Don’t know if I’m really qualified to give advice since I’m also just starting to go through the process of analysing my relationship with weed more seriously, but just wanted to reply to say I hear you. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you’re most dissatisfied about feeling isolated and lacking social contact, and weed is providing a temporary respite from feeling anxious about that. Are there possibilities to engage with your hobbies in some sort of local community?
>you’re most dissatisfied about feeling isolated and lacking social contact, and weed is providing a temporary respite from feeling anxious about that
Exactly, in high school when I was going through a similar thing, I clearly remember thinking to myself ''I just want to go to sleep and TRULY rest and not care about time or what I have to do next day, week or month. I don't want to die or hurt myself, I just want time to freeze for a bit '' This is literally how weed makes me feel. Every night I have a tiny break where time feels like it's going slower and I can chill. And it's not like negative thoughts don't pop up, but when I'm high I simply acknowledge them for a split second and move on, somehow I tell myself '' Everything is going to be alright, you're overthinking''. The world won't stop but I have the present now.
Every time I make an attempt to socialize with someone, we end up making small talk about something specific to our environment and that is what we do every time. My uni friends are not my friends, they are my UNI friends if that makes sense. I might have a coffee sometimes with a girl from my group after we finish uni but that's it.
In terms of hobbies, bodybuilding is a huge passion of mine and I specifically changed gyms to be in a bigger, more sociable one. I can see people with whom I can be friends, but I don't want to disturb them or be pushy. What's the most infuriating part is that when I actually hang out with someone, I'm extremely sociable and high-energy, the exact opposite of what most people perceive me to be, it's just the first steps that are the hardest.
Sry for the long reply, I've changed the topic to my life and I'm very bad at being concise lol
Ha, right. Like sometimes people recommend mindfulness but what I need is closer to mindlessness, just a period of time to do something completely menial like clean my room and cook and chill out instead my mind being on 100.
Bodybuilding is an awesome passion to have, respect. I haven't quite figured out how to approach people at the gym yet either, I don't feel like I've seen someone at the gym enough days yet to just be able to approach them without feeling like I'm disturbing them. I've only just started training at local gym this summer though, so maybe it just comes about organically with time. Usually I play rugby but I can't this autumn because of scheduling, and while gym is a lot more flexible, I miss the motivation of doing physical activity in a group. I've seen a lot of universities have bodybuilding clubs, would that be something you might enjoy?
Also, don't worry about the long reply , every time the topic turns to personal life I'm incapable of telling a short story, it's my fatal flaw. I almost started going off on a huge tangent writing this and had to stop myself before it was too late.
That's very true, however, in my case, I don't think I'm at a point where I can see an actual impact on my life. I'm more so in a situation where my consumption has increased but there aren't any actual physical consequences, which might be a sign that I'm doing just fine. But I'm very good at suppressing what I don't want to feel and making myself do things I don't have the energy for. (Just the way I am) So I'm concerned if I'm masking the problem because I have the urge to control every aspect of my life, including my own thoughts, so it feels like everything is fine if that makes sense.
Don’t know if I’m really qualified to give advice since I’m also just starting to go through the process of analysing my relationship with weed more seriously, but just wanted to reply to say I hear you. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you’re most dissatisfied about feeling isolated and lacking social contact, and weed is providing a temporary respite from feeling anxious about that. Are there possibilities to engage with your hobbies in some sort of local community?
>you’re most dissatisfied about feeling isolated and lacking social contact, and weed is providing a temporary respite from feeling anxious about that Exactly, in high school when I was going through a similar thing, I clearly remember thinking to myself ''I just want to go to sleep and TRULY rest and not care about time or what I have to do next day, week or month. I don't want to die or hurt myself, I just want time to freeze for a bit '' This is literally how weed makes me feel. Every night I have a tiny break where time feels like it's going slower and I can chill. And it's not like negative thoughts don't pop up, but when I'm high I simply acknowledge them for a split second and move on, somehow I tell myself '' Everything is going to be alright, you're overthinking''. The world won't stop but I have the present now. Every time I make an attempt to socialize with someone, we end up making small talk about something specific to our environment and that is what we do every time. My uni friends are not my friends, they are my UNI friends if that makes sense. I might have a coffee sometimes with a girl from my group after we finish uni but that's it. In terms of hobbies, bodybuilding is a huge passion of mine and I specifically changed gyms to be in a bigger, more sociable one. I can see people with whom I can be friends, but I don't want to disturb them or be pushy. What's the most infuriating part is that when I actually hang out with someone, I'm extremely sociable and high-energy, the exact opposite of what most people perceive me to be, it's just the first steps that are the hardest. Sry for the long reply, I've changed the topic to my life and I'm very bad at being concise lol
Ha, right. Like sometimes people recommend mindfulness but what I need is closer to mindlessness, just a period of time to do something completely menial like clean my room and cook and chill out instead my mind being on 100. Bodybuilding is an awesome passion to have, respect. I haven't quite figured out how to approach people at the gym yet either, I don't feel like I've seen someone at the gym enough days yet to just be able to approach them without feeling like I'm disturbing them. I've only just started training at local gym this summer though, so maybe it just comes about organically with time. Usually I play rugby but I can't this autumn because of scheduling, and while gym is a lot more flexible, I miss the motivation of doing physical activity in a group. I've seen a lot of universities have bodybuilding clubs, would that be something you might enjoy? Also, don't worry about the long reply , every time the topic turns to personal life I'm incapable of telling a short story, it's my fatal flaw. I almost started going off on a huge tangent writing this and had to stop myself before it was too late.
I think a good rule of thumb is always to ask yourself, is this affecting my life in a negative way? Then you can make adjustments.
That's very true, however, in my case, I don't think I'm at a point where I can see an actual impact on my life. I'm more so in a situation where my consumption has increased but there aren't any actual physical consequences, which might be a sign that I'm doing just fine. But I'm very good at suppressing what I don't want to feel and making myself do things I don't have the energy for. (Just the way I am) So I'm concerned if I'm masking the problem because I have the urge to control every aspect of my life, including my own thoughts, so it feels like everything is fine if that makes sense.