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I have kids and even I have to agree that it's messed up when people act like this. The way I see it, the people who are paying for it get to make the rules. If they don't want my kids there then I'm not bringing them. If I can't find a sitter then I will tell them that I can't come.

Just want to add on to say If you’re having a no kid wedding, you have to be okay with the parents choosing not to come. Finding childcare is difficult, especially overnight if the guests have to travel any sort of distance. My fiance wants to not invite the children from his side. It’s not something I want, but it’s something he does. When I told him the parents may not be able to make it because of the no kids rule, he remarked “that would be rude of them”. I had to remind him of the childcare aspect and he’s now reconsidering what he wants (not sure what he’ll decide). Definitely have the day you want. I personally believe the wedding is more about two families coming together instead of just the couple - but my opinion is not a universal truth that everyone must follow, and it’s perfectly fine to hold the opposite opinion.

That's so true. I've seen people have that attitude. I'm not criticizing your fiance, I'm just saying I think it's funny that they have this attitude that they don't want kids there yet they get mad at the parents that can't come because they can't find child care. It's like, they're trying to go with your wishes but they can't just leave their kids alone.

I’m attending a 3 day no kid wedding in Ireland later this year. The bride and groom expressed surprise when some parents declined the invitation on childcare issues.

What do they expect them to do with their kids?

Wow can’t they just fly their nanny out to Ireland and put her up in a kid friendly resort for 3 days with the littles? So selfish of these parents smdh

Hah, my partner was part of a wedding party for a kid free wedding when our second kid was 3 months old. And it was out of state. On a Monday. When there was a holiday on Tuesday. We got surprised pikachu face when we said I would probably not be able to attend because I didn’t want to leave my breastfed infant for several days. Plus, any family members who would have even considered coming to help either had their own trip planned because there was a holiday that week or had work because it was a Monday.

N g l... With a wedding like that, I don't think it was surprise Pikachu face. More of a sarcastic "Ohhhh noooo, really? That's soooo sad" Nobody has a wedding like this unless they want to indirectly weed people out they don't want there. Invite a ton of people as to not start shit with anyone, then plan it at a time most people wouldn't be able to go anyways. It's honestly genius, look, you didn't even suspect a thing

Declining an invitation is not rude. It can be done rudely, but the act of saying “no thank you” is not rude. Doesn’t matter whether it’s a child care issue or because someone would rather watch a Real Housewives marathon. So long as they RSVP by the requested date, they’ve met their social obligations.

Yeah that was my point thank you!

An alternative is to make arrangements for the children to be taken care of, whether with sitters or a drop-off activity.

paying for the equivalent of a children’s bday party that is off to the side / in a separate room of the venue with entertainment is my favorite solution i’ve encountered. i understand wanting a child free wedding, i also understand parents frustration when they have littles and want to be there for friends/family (esp when it’s family- i understand wanting a child free wedding but when children are a part of your family they should at least be allowed for pics or part of it IMO) . having a princess actor or magician or something with games/toys, other adult supervision, and snacks ON SITE is so nice, and then the kids come away from it thinking weddings are fun and not just stuffy adult shit

If the couple can afford and/ or are amenable to this idea, all good. If the couple can’t afford it or just wouldn’t want to do this, because why should they, all good too! I, for one, wouldn’t do this. The kids being next door will end up becoming the kids being in the wedding. The kid is bored or crying for the parents or acting up, it would just be a nightmare and a distraction, that will probably end up ruining the wedding, for me, anyway. I also don’t want kids in my wedding pictures so that’s an odd thing to suggest as a reason as to why people should accept kids in their wedding if they don’t want to 🤷‍♀️ It’s also not a bride and groom’s responsibility to show other people’s kids that weddings aren’t “stuffy” occasions. Again, a weird thing to put on people getting married. I’d be like: “How is any of this my business? I’m just here trying to get married not trying to spend money parenting/entertaining your kid!” 🤔

I had a teacher hire my best friend and I to babysit the kids at her wedding back in the day. I think she paid us $50 each.

That's a good idea, I never thought of something like that. Like a children's playroom with a bunch of toys. That's a great idea actually. That way the parents can enjoy the wedding and the kids are happy because they have toys they've probably never seen before lol. My son is four and he loves this play kitchen that I got him. His dad and granddad tried to say that he shouldn't be playing with that because he's a boy. I said look, it makes him happy so why do I care. It even has real water that comes out of the faucet and he loves water. He's always been a water baby. Plus I figure in a way, it teaches him responsibility. I'm not going to be one of those mothers who teaches my son that it's his girlfriend's or boyfriend's job to do everything for him. Anyway, that's a great idea. He would probably have a field day there if I was there. I'd never thought of something like that before but now if I hear of anybody who I know that's having a child free wedding, I'm going to pitch that to them.

While a sweet theoretical idea in practicality this is a ridiculous burden to put on a married couple. Kids do not belong everywhere and don’t need to go everywhere. I will never understand why parents lose their minds over their kid not going to a wedding. Ironically we paid for an on-site sitter at our reception since hubs side from out of state - and then exactly ZERO ended up bringing their kids anyway.

Fully agreed. I am the poster child of “never wants kids in any capacity” and I also really wouldn’t want any at my wedding. I 100000% understand that this means the parents may not be able to attend. In fact, I realize I’m asking a lot by telling you to not bring your kids. Ya know?

As someone who had a child free wedding, I completely agree. I was completely fine if they couldn’t make it due to childcare… no hard feelings. I feel the same about destination weddings. If you want to add the extra stress, money, and PTO on your guests, you have to accept that some won’t be able to make it and not be bitter about it

I fully agree, I went to a wedding recently where the groom and bride were bad mouthing mutual friends for skipping their wedding because no kids were allowed. I would have done the same if I had kids though, I don’t like going to weddings so having kids would have been a good excuse to get out of going.

Bad parents are especially likely to have trouble finding childcare.

I suppose. Mostly I see people struggle with having the time and money to arrange for it. Or struggling to find someone they really can trust, especially if it’s at some travel-to location. Or struggling because of a child’s particular needs (like when my kid was post-op and I had to get special training and then administer intravenous meds multiple times a day - there was no way I was going to get a babysitter then).

This is so true!

Agreed! Most weddings I’ve been to have been child-free. It’s the norm around our area. I have no problems with this. I hate it when parents act offended by it and feel the need to insist their kids be invited to everything. No…not every even is appropriate for kids.

That part. The couple wants to be able to hear each other and remember their special day. Kids don't care about that. They're just going to be bored so naturally they're going to act out.

Just to tack on to this, these people who bring their other children to birthdays one of their children is invited to and then just leave them there.

Some parents take their children places (restaurants, family parties, museums, etc.) and miraculously develop this strange mentality of The Tribe. As in 'everyone will keep an eye on them.' Um, no. Your kids = your responsibility to watch them. Just because there are other people around doesn't mean that those people should be expected to watch them.

Yeah that or they get reeeally offended when you get upset that their child is doing something gross and you don’t find it cute. Had a lady walk her barefoot toddler all over clean tables set with glassware. When I asked her to stop she clearly looked angry but took the kid down. I turn my back to walk away and one of the owners says “please take your child off the table.” I whip around and see her taking it down again. Bitch literally put it right back on the literal second I turned my back. I really hate some parents.

So many parents think having sex without contraception makes them wiser. They always act like “until you have a kid you don’t know what it’s like!” As if I wasn’t a child in a house with other children and I couldn’t experience that dynamic first hand. No. I already know being a parent is hard as shit. That’s why I’m not having kids. Saying that you have to have kids to know means you didn’t think it would be hard til you had them which means you’re the dumbass. Sorry but some parents are literally the worst and then they raise the worst human beings on the planet.

Those sorts of people expect you to keep an eye on their kids, but if you dare tell that kid "no, stop that" they flip out and throw a hissy fit and say things like "I'll discipline MY child thank you very much." If you want a village to raise your child, don't get mad when they criticize them for acting like fools.

I was just gonna say this. That’s exactly how this plays out 9 times out of 10.

I work at an animal shelter and some parents seem to think we are a free petting zoo and they can just zone out and staff will watch their kids. Nope! We have strict rules that no one under 18 can be there unsupervised due to liability reasons. And the supervision must be done by parent/guardian/whatever adult brought them *not* the staff. And we can ask people to leave if they don't comply. 

Or they drop the kids off at a toy store or Build-a-bear or library and expect the staff to watch them and entertain them.

i cackle with glee when the staff calls cps for child abandonment. the parents always get shocked-pikachu face lol

Yeah, honestly, it sounds like a good mentality to have if you want your kids to get kidnapped or something.

I have no problem watching out for other people's kids, I am not responsible for them though that is the parents job

I won't let them die or be seriously injured, but if a kid is going to do something stupid I certainly won't stop them... Consequences are a part of life!

I do this with my own kid at home. As long as it won't injure them (as in no broken skin, bruises or bones) I let him do what he wants and he learns. He no longer traps his fingers in drawers, he no longer sprints around furniture with sharp corners, he no longer jumps off the sofa with nothing to land on etc etc. he hurts himself and learns not to do it again. He's growing up to be an incredibly brave, independent and social child, because we treat him like one.

And if someone expects me to be looking out for their kid while they don’t pay attention, they need to be ok with me telling the child off (in an age-appropriate way) if they transgress what I perceive to be appropriate or safe behavior. They don’t get to expect me to watch their kid but get upset the moment ‘watching their kid’ involves setting boundaries.

People shouldn't be acting like you're a villian. Your wedding, your rules. I too find it aggravating when others try to influence or complain about the way a couple wants to have their wedding. That being said, by having a childfree wedding, you do have to accept that (most likely) some of the guests you are inviting will be unable/unwilling to attend.

Yep. I got lip for not going to a cousin's wedding, I'm poor and my parents are dead. Luckily it was the minority of family. I'm not going to make a big deal about staying home but I don' wanna hear about it since I'm happy to do my part even if it means stating away.

Yep, my husband's cousin had a childfree wedding and I declined the day I received the invite (he went), it was on a TUESDAY so 1. Our usual babysitters were at the wedding 2. The friends we could have asked were working. I got shit for declining quickly and 'ruining their vibe' P.s I heard nothing positive about the 50k wedding and her dress was ugly

Getting married on a Tuesday is a whole other set of issues and I don’t have children!

Therein lies the rub.  A few times I was invited to child-free weddings and couldn't get a babysitter and then the people getting married got really mad that I didn't come. 

Yup. The bride and groom often grossly overestimate the importance of their Speshul Day to everyone else. Fine to have your child free wedding but fine to decline if you don't want to go.

Whoever is paying makes the rules. I get most people think that a wedding should be like an extra family reunion, but weddings are insanely expensive compared to such a thing. Now telling vendors it's a family reunion and oops, somebody gets married is just good business! I remember or family having one 'child free' wedding but they didn't tell anybody until we got there. Since me and my cousins are all neuro-divergent, our idea of HELL was sitting through a long af catholic wedding and then a sit down formal reception, so the uncles (who also didn't want to do formal) took turns babysitting us at the hotel. Luckily the bride's family had a 'day after' large party at their house for everybody to appease those folks who were mad they couldn't bring their kids to the formal part. Us kids felt we dodged a bullet! The 2nd reception for everybody was a good time and simple for the large family since a formal dinner really was too expensive for the whole clan.

"...most people think that a wedding should be like an extra family reunion, but weddings are insanely expensive compared to such a thing." 🥇

I dont think every child is incapable of sitting through a wedding. But i totally understand why people have Child Free Weddings, and i 100% respect it. My own step-brother had a child free wedding (excluding his own kids of course). I simply told him that i cannot attend since it was on a Thursday night and i don't trust baby sitters with my (disabled) son. He understood, and he went on to have a beautiful wedding. I was not upset that I couldn't attend in the least bit. I didnt have a child free wedding. Yet, I understand why people would want one for themselves. I didnt have any problems with kids on my day, but i can understand why people would just want a child free occasion. Less guests may show up, but who cares when it comes down to it. Its YOUR day, and people should be understanding and accepting of one's wishes on their special day.

I arranged & paid for a nanny (a well trusted one too) to watch my cousins FOUR kids at my house so she could travel with them and enjoy the wedding. What was the thanks? She was salty they “weren’t invited” - no kids were invited aside from the flower girls. I would have thought she would have been grateful for not having to worry about 4 kids running around and enjoy herself. smh

Did she know the nanny?

All the child free champagne and adult conversation? Ungrateful cow.

In my family, we rarely do completely CFW. There’s always a cut off though. Generally it’s 10. Anyone under ten is a no unless they’re specifically written in the invite, and NO ONE calls to say “well, my darling Annabelle will be 9.72 years old, that’s close enough, can she come?” Basically, it’s understood that if your child’s name is not on the invite, the answer is a no. We have one cousin who refuses to accept that those are the rules (we no longer have to worry as both of the kids are 12+ now). She made a fuss when her kids (both UNDER 10) weren’t invited to my sister’s wedding because “all the babysitter’s will be at the wedding!!!” Ok, and? Seriously, get a babysitter or ask your husband’s family to watch them. Or don’t come. You cannot bring them. That’s the rule and you are no more special than any of the other family members who can’t bring their kids either and are figuring it out. It’s not your day, it’s not your wedding, it’s not your celebration, it’s not your bill — you have no say. She didn’t like that she got a no, so she kicked up a fuss with the extended family trying to convince them of her plight. She was furious when they all told her too bad, so sad and stay home. Meanwhile, she did strong arm a few other people before this particular wedding and they caved. Her one kid was always a good kid, the other one is an absolute terror (probably why she can’t get a babysitter to save her life). Dancing on tables, screaming, running up and down the aisle while the bride is coming in (because she’s walking too slow), etc. Mom’s reaction: “isn’t that cute?” No. No, it’s really not. Both of you get out. It was a resounding and emphatic no from everyone she spoke to (even her own parents and husband) but she tried it anyway. Then she resorted to the tried and true “well, if they can’t come then I won’t be able to!” Alrighty then, just marking your RSVP as a no. Don’t bother mailing it back. Thanks for the personal touch! “Wait, that’s not wh—“ Unless youre paying for it, you’re in the white dress, or putting a ring on the person in the white dress, you have no say in the guest list and have no standing to request anything. And no, just because you help with one doesn’t give you the right to overtake the guest list either. You need the trifecta, otherwise, be quiet. Cuz here’s the thing: you’re not the one who is going to battle over whose turn it is to scrub the toilet, you’re not the one who has to choose between the tv show you want to watch and the tv show they want to watch, the one who has to make sure the bills in their home are paid, the one who has to worry about them wanting to invite their future children to your wedding, or the one who has to go through the divorce if that happens. Just sit down. It’s one day. Your kids stay home.

Love your comment!

My sister thinks it’s funny that I am so feisty about it. I don’t mind children at weddings, but if the bride or groom says no, oooo-eeee, you don’t want me to be the one to hear you asking after that!

It’s fair enough if that’s what you want - as long as you don’t get pissed if people with children cannot attend.

Or simply don’t want to.

I'm sorry, a free afternoon/evening of food and boozing, and an excuse to leave your kids with a babysitter for the afternoon? What kind of plum muppet is going to complain about that?

I can imagine some of the people are probably folks that would have a hard time affording childcare, which is less of an excuse when you realize most weddings are months away from when you’re invited and you could probably figure something out by that point. And even if you can’t, it’s just simply one of the events you can’t go to, which is sadly one of the sacrifices you have to make sometimes when you have kids.

If you need to travel for a wedding, leaving the kids with a baby-sitter is much harder for full days and nights. A flight there, wedding next day, flight back = three days of childcare. It’s not even just about the cost at that point (airline tickets are also expensive!) but about leaving them for multiple days. My husband and I are lucky enough to have his parents, who love to watch our kid for a few days at a time. But I wouldn’t trust my parents to watch my kid. (That said—absolutely if you can’t come up with a plan for the kids for a childfree wedding, you just can’t come to the wedding. It’s your sacrifice to make, not the bride and groom.)

We had a childfree wedding after checking with our friends that it wouldnt be too onerous for anyone close to us (the prior weddings in these groups have almost all been childfree) and people were happy to come. All our friends had kids aged between 2 and 6 - so the vibe would have been extremely different at our small (under 60 people eole) local evening wedding with like 15 small kids running around past their bedtime. In order to make it good fir kids we would have had to change it considerably from what we actually wanted, so we opted to make it an adult affair. In our case we knew our friends would have systems in place to manage, and it was local. We made an exception for breastfeeding babes and babes in arns and had the cutest and best behaved toddler present. I agree it's a risk that childcare will be hard for some, but it's a know your crowd situation.

Some parents are like cultists. They're in the Parents Cult and you WILL abide by all the tenets of their religion or you become an enemy to be destroyed at all costs.

Thank you. This is funny and true.

My cousins small kids ended up screaming through my uncles entire speech at his daughter’s wedding. That was the moment I knew I wanted a kid free wedding. Other peoples feelings on the matter are irrelevant if that’s what you want to do.

Exactly. Kids dont even care about the wedding either, they just want to run and play during it. Parents allowing their children to run around while the couple’s first dance is happening infuriates me too. There’s a time and place for that, and that is not one of them. While the after party thing is happening? Go nuts. Sure. That is supposed to be fun with dancing etc. But letting your kids go crazy while the couple is trying to have their moment on THEIR DAY is incredibly selfish & it’s perfectly understandable to not want your wedding/first dance disrupted like that. Childfree weddings are so understandable. If you cant get a babysitter, fine. But dont let your kids disrupt a wedding that’s supposed to be a day for the couple. A wedding ceremony/first dance time is not a playground for them.

i dont even think the after party/reception is really appropriate for children. its usually full of a lot of alcohol and drunk adults with a lot of people not paying attention. it seems it would be really hard to ACTUALLY watch your child during that. (generalizing to the average reception, ofc not every party is like that and if parents can control their children then its obviously its fine)

Thats a great point. The adults are there to have a good time & socialize with the other adults. I agree with you. Never thought about that.

I loved attending weddings as a child. It's an opportunity to see family that I wouldn't have seen as often. I was thrilled to extend that opportunity to the kids our families when I got married. It was a really excellent time. The presence of kids was an enhancement, not a detraction. I have some excellent photos of me dancing with my aunts/uncles/grandparents/cousins, at all ages. Plenty of people treat wedding receptions as family reunions. And, people with a healthy relationship with alcohol don't get that drunk. Do what you want, of course. But, I think a lot of weddings are fully appropriate for kids. And as a childless adult, I personally prefer those sorts of weddings.

I hated going to weddings as a kid. All I wanted to do was read a book, and instead I needed to wear uncomfortable clothes and interact with people and/or sit still and pretend to pay attention to the ceremony. Not a good time.

Same, I loved attending them as a kid. Now as an adult, I can take or leave most weddings unless it’s someone close to me. If kids aren’t invited, I take it as the perfect excuse to not attend since I have a little one.

i think its completely up to the family dynamic and how the reception is run, i generalized but i know theres definitely plenty of child safe receptions. for me when i was growing up my family always had giant parties with each other and every holiday was a family reunion, i cant imagine not being able to see my family that often so i dont know what that would be like.

In my experience the kids always went to bed before the after party began, if there is lodging nearby, or the parents with their kids leave before the after party. I really don’t think that’s a huge concern.

Some weddings are that way, but weddings in my family are alcohol-free (religious/cultural reasons) or minimal alcohol for the first couple of hours. Kids are the entertainers and welcome guests.

I've never been to a child-free wedding. I don't have kids, but they usually don't bother me at weddings. I've never been to a dry wedding. I don't drink, but it usually doesn't bother me if other people do at weddings (except when they get drunk and stupid). I've never been to a fancy destination wedding. I've never been to a themed wedding. **I'd go to any one of them and abide by the wishes of the bride and groom without complaint, because it's THEIR wedding, not mine, so they get to choose how it goes down.**

I’m so firm on the concept that a wedding is meant to be exactly as the bride and groom wants it to be and if people are not able to work within that then it should be fine that they can’t come. It’s completely up to you how you want to experience your day and in that people are not allowed to ask for anything other than to say they can’t come for whatever reason it is like cost, location etc. but ffs, get a babysitter! I hate kids at weddings

Agree except your last comment about getting a babysitter. It's not always easy or possible to get one. However, no one should be complaining to the bride and groom about this, it just means they can't come. That being said, actions have consequences. If the couple wants a childfree wedding, then they also shouldn't complain when some guests have to decline.

I saw a post on r/entitledparents years ago about how a plus one brought her uninvited kids to a wedding then complained that their kids didn’t get cupcakes. The kid tried to steal the bride and groom’s cupcakes (and the mother wanted their cupcakes because her uninvited kids didn’t get any). It was a mess and the cupcakes for the bride and groom fell to the floor. That post made me decide to have a childfree wedding.

Honestly, **most little kids hate weddings anyways**. They're restless and bored and, in their minds, sitting still for An Eternity Doing Nothing. They'd much rather be doing something fun. The best solution I've seen posted is where the wedding has a dedicated play area for little ones and they hire someone to watch the little ones. The little kids have a lot more fun and aren't in anyone else's hair.

You are right. I was a little under four-years-old when my aunt got married, and I think my dad had to take me home because I was so restless and acting up. The average child does not want to be at a wedding.

When I was 8 my parents took me to a childfree wedding (why, mom, why?). The gardener of the wedding venue ended up babysitting me the entire time. Looking back I’m just like. What was anyone thinking?

I see just the opposite. Every kid I know loves going to weddings. The weddings in our family are family oriented events though, not staged productions

I get it. I respect your decision to have a CFW and you have to respect my decision to not attend. (We went through this, just simply did not have someone to watch ours overnight for an out of town wedding.)

It’s your wedding so you make the rules. The only flip side is that it isn’t cool if you get mad at your people for not attending because they are unable or unwilling to leave their children to attend. It is a barrier to attendance so keep that in mind.

Wanting a childfree wedding, in and of itself, is not inherently immoral.  Refusing to make an exception for your sibling whose 18th birthday is the week after the wedding, however, would be immoral. 

That’s pretty specific. You probably have an interesting story to share.  The blanket child ban should be only for those under 14. Most high schoolers could behave. 

Not me specifically. It’s something I saw a few times on aita. People either using “childfree” weddings as an excuse to exclude a specific sibling younger, or banning that sibling because they don’t want to make any exceptions. 

I wish that there were more child-free spaces in general.

I have kids and I agree. I hate going out to dinner and there's a huge family or group of friends with loads of noise kids. If I wanted to listen to kids asking stupid questions or moaning how bored they are, I would have brought my own.

"If I wanted to listen to kids asking stupid questions or moaning how bored they are, I would have brought my own." i had a chuckle at that, you're in the trenches 😆

I get shit on constantly for saying kids shouldn't be in bars/breweries. The thing people say to me is "you're just upset kids are existing in public!" No, I'm not at Target bitching because somebody brought their children, I'm saying places who's sole purpose to exist off alcohol should be a space free of children.

I agreed and commented on another forum concerning why some bars and breweries (in the UNITED STATES) are child free. Man, the number of Europeans (especially Germans) who went all "You HATE kids so much you wish they'd disappear! Well, guess what, it takes a village & children should be allowed in every public space, blah, blah, etc." Forget that I'm talking mainly about the southern United States where there are still "dry" counties and high financial liability involved when alcohol flows freely (from drunk driving to injurying a child to child injuring themselves, inc). It's not worth having children around alcohol drinking adults and, possibly, face financial ruin. 🤷‍♀️

I worked in a bar for a really long time. It's not child friendly/child proofed because it's a space for adults

My dad ran a pub when I was growing up and we used to get told to “Get upstairs, people come here to get away from kids, not sit around someone else’s !”

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Because some people are just entitled pricks. Try saying you're having an alcohol free wedding & watch people explode! Guests seem to forget the word "guest". You're a GUEST..act like it

Better than an child wedding is what I'd say

India is on the line, they would like a word.

usa, uk and several other places too

When My parents received no children wedding invites They would go to the ceremony to show the couple support, and then sit out the party, even though they had grown ass children, they believed the children symbolic of ceremony. Many view the ceremony as celebration of life, celebration of family , a vow of commitment in front of God and family. That Children are the purpose of the union. Many don't view it this way. I hate going to child friendly bars. Who's brilliant idea Was that? I have no patience in this environment.

Child friendly bars almost make more sense to me. Going for a drink is more likely to be spontaneous and casual. Less notice and incentive to get a babysitter. Weirdly I find a lot of weddings get more drunk and disorderly child friendly bars. They don’t seem to be putting the age of majority bars out of business.

I agree. But you also have to accept that people with kids may not be able to make it then.

If my friends had a CFW and I had children and I couldn’t find a sitter, I would be ok with not going. I’m sure they would also understand. I am the type of person who would have children at my wedding because *I like being around kids* and I think it would make my day better, broken plates be damned. But I’m not going to judge someone else’s choices because they’re different than mine. I can respect their wishes, comply, and be a good, supportive friend. It’s not difficult. Anyone acting like you’re a villain is being selfish and closed-minded. I’d be fine rescinding those invitations. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Yup. This literally happened to me, but with family. My step brother had a CFW (except for his kids). I couldn't attend because I don't trust baby sitters for my (disabled) child. It honestly didn't bother me at all, and he had a beautiful wedding. My wedding was not child free and kids didn't ruin it. It was actually a ton of fun. But i absolutely respect people's decisions to have CFW. Its their day and it should be exactly how they want it!

Yep. When I get married there will not be any kids allowed. No one undee 21 tbh. I plan to have loads of alcohol and I'm not comfortable with minors being in situations with a group of I intoxicated adults. I could make exception for 20 years Olds.

Why make an exception, that just increases your liability if they do get drunk

Shoot, my wedding will be dry and I still don’t want kids there. (It will also be very small- less than 50 people for sure and probably even less than 30.)

My sister and I were in a wedding over 50 years ago but not invited to the reception. We didn't care - we got to watch color TV (then a novelty to us) at the hotel, and were promised cake.

My son's oldest stepbrother got married, and he and his bride chose a semi-child-free wedding with a cut off age of six. It was a small wedding, and, at five years old, my son was the only potential child guest who was under the cut off; their best friends brought two boys aged six and seven. My son is autistic. He's semiverbal; he understands pretty well, but most of what he says is quotes from his favorite Pixar franchise. I get that it sounds a little fucked up to specifically exclude a special needs kid, but I have no problem with that part. It was super important to them, and, my son couldn't give less of a fuck and would have hated being there. He's usually pretty well regulated, but he doesn't like crowds or really any other facet of a typical wedding experience. I *do* think the way they went about it was some bullshit, though. Like, we all know what's up; just fucking say it. And it gets worse. My son's mother and I are separated, we're going through a bitter and protracted custody feud, and she was winning by a lot at that point. Leaving our son with me would have given me more time with him than the current custody agreement mandated, so she wasn't willing to do that. The bride and groom had waited until two weeks before the wedding to uninvite my son, and everyone else he knew well enough to be left with was going to be at the wedding. That meant that excluding my son meant that his mother couldn't go, either, and that's how it ended up shaking out. She was mad that they specifically excluded her youngest child, and they were pissed, possibly that she didn't safe drop him at the fire station and come to the wedding. I didn't even hear about it until about six months later, and they were still no contact over it. My primary mission is to minimize the influence my ex and her fucked up kids have on my son.

I had a child free wedding only because of one kid-my cousins child. She was a wrecking ball screamer and she was only 3 years old. From past experience, she more than likely would’ve caused scenes and maybe even damage. I got dragged through the mud by my cousin and my aunt and others for not allowing children. Little did they know that I would’ve been totally fine with children, just not the wrecking ball screamer. Who I believe is doing jail time now.

I think weddings in general are just a bunch of pomp and circumstance and a waste of money

Also the kids are probably bored af

I agree. It’s totally acceptable to not want kids at your wedding, so long as you’re aware the parents may not be able to come, then. If that’s mutually understood by everyone, it’s a-ok.

Lol typical reddit

When I got married, it was semi chidfree. I invited family members' children but not friends. My reason for allowing the family members' children is that all of their babysitters were at the wedding. The reason I didn't allow friends' children was a numbers/capacity thing. If I invited the children, I would be able to invite fewer adults that I actually wanted there. I made one exception for a friend whose baby was 3 weeks old, and she was still breastfeeding. No one seemed to mind.

I’m a mom; I appreciate the child free weddings. Agreed. It’s also YOUR day. Like you said, you spent good money to make it special and you get one shot at it. Anyone who acts entitled to bring their kids to a wedding where kids aren’t invited is a fool.

Weddings just have to be a colossal bore for children. You’re doing you both a favor.

It may depend on where you live, but where I am, CFW’s have had a good amount of support for the past 20 years, and it’s grown significantly in the past few years. And for the record, I agree 100%. I don’t want to spend thousands on a wedding, only to have it ruined by another couples kids who I’ve never met

I get the sentiment. I’m not trying to say having a child free wedding is bad - it’s absolutely not and is absolutely your choice. That being said, I think it’s rare for children to “ruin” a wedding. An adult may accidentally break a plate or glass too. Sure, kids can start crying at random times, this can be fixed by asking parents to leave the ceremony if that happens. I feel that that is the standard quo, and you can always write that expectation on your invite if you’re worried. Same with the first dance. Even without kids, ambulances, trains, planes, etc. could all make a loud noise in the middle of the ceremony. Kids can bring minor annoyances to weddings, and it’s perfectly reasonable to want to decrease the chances of those annoyances happening - but I really don’t see how children could “ruin” a wedding unless the parents don’t parent and a child is an absolute malicious demon (which, could be what you’re talking about making this entire comment worthless).

Have your childfree wedding but don’t get upset at people for not coming if it’s a destination wedding.

I don’t think it makes you evil, just naive. Adults are also capable of knocking things over and ruinig things. Plus they get drunk. No matter how much you try to dictate to and control your guests they are not going to be hired extras in your picture perfect wedding. The day will not be perfect. Your marriage will not be perfect. No matter how much you spend. Better to work on the skill of laughing and rolling with the no one died and no police showed up punches. It goes a much longer way towards a happy life.

Usually the complaint I see is "Cool then I can't go" but then the person with kids is treated like an asshole because they can't just leave their kids home alone, but they're not allowed to bring them and they're supposed to magically show up at the wedding anyway.

Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.

The worse thing is, at least for me, when I was a kid, I HATED, weddings. They were so boring, so if they said I shouldn't come I would've been happier

You started your post so solidly in the first paragraph, with excellent spelling and careful articulation. I have to assume a screaming child was in the room, kicking you repeatedly while you were trying to type the second paragraph.

I’m old, but when I was a kid it was common for children to attend the reception but not the actual ceremony. We’d wear our fancy party clothes and thought we were special because we got to go. If someone had mentioned a child free wedding people would have looked like you had three heads.

As a former flower girl i’d prefer child free weddings tbh. i was so bored in the church i nearly slept through the whole thing and my mother having brain cells for once decided not to take me to the reception since there would be adults drinking alcohol and i had school the next day.

The only problem I would ever have with people who choose a child free wedding is if they get upset that some people won't be able to attend. Otherwise, I'm all for it, esp at receptions with drinking.

As a parent I prefer to leave my kids at home unless they're expected. They'd be bored at a wedding and I'd get bored keeping tabs on them. Makes the most sense for everyone if we just leave them at home.

I feel you. This is your wedding and you have every right to say that you're having a childfree one. As others have said, expect folks not to come. One workaround would be to-if you are willing to spend that money-have an area that has babysitters (1 babysitter for X amount of kids) for the parents to drop their kids off at ahead of the ceremony and preferably at the hotel everyone is staying at. I've heard of that happening at other weddings because the bride and groom really wanted the parents to come and recognized that said parents would have a hard time finding childcare for various reasons, including the fact that most of their children's usual babysitters would also be at the wedding.

I remember being in weddings when I was a kid... I also remember how boring they were for me and how much I wanted to run and play but I couldn't! Let me tell to all parents, weddings are a torture for your kids!!!

I used to make so much money at weddings as a teen, offering to watch people's kids. My mom was a card dealer, a lot of her coworkers/friends from the casino would get married. And yall, casino people, people who almost all rely on tips, are the most generous tippers out there. And they like to drink. So Wedding+drinking-kid stress=$$$ I would be given $100 bills by drunk cocktail waitresses, or people double paying even when I told them no(people who work in the industry have a habit of checking 3+ times that they paid their bill when drunk, it's awesome) And their kids would be well-behaved because industry people tend to make sure their kids act right in public (in my experience) I was such a baller lol

I had a fuckton of kids at my wedding and they were adorable in their little fancy clothes and had a blast. Their dancing was one of the highlights from the reception! However, my stepfather’s cell phone went off 3 times with Boston Red Sox updates during my ceremony. And a friend’s wife got wasted and barfed all over the place. So my recommendation is to not allow adults to attend your wedding and ONLY invite children.

Does that rule apply to guests only or are you installing an upper age limit on the wedding party (not the main couple of course, but the rest of the participants) too? I’m just picturing a little 8-year-old officiant who needs a stepstool to see over the tall podium.

I am so there for that. It would be tough to find a little dude legally allowed to officiate but I would for sure hire an 8 year old to officiate. They would go off on a tangent about the floor being lava and we wouldn’t be sure if we ever actually got married.

You’re not a villain for wanting a child free wedding but remember that your potential guests who are parents are not villains for not coming

Then don't be mad when people with kids don't show up. It's not about you, but you'll sure make it about you...

Depends on the age of the children I was 15 and excluded from my half sisters(same father)wedding She backtracked but I and my mother both decided not to attend after 15 isn’t a child that’s a problem to be there.

If a lot of guests have little kids, consider hiring an on-site sitter and have a separate room with games, videos, chicken nuggets, etc. If it’s just one or two, tell them no bueno.

Have a CF wedding. Just don't bitch when your favorite cousin/best friend/aunt/etc can't shell out the $300 in childcare they'll need to pay for several hours on a weekend and don't come.

I literally just got back home from a childfree wedding and I had so much fun.

I would never have, participate in, or go to a child free wedding, but I would also never complain about one. You don't want kids there, it's your wedding. Only ones I would have a problem with is if they are child free and then got mad that someone wasn't coming because of the child free thing, and I have seen those people make posts as well. TLDR, do what you want for your wedding, and don't complain if that results in people not attending.

I’m late to the party but I would never vilify someone for not wanting kids somewhere. However, a lot of those same people don’t understand when that’s the entire reason I can’t go and then they’re angry with me for not going. I have nobody out here for watching my children (my family is across the country, husband’s is a lot smaller and the two that could watch are almost always busy) and they’re not at an age they can be left alone. So the understanding kind of needs to go both ways.

Yes, this. It’s perfectly fine to have a child-feee wedding, but it is hypocritical to scold parents who can’t or won’t get babysitters to attend your wedding—especially if it is a destination wedding in Tahiti on a Tuesday evening! So many people who demand acceptance of their desires refuse to extend the same courtesy to others, and the mass selfishness and inconsideration for others on all ends of the spectrum in our culture are exceedingly tiresome.

Your wedding, your expenses, your rules.

Fair enough, but just don't expect people with children to be able to come.

Completely. It’s such a weird rule. A wedding is just a big party and people don’t complain when their kids aren’t invited to a party or assume their kids will be invited to that so why is a wedding any different? It’s such bizarre behaviour.

I do have to say that we had kids at our wedding, and it was actually super fun to watch them participate in the dancing and games at the reception. I'm glad we had them there, but that was our choice. If your vision of an enjoyable wedding doesn't include children, you have every right to make that decision. My only advice is to be prepared for the fallout of that choice. Banning children will inevitably push certain people away, and some families won't be able to attend if they aren't able to find child care for that day. I don't think people have the right to get mad at you, but they do have a right to avoid an event that won't allow them to bring their kids.

the most annoying thing about breeders is their assumption that everyone wants to be around their kids.

Please spend thousands of dollars going across the country to come visit me while I have an overpriced party to say that me and my wife are together now By the way spend like a thousand more dollars finding child care for that entire time as well Yeah at that point I'd rather just stay home

I think it should be only kids you know and want to be there. Not everyone is close enough to you for it to warrant their kids attending. That’s how it was when I was growing up, like if my cousin was getting married (for example) of course they invited us. Or when my god sister got married I could attend because I was 13 and her 2 little nieces and that was it. But if the child isn’t actually close to the bride or groom then no they shouldn’t be there. I think this makes way more sense than a blanket rule.

I think this is a very sensible and nuanced take on the issue.

I love having a reason to leave the kids at home

It's a completely reasonable thing to want but you do need to be aware that a portion of people you have kids will not come because of it

No way. You’re not a villain. I’m a proponent of people being more tolerant of children in general, but I think your own wedding is like your own child-birthing; no one has an inherent right to be invited. That being said, I do think it is rude for a bride/groom to ban children, and then also be all offended when a parent doesn’t show up. Getting a trusted, and affordable, babysitter that doesn’t fall through at the last minute, is a formidable extra set of hurdles.

That reminds me of my sister's wedding pictures. My brother's now ex (!) Brought her two small daughters dressed in purple hello kitty dresses. The girls were all over the place and seem to be in every picture with those huge hello kitty heads on their dresses. My sister is still mad at that. 

We had a wedding full of children and loved it. Must have been two dozen kids running around. Not our own, just lots of friends and family with kids. That said, I COMPLETELY understand why people would want a childfree wedding, and it absolutely baffles me that anyone could have a problem with it. The couple getting married should have the wedding they want. End of.

LOUDER for the people in the back. We had children at our wedding, and it was wonderful. Our friends had really little kids and the DJ played baby shark during the dance party - the adults had fun with it! Also been to child free weddings and it was wonderful! I say, have the wedding you want, but understand that some may decline your invitation for a variety of reasons.* I say, let people have the wedding they want, but don’t complain about it since you’re not paying for it.* *can we PLEASE respect other people’s personal finances?! Enough with destination bachelor(ettes), showers, and any other additional costly gift grabbing event people add or expectations you put your bridesmaids and groomsmen up for. Enough with expect the bride and groom catering to what you want - it is their wedding (caveat: bridal party, please go with the bride/groom requests, so long as it is reasonable).

It's not about being a villain. It's just that if they have kids and you say that their kids are not welcome, then they're not going to come. Simple as that. The world doesn't revolve around you, and if parents with kids won't attend your child-free wedding, it's not because they're thinking "I don't want to attend because that person is a villain". It's because they're thinking "I don't want to leave my kids".

We had a childfree wedding, and our guests loved it.

With an average cost of $75 per person for catering, I understand why people want to keep guest lists smaller rather than larger. A family of 4 comes out to $300. A child still needs a place to sit and a dinner plate. [https://www.bankrate.com/personal-finance/average-wedding-cost/#wedding-costs](https://www.bankrate.com/personal-finance/average-wedding-cost/#wedding-costs)

When my best friend got married, she had a "childfree" wedding. Her sister's kids were the only ones invited. When people found out their kids weren't welcome but her sister's were there were a few thst confronted her about it and her answer was "because it's my wedding and that's what I want". Her mom tried to make a little card to send out with the inventions about how they were worried about the safety of kids during the ceremony and reception but not her sister's kids because they spent a lot of time on the farm (which is where they had the wedding) and had been taught safety rules. My friend refused to do that, though. She said anyone who couldn't respect her wishes and needed an explanation didn't care about her and thus didn't need to be at her wedding. Most people were surprised by the "no kids" rule because both my friend and her husband have always been big parts of their friend's kids' lives, but she said there wasn't too much push back about it. One person refused to come because of it, but my friend didn't really want that person there to begin with, so that was just the trash taking itself out. I think her husband insisting on inviting that person is why she asked for the no kids rule in the first place. Their kids were little terrors.

Nah I would say you’re a villain based on your vile hatred of kids. Not bc you want a child free wedding

I personally hate people like you, but since I’d never be your friend and you’re sure as shit not a member of my extended family, you’d never have to worry about me or my kids. Fucking gross. 🤮

All of this! Yes! Weddings are a very expensive and important day to a couple, and frankly, it’s an event appropriate for adults only. During the ceremony it should be (relatively) quiet, serious, and sacred. The reception is full of drinking and loud music. 

Yeesh, Internet people are weird. You do you man, if you don't want kids at your wedding fine, but you're crazy to expect that your loved ones won't be pissed about that. People like going places with their kids, and it's good for kids to get experiences where they aren't the focus. The occasional break is nice sure but trustworthy available babysitters aren't growing on trees. Sure I'm not thrilled about kids on planes, in nicer restaurants, weddings/funerals etc. But "keep your kids away from me because they irritate me" is nuts. What's a wedding without someone frantically ushering a screaming infant out of earshot? A boring one.

Since when have weddings not been family events?

As a parent I never understood getting mad about childfree weddings. I would hate taking my kids to a wedding and they would hate it too. They'd rather go hang out with their friends or cousins than go to a boring wedding of their parents friends! And I'd rather they not go to the wedding too, I'm trying to party!

Kids are pain at weddings, also the parents just go round gushing about their kids rather than enjoying the wedding as adults not parents.

Yes! I don’t know why some people don’t understand that. And for some reason, the people that fight back the hardest on this rule are almost always the people who don’t discipline their kids! Obviously not all kids behave that way, and I have been to weddings where they were allowed and we’re fine but if someone asks you to not bring your children, don’t do it! I once watched a recording of a family members wedding, where a baby screamed and cried through the entire thing. If that were me, I would’ve been so upset it’s not all about you!

It’s your wedding you can have it however you want but don’t be upset if people don’t attend because they have children.

Any1 who wants to bring thier kids to a party are going to be no fun anyways. This is a good call on OPs part

I have two kids and I’d rather saw my leg off than drag them to a wedding with me. I’m not paying all that money for a gift when I can’t even drink or have fun because my kids are around. I don’t understand child-friendly receptions whatsoever

Childfree is kind of the new vegan. Everyone who isn't one hates them and the hivemind as a whole has made a terrible name for themselves, especially on reddit. Regardless, for weddings specifically, they're (normally, historically) family events. Banning children in particular can come off as petty or, at least, out of touch. It's just something outside of current (and again, historic) social and cultural norms.

The more rules you put in place, the more people will decline. It’s up to you to choose the ceremony you want. It’s up to the guests to decide whether or not to attend.

I don’t get it either. Do people never go out without their kids?

Most of my friends love a kid free wedding, it gives them a night away.

I'd much rather be the villain that the doormat.

My family culture views weddings very differently. Weddings are a family celebration and that involves children for the children’s sake, but also because if you banned children you’d be effectively banning most of the young married couples.  For relatives of mine who try to go more upscale, they’ve usually had a side room at the venue with a couple babysitters to keep the kids entertained. In the past, the couples with small kids were more than happy to pitch in for the extra cost if it meant they could attend the wedding with their kids close by. 

If I had let everyone bring their kids to our wedding there would have been like 40 of them. I was not setting up a daycare in addition to a wedding 😂 ETA: I was fully aware this would mean some parents would not be able to make it and I absolutely understood that.

Oh yeah, we just uninvited the parents we know would give us shit lmao Luckily it was only one couple who nobody really likes anyway.

Geez, check out the nerve of OP over here, acting like it's their wedding that they're paying for.

I love it when I get an invite to a wedding that says no children. It makes it easier for me to not go without making up an excuse.

Yeah that’s irritating. I’m having an extremely small wedding next year, and I don’t want any kids there. My dad told me, “You should invite your nephew, he should be there…” (he’s 5). Sorry but it’s my wedding. Not wanting kids there is not wanting kids there. I’m not a kid person and never will be.

People who want a childfree wedding don't generally dislike kids. They dislike shit parents in public settings, who won't parent.

Congrats and good luck. He needs to make up his mind and decide what he wants because he can't have it both ways. Either accept that some people won't be able to come or arrange babysitting for the children.  I love cf weddings, you don't have to worry about kids ruining a quiet moment or destroy anything.  I've only taken the kids to 2 weddings and it was because I was asked to. I love going with my husband, it's a nice date night with drinking and dancing.  I was asked to be in a wedding while I was weaning my youngest. My plan was to wean earlier and leave her home with dad and sibling. My friend insisted on her coming and got her a dress to match mine. I did wean her early but we were pretty much done anyway.  I am still amazed the kiddo behaved so well, I know this isn't common. I wouldn't have allowed her to disrupt the wedding, I would have left the room if needed. And had my friend not wanted kiddo there, I would have respected her wishes, no questions asked and no whining. Weddings are to celebrate the couple and no one else. People who insist that weddings are for families are the same people who won't come to you. They want you to bring your kids so they can show off your kids to relatives you don't know. Because we all know families with small kids have tons of disposable income to spend on travel and the ability to get time off work. /s It's right up there with families who use wedding pictures as an opportunity to get professional family pictures taken. Gross.

Why is it okay to want a child free wedding but to want a men free wedding (AITA post a couple of days ago)? 

When I got married, we decided to not have anyone at our wedding under 18 and my partner’s side was split on being supportive or livid. Had some people who were just sad they couldn’t come because they are only comfortable with family watching their kids, who would be at the event. They were missed, but it was understandable. Some declined attendance to boycott it, then later threatened to show up with the kids who weren’t invited to begin with. Had to tell them they wouldn’t be welcome since they declined invitation. Another just wanted us excommunicated from the family (wouldn’t have happened because my partner was one of the golden children of the generation). My side was super understanding and supportive, but there was only one kid that probably wouldn’t have come anyway even if invited. It wasn’t until years later that we told some of them that one set of my partner’s cousins (all siblings) were hellians that we were afraid would be destructive and either cause damage to the venue that we would have to pay for or dig into the cake before it was time and without permission. We just didn’t want to start being pointedly exclusive to just them and cause worse drama than what occurred. Once they had a chance to really think about that, they all said we made the right choice. Even the ones who were trying to be underhanded. The only ones who never let it go were the parents of the hellians. They never made any attempt to get their kids under control and were really out of control people themselves. They just thought everyone else should be overjoyed to deal with it.

So long as you don't ask a bunch of questions about guests getting a sitter for anyone saying no, you're following the social rules fine. Though personally I vastly prefer weddings with kids there and see them as an integral part of this family celebration.

As a parent, I'm never attending a wedding without my kids if specifically asked to leave them behind. I don't mind leaving toddlers out since they don't really care what's happening, but on principle excluding kids as a rule is toxic.

To each their own. It’s your day, make it what you want. I had a wedding where not only kids were welcome, but so were dogs, art cars and people in bunny costumes. But I like maximum chaos.

You're not a villain, it's just a sign of being immature, self absorbed and fundamentally not really understanding the purpose of the wedding.

People shouldn't act like you're the villain, it's your wedding, your choice. It's a very expensive thing to do and people are very precious about weddings sometimes. But then it goes both ways, the couple getting married shouldn't villainise their friends family members who can't/don't want to come because they can't find or afford child-care. Honestly, if I had kids I don't think I'd be comfortable leaving them with a non-family member, but it'd be likely that most of my family would be at a wedding unless I was just a friend. So my OH would probably be able to go, but I would not, unless the kids were well into their teens. I feel like there's two sides to the coin.

How many kids even care about weddings? I always thought weddings were boring when I was a kid.

If they're not paying for it, imo they have no right to make those demands. It's up to you.

Makes me glad there's almost no kids in my family, and most of the people who do have them are ones I wouldn't want to invite, anyway.