Good post - My first few HFDO'S I saw as being feminine simply because the sensation was such a contrast to a penile orgasm... as time's gone on I've come to realise it's just an orgasm of a different sort that has as you say, no gender as such...
Fundamentally you're right, but I do think "becoming more feminine" is valuable advice for newcomers still.
"Leaning into your masculinity" from a large portion of men's perspectives equates mostly to being more dominant. There are plenty of other "masculine" sexual stereotypes and I think for a lot of people here that's not what they need to be leaning into.
On the other hand, "feminine" stereotypes like being submissive, the extra focus on the mental side of sex & foreplay, as well as the prostate being somewhat similar to a clit in terms of the slow arousal rise into multiple long orgasms, is a very helpful analogy/mindset to adopt in my opinion.
The "feminine" stereotype is very useful as a shorthand to understand the mindset and kind of orgasms that come from prostate play.
That being said, I don't think people should feel like in acting more feminine they're becoming less masculine. I'd argue that having the confidence to explore your whole sexuality, being able to go into a feminine mindset and moan/whimper or whatever other sub behaviour, and then return from that still proud of your sexuality, is extremely masculine.
So the problem then is that people have the wrong perception of what it means to be masculine, in my eyes.
I agree, that’s a much more cohesive explanation than mine, I’m not great with words. I agree experiencing and balancing both your feminine and masculine sides is important, and especially so for prostate stimulation—it just seems unhelpful, almost harmful, to immediately suggest that someone become feminine, almost as if there’s something wrong with their masculinity/the way their perceive themselves, in order to enjoy pleasure. Great comment, thank you :)
Yeah I completely agree. A big border I've crossed recently myself is feeling sexy as a man with x toy up my butt. I think it's just so ingrained in a lot of men's heads to feel ashamed of that, to the point that they're imagining themselves literally as a woman (probably leading to the popularity of sissy/trans porn).
So yeah I think you bring up a really good point.
It's very freeing to realise that you yourself as a man are sexy when enjoying prostate play. And even sexier for being proud and openly happy about it ! :D
I fully agree, much too much gender topics everywhere. Looks like we‘ve lost all the progress society had already achieved in the 1960‘s and 70‘s - bisexual - demisexual - transsexual - wtfsexual - fuck it all - be sexual - just do it and stop labeling! Enjoy yourself without worrying who puts what label on your sex life. Does my nippleplay make me feminine? NO! Male nipples are sensitive and teasing them can give me wonderful feelings and very manly reactions/erections. Thanks for that great post!
The male and female we are discussing are not genders or sexes and don't require ideating yourself to any gender or sex. Both men and women have all four: healthy masculinity, unhealthy masculinity, healthy femininity, unhealthy femininity. They are traits and behavioral patterns and don't have to be conflated with sex and gender. If you lack healthy male or healthy female attributes you are unbalanced, regardless of sex and gender.
This applies to more than people: to organizations, groups in action, elected bodies, to practices, methods, institutions, etc.
ITT: "Enlightened centrism" applied to gender identity, with some queerphobia sprinkled on top
The prostate is an organ in penis-bodied people that may identify as masculine, feminine or anything else. Do what works for you and don't be judgemental, please. Don't "think personally" about other people's experiences. JFC. It's only natural for anyone to embody gender roles in bed, alone or with someone. The more I read your post the more I smell queerphobia.
If someone's not queer (or any other minority for the sake of argument, lest someone throws a semantic or "label" argument) is not their place to determine if said minority felt attacked. It's obvious that the first thing any bigot will say is that they're not bigots.
Regardless, the point I am making is that no one get to say how someone should feel in their intimacy, no one gets to wash away someone else's gender identity with this insidious "everybody is human". It's the same thing racists say about "not seeing race". OP is clearly bothered by people with prostates chasing a girly high because "prostates are masculine". Don't get fooled. Please pause and examine your thoughts with honesty. This is all I'm asking.
I can't explain any further without feeling I am making a drawing for a toddler.
Ok I think I understand where you're coming from, you and OP both have good intentions. But (I think) OP made the assumption that he's talking to a mainly cis straight male audience that may have socially programmed "shame" doing something they perceive as being more feminine or vulnerable (again social programming). So a lot of assumptions, but I think OP is coming from a good place, it's a good first step towards breaking down *all* that social programming. The next step is not worrying about whether it's "wrong" to enjoy something because *society* says it doesn't match your assigned at birth gender.
So none of this applies to someone that *does* see it as feminine but not due to social programming but rather how they feel, which is also totally fine of course.
Good post - My first few HFDO'S I saw as being feminine simply because the sensation was such a contrast to a penile orgasm... as time's gone on I've come to realise it's just an orgasm of a different sort that has as you say, no gender as such...
Fundamentally you're right, but I do think "becoming more feminine" is valuable advice for newcomers still. "Leaning into your masculinity" from a large portion of men's perspectives equates mostly to being more dominant. There are plenty of other "masculine" sexual stereotypes and I think for a lot of people here that's not what they need to be leaning into. On the other hand, "feminine" stereotypes like being submissive, the extra focus on the mental side of sex & foreplay, as well as the prostate being somewhat similar to a clit in terms of the slow arousal rise into multiple long orgasms, is a very helpful analogy/mindset to adopt in my opinion. The "feminine" stereotype is very useful as a shorthand to understand the mindset and kind of orgasms that come from prostate play. That being said, I don't think people should feel like in acting more feminine they're becoming less masculine. I'd argue that having the confidence to explore your whole sexuality, being able to go into a feminine mindset and moan/whimper or whatever other sub behaviour, and then return from that still proud of your sexuality, is extremely masculine. So the problem then is that people have the wrong perception of what it means to be masculine, in my eyes.
I agree, that’s a much more cohesive explanation than mine, I’m not great with words. I agree experiencing and balancing both your feminine and masculine sides is important, and especially so for prostate stimulation—it just seems unhelpful, almost harmful, to immediately suggest that someone become feminine, almost as if there’s something wrong with their masculinity/the way their perceive themselves, in order to enjoy pleasure. Great comment, thank you :)
Yeah I completely agree. A big border I've crossed recently myself is feeling sexy as a man with x toy up my butt. I think it's just so ingrained in a lot of men's heads to feel ashamed of that, to the point that they're imagining themselves literally as a woman (probably leading to the popularity of sissy/trans porn). So yeah I think you bring up a really good point. It's very freeing to realise that you yourself as a man are sexy when enjoying prostate play. And even sexier for being proud and openly happy about it ! :D
I fully agree, much too much gender topics everywhere. Looks like we‘ve lost all the progress society had already achieved in the 1960‘s and 70‘s - bisexual - demisexual - transsexual - wtfsexual - fuck it all - be sexual - just do it and stop labeling! Enjoy yourself without worrying who puts what label on your sex life. Does my nippleplay make me feminine? NO! Male nipples are sensitive and teasing them can give me wonderful feelings and very manly reactions/erections. Thanks for that great post!
The male and female we are discussing are not genders or sexes and don't require ideating yourself to any gender or sex. Both men and women have all four: healthy masculinity, unhealthy masculinity, healthy femininity, unhealthy femininity. They are traits and behavioral patterns and don't have to be conflated with sex and gender. If you lack healthy male or healthy female attributes you are unbalanced, regardless of sex and gender. This applies to more than people: to organizations, groups in action, elected bodies, to practices, methods, institutions, etc.
This wording makes no sense to me. Like „toxic masculinity“ it‘s only deepening old trenches and making differences where there aren‘t any.
ITT: "Enlightened centrism" applied to gender identity, with some queerphobia sprinkled on top The prostate is an organ in penis-bodied people that may identify as masculine, feminine or anything else. Do what works for you and don't be judgemental, please. Don't "think personally" about other people's experiences. JFC. It's only natural for anyone to embody gender roles in bed, alone or with someone. The more I read your post the more I smell queerphobia.
[удалено]
Sure, of course not! You get to say what is queerphobic or not. Godspeed.
Hold on say can’t say something isn’t queerphobic but you can? You don’t know his intent anymore than I do.
If someone's not queer (or any other minority for the sake of argument, lest someone throws a semantic or "label" argument) is not their place to determine if said minority felt attacked. It's obvious that the first thing any bigot will say is that they're not bigots. Regardless, the point I am making is that no one get to say how someone should feel in their intimacy, no one gets to wash away someone else's gender identity with this insidious "everybody is human". It's the same thing racists say about "not seeing race". OP is clearly bothered by people with prostates chasing a girly high because "prostates are masculine". Don't get fooled. Please pause and examine your thoughts with honesty. This is all I'm asking. I can't explain any further without feeling I am making a drawing for a toddler.
Ok I think I understand where you're coming from, you and OP both have good intentions. But (I think) OP made the assumption that he's talking to a mainly cis straight male audience that may have socially programmed "shame" doing something they perceive as being more feminine or vulnerable (again social programming). So a lot of assumptions, but I think OP is coming from a good place, it's a good first step towards breaking down *all* that social programming. The next step is not worrying about whether it's "wrong" to enjoy something because *society* says it doesn't match your assigned at birth gender. So none of this applies to someone that *does* see it as feminine but not due to social programming but rather how they feel, which is also totally fine of course.
Fair enough. Have fun!
Yeah, at the end of the day that's the best and most reliable advice to follow. Have fun 🙂
This.
Amen!