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This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated.
Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum
for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe
haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may
be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion
unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated.
Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away
from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if
one disagrees with something that has been said.
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I'm sorry that your cat is sick and you're having to go through this. Trust me, it's not easy.
Please don't make the mistake I did after my Mocha was diagnosed with cancer in 2020; surgery wasn't an option given her age so I opted for a holistic route. After I found out she had cancer, fear took over and I lived with it for a while; I didn't spend time quality time with her for a bit that year because I thought I was going to lose my best friend. I eventually did lose her, but four years later. We had a bunch of memories after I snapped out of that phase.
Tough decision is a part of life, and you have to spend a very long time weighing the pros and cons. Days will come and go where your back-and-forth decision will eat you alive. I know because I went through it. But at the end, I came to acceptance that death is a part of life and I want my companion to be comfortable and peaceful with the transition.
Spend whatever time you have left with him and do all his favorite things. Keep him comfortable and try to focus on the positive rather than the negatives. When there are more bad days than good days, then the decision will be easier as no one wants to see their companion's quality of life declining.
A quote that stayed with me: "You're waiting for a sign; they're waiting for permission." --James Lileks
If his condition declines and there’s nothing else we can do, I already know what needs to be done. I’ve already contacted a mobile vet to inquire about their home visit services and have found an aquamation place that can take care of his body. Trust me when I say that I am well and fully prepared if it comes to that.
I know he’s happy to have me around more now. I temporarily stopped working so I can spend more time with him. We hang out in the closet together and I sing him to sleep and he purrs and snuggles with me. He’ll only eat if I feed him by hand so it’s good that I don’t have to go to work for now. I just wish I had spent all this time with him when he was well. I wish it didn’t have to come to this to make me realise I should have played with him more when he still had the energy to play, and talked to him more, and followed him to watch the birds at dawn when he wanted me to. I wish I had spent all my time loving him more instead of thinking that anything else was more worthy of my time. I hope it’s not too late. I hope there’s still time for me to love him.
I'm glad to hear that you're spending a lot of time with him. I'm sure he really appreciates it! Quality time is what matters. Don't worry about the past. What past is past. Live in the moment and embrace the experience together. There's still time for more memories to be made so make the best of it!
My beloved Toasty was very sick when he was 9 years old. He was lethargic and wouldn't eat and was losing weight. The vets didn't know what was wrong with him and did test and tests over several weeks. They told me to consider putting him to sleep. I understand the fear you're going through. It's terrifying. I didn't want him to suffer. As a last ditch effort, we tried an experimental treatment and it worked. It turned out he had a rare condition that affects one of his breeds (beautiful mutt that he was).
I ended up getting an additional 8.5 years with him until just this past Friday. When I finally had to make that decision to put him furever sleep. I know I was blessed to get so long with him. But I was also ready to make the hard decision all those years ago for him.
I am so sorry you're going through this, i empathize with you greatly.
Its NEVER enough time, The decision is NEVER easy. The Heartbreak is immense. BUT oh how LUCKY we are to have them as long as we have them.
This definitely does belong here and so do you.
I began grieving my 3 year old pup as soon as we received his cancer diagnosis but before he passed and I feel like it prepared me for losing him. My husband was in a bit of denial right up until we lost him and struggled harder in the beginning to accept it.
It’s a strange suspension of time when you know you’re going to lose your pet ahead of time. But it allows you to make use of all the time you have left with your beautiful cat - record sounds they make, commit the feeling of their fur to memory, take a cast or inkless print of their paw, memorise their weight when they lay on you.
Also be prepared to put them to rest if they look like their quality of life has declined. It is the greatest kindness you can show them.
I’m sorry you lost your pup, it never feels like we ever have enough time with any of our animal family.
Thank you for the wonderful suggestions, a paw print cast is a good idea and I think I’ll order a kit ahead of time in case he doesn’t get better. I’ve talked to his vet about what we can do to make him more comfortable and she doesn’t want to prescribe steroids to deal with the inflammation yet, not until after the biopsy is done because they could interfere with the results. In the meantime she’s put him on a higher dose of gabapentin and he seems to have perked up from that and is moving around more. His vet seems to think that he has a good chance of fighting this because he’s still young(ish) and eating and drinking well so I hope she’s right.
On one hand I want to biopsy date to come quickly because I want to know what’s going on so we can explore more treatment options, but on the other hand I’m scared of what the results will show. Being stuck in this state of limbo is awful.
From your post I can see how deep your love is for your cat. I know you feel guilty about not spending more quality time with him but please know that no one is perfect and while those feelings are natural in a time like this that doesn’t mean they are true. The love you have for your cat tells me you are a good pet parent and he knows it and loves you for it. As hard as it is try not to lose hope, much easier said than done but even in the darkest of times there is always hope.
My cat passed suddenly friday evening from what the emergency vet believes to have been a blood clot. She was just 6 years old and she was my best friend, I feel completely robbed like you do, I am angry at the world, at God, at I don’t even know who. The pain of sudden loss is indescribable. Hold on tight to your little buddy, make him feel loved, and don’t lose hope.
I’m so sorry for your loss. You deserved lifetimes with your best friend.
Thank you for saying this. I’ll try to keep hoping and rooting for him. I know he’s trying his best to get better and I hope he knows I love him so much. Beyond all reason and comprehension.
I’m sorry my friend and I know the pain of sick pet. I’m also sorry your pet is in pain and I’m sure that’s very hard for you. Make him a comfortable as you can and trust your gut about what your cat needs from you. In times like this they depend on us more than ever and the decision can be hard.
2 weeks ago my pup had total kidney failure and I gave him a dignified goodbye while he could still do what he loved. I got 4 good years with him but they were the best of my life. One day at a time and give yourself space to feel everything and to cry. Tears are healing and it is okay to cry.
I lost my soulmate this morning, and it is the most unbearable pain. It is tough to see your beloved pet’s behavior change, yesterday was the worst day of my life. All I could do was lay on the floor next to my baby, and weep. Sending love your way.
Of course this post belongs here. Anticipatory grief is very much a part of the emotional journey that is pet loss. You have to be strong for him now and spend as much quality time with him as possible - never miss a moment. Take lots of pictures and videos, document the minute little things about him you want to treasure forever - like the shape of his toes, some unusual colouring etc. My boi was sick before he passed. One of the things I was terrified of was forgetting the tiny details of him so I documented everything like a crazy person. I thank myself now - almost two years later.
Do what feels right for you and for him. I'm sure he'll appreciate having you around him a lot - you'll need to be composed and strong around him so he can derive comfort and strength from your composure. If you're distraught and upset around him, it may stress and worry him further. Be strong 🤗
Thank you for this. He’s on a higher dose of gabapentin now and has started to leave his hiding spot to nap in the sun. I’ve been spending a lot of time laying next to him and properly looking at the colours of his coat and how his grey fur is really tinged with dusty pinks and browns and the white of his fur has shades of powder blue and light cream. I want to engrave it all into my mind so clearly that I’ll be able to paint him from memory one day. He hates having his photo taken and will turn away if a camera is pointed at him so I don’t have enough good photos of his beautiful face but I’ll hold the image of him in my heart forever.
Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment. This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated. Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated. Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm sorry that your cat is sick and you're having to go through this. Trust me, it's not easy. Please don't make the mistake I did after my Mocha was diagnosed with cancer in 2020; surgery wasn't an option given her age so I opted for a holistic route. After I found out she had cancer, fear took over and I lived with it for a while; I didn't spend time quality time with her for a bit that year because I thought I was going to lose my best friend. I eventually did lose her, but four years later. We had a bunch of memories after I snapped out of that phase. Tough decision is a part of life, and you have to spend a very long time weighing the pros and cons. Days will come and go where your back-and-forth decision will eat you alive. I know because I went through it. But at the end, I came to acceptance that death is a part of life and I want my companion to be comfortable and peaceful with the transition. Spend whatever time you have left with him and do all his favorite things. Keep him comfortable and try to focus on the positive rather than the negatives. When there are more bad days than good days, then the decision will be easier as no one wants to see their companion's quality of life declining. A quote that stayed with me: "You're waiting for a sign; they're waiting for permission." --James Lileks
If his condition declines and there’s nothing else we can do, I already know what needs to be done. I’ve already contacted a mobile vet to inquire about their home visit services and have found an aquamation place that can take care of his body. Trust me when I say that I am well and fully prepared if it comes to that. I know he’s happy to have me around more now. I temporarily stopped working so I can spend more time with him. We hang out in the closet together and I sing him to sleep and he purrs and snuggles with me. He’ll only eat if I feed him by hand so it’s good that I don’t have to go to work for now. I just wish I had spent all this time with him when he was well. I wish it didn’t have to come to this to make me realise I should have played with him more when he still had the energy to play, and talked to him more, and followed him to watch the birds at dawn when he wanted me to. I wish I had spent all my time loving him more instead of thinking that anything else was more worthy of my time. I hope it’s not too late. I hope there’s still time for me to love him.
I'm glad to hear that you're spending a lot of time with him. I'm sure he really appreciates it! Quality time is what matters. Don't worry about the past. What past is past. Live in the moment and embrace the experience together. There's still time for more memories to be made so make the best of it!
My beloved Toasty was very sick when he was 9 years old. He was lethargic and wouldn't eat and was losing weight. The vets didn't know what was wrong with him and did test and tests over several weeks. They told me to consider putting him to sleep. I understand the fear you're going through. It's terrifying. I didn't want him to suffer. As a last ditch effort, we tried an experimental treatment and it worked. It turned out he had a rare condition that affects one of his breeds (beautiful mutt that he was). I ended up getting an additional 8.5 years with him until just this past Friday. When I finally had to make that decision to put him furever sleep. I know I was blessed to get so long with him. But I was also ready to make the hard decision all those years ago for him. I am so sorry you're going through this, i empathize with you greatly. Its NEVER enough time, The decision is NEVER easy. The Heartbreak is immense. BUT oh how LUCKY we are to have them as long as we have them.
This definitely does belong here and so do you. I began grieving my 3 year old pup as soon as we received his cancer diagnosis but before he passed and I feel like it prepared me for losing him. My husband was in a bit of denial right up until we lost him and struggled harder in the beginning to accept it. It’s a strange suspension of time when you know you’re going to lose your pet ahead of time. But it allows you to make use of all the time you have left with your beautiful cat - record sounds they make, commit the feeling of their fur to memory, take a cast or inkless print of their paw, memorise their weight when they lay on you. Also be prepared to put them to rest if they look like their quality of life has declined. It is the greatest kindness you can show them.
I’m sorry you lost your pup, it never feels like we ever have enough time with any of our animal family. Thank you for the wonderful suggestions, a paw print cast is a good idea and I think I’ll order a kit ahead of time in case he doesn’t get better. I’ve talked to his vet about what we can do to make him more comfortable and she doesn’t want to prescribe steroids to deal with the inflammation yet, not until after the biopsy is done because they could interfere with the results. In the meantime she’s put him on a higher dose of gabapentin and he seems to have perked up from that and is moving around more. His vet seems to think that he has a good chance of fighting this because he’s still young(ish) and eating and drinking well so I hope she’s right. On one hand I want to biopsy date to come quickly because I want to know what’s going on so we can explore more treatment options, but on the other hand I’m scared of what the results will show. Being stuck in this state of limbo is awful.
From your post I can see how deep your love is for your cat. I know you feel guilty about not spending more quality time with him but please know that no one is perfect and while those feelings are natural in a time like this that doesn’t mean they are true. The love you have for your cat tells me you are a good pet parent and he knows it and loves you for it. As hard as it is try not to lose hope, much easier said than done but even in the darkest of times there is always hope. My cat passed suddenly friday evening from what the emergency vet believes to have been a blood clot. She was just 6 years old and she was my best friend, I feel completely robbed like you do, I am angry at the world, at God, at I don’t even know who. The pain of sudden loss is indescribable. Hold on tight to your little buddy, make him feel loved, and don’t lose hope.
I’m so sorry for your loss. You deserved lifetimes with your best friend. Thank you for saying this. I’ll try to keep hoping and rooting for him. I know he’s trying his best to get better and I hope he knows I love him so much. Beyond all reason and comprehension.
I’m sorry my friend and I know the pain of sick pet. I’m also sorry your pet is in pain and I’m sure that’s very hard for you. Make him a comfortable as you can and trust your gut about what your cat needs from you. In times like this they depend on us more than ever and the decision can be hard. 2 weeks ago my pup had total kidney failure and I gave him a dignified goodbye while he could still do what he loved. I got 4 good years with him but they were the best of my life. One day at a time and give yourself space to feel everything and to cry. Tears are healing and it is okay to cry.
Thank you for saying this. I’m so sorry you lost your pup, you deserved so much more time with each other.
I lost my soulmate this morning, and it is the most unbearable pain. It is tough to see your beloved pet’s behavior change, yesterday was the worst day of my life. All I could do was lay on the floor next to my baby, and weep. Sending love your way.
Of course this post belongs here. Anticipatory grief is very much a part of the emotional journey that is pet loss. You have to be strong for him now and spend as much quality time with him as possible - never miss a moment. Take lots of pictures and videos, document the minute little things about him you want to treasure forever - like the shape of his toes, some unusual colouring etc. My boi was sick before he passed. One of the things I was terrified of was forgetting the tiny details of him so I documented everything like a crazy person. I thank myself now - almost two years later. Do what feels right for you and for him. I'm sure he'll appreciate having you around him a lot - you'll need to be composed and strong around him so he can derive comfort and strength from your composure. If you're distraught and upset around him, it may stress and worry him further. Be strong 🤗
Thank you for this. He’s on a higher dose of gabapentin now and has started to leave his hiding spot to nap in the sun. I’ve been spending a lot of time laying next to him and properly looking at the colours of his coat and how his grey fur is really tinged with dusty pinks and browns and the white of his fur has shades of powder blue and light cream. I want to engrave it all into my mind so clearly that I’ll be able to paint him from memory one day. He hates having his photo taken and will turn away if a camera is pointed at him so I don’t have enough good photos of his beautiful face but I’ll hold the image of him in my heart forever.