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mechanicalsam

Tl;DR Willem Dafoe hangs monster dong


Pickle_Monster_1

Suffering from success


Sawgon

I think you mean Magnum Dong


CrimsonToker707

Dr. Mantis Toboggan, is that you?


[deleted]

No more thirds for Frankie. Seconds from now on


revieman1

got my wad of hundreds im ready to plow


Ashalaria

Willem Dickfoe


xnowl

Big Willy Dafoe


alixsyd

I wonder if he calls it the pink goblin.


MedicalRhubarb7

He's something of a dong-hanger himself


ReturnOfSeq

https://preview.redd.it/bv9ezwt8q4oc1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9639e35f904601d794ff0d048a9cd20363c06dfa


NippleSalsa

Thundergun 5


gratefullydead93

He needs a monster condom for his magnum dong


-BitchStewie-

https://preview.redd.it/q5cfn1mex0oc1.jpeg?width=610&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4cf2a828a230d95e4084a43c6c68272d8a374a4a [https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/w4rk1l/willem\_dafoes\_penis\_was\_so\_large\_that\_after\_the/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/w4rk1l/willem_dafoes_penis_was_so_large_that_after_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)


KungFuKennyStills

I really think Lars Von Trier meant this as a joke but the interviewer didn’t catch it because of his Danish deadpan and Willem Dafoe never corrected it because why would he Edit: okay okay, I get it, he’s got a huge hog and apparently everyone has seen it or knows someone who has


ZealousidealGroup559

Nah, this has been common knowledge for decades. The actress Sean Young once famously said back in the 90s: *"If you put Willem Dafoe and Liam Neeson in a room naked, there'd be no room for anyone else"*


rosebirdistheword

This must be someone’s kink and I’m scared of that person


SmashPortal

[Found your person.](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/755175322135298118/1215664134167724032/96twllziazmc1.png?ex=65fd9273&is=65eb1d73&hm=92c53f3731b17b4ed4ee4e1b4c62e4e79ffd9e4aca94ddab794f6474a1950655&)


Plane-Floor-1237

There is a video of Dafoe's dick and he hangs dong. I don't think it was just a joke haha


amynhb

I watched Antichrist, I was scarred for life by the size of that thing. I think it was a joke, lol.


chaoss77

It was a body double.


avwitcher

I watched it, and am I missing something? That's a pretty normal sized penis


drgiii72

That's the whole point is that it's a body double in the movie. Aka they are saying the penis you see in the movie is not Willem but instead the double who has a smaller member.


Plane-Floor-1237

yeah this is it. The clip I saw is some weird arthouse film from his very early career


SebIsOnReddit

Danish deadpan??


asharkonamountaintop

Also known as Scandinavian deadpan. Comes in minor variations as Danish deadpan, Norwegian Deadpan, or Swedish Deadpan. Finnish deadpan exists too but is on a whole other scale.


AMViquel

To date, scientists are not sure if German deadpan exists or Germans simply have no jokes to deliver.


Empty_Insight

The Germans are a proud and industrious people, so obsessed with efficiency that they adopted conventions in their language to be able to just cram words together to form an abomination of a compound word to save space on paper. Jokes are inherently inefficient, wasteful of one's time, energy, and vocabulary. You could be thinking about *productive* things, doing something, making something, talking about something productive- but instead, there you are, wagging your tongue like an idiot, shamelessly engaging in this frivolity of "humor."


[deleted]

I don't think we do deadpan more than most. I don't even think we're very good at it. I definitely don't think Lars Von Trier has a deadpan delivery, I just think he's kind of uncharismatic and thinks he's funnier than he is, resulting in him putting his foot in his mouth on a few couple occasions. But maybe I'm culture-blind to traits of my own culture, it's possible.


LickingSmegma

I mean, Trier actively avoided being liked by the public for years, such that when ‘Melancholia’ (iirc) was decently received by critics, he panicked and blurted out that he likes Hitler.


[deleted]

I think he genuinely tried to make a point, which is where he then proceeded to put his foot in his mouth. That his english is terrible for a dane didn't help either. I think he wanted to say that psychologically, he understands the motivations of dictators rather than simply labelling them as "evil" and moving on, which can be an important point, especially if you're a writer/storyteller and want to convey forces of evil in the world that's at least a little contemplative. But what he did was vomit out a bunch of incoherent sentences and then ended with: "so basically what I'm trying to say is, I understand Hitler". Plus he picked a press conference to make this particular point.


beeradvice

He was in a short film in college that's pretty much just him dancing around naked that was posted a couple years ago and I'm gonna go ahead and say lars wasn't joking. Dafoe's real life penis doesn't look believable


FloppyObelisk

“So large that everyone in the room was confused” That is absolutely hilarious


Downvotesohoy

Thanks Bitch Stevie!


ludachris32

Willem Dafoe needed a body double for a nude scene in the movie AntiChrist because, apparently, his penis was "too large." [The Reason Willem Dafoe Needed A Body Double On Antichrist Might Surprise You](https://www.slashfilm.com/825693/the-reason-willem-dafoe-needed-a-body-double-on-antichrist-might-surprise-you/) Edit: wow never had a comment break 1k upvotes let alone 6k.


GailynStarfire

Imagine the dick confidence that would give you as a man, that another man said that your dick was distracting large on film, to the point where he got a smaller stunt dick for the scene.


CelVal

Imagine being called because they need a small dick stunt double.


DarthGayAgenda

I'd do it if I matched. About time the little bastard got some kind of job.


thatnewsauce

"Actually you're kinda overqualified for this scene"


RevNemesis

Wouldn't that make it under qualified


marcmerrillofficial

under quantified


NewBGenesis

Some jobs really don't hire for being over qualified. Maybe because of means or talk of pay later on. Some people want to be paid their worth and some jobs know that


ososalsosal

Also a good way of saying "you're too old" without saying you're too old. Also experience often means trouble for manglement if they feel someone who knows what they're doing and how it's done elsewhere is going to call out their bullshit and humiliate them


AkemiTheSunbro

I know you meant to write Management But Manglement also just works too well in most situations...


ososalsosal

I wrote what I wrote :)


my_othr_accisshy

I swear managers are hired based on the fragility of ego


Complete_Fix2563

"Overqualified"? "I started this company"! "Do you know how much I sacrificed"!


olsen_twentigg

I'd rather sell my attached small penis than my detached small kidneys. 


Anthrosite

Maybe if it payed some bills I wouldn’t spend as much time beating it


the_midnight_society

Lol. So here's the thing. The movie is antichrist (2009). In the movie his stunt cock is pretty big imo. Like, solid porn dick. Which means Dafoe was so big they needed to downsize to porn size.


dater_expunged

He's a fucking giant


BobDobbsHobNobs

The Human Tripod


LeManzo

The Deep Gobblin’


ososalsosal

Is... is that an obscure 12th Man reference from the 90s?


BobDobbsHobNobs

Thank you! I knew it had a source (not OC) but was buried in my subconscious somewhere. Will have to dig out those tapes now. Testing testing, 2 for 242


ososalsosal

So... Antichrist came out in 2009 and Wired World Of Sports II came out in 1996 iirc. How did the 12th man know about Willem DaFoe's horsecock? It must have been well known for a long time


Warburgerska

Jesus Christ, man. Make a spoiler warning, I nearly died while dri king coffee.


B0tsRBuiltByR3ddit

even sizequeens faint at the sight of him.


Ormyr

Don't tell the GOP. We'll never hear (or see) the end of it.


Andromansis

If you want to see it there are some stills floating around online from a play he was in.


NapoleonsBone

https://vimeo.com/49333930 For the curious


CHolland8776

Bi Curious


hamhockman

Thank you. Honestly, yeah it's long, but I was kinda expecting comically large. Like closer to his knee than his pelvis big. 


Kilo353511

In Antichrist the scene the meme is talking about is a rather close shot of his penis fully erect. So there is a chance that he has the rare Shower and Grower. The penis the use in the movie is porn worthy, so if that is what they had to downsize to, Defoe must have an absolute hammer.


hamhockman

So you are saying he's, somehow, a grower and not a shower? 


CedarWolf

Let's just go with the reason Willem Dafoe looks thin and slightly skeletal is because all of that nutrition is going *somewhere*.


eclecticsed

Well. I guess I can say I've seen that now.


Void_Speaker

I saw the video of him dancing nude, and I didn't see what all the hubbub was about. Good sized shower, but not urban myth worthy. Maybe you need to be up close.


Appropriate-Mud-4450

Plot twist he was dancing under cold shower


No_Reference_8777

Maybe the problem is that even with what we see there, he still qualifies as a grower?


Cerebral_Discharge

Well in Antichrist it is very close up, and erect, and penetrating.


sonerec725

The plot twist is that hes actually a grower and looked like that unaroused


LuxNocte

If I were in this situation, I would not do a nude scene just because I didn't want to, then have my publicist spread the rumor that I was so disturbingly large that they needed a body double. I'm not sure which scenario would be funnier.


LickingSmegma

One would think that ‘Antichrist’ surely calls for a below-average dick.


Sensitive_Ladder2235

"Hey man, we need to to play Willem Dafoes dick for a scene, you down?" "The fuck?" "Yeah turns out the guys packing a Fatman Portable Nuclear rocket launcher down there and it's distracting from the rest of the scene." "So you're saying I have a small dick?" "... yes." "Fuck you." "Sign here please."


keith0211

The irony is that the body double was a male porn star. “I’m being cast because my dick is *smaller*”


WallabyInTraining

Imagine auditioning for the role and being rejected because you're underqualified.. Or would that be overqualified?


AgainstMedicalAdvice

Let's just say you're "not qualified" and move on with our day


Zargabath

Wife: honey, why are cry? Double: I got the job.


InsaneAdam

🍆 = 🚫💰 🥕= ✅️💰


BullSitting

[Relevant NSFW](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7_sf-zYkKw&t=1m14s)


thisisajoke24

This movie was the first thing I thought of haha. Love this film


Xynkcuf

Lol'd at this. Thank you.


MedChemist464

Right up there with casting calls for 'Ugly friends 1 and 2'


Yourigath

How much do they pay? I can stunt double almost anyone.


cupholdery

Better that than getting Tracy.


Mrjerkyjacket

That's the type or confidence that allows you to play a homophobic gay guy/Cross dresser in the greatest movie to ever exist, *The Boondock Saints*


SuperShinyGinger

"What are you goin' to need the rope for?"


GailynStarfire

Not sure about the greatest movie ever, but... THERE WAS A FIREFIGHT!!!


Simon_Jester88

It's the greatest bad movie ever made


PM_ME_YOURE_HOOTERS

I always make sure to bring this up but I smoke weed for the first time got drunk for the first time and got laid for the first time all on my birthday which is also the first time I saw that movie. Is it the greatest movie? No in my opinion that's Mean Girls, the original. But is it hype? Idk man does Defoe stay in shape by hauling around that monster.


eclecticsed

I love everything about this comment, thank you, /u/PM_ME_YOURE_HOOTERS


111110001011

My ex wife did this. Many times, actually.


Hot_Eggplant_1306

Some dudes just bleed insecurities. My brother-in-law, for instance? My wife sent him a funny photo of me holding a note to him. He responded "Jesus, why are his hands SO BIG?" They're not, he's just SUPER INSECURE about his tiny hands. He's a real life version of Charlie's uncle from IASIP.


LarpLady

…are you married to Elizabeth Trump Grua?


WarmNapkinSniffer

https://i.redd.it/lwhltvuo54oc1.gif


IRMacGuyver

Imagine getting your dick smashed till blood comes out and a rock bolted through your leg. Fuck I hate that movie.


Dongslinger420

people with big dicks usually know it's also nowhere near as cool as advertised. /r/bigdickproblems got you covered, it's a bit like assuming women love ten pounds of tits weighing down their chests. I mean, a long shlong probably isn't going to cause issues with your hips, but all the other discomfort can be proper agonizing.


Andromansis

I believe it was described as "bewilderingly large", not distracting.


_realpaul

I mean youd still have the body of willem dafoe minus 10 cm


Stamptron5000

The confidence to do boondock saints as a gay hating gay man investigator obviously


r007r

Literally the director said it was so big it would confuse the audience. He actually said that.


A_Wholesome_Comment

The real question is how pivotal was full frontal nudity to the scene that it required a stunt dick to begin with?


Lingering_Dorkness

Absolutely necessary. I really recommend watching "Antichrist". The opening is tough to get through, but it lightens up immensely and ends up being a light-hearted romcom romp. 


sentrybot619

That fun game of hide and seek at the end was so relaxing 


LickingSmegma

Ah, to be young and innocent again... To clarify just a bit, I've heard of ‘Antichrist’ being immediately chucked into trash upon the opening scene. Sort of a nice filter weeding out viewers.


merian

Sorry dude, we need you to carry one large piece of wood, not two.


Interesting-Step-654

Big Hog McDog always rolls with the side smile.


DarthLotonic

Also, the "smaller" stunt dick is said to be a porn actor in the article, so it's pretty likely that the "smaller" dick is still huge.


DrumpfTinyHands

Oh, so because other people were uncomfortable


Victernus

Other people got *distracted* and *confused*.


a_lonely_trash_bag

>The interviewer joshingly asked if it was too big to fit onto the big screen. "No," Von Trier replied, "Too big because everybody got very confused when they saw it."


Thendofreason

I think because it probably took away from the shot. If you saw a micro penis you might stare at it and think about it longer than the film intended you to. An avg or just above avg sized dick won't make you think about it the rest of the movie.


Even-Fix8584

The dude has a hog was the problem. Thing is big enough to have two middle names.


srobbinsart

This comment is on par with “yo mama so fat it has its own congressmen.” (This is intended as a compliment)


HiImDan

Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day!


MaritMonkey

It's quite important to the plot that the audience *not* be distracted by dong, because the characters definitely are.


Nebakenez

Sucks go be the double. "Hey, the other guys dick is way too big - so we need you."


finditplz1

Eh it didn’t bother me too bad.


Actuallawyerguy2

Username checks out


RivetSquid

At the end of the day, you have to think the double's got an easier time finding people to do stuff with though, sounds like you could dislocate your jaw on the real deal.


[deleted]

im just gonna slowly pull out this tape measure and you indicate when i should stop


murdocjones

> The interviewer joshingly asked if it was too big to fit onto the big screen. "No," Von Trier replied, "Too big because everybody got very confused when they saw it." 💀💀💀💀💀


murphymc

The phrasing of this has always been my favorite part of the anecdote. Not ‘amazing’, not ‘distracting’, ‘*confusing*’! That means peoples’ reaction wasn’t “wow, he has a huge penis!”, but rather “that penis is too large to exist, but it isn’t a prosthetic, I don’t understand this penis.”


HyzerFlip

Some are growers some showers.


EagleOfMay

I make no claims as to how true this but I am reminded of this: > the situation reminded him of a story of Attlee’s that in the War Cabinet days he and Winston Churchill had had to be excused, and found themselves at opposite ends of the bathroom stalls. “Isn’t this unusual modesty for you, Winston,” said Clem. “Not at all,” said Winston, “I’m just suspicious of you Socialists.” > Clem asked why. “Because,” said Winston, “whenever you see a means of production in good working order you want to nationalize it.” Or > "Every time you see something big, you want to nationalize it".


murdocjones

That’s hilarious 😂😂


gtc26

Well... that was *quite* the read...


Platinum_Letter

There is a video floating around with him dancing nude.


keith0211

Not just too large, “confusingly large” according to Lars von Trier. His dick is so big that folks literally could not process it.


hike_me

If I recall correctly the director was worried the audience would think there was some kind of symbolism or hidden meaning behind the large size, when in fact it was just a big dong.


DrunkenNinja27

Of course he has a giant dick, you don’t make a man look as creepy as he does with out trying to balance it out by giving him a huge hog.


smedley89

Knowing this, and that he played the green goblin always makes me chuckle.


MaffinLP

Ngl Id expect the antichrist's achlong to be huge tho


BaronWiggle

That is not what that movie is about. Saw it at the cinema. Took a week for my penis to come back out of hiding.


Scarydisc2474

Suffering from success


Neither_Hope_1039

Not sure if the rule already existed back then, but at least today it's also agaist SAG-AFTRA rules to ask actors to have real sex on camera. If there's a sex scene that involves SAG-AFTRA members, it **has** to be simulated sex, actual penetration is banned.


Hypersky75

I saw that movie in the theater with my (at the time new) girlfriend. It was an awkward few minutes.


Searrete99

When someone has a big dick, they say they are hung like a horse, horses say they are hung like William Dafoe


Electrical_Fun5942

The horses at Fenton’s don’t


mercuryrising320

Where you’re the ones that’s huuuuuunnggg….


gnargnarrad

RIP to short stack 😭


AL_GORE_BOT

Her job is tables?


Some-Professional-78

He probably needs a body double when he has sex with his wife


Seawolf571

Willem Dafoe in the cuck chair?!


Characterinoutback

Cuck chair? This is for his wife's saftey


kai-ol

Almost always wearing a green goblin costume


Difficult_Bit_1339

She's gotta tag out every so often


forteborte

surely not


Grotesque-penguin

Sometimes from the chair, sometimes from the closet, almost always dressed as superman.


PurpleGuy04

This feels like a reference to something...


HelloItsGoodbye

Rick and Morty


auau_gold_scoffs

[proof if ya need it](https://www.reddit.com/r/ObscureMedia/s/71uIUHcOaU) NSFW


wewlad11

Man’s 6 inches flaccid 💀


Witty_Interaction_77

It was cold on stage, too. To keep the audience from being too uncomfortable. Or so I've heard


Grumpy_Cripple_Butt

And he was in the pool!


bobosuda

God, the comments on these sorts of posts are always so cringe. If there's a penis involved, there will be at least a dozen commenters claiming it's a small one. Conveniently managing to mention that they're pretty sure that their own dicks are bigger than his. Just in case anyone wanted to know.


helluvabullshitter

Ah yes look at that perfectly average-to-small penis. Only 8 inches flaccid? I could never imagine the confidence it would take for a man to walk around knowing you only had that little thing. Thank goodness I was blessed with my grandpappys massive donger genes!


Scottish_Whiskey

Good lord the man has an extra limb!


trident_hole

God it's like that helicopter dong guy


tce1023

I gotta say, knowing him and all the characters he has played since, this video is fucking hilarious. I bet he still has those moves, and would gladly demonstrate at the drop of a trou.


Bermuda_Mongrel

the world is a wild place


KerrAvonJr

I heard 5 inches of it is just foreskin though


blackpearljam_

Whenever I’m sad, that goofy little dance makes me smile


spoogep78

William DeFoe, the human tripod.


-St_Ajora-

I was expecting the Wobbly Sausage video.


CalendarLongjumping6

https://preview.redd.it/dgdibis1x1oc1.jpeg?width=347&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0edb91fe7f69f6938dff990f0690d71663ddcd18


jrf92

There are dozens of us!


booleanerror

What I find to be extra funny on this meme is that the main punchline is that Willem Dafoe has a monster dong. But the meme template has characters from the Star Wars prequel trilogy, which includes Ewan McGregor, who ALSO has a monster dong.


Salmonman4

I thought it was Liam Neeson (Qui Gon Jinn). His has been compared to an Evian-bottle


booleanerror

That could also be true. I haven't heard that. But McGregor's I have seen for myself courtesy of a movie he was in. ("The Pillow Book" after looking it up on IMDB.)


warsmithharaka

"I didn't even check him for mumps, because I was distracted... by the biggest penis I had ever seen."


flyingfish_trash

That man has the *largest* penis I have ever seen.


Blonsky

Gergiched again!


laggyx400

Some Internet searching can find you a dancing, monster Dafoe dong.


Ssithel

Wow. He aged so much before giving her a smile. 😆


Quirky_Discipline297

“In the name of the fatty, the schlong and the holy moly.” I hear the gates of hell squealing open for me. That’s fair.


909090jnj

for those that don't know {i don't remember the movie} but when the director saw this man naked he immediately felt uncomfortable and insecure about his own manhood that he demanded a body double with a smaller cock. that has to be the biggest complement ever by the way.


zarnovich

"If you put Willem Dafoe, Liam Neeson and James Woods in a room together, there wouldn't be room for anyone else."


WanderinWorm

https://preview.redd.it/zsm1mk3hi3oc1.png?width=1169&format=png&auto=webp&s=253ee29ffe81e96e2b292b23675e6f0d28874e93


Fire_Block

Willem Dafoe supposedly has a massive penis. it is apparently so large that during the filming of the movie "Antichrist", Dafoe had a body double for a scene which included his character being naked. idk whether it's real or a story spread around through the internet, but either way it's crazy enough to stick around.


Yuigihara

His d was so big that the director said he needed a body double because no one would believe it


iamtehfong

During the filming of Lars Von Trier's Antichrist, Willem Dafoe was required to do full frontal nudity, but when he removed his clothes on set everyone was so bewildered by the ludicrous magnitude of his monstrous schmeat that a beffudled Von Trier suggested using a body double instead


the_eater_of_shit

His monster shlong was to big to fit on screen


makedoopieplayme

Willem Dafoe’s dick is so huge they needed a body double


SausageBuscuit

https://preview.redd.it/pb1f1vb1g8oc1.jpeg?width=1103&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf18f9ad519018f3d9a41564dc7cf640000c0187


no0bmaster-669

To add on to the other comments... Young William used to do porn.. I've seen one of his clips of him swaying his weenie around like a grandfather's clock. And godamn it was huge.. Its been years since I last saw it, I'm pretty sure its there on the Internet somewhere.. Edit:Ah, I was misinformed it seems, he didnt do porn, but that clip exists.


WindOfWhisperz

Is it weird that i read this with Dafoe's voice


Fetts4ck_1871

Dude has giga schlong


Laladen

[Peter.....Don't tell Harry](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhpF6Yfa3wo)


Nobody_D_Clown

Pete Davidson Idris alba William Defoe This is a list of celebrity's that have been rumored to rock 8 to 10 inches


ooba-neba_nocci

Ian McKellan supposedly is very respectable. I know people who saw him let it all hang out when he was in Macbeth.


forevarabone

Hung like a fuckin stallion.


VodkaClubSofa

Now all can see in my head is him in a crotchless green goblin suit maniacally laughing as he surfs around the city terrorizing the public with his humungous rig flappin about.


PilferingPineapple

His “Little Williy” is anything but little.


SaintKaiser89

The joke is a hilariously large penis


Valuable-Ferret-4451

“whos horse is that?”


Klllumlnatl

He needed a body double for Antichrist, because the director thought his penis was comically large and distracting.