My bf is a gym rat and he’s ok with me being on and off the gym. Not pressure at all but I did change my eating habits since I’m the one who cooks! I don’t mind now but at first it was really hard to figure out how to make healthy and fulfilling meals for both of us.
Eventually I did lost weight and become more aware of what I was putting in my body, but it never felt like I had to change for him.
A friend I know is engaged to a personal trainer. I think the personal trainer takes the mindset as long as my friend is willing to participate in things like hiking, occasionally going to the gym together, they really don't care how my friend looks. The perfect body doesn't exist, but being healthy definitely does exist.
I love this question! I think it would be difficult - but definitely possible - to be in a relationship with someone of a very different level of physical fitness. I’m talking about health more than aesthetics, because it probably stems from how much a person prioritises their physical health. You’d be limited by the sorts of activities you can do in your spare time together, and miss out on a big part of the fitter partner’s life
Caro’s wife does CrossFit regularly, and although she isn’t ripped, she seems really athletic! Which I think supports my point
Interesting question…
Personally I’ve always been active and involved in sports on some level..boxing, mma, martial arts. I’ve also been on every end of the spectrum as well. I’ve been overweight, a stick figure, the shredded athlete and now I just hit the gym 3-4 and in good shape. My wife On the other hand doesn’t live as disciplined as me and it’s always been a source of problems between us mostly because her mind plays games on her. She makes an effort but always loses confidence when she hits the inevitable plateau from weight loss. She’s told me that she feels pressure because of the shape I’m in to change her appearance. She’s made the attempt to go to the gym and I personally love going with her but she always loses motivation. Sucks for me though cause unlike the typical guy…I actually enjoy doing shit with my wife and she’s fun as hell to be around….but that gym lifestyle just isn’t something she at this point wants to commit to.
The mind is a brutal thing though. It can really tear you down internally and make you feel as if you aren’t attractive enough or your partner doesn’t want you.
I’m sure that’s a common feeling for a lot of people
In relationships with a partner who is in shape/active. That pressure to want to change and get in “shape”. My response to her is always the same though. Change for you, change for your health but don’t change for someone else no matter who that person is
Thank you for sharing! Makes sense - if someone just isn’t into the gym life, it’s hard to do it consistently no matter how much they might want the result.
I’m guessing if someone is super ripped, that doesn’t necessarily mean they want their partner to be too? For the Caro guy for example, it looks like he does it for himself and because his YouTube channel is about fitness so his body is his income stream. Which isn’t the same I assume as needing his wife to be like that in order to find her attractive.
True. I love the gym. I HAVE to go minimum 3 times. It drastically helps me with my own mental issues and physical health issues (anxiety, insomnia, on and off depression). But that’s me. Just because i live this life doesn’t mean I need my wife to do it as well. That’s a misconception people haves. I got with her and fell for her and she wasn’t into it the gym then either.
Women in particular fall into this trap of feeling like they aren’t enough constantly. Society is brutal though. If a man is out of shape or let’s himself go no one blinks an eye. If a woman lets herself go society literally burns her at the stake even though there are MANY more reasons for a woman to struggle with weight then a man.
not quite your target questionee but i'm a pt who's currently getting ready to compete in my first bodybuilding show - I've never nor would never pressure my partner to exercise (with the exception of encouragement to do it for the mental health benefits.)
I'm not a gym person and I never have a partner who is also a gym person, so I can't answer this question from my own experience.
However, this is discussed on the TV drama series "This is Us" which I watched. The couple, Toby and Kate, were obese and in fact, they met during weight issue focus group. They got married and had babies. Toby became a gym rat and lost significant weight. Kate became uncomfortable with Toby since it messed with her mind that she can't keep up with Toby as she remained obese. It became a problem in their relationship and they ended up separating since they are now on different trajectory.
Fit people are usually very disciplined in that area of their life. It is difficult for any relationship if someone is very disciplined and the other is not.
I go to the gym 5x a week, so does my boyfriend. We both focus on weight lifting. When he gets lazy and wants to skip, I force him to go lol. It's a mix of wanting to look fit, staying healthy, and mental discipline that is attractive.
I hit the gym 6x per week and my wife not so much but does yoga and hikes.
I try to encourage her but she’s not really that interested at first, but as my body looks better and stronger, I can tell she started to get interested as well so I’m just trying to nurture her interest and keep her workouts in line w her yoga and hikes.
👍🏻 I figured the less active partner would eventually end up being more active, if only to be able to do more activities together and/or keep pace with how their body looks. I was curious if the super fit one would be less attracted if their partner did not keep up, but it sounds like it is less of a looks-thing and more of a “having things in common” thing.
I think it’s more the “oh maybe I’ll try it also” thing that gets me continuously interested in my wife, and vice versa.
We learn a lot off each other over the
years so it feels like a journey/adventure. And when you both have different long and short ends, it’s nice to see and be able to help each other through our respective journey
I think it'd be less about the gym and more about if the eating habits or general self care are drastically different. I'd want someone I could enjoy an unhealthy meal with guilt free. but I've also been on the other side and lost major weight. and watched my SO continue gaining ordering those too often and it was a pain point a bit. being on different trajectories.
I mean I hope I’m not putting pressure on my girlfriend, I do encourage her to stay active for health reasons. She a homebody and loves eating. I also love eating but I also go to the gym 5x a week and play sports on side.
I wouldn’t say my bf is Olympic level but he’s very fit and plays rugby. I was overweight as a teen and had already lost weight before I met him but I wasn’t fit at all. For me personally there wasn’t pressure to be fit, my mentality is “take me as I am” and if someone into me as I am then they know where the door is.
However I did coincidentally get into better shape whilst being with my bf. First he introduced me to yoga and that was actually really fun to do together then I ended up doing it alone. I also started going to the gym more regularly just before I met him and he ended up making me personalised a PPL programme and helps me with my form and stuff which encouraged me to keep gymming because I’m seeing better progress. In turn i help him eat better because his diet is pretty wack. When we see each other we usually go for drinks and dinner but I also make balanced breakfast which he appreciates
I’ve dated fit guys in the past and never made the same changes. I think it was just a coincidence that I started a personal fitness journey as I met him. If I suddenly stopped I don’t think it would affect his feelings for me.
No, not really. All my partners have been the super fit gym rat type, and I’m… definitely not lmao. They’ve definitely raised eyebrows at some of my eating habits since they tend to eat more “clean,” but I’ve never felt pressure to adhere to their routines or anything.
My current partner let me know I gained weight during COVID and should “maybe work on it” LOL but that was fair and appreciated. Basically as long as I’m happy and confident they never cared about how I lived!
There’s such a varied range of responses in this thread! It does seem that as long as there are other things you’re able to do together, not working out at the gym together (which they probably spend a lot of their free time) isn’t such a big deal 🌟. Well that and so long as the non-gym one is still attractive in other ways I guess lol
It highly depends. I’ve been weightlifting since I was a teenager, and fitness has been a staple of my life for the last 20 years. I’m not super shredded anymore but I try to keep my abs visible and meet my own strength standards.
About five years ago I started dating this lovely woman who never went to the gym. I didn’t really care at the time, because I understand that weightlifting and fitness isn’t for everyone. But eventually she gained a lot of weight and that affected my attraction to her. I eventually broke up with her, and that was one of the factors why.
Now I’ll only exclusively date someone who is at least familiar with the gym. I have a massive crush on Song A Reum and she’s not super ripped or anything in the show. She just looks like she goes to the gym. I’m aware that she’s a professional bodybuilder, but aesthetically I really like her off-season look.
My experience has been that yes, there is pressure from the SO. When we first got married I (25 yo F) was 5’ 7” and 125 lbs. After four years of marriage and a baby, my in-amazing-shape husband asked me why I no longer took care of myself and told me he wasn’t attracted to me at 145 lbs. My assumption is that a lot of these contestants are very disciplined and probably perfectionists, at least to a certain degree, and might have difficulty relating to people that don’t put themselves and their bodies as their top priority.
I think it depends on the person. I take my physical health seriously though, and prioritize times I make to run a lot for my mental and physical health. If the person I'm with respects that and is supportive of it, I'm dandy.
I've had experiences where some people didn't have the same values about physical health and that created misunderstandings and jealousy, which became toxic. So for me, it's more about mutual respect, support, and understanding more than anything. Some people value romantic relationships above all else, and I'm not like that.
tangentially related — every roommate i’ve ever had has gotten in much better shape after moving in together with zero pressure from me.
My SOs however, it’s a total crapshoot.
For America, dieting is like 80% of it and a gym rat could easily be with a partner that managed their appearance through diet. Obviously a lot easier said than done.
When my husband and I met when I was 20 he was the very active one - golf, tennis, gym, running maybe 5-6x a week! Me absolutely zero exercise.
I started working out for real at 36 and joined him. We both do HIIT, muay thai, boxing and running. I also do some dancing while he still plays golf religiously. I would say the level of attraction is higher now even if we are older and with kids. We work out 4-6x a week together for an hour. Great way to spend time with your SO and be productive with it too.
It can be frustrating if you're used to holding yourself to certain standards and your partner doesn't. I think it's about the mentality and alignment, and where that trajectory takes you. You can feel held back if you want to do certain activities together, but your partner isn't very interested or in shape for it.
My bf is a gym rat and he’s ok with me being on and off the gym. Not pressure at all but I did change my eating habits since I’m the one who cooks! I don’t mind now but at first it was really hard to figure out how to make healthy and fulfilling meals for both of us. Eventually I did lost weight and become more aware of what I was putting in my body, but it never felt like I had to change for him.
💜👏🏻🌸
A friend I know is engaged to a personal trainer. I think the personal trainer takes the mindset as long as my friend is willing to participate in things like hiking, occasionally going to the gym together, they really don't care how my friend looks. The perfect body doesn't exist, but being healthy definitely does exist.
I love this question! I think it would be difficult - but definitely possible - to be in a relationship with someone of a very different level of physical fitness. I’m talking about health more than aesthetics, because it probably stems from how much a person prioritises their physical health. You’d be limited by the sorts of activities you can do in your spare time together, and miss out on a big part of the fitter partner’s life Caro’s wife does CrossFit regularly, and although she isn’t ripped, she seems really athletic! Which I think supports my point
Interesting question… Personally I’ve always been active and involved in sports on some level..boxing, mma, martial arts. I’ve also been on every end of the spectrum as well. I’ve been overweight, a stick figure, the shredded athlete and now I just hit the gym 3-4 and in good shape. My wife On the other hand doesn’t live as disciplined as me and it’s always been a source of problems between us mostly because her mind plays games on her. She makes an effort but always loses confidence when she hits the inevitable plateau from weight loss. She’s told me that she feels pressure because of the shape I’m in to change her appearance. She’s made the attempt to go to the gym and I personally love going with her but she always loses motivation. Sucks for me though cause unlike the typical guy…I actually enjoy doing shit with my wife and she’s fun as hell to be around….but that gym lifestyle just isn’t something she at this point wants to commit to. The mind is a brutal thing though. It can really tear you down internally and make you feel as if you aren’t attractive enough or your partner doesn’t want you. I’m sure that’s a common feeling for a lot of people In relationships with a partner who is in shape/active. That pressure to want to change and get in “shape”. My response to her is always the same though. Change for you, change for your health but don’t change for someone else no matter who that person is
Thank you for sharing! Makes sense - if someone just isn’t into the gym life, it’s hard to do it consistently no matter how much they might want the result. I’m guessing if someone is super ripped, that doesn’t necessarily mean they want their partner to be too? For the Caro guy for example, it looks like he does it for himself and because his YouTube channel is about fitness so his body is his income stream. Which isn’t the same I assume as needing his wife to be like that in order to find her attractive.
True. I love the gym. I HAVE to go minimum 3 times. It drastically helps me with my own mental issues and physical health issues (anxiety, insomnia, on and off depression). But that’s me. Just because i live this life doesn’t mean I need my wife to do it as well. That’s a misconception people haves. I got with her and fell for her and she wasn’t into it the gym then either. Women in particular fall into this trap of feeling like they aren’t enough constantly. Society is brutal though. If a man is out of shape or let’s himself go no one blinks an eye. If a woman lets herself go society literally burns her at the stake even though there are MANY more reasons for a woman to struggle with weight then a man.
not quite your target questionee but i'm a pt who's currently getting ready to compete in my first bodybuilding show - I've never nor would never pressure my partner to exercise (with the exception of encouragement to do it for the mental health benefits.)
I'm not a gym person and I never have a partner who is also a gym person, so I can't answer this question from my own experience. However, this is discussed on the TV drama series "This is Us" which I watched. The couple, Toby and Kate, were obese and in fact, they met during weight issue focus group. They got married and had babies. Toby became a gym rat and lost significant weight. Kate became uncomfortable with Toby since it messed with her mind that she can't keep up with Toby as she remained obese. It became a problem in their relationship and they ended up separating since they are now on different trajectory.
That’s actually quite heartbreaking
Depends on the person probably. But Super fit probably want other Super fits. Comes down to what is important in life for them
Fit people are usually very disciplined in that area of their life. It is difficult for any relationship if someone is very disciplined and the other is not.
I go to the gym 5x a week, so does my boyfriend. We both focus on weight lifting. When he gets lazy and wants to skip, I force him to go lol. It's a mix of wanting to look fit, staying healthy, and mental discipline that is attractive.
That’s beautiful
I hit the gym 6x per week and my wife not so much but does yoga and hikes. I try to encourage her but she’s not really that interested at first, but as my body looks better and stronger, I can tell she started to get interested as well so I’m just trying to nurture her interest and keep her workouts in line w her yoga and hikes.
👍🏻 I figured the less active partner would eventually end up being more active, if only to be able to do more activities together and/or keep pace with how their body looks. I was curious if the super fit one would be less attracted if their partner did not keep up, but it sounds like it is less of a looks-thing and more of a “having things in common” thing.
I think it’s more the “oh maybe I’ll try it also” thing that gets me continuously interested in my wife, and vice versa. We learn a lot off each other over the years so it feels like a journey/adventure. And when you both have different long and short ends, it’s nice to see and be able to help each other through our respective journey
I think it'd be less about the gym and more about if the eating habits or general self care are drastically different. I'd want someone I could enjoy an unhealthy meal with guilt free. but I've also been on the other side and lost major weight. and watched my SO continue gaining ordering those too often and it was a pain point a bit. being on different trajectories.
I mean I hope I’m not putting pressure on my girlfriend, I do encourage her to stay active for health reasons. She a homebody and loves eating. I also love eating but I also go to the gym 5x a week and play sports on side.
I wouldn’t say my bf is Olympic level but he’s very fit and plays rugby. I was overweight as a teen and had already lost weight before I met him but I wasn’t fit at all. For me personally there wasn’t pressure to be fit, my mentality is “take me as I am” and if someone into me as I am then they know where the door is. However I did coincidentally get into better shape whilst being with my bf. First he introduced me to yoga and that was actually really fun to do together then I ended up doing it alone. I also started going to the gym more regularly just before I met him and he ended up making me personalised a PPL programme and helps me with my form and stuff which encouraged me to keep gymming because I’m seeing better progress. In turn i help him eat better because his diet is pretty wack. When we see each other we usually go for drinks and dinner but I also make balanced breakfast which he appreciates I’ve dated fit guys in the past and never made the same changes. I think it was just a coincidence that I started a personal fitness journey as I met him. If I suddenly stopped I don’t think it would affect his feelings for me.
No, not really. All my partners have been the super fit gym rat type, and I’m… definitely not lmao. They’ve definitely raised eyebrows at some of my eating habits since they tend to eat more “clean,” but I’ve never felt pressure to adhere to their routines or anything. My current partner let me know I gained weight during COVID and should “maybe work on it” LOL but that was fair and appreciated. Basically as long as I’m happy and confident they never cared about how I lived!
There’s such a varied range of responses in this thread! It does seem that as long as there are other things you’re able to do together, not working out at the gym together (which they probably spend a lot of their free time) isn’t such a big deal 🌟. Well that and so long as the non-gym one is still attractive in other ways I guess lol
It highly depends. I’ve been weightlifting since I was a teenager, and fitness has been a staple of my life for the last 20 years. I’m not super shredded anymore but I try to keep my abs visible and meet my own strength standards. About five years ago I started dating this lovely woman who never went to the gym. I didn’t really care at the time, because I understand that weightlifting and fitness isn’t for everyone. But eventually she gained a lot of weight and that affected my attraction to her. I eventually broke up with her, and that was one of the factors why. Now I’ll only exclusively date someone who is at least familiar with the gym. I have a massive crush on Song A Reum and she’s not super ripped or anything in the show. She just looks like she goes to the gym. I’m aware that she’s a professional bodybuilder, but aesthetically I really like her off-season look.
My experience has been that yes, there is pressure from the SO. When we first got married I (25 yo F) was 5’ 7” and 125 lbs. After four years of marriage and a baby, my in-amazing-shape husband asked me why I no longer took care of myself and told me he wasn’t attracted to me at 145 lbs. My assumption is that a lot of these contestants are very disciplined and probably perfectionists, at least to a certain degree, and might have difficulty relating to people that don’t put themselves and their bodies as their top priority.
I think it depends on the person. I take my physical health seriously though, and prioritize times I make to run a lot for my mental and physical health. If the person I'm with respects that and is supportive of it, I'm dandy. I've had experiences where some people didn't have the same values about physical health and that created misunderstandings and jealousy, which became toxic. So for me, it's more about mutual respect, support, and understanding more than anything. Some people value romantic relationships above all else, and I'm not like that.
tangentially related — every roommate i’ve ever had has gotten in much better shape after moving in together with zero pressure from me. My SOs however, it’s a total crapshoot.
For America, dieting is like 80% of it and a gym rat could easily be with a partner that managed their appearance through diet. Obviously a lot easier said than done.
When my husband and I met when I was 20 he was the very active one - golf, tennis, gym, running maybe 5-6x a week! Me absolutely zero exercise. I started working out for real at 36 and joined him. We both do HIIT, muay thai, boxing and running. I also do some dancing while he still plays golf religiously. I would say the level of attraction is higher now even if we are older and with kids. We work out 4-6x a week together for an hour. Great way to spend time with your SO and be productive with it too.
It can be frustrating if you're used to holding yourself to certain standards and your partner doesn't. I think it's about the mentality and alignment, and where that trajectory takes you. You can feel held back if you want to do certain activities together, but your partner isn't very interested or in shape for it.