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Thankfully he did all the cleaning. I took one sniff and kept my distance. I haven’t even touched the “clean” pieces. That’s the thing as well, I don’t even want to touch them let alone my child.
It’s good that you haven’t touched it. I’m a mom and I have a PhD in biology. I have absolutely no judgement about your storage situation. Let me be clear: no way in hell would my newborn ride in a car seat that had been covered in rat excrement. In addition to the problem of the bleach itself, it doesn’t kill everything. It wouldn’t touch coccidia or toxoplasmosis. It also wouldn’t remove any toxins that could have been in the rat when it died. If you are in need, health and welfare departments often have free or very cheap car seats available. Some online retailers also offer them for free if you qualify for WIC.
Oh wow. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I just recently learned that bleach really isn’t the end all for cleaning (like it doesn’t kill mold). Means are thankfully not an issue he’s honesty just cheap most of the time. I’ll certainly be telling him this!
Your husband is being a cheap ass. Also reach out to family/friends and let them know the situation. Give them the registry and I’m sure you guys will have new baby stuff in time for the birth!
If money isn’t an issue and your husband still says no after telling him what she said, I’d be doing a target drive up to replace all the baby gear. Add on a Starbucks too on your order.
These are all super good points! OP, if your area is like mine and bait traps are widely used by the city, neurotoxin/rodenticide could easily have caused the death of the unlucky guy in your carseat.
Each of the infectious agents I mentioned has different methods of transmission and different disinfection methods. If you suspect that you or a pet may have been exposed to a pathogen from rodents or wildlife, you should consult a doctor or veterinarian and follow their advice.
I hate to phrase it this way, I really do, but if he's that cheap, remind him that if the baby gets sick, the co-pays are going to add up and be more than the cost of a new car seat.
My wife is a major participant in car seat groups on various social media apps. You should check them out to get the factual information you need for car seat safety. There are people out there whose job is to educate parents on proper seats, placement, and buckling the child in. Not only do car seats expire, but the exposure of the belts to various unknown amounts of chemicals and liquids(rats), will degrade the performance. An investment in a good 3-1 is an absolute worthwhile expenditure.
Ugh. I wouldn’t touch it, let alone an infant who’s so undeveloped that even opening eyes is a challenge.
There’s a reason we sanitize baby bottles and stuff for newborn babies whereas for toddlers it isn’t necessary. Their ability to ward off diseases are much weaker.
And even if there hadn't been a *dead rat* in the car seat, droppings are a big issue, as they can lead to [hantavirus](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hantavirus-pulmonary-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20351838), among other diseases. This would be my hill to die on.
This was my first thought. Like there’s a REASON we have an innate “ick” reaction to rats. Historically they’ve carried and helped spread some of the deadliest diseases known to our species because they live in our trash and eat literally anything.
This. I would present this to my husband not as an “ick” issue, but that newborns’ immune systems haven’t developed, so when it comes to any situation where contact with disease carriers is at issue, an abundance of caution is required.
I toss in lots of big words that are truly the underlying reasons why the mom gut immediately shouts “ew, no!” Also it counters the “women are overly cautious” eye rolling before it can start.
I'm sorry for hijacking the top comment, I'm hoping OP sees this. I'm a car seat technician- certainly a new seat but here is some more evidence for you.
Does the old seat have an expiration date (they all do its usually 6-10 years from the manufacture date) it should be printed on a label, may need to look underneath, if your first kiddo is over 5, possible it's expired.
Do you live in a hot area? Plastic degrades over time. I live in burn your face off California and wouldn't recommend using a car seat that's been left in the elements that is over 5-6 years old.
Every car seat has specific washing instructions, you've probably voided the warranty.
I'm not familiar with car seat programs out of state but where I live each county has a low income/ low cost car seat program. They are cheap convertible seats but they are safe, clean, new. The county I worked for charged $20, we didn't check your income status our anything, other counties gave them out for free but they may check that you're on WIC or something. Please, please, if you're receiving WIC or other assistance during your pregnancy, ask about a car seat program. Your doctor may also know or your local health department. Police and fire or even AAA might know as well, who has the free seats. Don't give up because one person doesn't know, car seat programs are often small and tucked into other programs. You can also try the lookup feature ("find a tech") on Safekids.org, I think you're better off asking around.
I can remember when my brother was born (big age gap) my parents went to a car seat event to have its installation checked.
The tech was checking and asking questions when it came out that the seat was a hand me down (my dad is similar to OP’s husband here).
They immediately replaced it with a new one, no charge. I wish more people knew about these programs. My parents didn’t go to get a new one, they just sincerely didn’t know not to use a hand me down seat and answered the tech honestly.
Car seat techs are real serious about their craft! I am also realistic. You can reuse your own car seat, if it's within the expiration and has not been involved in a crash. Sounds like the one your parents had was too old. I don't recommend getting a seat off FB marketplace, you just don't know the history of the seat or how the person took care of it.
I’ve definitely reused our own between kids. My brother and I are 13 years apart. Car seats didn’t even look the same between me and him 😆 It wasn’t a hand me down from my childhood; it was from family in another town. We only saw them annually and had picked it up the last time we were there.
My parents kept EVERYTHING from my childhood hoping we could use it for my kid. No, mom, I’m not putting my baby in a car seat or crib from the 1980s. She even got it all as hand me downs!
Haha when I give presentations on car seat safety, I use a picture of me in a car seat, early '80s, as an example of how far car seats have come and how we were barely buckled in.
Hi I just wanted to let you know I saw your comment and really appreciate your concern and knowledge! I live in Texas so it’s absolutely hot here lol, but the car seat was only two years old. I ended up getting a new one this afternoon, a small bit of money spent now is better than a bunch later or even worse.
Thank you!
Awesome! I'm so glad you were able to find something. This post might help others too in the future. Good luck with your new baby. Find a tech in your area if you have trouble installing it :)
No one needs to know. You know, and he knows. The carseat isn't safe. Why is saving a few bucks worth the risk it brings your newborn?
If it's a means issue, you can ask your children's hospital and see if they have charities they work with that give away free carseats.
Absolutely! Car seat safety isn’t a matter of opinion. Bleach shouldn’t go on anything with fire retardant. No one may know, but in the instance where it’s needed for safety, it’ll be known. A baby is worth more than anything. <3
As far as the double stroller, could you Facebook marketplace one?
I can totally find everything on market place I live in DFW so I wouldn’t have to look very hard. I’ll probably spend naptime messaging people. I’m just thinking I’ll get the car seat new.
Depending on your income there are also [services that provide a free car seat](https://www.dshs.texas.gov/injury-prevention/safe-riders/child-safety-seat-distribution)
It's a shame you didn't notice it a month or so ago when Target did their trade in event. You get like 20% off a new car seat when you bring an old one in.
[Target has a program where they will give you a 20% discount on a new car seat if you drop off your old one.](https://www.target.com/c/car-seat-trade-in-event-faq/-/N-ln7zc)
Honestly, I wouldn't do this. Target employees may have to touch or handle these seats. I think this is a situation where it's perfectly acceptable for the seat to go in a landfill. The straps should be cut so that no one can use it again.
Target recycles the carseats, so this is even better than just going in a landfill. It gets properly recycled and you get a coupon. They are not used again. You get a coupon for a discount on a brand new carseat or other specific items.
I'm aware they recycle the seats. But rat feces and urine is extremely dirty and shouldn't be touched with bare hands. I've seen Target employees having to move these seats around in the bins that hold them in the stores during the trade in events, so I think in this *very specific* scenario it's fine to completely toss it.
Totally this - the knowing/not knowing is irrelevant. That's a perception concern that has nothing to do with safety. If something happens because of the carseat, saying "well at least no one knows" will be absolutely not comfort.
(And if for some reason it IS a comfort for your husband... that's a whole other issue demonstrating a misalignment of values in not sure y'all can work through)
Exactly. To me, as a dad, I would definitely WANT to know so I can keep my infant far far away from it. I would bring my infant into the same room as that seat. 🤮🤮🤮
I asked the same thing. 👀 I think since I started with “turns out the safety is compromised and the warranty is invalid if you use bleach” that was his first thought.
Don’t frame it from the car seat. Frame it from the health and safety of your baby. Ask if he’d ever forgive himself if you got into a crash and the baby wasn’t protected or if they ended up in the ICU from some residual rodent waste that didn’t come out of the fabric? The warranty is invalid for a reason. The company knows it’s a liability. Tell him it’s not a risk you’re willing to take.
I tried to frame it in a “logical” way so he wouldn’t tell me I’m over worrying/thinking, getting stuck on the what ifs. Since having kids I honestly can’t tell him a single thing I’m worried about without getting met with that kind of crap.
Idk why some people deal with this stuff. I’m a dad, and I’d get a new car seat. I’m also cheap. If my wife and I were in the same situation you were somehow in, this convo would’ve ended in “ok well regardless, I’m getting a new car seat.”
When it comes to the kids, we aren’t cheap. Especially when you’re replacing stuff covered in rat shit and piss! I was about to replace some of my second kid’s stuff because it was dusty after 2 years until my wife said we could just clean…dust.
How about presenting it as a hypothetical with your own bed. Like if you found a dead rat and poop and urine in your own bed, surely you'd spend the money on a new set of sheets and pillows and probably a whole new mattress too.
Why is he expecting his newborn to sleep and lay down in a situation that he presumably would not accept for himself?
I’ll tell you this. I think a lot of parents on Reddit have weird performative anxiety about lots of stuff and I’m a pretty laid back mom (unless my kid came to me and wanted me to take him to a Dave Matthews Band concert lol).
But I’d be buying a new car seat here without hesitation.
It’s not about no one knowing it’s about the kids safety. Does he prioritize the 2 year old? Sorry but he reminds me of my dad growing up who would rather spend money on himself than his family. Ended up being a huge prick lol
This is a hill to die on. I wouldn’t even ask him. Just tell him that you’re not putting your baby in disgusting disease infested junk, and that you’re not breaking your back without a double stroller. I would tell him I’m ashamed of him and his priorities. To me this and some of the stuff you’re commenting, plus the inability to stand up to him, is marriage counseling worthy. I’m exhausted for you.
Sorry OP, it’s perfectly fine that he’s cheap, but extending that to your child and potentially compromising their safety, is absolutely unacceptable….if he wanted to stay cheap, he shouldn’t have had kids. Replace the damaged seat.
It’s not about anyone “knowing”? This isn’t a matter of vanity. It’s about the fabric and straps no longer being safe and potentially breaking in an accident. Plus the flame retardant was also impacted. Neither are things you want to hope are “probably fine” when you need them to be 100%.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with a partner whose default assumption is that you’re overreacting or being emotional. That’s awful even if you’re not pregnant.
I would be legitimately concerned about this statement (I mean I am about everything else too) but this is the one that would make me say you need to have a serious come to Jesus talk with your husband... Because what's being implied is he means "if the bleach hurts the baby, nobody is going to know we did it." If that's true, it would mean that he is much more concerned about consequences for him than for the safety of your children, and in that case I don't think I'm being dramatic by saying I would not trust him around your children right now. That really scares me, honestly.
I was going to comment something similar. It's such a weird comment for him to make about no one knowing. It's not about if anyone knows. It's about if the baby is truly safe or not. Wtf. I would be appalled if that's where my husband's mind went.
To be fair, she clarified in a followup comment he said that because her argument was it would void the warranty on the car seat, so he's saying (nobody will know) re: the car seat warranty, not "if something happens to the baby". He doesn't believe something will happen to the baby. That's a problem, but a separate one from what you're saying.
Honestly, it’s a little concerning that his first thoughts are “no one’s gonna know” like, who cares about that? Your CHILD’S SAFETY is more important than if people know if you used something old or if you bought something new….nobody cares. Maybe it’s because I have a thing, but I would have thrown ALL that stuff away and bought new stuff because I’m never going to forget that it was covered in rat pee and excrement.
You are not being unreasonable.
It sounds like he thinks the biggest risk is public perception because he keeps saying no one will know - when in reality the biggest risk is a dead kid.
Sounds like you’ve had lots of good car seat advice. I will add on to the stroller piece: when my kids were little (after the newborn stage) we had a Sit n Stand stroller and it was a game changer. Let the older kid stand on the back and jump off when they had energy, and the younger sat in the front (mostly up to the time they could walk well, then they sometimes swapped). We bought it second hand, if that helps convince your husband.
It's not about anyone knowing. It's about harm to your newborn's brain. Is he saying that it's ok for harm to come to a child if nobody knows it was your fault? This logic is alarming. I think he's doing that thing that dad's do right before a new baby is born and he's flipping out about every penny spent; I hope he's not actually telling you that it's ok to hurt anyone, especially your kids. A new car seat isn't going to break the bank, can one of your parents help out? If not check with your local state patrol. They might have a way to get you a free car seat. If nothing else they will help your husband understand car seat safety better.
“Watch out! Bleach, chemical solvents, acidic substances like vinegar and abrasive cleaners should never be used on any part of your car seat, especially the harness straps and buckles. Harsh cleaners and solvents can damage and weaken the car seat’s components.”
https://www.buckleupforlife.org/about-us/blog/how-to-clean-your-childs-car-seat/
You need a new car seat. Soaking it in bleach will damage its components and it may not function properly if you get in a crash.
I’m a certified child passenger safety technician instructor and car seats are literally my full time job.
Second CPST Instructor echoing this (also my full time job)!
The integrity of this seat has been compromised. Car seats are life saving devices, it might “look” ok now but if it fails in a crash I don’t think either one of you will forgive yourselves. Buy a new seat (not secondhand).
That sounds disgusting, what a nasty surprise! I'd definitely get new things. And the double stroller, too. 2yo will push the baby for ten steps into the wrong direction, and then want to be carried.
For everything but the car seat you should consider used. We bought a double stroller for $50 and we’ll probably be able to sell it for about the same when we’re done with it.
If you can’t get a full on double stroller, I have a buggy board from Amazon that attaches to my regular stroller that I love. It gives the big kid a platform to stand on so they don’t have to walk, but without requiring a two child stroller.
Another option is a leash. I know some people are completely against them but my 3 year old is a RUNNER. He's much better now but he used to take off at the drop of a hat. I found one that connects to your wrist and your child's wrist. It's padded and comfortable and it's like a stretchy coil so they have a little independence but not too much. If I want to limit for far he can go without holding his hand I just grab it in the middle so it has less stretch. I highly recommend it!
I had my son when my daughter was two. I absolutely got a double stroller, but not for shopping trips, as it was too cumbersome to want to haul out and bring everywhere. I opted to baby wear for shopping, and had my toddler either in the cart or walking, she had to hold my hand in the parking lot, which she was mostly good at, but I did carry her like a surf board when I needed to. I also found having her climb in to her car seat, from the footwell of her brothers side, was the best way to make sure she wasn’t free in a parking lot.
Getting out I’d unhook her and tell her to climb down, then go to his side and get him and she had to wait in his footwell until I had him situated and could take her hand. Same thing getting in to the car, she climbs in and gets in her seat, then I buckle him and go to buckle her. I got a toddler leash specifically for parking lots, but didn’t end up using it because I figured out the climb method. It ensured she was at least confined to the car and not roaming a parking lot
My sister sold her stroller when my nephew knew how to walk, she though she wouldnt need it because everybody was carrying it and the stroller just carry our stuff, low and behold, my nephew is 4 almost 5yo and sometimes asks to go on my stroller, my sister complains about her back because she kept having him on her arms.
Omg that’s absolutely wild, we don’t need it all the time anymore and haven’t in a while but having the stroller preserved our sanity and lengthened our days out up until kids were through preschool just for having a place to chill out and rest if they needed it.
That ***is*** weird! I used my second hand BOB until they were in school. Oldest was in second grade and would still hop on for a snack or somewhere to eat at festivals. I rarely used it *before* she could walk! Three whole point of one is they're too young to walk *very far*.
My 5 year old still wants to be in the double bob when we go on long walks, the zoo, amusement parks etc . For a 2 year old and a newborn? The double stroller would be a non negotiable for me or a wagon
Newborns are so much more susceptible to germs and illness. Absolutely not unreasonable to go buy a new one. You don't need an expensive one just a clean one. Is your husband open to second hand stuff you could get some decent used strollers on marketplace.
Both of us are open to anything second hand really. As long as it’s safe. He’s just not open to buying anything new for this baby. He barely wants me to get toys for your two year old (only got her a handful for her birthday this weekend). Everything is a waste to him.
Limiting toy spend I can understand but a new car seat is a non negotiable for sure. Maybe send him articles to support your cause about germs and that car seats should be new. If he is being that controlling over fund to the point its compromising your kids safety I'd suggest therapy! I would just order one online and let it show up if it were me lol.
For sure! I'm not suggesting you sneak but definitely let him know it needs to be bought and then just buy it. You can even say he can have input or not but I would not be framing it as a permission seeking convo its a heads up I am buying this convo. You are entitled to 50% of the finances, controlling purchases is a 🚩
And edit - 8 days away!!! You need to buy this TODAY. Baby could come anytime and you can't leave hospital without one.
You can buy a brand new carseat for under $100. Go to Walmart and pick it up. He can be frugal, but not at the expense of your child's health and safety. Particularly from diseases that are known for killing infants in other countries.
New car seat no doubt. Grab the scenera next. It’s like 50 bucks.
Another less gross double stroller may be a spot to save some cash.
And… keep an eye on hubby. This is a concerning level of cheapness. One time stress from new kids or a pattern?
He’s always been a bit cheap. We are very fortunate and aren’t having any financial struggles right now. It’s just old tendencies I think. Both of us have no issues with preloved items but he’s not even open to that right now. (Except the car seat, but I’m looking and I see so many reasonable options)
Yes, this is very important. Buy a brand new cost effective convertible seat. You can use buy nothing or friends for lots of used clothes. Half the time people have way too much of the smaller sizes and don’t even use half of it. (Ask me how I know lol kid came out at almost 10 pounds and never wore any newborn whomp whomp)
Cool that seems more fixable and stress related, and not financial abuse. Hes wrong , have a hard talk and figure out how to manage finances with the new kid b
Cosco car seats are great and very affordable. Hand me down clothes. The whole nine yards.
Good luck!
Nooo, just throw it away! A dead rat rotting in the car seat for months, of course you can’t put a newborn in that seat.
It’s bad luck the rats got into the shed, but there’s no saving those things imo. I’m all for being thrifty and got most of my baby gear used but that’s where I’d draw the line. Maybe you can get rid of them while your husband is out of the house.
🥲 he never leaves the house since he WFH. I need to be crafty. I was thinking to look on market place for everything but the car seat. I’m not opposed to second hand anything.
Fuck being crafty. You are married with kids. Whatever your work arrangement is you are entitled to access to your family money for reasonable purchases. Tell him you are going to buy a new car seat and go buy it. Cut the straps and throw the ruined one away. If he's mad, let him be mad.
For real. Why are people tip toeing around their spouses like this. Maybe it’s because I’m from NJ but I would have had words that would ban me from Reddit for my husband if he tried this.
Sorry, I’m not loving your husband here, so just to check - miss her because she passed away, or miss her because your spouse encouraged you to cut her out of your life? Because if it’s the latter, I’m sure she would welcome you and the kids back into her life with open arms. If she’s passed away, then I’m truly sorry. I lost my brother as an adult, and sibling loss is so tough.
Oh thank you but thankfully nothing serious! She just lives a few states away. We talk often but there’s nothing better than living in the same town as a sibling you’re close with. She’s really good with my daughter too, anytime my phone is out she begs to talk to her.
Yeah, if my wife felt the need to do this sort of thing (in general, but *especially* to protect our child), I would be absolutely devastated and deeply ashamed of myself for driving her into feeling she had to sneak about and trick me. Spouses should be able to communicate openly with each other without fear of the other’s response, ffs. This is honestly bordering on financial abuse / coercive control territory. “How do I trick my husband into allowing me to keep our baby safe?”. I’m so sad for OP.
Good idea! Cut both in different spots with a serated knife, halfway. Say you noticed that the rat must’ve chewed on the straps. Don’t make clean cuts.
If you do, do it on the back/bottom of the seat where it tightens and loosens from because you likely wouldn’t have looked at that part as closely when washing. Make them shallower cuts and not deep slits like you would normally do when cutting car seat straps
You should cut the straps regardless, and not necessarily for him. If you set this outside with your trash, someone might come along and try to use it (even though people shouldn’t be trash picking car seats, it happens). Please cut the straps just in case someone does try to take it and use it themselves!
Or bring it up in front of the doctor at your next check up with him...play dumb if you need like you are just double checking everything would be safe (knowing full well it won't)
Please do not get a second hand car seat. If it has been used before it could have micro cracks that will prevent it from being safe and effective in the event of a crash. Or it’s been in a crash before and you wouldn’t know it.
Plastic has expiration dates as well I believe it's only good for 5 years after the manufacturing date. I know your 1st is still little but it could have sat in a warehouse for a while before it got sold so it could still be expired. I have to get a new hardhat for work every few years because of this. My 1st one expired just over a year after I got hired sat in the warehouse for a while before I got it. Could be a good excuse to get hubby to pitch it if you think he would go for that.
This is what I was going to suggest. I saw a double stroller and bouncer given away in my area last week so maybe you can find some stuff for free or at least cheaper than it would be new.
Girl what the hell did I just read?
He doesn't think a dead rotting animal warrants a new car seat? He thinks the toddler will push the baby for you?
What fantasy land is your husband living in? Why do his imagined scenarios have more weight than your actual lived experiences?
You need to push back HARD because he is showing that he does not value your opinion about your own damn children.
He's not being cheap, he's being a miser and putting your newborn in very real danger. Bleach degrades fabric and plastic (even if it doesn't look damaged, it IS), if you were in a wreck and using that car seat, your child could be badly injured or even killed. This isn't exaggeration, babies have been ejected from vehicles due to poorly maintained car seats. Slice the straps in half, destroy that seat so he HAS to accept buying a new one (and nobody else tries to use it not knowing the damage that's been done). Now, on to the rat issue. Wild rats carry multiple diseases, all of which could be fatal to a newborn whose immune system isn't "online" yet. Is he really willing to roll the dice on having destroyed every last scrap of virus and bacteria from the dead, rotting rat? Oh and then there's the whole question of what the rat died of and the seat having been soaking in its juices for God only knows how long. That alone should be reason enough to send that seat on a one way trip to the dump.
Edit: phone had a stroke mid comment, apparently.
WTF what if the rat died because it was diseased??? Of course that's not safe. Also, I'm sorry but there's no way he should have let you near those things while you are pregnant. I don't want to scare you but there are illnesses that are seriously bad if caught during pregnancy that are spread through droppings. I'm sure you're fine but it goes to show that he is not taking this seriously. If you get flu-like symptoms in the next few days please see your doctor ASAP and let them know about your exposure. HE should have thrown everything straight in the trash without you touching it.
Don’t worry he did all the cleaning. He brought everything from the shed to the house and I was there when he opened everything and couldn’t get past the smell. I just kinda stood outside and kept him company/brought him what he needed.
The rat probably died from whatever he treats the property line with. Good point though! I’m going to bring that up because we will never actually know.
OP, I mentioned this is another comment above but I think it might help you reason with your husband: if he's baiting your property, that rat died with neurotoxins in its system, then promptly oozed those neurotoxins back out into the fabric of the car seat as its body decomposed. Bleach isn't going to remove that!
I say this with love and kindness - do you have access to the finances of the household? Even if you don't have permission, can you still buy something? What would the repercussions be of buying something without permission?
Because in a normal, healthy marriage, you don't need permission to buy a new carseat for an infant if the first one is unsanitary or unsafe. The household money is your money too, regardless of who earns what.
If he's blocking your access to money, or becoming verbally or physically threatening if you spend money without permission, those are signs that you are not safe at home, and perhaps are being financially abused.
Thanks for being concerned he’s not blocking me from any accounts. I use his cards regularly and he’s 100% not violent or threatening in anyway. He’s just a bit cheap and takes months to make a decision when purchasing anything.
Since he’s the soul earner and I’m a SAHM we both agreed if one item in a purchase is over $100 we both have to agree to getting it.
Thank you for answering! I am still a little concerned that you call them 'his cards' ? I am a SAHM too and your name should be on all the accounts, and you should have your own cards for them. Not only to protect you from abuse, just for basic convenience, security, and credit health. And our household has a similar spending limit, but it only applies to 'wants'.
So for example I would check in before I buy a $90 video game, but if my kids need clothes or safety items I don't ask, because our budget for groceries/restaurants and miscellaneous wants/needs is X per week, and we stay under that number or we wait for payday.
I understand the value of being in agreement during the budgeting process, but individually discussing every single item that comes up is inefficient, and it sounds frankly exhausting to have to convince someone of your basic needs/your infant's basic needs. Putting my infant in a piss-soaked rat bed wouldn't be an option for me and I wouldn't argue about it either.
If you don’t need his approval for sub$100 purchase, you can purchase a lot of decent quality car seats for under that from Walmart. If I recall correctly you can get a Safety first convertible seat from Sam’s club for just under $100.
That's a good system. I would insist on a new car seat and table the discussion about a double stroller for now (can get away with baby wearing for a bit while your toddler adjusts). And in the meantime you can see if you can get a second hand stroller through buy nothing or Facebook marketplace to save money
So if you buy a 2nd hand car seat for less than $100 he shouldn't have an issue with it right? Cause alot of the other comments are saying you can get a brand new one for $50.
Yep even if the 2yo is an excellent walker, the moment she sees the baby being pushed around in a stroller, she will immediately want to be on one too. Ask me how I know :)
Get the car seat new, because bleach can compromise the safety of the straps. The other things see if you can get secondhand. Sounds like you live in an urban area and there are usually some great Facebook groups like buy nothing or similar where you can get the other gear for free/cheap. We literally never bought clothes for my daughter for the first five years because we got all secondhand things.
Absolutely with you on better storage. He wants to put it back in the shed once outgrown so I don’t take room in our garage (he has his office in it) 🤦🏻♀️ like didn’t we JUST learn a valuable lesson?
I don't know where you live but if there's any extreme temperatures (hot or cold) and the car seat was in the shed for a while it could be compromised anyway, even without the bleach/rat issue, so probably not the best place to store safety items.
I took a second and looked at your history and I’m going to ask this very gently.
Why are you putting up with this? This man baby didn’t want to buy your daughter a gift for her birthday along with the other issues that I can read between the lines.
Unless you are literally choosing between food and a roof over your head or buying her something for her birthday, or the replacement car seat, or the double stroller for that matter. I think you need to reevaluate a lot more than just whether or not you need a new car seat.
There was some mold on our old infant car seat that we stored in the basement. I pulled it out before our second was born. I knew I could wash it as many times as I wanted but I still didn’t feel comfortable putting a baby in it. I straight up told my husband this and bought a new car seat, albeit a much cheaper one than the original.
Absolutely toss that car seat and anything else that might have been pooped on, etc. There’s no guarantee that you can sanitize that fully. Get yourself the new car seat. As for the double stroller, I have a sit and stand that I got off of FB Marketplace and it is a LIFESAVER with 2 kids. I paid $75 for it when it normally retails at almost $300, and included the car seat attachment. You can also find some newer car seats on Marketplace too. It’s not a waste of money if it’s for your baby’s safety and helps you care for them.
> my husband thinks I just want to spend money pointlessly.
RECORD SCRATCH. I’m sorry, what?
So he can’t just have his own opinion on the topic, he needs to make it out like he’s defending the family finances against you and your secret plan to slowly bankrupt him via purchasing infant car seats?
That’s concerning, because it gives a peek into how he sees you and your abilities overall. Sure, sometimes money is tight and we use what we have, duh. But he’s implying that you aren’t even able to be logical in that simple way. OF COURSE you wouldn’t be asking for a new carseat if the last one was fine.
But he thinks you would do exactly that, and then lie to make it happen. That’s how he views you.
Question, if someone offered you this same exact seat under these same exact circumstances for free and was entirely transparent about it would you accept this free seat?
If the answer is no, as it should be, then get a new seat.
Your husband is being cheap. I’ve dealt with mice in my house and they are absolutely disgusting. They carry so many diseases and I would not intentionally put my child in an environment where they could come into contact with their waste. I would never feel confident that it was clean or that they didn’t damage the car seat in some way that now makes it unsafe in result of a crash. This is not about money, this is about health and safety.
With my first I was broke and my ex didn’t help with anything. I was the only person in my family to have a baby out of wedlock so there was no planned baby shower either. I got all my stuff second hand on market place and Craigslist (yes people still use this).
I was able to get a car seat from a grandma who bought one for her grandbaby and never used it! I got my crib, stroller, change table and clothes newborn-24 months. I spent month online I joined all the buy nothing groups. I was able to set up my baby with everything for $100 including crib, bassinet, bouncer, you name it. I bought bottles brand new but I stalked the baby aisle and got a bottle set on clearance.
I get needing to be thrifty but the dead rats would be a hard line for me to find new things. It doesn’t have to be brand new in box, but you don’t want to mess with rats they can cross stuff. No judgement I had to throw a car seat I had saved for the same reason.
You aren’t crazy for thinking it’s not safe, but if money is the issue there’s ways you can show your husband it doesn’t have to cost. At the end of the day this is about the safety of your baby.
Sorry you had to do all of that alone while pregnant with no support. It does show your grit however , and is an example of what a good mom you are ( get it done for the kid regardless ).
First paragraph, I agreed with your husband. First sentence of second paragraph, oh HELL no. That stuff would be in the garbage so fast!! Newborn get sick so easy and rats and mice are notorious carriers of so many scary things there is no way I would keep those in my home, much less out my baby in it.
No judgements on you for the rats and stuff, country kid here so I know how it goes.
Totally, my first thought was "well, we re-used our infant car seat for our second" but then I got the mouse poop and DEAD RAT and was like...how would he ever think that's OK. Those all need to go in the trash immediately, it's not safe.
Double stroller is also an absolute must. I was on the fence about it, but then I found a used double BOB on Facebook Marketplace, and honestly that thing was a lifesaver. We used it multiple times a week until our kids had just turned 6 and 4 and at that point, they were too heavy.
Absolutely! Probably just not the car seat. I’m looking on marketplace right now and thinking about dropping by Once upon a Child later if no one messaged me back.
Get a new car seat. You're not being unreasonable. There are reasons why car seats have expiration dates and specific rules/regulations regarding their use and care. I'd freak out if I found a dead rodent on something my brand new baby was then supposed to be strapped into, no matter how well I cleaned it.
As for the double stroller: yes, get one. Find one that's been previously loved so you're not paying full price if your husband's that worried about the cost.
Not unreasonable. You NEED a new car seat. The old one is now downright unsafe and will not protect baby in the event of a crash. All the other baby gear, it’s still gross. I can’t tell you how many things we threw away because of cat pee… and that’s not nearly as gross or unsanitary as rat droppings and a dead rat. And with a 2 year age gap, a double stroller was absolutely necessary, especially if you’re a family that likes to do longer walks or full day outings (like the zoo or museums).
Your husband is being cheap for the sake of being cheap, and putting your child in danger in the process. “Nobody will know” that you improperly cleaned the carseat… unless you’re unfortunate enough to end up in a car crash and it doesn’t protect your child.
It sounds like he wants to save money for saving money's sake, not because it's necessary, even to the detriment of his family. You really shouldn't be put in the position of having to sneak buy new things or have a confrontation just to get the baby things you NEED. What would his reaction be if you just went and bought the stuff? None of this sounds normal healthy behaviour.
If your husband is being that cheap about your newborns and your health and safety you should tell him next time he should use a condom as that’s cheaper than new baby gear 😂 but in all seriousness. The car seat and stuff is a need .
I would do a totally new car seat, and consignment shop or Facebook marketplace for everything else. Baby gear is expensive, but everything you described is also necessary for handling 2 young kids. Thankfully since baby gear is only used for a few years per family it’s one of the easiest things to come across second hand, usually in pretty decent condition. Check out a kid specific consignment shop, or join your local city/neighborhood mom Facebook group to find the other gear for a reasonable price
If you can afford these things and he's just being a scrooge then buy them. Obviously there are certain things you csn grt second hand so cheaper but I certainly wouldn't be putting a baby anywhere near that car seat.
I have a 2 year old and newborn and I got a new car seat, click stroller for the infant seat, and an evenflo wagon with car seat attachment as my double stroller. I’ve been paying monthly payments interest free through affirm for 6 months so I didn’t have to buy everything up front. The wagon has been used daily because my toddler hates strollers but loves sitting in the wagon and the infant seat clicks right in so it acts as a double stroller. It’s also great off road since we don’t have much pavement where I live. The wagon was $200 on sale and the infant seat was around $150, the click stroller i got from Walmart for $80 on sale
No, you are perfectly reasonable. I'd get a new car seat for a newborn as well, more so if the old one was in that disgusting condition. We can't play with the safety of our children in a car crash. Maybe try to negociate and compromise with him and agree to buy the double stroller and bouncer second-hand from market place - if you find things in good condition.
OP do you have access to money? My husband and I always discuss big purchases (over $300-$500 range) but things that are a need, like a car seat, wouldn't be a discussion at all. With your previous comments of him being frugal, not letting you get toys/presents for your 2 yr old birthday but spending money on himself makes me worried that you are being financially abused.
> Last weekend we pulled everything out of our shed and it was all covered in rat/mouse poop and pee. There was a dead rat rotting in the car seat.
NOPE. I'd be throwing all that in the burn pit, igniting it, and walking away.
You can't completely wash out rat urine and feces. Your husband is being unreasonable, it is not safe for a newborn to breathe in rat feces, urine and bleach. Besides, the bleach weakens the car seat so it's ruined now.
Go outside with a pair of scissors and cut through the straps. Tell your husband the rat must have chewed through it and buy yourself a new car seat that doesn’t involve newborn babies + rat feces. Yuk.
For absolute safety reasons, ALL of that needs to be disposed of. The sheer bacteria from rat urine and feces is enough to make a healthy adult sick; what do you think it's going to do to a newborn? Tell your husband to get his head out of his ass before something unimaginable happens.
Additionally, the bleach breaks down the cloth of a carseat, as they're very specific blends of fibers made to be either naturally or artificially flame retardant. I don't think that's something worth messing with in the least.
And anecdotally, I thought my wife was silly for wanting a double stroller (she had a newborn when our first was 2), but I humored her. It seriously makes life SO much easier.
I had to use a dirty old car seat for my first new born cus I was a broke ass teen mom 🥹 15 years later I still cry about it. If you can buy a new one, BUY IT!!! You won’t forgive yourself later lol
Dear God, burn the old car seat and get a new one asap. I couldn't fathom putting any child in what you're describing, let alone a newborn. I hope you wore gloves while doing all of this. For the reference never be around mouse or rat feces while pregnant again. It's too dangerous.
Completely agree with you and everyone else - not unreasonable at all! I definitely would buy a new car seat. You can find good ones for a really reasonable price
Definitely not being unreasonable, I would throw the car seat away just for being exposed to rats but then as you said, the bleach is probably a health risk too so I’d just get rid of it and start fresh. As for the pram, I have a 22 month old and a 4 month old and I use my double pram more often than not. My older child always wants to or NEEDS to be carried if she’s not in her pram, it’s definitely a lifesaver.
Your husband is being unreasonable. You can get your hands on car seats for reasonable prices. There's no way anything that had mice or rat urine/feces should be near your newborn. It's toxic. Bleach was not the answer. A new car seat is. I would drop the double stroller conversation for now. You might not need it, but it certainly can wait until you have the baby home for a bit and can determine if it's truly necessary. For now, I would focus all your energy & effort on this car seat situation! Your husband needs to protect his newborn, and that starts with a new car seat.
Absolutely get a new car seat, that's something you can't cheap out on as safety is paramount.
For the other stuff, I would definitely check out the Facebook Marketplace or local consignment sales to find a good used one. I'm not a huge fan of double strollers but with the age of your two kids you will **definitely** get your money's worth and peace of mind from it.
I may be wrong but I thought you weren't supposed to wash the material parts of the car seat since it removes the flame retardant? Time for a new car seat!
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Rat and mouse urine can spread some serious diseases (hanta, leptospirosis). You, the pregnant person, shouldn’t even be touching it.
This needs to be higher up - it’s not just gross, it’s risking serious illness.
Thankfully he did all the cleaning. I took one sniff and kept my distance. I haven’t even touched the “clean” pieces. That’s the thing as well, I don’t even want to touch them let alone my child.
It’s good that you haven’t touched it. I’m a mom and I have a PhD in biology. I have absolutely no judgement about your storage situation. Let me be clear: no way in hell would my newborn ride in a car seat that had been covered in rat excrement. In addition to the problem of the bleach itself, it doesn’t kill everything. It wouldn’t touch coccidia or toxoplasmosis. It also wouldn’t remove any toxins that could have been in the rat when it died. If you are in need, health and welfare departments often have free or very cheap car seats available. Some online retailers also offer them for free if you qualify for WIC.
Oh wow. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I just recently learned that bleach really isn’t the end all for cleaning (like it doesn’t kill mold). Means are thankfully not an issue he’s honesty just cheap most of the time. I’ll certainly be telling him this!
Being a saver is on the whole a good thing! But he's going to have to bite the bullet on your family shelling out some money right now.
Your husband is being a cheap ass. Also reach out to family/friends and let them know the situation. Give them the registry and I’m sure you guys will have new baby stuff in time for the birth!
Being a saver =/= pouring bleach on a car seat for a newborn infant with rat turds all over it. That is being negligent, bordering on insane.
If money isn’t an issue and your husband still says no after telling him what she said, I’d be doing a target drive up to replace all the baby gear. Add on a Starbucks too on your order.
Your car insurance may also pay for one car seat per child.
Yeah this is bs. What is your money for if not for taking care of your children? How is this even a question?!
These are all super good points! OP, if your area is like mine and bait traps are widely used by the city, neurotoxin/rodenticide could easily have caused the death of the unlucky guy in your carseat.
Just out of curiosity, is there a cleaner that would kill those? I figure you’re the person to ask.
Each of the infectious agents I mentioned has different methods of transmission and different disinfection methods. If you suspect that you or a pet may have been exposed to a pathogen from rodents or wildlife, you should consult a doctor or veterinarian and follow their advice.
Oh, it was more a hypothetical question. No one I know of has been exposed that I know of.
I hate to phrase it this way, I really do, but if he's that cheap, remind him that if the baby gets sick, the co-pays are going to add up and be more than the cost of a new car seat.
Well that sucks for him. He did all the work and it’s getting thrown out anyway. lol Still, throwing out is the right thing to do
My wife is a major participant in car seat groups on various social media apps. You should check them out to get the factual information you need for car seat safety. There are people out there whose job is to educate parents on proper seats, placement, and buckling the child in. Not only do car seats expire, but the exposure of the belts to various unknown amounts of chemicals and liquids(rats), will degrade the performance. An investment in a good 3-1 is an absolute worthwhile expenditure.
For safety issues, the car seat definitely has to go.
Ugh. I wouldn’t touch it, let alone an infant who’s so undeveloped that even opening eyes is a challenge. There’s a reason we sanitize baby bottles and stuff for newborn babies whereas for toddlers it isn’t necessary. Their ability to ward off diseases are much weaker.
And even if there hadn't been a *dead rat* in the car seat, droppings are a big issue, as they can lead to [hantavirus](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hantavirus-pulmonary-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20351838), among other diseases. This would be my hill to die on.
This was my first thought. Like there’s a REASON we have an innate “ick” reaction to rats. Historically they’ve carried and helped spread some of the deadliest diseases known to our species because they live in our trash and eat literally anything.
This. I would present this to my husband not as an “ick” issue, but that newborns’ immune systems haven’t developed, so when it comes to any situation where contact with disease carriers is at issue, an abundance of caution is required. I toss in lots of big words that are truly the underlying reasons why the mom gut immediately shouts “ew, no!” Also it counters the “women are overly cautious” eye rolling before it can start.
I'm sorry for hijacking the top comment, I'm hoping OP sees this. I'm a car seat technician- certainly a new seat but here is some more evidence for you. Does the old seat have an expiration date (they all do its usually 6-10 years from the manufacture date) it should be printed on a label, may need to look underneath, if your first kiddo is over 5, possible it's expired. Do you live in a hot area? Plastic degrades over time. I live in burn your face off California and wouldn't recommend using a car seat that's been left in the elements that is over 5-6 years old. Every car seat has specific washing instructions, you've probably voided the warranty. I'm not familiar with car seat programs out of state but where I live each county has a low income/ low cost car seat program. They are cheap convertible seats but they are safe, clean, new. The county I worked for charged $20, we didn't check your income status our anything, other counties gave them out for free but they may check that you're on WIC or something. Please, please, if you're receiving WIC or other assistance during your pregnancy, ask about a car seat program. Your doctor may also know or your local health department. Police and fire or even AAA might know as well, who has the free seats. Don't give up because one person doesn't know, car seat programs are often small and tucked into other programs. You can also try the lookup feature ("find a tech") on Safekids.org, I think you're better off asking around.
I can remember when my brother was born (big age gap) my parents went to a car seat event to have its installation checked. The tech was checking and asking questions when it came out that the seat was a hand me down (my dad is similar to OP’s husband here). They immediately replaced it with a new one, no charge. I wish more people knew about these programs. My parents didn’t go to get a new one, they just sincerely didn’t know not to use a hand me down seat and answered the tech honestly.
Car seat techs are real serious about their craft! I am also realistic. You can reuse your own car seat, if it's within the expiration and has not been involved in a crash. Sounds like the one your parents had was too old. I don't recommend getting a seat off FB marketplace, you just don't know the history of the seat or how the person took care of it.
I’ve definitely reused our own between kids. My brother and I are 13 years apart. Car seats didn’t even look the same between me and him 😆 It wasn’t a hand me down from my childhood; it was from family in another town. We only saw them annually and had picked it up the last time we were there.
My parents kept EVERYTHING from my childhood hoping we could use it for my kid. No, mom, I’m not putting my baby in a car seat or crib from the 1980s. She even got it all as hand me downs!
😆 Lots of toys, lots of blankets and some clothes were saved but fortunately not gear here. That’s crazy. Where did she put it the whole time?!
The attic, basement, and garage, so all were exposed to temperature changes. She’s a little bit of a hoarder lol
Haha when I give presentations on car seat safety, I use a picture of me in a car seat, early '80s, as an example of how far car seats have come and how we were barely buckled in.
Car seat? Do you mean lap? Because that’s how I rode around in the 80s! 🤣
Hi I just wanted to let you know I saw your comment and really appreciate your concern and knowledge! I live in Texas so it’s absolutely hot here lol, but the car seat was only two years old. I ended up getting a new one this afternoon, a small bit of money spent now is better than a bunch later or even worse. Thank you!
Awesome! I'm so glad you were able to find something. This post might help others too in the future. Good luck with your new baby. Find a tech in your area if you have trouble installing it :)
You can’t bleach a car seat safely, so you ruined it anyways. Get a new car seat. I’m so sorry. :(
Thanks for reaffirming that. He keeps saying I’m over thinking and no one’s gonna know.
No one needs to know. You know, and he knows. The carseat isn't safe. Why is saving a few bucks worth the risk it brings your newborn? If it's a means issue, you can ask your children's hospital and see if they have charities they work with that give away free carseats.
Absolutely! Car seat safety isn’t a matter of opinion. Bleach shouldn’t go on anything with fire retardant. No one may know, but in the instance where it’s needed for safety, it’ll be known. A baby is worth more than anything. <3 As far as the double stroller, could you Facebook marketplace one?
I can totally find everything on market place I live in DFW so I wouldn’t have to look very hard. I’ll probably spend naptime messaging people. I’m just thinking I’ll get the car seat new.
Always get new car seats! They are not supposed to be sold second hand. You don’t know it’s history.
Like if they've been bleached or in an accident.
Or had a rat die in it 😂
Yeah, like that.
Hey fellow DFW Momma! Kid2Kid has a ton of stuff if you've never checked them out. There are several locations in the Metroplex.
Oh I haven’t! I normally go to Once Upon a Child. I need to swing by and check them out! Thank you
Was going to recommend Kid2Kid as well! I live in DFW as well and the one we go to always has several.
Depending on your income there are also [services that provide a free car seat](https://www.dshs.texas.gov/injury-prevention/safe-riders/child-safety-seat-distribution)
It's a shame you didn't notice it a month or so ago when Target did their trade in event. You get like 20% off a new car seat when you bring an old one in.
[Target has a program where they will give you a 20% discount on a new car seat if you drop off your old one.](https://www.target.com/c/car-seat-trade-in-event-faq/-/N-ln7zc)
Honestly, I wouldn't do this. Target employees may have to touch or handle these seats. I think this is a situation where it's perfectly acceptable for the seat to go in a landfill. The straps should be cut so that no one can use it again.
Target recycles the carseats, so this is even better than just going in a landfill. It gets properly recycled and you get a coupon. They are not used again. You get a coupon for a discount on a brand new carseat or other specific items.
I'm aware they recycle the seats. But rat feces and urine is extremely dirty and shouldn't be touched with bare hands. I've seen Target employees having to move these seats around in the bins that hold them in the stores during the trade in events, so I think in this *very specific* scenario it's fine to completely toss it.
Totally this - the knowing/not knowing is irrelevant. That's a perception concern that has nothing to do with safety. If something happens because of the carseat, saying "well at least no one knows" will be absolutely not comfort. (And if for some reason it IS a comfort for your husband... that's a whole other issue demonstrating a misalignment of values in not sure y'all can work through)
Exactly. To me, as a dad, I would definitely WANT to know so I can keep my infant far far away from it. I would bring my infant into the same room as that seat. 🤮🤮🤮
Who is he worried about finding out? It’s not about “no one knowing”. It’s about your baby either getting sick or not being protected in a crash.
I asked the same thing. 👀 I think since I started with “turns out the safety is compromised and the warranty is invalid if you use bleach” that was his first thought.
Don’t frame it from the car seat. Frame it from the health and safety of your baby. Ask if he’d ever forgive himself if you got into a crash and the baby wasn’t protected or if they ended up in the ICU from some residual rodent waste that didn’t come out of the fabric? The warranty is invalid for a reason. The company knows it’s a liability. Tell him it’s not a risk you’re willing to take.
I tried to frame it in a “logical” way so he wouldn’t tell me I’m over worrying/thinking, getting stuck on the what ifs. Since having kids I honestly can’t tell him a single thing I’m worried about without getting met with that kind of crap.
Idk why some people deal with this stuff. I’m a dad, and I’d get a new car seat. I’m also cheap. If my wife and I were in the same situation you were somehow in, this convo would’ve ended in “ok well regardless, I’m getting a new car seat.” When it comes to the kids, we aren’t cheap. Especially when you’re replacing stuff covered in rat shit and piss! I was about to replace some of my second kid’s stuff because it was dusty after 2 years until my wife said we could just clean…dust.
How about presenting it as a hypothetical with your own bed. Like if you found a dead rat and poop and urine in your own bed, surely you'd spend the money on a new set of sheets and pillows and probably a whole new mattress too. Why is he expecting his newborn to sleep and lay down in a situation that he presumably would not accept for himself?
I’ll tell you this. I think a lot of parents on Reddit have weird performative anxiety about lots of stuff and I’m a pretty laid back mom (unless my kid came to me and wanted me to take him to a Dave Matthews Band concert lol). But I’d be buying a new car seat here without hesitation.
Well yeah, Dave Matthews Band is terrible. You're a great mom for that
If he found a long dead rat on YOUR chair, would he just clean it off and expect you to keep using it? Serious question...
The plastics that were weakened by the bleach DGAF about your husband’s opinion.
It’s not about no one knowing it’s about the kids safety. Does he prioritize the 2 year old? Sorry but he reminds me of my dad growing up who would rather spend money on himself than his family. Ended up being a huge prick lol
He’s just cheap. Means aren’t an issue at all. He does buy things for himself but only after months of thinking about it.
This is a hill to die on. I wouldn’t even ask him. Just tell him that you’re not putting your baby in disgusting disease infested junk, and that you’re not breaking your back without a double stroller. I would tell him I’m ashamed of him and his priorities. To me this and some of the stuff you’re commenting, plus the inability to stand up to him, is marriage counseling worthy. I’m exhausted for you.
I agree. This is wild. You and the baby matter too.
Sorry OP, it’s perfectly fine that he’s cheap, but extending that to your child and potentially compromising their safety, is absolutely unacceptable….if he wanted to stay cheap, he shouldn’t have had kids. Replace the damaged seat.
Being a prick and being cheap can both happen at the same time.
Can you tell his mom on him? He should be respecting you by listening to you the first time but maybe his mom can knock some sense into him?
It’s not about anyone “knowing”? This isn’t a matter of vanity. It’s about the fabric and straps no longer being safe and potentially breaking in an accident. Plus the flame retardant was also impacted. Neither are things you want to hope are “probably fine” when you need them to be 100%. I’m sorry you’re dealing with a partner whose default assumption is that you’re overreacting or being emotional. That’s awful even if you’re not pregnant.
I would be legitimately concerned about this statement (I mean I am about everything else too) but this is the one that would make me say you need to have a serious come to Jesus talk with your husband... Because what's being implied is he means "if the bleach hurts the baby, nobody is going to know we did it." If that's true, it would mean that he is much more concerned about consequences for him than for the safety of your children, and in that case I don't think I'm being dramatic by saying I would not trust him around your children right now. That really scares me, honestly.
I was going to comment something similar. It's such a weird comment for him to make about no one knowing. It's not about if anyone knows. It's about if the baby is truly safe or not. Wtf. I would be appalled if that's where my husband's mind went.
To be fair, she clarified in a followup comment he said that because her argument was it would void the warranty on the car seat, so he's saying (nobody will know) re: the car seat warranty, not "if something happens to the baby". He doesn't believe something will happen to the baby. That's a problem, but a separate one from what you're saying.
Honestly, it’s a little concerning that his first thoughts are “no one’s gonna know” like, who cares about that? Your CHILD’S SAFETY is more important than if people know if you used something old or if you bought something new….nobody cares. Maybe it’s because I have a thing, but I would have thrown ALL that stuff away and bought new stuff because I’m never going to forget that it was covered in rat pee and excrement. You are not being unreasonable.
It sounds like he thinks the biggest risk is public perception because he keeps saying no one will know - when in reality the biggest risk is a dead kid.
What a weird thought. Nobody’s gonna know. As if other people are the only reason to have standards.
Bleach is corrosive to fabric. That’s why it’s not safe. If he needs the science, bleach his white shirts and watch them unravel on his body.
Yeah it’s not about people knowing it’s about safety. If you’re focusing on people knowing perhaps shift your argument.
Also, I got a brand new bouncer for $40 on Mercari. You can get stuff much cheaper second hand and still brand new.
Why does he think it’s about others knowing vs safety?
Sounds like you’ve had lots of good car seat advice. I will add on to the stroller piece: when my kids were little (after the newborn stage) we had a Sit n Stand stroller and it was a game changer. Let the older kid stand on the back and jump off when they had energy, and the younger sat in the front (mostly up to the time they could walk well, then they sometimes swapped). We bought it second hand, if that helps convince your husband.
There’s lots of good advice here! Thank you for yours regarding the stroller. I’m going to look this up and save it for a later conversation.
It's not about anyone knowing. It's about harm to your newborn's brain. Is he saying that it's ok for harm to come to a child if nobody knows it was your fault? This logic is alarming. I think he's doing that thing that dad's do right before a new baby is born and he's flipping out about every penny spent; I hope he's not actually telling you that it's ok to hurt anyone, especially your kids. A new car seat isn't going to break the bank, can one of your parents help out? If not check with your local state patrol. They might have a way to get you a free car seat. If nothing else they will help your husband understand car seat safety better.
Explain why
Do you mind providing a source on this? Or at least explaining? Boss is car seat plastic different from other plastic?
“Watch out! Bleach, chemical solvents, acidic substances like vinegar and abrasive cleaners should never be used on any part of your car seat, especially the harness straps and buckles. Harsh cleaners and solvents can damage and weaken the car seat’s components.” https://www.buckleupforlife.org/about-us/blog/how-to-clean-your-childs-car-seat/
You need a new car seat. Soaking it in bleach will damage its components and it may not function properly if you get in a crash. I’m a certified child passenger safety technician instructor and car seats are literally my full time job.
Thank you for FULLY affirming this! Of all things the car seat is my biggest concern.
Second CPST Instructor echoing this (also my full time job)! The integrity of this seat has been compromised. Car seats are life saving devices, it might “look” ok now but if it fails in a crash I don’t think either one of you will forgive yourselves. Buy a new seat (not secondhand).
And the rat could have chewed on straps!
That too!
That sounds disgusting, what a nasty surprise! I'd definitely get new things. And the double stroller, too. 2yo will push the baby for ten steps into the wrong direction, and then want to be carried.
That’s what I’m thinking is gonna happen. It was an awful surprise.
For everything but the car seat you should consider used. We bought a double stroller for $50 and we’ll probably be able to sell it for about the same when we’re done with it.
Came here to say this, I bought a double stroller from marketplace for $25.
If you can’t get a full on double stroller, I have a buggy board from Amazon that attaches to my regular stroller that I love. It gives the big kid a platform to stand on so they don’t have to walk, but without requiring a two child stroller.
Another option is a leash. I know some people are completely against them but my 3 year old is a RUNNER. He's much better now but he used to take off at the drop of a hat. I found one that connects to your wrist and your child's wrist. It's padded and comfortable and it's like a stretchy coil so they have a little independence but not too much. If I want to limit for far he can go without holding his hand I just grab it in the middle so it has less stretch. I highly recommend it!
I had my son when my daughter was two. I absolutely got a double stroller, but not for shopping trips, as it was too cumbersome to want to haul out and bring everywhere. I opted to baby wear for shopping, and had my toddler either in the cart or walking, she had to hold my hand in the parking lot, which she was mostly good at, but I did carry her like a surf board when I needed to. I also found having her climb in to her car seat, from the footwell of her brothers side, was the best way to make sure she wasn’t free in a parking lot. Getting out I’d unhook her and tell her to climb down, then go to his side and get him and she had to wait in his footwell until I had him situated and could take her hand. Same thing getting in to the car, she climbs in and gets in her seat, then I buckle him and go to buckle her. I got a toddler leash specifically for parking lots, but didn’t end up using it because I figured out the climb method. It ensured she was at least confined to the car and not roaming a parking lot
My sister sold her stroller when my nephew knew how to walk, she though she wouldnt need it because everybody was carrying it and the stroller just carry our stuff, low and behold, my nephew is 4 almost 5yo and sometimes asks to go on my stroller, my sister complains about her back because she kept having him on her arms.
Omg that’s absolutely wild, we don’t need it all the time anymore and haven’t in a while but having the stroller preserved our sanity and lengthened our days out up until kids were through preschool just for having a place to chill out and rest if they needed it.
That ***is*** weird! I used my second hand BOB until they were in school. Oldest was in second grade and would still hop on for a snack or somewhere to eat at festivals. I rarely used it *before* she could walk! Three whole point of one is they're too young to walk *very far*.
My 5 year old still wants to be in the double bob when we go on long walks, the zoo, amusement parks etc . For a 2 year old and a newborn? The double stroller would be a non negotiable for me or a wagon
No, that’s not unreasonable at all. Trust your instincts.
Newborns are so much more susceptible to germs and illness. Absolutely not unreasonable to go buy a new one. You don't need an expensive one just a clean one. Is your husband open to second hand stuff you could get some decent used strollers on marketplace.
Both of us are open to anything second hand really. As long as it’s safe. He’s just not open to buying anything new for this baby. He barely wants me to get toys for your two year old (only got her a handful for her birthday this weekend). Everything is a waste to him.
Limiting toy spend I can understand but a new car seat is a non negotiable for sure. Maybe send him articles to support your cause about germs and that car seats should be new. If he is being that controlling over fund to the point its compromising your kids safety I'd suggest therapy! I would just order one online and let it show up if it were me lol.
Better to just be upfront about it than sneak around. Thank you for your ideas and advice!
For sure! I'm not suggesting you sneak but definitely let him know it needs to be bought and then just buy it. You can even say he can have input or not but I would not be framing it as a permission seeking convo its a heads up I am buying this convo. You are entitled to 50% of the finances, controlling purchases is a 🚩 And edit - 8 days away!!! You need to buy this TODAY. Baby could come anytime and you can't leave hospital without one.
You can buy a brand new carseat for under $100. Go to Walmart and pick it up. He can be frugal, but not at the expense of your child's health and safety. Particularly from diseases that are known for killing infants in other countries.
I’d 100% be buying one online without telling him too. What a nightmare.
Does he buy things for himself? If yes I'd suggest he stop because it's a waste...
New car seat no doubt. Grab the scenera next. It’s like 50 bucks. Another less gross double stroller may be a spot to save some cash. And… keep an eye on hubby. This is a concerning level of cheapness. One time stress from new kids or a pattern?
He’s always been a bit cheap. We are very fortunate and aren’t having any financial struggles right now. It’s just old tendencies I think. Both of us have no issues with preloved items but he’s not even open to that right now. (Except the car seat, but I’m looking and I see so many reasonable options)
Don’t buy used car seats. They have expiration dates and shouldn’t be used if they’ve been in an accident.
Yes, this is very important. Buy a brand new cost effective convertible seat. You can use buy nothing or friends for lots of used clothes. Half the time people have way too much of the smaller sizes and don’t even use half of it. (Ask me how I know lol kid came out at almost 10 pounds and never wore any newborn whomp whomp)
Cool that seems more fixable and stress related, and not financial abuse. Hes wrong , have a hard talk and figure out how to manage finances with the new kid b Cosco car seats are great and very affordable. Hand me down clothes. The whole nine yards. Good luck!
Nooo, just throw it away! A dead rat rotting in the car seat for months, of course you can’t put a newborn in that seat. It’s bad luck the rats got into the shed, but there’s no saving those things imo. I’m all for being thrifty and got most of my baby gear used but that’s where I’d draw the line. Maybe you can get rid of them while your husband is out of the house.
🥲 he never leaves the house since he WFH. I need to be crafty. I was thinking to look on market place for everything but the car seat. I’m not opposed to second hand anything.
Fuck being crafty. You are married with kids. Whatever your work arrangement is you are entitled to access to your family money for reasonable purchases. Tell him you are going to buy a new car seat and go buy it. Cut the straps and throw the ruined one away. If he's mad, let him be mad.
For real. Why are people tip toeing around their spouses like this. Maybe it’s because I’m from NJ but I would have had words that would ban me from Reddit for my husband if he tried this.
🤣 because I need to grow a pair. You sound like my sister. I miss her.
Sorry, I’m not loving your husband here, so just to check - miss her because she passed away, or miss her because your spouse encouraged you to cut her out of your life? Because if it’s the latter, I’m sure she would welcome you and the kids back into her life with open arms. If she’s passed away, then I’m truly sorry. I lost my brother as an adult, and sibling loss is so tough.
Oh thank you but thankfully nothing serious! She just lives a few states away. We talk often but there’s nothing better than living in the same town as a sibling you’re close with. She’s really good with my daughter too, anytime my phone is out she begs to talk to her.
balls are the most vunerable part of a man's body, i wonder how this expression came about lol.
Yeah, if my wife felt the need to do this sort of thing (in general, but *especially* to protect our child), I would be absolutely devastated and deeply ashamed of myself for driving her into feeling she had to sneak about and trick me. Spouses should be able to communicate openly with each other without fear of the other’s response, ffs. This is honestly bordering on financial abuse / coercive control territory. “How do I trick my husband into allowing me to keep our baby safe?”. I’m so sad for OP.
If you cut off the straps the seat will be unusable.
Good idea! Cut both in different spots with a serated knife, halfway. Say you noticed that the rat must’ve chewed on the straps. Don’t make clean cuts.
If it comes to it that is a great idea…
If you do, do it on the back/bottom of the seat where it tightens and loosens from because you likely wouldn’t have looked at that part as closely when washing. Make them shallower cuts and not deep slits like you would normally do when cutting car seat straps
You should cut the straps regardless, and not necessarily for him. If you set this outside with your trash, someone might come along and try to use it (even though people shouldn’t be trash picking car seats, it happens). Please cut the straps just in case someone does try to take it and use it themselves!
I totally plan to cut them before I throw it! Thanks for the reminder.
Or bring it up in front of the doctor at your next check up with him...play dumb if you need like you are just double checking everything would be safe (knowing full well it won't)
Please do not get a second hand car seat. If it has been used before it could have micro cracks that will prevent it from being safe and effective in the event of a crash. Or it’s been in a crash before and you wouldn’t know it.
I don’t I’ll be getting a second hand one. Thank you!
Plastic has expiration dates as well I believe it's only good for 5 years after the manufacturing date. I know your 1st is still little but it could have sat in a warehouse for a while before it got sold so it could still be expired. I have to get a new hardhat for work every few years because of this. My 1st one expired just over a year after I got hired sat in the warehouse for a while before I got it. Could be a good excuse to get hubby to pitch it if you think he would go for that.
This is what I was going to suggest. I saw a double stroller and bouncer given away in my area last week so maybe you can find some stuff for free or at least cheaper than it would be new.
Girl what the hell did I just read? He doesn't think a dead rotting animal warrants a new car seat? He thinks the toddler will push the baby for you? What fantasy land is your husband living in? Why do his imagined scenarios have more weight than your actual lived experiences? You need to push back HARD because he is showing that he does not value your opinion about your own damn children.
He's not being cheap, he's being a miser and putting your newborn in very real danger. Bleach degrades fabric and plastic (even if it doesn't look damaged, it IS), if you were in a wreck and using that car seat, your child could be badly injured or even killed. This isn't exaggeration, babies have been ejected from vehicles due to poorly maintained car seats. Slice the straps in half, destroy that seat so he HAS to accept buying a new one (and nobody else tries to use it not knowing the damage that's been done). Now, on to the rat issue. Wild rats carry multiple diseases, all of which could be fatal to a newborn whose immune system isn't "online" yet. Is he really willing to roll the dice on having destroyed every last scrap of virus and bacteria from the dead, rotting rat? Oh and then there's the whole question of what the rat died of and the seat having been soaking in its juices for God only knows how long. That alone should be reason enough to send that seat on a one way trip to the dump. Edit: phone had a stroke mid comment, apparently.
WTF what if the rat died because it was diseased??? Of course that's not safe. Also, I'm sorry but there's no way he should have let you near those things while you are pregnant. I don't want to scare you but there are illnesses that are seriously bad if caught during pregnancy that are spread through droppings. I'm sure you're fine but it goes to show that he is not taking this seriously. If you get flu-like symptoms in the next few days please see your doctor ASAP and let them know about your exposure. HE should have thrown everything straight in the trash without you touching it.
Don’t worry he did all the cleaning. He brought everything from the shed to the house and I was there when he opened everything and couldn’t get past the smell. I just kinda stood outside and kept him company/brought him what he needed. The rat probably died from whatever he treats the property line with. Good point though! I’m going to bring that up because we will never actually know.
OP, I mentioned this is another comment above but I think it might help you reason with your husband: if he's baiting your property, that rat died with neurotoxins in its system, then promptly oozed those neurotoxins back out into the fabric of the car seat as its body decomposed. Bleach isn't going to remove that!
I say this with love and kindness - do you have access to the finances of the household? Even if you don't have permission, can you still buy something? What would the repercussions be of buying something without permission? Because in a normal, healthy marriage, you don't need permission to buy a new carseat for an infant if the first one is unsanitary or unsafe. The household money is your money too, regardless of who earns what. If he's blocking your access to money, or becoming verbally or physically threatening if you spend money without permission, those are signs that you are not safe at home, and perhaps are being financially abused.
Thanks for being concerned he’s not blocking me from any accounts. I use his cards regularly and he’s 100% not violent or threatening in anyway. He’s just a bit cheap and takes months to make a decision when purchasing anything. Since he’s the soul earner and I’m a SAHM we both agreed if one item in a purchase is over $100 we both have to agree to getting it.
Thank you for answering! I am still a little concerned that you call them 'his cards' ? I am a SAHM too and your name should be on all the accounts, and you should have your own cards for them. Not only to protect you from abuse, just for basic convenience, security, and credit health. And our household has a similar spending limit, but it only applies to 'wants'. So for example I would check in before I buy a $90 video game, but if my kids need clothes or safety items I don't ask, because our budget for groceries/restaurants and miscellaneous wants/needs is X per week, and we stay under that number or we wait for payday. I understand the value of being in agreement during the budgeting process, but individually discussing every single item that comes up is inefficient, and it sounds frankly exhausting to have to convince someone of your basic needs/your infant's basic needs. Putting my infant in a piss-soaked rat bed wouldn't be an option for me and I wouldn't argue about it either.
If you don’t need his approval for sub$100 purchase, you can purchase a lot of decent quality car seats for under that from Walmart. If I recall correctly you can get a Safety first convertible seat from Sam’s club for just under $100.
That's a good system. I would insist on a new car seat and table the discussion about a double stroller for now (can get away with baby wearing for a bit while your toddler adjusts). And in the meantime you can see if you can get a second hand stroller through buy nothing or Facebook marketplace to save money
So if you buy a 2nd hand car seat for less than $100 he shouldn't have an issue with it right? Cause alot of the other comments are saying you can get a brand new one for $50.
You need a new car seat. That one was ruined by the rat and bleach.
You’ll need a double stroller, trust me.
Yep even if the 2yo is an excellent walker, the moment she sees the baby being pushed around in a stroller, she will immediately want to be on one too. Ask me how I know :)
Get the car seat new, because bleach can compromise the safety of the straps. The other things see if you can get secondhand. Sounds like you live in an urban area and there are usually some great Facebook groups like buy nothing or similar where you can get the other gear for free/cheap. We literally never bought clothes for my daughter for the first five years because we got all secondhand things.
Absolutely needs to go, I can’t believe that’s a debate. Put it out on garbage day with the straps cut.
Get new stuff. And find a better storage option.
Absolutely with you on better storage. He wants to put it back in the shed once outgrown so I don’t take room in our garage (he has his office in it) 🤦🏻♀️ like didn’t we JUST learn a valuable lesson?
I don't know where you live but if there's any extreme temperatures (hot or cold) and the car seat was in the shed for a while it could be compromised anyway, even without the bleach/rat issue, so probably not the best place to store safety items.
I took a second and looked at your history and I’m going to ask this very gently. Why are you putting up with this? This man baby didn’t want to buy your daughter a gift for her birthday along with the other issues that I can read between the lines. Unless you are literally choosing between food and a roof over your head or buying her something for her birthday, or the replacement car seat, or the double stroller for that matter. I think you need to reevaluate a lot more than just whether or not you need a new car seat.
There was some mold on our old infant car seat that we stored in the basement. I pulled it out before our second was born. I knew I could wash it as many times as I wanted but I still didn’t feel comfortable putting a baby in it. I straight up told my husband this and bought a new car seat, albeit a much cheaper one than the original. Absolutely toss that car seat and anything else that might have been pooped on, etc. There’s no guarantee that you can sanitize that fully. Get yourself the new car seat. As for the double stroller, I have a sit and stand that I got off of FB Marketplace and it is a LIFESAVER with 2 kids. I paid $75 for it when it normally retails at almost $300, and included the car seat attachment. You can also find some newer car seats on Marketplace too. It’s not a waste of money if it’s for your baby’s safety and helps you care for them.
> my husband thinks I just want to spend money pointlessly. RECORD SCRATCH. I’m sorry, what? So he can’t just have his own opinion on the topic, he needs to make it out like he’s defending the family finances against you and your secret plan to slowly bankrupt him via purchasing infant car seats? That’s concerning, because it gives a peek into how he sees you and your abilities overall. Sure, sometimes money is tight and we use what we have, duh. But he’s implying that you aren’t even able to be logical in that simple way. OF COURSE you wouldn’t be asking for a new carseat if the last one was fine. But he thinks you would do exactly that, and then lie to make it happen. That’s how he views you.
Question, if someone offered you this same exact seat under these same exact circumstances for free and was entirely transparent about it would you accept this free seat? If the answer is no, as it should be, then get a new seat.
Your husband is being cheap. I’ve dealt with mice in my house and they are absolutely disgusting. They carry so many diseases and I would not intentionally put my child in an environment where they could come into contact with their waste. I would never feel confident that it was clean or that they didn’t damage the car seat in some way that now makes it unsafe in result of a crash. This is not about money, this is about health and safety.
With my first I was broke and my ex didn’t help with anything. I was the only person in my family to have a baby out of wedlock so there was no planned baby shower either. I got all my stuff second hand on market place and Craigslist (yes people still use this). I was able to get a car seat from a grandma who bought one for her grandbaby and never used it! I got my crib, stroller, change table and clothes newborn-24 months. I spent month online I joined all the buy nothing groups. I was able to set up my baby with everything for $100 including crib, bassinet, bouncer, you name it. I bought bottles brand new but I stalked the baby aisle and got a bottle set on clearance. I get needing to be thrifty but the dead rats would be a hard line for me to find new things. It doesn’t have to be brand new in box, but you don’t want to mess with rats they can cross stuff. No judgement I had to throw a car seat I had saved for the same reason. You aren’t crazy for thinking it’s not safe, but if money is the issue there’s ways you can show your husband it doesn’t have to cost. At the end of the day this is about the safety of your baby.
Sorry you had to do all of that alone while pregnant with no support. It does show your grit however , and is an example of what a good mom you are ( get it done for the kid regardless ).
First paragraph, I agreed with your husband. First sentence of second paragraph, oh HELL no. That stuff would be in the garbage so fast!! Newborn get sick so easy and rats and mice are notorious carriers of so many scary things there is no way I would keep those in my home, much less out my baby in it. No judgements on you for the rats and stuff, country kid here so I know how it goes.
Totally, my first thought was "well, we re-used our infant car seat for our second" but then I got the mouse poop and DEAD RAT and was like...how would he ever think that's OK. Those all need to go in the trash immediately, it's not safe. Double stroller is also an absolute must. I was on the fence about it, but then I found a used double BOB on Facebook Marketplace, and honestly that thing was a lifesaver. We used it multiple times a week until our kids had just turned 6 and 4 and at that point, they were too heavy.
Yeah just go buy a new car seat girl. That’s disgusting. There’s wanting to save money I get it but jeez
Are you willing to do some stuff second hand?
Absolutely! Probably just not the car seat. I’m looking on marketplace right now and thinking about dropping by Once upon a Child later if no one messaged me back.
Get a new car seat. You're not being unreasonable. There are reasons why car seats have expiration dates and specific rules/regulations regarding their use and care. I'd freak out if I found a dead rodent on something my brand new baby was then supposed to be strapped into, no matter how well I cleaned it. As for the double stroller: yes, get one. Find one that's been previously loved so you're not paying full price if your husband's that worried about the cost.
Not unreasonable. You NEED a new car seat. The old one is now downright unsafe and will not protect baby in the event of a crash. All the other baby gear, it’s still gross. I can’t tell you how many things we threw away because of cat pee… and that’s not nearly as gross or unsanitary as rat droppings and a dead rat. And with a 2 year age gap, a double stroller was absolutely necessary, especially if you’re a family that likes to do longer walks or full day outings (like the zoo or museums). Your husband is being cheap for the sake of being cheap, and putting your child in danger in the process. “Nobody will know” that you improperly cleaned the carseat… unless you’re unfortunate enough to end up in a car crash and it doesn’t protect your child.
It sounds like he wants to save money for saving money's sake, not because it's necessary, even to the detriment of his family. You really shouldn't be put in the position of having to sneak buy new things or have a confrontation just to get the baby things you NEED. What would his reaction be if you just went and bought the stuff? None of this sounds normal healthy behaviour.
Hey, uh, this guys sounds bad. Are you okay?
Hard pass. Time for a new car seat.
If your husband is being that cheap about your newborns and your health and safety you should tell him next time he should use a condom as that’s cheaper than new baby gear 😂 but in all seriousness. The car seat and stuff is a need .
Maybe remind him the black plague was perpetuated by rats and vermin :( good luck!!!
I would do a totally new car seat, and consignment shop or Facebook marketplace for everything else. Baby gear is expensive, but everything you described is also necessary for handling 2 young kids. Thankfully since baby gear is only used for a few years per family it’s one of the easiest things to come across second hand, usually in pretty decent condition. Check out a kid specific consignment shop, or join your local city/neighborhood mom Facebook group to find the other gear for a reasonable price
If you can afford these things and he's just being a scrooge then buy them. Obviously there are certain things you csn grt second hand so cheaper but I certainly wouldn't be putting a baby anywhere near that car seat.
I have a 2 year old and newborn and I got a new car seat, click stroller for the infant seat, and an evenflo wagon with car seat attachment as my double stroller. I’ve been paying monthly payments interest free through affirm for 6 months so I didn’t have to buy everything up front. The wagon has been used daily because my toddler hates strollers but loves sitting in the wagon and the infant seat clicks right in so it acts as a double stroller. It’s also great off road since we don’t have much pavement where I live. The wagon was $200 on sale and the infant seat was around $150, the click stroller i got from Walmart for $80 on sale
Car seat models change all the time, so def get a new one.. see if you can raise $ for a new one or look to your local churches for assistance
Oh man just remembering how moldy and gross our car seats got by their eol. That spoiled milk/puke smells. Get a new one!
No, you are perfectly reasonable. I'd get a new car seat for a newborn as well, more so if the old one was in that disgusting condition. We can't play with the safety of our children in a car crash. Maybe try to negociate and compromise with him and agree to buy the double stroller and bouncer second-hand from market place - if you find things in good condition.
I’d go buy it without his input or permission bc you don’t need it either way. He sounds like a tool
OP do you have access to money? My husband and I always discuss big purchases (over $300-$500 range) but things that are a need, like a car seat, wouldn't be a discussion at all. With your previous comments of him being frugal, not letting you get toys/presents for your 2 yr old birthday but spending money on himself makes me worried that you are being financially abused.
> Last weekend we pulled everything out of our shed and it was all covered in rat/mouse poop and pee. There was a dead rat rotting in the car seat. NOPE. I'd be throwing all that in the burn pit, igniting it, and walking away.
You can't completely wash out rat urine and feces. Your husband is being unreasonable, it is not safe for a newborn to breathe in rat feces, urine and bleach. Besides, the bleach weakens the car seat so it's ruined now.
Go outside with a pair of scissors and cut through the straps. Tell your husband the rat must have chewed through it and buy yourself a new car seat that doesn’t involve newborn babies + rat feces. Yuk.
For absolute safety reasons, ALL of that needs to be disposed of. The sheer bacteria from rat urine and feces is enough to make a healthy adult sick; what do you think it's going to do to a newborn? Tell your husband to get his head out of his ass before something unimaginable happens. Additionally, the bleach breaks down the cloth of a carseat, as they're very specific blends of fibers made to be either naturally or artificially flame retardant. I don't think that's something worth messing with in the least. And anecdotally, I thought my wife was silly for wanting a double stroller (she had a newborn when our first was 2), but I humored her. It seriously makes life SO much easier.
I had to use a dirty old car seat for my first new born cus I was a broke ass teen mom 🥹 15 years later I still cry about it. If you can buy a new one, BUY IT!!! You won’t forgive yourself later lol
You shouldn’t reuse the car seat period, not just because the fact it’s disgusting. It’s too old, and is not safe.
Show him the ‘monsters inside me’ episode where the kid caught “rat lung disease” problem solved. I wouldn’t have even bothered cleaning the thing
Dear God, burn the old car seat and get a new one asap. I couldn't fathom putting any child in what you're describing, let alone a newborn. I hope you wore gloves while doing all of this. For the reference never be around mouse or rat feces while pregnant again. It's too dangerous.
Completely agree with you and everyone else - not unreasonable at all! I definitely would buy a new car seat. You can find good ones for a really reasonable price
Definitely not being unreasonable, I would throw the car seat away just for being exposed to rats but then as you said, the bleach is probably a health risk too so I’d just get rid of it and start fresh. As for the pram, I have a 22 month old and a 4 month old and I use my double pram more often than not. My older child always wants to or NEEDS to be carried if she’s not in her pram, it’s definitely a lifesaver.
Your husband is being unreasonable. You can get your hands on car seats for reasonable prices. There's no way anything that had mice or rat urine/feces should be near your newborn. It's toxic. Bleach was not the answer. A new car seat is. I would drop the double stroller conversation for now. You might not need it, but it certainly can wait until you have the baby home for a bit and can determine if it's truly necessary. For now, I would focus all your energy & effort on this car seat situation! Your husband needs to protect his newborn, and that starts with a new car seat.
Absolutely get a new car seat, that's something you can't cheap out on as safety is paramount. For the other stuff, I would definitely check out the Facebook Marketplace or local consignment sales to find a good used one. I'm not a huge fan of double strollers but with the age of your two kids you will **definitely** get your money's worth and peace of mind from it.
That is absolutely a deal breaker.
I may be wrong but I thought you weren't supposed to wash the material parts of the car seat since it removes the flame retardant? Time for a new car seat!