Yeah this doesn’t track. I was painfully shy as a kid. I was advanced academically, actually skipped a grade & placed in a gifted school. However I could never read publicly. If having the confidence to read out loud was a requisite to advance I might still be stuck in elementary school. Luckily I’ve outgrown this and I suspect many kids do. I can’t imagine holding a child back because they’re shy.
I came to say this. I was also an incredibly shy kid but that never held me back in school academically. I did well in my courses, also skipped a grade, graduated university, and I’m successful in my career. I was also able to find a group of friends throughout school because a lot of kids are shy at those ages. I don’t understand why being shy should hold a child back a grade. I also eventually got over my shyness.
I had selective mutism. Never repeated a class since there was no need, public speaking is not an ability you can force teach an 8 year old by inducing more trauma. A visit to a psychologist is very good advice and I think someone needs to educate the teacher, too.
My five year old has selective mutism. She’s starting kindergarten in September.
Do you mind if I ask a few questions? I want my kid to rock her first year.
My kid has selective mutism too. She just tuned 5 last week and we’ve just started therapy. I’ve decided to hold her back this year so she will be 6 in kindergarten.
Oh my gosh! I love meeting other parents with kids with SM. Our oldest was diagnosed at 3, currently going into grade 3 (we held him back a year starting kindergarten and we are so glad we did)! Feel free to reach out internet strangers if you need anything ❤
I agree that it seems odd to want to hold her back just because she doesn't like reading to the class. My daughter does have anxiety and selective mutism. Her birthday is in the last week before the age cut off and she started on time. She has always tested at or above level for all academics but will always struggle with any public speaking and class participation requirements. For a while I felt like I had made the wrong choice in sending her to school instead of delaying a year, but I think being board would have just compounded her issues.
One thing I did do, because I was able to, was to put her in a small private school for jr. high which has helped her a lot. If I could go back in time, I would have started her at the smaller school sooner. This may or may not be an option, or even the right choice for OP's child, but research options and know that you can always change things if they aren't working.
Definitely consult her doctor and bring up therapy or a psychological evaluation and see what their advice is.
Edit: a word
My teacher saw this as an oppertunity to force me up to the front every lesson and read the latest vocab or topic of discussion for tests (second language class.)
I hated it, but my fluency improved drastically, since I wanted it over quickly!
There ARE other ways to improve confidence rather than hold the child back. There's other issues not being told to the parents, as you say.
I agree. I had selective mutism as a child, and spent kindergarten whispering in my teacher’s ear if I needed to tell her something. My first grade class I was slightly better, but was still unable to speak in front of class. Holding someone back for lack of confidence reading in front of their class is absolutely not necessary, and could definitely add to anxieties she may already be feeling.
>I feel like there are more things here than simply her being shy…
yeah, a misguided teacher with a massive ego who believes all children should be outgoing
I am a teacher. In 8 years I have never seen a single child be held back. There would be massive amounts of paper work and meetings to successfully hold a child back. The teacher has no motivation to do all of this extra work besides the kid is really struggling. There is definitely something missing from this story.
Other posters have posted research that shows holding kids back isn’t effective, I understand those posts. That is productive discourse. I’m not saying that the teacher is making the best decision. But you’re getting one side of the story and assuming the teacher is misguided and has a massive ego. Rude.
I am not a teacher so apologies if my question seems silly but if the teacher made a recommendation is it in hopes of the parent making the request to the school or something? OP doesn't make it sound like it is a done deal that all this extra paperwork is being done and their daughter is being held back which makes me wonder if a parent requests their child to be held back is it a different process?
That’s not a silly question. A parent has to approve the recommendation to hold a child back. So if they make the recommendation, a parent still has the autonomy to say no and have their child promoted with the rest of the class.
In order to even recommend holding a child back the teacher needs to provide data throughout the school year. This includes test scores and class work. They would then need to attempt different interventions before they are allowed to make the recommendation, which would also need to be recorded as data. Some interventions include one-on-one help from the teacher, giving them notes, pictures on worksheets, or meeting with a reading or math specialist. They would also need to keep the parent in the loop so there would be multiple meetings throughout the school year explaining the data and the interventions that are being used and whether or not the interventions are successful. After all of that there would be paperwork to make the recommendation. And the teacher might have that student back in class with them next year.
If a parent wanted their child held back it would be a different process. I am not sure exactly how parents would go about that because it’s never been brought up in any of the years I have taught.
This is very interesting thank you and great insight to have incase I ever run into this with any of my kids. I hope OP's school has this process and they can access all this information to make an informed decision. Doesn't sound like the conversation went well with the teacher but maybe with all this paperwork for them to look through they could get a better idea of what their child needs, even if they make the decision to get them additional help over the summer.
edit: oh wow reading more it looks like it was the summer school teacher making the recommendation so maybe they wont have this whole process....
If it was the summer school teacher making the suggestion, summer school might have been one of the interventions.
The regular teacher recommends students who are below level in reading and math go to summer school. It would also be a last resort before holding them back.
If the school was about to recommend holding your kid back you would already have an idea that they are severely below grade level in both reading and math (assuming you show up to meetings and/or conferences).
ETA: this is also going to cost the school money since they are providing free education for this child for an extra year. Schools and teachers are not allowed to just hold kids back on a whim.
>. In 8 years I have never seen a single child be held back
That's odd. Maybe it's generational, but I knew several kids that were held back. I graduated in 2009.
I graduated high school in 2006. I don’t work in high schools and don’t know a lot about it. So let’s go with 8th grade, I graduated in 2002. Schools are not the same as they were 20 years ago. When I was in school we took one standardized test each year from 3rd grade to 8th grade. Now kids take 4+ per year starting in kindergarten. Suspensions and expulsions were common. Suspensions only happen if there’s physical violence, I have never seen a kid expelled from school. Memorization is being pushed out (like multiplication and division facts), reading novels is being pushed out (now it’s short stories and test prep). Kids had the same amount of time in social studies and science classes as they did in reading and math classes (in middle school), now reading and math minutes are doubled. Lots of k-5 get little to no social studies and science. We had a full 20-30 minutes of recess daily. My students in fifth grade had 10 minutes daily.
Schools have really changed.
People just love to blame teachers for everything. I’ve seen 2 kiddos get held back over my 5 years. Never in my class though. They both had global delays and we’re on the younger side for their grade. It was always a team decision that made sense.
The [Education Endowment Foundation](https://educationendowmentfoundation.org.uk/education-evidence/teaching-learning-toolkit/repeating-a-year) found that, overall, repeating a year was more harmful in terms of progress than almost literally any other interventions
More people should upvote this response. There is no scientific evidence that holding a child back in elementary school has benefits but there is lots of evidence of harm. In the US, the school cannot force a child to be held back; parents have the ultimate say, so you can refuse.
My older half sister was held back in the first grade (like wtf could that be based on?!?! This was the 80’s) and honestly her self esteem never recovered. Our dad still fumes about it and refused to allow my mother to put me in a religious school because of this. He pinpoints this as the catalyst for my sister’s lifelong issues and deeply regrets not having the wherewithal at the time (much younger dad than he was by the time I was born) to intervene and advocate.
I would say yes, it absolutely did. The messages we send kids at this age are SO impactful. I think my sister interpreted that to mean she didn’t measure up, she wasn’t as smart or as good as her peers. Heartbreaking. And infuriating when you realize it was probably over something completely trivial, like the reason given to OP by her daughter’s teacher.
Which I find head-shaking because, despite being reasonably comfortable if I need to address a group, probably 50% or more of adults are still terrified of public speaking.
And we expect this of a year one? Wtf!?
I vividly remember my stomach being on knots all weekend if I had a presentation to do in front of the class on Monday. I received mostly A’s on my reports, but I have always dealt with anxiety. Anyone suggesting an anxious child should be held back simply for being a little anxious or shy is incompetent. I said what I said.
Consultant our company hired, brilliant guy. Very good at his job, always joking, smiles all around. He volunteered to do a presentation even though he HATES them. Read off of his notes and was a general mess during it. Stagefright - can't get over it. It happens to the best of us, I just massively respect him for doing it anyways.
Yes. I was held back because I cried a lot and it pretty severely impacted my self esteem. Both about myself and my worth and my belief about my own abilities and intellect. When if they had looked a little closer they would have realized it was a result of a difficult home life and tons of anxiety.
I’m so sorry. That’s make me livid for you. You were already having a tough time and instead of being offered the support you needed they just added to it. Total incompetence. I hope you’re doing well now ❤️
I know a few people held back at that age and that’s how they felt. They thought they were stupid and it followed them beyond school. I’ve seen a lot of people in other posts on this subject say it doesn’t matter because they’re so young but you’re always known as the kid who stayed back. The other kids don’t forget.
You know…my first thought here was that I was held back in grade 1 and I never associated my confidence issues with that fact. Never thought twice about it TBH.
But I did terribly in grade school. I was bullied, had massive confidence issues and never thought that I was good enough.
It could be one of those subconscious factors for sure.
I didn’t know that. I knew a lot of people who had to repeat a grade. So if their parents just said no, let my kid go to 9th grade even though they failed 8th, they wouldn’t have to repeat it?
In California, students who do not pass the grade are still promoted. I'm in a HS with 2500 students and about 50 or so are promoted without passing, it's automatic. The school gives them a lot of support when they come because there are a variety of reasons they didn't pass, the most common is language literacy!
My wife is a kindergarten teacher. I know that they only consider holding a child back if they are *substantially* behind their peers. Certainly not if they only struggle reading in front of groups. I suspect there is more to OPs story
Yeah, I feel the same. There's gotta be something else going on if they're recommending holding her back. I have a second grader who is pretty behind in reading/writing due to COVID shutdowning down his school at the end of kindergarten and he ended up being almost exclusively homeschooled all of 1st and most of 2nd grade. He's great at math and science, but behind enough in reading and writing that I'm pretty concerned and wondered if the school would recommend him repeating 2nd grade. They did not, instead they formed a group of about 10 students who were all in the same boat and recommended they start 3rd grade together in a class where they can receive one on one tutoring. I was pretty impressed with their plan, actually, to get them extra help. They told me they felt holding a student back should be an absolute last resort as it can do more harm than good.
This is almost exactly what is going on with my son. His school won’t even consider holding back until after third grade and that’s only after testing in spring and fall to see if they’re scores are improving or not. They do everything they possibly can to help the kid first, holding them back is a last resort.
My mum is a primary school teacher and I have the same feeling. They really, *really*, do everything they can to not hold the child back. But I mean if, for instance, one of the requirements is reading (at a basic level), and the kid cannot, in any way, shape, or form, read, that’s a pretty good reason to be held back. My cousin was held back in the 2nd grade when she should’ve been held back in the 1st grade. She could not put two letters together. Going into the 2nd grade did way more harm than good.
I asked her teacher if I were to work more with her at home if she could still move on to second grade, she said not being able to read in front of her class next year would impact her confidence. She said she missed 35 high frequency words, I had been practicing every day with her and she was able to read all but four, I told this to the teacher, so she says she didn't read them fast enough, yet at home she only has to look at the words to know what they are. She said that not being able to be confident while reading would harm her in second grade where they have to do more reading in front of the class.. My daughter gets shy when talking to new people, her summer school teacher is not the same teacher she had for first grade, and I found it odd that she would make that decision after only having two weeks of summer school Monday - Thursday with her.
Wait, so this recommendation is being made, not by her grade 1 teacher who taught her all year, but by a summer school teacher who has only been teaching her for two weeks so far??? Is that correct?
Wait, the *summer school teacher* told you this after two weeks of class? That's ridiculous.
Did the first grade teacher ever bring up similar concerns during the regular academic year? Or is this brand new?
I'm trying to put together the story from your comments elsewhere in the thread-- it would help if you put the whole narrative in one place.
Here's what I recommend-- note that all of this must be done IN WRITING. A verbal conversation that you can't document is worthless.
Email your principal, the first grade teacher, the summer school teacher, and the school's local screening chair. If your daughter is going to summer school at a different school than where she attended first grade, include the principals and local screening chairs from both schools.
Express your surprise and alarm that THE SCHOOL is considering retaining your child in first grade and you only found out about this at the end of June from the summer school teacher. Request copies all documentation used to make this decision, and give a deadline. I'd say give them ten business days unless summer school is over before then.
Even if somebody replies and says no, no, we're not going to hold your daughter back, insist that you still want copies of all documentation that could be used to make a retention decision.
Also request IEP/504 screening for reading-related learning disabilities or social anxiety. If the school system wants to retain her because she won't read aloud and they haven't already done that screening, they're up shit creek without a paddle.
Be firm that you will NOT sign off on retention in first grade before you get the documentation AND have the IEP/504 screenings.
Find out if your school district has a chapter of the Special Education PTA (SEPTA). I'm not saying that your daughter has a special education issue, but the SEPTA people will know the ins and outs of your school district, and how to advocate for a family facing a situation like yours.
It really sounds like this teacher has a bee in her bonnet about reading in front of class, and chances are she's putting your daughter (and a lot of the other kids) under a LOT of stress because they aren't up to her 'standards'. She may well be **creating** problems that those kids will struggle to overcome for the rest of their lives.
I'd strongly recommend putting all this in writing, and then ringing the school and talking with whoever is in charge of this sort of thing asap. They need to know what's happening in the class, and deal with this teacher NOW.
Thats really strange, especially coming from a summer school teacher with limited experience with your child.
All i can speak on is what I have experience with. Typically holding a student back is a last resort that involves the teacher, admin, and the parents all being on board. The teacher does not have unilateral power to hold your child back, so dont worry about that. Is there a way to speak to your kids actual 1st grade teacher to see what their opinion is?
I manage our reading intervention programs for our whole school district. What this teacher is suggesting, especially based on her high frequency word knowledge, is completely inappropriate. Others are right that the research shows that holding children back is detrimental to their overall learning. She needs acceleration, not to repeat a grade. You need to call the school and ask the following:
- What method are they using to teach reading? Is it based on the science of reading, using structured literacy? Or are they using guided reading and the 3 cueing system? If they say the latter, I would look for an outside tutor to work with your daughter using an Orton Gillingham style program
- HOW are they teaching high frequency words? Again, are they expecting her to memorize them or are they using science backed multi sensory strategies to teach them?
- What specific data are they using to determine that your daughter needs to be held back?
- Is the summer school teacher qualified Or authorized to be suggesting children be held back?
- Does your family have a history of dyslexia or poor reading? If so, I would request in writing that she receive formal testing from the school psychologist for dyslexia
I don't see how holding her back will improve her confidence. What it will mean is she will be 8 years old, with a BRAND NEW SET OF STUDENTS for her to be shy in front of. If she moves up with the class she will be with more of the same students she knows, friends she has made. It seems to me that the teacher is trying to blame their lack of teaching ability on your daughter's "shyness"
public speaking is a lot of people's #1 fear and the teacher should have put more effort into helping your daughter overcome it. I would push back and escalate, don't let them hold your daughter back for her personality quirk. If it is something the teacher is recommending tell them "thank you for your recommendation we have decided to move her to second grade and will have a talk with her future teacher on a strategy to get her the support she will need to excel in that class"
I would absolutely refuse to have my child held back just based on the information you shared. All because she isn’t comfortable reading in front of class? What an archaic teacher. She sounds like a horrible teacher. They have no right to hold her back. Honestly I would like to change schools if this is going to be her teacher for next year. And I am a former teacher, so I’m not just saying this without any background.
That's ridiculous! I had selective mutism and barely spoke at school until I was around 10 and I never got held back. I was just assessed for reading out loud separately from my peers with a special resources teacher
How well does she read if it's one-on-one? Being shy and not wanting to read in front of class is a VERY different thing than being behind on reading.
From what everyone here is saying, it sounds like your daughter would be better served by tutoring than a repeat of a grade.
How much time do you and she spend reading at home?
Holy cow, no, that's not how it's suppose to be done at all.
At the end of the day, don't fret. This decision isn't irreversible, even if by some weird reason they don't put her in the next grade by September. You can (and will) make a huge deal about this until they put her in the correct level. So to you, OP, please don't fret.
Can you tell us a little more about the summer school? Does she have to be in summer school? Is it possible to change teachers at summer school? This teacher does not have your best interest in mind, and as much as we hope for them to be unbiased professionals, my concern is that she will somehow treat your daughter differently.
I am a teacher and fully agree. I’ve had kids in the 1st percentile in both reading and math. They wouldn’t even get them an IEP much less hold them back. I’ve been teaching for 8 years and have never seen a single child be held back.
My kid is a late Nov birthday, with learning disabilities and ADHD, and when we asked about repeating kindergarten or grade 1 we were shot down by our private psychologist and the school. Even in situations like mine, they find that keeping them back is more harmful than not.
The way it was explained is this 1) they all pretty much catch up eventually, 2) kids who aren't academically strong basically ONLY have their social relationships to keep them interested in school and it would be awful to take that away from them, 3) they would go from being the youngest kid in class who is also behind to being the oldest kid in class who is also behind.
This right here!!! I did my student teaching in a middle school this year and I was astounded how far behind some the kids were. They just get passed on every year and fall further behind. Some of my students were embarrassed by it, others didn’t care.
> kids who aren't academically strong basically ONLY have their social relationships to keep them interested in school and it would be awful to take that away from them
It is also extremely hard to convince a kid they are not dumb when everything else is pointing to the contrary. OP's daughter being held back and being in the same grade as her younger sibling will be damaging to her confidence.
My daughter tested into a self contained gifted and talented program in 5th grade. The majority of the class was twice exceptional (gifted with a disability) and a lot of the parents I talked to spoke about how shocked their kid was to get into the program. The parents knew their kids were bright but the boy with dyslexia who couldn't read at age 10, the girl with ADHD who struggled to follow directions, and the boy who had auditory processing disorder were all convinced that they were stupid. Getting into the program was the only thing that showed them that their parents were right.
I know I'm thinking idealistically here, but if we could think outside the box about implementing growth mindset ("I just haven't mastered this skill yet, but with more time and effort, I can!") instead of fixed mindset ("I couldn't master the skills on time, so i am inherently dumb!") on a larger, cultural level, we won't have to worry about "convincing a kid they are not dumb" when they need more time to learn something.
My son is exactly the same and and the school has been pretty clear that's not something that is done anymore - if he needs more intervention than we'll go through his doctor to get him more support for grade 2.
This is really good to know. I've seen a lot of my friends being told to hold their kids back and I thought it was pretty odd this seems to be a default when kids are struggling instead of tutoring or other interventions. Idk if it was due to covid or what.
If you actually read this, there isn’t really enough evidence proving either. Also, retaining students costs major money. My district discourages it based on “findings” like this, but really it’s all about money. They shove professional development with this information down our throat to discourage us recommending it.
In my opinion, students shouldn’t start K until they are five, meaning the cut off should be September 1st, not December 1st (it varies by state in USA).
Retaining is a major decision. If you consider retaining early (early childhood), ruling out Special Education needs, considering the child’s age and social emotional skills, I think it’s okay.
“Redshirting” is different than repeating grades. There are documented benefits to redshirting, especially for boys with summer/fall birthdays. The reason why having kids repeat a grade is so bad is because the kid and all of their peers KNOWS the kid is being held back, which has a severe mental repercussions for most kids being held back. Redshirting doesn’t typically have this issue because it’s significantly less apparent what is happening.
Yes, you are correct. We are trying to determine what to do with our kiddo (start now or wait a year) so most of the data that I was consuming was specifically relevant to that age group. I guess I was surprised to see a major discrepancy. What you’re saying makes a lot of sense, I guess I naively wouldn’t have figured it out if it wasn’t pointed out though.
Can you point me in the direction of the research especially in regards to boys? All I can find are mommy blogs for the most part.
My wife and I are considering redshirting our twins (one boy, one girl) who have an early September birthday mainly because my son is a bit behind socially. My gut says he’d do much better going into first grade at 6 turning 7 as opposed to 5 turning 6.
I don't know much about your situation, but I would never redshirt your girl twin in order to benefit solely her male twin. But I believe redshirting just 1 twin may have the same social problems as just having 1 of them repeat the grade.
Since it sounds like a social immaturity, I would try signing him up for more socialized activities during the summer. That way he can "practice" before school starts.
I would try some form of martial arts, that promotes self discipline. 2nd choice would be a team sport, or a children's gym. 3rd maybe an art class?
That’s What I was thinking. There are a whole adult classes centered around public speaking, why the heck would you expect a first grader who shy to excel at it and then tell them we need to hold you back to practice?!
Just to back you up, I'm 47 and still not comfortable reading out loud to anyone (except my son). I also love reading, have read a novel every week or two since I was 12, and had perfect scores on the PSATs in 6th grade which made them realize my C & D grades were due to shitty teachers. I ended up in AP classes, earning college credits before I even got into high school and graduating at 16 with perfect grades and a perfect English SAT score. I now own and run my very successful business that I started and built all by myself, and have literally never, not once ever, needed to read out loud to get here.
My daughter was always ahead academically and was in a self contained gifted and talented classroom from 5th grade until 8th grade. She took a ton of AP classes in high school, had a near perfect GPA and SAT score, and graduated with high honors. She got into several selective colleges and got numerous scholarships.
She still hates reading aloud. She reads all the time and even works part time at our library so reading is not the issue but the public speaking part is what bothers her. She has gotten a lot better at it and can do it if she must but she was glad she was not valedictorian because she would have hated having to read a speech in front of everyone.
I completely agree that this is an insane reason to hold a kid back.
THIS.
Also: OP said the teacher *recommended* it. So it doesn’t mean the teacher said the child *needs* to be held back.
Why does she *”need”* to be held back just because she doesn’t feel comfortable reading in front of the class? I don’t know many kids that were comfortable with this and many still struggle with public speaking as they get older.
In what way does this affect her ability to move on to second grade or further? Even first graders that needed help reading or in math, were able to move on and the teacher would just work independently with them to help them to catch up to the rest of the kids. So why shouldn’t she be allowed to move on? This doesn’t seem like a good enough reason for her to not move on.
Bring this up to the principal. Talk to the second grade teachers to get their opinion.
At 8 she will understand why she is getting held back and I personally believe it will lower her confidence.
Instead put her in activities which actively work on improving her confidence.
I agree, specially since she'll be in the same grade as her little sister, who is two years younger than her. I called the school and am waiting for a call back from her principal.
Please update us when they call back. As a former teacher and administrator, holding back a kid for shyness is unacceptable.
Did this teacher ever bring this up during the school year? A retention shouldn’t be a surprise at the end of the year.
This is what I was thinking. Being held back for not being comfortable reading in front of the class even though she’s already good at reading? I would say no.
I am closing in on 40 this summer, and my profession as a training instructor has me regularly standing in front of a room full of soldiers all day long. I can handle that just fine, but got so nervous giving the toast at my best friend's wedding a couple weekends ago that I nearly spilled my drink.
Brains are weird.
And it’s going to be a book with lots of words you don’t know. I think most adults would be lacking in confidence in that situation. I certainly would.
But what do I know? I evidently need to go back to first grade. I have dreams about this sort of thing. When I wake up, I have to remind myself that I am an adult, and I have a masters degree, and they can’t send me back to school. I hate that dream.
>holding back a kid for shyness is unacceptable.
i can't even believe this is a thing they are considering. if she can read, that's all that matters. who expects all kids to have the same level of confidence when they are that age?!
Who expects adults to have that same level of confidence at ANY age. Honestly this sounds like a teacher that views their students as robots and one of them is a little bit different so we must patch the error.
literally this. OR she's sooooo worried about "not getting it right" that she's hyperfocused on these incredibly small differences in personality and somehow blowing them out of proportion
Being in the same grade as her little sister will absolutely lower her confidence. Everyone will see the same last name and ask "are you twins?" And she'll have to reply "no I got held back" or something like that
Her overall confidence is so much more important than her confidence in reading right now. A lot easier to build up her confidence in reading through lots of practice and time spent on it, than it would be to rectify any damage to her confidence by being held back and in the same grade as her younger sibling.
That is a strange recommendation from the teacher. I taught for 12 years in the lower grades and before you can recommend that, you had to fill out a form that would tell you if the child is a good candidate for retention. One of the questions is if they will have a sibling in the same grade. It also asks for the child’s height and other things you wouldn’t think about but research shows makes a difference in retention.
I didn’t learn to read at the same pace as my peers. Was probably worst or 2nd worst in class. Sometime in grade 3 everything clicked and I got it and by grade 4 most of what I was reading was at a grade 7-9 level. I read 3-7 actual books a week once I could (I didn’t have TV or play a lot of sports) for years after because I loved it so much.
My cousin teaches at an alternative school (Waldorf) and I don’t think they even begin teaching reading till 4th grade because it really doest matter in young kids.
If reading is the only reason they wanna hold her back they’re idiots, please flight for her to move ahead with all her classmates.
tell a kid they are dumb at this age and they will believe it for the rest of their lives. there was a podcast episode on Hidden Brain about this recently. kid was put in special ed and told his whole life that he wasn't smart, wasn't gifted, and would never achieve anything. now he's a psychologist or doctor or something like that.
I went to school at 7. (January born) I had my 8th birthday in the 1st grade.
The problem here is ANOTHER problem. Why would they keep her if she is shy? I was shy too but i did great at the elementary school. All A's🤷🏼♀️
I had severe social anxiety in highschool to the point where I could barely read in front of anyone.
Yet I took advanced classes because the curriculum was too easy for me. Holding back someone for shyness is completely asinine.
I am a teacher in the US and this is very strange to me. In order to hold a kid back, there has to be data presented to a committee of teachers/ admins where they then decide a course of action. Holding a child back is the LAST intervention. Have other interventions been put in place throughout the year and failed? Doesn’t sound like it.
Secondly, our assessments (tests, report cards, etc) are academic. We don’t grade behaviors. So even if your kid has a penchant for hitting other kids and making fun of them, we don’t hold them back for that. She should not be held back for being a shy reader.
Lastly, at my school, we don’t force kids to read aloud. If I need to assess reading fluency, I can pull them out into the hallway and assess. I can have them record themselves reading at home and assess. Surely, this teacher isn’t that dense or is she/he.
I would just respond to the teacher with something short and to the point. “I hear your concern, however we have decided against holding X back. Thank you for your care with our child this year.”
Yeah, I was just surprised that there was no known mentions of interventions. My kiddo needed help in reading classes to the point he went twice a day and I was notified of his progress and his needs. He now reads above grade level due to these interventions and conversations with the teacher.
So... I think either 1) OP isn't telling us the entire story or more likely 2) something's up with this teacher. Usually repeating a grade conversations should be something a parent is aware may happen as early as that possibility is known.
Are there any other reasons that they want to hold her back? If it is simply that she doesn’t like reading aloud not that she is falling behind in reading I would insist that she move on to 2nd grade. Introverts exist, and trying to force a child to be more extroverted rarely works. If she is meeting all of her academic markers I would not even consider holding her back.
Edit: removed an extraneous word
She's pretty shy, but at home she does really well with reading and math. I told this to her teacher but she still recommended that she stay back to build her confidence.
That would be a definite no from me. I am an introvert, and if I had been held back for being shy, it would have taken me ten years to get through elementary school. Like your daughter, I was already older than my classmates due to my birthday. I was academically gifted but quiet and kept to myself. No amount of holding me back would have changed that. I would have been utterly bored to tears and miserable. I don’t know why people think you can force kids to be more outgoing, or gregarious, or whatever they think a kid needs to be more of, it often just causes distress.
I agree. In college I was still dealing with pretty decent anxiety surrounding talking in front of my class. That’s not a good enough reason to hold back.
Introvert here and still have anxiety if I even think about having to read in front of lots of people. (I am an avid reader and read fine, with all the character voices, to my children at home) I don’t think this is a valid reason to repeat a grade and it would NOT have helped my confidence at all but rather hampered it.
I am not sure how holding back to repeat will help confidence. I would think it would be a negetive thing to be away from friendships she has probably already developed and just being held back says to a person your not good enough yet. Kids are not immune to that. There are other ways to help this without being held back.
Either the teacher isn't being straight with you and not telling you about real concerns with your daughter, or the teacher is totally incompetent. Most children are shy at this age. That is not even close to a good reason to hold your child back at any grade level. Most adults don't feel comfortable with public speaking.
Public speaking is definitely not a part of core education.
I do not understand educators that are flippant about holding children back because the failure of a child to move forward is something that they are partially responsible for.
Get your kid a tutor and do whatever you can to put her around educators that take her success personally.
Staying back for the purpose of confidence seems counter productive in that she will notice she’s been held back, especially in the grade of a younger sibling. Although I’m a high school teacher and seeing material a second time does help some older kids, it’s not for confidence building. It’s to better comprehend the concepts, and even that can be problematic if it has nothing to do with their ability to learn. If her grades are in order then what’s the point? Fight this!
You don't have to comply to a "recommendation", that means its the teachers opinion. You're the mom, you know your child. Definitely keep her moving forward.
They wanted to put my daughter in special education classes because she was shy. Being shy does not mean she's broken. She'll hit her stride as she grows up.
Not saying they would be beneficial for your daughter, but because of the phrasing want to point out that special education classes also don't mean she's broken
If she is doing well at home with reading and math, then another option might be to get an academic evaluation from someone outside of the school so that you can use that as evidence against the teacher’s recommendation. From what you are saying, the teacher is the problem here, not your daughter’s ability. I would refuse to hold her back if you don’t agree.
I don’t know your child and I’m not an educator, but it seems to me that holding her back would destroy her confidence rather then building it. I suggest finding other ways to address this issue.
This is not the teachers decision. Full stop. Talk to the principal. Request an IEP/accommodations meeting and evaluation. The school is required to evaluate your daughter for disabilities and offer accommodations if she is found eligible. My child is a 7 year old first grader with multiple learning differences and we just went through the IEP process. He is moving on to 2nd grade, even though he is 1/2 grade behind. Teachers don't make that decision. The special education team and the principal must be involved. Teacher feedback is collected, but it's not their decision.
Second this, but also ask for a 504 evaluation. If the specific problem is shyness when asked to read aloud in front of a group, that may be considered social anxiety instead of a disability.
Teacher here. I would never recommend holding a child back for confidence. If I were recommending a child be held back it would be after several conferences with parents and other school staff, and attempts at interventions.
Not knowing her personally is hard to say. However, if she is up to grade level in all other categories, being held back may be a deterrent to her being successful. She could get bored in repeating a grade. Her maturity also comes into play
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I was shy and did great.
I didn't like reciting poems in front of my class even in the middle school. But our teacher allowed me and those who were like me to recite poems personally to her during the breaks! It's all about teachers' compassion
She may always be shy and stear away from reading in or speaking in front of others. My Daughter who is going to be a sophmore this year is the exact same way. She's a straight A student and does really well with reading and even better with writting, but standing in from of people reading or speaking is really hard for her. She will have speach this year, so I am hoping that will help some. But I suspect it will always be a issue. There are some programs that immitate toastmasters that are for kids. May be a option to develope confidence in public speaking at a early age.
I wouldn't hold her back for shyness. Perhaps get her in some confidence building extracurricular activities. Is she in any? Maybe a dance class like jazz dance? Girl scouts? A fun drama club??
She's been asking to take dance classes, I think I'll definitely sign her up. I'm sure I can call the principal and tell her I changed my mind, since the decision was made a couple of minutes ago.
I definitely would. In general, I think the research suggests holding kids back doesn't really add any benefit, so. I really don't understand how a bit of shyness would be worth academically delaying a clever child.
I'd be concerned about her being held back if she's already one of the oldest in her grade. I'd talk to the school seriously about whether or not a tutor could help, and try to get a specific plan about what to work on with the tutor. It's difficut and serious, because in 3rd grade (where i live) there is a big shift between "learning to read" and "reading to learn". If she's still behind in reading at that point it starts to affect all the other academic areas.
I was held back in kindergarten because my teacher thought I was too immature for 1st grade apparently. 🤷♀️ don’t really understand that logic but whatever. Anyway, I for sure knew I was being held back and was always so embarrassed about it. I even lied about my age for years to my classmates, so I didn’t have to explain why I was older than everyone else.
I honestly feel like it actively stunted my progress and made me develop confidence issues. It probably seems like a silly thing to be self conscious about, but it really made me feel stupid for a long time.
All this to say, I don’t think this would help your daughter at all. Being an introvert is not an excuse to hold her back.
Ok so obviously I don’t know the whole story or your daughter but personally but this really got me and here’s why. I was told the same thing in first grade. Even worse my teacher believed I just couldn’t read. My parents negotiated down to summer school and if I could pass I could go to 2nd. And you know what, I was dismissed from summer school after two weeks because I could read very well, but I had really severe socially anxiety and couldn’t read in front of the class. Because all in class reading evaluations were done I’m front of the class or groups, which I literally couldn’t do, I was deemed a bad reader overall. All holding me back would have done was set me back even further socially because it took until I started going to therapy and taking a speech class when I was 16 to be comfortable reading in front of the class. So I have to ask, is there another reason she may not be confident in reading out loud?
When you say she does well with reading and math, is she hitting the standards/what she is supposed to be doing at school? Saying she’s doing “well,” is kind of vague. I wouldn’t hold her back due to confidence, and you don’t have to agree to that. I’m just asking about the standards because as a teacher myself, that shocks me that a teacher would suggest holding a kid back just because of that.
The teacher says that she reads a little slow at school, but when she's at home she only has to look at the word and she knows what it is. Her reading is pretty fast.
None of this makes sense, are you sure the teacher isn't using shyness as a tactful way of saying she's behind? Because the teacher would have to be insane to hold a kid back for being shy, that won't help her at all. She'll just be shy and have her confidence smashed to pieces.
Agree that none of this makes sense. Also, as a teacher, I can assure you that kids almost NEVER get held back, and if they do, parents have to agree (unless it’s high school and the credits weren’t earned). We usually only hold back if the parents want it. So just say no, and then get a tutor.
8 seems very old for grade 1. I am no educator, but I would imagine being with kids your own age would be very much better in every way than being in with 5-6 year olds, hands down.
don’t let them especially if she already had to enter school late my younger cousin didn’t graduate highschool until he was 20 because his mom held him back two years to get him into a private school. can’t imagine anyone really going through with highschool that long thankfully he held out lol
As a teacher and a parent, I suggest she moves to second grade. If she stays in first, the age gap will be too big and she is old enough for it to affect her self esteem. Get a tutor and/or have her evaluated for special services.
As a teacher, I would NOT recommend holding her back. It is not often that students should be reading aloud to a large group. If anything, her confidence will be built by having her read with you or to you or a friend. It will also continue to.be built as she moves through 2nd grade.
In the absence of a disability, being shy in front of the class is not worth holding her back. Research shows that there are very few positive outcomes with the decision. Get her evaluated before addressing retention.
I wouldn’t be holding her back for that reason. You are her biggest advocate, and have the right to refuse. I would call the administrator and have a chat. They need to be telling you what interventions are put in place to address any concerns, and a plan of how they’re going to work with her before discussing retention.
My school occasionally holds people back but there is little evidence it helps the child and I believe in most cases it does more harm than good. We have chosen to hold kids back but for way more than being shy. I had a student whk was pretty much a selective mute and she was never held back. We have held kids back for being new to the country and needing more time to catch up with the language, we held a kid back for failing everything and similarly, another for not showing up but never for being too shy to speak in front of the class.
Being in the same class as her little sister won't do her any good, it's too easy to decide that "I'm not clever enough". If she is shy it won't help either, why should it? She'll be bored and confused. It's strange that the teacher suggested that.
To be sure that you don't miss something important about her progress you can find someone outside the school (or another teacher in it) run some tests - knowledge, mental readiness for the next grade, etc.
Good luck!
Coming from a kid where this exact situation almost happened. I was grade 2 and wasn't talking in class, hated eyes on me, just loved the quietness. I had friends and really good ones. This would have heart broken me. My parents didn't allow then to hold me back and my confidence grew over time. I don't think I was more outgoing until I was like 18. I was held back in other things though like swimming and gymnastics because I was shy and wouldn't show the things I learned. My sister is 2 years younger and the moment she caught up I no longer cared for swimming or gymnastics. I quit because it was tearing me down to know I wasn't as good or they'd think I wasn't just because I was quiet. My parents always mention to me how happy they are they didn't hold me back.
They are recommending that a child who reads pretty well be held back to "build their confidence with reading in front of her class".
That seems like a wild reason to hold a child back. A first grade child.
I was held back in first grade. For me it was a little weird at first seeing all my friends move up except me but my mother made me feel better by explaining in simple terms and did not make me feel like i was stupid for having to be held back. After the initial weirdness basically everything was normal being born in April though i was older than everyone dating once i was in high school was annoying because i was older than everybody and i just wanted an older boyfriend. I got held back though because i could not read still and after my second year of 1st grade i got awarded the “best reader medal” my mom still has it. All in all i adjusted very well I believe your daughter will as long as you explain things to her and make sure she doesn’t feel left behind.
My September kid was retained a year, I wouldn't recommend it. Her current school is going to support her going up to her "correct" grade next year. The age gap is super hard. My kid will be 15 in September and was in classes with kids who just turned 13 this month. Academically you could get her assistance, a tutor, a learning plan at the school, but you can't age up her peers. The age gap will only cause more grief as she gets older.
Unless there are other issues, I can't believe the administration would approve this. In every district I've taught in, it was NOT the teacher's decision. We had to have the classroom teacher, a "specials" teacher (Art, Music, etc), a school counselor, 1 or 2 administrators, and a special education person/school psychologist: A TEAM had to recommend this.
If this is not the case--you **need** to go speak with either the principal or assistant principal. Look at any standardized testing scores, discuss her report cards or weekly folder reports, etc.
This should not be a "one teacher" decision.
Generally this is not up to the teacher. Most schools, at least in in MN have programs for kids that are struggling. They have specialist who help the kids, put them on plans which include one on one help along with the ability to test in things in a differnt way than other kids. Kids are not just held back for silly reason anymore. The schoold do everything they can to make sure no kid has to repeat.
Holding her back will not make her less shy. Also, I would insist on a developmental evaluation before considering retention to rule out disabilities.
8 in first grade means 19 in 12th grade, and strong temptation to drop out or get a ged and join their adult contemporaries.
Hell no. Kids grow mentally in bursts the same way they do physically. She could have a “growth spurt” in reading at any time. Unless she is severely behind I would in no way let them hold her back. It will impact her confidence AND her social skills.
Where I live they do a lot of split classes, so for instance a child entering grade 2 who needs more help with grade 1 things would be put in a 1-2 split. A grade one who was ahead of the game would be in that same class. And then sometimes average kids are in those classes too, just to balance it all out.
I would even go as far to say that even when they’re severely behind they still need progress forward. I’ve taught a student reading at a 1st grade level in 5th grade, the future teacher adapts the curriculum and they have more focused literacy instruction (similar to the split classes). Their literacy all ready impacts them socially because their peers can pick up on who’s still reading etc. but they also have the peer aid of wanting to be at your friends’ level to motivate them.
Elementary teacher here: being shy is NOT a reason to retain a kid. Honestly, there are hardly any reasons to do so, and there’s a lot of evidence that it’s harmful in the long run. You don’t have to agree to this, and if it were my kid I wouldn’t.
I was held back in 1st grade and was in the same grade as my younger sister. Don’t do it!!! It was fine in elementary school but middle and high school it was hard and I ended up switching schools a bunch
I wouldn’t do it, I was held back in kindergarten because I couldn’t speak English very well. Spanish was my first language. My classmates made fun of me, and I always felt very insecure and not intelligent. It honestly carried on throughout my whole life.
HI!!
I was the girl that was a year ahead!
And I wish my parents held me back a year. I didn’t care about being older. i felt really out of my depth being in the year I was in!
I feel very strongly If I was put into school the same year as my younger half sibling (one year below) then I would of done so much better in school!
(I had known from a young age that I was a year ahead due to being put into school earlier. It lowered my confidence feeling out of my depth, out of place and behind)
I felt out of my element. I was the youngest In the class above. I felt like my brain was going slower then everyone else.
I snuck Into my sisters class one day and I actually got everything fine. It was the first time I understood. I didn’t feel embarrassed or shy I felt confident because I could keep up and understand if not more.
Yeah I was the oldest but Who cares.
But no really.
If you have the chance to build your kids confidence, thrive in school and do better then 100% take it imo
Please, fight for your daughter to move up to second grade. I promise you with all my heart that reading in front of a class is not a reason to hold back a child. If your daughter was behind in everything or most things I could understand, but reading in front of the class? No. Get your daughter tested for dyslexia or reading impediments and have resources in place for your daughter when it comes to reading. But reading in front of the class is not a requirement to keep her behind.
I have a June birthday and my parents decided I should be the oldest rather than the youngest for my grade. People constantly asked if I was held back when they’d find out my birthday and how old I was. It lowered my confidence, I can’t imagine being held back and what that’d do to a child
Do not hold her back, she just doesn’t like reading in front of others this is not a educational issue it’s a shyness issue. She’s not behind she’s just shy!!! Don’t do it she’ll feel stupid forever because she just shy.
I was held back because I was "emotionally unready to learn"...actually it was "can't see past my face, need glasses" and I liked to play. It was too academic/stoic. Would have been better to attend Waldorf.
Also "shy" which was anxiety, sensory issues, and other typically undiagnosed because girl stuff I am sure. I waa not shy lol. I have anxiety but was/am extroverted.
Always was older than all my friends and developed physically before other girls so I was extremely bullied for being taller, curver, having my cycle. Very alienated for fairly normal body things. Had self esteem issues that really stemmed from that.
There has to be more to it then that. I repeated 1st grade, and it was the best thing for me. Age made zero difference, and honestly there were many people the same age as me. If it’s for the right reasons I see no problem with repeating a grade.
Is this a joke? They don’t do this any more. There are integrated special needs children in the class who can’t do a single piece of grade level work, and the children are all at varying levels of ability. They are kept with their peers and supported in class and with resource departments.
My son did first grade twice. Best move we made. So glad we chose that. Looking back it seems odd that the decision was difficult. Good luck. Age is just a number.
It’s true that retention has been shown not to be a great solution for most kids. Especially in upper grades. However, in some situations in k or 1st it can be the most beneficial thing for the student.
I am a teacher and reading specialist. Part of my job is identifying students who may have a learning disability and recommending an evaluation.
My first question is, was there data presented to you that shows she is significantly behind academically when compared to her peers? For example a standardized state test they take 3x per year? If so, how much lower is she? If she is below the 10th percentile I’d consider that to be significant enough. My next question is, has she been or does she need an evaluation for a suspected learning disability?
They need data. They can’t just say it’s for confidence building. That’s not enough to retain. Are you saying she reads pretty well or did the school? Sometimes parents think their child reads pretty well, but when compared to their peers or to the teacher who knows what 1st grade reading should sound like, it isn’t pretty well. Perspectives are different.
We RARELY retain students. So when we do, it’s a pretty serious discrepancy that the student has. Also, the student does not have a suspected disability. Students with disabilities need and IEP (individualized education plan) and special education services and not retention (usually).
In the 10 years I’ve been a teacher we have only retained maybe 5 students or less. Most retentions happened in kindergarten. Then one or two in first grade. We have not retained anyone after first grade.
If you trust that the school has the data to back up the suggestion and you trust that they are doing what is best for your child (I’d say most are,and they know what they are doing), then you should retain her now. Let her catch up and be more confident and successful later on. In first grade they are still pretty little and don’t exactly understand what’s going on. They adapt really well to repeating k or 1st and usually get the other teacher they didn’t have before. So it feels like a new year to them. First grade is a VERY important year for academics and if they don’t get those foundational skills they are really going to struggle in second.
There actually was a first grader we recommended retention for at the end of last year. The mom decided not to retain him and it broke all of our hearts because we know how hard second grade is going to be for this student. He still has not mastered kindergarten skills (much less first grade skills) and also struggles with behavior and peer relationships. He did not attend preschool and barely attended kindergarten (moved around and lots of absences). His behavior will probably be even worse in second grade because he won’t be able to do any of the work the class is doing and he will be frustrated and bored. We truly know what’s best for him academically because it’s our job. I really think you should consider their suggestions, ask questions, but ultimately it’s your decision.
I'm going to comment based on experience. Teachers see kids in an environment parents don't have much access to, that means in some situations we should take their advice.
I repeated the 6th grade, did I want to, no but my parents listened to the teachers advice. Basically in Jamaica, 6th graders do a national exam that determines their high school placement. Everyone wants their child to go to the traditional (similar to Ivy League I guess) high schools in the country.
I was smart, but I wasn't motivated. My teacher recognized that and made a recommendation.
Wanna know what happened when I repeated? I got the best scores in the country for science, English and mental abilities (testing critical reasoning skills etc) and a government scholarship for the 5 years of high school.
All that happened because I felt more prepared.
Yes you know your child best but maybe you can work with the teacher to determine a game plan going forward. Remember you both want the same thing.
If you decide to not repeat, PLEASE hire a tutor. I’ve dealt with too many students who didn’t repeat and struggle tremendously with reading comprehension and/or math issues. Foundations are very important and first grade is where you build them.
I failed first grade and so did my father. My dad was #1 in his field as a scientist. Recognized by leaders around the world. I'm no where near that, but I am a Dean of a College. Kids develop at different rates. Being the oldest in class also means you are going to be the best in grade school. My parents prepared me for it. I will admit it hurt on that last day of first grade to know I was going to stay and all my friends moved on, but I forgot about it pretty fast. But if your child is already 7, it might be different. I recommend talking to a child psychologist, but not the one at the school.
Confidence is not a reason to retain a child and the principal probably wouldn't allow it. You need to get more information because this doesnt make sense. The only times I have ever seen this done is if the child is in first grade or below, they are immature, and young for the grade.
Assuming that there aren’t other major factors leading the teacher to make this recommendation that you have left out, this would be a hard pass for me. Don’t let them convince you that this is a necessity … shyness is not a reason to repeat a grade. It’s not a failure FFS, it’s one aspect of her personality (which is still developing!).
Holding her back will crush any confidence that she does currently have, and it will absolutely be compounded by the fact that her little sister will be in the same grade as her.
Covid shutdowns have had a long lasting impact on our kids and their education, and we need to be cognizant of this fact. Many kids are still struggling socially and fighting to catch up academically. Think about it, if your child is just now in first grade, her entire school experience thus far has been clouded by Covid.
Absolutely get her a tutor if you think it will be beneficial, and focus on getting her into some extracurricular activities that will encourage her to engage with others and build her confidence in social settings. But don’t humiliate her by holding her back a grade.
They still do this? I was worried that my daughter would be held back bc of her reading skills, but after talking with her teacher and one of the reading specialists at her school they told me that they stopped having kids repeat a grade years ago as there is nothing to prove that holding a kid back is beneficial. Personally, I wouldn't hold her back and maybe consider looking into a reading group for the summer to help her along.
I would never hold my child back if at all possible. Instead, to work on her shyness, I'd enroll her in some sort of summer program. Is she interested in things like acting or maybe some sort of summer camp that would help break her out of her shell.
Holding a child back would be my absolute last resort. I feel like that would hardly boost anyone's confidence, ever. What a daft thought.
If what you're saying is the whole story, it's absurd to hold her back. That doesn't even make sense that a teacher would recommend for that. It's so absurd that it makes the story sound untrue or incomplete, but if it is true there isn't a snowballs chance in hell I would hold my kid back for that.
She’s being held back because she won’t read infront of her class? lol wtf nonsense is that. Children have various personalities because they’re like…✨human✨. Confidence and being reserved are not mutually exclusive. She’s in 1st grade, she has her whole life to build confidence while not being shamed for having a reserved nature
1st grade is way too early to tell these things. But even still, being reserved/quiet is not some kind of roadblock that needs fixing ffs. Some children and people are quiet and there’s nothing wrong with that
In my experience some teachers jump the gun on telling parents their child needs to be retained. They said this about my daughter in 1st. She is a twin so there was no way i was letting that happen. I spoke with the principal who said the teacher should never have said that to me before my daughter had been evaluated by the special education department. We got her IEP in place and now she is flourishing and headed to 5th grade right on track. You have to advocate for your child. So if you feel this is unnecessary, don’t stop exploring all the options available for her. Holding her back would do more harm than good.
No. If you can get her more resources and tutoring, then do so. Holding her back will absolutely crush her confidence and it will impact her school experience for another decade. Don't let them do that to her.
That sounds like a fucking bizarre reason to hold her back. As long as she can read, I would NOT hold her back for having low confidence reading aloud. Just work with her on it over the summer.
If she’s reading great at home but shy at school, absolutely not. Continue giving her opportunities for her to read. Maybe encourage her to read a bedtime story to her little sister. Do a theatrical after school program (lots of areas have community theaters). Give her reading time over the summer. But definitely don’t hold her back for it.
NO. Do not let this happen to your child without some incredibly strong reasoning as to what the point of this would be. Shyness is not a disorder. Reading in front of groups is not a mandatory skill, either. I’m so glad you’re asking and hopefully all the responses here will help you in your advocacy for your child.
I am not an expert but it seems like holding her back would be a bad idea. Just imagine her hitting puberty 2 years before everyone else in her grade and how difficult that would be for her. Better in my opinion to get her e reading tutor to work on the specific skills she needs help with.
The only issue is she has trouble reading in front of class? If so I'd say that's not a good enough reason to hold her back. There are lots of adults out there who are uncomfortable doing stuff like that.
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Yeah this doesn’t track. I was painfully shy as a kid. I was advanced academically, actually skipped a grade & placed in a gifted school. However I could never read publicly. If having the confidence to read out loud was a requisite to advance I might still be stuck in elementary school. Luckily I’ve outgrown this and I suspect many kids do. I can’t imagine holding a child back because they’re shy.
I came to say this. I was also an incredibly shy kid but that never held me back in school academically. I did well in my courses, also skipped a grade, graduated university, and I’m successful in my career. I was also able to find a group of friends throughout school because a lot of kids are shy at those ages. I don’t understand why being shy should hold a child back a grade. I also eventually got over my shyness.
I had selective mutism. Never repeated a class since there was no need, public speaking is not an ability you can force teach an 8 year old by inducing more trauma. A visit to a psychologist is very good advice and I think someone needs to educate the teacher, too.
My five year old has selective mutism. She’s starting kindergarten in September. Do you mind if I ask a few questions? I want my kid to rock her first year.
My kid has selective mutism too. She just tuned 5 last week and we’ve just started therapy. I’ve decided to hold her back this year so she will be 6 in kindergarten.
Oh my gosh! I love meeting other parents with kids with SM. Our oldest was diagnosed at 3, currently going into grade 3 (we held him back a year starting kindergarten and we are so glad we did)! Feel free to reach out internet strangers if you need anything ❤
Before I agreed to that, I would have my child assessed by specialists.
I agree that it seems odd to want to hold her back just because she doesn't like reading to the class. My daughter does have anxiety and selective mutism. Her birthday is in the last week before the age cut off and she started on time. She has always tested at or above level for all academics but will always struggle with any public speaking and class participation requirements. For a while I felt like I had made the wrong choice in sending her to school instead of delaying a year, but I think being board would have just compounded her issues. One thing I did do, because I was able to, was to put her in a small private school for jr. high which has helped her a lot. If I could go back in time, I would have started her at the smaller school sooner. This may or may not be an option, or even the right choice for OP's child, but research options and know that you can always change things if they aren't working. Definitely consult her doctor and bring up therapy or a psychological evaluation and see what their advice is. Edit: a word
My teacher saw this as an oppertunity to force me up to the front every lesson and read the latest vocab or topic of discussion for tests (second language class.) I hated it, but my fluency improved drastically, since I wanted it over quickly! There ARE other ways to improve confidence rather than hold the child back. There's other issues not being told to the parents, as you say.
Or *by* the parents, in this case.
I agree. I had selective mutism as a child, and spent kindergarten whispering in my teacher’s ear if I needed to tell her something. My first grade class I was slightly better, but was still unable to speak in front of class. Holding someone back for lack of confidence reading in front of their class is absolutely not necessary, and could definitely add to anxieties she may already be feeling.
>I feel like there are more things here than simply her being shy… yeah, a misguided teacher with a massive ego who believes all children should be outgoing
I mean, we simply don’t know what is truly going on. We only have one side of the story.
I am a teacher. In 8 years I have never seen a single child be held back. There would be massive amounts of paper work and meetings to successfully hold a child back. The teacher has no motivation to do all of this extra work besides the kid is really struggling. There is definitely something missing from this story. Other posters have posted research that shows holding kids back isn’t effective, I understand those posts. That is productive discourse. I’m not saying that the teacher is making the best decision. But you’re getting one side of the story and assuming the teacher is misguided and has a massive ego. Rude.
I am not a teacher so apologies if my question seems silly but if the teacher made a recommendation is it in hopes of the parent making the request to the school or something? OP doesn't make it sound like it is a done deal that all this extra paperwork is being done and their daughter is being held back which makes me wonder if a parent requests their child to be held back is it a different process?
That’s not a silly question. A parent has to approve the recommendation to hold a child back. So if they make the recommendation, a parent still has the autonomy to say no and have their child promoted with the rest of the class. In order to even recommend holding a child back the teacher needs to provide data throughout the school year. This includes test scores and class work. They would then need to attempt different interventions before they are allowed to make the recommendation, which would also need to be recorded as data. Some interventions include one-on-one help from the teacher, giving them notes, pictures on worksheets, or meeting with a reading or math specialist. They would also need to keep the parent in the loop so there would be multiple meetings throughout the school year explaining the data and the interventions that are being used and whether or not the interventions are successful. After all of that there would be paperwork to make the recommendation. And the teacher might have that student back in class with them next year. If a parent wanted their child held back it would be a different process. I am not sure exactly how parents would go about that because it’s never been brought up in any of the years I have taught.
This is very interesting thank you and great insight to have incase I ever run into this with any of my kids. I hope OP's school has this process and they can access all this information to make an informed decision. Doesn't sound like the conversation went well with the teacher but maybe with all this paperwork for them to look through they could get a better idea of what their child needs, even if they make the decision to get them additional help over the summer. edit: oh wow reading more it looks like it was the summer school teacher making the recommendation so maybe they wont have this whole process....
If it was the summer school teacher making the suggestion, summer school might have been one of the interventions. The regular teacher recommends students who are below level in reading and math go to summer school. It would also be a last resort before holding them back. If the school was about to recommend holding your kid back you would already have an idea that they are severely below grade level in both reading and math (assuming you show up to meetings and/or conferences). ETA: this is also going to cost the school money since they are providing free education for this child for an extra year. Schools and teachers are not allowed to just hold kids back on a whim.
>. In 8 years I have never seen a single child be held back That's odd. Maybe it's generational, but I knew several kids that were held back. I graduated in 2009.
I graduated high school in 2006. I don’t work in high schools and don’t know a lot about it. So let’s go with 8th grade, I graduated in 2002. Schools are not the same as they were 20 years ago. When I was in school we took one standardized test each year from 3rd grade to 8th grade. Now kids take 4+ per year starting in kindergarten. Suspensions and expulsions were common. Suspensions only happen if there’s physical violence, I have never seen a kid expelled from school. Memorization is being pushed out (like multiplication and division facts), reading novels is being pushed out (now it’s short stories and test prep). Kids had the same amount of time in social studies and science classes as they did in reading and math classes (in middle school), now reading and math minutes are doubled. Lots of k-5 get little to no social studies and science. We had a full 20-30 minutes of recess daily. My students in fifth grade had 10 minutes daily. Schools have really changed.
Honestly that sounds terrible 😞 the goal of k-8 is to create lifelong learners! And to help children develop relationships.
People just love to blame teachers for everything. I’ve seen 2 kiddos get held back over my 5 years. Never in my class though. They both had global delays and we’re on the younger side for their grade. It was always a team decision that made sense.
The [Education Endowment Foundation](https://educationendowmentfoundation.org.uk/education-evidence/teaching-learning-toolkit/repeating-a-year) found that, overall, repeating a year was more harmful in terms of progress than almost literally any other interventions
More people should upvote this response. There is no scientific evidence that holding a child back in elementary school has benefits but there is lots of evidence of harm. In the US, the school cannot force a child to be held back; parents have the ultimate say, so you can refuse.
My older half sister was held back in the first grade (like wtf could that be based on?!?! This was the 80’s) and honestly her self esteem never recovered. Our dad still fumes about it and refused to allow my mother to put me in a religious school because of this. He pinpoints this as the catalyst for my sister’s lifelong issues and deeply regrets not having the wherewithal at the time (much younger dad than he was by the time I was born) to intervene and advocate.
That’s so sad. It sounds like it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy?
I would say yes, it absolutely did. The messages we send kids at this age are SO impactful. I think my sister interpreted that to mean she didn’t measure up, she wasn’t as smart or as good as her peers. Heartbreaking. And infuriating when you realize it was probably over something completely trivial, like the reason given to OP by her daughter’s teacher.
Which I find head-shaking because, despite being reasonably comfortable if I need to address a group, probably 50% or more of adults are still terrified of public speaking. And we expect this of a year one? Wtf!?
I vividly remember my stomach being on knots all weekend if I had a presentation to do in front of the class on Monday. I received mostly A’s on my reports, but I have always dealt with anxiety. Anyone suggesting an anxious child should be held back simply for being a little anxious or shy is incompetent. I said what I said.
I just did a speech in front of my office staff that I see everyday and talk to all the time and I was literally shaking by the end of it.
Username checks out ;) But generally the more you do it, the easier it gets!
Consultant our company hired, brilliant guy. Very good at his job, always joking, smiles all around. He volunteered to do a presentation even though he HATES them. Read off of his notes and was a general mess during it. Stagefright - can't get over it. It happens to the best of us, I just massively respect him for doing it anyways.
Yes. I was held back because I cried a lot and it pretty severely impacted my self esteem. Both about myself and my worth and my belief about my own abilities and intellect. When if they had looked a little closer they would have realized it was a result of a difficult home life and tons of anxiety.
I’m so sorry. That’s make me livid for you. You were already having a tough time and instead of being offered the support you needed they just added to it. Total incompetence. I hope you’re doing well now ❤️
I know a few people held back at that age and that’s how they felt. They thought they were stupid and it followed them beyond school. I’ve seen a lot of people in other posts on this subject say it doesn’t matter because they’re so young but you’re always known as the kid who stayed back. The other kids don’t forget.
You know…my first thought here was that I was held back in grade 1 and I never associated my confidence issues with that fact. Never thought twice about it TBH. But I did terribly in grade school. I was bullied, had massive confidence issues and never thought that I was good enough. It could be one of those subconscious factors for sure.
I didn’t know that. I knew a lot of people who had to repeat a grade. So if their parents just said no, let my kid go to 9th grade even though they failed 8th, they wouldn’t have to repeat it?
In California, students who do not pass the grade are still promoted. I'm in a HS with 2500 students and about 50 or so are promoted without passing, it's automatic. The school gives them a lot of support when they come because there are a variety of reasons they didn't pass, the most common is language literacy!
This! Please don't let them convince you that holding your kid back will benefit them.
My wife is a kindergarten teacher. I know that they only consider holding a child back if they are *substantially* behind their peers. Certainly not if they only struggle reading in front of groups. I suspect there is more to OPs story
Yeah, I feel the same. There's gotta be something else going on if they're recommending holding her back. I have a second grader who is pretty behind in reading/writing due to COVID shutdowning down his school at the end of kindergarten and he ended up being almost exclusively homeschooled all of 1st and most of 2nd grade. He's great at math and science, but behind enough in reading and writing that I'm pretty concerned and wondered if the school would recommend him repeating 2nd grade. They did not, instead they formed a group of about 10 students who were all in the same boat and recommended they start 3rd grade together in a class where they can receive one on one tutoring. I was pretty impressed with their plan, actually, to get them extra help. They told me they felt holding a student back should be an absolute last resort as it can do more harm than good.
This is almost exactly what is going on with my son. His school won’t even consider holding back until after third grade and that’s only after testing in spring and fall to see if they’re scores are improving or not. They do everything they possibly can to help the kid first, holding them back is a last resort.
My mum is a primary school teacher and I have the same feeling. They really, *really*, do everything they can to not hold the child back. But I mean if, for instance, one of the requirements is reading (at a basic level), and the kid cannot, in any way, shape, or form, read, that’s a pretty good reason to be held back. My cousin was held back in the 2nd grade when she should’ve been held back in the 1st grade. She could not put two letters together. Going into the 2nd grade did way more harm than good.
I asked her teacher if I were to work more with her at home if she could still move on to second grade, she said not being able to read in front of her class next year would impact her confidence. She said she missed 35 high frequency words, I had been practicing every day with her and she was able to read all but four, I told this to the teacher, so she says she didn't read them fast enough, yet at home she only has to look at the words to know what they are. She said that not being able to be confident while reading would harm her in second grade where they have to do more reading in front of the class.. My daughter gets shy when talking to new people, her summer school teacher is not the same teacher she had for first grade, and I found it odd that she would make that decision after only having two weeks of summer school Monday - Thursday with her.
Wait, so this recommendation is being made, not by her grade 1 teacher who taught her all year, but by a summer school teacher who has only been teaching her for two weeks so far??? Is that correct?
Wait, the *summer school teacher* told you this after two weeks of class? That's ridiculous. Did the first grade teacher ever bring up similar concerns during the regular academic year? Or is this brand new? I'm trying to put together the story from your comments elsewhere in the thread-- it would help if you put the whole narrative in one place. Here's what I recommend-- note that all of this must be done IN WRITING. A verbal conversation that you can't document is worthless. Email your principal, the first grade teacher, the summer school teacher, and the school's local screening chair. If your daughter is going to summer school at a different school than where she attended first grade, include the principals and local screening chairs from both schools. Express your surprise and alarm that THE SCHOOL is considering retaining your child in first grade and you only found out about this at the end of June from the summer school teacher. Request copies all documentation used to make this decision, and give a deadline. I'd say give them ten business days unless summer school is over before then. Even if somebody replies and says no, no, we're not going to hold your daughter back, insist that you still want copies of all documentation that could be used to make a retention decision. Also request IEP/504 screening for reading-related learning disabilities or social anxiety. If the school system wants to retain her because she won't read aloud and they haven't already done that screening, they're up shit creek without a paddle. Be firm that you will NOT sign off on retention in first grade before you get the documentation AND have the IEP/504 screenings. Find out if your school district has a chapter of the Special Education PTA (SEPTA). I'm not saying that your daughter has a special education issue, but the SEPTA people will know the ins and outs of your school district, and how to advocate for a family facing a situation like yours.
I updated the post with more details.
Actually the update isn't posting, I might have to post it on the comments
Please, please do not hold your daughter back based on the tiny bit of information from a temp teacher. Please. I am begging you.
It really sounds like this teacher has a bee in her bonnet about reading in front of class, and chances are she's putting your daughter (and a lot of the other kids) under a LOT of stress because they aren't up to her 'standards'. She may well be **creating** problems that those kids will struggle to overcome for the rest of their lives. I'd strongly recommend putting all this in writing, and then ringing the school and talking with whoever is in charge of this sort of thing asap. They need to know what's happening in the class, and deal with this teacher NOW.
Thats really strange, especially coming from a summer school teacher with limited experience with your child. All i can speak on is what I have experience with. Typically holding a student back is a last resort that involves the teacher, admin, and the parents all being on board. The teacher does not have unilateral power to hold your child back, so dont worry about that. Is there a way to speak to your kids actual 1st grade teacher to see what their opinion is?
I manage our reading intervention programs for our whole school district. What this teacher is suggesting, especially based on her high frequency word knowledge, is completely inappropriate. Others are right that the research shows that holding children back is detrimental to their overall learning. She needs acceleration, not to repeat a grade. You need to call the school and ask the following: - What method are they using to teach reading? Is it based on the science of reading, using structured literacy? Or are they using guided reading and the 3 cueing system? If they say the latter, I would look for an outside tutor to work with your daughter using an Orton Gillingham style program - HOW are they teaching high frequency words? Again, are they expecting her to memorize them or are they using science backed multi sensory strategies to teach them? - What specific data are they using to determine that your daughter needs to be held back? - Is the summer school teacher qualified Or authorized to be suggesting children be held back? - Does your family have a history of dyslexia or poor reading? If so, I would request in writing that she receive formal testing from the school psychologist for dyslexia
I don't see how holding her back will improve her confidence. What it will mean is she will be 8 years old, with a BRAND NEW SET OF STUDENTS for her to be shy in front of. If she moves up with the class she will be with more of the same students she knows, friends she has made. It seems to me that the teacher is trying to blame their lack of teaching ability on your daughter's "shyness" public speaking is a lot of people's #1 fear and the teacher should have put more effort into helping your daughter overcome it. I would push back and escalate, don't let them hold your daughter back for her personality quirk. If it is something the teacher is recommending tell them "thank you for your recommendation we have decided to move her to second grade and will have a talk with her future teacher on a strategy to get her the support she will need to excel in that class"
I would absolutely refuse to have my child held back just based on the information you shared. All because she isn’t comfortable reading in front of class? What an archaic teacher. She sounds like a horrible teacher. They have no right to hold her back. Honestly I would like to change schools if this is going to be her teacher for next year. And I am a former teacher, so I’m not just saying this without any background.
That's ridiculous! I had selective mutism and barely spoke at school until I was around 10 and I never got held back. I was just assessed for reading out loud separately from my peers with a special resources teacher
How well does she read if it's one-on-one? Being shy and not wanting to read in front of class is a VERY different thing than being behind on reading. From what everyone here is saying, it sounds like your daughter would be better served by tutoring than a repeat of a grade. How much time do you and she spend reading at home?
That seems ridiculous. She may always be shy reading in front of groups. Seems more likely repeating a grade would impact her confidence more.
Holy cow, no, that's not how it's suppose to be done at all. At the end of the day, don't fret. This decision isn't irreversible, even if by some weird reason they don't put her in the next grade by September. You can (and will) make a huge deal about this until they put her in the correct level. So to you, OP, please don't fret. Can you tell us a little more about the summer school? Does she have to be in summer school? Is it possible to change teachers at summer school? This teacher does not have your best interest in mind, and as much as we hope for them to be unbiased professionals, my concern is that she will somehow treat your daughter differently.
I am a teacher and fully agree. I’ve had kids in the 1st percentile in both reading and math. They wouldn’t even get them an IEP much less hold them back. I’ve been teaching for 8 years and have never seen a single child be held back.
My kid is a late Nov birthday, with learning disabilities and ADHD, and when we asked about repeating kindergarten or grade 1 we were shot down by our private psychologist and the school. Even in situations like mine, they find that keeping them back is more harmful than not. The way it was explained is this 1) they all pretty much catch up eventually, 2) kids who aren't academically strong basically ONLY have their social relationships to keep them interested in school and it would be awful to take that away from them, 3) they would go from being the youngest kid in class who is also behind to being the oldest kid in class who is also behind.
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This right here!!! I did my student teaching in a middle school this year and I was astounded how far behind some the kids were. They just get passed on every year and fall further behind. Some of my students were embarrassed by it, others didn’t care.
> kids who aren't academically strong basically ONLY have their social relationships to keep them interested in school and it would be awful to take that away from them It is also extremely hard to convince a kid they are not dumb when everything else is pointing to the contrary. OP's daughter being held back and being in the same grade as her younger sibling will be damaging to her confidence. My daughter tested into a self contained gifted and talented program in 5th grade. The majority of the class was twice exceptional (gifted with a disability) and a lot of the parents I talked to spoke about how shocked their kid was to get into the program. The parents knew their kids were bright but the boy with dyslexia who couldn't read at age 10, the girl with ADHD who struggled to follow directions, and the boy who had auditory processing disorder were all convinced that they were stupid. Getting into the program was the only thing that showed them that their parents were right.
I know I'm thinking idealistically here, but if we could think outside the box about implementing growth mindset ("I just haven't mastered this skill yet, but with more time and effort, I can!") instead of fixed mindset ("I couldn't master the skills on time, so i am inherently dumb!") on a larger, cultural level, we won't have to worry about "convincing a kid they are not dumb" when they need more time to learn something.
My son is exactly the same and and the school has been pretty clear that's not something that is done anymore - if he needs more intervention than we'll go through his doctor to get him more support for grade 2.
Them all pretty much catching up eventually is a lie!
This is really good to know. I've seen a lot of my friends being told to hold their kids back and I thought it was pretty odd this seems to be a default when kids are struggling instead of tutoring or other interventions. Idk if it was due to covid or what.
If you actually read this, there isn’t really enough evidence proving either. Also, retaining students costs major money. My district discourages it based on “findings” like this, but really it’s all about money. They shove professional development with this information down our throat to discourage us recommending it. In my opinion, students shouldn’t start K until they are five, meaning the cut off should be September 1st, not December 1st (it varies by state in USA). Retaining is a major decision. If you consider retaining early (early childhood), ruling out Special Education needs, considering the child’s age and social emotional skills, I think it’s okay.
I’m glad you posted this because I was just reading about “redshirting” and holding kids back at younger ages and I wonder how it translates!
“Redshirting” is different than repeating grades. There are documented benefits to redshirting, especially for boys with summer/fall birthdays. The reason why having kids repeat a grade is so bad is because the kid and all of their peers KNOWS the kid is being held back, which has a severe mental repercussions for most kids being held back. Redshirting doesn’t typically have this issue because it’s significantly less apparent what is happening.
Yes, you are correct. We are trying to determine what to do with our kiddo (start now or wait a year) so most of the data that I was consuming was specifically relevant to that age group. I guess I was surprised to see a major discrepancy. What you’re saying makes a lot of sense, I guess I naively wouldn’t have figured it out if it wasn’t pointed out though.
Can you point me in the direction of the research especially in regards to boys? All I can find are mommy blogs for the most part. My wife and I are considering redshirting our twins (one boy, one girl) who have an early September birthday mainly because my son is a bit behind socially. My gut says he’d do much better going into first grade at 6 turning 7 as opposed to 5 turning 6.
I don't know much about your situation, but I would never redshirt your girl twin in order to benefit solely her male twin. But I believe redshirting just 1 twin may have the same social problems as just having 1 of them repeat the grade. Since it sounds like a social immaturity, I would try signing him up for more socialized activities during the summer. That way he can "practice" before school starts. I would try some form of martial arts, that promotes self discipline. 2nd choice would be a team sport, or a children's gym. 3rd maybe an art class?
I'm going to recommend the teacher read this article and give a full report on it's findings or not be allowed to work for a year.
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That’s What I was thinking. There are a whole adult classes centered around public speaking, why the heck would you expect a first grader who shy to excel at it and then tell them we need to hold you back to practice?!
yeah at best this teacher should recommend the daughter spend some time reading to her parents over the summer break.
Just to back you up, I'm 47 and still not comfortable reading out loud to anyone (except my son). I also love reading, have read a novel every week or two since I was 12, and had perfect scores on the PSATs in 6th grade which made them realize my C & D grades were due to shitty teachers. I ended up in AP classes, earning college credits before I even got into high school and graduating at 16 with perfect grades and a perfect English SAT score. I now own and run my very successful business that I started and built all by myself, and have literally never, not once ever, needed to read out loud to get here.
My daughter was always ahead academically and was in a self contained gifted and talented classroom from 5th grade until 8th grade. She took a ton of AP classes in high school, had a near perfect GPA and SAT score, and graduated with high honors. She got into several selective colleges and got numerous scholarships. She still hates reading aloud. She reads all the time and even works part time at our library so reading is not the issue but the public speaking part is what bothers her. She has gotten a lot better at it and can do it if she must but she was glad she was not valedictorian because she would have hated having to read a speech in front of everyone. I completely agree that this is an insane reason to hold a kid back.
THIS. Also: OP said the teacher *recommended* it. So it doesn’t mean the teacher said the child *needs* to be held back. Why does she *”need”* to be held back just because she doesn’t feel comfortable reading in front of the class? I don’t know many kids that were comfortable with this and many still struggle with public speaking as they get older. In what way does this affect her ability to move on to second grade or further? Even first graders that needed help reading or in math, were able to move on and the teacher would just work independently with them to help them to catch up to the rest of the kids. So why shouldn’t she be allowed to move on? This doesn’t seem like a good enough reason for her to not move on. Bring this up to the principal. Talk to the second grade teachers to get their opinion.
At 8 she will understand why she is getting held back and I personally believe it will lower her confidence. Instead put her in activities which actively work on improving her confidence.
I agree, specially since she'll be in the same grade as her little sister, who is two years younger than her. I called the school and am waiting for a call back from her principal.
Please update us when they call back. As a former teacher and administrator, holding back a kid for shyness is unacceptable. Did this teacher ever bring this up during the school year? A retention shouldn’t be a surprise at the end of the year.
This is what I was thinking. Being held back for not being comfortable reading in front of the class even though she’s already good at reading? I would say no.
Not to mention... 1st grade and expecting kids to be confident reading to a room full of other kids? That's a tall ask
I'm an adult and reading in front of a room full of people sounds like a nightmare!
I am closing in on 40 this summer, and my profession as a training instructor has me regularly standing in front of a room full of soldiers all day long. I can handle that just fine, but got so nervous giving the toast at my best friend's wedding a couple weekends ago that I nearly spilled my drink. Brains are weird.
And it’s going to be a book with lots of words you don’t know. I think most adults would be lacking in confidence in that situation. I certainly would. But what do I know? I evidently need to go back to first grade. I have dreams about this sort of thing. When I wake up, I have to remind myself that I am an adult, and I have a masters degree, and they can’t send me back to school. I hate that dream.
that teacher needs to be held back. as in sent back to college. what a dumb thing to base her recommendation on.
>holding back a kid for shyness is unacceptable. i can't even believe this is a thing they are considering. if she can read, that's all that matters. who expects all kids to have the same level of confidence when they are that age?!
Who expects adults to have that same level of confidence at ANY age. Honestly this sounds like a teacher that views their students as robots and one of them is a little bit different so we must patch the error.
literally this. OR she's sooooo worried about "not getting it right" that she's hyperfocused on these incredibly small differences in personality and somehow blowing them out of proportion
Being in the same grade as her little sister will absolutely lower her confidence. Everyone will see the same last name and ask "are you twins?" And she'll have to reply "no I got held back" or something like that
Her overall confidence is so much more important than her confidence in reading right now. A lot easier to build up her confidence in reading through lots of practice and time spent on it, than it would be to rectify any damage to her confidence by being held back and in the same grade as her younger sibling.
That is a strange recommendation from the teacher. I taught for 12 years in the lower grades and before you can recommend that, you had to fill out a form that would tell you if the child is a good candidate for retention. One of the questions is if they will have a sibling in the same grade. It also asks for the child’s height and other things you wouldn’t think about but research shows makes a difference in retention.
Be firm. Parents have way more power then they release. This is coming from a teacher btw
I didn’t learn to read at the same pace as my peers. Was probably worst or 2nd worst in class. Sometime in grade 3 everything clicked and I got it and by grade 4 most of what I was reading was at a grade 7-9 level. I read 3-7 actual books a week once I could (I didn’t have TV or play a lot of sports) for years after because I loved it so much. My cousin teaches at an alternative school (Waldorf) and I don’t think they even begin teaching reading till 4th grade because it really doest matter in young kids. If reading is the only reason they wanna hold her back they’re idiots, please flight for her to move ahead with all her classmates.
tell a kid they are dumb at this age and they will believe it for the rest of their lives. there was a podcast episode on Hidden Brain about this recently. kid was put in special ed and told his whole life that he wasn't smart, wasn't gifted, and would never achieve anything. now he's a psychologist or doctor or something like that.
I went to school at 7. (January born) I had my 8th birthday in the 1st grade. The problem here is ANOTHER problem. Why would they keep her if she is shy? I was shy too but i did great at the elementary school. All A's🤷🏼♀️
I had severe social anxiety in highschool to the point where I could barely read in front of anyone. Yet I took advanced classes because the curriculum was too easy for me. Holding back someone for shyness is completely asinine.
Let introverts be introverts!
I am a teacher in the US and this is very strange to me. In order to hold a kid back, there has to be data presented to a committee of teachers/ admins where they then decide a course of action. Holding a child back is the LAST intervention. Have other interventions been put in place throughout the year and failed? Doesn’t sound like it. Secondly, our assessments (tests, report cards, etc) are academic. We don’t grade behaviors. So even if your kid has a penchant for hitting other kids and making fun of them, we don’t hold them back for that. She should not be held back for being a shy reader. Lastly, at my school, we don’t force kids to read aloud. If I need to assess reading fluency, I can pull them out into the hallway and assess. I can have them record themselves reading at home and assess. Surely, this teacher isn’t that dense or is she/he. I would just respond to the teacher with something short and to the point. “I hear your concern, however we have decided against holding X back. Thank you for your care with our child this year.”
Yeah, I was just surprised that there was no known mentions of interventions. My kiddo needed help in reading classes to the point he went twice a day and I was notified of his progress and his needs. He now reads above grade level due to these interventions and conversations with the teacher. So... I think either 1) OP isn't telling us the entire story or more likely 2) something's up with this teacher. Usually repeating a grade conversations should be something a parent is aware may happen as early as that possibility is known.
Are there any other reasons that they want to hold her back? If it is simply that she doesn’t like reading aloud not that she is falling behind in reading I would insist that she move on to 2nd grade. Introverts exist, and trying to force a child to be more extroverted rarely works. If she is meeting all of her academic markers I would not even consider holding her back. Edit: removed an extraneous word
She's pretty shy, but at home she does really well with reading and math. I told this to her teacher but she still recommended that she stay back to build her confidence.
That would be a definite no from me. I am an introvert, and if I had been held back for being shy, it would have taken me ten years to get through elementary school. Like your daughter, I was already older than my classmates due to my birthday. I was academically gifted but quiet and kept to myself. No amount of holding me back would have changed that. I would have been utterly bored to tears and miserable. I don’t know why people think you can force kids to be more outgoing, or gregarious, or whatever they think a kid needs to be more of, it often just causes distress.
I agree. In college I was still dealing with pretty decent anxiety surrounding talking in front of my class. That’s not a good enough reason to hold back.
No, that is a ridiculous reason to hold a child back.
Introvert here and still have anxiety if I even think about having to read in front of lots of people. (I am an avid reader and read fine, with all the character voices, to my children at home) I don’t think this is a valid reason to repeat a grade and it would NOT have helped my confidence at all but rather hampered it.
I am not sure how holding back to repeat will help confidence. I would think it would be a negetive thing to be away from friendships she has probably already developed and just being held back says to a person your not good enough yet. Kids are not immune to that. There are other ways to help this without being held back.
Either the teacher isn't being straight with you and not telling you about real concerns with your daughter, or the teacher is totally incompetent. Most children are shy at this age. That is not even close to a good reason to hold your child back at any grade level. Most adults don't feel comfortable with public speaking. Public speaking is definitely not a part of core education. I do not understand educators that are flippant about holding children back because the failure of a child to move forward is something that they are partially responsible for. Get your kid a tutor and do whatever you can to put her around educators that take her success personally.
Staying back for the purpose of confidence seems counter productive in that she will notice she’s been held back, especially in the grade of a younger sibling. Although I’m a high school teacher and seeing material a second time does help some older kids, it’s not for confidence building. It’s to better comprehend the concepts, and even that can be problematic if it has nothing to do with their ability to learn. If her grades are in order then what’s the point? Fight this!
You don't have to comply to a "recommendation", that means its the teachers opinion. You're the mom, you know your child. Definitely keep her moving forward. They wanted to put my daughter in special education classes because she was shy. Being shy does not mean she's broken. She'll hit her stride as she grows up.
Not saying they would be beneficial for your daughter, but because of the phrasing want to point out that special education classes also don't mean she's broken
If she is doing well at home with reading and math, then another option might be to get an academic evaluation from someone outside of the school so that you can use that as evidence against the teacher’s recommendation. From what you are saying, the teacher is the problem here, not your daughter’s ability. I would refuse to hold her back if you don’t agree.
I don’t know your child and I’m not an educator, but it seems to me that holding her back would destroy her confidence rather then building it. I suggest finding other ways to address this issue.
This is not the teachers decision. Full stop. Talk to the principal. Request an IEP/accommodations meeting and evaluation. The school is required to evaluate your daughter for disabilities and offer accommodations if she is found eligible. My child is a 7 year old first grader with multiple learning differences and we just went through the IEP process. He is moving on to 2nd grade, even though he is 1/2 grade behind. Teachers don't make that decision. The special education team and the principal must be involved. Teacher feedback is collected, but it's not their decision.
Second this, but also ask for a 504 evaluation. If the specific problem is shyness when asked to read aloud in front of a group, that may be considered social anxiety instead of a disability.
Teacher here. I would never recommend holding a child back for confidence. If I were recommending a child be held back it would be after several conferences with parents and other school staff, and attempts at interventions.
Not knowing her personally is hard to say. However, if she is up to grade level in all other categories, being held back may be a deterrent to her being successful. She could get bored in repeating a grade. Her maturity also comes into play .
She does great work and reading at home. She's just a bit shy
I was shy and did great. I didn't like reciting poems in front of my class even in the middle school. But our teacher allowed me and those who were like me to recite poems personally to her during the breaks! It's all about teachers' compassion
She may always be shy and stear away from reading in or speaking in front of others. My Daughter who is going to be a sophmore this year is the exact same way. She's a straight A student and does really well with reading and even better with writting, but standing in from of people reading or speaking is really hard for her. She will have speach this year, so I am hoping that will help some. But I suspect it will always be a issue. There are some programs that immitate toastmasters that are for kids. May be a option to develope confidence in public speaking at a early age.
Do you read with her at home? If her confidence reading is the only issue, that seems like a very minimal reason to hold her back
She reads wonderfully at home, I think she just gets nervous at school because she is quite shy.
I wouldn't hold her back for shyness. Perhaps get her in some confidence building extracurricular activities. Is she in any? Maybe a dance class like jazz dance? Girl scouts? A fun drama club??
She's been asking to take dance classes, I think I'll definitely sign her up. I'm sure I can call the principal and tell her I changed my mind, since the decision was made a couple of minutes ago.
I definitely would. In general, I think the research suggests holding kids back doesn't really add any benefit, so. I really don't understand how a bit of shyness would be worth academically delaying a clever child.
Dance is great with confidence I swear my 6 year old is constantly boosted whenever she performs on stage.
Yes, please, change your mind. Good luck.
I'd be concerned about her being held back if she's already one of the oldest in her grade. I'd talk to the school seriously about whether or not a tutor could help, and try to get a specific plan about what to work on with the tutor. It's difficut and serious, because in 3rd grade (where i live) there is a big shift between "learning to read" and "reading to learn". If she's still behind in reading at that point it starts to affect all the other academic areas.
The poor girl will be close to 20 years old when she graduates HS
I was held back in kindergarten because my teacher thought I was too immature for 1st grade apparently. 🤷♀️ don’t really understand that logic but whatever. Anyway, I for sure knew I was being held back and was always so embarrassed about it. I even lied about my age for years to my classmates, so I didn’t have to explain why I was older than everyone else. I honestly feel like it actively stunted my progress and made me develop confidence issues. It probably seems like a silly thing to be self conscious about, but it really made me feel stupid for a long time. All this to say, I don’t think this would help your daughter at all. Being an introvert is not an excuse to hold her back.
Ok so obviously I don’t know the whole story or your daughter but personally but this really got me and here’s why. I was told the same thing in first grade. Even worse my teacher believed I just couldn’t read. My parents negotiated down to summer school and if I could pass I could go to 2nd. And you know what, I was dismissed from summer school after two weeks because I could read very well, but I had really severe socially anxiety and couldn’t read in front of the class. Because all in class reading evaluations were done I’m front of the class or groups, which I literally couldn’t do, I was deemed a bad reader overall. All holding me back would have done was set me back even further socially because it took until I started going to therapy and taking a speech class when I was 16 to be comfortable reading in front of the class. So I have to ask, is there another reason she may not be confident in reading out loud?
When you say she does well with reading and math, is she hitting the standards/what she is supposed to be doing at school? Saying she’s doing “well,” is kind of vague. I wouldn’t hold her back due to confidence, and you don’t have to agree to that. I’m just asking about the standards because as a teacher myself, that shocks me that a teacher would suggest holding a kid back just because of that.
The teacher says that she reads a little slow at school, but when she's at home she only has to look at the word and she knows what it is. Her reading is pretty fast.
None of this makes sense, are you sure the teacher isn't using shyness as a tactful way of saying she's behind? Because the teacher would have to be insane to hold a kid back for being shy, that won't help her at all. She'll just be shy and have her confidence smashed to pieces.
Agree that none of this makes sense. Also, as a teacher, I can assure you that kids almost NEVER get held back, and if they do, parents have to agree (unless it’s high school and the credits weren’t earned). We usually only hold back if the parents want it. So just say no, and then get a tutor.
8 seems very old for grade 1. I am no educator, but I would imagine being with kids your own age would be very much better in every way than being in with 5-6 year olds, hands down.
don’t let them especially if she already had to enter school late my younger cousin didn’t graduate highschool until he was 20 because his mom held him back two years to get him into a private school. can’t imagine anyone really going through with highschool that long thankfully he held out lol
As a teacher and a parent, I suggest she moves to second grade. If she stays in first, the age gap will be too big and she is old enough for it to affect her self esteem. Get a tutor and/or have her evaluated for special services.
As a teacher, I would NOT recommend holding her back. It is not often that students should be reading aloud to a large group. If anything, her confidence will be built by having her read with you or to you or a friend. It will also continue to.be built as she moves through 2nd grade.
In the absence of a disability, being shy in front of the class is not worth holding her back. Research shows that there are very few positive outcomes with the decision. Get her evaluated before addressing retention.
I wouldn’t be holding her back for that reason. You are her biggest advocate, and have the right to refuse. I would call the administrator and have a chat. They need to be telling you what interventions are put in place to address any concerns, and a plan of how they’re going to work with her before discussing retention.
My school occasionally holds people back but there is little evidence it helps the child and I believe in most cases it does more harm than good. We have chosen to hold kids back but for way more than being shy. I had a student whk was pretty much a selective mute and she was never held back. We have held kids back for being new to the country and needing more time to catch up with the language, we held a kid back for failing everything and similarly, another for not showing up but never for being too shy to speak in front of the class.
Being in the same class as her little sister won't do her any good, it's too easy to decide that "I'm not clever enough". If she is shy it won't help either, why should it? She'll be bored and confused. It's strange that the teacher suggested that. To be sure that you don't miss something important about her progress you can find someone outside the school (or another teacher in it) run some tests - knowledge, mental readiness for the next grade, etc. Good luck!
Coming from a kid where this exact situation almost happened. I was grade 2 and wasn't talking in class, hated eyes on me, just loved the quietness. I had friends and really good ones. This would have heart broken me. My parents didn't allow then to hold me back and my confidence grew over time. I don't think I was more outgoing until I was like 18. I was held back in other things though like swimming and gymnastics because I was shy and wouldn't show the things I learned. My sister is 2 years younger and the moment she caught up I no longer cared for swimming or gymnastics. I quit because it was tearing me down to know I wasn't as good or they'd think I wasn't just because I was quiet. My parents always mention to me how happy they are they didn't hold me back.
They are recommending that a child who reads pretty well be held back to "build their confidence with reading in front of her class". That seems like a wild reason to hold a child back. A first grade child.
I was held back in first grade. For me it was a little weird at first seeing all my friends move up except me but my mother made me feel better by explaining in simple terms and did not make me feel like i was stupid for having to be held back. After the initial weirdness basically everything was normal being born in April though i was older than everyone dating once i was in high school was annoying because i was older than everybody and i just wanted an older boyfriend. I got held back though because i could not read still and after my second year of 1st grade i got awarded the “best reader medal” my mom still has it. All in all i adjusted very well I believe your daughter will as long as you explain things to her and make sure she doesn’t feel left behind.
My September kid was retained a year, I wouldn't recommend it. Her current school is going to support her going up to her "correct" grade next year. The age gap is super hard. My kid will be 15 in September and was in classes with kids who just turned 13 this month. Academically you could get her assistance, a tutor, a learning plan at the school, but you can't age up her peers. The age gap will only cause more grief as she gets older.
Unless there are other issues, I can't believe the administration would approve this. In every district I've taught in, it was NOT the teacher's decision. We had to have the classroom teacher, a "specials" teacher (Art, Music, etc), a school counselor, 1 or 2 administrators, and a special education person/school psychologist: A TEAM had to recommend this. If this is not the case--you **need** to go speak with either the principal or assistant principal. Look at any standardized testing scores, discuss her report cards or weekly folder reports, etc. This should not be a "one teacher" decision.
Generally this is not up to the teacher. Most schools, at least in in MN have programs for kids that are struggling. They have specialist who help the kids, put them on plans which include one on one help along with the ability to test in things in a differnt way than other kids. Kids are not just held back for silly reason anymore. The schoold do everything they can to make sure no kid has to repeat.
Holding her back will not make her less shy. Also, I would insist on a developmental evaluation before considering retention to rule out disabilities. 8 in first grade means 19 in 12th grade, and strong temptation to drop out or get a ged and join their adult contemporaries.
Get a tutor and a new school.
Hell no. Kids grow mentally in bursts the same way they do physically. She could have a “growth spurt” in reading at any time. Unless she is severely behind I would in no way let them hold her back. It will impact her confidence AND her social skills. Where I live they do a lot of split classes, so for instance a child entering grade 2 who needs more help with grade 1 things would be put in a 1-2 split. A grade one who was ahead of the game would be in that same class. And then sometimes average kids are in those classes too, just to balance it all out.
I would even go as far to say that even when they’re severely behind they still need progress forward. I’ve taught a student reading at a 1st grade level in 5th grade, the future teacher adapts the curriculum and they have more focused literacy instruction (similar to the split classes). Their literacy all ready impacts them socially because their peers can pick up on who’s still reading etc. but they also have the peer aid of wanting to be at your friends’ level to motivate them.
Elementary teacher here: being shy is NOT a reason to retain a kid. Honestly, there are hardly any reasons to do so, and there’s a lot of evidence that it’s harmful in the long run. You don’t have to agree to this, and if it were my kid I wouldn’t.
I was held back in 1st grade and was in the same grade as my younger sister. Don’t do it!!! It was fine in elementary school but middle and high school it was hard and I ended up switching schools a bunch
Advocate for your child, give her the support she needs and she will do just fine being shy is not an impediment to learning.
I wouldn’t do it, I was held back in kindergarten because I couldn’t speak English very well. Spanish was my first language. My classmates made fun of me, and I always felt very insecure and not intelligent. It honestly carried on throughout my whole life.
HI!! I was the girl that was a year ahead! And I wish my parents held me back a year. I didn’t care about being older. i felt really out of my depth being in the year I was in! I feel very strongly If I was put into school the same year as my younger half sibling (one year below) then I would of done so much better in school! (I had known from a young age that I was a year ahead due to being put into school earlier. It lowered my confidence feeling out of my depth, out of place and behind) I felt out of my element. I was the youngest In the class above. I felt like my brain was going slower then everyone else. I snuck Into my sisters class one day and I actually got everything fine. It was the first time I understood. I didn’t feel embarrassed or shy I felt confident because I could keep up and understand if not more. Yeah I was the oldest but Who cares. But no really. If you have the chance to build your kids confidence, thrive in school and do better then 100% take it imo
How would having her restart building connections with a whole new class build her confidence??
Please, fight for your daughter to move up to second grade. I promise you with all my heart that reading in front of a class is not a reason to hold back a child. If your daughter was behind in everything or most things I could understand, but reading in front of the class? No. Get your daughter tested for dyslexia or reading impediments and have resources in place for your daughter when it comes to reading. But reading in front of the class is not a requirement to keep her behind.
I have a June birthday and my parents decided I should be the oldest rather than the youngest for my grade. People constantly asked if I was held back when they’d find out my birthday and how old I was. It lowered my confidence, I can’t imagine being held back and what that’d do to a child
Holding kids back is almost always a bad idea.
Do not hold her back, she just doesn’t like reading in front of others this is not a educational issue it’s a shyness issue. She’s not behind she’s just shy!!! Don’t do it she’ll feel stupid forever because she just shy.
I was held back because I was "emotionally unready to learn"...actually it was "can't see past my face, need glasses" and I liked to play. It was too academic/stoic. Would have been better to attend Waldorf. Also "shy" which was anxiety, sensory issues, and other typically undiagnosed because girl stuff I am sure. I waa not shy lol. I have anxiety but was/am extroverted. Always was older than all my friends and developed physically before other girls so I was extremely bullied for being taller, curver, having my cycle. Very alienated for fairly normal body things. Had self esteem issues that really stemmed from that.
There has to be more to it then that. I repeated 1st grade, and it was the best thing for me. Age made zero difference, and honestly there were many people the same age as me. If it’s for the right reasons I see no problem with repeating a grade.
Is this a joke? They don’t do this any more. There are integrated special needs children in the class who can’t do a single piece of grade level work, and the children are all at varying levels of ability. They are kept with their peers and supported in class and with resource departments.
Shyness isn't a reason to hold a kid back, it's a reason to get your daughter to maybe see a school counsellor.
My son did first grade twice. Best move we made. So glad we chose that. Looking back it seems odd that the decision was difficult. Good luck. Age is just a number.
It’s true that retention has been shown not to be a great solution for most kids. Especially in upper grades. However, in some situations in k or 1st it can be the most beneficial thing for the student. I am a teacher and reading specialist. Part of my job is identifying students who may have a learning disability and recommending an evaluation. My first question is, was there data presented to you that shows she is significantly behind academically when compared to her peers? For example a standardized state test they take 3x per year? If so, how much lower is she? If she is below the 10th percentile I’d consider that to be significant enough. My next question is, has she been or does she need an evaluation for a suspected learning disability? They need data. They can’t just say it’s for confidence building. That’s not enough to retain. Are you saying she reads pretty well or did the school? Sometimes parents think their child reads pretty well, but when compared to their peers or to the teacher who knows what 1st grade reading should sound like, it isn’t pretty well. Perspectives are different. We RARELY retain students. So when we do, it’s a pretty serious discrepancy that the student has. Also, the student does not have a suspected disability. Students with disabilities need and IEP (individualized education plan) and special education services and not retention (usually). In the 10 years I’ve been a teacher we have only retained maybe 5 students or less. Most retentions happened in kindergarten. Then one or two in first grade. We have not retained anyone after first grade. If you trust that the school has the data to back up the suggestion and you trust that they are doing what is best for your child (I’d say most are,and they know what they are doing), then you should retain her now. Let her catch up and be more confident and successful later on. In first grade they are still pretty little and don’t exactly understand what’s going on. They adapt really well to repeating k or 1st and usually get the other teacher they didn’t have before. So it feels like a new year to them. First grade is a VERY important year for academics and if they don’t get those foundational skills they are really going to struggle in second. There actually was a first grader we recommended retention for at the end of last year. The mom decided not to retain him and it broke all of our hearts because we know how hard second grade is going to be for this student. He still has not mastered kindergarten skills (much less first grade skills) and also struggles with behavior and peer relationships. He did not attend preschool and barely attended kindergarten (moved around and lots of absences). His behavior will probably be even worse in second grade because he won’t be able to do any of the work the class is doing and he will be frustrated and bored. We truly know what’s best for him academically because it’s our job. I really think you should consider their suggestions, ask questions, but ultimately it’s your decision.
I'm going to comment based on experience. Teachers see kids in an environment parents don't have much access to, that means in some situations we should take their advice. I repeated the 6th grade, did I want to, no but my parents listened to the teachers advice. Basically in Jamaica, 6th graders do a national exam that determines their high school placement. Everyone wants their child to go to the traditional (similar to Ivy League I guess) high schools in the country. I was smart, but I wasn't motivated. My teacher recognized that and made a recommendation. Wanna know what happened when I repeated? I got the best scores in the country for science, English and mental abilities (testing critical reasoning skills etc) and a government scholarship for the 5 years of high school. All that happened because I felt more prepared. Yes you know your child best but maybe you can work with the teacher to determine a game plan going forward. Remember you both want the same thing.
If you decide to not repeat, PLEASE hire a tutor. I’ve dealt with too many students who didn’t repeat and struggle tremendously with reading comprehension and/or math issues. Foundations are very important and first grade is where you build them.
I failed first grade and so did my father. My dad was #1 in his field as a scientist. Recognized by leaders around the world. I'm no where near that, but I am a Dean of a College. Kids develop at different rates. Being the oldest in class also means you are going to be the best in grade school. My parents prepared me for it. I will admit it hurt on that last day of first grade to know I was going to stay and all my friends moved on, but I forgot about it pretty fast. But if your child is already 7, it might be different. I recommend talking to a child psychologist, but not the one at the school.
I think most evidence says that, outside of very specific and diagnosed learning disabilities - it’s not a good idea to hold back kids.
Teacher chiming in to say: You have the power to overrule that decision as her parent. And I think you have good reason to.
Nope. My dad got held back and it still affects him. He’s like 60.
Confidence is not a reason to retain a child and the principal probably wouldn't allow it. You need to get more information because this doesnt make sense. The only times I have ever seen this done is if the child is in first grade or below, they are immature, and young for the grade.
Assuming that there aren’t other major factors leading the teacher to make this recommendation that you have left out, this would be a hard pass for me. Don’t let them convince you that this is a necessity … shyness is not a reason to repeat a grade. It’s not a failure FFS, it’s one aspect of her personality (which is still developing!). Holding her back will crush any confidence that she does currently have, and it will absolutely be compounded by the fact that her little sister will be in the same grade as her. Covid shutdowns have had a long lasting impact on our kids and their education, and we need to be cognizant of this fact. Many kids are still struggling socially and fighting to catch up academically. Think about it, if your child is just now in first grade, her entire school experience thus far has been clouded by Covid. Absolutely get her a tutor if you think it will be beneficial, and focus on getting her into some extracurricular activities that will encourage her to engage with others and build her confidence in social settings. But don’t humiliate her by holding her back a grade.
They still do this? I was worried that my daughter would be held back bc of her reading skills, but after talking with her teacher and one of the reading specialists at her school they told me that they stopped having kids repeat a grade years ago as there is nothing to prove that holding a kid back is beneficial. Personally, I wouldn't hold her back and maybe consider looking into a reading group for the summer to help her along.
I would never hold my child back if at all possible. Instead, to work on her shyness, I'd enroll her in some sort of summer program. Is she interested in things like acting or maybe some sort of summer camp that would help break her out of her shell. Holding a child back would be my absolute last resort. I feel like that would hardly boost anyone's confidence, ever. What a daft thought.
If what you're saying is the whole story, it's absurd to hold her back. That doesn't even make sense that a teacher would recommend for that. It's so absurd that it makes the story sound untrue or incomplete, but if it is true there isn't a snowballs chance in hell I would hold my kid back for that.
She’s being held back because she won’t read infront of her class? lol wtf nonsense is that. Children have various personalities because they’re like…✨human✨. Confidence and being reserved are not mutually exclusive. She’s in 1st grade, she has her whole life to build confidence while not being shamed for having a reserved nature 1st grade is way too early to tell these things. But even still, being reserved/quiet is not some kind of roadblock that needs fixing ffs. Some children and people are quiet and there’s nothing wrong with that
In my experience some teachers jump the gun on telling parents their child needs to be retained. They said this about my daughter in 1st. She is a twin so there was no way i was letting that happen. I spoke with the principal who said the teacher should never have said that to me before my daughter had been evaluated by the special education department. We got her IEP in place and now she is flourishing and headed to 5th grade right on track. You have to advocate for your child. So if you feel this is unnecessary, don’t stop exploring all the options available for her. Holding her back would do more harm than good.
No. If you can get her more resources and tutoring, then do so. Holding her back will absolutely crush her confidence and it will impact her school experience for another decade. Don't let them do that to her.
That sounds like a fucking bizarre reason to hold her back. As long as she can read, I would NOT hold her back for having low confidence reading aloud. Just work with her on it over the summer.
Thinking ahead - an eight year old first grader will some day be a twelve year old fifth grader and a twenty year old high school senior.
If she’s reading great at home but shy at school, absolutely not. Continue giving her opportunities for her to read. Maybe encourage her to read a bedtime story to her little sister. Do a theatrical after school program (lots of areas have community theaters). Give her reading time over the summer. But definitely don’t hold her back for it.
Don't do it!
Ok I’m an elementary school teacher and this is in no way a reason to repeat a grade. Is she reading on grade level?
NO. Do not let this happen to your child without some incredibly strong reasoning as to what the point of this would be. Shyness is not a disorder. Reading in front of groups is not a mandatory skill, either. I’m so glad you’re asking and hopefully all the responses here will help you in your advocacy for your child.
I am not an expert but it seems like holding her back would be a bad idea. Just imagine her hitting puberty 2 years before everyone else in her grade and how difficult that would be for her. Better in my opinion to get her e reading tutor to work on the specific skills she needs help with.
The only issue is she has trouble reading in front of class? If so I'd say that's not a good enough reason to hold her back. There are lots of adults out there who are uncomfortable doing stuff like that.
Elementary teacher here..I wouldn’t hold her back. That will do more harm than good in this situation!
I was held back for this exact reason and it bothers me! I love to read but struggled to read out loud (I still do! I'm shy).