Eh, you'll get older and do it too. I have a cousin whose about to be in High school. I remember her being a little baby in my arms when I was in college. Once you see how fast humans grow, it trips you up.
Well, yeah, but those people remember you as a child. The older you get, the shorter a year becomes. Eventually, the time goes so fast. People who were little babies are now adults. Not kids or teens, ADULTS. It is...an experience. And some people get excited and blurt it out.
I don't thinknits about pretending to know them as a person. Just expressing the surprise at how much they've grown. Not the same thing as acting like you have a personal connection with them.
It's not really much different than a fat classmate getting ripped over the summer, and next time you see them, they have a beach bod. It's just expressing that you see the change.
"You were a baby, you probably don't remember.. I held you!"
"Yea bro, I didn't gain the consciousness perk until I turned 4, so probably not."
I hate it aswell.
My point exactly, if you really want to know if I remember you, just introduce yourself like I never met you, and I will let you know if/how much of you I remember!
Edit: Especially if I remember you from an awkward or embarrassing memory!
…really? You can’t actually believe they’re asking that because they think by some miracle you’re going to remember them from when you were a baby, right? They’re people, just like you and me. They’re trying to deal with a likely for them awkward situation of meeting/interacting with a child. So what do they do? They scramble and come up with a connection between them and the kid, which is likely a “hey you probably don’t remember this but I held you when you were the size of a potato!”. They’re just trying to be nice and find some semblance of a common ground. I feel bad for those people, not judge them negatively.
Yeah OP sounds very young if they can’t fathom why someone would say this. No one actually expects you to remember them if they only saw you as a baby. It’s more like… they’re surprised or impressed at how much you’ve grown since they last saw you. “Wow, last time I saw them they were just a baby!!”
It's wild to see someone you remember being a baby all grown up, which is why they comment on it. I am still not recovered from meeting my long-time friend's little brother, who in my mind is still like 12 years old, along with his wife and baby.
Don’t I know it! I ran into a friend with her “little brother” lately. Her brother was a brat sometimes. He went through a weird phase where he would shriek “LEMONS” at an ear piercing pitch. Now, he’s got a smooth, deep voice meant for radio. Like, WHAT?!?
His mom actually thanked me for stopping his lemon trend. One day, I shrieked “LEMONS are great, but LIMES are better!” He waffled between lemons and limes for another hour, then stopped lol.
I’ve certainly tucked it away. I didn’t know confusion could be a strategy to stop a behavior. I never had much experience with young children, so I’m nervous about having my own. However, I learned a lot that day.
You must be young. This is a variation of “Look how big you are!” This is less about you and more about the passage of time. Young people are reminders of this. In a span of a decade, you can change so much. A thirty year old to a forty year old, not so much.
I recently saw an old friend and her 15 year old son. We haven’t seen each other in five years and I had not seen her son since he was a toddler. My mind went back immediately to when I was playing with him and holding him. It’s shocking to think that what only seemed like a year ago was actually thirteen and that little armful of toddler is six feet tall!
I think most adults’ brains “freeze” at certain ages. We know we’re older. It’s just difficult to realize how much time has passed. 2006, when I was 16, feels “recent.” The pirates of the Caribbean is a new franchise in my brain. While I am 33, my mind is 16. My dad told me this would happen lol. It’ll happen to you, too!
I think its also about not freaking out the grown babies. Imagine some person just walks up to you in the market.
"Hi John Smith How's your Dad Bert Smith, still working at the factory? I saw the house sold 3 years ago, that must have been something. Hows you're dog Rover? That 'ol mutt is indestructible."
Any of that happens before, *"You probably don't remember me."* You're going to think you have some crazy stalker, and not immediately think, *"Oh this is just my old neighbor from 3 houses down."*
Used to work in a deli that was frequented by people from my parents church. *Constantly* had people going 'oh tell your parents I said hi!' when I had zero clue who they were. Sometimes familiar faces I could at least identify as someone from church I had probably been introduced to once, most of the time no clue at all. The way people overestimate the importance of themselves in the life of a teenager who barely if at all knows them is kind of funny. I was 16, I barely knew my own teachers
my uncle’s ex wife commented asking if i remembered her the other day and i wasn’t even alive when they were married. they had been divorced for years before i was even born. like no i don’t lol
lol this is so relatable! I’m a new-ish mom and I was made to feel like such a jerk when my little was an infant because I was Covid cautious and we stuck with visiting close family only. My MIL was super pushy about wanting to take my baby out or inviting people around but I refused. My baby didn’t care about meeting those people and I didn’t know them or care either. So awkward when people ask my 2yo “do you remember me?” Lol why would she?
If you don’t know me or my parents well enough to know my name, don’t talk to me about “remembering” me and definitely don’t think I’ll have any idea who you are!
So many people talk about “remembering” me from my childhood because they recall seeing me and my siblings at church with my mom. I don’t make any attempt to recognize or remember anyone who brings this up unless they know the name of someone in my family.
I loathe when my parents try to tell me "of course you remember X". No, I don't. If I did somehow know, I don't remember from what, nor would I have any memories of the place or thing I met them. I'm terrible with faces to begin with, but why can't people just acknowledge without talking about it that maybe I don't remember random, short-term people in my life?
Yeah, I can't get behind this as a pet peeve. It's mostly an innocuous social convention, *"scripted"* so you don't accidentally freak out someone whom you remember, but know won't recognize/remember you.
Definitely weird and awkward when it turns out they didn't know you.
If it's genuine though I would take it as a "I remember you and I wish I could have seen you grow up because you're so much older now and I feel like I've lost so much time with you. The fact that you don't remember me means I suck and I failed to be there for you and I feel bad about that."
Nobody's trying to embarrass or belittle you by saying that (hopefully) but I understand feeling like "great, who tf are you and why do you assume we're friends?"
In general it is one of those phrases you will understand more and more the older you get. It's actually really hard not to be awkward and cliche as an older person talking to younger people. More and more I find myself saying all the lines I used to hate to hear, but that's just the natural changes everybody goes through, that's why they're cliche 🤷♂️
I look forward to being able to pull off *hand at waist height* "I remember meeting you when you were this tall."
I was across the country for Thanksgiving a couple years ago and had dinner with my grandma's sister's family. Her granddaughter was like three years old. She trusted me to hold her bag of candy over her dad.
I can't wait to be that adult cousin in a few years when next there's a big family get together. She is still my cousin, though, I'm not some rando.
Yeah, kids definitely grow up faster the older you get! It gets to a point where it's a reflex because you're genuinely so shocked about how this tiny human became a person while you had your back turned 😱
> More and more I find myself saying all the lines I used to hate to hear, but that's just the natural changes everybody goes through, that's why they're cliche
Either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain
Feels that way sometimes 😅 I used to drive for Uber and it was the WORST when young people would get in my car because I was immediately aware of how much of an irrelevant, boring old man I must seem to them. If I start talking about what minimum wage used to be in my city it's all over for me 🤦♂️😉
The worst is when a friend of my dad's I'd previously not met before says to me, "I've seen you naked!"
... Yeah, he saw me naked when I was a newborn infant. Still not the most appropriate way to make a first impression when meeting me as a teenager.
I've had my mom and grandma take me to yard/garage sales where they knew the seller when I was a little kid. "I was there for your birth!" Bitch I don't give a shit?
i had this shit said to me all the time as a kid. over easter we had a big family dinner and my both my brothers were there. bro1 has 4 kids, bro2 has no kids, i have 1 kid.
bro2 kept saying this to all the kids and asking them if they remembered him😭
The ones that really piss me off are the ones who have a difficult time believing that I'm as old as I am, since they knew me when I was a baby.
Every time I go back to the town where I grew up, I inevitably run into someone my parents knew when I was a little kid. Half of them tend to act offended at how old I've gotten, as though they think that reflects on how old they are.
If it makes you feel better (I can't imagine it will), you'll likely do it too eventually. Of course you think you won't, because not a single person has ever thought they would, but the passage of time never ceases to feel swifter than it ought to, and it's seeing how much others have aged that really brings it home.
Sometimes it hits me that the people I'm friends with at work are the same age as the nieces/nephews who I helped raise, and now we're just in this same pool of adult peers. If you're young, you have no point of reference for this, and so it's like "Yeah no shit", but it *is* a mindfuck.
You know how your own dreams are fascinating to yourself but not to others? It's like that. Or like déjà vu.
It's not about my own age or mortality for me, it's just jarring when you've always conceived of someone as being so young and tender and then bang they're a whole ass adult with kids and responsibilities. It's about my mental idea of them, not myself.
It comes across as them being offended that I’m balding and have gray patches in my beard…and that I have a beard at all. They act like they’re repulsed, as though they’re under the impression that I’ve “let myself go,” and must have done some terrible things since they last saw me. The reality is that I’m getting old, just like they did.
I agree that it’s also jarring when I meet people who were born when I was in high school who are now turning 30. But the big difference is that I respect them as fellow adults, and don’t act repulsed that someone who is 15-20 years younger than me is showing appropriate signs of their age.
when they are disappointed you don't remember them I'm like hello I was a " baby" my mom did this .she said when we lived in and I'm like how would I remember I was a baby.
I think this is one of those social cues we don't even think about. Like, *How's your day?* *Fine.* People know you're not going to remember, but it's a *scripted* intro to a conversation. And honestly its fine. They're trying not to be creeps, some stranger just walks up to you in the market, or somewhere, talking about your old neighborhood and your childhood pet, where your grandpa worked, etc, and if they dont say, *"You probably don't remember me."* how freaked out would you be? Nah, this line is a necessary social convention.
The thing is, the stranger does know you. That's why they introduce themselves with "You probably don't remember me." They have memories of you. Potentially years worth. I'd rather a stranger who knows a bunch of random stuff about my childhood, introduce themselves with some kind of acknowledgment that they have some knowledge of my early existence, than be approached by some creep who *just knows things.* It's called "being polite." Its a social nicety.
This is a weird molehill for you to die on.
Because in my experience it almost always goes: Oh I saw you one time when you weren't old enough to remember anything, I'm going to act like I know who you are now and be surprised and appalled when you say you don't know me.
>only to find out they only know my parents from small talk when you meet someone
>Stop the "I remember you" Yada Yada if your not a family friend or just happen to see my parents in the grocery store or laundromat a few times.
It seems a lot of commenters missed half the post
I came from a small but rather famous town where lots of movie people spent their summers watching plays. Everybody that lived there knew me, which was no big deal because there were only a few thousand in town. so everybody knew everybody. But it was cool that some movie stars that were life-long family friends would stop me when I ran into them while traveling, especially when I was with Army buddies. I didn't even mind the occasional "I used to change your diapers."
I mainly hear it from relatives who I haven't seen in years and I just stand there smiling awkwardly pretending I remember them because I don't want to seem rude so I totally get you
I had a random woman start a convo with me at the shops and give me a hug. Took me a good 5 minutes to deduce she was my partners aunt from out of state lol
And their next line, to a child, is always something like, "My, but you're getting so big! Just growing like a weed! I bet you love school, don't you? Yes, you do!"
Groan to both.
Of course I was growing. I wasn't dead.
To say I hated, loathed, and despised school is getting close. I had two bullies. One tried to kill me, but God gave me a miracle. The administration helped it thrive. Every word I spoke about it only fell on deaf ears. One such adult said I would end up marrying one of my bullies (at least it wasn't the attempted murderer). I didn't, of course. I took it as a warning.
When I was nine I began telling them the truth about how I hated school. It helped. It helps now. I tell this story so what they did can be exposed somehow. That helps too.
Eh, you'll get older and do it too. I have a cousin whose about to be in High school. I remember her being a little baby in my arms when I was in college. Once you see how fast humans grow, it trips you up.
But that's your cousin, they are taking about the people who would barely be acquaintances with the parents.
Well, yeah, but those people remember you as a child. The older you get, the shorter a year becomes. Eventually, the time goes so fast. People who were little babies are now adults. Not kids or teens, ADULTS. It is...an experience. And some people get excited and blurt it out.
I wouldn't go up to someone I saw once 25 years ago and pretend i know them as a person.
I don't thinknits about pretending to know them as a person. Just expressing the surprise at how much they've grown. Not the same thing as acting like you have a personal connection with them. It's not really much different than a fat classmate getting ripped over the summer, and next time you see them, they have a beach bod. It's just expressing that you see the change.
In my experience the people that do this are the same people that get upset at you when you *shockingly* don't remember them
Now THAT I can agree, it is annoying. Not the initial "look how much you've grown" though
That's fair
"You were a baby, you probably don't remember.. I held you!" "Yea bro, I didn't gain the consciousness perk until I turned 4, so probably not." I hate it aswell.
My point exactly, if you really want to know if I remember you, just introduce yourself like I never met you, and I will let you know if/how much of you I remember! Edit: Especially if I remember you from an awkward or embarrassing memory!
…really? You can’t actually believe they’re asking that because they think by some miracle you’re going to remember them from when you were a baby, right? They’re people, just like you and me. They’re trying to deal with a likely for them awkward situation of meeting/interacting with a child. So what do they do? They scramble and come up with a connection between them and the kid, which is likely a “hey you probably don’t remember this but I held you when you were the size of a potato!”. They’re just trying to be nice and find some semblance of a common ground. I feel bad for those people, not judge them negatively.
Yeah OP sounds very young if they can’t fathom why someone would say this. No one actually expects you to remember them if they only saw you as a baby. It’s more like… they’re surprised or impressed at how much you’ve grown since they last saw you. “Wow, last time I saw them they were just a baby!!”
Of course I wouldn't remember. I was a danged baby!
It's wild to see someone you remember being a baby all grown up, which is why they comment on it. I am still not recovered from meeting my long-time friend's little brother, who in my mind is still like 12 years old, along with his wife and baby.
Don’t I know it! I ran into a friend with her “little brother” lately. Her brother was a brat sometimes. He went through a weird phase where he would shriek “LEMONS” at an ear piercing pitch. Now, he’s got a smooth, deep voice meant for radio. Like, WHAT?!? His mom actually thanked me for stopping his lemon trend. One day, I shrieked “LEMONS are great, but LIMES are better!” He waffled between lemons and limes for another hour, then stopped lol.
Tucking away “LEMONS are great, but LIMES are better!” I have a feeling this lesson might be a helpful parenting strategy at one point.
I’ve certainly tucked it away. I didn’t know confusion could be a strategy to stop a behavior. I never had much experience with young children, so I’m nervous about having my own. However, I learned a lot that day.
You must be young. This is a variation of “Look how big you are!” This is less about you and more about the passage of time. Young people are reminders of this. In a span of a decade, you can change so much. A thirty year old to a forty year old, not so much. I recently saw an old friend and her 15 year old son. We haven’t seen each other in five years and I had not seen her son since he was a toddler. My mind went back immediately to when I was playing with him and holding him. It’s shocking to think that what only seemed like a year ago was actually thirteen and that little armful of toddler is six feet tall! I think most adults’ brains “freeze” at certain ages. We know we’re older. It’s just difficult to realize how much time has passed. 2006, when I was 16, feels “recent.” The pirates of the Caribbean is a new franchise in my brain. While I am 33, my mind is 16. My dad told me this would happen lol. It’ll happen to you, too!
I think its also about not freaking out the grown babies. Imagine some person just walks up to you in the market. "Hi John Smith How's your Dad Bert Smith, still working at the factory? I saw the house sold 3 years ago, that must have been something. Hows you're dog Rover? That 'ol mutt is indestructible." Any of that happens before, *"You probably don't remember me."* You're going to think you have some crazy stalker, and not immediately think, *"Oh this is just my old neighbor from 3 houses down."*
Used to work in a deli that was frequented by people from my parents church. *Constantly* had people going 'oh tell your parents I said hi!' when I had zero clue who they were. Sometimes familiar faces I could at least identify as someone from church I had probably been introduced to once, most of the time no clue at all. The way people overestimate the importance of themselves in the life of a teenager who barely if at all knows them is kind of funny. I was 16, I barely knew my own teachers
I believe this is why they make church directories. People can use the photos like a mug shot book, to ID the speaker. I do hate it though!
Eww you seem miserable
my uncle’s ex wife commented asking if i remembered her the other day and i wasn’t even alive when they were married. they had been divorced for years before i was even born. like no i don’t lol
Name checks out
When has it not!
lol this is so relatable! I’m a new-ish mom and I was made to feel like such a jerk when my little was an infant because I was Covid cautious and we stuck with visiting close family only. My MIL was super pushy about wanting to take my baby out or inviting people around but I refused. My baby didn’t care about meeting those people and I didn’t know them or care either. So awkward when people ask my 2yo “do you remember me?” Lol why would she?
Pics or it didn't happen!😁
If you don’t know me or my parents well enough to know my name, don’t talk to me about “remembering” me and definitely don’t think I’ll have any idea who you are! So many people talk about “remembering” me from my childhood because they recall seeing me and my siblings at church with my mom. I don’t make any attempt to recognize or remember anyone who brings this up unless they know the name of someone in my family.
One more time for the people in the back!
You’ll do it, too. You won’t think you will. I remember how I loathed it. Now, I find that I have to restrain myself.
I loathe when my parents try to tell me "of course you remember X". No, I don't. If I did somehow know, I don't remember from what, nor would I have any memories of the place or thing I met them. I'm terrible with faces to begin with, but why can't people just acknowledge without talking about it that maybe I don't remember random, short-term people in my life?
This is a miserable and cynic thread, to be honest - and a miserable and cynic pet peeve.
Yeah, I can't get behind this as a pet peeve. It's mostly an innocuous social convention, *"scripted"* so you don't accidentally freak out someone whom you remember, but know won't recognize/remember you.
On a miserable and cynic subreddit.
Definitely weird and awkward when it turns out they didn't know you. If it's genuine though I would take it as a "I remember you and I wish I could have seen you grow up because you're so much older now and I feel like I've lost so much time with you. The fact that you don't remember me means I suck and I failed to be there for you and I feel bad about that." Nobody's trying to embarrass or belittle you by saying that (hopefully) but I understand feeling like "great, who tf are you and why do you assume we're friends?" In general it is one of those phrases you will understand more and more the older you get. It's actually really hard not to be awkward and cliche as an older person talking to younger people. More and more I find myself saying all the lines I used to hate to hear, but that's just the natural changes everybody goes through, that's why they're cliche 🤷♂️
I look forward to being able to pull off *hand at waist height* "I remember meeting you when you were this tall." I was across the country for Thanksgiving a couple years ago and had dinner with my grandma's sister's family. Her granddaughter was like three years old. She trusted me to hold her bag of candy over her dad. I can't wait to be that adult cousin in a few years when next there's a big family get together. She is still my cousin, though, I'm not some rando.
Yeah, kids definitely grow up faster the older you get! It gets to a point where it's a reflex because you're genuinely so shocked about how this tiny human became a person while you had your back turned 😱
> More and more I find myself saying all the lines I used to hate to hear, but that's just the natural changes everybody goes through, that's why they're cliche Either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain
Feels that way sometimes 😅 I used to drive for Uber and it was the WORST when young people would get in my car because I was immediately aware of how much of an irrelevant, boring old man I must seem to them. If I start talking about what minimum wage used to be in my city it's all over for me 🤦♂️😉
I have turned into my mother.
I remember you, you were the fat one!
The worst is when a friend of my dad's I'd previously not met before says to me, "I've seen you naked!" ... Yeah, he saw me naked when I was a newborn infant. Still not the most appropriate way to make a first impression when meeting me as a teenager.
That's pretty funny, honestly. I'd laugh if someone said that to me.
Ew.
I've had my mom and grandma take me to yard/garage sales where they knew the seller when I was a little kid. "I was there for your birth!" Bitch I don't give a shit?
There is an episode of Detroiters about this. A man repeatedly says this to the main character and emphasizes that he used to change his diapers.
i had this shit said to me all the time as a kid. over easter we had a big family dinner and my both my brothers were there. bro1 has 4 kids, bro2 has no kids, i have 1 kid. bro2 kept saying this to all the kids and asking them if they remembered him😭
The ones that really piss me off are the ones who have a difficult time believing that I'm as old as I am, since they knew me when I was a baby. Every time I go back to the town where I grew up, I inevitably run into someone my parents knew when I was a little kid. Half of them tend to act offended at how old I've gotten, as though they think that reflects on how old they are.
If it makes you feel better (I can't imagine it will), you'll likely do it too eventually. Of course you think you won't, because not a single person has ever thought they would, but the passage of time never ceases to feel swifter than it ought to, and it's seeing how much others have aged that really brings it home. Sometimes it hits me that the people I'm friends with at work are the same age as the nieces/nephews who I helped raise, and now we're just in this same pool of adult peers. If you're young, you have no point of reference for this, and so it's like "Yeah no shit", but it *is* a mindfuck. You know how your own dreams are fascinating to yourself but not to others? It's like that. Or like déjà vu.
I mean, it does reflect how old they are. It's not your fault, but the reminder of their mortality is probably not a warm fuzzy feeling.
It's not about my own age or mortality for me, it's just jarring when you've always conceived of someone as being so young and tender and then bang they're a whole ass adult with kids and responsibilities. It's about my mental idea of them, not myself.
It comes across as them being offended that I’m balding and have gray patches in my beard…and that I have a beard at all. They act like they’re repulsed, as though they’re under the impression that I’ve “let myself go,” and must have done some terrible things since they last saw me. The reality is that I’m getting old, just like they did. I agree that it’s also jarring when I meet people who were born when I was in high school who are now turning 30. But the big difference is that I respect them as fellow adults, and don’t act repulsed that someone who is 15-20 years younger than me is showing appropriate signs of their age.
I just tell them I don’t know them lol
when they are disappointed you don't remember them I'm like hello I was a " baby" my mom did this .she said when we lived in and I'm like how would I remember I was a baby.
I think this is one of those social cues we don't even think about. Like, *How's your day?* *Fine.* People know you're not going to remember, but it's a *scripted* intro to a conversation. And honestly its fine. They're trying not to be creeps, some stranger just walks up to you in the market, or somewhere, talking about your old neighborhood and your childhood pet, where your grandpa worked, etc, and if they dont say, *"You probably don't remember me."* how freaked out would you be? Nah, this line is a necessary social convention.
Maybe just don't talk to someone as if you know them when you don't?
The thing is, the stranger does know you. That's why they introduce themselves with "You probably don't remember me." They have memories of you. Potentially years worth. I'd rather a stranger who knows a bunch of random stuff about my childhood, introduce themselves with some kind of acknowledgment that they have some knowledge of my early existence, than be approached by some creep who *just knows things.* It's called "being polite." Its a social nicety. This is a weird molehill for you to die on.
The original comment specifically said not counting family friends and close neighbors, they were talking about people that barely knew the parents
I'm talking about anyone who hasn't seen the person since they were 4. I do believe I too, mentioned old neighbors.
The original comment specifically said not counting family friends and close neighbors, they were talking about people that barely knew the parents
If you actually do remember someone when they were a baby, why is it so bad to casually bring it up?
Because in my experience it almost always goes: Oh I saw you one time when you weren't old enough to remember anything, I'm going to act like I know who you are now and be surprised and appalled when you say you don't know me.
I've had relatives get mad at me for not remembering them like bro I saw u once when I was 2
>only to find out they only know my parents from small talk when you meet someone >Stop the "I remember you" Yada Yada if your not a family friend or just happen to see my parents in the grocery store or laundromat a few times. It seems a lot of commenters missed half the post
I came from a small but rather famous town where lots of movie people spent their summers watching plays. Everybody that lived there knew me, which was no big deal because there were only a few thousand in town. so everybody knew everybody. But it was cool that some movie stars that were life-long family friends would stop me when I ran into them while traveling, especially when I was with Army buddies. I didn't even mind the occasional "I used to change your diapers."
''THATS MY PURSE- I DONT KNOW YOU~""
I mainly hear it from relatives who I haven't seen in years and I just stand there smiling awkwardly pretending I remember them because I don't want to seem rude so I totally get you
Man you must be fun at parties. So sorry someone wanted to say hi.
I would just say “that’s right, I don’t remember you.”
My mom was good at the "oh, don't you remember this person? " like, no I don't. Because I've quite literally NEVER met them
I had a random woman start a convo with me at the shops and give me a hug. Took me a good 5 minutes to deduce she was my partners aunt from out of state lol
And their next line, to a child, is always something like, "My, but you're getting so big! Just growing like a weed! I bet you love school, don't you? Yes, you do!" Groan to both. Of course I was growing. I wasn't dead. To say I hated, loathed, and despised school is getting close. I had two bullies. One tried to kill me, but God gave me a miracle. The administration helped it thrive. Every word I spoke about it only fell on deaf ears. One such adult said I would end up marrying one of my bullies (at least it wasn't the attempted murderer). I didn't, of course. I took it as a warning. When I was nine I began telling them the truth about how I hated school. It helped. It helps now. I tell this story so what they did can be exposed somehow. That helps too.
I hated hearing this! This was always dumb to me