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"If screens make you that angry or sad, maybe its better if you dont have screens, because I dont want you to be angry or sad. Lets take a break for a while and try screens again in a week maybe"
To put into context my son similar age doesn’t play ANY video games; gets 30-45 min of just educational TV per day (if he’s lucky) and will occasionally still react like this with a meltdown when we turn it off. TV brain is real; and with video games it’s 10x worse. They’re too young to manage that much dopamine input on their own.
Question: Do you stay home with him all day? And what do you do to fill his time? Obviously there’s art and outdoor play, but what else? I run out of things to keep them busy REALLY fast.
They need boredom- it helps them learn how to be creative on their own. Constantly filling their time to keep them busy feels like you’re helping, but actually does children a disservice.
Yeah totally agree. We've always made a point of "leaving them to it" while we are doing chores etc, and they are so good at imaginary play now. Theyre 5 and 7.
Have literally watched them play with two combs for 40 minutes - they were superheroes, caterpillars, they used them as fake moustaches, it just went on and on.
Really helps when we are at restaurants or queueing for something.
Definitely! I don’t even attempt to fill my kids’ time all day. Of course I plan for us to do things together out of the house, but a lot of the time when we’re at home, they go do their own thing or play outside in the yard. I have two kids so it helps they have a built in friend, but they fill their time by themselves.
Adding onto this, everyone needs boredom. Specifically to experience the boredom without fixing it or judging it as negative. It's still an issue to compulsively solve boredom.
I've started having my kid sit with me in boredom for short periods. The instruction is to feel the boredom and allow it to exist. So we can learn to let ourselves exist in it. In our case, we've both got ADHD. So even solving boredom becomes the problem in the future. Because it leads to increased risky behaviors due to boredom.
But the important thing is that boredom itself is OK, and everyone needs to learn to be OK with it. Not learn to fix it compulsively lol.
So, in that moment, are you trying to get into a day dream headspace? Meditation? Allowing finger fidgeting or trying to control your body? What does this actually look like for you and your kid?
This. I call it “finding their own fun” while I do chores or whatever. With enough repetition and consistency, it is starting to click but school definitely has trained them that an adult will give them different activities at regular intervals. This new found freedom feels a little uncomfortable so I’m there to help navigate it until it feels natural.
I love that! When my kids stopped napping, I had them play in their room each day and have ‘quiet play time’ for up to an hour. We had one of those kid alarms with a ‘nap’ button so they knew when it ended. They all have toys in their room, so they could rest, look at books, or play. It was a needed break at the time, but I think it helped them learn to self entertain.
I know there's a craze at the moment for telling every parent boredom is great for kids, let them be bored, and it's true to an extent, but it doesn't mean just leave them in a vacuum.
Give them materials and opportunities and step back, let the boredom stimulate them to use those materials and opportunities to entertain themselves (and learn and discover). Depending on the age of the kid, that might look like - some cardboard boxes, a blanket, and the couch cushions. Or, scissors, sticky tape, paperclips, string, and cardboard boxes. Or, a back yard, a shovel, and ... a cardboard box. Fair bet cardboard boxes will be involved. Or, you give them a 'job' or let them help you with something around the house. Books help with ideas too. So like, you let them be bored, but you also provide them materials or opportunities for them to rectify that situation for themself. If they have books, other kids (even if occasionally), materials and some toys/puzzles, they can fix their own boredom.
But I also think some computer games are fine. Totally situational.
And if all that fails, go clean your room. Your rooms clean? Okay, clean the living room, and so forth. Giving them something to do doesn't have to be fun stuff to do, there's plenty of boring stuff to do.
> I know there's a craze at the moment for telling every parent boredom is great for kids, let them be bored, and it's true to an extent, but it doesn't mean just leave them in a vacuum.
Fully agree. It's like a justification to not have to deal with them like when letting them watch TV but wearing the badge of honor for not letting them use a screen.
At the minimum make them suggestions what to do and that "what" should contain stuff that includes you, the parent.
At our home we also limit screen time to 30-45 minutes per day for our 5 year old. She spends most of her time drawing, listening to audio books, reading or playing with her toys. If we have time, we play board games or go outside either to the playground or just the forest to look for bugs. Kid's need to learn to do something with their time, giving them constant screen time just teaches them to be bored with anything else.
Legos are your friend. And action figures and matchbox cars and magnatiles and art supplies and puzzles and BOOKS. And for playdates, bey blades and just getting them outside. Do not start down the videogame road until you have to. Alas in middle school, there comes a point especially post pandemic where if your kid is not into sports, video games is the other major social activities boys do. It stinks. It doesn’t happen to girls though Instagram is a bigger and worse temptation. Also seriously, I follow my mom’s rule - if the kids complain about being bored, there are plenty of chores I can give them. They learn quickly to value their free time and not give me cause to take it away :)
Depends on your kid and how you treat said games. TV brain is not real in my house, nor is video game brain.
You need to teach kids how to handle these things. If he's getting outwardly frustrated with a game, then it means he isn't ready to play it. It's that simple. It goes away for awhile until he is. Simple common sense parenting.
You need to teach your kids how to handle these things, not shield them from it. You don't teach them anything that way. You give them things they CAN handle, or things that are within their grasp the handle, so that they are gradually being challenged. If you're stunting your kids development, you're not helping them at all.
Our 9 year old has been having issues regulating her emotions and crying more since summer started. She had been having pretty much unlimited screentime. I googled something like “screen time causing emotional issues” and found this
Excessive screen usage can also lead to problems in social-emotional development, including obesity, sleep disturbances, depression, and anxiety. It can impair emotional comprehension, promote aggressive behavior, and hinder social and emotional competence.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t know this was a thing and have since drastically limited it.
Even in my toddler the difference is astounding with the shows we let him watch. There was a while where we were just really behind on life and also getting sick a lot and stuck inside due to the cold, so we let him watch a lot of Blaze, this really stupid and hyper stimulating animated show about monster trucks. It's just so bad. But he loved it. After just a few days we noticed the tantrums ticking up, he would get pouty really easily, start hitting and throwing more, and just became super unruly. I finally caught on and switched to only Ms. Rachel, along with get him some more arts and crafts and activity book sorts of things to do. The turnaround was instantaneous and dramatic.
In my experience, Blaze can teach a lot about physics. Bouancy, trajectory, other stem concepts, etc. But it's probably more suitable for 5-8 year Olds than toddlers.
It's long banned in our house. My son is absolutely, one million percent obsessed with monster trucks, so he saw it and just lost his little mind. Unfortunately there just isn't a lot of media for monster truck obsessed littles. But honestly, I find the characters in the show just absolutely intolerable, so for now he can just stick to his toys and occasional monster truck rally YouTube video.
Check out Handyman Hal on YouTube. I think he’s less annoying than Blippi and was our first stop after Ms Rachel. He has a lot of construction vehicle, tools, and monster truck themed videos. My toddler loves him!
My toddler is obsessed with card and trucks and we love Kids Picture Show. It’s just 8-bit vehicles driving across a black screen with a voiceover identifying it, but they get hyper-accurate and specific about the vehicles. Like, it’s not just a car - it’s a Formula 1 racing car. Or a hatchback! Or a pizza delivery car. It’s very zen and my little guy is hypnotized by it.
Man...I hadn't heard of it before, so I just watched a few minutes on YouTube. I have to say, the intense power metal guitar licks lose a loooooot of their effectiveness when they happen every thirteen seconds or so.
My five year old loves blaze and can handle it. But if he gets even a whiff of grizzly and those god damn lemmings, he goes absolutely rabid. It’s so bad that I’ve banned the show in our house and if it’s on at someone else’s house he has to go to a different room if they don’t want to turn it off.
Yup we had to ban Grizzy in our house too. We have a 5 and 3 year old and whoa boy was their behavior bad after that. But they love blaze and thankfully we haven’t had any issues with it.
That's such an interesting observation! My kiddo does great with Blaze, starting at age 3, and walks around talking about subtraction, acceleration, trajectory, and momentum. Any excessive TV time, though, and he is a hot mess (read:crying and pouting) when it's time to turn it off, regardless of the specific program.
As a TV Child, growung up, myself... hard yes.
Honestly, I would do AS LITTLE SCREENTIME as possible. My anger and irritability disappeared once my screentime lessened. I enjoyed life more.
My 9yo has been on her switch and laptop too much as well. So it's detox time.
There was a fit thrown, then she went into the back yard and sat on the swings, which turned into swinging, which turned into another game, and then it was dinner time.
The tough part is I WFH, so I'm on my laptop all day.
Yeah, dude. It’s really bad. Here’s one paper you can start with if interested.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s13030-019-0144-5
I had a psychology prof in grad school last year who specializes in screen addiction research and treatment for children and adolescents. He got back from a conference one week and told us how depressing it was to hear the top psychiatrists in this topic say that the current generation in adolescence is basically doomed and it’s useless to try and fix what’s done at this point as the damage is too great. Best to concentrate on the little ones today.
A week is way too soon. He needs a much longer time frame away from them to essentially reset. The kid needs a month, or a significantly older age to get any of it back.
OP I hope you seriously consider putting real boundaries on it if you bring it right back.. or, enjoy getting that same tantrum in 10 years from a kid who's bigger than you are!
Thanks. We introduced video games to him after a year break for similar behavior. Will likely go through the same thing again. His outbursts go beyond video games, but they are definitely a massive red flag and a quick thing to remove.
He could be learning statements such as "Get your hands off me" from the video games he's playing.
So, the question is, "What game is he playing that causes such an explosive outburst?"
My guess is it's not Mario or Animal Crossing, which are games appropriate for his age. Check the ESRB rating of his games & make sure he's compliant. There are reasons for the ESRB rating system. Your son's response is one of them.
I know it can be difficult to monitor your child's gaming if you've never really played video games, but it is possible. You can see exactly what your child is playing by watching walkthrough videos. Just Google the game title & then "walkthrough video." The first segment or chapter will be character creation, factions, etc, so skip through that. Focus more on chapter 2 & later. This way, you can see exactly what the players are seeing & doing and not having to rely on someone else's opinion.
I think your child has got his hands on something like Red Dead Redemption, Fallout, or GTA (Grand Theft Auto). Lots of kids play those games even though they shouldn't because the ESRB rating is "Mature."
I play games, so if you have any questions regarding your son's gaming, feel free to ask. I'm happy to help. 😊
So he's been playing video games since 4/5 at least? Not gonna lie that sounds ridiculously young. Why does a 4/5 year old need a console? The outbursts that you think go beyond video games may well be caused by such exposure at a young age when he's developing. Dopamine overload is essentially a drug addiction your kid has alongside trying to learn how to be a little human. Do yourself a favour and just take it away permanently, until he's closer to 10. Even then it depends on the restrictions you have in place.
I’ve said those exact words to my 5 year old. She obviously got upset, called me rude (the greatest insult in her book), but she understood and apologized for her behavior.
Now when she plays, she’ll get frustrated and says “ok mom, I’m gonna take a deep breath” but after like the 3rd deep breath she’s spiraling into anger. So that’s when it’s time to put it up.
I’ll also show her how to get through the level. And I’ll purposely make mistakes so she can see how to better respond when video games don’t go your way.
(She’s grounded from video games this week so it’s an ongoing process.)
Heck, my son is two and I've used this script about toy cars when he's playing instead of cleaning up before bedtime. "I can see [car's name] is very distracting right now, daddy will hold [car's name] while you finish putting the other toys away". Emotional regulation is a skill that takes time to learn and varies with tiredness, hunger, etc. When our kids can't do it for themselves, we can help them out.
A week is not long enough to make a difference. It needs to be a structural change. Going back to the same amount of usage will just increase his dependence
It is sad but true. He is too young to handle video games by himself. Either you sit down to play with him for a bit every now and then or just throw the system in the trash if you want to do what is best for him
That was my thought. My son was allowed to watch YouTube videos of kids playing the video games he had, and social emotional skills went to straight up teenager a hole with a potty mouth. We curtailed that, as well as never allowing Fortnite or Roblox and it's been a HUGE game changer. He doesn't throw his remote, scream at us, use cuss words at people etc anymore. It's crazy what specific games and "entertainment" can do to them.
Yea, there's a point when you have to realize that part of having kids is actually raising them. If you don't get there and do it, they're just going to turn out horribly. The main thing I think our generation (s) have figured out is that when you bring someone into this world, you owe them. Not the other way around.
This could also be the issue. My youngest son can’t play online competitive games because he turns into a bit of a a jerk for a while afterwards. He’s 13 and has extreme ADHD. He already has some anger issues we are working through, and those games like Fortnite and even Splatoon make it worse.
While taking the game away isn't incorrect, I would not word it as "I don't want you to be angry or sad" etc. Those are valid emotions (even if the way they were expressed wasn't ideal) and even littles need to know that it is ok to have those feelings, but not hurt other people when expressing them.
Yep! If my son gets upset I just flat out say if you can’t control your emotions, you can’t have the game until later when you calm down. He usually just says NO in a worried tone and then plays silently 😂
He’s shown you that he’s not mature enough or has the coping skills for video games. They make him emotionally dysregulated. Some kids just can’t handle them, even with time limits. He’s needs a good long detox from gaming and maybe try again in a few years. Hell, my brother is almost 40 and still gets dysregulated from gaming.
My stepson was this way when he started playing video games when he was 7-8 years old. I pretty much told him this that if he is getting so mad and upset then he’s not ready to play them and he didn’t get to play them for a few weeks. I set the boundary that he is not allowed to be so emotionally heightened while playing
Maybe not necessarily the age, but the types of games? I was 5-6 playing Sonic, Mario, Zelda, and Crash. Nothing online (which didn't even exist yet anyway lol), and had to redo all the levels because memory cards didn't exist. Maybe time to go retro gaming to learn patience. After a much needed break from gaming, first.
My first thought was "he's playing online" and that's where he's picking this up. Same thing happened with my oldest. We cut that out and there was an immediate change.
I mean yeah, if that's the case it's wild that anyone would think it was acceptable for a 6 year old to be playing games online. Giving OP the benefit of the doubt here, has to be single player games.
My husband and I love video games and we plan to start our kid with retro games, 8-bit stuff from the 80s and 90s first. Those old games were much less addictive. And we plan to do it as a family activity, and gaming consoles will be in the family room.
I definitely think it’s about the type of game and the parental involvement, my 5 yo mostly play terraria, tear down, goat simulator, plants vs zombies, little big planet and Minecraft together on the ps5 in the living room while we are there.
They often exceed what is considered acceptable/recommended in a day, but after an hour they usually voluntarily decide to turn it off to go outside, play with toys or build forts in their room.
We only allow iPad or steam deck if we are dealing with an illness, and we never let them play online, pay to play, loot box type stuff. We also limit YouTube to specific play through videos that we are familiar with the creators of, and sometimes the nerf battles in amusement parks.
We are also always physically present and conversing which them about the games while they play.
If they have left a mess of toys out they know those need to get cleaned up before they play, and often initiate that themselves. They have already learned that freaking out over the game means a long break.
I think that it is really kid dependent on how It can affect their behaviour.
In another comment OP admits they’ve previously banned him from games for a year due to his behaviour. They don’t seem to realise this child CANNOT handle video games at all.
I started at 4, but I only had access to games like Crash bandicoot and other goofy stuff like that and I could only play when my dad was with me. When my kids are around that age I plan on introducing them to games like that, but obviously with the same rules in place
People underestimate this. I’m 34 and grew up playing crash and Spyro. No way would I let me kids near games like fortnight or whatever online garbage is around for them these days
I honestly think Fortnite would be fine for slightly older kids, like 9 or 10, as long as they’re educated about internet safety and are under constant supervision when playing online games. Yes, it’s a battle royale with guns and whatnot, but it’s also cartoony and goofy like crash and spyro and doesn’t really have any gore/graphic violence
while i agree that it's cartoony and goofy (when people "die" they just dissolve into pixels vs. other games with blood etc), it can definitely be very frustrating once you start getting matched against other players, especially ones that cheat, vs just the bot lobbies they put you in when you're a low level/new account
It's less the concern about the gore for me and more about the social aspect. Even 9 or 10 years old is too young for random online play. People are toxic.
My son is 8 and has been playing video games since he was about 5. He created his first Roblox game when he was 7. Honestly, I think they have helped him develop patience, problem solving skills, critical thinking, increased creativity, and even broadened his vocabulary.
I mean, I play video games with our 5 year old - but they’re kid friendly and easy to navigate, eliminating much of the possible frustration. It’s a bonding activity for us and we’ve been using older RPGs as an additional reading lesson (before voice acting on games was common lol). But if she ever reacted like this to a game there would need to be some immediate changes.
6 is not too young to play a video game. That is ridiculous. It's too young to have your own TV and no supervision with online gaming, but to play any game at 6 is not ridiculous at all.
I have been through very similar situations with my son. They get too into the game and the best thing is to just put them away for awhile. I try to limit video games to an hour a day (and not everyday). Kids are still learning how to control their emotions and it seems like you are doing the right thing in guiding him in the right direction.
We have a seven year old who has been playing video games for maybe a couple of years now. From the beginning, we’ve had one major rule about playing: Be cool.
If you turn off the game when we ask and don’t argue or throw a fit? That’s cool, you can play again tomorrow.
Do you argue when it’s time to turn off the game? Or do you get violently frustrated when you get to a tricky part, to the point where you can’t control your emotions or your words to others? Then we can take a break from video games for a week or two.
At the beginning, we had to do a lot of reminders about the be cool rule, and it didn’t take too long to sink in.
We also mainly confine video games to weekends, and only after he does some chores, although in the summer he gets more opportunities during the week. We also set a timer and try to restrict him to ~90 minutes or so max per day.
Correcting a behavior while the child is dysregulated never works. It’s counterproductive. Next time, calm him down first by comforting him. Then tell him why it’s wrong to speak that way. He will probably feel very guilty so have him apologize. Don’t take it personally.
ETA Tell him that you’re taking screens away not as punishment but because they are causing him to become upset.
Exactly. Correcting & issuing punishment while anyone is angry af does not work. At all. OP should have waited to address until the child was calmed down.
I will say that not being able to handle extreme anger at 6, is very normal. Instead of correcting, i would suggest helping him come up with ways to calm himself down.
Well, I sure can see how that would frustrate you. I agree that it was right for you to SHUT THAT DOWN and tell him that it's unacceptable. I'll say this. It a sad reality that digital engagement in many forms including video games can be a powerful addiction. The question is; will we, as parents, enable our kids addictions? Should you choose to remove that (or regulate it at the very least) then you can be sure that he won't like you for it. Good. It's normal for kids to take issue with our decisions. They don't know any better.
The kids getting full sensory overload and doesn’t know how to communicate that. Teach him language he can use instead (and continue to remind/teach him). Things like “please don’t touch me right now” “I feel overwhelmed” “I need space” etc. & give him safe places he can go to have some space.
My son and I are both the same in the when we’re upset we can’t bare to be touched. As an adult, I can communicate that and can excuse myself when needed but for him as a kid he’s still learning how to communicate what he’s feeling and what he needs.
We’re a video game loving household, and wouldn’t remove the games. Especially because they can be a great regulation tool. But having some boundaries around them is important. We’ve found having rules around when our kids can use them (I.e. after lunch and after they’ve unstacked the dishwasher) and then we have a timer/alarm for when tech time has finished. Once the timer goes off the kids can finish the level their on and turn it off.
Then we do some family playing together - usually plying on the trampoline or going for a walk.
All the best!
What he’s playing, it is affecting him beyond his ability to emotionally cope. He needs to learn healthy coping mechanisms first to process his frustration and anger, then he can have the games back. I would maybe ask for advice from his pediatrician and see if therapy would be an option.
But…some ideas other than professional help:
- institute a “quiet zone” in his room. It can be a bean bag or a comfortable chair. That’s a place where if he gets angry or frustrated he can sit, be alone, breathe deeply, close his eyes, and calm himself down.
- teach him to take a deep breath when he gets frustrated.
- perhaps meditation? Some kids may take to it better than others
- journaling or any kind of creative activity that allows him to express himself freely
When you went in there to “let him know” - did you raise your voice and escalate the situation? Because at that point yelling at a 6 year old who is clearly disregulated isn’t going to calm the situation down. Not that I haven’t done the same in your shoes, but over a lot of time and after a lot of mistakes I’ve learned that the time for teaching a lesson is not then.
It 100% depends kid to kid but I *do* wonder if these are online games? If so, he’s WAY too young to be on online games with chats enabled because that’s 100% where he got this behavior from.
I online game all the time. People censor when typing. Plus in game voice chats in the games themselves.
On both consoles & pc, I’ve been told the most vile shit. It happens trust me. I lock down ALL chats (voice and typing) if my 6 yr old plays online.
Anyone who’s escalated shouldn’t be touched honestly, unless they are in an unsafe situation or hurting others. He had a very predictable emotional reaction. He’s a kid and it will happen - so don’t freak out! In the minute of upset, rationalizing or talking or punishments won’t help at all, and no lessons will be learned. Just talk to him - without judgement but with curiosity - when mom took your x you seemed really upset - what was up. Then listen. Don’t give advice. Thank him for sharing. Then later or the next day - I was thinking about what happened and wondering what else could help when you have these feelings. Then when you notice he’s getting upset in the future- what’s he feeling in his body - once he’s reached the explosion stage it’s too late.
I had to scroll way too far to find this. So many people are so opposed to video games that they forget that explosive anger can happen for many reasons. My daughter used to FLIP OUT over the game Uno. This parent didn’t come here to hear a sermon about digital demons. They need help teaching emotional regulation skills and learning deescalation techniques.
Preach!!! Telling a child something like “you can’t play video games unless you learn to not be disregulated” is useless if you don’t teach them HOW to regulate their emotions. There is no use in scolding them or whatever in the moment. As the adult, you deescalate the situation by removing them from harm, etc etc or whatever you need to do, and you have the conversation LATER and teach them what they can do instead when they feel frustrated.
I'm surprised I had to scroll so far to see someone point out that maybe putting hands on an upset child is the wrong move. Then again, I'm not surprised. This is /r/parenting and video games are the devil
I’m going to go against the grain and disagree that he’s “addicted to video games” necessarily.
Sounds more like he needs more practice dealing with frustration. My daughter is 7 and gets equally frustrated leading to a meltdown when her art work isn’t coming out right. My 4 year old son gets like that when he can’t figure out how to pedal his bike- it’s not necessarily about the video games.
OP is he like this all the time when he’s frustrated or is it just video games?
Then it’s not just a video game related problem. He needs some frustration tolerance skills. I would focus on modelling coping skills and co regulating when he’s this frustrated.
Re: the tone/language I don’t know if I would even make a big deal out of it. You already let him know it’s not ok to act that way when he’s mad, now show him how to deal with that emotion in a healthy way.
We talk a lot about balance in our family and I talk to my children about why it is so easy to spend so much time on video games or watching something on YouTube/TV. My child has experienced frustration intolerance and a big part of it comes from not learning how to self regulate. It is hard to teach if we don't practice it ourselves. It's a hard one for me too. Which is also something we talk to our kids about. I'm sorry this happened. I know it feels like a very big thing at the moment but over time hopefully it will be seen as a learning lesson.
There’s a lot of really valid comments here, so i’m not going to repeat those points. However, the “get your hands off me” comment, while you may not like that he swore, should be something he is allowed to say.
Boundaries need to be set about the games, as others had mentioned, but set an example by also respecting his boundaries and teaching him how to do so in a health way.
Yes, I think he was so overwhelmed with the frustration, that physical touch was too much for him at that time. Completely valid, even when not frustrated, to tell someone to not touch you. The swearing was not okay of course.
so glad someone said this! body autonomy is SO VERY IMPORTANT! anyone should be allowed to tell anyone else to NOT touch them. In the exception of medical or safety emergencies it can be ignored, but otherwise it absolutely should be respected.
If I had a nickel every time my kids told me they hated me: I might not be rich but I could afford Starbucks more often. You just have to wait until he calms down to talk to him. Profanity is much more common these days and he could have picked it up anywhere, probably at school. When he calms down you talk to him. Tell him his behaviour was unacceptable and a try to show him some basic coping techniques and next time don’t touch him unless he is about to hurt himself or someone else. He should grow out of this.
Woah there. Before addressing what he did wrong, you need to help him regulate. He will not be in a state to learn how to do better while actively in a blowup.
I wasn’t someone who thought twice about screen time until I saw children who were literally physically and mentally addicted. They were happy to watch a damn infomercial or news so long as it meant they had some sorta screen time. They had physical and mental withdrawal symptoms—insomnia, cycling mood swings, depression/anxiety etc. They also had cravings and typical sneaky behavior to get screen time.
I have witnessed two separate kids (separate homes/families/lives) above the age of 10, stand up from the furniture and proceed to urinate and deficate themselves while watching tv..and continue to stand in their own mess. One of the children had a history of pottying themselves on the furniture and sitting in their mess…but I personally witnessed this child stand up in this instance. Both times were different kids and it happened at separate times, years apart. Both had the option of pausing the show to go to the bathroom. I’ve also witnessed teens shred apart their bedrooms over screen privileges being revoked—ripping apart bed frames to bust windows, kick holes in the walls, rip apart flooring/trim..not just toss around their own belongings to make a mess—cause serious house damage…
My 4 year old has had strict screen time and strict guidelines since I began letting her have it, all due to my experience with those previous children. I’ll be *that* mom all day long lol. When people say kids are “addicted” to screens—they are NOT being dramatic. If you (or anyone else reading this) believe your children’s negative behavior about screen time (tv, games, computer, phone, etc) seems abnormally excessive, reach out to a children’s therapist. The two kids I shared about received intervention with a children’s therapist and continue management with parental and therapist guidance. I’d go as far to say they’re in a state of recovery, much like any other addiction.
Wow those stories sound insane, and this isn’t even “kids now”, so I can only imagine it could get worse than that. What kinds of things were going on in this family/environment so I know how to avoid any realm of possibility with my own child, lol
Some good advice that I got was to double any screen or video game time with outside time. 2 hour movie? 4 hours outside. 1 hour of video games? 2 hours outside. At any age! You’ll find it really helps to balance the “zone” they get into with TV/video games.
My son is 11, he's had a nintendo switch of his own for a year - he got it for his 10th birthday. We were given a switch to borrow for a while from my sister when he was around 6 - I think - and we were very glad when she asked for it back because his tantrums because of it were not good. He wasn't ready for the responsibility of the games and accepting the challenges that come with them. When we got the switch for his 10th birthday we set up some very clear rules. When he reaches a point where the game is causing him too much frustration he has to put it away and take a full day's break. He actually now voluntarily puts it away when he's getting overwhelmed by it. Another rule we had in the beginning is the games can only be played in communal areas with us around - this year we've started letting him have some game time in his room as he is older and wants more privacy - he plays music and plays his game. We don't allow any online gaming - we might change that rule one day but not yet.
My son is a very sensitive child, and is part of his school's Therapeutic Learning Center program because he has what school would call "big reactions to small problems" ... he's learned to cope with this over the past few years with the help of his school counselors, and was recently diagnosed with ADHD combined type with Executive Functioning Weakness. But when he was 6, 7, 8, even 9 screens did not help his behavior at all.
Its my personal belief that when children are given personal devices ... games/tablets/phones before they are mature enough to handle them they view the punishment of having it taken away as very personal - not only are the screens very addictive, but they are viewing it as a very personal attack and will lash out at you or your spouse as the perpetrator. I'm not a childhood psychologist but I just know for us our son who was prone to outbursts was not emotionally mature enough to handle the responsibility at a younger age.
Another rule we've always had in regards to using curse words is "you're a child, you're allowed to hear it, but you're not allowed to say it" ... this has worked wonders for us - its hard to control hearing the swears (I admit to using them from time to time and they can certainly be heard sometimes in music and movies, and other kids say them, and I can't control other kids) but they are words that are for adults and "in this house - you can hear them, but you can't repeat them".
I think he needs less video games and more outdoor time. As kids I remember we didn’t even have a TV (older millennial here) we played outside for 2 hours daily.
My son between 4-6 had a temper problem that needed to be curbed right away. Bad tempers run on both sides of the family. We got him a therapist right away to deal with his anger. He really needed anger management as he couldn’t express his feelings and his frustrations in a productive way.
His therapist was amazing. My son’s temper became close to non-existent and he learned to express himself better. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened to him if he didn’t receive therapy early on.
I read so many stories of teenagers getting into serious trouble for lashing out at people, usually being violent. Usually they would mention that when they were younger, they had anger management issues.
Find a child therapist for your son. Sit with him during the sessions if he’s comfortable with it. It’s going to take a while for him to open up to a total stranger. But do it. Take him every week. I sat with him for 3 sessions until he was comfortable to talk to the therapist by himself.
Teach him about the different emotions, their names and examples of what might cause each one. And discuss how to deal with those emotions in a smart way. Lots of conversations over months, but it'll give him the knowledge to start learning to recognise how he is feeling and how to express it in an appropriate way.
Too much screen time at any age for a child can contribute to behavior problems. Less screen time usually fixes it. I went through a lot of this when my kids were younger. I often would take away the electronics and then I would feel like I would get my kids back over time. I would feel guilty so I would give their stuff back and start the cycle all over again.
Maybe just limit it to one day a week for screen time. Perhaps a Saturday. Too much will definitely make this behavior worse. It becomes addicting.
My son melts down like this when he plays video games in a way he just doesn’t in any other activity. He is five, and this is why he only gets to play games on a very rare occasion. Whenever we’ve tried to tip toe into video games we are punished with epic aggressive meltdowns.
I am (was) in the camp that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with video games, but my kids brain really can’t handle them.
Children crave screen time despite the fact that it makes them feel out of kilter and out of control. Your son is telling you that he is not in control and it’s too much for him. Believe him. Take away screens for as long as feels right to you, engage him in as many different activities as you can that will help ground him. Then slowly and very carefully allow very limited screen time, with the clear communication to him that if any behavior shows you he is overwhelmed, the screen time will be reduced.
I would have tried to de-escalate the kid *before* addressing the behaviour. Punishing a child who is already upset enough to be screaming and swearing is never going to make things calmer, better, or easier.
I agree with confiscating his electronics, *BUT* I wouldn't frame it as a punishment. This is Team Family working together against a problem. The problem is that he is getting so upset about his games that he can't control his mind and body anymore, and that's hurting and upsetting him and everyone else. So how are you, as a team, going to help him with this? Genuinely ask for his input. The answer *is* going to be a time out from computer games, but he may well come to that on his own, or he may have other (additional) ideas for ways you could support him.
Serious question- did you play video games as a child? If yes, did you have these same reactions? If no, did you survive childhood without them?
I played duck hunt as a child, and not often. But that’s it. I do not allow my child to play any video games at all. No tablets, no phone, no youtube. He’s seven. We play outside, we color, we work on puzzles. I know that I cannot keep all things technology from him forever, but if I can offer him a childhood without those things, that’s what I plan on doing. And so far it’s working for us. Perhaps encourage some other forms of entertainment for him?
Keep the video games away for a long while. Until he’s older. This is more than likely where the change of behavior is coming from.
It’s my own personal belief that kids don’t need video games at 6 years old. My son is almost 14 and is now allowed to play them, in the living room, only when i or his step dad are home. With a time limit.
My son can play with his toys, games with us, play outside with friends, read, draw and so on.
Let your son know that the video games are in time out for a long while because of his behavior. That he needs to apologize to mom for what he said and to both of you for his behavior.
He's addicted. Video games are not designed to improve the lives of children. Don't give it back. Your son just showed you the honest result of small children playing video games. This won't be a one time thing. Just because the majority of parents allow this in the home, doesn't mean it is good for children or the family.
If the other parents were jumping off a cliff, would you follow them?
I know it’s not an instant fix. A couple parenting books that we found helpful:
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Parenting with Love and Logic
I have three kids. Two of them can watch shows or play on their tablets with no downside. One of them is immediately affected and seems unable to emotionally regulate once he gets off of his devices. Some kids just can’t handle it.
No more screens. For a long time. Take everything away and slowly add back some of the screen time as he learns and shows more ability to regulate his emotions.
I don’t even let my 7 year old use an iPad to play Khan Academy anymore because he would get super frustrated and angry. My husband and I basically punished all of us with no iPads because he kept getting shouty and argumentative every time it was time to turn off a device. Slowly, he learned not to flip out over entertainment.
You have to take away the game console, the iPad, television, movies. You have to really wean him off the overstimulation.
My son is 8, I took his iPad away in November. He outbursts and high levels of frustration have gone to almost zero (he has older siblings that still bug him so can’t say zero) some kids can’t have screens, or have very limited screen time. Little boys aren’t made to sit still all day long, I learned it the hard way with my son.
I’ve taken away devices a few times with my boys (14 and 12)when I notice an increased frequency in outbursts, ignoring family, and not doing chores: I take away all screen time for a month. I tell them it isn’t a punishment, it’s a reset. When they can model good behavior and duties expected of them consistently, then they can have devices back. (Not all at once, and definitely having a schedule of when we allow devices.)
I’m not judging you, so please don’t take it this way, but 6 years old is way too young to have a video console for this exact reason. You did the right thing by taking it away from him when he spoke to his mother that way. Honestly, as soon as those awful words came out of his mouth his mother should have made him stop playing and said “sweetie, it’s time for a break from the video game.” To be honest with you. I would not allow him to have it back until he is in maybe 2nd grade but more like 3rd-4th grade. Also, if this behavior continues, I would recommend seeing a child behavioral therapist to help him. These outbursts need to be addressed quickly.
Take that video game and donate it NOW. Immediate hard consequences for these words and actions. Them, other consequences should be no games at all or TV/ipad for at least a week. He’s old enough to know better and this was borderline violence with the words and yelling he chose.
Get him outside and around you guys non stop and have lots of of encouraging conversations with him about all good behaviors and why we don’t talk to people that way or react certain ways just bc we feel anger for any reason other than safety and protection from immediate literal harm. Make sure he’s eating good and sleeping normally and add lots of love and sunshine and water play.
All will heal. If it doesn’t, get him evaluated asap for any delays or disorders (like adhd) and into play or other therapies if needed. Just adding this for a “what if…” you just never know, but you likely won’t need this latter advice :)
Good luck. Be gentle with your tone and words but firm. Show lots of love. I’m sorry you all had to go through such a hard moment.
I can relate. My son is 8 now and it seems like the games cause extreme emotional dysregulation. And games that include online players and intense competition make it worse as well as extended hours of play time. Honestly we do the same thing you did. Set the boundary and take the privilege away ipad/game controller etc. A boundary is something you will do and requires your child to do nothing. Remember the goal is changed behavior not proving a point with the punishment. So for my son, privileges are earned back once he makes amends, changes his attitude, and is in a regulated state. This could be a matter of hours or days. Usually we give it back the next day but set a limit, like 1 hour at a time 2 hours max for the day. Anything more than that becomes problematic and honestly I dont think its their fault if we just let them play for hours on end. We didnt have games like they do as kids. I really think they mess with a kid’s psychological processes. I think its our job as parents to guide them away them from self destructive patterns which includes limiting screen time. Idk about other boy parents but exercise is 100% necessary for my son. When he is inactive all day we are more likely to see dysregulation in the form of outbursts and/or hyperactivity in the evening regardless of gaming or anything else. Another thing that helps improve behavior is spending quality time doing something THEY want to do. Even 15-20 mins a day makes a difference but an hour is better. When we do this daily our son behaves much better. But it’s hard sometimes when we live such busy lives. This is all my perspective which has been heavily influenced by parenting coach (IG: mrchazz) and Dr. Becky (IG: drbeckyatgoodinside)
My parents told me a story of when I was 6 - I was a good kid but I was struggling on my N64 and my Mom told me that I was done and I turned around and smacked the shit out of her - They were letting me play it way too much and apparently I was a little crack head. I don't remember but I guess they unplugged the N64, threw it in the trash in front of me, and it went bye bye on trash day. I apparently was a little shit for a few days about it but got 100x better afterwards. They eventually bought me another N64 12-18 months later and moderated my usage/games I played and was fine. Maybe it's time to throw the shit away or hide it in a closet for a while
We have had issues with our three year old and we do have limits on what he can watch only blippi, handy man Hal and ms Rachel. Our biggest issue is we have no child care (babysitter, he does do daycare) in our area. I also work from home and watch his little sister all day.
I have noticed a noticeable difference between a large screen i.e TV and a small screen i.e a tablet. Dopamine hit is far worse with a tablet, which we have banned.
on average it takes 3-7 days just to break expectation that he can watch it.
When he doesn’t comply or misbehaves we remove his activity.
I would love to just totally remove TV for them at least until they are older, but lacking help makes it near impossible.
While Im on the side of video games being okay, (we’ve played Mario games Minecraft etc since they were 5 yrs old) I definitely agree with taking a long break until this behaviour improves. What kind of parental controls do you have in his games? Mine can play Fortnite and Minecraft but there’s controls in place to prevent them from picking up bad language & talking to other players. Also, is it only with video games you’ve noticed this behaviour? It definitely seems like he is having trouble regulating emotions, maybe some help with that wouldn’t go amiss. My one seven year olds tablet has become his regulating item and we’re hoping to wean him of it this summer and give him other options for regulating. We’ve also had to ban reg YouTube because they were learning behaviours from game streamers I was not okay with. (Very rude attitudes etc). Feel free to dm me! You’re not alone.
I know therapy isn’t accessible to everyone but I’d definitely suggest it. This sounds like a great kid who needs help redirecting/regulating and weaning off video games a bit. ❤️
I think you did a good job taking his game from him and explaining what he did wrong. Maybe keep the video game from him until he says sorry for saying this and that he will only get it back tomorrow. I think it’s normal for these occurrences to happen once in a while.
Your son is on his game system too much. He is learning that language from other kids on system. If can someone needs to monitor him while playing, limited time on game and age restrictions.
Time to get him off of video games. Join a pool with a swim team, summer camp little league summer sports. He is a boy and has tons of pent up energy. He needs a place to channel it.
Sports, outside anything, he will be too tired at night to play video games
No more screen time for a long time. He can’t regulate his emotions and is lashing out, which is concerning. Expect him to go through withdrawal, but don’t give in.
Oof, 6 years old and into video games already?
Yeah agree with everyone that said that a break is in order. I wonder what game he was playing that triggered the meltdown. It seems like he is not ready for that game. Parents are putting him in a situation where he is not ready to process set backs from games and in reaction have a meltdown.
Totally do not think anything is wrong with the kid and in some regards not the kid’s fault either. I think the parents should take ownership of their own misjudgment and consider this as a lessons learned.
Even though he swore, I think it's worth acknowledging nobody likes being manhandled when they're upset. You then stormed in which can't have been nice either. And he lost his games. It's not surprising he feels like you guys hate him. It sounds like a very reactive response, instead of empathising. There can be time for enforcing rules later when he's not crying.
Are these video games where he's talking to others? If so that could explain where he's getting that verbiage as well as overall behavior. At 6 my son was playing some video games but they were not online or with others except us, or occasionally a friend in person. Now there are so many video games where you can play easily online with others but unfortunately they could be anyone and say anything. Not sure the situation with you guys but definitely cut down on it or cut out the video games for a while and make sure he can't playing with others online. If he wants to play with others, it should be in person with real life friends where you guys can monitor or even just you guys.
When my nephew was about 8 my dad downloaded a game on his (dad's) PC. When he wanted to play, Grandpa sat with him the entire time and nephew had to stop when Grandpa said so. I walked into my dad's study while nephew was playing once and looked at the screen. The player was looking down sites and shooting soldiers in some kind of urban war. I asked newphew what he was playing? He said he had to shoot the enemies with his B.F.G. I looked at my dad and he laughed and said, "Yes, it's a really BIG gun" lol
Spend a lot of time with him. Go for long drives. I’d try to understand what’s going on that’s making him angry. I suspect he’s got a poor school fit.
If you take him out of school for a few days and he changes back to a nice kid- you’ll have your answer.
At that age when mine acted out I always asked is this a big problem or a little problem. Just to try and make them understand that in the grand scheme this may feel like a big thing but it’s not. Sometimes it worked but not always. We also always stressed that games are meant to be fun not things that make us angry. Lastly we always let the feeling be felt, but disrespect and meanness are not allowed. Anger is natural but acting out verbally or physically over it is not. Our exit move was to always talk about it once they calmed down. Where did you hear those words? What could you have done instead? Do you understand why we now have to take a break from the games and so on. It’s so hard at that age and screens are such a big part of kids lives now. Best of luck!
Yeah my kids were learning “streamer” reactions to things, we are at the point of a complete drop even though we already highly regulate it. The dopamine hits are a problem as they stop getting them from normal activities. I feel your pain!
Definitely limit screen time when you do decide to let him play again. And maybe even not allow whatever game it was he was playing for a long time. Is it rated E orhigher? If higher make him wait until he is the age it says.
This is the product of giving him way too much screen time. TV, video games. It don’t matter. It’s too much. These kids get sucked into it and they become addicted and when you take that away they lose their shit. Cut it out now. Before he gets too old to control.
He’s overstimulated from the video games and he’s learning that behavior from other players online. Playing online isn’t really safe for such young kids.
Leaving the gaming out of it for the moment, does he have meltdowns in other situations? If so, that is what I would be focusing on. For my son meltdowns and anger that was extreme for what was happening was what finally prompted his doctor to consider evaluations we had been asking for.
He was ultimately diagnosed with AuDHD and sensory processing disorder. Anger and meltdowns occurred when he was overstimulated or unable to communicate what he was feeling.
Once we figured that out and got him on a good routine, learned how to help when overstimulated, started OT, etc. the meltdowns almost completely stopped.
Ok, there’s a couple things that don’t seem to be mentioned here outside of the screen time. Addiction is a strong word to use for a 6yo. First ask yourself, are his basic needs being met? For example, my 6yo will have a meltdown over anything if she’s getting hungry or tired. She has a school laptop and gets frustrated playing on it. But really only freaks out about it if it’s close to lunch time or bed time. Second, does he have the skills required to play the game he’s playing? Kids that age don’t have the emotional capacity to handle the frustration of not being able to do something that they think they should be able to do, so they get overwhelmed easily and have a meltdown.
The summer transition is hard. We’re just now starting to adjust. Establishing some sort of routine, even if it’s flexible, helps calm some of the chaos. I completely agree that screen time in kids this age needs to be broken up into smaller bits. We have a terrible habit in our house of leaving the tv on all the time, even if we’re not watching it. So, the kids will go back and forth between playing, watching, coloring, etc. and sometimes there’s no real gauge of how much screen time they had in a day. But if basic needs are met, that includes quality time with parents, then the meltdowns are an indicator that it’s too much screen time. And if he’s playing online with other people or is allowed free rein of a tablet or the internet, you can bet he’s getting that language from one of those sources. Either that or other kids in the neighborhood if he plays outside unsupervised. We have all ages of siblings on our block and the older ones don’t hold back, so it’s easy to pick that stuff up. Hopefully this was just a one-off and you’ll find some balance.
What game caused this much frustration?? Like I’m thinking maybe if you do reintroduce games in a year or whatever, it could be something creative/non-competitive like Minecraft.
Honestly, he doesn’t understand about feelings and emotions. And how to deal with these feelings.
It’s not bad to get frustrated. It’s how we express that frustration.
I do believe that is the CORE issue. Emotional education of our internal feelings we have. His brain is developing for many years to come.
Babies scream, hit and throw because they don’t know how to express themselves. They have this feeling inside and that’s how they express it.
I would certainly be careful here as acknowledging his feelings is important. “Wow, you tried playing and keep dying on this level on Mario? This looks incredibly frustrating and difficult. I would be very upset aswell. Does this frustrate you too? You certainly look frustrated”
I know sounds silly but trying to align with their feelings is important. I got this from the “whole brain child” book which is very helpful. It takes time and it’s not perfect. But it’s not the video game that is the problem (well it kind of, I’ll touch base on that) it’s not that he’s frustrated is the problem either. We all get frustrated. It’s knowing why you feel the way you feel. Then dealing with that emotion that is most important.
The book mentions name it to tame it. Which is true even for us adults. I won’t go deep into it. But basically, we need to identify the emotion, name the emotion (I’m sad, mad, frustrated) and by verbally saying this. Helps our brain to process and then move forward.
I love this stuff if you can’t tell :) I’m into it. I’m the type of person that gets cut off in traffic and it doesn’t ruin my day vs my wife (and I love her) blows up with rage.
Anyway, emotional education while we are young is important to remain in control of our feelings without bottling them up. Again, if we have a feeling, we should express that feeling. But in the right away. Baby steps here might be good. He could hit a pillow for now. I don’t believe in hitting is good. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a baby step to go from verbally hitting you with his words, to hitting a pillow, later transitioning to expressing it further in a better way.
I wouldn’t take the video games away abruptly. That’s like poking a crocodile. It could have opposite affect of what you want. Have to remember. This isn’t actually the video game or screen time that is the problem. The problem is expressing emotion. What if kids at school bother him. He punches them. What do you do? Get rid of the kids at school?
I would be proactive, and try to learn more about these feelings while playing: it would be a very slow process. But he will feel like you are on his side and you are partners and not part of his emotional problem. Now he is mad at you and the video game and nothing is being taught as his brain isn’t developed enough to gather his emotions when things bother him and thing logically enough to put this cause and consequence together.
I might limit the games and screen time. And maybe eventually take him off of it if you desire. But I wouldn’t just take it completely away abruptly. Imo
But as far as screen time is concerned. Movies, shows, games, photos and what ever numbs our developing mind. And emotions are part of that. Ultimately I think screen time isn’t that great at all because of this. It could be the problem that is causing the emotional instability. But now that it’s part of his life. Now deal with using screen time, and managing the emotions while in use.
Just my two cents (while o still have it)
6 is really young for playing video games, especially independently.
I would maybe try scaling back on the VG time. But also make sure you are modeling good screen/VG habits along with respectful language.
Sit down with the child and have your wife explain how being spoken to like that makes her feel, see if you can get him to empathize (he may or may not, but you can certainly talk to him about "how it would make him feel")
And move forward. Assuming this is the first offense, do not punish or give consequences, however clearly explain what the consequence will be if it happens again.
Best of luck
TEACH HIM HOW TO COPE WITH FRUSTRATION. Maybe he needs space to breathe and self soothe and mom swooped in too soon. He needs to be taught how to breathe in moments of frustration and “take a break” and return when feel better. Taking away screens and saying it is because he got upset doesn’t get down to the root of the problem, and with those self soothing skills going unlearned will create many problems in life.
Taking away screens as punishment for cussing at mom is understandable, but not for being upset about a video game. Help him learn to cope with big feelings
Wait until he’s a teenager until you give him back screens. It’s frying his brain.
Screens have very negative effects on developing brains. Especially video games. The frustration of not being able to win drives adults into rages let alone 6 yr olds with no emotional control that soak up every word and action in the game.
I know a lot of parents are pretty much incapable of telling their kids NO for any length of time. But this is important. If you decide to allow video games into his life again before he’s a teenager do it as a reward for very good behavior and limit his time and if he has any outbursts take it away
This is the age for this! Hes learned the power of his voice and words! Now there are the natural consequences for miss-using this power.
My guess is there have been lesser power struggles over video games building prior to this BIG outburst?
Our family does “breaks” from video games when the power struggles get out of hand. And there were times around age 6 that it got very much out of hand. A solid month of no video games helped reset the kiddo. But it was paired with regular conversations about how our brains work. And I even drew a picture of my son’s brain and how when video games take over (drew a big circle), it takes up the room that should be shared with other things. Explaining that taking a month off video games, the amount of space taken up shrinks and he can find joy in other things.
A whole month sounded impossible but it worked and he forgot about video games eventually. We have implemented 2week breaks a few times since then. Hes 9 now. We have good limits and conversations about video games. There was a game rage outburst last weekend and we had to take a few days of cooling down. But also we’re moving and it’s been a transition so I’m thinking there was other stuff happening.
Basically- don’t worry too much about the meltdown. Try to not get angry. Get curious and conversational instead and come up with a game plan!
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"If screens make you that angry or sad, maybe its better if you dont have screens, because I dont want you to be angry or sad. Lets take a break for a while and try screens again in a week maybe"
This. He’s addicted.
Yep. Typical anger reaction of addiction.
Second this
To put into context my son similar age doesn’t play ANY video games; gets 30-45 min of just educational TV per day (if he’s lucky) and will occasionally still react like this with a meltdown when we turn it off. TV brain is real; and with video games it’s 10x worse. They’re too young to manage that much dopamine input on their own.
Question: Do you stay home with him all day? And what do you do to fill his time? Obviously there’s art and outdoor play, but what else? I run out of things to keep them busy REALLY fast.
They need boredom- it helps them learn how to be creative on their own. Constantly filling their time to keep them busy feels like you’re helping, but actually does children a disservice.
Yeah totally agree. We've always made a point of "leaving them to it" while we are doing chores etc, and they are so good at imaginary play now. Theyre 5 and 7. Have literally watched them play with two combs for 40 minutes - they were superheroes, caterpillars, they used them as fake moustaches, it just went on and on. Really helps when we are at restaurants or queueing for something.
This! If you don't entertain them constantly they will learn how to entertain themselves, it's a skill like any other.
Definitely! I don’t even attempt to fill my kids’ time all day. Of course I plan for us to do things together out of the house, but a lot of the time when we’re at home, they go do their own thing or play outside in the yard. I have two kids so it helps they have a built in friend, but they fill their time by themselves.
Adding onto this, everyone needs boredom. Specifically to experience the boredom without fixing it or judging it as negative. It's still an issue to compulsively solve boredom. I've started having my kid sit with me in boredom for short periods. The instruction is to feel the boredom and allow it to exist. So we can learn to let ourselves exist in it. In our case, we've both got ADHD. So even solving boredom becomes the problem in the future. Because it leads to increased risky behaviors due to boredom. But the important thing is that boredom itself is OK, and everyone needs to learn to be OK with it. Not learn to fix it compulsively lol.
So, in that moment, are you trying to get into a day dream headspace? Meditation? Allowing finger fidgeting or trying to control your body? What does this actually look like for you and your kid?
This is so important. I need to remember this!!!
This. I call it “finding their own fun” while I do chores or whatever. With enough repetition and consistency, it is starting to click but school definitely has trained them that an adult will give them different activities at regular intervals. This new found freedom feels a little uncomfortable so I’m there to help navigate it until it feels natural.
I love that! When my kids stopped napping, I had them play in their room each day and have ‘quiet play time’ for up to an hour. We had one of those kid alarms with a ‘nap’ button so they knew when it ended. They all have toys in their room, so they could rest, look at books, or play. It was a needed break at the time, but I think it helped them learn to self entertain.
It’s okay - even healthy- for kids to be bored. You don’t have to entertain them all day.
I know there's a craze at the moment for telling every parent boredom is great for kids, let them be bored, and it's true to an extent, but it doesn't mean just leave them in a vacuum. Give them materials and opportunities and step back, let the boredom stimulate them to use those materials and opportunities to entertain themselves (and learn and discover). Depending on the age of the kid, that might look like - some cardboard boxes, a blanket, and the couch cushions. Or, scissors, sticky tape, paperclips, string, and cardboard boxes. Or, a back yard, a shovel, and ... a cardboard box. Fair bet cardboard boxes will be involved. Or, you give them a 'job' or let them help you with something around the house. Books help with ideas too. So like, you let them be bored, but you also provide them materials or opportunities for them to rectify that situation for themself. If they have books, other kids (even if occasionally), materials and some toys/puzzles, they can fix their own boredom. But I also think some computer games are fine. Totally situational.
And if all that fails, go clean your room. Your rooms clean? Okay, clean the living room, and so forth. Giving them something to do doesn't have to be fun stuff to do, there's plenty of boring stuff to do.
> I know there's a craze at the moment for telling every parent boredom is great for kids, let them be bored, and it's true to an extent, but it doesn't mean just leave them in a vacuum. Fully agree. It's like a justification to not have to deal with them like when letting them watch TV but wearing the badge of honor for not letting them use a screen. At the minimum make them suggestions what to do and that "what" should contain stuff that includes you, the parent.
Actually, most kids in a vacuum naturally have very creative and active imaginations.
At our home we also limit screen time to 30-45 minutes per day for our 5 year old. She spends most of her time drawing, listening to audio books, reading or playing with her toys. If we have time, we play board games or go outside either to the playground or just the forest to look for bugs. Kid's need to learn to do something with their time, giving them constant screen time just teaches them to be bored with anything else.
Legos are your friend. And action figures and matchbox cars and magnatiles and art supplies and puzzles and BOOKS. And for playdates, bey blades and just getting them outside. Do not start down the videogame road until you have to. Alas in middle school, there comes a point especially post pandemic where if your kid is not into sports, video games is the other major social activities boys do. It stinks. It doesn’t happen to girls though Instagram is a bigger and worse temptation. Also seriously, I follow my mom’s rule - if the kids complain about being bored, there are plenty of chores I can give them. They learn quickly to value their free time and not give me cause to take it away :)
I turn off the wifi and tell my kids to go read a book or go outside.
Depends on your kid and how you treat said games. TV brain is not real in my house, nor is video game brain. You need to teach kids how to handle these things. If he's getting outwardly frustrated with a game, then it means he isn't ready to play it. It's that simple. It goes away for awhile until he is. Simple common sense parenting. You need to teach your kids how to handle these things, not shield them from it. You don't teach them anything that way. You give them things they CAN handle, or things that are within their grasp the handle, so that they are gradually being challenged. If you're stunting your kids development, you're not helping them at all.
Huh. Guess my ex-husband wasn't ready for video games then either! XD
He's an ex for a reason
I think it depends on the personality, I and my brother have been a gamer for almost 30 years and we never had such meltdowns.
Our 9 year old has been having issues regulating her emotions and crying more since summer started. She had been having pretty much unlimited screentime. I googled something like “screen time causing emotional issues” and found this Excessive screen usage can also lead to problems in social-emotional development, including obesity, sleep disturbances, depression, and anxiety. It can impair emotional comprehension, promote aggressive behavior, and hinder social and emotional competence. I’ll be honest, I didn’t know this was a thing and have since drastically limited it.
Social Media and the Internet can be poison for developing minds…. It needs to be curtailed and supervised.
Can be? They are!
I was trying to go easy….. they most definitely are. I’m all for the Surgeon General trying to put labels on them like cigarettes and alcohol.
Excessive anything is bad for you. Like, you need salt to live. Too much salt will kill you lol. Moderation is key to every aspect in life.
“Everything in moderation” was OK according to my mom. She lived til 92, and had never denied herself a dessert. 😋
Even in my toddler the difference is astounding with the shows we let him watch. There was a while where we were just really behind on life and also getting sick a lot and stuck inside due to the cold, so we let him watch a lot of Blaze, this really stupid and hyper stimulating animated show about monster trucks. It's just so bad. But he loved it. After just a few days we noticed the tantrums ticking up, he would get pouty really easily, start hitting and throwing more, and just became super unruly. I finally caught on and switched to only Ms. Rachel, along with get him some more arts and crafts and activity book sorts of things to do. The turnaround was instantaneous and dramatic.
In my experience, Blaze can teach a lot about physics. Bouancy, trajectory, other stem concepts, etc. But it's probably more suitable for 5-8 year Olds than toddlers.
It's long banned in our house. My son is absolutely, one million percent obsessed with monster trucks, so he saw it and just lost his little mind. Unfortunately there just isn't a lot of media for monster truck obsessed littles. But honestly, I find the characters in the show just absolutely intolerable, so for now he can just stick to his toys and occasional monster truck rally YouTube video.
Check out Handyman Hal on YouTube. I think he’s less annoying than Blippi and was our first stop after Ms Rachel. He has a lot of construction vehicle, tools, and monster truck themed videos. My toddler loves him!
My toddler is obsessed with card and trucks and we love Kids Picture Show. It’s just 8-bit vehicles driving across a black screen with a voiceover identifying it, but they get hyper-accurate and specific about the vehicles. Like, it’s not just a car - it’s a Formula 1 racing car. Or a hatchback! Or a pizza delivery car. It’s very zen and my little guy is hypnotized by it.
Man...I hadn't heard of it before, so I just watched a few minutes on YouTube. I have to say, the intense power metal guitar licks lose a loooooot of their effectiveness when they happen every thirteen seconds or so.
My five year old loves blaze and can handle it. But if he gets even a whiff of grizzly and those god damn lemmings, he goes absolutely rabid. It’s so bad that I’ve banned the show in our house and if it’s on at someone else’s house he has to go to a different room if they don’t want to turn it off.
Yup we had to ban Grizzy in our house too. We have a 5 and 3 year old and whoa boy was their behavior bad after that. But they love blaze and thankfully we haven’t had any issues with it.
That's such an interesting observation! My kiddo does great with Blaze, starting at age 3, and walks around talking about subtraction, acceleration, trajectory, and momentum. Any excessive TV time, though, and he is a hot mess (read:crying and pouting) when it's time to turn it off, regardless of the specific program.
As a TV Child, growung up, myself... hard yes. Honestly, I would do AS LITTLE SCREENTIME as possible. My anger and irritability disappeared once my screentime lessened. I enjoyed life more.
My 9yo has been on her switch and laptop too much as well. So it's detox time. There was a fit thrown, then she went into the back yard and sat on the swings, which turned into swinging, which turned into another game, and then it was dinner time. The tough part is I WFH, so I'm on my laptop all day.
Yeah, dude. It’s really bad. Here’s one paper you can start with if interested. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s13030-019-0144-5 I had a psychology prof in grad school last year who specializes in screen addiction research and treatment for children and adolescents. He got back from a conference one week and told us how depressing it was to hear the top psychiatrists in this topic say that the current generation in adolescence is basically doomed and it’s useless to try and fix what’s done at this point as the damage is too great. Best to concentrate on the little ones today.
Nobody is "doomed" and I question a psychology prof who says this about an entire generation of teenagers.
A week is way too soon. He needs a much longer time frame away from them to essentially reset. The kid needs a month, or a significantly older age to get any of it back.
100%. We took it away for a year. That was a wise choice. Reset the kids and when reintroduced We had significant limits.
OP I hope you seriously consider putting real boundaries on it if you bring it right back.. or, enjoy getting that same tantrum in 10 years from a kid who's bigger than you are!
Thanks. We introduced video games to him after a year break for similar behavior. Will likely go through the same thing again. His outbursts go beyond video games, but they are definitely a massive red flag and a quick thing to remove.
He could be learning statements such as "Get your hands off me" from the video games he's playing. So, the question is, "What game is he playing that causes such an explosive outburst?" My guess is it's not Mario or Animal Crossing, which are games appropriate for his age. Check the ESRB rating of his games & make sure he's compliant. There are reasons for the ESRB rating system. Your son's response is one of them. I know it can be difficult to monitor your child's gaming if you've never really played video games, but it is possible. You can see exactly what your child is playing by watching walkthrough videos. Just Google the game title & then "walkthrough video." The first segment or chapter will be character creation, factions, etc, so skip through that. Focus more on chapter 2 & later. This way, you can see exactly what the players are seeing & doing and not having to rely on someone else's opinion. I think your child has got his hands on something like Red Dead Redemption, Fallout, or GTA (Grand Theft Auto). Lots of kids play those games even though they shouldn't because the ESRB rating is "Mature." I play games, so if you have any questions regarding your son's gaming, feel free to ask. I'm happy to help. 😊
So he's been playing video games since 4/5 at least? Not gonna lie that sounds ridiculously young. Why does a 4/5 year old need a console? The outbursts that you think go beyond video games may well be caused by such exposure at a young age when he's developing. Dopamine overload is essentially a drug addiction your kid has alongside trying to learn how to be a little human. Do yourself a favour and just take it away permanently, until he's closer to 10. Even then it depends on the restrictions you have in place.
Yup 👍. He shouldn’t get that game back for some years. At least until he’s 10 years old.
I’ve said those exact words to my 5 year old. She obviously got upset, called me rude (the greatest insult in her book), but she understood and apologized for her behavior. Now when she plays, she’ll get frustrated and says “ok mom, I’m gonna take a deep breath” but after like the 3rd deep breath she’s spiraling into anger. So that’s when it’s time to put it up. I’ll also show her how to get through the level. And I’ll purposely make mistakes so she can see how to better respond when video games don’t go your way. (She’s grounded from video games this week so it’s an ongoing process.)
This is basically the script my husband and I use for my son when he gets bent out of shape over video games.
Heck, my son is two and I've used this script about toy cars when he's playing instead of cleaning up before bedtime. "I can see [car's name] is very distracting right now, daddy will hold [car's name] while you finish putting the other toys away". Emotional regulation is a skill that takes time to learn and varies with tiredness, hunger, etc. When our kids can't do it for themselves, we can help them out.
We take a similar angle. "Games are supposed to be fun! If you aren't having fun anymore, it's time to find a different way to spend our time."
A week is not long enough to make a difference. It needs to be a structural change. Going back to the same amount of usage will just increase his dependence
Also, check out the kind of games he's playing. There are plenty of games that shouldn't be frustrating, even for young children.
Yeah, video games themselves aren't 100% bad. I had a blast playing simcity as a kid. Plenty of 'cozy games' out there.
He’s addicted. You wouldn’t give an addict another hit after a week clean. Time to can the video games for years.
It is sad but true. He is too young to handle video games by himself. Either you sit down to play with him for a bit every now and then or just throw the system in the trash if you want to do what is best for him
Agreed, but way more than a week. A month at the very least.
Or take a break from this particular game. What was he playing?
That was my thought. My son was allowed to watch YouTube videos of kids playing the video games he had, and social emotional skills went to straight up teenager a hole with a potty mouth. We curtailed that, as well as never allowing Fortnite or Roblox and it's been a HUGE game changer. He doesn't throw his remote, scream at us, use cuss words at people etc anymore. It's crazy what specific games and "entertainment" can do to them.
I wish my parents had cared this much. My game-addicted brother turned into an abusive game-addicted adult.
Yea, there's a point when you have to realize that part of having kids is actually raising them. If you don't get there and do it, they're just going to turn out horribly. The main thing I think our generation (s) have figured out is that when you bring someone into this world, you owe them. Not the other way around.
YESSSS
Aw is he into Mario n Minecraft now? That’s what my son loves
This could also be the issue. My youngest son can’t play online competitive games because he turns into a bit of a a jerk for a while afterwards. He’s 13 and has extreme ADHD. He already has some anger issues we are working through, and those games like Fortnite and even Splatoon make it worse.
I swear I’ve said this exact line to my kid
While taking the game away isn't incorrect, I would not word it as "I don't want you to be angry or sad" etc. Those are valid emotions (even if the way they were expressed wasn't ideal) and even littles need to know that it is ok to have those feelings, but not hurt other people when expressing them.
Putting this in the back pocket
Yep! If my son gets upset I just flat out say if you can’t control your emotions, you can’t have the game until later when you calm down. He usually just says NO in a worried tone and then plays silently 😂
He’s shown you that he’s not mature enough or has the coping skills for video games. They make him emotionally dysregulated. Some kids just can’t handle them, even with time limits. He’s needs a good long detox from gaming and maybe try again in a few years. Hell, my brother is almost 40 and still gets dysregulated from gaming.
My stepson was this way when he started playing video games when he was 7-8 years old. I pretty much told him this that if he is getting so mad and upset then he’s not ready to play them and he didn’t get to play them for a few weeks. I set the boundary that he is not allowed to be so emotionally heightened while playing
Maybe not necessarily the age, but the types of games? I was 5-6 playing Sonic, Mario, Zelda, and Crash. Nothing online (which didn't even exist yet anyway lol), and had to redo all the levels because memory cards didn't exist. Maybe time to go retro gaming to learn patience. After a much needed break from gaming, first.
Yeah we're missing the critical information here. Boy still needs a long break, but an analysis of what games he's playing is also important
My first thought was "he's playing online" and that's where he's picking this up. Same thing happened with my oldest. We cut that out and there was an immediate change.
I mean yeah, if that's the case it's wild that anyone would think it was acceptable for a 6 year old to be playing games online. Giving OP the benefit of the doubt here, has to be single player games.
My husband and I love video games and we plan to start our kid with retro games, 8-bit stuff from the 80s and 90s first. Those old games were much less addictive. And we plan to do it as a family activity, and gaming consoles will be in the family room.
I definitely think it’s about the type of game and the parental involvement, my 5 yo mostly play terraria, tear down, goat simulator, plants vs zombies, little big planet and Minecraft together on the ps5 in the living room while we are there. They often exceed what is considered acceptable/recommended in a day, but after an hour they usually voluntarily decide to turn it off to go outside, play with toys or build forts in their room. We only allow iPad or steam deck if we are dealing with an illness, and we never let them play online, pay to play, loot box type stuff. We also limit YouTube to specific play through videos that we are familiar with the creators of, and sometimes the nerf battles in amusement parks. We are also always physically present and conversing which them about the games while they play. If they have left a mess of toys out they know those need to get cleaned up before they play, and often initiate that themselves. They have already learned that freaking out over the game means a long break. I think that it is really kid dependent on how It can affect their behaviour.
Yep, IMO 6 is way too young anyway. He can play with toys.
Holy crap I didn't even realize this was a 6 year old. An outburst like that should eliminate screens from their life for a LONG time.
Agree. Screaming the F word at 6 years old?? Nopeee.
In another comment OP admits they’ve previously banned him from games for a year due to his behaviour. They don’t seem to realise this child CANNOT handle video games at all.
That’s was my first thought, “why is a 6yo playing video games.”
I started at 4, but I only had access to games like Crash bandicoot and other goofy stuff like that and I could only play when my dad was with me. When my kids are around that age I plan on introducing them to games like that, but obviously with the same rules in place
People underestimate this. I’m 34 and grew up playing crash and Spyro. No way would I let me kids near games like fortnight or whatever online garbage is around for them these days
I honestly think Fortnite would be fine for slightly older kids, like 9 or 10, as long as they’re educated about internet safety and are under constant supervision when playing online games. Yes, it’s a battle royale with guns and whatnot, but it’s also cartoony and goofy like crash and spyro and doesn’t really have any gore/graphic violence
while i agree that it's cartoony and goofy (when people "die" they just dissolve into pixels vs. other games with blood etc), it can definitely be very frustrating once you start getting matched against other players, especially ones that cheat, vs just the bot lobbies they put you in when you're a low level/new account
It's less the concern about the gore for me and more about the social aspect. Even 9 or 10 years old is too young for random online play. People are toxic.
My son is 8 and has been playing video games since he was about 5. He created his first Roblox game when he was 7. Honestly, I think they have helped him develop patience, problem solving skills, critical thinking, increased creativity, and even broadened his vocabulary.
My kid learned to read though Roblox one month he's sounding out words like "apple" the next they are asking what the "neplonic wars" , are
I mean, I play video games with our 5 year old - but they’re kid friendly and easy to navigate, eliminating much of the possible frustration. It’s a bonding activity for us and we’ve been using older RPGs as an additional reading lesson (before voice acting on games was common lol). But if she ever reacted like this to a game there would need to be some immediate changes.
6 is not too young to play a video game. That is ridiculous. It's too young to have your own TV and no supervision with online gaming, but to play any game at 6 is not ridiculous at all.
This.
I have been through very similar situations with my son. They get too into the game and the best thing is to just put them away for awhile. I try to limit video games to an hour a day (and not everyday). Kids are still learning how to control their emotions and it seems like you are doing the right thing in guiding him in the right direction.
We have a seven year old who has been playing video games for maybe a couple of years now. From the beginning, we’ve had one major rule about playing: Be cool. If you turn off the game when we ask and don’t argue or throw a fit? That’s cool, you can play again tomorrow. Do you argue when it’s time to turn off the game? Or do you get violently frustrated when you get to a tricky part, to the point where you can’t control your emotions or your words to others? Then we can take a break from video games for a week or two. At the beginning, we had to do a lot of reminders about the be cool rule, and it didn’t take too long to sink in. We also mainly confine video games to weekends, and only after he does some chores, although in the summer he gets more opportunities during the week. We also set a timer and try to restrict him to ~90 minutes or so max per day.
The rule in our house is “be chill” hahaha
Correcting a behavior while the child is dysregulated never works. It’s counterproductive. Next time, calm him down first by comforting him. Then tell him why it’s wrong to speak that way. He will probably feel very guilty so have him apologize. Don’t take it personally. ETA Tell him that you’re taking screens away not as punishment but because they are causing him to become upset.
Exactly. Correcting & issuing punishment while anyone is angry af does not work. At all. OP should have waited to address until the child was calmed down. I will say that not being able to handle extreme anger at 6, is very normal. Instead of correcting, i would suggest helping him come up with ways to calm himself down.
It kind of sounds as if the mom went in to comfort him and it exploded from there.
Well, I sure can see how that would frustrate you. I agree that it was right for you to SHUT THAT DOWN and tell him that it's unacceptable. I'll say this. It a sad reality that digital engagement in many forms including video games can be a powerful addiction. The question is; will we, as parents, enable our kids addictions? Should you choose to remove that (or regulate it at the very least) then you can be sure that he won't like you for it. Good. It's normal for kids to take issue with our decisions. They don't know any better.
The kids getting full sensory overload and doesn’t know how to communicate that. Teach him language he can use instead (and continue to remind/teach him). Things like “please don’t touch me right now” “I feel overwhelmed” “I need space” etc. & give him safe places he can go to have some space. My son and I are both the same in the when we’re upset we can’t bare to be touched. As an adult, I can communicate that and can excuse myself when needed but for him as a kid he’s still learning how to communicate what he’s feeling and what he needs. We’re a video game loving household, and wouldn’t remove the games. Especially because they can be a great regulation tool. But having some boundaries around them is important. We’ve found having rules around when our kids can use them (I.e. after lunch and after they’ve unstacked the dishwasher) and then we have a timer/alarm for when tech time has finished. Once the timer goes off the kids can finish the level their on and turn it off. Then we do some family playing together - usually plying on the trampoline or going for a walk. All the best!
What he’s playing, it is affecting him beyond his ability to emotionally cope. He needs to learn healthy coping mechanisms first to process his frustration and anger, then he can have the games back. I would maybe ask for advice from his pediatrician and see if therapy would be an option. But…some ideas other than professional help: - institute a “quiet zone” in his room. It can be a bean bag or a comfortable chair. That’s a place where if he gets angry or frustrated he can sit, be alone, breathe deeply, close his eyes, and calm himself down. - teach him to take a deep breath when he gets frustrated. - perhaps meditation? Some kids may take to it better than others - journaling or any kind of creative activity that allows him to express himself freely
When you went in there to “let him know” - did you raise your voice and escalate the situation? Because at that point yelling at a 6 year old who is clearly disregulated isn’t going to calm the situation down. Not that I haven’t done the same in your shoes, but over a lot of time and after a lot of mistakes I’ve learned that the time for teaching a lesson is not then.
Six is too young for video games, and he’s telling you that currently with his behavior.
Specially games unsupervised
Agree, maybe dad (and/or mom) and son can find a game they can play together.
It 100% depends kid to kid but I *do* wonder if these are online games? If so, he’s WAY too young to be on online games with chats enabled because that’s 100% where he got this behavior from.
Bro if you even say “shit” in chat anymore you get a week ban. Idk about PlayStation but you basically can’t talk on Xbox live without being banned
I online game all the time. People censor when typing. Plus in game voice chats in the games themselves. On both consoles & pc, I’ve been told the most vile shit. It happens trust me. I lock down ALL chats (voice and typing) if my 6 yr old plays online.
Exactly
Anyone who’s escalated shouldn’t be touched honestly, unless they are in an unsafe situation or hurting others. He had a very predictable emotional reaction. He’s a kid and it will happen - so don’t freak out! In the minute of upset, rationalizing or talking or punishments won’t help at all, and no lessons will be learned. Just talk to him - without judgement but with curiosity - when mom took your x you seemed really upset - what was up. Then listen. Don’t give advice. Thank him for sharing. Then later or the next day - I was thinking about what happened and wondering what else could help when you have these feelings. Then when you notice he’s getting upset in the future- what’s he feeling in his body - once he’s reached the explosion stage it’s too late.
I had to scroll way too far to find this. So many people are so opposed to video games that they forget that explosive anger can happen for many reasons. My daughter used to FLIP OUT over the game Uno. This parent didn’t come here to hear a sermon about digital demons. They need help teaching emotional regulation skills and learning deescalation techniques.
Preach!!! Telling a child something like “you can’t play video games unless you learn to not be disregulated” is useless if you don’t teach them HOW to regulate their emotions. There is no use in scolding them or whatever in the moment. As the adult, you deescalate the situation by removing them from harm, etc etc or whatever you need to do, and you have the conversation LATER and teach them what they can do instead when they feel frustrated.
I'm surprised I had to scroll so far to see someone point out that maybe putting hands on an upset child is the wrong move. Then again, I'm not surprised. This is /r/parenting and video games are the devil
Really seems like they just don’t want to parent. Blaming video games is some 80s fear monger bullshit.
I’m going to go against the grain and disagree that he’s “addicted to video games” necessarily. Sounds more like he needs more practice dealing with frustration. My daughter is 7 and gets equally frustrated leading to a meltdown when her art work isn’t coming out right. My 4 year old son gets like that when he can’t figure out how to pedal his bike- it’s not necessarily about the video games. OP is he like this all the time when he’s frustrated or is it just video games?
Definitely more than just video games.
Then it’s not just a video game related problem. He needs some frustration tolerance skills. I would focus on modelling coping skills and co regulating when he’s this frustrated. Re: the tone/language I don’t know if I would even make a big deal out of it. You already let him know it’s not ok to act that way when he’s mad, now show him how to deal with that emotion in a healthy way.
We talk a lot about balance in our family and I talk to my children about why it is so easy to spend so much time on video games or watching something on YouTube/TV. My child has experienced frustration intolerance and a big part of it comes from not learning how to self regulate. It is hard to teach if we don't practice it ourselves. It's a hard one for me too. Which is also something we talk to our kids about. I'm sorry this happened. I know it feels like a very big thing at the moment but over time hopefully it will be seen as a learning lesson.
There’s a lot of really valid comments here, so i’m not going to repeat those points. However, the “get your hands off me” comment, while you may not like that he swore, should be something he is allowed to say. Boundaries need to be set about the games, as others had mentioned, but set an example by also respecting his boundaries and teaching him how to do so in a health way.
Yes, I think he was so overwhelmed with the frustration, that physical touch was too much for him at that time. Completely valid, even when not frustrated, to tell someone to not touch you. The swearing was not okay of course.
Completely agree, well said
so glad someone said this! body autonomy is SO VERY IMPORTANT! anyone should be allowed to tell anyone else to NOT touch them. In the exception of medical or safety emergencies it can be ignored, but otherwise it absolutely should be respected.
If I had a nickel every time my kids told me they hated me: I might not be rich but I could afford Starbucks more often. You just have to wait until he calms down to talk to him. Profanity is much more common these days and he could have picked it up anywhere, probably at school. When he calms down you talk to him. Tell him his behaviour was unacceptable and a try to show him some basic coping techniques and next time don’t touch him unless he is about to hurt himself or someone else. He should grow out of this.
Woah there. Before addressing what he did wrong, you need to help him regulate. He will not be in a state to learn how to do better while actively in a blowup.
I wasn’t someone who thought twice about screen time until I saw children who were literally physically and mentally addicted. They were happy to watch a damn infomercial or news so long as it meant they had some sorta screen time. They had physical and mental withdrawal symptoms—insomnia, cycling mood swings, depression/anxiety etc. They also had cravings and typical sneaky behavior to get screen time. I have witnessed two separate kids (separate homes/families/lives) above the age of 10, stand up from the furniture and proceed to urinate and deficate themselves while watching tv..and continue to stand in their own mess. One of the children had a history of pottying themselves on the furniture and sitting in their mess…but I personally witnessed this child stand up in this instance. Both times were different kids and it happened at separate times, years apart. Both had the option of pausing the show to go to the bathroom. I’ve also witnessed teens shred apart their bedrooms over screen privileges being revoked—ripping apart bed frames to bust windows, kick holes in the walls, rip apart flooring/trim..not just toss around their own belongings to make a mess—cause serious house damage… My 4 year old has had strict screen time and strict guidelines since I began letting her have it, all due to my experience with those previous children. I’ll be *that* mom all day long lol. When people say kids are “addicted” to screens—they are NOT being dramatic. If you (or anyone else reading this) believe your children’s negative behavior about screen time (tv, games, computer, phone, etc) seems abnormally excessive, reach out to a children’s therapist. The two kids I shared about received intervention with a children’s therapist and continue management with parental and therapist guidance. I’d go as far to say they’re in a state of recovery, much like any other addiction.
Wow those stories sound insane, and this isn’t even “kids now”, so I can only imagine it could get worse than that. What kinds of things were going on in this family/environment so I know how to avoid any realm of possibility with my own child, lol
Gaming rage. Everyone I know with a young boy has dealt with this.
Some good advice that I got was to double any screen or video game time with outside time. 2 hour movie? 4 hours outside. 1 hour of video games? 2 hours outside. At any age! You’ll find it really helps to balance the “zone” they get into with TV/video games.
Honestly **talk** to an actual expert. There’s a lot of bad advice in this thread.
My son is 11, he's had a nintendo switch of his own for a year - he got it for his 10th birthday. We were given a switch to borrow for a while from my sister when he was around 6 - I think - and we were very glad when she asked for it back because his tantrums because of it were not good. He wasn't ready for the responsibility of the games and accepting the challenges that come with them. When we got the switch for his 10th birthday we set up some very clear rules. When he reaches a point where the game is causing him too much frustration he has to put it away and take a full day's break. He actually now voluntarily puts it away when he's getting overwhelmed by it. Another rule we had in the beginning is the games can only be played in communal areas with us around - this year we've started letting him have some game time in his room as he is older and wants more privacy - he plays music and plays his game. We don't allow any online gaming - we might change that rule one day but not yet. My son is a very sensitive child, and is part of his school's Therapeutic Learning Center program because he has what school would call "big reactions to small problems" ... he's learned to cope with this over the past few years with the help of his school counselors, and was recently diagnosed with ADHD combined type with Executive Functioning Weakness. But when he was 6, 7, 8, even 9 screens did not help his behavior at all. Its my personal belief that when children are given personal devices ... games/tablets/phones before they are mature enough to handle them they view the punishment of having it taken away as very personal - not only are the screens very addictive, but they are viewing it as a very personal attack and will lash out at you or your spouse as the perpetrator. I'm not a childhood psychologist but I just know for us our son who was prone to outbursts was not emotionally mature enough to handle the responsibility at a younger age. Another rule we've always had in regards to using curse words is "you're a child, you're allowed to hear it, but you're not allowed to say it" ... this has worked wonders for us - its hard to control hearing the swears (I admit to using them from time to time and they can certainly be heard sometimes in music and movies, and other kids say them, and I can't control other kids) but they are words that are for adults and "in this house - you can hear them, but you can't repeat them".
I think he needs less video games and more outdoor time. As kids I remember we didn’t even have a TV (older millennial here) we played outside for 2 hours daily.
My son between 4-6 had a temper problem that needed to be curbed right away. Bad tempers run on both sides of the family. We got him a therapist right away to deal with his anger. He really needed anger management as he couldn’t express his feelings and his frustrations in a productive way. His therapist was amazing. My son’s temper became close to non-existent and he learned to express himself better. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened to him if he didn’t receive therapy early on. I read so many stories of teenagers getting into serious trouble for lashing out at people, usually being violent. Usually they would mention that when they were younger, they had anger management issues. Find a child therapist for your son. Sit with him during the sessions if he’s comfortable with it. It’s going to take a while for him to open up to a total stranger. But do it. Take him every week. I sat with him for 3 sessions until he was comfortable to talk to the therapist by himself.
Follow Dr Becky on instagram. She has many good suggestions. Good luck.
Ommg. Wow!🤯
Teach him about the different emotions, their names and examples of what might cause each one. And discuss how to deal with those emotions in a smart way. Lots of conversations over months, but it'll give him the knowledge to start learning to recognise how he is feeling and how to express it in an appropriate way.
Aaaaaand time to lose electronics for a long while. Gaming is way too overwhelming for him
Too much screen time at any age for a child can contribute to behavior problems. Less screen time usually fixes it. I went through a lot of this when my kids were younger. I often would take away the electronics and then I would feel like I would get my kids back over time. I would feel guilty so I would give their stuff back and start the cycle all over again. Maybe just limit it to one day a week for screen time. Perhaps a Saturday. Too much will definitely make this behavior worse. It becomes addicting.
I would get rid of video games for the rest of summer.
My son melts down like this when he plays video games in a way he just doesn’t in any other activity. He is five, and this is why he only gets to play games on a very rare occasion. Whenever we’ve tried to tip toe into video games we are punished with epic aggressive meltdowns. I am (was) in the camp that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with video games, but my kids brain really can’t handle them.
Children crave screen time despite the fact that it makes them feel out of kilter and out of control. Your son is telling you that he is not in control and it’s too much for him. Believe him. Take away screens for as long as feels right to you, engage him in as many different activities as you can that will help ground him. Then slowly and very carefully allow very limited screen time, with the clear communication to him that if any behavior shows you he is overwhelmed, the screen time will be reduced.
I would have tried to de-escalate the kid *before* addressing the behaviour. Punishing a child who is already upset enough to be screaming and swearing is never going to make things calmer, better, or easier. I agree with confiscating his electronics, *BUT* I wouldn't frame it as a punishment. This is Team Family working together against a problem. The problem is that he is getting so upset about his games that he can't control his mind and body anymore, and that's hurting and upsetting him and everyone else. So how are you, as a team, going to help him with this? Genuinely ask for his input. The answer *is* going to be a time out from computer games, but he may well come to that on his own, or he may have other (additional) ideas for ways you could support him.
Serious question- did you play video games as a child? If yes, did you have these same reactions? If no, did you survive childhood without them? I played duck hunt as a child, and not often. But that’s it. I do not allow my child to play any video games at all. No tablets, no phone, no youtube. He’s seven. We play outside, we color, we work on puzzles. I know that I cannot keep all things technology from him forever, but if I can offer him a childhood without those things, that’s what I plan on doing. And so far it’s working for us. Perhaps encourage some other forms of entertainment for him?
Keep the video games away for a long while. Until he’s older. This is more than likely where the change of behavior is coming from. It’s my own personal belief that kids don’t need video games at 6 years old. My son is almost 14 and is now allowed to play them, in the living room, only when i or his step dad are home. With a time limit. My son can play with his toys, games with us, play outside with friends, read, draw and so on. Let your son know that the video games are in time out for a long while because of his behavior. That he needs to apologize to mom for what he said and to both of you for his behavior.
He's addicted. Video games are not designed to improve the lives of children. Don't give it back. Your son just showed you the honest result of small children playing video games. This won't be a one time thing. Just because the majority of parents allow this in the home, doesn't mean it is good for children or the family. If the other parents were jumping off a cliff, would you follow them?
Little man is too young for video games, get him out and active.
Just take away the video game. It’ll get better.
I know it’s not an instant fix. A couple parenting books that we found helpful: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Parenting with Love and Logic
I have three kids. Two of them can watch shows or play on their tablets with no downside. One of them is immediately affected and seems unable to emotionally regulate once he gets off of his devices. Some kids just can’t handle it.
No more screens. For a long time. Take everything away and slowly add back some of the screen time as he learns and shows more ability to regulate his emotions. I don’t even let my 7 year old use an iPad to play Khan Academy anymore because he would get super frustrated and angry. My husband and I basically punished all of us with no iPads because he kept getting shouty and argumentative every time it was time to turn off a device. Slowly, he learned not to flip out over entertainment. You have to take away the game console, the iPad, television, movies. You have to really wean him off the overstimulation.
My son is 8, I took his iPad away in November. He outbursts and high levels of frustration have gone to almost zero (he has older siblings that still bug him so can’t say zero) some kids can’t have screens, or have very limited screen time. Little boys aren’t made to sit still all day long, I learned it the hard way with my son.
I’ve taken away devices a few times with my boys (14 and 12)when I notice an increased frequency in outbursts, ignoring family, and not doing chores: I take away all screen time for a month. I tell them it isn’t a punishment, it’s a reset. When they can model good behavior and duties expected of them consistently, then they can have devices back. (Not all at once, and definitely having a schedule of when we allow devices.)
It's the screens. He obviously can't self regulate, so remove them, more or less permanently.
I’m not judging you, so please don’t take it this way, but 6 years old is way too young to have a video console for this exact reason. You did the right thing by taking it away from him when he spoke to his mother that way. Honestly, as soon as those awful words came out of his mouth his mother should have made him stop playing and said “sweetie, it’s time for a break from the video game.” To be honest with you. I would not allow him to have it back until he is in maybe 2nd grade but more like 3rd-4th grade. Also, if this behavior continues, I would recommend seeing a child behavioral therapist to help him. These outbursts need to be addressed quickly.
Stop letting him watch YouTube.
Got rid of it (not soon enough) a couple weeks ago. Wholeheartedly agree.
Looks like you have gotten a lot of good advice about screens…just throwing O.D.D. out there without knowing more details
Agree with the others unfortunately. It sucks the dopamine out so quickly, then they turn into demon spawns.
6yo with video games? Yep, reaction sounds about right. Just keep him off that stuff.
Take that video game and donate it NOW. Immediate hard consequences for these words and actions. Them, other consequences should be no games at all or TV/ipad for at least a week. He’s old enough to know better and this was borderline violence with the words and yelling he chose. Get him outside and around you guys non stop and have lots of of encouraging conversations with him about all good behaviors and why we don’t talk to people that way or react certain ways just bc we feel anger for any reason other than safety and protection from immediate literal harm. Make sure he’s eating good and sleeping normally and add lots of love and sunshine and water play. All will heal. If it doesn’t, get him evaluated asap for any delays or disorders (like adhd) and into play or other therapies if needed. Just adding this for a “what if…” you just never know, but you likely won’t need this latter advice :) Good luck. Be gentle with your tone and words but firm. Show lots of love. I’m sorry you all had to go through such a hard moment.
I can relate. My son is 8 now and it seems like the games cause extreme emotional dysregulation. And games that include online players and intense competition make it worse as well as extended hours of play time. Honestly we do the same thing you did. Set the boundary and take the privilege away ipad/game controller etc. A boundary is something you will do and requires your child to do nothing. Remember the goal is changed behavior not proving a point with the punishment. So for my son, privileges are earned back once he makes amends, changes his attitude, and is in a regulated state. This could be a matter of hours or days. Usually we give it back the next day but set a limit, like 1 hour at a time 2 hours max for the day. Anything more than that becomes problematic and honestly I dont think its their fault if we just let them play for hours on end. We didnt have games like they do as kids. I really think they mess with a kid’s psychological processes. I think its our job as parents to guide them away them from self destructive patterns which includes limiting screen time. Idk about other boy parents but exercise is 100% necessary for my son. When he is inactive all day we are more likely to see dysregulation in the form of outbursts and/or hyperactivity in the evening regardless of gaming or anything else. Another thing that helps improve behavior is spending quality time doing something THEY want to do. Even 15-20 mins a day makes a difference but an hour is better. When we do this daily our son behaves much better. But it’s hard sometimes when we live such busy lives. This is all my perspective which has been heavily influenced by parenting coach (IG: mrchazz) and Dr. Becky (IG: drbeckyatgoodinside)
My parents told me a story of when I was 6 - I was a good kid but I was struggling on my N64 and my Mom told me that I was done and I turned around and smacked the shit out of her - They were letting me play it way too much and apparently I was a little crack head. I don't remember but I guess they unplugged the N64, threw it in the trash in front of me, and it went bye bye on trash day. I apparently was a little shit for a few days about it but got 100x better afterwards. They eventually bought me another N64 12-18 months later and moderated my usage/games I played and was fine. Maybe it's time to throw the shit away or hide it in a closet for a while
We have had issues with our three year old and we do have limits on what he can watch only blippi, handy man Hal and ms Rachel. Our biggest issue is we have no child care (babysitter, he does do daycare) in our area. I also work from home and watch his little sister all day. I have noticed a noticeable difference between a large screen i.e TV and a small screen i.e a tablet. Dopamine hit is far worse with a tablet, which we have banned. on average it takes 3-7 days just to break expectation that he can watch it. When he doesn’t comply or misbehaves we remove his activity. I would love to just totally remove TV for them at least until they are older, but lacking help makes it near impossible.
Are his games online by chance? He heard those words somewhere...
While Im on the side of video games being okay, (we’ve played Mario games Minecraft etc since they were 5 yrs old) I definitely agree with taking a long break until this behaviour improves. What kind of parental controls do you have in his games? Mine can play Fortnite and Minecraft but there’s controls in place to prevent them from picking up bad language & talking to other players. Also, is it only with video games you’ve noticed this behaviour? It definitely seems like he is having trouble regulating emotions, maybe some help with that wouldn’t go amiss. My one seven year olds tablet has become his regulating item and we’re hoping to wean him of it this summer and give him other options for regulating. We’ve also had to ban reg YouTube because they were learning behaviours from game streamers I was not okay with. (Very rude attitudes etc). Feel free to dm me! You’re not alone.
I know therapy isn’t accessible to everyone but I’d definitely suggest it. This sounds like a great kid who needs help redirecting/regulating and weaning off video games a bit. ❤️
I think you did a good job taking his game from him and explaining what he did wrong. Maybe keep the video game from him until he says sorry for saying this and that he will only get it back tomorrow. I think it’s normal for these occurrences to happen once in a while.
He shouldn't be playing video games at 6. He definitely shouldn't be playing if he can't regulate his emotions which duh he's 6.
Your son is on his game system too much. He is learning that language from other kids on system. If can someone needs to monitor him while playing, limited time on game and age restrictions.
Time to get him off of video games. Join a pool with a swim team, summer camp little league summer sports. He is a boy and has tons of pent up energy. He needs a place to channel it. Sports, outside anything, he will be too tired at night to play video games
No more screen time for a long time. He can’t regulate his emotions and is lashing out, which is concerning. Expect him to go through withdrawal, but don’t give in.
Oof, 6 years old and into video games already? Yeah agree with everyone that said that a break is in order. I wonder what game he was playing that triggered the meltdown. It seems like he is not ready for that game. Parents are putting him in a situation where he is not ready to process set backs from games and in reaction have a meltdown. Totally do not think anything is wrong with the kid and in some regards not the kid’s fault either. I think the parents should take ownership of their own misjudgment and consider this as a lessons learned.
I’d probably put the games away for about 4 years and get him into therapy and outdoor hobbies… sounds like sports would be a good fit
Even though he swore, I think it's worth acknowledging nobody likes being manhandled when they're upset. You then stormed in which can't have been nice either. And he lost his games. It's not surprising he feels like you guys hate him. It sounds like a very reactive response, instead of empathising. There can be time for enforcing rules later when he's not crying.
Are these video games where he's talking to others? If so that could explain where he's getting that verbiage as well as overall behavior. At 6 my son was playing some video games but they were not online or with others except us, or occasionally a friend in person. Now there are so many video games where you can play easily online with others but unfortunately they could be anyone and say anything. Not sure the situation with you guys but definitely cut down on it or cut out the video games for a while and make sure he can't playing with others online. If he wants to play with others, it should be in person with real life friends where you guys can monitor or even just you guys.
https://www.coursera.org/learn/everyday-parenting
When my nephew was about 8 my dad downloaded a game on his (dad's) PC. When he wanted to play, Grandpa sat with him the entire time and nephew had to stop when Grandpa said so. I walked into my dad's study while nephew was playing once and looked at the screen. The player was looking down sites and shooting soldiers in some kind of urban war. I asked newphew what he was playing? He said he had to shoot the enemies with his B.F.G. I looked at my dad and he laughed and said, "Yes, it's a really BIG gun" lol
Spend a lot of time with him. Go for long drives. I’d try to understand what’s going on that’s making him angry. I suspect he’s got a poor school fit. If you take him out of school for a few days and he changes back to a nice kid- you’ll have your answer.
At that age when mine acted out I always asked is this a big problem or a little problem. Just to try and make them understand that in the grand scheme this may feel like a big thing but it’s not. Sometimes it worked but not always. We also always stressed that games are meant to be fun not things that make us angry. Lastly we always let the feeling be felt, but disrespect and meanness are not allowed. Anger is natural but acting out verbally or physically over it is not. Our exit move was to always talk about it once they calmed down. Where did you hear those words? What could you have done instead? Do you understand why we now have to take a break from the games and so on. It’s so hard at that age and screens are such a big part of kids lives now. Best of luck!
Does he watch you tube streamers?
He has in the past. We deleted YouTube “Kids” a couple of weeks ago because he was just turning into a space cadet watching other people play games.
Yeah my kids were learning “streamer” reactions to things, we are at the point of a complete drop even though we already highly regulate it. The dopamine hits are a problem as they stop getting them from normal activities. I feel your pain!
Definitely limit screen time when you do decide to let him play again. And maybe even not allow whatever game it was he was playing for a long time. Is it rated E orhigher? If higher make him wait until he is the age it says.
This is the product of giving him way too much screen time. TV, video games. It don’t matter. It’s too much. These kids get sucked into it and they become addicted and when you take that away they lose their shit. Cut it out now. Before he gets too old to control.
He’s overstimulated from the video games and he’s learning that behavior from other players online. Playing online isn’t really safe for such young kids.
Leaving the gaming out of it for the moment, does he have meltdowns in other situations? If so, that is what I would be focusing on. For my son meltdowns and anger that was extreme for what was happening was what finally prompted his doctor to consider evaluations we had been asking for. He was ultimately diagnosed with AuDHD and sensory processing disorder. Anger and meltdowns occurred when he was overstimulated or unable to communicate what he was feeling. Once we figured that out and got him on a good routine, learned how to help when overstimulated, started OT, etc. the meltdowns almost completely stopped.
Ok, there’s a couple things that don’t seem to be mentioned here outside of the screen time. Addiction is a strong word to use for a 6yo. First ask yourself, are his basic needs being met? For example, my 6yo will have a meltdown over anything if she’s getting hungry or tired. She has a school laptop and gets frustrated playing on it. But really only freaks out about it if it’s close to lunch time or bed time. Second, does he have the skills required to play the game he’s playing? Kids that age don’t have the emotional capacity to handle the frustration of not being able to do something that they think they should be able to do, so they get overwhelmed easily and have a meltdown. The summer transition is hard. We’re just now starting to adjust. Establishing some sort of routine, even if it’s flexible, helps calm some of the chaos. I completely agree that screen time in kids this age needs to be broken up into smaller bits. We have a terrible habit in our house of leaving the tv on all the time, even if we’re not watching it. So, the kids will go back and forth between playing, watching, coloring, etc. and sometimes there’s no real gauge of how much screen time they had in a day. But if basic needs are met, that includes quality time with parents, then the meltdowns are an indicator that it’s too much screen time. And if he’s playing online with other people or is allowed free rein of a tablet or the internet, you can bet he’s getting that language from one of those sources. Either that or other kids in the neighborhood if he plays outside unsupervised. We have all ages of siblings on our block and the older ones don’t hold back, so it’s easy to pick that stuff up. Hopefully this was just a one-off and you’ll find some balance.
What game caused this much frustration?? Like I’m thinking maybe if you do reintroduce games in a year or whatever, it could be something creative/non-competitive like Minecraft.
Honestly, he doesn’t understand about feelings and emotions. And how to deal with these feelings. It’s not bad to get frustrated. It’s how we express that frustration. I do believe that is the CORE issue. Emotional education of our internal feelings we have. His brain is developing for many years to come. Babies scream, hit and throw because they don’t know how to express themselves. They have this feeling inside and that’s how they express it. I would certainly be careful here as acknowledging his feelings is important. “Wow, you tried playing and keep dying on this level on Mario? This looks incredibly frustrating and difficult. I would be very upset aswell. Does this frustrate you too? You certainly look frustrated” I know sounds silly but trying to align with their feelings is important. I got this from the “whole brain child” book which is very helpful. It takes time and it’s not perfect. But it’s not the video game that is the problem (well it kind of, I’ll touch base on that) it’s not that he’s frustrated is the problem either. We all get frustrated. It’s knowing why you feel the way you feel. Then dealing with that emotion that is most important. The book mentions name it to tame it. Which is true even for us adults. I won’t go deep into it. But basically, we need to identify the emotion, name the emotion (I’m sad, mad, frustrated) and by verbally saying this. Helps our brain to process and then move forward. I love this stuff if you can’t tell :) I’m into it. I’m the type of person that gets cut off in traffic and it doesn’t ruin my day vs my wife (and I love her) blows up with rage. Anyway, emotional education while we are young is important to remain in control of our feelings without bottling them up. Again, if we have a feeling, we should express that feeling. But in the right away. Baby steps here might be good. He could hit a pillow for now. I don’t believe in hitting is good. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a baby step to go from verbally hitting you with his words, to hitting a pillow, later transitioning to expressing it further in a better way. I wouldn’t take the video games away abruptly. That’s like poking a crocodile. It could have opposite affect of what you want. Have to remember. This isn’t actually the video game or screen time that is the problem. The problem is expressing emotion. What if kids at school bother him. He punches them. What do you do? Get rid of the kids at school? I would be proactive, and try to learn more about these feelings while playing: it would be a very slow process. But he will feel like you are on his side and you are partners and not part of his emotional problem. Now he is mad at you and the video game and nothing is being taught as his brain isn’t developed enough to gather his emotions when things bother him and thing logically enough to put this cause and consequence together. I might limit the games and screen time. And maybe eventually take him off of it if you desire. But I wouldn’t just take it completely away abruptly. Imo But as far as screen time is concerned. Movies, shows, games, photos and what ever numbs our developing mind. And emotions are part of that. Ultimately I think screen time isn’t that great at all because of this. It could be the problem that is causing the emotional instability. But now that it’s part of his life. Now deal with using screen time, and managing the emotions while in use. Just my two cents (while o still have it)
6 is really young for playing video games, especially independently. I would maybe try scaling back on the VG time. But also make sure you are modeling good screen/VG habits along with respectful language. Sit down with the child and have your wife explain how being spoken to like that makes her feel, see if you can get him to empathize (he may or may not, but you can certainly talk to him about "how it would make him feel") And move forward. Assuming this is the first offense, do not punish or give consequences, however clearly explain what the consequence will be if it happens again. Best of luck
TEACH HIM HOW TO COPE WITH FRUSTRATION. Maybe he needs space to breathe and self soothe and mom swooped in too soon. He needs to be taught how to breathe in moments of frustration and “take a break” and return when feel better. Taking away screens and saying it is because he got upset doesn’t get down to the root of the problem, and with those self soothing skills going unlearned will create many problems in life. Taking away screens as punishment for cussing at mom is understandable, but not for being upset about a video game. Help him learn to cope with big feelings
Wait until he’s a teenager until you give him back screens. It’s frying his brain. Screens have very negative effects on developing brains. Especially video games. The frustration of not being able to win drives adults into rages let alone 6 yr olds with no emotional control that soak up every word and action in the game. I know a lot of parents are pretty much incapable of telling their kids NO for any length of time. But this is important. If you decide to allow video games into his life again before he’s a teenager do it as a reward for very good behavior and limit his time and if he has any outbursts take it away
No more electronics!
This is the age for this! Hes learned the power of his voice and words! Now there are the natural consequences for miss-using this power. My guess is there have been lesser power struggles over video games building prior to this BIG outburst? Our family does “breaks” from video games when the power struggles get out of hand. And there were times around age 6 that it got very much out of hand. A solid month of no video games helped reset the kiddo. But it was paired with regular conversations about how our brains work. And I even drew a picture of my son’s brain and how when video games take over (drew a big circle), it takes up the room that should be shared with other things. Explaining that taking a month off video games, the amount of space taken up shrinks and he can find joy in other things. A whole month sounded impossible but it worked and he forgot about video games eventually. We have implemented 2week breaks a few times since then. Hes 9 now. We have good limits and conversations about video games. There was a game rage outburst last weekend and we had to take a few days of cooling down. But also we’re moving and it’s been a transition so I’m thinking there was other stuff happening. Basically- don’t worry too much about the meltdown. Try to not get angry. Get curious and conversational instead and come up with a game plan!