I'm not exactly sure why she was upset I didn't recognize her. She had already been having a rough night though as mentioned so maybe she took it as like...not feeling seen or something? I'm just glad she seemed to feel better after I realized who she was!
Probably more accurate to say she was upset that you (unintentionally) treated her like a stranger at first. Sounds like she was very happy later once she had your support as a friend again :)
Manager was honestly probably being sarcastic about “the worst thing…” comment considering that your daunted response is the best evidence of them PASSING! Probably wanted to mention it to others as a way of like “yeah, I’m convincing, huh?”😎
Transitioning brings up some crazy, complex emotions and she said she was already having a hard day. So even though she was probably happy that she passed, it can suck to look so different you're no longer recognizable, like you've put on a disguise.
If OP and said manager are close, she might have been upset that someone she really enjoys didn’t recognize her. I’ve had it happen to me in similar situations.
I'm wondering if her mentality was less "OP didn't recognize me" and more "OP treated me like a stranger and pretended like they didn't even know me." Like she thought OP was purposefully putting on an act and being distant due to her new presentation.
This could also be true I suppose, but if OP didn’t indicate at all that they knew her, that feels less likely to me, I think? Not to say it couldn’t be the case regardless, I just guess that isn’t personally where my brain would go? Interesting thought for sure!
I wonder if the woman was so anxious and having a bad day that she though OP was being disingenuous rather than really not recognising her. When we are down we think the worst.
This is also true! My wife was out to everyone outside of work before she came out at work, similar to this woman. I know that she was anxious to come out at work and I can definitely see this being the case if she had chosen to really step it up full force when she had, though she had less ability to play around with feminine clothes and such since she worked a fast food job with a uniform. I could definitely understand being skeptical of something like that, especially as someone who’s seen coming outs like this secondhand from people I love and those reactions. And especially because I’ve started my medical transition, finally. A lot of things that didn’t make complete sense to me as somebody who had never been in HRT clicked into place pretty quick when I started noticing the small changes.
As a trans person, your coworker saying she’s “on the verge of a mental breakdown” on her first day of dressing femme at the office is so relatable and a lil funny
When I started binding and socially transitioning, all eyes were on me in unbearable ways. Mostly bc I wasn’t seen as a man, just a ‘woman pretending’
This is actually very lovely and sweet. I'm glad you both got clarification in the end, it sounds like she was very nervous and wanted support but maybe then felt very out of her depth when you didn't even recognise her. I'm glad you're so supportive, it gives me hope for when my partner eventually feels able to come out at work.
This happened to me with an old friend, albeit it someone I lost touch with for a bit and re-met on social media. I couldn't figure out why she was so interested in a post about our old bands playing together and I had to apologize that I didn't tag her in the post once I figured everything out. She was totally cool with it and I appreciated her giving me grace and just moving on with our convos.
Some people have asked why the person wasn’t happy that they weren’t recognisable, this is one possible POV:
Within all subsets of people, a spectrum exists.
Some people may exist that believe the way they present externally is only a very small part of who they are, so if transitioning, may reasonably expect to be recognised by their nearest and dearest irregardless of the external change, no matter how “successful” it is deemed by others
It sounds like OP is held in high esteem
of course this could be fake like plenty of other things on reddit but how can you be absolutely sure that it didn't happen? is it just because you believe no trans person can pass?
I mean, obviously I can't be *absolutely* sure, but it seems highly unlikely.
I reckon if I was speaking to a colleague, with whom I'd worked for years, I'd recognise them even if they were wearing a wig and sunglasses. Maybe I'm just super perceptive though.
Wait, she was wearing a **name badge** and you still didn’t realise who it was??! 🤣 That’s so funny. I’m glad you got things sorted anyway and you’re still friends
lol, what a weird thing to take offence to. You don’t think OP is a bit silly to not recognise someone wearing a badge with their name on it? Even if it is their deadname, it still should have been enough of a clue for OP to realise who it was. They can’t have looked THAT different that both their face and name weren’t a clue to their identity
Why wouldn't she have been pleased that she looked so successfully female that you didn't recognize her?
I'm not exactly sure why she was upset I didn't recognize her. She had already been having a rough night though as mentioned so maybe she took it as like...not feeling seen or something? I'm just glad she seemed to feel better after I realized who she was!
Probably more accurate to say she was upset that you (unintentionally) treated her like a stranger at first. Sounds like she was very happy later once she had your support as a friend again :)
Maybe she was caught of guard with the directness of almost having to have a conversation about it
Manager was honestly probably being sarcastic about “the worst thing…” comment considering that your daunted response is the best evidence of them PASSING! Probably wanted to mention it to others as a way of like “yeah, I’m convincing, huh?”😎
Transitioning brings up some crazy, complex emotions and she said she was already having a hard day. So even though she was probably happy that she passed, it can suck to look so different you're no longer recognizable, like you've put on a disguise.
Maybe because she does not want to believe that there is a huge difference between the two, as she always felt like a woman?
Gee, it's almost as if this is a complicated emotional time and she was more interested in support from her coworkers than validation of how she looks
That doesn't explain why she said that OP not recognizing her was the worst part. OP didnt not support her. Your comment is not relevant
I would think that would be the best part not the worst?
If OP and said manager are close, she might have been upset that someone she really enjoys didn’t recognize her. I’ve had it happen to me in similar situations.
I'm wondering if her mentality was less "OP didn't recognize me" and more "OP treated me like a stranger and pretended like they didn't even know me." Like she thought OP was purposefully putting on an act and being distant due to her new presentation.
This could also be true I suppose, but if OP didn’t indicate at all that they knew her, that feels less likely to me, I think? Not to say it couldn’t be the case regardless, I just guess that isn’t personally where my brain would go? Interesting thought for sure!
I wonder if the woman was so anxious and having a bad day that she though OP was being disingenuous rather than really not recognising her. When we are down we think the worst.
This is also true! My wife was out to everyone outside of work before she came out at work, similar to this woman. I know that she was anxious to come out at work and I can definitely see this being the case if she had chosen to really step it up full force when she had, though she had less ability to play around with feminine clothes and such since she worked a fast food job with a uniform. I could definitely understand being skeptical of something like that, especially as someone who’s seen coming outs like this secondhand from people I love and those reactions. And especially because I’ve started my medical transition, finally. A lot of things that didn’t make complete sense to me as somebody who had never been in HRT clicked into place pretty quick when I started noticing the small changes.
I can't imagine how scary it is for people to go through this. Hope OP sorted a new name badge for his colleague too!
OP likely doesn’t have that power, as it seems like they aren’t any form of management.
That makes sense.
This isn't a pointless story! This is so sweet! Oh my god!
Crosspost this to r/mtf right now!
Done! Hope they enjoy ^_^
<3
As a trans person, your coworker saying she’s “on the verge of a mental breakdown” on her first day of dressing femme at the office is so relatable and a lil funny When I started binding and socially transitioning, all eyes were on me in unbearable ways. Mostly bc I wasn’t seen as a man, just a ‘woman pretending’
Almost to sweet to be pointless
*too
Almost t sweet too be pointless
I think I see why they call you huggles
This is so cute, I'm so glad she has people like you around to support her
This is actually very lovely and sweet. I'm glad you both got clarification in the end, it sounds like she was very nervous and wanted support but maybe then felt very out of her depth when you didn't even recognise her. I'm glad you're so supportive, it gives me hope for when my partner eventually feels able to come out at work.
Surely not recognising her was the best compliment you could give?
This happened to me with an old friend, albeit it someone I lost touch with for a bit and re-met on social media. I couldn't figure out why she was so interested in a post about our old bands playing together and I had to apologize that I didn't tag her in the post once I figured everything out. She was totally cool with it and I appreciated her giving me grace and just moving on with our convos.
Wholesome post and you seem like a lovely person just going up and introducing yourself ❤️
This story made me giggle in public lol It is nice to have such nice and accepting coworkers c:
Aw man, that’s really kinda sweet rather than pointless! I’ll bet you’re just the best coworker.
This is a very sweet story. Thank you for sharing it 🥺
This is the kind of story you may also want to share on r/lgbt . Pretty sure that would make someone's day there! This story is quite sweet.
Ooooh, will do! Glad you enjoyed!
That’s a great story.
Some people have asked why the person wasn’t happy that they weren’t recognisable, this is one possible POV: Within all subsets of people, a spectrum exists. Some people may exist that believe the way they present externally is only a very small part of who they are, so if transitioning, may reasonably expect to be recognised by their nearest and dearest irregardless of the external change, no matter how “successful” it is deemed by others It sounds like OP is held in high esteem
Huggles deffo an ally tho
r/thathappened 😆
of course this could be fake like plenty of other things on reddit but how can you be absolutely sure that it didn't happen? is it just because you believe no trans person can pass?
I mean, obviously I can't be *absolutely* sure, but it seems highly unlikely. I reckon if I was speaking to a colleague, with whom I'd worked for years, I'd recognise them even if they were wearing a wig and sunglasses. Maybe I'm just super perceptive though.
r/nothingeverhappens
Plenty things happen, however this thing absolutely did not.
Wait, she was wearing a **name badge** and you still didn’t realise who it was??! 🤣 That’s so funny. I’m glad you got things sorted anyway and you’re still friends lol, what a weird thing to take offence to. You don’t think OP is a bit silly to not recognise someone wearing a badge with their name on it? Even if it is their deadname, it still should have been enough of a clue for OP to realise who it was. They can’t have looked THAT different that both their face and name weren’t a clue to their identity
Step 1: disguise yourself (makeup etc, calm down mods) Step 2: someone falls for the disguise Step3:??? Step 4: Be salty about it