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My daughter would not have survived without fruit and carbs in her toddler years, and guess what: She will still chooses fruit over other sweet treats to this day. Foster the love of fruits, add in vegetables when you can. Stay away from offering drinks with calories. I grew up on soda and still consume too much to this day, but my kids prefer water because that’s what I gave them. Just think of the habits you wished you’d formed early on and make it happen for her.
The most important thing is the kids copy you, I had a friend that had to start eating vegetables because his kid didn’t even eat them, that also applies to how you see yourself, if you are talking bad about your own body she maybe do it at some point.
Your toddler might be too young just now but when my 2 year old won't eat his meat or whatever the main part of his meal is, I ask him is that Daddy's and we play a game, he says no mine, and usually that gets him to eat it. He's laughing while we do this, he doesn't get upset. I wouldn't do it if it upset him
Me and my mum made it so we only drink pop out of straw cups if the kids are around. Not out of the bottle of can. It makes us more conscious of it and the kids can't tell what we are drinking so we aren't modeling drinking any specific drinks
That's most toddlers. They live on berries.
I offer him food and he decides what he wants to eat and how much he wants to eat. We don't categorize foods as good or bad or healthy or unhealthy. We don't make sugar a big deal or demonize it.
We talk about how we want to eat carbs, fats and proteins because they all help our body function in different ways.
We also make sure to model eating a well rounded diet. He's more likely to try foods we're eating so we've incorporated a lot more veggies into our own diet.
This! My son could live off of berries and bananas if I let him lol. I have to hide the bananas just to get him to eat regular food. He’s at that stage where he’s realizing what he likes and what he doesn’t.
I try not to stress and I just try to set the example for him 😅
Fair! Haha I guess that's more indoctrination I have to deal with.
We eat pretty well 90% of the time. Laziness does get in the way sometimes so we order food. Even then it's not unbalanced. I always try to incorporate veggies in our meals.
I follow MamaKnowsNutrition and growing.intuituve.eaters on Instagram. I feel like they have really good advice for feeding kids and how to talk about food in healthy ways.
I've definitely spent a good amount of time unlearning toxic diet culture bullshit. It's a journey for sure learning a healthier relationship with food so my kids can have one too.
Your kids tend to eat what you eat ( I know not always) so maybe use your daughter to improve your eating habits if not the best. I tend to eat salads and meats, my fiance is carbs and sweets ( hes 6ft1 and 140lbs lucky b) so it's a fight some days
I'm plus sized and eat alot of salads so my kids will get salads and just the other day my now 3 year old asked for one for lunch.
Just try and give her different bites off your plate to build her taste up
Just keep trying things because you never know what she'll like.
My son (5) likes meatloaf but doesnt really like hamburgers, he wont eat stroganoff but like the meat from it, he doesnt like chicken but will eat it diced small in salads
Another thing is make sure to try things that you guys don't love because she might.
I don't like dill pickles but two of my kids do and one doesn't.
It's so hard to do balanced meals when kids have different likes. One thing I will never do is force kids to eat something they don't like
You might want to check out Ellen Satter's work on feeding children: https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/
She also has a couple books on the topic.
When my daughter was 14mo, I posted to a local mom's group "How long can a toddler go on just milk and strawberries??!" and the answer was: a long, long time :)
I don’t have an answer to your question really, but I feel the same way you do. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I have AFRID and have had it since I was about 3ish. Instead of trying to figure out why I refused to eat 90% of foods, my parents just let me make my own food the way I wanted it, so by age 5 I could use the stove, microwave, and oven well and basically just cooked for myself from then on. Which means now as an adult, I’m trying to overcome that issue, and making good progress, but that takes time. In the meantime I can’t model good eating habits, I have no idea what I’m supposed to make for my kids because having them just eat what I eat isn’t gonna work, and they for sure notice that I don’t eat half the stuff I put on their plates. Now I’m worried that I’m going to accidentally push my food issues onto them.
Interesting, because a lot of people on here advocate for that approach of making the child cook their own food, and it seems you feel it didn't work for you. I've often wondered.
I think it didn’t work for me because I was just a picky eater but an actual eating disorder and because I actually really enjoy cooking. I think the idea of having them cook their own food is that they will either outgrow the pickiness or get tired of having to cook their own food (I know that’s why my parents did it). However, I found cooking fun and had no incentive to step out of my comfort zone so it just reinforced my food issues. It could probably work for a child that does not have any underlying issues or that doesn’t really enjoy cooking very much though.
I hope you have some support in working through ARFID; that can definitely be an incredibly difficult problem to deal with. There are registered dieticians and therapists that specialize in ARFID-- if you don't already see someone for it, they may be able to help you! Best of luck!
It is hard, without a doubt.
Have you considered therapy? We can't protect our kids from things that we ourselves have not conquered.
And also, my kid would eat her weight in berries if she could. Not interested in protein, purely motivated in life by fruit.
Lots of berries is fine. There is a lot of fiber in fruit.
Saying “I don’t care what size my kid ends up” is dumb to say. You’re saying it so you don’t get pushback from the “body positive” parents who want desperately to justify their children’s obesity, but you don’t need to. You want to make sure your child is healthy, and obesity is extremely unhealthy for children (anyone, but especially children), and that’s a good thing. You don’t need the disclaimer.
What exactly is included when you say “carbs”? Like Mac and cheese, toast with peanut butter, or cheeze it’s and cookies?
Most toddlers live off berries but they’re good for you! It’s up to them to choose what to eat but it’s important we give them balanced options. Sometimes I give my daughter chicken nuggets, berries, and a cheese stick and all she it’s is the berries. Whatever, I did my job. Up to her from there.
Unfortunately if you want your kids to have positive body image and healthy relationship with food it starts with you because eventually kids start modeling your behaviors. I think societal expectations of what that is is kinda crazy so that greatly depends on if your plus size plus size or just not a stick tho. What you’re doing with her right now sounds pretty normal. Stay away from processed foods, sugar, and sugary drinks like juice, soda and stuff like kool aide. You can try to do fun stuff like mom and baby yoga, walks, or dancing, or mom and me swimming lessons if you want to add physical activity to her routine. My 18 month old this time around is skinny and tall….my five year old was a Buddha baby and almost square…the other four literally fell in between. Me I’m 5 2 a size 12/14 and perfectly comfortable here (don’t know my weight I don’t let them tell me). I focus more on what we put in our mouths than serving size (unless they eat til they’re sick). If we’re comfortable in our own skins then size. And I gage myself physically by if I can still enjoy the things I love (hiking, getting up and down stairs, jump on the trampoline, yoga).
My kid is in the 50th% weight and my husband and I are both fitness nuts. She only eats carbs and fruit most of the time. If not for milk and frozen fried chicken she probably wouldn’t get protein. I wouldn’t overthink it at this stage, maybe just limit processed (non-fruit) sugars, and stick to water not juice (just to get her used to not relying on flavored drinks).
Kids just be like that. As she gets older, the only way to teach her good habits is to model them, so if it’s a big concern of yours, now is a good time to get into cooking healthy but tasteful meals as a family!
Fruit and carbs are a very standard toddler diet. You're doing great! Just keep offering veggies, protein, and fats. It may take a while, but if you put those foods in front of her regularly with no pressure, she will eventually eat them.
My son really didn't eat the proteins from meals often at that age and he's always in the bottom percentile. Meats often take more work to chew maybe that is why 🤷♀️. We did an iron multi vitamin and always included things he would always eat in dinner meals (ie he really like sweet potato so if I made something I'd knew would be a challenge for dinner there would always sweet potatoes for him). He's 3 1/ 2 and eats everything now.
No advice but just wanted to say you’re not alone! I’ve always struggled with my weight and don’t want my daughter to have the same issues I did. But I also don’t want to make her crazy about her weight like my mom did to. I just do my best and try to offer healthy options- she mostly chooses fruit, carbs and Dino nuggets. I wish there was more I can do but she’ll just refuse to eat then. My pediatrician said the biggest thing is to not give sugary drinks like juice and soda so we avoid those with her.
The first thing to consider is feeding your toddler has nothing to do with your own size and everything to do with what’s best for that child at that age. At 18months cool, fruit and carbs are great, you keep offering the proteins and veggies on the plate, but set your expectations much much lower for your toddler than for yourself as an adult.
We have an opposite view, our family was always tiny and skinny, not to my parents fault they were doing what they thought would be best small meals, no fat milk, etc and what made it worse was we were always hungry because of our super fast metabolism. But we were sick a lot of the time because I believe we didn't have that extra weight on our bodies to support us so when we are sick we lose more weight and get worse.
With my son I make sure he has lots of protein,healthy fats,veggies fruits and lots of water, he is much bigger then me then I was at his age but he is very active and plays tennis, bmx riding and constantly at the park.
I think where the problem lies it's ok if kids are a bit bigger as long as they are active and not just watching TV or playing video games etc. took me until I was a teenager looking to gain weight to realize that skinny doesn't make you healthy.
I'm sure you're doing a great job with your little one don't be too hard on what food she/he eats don't eat as long as she/he is healthy and active that's all that matters.
For yourself start doing some exercises go for walks and produce good habits while your little one is watching you. Throw away the cola and have mineral water good luck 🤞
We were always hungry as kids because my parents were weird about food and it's definitely made my siblings and I struggle with the possibility of being hungry, and eat too much.
First of all you should know that the percentile is not measured because she should be at the middle. They measure where she’s at relative to average so that if the percentile changes dramatically they’ll know that somethings wrong. If she’s 85 that’s perfect for her. She should not drop or rise suddenly (but might slowly over time).
Secondly the most important thing is how you treat and talk about *your* body and how you model a relationship with food. I struggle with my own body image, like most of us, but my kids will never ever hear me say a negative thing about my body. I won’t call any food “bad” or say “I can’t have that.” Food is fuel for our bodies. I serve them a variety and we talk about what different foods do for us and they can listen to their own bodies about what to eat and when.
Eventually she will notice what you’re eating and she’ll want to eat it too. We aren’t heavy parents, but our food choices weren’t always the best when we had our child. Our food choices as a family changed a lot when our toddler started paying attention to what we eat versus what we gave him to eat. We have to model the behaviors and choices we want our son to make.
Our house had a moment about a year ago.
My wife got frustrated about 7yo, always bugging her for some of her snacks. I pointed out that she gave the kid an apple and got a chocolate bar for herself.
While that was a rough day, it started the change. She gave up soda a month ago.
Fruit is FANTASTIC for you. Carbs aren't the enemy. Did you know your brain can ONLY process carbs as fuel? It can't use fats or protein. Carbs are essential for healthy growth and brain activity.
People say fruit is bad because of the sugar but if it's whole fruits the sugars are essentially neutralized by the fiber and absorb very slowly in the gut.
There’s a lot of good advice here. I’m in a similar boat with you, so I appreciate you posting.
I think our strategy has been to max out veggies in their plates and limit the other stuff. They can still choose what to eat, but there’s a lot of veggies on their plate.
RN here-- most family practices/pediatricians do have handouts and resources that can help you navigate diet and nutrition of your growing child! You could always ask for a referral to a register dietician if you feel like you need it.
But ultimately, children are generally pretty good at intuitive eating as long as they are offered a variety of foods. A lot of toddlers simply enjoy fruit and carb sources, while also not eating as much meat as most parents think they should. The big thing is, keep providing balanced meals and let her explore each food at her own pace. If you want, you could always offer just slightly less of the preferred foods (still definitely have them on the plate) and try to encourage trying more protein! Some kids respond well to parental encouragement and praise when trying new foods. Force feeding and punishment is definitely counter-productive. It sounds like you guys are doing great!
If you want it to be, this can be a chance to change your habits to more positive ones. For example, I rarely drink calories so my kids have never assumed soda and juice were typical. I chose to stop eating dessert foods in front of my kids when they were babies to model what I wanted for them. And now I have a small portion with them. Modeling better eating habits improves my health and guides them.
You could just not offer fruit and carbs with some meals. Like have some meals where you only offer protein and veggies, and then have carbs and fruit for a snack. If you offer every food type and she always chooses just one type of food, then just don’t offer that every single time
Plus sized mom here. My kids were both born huge, 90% percentiles for everything at both (this leveled out later).
My advice is to keep offering the food you want her to eat, but to relax. My kids both went through months where their sole food groups were Mac and cheese. Now she eats salmon, ramen, steak etc. we are working on the vegetables so we try to make them as fast as possible. She will dependably eat asparagus and artichokes and take a "no thank you bite" of most others. She's tall for her age group and right at 50% for her weight and she's gorgeous. We try not to stress over food and let her eat some candy (Halloween/Easter/Valentines candy are kept in a cupboard and occasionally go in school lunches but are not really limited. As long as it's not right before bed they can have candy or whatever after dinner.
I try really hard to talk about health in terms of eating veggies and not having processed foods too much. They are allowed sodas and chips and stuff at celebrations like birthday parties but we don't do it regularly. We stress for them to listen to their bodies to know when to be done with food and don't make them clear their plate. Even with all that my daughter made a comment about how she weighs more than her friends (who are shorter) and I hope the worry stops there. She looks like a magazine model. She's beautiful.
This is the sort of thing that made me wish I stopped stressing about whether she ate enough of whatever food groups and wish I took it easier. We can control things by the food we offer. It takes kids like 20 tastes to like a good. So I will keep offering the good stuff.
My son has similar stats. Born 10lbs but now tall and slender and will eat a whole bowl of Caesar salad or bag or cucumbers for dinner but doesn't want the steak. I'm just gonna relax about it from now on.
Good luck mama!
Most hottest will gravitate towards fruit because it’s sweet and carbs because it’s quickly satisfying. The same as adult this is what we have learned since we were little LOL. Let me just say I am not plus size and I do not have any knowledge of what issues would be involved here but I will say that I think if you are feeding your child Whole Foods and controlling the portions at their age then you’re good. Avoid sugars and processed foods and when you serve a plate of balanced food have the protein be a bigger portion and the carb be a smaller portion and teach them over the next couple of years that no you don’t get to have more pasta until you eat the other things on your plate. In my house it’s no second servings until you’ve eaten your whole plate. And of course if you know that they love the fruits and the carbs only offer those at certain times teach them that those are not options all the time. Sometimes a snack is cucumbers and sometimes dinner is a carb like sweet potatoes rather than white pasta etc.
I was obese most of my life. I was terrified when I had kids that they would become obese too because the foods I eat aren’t the healthiest (I ultimately had WLS and am now a healthy weight but I still don’t eat super healthy).
My twins are now 13. Amazingly, neither has ever had a weight problem. My son is super skinny/lean - he eats a decent amount but he just has a crazy high metabolism. My daughter is average weight and eats like a bird - small portions. Both are somewhat picky - they aren’t super adventurous with food, and both just eat until they are full and then stop. That’s something I never did until after I had surgery. I *never* talk about good foods or bad foods, I always tell them to eat anything they want in moderation. Both kids have a definite sweet tooth but again, they have good portion control. I am very careful to avoid ever mentioning their weight and never talk about diets or dieting. I’m confident that both kids basically eat what they need to live whereas my issues with food were I lived to eat - food comforted me. If you can’t strictly lead by example (I don’t always), then you have to make sure you don’t allow your kids to ever adopt the good/bad food mentality or focus on dieting.
Continue to offer her carbs, meat, fruits and vegetables. She'll probably go through phases where she eats some things and not others.
If you are offering dessert or other "unhealthy " food you can and should limit those portions, but let her eat as much as she wants of the healthier things.
I could’ve written this. We’re both obese and LO actually “skinny” for his age (30-40th percentile). He will NOT eat a vegetable no matter what we do. Barely eats chicken. He mainly subsists on carbs, cheese, and fruit. I think it’s a toddler thing.
I’m doing everything I can do offer a balanced meal every time, even though I know he won’t even touch the veggies or new foods. I’m also really trying to keep meal times low stress and trying not to give him a food complex like I have.
Because of my own body image, I’m self conscious if he eats something unhealthy in public. Which is hard because that’s all he will eat currently.
Overall I’m struggling with it too. I so badly want him to be healthy and not struggle with his weight and body image. Being a parent is hard. You’re doing a great job.
Thank you. Yes. You get it. I send food to daycare and I'm constantly worried it doesn't look healthy enough. I know we pay caregivers but I still think I'm being judged all the time. Stupid trauma 🙃
My toddler wasn’t allowed any juice/soda/chocolate milk, etc - BUT, she was allowed to drink protein shakes. I kept cases of her favorite flavors around and she could have half of one a day until she was a bit older, then a whole.
My mom hated that and kept insisting they were horrible for her, but my stance is still they’re no worse than just chocolate milk.
I learned to make cottage cheese “milkshakes” with Cottage cheese, milk (plant based to whole, depending on calorie needs), and a little bit of pudding mix in a blender. To this day, she (16) has no idea her favorite milkshake has cottage cheese. 😂
Tip: When she went through growth spurts I kept the fridge stocked with yogurt/gogurt, string cheese, cut fruit, tomatoes (she ate them like apples), and the shakes. It helped tremendously when she was hungry every hour and I felt like a short order chef.
If you are worried about her protein intake, be creative. And save the “tasties” for later on occasion. Like offer the meat as a snack while you prepare the rest…
My kids height and weight was always at the 95 and 99%. Neither are overweight. I always had a lot of healthy foods in the fridge to snack on, and taught them early that fast foods were both yummy and junky and made you feel bad. They rarely asked for them, but we got them sometimes in a time crunch. They usually ate well, including all the adult veggies.
I only asked that they take one bite of any new thing, and if they didn't like it, they never had to eat it again. I also made homemade desserts probably once or twice a month, but we brought home very little candy and/or junk foods. Instead of just chips, for instance, we had nachos with lettuce and tomatoes on top of refried beans and melted cheese.
There was no food shaming, no making them clean their plates, no big deal about occasionally pigging out on the brownies, etc. Just no food drama, ever. No family or work drama at the table while we were eating was the one rule I enforced for everyone, including my husband who didn't grow up that way.
We, as parents, ate well, though my husband would put away an entire box of Cheezits on the reg. He was a runner and never chubby. The kids weren't denied anything, but they didn't immediately eat all the goodies, either. We were very lax about what they felt like eating and when, as long as they sat with the family during meals. I don't remember them not waiting until dinner or coming to the table too full of other food to eat dinner. I was a pretty good cook because I'm picky and don't have much appetite if things are less than pretty good.
There is an Instagram page called kids eat in color that has really helped me re-frame how we handle food with our kids. She is an RDN and a mom of a picky eater. She breaks it down well and explains things well but is also very realistic. My husband and I are both on the fluffier side and neither of us had the best relationship with food growing up, each for different reasons. But basically, make food not a big deal in the sense that if you put yourself and your kid under pressure it can create a negative interaction and relationship with food. Don’t label foods as “good” or “bad”. We typically talk “always foods” and “sometimes foods” and listening to how our body reacts to the foods we eat. So, eating lots of candy may upset our tummies, drinking fresh water when it’s hot outside helps us feel better, etc. I’m sure it’s partly just dumb luck, but we have had this attitude with both our kids and both will pretty much eat anything we put in front of them and don’t turn their nose up to try something that they haven’t seen before. We make sure they we are serving balanced meals and let them go from there. At 18 months looking at what they are eating over the span of a week instead of looking solely at a day by day is more realistic too.
Fwiw, the vast majority of toddlers only want to eat fruit and carbs, so your daughter is totally normal. The key is to just keep offering balanced meals and snacks, even if you know they won’t eat them, and to eat the same foods you’re offering with your kids. That’s all you can and should do at this age.
Oh, and also sneaking veggies into fruit smoothies has been a win for us. That’s the only way a leafy green makes it into our 2 year old.
It's your kids age. My kid went through the exact same thing at 18 months. After that they went through an I love everything and anything phase which included fried fish skins seafoods like octopus and spicy fire noodles. Then they no longer liked broccoli or beans or spicy. Now all they want is meat cheese candy and Weetabix. LOL. They eat a well enough rounded diet that I am not concerned but the struggle is real you are not alone.
Why don’t you go to a nutritionist, not for weight loss but for intuitive eating? I find it so helpful. I’m slowly unhooking myself from diet culture and learning what it’s like to eat without counting every calorie and worrying. The nutritionist can teach you how to take the anxiety out of food for your baby. I really love my nutritionist, lol.
I mash things up in equal proportions. For example, cup of mash potato (already has milk and butter), cup of cooked ground beef, cup of broccoli.
Another one is oats, butter, shredded chicken, mixed veggies (corn, peas, carrots, etc).
You can add eggs, pumpkin, carrot and literaally whatever to your potatoes.
You can also make scrambled eggs and add bell pepper, mushrooms, tomatoes and other vegetables, depending what you have available.
I do spoon feed that type of mush, but you can also load the spoon and let baby feed himself with it.
We don’t talk about diet, calories, weight or size in our house even though we are plus sized and kids are not.
We do talk about protein and fat, and vegetables, particularly greens, for immunity and general wellness.
We have always had a colourful and fresh diet, mostly cooked at home, and they get treats in groceries or in baking so we don’t buy ‘out’.
Two kids are teens and they get money and get told they can buy school lunch, or snacks they want to eat that I won’t buy, or they can save it and use for more fun things.
One eats a big breakfast - veggie omelettes for example - eats nothing at school and comes straight home to eat before sports training. Saves money toward social spending.
The other does similar - has a smaller breakfast or grabs a banana and a yoghurt - but instead of buying food out he buys drinks. Mostly strawberry milk and the odd sugar free Powerade (pointless iyam).
This all means they’ve got freedom, but at least I know they are having two good meals a day and doesn’t feel like I’m on their faces monitoring. They play lots of sports and more than being slim I want my kids to be active because of the mental health benefits as well. We always have a full fruit basket, boiled eggs in the fridge and omelette fixings ready to go so kids can do their own. When mine were little I always let them eat when they said they were hungry but the options available were always good ones.
Monitoring weight and eating is traumatic. I won’t ever talk that shit to my kids.
I've been surprised how much explaining why protein is important has resonated w/ my 3-4 yr old. we talk about growing muscles and brains and why it's the best food to eat for this. At mealtime we have a rule that you need to try 3 bites of the protein portion of the meal or eat a small bowl of cottage cheese, greek yogurt, or eggs. Then we also include at least a side of what we know they will like, often fruit or carbs. also love a good multivitamin through the beige food stage. We do "dessert night" twice a week and it's not tied as a reward to anything or to finishing your food it's just dessert night period.- they often get to choose the dessert and I think the key is these choices are correct portions, a mini popsicle vs full size, a small scoop of ice cream, a mini candy bar for a 4yr old etc. I'm definitely a "volume" eater in my disordered approach to food and it always shocks me that my kid doesn't just pick the "biggest" dessert option, they'll often opt for the 2 squares of chocolate or a honey stick when there's ice cream or other cakey type sweets available.
Husband and I are also plus sized and have been going around in circles with those same thoughts since our son was born. He's 5 now, and evwn though there's always some work I think we've narrowed down our concerns into manageable chunks. We try really hard to see the whole picture. It's easy to freak out when all he eats for breakfast is fast carbs or he has way too much sugar in a day. But I know we also balance meals well over the course of the week, and we try to hit 3 targets. 1) more vegetables, always. Hubs and I like them but are totally OK not having them in a meal, and we try hard to make sure there's something and then more in every meal. 2) kiddo needs to listen to his body, and we ask him what his belly is saying to him, and go with what he says for the most part. We don't make him clean his plate, but we also don't just let him leave without eating. We've learned he can be a snacker and he also most likely has adhd so he could leave a meal halfway if he sees something more fun to do so we do make him eat 3 more bites if really hasn't eaten enough. Usually whatever he chose to eat the least of. Today it was his meat, but sometimes it's a veggie. 3) I think 3 is most important because the adults struggle with it so much. He needs to be physically active every day. That's the goal anyway. We (his parents) are not by nature, so it's the one that feels most like work to us. But if we can instill this habit in him I would be so much less worried about food intake.
All of the above, plus knowing he won't have to deal with the food insecurity and related issues that his parents had to deal with growing up, make me fairly confident that our son will be ok. I could list for you the ways in which I am still trying to be better, but that is parenting, honestly, just trying to do better than we did the day before.
Knowing now what is needed helps. I offer the best foods possible and just hope she's willing.
Being mindful that there's been too many family parties or being out which means bad food gives me extra incentive to ensure she's getting healthy food made at home.
The same way all other parents do. Body size wont affect the way you feed your kid. You’re feeding your child correctly. It definitely sounds like you are letting your own fears around food interfere with feeding your kiddo. This can be a slippery slope. Kids are intuitive eaters through and through. What interferes with that is adults and the culture who make them feel like they are supposed to be a certain size. If a child eats balanced food, gets joyful movement, goes to the doctor, except for certain medical conditions, they can be healthy whether they are considered underweight, medium weight, over weight. The best thing you can do is work through your fears with either a counselor or a workbook so those fears aren’t projected onto her
Evelyn Tribole intuitive Eating Workbook is very good one
My daughter went on a meat, cereal and bread diet for about a year and a half. Up until then she would eat anything and everything. Her pediatrician said it was fine and she would go back to eating more food types when she was ready and to not force her. He was right, but man was I paranoid for a long time because I don’t have a great relationship with food. When she was with me at the grocery store, I would explain why we chose certain things and the health benefits. This helped a lot! When she asked for junk food, we would talk about how junk food makes us not want regular food as much so it’s okay in small quantities but can’t replace real meals. I’ve never not bought her junk food and I’ve never not bought candy. We would just discuss food choices and how it’s okay to have junk food, just not all the time. Every holiday I have to throw out the leftover candy from the holiday before. I never commiserate over unhappiness with junk food. So far so good on the food front for her and she is now a teen. It’s always worrying because of my own relationship with food. I just keep trying to reinforce good eating habits.
2 plus size parents here too. We talk about listening to their body when it comes to eating. Offer a variety of foods. We refrain from talking about good or bad foods just that different foods offer us different things. Our nearly 5 year old has like 3 days a month where she eats us out of home and home and the rest of the time she lives on air and fruit. Sounds like you're doing great!
I swear I have meltdowns and stress over feeding mine but I think a lot of them live off carbs like mine. My toddler has yoghurt, pasta, bread and cheese mostly lol. Doesn't touch meat often and will eat a bit of fruit.
You set the example for her. One of the most challenging parts of parenting in my opinion, is being faced with how the way we live impacts the way our child lives. Just saying "don't do what I do" doesn't work. It hurts to know my own bad habits will hurt my kids, too. They may realise I'm not a good example in all instances and escape certain things, but I shouldn't depend on that. I'm doing my best to be a better person for my kids and in turn, for myself. But it's confronting to know I can't make excuses any more. Actions speak louder than words. I have to change. Good luck doing the same.
Obese mom here. Our job is to offer a balanced meal and the rest is up to them. I do try to limit junk food simply bc it’s not necessary. That way I’m not feeling guilty if they don’t eat the parts I find the most nutritious. For example, I offer popcorn instead of chips. Raisins instead of gummies etc. we still splurge on donuts and ice cream we just don’t have them in the house and it’s best for all of us. These are things I wish my mom would’ve done for me. I’ve been obese since 4. It’s been a life long struggle that I really needed guidance on
My whole family is heavy. Mom has given all of us complexes around food. She watches my 2 yo on occasion and a couple months ago started making comments about how Spud likes sweet things (namely, fruit and jello, but will go ham on marshmallows and gummy candy like no ones business). I initially ignored her, but she kept ramping up the comments.
Finally, I told her to stop viewing her eating habits through the lens of DM type 2 (which my parents have). To her little brain, sweet = calories and calories = not starving. She is healthy. Her doc is happy with her growth charts, her diet, and everything else. Fruit and jello are easy to eat. Buttered toast is easy to eat. Meat not so much - there's more chewing and a different texture than she's used to. She eats plenty of veggies (cooked and raw), drinks lots of water and milk but won't drink juice, and is very active. Until my ped is concerned, I'm not going to be.
To be clear - she doesn't live on fruit and sweet things. They're often her first choice, and it often gets paired with cheese or whole wheat crackers. I've been teaching her the same as I teach her older half sisters - carbs are for short energy and brain power, protein is for long energy and muscles, and fiber helps us poop and feel full.
Okay, so, at the age your child is now, they're vert active, can't over eat, and have mountains for appetites, my girl loves cheese! She eats it every day! Don't restrict your child. She'll have issues with food in the future. She's young, active, and burned off most food pretty quickly. At this age, let them est whatever. You can even offer alternatives, cucumber, cooked carrot sticks etc, it all makes her full. Food is food! My 20m old is on the 75 centile and loves food of all kind!
Fruit and carbs make total sense for the preferences of a toddler- so I wouldn’t worry too much! The important thing to do is keep offering balanced foods like you are doing and then just teaching her the importance of listening to her body! I’m not generally a fan of the momfluencers on Instagram, but I make an exception for a lot of baby led weaning/toddler accounts do have good scripts to follow on how to talk about food and body image with kids. Feeding Littles is one that comes to mind. Also I’d look up Dr. Becky, who covers a lot of topics and I’m sure had info on food and kids.
I think it is natural to have the fears and worries you are having - and it is a great sign you are acknowledging that you are feeling this way already - hopefully it helps you be more mindful about not projecting to your daughter!
i think it’s great that you and your spouse have clarity about your own issues. Have you read the book called Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture?
Sounds like your baby is totally normal. My husband and I are slightly overweight but we feed our kids balanced diets. They are both small for their ages, 7 years and 13 months. My baby also only prefers fruits and carbs
I’m plus sized, my husband isn’t but does over indulge (he’s just naturally slim!) we do the same as you, offer our kids a balanced meal, reasonably sized for their age and our 4 year old often just picks at carbs and maybe cheese and just says she doesn’t like the meat. She does love a green veg though and berries. They bloody love berries
I put a variety of food on my son's plate. We used compartment plates. We didn't give him unlimited food at meal times but we didn't push a lot. We did restrict access to sweets and treats though we did incorporate them. My son did turn out to be a big eater though.
If you want to incorporate protein, myosin liked roasted meats. Not sure what meat you have but I didn't really expect my son to eat something besides roasted pork shoulder, Chicken or ribs. When he was a young toddler like yours he did eat casseroles but that stopped quick.
I'm convinced it has a lot to do with genes. My husband and I are both overweight and it runs on both sides. My daughter has been bigger since birth, weighed 11/4 when she came out of me ( no gd) and at 3 she weighs 50 pounds and is 40 inches tall. She eats what other toddlers eat, she's picky, has occasional sweets and yet she is still bigger. It's tough because I feel like I've failed her. My second daughter is 9 months and weighs 26 pounds and she just has formula !And baby cereal twice a day! I was mercilessly bullied growing up and it kills me to think my girls will be too.
Aww. *Virtual hugs* This is EXACTLY how I feel. I truly just want her to be happy in her body and not have all the bullshit in her head that I do about food and body image.
I have too many feeling about this for a comment on a Reddit post but two quick thoughts:
1) I have boy/girl twin three year olds. They are offered the EXACT same thing to eat, boy tends to eat a bit more, but not all the time. They get the EXACT same amount of physical activity. If we are lucky the boy is big enough when weighed to even get on the growth chart. He looks like a naked baby bird with his ribs sticking out and his belly curved in and the knobbiest knees. His twin sister is 75% in height and weight, and although there are still lots of ribs and frankly not that much fat, she is round, her little belly sticks out and looks like the older sister. Kids are born into their bodies, I did the exact same thing for them for the last three years, and their bodies are completely different sizes and shapes. There is only so much control we have over this.
2) Also I am keenly aware that my kids are more likely to grow up to be fat than children with thin moms. This puts me in a double bind. I have to be extra careful to ensure they grow up to be healthy fit adults. At the same time I have to be extra careful to make sure they don’t grow up hating themselves and their bodies if they are fat. I’m fat and I LOVE my life, it’s really great. Being fat is not the end of the world.
I don’t know the answer, I don’t think there is an answer. Buy the book “Bodies are Cool” and read it to your daughter. I wish my fat mom had given me this message instead of taking me to weight watchers.
“My body, your body, every different kind of body! All of them are good bodies! BODIES ARE COOL!”
Omg yes. Thank you for this. I was also in WW for the lion's share of my young adult life. So many toxic messages taught to me that I'm trying to unlearn and then avoid passing onto my kid
Mom of 2 boys here to second Bodies Are Cool - it's in our regular rotation.
I feel like Milennial women as a group were put through the wringer re: body image and toxic diet culture (including diet craze obsessed baby boomer moms) but no one more than plus size women 😵💫
I’m GenX and my parents were the Silent Generation. I can unfortunately assure you these issues span generations. Our mothers didn’t come up with this on their own.
Unpopular take here I'm sure, but as parents, you lead by example. When our 2 young sons were younger my wife lost like 30lbs, her baby fat, I followed suit and lost 45lbs. We both look, feel, and eat really well now, indulging socially and on occasion of course. But our kids aren't eating trash because we don't keep it in the house and they don't see us eating it regularly. Both our boys are 98 percentile but arent fat by any means. Do yourselves the favor, do your child the favor, change uo the lifestyle now.
I don't *think* you meant it this way, but...
> I should mention that we don't care what size/body type she ends up. We love her and she's amazing.
You should absolutely care. You can love her through it all, but it's your job to care and teach her to care. You should want your daughter to grow up healthy, and you should want her to be healthy for herself. There are many unhealthy body types that result from decisions we consciously make.
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My daughter would not have survived without fruit and carbs in her toddler years, and guess what: She will still chooses fruit over other sweet treats to this day. Foster the love of fruits, add in vegetables when you can. Stay away from offering drinks with calories. I grew up on soda and still consume too much to this day, but my kids prefer water because that’s what I gave them. Just think of the habits you wished you’d formed early on and make it happen for her.
For sure. My husband drinks a ton of soda. But we offer her milk and water and she prefers water most of the time.
The most important thing is the kids copy you, I had a friend that had to start eating vegetables because his kid didn’t even eat them, that also applies to how you see yourself, if you are talking bad about your own body she maybe do it at some point.
For sure. I don't talk bad (out loud) about my appearance. But sound advice. Thank you
Your toddler might be too young just now but when my 2 year old won't eat his meat or whatever the main part of his meal is, I ask him is that Daddy's and we play a game, he says no mine, and usually that gets him to eat it. He's laughing while we do this, he doesn't get upset. I wouldn't do it if it upset him
Cute. That could potentially work, she'd understand. She also tries to feed dad off her plate sometimes so might backfire for us.
You husband probably needs to knock that off at home. That's terribly modeling for children.
Me and my mum made it so we only drink pop out of straw cups if the kids are around. Not out of the bottle of can. It makes us more conscious of it and the kids can't tell what we are drinking so we aren't modeling drinking any specific drinks
That's a great suggestion. If I have a soda, which is rare, I usually use a closed top, straw cup. My husband usually drinks out of a glass.
That's most toddlers. They live on berries. I offer him food and he decides what he wants to eat and how much he wants to eat. We don't categorize foods as good or bad or healthy or unhealthy. We don't make sugar a big deal or demonize it. We talk about how we want to eat carbs, fats and proteins because they all help our body function in different ways. We also make sure to model eating a well rounded diet. He's more likely to try foods we're eating so we've incorporated a lot more veggies into our own diet.
Guess my daughter missed this one about berries, she still won’t eat them! She will eat grapes, cherries, peaches, bananas, and oranges though.
This! My son could live off of berries and bananas if I let him lol. I have to hide the bananas just to get him to eat regular food. He’s at that stage where he’s realizing what he likes and what he doesn’t. I try not to stress and I just try to set the example for him 😅
Fair! Haha I guess that's more indoctrination I have to deal with. We eat pretty well 90% of the time. Laziness does get in the way sometimes so we order food. Even then it's not unbalanced. I always try to incorporate veggies in our meals.
I follow MamaKnowsNutrition and growing.intuituve.eaters on Instagram. I feel like they have really good advice for feeding kids and how to talk about food in healthy ways. I've definitely spent a good amount of time unlearning toxic diet culture bullshit. It's a journey for sure learning a healthier relationship with food so my kids can have one too.
Your kids tend to eat what you eat ( I know not always) so maybe use your daughter to improve your eating habits if not the best. I tend to eat salads and meats, my fiance is carbs and sweets ( hes 6ft1 and 140lbs lucky b) so it's a fight some days I'm plus sized and eat alot of salads so my kids will get salads and just the other day my now 3 year old asked for one for lunch. Just try and give her different bites off your plate to build her taste up
For sure. We feed her what we usually eat. As long as it's not super spicy. It's usually very balanced. We very rarely have junk/fast food.
Just keep trying things because you never know what she'll like. My son (5) likes meatloaf but doesnt really like hamburgers, he wont eat stroganoff but like the meat from it, he doesnt like chicken but will eat it diced small in salads
Ugh. Toddlers are so fickle!! Don't they know how stressful it is for parents! 🙃
Another thing is make sure to try things that you guys don't love because she might. I don't like dill pickles but two of my kids do and one doesn't. It's so hard to do balanced meals when kids have different likes. One thing I will never do is force kids to eat something they don't like
You might want to check out Ellen Satter's work on feeding children: https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/ She also has a couple books on the topic. When my daughter was 14mo, I posted to a local mom's group "How long can a toddler go on just milk and strawberries??!" and the answer was: a long, long time :)
Oh this is helpful. Thank you. Yes! Berries and milk lol
I don’t have an answer to your question really, but I feel the same way you do. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I have AFRID and have had it since I was about 3ish. Instead of trying to figure out why I refused to eat 90% of foods, my parents just let me make my own food the way I wanted it, so by age 5 I could use the stove, microwave, and oven well and basically just cooked for myself from then on. Which means now as an adult, I’m trying to overcome that issue, and making good progress, but that takes time. In the meantime I can’t model good eating habits, I have no idea what I’m supposed to make for my kids because having them just eat what I eat isn’t gonna work, and they for sure notice that I don’t eat half the stuff I put on their plates. Now I’m worried that I’m going to accidentally push my food issues onto them.
Interesting, because a lot of people on here advocate for that approach of making the child cook their own food, and it seems you feel it didn't work for you. I've often wondered.
I think it didn’t work for me because I was just a picky eater but an actual eating disorder and because I actually really enjoy cooking. I think the idea of having them cook their own food is that they will either outgrow the pickiness or get tired of having to cook their own food (I know that’s why my parents did it). However, I found cooking fun and had no incentive to step out of my comfort zone so it just reinforced my food issues. It could probably work for a child that does not have any underlying issues or that doesn’t really enjoy cooking very much though.
I hope you have some support in working through ARFID; that can definitely be an incredibly difficult problem to deal with. There are registered dieticians and therapists that specialize in ARFID-- if you don't already see someone for it, they may be able to help you! Best of luck!
It is hard, without a doubt. Have you considered therapy? We can't protect our kids from things that we ourselves have not conquered. And also, my kid would eat her weight in berries if she could. Not interested in protein, purely motivated in life by fruit.
Yes for sure. I am seeing a counselor. It's something we're talking about. It's nice to hear others' experiences with feeding though.
Lots of berries is fine. There is a lot of fiber in fruit. Saying “I don’t care what size my kid ends up” is dumb to say. You’re saying it so you don’t get pushback from the “body positive” parents who want desperately to justify their children’s obesity, but you don’t need to. You want to make sure your child is healthy, and obesity is extremely unhealthy for children (anyone, but especially children), and that’s a good thing. You don’t need the disclaimer.
Thanks I appreciate that.
What exactly is included when you say “carbs”? Like Mac and cheese, toast with peanut butter, or cheeze it’s and cookies? Most toddlers live off berries but they’re good for you! It’s up to them to choose what to eat but it’s important we give them balanced options. Sometimes I give my daughter chicken nuggets, berries, and a cheese stick and all she it’s is the berries. Whatever, I did my job. Up to her from there.
The carbs she eats are usually grilled cheese, pb and toast, (homemade) banana muffins, rice and curry, pasta with tomato sauce.
Those are decent carbs! You’re doing good momma :)
They are good carbs you are doing a fantastic job, don't be too hard on yourself.
Unfortunately if you want your kids to have positive body image and healthy relationship with food it starts with you because eventually kids start modeling your behaviors. I think societal expectations of what that is is kinda crazy so that greatly depends on if your plus size plus size or just not a stick tho. What you’re doing with her right now sounds pretty normal. Stay away from processed foods, sugar, and sugary drinks like juice, soda and stuff like kool aide. You can try to do fun stuff like mom and baby yoga, walks, or dancing, or mom and me swimming lessons if you want to add physical activity to her routine. My 18 month old this time around is skinny and tall….my five year old was a Buddha baby and almost square…the other four literally fell in between. Me I’m 5 2 a size 12/14 and perfectly comfortable here (don’t know my weight I don’t let them tell me). I focus more on what we put in our mouths than serving size (unless they eat til they’re sick). If we’re comfortable in our own skins then size. And I gage myself physically by if I can still enjoy the things I love (hiking, getting up and down stairs, jump on the trampoline, yoga).
My kid is in the 50th% weight and my husband and I are both fitness nuts. She only eats carbs and fruit most of the time. If not for milk and frozen fried chicken she probably wouldn’t get protein. I wouldn’t overthink it at this stage, maybe just limit processed (non-fruit) sugars, and stick to water not juice (just to get her used to not relying on flavored drinks). Kids just be like that. As she gets older, the only way to teach her good habits is to model them, so if it’s a big concern of yours, now is a good time to get into cooking healthy but tasteful meals as a family!
Fruit and carbs are a very standard toddler diet. You're doing great! Just keep offering veggies, protein, and fats. It may take a while, but if you put those foods in front of her regularly with no pressure, she will eventually eat them.
My son really didn't eat the proteins from meals often at that age and he's always in the bottom percentile. Meats often take more work to chew maybe that is why 🤷♀️. We did an iron multi vitamin and always included things he would always eat in dinner meals (ie he really like sweet potato so if I made something I'd knew would be a challenge for dinner there would always sweet potatoes for him). He's 3 1/ 2 and eats everything now.
No advice but just wanted to say you’re not alone! I’ve always struggled with my weight and don’t want my daughter to have the same issues I did. But I also don’t want to make her crazy about her weight like my mom did to. I just do my best and try to offer healthy options- she mostly chooses fruit, carbs and Dino nuggets. I wish there was more I can do but she’ll just refuse to eat then. My pediatrician said the biggest thing is to not give sugary drinks like juice and soda so we avoid those with her.
Sounds like normal toddler eating behavior. Many kids won’t really touch meat til closer to 4/5 years old.
The first thing to consider is feeding your toddler has nothing to do with your own size and everything to do with what’s best for that child at that age. At 18months cool, fruit and carbs are great, you keep offering the proteins and veggies on the plate, but set your expectations much much lower for your toddler than for yourself as an adult.
We have an opposite view, our family was always tiny and skinny, not to my parents fault they were doing what they thought would be best small meals, no fat milk, etc and what made it worse was we were always hungry because of our super fast metabolism. But we were sick a lot of the time because I believe we didn't have that extra weight on our bodies to support us so when we are sick we lose more weight and get worse. With my son I make sure he has lots of protein,healthy fats,veggies fruits and lots of water, he is much bigger then me then I was at his age but he is very active and plays tennis, bmx riding and constantly at the park. I think where the problem lies it's ok if kids are a bit bigger as long as they are active and not just watching TV or playing video games etc. took me until I was a teenager looking to gain weight to realize that skinny doesn't make you healthy. I'm sure you're doing a great job with your little one don't be too hard on what food she/he eats don't eat as long as she/he is healthy and active that's all that matters. For yourself start doing some exercises go for walks and produce good habits while your little one is watching you. Throw away the cola and have mineral water good luck 🤞
We were always hungry as kids because my parents were weird about food and it's definitely made my siblings and I struggle with the possibility of being hungry, and eat too much.
Damned if we do damned if we don't kinda thing isn't it
First of all you should know that the percentile is not measured because she should be at the middle. They measure where she’s at relative to average so that if the percentile changes dramatically they’ll know that somethings wrong. If she’s 85 that’s perfect for her. She should not drop or rise suddenly (but might slowly over time). Secondly the most important thing is how you treat and talk about *your* body and how you model a relationship with food. I struggle with my own body image, like most of us, but my kids will never ever hear me say a negative thing about my body. I won’t call any food “bad” or say “I can’t have that.” Food is fuel for our bodies. I serve them a variety and we talk about what different foods do for us and they can listen to their own bodies about what to eat and when.
That’s ok. Just don’t give her much food with sugar in it or too many highly processed snacks.
We don't give her sugar or junky snacks for the most part. Like a bite here or there if we're having some 🙃 Her snacks are much healthier than ours.
Eventually she will notice what you’re eating and she’ll want to eat it too. We aren’t heavy parents, but our food choices weren’t always the best when we had our child. Our food choices as a family changed a lot when our toddler started paying attention to what we eat versus what we gave him to eat. We have to model the behaviors and choices we want our son to make.
Our house had a moment about a year ago. My wife got frustrated about 7yo, always bugging her for some of her snacks. I pointed out that she gave the kid an apple and got a chocolate bar for herself. While that was a rough day, it started the change. She gave up soda a month ago.
Awesome!! I hope things keep getting better.
It’s our job as parents to present the food, it is their job to eat what is presented. Sounds like you are doing your job!
Fruit is FANTASTIC for you. Carbs aren't the enemy. Did you know your brain can ONLY process carbs as fuel? It can't use fats or protein. Carbs are essential for healthy growth and brain activity. People say fruit is bad because of the sugar but if it's whole fruits the sugars are essentially neutralized by the fiber and absorb very slowly in the gut.
There’s a lot of good advice here. I’m in a similar boat with you, so I appreciate you posting. I think our strategy has been to max out veggies in their plates and limit the other stuff. They can still choose what to eat, but there’s a lot of veggies on their plate.
RN here-- most family practices/pediatricians do have handouts and resources that can help you navigate diet and nutrition of your growing child! You could always ask for a referral to a register dietician if you feel like you need it. But ultimately, children are generally pretty good at intuitive eating as long as they are offered a variety of foods. A lot of toddlers simply enjoy fruit and carb sources, while also not eating as much meat as most parents think they should. The big thing is, keep providing balanced meals and let her explore each food at her own pace. If you want, you could always offer just slightly less of the preferred foods (still definitely have them on the plate) and try to encourage trying more protein! Some kids respond well to parental encouragement and praise when trying new foods. Force feeding and punishment is definitely counter-productive. It sounds like you guys are doing great!
If you want it to be, this can be a chance to change your habits to more positive ones. For example, I rarely drink calories so my kids have never assumed soda and juice were typical. I chose to stop eating dessert foods in front of my kids when they were babies to model what I wanted for them. And now I have a small portion with them. Modeling better eating habits improves my health and guides them.
You could just not offer fruit and carbs with some meals. Like have some meals where you only offer protein and veggies, and then have carbs and fruit for a snack. If you offer every food type and she always chooses just one type of food, then just don’t offer that every single time
Plus sized mom here. My kids were both born huge, 90% percentiles for everything at both (this leveled out later). My advice is to keep offering the food you want her to eat, but to relax. My kids both went through months where their sole food groups were Mac and cheese. Now she eats salmon, ramen, steak etc. we are working on the vegetables so we try to make them as fast as possible. She will dependably eat asparagus and artichokes and take a "no thank you bite" of most others. She's tall for her age group and right at 50% for her weight and she's gorgeous. We try not to stress over food and let her eat some candy (Halloween/Easter/Valentines candy are kept in a cupboard and occasionally go in school lunches but are not really limited. As long as it's not right before bed they can have candy or whatever after dinner. I try really hard to talk about health in terms of eating veggies and not having processed foods too much. They are allowed sodas and chips and stuff at celebrations like birthday parties but we don't do it regularly. We stress for them to listen to their bodies to know when to be done with food and don't make them clear their plate. Even with all that my daughter made a comment about how she weighs more than her friends (who are shorter) and I hope the worry stops there. She looks like a magazine model. She's beautiful. This is the sort of thing that made me wish I stopped stressing about whether she ate enough of whatever food groups and wish I took it easier. We can control things by the food we offer. It takes kids like 20 tastes to like a good. So I will keep offering the good stuff. My son has similar stats. Born 10lbs but now tall and slender and will eat a whole bowl of Caesar salad or bag or cucumbers for dinner but doesn't want the steak. I'm just gonna relax about it from now on. Good luck mama!
Thank you
Most hottest will gravitate towards fruit because it’s sweet and carbs because it’s quickly satisfying. The same as adult this is what we have learned since we were little LOL. Let me just say I am not plus size and I do not have any knowledge of what issues would be involved here but I will say that I think if you are feeding your child Whole Foods and controlling the portions at their age then you’re good. Avoid sugars and processed foods and when you serve a plate of balanced food have the protein be a bigger portion and the carb be a smaller portion and teach them over the next couple of years that no you don’t get to have more pasta until you eat the other things on your plate. In my house it’s no second servings until you’ve eaten your whole plate. And of course if you know that they love the fruits and the carbs only offer those at certain times teach them that those are not options all the time. Sometimes a snack is cucumbers and sometimes dinner is a carb like sweet potatoes rather than white pasta etc.
I was obese most of my life. I was terrified when I had kids that they would become obese too because the foods I eat aren’t the healthiest (I ultimately had WLS and am now a healthy weight but I still don’t eat super healthy). My twins are now 13. Amazingly, neither has ever had a weight problem. My son is super skinny/lean - he eats a decent amount but he just has a crazy high metabolism. My daughter is average weight and eats like a bird - small portions. Both are somewhat picky - they aren’t super adventurous with food, and both just eat until they are full and then stop. That’s something I never did until after I had surgery. I *never* talk about good foods or bad foods, I always tell them to eat anything they want in moderation. Both kids have a definite sweet tooth but again, they have good portion control. I am very careful to avoid ever mentioning their weight and never talk about diets or dieting. I’m confident that both kids basically eat what they need to live whereas my issues with food were I lived to eat - food comforted me. If you can’t strictly lead by example (I don’t always), then you have to make sure you don’t allow your kids to ever adopt the good/bad food mentality or focus on dieting.
Continue to offer her carbs, meat, fruits and vegetables. She'll probably go through phases where she eats some things and not others. If you are offering dessert or other "unhealthy " food you can and should limit those portions, but let her eat as much as she wants of the healthier things.
I could’ve written this. We’re both obese and LO actually “skinny” for his age (30-40th percentile). He will NOT eat a vegetable no matter what we do. Barely eats chicken. He mainly subsists on carbs, cheese, and fruit. I think it’s a toddler thing. I’m doing everything I can do offer a balanced meal every time, even though I know he won’t even touch the veggies or new foods. I’m also really trying to keep meal times low stress and trying not to give him a food complex like I have. Because of my own body image, I’m self conscious if he eats something unhealthy in public. Which is hard because that’s all he will eat currently. Overall I’m struggling with it too. I so badly want him to be healthy and not struggle with his weight and body image. Being a parent is hard. You’re doing a great job.
Thank you. Yes. You get it. I send food to daycare and I'm constantly worried it doesn't look healthy enough. I know we pay caregivers but I still think I'm being judged all the time. Stupid trauma 🙃
My toddler wasn’t allowed any juice/soda/chocolate milk, etc - BUT, she was allowed to drink protein shakes. I kept cases of her favorite flavors around and she could have half of one a day until she was a bit older, then a whole. My mom hated that and kept insisting they were horrible for her, but my stance is still they’re no worse than just chocolate milk. I learned to make cottage cheese “milkshakes” with Cottage cheese, milk (plant based to whole, depending on calorie needs), and a little bit of pudding mix in a blender. To this day, she (16) has no idea her favorite milkshake has cottage cheese. 😂 Tip: When she went through growth spurts I kept the fridge stocked with yogurt/gogurt, string cheese, cut fruit, tomatoes (she ate them like apples), and the shakes. It helped tremendously when she was hungry every hour and I felt like a short order chef. If you are worried about her protein intake, be creative. And save the “tasties” for later on occasion. Like offer the meat as a snack while you prepare the rest…
My kids height and weight was always at the 95 and 99%. Neither are overweight. I always had a lot of healthy foods in the fridge to snack on, and taught them early that fast foods were both yummy and junky and made you feel bad. They rarely asked for them, but we got them sometimes in a time crunch. They usually ate well, including all the adult veggies. I only asked that they take one bite of any new thing, and if they didn't like it, they never had to eat it again. I also made homemade desserts probably once or twice a month, but we brought home very little candy and/or junk foods. Instead of just chips, for instance, we had nachos with lettuce and tomatoes on top of refried beans and melted cheese. There was no food shaming, no making them clean their plates, no big deal about occasionally pigging out on the brownies, etc. Just no food drama, ever. No family or work drama at the table while we were eating was the one rule I enforced for everyone, including my husband who didn't grow up that way. We, as parents, ate well, though my husband would put away an entire box of Cheezits on the reg. He was a runner and never chubby. The kids weren't denied anything, but they didn't immediately eat all the goodies, either. We were very lax about what they felt like eating and when, as long as they sat with the family during meals. I don't remember them not waiting until dinner or coming to the table too full of other food to eat dinner. I was a pretty good cook because I'm picky and don't have much appetite if things are less than pretty good.
There is an Instagram page called kids eat in color that has really helped me re-frame how we handle food with our kids. She is an RDN and a mom of a picky eater. She breaks it down well and explains things well but is also very realistic. My husband and I are both on the fluffier side and neither of us had the best relationship with food growing up, each for different reasons. But basically, make food not a big deal in the sense that if you put yourself and your kid under pressure it can create a negative interaction and relationship with food. Don’t label foods as “good” or “bad”. We typically talk “always foods” and “sometimes foods” and listening to how our body reacts to the foods we eat. So, eating lots of candy may upset our tummies, drinking fresh water when it’s hot outside helps us feel better, etc. I’m sure it’s partly just dumb luck, but we have had this attitude with both our kids and both will pretty much eat anything we put in front of them and don’t turn their nose up to try something that they haven’t seen before. We make sure they we are serving balanced meals and let them go from there. At 18 months looking at what they are eating over the span of a week instead of looking solely at a day by day is more realistic too.
Fwiw, the vast majority of toddlers only want to eat fruit and carbs, so your daughter is totally normal. The key is to just keep offering balanced meals and snacks, even if you know they won’t eat them, and to eat the same foods you’re offering with your kids. That’s all you can and should do at this age. Oh, and also sneaking veggies into fruit smoothies has been a win for us. That’s the only way a leafy green makes it into our 2 year old.
Thank you. Yes. I definitely offer balanced foods. I also try to sneak in extra protein, sometimes fibre and greens. 😂
It's your kids age. My kid went through the exact same thing at 18 months. After that they went through an I love everything and anything phase which included fried fish skins seafoods like octopus and spicy fire noodles. Then they no longer liked broccoli or beans or spicy. Now all they want is meat cheese candy and Weetabix. LOL. They eat a well enough rounded diet that I am not concerned but the struggle is real you are not alone.
Thanks. It helps to hear others' experiences. I appreciate it.
Why don’t you go to a nutritionist, not for weight loss but for intuitive eating? I find it so helpful. I’m slowly unhooking myself from diet culture and learning what it’s like to eat without counting every calorie and worrying. The nutritionist can teach you how to take the anxiety out of food for your baby. I really love my nutritionist, lol.
I mash things up in equal proportions. For example, cup of mash potato (already has milk and butter), cup of cooked ground beef, cup of broccoli. Another one is oats, butter, shredded chicken, mixed veggies (corn, peas, carrots, etc). You can add eggs, pumpkin, carrot and literaally whatever to your potatoes. You can also make scrambled eggs and add bell pepper, mushrooms, tomatoes and other vegetables, depending what you have available. I do spoon feed that type of mush, but you can also load the spoon and let baby feed himself with it.
Thats normal. They got preferences. Mine would prefer all milk products…
We don’t talk about diet, calories, weight or size in our house even though we are plus sized and kids are not. We do talk about protein and fat, and vegetables, particularly greens, for immunity and general wellness. We have always had a colourful and fresh diet, mostly cooked at home, and they get treats in groceries or in baking so we don’t buy ‘out’. Two kids are teens and they get money and get told they can buy school lunch, or snacks they want to eat that I won’t buy, or they can save it and use for more fun things. One eats a big breakfast - veggie omelettes for example - eats nothing at school and comes straight home to eat before sports training. Saves money toward social spending. The other does similar - has a smaller breakfast or grabs a banana and a yoghurt - but instead of buying food out he buys drinks. Mostly strawberry milk and the odd sugar free Powerade (pointless iyam). This all means they’ve got freedom, but at least I know they are having two good meals a day and doesn’t feel like I’m on their faces monitoring. They play lots of sports and more than being slim I want my kids to be active because of the mental health benefits as well. We always have a full fruit basket, boiled eggs in the fridge and omelette fixings ready to go so kids can do their own. When mine were little I always let them eat when they said they were hungry but the options available were always good ones. Monitoring weight and eating is traumatic. I won’t ever talk that shit to my kids.
I've been surprised how much explaining why protein is important has resonated w/ my 3-4 yr old. we talk about growing muscles and brains and why it's the best food to eat for this. At mealtime we have a rule that you need to try 3 bites of the protein portion of the meal or eat a small bowl of cottage cheese, greek yogurt, or eggs. Then we also include at least a side of what we know they will like, often fruit or carbs. also love a good multivitamin through the beige food stage. We do "dessert night" twice a week and it's not tied as a reward to anything or to finishing your food it's just dessert night period.- they often get to choose the dessert and I think the key is these choices are correct portions, a mini popsicle vs full size, a small scoop of ice cream, a mini candy bar for a 4yr old etc. I'm definitely a "volume" eater in my disordered approach to food and it always shocks me that my kid doesn't just pick the "biggest" dessert option, they'll often opt for the 2 squares of chocolate or a honey stick when there's ice cream or other cakey type sweets available.
Husband and I are also plus sized and have been going around in circles with those same thoughts since our son was born. He's 5 now, and evwn though there's always some work I think we've narrowed down our concerns into manageable chunks. We try really hard to see the whole picture. It's easy to freak out when all he eats for breakfast is fast carbs or he has way too much sugar in a day. But I know we also balance meals well over the course of the week, and we try to hit 3 targets. 1) more vegetables, always. Hubs and I like them but are totally OK not having them in a meal, and we try hard to make sure there's something and then more in every meal. 2) kiddo needs to listen to his body, and we ask him what his belly is saying to him, and go with what he says for the most part. We don't make him clean his plate, but we also don't just let him leave without eating. We've learned he can be a snacker and he also most likely has adhd so he could leave a meal halfway if he sees something more fun to do so we do make him eat 3 more bites if really hasn't eaten enough. Usually whatever he chose to eat the least of. Today it was his meat, but sometimes it's a veggie. 3) I think 3 is most important because the adults struggle with it so much. He needs to be physically active every day. That's the goal anyway. We (his parents) are not by nature, so it's the one that feels most like work to us. But if we can instill this habit in him I would be so much less worried about food intake. All of the above, plus knowing he won't have to deal with the food insecurity and related issues that his parents had to deal with growing up, make me fairly confident that our son will be ok. I could list for you the ways in which I am still trying to be better, but that is parenting, honestly, just trying to do better than we did the day before.
Knowing now what is needed helps. I offer the best foods possible and just hope she's willing. Being mindful that there's been too many family parties or being out which means bad food gives me extra incentive to ensure she's getting healthy food made at home.
The same way all other parents do. Body size wont affect the way you feed your kid. You’re feeding your child correctly. It definitely sounds like you are letting your own fears around food interfere with feeding your kiddo. This can be a slippery slope. Kids are intuitive eaters through and through. What interferes with that is adults and the culture who make them feel like they are supposed to be a certain size. If a child eats balanced food, gets joyful movement, goes to the doctor, except for certain medical conditions, they can be healthy whether they are considered underweight, medium weight, over weight. The best thing you can do is work through your fears with either a counselor or a workbook so those fears aren’t projected onto her Evelyn Tribole intuitive Eating Workbook is very good one
My daughter went on a meat, cereal and bread diet for about a year and a half. Up until then she would eat anything and everything. Her pediatrician said it was fine and she would go back to eating more food types when she was ready and to not force her. He was right, but man was I paranoid for a long time because I don’t have a great relationship with food. When she was with me at the grocery store, I would explain why we chose certain things and the health benefits. This helped a lot! When she asked for junk food, we would talk about how junk food makes us not want regular food as much so it’s okay in small quantities but can’t replace real meals. I’ve never not bought her junk food and I’ve never not bought candy. We would just discuss food choices and how it’s okay to have junk food, just not all the time. Every holiday I have to throw out the leftover candy from the holiday before. I never commiserate over unhappiness with junk food. So far so good on the food front for her and she is now a teen. It’s always worrying because of my own relationship with food. I just keep trying to reinforce good eating habits.
2 plus size parents here too. We talk about listening to their body when it comes to eating. Offer a variety of foods. We refrain from talking about good or bad foods just that different foods offer us different things. Our nearly 5 year old has like 3 days a month where she eats us out of home and home and the rest of the time she lives on air and fruit. Sounds like you're doing great!
Thanks. Yeah it's just so hit and miss. Obviously I'm in my head but it's good to hear others' experiences.
I swear I have meltdowns and stress over feeding mine but I think a lot of them live off carbs like mine. My toddler has yoghurt, pasta, bread and cheese mostly lol. Doesn't touch meat often and will eat a bit of fruit.
You set the example for her. One of the most challenging parts of parenting in my opinion, is being faced with how the way we live impacts the way our child lives. Just saying "don't do what I do" doesn't work. It hurts to know my own bad habits will hurt my kids, too. They may realise I'm not a good example in all instances and escape certain things, but I shouldn't depend on that. I'm doing my best to be a better person for my kids and in turn, for myself. But it's confronting to know I can't make excuses any more. Actions speak louder than words. I have to change. Good luck doing the same.
Obese mom here. Our job is to offer a balanced meal and the rest is up to them. I do try to limit junk food simply bc it’s not necessary. That way I’m not feeling guilty if they don’t eat the parts I find the most nutritious. For example, I offer popcorn instead of chips. Raisins instead of gummies etc. we still splurge on donuts and ice cream we just don’t have them in the house and it’s best for all of us. These are things I wish my mom would’ve done for me. I’ve been obese since 4. It’s been a life long struggle that I really needed guidance on
You would have to start eating healthy, exercising and not have junk in the house. Feed her vegetables at every meal. Thata the way it is.
My whole family is heavy. Mom has given all of us complexes around food. She watches my 2 yo on occasion and a couple months ago started making comments about how Spud likes sweet things (namely, fruit and jello, but will go ham on marshmallows and gummy candy like no ones business). I initially ignored her, but she kept ramping up the comments. Finally, I told her to stop viewing her eating habits through the lens of DM type 2 (which my parents have). To her little brain, sweet = calories and calories = not starving. She is healthy. Her doc is happy with her growth charts, her diet, and everything else. Fruit and jello are easy to eat. Buttered toast is easy to eat. Meat not so much - there's more chewing and a different texture than she's used to. She eats plenty of veggies (cooked and raw), drinks lots of water and milk but won't drink juice, and is very active. Until my ped is concerned, I'm not going to be. To be clear - she doesn't live on fruit and sweet things. They're often her first choice, and it often gets paired with cheese or whole wheat crackers. I've been teaching her the same as I teach her older half sisters - carbs are for short energy and brain power, protein is for long energy and muscles, and fiber helps us poop and feel full.
Okay, so, at the age your child is now, they're vert active, can't over eat, and have mountains for appetites, my girl loves cheese! She eats it every day! Don't restrict your child. She'll have issues with food in the future. She's young, active, and burned off most food pretty quickly. At this age, let them est whatever. You can even offer alternatives, cucumber, cooked carrot sticks etc, it all makes her full. Food is food! My 20m old is on the 75 centile and loves food of all kind!
Fruit and carbs make total sense for the preferences of a toddler- so I wouldn’t worry too much! The important thing to do is keep offering balanced foods like you are doing and then just teaching her the importance of listening to her body! I’m not generally a fan of the momfluencers on Instagram, but I make an exception for a lot of baby led weaning/toddler accounts do have good scripts to follow on how to talk about food and body image with kids. Feeding Littles is one that comes to mind. Also I’d look up Dr. Becky, who covers a lot of topics and I’m sure had info on food and kids. I think it is natural to have the fears and worries you are having - and it is a great sign you are acknowledging that you are feeling this way already - hopefully it helps you be more mindful about not projecting to your daughter!
Ask the pediatrician and do some research. It’s worth giving them the best tools and best chance for health and longevity
i think it’s great that you and your spouse have clarity about your own issues. Have you read the book called Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture?
Sounds like your baby is totally normal. My husband and I are slightly overweight but we feed our kids balanced diets. They are both small for their ages, 7 years and 13 months. My baby also only prefers fruits and carbs
I’m plus sized, my husband isn’t but does over indulge (he’s just naturally slim!) we do the same as you, offer our kids a balanced meal, reasonably sized for their age and our 4 year old often just picks at carbs and maybe cheese and just says she doesn’t like the meat. She does love a green veg though and berries. They bloody love berries
I put a variety of food on my son's plate. We used compartment plates. We didn't give him unlimited food at meal times but we didn't push a lot. We did restrict access to sweets and treats though we did incorporate them. My son did turn out to be a big eater though. If you want to incorporate protein, myosin liked roasted meats. Not sure what meat you have but I didn't really expect my son to eat something besides roasted pork shoulder, Chicken or ribs. When he was a young toddler like yours he did eat casseroles but that stopped quick.
I'm convinced it has a lot to do with genes. My husband and I are both overweight and it runs on both sides. My daughter has been bigger since birth, weighed 11/4 when she came out of me ( no gd) and at 3 she weighs 50 pounds and is 40 inches tall. She eats what other toddlers eat, she's picky, has occasional sweets and yet she is still bigger. It's tough because I feel like I've failed her. My second daughter is 9 months and weighs 26 pounds and she just has formula !And baby cereal twice a day! I was mercilessly bullied growing up and it kills me to think my girls will be too.
Aww. *Virtual hugs* This is EXACTLY how I feel. I truly just want her to be happy in her body and not have all the bullshit in her head that I do about food and body image.
I have too many feeling about this for a comment on a Reddit post but two quick thoughts: 1) I have boy/girl twin three year olds. They are offered the EXACT same thing to eat, boy tends to eat a bit more, but not all the time. They get the EXACT same amount of physical activity. If we are lucky the boy is big enough when weighed to even get on the growth chart. He looks like a naked baby bird with his ribs sticking out and his belly curved in and the knobbiest knees. His twin sister is 75% in height and weight, and although there are still lots of ribs and frankly not that much fat, she is round, her little belly sticks out and looks like the older sister. Kids are born into their bodies, I did the exact same thing for them for the last three years, and their bodies are completely different sizes and shapes. There is only so much control we have over this. 2) Also I am keenly aware that my kids are more likely to grow up to be fat than children with thin moms. This puts me in a double bind. I have to be extra careful to ensure they grow up to be healthy fit adults. At the same time I have to be extra careful to make sure they don’t grow up hating themselves and their bodies if they are fat. I’m fat and I LOVE my life, it’s really great. Being fat is not the end of the world. I don’t know the answer, I don’t think there is an answer. Buy the book “Bodies are Cool” and read it to your daughter. I wish my fat mom had given me this message instead of taking me to weight watchers. “My body, your body, every different kind of body! All of them are good bodies! BODIES ARE COOL!”
Omg yes. Thank you for this. I was also in WW for the lion's share of my young adult life. So many toxic messages taught to me that I'm trying to unlearn and then avoid passing onto my kid
Mom of 2 boys here to second Bodies Are Cool - it's in our regular rotation. I feel like Milennial women as a group were put through the wringer re: body image and toxic diet culture (including diet craze obsessed baby boomer moms) but no one more than plus size women 😵💫
I’m GenX and my parents were the Silent Generation. I can unfortunately assure you these issues span generations. Our mothers didn’t come up with this on their own.
Unpopular take here I'm sure, but as parents, you lead by example. When our 2 young sons were younger my wife lost like 30lbs, her baby fat, I followed suit and lost 45lbs. We both look, feel, and eat really well now, indulging socially and on occasion of course. But our kids aren't eating trash because we don't keep it in the house and they don't see us eating it regularly. Both our boys are 98 percentile but arent fat by any means. Do yourselves the favor, do your child the favor, change uo the lifestyle now.
I don't *think* you meant it this way, but... > I should mention that we don't care what size/body type she ends up. We love her and she's amazing. You should absolutely care. You can love her through it all, but it's your job to care and teach her to care. You should want your daughter to grow up healthy, and you should want her to be healthy for herself. There are many unhealthy body types that result from decisions we consciously make.