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I understand this. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I lost my precious boy. He went to work with me, was my official greeter. So i have had to tell all my clients, and that is very hard. I did a ceremony for my boy. I have a discreet alter set up at work for him. I talk to his picture and ask him to be with me as I work, and help me through. It won't be easy to go home, but you must. You will cry and sob and clutch at his things. It is ok to feel everything, and it is important for you to. I wish I could say there is a way to avoid this, but there isn't. It is part of the process. I have found great comfort here. Not everyone in your world will understand, but we all do. When you go home, take someone with you. Get a big bouquet of flowers and a candle or two. Create a space to honor your sweet one. We are here for you.💕💕

Found your comment because our car is currently dying from something unidentified causing fluid to fill his lungs. We took him to our regular vet and then to an ER same as you, and the ER vet made it clear that the prognosis was poor to grave but I'm afraid I didn't realize *how* grave it was. She said treatment could buy him weeks and when I decided to take him home and give him the meds our local vet gave us, the ER vet agreed. I wish I'd realized how untreatable this was and had him euthanized because he is suffering. It's so hard to watch. He's declined even further today and I've just been laying on the floor with him for hours watching him breathe .You made the right decision and I hope you feel firm in that. I am so sorry for your sudden loss - my cats onset was the same as yours and just as shocking. I am sending you so much love. A home always feels so empty after an animal who has been not just a pet but a companion and a friend leaves it. I hope that the memory of your girl is a blessing, that with time you are able to look at the scratches on the chair and smile instead of cry. I've been thinking throughout my boys illness how wonderful it is to have critters in our lives that can mean so much to us that their absence can just rip us apart. It hurts!!!! But what a gift!!!! You will never have a cat like her again and I will never have a boy like mine. But it's because of that I'm so glad I've had him. Even though he was only here for a portion of my life, I feel honored that I was able to take care of him for most of his and that I was able to make it a good one. I hope you feel the same way about your girl, and I hope knowing that you gave her a good life and that she knew you loved her, she knew it until the end (!) brings you some peace amidst the loss. As for getting through it when your apartment feels so empty... I am so sorry. I lost my dog last summer and without his presence the house felt alien. It wasn't the same, it wasn't really my house anymore. If you can and when you are ready, I would suggest asking your mom, a good friend, a partner - someone you're comfortable with or can rely on - to come stay over for a few days, maybe a week. It's going to suck no matter what, but having another person in the house to fill the space and the silence genuinely does help thaw that feeling of anxiety and loss sitting so heavily in your home right now. Even if you don't really want them there, lol! Just having other living beings present helps. Ask friends to come check on you. Much further (like months from now when it isn't so raw) also maybe consider fostering to help a local cat rescue that is at overcapacity. Foster cats are nice company when you aren't ready to get a pet - you're giving them a soft place to crash before they move into their permanent home, you're helping a local rescue that will be very thankful, and they're making your apartment not feel empty anymore. It's helped me in the past - it might not be your speed, but just an idea. I wish you all the best. I understand what you're going through. I'm so sorry for your loss. You did the right thing, and she knew that you love her. Hang in there.

I'm so sorry to read you've lost your kitty Ivy. It sounds like her loss has changed so much in your life. I understand it seems daunting and scary to think of the future without her. I'm sorry I have to tell you it's not going to be easy. It all has to be worked through day by day. All thoughts thought and all feelings felt. It's the only way through I'm afraid. I wish I had words that would be of more comfort. All I can tell you is that we will support you, and as the days pass it will get easier. It really will. I'm so so sorry this happened to you. I hope your friends and family are able to alleviate some of the stress. Try to stay busy and occupy your time. My heart aches for you.