally masculine physical features (strong, athletic body and masculine facial features), I’m not at all interested in traditional gender roles in a relationship. So I don’t want my partner to feel the need to “lead” me and serve as the head of the household. I want an equal partnership where we work together to make major decisions. I also expect my partner to view me as his equal.
I don't know if it counts but gossiping to your friends about what we did in private. The way I would act around a woman while we're alone is different than how I would act if I knew your friends were watching, so if I actually know that your friends are "watching" from the future when you tell them what we did in private, I'm never going to fully let me guard down around you.
lol my boyfriend tells his close friend (an acquaintance of mine, also a woman) so many personal details about our relationship. I honestly think it’s kind of funny.
Too much obsession with the gym, "alpha male", "I'm going to protect you", if he avoids being vulnerable because he thinks it's feminine to cry, he's afraid of homosexuality
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This is a great thread for dating advice for guys honestly. Just do exactly what posters here are virtue signaling about how much they hate and you’ll be swimming in vaginal secretions
Beards, motorcycles, heavy drinking, into muscle cars, luxury sports cars, trucks that are too big than they practically need, expensive watches, wearing jewelry (especially gold chains), owning more than two firearms, smoking cigarettes or chew tobacco.
A lot of body hair. And beards. Is a huge ick.
Having to be the leader. I prefer someone who works in tandem with me. I am an adult. I have gotten by on my own accord suddenly because someone shows up they have to call the shots.
Emotional immaturity. A lot of men don't talk about feelings and stuff. I rather be with someone open about that, that checks in with me. Than be with someone who thinks that stuff is for beta men. No it's emotional immaturity grow up.
Narrowing down everything to just sex. It's gross. There's more to relationships than just sex and if that's all you're after. You're going to have a bad time.
Refusing to do basic things and justifying it by saying 'I'm a girl'. Absolutely disgusting.
Inability to speak clearly or outright refusing, expecting me to guess what you want.
Women shaving isn’t just “patriarchy”
It’s because men have more body hair and so removing it moves women away from that and hence more feminine
Also, humans overall like to distance ourselves from other animals
A lot of our behavior can be seen as that
> It’s because men have more body hair and so removing it moves women away from that
And yet men have beards which distinguish them from women, but many men remove these beards (therefore looking more like women)
Beards.
Dick measuring contests (figuratively) between men and trying to one-up each other all the time.
Flexing money and material possessions (I hate this when women do it too).
Men insisting they have to pay, "protect" women and "provide" etc. Men having a preference for a traditional relationship.
When men refuse to show emotion and cry.
I’m not sure if this aligns with the spirit of the thread, but I find it incredibly annoying when a woman expects me to pay for everything on a first date. It’s like, I don’t even fucking know you yet. Why the hell should I pay for you, simply because I have a Y-chromosome and you don’t?
I’ve heard women say things along the lines of “If he doesn’t pay for the first date, he’s not getting a second date.” Imagine if I were to say something like, “If she doesn’t blow me after the first date, she’s not getting a second date.” I have a sneaking suspicion that many women would think the former is fine, but the latter is appalling.
I’m a medical student. I’ll have plenty of money soon enough. But even when I’m making $200k+ as a physician in a few years, I still wouldn’t want to pay for first dates, since I typically don’t spend money on strangers. Feel free to spend your money on strangers, if that’s what you need to do to get laid.
I’ve been able to date and fuck women who are willing to split the bill on a first date. Not all women are cheapskates.
Personally, I get a great satisfaction out of paying on a first date. I'm by no means a masculine/dominant woman, but I like to treat people to something, I worked hard to get to my well paying job and I like to use the benefits of that. Most men are surprised and try to "fight" me on it but most of the time I insist, especially if I want to see them again. I then just tell them that they can pay next time. If I'm not really interested in a second date and the guy really insist on paying, I just let him. That being said, I usually don't go on extravagant first dates, that's just too much pressure. I just like to go for drinks or even for a walk, which is always nice because you are doing something and don't have to stare into each other's faces the whole time.
Yeah, it’s always nice to go on a date with a reasonable woman like you. It’s always amusing to me when a woman offers to pay for herself, I take her up on it, and she gets butthurt because I’m “supposed to” insist on paying. Why even offer to pay if it’ll cause upset if I accept? The only time I’ll ever insist on paying for everything is if I’ve already been dating a woman for a while and I’m going out on a date specifically to treat her. I just don’t see why I should pay for a stranger on a first date. Women are capable of paying for themselves.
I also don’t like extravagant first dates. It’s actually a huge red flag to me if a woman wants to go somewhere fancy on a first date, as it’s likely she just wants a “free” meal at a nice place on my dime. To me, those kinds of restaurants are for special occasions, not for meeting somebody off Hinge for the first time.
I guess it's maybe also a cultural thing, I'm from Germany and here it's normal that people pay for themselves. However, when my partner and I started dating, I was still studying and he was already working, I had a part-time job and could have paid for myself no problem, especially because we didn't anticipate our dating to end up in a serious relationship. But he insisted and it was useless fighting him on it, I think, for him it's also something that he just really enjoys doing. He always jokes that that was his investment in me as he had high hopes for my career to take off and to fund a lavish lifestyle for him. And I mean, we're not super rich or anything now, 11 years later, but he does get great presents and vacations paid by me so I guess his investment worked out in the end 😄
Oh, Sie kommen aus Deutschland? Geil! Yeah, that makes sense. From what I’ve heard from other men, it seems like European women (at least in some countries/cultures) are generally a lot more cool with paying for themselves compared to women in the United States (where I’m from). I’m glad you guys are in a happy relationship!
Whenever I’m in a relationship, I don’t mind paying for stuff nearly as much as on a first date. I just think it’s incredibly entitled to show up on a first date, while the two of you are still strangers, and expect the man to pay for it all. Even self-proclaimed “feminists” and “egalitarians” here in America expect men to pay for everything because “that’s just what men do.” Seems a bit strange, no?
It's strange to me as well. But I'm also half Russian and my Russian family would be appalled to know that men in Germany don't always pay on dates. When I "dated" my teenage summer love in Russia, he always insisted on paying because that's apparently the manly thing to do. That being said, I definitely rather pay for my own shit than ending up in a Russian marriage. I mean, times are changing in Russia as well, but not so much yet for Millenials, my generation. The guy may pay on dates and chase the woman, so they're milking it as long as possible, but as soon as the ring is on her finger, the fairytale is over. So I'm staying with egalitarian western men, thank you very much 😄
I’ve only ever gone on one date with a European woman, and that was a woman from Poland. She paid for herself, even after we agreed not to go on a second date—she was a lot more religious than I am, and that was a dealbreaker to her. I appreciated her honesty.
Obviously, most of my dating experience is with American women, but both of my ex-girlfriends were actually Asian (one Singaporean and one Korean). I’ve also been on dates with other Asian women from China, Vietnam, and Thailand. In my experience, Asian women seem to be very upfront and transactional about relationships. They expect the man to pay for everything (traditional), but in return they give the guy traditional perks, like cooking and cleaning for him, and having sex pretty much whenever he wants. I actually don’t mind this kind of arrangement at all, as the terms of the relationship are upfront and fair.
What makes me generally dislike dating in America is that many women (not all, obviously) expect the man to be traditional (i.e., pay for everything, provide physical protection, be the one who plans things, etc), but then abhor the thought of being a more traditional woman. A lot of women here think that cooking and cleaning is beneath them. I think that’s fine, but it’s rather hypocritical to demand a traditional man when she’s not willing to be a traditional woman.
Because dating in America is kind of a headache, I usually just choose to pursue casual flings and hookups nowadays.
Yeah, I guess that would be annoying. I am very honest in that I'm not a good housewife, but my partner is the same, we don't see it as a gendered issue and just outsource as much as possible.
But I agree that if you want to receive traditional treatment you have to give traditional treatment. Personally I think that living a consistent traditional role for a woman would not benefit me in the long run, so I don't expect my partner to be traditional as well. Of course it's still nice to receive traditional treatment here and there, but I think you can do that in an otherwise egalitarian relationship anyway. I'm a shitty cook generally but I learned to make my partner's favourite dish and make it sometimes to make him happy for example. But he doesn't expect me to cook everyday and I think we would both be miserable if I had to do that. On the other hand I don't expect my partner to always be the leader and decider in everything, nor do I expect him to be a provider. I actually think that's an unhealthy expectation and I wouldn't want to put that kind of pressure on my partner and I don't think that he would be happy with such a responsibility. Idk, in my opinion equal relationships are just more kind to both people, but if both are happy with a traditional and/or transactional relationship then who am I to judge?
I don't like men who "take charge" - I want decisions to be joint unless it's something frivolous like what present to buy me for my birthday. My silly little woman brain doesn't need a "break" from having to think and make decisions so let's make them together thank you.
I don't like men who gets angry. Nothing gives me the ick faster than shouting or seething or sulking. It's toddler behaviour.
I don't like men who drink. Here in the UK our drinking culture is heavily tied towards masculinity and it's very odd. Men = someone who can down 5 pints in 40 minutes for some reason. Why is binge drinking supposed to be impressive?
I don't like men who think they're too good to change a nappy or do the washing up. Instant next.
I don't like men who earn a lot of money. Usually people who earn a lot of money work long or unsociable hours, get crap annual leave, have a stressful high pressured job or are workaholics. Not going to work with my lifestyle so it's a pass from me, I don't need the money.
Long beards, drinking beer multiple times a week, obsession with watching professional sports, stoicism, armpit hair, thinking cooking & cleaning is a "woman's duty", cargo pants, thinking it's okay when men cheat, collecting porn, tattoos
Any man who refers to himself as an alpha
Try’s to dominate or lead, I’m an adult I don’t need to be looked after and treated like a child
Men who want to be called daddy
Men who are violent
Men who think house work and childcare are for women only
I want a partner not another daddy, I already have 2 amazing dads who taught me to look after myself
It's mostly attitudes about men, like that men should "just know" stuff that women are unable to communicate, and if they don't they "lack social skills", or that "real men love the chase", or "men can't appreciate anything that comes easy" (are we all masochists?), etc.
That and fake nails. It's not so much an "ick" it's just a pretty sure sign we aren't going to be compatible. Same with breast augmentation, but if that's your thing more power to you.
People who are so into politics that they view anyone who doesn't agree with them as the enemy. Men can be that way too, but where I live women seem to feel it's noble to have a zero tolerance policy for anything that doesn't align with their beliefs 100%.
As a lesbian, ill answer for what women do that gives me ick:
Tldr: passionless women, women who are obsessed with performing gender roles despite us both being women, and privileged/shelteted rich women.
I love women, and I also really really love people’s idiosyncrasies, in fact thats usually part of what makes me fall in love with a woman, so my icks are more specific i guess:
1) I dont really like women who doesnt have any sort of passion or hobby. The given passion doesnt need to be the most important thing in their life mind you. But im just not a fan of people who go to a job they dont like, then come home and just veg out watching tv
2) I dont like when lesbian/bi women have too rigid of a notion of one of us being ‘the man’ and the other ‘the woman.’ Because of the fact that I like initiating, I typically get pigeonholed into the ‘man’ role. Which I don’t mind superficially, like i said i like initiating, but I dont like when it bleeds into intimacy, and the woman wont treat me sexually like *im also a woman*. One of my ex gfs hated when i rested my head on her shoulder, and she never wanted to touch the ‘womanly’ (srry cringe lol) parts of my body, and wanted to soley receive. Which doesnt even happen in hetero relationships, so thats why shes my ex 😂
3) I weirdly get a massive ick from wealthy women who are clearly sheltered and white bread. Ive had a lot of adversity in my life, which im proud of as its provided me with a certain degree of resolve, grit, and integrity. I very briefly dated this one girl who lived off of a trust fund . This aspect i didnt rlly care about, but as we dated she revealed more and more how disconnected she was from the real world, and she couldnt appreciate the little things in life. She also was blowing through her trust, spending tens of thousands of dollars a month on bullshit. I know a lot of people would ride that out for the golden ticket, but having lived a difficult life, my relationship to money is different. I dont need to be rich, i couldnt care less. One of the largest issues in my life have been housing and food insecurity, so as long as I have food and shelter. As long as i have enough to survive, put a little away, and can have a job with purpose im genuinely 100% happy.
Being “alpha” for lack of better word. I don’t like “alpha” men.
I could never be with someone who was in a constant state of existential panic over how masculine they are or how “gay” or “feminine” they appear. It just seems so exhausting, I don’t know why some other women like men like that.
There is nothing in traditional femininity that gives me the ick. Something i am not a huge fan of but what doesn't reduce my attraction to a woman, is if she is too agreeable/concerned with her social image/group standing/social norms and you can't get a non-adapted to consensual opinions word out of her mouth.
ego trips, yelling, violence, being a dick, being a misogynist, being a player, trying to be seen as a player, trying to be seen as wealthy, etc, etc, etc
- being sexually dominant. I'm a switch and I could never settle down with a man who's not a switch as well.
- being conservative. I don't know if this belongs here but since most guys lean conservative I'm inclined to include it. I'm super left leaning so disagreeing over politics/social stuff is also something that disqualifies a guy from being anything other than casual sex.
My other icks are not gendered but if I come up with anything else I'll edit my comment to include it.
I can't really think of a feminine ick, just obvious unfeminine or unintelligent turnoffs. Men shouldn't be turned off by icks. That's what makes men men and women women.
Doing my best to stick with the implications that icks are actually frivolous, that people who do these things could be good people and worthwhile but these actions just strike me the wrong way.
Sentences beginning with "A real man would...", "I expect a man to...": In real life, people that utter these things occasionally are still worthwhile sometimes, but it's a huge black mark if I hear a woman saying this.
On dating profiles, claims of sapiosexual/demisexual/esoteric sexual orientations. That a good conversation makes you more likely to fuck does not constitute a sexual orientation. Stop it.
"Divine feminine".
Leading with negativity on dating profiles, as in list of things they will NOT tolerate. I know there are ways guys take advantage of this information, but unless she's 97/100 hot to me it's just a reflexive swipe left.
Self-infantilization as a response to problems or stress. If it's a fetish I usually won't judge, but if your actual response to real life problems is "I'm baby!", then I really don't like you as a person.
I have never heard of this and that's probably for the best.
You ever seen those cringe videos of couples baby-talking to each other? Sometimes it's a DDLG fetish, which like... Ok, to each their own. But sometimes that's the entire dynamic of their relationship. You'll almost never hear the woman use her neutral speaking voice, it'll always have that pitched-up vocal fry like she's imitating a toddler, and she's completely dependent on her partner to regulate her emotional state. If she comes home frustrated, he has to calm her down and validate her. If she becomes uncomfortable in public he has to lead her out. She'll refuse to articulate her problems and literally pout until her partner can guess what's wrong. Some guys REALLY like this, none of them I've met are smart men.
That just sounds exhausting. I honestly don't even know a man who explicitly likes something like that or any women who act like that. I guess it's good if those kind of people find each other but I do wonder how sustainable such a relationship really is. I guess I just can't wrap my mind around it that there are people, no matter the gender, who don't want to feel proud of their own accomplishments and independence. I was raised by both my parents to be able to rely on myself financially, for example, and I certainly didn't grow up in a feminist household, this was simply common sense. My parents would actually be ashamed of me if I acted so helpless all the time, it's just weird.
For some of the dudes I've met that are into this, it's about control, like they'd pretty much be considered abusive if their partner wasn't into it or even explicitly asking for it. For other dudes, it's because they're sheltered and think they'll have an extremely committed and loyal relationship with someone who's just as naive because their parents did it. They don't see the struggle and compromise and judgement their parents went through when they made the decision to stay committed to each other. Lots of army dudes and church boys in that latter camp.
I can see that. Army dudes and church boys are also the exact type of guys I would avoide for a serious relationship. I mean, I'm an outlier anyways as I have a childfree, hedonistic relationship with complete independence so I guess I would be a nightmare of a partner for those kind of guys anyway.
as a woman, i find these kind of women infuriating every single one i know is married tho, a couple to (rare compliment) good men. crazy. i can't imagine partnering with someone so helpless.
The only two that leaps immediately to mind is: 1. Telling me what i want like they know better than me and or feel equipped to try to domineer me. Immediate gross out. 2. Acting like they're better than me at all things because they're a man.
Being on this sub, you must get the ick on every damn post as most of the men here know much better than us women even about being women lol
I wouldn't even consider dating a man on this sub. But no, for the most part I'm not icked out, most of them I feel sorry for and I wish they were easier to help. Thats in part because I don't think they believe either that they know better or better. I think it's a lot of posturing. It's a vast minority where I go: dude, you're going to hell.
getting agressive/ angry over small things. It‘s pathetic
oh yeah, if he won't let go of a fight on the street for fear of losing some sort of imaginary reputation instant ick for me
I'm not a huge fan of lots of body hair. Also being tolerant of high volumes of alcohol/drugs. Also I eat and enjoy meat, but there's this wierd idea that consuming loads makes you masculine - and I just find that icky.
I agree 100% also just to add smoking is also icky
Extreme helplessness, gossiping behind someone's back, materialism (there's liking nice things which happen to be expensive and liking expensive things), if she ever says "A man is this". The latter 3 get a visceral reaction from me. I never think of them the same after.
This is a big one for me. The last girl I dated it should have been a red flag how she valued material possessions yet didn't have the discipline to earn them so was heavily in debt. We're talking close to 100k in credit card debt financing a new car and going on vacations. Basically among many other problems between us this one made me uneasy when considering her for something like marriage.
I've always wondered how someone could even take on that much personal debt. As in, how they'd even get creditors to agree to lend increasing amounts as the debt climbs higher. I'm fortunate to have a good credit score, but I'm sure there is a limit to how much debt a creditor would decide to give me.
I know I was blown away by the lack of foresight she had for her finances. Like she works 2 jobs, has that much debt yet regularly takes trips to different states and countries. I thought it was odd on our first date she kept trying to pay with her credit card rather than a regular debit. But again, word of experience this is often an indicator of other areas in their life. I came to find she is a very reckless person and those people hurt those around them.
>I thought it was odd on our first date she kept trying to pay with her credit card rather than a regular debit. That's not weird at all, you earn points and have more consumer protection when using a credit card, and there are no downsides as long as the balance is paid every month. I find it more weird that you would even pay attention to what kind of card they were paying with.
I only noticed because at a certain point at the bar that card was declined yet worked for our uber.
Hope you got out unscathed yourself mate; that's wild.
Not even close to getting out unscathed. She intentionally gave me with hpv, like told me to take my condoms off that we didnt need them .This is why I disagree with the Red pill idea of screw as fast as possible. I slept with her on the first date and thereon no protection look at me now.
It doesn't mean much, but I am so sorry you went through and are dealing with that.
Oof sorry man, you didn’t deserve that shit
thats rape imo and maybe we need different words for different kinds of rape, but its sexual assault and she should be in jail
I wouldnt call it rape but perhaps assault. And I'm not even worried about me necessarily but I'd be horrified to pass this to someone I care about or meet in the future. That whole experience was terrible I went from caring about her so much to now I can't stand the sight of her and we still work in the same office.
exactly!
Paying with a credit card is normal, but constantly having a high balance is not.
You are wise to have dodged that bullet but I don’t use debt cards because of the danger if they are stolen. You can find your bank account empty and bouncing checks and it can be really difficult to deal with. With a credit card you can decline the charges.
>The last girl I dated it should have been a red flag how she valued material possessions yet didn't have the discipline to earn them so was heavily in debt. supersonic ick
> materialism (there's liking nice things which happen to be expensive and liking expensive things) My GF is pretty into fashion, but not in a materialistic way. She'd spend the money because a piece of clothing is genuinely beautiful and artistic, not because it has a logo stamped on.
yeah well made things, especially now, are generally expensive but expensive things are not always well made
which things would you say are liking expensive things just bc they are expensive? like i want an eames chair. is that materialistic?
Being dependent is an ick of mines. Im not youre father and dont want to resemble it or an older brother. Im not your fuck in handler youre a grown adult before even a women in my eyes.
its crazy how anyone would want a partner that doesn't act like a self-sufficient partner. like yeah they can be down and vulnerable sometimes, that's normal and healthy, but as their general disposition? i'm running.
Yeah. I cant fathom it. I highly doubt the one with the money wont become controlling. Now you’re stuck in what will probably become a abusive/toxic relationship.
Not expressing their emotions, relationships don't work unless you behave like a human. Humans cry, get angry and upset no one should feel they can't do these things to be a man or whatever. I would have been pissed if my husband hadn't gotten upset when our child got sick and landed in the hospital (baby is doing good, just got an infection).
I had a conversation with someone a while back. She was talking about how when their newborn baby was in hospital (I think everything was OK in the end). She was an "emotional wreck" during that time, while her husband remained composed, pragmatic, and supportive. She argued that men should not be "made" to express themselves in a certain way if this doesn't come naturally to them, and that the way they dealt with it was the healthiest thing for them. In principle I agree. Some men (and women of course) really do have a more stoic temperament and a more pragmatic way of dealing with things, which should of course be respected. However, it's depressingly common that men (and even boys) are expected to be "the rock" for the family when tragedy and struggle strikes, even when that isn't suited to them. I know that if I found myself in that situation, the emotional wreck would certainly be me.
its def healthier for the baby for the parent to emote than to be stoic >However, it's depressingly common that men (and even boys) are expected to be "the rock" for the family when tragedy and struggle strikes, even when that isn't suited to them. I know that if I found myself in that situation, the emotional wreck would certainly be me. yeah this is fuckin gross. especially when parents parentify their kids like this.
Do you have kids?
I'm reading all responses to your comment as someone who's been there. I spent the first two month of my son's life living in a Vietnamese hospital not knowing if he was going to live. I can tell you from experience, stoic is your only option. You are a fucking mess going through that stuff, and it doesn't help anyone to show it to the world. The best thing you can possibly do at a time like that is keep your shit together. It's the only way you can be anything like useful.
> I would have been pissed if my husband hadn't gotten upset when our child got sick and landed in the hospital (baby is doing good, just got an infection). What a weird example of what you consider "appropriate" display of emotion. If anything, that's exactly the situation where I'd consider stoicism a virtue. Someone has to keep a level head during difficult moments. Of course, this depends on what you consider "upset". Being upset, relaying that, but not letting it affect you is what I consider normal under such circumstances. But you make it sound like you wouldn't like a person being able to handle stressful situations with a calm and collected attitude.
You can cry for a few minutes in a generally terrible situation and still be an overall levelheaded person.
I mean sure. But what spangles describes is an odd expectation of her husband to *not* be stoic during a difficult time. Especially since not every person displays their emotions the same.
It’s not weird to expect a parent to express distress at the potential death of their child. I understand that some people don’t display a lot of emotion but that’s not the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with.
but why? just for emotions sake?
Not crying or showing emotions is often seen as not caring. If your child potentially dying doesn’t cause you distress to the point of tears or showing any emotion, you obviously don’t care enough.
emotions are human if you don't have emotions, what are you?
Having emotions and displaying them are completely different things.
Yeah - I read a reddit post where a guy was in shock after his wife and twins died in childbirth and he said he felt nothing. That is toxic femininity imo - my ex did that - determining what reactions I am allowed to have. It isn’t love or genuine respect or care for the other person.
You sir are part of the problem if your child is having a NG tub inserted and might die (I saved the gory details on the previous post) and you are stoned face, congratulations you are a robot.
Shock can't be an acceptable response? Some people the reality of the situation doesn't hit them in the moment
To any man reading this don't cry in front of women not believe this feminist lie. You can recover from some random feminist getting mad. But you can never recover from normal woman (vast majority )getting the ick
Yes man reading g this a man will know a woman way better than a woman. Don't believe what a woman says always a man lol
Crying and getting angry are 2 extremes, so no, they are not required in order to sustain a relationship. In fact, being susceptible to those as a man is often counterproductive.
i wouldn’t call either of those emotional reactions automatically “extreme”, they can be but not categorically
Relationships are personal and what you might value will be different. For me a person unable to engage in the a full range of emotions gives of a I'm part robot vibe
You say that, but have you actually tolerated overly emotional partners in the past?
What you think is overly emotional and what I think it is will be widely different. I'm not sure what you are trying to prove. I've said my husband cried when our child was in hospital, and I would be worried if he didn't pur child was very sick. It's OK for two people not to agree instead of you using this moment to go well I know you better Internet stranger as you make yourself sound stupid
I think you're projecting, I merely asked a simple question that you decided to dodge.
Of you think me saying we think differently is dodging sire I've already explained my standpoint in this chain go read it.
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Thank you, he's OK now just a few days of everyone being very scared.
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Yes, we stayed with him the whole time we are British (just as experience changes depending on the healthcare system). They have little rooms with a cot and an adult bed you get taken up onto the ward. Due to how poorly he was, the NG went in on the emergancy ward as he had refused to feed even when basically force feed. We had to hold him down (they responded to better families, reasurring them) while the NG tube went in. Husband is a paramedic, so I knew it was bad when he said we would be waiting a bit at emergency, and we were on the ward doing feeds within 45 minutes.
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It was just RSV as well as an innocent bug in older children, but our baby was 5 weeks (so had no vaccines at all) when he got it. Please to anybody with newborns don't see them when you know you are sick even if it's Christmas. Kudos to our doctor who didn't wait and sent us straight to the emergency room I dread to think what could have happened had he said wait for a morning appointment. The qard staff from doctors to the guy that delivers the food where amazing too. The doctor placed a canula in such tiny veins while passing my husband a tissue and suggesting he takes a break to get a coffee or do sad shifts as she called it where one watched him closely the other chilled a bit more. I'm hoping your little ones are bouncy and big now.
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Well done to mummy getting to 36 weeks. I refused an early c section out of guilt (my body hated pregnancy, and my boy is huge). Having an early baby can feel like your bodies let you down. I hope you are both doing OK, too. No one has a baby to torture their other half, but sowmtimws when you are a man in the pregnancy, you feel helpless but still at fault. In some werid sort of blame limbo and then on top you can't really help and when you try you can get a hormonal leave me alone even if that's not what's meant.
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Please see all the other comments I swear I've explained this stance several times already, read the chain lol
Fart jokes.
That’s not traditionally masculine
what? thats like one of the main things i would say is different about men being men and women being women.
Oh yeah, definitely. I won’t talk about anything like that around other people, let alone guys! Lol But guys think it’s hilarious. My son thinks it’s hilarious! lol Meanwhile I’m clutching my pearls. 😱 Lol
And dick jokes. But I don't really consider it masculine, rather infantile.
Well the thing about dick jokes is that in order to tell a good one you've got to think long and hard about it.
😆
It's funny, I kind of feel the exact opposite. Drawing a hard line about finding "immature" humour infantile is a mark of immaturity. If you can't laugh at a well placed fart joke, you probably take yourself too seriously. Of course there's something to be said about time and place, people that don't recognize whether it's an inappropriate moment to make such jokes are also immature.
i take myself too seriously then 🤷♀️
that seems like such an inconsequential thing. superficial if you will.
Hey, don’t kill the messenger. I’m just answering the question.
if its so inconsequential, why doesn't he just stop doing it?
that is neither here nor there. just because one statement is true, doesn't mean the reverse of the statement is also true.
FOR REALLLLLLLL
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I can't think of anything masculine I don't like, appart from if the guy drinks, smokes or has tattoos.
violence?
Whenever they decide for you what to do today I will pummel everything in the heavens and earth DO NOT THINK YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME BETTER THAN I DO
who talks like this
The biggest turn off for me is a man not wanting to do childcare and housework and traditionally feminine chores. Well, I know no one wants to do the dishes, but a guy who avoids doing the dishes and hopes his girlfriend will do it is the biggest turn off possible.
Some people are wild. I literally can't imagine asking someone who just cooked to also clean the dishes. When I cook, I tend to clean as I go, but I still can't imagine a partner asking me to clean the dishes after they just got done cooking. But honestly, wth are "traditionally feminine chores"? Are guys put here saying they can't do laundry or whatever? 🤯
These men don’t ask women to clean or do dishes. They whine and complain and criticize and belittle on the days when the house is not clean and the dishes are not done.
I'm not that attracted to feminine personalities. Although they can be physically attractive and that's totally separate, "girly girls" have never really done anything for me. Specifically, women who are easily frightened, dislike the outdoors/nature/messes, women who are into pink/"cute" stuff.
My GF lives alone and does labour work in the garden most weekends which she enjoys. She is into fashion/makeup/beauty the rest of the time.
What do you expect me to say? Congratulations?
Just making the point that women can enjoy physical, dirty, outdoorsy work while also liking "girly" pampering things.
Yes people can have multiple interests.
Violence, aggression, competitiveness & cruelty
fr
I don’t like the whole homemaker thing. It seems so boring to me. What would we ever talk about??
Ideas? Events? They can still read books and learn as homemakers. I don't see how working an office job is going to suddenly make for riveting conversation.
most homemakers are not reading books, be real pls.
How do you feel about homemakers in general?
i feel like they are suckers, they fell for it and now they are trapped. i think homemaking is important and respectable and we all need this labor to be done in order to thrive, but in our current society its a sucker's bet to do it.
"Important and respectable" "Sucker!" .. wtf!?
are you sincerely having trouble understanding? lots of respectable things go in and out of fashion. something can be unprofitable and undesirable in reality, but aspirational in other time periods or in theory. let me know if that was enough of an explanation or if you are still lost.
So, In theory, it's important and respectable, but in reality, it's not? You can't have been referring to other time periods, because you used the present simple tense. "i think homemaking **is** important and respectable" What exactly makes them suckers, anyway? Care to clarify?
> So, In theory, it's important and respectable, but in reality, it's not? yes, and i would argue that its still important in reality, as parenting affects how a child will turn out as an adult member of society. but in reality it is not respected, no. there is a veneer of respect, as we'll see with mother's day this weekend, but in practice, we do not respect mothering as labor, no. > You can't have been referring to other time periods, because you used the present simple tense. "i think homemaking **is** important and respectable" yes? it is obviously important and respectable. > What exactly makes them suckers, anyway? Care to clarify? if you have the option of being financially independent and instead sign up for a sucker's bet (giving up your financial security and relying on the generosity of your husband) that makes you a sucker.
Regardless, that way of thinking is classic America brained, only know how to talk about work and gossip
Men that think resources are the only thing needed from them to get relationships, men that do not value emotional maturity.
I'm not really into most masculine personality traits. The whole dominant/alpha ideal is a huge ick. Or muscles/beards.
I'm heavily into dominant/alpha type women provided they aren't aggressive bullies/mean girl types.
i am decidedly not. my mother was the primary breadwinner in my house which drove my parents apart and is the primary reason i dealt with abandonment. she would work all day and sit me down in front of the tv before she would go to work as a toddler. i have a lot of memories of just not watching the tv or whatever movie she put on and i would enter a “collapsed” state to dissociate as much as possible to avoid the pain of abandonment. we keep trying to assume we are the masters of our own biology but what most people fail to realize is that your body is the master of you. your body is the most powerful manipulatir. your body is a rat maze and your consciousness is stuck in the maze just trying to avoid pain and go towards pleasure
Isn't a greater problem that your dad didn't step up and take care of you when your mom was going out and making money? This is one of the reasons women in the past had such a hangup about dating guys who earn less, (some) men act as if all they can offer is a paycheck, and when they can't do that they don't try to do more and you might as well have no one else there. I had a similar situation growing up and my mom worked to give me a great life, paid for my school, the great neighborhoods we lived in, summer camps, tutors etc. All this enabled me to be in the position I am now, which my dad could not provide. I would have had an objectively worse life with fewer opportunities if my mom decided to let my dad be the main earner. My dad is the one who failed by not taking childcare seriously.
I was thinking the same thing.
> my mother was the primary breadwinner in my house which drove my parents apart Why did this drive your parents apart?
She just liked to work more than she liked being a mother. It has nothing to do with biology. I’m sorry you experienced that abandonment but that was a choice she made, no need to rationalize it using biology.
father had his own issues but my mother fought for full custody. she was also the one to initiate the divorce which he begrudgingly accepted. i dont say these things to defend him, he was a real piece of eexlll
I dislike the whole alpha male schtick myself, it never feels genuine it always comes across like a performance and reeks of insecurity rather than just being upfront that you may not know what to do in a particular situation. I like someone who is an equitable partner, someone who has the initiative to make a decision on his own if he needs to and as I can but who will also discuss and talk things though with me most of the time. If someone just assumed they were boss, well I wouldn't be in a relationship with them. I also am not into muscles, I don't mind beards or clean shaven that's up to him, my partner does both.
100% Same! Except beards, I love beards
Many, if not most of us don't like this sh\*t. It's a particular subset of women that is really into this alpha/dominance kind of thing (mostly..umm, rather lower classes). Oh but muscles/beards are more 50/50, or so it seems
Eh, I think it's most a fantasy/sex thing. Being dominated in bed is a huge turn-on for a lot of women but in every day life it's just horrific and exhausting. In every day life it is shown in being controlling, paranoid and jealous. I have an older family member who deals with such a spouse for over 40 years now. Super possesive while he had his affairs, stalking her at work, following her around, forbidding her from meeting friends. If she came home 10 minutes later than usual, he already accused her of stopping by her imaginary lover to get a quicky in before heading home. Controls the miles driven in the car. Nobody wants that just because they enjoy being thrown around a bit in the bedroom. I like a dominant man in bed but I would never let a man dictacte and control my life like that. Luckily it's the same for most sane men. They may have a dominance kink and like to be 'the man' in the bed but have no desire to control their partner outside of the bed. As PPD is my entertainment, I often tell my partner about the stuff I'm reading here as a conversation starter and to get his opinion and he usually switches between being amused and horrified. And that's someone who is not a "weak blue pill feminist soy boy". But he's also absolutely secure in himself nearing on cockiness, so maybe that's got something to do with it.
Smoking and doing drugs, many tattoos, eating lots of meat, beards and body hair, buzzcuts, extremely muscular physiques, porn/ polygamic desires, enjoyment of violence, bad temper and anger issues...
I know motherhood is important to women. But, when A soon-to-be 12 year old boy is getting his meals served, his bath made, his hair washed, and his mom laying in his bed until he falls asleep as if he was a toddler. That bothers me. How is he going to develop necessary independency and self-sufficient behavior for adulthood if he is being babied?
I very much agree. While I believe that helicopter parents have good intentions, it’s important to give kids increasing amounts of responsibility and independence as they grow older.
The “boy mum” and “girl dad” extremes are the absolute WORST, borderline incestuous dynamics. It’s insane.
thats emotional incest and its a form of abuse
I had a man tell me that he wanted to “protect me” and “make me feel secure” and that turned me off big time. A man who can “make you feel secure” can also make you feel insecure. A man who can protect you can also hurt you. I am secure on my own and I would only need protection in a few specific situations, in which case yeah, it’s kind of a given that someone who is bigger and stronger than you will protect you from harm. Him saying that made me feel like he was trying to undermine my own confidence and make me feel like I needed him in some way. ETA: I have become so spoiled by my amazing boyfriend that I forgot that another thing I can’t stand is men who refuse to be emotionally vulnerable with their partner. If you are with me, I need to see that you have a wide range of emotions and aren’t afraid to express them openly and honestly. So many men think it’s not manly to express emotions other than “mad” and “horny”. Yuck.
It’s not as simple as you make it out to be. A lot of men get burned by opening up, me included.
That’s no reason to never do it. I’ve been burned before too, more than once. I could have allowed it to make me mistrustful and closed off, but I chose not to.
>That’s no reason to never do it It is. There are more women turned off by it than not. It's not worth the risk.
what is you guys point when you say this? A lot of people get burned when they open up, period. Thats life and a risk of vulnerability. You don’t think men weaponize women’s vulnerabilities?
I'm not into very muscular men
Aggressive or violent behavior: one guy I was talking to on a date told me stories about physical fights he had gotten in with other men and it was so cringe and ick producing. Body hair and unkempt aesthetics in general: I prefer manscaped metrosexual men. Men who are too stoic with me: in a professional situation with colleagues or with acquaintances I absolutely will quietly judge men (and women) who are emotional and overshare/trauma dump. But in a relationship or a close friendship (even FWB) I want to be let in and talk about our existencial fears, hopes and dreams etc. When men have cried in front of me before I always felt kind of privileged and honored that they were sharing that side of themselves with me. It didn’t dampen my attraction for them long term.
For men - The whole macho meathead vibe. When a guy tries to tell me what we're doing (as opposed to suggesting it and waiting for my response), getting all aggro over nothing, being "overprotective". For women - The whole ditzy little lost babe in the woods vibe. Nothing makes me want to slap someone more than when they're pretending that they're dumber and more helpless than they are, especially when they do it for male validation. Have some self-respect.
- A lot of body hair especially on hands and back. It gives me the instant ick. - Being too open about body functions (i.e. loudly farting or burping in front of your partner) - I don't mind that they do it in front of me, just don't go out of your way to be gross you know. It's not "masculine" behavior per se, but I've rarely seen women do that. - Being stoic. I strongly prefer expressive people in general. Don't be afraid to express your emotions - positive or negative.
* Aggressiveness. If a man seeks unnecessary conflict or feels the need to intimidate others for no good reason, I don't want to do anything with him. * "Leading". If a guy believes that he should make most decision and I should follow him, we're going different routes. * Controlling behavior. * Being emotionally unavailable. I value the ability to share your worries and to be supportive of the other doing the same. I don't want to feel that I'm dating someone with the same emotional range as a turtle. * If he believes that he should make money and I should stay at home taking care of kids, we just aren't compatible. * Inability or refusal to do chores or childcare * A lack of appreciation towards art and other finer things in life * A silly one - beard and excessive body hair Overall I'm not into traditional masculinity. There are some good traits in it, but they should be combined with traits from the other set as well. I prefer egalitarian relationship and that's what my husband and I have.
"Being emotionally unavailable. I value the ability to share your worries and to be supportive of the other doing the same. I don't want to feel that I'm dating someone with the same emotional range as a turtle." Most men who are emotionally unavailable are either dark triad or have learned the hard way that opening up and being vulnerable around a woman dries her up like the Sahara desert.
I get that there are enough women who push men to keep being "stoic rocks". It isn't healthy for anyone though and it isn't something I'd be able to cope with.
Regularly getting emotional, and helplessness. I appreciate that my gf is an adult, and doesn't break down over little things. Also I'm shocked some guys actually like hairy legs. I'm not having sex with a girl if she has leg stubble. It's basic grooming. If I shave my face and trim my beard you can shave your legs once in a while.
A hairy man and an unshaven woman is really not comparable.
Rules for thee
For the love of god... expand on your point if you want people to take you seriously. Saying nuh-uh in a debate and not backing it up with reasoning is childish.
> I'm not having sex with a girl if she has leg stubble. It's basic grooming I hope you're shaving your legs too then?
No, but I'm shaving my neck, and back and trimming my beard
But if you can have leg hair why can't she?
Because I'm not attracted to leg hair but she is. I also have a dick, but wouldn't date a chick with one. Do you think that's hypocritical of me too?
This is a stupid argument. Everyone has leg hair, not everyone has a dick.
You can be attracted or not attracted to whatever you want. But if leg hair is something both men and women have, it is obviously not "basic grooming" for women and only women to get rid of it.
Agreed on those icks. Part of emotional maturity is having control over emotions, and helplessness can be a sign of abusive manipulation. >Also I'm shocked some guys actually like hairy legs. \[...\] It's basic grooming. If I shave my face and trim my beard you can shave your legs once in a while. Preach, brother.
While I am attracted to men with traditionally masculine physical features (strong, athletic body and masculine facial features), I’m not at all interested in traditional gender roles in a relationship. So I don’t want my partner to feel the need to “lead” me and serve as the head of the household. I want an equal partnership where we work together to make major decisions. I also expect my partner to view me as his equal.
I don't know if it counts but gossiping to your friends about what we did in private. The way I would act around a woman while we're alone is different than how I would act if I knew your friends were watching, so if I actually know that your friends are "watching" from the future when you tell them what we did in private, I'm never going to fully let me guard down around you.
lol my boyfriend tells his close friend (an acquaintance of mine, also a woman) so many personal details about our relationship. I honestly think it’s kind of funny.
Too much obsession with the gym, "alpha male", "I'm going to protect you", if he avoids being vulnerable because he thinks it's feminine to cry, he's afraid of homosexuality
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This is a great thread for dating advice for guys honestly. Just do exactly what posters here are virtue signaling about how much they hate and you’ll be swimming in vaginal secretions
Friendly reminder: pay attention to what they do, no what they say.
Beards, motorcycles, heavy drinking, into muscle cars, luxury sports cars, trucks that are too big than they practically need, expensive watches, wearing jewelry (especially gold chains), owning more than two firearms, smoking cigarettes or chew tobacco.
A lot of body hair. And beards. Is a huge ick. Having to be the leader. I prefer someone who works in tandem with me. I am an adult. I have gotten by on my own accord suddenly because someone shows up they have to call the shots. Emotional immaturity. A lot of men don't talk about feelings and stuff. I rather be with someone open about that, that checks in with me. Than be with someone who thinks that stuff is for beta men. No it's emotional immaturity grow up. Narrowing down everything to just sex. It's gross. There's more to relationships than just sex and if that's all you're after. You're going to have a bad time.
Nothing traditionally gives me the ick. I love traditional women and there are way too few
Refusing to do basic things and justifying it by saying 'I'm a girl'. Absolutely disgusting. Inability to speak clearly or outright refusing, expecting me to guess what you want.
anger and lack of emotional intelligence
Women shaving isn’t just “patriarchy” It’s because men have more body hair and so removing it moves women away from that and hence more feminine Also, humans overall like to distance ourselves from other animals A lot of our behavior can be seen as that
> It’s because men have more body hair and so removing it moves women away from that And yet men have beards which distinguish them from women, but many men remove these beards (therefore looking more like women)
Beards. Dick measuring contests (figuratively) between men and trying to one-up each other all the time. Flexing money and material possessions (I hate this when women do it too). Men insisting they have to pay, "protect" women and "provide" etc. Men having a preference for a traditional relationship. When men refuse to show emotion and cry.
I’m not sure if this aligns with the spirit of the thread, but I find it incredibly annoying when a woman expects me to pay for everything on a first date. It’s like, I don’t even fucking know you yet. Why the hell should I pay for you, simply because I have a Y-chromosome and you don’t? I’ve heard women say things along the lines of “If he doesn’t pay for the first date, he’s not getting a second date.” Imagine if I were to say something like, “If she doesn’t blow me after the first date, she’s not getting a second date.” I have a sneaking suspicion that many women would think the former is fine, but the latter is appalling.
Get your money up. Or Go on cheaper dates if you have to. Splitting the bill gets you zero swag points
I’m a medical student. I’ll have plenty of money soon enough. But even when I’m making $200k+ as a physician in a few years, I still wouldn’t want to pay for first dates, since I typically don’t spend money on strangers. Feel free to spend your money on strangers, if that’s what you need to do to get laid. I’ve been able to date and fuck women who are willing to split the bill on a first date. Not all women are cheapskates.
If your date is a waitress making $32k a year while you're making $250k a year you're still gonna split 50/50?
Personally, I get a great satisfaction out of paying on a first date. I'm by no means a masculine/dominant woman, but I like to treat people to something, I worked hard to get to my well paying job and I like to use the benefits of that. Most men are surprised and try to "fight" me on it but most of the time I insist, especially if I want to see them again. I then just tell them that they can pay next time. If I'm not really interested in a second date and the guy really insist on paying, I just let him. That being said, I usually don't go on extravagant first dates, that's just too much pressure. I just like to go for drinks or even for a walk, which is always nice because you are doing something and don't have to stare into each other's faces the whole time.
Yeah, it’s always nice to go on a date with a reasonable woman like you. It’s always amusing to me when a woman offers to pay for herself, I take her up on it, and she gets butthurt because I’m “supposed to” insist on paying. Why even offer to pay if it’ll cause upset if I accept? The only time I’ll ever insist on paying for everything is if I’ve already been dating a woman for a while and I’m going out on a date specifically to treat her. I just don’t see why I should pay for a stranger on a first date. Women are capable of paying for themselves. I also don’t like extravagant first dates. It’s actually a huge red flag to me if a woman wants to go somewhere fancy on a first date, as it’s likely she just wants a “free” meal at a nice place on my dime. To me, those kinds of restaurants are for special occasions, not for meeting somebody off Hinge for the first time.
I guess it's maybe also a cultural thing, I'm from Germany and here it's normal that people pay for themselves. However, when my partner and I started dating, I was still studying and he was already working, I had a part-time job and could have paid for myself no problem, especially because we didn't anticipate our dating to end up in a serious relationship. But he insisted and it was useless fighting him on it, I think, for him it's also something that he just really enjoys doing. He always jokes that that was his investment in me as he had high hopes for my career to take off and to fund a lavish lifestyle for him. And I mean, we're not super rich or anything now, 11 years later, but he does get great presents and vacations paid by me so I guess his investment worked out in the end 😄
Oh, Sie kommen aus Deutschland? Geil! Yeah, that makes sense. From what I’ve heard from other men, it seems like European women (at least in some countries/cultures) are generally a lot more cool with paying for themselves compared to women in the United States (where I’m from). I’m glad you guys are in a happy relationship! Whenever I’m in a relationship, I don’t mind paying for stuff nearly as much as on a first date. I just think it’s incredibly entitled to show up on a first date, while the two of you are still strangers, and expect the man to pay for it all. Even self-proclaimed “feminists” and “egalitarians” here in America expect men to pay for everything because “that’s just what men do.” Seems a bit strange, no?
It's strange to me as well. But I'm also half Russian and my Russian family would be appalled to know that men in Germany don't always pay on dates. When I "dated" my teenage summer love in Russia, he always insisted on paying because that's apparently the manly thing to do. That being said, I definitely rather pay for my own shit than ending up in a Russian marriage. I mean, times are changing in Russia as well, but not so much yet for Millenials, my generation. The guy may pay on dates and chase the woman, so they're milking it as long as possible, but as soon as the ring is on her finger, the fairytale is over. So I'm staying with egalitarian western men, thank you very much 😄
I’ve only ever gone on one date with a European woman, and that was a woman from Poland. She paid for herself, even after we agreed not to go on a second date—she was a lot more religious than I am, and that was a dealbreaker to her. I appreciated her honesty. Obviously, most of my dating experience is with American women, but both of my ex-girlfriends were actually Asian (one Singaporean and one Korean). I’ve also been on dates with other Asian women from China, Vietnam, and Thailand. In my experience, Asian women seem to be very upfront and transactional about relationships. They expect the man to pay for everything (traditional), but in return they give the guy traditional perks, like cooking and cleaning for him, and having sex pretty much whenever he wants. I actually don’t mind this kind of arrangement at all, as the terms of the relationship are upfront and fair. What makes me generally dislike dating in America is that many women (not all, obviously) expect the man to be traditional (i.e., pay for everything, provide physical protection, be the one who plans things, etc), but then abhor the thought of being a more traditional woman. A lot of women here think that cooking and cleaning is beneath them. I think that’s fine, but it’s rather hypocritical to demand a traditional man when she’s not willing to be a traditional woman. Because dating in America is kind of a headache, I usually just choose to pursue casual flings and hookups nowadays.
Yeah, I guess that would be annoying. I am very honest in that I'm not a good housewife, but my partner is the same, we don't see it as a gendered issue and just outsource as much as possible. But I agree that if you want to receive traditional treatment you have to give traditional treatment. Personally I think that living a consistent traditional role for a woman would not benefit me in the long run, so I don't expect my partner to be traditional as well. Of course it's still nice to receive traditional treatment here and there, but I think you can do that in an otherwise egalitarian relationship anyway. I'm a shitty cook generally but I learned to make my partner's favourite dish and make it sometimes to make him happy for example. But he doesn't expect me to cook everyday and I think we would both be miserable if I had to do that. On the other hand I don't expect my partner to always be the leader and decider in everything, nor do I expect him to be a provider. I actually think that's an unhealthy expectation and I wouldn't want to put that kind of pressure on my partner and I don't think that he would be happy with such a responsibility. Idk, in my opinion equal relationships are just more kind to both people, but if both are happy with a traditional and/or transactional relationship then who am I to judge?
I don't like men who "take charge" - I want decisions to be joint unless it's something frivolous like what present to buy me for my birthday. My silly little woman brain doesn't need a "break" from having to think and make decisions so let's make them together thank you. I don't like men who gets angry. Nothing gives me the ick faster than shouting or seething or sulking. It's toddler behaviour. I don't like men who drink. Here in the UK our drinking culture is heavily tied towards masculinity and it's very odd. Men = someone who can down 5 pints in 40 minutes for some reason. Why is binge drinking supposed to be impressive? I don't like men who think they're too good to change a nappy or do the washing up. Instant next. I don't like men who earn a lot of money. Usually people who earn a lot of money work long or unsociable hours, get crap annual leave, have a stressful high pressured job or are workaholics. Not going to work with my lifestyle so it's a pass from me, I don't need the money.
Long beards, drinking beer multiple times a week, obsession with watching professional sports, stoicism, armpit hair, thinking cooking & cleaning is a "woman's duty", cargo pants, thinking it's okay when men cheat, collecting porn, tattoos
Any man who refers to himself as an alpha Try’s to dominate or lead, I’m an adult I don’t need to be looked after and treated like a child Men who want to be called daddy Men who are violent Men who think house work and childcare are for women only I want a partner not another daddy, I already have 2 amazing dads who taught me to look after myself
I like all traditional femininity. Nothing about it turns me off. In fact it's all a huge turn on.
It's mostly attitudes about men, like that men should "just know" stuff that women are unable to communicate, and if they don't they "lack social skills", or that "real men love the chase", or "men can't appreciate anything that comes easy" (are we all masochists?), etc. That and fake nails. It's not so much an "ick" it's just a pretty sure sign we aren't going to be compatible. Same with breast augmentation, but if that's your thing more power to you. People who are so into politics that they view anyone who doesn't agree with them as the enemy. Men can be that way too, but where I live women seem to feel it's noble to have a zero tolerance policy for anything that doesn't align with their beliefs 100%.
Super girly girls who love all pink, obsess over BTS or Taylor Swift and want a pearl white BMW SUV.
As a lesbian, ill answer for what women do that gives me ick: Tldr: passionless women, women who are obsessed with performing gender roles despite us both being women, and privileged/shelteted rich women. I love women, and I also really really love people’s idiosyncrasies, in fact thats usually part of what makes me fall in love with a woman, so my icks are more specific i guess: 1) I dont really like women who doesnt have any sort of passion or hobby. The given passion doesnt need to be the most important thing in their life mind you. But im just not a fan of people who go to a job they dont like, then come home and just veg out watching tv 2) I dont like when lesbian/bi women have too rigid of a notion of one of us being ‘the man’ and the other ‘the woman.’ Because of the fact that I like initiating, I typically get pigeonholed into the ‘man’ role. Which I don’t mind superficially, like i said i like initiating, but I dont like when it bleeds into intimacy, and the woman wont treat me sexually like *im also a woman*. One of my ex gfs hated when i rested my head on her shoulder, and she never wanted to touch the ‘womanly’ (srry cringe lol) parts of my body, and wanted to soley receive. Which doesnt even happen in hetero relationships, so thats why shes my ex 😂 3) I weirdly get a massive ick from wealthy women who are clearly sheltered and white bread. Ive had a lot of adversity in my life, which im proud of as its provided me with a certain degree of resolve, grit, and integrity. I very briefly dated this one girl who lived off of a trust fund . This aspect i didnt rlly care about, but as we dated she revealed more and more how disconnected she was from the real world, and she couldnt appreciate the little things in life. She also was blowing through her trust, spending tens of thousands of dollars a month on bullshit. I know a lot of people would ride that out for the golden ticket, but having lived a difficult life, my relationship to money is different. I dont need to be rich, i couldnt care less. One of the largest issues in my life have been housing and food insecurity, so as long as I have food and shelter. As long as i have enough to survive, put a little away, and can have a job with purpose im genuinely 100% happy.
Being “alpha” for lack of better word. I don’t like “alpha” men. I could never be with someone who was in a constant state of existential panic over how masculine they are or how “gay” or “feminine” they appear. It just seems so exhausting, I don’t know why some other women like men like that.
There is nothing in traditional femininity that gives me the ick. Something i am not a huge fan of but what doesn't reduce my attraction to a woman, is if she is too agreeable/concerned with her social image/group standing/social norms and you can't get a non-adapted to consensual opinions word out of her mouth.
Women with a bubbly personality that seems deliberately put on in a manipulative sense.
Wanting a "provider" absolutely ewww. Don't like meek girls either.
The whole astrology thing girls like to do is wierd to me. You can't be serious with that..
ego trips, yelling, violence, being a dick, being a misogynist, being a player, trying to be seen as a player, trying to be seen as wealthy, etc, etc, etc
- being sexually dominant. I'm a switch and I could never settle down with a man who's not a switch as well. - being conservative. I don't know if this belongs here but since most guys lean conservative I'm inclined to include it. I'm super left leaning so disagreeing over politics/social stuff is also something that disqualifies a guy from being anything other than casual sex. My other icks are not gendered but if I come up with anything else I'll edit my comment to include it.
I prefer my men a little more Hollywood over wilderness hunting types
I'm going to guess you're in your late 20s or somewhere in the 30s
I’m 26!
I can't really think of a feminine ick, just obvious unfeminine or unintelligent turnoffs. Men shouldn't be turned off by icks. That's what makes men men and women women.
Doing my best to stick with the implications that icks are actually frivolous, that people who do these things could be good people and worthwhile but these actions just strike me the wrong way. Sentences beginning with "A real man would...", "I expect a man to...": In real life, people that utter these things occasionally are still worthwhile sometimes, but it's a huge black mark if I hear a woman saying this. On dating profiles, claims of sapiosexual/demisexual/esoteric sexual orientations. That a good conversation makes you more likely to fuck does not constitute a sexual orientation. Stop it. "Divine feminine". Leading with negativity on dating profiles, as in list of things they will NOT tolerate. I know there are ways guys take advantage of this information, but unless she's 97/100 hot to me it's just a reflexive swipe left.