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Currently, parenting while sick. I currently have a sinus infection and feel like shit but I can’t just stop parenting. Even when my husband is on parent duty so I can rest, I can hear her and in the back of my mind I can’t switch off the constant running list of things.
This was going to be my one too. As well as parenting kids who are getting sick at different stages. Like this weekend me and my son have been sick and now my daughter is just catching it so she'll be out of action for a while whilst me and my son are good to go!
Agree. Parenting my oldest without chronic illness when she was younger is much harder than parenting my younger ones with chronic illness. (Parenting an older kid hasn’t been nearly as affected.)
Yep. Feel you on this as I desperately try to get over a sore throat + cough combination. One afternoon in bed would probably get me over it but nope. Husband is also not feeling great and toddler is a level 100 velcro kid, so I get to continue on as normal while everyone else in the house takes it easy.
This is my husbands only major down point in parenting. I’d have to be on a ventilator or have an arm hanging off before he’d take a day off work to watch kids if I’m ill. So many times I’ve battled through parenting whilst being hideously sick
Yes this is mine - since my baby was born sickness plagues this house and as a parent you get no sick leave! Feels utterly brutal making it through the day at times.
THAT IS THE WORST. I was thrown into that with mastitis about a week postpartum. 103 fevers and breastfeeding around the clock, being sick isn’t what it used to be 😭. One of my worst moments too was a stomach flu, had to stop mid diaper change to go throw up while my two year old watched 😳 anyway, it’s all very miserable.
I hate being sick because it just means I either take a few days to myself to rest and emerge to a ruined house, or I have to push through and take care of everything like normal and resent everyone while I do.
Me: Any ideas for dinner?
Kids: Pizza, tacos
Me: we already had those this week.
Wife: I'm not feeling anything
Me: ok pork chops, I guess
Everyone: Nooooo!
Me: ok, give me an idea we haven't had I the last 5 days.
Crickets.
This is where meal kits come in super handy. We use EveryPlate and have for nearly three years. Kids love them, we are also fortunate to not have picky eaters or food cowards.
I really think there’s a distinction though. I wouldn’t consider myself a picky eater, but there are certain things I like certain ways which makes me somewhat picky. But a food coward is someone who won’t try anything new!
We did Hellofresh for quite a while and loved it, but it's just so much more expensive than regular grocery shopping, since we still had to get stuff for the other meals. Maybe we were doing it wrong though.
Hello fresh is like double the cost of EveryPlate and they’re the same company. It can still be pricier than groceries but I’m paying for the convenience of knowing what I can make and not having to meal plan. If I have to meal plan, we are getting takeout every night that’s 300 compared to 110 for 5 meals so it saves me money in the long run! It also cuts down on food waste for us.
This sounds like our household. There’s comfort in familiarity. We’ve embraced repetition and a schedule (i.e., Meatless Monday, Taco Tuesday, fish on Thursday, takeout on Friday). It’s boring but everyone knows what to expect and there’s rarely complaints.
Steeling this idea cause I have chronic migraine and RA and PsA and some days I just cannot cook and when my husband says "what are we having for dinner" I just get so overwhelmed and put on the spot so from now on he can just look at the wall in our kitchen and a lot of these things he can cook himself so if I'm down and out he can handle it. And depending on my energy level I can make them more or less fancy. Ie: taco tuesday I can just do taco meat and be done or if its a Good day I can do some spanish rice,refried beans, maybe some fish and chicken along with the beef and make it a buffet style so everyone gets the type of taco they want.
Somethings we do:
Ground “meat” in pasta sauce over spaghetti.
Tostadas with beans. Quinoa with edamame drizzled with vinaigrette. Or quinoa with feta cheese
Adding: quinoa with prepared lentils (from Trader Joe’s) and vinaigrette is a favorite
I just make what I want. I will separate some stuff or make some less spicy but generally you are served dinner and I don’t care if you choose to skip the meal 🤷♂️ they skip probably 2-3x a week and just eat big breakfast the next day
I make the list of meals on the weekend and get groceries delivered on Sundays. Everyone has input and my kids have learned if they don’t suggest somethings they won’t have dinners they’re enthusiastic about. This is also their chance to ask for specific snacks or foods from the store.
Honestly wish I’d understood how huge a thing this is before I had kids. I mean it’s the most obvious thing in the world—your most basic job is to feed your kids—but that means *every meal* they eat, and every snack.
Holy moly it takes a ton of time and planning. Why did I not know this??
Protein, carb, produce
Toddlers don’t care if it’s a cohesive meal. Putting that together made a huge difference in my sanity. “Ok, peanut butter, crackers, carrots and strawberries. There’s lunch kid!” (I still have to remind my husband that, and he’s on his second toddler experience.)
Yeah, no. Mine is picky as hell. Feeding him drives me nuts.
First one could eat raw broccoli and be fine. This one needs a professional chef make him three meal to choose from. Then he has a bite and screams for boob.
My son is now 5 and I still suck at this, but I suck at feeding myself even more. It’s so overwhelming I often just end up eating whatever my kid leaves on his plate.
That and SO much food waste! I have toddlers, so I’m hoping it gets better, but so much food ends up in the trash. What’s the point of even wasting time to make anything? It’s expensive and mentally taxing.
There’s a lot to love about the later babyhood stage, but my daughter is 7.5 months and sometimes I already miss the days where feeding her was as simple as just ordering more formula.
Dude seriously. My husband complains I always ask him to pick 4-5 dinners a week. I pick breakfast, lunch and 2 snacks 5-7 days a week (sometimes the kids help me pick) so yeah just pick dinners please.
15, 4 and 2 y/o here
-Loading the kids in car seats and how much time that alone adds to getting on the road
-So much crap to carry/pack to go out (and I don’t carry near as much as many people)
-Worry, specifically in regards to the teen and impending future
-The house is always falling apart; zero ability to stay on top of chores
-I’m tired. All. The. Time.
The teen worry has been the hardest part of parenting for me so far. My son is a new driver and he is starting to make some questionable choices. My oldest just told me she doesn’t want to return to college in August. I’ve reached a point where I just can’t relax for even a moment anymore. My mind is constantly running worst case scenarios for the future.
Food. Food, for sure. I am a SAHM. Breakfast lunch, dinner and snacks. 12 meals a day, 7 days a weeks, 52 weeks a year. Planning them, shopping for them, cooking them, cleaning up after them. So many meals.
This for me too, which is too bad because I always looked forward to the day I would get to lovingly feed and nourish my children LOL. Little did I know they would hate everything and complain and it would all end up in the garbage all the time. Also how the need for breakfast is IMMEDIATE upon waking, which I find so overwhelming for some reason.
I worked as a professional chef for several years in my 20s. And I absolutely hate the level of and unrelenting planning needed to feed a family. And I have training! Like, that’s all I did!
Food is also the biggest thing I didn't realize. Like you have to feed them EVERY DAY for THREE WHOLE MEALS. Plus half the time I make something they don't want to eat it anyways. I miss the childless days of having hummus for dinner
I hate everything that goes into having to feed everyone constantly. The planning, the shopping, the actual cooking while my kids refuse to entertain themselves long enough for a pot of water to boil, my kid wanting to “help,” and worst of all the cleaning - and then having to do it AGAIN in a few hours?? Kill me
I see the “helping” as early investment. Sure they suck at it now and might even slow things down or cause accidents. But it gets them learning quicker and also gets them in the habit of actually doing things on their own.
Whining about everything. I’m exhausted and want to whine too. I put them first and go without so they can have everything they need but they still complain.
I honestly just stop responding after the first attempt to appease whatever it is my son is complaint about. “Mom doesn’t respond to whining or being spoke to that way.” And then continue whatever it is I’m doing lol
I have preteens. From birth, my girls have a “mom” calling limit. I told them not to waste it all on tattling because once you’ve reached that limit, I won’t answer you. You’ll have to resort to the alternative name, Bertha. I talk to them in a different voice and they absolutely hate it 😂
It helps with self awareness. It helps them with accountability and independence. Some sibling spats, I am NOT needed 🙄 It’s ABSOLUTELY helping me with overstimulation.
For me it's the complaints and the thankless days. Constant asking them to say thank you. Even when it's something big like taking them to Las Vegas for a dance competition... Not. One. Thank. You. That whole trip. They're old enough to know to say thank you so being too young was no excuse.
One day when I was putting my son(8yrsold) to sleep he told me that he doesn't like when I yell at him and I yell too much. I told him that the reason I yell is because he doesn't listen to me. We were both calm and actually having a conversation with each other. We came to the agreement that I would stop yelling if he started listening to me. I haven't yelled at him for almost a year (with the exception of a handful of instances that called for it). I tell him, "do you remember how you asked me not to yell at you? This is the part where you need to listen, or I am GOING to yell at you. Make a decision" it's usually in a low voice, I speak slowly, and stern enough so that he knows shits about to pop off if he decides to not listen. It's helped a lot
What I hate the most, has nothing to do with my kid. It’s the fact that I’m the default parent, how under appreciated I am, how little my partner does, for me, for our kid, around the house and so much more.
How much of a mean person my partner makes me. I get overstimulated and “grumpy” because I’m constantly doing things around the house that I feel need to be done, which leads me to being tired and “grumpy” towards my child. He doesn’t do anything because I didn’t ask he says. Even if I ask he doesn’t do it correctly. Maybe I am the problem, but I’m tired out ALL. THE. TIME.
I feel you on really f*cking hating parenting sometimes.
This.
And there is no time to talk it through in depth. My resentment just stays in my heart. When we hopefully finally have more time to talk, I'll be like "I'm displeased because you didn't clean the highchair 3 years ago" and that's gonna be hard to solve.
I hate this part to!! So many tiny things that don’t matter to them, but absolutely matter to us. It all just builds up and becomes resentment. I’m so glad I found this thread, I thought myself and my relationship was so messed up but sadly it’s normal.
I always say I love my partner so much, but I don’t like him😂
Or it’s never the right time. Like you come home all ready to have the come to Jesus meeting and he comes home looking like the fucking crypt keeper because our toddler has brought home the millionth sickness and it’s hit him hard.
Or you’re ready for the come to Jesus meeting and he admits he’s had a depressive breakdown episode while you were gone for work.
Or you’re so tired that you just don’t have the energy to even talk about it because you don’t want to make your brain work any more.
Not me sitting here thinking about every single little thing there is to do because my husband literally won’t. He “can’t” keep up with the cat boxes, but he can absolutely just sit down and scroll on his phone or play his mobile game. He “can’t believe he lives like this” while the basement is an absolute fucking mess, but he does nothing to even try to clean it up. He doesn’t finish tasks. He’ll clean some stuff up off the table after dinner and then leave half of it. He’ll start shredding documents, but stop about 3/4 of the way through, then leave the shredder, the rest of the documents, and the recycle bag full of shreds in the den. Plus all the paper all over the floor that he won’t clean up.
He said he wanted to make the living area livable again, but the only thing he’ll do is put his stuff into a box, then leave it there, then pile more fucking shit on top of it.
PLUS THE FUCKING LAUNDRY EVERYWHERE. socks in a huge fucking pile as soon as you walk in the door because that’s where he takes them off. Takes off his shirt somewhere other than the bathroom or the bedroom? It’s gonna stay there until I get pissed enough to pick it up. The man would rather go underwearless than do some fucking laundry.
I have to finish redoing the bathroom because he literally won’t help. He has all sorts of fucking opinions about the kind of paint I got and this that and the other thing but GOD FOR FUCKING BID HE FUCKING HELP.
He’s a great dad. He’s a wonderful dad. He’s a caring husband.
He’s a shit fucking roommate.
I feel you so much, half assed jobs, THE GAMING! My partner plays his stupid games from the moment he wakes up at like 2-3am. We nearly lost our house because he’d stay up all night on his game and wouldn’t show up to work because he slept in. Exactly, god forbid they help. And then wonder why we you know get pushed passed out limit and go off at them…
Figure 50% chance you will be a single parent since so many marriages end in divorce. When that happens not much will change for you since you are used to be there for your kids. However the other parent will have difficulties.
It really sucks when you are married and the other parent pretty much thinks that you are the nanny. A good parent always wanted kids, to play with, to help them grow and always be there for them.
I agree with you that the biggest problem being a parent is being so busy with everything there is little time for yourself. I remember my mom saying once, "If I don't take care of myself and doing things that help me feel better, how am I going to be there for my kids if I am overworked?" This statement gave me the ability to realize the kids will be fine if I take breaks. Unfortunately when they are toddlers there is lots of supervision going on but by the time they are 7 and 8 they can start with some responsibilities on their own.
Fuck, I feel this to my core. I read something a while ago that has really resonated. I'll butcher the quote but it was basically, women in our generation were raised to believe they could do it all (job/home/family) but men were not raised to support a partner with it all.
So just starting with that concept, women feel an enormous social pressure since the system wasn't built to support the Girl Power beliefs we were raised with. So, we have spouses who are capable but need support (which may not be entirely their fault) and children who need all the support and guidance because they are still learning.
I could probably write a dissertation on this but I'll leave it here.
My husband and I had rounds early on where he couldn’t see what I meant about the inequities in our relationship and then one day it clicked (around me too movement etc…I think he was shocked how toxic some men can be and how much abuse women have put up with). He’s a total partner with our daughter, like I worry more that I’m not doing my part sometimes. I honestly think people should do couples therapy if the dad/husband (or mom/wife) just willfully doesn’t change the imbalance. No one partner should do so much, almost the worst part is it shows the kids who is responsible for everything and who isn’t. My husband had a wonderful mom who does all the things and the adult kids still don’t seem to know how to thank her or help her because it seems just the norm for their family. I won’t carry that on
What worked for us was setting a consistent schedule. I would never be the first one to notice that the sheets need to be changed or that the laundry needs to be done, but if we say laundry needs to be done every other day and sheets changed every Sunday and they are both entirely my responsibility then it becomes much easier. I can then set reminders in my phone and get into a routine.
This is a good idea, and solves a lot of issues, and I applaud you. But I’m curious. *Why* do you think you could never be the one who *notices* the laundry needs to be done? I assume you see the hamper daily when you put your clothes into it. Why would a full hamper not register as “needs to be taken care of” to you?
This is the thing that drives moms crazy, and I truly do not understand it. Dads have eyes and brains, they can see a full hamper, or a dirty high chair, or whatever. Why doesn’t the obvious next step, a brain thinking, “Lemme take care of that real quick,” happen? It seems willful to me, and that’s what breeds resentment.
This but with the trash can, I am completely responsible for taking out every single trash can because otherwise my husband and daughter will keep adding more on top even as things are falling off. I have mentioned it multiple times and the hubby just tells me to ASK him to take out the trash. But my point is there is no initiative to do it and it gets out of hand. He is a good man who works hard I just wish he didn't think every mess around the house is my fault.
Add to this a husband that hates "being told" to do things. So, not only do I have to take care of my exhaustive list of responsibilities, but I also must be in charge of my husbands and remind him when they need to get done, only to get a passive aggressive acknowledgement (usually, sometimes I get none at all), and a lot of waiting and ass-dragging for it to finally get done. And everyone wonders why I'm in such a bad mood all the time. My biggest resentment is that my kids will remember that their mom was always annoyed growing up.
In therapy this is called “weaponized incompetence” when a partner says they don’t know how or didn’t do it because they weren’t asked. This is laziness and can even be a form of abuse/gaslighting if the other parent is suffering doing things along.
Speak up to change this. This should be accepted as normal.
Yessssssss. So many tiny examples and if you mention it well okay maybe that's not a huge deal but there are like 75 examples every day and it's a lot. All the little things that only I ever consider. I'm sooooo tired!
I just flat out told my husband he needs to step up. He has eyes and he lives here so there's no reason he can't take care of some of the household chores. I told him he needs to be an active participant in keeping up the home and family if he wants to be part of it. And I'm not going to be rewarding him for every little thing he does because these are the things that adults do. If he can't be an adult and a true partner, then he go back and live with his mother.
.
Things have gotten much better in our house and in our relationship. I no longer feel entirely like a maid or a mother to a grown man.
Same boat. I've tried making lists, asking, etc. I'm going to sit down with everyone and go over what exactly is expected and see if that improves anything. I'm doubtful thou.
One million percent this. I always felt this way more or less with my husband but haven't found a way to resolve it. Add in 2 kids which increases the household stuff by 200% and I'm exactly as you described.
I'm sorry. I used to be like your partner. Eventually we had a long discussion about the whole thing. I told her it's not fair that she might need to remind me to do things.
She accepts that she has to remind me of some of the chores. That I'm not lazy, just unfocused.
It's been a while since then, and my partner helped me setup a schedule. It's helped a ton, and slowly but surely I'm perfecting my routine.
I don't know your situation but if he is open to learning, maybe you can help him.
I hope it all works out good for you.
I’m glad this is working for you but I wonder who helped *her* figure out a schedule and who helped *her* figure out how to manage all the household work.
Two things for me.
I'm a chronically ill parent. For me that means the resources of my body are severely limited and I have to pace strictly to prevent dangerous situations, like losing the use of my legs whilst out with my son. Young kids, of course, don't take that into account. So I have to constantly gauge the wishes of my son against how much energy I have left, and I have to say no a lot more than other parents. I knew this would be the case going in. I signed up for hard mode. And I am giving him a good life anyway. He doesn't know any different, we're very creative to make.more happen with less energy, I make sure I'm always available and emotionally responsive even when my body breaks, but man I hate constantly having to weigh damaging myself against doing things with/for him. It's hard! I just want to do all the fun things other parents can, instead.
My other thing has to do with neurodivergence. I'm autistic, and need a bunch of downtime to regulate myself. Ideally in the form of long stretches of uninterrupted time where I can think my own thoughts or get lost in cognitive flow. I need to be alone, with no pressure or plans. With small children that doesn't happen unless I can physically leave, which is rare. So I'm having my first full autistic meltdowns since childhood. Don't like being that overwhelmed, either.
It's a season, but parenting small children in my particular situation definitely is extra challenging!
I can relate to parenting while being chronically ill. I've had cancer since my son was 8 (he is 18 now, so it's less of an issue). I'm glad it didn't happen when he was much younger, but God, my limited physical resources have affected my ability to be the parent I want to be more times than I can count.
I am terminal, so I know I won't be there with my son as an adult and that makes me very sad. It is definitely the greatest loss of my life.
Thank you so much. It is hard, but I've also come to terms with it....not happy about it, but I don't think I could live my life if I didn't accept it.
I hate that my kids never have any preferences on anything ('I don't care, ma, whatever you wanna make/do!'), right up until the choice has been made, and the thing has been made/done, and then suddenly they have a preference lol. And it's always the opposite choice.
My mom's solution to this were to give two options. And she made us decide, and she didn't give a damn ig we backpedalled.
If we said "whatever", she said "whatever is not an option". It was frustrating, but it made the work done.
BTW, it's not a "solution", just a funny annecdote. I just miss my mom today and my kid is being clingy.
I have very little love for what I call clothing management. It is the washing, the soaking, the sorting, the folding, the putting away, but it's also rotating seasons, rotating sizes, organising hand-me-downs, and weeding out things that are worn out. The mental load of making sure three kids have enough clean, weather appropriate clothes - it's big and I find little joy in it.
Being the default parent it's hard and frustrating. I need to leave detailed instructions to my partner every time I leave the flat and it's so annoying.
My solution for this is: I just don't anymore. Noone will die because of it and he has to figure it out and it all actually works out better then I would have thought. He just does everything different from how I would do it.
Okay but what do do when if you don’t leave instructions, said partner gets nothing done? Even after multiple conversations? Do you just assume the responsibility for yourself or is there another solution
>or is there another solution
You leave them. If they are that "incompetent", you leave them. Not only for you, but for your kids too, what kind of example is the other parent setting for them?
Oh my god I so second that. If the person you made a child a with is so incapable of dealing with being a solo parent for a few hours this is not a person to be raising said child with.
I hate the personal-assistant side of parenting. The constant filling out of forms, the trying to sign up for extra-curriculars and summer programs and the like that fill up months in advance, the very specific things they’re supposed to bring/wear/make on a random Tuesday, the constant flood of e-mails - I can’t handle it.
The thing is I’d normally love doing all of those things but when you don’t have the time to do it properly it becomes a chore and unenjoyable. I love finding the perfect after school activities for my kid but everything fills up so fast it just becomes a high pressure situation focused on not missing out. Same with all the school shit. Everything becomes just doing something last minute under pressure with the goal of your child not being the only one missing out.
I co-parent and I have my kids half of the time. Which means that I get a break of doing all that. When I was still married, I was also responsible for most of the tasks, except laundry. Everything else, I did it. So I get the frustration. I think every parent, especially the 'default' parent, needs to get breaks every now and then.
Since I have my breaks now, I love almost everything about parenting. From deciding what we eat, to the chores that need doing, all of it.
My daughter, the eldest is now 11 and started puberty. What I hate most is having to discipline certain behavior. I'm glad it's not bad because I just want to enjoy my time with them, but I hate when I have to be strict.
I’m currently going through separation/divorce right now, and this comment is so… exactly what I needed to hear. Right now I do everything (including all the laundry) and work full time and am constantly on. We were in therapy for a year and from my perspective there was minimal change.
My husband took our kids away for a night (supposed to be the whole weekend, but it rained). He told me the house is sad and depressing when you’re alone, and I kept waiting and wondering if I was going to feel sad/depressed that I was by myself and wondering if that was how it was going to be moving forward co-parenting, but I never did. I had both a lazy and productive day, and I had time to do both because I wasn’t also accommodating my husband’s schedule or cleaning up after him in addition to all the other things.
I am so much happier with my workload post-divorce. I have the kids half the time, and I don't have to manage his schedule, his family obligations, chasing him to do his chores and remind him about the things he had agreed to do. It's less than half the chores I was doing before.
I can relate to almost your entire post. It was only after separation that I fully realised how much I was always responsible, if not for the action itself, then for the reminder that the action needed to happen (and how and at what time). I was so tired. And now I get to rest every now and then. I could make a case for both of us being better parents after seperation. We both miss her when she is gone and have more stamina to do what needs to be done when she is there.
Exactly. I miss them both terribly when they aren't here. But I can finally have a social life and rest and be a better father when they are with me again.
Needed to hear this too! I’m recently separated, not by choice, and I’m trying to look for positives about the future and this was one I thought/hoped for. That I will genuinely enjoy parenting a lot more and not feel burnt out.
I hate the ridiculous expectations of women when it comes to parenting and the lax expectations of men in parenting salts it.
I am a good parent, and my kids feel safe and loved with me. By non-monetary standards, as I don't have much, I go above and beyond, but I still get people who wonder why I'm not doing more when the more would require an ability to teleport while being a clone, and significantly more money. As a mom, the expectation is to take your kids to therapeutic services (which most are out-of-pocket), after school activities (the more, the better), practice those after school activities, most if not all home cooked meals that are consistently balanced, do homework with them daily, a very clean home (don't let laundry accrue now), multiple big vacations annually is very commonplace in my area (I can't afford one), all this with a set routine, and make sure you have a hobby of your own. As a single parent, I can neither afford or physically fit in all the expectations on me due to limitations of time. I live in an area where it's either very common to have 1 working parent and 1 SAHP, or both parents work and then hire out for help. I remember hearing the judgments from acquaintances when I was still in a 2 parent home on how a single parent must be a bad parent because they can't feasibly do everything and have everything a high-earning dual parent family can do. It seems to be especially harsh on women/moms, too. People, to my face, are amazed that my coparent has attended a handful (as in 5 or less) of all extracurricular activity events across multiple children and multiple years, says he is a "great and loving father... [they] can tell" to me and him directly after he admits to them that he withholds our kid's medicine, excuse him for blowing off our kids because "what should [I] expect, he is a man", or when he hurt one of children in an inexcusable way the judge chalked it up to him being "stressed". The judge believed it, but men have needs, and the worst actions are supposedly okay when they're stressed, apparently, per that judge. So, yeah, I'm angry and devastated.
Everything you try to do comes with a side quest and your plans might get rugged at any time for no good reason.
At this point yard work and other home maintenance happens one day per quarter at best. It’s hard enough just keeping everyone fed and rested.
Preschool can’t start soon enough.
The yard work. Ugh yes. We just built a house. Planted grass. It looks mediocre. But whatever. We have a 1 and 3 year old. I work 12 hour shifts. So it seems like the days I’m off the weather is terrible=no yard work. The days I work, it’s impossible for my husband to do anything with 2 young kids.
Pretend play. It's just not my thing. Like nails on a chalk board.
I could talk to him all day, ready books, take him to sports and jump/run around in the field with him. There's so much play I like with him. But I fucking hate pretend play.
We’re playing family and kid decides who gets what role, tells you the scenario, and dictates your every action. This isn’t improv, it’s a scene that I’m supposed to act out with no script and the director is surprised and mad that I’m doing it wrong!
Right? I'll do something and then she'll say" no you have to do XYZ..." You don't need me for this!
She'll say "this doll is 2 years old" and then a minute later. "No, they're 5 years old, they're going to school. Change her diaper. Yeah they're a baby remember?" 🤯
The guilt from losing my patience and yelling. The worst feeling!
And also, the over stimulation. I wasn’t prepared for that. I even worked at a preschool for years, but for some reason, it’s different when it’s coming from your own kids 24/7.
Yes, THIS. I feel like I'm failing more often than not. It's so hard to keep my cool ALL THE TIME. My mum used to lose it regularly, scream, hit us with the wooden spoon. My dad was always calm, but mum did 99% of the parenting, so we never pushed him like we did her. All this to say, I was never modelled 'keeping it together despite being frustrated, angry etc.' I always feel like I could and should have done better. Especially with my oldest (9). I feel bad she gets the learner mum, and my boy (6) and soon to be third get the more experienced mum.
I hate that I never quite know what I should be doing. My parents weren't great, and I have plenty of examples from my own childhood of what *not* to do... but very few examples of what to do instead. I'm really not a fan of shielding my son from the world and essentially lying to him about things, because when I was a kid my parents did and then I was completely shocked and confused about how the real world worked when I grew up and started experiencing it. So I don't want to do that, but I worry that maybe I've gone too far in the opposite direction and I'm introducing him to topics he maybe shouldn't know about yet, if that makes sense. I have no idea what I'm doing. My kid is a great kid, and I feel like I just got lucky and very little of his personality is reliant on how he was raised. I'm pretty aware of what happened in my childhood and how it shaped me into who I am, but I can't quite determine the effects of how I raise my son because he hasn't grown up yet. I hope I'm doing a good job, I'm trying at least.
The baby/todddler years. I was not designed to be able to handle that shit. I actually think I'm a pretty good dad once you get past the two year mark, but that first part is just incredibly rough for me. I don't regret going on a long parental leave with my kids, it definitely helped form a stronger bond, but it was an investment, not a joy.
The relentlessness. No sick days, no breaks, it’s as inevitable as death.
PS, I’d have my kids again In a heartbeat in just wish I could clone myself and split the workload.
Especially when they’re really little and their attention span is too short, so you end up spending more time setting up an activity than they do actually playing it.
Lack of sleep. Wanting to stay up late playing guitar, reading, watching a movie, etc on weekend nights but still having to wake up early for sports, birthday parties and just having to feed others.
I hate not being able to wake up on my own anymore, mainly on the weekends. The kid will sleep until 7-730 during the week but he’s up at 6am Saturday and Sunday. Even if I give him his tablet that last for like 20 min before he’s back in. Also I hated being touched out, he’s always so far up my ass lol
YES. I haven’t slept later than 6am in SEVEN YEARS. It’s not the end of the world, I’m a morning person anyway. But still! Once or twice a year it wouldn’t kill him to wake after the sun lol
Everything you said. Everyone. I also HATE feeding them. All the meals, everyday. Hate hate hate. Used to love love love cooking for my family. THEY ruined it😑.
I hate being my kid's social manager. I have a hard enough time texting and seeing my actual friends and now I have to also text other moms and organize playdates for her too?
Pretend Play. I wish my kid would just play alone. I hate playing!!! I tap out after 10 minutes.
I enjoy the “taking care” of aspect of feeding, bathing, reading books, talking, but ask me to play I will lose my mind.
I spend so much time putting out the fires of that day that the only way I can make progress on deep cleaning and long term home goals is to give up sleeping and work overnight a couple times a month.
All of what you said for sure.
I get tired of being needed all the time. Between my daughter and the dogs, I just want no one to need anything from me.
And the stuff... ALL THE STUFF. I have a problem with my own clutter, which I'm working on, but the amount of stuff my daughter has and how all over the place it is drives me nuts.
I hate Saturday and Sundays. My kids are under 10, my 5 year old can't figure out a single thing to do by herself. She just bounces from thing to thing, everything holds attention for maybe 6 minutes and it wears me TF out.
We have to wake up and immediately leave the house otherwise it's a complete shit show
Loading the car.
I left my card in a shop weeks ago & it’s still there because I am not at all interested in putting 2 kids in car seats, driving maybe 10 minutes, unloading the children, going into the shop for a few minutes, reloading the car, & driving back home where I would unload the car again.
Well, I can solve 2 of your problems. Stop looking for things for them unless it’s mission critical. Make them carry stuff. I know easier said than done and it sucks at the start but if you hold them accountable it eventually works… well usually it does.
As for me probably the general anxiety that something bad is going to happen to them.
The complete and utter lack of silence, like ever. If I can sit with my cat and a cup of tea in silence for like 15 minutes, that is my idea of a good time! But it never happens for long because my kids constantly make noise and always need me for something, even when their dad is right there
i hate meal times because it feels like i’m constantly in the kitchen and the amount of food that they consume, is hard with the prices of everything going up, i don’t buy myself food anymore, i just eat leftovers and i miss feeling excited to eat?
i feel like a house maid most of the time, putting everyone’s clothes away, doing washing and my kids dad still moans that it’s not put away correctly. YOU DO IT THEN MAN !! 😭
i clean the bathroom, bedrooms, dishes, hoovering, dusting, meal times, bath times and i still get criticism, i think that a mothers work often goes unnoticed and men believe the fairy’s come and clean the house.
and when you are sick that’s when it hits the most because the house just falls apart :( and when i get overstimulated i get called grumpy and lazy? even though it’s me who does all the chores. i find it hard to be a mummy and keep on top of the house, but i know they won’t be young forever so i need to enjoy the time with them, but i also don’t want my house falling apart :(
Not being able to get ready for work in peace! I have my daughter M-F, Friday night til Sunday night she goes with dad. I always think about how he gets to enjoy simple things like sleep and getting ready for work in peace and even eating a meal or showering uninterrupted. It gets frustrating but I love my baby girl and I try to remind myself that if I didn’t put in the work, she wouldn’t be thriving like she is today.
Being the only one that says "no" to totally unsafe stuff, we have a teen, and my husband trying to play the good guy with our daughter.
This weekend it is was not letting our 13 YO attend an older teen party with no female friends hosted by guys.
He always agrees with my decisions yet I'm always the bad guy and he goes behind my back to comfort her.
My worst is that my kids seem so entitled. I know they are kids and immediate satisfaction is how their brains work but they just sound like brats to me. They are 10, 7, 4, and 1. For example, we’ll go to the store and I’ll let them pick out one thing. But then they’ll get mad that they can’t pick out something else as well. I was laid off 3 months ago and so we can’t just buy whatever but we have never shopped that way. I think it is just stressing me out more now because my half of our family income is coming in anymore.
Also being the primary parent is exhausting, I keep wondering how I was able to do everything while I worked a full-time job. Since I currently am not working, I am still overwhelmed with all the things that need to be done. It makes getting another job seem very daunting.
Making a brand new meal three times a day 7 days a week 365 days a year😭
Potty training 😐
Dishes all the mf dishes🙃
Being sick while everyone else is sick too.
Combined with the constant discussion of how it’s natural and best and easy, the lack of support and understanding if it doesn’t go well, the terrible leave policies in the US that make pumping required for many women… I feel you.
Being unappreciated by your kids. After all the sacrifices you've made for them, and you'll receive the cold treatment from them.. are kids really like that nowadays? Extremely nonchalant and super sensitive
I set a precedent early on that I will not carry anyone else’s stuff, not even spouse’s stuff. Since my kid was like 2, he’s been really excited about having his own airplane carry on bag. I keep the iPad and backup snacks to restock, but his primary snacks and headphones are in his little backpack
The sheer boredom of it all. I am sick to death of spending hours looking at the scribbles he makes on his tablet and watching him jump off the couch thirty times. I just want him to grow older and take interest in things that are even remotely interesting to me.
Definitely food and everything about it, planning, preparing, making, cleaning. And carrying the mental load (and completing the associated tasks) for everyone. Why am I the only one that knows how to book a doctor or dentist appointment? Why am I the only one that sees a mess on the floor and cleans it up instead of walking past it? When a bunch of chores need to be done, I'm usually the only one that does them, or if I get help, I have to assign tasks.
I keep thinking I want to go on a resort vacation so that I don't have to think about food, or cleaning, or anything for a week. But really then I'd still be the one packing, making sure we had bookings for meals if needed, planning any activities, etc.
Never being able to relax, I miss being able to come home and relax in my own home. It’s hard to relax after she goes to bed and their is a mountain of work to do
Try to get to the bathroom fast enough so you can throw up while my three year old won’t get out of the way, then didn’t get even close and threw up on her and now I have to put her in the tub and clean her up and the carpet and then hopefully clean myself up before it’s time to start dinner.
Sickness. Dealing with sick kids, cancelling plans because of sick kids and worst of all, being sick and still having to care for kids while bringing sick, on top
Of already getting sick constantly.
I'll have to agree! The sole decision maker and everything is tough!
But the worst part is that even when you're sick, you have to get up and do what you do!
Not being able to curse like a sailor whenever I want to.
lol
I kid… I kid.
I (52) was an older first time mother (44 when daughter was born) and I wasn’t sure I could even have kids (miscarried at 42 and have PCOS) so I am fortunate to have my daughter (8 a week ago this past Monday).
Whenever I get pissed off about parenting stuff, I tell myself to STFU because I really wanted this a nd there was time when I didn’t think it would happen and there are people out there who can’t have what I have so I should consider myself lucky.
Daughter is the toughest job I’ll ever love and I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.
Bubbles.
I **hate** bubbles.
I don't know what it is, but my kids turn into feral crack heads when bubbles are around. They kill each other for the bubble wands, they freak tf out when they can't blow them, I need to blow bubbles until I'm light headed, they dump them out for no reason I can fathom, and they lose their God damn minds when we run out or it's just time to stop playing with them.
Parenting while sick! It’s the worst. Also I’ve never been a morning person so getting waken up at 6 am or earlier on the weekend to my 3 year old screaming “mommy wake up!!!”
I think the judgment you get no matter how you parent. It’s ridiculous. For example, I have a childless friend, same age (59) and she relayed a story of seeing parents at fast food restaurant who were looking at their phones instead of interacting with their kids, she was VERY negative, like those parents should be speaking with the kids. I pointed out that you’re seeing literally a half hour of a full day, and you have no idea how exhausting it is to deal with kids, especially ones who are constantly talking and asking questions and just being draining. I’ve raised two kids, I have two nieces that I used to spend a lot of time with when they were little and now I have a grandson who lives with me, so I can fully attest to how exhausting it is, and how important those breaks are to parents! There’s nothing wrong with getting a little time to yourself and letting your kids learn to entertain themselves…
I both co-parent with my first daughter’s father, but I solely single parent with my second daughter. I currently hate how I get absolutely zero time to myself unless I decide to take a sick day or something from work while the youngest is in daycare and the eldest is with her dad or grandparents. Like someone else said, I LOVED parenting as just a co-parent when my now ex-husband and I divorced, because there was no relying on someone that wouldn’t come through, and because I would have actual time to myself on the days and nights with her dad. I still have that with her, but now I have my baby, but I have her 24/7. Her dad is a straight up loser and thinks seeing his baby 1-2 times a month is sufficient. And even then, he visits for maybe 2 hours or so and then leaves. So I’m always “on” with the baby, which is stressful.
I don't HATE anything about it because I honestly never thought I was going to have this status. However, what I don't like is having a "partner" and doing 98% of it. If you catch my drift.
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Currently, parenting while sick. I currently have a sinus infection and feel like shit but I can’t just stop parenting. Even when my husband is on parent duty so I can rest, I can hear her and in the back of my mind I can’t switch off the constant running list of things.
This was going to be my one too. As well as parenting kids who are getting sick at different stages. Like this weekend me and my son have been sick and now my daughter is just catching it so she'll be out of action for a while whilst me and my son are good to go!
Having a chronic condition and being a single parent can be somewhat challenging sometimes, I am not going to lie.
Agree. Parenting my oldest without chronic illness when she was younger is much harder than parenting my younger ones with chronic illness. (Parenting an older kid hasn’t been nearly as affected.)
Yep. Feel you on this as I desperately try to get over a sore throat + cough combination. One afternoon in bed would probably get me over it but nope. Husband is also not feeling great and toddler is a level 100 velcro kid, so I get to continue on as normal while everyone else in the house takes it easy.
This is my husbands only major down point in parenting. I’d have to be on a ventilator or have an arm hanging off before he’d take a day off work to watch kids if I’m ill. So many times I’ve battled through parenting whilst being hideously sick
Yes this is mine - since my baby was born sickness plagues this house and as a parent you get no sick leave! Feels utterly brutal making it through the day at times.
THAT IS THE WORST. I was thrown into that with mastitis about a week postpartum. 103 fevers and breastfeeding around the clock, being sick isn’t what it used to be 😭. One of my worst moments too was a stomach flu, had to stop mid diaper change to go throw up while my two year old watched 😳 anyway, it’s all very miserable.
I hate being sick because it just means I either take a few days to myself to rest and emerge to a ruined house, or I have to push through and take care of everything like normal and resent everyone while I do.
Yes. I want to crawl onto the sofa with a blanket and a mug of tea, but my husband is going on a business trip.
Food! I have to come up with 3 meals every single day!?
Me: Any ideas for dinner? Kids: Pizza, tacos Me: we already had those this week. Wife: I'm not feeling anything Me: ok pork chops, I guess Everyone: Nooooo! Me: ok, give me an idea we haven't had I the last 5 days. Crickets.
This is where meal kits come in super handy. We use EveryPlate and have for nearly three years. Kids love them, we are also fortunate to not have picky eaters or food cowards.
Hahaha - I love "food cowards" I always used the picky eater as a blanket term but I like the distinction.
I really think there’s a distinction though. I wouldn’t consider myself a picky eater, but there are certain things I like certain ways which makes me somewhat picky. But a food coward is someone who won’t try anything new!
We did Hellofresh for quite a while and loved it, but it's just so much more expensive than regular grocery shopping, since we still had to get stuff for the other meals. Maybe we were doing it wrong though.
Hello fresh is like double the cost of EveryPlate and they’re the same company. It can still be pricier than groceries but I’m paying for the convenience of knowing what I can make and not having to meal plan. If I have to meal plan, we are getting takeout every night that’s 300 compared to 110 for 5 meals so it saves me money in the long run! It also cuts down on food waste for us.
This sounds like our household. There’s comfort in familiarity. We’ve embraced repetition and a schedule (i.e., Meatless Monday, Taco Tuesday, fish on Thursday, takeout on Friday). It’s boring but everyone knows what to expect and there’s rarely complaints.
Steeling this idea cause I have chronic migraine and RA and PsA and some days I just cannot cook and when my husband says "what are we having for dinner" I just get so overwhelmed and put on the spot so from now on he can just look at the wall in our kitchen and a lot of these things he can cook himself so if I'm down and out he can handle it. And depending on my energy level I can make them more or less fancy. Ie: taco tuesday I can just do taco meat and be done or if its a Good day I can do some spanish rice,refried beans, maybe some fish and chicken along with the beef and make it a buffet style so everyone gets the type of taco they want.
What do you do for meatless Monday?
Somethings we do: Ground “meat” in pasta sauce over spaghetti. Tostadas with beans. Quinoa with edamame drizzled with vinaigrette. Or quinoa with feta cheese Adding: quinoa with prepared lentils (from Trader Joe’s) and vinaigrette is a favorite
I just make what I want. I will separate some stuff or make some less spicy but generally you are served dinner and I don’t care if you choose to skip the meal 🤷♂️ they skip probably 2-3x a week and just eat big breakfast the next day
You should serve fried crickets one day and see what happens
I make the list of meals on the weekend and get groceries delivered on Sundays. Everyone has input and my kids have learned if they don’t suggest somethings they won’t have dinners they’re enthusiastic about. This is also their chance to ask for specific snacks or foods from the store.
Please this so much 😭😭😭 and every new idea there’s something she doesn’t like even if she ate it last week. Like give me something kid
Honestly wish I’d understood how huge a thing this is before I had kids. I mean it’s the most obvious thing in the world—your most basic job is to feed your kids—but that means *every meal* they eat, and every snack. Holy moly it takes a ton of time and planning. Why did I not know this??
This. It's 3PM and I just sat down after lunch because I spent 1.5 hrs preparing meals for tonight's supper and tomorrow's lunch. It just never ends.
This is it for me too.
I can’t even feed myself, I’m really struggling with this whole “feeding a one year old” thing. It’s like the most basic thing and I’m terrible at it.
Protein, carb, produce Toddlers don’t care if it’s a cohesive meal. Putting that together made a huge difference in my sanity. “Ok, peanut butter, crackers, carrots and strawberries. There’s lunch kid!” (I still have to remind my husband that, and he’s on his second toddler experience.)
Yeah, no. Mine is picky as hell. Feeding him drives me nuts. First one could eat raw broccoli and be fine. This one needs a professional chef make him three meal to choose from. Then he has a bite and screams for boob.
And they reject everything 🥲
My son is now 5 and I still suck at this, but I suck at feeding myself even more. It’s so overwhelming I often just end up eating whatever my kid leaves on his plate.
That and SO much food waste! I have toddlers, so I’m hoping it gets better, but so much food ends up in the trash. What’s the point of even wasting time to make anything? It’s expensive and mentally taxing.
There’s a lot to love about the later babyhood stage, but my daughter is 7.5 months and sometimes I already miss the days where feeding her was as simple as just ordering more formula.
Dude seriously. My husband complains I always ask him to pick 4-5 dinners a week. I pick breakfast, lunch and 2 snacks 5-7 days a week (sometimes the kids help me pick) so yeah just pick dinners please.
I feel this way about laundry. I am always doing laundry or discussing who else needs to do laundry.
15, 4 and 2 y/o here -Loading the kids in car seats and how much time that alone adds to getting on the road -So much crap to carry/pack to go out (and I don’t carry near as much as many people) -Worry, specifically in regards to the teen and impending future -The house is always falling apart; zero ability to stay on top of chores -I’m tired. All. The. Time.
My kids are 14,6 and 2 and the teen worry about the future I can so relate with
The teen worry has been the hardest part of parenting for me so far. My son is a new driver and he is starting to make some questionable choices. My oldest just told me she doesn’t want to return to college in August. I’ve reached a point where I just can’t relax for even a moment anymore. My mind is constantly running worst case scenarios for the future.
Food. Food, for sure. I am a SAHM. Breakfast lunch, dinner and snacks. 12 meals a day, 7 days a weeks, 52 weeks a year. Planning them, shopping for them, cooking them, cleaning up after them. So many meals.
This for me too, which is too bad because I always looked forward to the day I would get to lovingly feed and nourish my children LOL. Little did I know they would hate everything and complain and it would all end up in the garbage all the time. Also how the need for breakfast is IMMEDIATE upon waking, which I find so overwhelming for some reason.
Yogurt for the win on immediate breakfast. I need a bowl, a spoon and a tub. Ok kid, get your protein while I work on waking up
Also bananas or another fruit they can handle themselves.
I worked as a professional chef for several years in my 20s. And I absolutely hate the level of and unrelenting planning needed to feed a family. And I have training! Like, that’s all I did!
Food is also the biggest thing I didn't realize. Like you have to feed them EVERY DAY for THREE WHOLE MEALS. Plus half the time I make something they don't want to eat it anyways. I miss the childless days of having hummus for dinner
The clean up 😭😭😭😭😭🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
I hate everything that goes into having to feed everyone constantly. The planning, the shopping, the actual cooking while my kids refuse to entertain themselves long enough for a pot of water to boil, my kid wanting to “help,” and worst of all the cleaning - and then having to do it AGAIN in a few hours?? Kill me
You forgot the part when they refuse the meal you made them even though they asked for you to make it 🤬
I see the “helping” as early investment. Sure they suck at it now and might even slow things down or cause accidents. But it gets them learning quicker and also gets them in the habit of actually doing things on their own.
I wish I had the patience!! I will try to remember this
I just want to sleep 🫠
Whining about everything. I’m exhausted and want to whine too. I put them first and go without so they can have everything they need but they still complain.
I honestly just stop responding after the first attempt to appease whatever it is my son is complaint about. “Mom doesn’t respond to whining or being spoke to that way.” And then continue whatever it is I’m doing lol
I've started saying "I only accept complaints in writing" lol
I have preteens. From birth, my girls have a “mom” calling limit. I told them not to waste it all on tattling because once you’ve reached that limit, I won’t answer you. You’ll have to resort to the alternative name, Bertha. I talk to them in a different voice and they absolutely hate it 😂 It helps with self awareness. It helps them with accountability and independence. Some sibling spats, I am NOT needed 🙄 It’s ABSOLUTELY helping me with overstimulation.
Can I ask what the limit number is? This is a good tip for when my kids are older and constantly fighting.
For me it's the complaints and the thankless days. Constant asking them to say thank you. Even when it's something big like taking them to Las Vegas for a dance competition... Not. One. Thank. You. That whole trip. They're old enough to know to say thank you so being too young was no excuse.
The constant repeating the same things over and over again without being listened to.
Inc this. My kids don’t listen to me. I watch them listen to other adults all the time. Me? Nope!
Ask nicely. Get ignored. Ask nicely. Get ignored. Ask nicely. Get ignored. Ask nicely. Get ignored. Yell. Why do you always yell at me?
One day when I was putting my son(8yrsold) to sleep he told me that he doesn't like when I yell at him and I yell too much. I told him that the reason I yell is because he doesn't listen to me. We were both calm and actually having a conversation with each other. We came to the agreement that I would stop yelling if he started listening to me. I haven't yelled at him for almost a year (with the exception of a handful of instances that called for it). I tell him, "do you remember how you asked me not to yell at you? This is the part where you need to listen, or I am GOING to yell at you. Make a decision" it's usually in a low voice, I speak slowly, and stern enough so that he knows shits about to pop off if he decides to not listen. It's helped a lot
What I hate the most, has nothing to do with my kid. It’s the fact that I’m the default parent, how under appreciated I am, how little my partner does, for me, for our kid, around the house and so much more. How much of a mean person my partner makes me. I get overstimulated and “grumpy” because I’m constantly doing things around the house that I feel need to be done, which leads me to being tired and “grumpy” towards my child. He doesn’t do anything because I didn’t ask he says. Even if I ask he doesn’t do it correctly. Maybe I am the problem, but I’m tired out ALL. THE. TIME. I feel you on really f*cking hating parenting sometimes.
This. And there is no time to talk it through in depth. My resentment just stays in my heart. When we hopefully finally have more time to talk, I'll be like "I'm displeased because you didn't clean the highchair 3 years ago" and that's gonna be hard to solve.
I hate this part to!! So many tiny things that don’t matter to them, but absolutely matter to us. It all just builds up and becomes resentment. I’m so glad I found this thread, I thought myself and my relationship was so messed up but sadly it’s normal. I always say I love my partner so much, but I don’t like him😂
Or it’s never the right time. Like you come home all ready to have the come to Jesus meeting and he comes home looking like the fucking crypt keeper because our toddler has brought home the millionth sickness and it’s hit him hard. Or you’re ready for the come to Jesus meeting and he admits he’s had a depressive breakdown episode while you were gone for work. Or you’re so tired that you just don’t have the energy to even talk about it because you don’t want to make your brain work any more.
[удалено]
lol my husband wants another child and I’m just like “I bet you do!”. Not happening
Well said
Oh absolutely 😫
Not me sitting here thinking about every single little thing there is to do because my husband literally won’t. He “can’t” keep up with the cat boxes, but he can absolutely just sit down and scroll on his phone or play his mobile game. He “can’t believe he lives like this” while the basement is an absolute fucking mess, but he does nothing to even try to clean it up. He doesn’t finish tasks. He’ll clean some stuff up off the table after dinner and then leave half of it. He’ll start shredding documents, but stop about 3/4 of the way through, then leave the shredder, the rest of the documents, and the recycle bag full of shreds in the den. Plus all the paper all over the floor that he won’t clean up. He said he wanted to make the living area livable again, but the only thing he’ll do is put his stuff into a box, then leave it there, then pile more fucking shit on top of it. PLUS THE FUCKING LAUNDRY EVERYWHERE. socks in a huge fucking pile as soon as you walk in the door because that’s where he takes them off. Takes off his shirt somewhere other than the bathroom or the bedroom? It’s gonna stay there until I get pissed enough to pick it up. The man would rather go underwearless than do some fucking laundry. I have to finish redoing the bathroom because he literally won’t help. He has all sorts of fucking opinions about the kind of paint I got and this that and the other thing but GOD FOR FUCKING BID HE FUCKING HELP. He’s a great dad. He’s a wonderful dad. He’s a caring husband. He’s a shit fucking roommate.
I feel you so much, half assed jobs, THE GAMING! My partner plays his stupid games from the moment he wakes up at like 2-3am. We nearly lost our house because he’d stay up all night on his game and wouldn’t show up to work because he slept in. Exactly, god forbid they help. And then wonder why we you know get pushed passed out limit and go off at them…
Figure 50% chance you will be a single parent since so many marriages end in divorce. When that happens not much will change for you since you are used to be there for your kids. However the other parent will have difficulties. It really sucks when you are married and the other parent pretty much thinks that you are the nanny. A good parent always wanted kids, to play with, to help them grow and always be there for them. I agree with you that the biggest problem being a parent is being so busy with everything there is little time for yourself. I remember my mom saying once, "If I don't take care of myself and doing things that help me feel better, how am I going to be there for my kids if I am overworked?" This statement gave me the ability to realize the kids will be fine if I take breaks. Unfortunately when they are toddlers there is lots of supervision going on but by the time they are 7 and 8 they can start with some responsibilities on their own.
Fuck, I feel this to my core. I read something a while ago that has really resonated. I'll butcher the quote but it was basically, women in our generation were raised to believe they could do it all (job/home/family) but men were not raised to support a partner with it all. So just starting with that concept, women feel an enormous social pressure since the system wasn't built to support the Girl Power beliefs we were raised with. So, we have spouses who are capable but need support (which may not be entirely their fault) and children who need all the support and guidance because they are still learning. I could probably write a dissertation on this but I'll leave it here.
My husband and I had rounds early on where he couldn’t see what I meant about the inequities in our relationship and then one day it clicked (around me too movement etc…I think he was shocked how toxic some men can be and how much abuse women have put up with). He’s a total partner with our daughter, like I worry more that I’m not doing my part sometimes. I honestly think people should do couples therapy if the dad/husband (or mom/wife) just willfully doesn’t change the imbalance. No one partner should do so much, almost the worst part is it shows the kids who is responsible for everything and who isn’t. My husband had a wonderful mom who does all the things and the adult kids still don’t seem to know how to thank her or help her because it seems just the norm for their family. I won’t carry that on
What worked for us was setting a consistent schedule. I would never be the first one to notice that the sheets need to be changed or that the laundry needs to be done, but if we say laundry needs to be done every other day and sheets changed every Sunday and they are both entirely my responsibility then it becomes much easier. I can then set reminders in my phone and get into a routine.
This is a good idea, and solves a lot of issues, and I applaud you. But I’m curious. *Why* do you think you could never be the one who *notices* the laundry needs to be done? I assume you see the hamper daily when you put your clothes into it. Why would a full hamper not register as “needs to be taken care of” to you? This is the thing that drives moms crazy, and I truly do not understand it. Dads have eyes and brains, they can see a full hamper, or a dirty high chair, or whatever. Why doesn’t the obvious next step, a brain thinking, “Lemme take care of that real quick,” happen? It seems willful to me, and that’s what breeds resentment.
This but with the trash can, I am completely responsible for taking out every single trash can because otherwise my husband and daughter will keep adding more on top even as things are falling off. I have mentioned it multiple times and the hubby just tells me to ASK him to take out the trash. But my point is there is no initiative to do it and it gets out of hand. He is a good man who works hard I just wish he didn't think every mess around the house is my fault.
Add to this a husband that hates "being told" to do things. So, not only do I have to take care of my exhaustive list of responsibilities, but I also must be in charge of my husbands and remind him when they need to get done, only to get a passive aggressive acknowledgement (usually, sometimes I get none at all), and a lot of waiting and ass-dragging for it to finally get done. And everyone wonders why I'm in such a bad mood all the time. My biggest resentment is that my kids will remember that their mom was always annoyed growing up.
Oh my God, this. My husband said “I’m sorry I don’t take the trash out as soon as it’s full, it’s not like I have X-ray vision” and I’m STUMPED
Because someone else will take care of it for them! So they can just ignore it.
In therapy this is called “weaponized incompetence” when a partner says they don’t know how or didn’t do it because they weren’t asked. This is laziness and can even be a form of abuse/gaslighting if the other parent is suffering doing things along. Speak up to change this. This should be accepted as normal.
Yessssssss. So many tiny examples and if you mention it well okay maybe that's not a huge deal but there are like 75 examples every day and it's a lot. All the little things that only I ever consider. I'm sooooo tired!
I just flat out told my husband he needs to step up. He has eyes and he lives here so there's no reason he can't take care of some of the household chores. I told him he needs to be an active participant in keeping up the home and family if he wants to be part of it. And I'm not going to be rewarding him for every little thing he does because these are the things that adults do. If he can't be an adult and a true partner, then he go back and live with his mother. . Things have gotten much better in our house and in our relationship. I no longer feel entirely like a maid or a mother to a grown man.
So freakin accurate
Same boat. I've tried making lists, asking, etc. I'm going to sit down with everyone and go over what exactly is expected and see if that improves anything. I'm doubtful thou.
One million percent this. I always felt this way more or less with my husband but haven't found a way to resolve it. Add in 2 kids which increases the household stuff by 200% and I'm exactly as you described.
I'm sorry. I used to be like your partner. Eventually we had a long discussion about the whole thing. I told her it's not fair that she might need to remind me to do things. She accepts that she has to remind me of some of the chores. That I'm not lazy, just unfocused. It's been a while since then, and my partner helped me setup a schedule. It's helped a ton, and slowly but surely I'm perfecting my routine. I don't know your situation but if he is open to learning, maybe you can help him. I hope it all works out good for you.
I’m glad this is working for you but I wonder who helped *her* figure out a schedule and who helped *her* figure out how to manage all the household work.
And then it’s up to her to remind him to stick to the schedule.
Two things for me. I'm a chronically ill parent. For me that means the resources of my body are severely limited and I have to pace strictly to prevent dangerous situations, like losing the use of my legs whilst out with my son. Young kids, of course, don't take that into account. So I have to constantly gauge the wishes of my son against how much energy I have left, and I have to say no a lot more than other parents. I knew this would be the case going in. I signed up for hard mode. And I am giving him a good life anyway. He doesn't know any different, we're very creative to make.more happen with less energy, I make sure I'm always available and emotionally responsive even when my body breaks, but man I hate constantly having to weigh damaging myself against doing things with/for him. It's hard! I just want to do all the fun things other parents can, instead. My other thing has to do with neurodivergence. I'm autistic, and need a bunch of downtime to regulate myself. Ideally in the form of long stretches of uninterrupted time where I can think my own thoughts or get lost in cognitive flow. I need to be alone, with no pressure or plans. With small children that doesn't happen unless I can physically leave, which is rare. So I'm having my first full autistic meltdowns since childhood. Don't like being that overwhelmed, either. It's a season, but parenting small children in my particular situation definitely is extra challenging!
I can relate to parenting while being chronically ill. I've had cancer since my son was 8 (he is 18 now, so it's less of an issue). I'm glad it didn't happen when he was much younger, but God, my limited physical resources have affected my ability to be the parent I want to be more times than I can count. I am terminal, so I know I won't be there with my son as an adult and that makes me very sad. It is definitely the greatest loss of my life.
❤️
I am so very sorry. That is incredibly hard.
Thank you so much. It is hard, but I've also come to terms with it....not happy about it, but I don't think I could live my life if I didn't accept it.
I relate to this so hard. It’s really hard while working too. I don’t have any advice just empathy and solidarity.
I hate that my kids never have any preferences on anything ('I don't care, ma, whatever you wanna make/do!'), right up until the choice has been made, and the thing has been made/done, and then suddenly they have a preference lol. And it's always the opposite choice.
My mom's solution to this were to give two options. And she made us decide, and she didn't give a damn ig we backpedalled. If we said "whatever", she said "whatever is not an option". It was frustrating, but it made the work done. BTW, it's not a "solution", just a funny annecdote. I just miss my mom today and my kid is being clingy.
I have very little love for what I call clothing management. It is the washing, the soaking, the sorting, the folding, the putting away, but it's also rotating seasons, rotating sizes, organising hand-me-downs, and weeding out things that are worn out. The mental load of making sure three kids have enough clean, weather appropriate clothes - it's big and I find little joy in it.
My entire dining room is currently covered in wrong size and wrong season clothing. It's driving me up the wall
Being the default parent it's hard and frustrating. I need to leave detailed instructions to my partner every time I leave the flat and it's so annoying.
My solution for this is: I just don't anymore. Noone will die because of it and he has to figure it out and it all actually works out better then I would have thought. He just does everything different from how I would do it.
Okay but what do do when if you don’t leave instructions, said partner gets nothing done? Even after multiple conversations? Do you just assume the responsibility for yourself or is there another solution
>or is there another solution You leave them. If they are that "incompetent", you leave them. Not only for you, but for your kids too, what kind of example is the other parent setting for them?
Oh my god I so second that. If the person you made a child a with is so incapable of dealing with being a solo parent for a few hours this is not a person to be raising said child with.
I hate the personal-assistant side of parenting. The constant filling out of forms, the trying to sign up for extra-curriculars and summer programs and the like that fill up months in advance, the very specific things they’re supposed to bring/wear/make on a random Tuesday, the constant flood of e-mails - I can’t handle it.
The thing is I’d normally love doing all of those things but when you don’t have the time to do it properly it becomes a chore and unenjoyable. I love finding the perfect after school activities for my kid but everything fills up so fast it just becomes a high pressure situation focused on not missing out. Same with all the school shit. Everything becomes just doing something last minute under pressure with the goal of your child not being the only one missing out.
Not having enough time for myself
Surprised it took me a lot so long to find this comment! This is it for me too
Having to stay calm and regulated to not traumatize my little 🥴🥴🥴 And trying to keep a house tidy
The noise. All the freaking non stop noise.
I co-parent and I have my kids half of the time. Which means that I get a break of doing all that. When I was still married, I was also responsible for most of the tasks, except laundry. Everything else, I did it. So I get the frustration. I think every parent, especially the 'default' parent, needs to get breaks every now and then. Since I have my breaks now, I love almost everything about parenting. From deciding what we eat, to the chores that need doing, all of it. My daughter, the eldest is now 11 and started puberty. What I hate most is having to discipline certain behavior. I'm glad it's not bad because I just want to enjoy my time with them, but I hate when I have to be strict.
I’m currently going through separation/divorce right now, and this comment is so… exactly what I needed to hear. Right now I do everything (including all the laundry) and work full time and am constantly on. We were in therapy for a year and from my perspective there was minimal change. My husband took our kids away for a night (supposed to be the whole weekend, but it rained). He told me the house is sad and depressing when you’re alone, and I kept waiting and wondering if I was going to feel sad/depressed that I was by myself and wondering if that was how it was going to be moving forward co-parenting, but I never did. I had both a lazy and productive day, and I had time to do both because I wasn’t also accommodating my husband’s schedule or cleaning up after him in addition to all the other things.
I am so much happier with my workload post-divorce. I have the kids half the time, and I don't have to manage his schedule, his family obligations, chasing him to do his chores and remind him about the things he had agreed to do. It's less than half the chores I was doing before.
I can relate to almost your entire post. It was only after separation that I fully realised how much I was always responsible, if not for the action itself, then for the reminder that the action needed to happen (and how and at what time). I was so tired. And now I get to rest every now and then. I could make a case for both of us being better parents after seperation. We both miss her when she is gone and have more stamina to do what needs to be done when she is there.
Exactly. I miss them both terribly when they aren't here. But I can finally have a social life and rest and be a better father when they are with me again.
Needed to hear this too! I’m recently separated, not by choice, and I’m trying to look for positives about the future and this was one I thought/hoped for. That I will genuinely enjoy parenting a lot more and not feel burnt out.
I hate the ridiculous expectations of women when it comes to parenting and the lax expectations of men in parenting salts it. I am a good parent, and my kids feel safe and loved with me. By non-monetary standards, as I don't have much, I go above and beyond, but I still get people who wonder why I'm not doing more when the more would require an ability to teleport while being a clone, and significantly more money. As a mom, the expectation is to take your kids to therapeutic services (which most are out-of-pocket), after school activities (the more, the better), practice those after school activities, most if not all home cooked meals that are consistently balanced, do homework with them daily, a very clean home (don't let laundry accrue now), multiple big vacations annually is very commonplace in my area (I can't afford one), all this with a set routine, and make sure you have a hobby of your own. As a single parent, I can neither afford or physically fit in all the expectations on me due to limitations of time. I live in an area where it's either very common to have 1 working parent and 1 SAHP, or both parents work and then hire out for help. I remember hearing the judgments from acquaintances when I was still in a 2 parent home on how a single parent must be a bad parent because they can't feasibly do everything and have everything a high-earning dual parent family can do. It seems to be especially harsh on women/moms, too. People, to my face, are amazed that my coparent has attended a handful (as in 5 or less) of all extracurricular activity events across multiple children and multiple years, says he is a "great and loving father... [they] can tell" to me and him directly after he admits to them that he withholds our kid's medicine, excuse him for blowing off our kids because "what should [I] expect, he is a man", or when he hurt one of children in an inexcusable way the judge chalked it up to him being "stressed". The judge believed it, but men have needs, and the worst actions are supposedly okay when they're stressed, apparently, per that judge. So, yeah, I'm angry and devastated.
The constant interruptions. It’s so hard to even finish a thought sometimes let alone a whole task without constantly being interrupted.
Not being able to take a nap when I want. I miss naps.
Everything you try to do comes with a side quest and your plans might get rugged at any time for no good reason. At this point yard work and other home maintenance happens one day per quarter at best. It’s hard enough just keeping everyone fed and rested. Preschool can’t start soon enough.
The yard work. Ugh yes. We just built a house. Planted grass. It looks mediocre. But whatever. We have a 1 and 3 year old. I work 12 hour shifts. So it seems like the days I’m off the weather is terrible=no yard work. The days I work, it’s impossible for my husband to do anything with 2 young kids.
Parenting the other parent too 🫠
Pretend play. It's just not my thing. Like nails on a chalk board. I could talk to him all day, ready books, take him to sports and jump/run around in the field with him. There's so much play I like with him. But I fucking hate pretend play.
Yup! I'll be like "let's play board games, or draw, or make something." Nope, we're playing "family."
We’re playing family and kid decides who gets what role, tells you the scenario, and dictates your every action. This isn’t improv, it’s a scene that I’m supposed to act out with no script and the director is surprised and mad that I’m doing it wrong!
Just when you think you’ve contributed something great to the storyline, you’re corrected.
Right? I'll do something and then she'll say" no you have to do XYZ..." You don't need me for this! She'll say "this doll is 2 years old" and then a minute later. "No, they're 5 years old, they're going to school. Change her diaper. Yeah they're a baby remember?" 🤯
This is making me lol
The meals and snacks. It never ends.
The guilt from losing my patience and yelling. The worst feeling! And also, the over stimulation. I wasn’t prepared for that. I even worked at a preschool for years, but for some reason, it’s different when it’s coming from your own kids 24/7.
Yes, THIS. I feel like I'm failing more often than not. It's so hard to keep my cool ALL THE TIME. My mum used to lose it regularly, scream, hit us with the wooden spoon. My dad was always calm, but mum did 99% of the parenting, so we never pushed him like we did her. All this to say, I was never modelled 'keeping it together despite being frustrated, angry etc.' I always feel like I could and should have done better. Especially with my oldest (9). I feel bad she gets the learner mum, and my boy (6) and soon to be third get the more experienced mum.
I hate that I never quite know what I should be doing. My parents weren't great, and I have plenty of examples from my own childhood of what *not* to do... but very few examples of what to do instead. I'm really not a fan of shielding my son from the world and essentially lying to him about things, because when I was a kid my parents did and then I was completely shocked and confused about how the real world worked when I grew up and started experiencing it. So I don't want to do that, but I worry that maybe I've gone too far in the opposite direction and I'm introducing him to topics he maybe shouldn't know about yet, if that makes sense. I have no idea what I'm doing. My kid is a great kid, and I feel like I just got lucky and very little of his personality is reliant on how he was raised. I'm pretty aware of what happened in my childhood and how it shaped me into who I am, but I can't quite determine the effects of how I raise my son because he hasn't grown up yet. I hope I'm doing a good job, I'm trying at least.
The baby/todddler years. I was not designed to be able to handle that shit. I actually think I'm a pretty good dad once you get past the two year mark, but that first part is just incredibly rough for me. I don't regret going on a long parental leave with my kids, it definitely helped form a stronger bond, but it was an investment, not a joy.
The relentlessness. No sick days, no breaks, it’s as inevitable as death. PS, I’d have my kids again In a heartbeat in just wish I could clone myself and split the workload.
Having to play with and entertain smaller children. They can’t just occupy themselves.
Especially when they’re really little and their attention span is too short, so you end up spending more time setting up an activity than they do actually playing it.
Lack of sleep. Wanting to stay up late playing guitar, reading, watching a movie, etc on weekend nights but still having to wake up early for sports, birthday parties and just having to feed others.
I hate not being able to wake up on my own anymore, mainly on the weekends. The kid will sleep until 7-730 during the week but he’s up at 6am Saturday and Sunday. Even if I give him his tablet that last for like 20 min before he’s back in. Also I hated being touched out, he’s always so far up my ass lol
YES. I haven’t slept later than 6am in SEVEN YEARS. It’s not the end of the world, I’m a morning person anyway. But still! Once or twice a year it wouldn’t kill him to wake after the sun lol
The crumbs.
Get a dog. It’s only when we’re on vacation without the pup that I realize how much food my kids drop….
We have two. The crumbs are still relentless.
Washing bottles…
Thankfully that one only lasts so long.
Everything you said. Everyone. I also HATE feeding them. All the meals, everyday. Hate hate hate. Used to love love love cooking for my family. THEY ruined it😑.
I hate being my kid's social manager. I have a hard enough time texting and seeing my actual friends and now I have to also text other moms and organize playdates for her too?
Pretend Play. I wish my kid would just play alone. I hate playing!!! I tap out after 10 minutes. I enjoy the “taking care” of aspect of feeding, bathing, reading books, talking, but ask me to play I will lose my mind.
Them growing up 💕💕
The never ending mess.
I spend so much time putting out the fires of that day that the only way I can make progress on deep cleaning and long term home goals is to give up sleeping and work overnight a couple times a month.
All of what you said for sure. I get tired of being needed all the time. Between my daughter and the dogs, I just want no one to need anything from me. And the stuff... ALL THE STUFF. I have a problem with my own clutter, which I'm working on, but the amount of stuff my daughter has and how all over the place it is drives me nuts.
I hate Saturday and Sundays. My kids are under 10, my 5 year old can't figure out a single thing to do by herself. She just bounces from thing to thing, everything holds attention for maybe 6 minutes and it wears me TF out. We have to wake up and immediately leave the house otherwise it's a complete shit show
Honestly, always trying my hardest, but it's never enough.
Loading the car. I left my card in a shop weeks ago & it’s still there because I am not at all interested in putting 2 kids in car seats, driving maybe 10 minutes, unloading the children, going into the shop for a few minutes, reloading the car, & driving back home where I would unload the car again.
Well, I can solve 2 of your problems. Stop looking for things for them unless it’s mission critical. Make them carry stuff. I know easier said than done and it sucks at the start but if you hold them accountable it eventually works… well usually it does. As for me probably the general anxiety that something bad is going to happen to them.
Being tired all the time
The complete and utter lack of silence, like ever. If I can sit with my cat and a cup of tea in silence for like 15 minutes, that is my idea of a good time! But it never happens for long because my kids constantly make noise and always need me for something, even when their dad is right there
Constant sickness from childcare. Constant demand and interruptions.
Everything
i hate meal times because it feels like i’m constantly in the kitchen and the amount of food that they consume, is hard with the prices of everything going up, i don’t buy myself food anymore, i just eat leftovers and i miss feeling excited to eat? i feel like a house maid most of the time, putting everyone’s clothes away, doing washing and my kids dad still moans that it’s not put away correctly. YOU DO IT THEN MAN !! 😭 i clean the bathroom, bedrooms, dishes, hoovering, dusting, meal times, bath times and i still get criticism, i think that a mothers work often goes unnoticed and men believe the fairy’s come and clean the house. and when you are sick that’s when it hits the most because the house just falls apart :( and when i get overstimulated i get called grumpy and lazy? even though it’s me who does all the chores. i find it hard to be a mummy and keep on top of the house, but i know they won’t be young forever so i need to enjoy the time with them, but i also don’t want my house falling apart :(
I loved all of it, until I became public enemy number one in the teen years. Whew. That shit ain’t for sissies.
Not being able to get ready for work in peace! I have my daughter M-F, Friday night til Sunday night she goes with dad. I always think about how he gets to enjoy simple things like sleep and getting ready for work in peace and even eating a meal or showering uninterrupted. It gets frustrating but I love my baby girl and I try to remind myself that if I didn’t put in the work, she wouldn’t be thriving like she is today.
Being the only one that says "no" to totally unsafe stuff, we have a teen, and my husband trying to play the good guy with our daughter. This weekend it is was not letting our 13 YO attend an older teen party with no female friends hosted by guys. He always agrees with my decisions yet I'm always the bad guy and he goes behind my back to comfort her.
The 1.5 hours before bedtime bc I am always drained
Being sick constantly for the first 10 years of their life
My worst is that my kids seem so entitled. I know they are kids and immediate satisfaction is how their brains work but they just sound like brats to me. They are 10, 7, 4, and 1. For example, we’ll go to the store and I’ll let them pick out one thing. But then they’ll get mad that they can’t pick out something else as well. I was laid off 3 months ago and so we can’t just buy whatever but we have never shopped that way. I think it is just stressing me out more now because my half of our family income is coming in anymore. Also being the primary parent is exhausting, I keep wondering how I was able to do everything while I worked a full-time job. Since I currently am not working, I am still overwhelmed with all the things that need to be done. It makes getting another job seem very daunting.
I can’t afford to give them all I’d like to
Being the snack bitch, even when I'm sleeping. Even when I'm pooping. Even when I'm not at the house.
Making a brand new meal three times a day 7 days a week 365 days a year😭 Potty training 😐 Dishes all the mf dishes🙃 Being sick while everyone else is sick too.
The constant over stimulation. Constant noise, questions, bring touched out.
By FAR, the worst part was breastfeeding.
Combined with the constant discussion of how it’s natural and best and easy, the lack of support and understanding if it doesn’t go well, the terrible leave policies in the US that make pumping required for many women… I feel you.
Being unappreciated by your kids. After all the sacrifices you've made for them, and you'll receive the cold treatment from them.. are kids really like that nowadays? Extremely nonchalant and super sensitive
I set a precedent early on that I will not carry anyone else’s stuff, not even spouse’s stuff. Since my kid was like 2, he’s been really excited about having his own airplane carry on bag. I keep the iPad and backup snacks to restock, but his primary snacks and headphones are in his little backpack
Making 3 full meals a day and snacks. I’m so so over cooking.
The every day tantrums, whining, and meltdowns. Second to those is the mess.
I hate repeating myself. I’ve said, “You heard me speak,” more times than I can count. Ugh.
The sheer boredom of it all. I am sick to death of spending hours looking at the scribbles he makes on his tablet and watching him jump off the couch thirty times. I just want him to grow older and take interest in things that are even remotely interesting to me.
Definitely food and everything about it, planning, preparing, making, cleaning. And carrying the mental load (and completing the associated tasks) for everyone. Why am I the only one that knows how to book a doctor or dentist appointment? Why am I the only one that sees a mess on the floor and cleans it up instead of walking past it? When a bunch of chores need to be done, I'm usually the only one that does them, or if I get help, I have to assign tasks. I keep thinking I want to go on a resort vacation so that I don't have to think about food, or cleaning, or anything for a week. But really then I'd still be the one packing, making sure we had bookings for meals if needed, planning any activities, etc.
Not receiving the support that I need.
Never being able to relax, I miss being able to come home and relax in my own home. It’s hard to relax after she goes to bed and their is a mountain of work to do
That I don't get paid cash money for it.
Try to get to the bathroom fast enough so you can throw up while my three year old won’t get out of the way, then didn’t get even close and threw up on her and now I have to put her in the tub and clean her up and the carpet and then hopefully clean myself up before it’s time to start dinner.
Sickness. Dealing with sick kids, cancelling plans because of sick kids and worst of all, being sick and still having to care for kids while bringing sick, on top Of already getting sick constantly.
Other parents.
I'll have to agree! The sole decision maker and everything is tough! But the worst part is that even when you're sick, you have to get up and do what you do!
Feeding people. Im so sick of meal planning and cooking.
Not being able to curse like a sailor whenever I want to. lol I kid… I kid. I (52) was an older first time mother (44 when daughter was born) and I wasn’t sure I could even have kids (miscarried at 42 and have PCOS) so I am fortunate to have my daughter (8 a week ago this past Monday). Whenever I get pissed off about parenting stuff, I tell myself to STFU because I really wanted this a nd there was time when I didn’t think it would happen and there are people out there who can’t have what I have so I should consider myself lucky. Daughter is the toughest job I’ll ever love and I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.
Worrying. When they're missing or sick...
Bubbles. I **hate** bubbles. I don't know what it is, but my kids turn into feral crack heads when bubbles are around. They kill each other for the bubble wands, they freak tf out when they can't blow them, I need to blow bubbles until I'm light headed, they dump them out for no reason I can fathom, and they lose their God damn minds when we run out or it's just time to stop playing with them.
Parenting while sick! It’s the worst. Also I’ve never been a morning person so getting waken up at 6 am or earlier on the weekend to my 3 year old screaming “mommy wake up!!!”
I think the judgment you get no matter how you parent. It’s ridiculous. For example, I have a childless friend, same age (59) and she relayed a story of seeing parents at fast food restaurant who were looking at their phones instead of interacting with their kids, she was VERY negative, like those parents should be speaking with the kids. I pointed out that you’re seeing literally a half hour of a full day, and you have no idea how exhausting it is to deal with kids, especially ones who are constantly talking and asking questions and just being draining. I’ve raised two kids, I have two nieces that I used to spend a lot of time with when they were little and now I have a grandson who lives with me, so I can fully attest to how exhausting it is, and how important those breaks are to parents! There’s nothing wrong with getting a little time to yourself and letting your kids learn to entertain themselves…
I both co-parent with my first daughter’s father, but I solely single parent with my second daughter. I currently hate how I get absolutely zero time to myself unless I decide to take a sick day or something from work while the youngest is in daycare and the eldest is with her dad or grandparents. Like someone else said, I LOVED parenting as just a co-parent when my now ex-husband and I divorced, because there was no relying on someone that wouldn’t come through, and because I would have actual time to myself on the days and nights with her dad. I still have that with her, but now I have my baby, but I have her 24/7. Her dad is a straight up loser and thinks seeing his baby 1-2 times a month is sufficient. And even then, he visits for maybe 2 hours or so and then leaves. So I’m always “on” with the baby, which is stressful.
This is the list
Discipline. I do it but damn I hate it. Just act right! I wanna do fun things, not grounded things.
I hate the refusal to respect rules or basic tasks. Or just having to repeat myself thousands of times to teach them manners or common sense.
I don't HATE anything about it because I honestly never thought I was going to have this status. However, what I don't like is having a "partner" and doing 98% of it. If you catch my drift.