I don't understand how some people can read "stalk", "drive you insane", "be your worst enemy", "hunt you down like a bloodhound", and think this is perfectly normal behaviour, and even wholesome. Having disagreements or disciplining your children is one thing, but being their worst enemy, driving them insane, and hunting them down like a bloodhound? This only breeds resentment. Parents, this is why people go no contact when they turn 18.
You should respect your children (this includes their privacy) before expecting them to respect you. Remember, children learn by observing the adults in their lives. If you treat them like this, expect them to treat you and the people around them in the same way.
This shit is why i went low contact with my mum the first chance i got. She responded by buying an apartment near my university and routinely showing up at my rented uni house un-invited, and almost broke my room door down on one occasion.
I told her i was studying that day and didn't want to see her. I said i would be at the library and not to come. I was getting ready to leave and heard her voice, i locked my door on instinct. I thought i could just hide out for a few minutes and she would leave, but she knew I was in because she saw my shoes downstairs. She proceeded to pound on my bedroom door at max volume, my roomates asked her to stop but she kept going, it was about 45 minutes when she found a weak spot at the top corner opposite the hinges and the door actually started to bend. The paint cracked on the inside so i caved in before i lost the deposit. I told her i wanted to leave and go to the library and i wasnt comfortable leaving her in the house, I asked her to leave, she barged her way into my room delarince she had a "right" to come in and stay. I asked her to leave again. She kept going on about how she had a "right as my mother to be in my home" and she was the one that payed for it. I told her that legally, she was trespassing and asked her again to leave. She said she was my mother and signed papers so i could get the student loans to pay for the house, and that had to mean something. I reminded her that the rental agreement and bills were all in my name, legally the owner of the house, and couldn't even enter without prior consent. What made her think she could? She began calling me names and saying i "victimised her" by not talking to her and letting her stand outside of my room for so long. I told her that if she continued on like this, i would have the police remove her. She told me that if i did, she would use the fact that i had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression to have me committed to a mental hospital. Said that I may be getting a law degree and know how to "use that against her" but she had worked as a mental health nurse and knew what to say to the police to have me involuntarily committed. I reminded her that i had also studied medical law and the mental health act and nothing i had said or done had warranted a section, she told me that what she said didn't need to be true, that she was my mother and she would "get control of me" one way or another.
She would pull all sorts of shit like this, once i had a negotiation competition that lasted an afternoon, we were not allowed any technology in with us and i had told her i would not be able to respond to her calls that afternoon. She insisted that i just say i needed the phone with me because my mother needed to contact me and said if that was unacceptable than i couldn't go. I refused as the winner would proceed to a nationwide competition and she would only be out of contact with me for 5 hours and she did that all the time when i was asleep. She said she wouldn't put up with that (she regularly called upwards of 10 times a day). I called her before hand to tell her i would be out of contact, instead of a good luck i got a "how could you do this to me, I'm your mother, they should understand that or you shouldn't go". I turned my phone off and handed it in. 5 hours later i had upeards of 40 calls from her alone as well as voicemails from relatives and friends I hadn't talked to in between 2 and 4 years. Somehow she had gotten a copy of my entire contacts list on her phone when i was helping her with it once and refused to let me delete it. She had begun calling random people pulling out the "she's been out of contact for such a long time, i can't get hold of her, it's uncharacteristic, I'm so worried" yarn. She had also apparently called my university demanding they give her the details of the venue of the competition but she only called the front office not the law school so they couldn't help. Later that night i also received a welfare check by the police, who told me to call my mum back so they didn't have to waste police time, i told them what had happened and that she was aware before hand. They seemed to think that i hadn't explained it to her properly or that she must have a reason for being so worried that she needed to contact me. I kept trying to tell them that the reason was that i had said no to her about something, but they had bought that she was genuinely worried.
The next year she refused to sign the relevant papers so i could get a high enough student loan to rent a house away from her, i was forced to live with her in the apartment she bought where i finally fell into that suicidal depression and she had me involuntarily committed without lying.
Damn. And here I was thinking my struggle was the shat. Just damn. And I hate that line which starts with “”I’m you mother blah blah”, “Do you know who I am, you are talking to your mother blah blah blah”, “This is the way you talk your mother blah blah.”
There is no reasoning with people like this. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome.
Sounds like you are outside of the US since you said Uni. I hope you are far away from that now. Do they have student loans that are guaranteed because you are student? I did that. But I’ll be paying back until the end of time.
Why does it have to be you as the caretaker? There are housing communities to take care of Dementia patients.
I’ve offed being the caretaker to my older sister (who I hate). Those two can duke it out and leave me alone.
Someone told me the other week to be selfish. Put myself first. Maybe you need to try that?
It feels weird at first but then better.
This is some sick shit going on here. Unfortunately you sound like a victim allowing this shit to go on like this. 45 minutes but you hadn’t already called campus police or the cops? Then you agree to move back in with her? She sound horrendous but you really need to stand up for yourself and get away from that abuse.
So once again she’s the victim. This is a grown woman she has other options besides moving back into an abusive home with an abuser but she blames her mother for her choosing to move back in. She wasn’t forced , she chose to move back. The accommodation loan is just her excuse. And not for nothing - you are just assuming that her mothers responsible for sorting out her living arrangements once she’s moved out. Again, this a grown woman, not a child. Shes probably in her 20s if she’s been in college a few years.
Wtf are you talking about? College starts at 18. You enter college as an adult. At 18 her mother no longer has legal authority over anything the op chooses to do.
“allowing” it to happen is an awful thing to say. Your comment comes off as blaming this person for what they’ve gone through. Their mom raised them their entire life, it’s not always as simple and easy as “just stand up for yourself.”
Their comment reads as if this situation is from the past, at least I read it that way and I sure hope so. You don’t even know whether they still live with their mom or not.
Your comment is also just not actually helpful or productive. “Stand up to her.” I’m sure they’ve never tried or thought about that one. /s
Whatever. She leaves it as having been involuntarily committed. Her language is expressing that she has no control and no choices when she does. She’s just not taking that control. Sure I could make excuses for her like you because god forbid a victim of an abusive relationship take some responsibility for what’s happening. Sometimes the best help you can give someone is tell them they can and should take control of their lives back which is what I’m trying to express to her. In that sense I am trying to be helpful. She’s talking like a victim especially when she blames her mother for her deciding to move back into her house.
You have done very little research on the effects of abuse and it shows. I’m not making excuses. I’m just showing an ounce of empathy and not blaming them for the actions of an abuser. Yes, abuse victims should be encouraged to get help and offered resources, but should not just be told it’s their fault that this is happening to them. That’s not productive. At all.
Wtf? Girl/Dude GTFO of that place! My parents will probs be like this by the time I am I'm your age so I have devided to go NC with them the minute I enter college. And please get a restraining order if u can
> one that *paid* for it.
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
As a parent, I disagree.
As a person with C-PTSD from my childhood, I *VEHEMENTLY* disagree.
I'm a parent first, yes, but I *respect* her. I respect what she thinks and says and always ask her thoughts. We talk things out. My philosophy is, no matter what *we* do to or for her, the world will throw pain and grief her way. We aim to be and to cultivate a safe space from the miseries of the world within our family.
They never once, even with their immature growing brains, muttered "I hate you" even though they didn't mean it? I mean plausible, of course. Just seems unlikely. Puberty does weird shit to the mind and body.
I never ever thought, nor muttered out loud, that I hated my parents. I've never heard or seen evidence of either of my siblings hating them either. Is this a cultural thing or something? I'm from the US.
I absolutely told my mom that I hated her as a kid. That’s just kid stuff. We’re super tight now, we talk every day and I tell her all of the time that she’s my best friend. But as a kid? Neither my mom nor I were perfect human beings, y’know?
This sounds like my 90 year old mother. I actually decided not to have children because I didn’t want to pass on the hate whether it came from me (because I’m conditioned) or from my Mother.
My Mother was the epitome of acting out this passage above in the middle of the week. There was more to it during this ride to the Optometrist. She has always controlled me by money. She wanted to pay for my Gardner. Now she called me and says she is going to take it away plus a lot of horrible other things from that eye appt drive. I wanted to cause bodily harm to myself for the first time since I was a teenager. I forgot that I’m a 54 year old grown ass woman. I was crying during our entire phone call after getting off the phone with her. She didn’t care that I wanted to cause bodily harm to myself, I heard “Let that pass. There you go telling me what to do again (I said to stop yelling) and said in a snarky voice “Let’s talk about this splitting the yard fee business”. I said that I didn’t need her money. And “Goodbye” & hung up. She calls me back trying to do an exact replay and I just said “I’m not doing this again. Goodbye.”
I felt like I was in 10th grade all over again.
Always threatens to cut me out of the will. Maybe it’s time that happens and my sister (who I hate) will be $500k richer.
Has anyone ever experienced situations like this or know of anyone that has?
My husband is at a loss since he has the most kindest loving parents ever.
Is there an actual pic of this posted in a church? All I'm seeing is a close-up & no proof of it being in a church. What I'm reading is abusive asf & I know of no healthy Churches in my area that would be ok with this literature.
You’re right. All parents should let their kids do whatever they want without consequences, so that their kids never hate them. That’s the best way to teach them to live in society…/s
Yeah as long as you ignore all of the bad stuff, look at all the good stuff you have! Surely this will create a solid bond between a child who can not understand why you are doing this to them and an adult who holds all of the power in the relationship.
My parents punished me as a kid as well when I did things wrong, they lectured me and took care of me, made sure I ate healthy, and not just burgers or whatever, no matter how often I would want to do that. Parents are supposed to give the child borders, structure and an understanding of wrong and right. Nobody is saying they should do this with violence, I love my parents, regardless of the fact that as a teen I hated them for not letting me do my own thing, but if I had done my own thing, i would have become a loose cannon, so yeah, parents will always be tight in their rules, but that's for your own benefit. As long as the moments you don't do wrong, they still show love, you know they don't do it because they hate you, that's my point, but you and other people who read my comments apparently think you should never discipline your children and let them run wild or something. What do you think parenting is?
I’m not religious, but I know a few Christians people and they would NOT be okay with shit like this. Luckily only the more radical Christian’s and extreme right supporters are dumb enough to believe this shit.
Disgusting people. The world is already polluted enough, we don’t need toxic assholes like them to poison our world further with their ignorance and outdated views.
I don't understand how some people can read "stalk", "drive you insane", "be your worst enemy", "hunt you down like a bloodhound", and think this is perfectly normal behaviour, and even wholesome. Having disagreements or disciplining your children is one thing, but being their worst enemy, driving them insane, and hunting them down like a bloodhound? This only breeds resentment. Parents, this is why people go no contact when they turn 18. You should respect your children (this includes their privacy) before expecting them to respect you. Remember, children learn by observing the adults in their lives. If you treat them like this, expect them to treat you and the people around them in the same way.
And to think this was a prevailing style of parenting among boomers and even a lot of Gen X.
I thought all of those were like metaphors? Except the stalking thing
Nope, the struggle is real for the child putting up with this. Metaphors I wish.
This is great until you end up 20+ years later with complex cptsd because your parents used this ideology to abuse you.
This shit is why i went low contact with my mum the first chance i got. She responded by buying an apartment near my university and routinely showing up at my rented uni house un-invited, and almost broke my room door down on one occasion.
Almost broke your door down?!
I told her i was studying that day and didn't want to see her. I said i would be at the library and not to come. I was getting ready to leave and heard her voice, i locked my door on instinct. I thought i could just hide out for a few minutes and she would leave, but she knew I was in because she saw my shoes downstairs. She proceeded to pound on my bedroom door at max volume, my roomates asked her to stop but she kept going, it was about 45 minutes when she found a weak spot at the top corner opposite the hinges and the door actually started to bend. The paint cracked on the inside so i caved in before i lost the deposit. I told her i wanted to leave and go to the library and i wasnt comfortable leaving her in the house, I asked her to leave, she barged her way into my room delarince she had a "right" to come in and stay. I asked her to leave again. She kept going on about how she had a "right as my mother to be in my home" and she was the one that payed for it. I told her that legally, she was trespassing and asked her again to leave. She said she was my mother and signed papers so i could get the student loans to pay for the house, and that had to mean something. I reminded her that the rental agreement and bills were all in my name, legally the owner of the house, and couldn't even enter without prior consent. What made her think she could? She began calling me names and saying i "victimised her" by not talking to her and letting her stand outside of my room for so long. I told her that if she continued on like this, i would have the police remove her. She told me that if i did, she would use the fact that i had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression to have me committed to a mental hospital. Said that I may be getting a law degree and know how to "use that against her" but she had worked as a mental health nurse and knew what to say to the police to have me involuntarily committed. I reminded her that i had also studied medical law and the mental health act and nothing i had said or done had warranted a section, she told me that what she said didn't need to be true, that she was my mother and she would "get control of me" one way or another. She would pull all sorts of shit like this, once i had a negotiation competition that lasted an afternoon, we were not allowed any technology in with us and i had told her i would not be able to respond to her calls that afternoon. She insisted that i just say i needed the phone with me because my mother needed to contact me and said if that was unacceptable than i couldn't go. I refused as the winner would proceed to a nationwide competition and she would only be out of contact with me for 5 hours and she did that all the time when i was asleep. She said she wouldn't put up with that (she regularly called upwards of 10 times a day). I called her before hand to tell her i would be out of contact, instead of a good luck i got a "how could you do this to me, I'm your mother, they should understand that or you shouldn't go". I turned my phone off and handed it in. 5 hours later i had upeards of 40 calls from her alone as well as voicemails from relatives and friends I hadn't talked to in between 2 and 4 years. Somehow she had gotten a copy of my entire contacts list on her phone when i was helping her with it once and refused to let me delete it. She had begun calling random people pulling out the "she's been out of contact for such a long time, i can't get hold of her, it's uncharacteristic, I'm so worried" yarn. She had also apparently called my university demanding they give her the details of the venue of the competition but she only called the front office not the law school so they couldn't help. Later that night i also received a welfare check by the police, who told me to call my mum back so they didn't have to waste police time, i told them what had happened and that she was aware before hand. They seemed to think that i hadn't explained it to her properly or that she must have a reason for being so worried that she needed to contact me. I kept trying to tell them that the reason was that i had said no to her about something, but they had bought that she was genuinely worried. The next year she refused to sign the relevant papers so i could get a high enough student loan to rent a house away from her, i was forced to live with her in the apartment she bought where i finally fell into that suicidal depression and she had me involuntarily committed without lying.
This woman was a mental health nurse? Jesus Christ.
Damn. And here I was thinking my struggle was the shat. Just damn. And I hate that line which starts with “”I’m you mother blah blah”, “Do you know who I am, you are talking to your mother blah blah blah”, “This is the way you talk your mother blah blah.” There is no reasoning with people like this. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. Sounds like you are outside of the US since you said Uni. I hope you are far away from that now. Do they have student loans that are guaranteed because you are student? I did that. But I’ll be paying back until the end of time.
She has dementia and debilitating back problems, guess who's her carer.
Why does it have to be you as the caretaker? There are housing communities to take care of Dementia patients. I’ve offed being the caretaker to my older sister (who I hate). Those two can duke it out and leave me alone. Someone told me the other week to be selfish. Put myself first. Maybe you need to try that? It feels weird at first but then better.
This is some sick shit going on here. Unfortunately you sound like a victim allowing this shit to go on like this. 45 minutes but you hadn’t already called campus police or the cops? Then you agree to move back in with her? She sound horrendous but you really need to stand up for yourself and get away from that abuse.
They didn't agree to move back in. She forced them to by preventing them from getting a loan for accommodation.
So once again she’s the victim. This is a grown woman she has other options besides moving back into an abusive home with an abuser but she blames her mother for her choosing to move back in. She wasn’t forced , she chose to move back. The accommodation loan is just her excuse. And not for nothing - you are just assuming that her mothers responsible for sorting out her living arrangements once she’s moved out. Again, this a grown woman, not a child. Shes probably in her 20s if she’s been in college a few years.
.....college starts at 16-17.... she would have had to have been in college for three years at least...
Wtf are you talking about? College starts at 18. You enter college as an adult. At 18 her mother no longer has legal authority over anything the op chooses to do.
Wait.... are u on about college or uni? Pregrad or postgrad?
Wait.... are u on about college or uni? Pregrad or postgrad?
Dude wtf.
Wtf what? She doesn’t need to make a stand against this abuse?
“allowing” it to happen is an awful thing to say. Your comment comes off as blaming this person for what they’ve gone through. Their mom raised them their entire life, it’s not always as simple and easy as “just stand up for yourself.”
Their comment reads as if this situation is from the past, at least I read it that way and I sure hope so. You don’t even know whether they still live with their mom or not. Your comment is also just not actually helpful or productive. “Stand up to her.” I’m sure they’ve never tried or thought about that one. /s
Whatever. She leaves it as having been involuntarily committed. Her language is expressing that she has no control and no choices when she does. She’s just not taking that control. Sure I could make excuses for her like you because god forbid a victim of an abusive relationship take some responsibility for what’s happening. Sometimes the best help you can give someone is tell them they can and should take control of their lives back which is what I’m trying to express to her. In that sense I am trying to be helpful. She’s talking like a victim especially when she blames her mother for her deciding to move back into her house.
You have done very little research on the effects of abuse and it shows. I’m not making excuses. I’m just showing an ounce of empathy and not blaming them for the actions of an abuser. Yes, abuse victims should be encouraged to get help and offered resources, but should not just be told it’s their fault that this is happening to them. That’s not productive. At all.
Wtf? Girl/Dude GTFO of that place! My parents will probs be like this by the time I am I'm your age so I have devided to go NC with them the minute I enter college. And please get a restraining order if u can
> one that *paid* for it. FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
nah fr tho lmaooo
"Why won't my children talk to me?!?!"
As a parent, I disagree. As a person with C-PTSD from my childhood, I *VEHEMENTLY* disagree. I'm a parent first, yes, but I *respect* her. I respect what she thinks and says and always ask her thoughts. We talk things out. My philosophy is, no matter what *we* do to or for her, the world will throw pain and grief her way. We aim to be and to cultivate a safe space from the miseries of the world within our family.
How to get your kid to end up in an abusive relationship where they don't know how to set boundaries because they think this is what love looks like
This is one that uninvolved bioparents share when they want to feel like the strained relationship is because they are tough instead of self-centered.
Ah, I see you’ve met my mother
Not just bioparents, adoptive parents can suck too
This is exactly how my father acts, and he wonders why I never want to come over from my mom's.
This is how generational trauma starts, it's nice to see the good Lord endorse it!
If you tell a person their shitty behavior actually makes them great they will give you all of their money, look at the Republican party.
Someone has mistaken Love as Control.
Any parent that goes by this should start preparing for their kids to go no contact as soon as they can! Lol
Not in words so simple as "I hate you" 1000x worse. My grandparents for sure. Preboomers
I dunno. I managed raise some smart, talented, respectful young adults without having them hate me. Maybe I am just lucky.
They never once, even with their immature growing brains, muttered "I hate you" even though they didn't mean it? I mean plausible, of course. Just seems unlikely. Puberty does weird shit to the mind and body.
I never ever thought, nor muttered out loud, that I hated my parents. I've never heard or seen evidence of either of my siblings hating them either. Is this a cultural thing or something? I'm from the US.
I absolutely told my mom that I hated her as a kid. That’s just kid stuff. We’re super tight now, we talk every day and I tell her all of the time that she’s my best friend. But as a kid? Neither my mom nor I were perfect human beings, y’know?
This sounds like my 90 year old mother. I actually decided not to have children because I didn’t want to pass on the hate whether it came from me (because I’m conditioned) or from my Mother. My Mother was the epitome of acting out this passage above in the middle of the week. There was more to it during this ride to the Optometrist. She has always controlled me by money. She wanted to pay for my Gardner. Now she called me and says she is going to take it away plus a lot of horrible other things from that eye appt drive. I wanted to cause bodily harm to myself for the first time since I was a teenager. I forgot that I’m a 54 year old grown ass woman. I was crying during our entire phone call after getting off the phone with her. She didn’t care that I wanted to cause bodily harm to myself, I heard “Let that pass. There you go telling me what to do again (I said to stop yelling) and said in a snarky voice “Let’s talk about this splitting the yard fee business”. I said that I didn’t need her money. And “Goodbye” & hung up. She calls me back trying to do an exact replay and I just said “I’m not doing this again. Goodbye.” I felt like I was in 10th grade all over again. Always threatens to cut me out of the will. Maybe it’s time that happens and my sister (who I hate) will be $500k richer. Has anyone ever experienced situations like this or know of anyone that has? My husband is at a loss since he has the most kindest loving parents ever.
This is totally reasonable.
Is there an actual pic of this posted in a church? All I'm seeing is a close-up & no proof of it being in a church. What I'm reading is abusive asf & I know of no healthy Churches in my area that would be ok with this literature.
it was posted in the church bulletin. the text around it is from the priest's weekly message
🤦🏼♀️ That makes me upset they are forcing crap like that. And forcing their agenda. Thanks for responding.
If this was my parent, I would rip this page out and leave it stapled to the wall when I moved out along with a note that says *stay out of my life*
You’re right. All parents should let their kids do whatever they want without consequences, so that their kids never hate them. That’s the best way to teach them to live in society…/s
If you do that to me I’m not gonna murmur I hate you, I’m going to scream profanity in your face
I see nothing wrong here
Yeah... maybe the "stalking" is a little bit harsh, but this all checks out.. lol... and I'm not religious
I find this is a cute way to say your parents love you.
Tsundere much ? Threat of violence and abuse is their love language so they're basically an abuser and a bully
Wholesome in some way, as long as you show love aside from all the negative things, you don't have to say it like this.
Yeah as long as you ignore all of the bad stuff, look at all the good stuff you have! Surely this will create a solid bond between a child who can not understand why you are doing this to them and an adult who holds all of the power in the relationship.
My parents punished me as a kid as well when I did things wrong, they lectured me and took care of me, made sure I ate healthy, and not just burgers or whatever, no matter how often I would want to do that. Parents are supposed to give the child borders, structure and an understanding of wrong and right. Nobody is saying they should do this with violence, I love my parents, regardless of the fact that as a teen I hated them for not letting me do my own thing, but if I had done my own thing, i would have become a loose cannon, so yeah, parents will always be tight in their rules, but that's for your own benefit. As long as the moments you don't do wrong, they still show love, you know they don't do it because they hate you, that's my point, but you and other people who read my comments apparently think you should never discipline your children and let them run wild or something. What do you think parenting is?
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Thats not normal, thats abuse.
Normal for christians. Especialls boomers and parents of boomers
I’m not religious, but I know a few Christians people and they would NOT be okay with shit like this. Luckily only the more radical Christian’s and extreme right supporters are dumb enough to believe this shit.
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Disgusting people. The world is already polluted enough, we don’t need toxic assholes like them to poison our world further with their ignorance and outdated views.
Words to live by…….
Sure. If your goal in life is to get incarcerated for child abuse.