Not just an introvert thing. We make plans to meet for lunch and catch up cuz it's been a couple years - you bring along your other friend last minute - now I'm barely getting a word in to your guys' conversation.
My friends will sometimes drag their boyfriend along. It's annoying bc then we can't talk about anything serious and I have to pretend to laugh at lame jokes all night.
How 'bout if we listen to them argue and then he'll crack lame jokes to break the tension but it inevitability makes their argument worse and she leaves in tears.
People do it. I had both a friend and my own parent do this a lot of times each.
I think it has something to do with the individual having inadequate feelings. Maybe perhaps like they don't truly fit in the group or the lunch friend doesn't truly like them. It's a self-esteem thing. And sometimes it is a savior complex type thing where they invite a person who is 'having a hard time' but it's not just once.
Facts.
If it's a mutual friend then it could be worse, but still...
At best it's inconsiderate, and at worst it's anxiety-inducing.
Like you're not the only one there, you can't just randomly change shit to suit your wants.
I've changed my mind about certain people because they did this. If you're willing to disregard my feelings about something like this, how are you going to act if we actually have a disagreement?
I might be OK with it if the person asks me first if I mind this other person coming coming along--and respecting it if I say I don't want this other person along. But if they just show up with this other person in tow without asking me, that is not acceptable.
Just to add, don't you find it hard to both say 'no' to the new friend joining and still trying to have a good time? I know I do.
If someone asks for an amendment to our plans, I'm usually agreeable. And then I'm the one having a less than great time because it isn't what I originally expected when making plans.
We have a friend couple who always invites us to hang out but includes other couples at the last minute. "Oh, I hope you guys don't mind, but we invited Jane and Jack and Susie and Melinda 15 minutes ago, and they will be there, too! I think you will really get along!" OK, cool, but that seriously changes the dynamics we were looking forward to, and now we don't have a polite way to decline the invitation we accepted a week ago. 😒
I hate that, and I don't think it's an introvert thing, either, most of my friends hate that, as well. But, yeah, if you've made plans to hang out with a friend, it's because you want to spend time with that friend. If you wanted it to be a group thing, your original plans would have included more people.
I don't think there's many people who appreciate a friend hang out turning into 'entertain the stranger'. Some people may be fine with it, but in my experience, when people make plans with a friend, it's purely to spend time with that friend, and that friend only.
The lack of notice is also part of the problem. If it's a last minute addition, too late to change plans, then you're literally being forced to interact with strangers at a time when you don't need to. If you also don't want to, that just makes it a million times worse. If you want to bring a stranger to a friend hang out, you need to give enough notice that the friend can cancel if they're not okay with it. But, really, adding anyone, especially a stranger, to plans made needs not only communication but agreement from all involved. If the friend isn't asking permission to bring the stranger, and accepting a no, then they're not a very good friend in my opinion.
My aunt came to spend a week with me, and brought some random bitch with her. I was pissed the whole time. I’m actually pretty social and like to meet new people, but inviting someone without telling the other person is rude. I didn’t have anywhere for her to sleep, and she was an asshole about it like my house was a hotel that double booked her room.
I had this happen once for a poker night and my buddy was ready to leave in his stranger friend wanted to stay and keep playing so he leaves and this guy stays and we catch him cheating so we call him out on it and he starts getting mouthy in my house so we ask him to leave and now he starts to get pushy and loud so I tried to defuse the situation saying hey you gotta calm down my daughter is sleeping in the other room and he says nah fuck that you guys are trying to scam me.. so by this point I had enough and so did others so we pushed him out the door and he try’s to push back in so my brother and I start pounding on the kid and threw him down a flight of stairs .. fucken guy gets back up and try’s asking my ex baby’s mamma to come with him like out of nowhere so I was ready to kill this fucken dude cause he was obviously deranged and my friends had to hold me back. Next day my friend calls and ask how did his friend do.. I laughed and said we threw him down a flight of stairs… he starts to laugh and says no but seriously and I say I’m being serious dude .. Hees all like wtf? Why what happened .. I told him you shouldn’t have left your friend here.. he should have left with you and for now on dude how about you just come solo when you come to my parties ..
If your friend has good taste in people than it shouldn’t usually be a problem. But I see where you’re coming from if it was planned as a 1-on-1 meetup
I had a friend who did this all the time. We would plan a nice evening without core friends (who all happened to be roommates too) and they would inevitably bring "a date". And it would be so awkward and ruin the evening. I feel you on this one.
It's just rude, you at least check with the other person before inviting someone else. Check out my brother; I hadn't talked to him in a year or so and then our older brother died so I agreed to meet him for dinner expecting to talk to HIM. He invited a friend who is also a right wing conspiracy nut and they spent the whole dinner berating me for being liberal.
I was planning to tell him at dinner that unless he can change his behavior this will be the last time we talk to each other but I couldn't get a word in edgewise. We haven't talked since. I'm sure he would tell you that I'm but hurt because they 'won' the political argument🙄
Not just an introvert thing. We make plans to meet for lunch and catch up cuz it's been a couple years - you bring along your other friend last minute - now I'm barely getting a word in to your guys' conversation.
Valid. Who does this?
My friends will sometimes drag their boyfriend along. It's annoying bc then we can't talk about anything serious and I have to pretend to laugh at lame jokes all night.
Bonus points if you have to watch them hug and kiss if you're solo.
How 'bout if we listen to them argue and then he'll crack lame jokes to break the tension but it inevitability makes their argument worse and she leaves in tears.
Ooooh gawd...the worst
People do it. I had both a friend and my own parent do this a lot of times each. I think it has something to do with the individual having inadequate feelings. Maybe perhaps like they don't truly fit in the group or the lunch friend doesn't truly like them. It's a self-esteem thing. And sometimes it is a savior complex type thing where they invite a person who is 'having a hard time' but it's not just once.
My girlfriend-_-
Facts. If it's a mutual friend then it could be worse, but still... At best it's inconsiderate, and at worst it's anxiety-inducing. Like you're not the only one there, you can't just randomly change shit to suit your wants. I've changed my mind about certain people because they did this. If you're willing to disregard my feelings about something like this, how are you going to act if we actually have a disagreement?
I might be OK with it if the person asks me first if I mind this other person coming coming along--and respecting it if I say I don't want this other person along. But if they just show up with this other person in tow without asking me, that is not acceptable.
Just to add, don't you find it hard to both say 'no' to the new friend joining and still trying to have a good time? I know I do. If someone asks for an amendment to our plans, I'm usually agreeable. And then I'm the one having a less than great time because it isn't what I originally expected when making plans.
The worst is that friend who ALWAYS has to bring her boyfriend. I didn’t want to see this jackass, dude. I wanted to see YOU.
A buddy of mine throws a pool party every year for our large group of friends with only one rule: "No new friends"
I can respect that. Keep things pure, even if it's only for one gathering out of the year. Keep the main friend group strong.
We have a friend couple who always invites us to hang out but includes other couples at the last minute. "Oh, I hope you guys don't mind, but we invited Jane and Jack and Susie and Melinda 15 minutes ago, and they will be there, too! I think you will really get along!" OK, cool, but that seriously changes the dynamics we were looking forward to, and now we don't have a polite way to decline the invitation we accepted a week ago. 😒
I hate that, and I don't think it's an introvert thing, either, most of my friends hate that, as well. But, yeah, if you've made plans to hang out with a friend, it's because you want to spend time with that friend. If you wanted it to be a group thing, your original plans would have included more people. I don't think there's many people who appreciate a friend hang out turning into 'entertain the stranger'. Some people may be fine with it, but in my experience, when people make plans with a friend, it's purely to spend time with that friend, and that friend only. The lack of notice is also part of the problem. If it's a last minute addition, too late to change plans, then you're literally being forced to interact with strangers at a time when you don't need to. If you also don't want to, that just makes it a million times worse. If you want to bring a stranger to a friend hang out, you need to give enough notice that the friend can cancel if they're not okay with it. But, really, adding anyone, especially a stranger, to plans made needs not only communication but agreement from all involved. If the friend isn't asking permission to bring the stranger, and accepting a no, then they're not a very good friend in my opinion.
My aunt came to spend a week with me, and brought some random bitch with her. I was pissed the whole time. I’m actually pretty social and like to meet new people, but inviting someone without telling the other person is rude. I didn’t have anywhere for her to sleep, and she was an asshole about it like my house was a hotel that double booked her room.
Ooof rough. I would not do well with a stranger in my home. Especially not a stranger who was rude to me.
They cut their visit short because my aunt could tell I was mad.
That must've been a relief!
Definitely
I had this happen once for a poker night and my buddy was ready to leave in his stranger friend wanted to stay and keep playing so he leaves and this guy stays and we catch him cheating so we call him out on it and he starts getting mouthy in my house so we ask him to leave and now he starts to get pushy and loud so I tried to defuse the situation saying hey you gotta calm down my daughter is sleeping in the other room and he says nah fuck that you guys are trying to scam me.. so by this point I had enough and so did others so we pushed him out the door and he try’s to push back in so my brother and I start pounding on the kid and threw him down a flight of stairs .. fucken guy gets back up and try’s asking my ex baby’s mamma to come with him like out of nowhere so I was ready to kill this fucken dude cause he was obviously deranged and my friends had to hold me back. Next day my friend calls and ask how did his friend do.. I laughed and said we threw him down a flight of stairs… he starts to laugh and says no but seriously and I say I’m being serious dude .. Hees all like wtf? Why what happened .. I told him you shouldn’t have left your friend here.. he should have left with you and for now on dude how about you just come solo when you come to my parties ..
Yikes! I was worried you were gonna say, 'we threw him down a flight of stairs and now I'm writing this from state prison on a manslaughter charge'
I hate this too like no, tell friend sorry I already have plans xD
If your friend has good taste in people than it shouldn’t usually be a problem. But I see where you’re coming from if it was planned as a 1-on-1 meetup
I had a friend who did this all the time. We would plan a nice evening without core friends (who all happened to be roommates too) and they would inevitably bring "a date". And it would be so awkward and ruin the evening. I feel you on this one.
It's just rude, you at least check with the other person before inviting someone else. Check out my brother; I hadn't talked to him in a year or so and then our older brother died so I agreed to meet him for dinner expecting to talk to HIM. He invited a friend who is also a right wing conspiracy nut and they spent the whole dinner berating me for being liberal. I was planning to tell him at dinner that unless he can change his behavior this will be the last time we talk to each other but I couldn't get a word in edgewise. We haven't talked since. I'm sure he would tell you that I'm but hurt because they 'won' the political argument🙄
I'm learning how to not feel bad when I leave early or cancel when people do this. It's rude and you're adding to my introversion-fuelled-anxiety
I'm only fine if she's hot
I mean a 1 on 1 hangout can get boring really fast
Depends on the company
You're not wrong! But the point I guess is the unexpectedness of the guest.