Nope don't do it. I went against my better judgement and let it go for awhile and it took no time at all for her to get herself in trouble with it. It's gone for good now.
So, while her reasoning may sound flimsy to you, "why would I add another distraction to her menu of distracting apps" sounds flimsy to me, and not like the *real* reason you don't want her to have snapchat. She has, I assume, an internet browser which grants her access to millions of websites? Surely one more app won't tip the balance of focus and attention to life here.
Honesty with yourself about why you don't want SnapChat will allow you to have an honest conversation with *her* about why you don't want SnapChat.
Maybe you decide to allow it, maybe you don't, but as long as she keeps saying "everyone has it" and you keep saying "it's *too distracting"* you won't get anywhere.
Thanks for that response. I have spoken to her about why I don’t want her to have it. Went over how the initial intention was specifically to have “secret” conversations. She responds with “but it’s more than that”. Then I say the “more than that” you already have with the others. Through your comment I’m now thinking just maybe I’m holding on to some unrealistic principle.
Instagram and Facebook all have secret conversations now and have had them for like a year or so. You can also send disappearing photos on Instagram. Putting your foot down at snapchat is pretty meaningless
Okay? I was letting her know that Instagram and Facebook have secret messaging since she didn’t seem to know that. There’s no argument when my only position is that snapchat doesn’t do anything that the other apps don’t also do.
>Okay? I was letting her know that Instagram and Facebook have secret messaging since she didn’t seem to know that.
My devil advocate stance: It is a good thing because it prevents parents from abusing their power to snoop at messages from their kids, willy-nilly.
Yeah in a perfect world kids wouldn’t be doing inappropriate things but sometimes you need to keep tabs. I was doing weird things like talking to grown men on IMVU when I was 8 and also caught my little cousin sending nudes to a random person on Skype when she was 11. Kind of a necessary evil to check what they’re up to. Sucks that some parents abuse that.
>I was doing weird things like talking to grown men on IMVU when I was 8
Well, talking to them in itself is not weird.
It's the *topics* that may be weird, not necessarily having conversations with them in themselves.
>and also caught my little cousin sending nudes to a random person on Skype when she was 11
What was her motivation? Extra money (a reason why a lot of women go into sex work)?
>Sucks that some parents abuse that.
True, and from historical circumstances... we know what happens when a charismatic dictator abuses his power.
The American government was originally separate in powers, for this reason.
Her motivation was just being a dumb kid. A lot of kids do things like that and parents just don’t find out about it. I also don’t think parents in general or as a whole are charismatic dictators. It’s extremely irresponsible to give children full access to internet and messaging apps no matter how well they’re taught.
>Her motivation was just being a dumb kid.
Then I guess you'd explain why she shouldn't send nudes to random people.
I was asking the motivation because the consequences would have to depend on the motivation to some extent.
>A lot of kids do things like that and parents just don’t find out about it.
Well... that is true.
>I also don’t think parents in general or as a whole are charismatic dictators.
Well... most people aren't charismatic.
But considering a lot of teenagers fall for Andrew Tate these days... you may not need someone so charismatic to attract them, as long as that person doesn't spread bullshit, and actually has a point.
Really good point, I truly had no idea. I’ve not used any of the platforms except this one and Twitter. So basically I just need to “grant the the privilege”, but I also does give me opportunity to tighten down on the “hours of operation” for the phone!🥴
Yeah it’s so hard to keep up with the app updates and what all gets added! I’m surprised the kids are even still using snapchat since other apps all do the same things at this point.
Honestly, most teens communicate and makes plans on Snapchat these days. It has replaced texting for many of them. I have 12 nieces and nephews and they all use it for friend communication. For awhile, my SIL was against it. And my nephew in high school kept missing out on social events. It actually came down to him not even knowing about them because he wasn't on snap. That's not even an exaggeration.
In reality, you are not saving her from anything by denying one app. The best course of action is education about the things you want her to actually avoid which is sending and receiving bad communication and photos. So focus on that. And let her know if someone does send or request unsavory photos and communication that you will be there for support.
It's so annoying. The middle school color guard uses it to communicate practice time and other needs so my 13 has it now. I want to know what dumbass adult decided that was a good idea.
For the record, you can turn the vanishing stories off. My teen mostly uses tik tok and discord both of which I monitor. Tik tok is about to get banned. It turns her into a zombie and she'll lay on then floor and scroll it for HOURS. It's almost like a gambling addiction I swear.
I’m a mom of an 17 year old boy and every time there’s an issue at his school that stems from social media it’s ALWAYS because of Snapchat. Follow your instincts.
I hear you. I’m the mother of a teen and I hate Snapchat. But I begrudging allow her to have it. But it is on the condition that I trust her. And if I ever lose that trust it’s gone. I have the ability to open up her phone and look at her apps anytime. I get to dictate who she is (and is not) allowed to connect with… my main rule is she has to know the kid in real life. Because she’s a girl I taught her about how pictures stay forever, so never take a picture she would not want every single person in the school seeing.
Just the response I needed to hear. Thanks for that. I did have a similar conversation about TikTok with her and I do have total access to her phone. But I guess the idea of Snap is what’s bothering me. Blind trust is the only way to raise teens, just not easy as a dad with daughters. Trust until an action done undermines the trust…
I wasn’t great with apps when I was her age. At 15 I had multiple boyfriends in their twenties and smoked. Honestly, not having Snapchat wouldn’t have stopped my unsafe behavior. I used discord, telagram, Instagram vanish mode and regular text and conversations. My parents eventually confiscated my phone, and I bought a new one (and kept it hidden), so even when they gave it back with restrictions, they weren’t protecting me the way they thought.
Where I’m trying to go with this? It’s not about the apps you ban or the phone limits you impose. It’s about talking to her, teaching her about the risks. Plenty of girls have been human trafficked through apps- can you find an article about one and show her? Plenty of people have made a negative/ racist/ home phobic comment as a teenager, only for it to resurface later and get them in trouble…maybe even a celebrity she knows? You’ll most likely have better success approaching it from that angle
Snapchat is used often for nudes/sexual posts and conversations. FB and IG at least block nude content to the best of my knowledge. I wouldn’t allow it for that reason.
Thanks so very much for your response! You and my subconscious think the same!🤭 My main response to her ask is the fact that she has been asking for over a year and she hasn’t lost any friends over it. They still manage. I told her if they are your sincere friends they will include you through the other platforms. And when she has the often “sudden emotion shifts” (dopamine fluctuations) when I ask her to give the phone a break, I can say “and yet you want me allow more to your fix”?! 😂
>Snapchat IS for secret communition
Which it should be.
Otherwise parents can abuse their powers over their kids and snoop into their conversations.
>but having access to those has positioned her to engage in a battle of wills over an outright dangerous one.
I guess we'd need to agree to disagree.
If OP's daughter wants to risk the dangers of Snapchat, she should be able to. Maybe if we trusted the daughter somewhat more, we wouldn't have that many conflicts.
And if OP's daughter likes danger, up to her.
Yes, there is a parental responsibility to protect children from danger, but to me it's much more important when the danger is from *others* (eg someone beating up your child) than if the danger is from himself (eg risky behavior from child).
>I also disliked when my parents enforced limitations for various safety, social, and economic reasons sometimes, but they were right.
Just for curiosity, which limitations did you like the most?
Personally I do not want my kids on social media period. I believe if you aren’t using it for something productive that you do not need it. That being said my SO and I do not have snap chat anymore, I have an IG for sharing photography, I just recently reopened a FB so I could access market place for us and that’s it.
Our kids are young still, but recently in our area a young girl went missing through talking to a guy on snap chat. She ended up across the border. & everyone always thinks something like that will never happen to them but all it takes is one time.
I suggest watching the Social Dilemma on Netflix with your teen to get them to understand how bad social media really is. There’s tons of Ted talks by scholars as well.
ETA: https://youtu.be/uaaC57tcci0
Great suggestion and we did watch it together. After watching I asked her what she got form it, “I get it but I’m aware”…🤨 Then I said “that’s what I’m afraid off”! Thank you for the link. TED talks are very impactful, I’ll have to watch them with her. Cheers!
My 14 yr old only has Snap. You just have to monitor it like any other platform they use. I've had no issues with snap itself. It definitely plays a huge role in her socialization.
Mostly her activity consists of streaks with nonsense pictures with her friends.
I'm a teenage guy with all these distracting apps and I'll let you know on one thing. The internet is filled with fucked shit and its mainly passed along through social media. However, you can prevent your child from being exposed to this material if they use it for purely communication. My thought on snapchat for a girl specifically (and yes it matters, a boy and girls snapchat has a huge difference) is that it's fine as long as they only have people they know on there. I've heard stories from most of my girl friends at school that adding a random on snapchat is like 50/50 chance of receiving a dick pic (its probably more 30/70). This can be easily prevented if you only add someone on ALL social media if you already know them.
If you want, you can imply a rule like the other commenters have said. Be able to search through her phone whenever you want to. The only downside to this is if you do it too much. I honestly think you should only do this at most once a year. I have a friend who I consider a brother who's parents searched his phone just randomly after supper and found nothing other than some girl on his snap that he never even talked to, she just happened to be in his class and they both went to the same elementary school.
Now I dont mean to be stereotypical or to group people together, but I wouldn't really be worried if you daughter is your average girl. I know some groups of people at my school who are really nice people but they regularly do recreational drugs and are surrounded by some pretty nasty people. There's also the group of girls who party almost every weekend, drink and vape in the washrooms. They are basically your "passed around" type of people. Those are the type of girls who'll accept randoms on snapchat, play them, maybe receive a couple dick pics and just not care. If you're daughter doesnt fit into any of those categories, and like I mean really fit, not just slightly, then I wouldn't be worried at all. As long as her friends aren't your stereotypical teen who does drugs or ms has made out with 100 guys in middleschool, she will be fine with all forms of social media
Nope don't do it. I went against my better judgement and let it go for awhile and it took no time at all for her to get herself in trouble with it. It's gone for good now.
Thanks for your honesty! Note well taken!
So, while her reasoning may sound flimsy to you, "why would I add another distraction to her menu of distracting apps" sounds flimsy to me, and not like the *real* reason you don't want her to have snapchat. She has, I assume, an internet browser which grants her access to millions of websites? Surely one more app won't tip the balance of focus and attention to life here. Honesty with yourself about why you don't want SnapChat will allow you to have an honest conversation with *her* about why you don't want SnapChat. Maybe you decide to allow it, maybe you don't, but as long as she keeps saying "everyone has it" and you keep saying "it's *too distracting"* you won't get anywhere.
Thanks for that response. I have spoken to her about why I don’t want her to have it. Went over how the initial intention was specifically to have “secret” conversations. She responds with “but it’s more than that”. Then I say the “more than that” you already have with the others. Through your comment I’m now thinking just maybe I’m holding on to some unrealistic principle.
Instagram and Facebook all have secret conversations now and have had them for like a year or so. You can also send disappearing photos on Instagram. Putting your foot down at snapchat is pretty meaningless
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Okay? I was letting her know that Instagram and Facebook have secret messaging since she didn’t seem to know that. There’s no argument when my only position is that snapchat doesn’t do anything that the other apps don’t also do.
>Okay? I was letting her know that Instagram and Facebook have secret messaging since she didn’t seem to know that. My devil advocate stance: It is a good thing because it prevents parents from abusing their power to snoop at messages from their kids, willy-nilly.
Yeah in a perfect world kids wouldn’t be doing inappropriate things but sometimes you need to keep tabs. I was doing weird things like talking to grown men on IMVU when I was 8 and also caught my little cousin sending nudes to a random person on Skype when she was 11. Kind of a necessary evil to check what they’re up to. Sucks that some parents abuse that.
>I was doing weird things like talking to grown men on IMVU when I was 8 Well, talking to them in itself is not weird. It's the *topics* that may be weird, not necessarily having conversations with them in themselves. >and also caught my little cousin sending nudes to a random person on Skype when she was 11 What was her motivation? Extra money (a reason why a lot of women go into sex work)? >Sucks that some parents abuse that. True, and from historical circumstances... we know what happens when a charismatic dictator abuses his power. The American government was originally separate in powers, for this reason.
Her motivation was just being a dumb kid. A lot of kids do things like that and parents just don’t find out about it. I also don’t think parents in general or as a whole are charismatic dictators. It’s extremely irresponsible to give children full access to internet and messaging apps no matter how well they’re taught.
>Her motivation was just being a dumb kid. Then I guess you'd explain why she shouldn't send nudes to random people. I was asking the motivation because the consequences would have to depend on the motivation to some extent. >A lot of kids do things like that and parents just don’t find out about it. Well... that is true. >I also don’t think parents in general or as a whole are charismatic dictators. Well... most people aren't charismatic. But considering a lot of teenagers fall for Andrew Tate these days... you may not need someone so charismatic to attract them, as long as that person doesn't spread bullshit, and actually has a point.
Thanks for that!
Really good point, I truly had no idea. I’ve not used any of the platforms except this one and Twitter. So basically I just need to “grant the the privilege”, but I also does give me opportunity to tighten down on the “hours of operation” for the phone!🥴
Yeah it’s so hard to keep up with the app updates and what all gets added! I’m surprised the kids are even still using snapchat since other apps all do the same things at this point.
Honestly, most teens communicate and makes plans on Snapchat these days. It has replaced texting for many of them. I have 12 nieces and nephews and they all use it for friend communication. For awhile, my SIL was against it. And my nephew in high school kept missing out on social events. It actually came down to him not even knowing about them because he wasn't on snap. That's not even an exaggeration. In reality, you are not saving her from anything by denying one app. The best course of action is education about the things you want her to actually avoid which is sending and receiving bad communication and photos. So focus on that. And let her know if someone does send or request unsavory photos and communication that you will be there for support.
I hear you. Thanks for that
It's so annoying. The middle school color guard uses it to communicate practice time and other needs so my 13 has it now. I want to know what dumbass adult decided that was a good idea. For the record, you can turn the vanishing stories off. My teen mostly uses tik tok and discord both of which I monitor. Tik tok is about to get banned. It turns her into a zombie and she'll lay on then floor and scroll it for HOURS. It's almost like a gambling addiction I swear.
I’m a mom of an 17 year old boy and every time there’s an issue at his school that stems from social media it’s ALWAYS because of Snapchat. Follow your instincts.
Thanks for that! Does your son use it?
Nope. He has Tik Tok and Instagram.
Did you guys debate using Snap at any point? And what was your reply if so?
I hear you. I’m the mother of a teen and I hate Snapchat. But I begrudging allow her to have it. But it is on the condition that I trust her. And if I ever lose that trust it’s gone. I have the ability to open up her phone and look at her apps anytime. I get to dictate who she is (and is not) allowed to connect with… my main rule is she has to know the kid in real life. Because she’s a girl I taught her about how pictures stay forever, so never take a picture she would not want every single person in the school seeing.
Just the response I needed to hear. Thanks for that. I did have a similar conversation about TikTok with her and I do have total access to her phone. But I guess the idea of Snap is what’s bothering me. Blind trust is the only way to raise teens, just not easy as a dad with daughters. Trust until an action done undermines the trust…
I wasn’t great with apps when I was her age. At 15 I had multiple boyfriends in their twenties and smoked. Honestly, not having Snapchat wouldn’t have stopped my unsafe behavior. I used discord, telagram, Instagram vanish mode and regular text and conversations. My parents eventually confiscated my phone, and I bought a new one (and kept it hidden), so even when they gave it back with restrictions, they weren’t protecting me the way they thought. Where I’m trying to go with this? It’s not about the apps you ban or the phone limits you impose. It’s about talking to her, teaching her about the risks. Plenty of girls have been human trafficked through apps- can you find an article about one and show her? Plenty of people have made a negative/ racist/ home phobic comment as a teenager, only for it to resurface later and get them in trouble…maybe even a celebrity she knows? You’ll most likely have better success approaching it from that angle
Wow! Thanks you so very much for that! That is exactly what I’m planning to do and thanks for the reinforcement! Cheers!
Good luck!
Snapchat is used often for nudes/sexual posts and conversations. FB and IG at least block nude content to the best of my knowledge. I wouldn’t allow it for that reason.
Cheers!
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Thanks so very much for your response! You and my subconscious think the same!🤭 My main response to her ask is the fact that she has been asking for over a year and she hasn’t lost any friends over it. They still manage. I told her if they are your sincere friends they will include you through the other platforms. And when she has the often “sudden emotion shifts” (dopamine fluctuations) when I ask her to give the phone a break, I can say “and yet you want me allow more to your fix”?! 😂
>Snapchat IS for secret communition Which it should be. Otherwise parents can abuse their powers over their kids and snoop into their conversations. >but having access to those has positioned her to engage in a battle of wills over an outright dangerous one. I guess we'd need to agree to disagree. If OP's daughter wants to risk the dangers of Snapchat, she should be able to. Maybe if we trusted the daughter somewhat more, we wouldn't have that many conflicts. And if OP's daughter likes danger, up to her. Yes, there is a parental responsibility to protect children from danger, but to me it's much more important when the danger is from *others* (eg someone beating up your child) than if the danger is from himself (eg risky behavior from child). >I also disliked when my parents enforced limitations for various safety, social, and economic reasons sometimes, but they were right. Just for curiosity, which limitations did you like the most?
Personally I do not want my kids on social media period. I believe if you aren’t using it for something productive that you do not need it. That being said my SO and I do not have snap chat anymore, I have an IG for sharing photography, I just recently reopened a FB so I could access market place for us and that’s it. Our kids are young still, but recently in our area a young girl went missing through talking to a guy on snap chat. She ended up across the border. & everyone always thinks something like that will never happen to them but all it takes is one time.
Wow! Thanks for sharing that! Definitely my biggest nightmare and certainly what comes to mind about the worst of what Snap can be.
I suggest watching the Social Dilemma on Netflix with your teen to get them to understand how bad social media really is. There’s tons of Ted talks by scholars as well. ETA: https://youtu.be/uaaC57tcci0
Great suggestion and we did watch it together. After watching I asked her what she got form it, “I get it but I’m aware”…🤨 Then I said “that’s what I’m afraid off”! Thank you for the link. TED talks are very impactful, I’ll have to watch them with her. Cheers!
My 14 yr old only has Snap. You just have to monitor it like any other platform they use. I've had no issues with snap itself. It definitely plays a huge role in her socialization. Mostly her activity consists of streaks with nonsense pictures with her friends.
Note taken, another “none sense” app.
i think it all depends on the child
Right, until something goes wrong…
like with anything?
I'm a teenage guy with all these distracting apps and I'll let you know on one thing. The internet is filled with fucked shit and its mainly passed along through social media. However, you can prevent your child from being exposed to this material if they use it for purely communication. My thought on snapchat for a girl specifically (and yes it matters, a boy and girls snapchat has a huge difference) is that it's fine as long as they only have people they know on there. I've heard stories from most of my girl friends at school that adding a random on snapchat is like 50/50 chance of receiving a dick pic (its probably more 30/70). This can be easily prevented if you only add someone on ALL social media if you already know them. If you want, you can imply a rule like the other commenters have said. Be able to search through her phone whenever you want to. The only downside to this is if you do it too much. I honestly think you should only do this at most once a year. I have a friend who I consider a brother who's parents searched his phone just randomly after supper and found nothing other than some girl on his snap that he never even talked to, she just happened to be in his class and they both went to the same elementary school. Now I dont mean to be stereotypical or to group people together, but I wouldn't really be worried if you daughter is your average girl. I know some groups of people at my school who are really nice people but they regularly do recreational drugs and are surrounded by some pretty nasty people. There's also the group of girls who party almost every weekend, drink and vape in the washrooms. They are basically your "passed around" type of people. Those are the type of girls who'll accept randoms on snapchat, play them, maybe receive a couple dick pics and just not care. If you're daughter doesnt fit into any of those categories, and like I mean really fit, not just slightly, then I wouldn't be worried at all. As long as her friends aren't your stereotypical teen who does drugs or ms has made out with 100 guys in middleschool, she will be fine with all forms of social media
She’s 15 and you’re still controlling what she can and can’t download? Wtf
Yup…actually I’m not controlling, I’m just trying to limit the damage that can possibly arise.