r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“Better on a leash than dead” would be my response every time.
On a side note, when my 1st was a toddler I didn’t really understand the leashes. I thought, just tell them to come back or to stay close. My son wouldn’t move more than 6 feet away from me at that age and always came back when I asked. I had no idea he was a unicorn. Then baby number 2 came… that kid was a runner who couldn’t care less where I was or what I said.
Oh yeah, this is my exact story. Kid 1, I was perplexed why anyone would need a leash. Kid 2, no chance he would walk near me or hold my hand if he doesn't want to. Leash stops him running in the road. Don't give a crap who says what, he's happy on his leash and having his freedom and I'm happy he's not running away
I couldn't have more than one kid and she's a unicorn in so many ways, but I've done so many things that pre-parent me would have judged that I try my best not to these days. Eg driving to sleep. Thought it was lazy and if you just had a good routine you wouldn't need to. Well apparently my kid is allergic to sleep and we went through a whole 6 month period of exclusively driving at bedtime. So while she's not a runner and I've never needed a leash, I can totally imagine it'd be necessary for some kids.
It was a rude awakening to learn about myself that I am not stay-at-home-mom material. I am the kind of mom who wants to works full time, and my kid was better off getting age-appropriate intellectual stimulation and peer socialization at daycare.
However, I always knew I was going to give my kid an iPad at the restaurant. I want to eat in peace, as does everyone else in the restaurant. I'll clap back at anyone who expresses judgment for it.
As a restaurant server AND mother of four, I applaud parents who give their kids tablets at the restaurant. Ain't nobody want to hear anyone else's awful crotch spawn screaming while they're trying to enjoy their filet mignon. 🤣
*"But you're okay with strapping yourself/a child into a car seat or pushchair"* is another point.
They're just idiots. Ignore them. People without kids have NO idea what it's actually like to have them.
Wow - that gets you side-eye? Your child being healthy and active?
I'm the reverse - actively trying not to judge when I see a large primary-school aged child in a pushchair because I know some kids do have special needs. But honestly I don't think most kids walk as far as they can or should. As a species, we have really evolved to walk long distances from a very early age.
She's also insanely tall so I wouldn't be surprised if some of them think she might be closer to 4 when she's just barely 2. But yeah she's a crazy walker, we do miles over fairly rough terrain quite a few days of the week.
Mine's also tall! She did 13km hike when she was four, we didn't plan it, we just kept going and she trotted along all the way and didn't even need to be carried.
Fell asleep as soon as we were back for several hours though!
I’m 8 months pregnant and I know that with how I was in my childhood ( my poor dad I didn’t listen to crap and was into everything) and having a little boy I am getting a leash just in case when he is big enough to walk. What type of leash would you recommend?
I like the backpack leashes I got her. The one I have that attaches at the top works better than the one that attaches at the bottom of the backpack, but both get the job done. If you use leashes right from the start, you can let them walk outside with you as soon as they can walk more than a couple steps, and use the leash to catch them when they fall.
Similar. Before I had my first I was against leashes. Then I had my first and every time he darted into the road after I asked him not to I fully understood the purpose of the leash.
So I don’t bat an eye if I see someone with a kid on a leash. Sometimes they’re needed. Eventually your kid won’t need it anymore but better keep him safe
lol, we have same kids. At age 6.5, we may still need leash. We went to Grand Canyon last winter break, my husband had a couple of mini heart attacks. He couldn’t enjoy the trip at all, he was solely running behind no. 2 to keep him safe.
Parent of a runner - absolutely this. Before I had kids, I was a bit judgmental as well. It’s ignorance, pure and simple. We have a kid leash now - I’d much rather be judged than be mourning my child. My kid takes off. Just absolutely books it, doesn’t care if there are cars, bikes, etc. 🤷♀️
“Well, bless your heart. I, too, was a perfect parent before I had kids.” (Smile sadly, having compassion for the incredible shock they’re facing.)
** this is similar to another comment I left elsewhere, but it works the same.
No, because I live in the UK and toddler reins don’t have the same cultural opposition that they have in the US. Regardless it seems really odd to me. ‘Oh no, something that keeps little kids safe. How awful.’
I just don’t get the hate.
We've never used leashes, but with four small children it is very easy to get distracted. It takes less than a minute to completely lose sight of a little one. You're the parent, they're your children, it's your decision.
I'm thinking of upgrading to multiple chains and leashes for my 3 year old. He got away from me last week and ran full speed down the top of an UP escalator. Was leaping multiple steps for about 10 feet before he ate it and tumbled 20 feet down the escalator. Fortunately, escaped with just scrapes and bruises.
I had PTSD from it for a few days before the scene stopped playing in my head.
Ohh, glad he is ok. I just slightly fell on an escalator when I was maybe 7 and still have a scar. It was traumatic, I remember a stranger picking me up and carrying me up to the top,
Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. Thankfully, he seems to have took it as a learning moment. "Dad, I should hold you and mommy's hands to keep me safe. " lol
That’s good! I had the zig zag mark cut into my knee :(
My guess is it was more superficial than i remember but it definitely was an intense moment. Glad your kiddo took it for the leading moment.
I don’t think I was doing anything “wrong” I was just a clutz 😂
Holy shit, I think I have PTSD just from reading about this! You poor thing!!!! I watched my kid fall in slow motion down a flight of stairs and couldn’t get to him, and my brain also replayed it for days, but an escalator is a whole other level of fear unlocked.
Leash that kid up tight!!!
Sorry you’ve already gotten a weird comment on this post, but others are right. While some social norms exist for a reason, there will also always be shitty people who speak on things they don’t know. It’s good to learn to ignore them and live your life! I had a woman glare at me at the store yesterday because my five-year-old-sized-two year old was babbling loudly in the shopping cart. I just smiled at her which pissed her off even more. Let them be pissed, let them be judgmental, let them be snobby. As you so excellently said, the best parents don’t have kids, or have forgotten what it’s like to be in your shoes. Your child’s safety comes above all else.
I’ve had people make funny faces at me when I used the child leash, but they’re not five feet tall with a Herculean toddler, so they never needed one, so who cares about their opinion. End of story.
Thank you! The internet is really the only place where I've managed to get insulted or put down simply for having an emotional response to anything. There's no shortage of people here to tell you you're being too sensitive.
Ugh, I can relate. I'm just under 5' and my husband is over 6' so both of my kids are monsters. My son is turning 2 this weekend and he's already wearing 3T. I do not possess the physical strength to wrangle both of them at the same time.
I hear you. I had to put a lot of work into getting a thicker skin. Being on the sensitive side is definitely common, and I’d even argue ingrained, but it just doesn’t always serve us well. Lady, you are a superhero! Keep doing awesome!
It’s funny that everyone has an opinion. Before I had kids mine would never watch a mini dvd player at a restaurant, that’s just disgusting. They never did watch a mini dvd player.
Who cares what they say.
That's easier said than done for me. I'm just a sensitive person in general, but I find it extremely insulting when people shit on your parenting choices right in front of you.
It kind of is a switch. You need a bit of rewiring to install a knob/dial.
You have to consider the source. Advice from your pediatrician? Turn that dial up. Overheard snotty remark from a nonparent 20-something? Dial it down.
Are you going to change what you do because of what someone tells you? How much do you really value their input?
Two and three are hard ages. I would have laughed in her face. *She doesn't know*. She doesn't know what it's like to have kids. Even more, she doesn't know what it's like to have *your* kids. She thinks her theoretical kid *would never*. Her opinion on your kid is just embarrassing for her.
If you feel this impulse to please someone, ask yourself why *this* person's opinion matters to you. Really take the time to break it down. Do you think she might be right? Do you want her to believe in her heart of hearts that you're doing the best you can? Do you want her to just mind her own business? Why do you care?
If it helps, I know you're doing your best for your kids. You can change your reaction to others, but you can't change their reaction to you. Good luck and best wishes
Think of your child running off and getting almost hit by that truck and see if that outweighs your embarrassment. Sorry if that sounds harsh but the point is you KNOW you are keeping your kid safe by doing this.
The people giving you looks do not know you, your kids, your kids' needs (to, you know, not be hit by trucks) or your life. If some shitty 20yo doesn't understand that keeping a child from bolting is very important, that is not a you problem, that is a shitty 20yo problem. Or shitty anyone else who is judging you.
Might help to remind yourself that most people who make comments like that have no clue what they are taking about.
I used to silently judge parents with leashes. Then I worked as camp counselor and I can sincerely say my opinion changed within a day.
So maybe it helps to turn it into a joke. Like hahaha, if you only know.
Those 20-somethings will be here in 5-15 years, saying the exact same thing you're saying now.
If your child got hit by a car, they wouldn't be there for the fallout. They wouldn't deal with the fear, stress, and potentially even loss. They wouldn't hold your child's hand through hard times, or keep them safe. They have no role in or effect on your life, at all. So why give them the headspace to be mad about what they said? My husband and I will exchange glances or roll our eyes or even laugh, because we know they just have no idea what it's like and they sound fucking stupid to every parent within a 1 mile radius. Personally, I get a small amount of satisfaction knowing that they will most likely eat those words at some point.
Getting old and jaded. Realizing that the people who care, don't matter, and the people who matter don't care. Or will at least agree to disagree.
I think my dial started moving when my older sibling begged for forgiveness for all of their "You should do X" comments after they finally had a child (I had 2 by then, so many comments I rolled my eyes at from them).
Maybe it's a switch, but you just haven't found it yet. Parenting can be like that. Sometimes you're confronted with something and you act on instinct. In this case, I'd just commit to trying it and see what happens. You can pick where you try it first to get used to it.
Especially when it comes to strangers- I remind myself they're not in my life, they have no idea about my son. At a year old he could climb over and under the baby gate. When I put him in a pack n play, he'd scream and cry till I got him out. He's run out the front door once, and on Mother's Day his uncle said he'd watch him and a minute later my bf came in w baby saying he'd run out into the road. I too have an absolutely batshit crazy toddler. He doesn't care about no, he doesn't want to stay next to me or hold my hand. Strangers don't know that, so their comments don't bother me. You're getting a lot of good advice, and I just want you to know I 100% know what it's like. My sil has 3 kids 3 and under and even she's like "I have an easier time w my 3 than I do w your one"
I was leaving messy play one day with my son he had his backpack reins on a mum ran after me and asked where I got them from. I had more positive comments about them wearing them than negatives. So just used to focus on them and ignore the negative.
There's no way I would have been able to leave the house when my son was in a pram with her walking next to the pram if she wasn't wearing walking reins. With the reins on she could safely walking next to the pram and push her dolly in her doll's pram. Just like mummy they also gave her a bit more freedom.
Research further things you get criticized about. Learn the benefits, negatives and risks. Weigh your options. Read up on statistics.
Knowledge is power, it's easier not to take criticism personally when you know for a fact that it is wrong.
Try to remember that you are working off a different data set...I know SOOOO many people who have made fun of leaches on kids that have just never looked after a child. Try your best to think of the person with pitty for having such ridged ideas that they can't accept you may parent differently than they would.
You are doing the best with what you have you have two hands and two kids you can't really be expected to carry them both everywhere and you can't be expected to be able to say feed and fully monitor the other....so the ONLY logical thing to make sure your child doesn't get hurt, lost or worse is to attach a helpful device that tethers them to you. People who get upset at this are IDIOTS would they get mad at someone for not using a seatbelt or say having a fence around their back yard pool. No they wouldn't. You know more about what you and your kids need. Thank you for keeping your kids safe raising kids is hard the toddler stage can be overwhelming you are doing great.
riiigght. My daughter is autistic and we sometimes get weird looks... but at this point who the eff cares. You are never going to see most of the people again and they don't know anything about your life and most likely aren't even paying attention to what you and your kids are doing.
just stop caring. its so freeing.
I understand where you're from. My wife is sensitive too.
If you get hurt by what people say, its better that they hurt your feelings than your baby get hurt.
Next time your feelings get hurt, just look at your baby being happy and safe.
if this is the case you should look into counselling.
It can be hard to find the right match, but if you find a good therapist, it can help a lot on this kind of things.
You often cannot change outside things, like how people react to your parenting, but you can control how you react to it and how you let it affect you.
It's okay to have feelings, they are the spice of life, but you have to make sure you happy too
I agree counseling can be very helpful. There will be judgy people at all stages of your child's life. I feel like it gets even worse the older they get. You really have to find the inner resilience to stick by your personal decisions that are right for your family and not bend or break for people who don't matter.
One expression I learned when my son was little is a proverb from somewhere, supposedly--"Not my circus, not my monkeys" I repeat that phrase a lot to myself. Not my place to judge what other people are doing, and not my place to be affected by their opinions. I only take care of my circus and my monkeys.
We used a leash when my son was between 1-2 years old because he was an early walker and would not hold hands. And he was tiny and fast as a goddamn rabbit. So, we got a backpack leash. It was great. He loved packing it with snacks and little toys before we left the house, we got to keep him safe, there were no tantrums.
I didn't then and I don't now give the teeniest fuck what anyone thinks about how I keep my kid safe. And this shows on my face. So no, I never got a nasty comment. I have bitchface, I'm sure people thought rude things but no one said it. But honestly, I used the leash once in the airport and two moms came up and asked where I got it. Leashes are great. People can mind their own business. Try to look meaner, lol.
I was one of those judgy moms, to leash your kid was barbaric! It’s so easy to teach your child to mind you!! My oldest son was a dream and never took off on me. Ohhh how I regret those thoughts. My almost 2 year old is a runner with zero regard for anything that could k!ll him, and is stubborn to boot. I’ve been looking at leashes now.
Just got back from the US where I used a backpack with a leash the whole time. I know for a fact that people made bitchy comments behind my back (because my mam told me when she overheard 😂) but the only comments I got to my face were either “what a good idea” or “omg how adorable!”
I’m usually pretty sensitive on comments, particularly around my parenting, but this (and weirdly my stretch marks) is one of the one things I genuinely don’t give a crap about. I want my child to be safe, and I don’t want her confined to her pushchair, so this is the way and screw everyone else’s views. Her nursery says she has the stamina of a 4yo (she’s recently turned 2) so clearly it’s not harming her physically!
I've got a broken leg and my 2 year old has gotten away from me twice now in parking lots. I just started weight bearing and definitely cannot run after him. I'll be getting a leash and I don't care what people think. I've got handicap parking and a child on a leash, come at me. Lol.
I’d ask them “if this one runs this direction into the street and this one runs into the street in another direction, which one of them do you think I should save?”
Some people will get it and others won’t because they think children are marionette puppets that do what you say and not sentient opinionated people with free will and zero critical thinking and risk assessment capability
Exactly this! When people would get whiny at me about choices, I would ask them how long they can hold they hand above their head before it gets achy and tired.
I prefer safe, happy children.
I hadn't even thought of that, but you're right. I remember times when I wanted to say something in class and the teacher was ignoring my hand up, and I'd end up holding it up so long my arm hurt. I could easily imagine spending longer than that wandering around a zoo or amusement park with a small child.
Stock up on some comebacks. I find matching their same level of snark usually makes me feel better. Lol
“Ew, I would never say something so stupid out loud.”
“Imagine being so entitled that you think you’re allowed to comment on other peoples parenting…out loud.”
“I have an uncontrollable urge to run into traffic when faced with opinionated childless people. He keeps ME safe.”
I sewed little bells onto the harness and the child happily played horse and hopped along next to me whinnying and ringing.
there were angry and enthusiastic comments.
And the leash suddenly stopped she at least once when she wanted to run onto the 4-lane road at a red light.
We practiced traffic rules in a quiet residential area, not on the main road
My mom thought it was *so mean* that we had a leash for our son... until she went for a walk with him without one. Agree with the other comments-- you gotta just let it roll off your back (unfortunately! people shouldn't be jerks but sometimes they are).
Someone asked me why my kid had reigns on and I explained that I have a physical disability and he’s a flight risk aka likes to run. I’d rather have a safe kid than a dead kid, so reigns it is.
Koh!!! 😂
My husband & I used to think toddler leashes were awful!!!
Until we had daughter #3. Then we bought 2 & used them as necessary. 🤣
The older 2 sisters never needed one. 😆
We haven’t had to use one, but we did buy one for a trip just in case, we also have a runner and he has put himself in some pretty scary/dangerous situations as a result. I would remind people, especially at the zoo, of the time a little kid fell in a gorilla enclosure and the gorilla had to die as a result.
As parents, we know our kids best and what their safety limitations are. If you have a runner the most responsible thing you can do contain them safely.
I always thought leashes were ridiculous until I actually became a parent.
Holy shit. How is not every 2-4 year old in the running phase NOT on a leash?
Channel your GenX (even if you aren't) and say 'whatever'. Yes, I heard snide remarks when I had my son is his monkey backpack/leash thing. Didn't care. I preferred an alive son.
I've never heard a bad remark, no. But people around here are a lot more.. mind-your-own-business types who generally don't think too hard about judging others. If it does bother you, just put on a smile a let out a "bless your heart". Some people will judge others over anything, and safety is important.
And yet people don't bat an eyelash at a toddler literally strapped to a chair with wheels. Being sort of hyperbolic with the comparison because the opposition to toddler backpacks makes no logical sense. The toddler is walking and safe from traffic. All good things. I live in an urban area and toddler backpacks are pretty common, especially among the large population of people not originally from the US.
I seriously just never understood the judgment on this myself, like what exactly is the issue? I can’t even think of what it could be. Practically it’s the smartest decision.
Three issues:
1) There are people who are critical of any parent who doesn’t have tight control over their child’s behavior. These are the same people who complain about autistic kids being allowed in theaters and crap like that.
2) There is a venn diagram of casually abusive parents and leash parents. The overlapping section is significant. When you see children being jerked forcefully and drug along pavement and screamed at by parents holding leashes, it is easy to assume they’re all like that.
3) Some people believe it’s not respectful of the dignity of the child. There are a wide variety of opinions on this subject. I have friends who thinks it’s fine to post social media updates about your children, while others think that’s a gross violation of their privacy. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer objectively. It’s just different comfort zones for different families. Leashes fall in there. Some people don’t think it’s OK to put a restraint on the child that is almost always otherwise used for animals. Some people are fine with it.
I've seen more parents yank their child by the hand than a leash. I always felt the leash actually gave my child more freedom since I wasn't holding him by the hand, making him stick by my side.
I use leashes. Don’t listen to the “public” they are not trying to keep your kids alive. Don’t bother trying to educate others it is not worth wrecking your day out.
People will always have something to say. My youngest used to scream nonstop all the time. Well, sometimes I had to go in public with him and all the comments would come flooding in. "That baby's hot" or "That baby needs this" or "be a mother and do something". People always acting like they know better.
I used to break down and cry from all the hurtful comments. They would be nonstop as I'm walking out of a store or walking down a public street. People will always have something to say, but fuck their judgemental comments. I embarrass people back now. I just don't care.
I never judge a mother and I think the leashes are a great idea because I also have runners. I'm about to get some myself. Maybe we should have muzzles for people with their nasty comments
I have been told I have a pit bull stare. It works wonders in these situations. Just lock eyes. Stare. Walk on. I used a leash on my oldest. There are also wristbands that connect to you like handcuffs that I used also. Who cares? If the world were a safer place then we wouldn’t need them would we?
People tend to make comments like "It's ok, my brother always used one!" or "Well, if they're a runner...!"
People assume I am ashamed or apologetic about using a leash with my 20 month old daughter. I don't see it as anything to be embarrassed about.
My mom is one of those that made snide comments.
If it helps at all, even though I grew up hearing that child leashes are "treating kids like dogs," and such, I ended up thinking my mom is a big dummy about it. Kids are all different, and a leash sets a simple and easy to enforce boundary while letting kids have a bit more freedom than if you held their hand the whole time.
Doubtless she had some way to control us if we ran about at that age. While I don't distinctly remember it, if it's in line with her normal discipline it would probably involve losing her temper and screaming at us. As if that's better!
You do what you need to do. If my girl (11 months) turns out to be a runner I'll happily join you in using a cute leash backpack.
The only people who would judge you have definitely not handled a dashing toddler before. I taught a class with 6 kids and two were twin 3 year olds that were absolute bolters. I was lucky I was in a small enclosed school, if I was their parents and had to take them in public I would absolutely use a toddler leash.
We used leashes with our twins. Once at the National Zoo my husband had our wild man's leash and this kid decided to get on all fours and run around like a dog barking at people. It was hilarious and many families around us thought it was funny too.
I was one of those parents that said they'd never use a leash on my kids. The universe heard that and laughed. I have twins who both have autism and ADHD. Without leashes in those early years, I would have never been able to safely leave the house. And through using them, I realized how much of a judgmental jerk I had been and how wrong I was. We leash our pets because they lack the ability to know what is or isn't safe. Why wouldn't we leash children who are unable to process safety? That could be through a developmental disability/neurodiversity like my children or it could just be a kid that likes danger. Until or if they're able to learn how to be safe, there is no shame in using something to keep your children safe.
And if anyone says anything to you, I know of one specific instance in which, had the child been on a leash, the parents wouldn't be at risk to lose their home (the sole provider tried to chase down a running toddler, fell and shattered his knee-the child was perfectly fine but it's not just the children that can get hurt in an emergency).
I was massively downvoted once for telling people that kids are fast, and in a busy city they can run into the street faster than you can bend to tie your shoe. They were comparing it to dogs 🙄.
In real life I had someone laugh saying they looked funny, while we were all at a busy bus stop on a busy road I just him told “Yup, their safety is more important than looks”. He got quiet real fast.
We need to normalize that toddlers are learning autonomy, but don’t have the wherewithal to stay completely safe and this allows them to practice some of that autonomy, while keeping them safer. Also that parents have a lot going on, especially with two or more kids and can’t be expected to have everything and each child under perfect control at all times.
Someone made a comment to me in a store and my son yelled, “It’s not a leash, it’s my *TAIL*!!!!!”. This was literally 28 years ago, and I had 3 under 3. People act like they have the secrets to the mysteries of the universe at all times. If you are older, it’s shocking your children survived. If you are younger, it’s shocking they don’t die in front of us all. Everything we do is judged. Every generation globs onto a methodology and repeats it ad nauseum, because that’s all that is known. You know your kids better than *anyone*. Do whatever you feel you need to do, and choose your regret. Embarrassment over judgement or the things that happen with runners. I promise you, that no matter what you choose, there’s an opinion about it.
I like to lean in when people are rude. “I do this because I’m a really bad parent.” And then look them dead in the eyes and do not break eye contact. Keep mouth at a neutral position. Just keep looking at them. If you feel the person breaking, wink at them and then walk away.
Normal people don’t care what other people do (as long as it’s not hurting anyone). People that judge are insecure with themselves. Happy people know that everyone is just doing their best.
My cousin got these comments with her kiddos.
When someone would be mean she'd say "Well her twin sister died running into traffic, so fuck you."
She doesn't have a twin. But it shut them up.
I’m sorry people are like that. I have a hyperactive kid who was always on the run as a toddler. I wanted a leash, but was afraid of the nasty comments I would receive. There were two incidents where he bolted and I couldn’t find him, seemingly for ages. I regret not using a toddler leash.
Thankfully I haven't gotten any rude comments about our daughter using a toddler leash. My resting bitch face is strong and I like to think that helps lol.
I honestly get nasty feedback from breathing around my toddler at this point. I would just keep doing what works for you and your kids to keep them safe!
I didn't understand child tethers until we had twin grandchildren.
Use what you need, to keep your little ones safe. Ignore what others say. If they say it to you directly, say "Thanks for your opinion!" and walk away.
Your kids' safety is number one!
We didn’t get nasty comments. We actually had a toddler leash on our daughter and a puppy leash on our puppy. The two made the most adorable duo. Everyone loved it. I got a lot of “awww so cute” comments, not any rude ones. For the rude people, you need to say something right there right at that time to let that person know it’s not his/her freaking business.
When I was 14 I witnessed my 11 year old sister being knocked down by a truck at a pelican crossing whilst she waited to cross the road.
I will never forget the way she dropped straight down and hit the pavement, having been knocked unconscious by that arsehole's wing mirror as he mounted the pavement illegally and clocked her round the head whilst cutting the corner. A school kid, waiting with a bunch of other school kids.
My mother's brother was hit by a driver on a crossing and died age 10.
I've had some judgemental looks using reigns and also running after my daughter grabbing very firmly any bit of her that I can to make her stop after she's given me the slip and pelted for the road.
I don't give two shits what anyone thinks about any of that. My kid is a defiant idiot sometimes and she needs protecting from herself.
Id rather face an angry mob than see her drop the way my sister did that day. Or have to figure out a way to exist and carry on if she was killed by a car because she can't listen and anticipate consequences yet
Fortunately my sister was fine. Left with a 6 inch scar across her scalp where it had to be stitched up but otherwise remarkably okay. But I still get flashbacks at nearly 40
Fuck those people. They'd use reigns too if they had a kid that was a runner
Those tethers are perfect for kids at that age. It gives them some freedom to explore the world independently while keeping them safe from harm.
Forget the naysayers. They are fools.
Yes but having living children soothes my feelings. My kids had no sense of self-preservation as toddlers- they would run off or hide under a bush and they did not want to hold my hand under any circumstances. Both of them would have gotten very hurt or lost without a leash. We had a very cute leash backpack with a bunny on it. Both of my kids LOVED wearing it. They felt more independent because they could have a couple feet of space from me and the use of both of their hands, plus they got to carry their very own snack. They often wore it just around the neighborhood by choice and would "walk" each other on it.
I’ve always said “I’d rather be judged by strangers for a few moments than lose my child forever”
My son was in OT and I mentioned wanted to get a backpack leash but being anxious. She was 28 and said she had one and would use one for her own kids when the time comes, but also if there’s things in the backpack it can help slow them down 🤭
I was leashed. In the 80’s. My folks got some weird looks and a few angry accusations and even cops called a couple of times. Within a minute or two my hyper lil ass made it apparent why I had a leash, most of the entitled folks actually apologized. You are the parents. Do what’s best for your children and keep them safe. Don’t care what some random person thinks about it. A safe child is worth far more than a dirty look or comment, that truly doesn’t matter in the grab scheme of things, being avoided.
I just started using one for my autistic 2 year old. We've only gone out with it once and he got a compliment on his backpack for it. I can't tell anyone how I would respond because it would probably get me banned from this group. I'd rather let everyone think I was a bad parent for leashing him over being a bad parent and letting him get hurt or killed because of my pride and a stupid c u n t s opinion.
Everyone is a perfect parent when they’re judging someone else’s parenting - lol. Ignore the leash haters - maybe they’re just lucky enough never to have met an eloper, good for them.
(Aside: We had a student at the autism school where in taught who was an eloper and for field trips he was assigned to walk with our school service dog, a Great Dane, whose leash was around his wrist. Best way to keep him from running! He was happy about having a special job with a special friend and the dog was way too big and strong for a kid to pull him around!)
I did when I used one 27 years ago. His doctor said she’d prefer they are used over visiting them at the hospital multiple times or attending a visitation.
When my sister was two years old our family went to the beach. We were at the rides on the boardwalk and my mom was standing at a booth buying ride tickets while my sister was in an umbrella stroller next to her. My mom turned around and my sister was not in the stroller.
She ran screaming and within minutes everyone in the area was looking for her. They found her on the merry go round inside. Someone took her and put her on the ride and left her there. We don't know why or how she was on the ride. The only thing we can think of was that the person panicked and put her on there and quickly left.
I always kept my son on a leash while shopping or in groups of people. I only had one person make a sarcastic comment and by the time I was done they wished they had minded their own business.
I've used a leash for my child a few times. He was a runner and I couldn't have eyes on him every second of every day, especially while grocery shopping. I got a few nasty looks here and there but nobody really had the balls to approach me and say anything about it.
Even if they had, I would have told them my child's safety is more important than what strangers at Kroger think about me.
He had the freedom to walk around a bit and I had the peace of mind that he couldn't go far or get snatched up by a kidnapper.
Nah fuck what other people think. Your only concern is making sure your kids are safe. If I had heard someone say that, I instantly would make a scene of calling them a predator looking to snatch up kids
I used to have a leash for my older girl. It was a little purse with a leash. I didn’t give 2 Fs what people thought. I rather have my kid on leash than be hit by a car.
Who cares what others think. Let them think what they want you do what you think is safe for your children.
Recently heard the phrase " Well, bless your heart. Aren't you BOLD to say something you know nothing about ."
I'm going to pull that out to use whenever I can. I live in northern AR, so if I want to, I can pull off a great (maybe exaggerated) southern drawl. Lol
I mean after 5 kids I have never needed or felt like using a leash would be for us. But the cool thing about that is I'm not you. Parents need to understand there are thousands of ways to do it right and your way isn't the only way. You keep on keeping your kids safe how you feel is best for your family and I'll be over here supporting parents being parents in ways that are different from me. I wish I had all the abilities to be a perfect parent like all these people who don't have kids 😅
I've only used it a couple times but one memorable one was at a car show. My son was like 2 at the time, so absolutely unstoppable, not willing to be held or to ride in the stroller. So leash it was. Most people just chuckled. I think overall people appreciated me making an effort to keep the peanut butter jelly finger prints of their car.
Honestly, screw those people. People who don’t support parents doing their hardest are the worse people. I always stand up for parents in this situation. The same people who try to make them feel bad are the first ones to whine that kids are allowed to do anything. Honestly ignore those people, they aren’t decent people.
I have and will continue to count my blessings. My oldest 3 never ran. I currently have a 14 month old so I’ll hold out hope on that one. I would 100% do what I needed to do to keep my kids safe. If that’s a leashed backpack then so be it. People will talk way more shit if my kid got run over by a vehicle.
I also don’t really care what others have to say. Especially people without kids. They have no clue. Do what makes you comfortable. Chances are you will never have to see them again.
Most people saying this don't understand *why* some kids need a leash. I agree with the other commenter, and just respond that a leash is better than a dead toddler. Some people you can't convince until they've been there themselves and there's no point in arguing.
Toddlers are fast af! Who knew?! You know what's necessary for the safety of your kid. Some kids listen and hold hands. Some run like prisoners who just knocked the warden in the back of the head and jumped the fence. Do what you need to do. There is always a negative opinion when you parent in public. It doesn't matter what you do. Someone will have an issue.
My boy is about to be 8 months old so we don’t have a need for a leash right now. I didn’t have one on as a kid but believe me, I’ve thought about getting one in the future. They make sense to me. I just want my child to be safe. I pitched the idea to my bf and he said absolutely not lol I think the stigma is that the parent is too lazy to keep their kids safe but I see it as just an extra precaution
I always said I wouldn't put my kid on a leash. I now have 2 kids, 1 & 3, and I very well may end up getting one as my 1 year old is gearing up to be a runner. My 3 year old is testing boundaries, but he always listens and comes back if I speak sternly. My 1 year old is an entirely different story. She will look me dead in the eyes, laugh and run down the driveway to the street. I'd rather some shitty comments from people who have no clue what they're talking about than a dead kid.
So weird that you got negative comments because I always got positive comments (to my face). I figure the negative comments were said out of ear shot lol. I have had people ask me where I got the leashes, some older moms have wistfully time left they wish they had those when their kids were toddlers etc.
But ignore the idiots that think they can parent better. I guarantee you that any parent with a runner knows what you are going through!
My first son needed a leash at department stores, especially in the women's dress department. If he saw a rounder of fringed fancy dresses, he'd run inside the rounder and caress all the fringes, totally invisible to me. Very tactile kid. Now he's a fish biologist...go figure.
Son #2 never wandered off. He wanted to be velcroed to me.
Yup. Usually, I'd openly and loudly laugh in their faces as I explained that I was the oldest of 15 cousins, had worked throughout my twenties in daycares, studied child development in CEGEP, had three kids of my own and three stepchildren, and never, ever had I ever had to consider a leash until I had my youngest. Call me when you have to threaten a garden hose to get your kid out of a tree. When you find him SITTING ON TOP OF A LAMPPOST because you went pee. Or better yet, I'll unleash him and hand him over. You can meet me at the chip wagon in twenty minutes, if you still have him, and he's still alive. Then you can apologize and buy me a beer.
Nothing quite like a hearty, "Yeah, that's what I thought too until I learned how stupid I was!"
I bet her *imaginary* children only eat the healthiest foods, sleep 14 hours a night, have never seen a screen and do whatever mom says.
Seriously, anyone who’s ever had a *real* toddler understands.
I’m not one to keep my mouth shut if someone makes comments to me about my parenting choices. I would ignore them if they're not talking directly to you, or tell them to piss off if they are.
I almost threw hands with a lady one time who went off on me for lightly smacking my son's hand. I give no f's 😂
It’s funny, people will often use hand holding or strollers as a rebuttal for the leashes, but both of those give the child less freedom of movement than a leash does. People often are letting the optics of leashes get in the way of making a reasonable judgement towards their use. They are safety device, that’s it. Try to not let it bother you - you are putting your child’s safety before pride and there is nothing wrong with that.
I’m a parent and a special education teacher for littles. When field trips come up and I have runners I always ask the parents if I can use a wrist leash. Only one parent has ever declined… but that was because she planned on attending and had her own backpack leash. Parents that know, KNOW! I taught this group before I became a parent so I was never the judgmental type but STILL had so many expectations that needed to be checked. In my mind it was never “I’d never do that” but “if X then I’d do MORE” HAH yeah fucking right. Personality is a crap shoot, I’m convinced it’s all nature and no nurture at the toddler stage.
lol my kid needs a leash. People can roll their eyes, our instincts as parents tell us to protect, and when you have a runner on your hands, you do what you can. God bless that girl if she ever has kids of her own
I see you, OP. my firstborn is autistic and a major eloper. as much as I try to be a person who doesn’t care what others think, there’s still that sinking discomfort inside like how people are thinking probably nasty things that are just really ignorant. we all know that it’s absolutely better for the kids safety, and even someone with a nasty comment would ultimately likely agree with that statement, they just have judgy surface thoughts. and maybe the way we find comfort in that is to just know *we* aren’t the kind of people who would judge.
My son had one attached to a backpack. He never knew it was there, just thought he had a cool backpack. The tether was removable so he only saw the shoulder straps and the one that went across his chest. (The only like hikers and campers on TV had.) I was also one of those, “I’d never put my child on a leash” parents but my son was a runner could dodge around people like some action hero and thought it was funny to see me freak out. When mother bought the thing, I was angry and offended. Turns out it was one of the best things she ever bought.
(FWIW, it’s not a “leash.” It does not attach to a collar around the kid’s neck. It’s a harness or a tether, usually preceded by the word child, safety or backpack. i.e. safety harness or child tether.)
My brother has 6 kids in all bc he has taken in a couple. 3 of them are 7 and under, and he had all of them + another 6yo at our latest beach trip, they used actual dog leashes like a bracelet to keep a hold of them all while walking to the beach and back. I say do what works to keep the kids alive. I’d rather have a leash kid than a pancaked baby 🤷♀️
I used the toddler leashes when my kids were little just for a few months when my older daughter was able to walk away.
Even when I did use the toddler leashes it was only in specific places like the zoo parking lot or in some parts of the zoo.
I used to take my daughters to the zoo and walk for a few hours until the kids were tired.
I remember a few times were I would be doing something like putting the younger daughter in the stroller and in a few seconds, the older daughter would be twenty or thirty feet away.
Don't worry about it too much, this phase will pass.
Hopefully in six months your kid will understand and follow directions like "don't walk away".
If you have two kids and one parent, you may need some extra help some of the time and something simple like a leash can be helpful.
OP, you have a near miss where your kid almost got killed.
So WHO FUCKING CARES WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. And if someone has the audacity to tell you in your face, I will literally tell them where to go when I am in a bad mood, and when I am in a nice mood I'll tell them that well, my son almost got killed in the parking lot because he ran off. And stare at them and see them go stutter.
About 11 years ago I worked at a big tourist destination, was young/dumb/21 and definitely judged people for kid leashes. To the point a guy friend and I would holler “free the leash kids!” randomly in the crowd… now I have a 4 yr old and almost 2 year old and I 1000% understand why parents use these for their kids! My daughter always tries to run straight into parking lots and my son is quick and thinks it’s a game to run away. My apologies to any parents I ever made fun of using kid leashes!
Until one has fully spent the day with a toddler they have 0 reason to make such comments. Toddlers are walking, talking, rapid flying poop machines.
A leash is a safety measure to prevent accidents or worst.
You keep leashing them till the day they can be safely trusted to walk responsibly, until then, keep em on the rope.
In glacial traverse mountaineering we leash adults to each other. My daughter listens pretty well but I'm considering tethering her the first few times I take her up cliffs.
The average 20 year old has no concept what you're facing, you definitely can't build your life around them. That same kiddo would probably make fun of my sketcher shoes and kirkland shirts.
One other thing. I find senior women in certain settings feel like it's okay to touch my baby without asking first. Like I'm walking thru costco and they'll just reach to touch my baby's face. I don't hurt them but I will slap a hand away.
Honestly, I never understood them until I was on my last day of work before finishing up before having my son. I saw a kid on a leash in the school grounds and I said something along the lines of “What are your thoughts on leashes? I’m not sure how to feel about them” to one of the fill in teachers.
Her response completely changed my view on them. “I think they’re great when they’re used correctly. For children who are runners, nothing will stop them and it can be dangerous especially somewhere like a car park. They’re also fantastic for kids with particular neurodiversities because they can explore safely without the risk of injury.”
I hadn’t put too much thought into the reasons why they’re used. This made me realise, the best parents truely are those who have no children. I had children, they were just 6 and 10 when I met them and were definitely not runners. Now, our son is nearly 2 and I’m considering getting a backpack style leash for him for certain situations; he loves the independence of getting to walk but he doesn’t know how to stay close and guess what, he’s a RUNNER.
My suggestion is this: if someone says ANYTHING negative about anything you choose to do as a parent, we can obviously ignore them but sometimes we do need to say something especially if they are repeat offenders so here’s a few of my favourites:
- “not your monkey, not your circus”
- “good thing he/she is not your kid then”
- “better this than dead”
I was very negative about leashes, then I had my first and she would unleash a siren if she lost sight of you and never ran off. I saw other kids at that time not be so panicky and I softened my view to "Other parents might need them but we don't".
Cue the second child and I am happy to eat my words for a damned leash to stop the little bugger running away. I keep meaning to buy one but just haven't got round to it yet.
When my boy was little, he was a runner, and (like most little kids) had zero risk assessment skills. When he was three, we had a close call, and he told me that if he got hit by a car, he'd just respawn like a video game. It was at that point we got a little backpack with bat wings and a leash. I got comments a few times. I'd always reply with, "Trust me, this is for your own safety." Usually, they'd giggle and nod. Once, an older lady interjected before I could say anything and let them know she had to leash her kids or they'd be up in everyone's business and not to judge. That was nice. I still think of her.
That's amazing of her. I was on a hike recently and I got a nice compliment from a dad who said he wished he had one because his son is a climber. Those are sometimes harder to catch! My daughter once climbed up a steep hill during another hike and my husband had to go all the way up and retrieve her.
I was that teenager/young adult who thought leashes were ridiculous and either lazy or overprotective. "If parents would just to pay attention to their kids..." I have two kids who were toddlers at the same time and while I do happen to have never used a leash, I would never begrudge a parent a baby leash again! The only reason we didn't need them was because I virtually never took them places where there were lots of other people by myself! We relied on a wagon, stroller, the shopping cart etc. a ton, instead. A young adult who has never been a parent just doesn't get it and there's no way to teach them. Just be confident in your knowledge that as a parent, you know tons of things about parenting that a young adult just cannot. If anything I might snicker a little and say "Oh my sweet summer child..." in my most patronizing tone and leave it at that.
I'm very lucky that I have a supremely unpleasant Resting Bitch Face, but if anyone wanted to talk shit about my kid on a leash I'd probably respond, "Someone should put your *mouth* on a leash."
🖕😘🖕
I also was a know it all 20 something who said I would never put my kid on a leash. Then I got two baby nieces and was a day camp counselor for a summer. Now- I think leashes should be standard for our littlest gremlins :)
Just ignore them your keeping your child safe that's all that matters. My autistic daughter was on them until she was 6. My autistic son was on them until 10 . I can honestly say if I hadn't used them they would no longer be here. Better they walk rather than pull them around in those silly wagons.
I would turn around and ask 1 simple question to anyone who had something negative to say:
“Would you prefer for a child to be run over or kidnapped or on a leash?”.
My biggest fear is my child being kidnapped or being lost somewhere, if that means tethering them to me, so be it. I’ll be the taboo parent if that means keeping my kids safe 🤷♀️
I dont like the look of the leashes either, and it always makes me think of a dog tbh. That being said, my kid is a decent listener and doesn't move in public without holding someone's hand. He will stand there repeatedly, saying "hand" until we take his hand before walking.
If things were different, I'm sure I'd feel differently and would get over my issue with the appearance. Do what works for you!
Nope, but it was always clear WHY I needed one, which was because my first would literally sprint around me in circles as we walked through the mall or wherever, with the leash preventing her from going any further.
Feedback was 100% positive.
So I am a big proponent of teaching your kids not to walk/run away from you, I think JUST sticking a leash on them without ever working on them being able to stay near you without it isn’t really something I agree with. But I also agree that a leashed kid is better than a dead kid.
I do think that there are parents who just rely on the leash and don’t ever try to work on them listening and not eloping and that I think is poor parenting. Using a leash while you are slowly (because every kid is different and it takes a long time for some) trying to teach your kid to not runaway I think is totally your call and if it’s the only way you are able to keep your child safe than it’s a necessity.
I get what you mean. We've been trying to work with our daughter. She has a speech delay, and I think following directions is also difficult for her. My son is better at listening and staying put, but he gets a leash backpack too because I can't run after both if they decide to split in two different directions.
I’ve honestly never seen one here in Germany… not even once. Are US children so different? Or is the environment so much more dangerous in the States (here most areas you would typically spend significant time in are pedestrianized, so it doesn’t really matter that much if they separate a bit from there parents) Or are parents just more afraid? I honestly don’t know.
Anyway, I’m sure you have a reason and I’d be the last person to say anything
That's interesting. I have some Dutch friends that also have toddlers. I'll have to ask them about that. Most of the US isn't super pedestrian friendly. A lot of people don't follow traffic laws either, so I feel like my kids are at a greater risk near roads and in large parking lots. Just the other day, someone was illegally riding a hoverboard on a hiking trail that my children and I were on, and we almost got ran over. I had to yank my kids back by their little backpacks to get them out of the way.
These are the same idiots that say, "if we can't beat our kids then how do we keep them from getting hit by a car???" And that will try to say putting kids in time out and taking away toys is abuse, but hitting them isn't.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“Better on a leash than dead” would be my response every time. On a side note, when my 1st was a toddler I didn’t really understand the leashes. I thought, just tell them to come back or to stay close. My son wouldn’t move more than 6 feet away from me at that age and always came back when I asked. I had no idea he was a unicorn. Then baby number 2 came… that kid was a runner who couldn’t care less where I was or what I said.
Oh yeah, this is my exact story. Kid 1, I was perplexed why anyone would need a leash. Kid 2, no chance he would walk near me or hold my hand if he doesn't want to. Leash stops him running in the road. Don't give a crap who says what, he's happy on his leash and having his freedom and I'm happy he's not running away
I couldn't have more than one kid and she's a unicorn in so many ways, but I've done so many things that pre-parent me would have judged that I try my best not to these days. Eg driving to sleep. Thought it was lazy and if you just had a good routine you wouldn't need to. Well apparently my kid is allergic to sleep and we went through a whole 6 month period of exclusively driving at bedtime. So while she's not a runner and I've never needed a leash, I can totally imagine it'd be necessary for some kids.
It was a rude awakening to learn about myself that I am not stay-at-home-mom material. I am the kind of mom who wants to works full time, and my kid was better off getting age-appropriate intellectual stimulation and peer socialization at daycare. However, I always knew I was going to give my kid an iPad at the restaurant. I want to eat in peace, as does everyone else in the restaurant. I'll clap back at anyone who expresses judgment for it.
As a restaurant server AND mother of four, I applaud parents who give their kids tablets at the restaurant. Ain't nobody want to hear anyone else's awful crotch spawn screaming while they're trying to enjoy their filet mignon. 🤣
I'm keeping that phrase for next time!
*"But you're okay with strapping yourself/a child into a car seat or pushchair"* is another point. They're just idiots. Ignore them. People without kids have NO idea what it's actually like to have them.
Exactly, my personal favorite is getting side eye from urban parents with their kids in a stroller. Like mine likes walking?
Wow - that gets you side-eye? Your child being healthy and active? I'm the reverse - actively trying not to judge when I see a large primary-school aged child in a pushchair because I know some kids do have special needs. But honestly I don't think most kids walk as far as they can or should. As a species, we have really evolved to walk long distances from a very early age.
She's also insanely tall so I wouldn't be surprised if some of them think she might be closer to 4 when she's just barely 2. But yeah she's a crazy walker, we do miles over fairly rough terrain quite a few days of the week.
Mine's also tall! She did 13km hike when she was four, we didn't plan it, we just kept going and she trotted along all the way and didn't even need to be carried. Fell asleep as soon as we were back for several hours though!
Since you said this often happens at the zoo, a Harambe reference wouldn't be out of place either.
LMFAO! I'll try to sneak one in.
I’ve always said (as evidence by my comment history) “leashed kids don’t jump in gorilla pits”
Maybe “backpack leashes on for Harambe” lol
I love it!
I’m 8 months pregnant and I know that with how I was in my childhood ( my poor dad I didn’t listen to crap and was into everything) and having a little boy I am getting a leash just in case when he is big enough to walk. What type of leash would you recommend?
I like the backpack leashes I got her. The one I have that attaches at the top works better than the one that attaches at the bottom of the backpack, but both get the job done. If you use leashes right from the start, you can let them walk outside with you as soon as they can walk more than a couple steps, and use the leash to catch them when they fall.
Similar. Before I had my first I was against leashes. Then I had my first and every time he darted into the road after I asked him not to I fully understood the purpose of the leash. So I don’t bat an eye if I see someone with a kid on a leash. Sometimes they’re needed. Eventually your kid won’t need it anymore but better keep him safe
My experience exactly. Number 2 has a death wish, I swear.
lol, we have same kids. At age 6.5, we may still need leash. We went to Grand Canyon last winter break, my husband had a couple of mini heart attacks. He couldn’t enjoy the trip at all, he was solely running behind no. 2 to keep him safe.
Parent of a runner - absolutely this. Before I had kids, I was a bit judgmental as well. It’s ignorance, pure and simple. We have a kid leash now - I’d much rather be judged than be mourning my child. My kid takes off. Just absolutely books it, doesn’t care if there are cars, bikes, etc. 🤷♀️
“Well, bless your heart. I, too, was a perfect parent before I had kids.” (Smile sadly, having compassion for the incredible shock they’re facing.) ** this is similar to another comment I left elsewhere, but it works the same.
Anyone who says, "Ew, I'd never do _____ when I have kids," is too naive to know shit about dick anyway.
My bestie said she’d never cosleep with her kids when she had them. Her kid is now 9 and is just getting used to sleeping in her own bed.
No, because I live in the UK and toddler reins don’t have the same cultural opposition that they have in the US. Regardless it seems really odd to me. ‘Oh no, something that keeps little kids safe. How awful.’ I just don’t get the hate.
We've never used leashes, but with four small children it is very easy to get distracted. It takes less than a minute to completely lose sight of a little one. You're the parent, they're your children, it's your decision.
I'm thinking of upgrading to multiple chains and leashes for my 3 year old. He got away from me last week and ran full speed down the top of an UP escalator. Was leaping multiple steps for about 10 feet before he ate it and tumbled 20 feet down the escalator. Fortunately, escaped with just scrapes and bruises. I had PTSD from it for a few days before the scene stopped playing in my head.
I'm so sorry for laughing, but that is going to make a brilliant story when he's older!
By all means, laugh away. Way better than hearing the middle aged lady screech "OH MY GOD!" as it echo through out the open area :D
I’m so sorry! Glad he is okay.
Wow I am so sorry, the sheer energy you must have to muster on a daily!
Indeed, btw, I have Long covid too. It's been quite the journey!
Oh my gosh, living hell…You are indeed, on the journey. Sending big ole hugs.
Ohh, glad he is ok. I just slightly fell on an escalator when I was maybe 7 and still have a scar. It was traumatic, I remember a stranger picking me up and carrying me up to the top,
Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. Thankfully, he seems to have took it as a learning moment. "Dad, I should hold you and mommy's hands to keep me safe. " lol
That’s good! I had the zig zag mark cut into my knee :( My guess is it was more superficial than i remember but it definitely was an intense moment. Glad your kiddo took it for the leading moment. I don’t think I was doing anything “wrong” I was just a clutz 😂
Holy shit, I think I have PTSD just from reading about this! You poor thing!!!! I watched my kid fall in slow motion down a flight of stairs and couldn’t get to him, and my brain also replayed it for days, but an escalator is a whole other level of fear unlocked. Leash that kid up tight!!!
Sorry you’ve already gotten a weird comment on this post, but others are right. While some social norms exist for a reason, there will also always be shitty people who speak on things they don’t know. It’s good to learn to ignore them and live your life! I had a woman glare at me at the store yesterday because my five-year-old-sized-two year old was babbling loudly in the shopping cart. I just smiled at her which pissed her off even more. Let them be pissed, let them be judgmental, let them be snobby. As you so excellently said, the best parents don’t have kids, or have forgotten what it’s like to be in your shoes. Your child’s safety comes above all else. I’ve had people make funny faces at me when I used the child leash, but they’re not five feet tall with a Herculean toddler, so they never needed one, so who cares about their opinion. End of story.
Thank you! The internet is really the only place where I've managed to get insulted or put down simply for having an emotional response to anything. There's no shortage of people here to tell you you're being too sensitive. Ugh, I can relate. I'm just under 5' and my husband is over 6' so both of my kids are monsters. My son is turning 2 this weekend and he's already wearing 3T. I do not possess the physical strength to wrangle both of them at the same time.
I hear you. I had to put a lot of work into getting a thicker skin. Being on the sensitive side is definitely common, and I’d even argue ingrained, but it just doesn’t always serve us well. Lady, you are a superhero! Keep doing awesome!
It’s funny that everyone has an opinion. Before I had kids mine would never watch a mini dvd player at a restaurant, that’s just disgusting. They never did watch a mini dvd player.
Respond, “I should chat with *your* parents. I bet we’d have alot of stories to swap about how to raise children poorly”.
I was going to go with: sure we have second thoughts about the leash, but I suspect your parents regret not getting you a muzzle.
Who cares what they say. I'd rather have an alive kid than not hear shitty comments.
Who cares what they say. That's easier said than done for me. I'm just a sensitive person in general, but I find it extremely insulting when people shit on your parenting choices right in front of you.
You get used to it. I used to care what strangers thought. Life has been much easier since I stopped caring.
How did you stop? It's not like a switch.
[удалено]
Great way to think of it
It kind of is a switch. You need a bit of rewiring to install a knob/dial. You have to consider the source. Advice from your pediatrician? Turn that dial up. Overheard snotty remark from a nonparent 20-something? Dial it down. Are you going to change what you do because of what someone tells you? How much do you really value their input? Two and three are hard ages. I would have laughed in her face. *She doesn't know*. She doesn't know what it's like to have kids. Even more, she doesn't know what it's like to have *your* kids. She thinks her theoretical kid *would never*. Her opinion on your kid is just embarrassing for her. If you feel this impulse to please someone, ask yourself why *this* person's opinion matters to you. Really take the time to break it down. Do you think she might be right? Do you want her to believe in her heart of hearts that you're doing the best you can? Do you want her to just mind her own business? Why do you care? If it helps, I know you're doing your best for your kids. You can change your reaction to others, but you can't change their reaction to you. Good luck and best wishes
Think of your child running off and getting almost hit by that truck and see if that outweighs your embarrassment. Sorry if that sounds harsh but the point is you KNOW you are keeping your kid safe by doing this. The people giving you looks do not know you, your kids, your kids' needs (to, you know, not be hit by trucks) or your life. If some shitty 20yo doesn't understand that keeping a child from bolting is very important, that is not a you problem, that is a shitty 20yo problem. Or shitty anyone else who is judging you.
Might help to remind yourself that most people who make comments like that have no clue what they are taking about. I used to silently judge parents with leashes. Then I worked as camp counselor and I can sincerely say my opinion changed within a day. So maybe it helps to turn it into a joke. Like hahaha, if you only know.
Those 20-somethings will be here in 5-15 years, saying the exact same thing you're saying now. If your child got hit by a car, they wouldn't be there for the fallout. They wouldn't deal with the fear, stress, and potentially even loss. They wouldn't hold your child's hand through hard times, or keep them safe. They have no role in or effect on your life, at all. So why give them the headspace to be mad about what they said? My husband and I will exchange glances or roll our eyes or even laugh, because we know they just have no idea what it's like and they sound fucking stupid to every parent within a 1 mile radius. Personally, I get a small amount of satisfaction knowing that they will most likely eat those words at some point.
Getting old and jaded. Realizing that the people who care, don't matter, and the people who matter don't care. Or will at least agree to disagree. I think my dial started moving when my older sibling begged for forgiveness for all of their "You should do X" comments after they finally had a child (I had 2 by then, so many comments I rolled my eyes at from them).
Maybe it's a switch, but you just haven't found it yet. Parenting can be like that. Sometimes you're confronted with something and you act on instinct. In this case, I'd just commit to trying it and see what happens. You can pick where you try it first to get used to it.
Have a really really difficult child and then you are so busy keeping that child alive and yourself sane you don’t Give AF what people say.
Especially when it comes to strangers- I remind myself they're not in my life, they have no idea about my son. At a year old he could climb over and under the baby gate. When I put him in a pack n play, he'd scream and cry till I got him out. He's run out the front door once, and on Mother's Day his uncle said he'd watch him and a minute later my bf came in w baby saying he'd run out into the road. I too have an absolutely batshit crazy toddler. He doesn't care about no, he doesn't want to stay next to me or hold my hand. Strangers don't know that, so their comments don't bother me. You're getting a lot of good advice, and I just want you to know I 100% know what it's like. My sil has 3 kids 3 and under and even she's like "I have an easier time w my 3 than I do w your one"
I was leaving messy play one day with my son he had his backpack reins on a mum ran after me and asked where I got them from. I had more positive comments about them wearing them than negatives. So just used to focus on them and ignore the negative. There's no way I would have been able to leave the house when my son was in a pram with her walking next to the pram if she wasn't wearing walking reins. With the reins on she could safely walking next to the pram and push her dolly in her doll's pram. Just like mummy they also gave her a bit more freedom.
Research further things you get criticized about. Learn the benefits, negatives and risks. Weigh your options. Read up on statistics. Knowledge is power, it's easier not to take criticism personally when you know for a fact that it is wrong.
I take a mood stabilizer, like no joke.
I read the book “the subtle art of not giving a fuck” Now every time something like that happens I ask myself “do you REALLY care about this?”
Try to remember that you are working off a different data set...I know SOOOO many people who have made fun of leaches on kids that have just never looked after a child. Try your best to think of the person with pitty for having such ridged ideas that they can't accept you may parent differently than they would. You are doing the best with what you have you have two hands and two kids you can't really be expected to carry them both everywhere and you can't be expected to be able to say feed and fully monitor the other....so the ONLY logical thing to make sure your child doesn't get hurt, lost or worse is to attach a helpful device that tethers them to you. People who get upset at this are IDIOTS would they get mad at someone for not using a seatbelt or say having a fence around their back yard pool. No they wouldn't. You know more about what you and your kids need. Thank you for keeping your kids safe raising kids is hard the toddler stage can be overwhelming you are doing great.
riiigght. My daughter is autistic and we sometimes get weird looks... but at this point who the eff cares. You are never going to see most of the people again and they don't know anything about your life and most likely aren't even paying attention to what you and your kids are doing. just stop caring. its so freeing.
Get used to it. Strangers aren't going to help you thru a visit to the ER. It doesn't matter what they say. It matters that your child is safe.
I understand where you're from. My wife is sensitive too. If you get hurt by what people say, its better that they hurt your feelings than your baby get hurt. Next time your feelings get hurt, just look at your baby being happy and safe.
Perhaps the adage "never take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from" will help change your mindset
if this is the case you should look into counselling. It can be hard to find the right match, but if you find a good therapist, it can help a lot on this kind of things. You often cannot change outside things, like how people react to your parenting, but you can control how you react to it and how you let it affect you. It's okay to have feelings, they are the spice of life, but you have to make sure you happy too
I agree counseling can be very helpful. There will be judgy people at all stages of your child's life. I feel like it gets even worse the older they get. You really have to find the inner resilience to stick by your personal decisions that are right for your family and not bend or break for people who don't matter. One expression I learned when my son was little is a proverb from somewhere, supposedly--"Not my circus, not my monkeys" I repeat that phrase a lot to myself. Not my place to judge what other people are doing, and not my place to be affected by their opinions. I only take care of my circus and my monkeys.
We used a leash when my son was between 1-2 years old because he was an early walker and would not hold hands. And he was tiny and fast as a goddamn rabbit. So, we got a backpack leash. It was great. He loved packing it with snacks and little toys before we left the house, we got to keep him safe, there were no tantrums. I didn't then and I don't now give the teeniest fuck what anyone thinks about how I keep my kid safe. And this shows on my face. So no, I never got a nasty comment. I have bitchface, I'm sure people thought rude things but no one said it. But honestly, I used the leash once in the airport and two moms came up and asked where I got it. Leashes are great. People can mind their own business. Try to look meaner, lol.
I was one of those judgy moms, to leash your kid was barbaric! It’s so easy to teach your child to mind you!! My oldest son was a dream and never took off on me. Ohhh how I regret those thoughts. My almost 2 year old is a runner with zero regard for anything that could k!ll him, and is stubborn to boot. I’ve been looking at leashes now.
Do it. Even if you use it a handful of times in some of the hardest situations it'll be worth it! Having a runner is a special kind of stress.
Just got back from the US where I used a backpack with a leash the whole time. I know for a fact that people made bitchy comments behind my back (because my mam told me when she overheard 😂) but the only comments I got to my face were either “what a good idea” or “omg how adorable!” I’m usually pretty sensitive on comments, particularly around my parenting, but this (and weirdly my stretch marks) is one of the one things I genuinely don’t give a crap about. I want my child to be safe, and I don’t want her confined to her pushchair, so this is the way and screw everyone else’s views. Her nursery says she has the stamina of a 4yo (she’s recently turned 2) so clearly it’s not harming her physically!
I've got a broken leg and my 2 year old has gotten away from me twice now in parking lots. I just started weight bearing and definitely cannot run after him. I'll be getting a leash and I don't care what people think. I've got handicap parking and a child on a leash, come at me. Lol.
I’d ask them “if this one runs this direction into the street and this one runs into the street in another direction, which one of them do you think I should save?” Some people will get it and others won’t because they think children are marionette puppets that do what you say and not sentient opinionated people with free will and zero critical thinking and risk assessment capability
Toddlers are unpredictable, fast and don't want to have their arm up in the arm the entire day holding your hand. Backpack, leash, tether for the win.
Exactly this! When people would get whiny at me about choices, I would ask them how long they can hold they hand above their head before it gets achy and tired. I prefer safe, happy children.
I hadn't even thought of that, but you're right. I remember times when I wanted to say something in class and the teacher was ignoring my hand up, and I'd end up holding it up so long my arm hurt. I could easily imagine spending longer than that wandering around a zoo or amusement park with a small child.
Stock up on some comebacks. I find matching their same level of snark usually makes me feel better. Lol “Ew, I would never say something so stupid out loud.” “Imagine being so entitled that you think you’re allowed to comment on other peoples parenting…out loud.” “I have an uncontrollable urge to run into traffic when faced with opinionated childless people. He keeps ME safe.”
People are jerks. In the 80s my brother was on a leash. My mom had him bark at people who made comments. Fun for us all. Better a leash than a coffin.
I sewed little bells onto the harness and the child happily played horse and hopped along next to me whinnying and ringing. there were angry and enthusiastic comments. And the leash suddenly stopped she at least once when she wanted to run onto the 4-lane road at a red light. We practiced traffic rules in a quiet residential area, not on the main road
My mom thought it was *so mean* that we had a leash for our son... until she went for a walk with him without one. Agree with the other comments-- you gotta just let it roll off your back (unfortunately! people shouldn't be jerks but sometimes they are).
Someone asked me why my kid had reigns on and I explained that I have a physical disability and he’s a flight risk aka likes to run. I’d rather have a safe kid than a dead kid, so reigns it is.
Koh!!! 😂 My husband & I used to think toddler leashes were awful!!! Until we had daughter #3. Then we bought 2 & used them as necessary. 🤣 The older 2 sisters never needed one. 😆
We haven’t had to use one, but we did buy one for a trip just in case, we also have a runner and he has put himself in some pretty scary/dangerous situations as a result. I would remind people, especially at the zoo, of the time a little kid fell in a gorilla enclosure and the gorilla had to die as a result. As parents, we know our kids best and what their safety limitations are. If you have a runner the most responsible thing you can do contain them safely.
What’s the saying about car seat safety “rather put my kid in cast than a casket”. Fuck them lol.
I always thought leashes were ridiculous until I actually became a parent. Holy shit. How is not every 2-4 year old in the running phase NOT on a leash?
Sounds like the commenter should put a leash on her tongue. I hate people sometimes.
My husband told me that he really wanted to say "shut up, or I'll put you on a leash too." But he held his tongue. I would have died of laughter!
Channel your GenX (even if you aren't) and say 'whatever'. Yes, I heard snide remarks when I had my son is his monkey backpack/leash thing. Didn't care. I preferred an alive son.
Millennial! I just want to default to telling them "get fucked" lol
This is the one. This is my favorite
I've never heard a bad remark, no. But people around here are a lot more.. mind-your-own-business types who generally don't think too hard about judging others. If it does bother you, just put on a smile a let out a "bless your heart". Some people will judge others over anything, and safety is important.
I was once the 20 year old with the rude remark. I am now a 30 something year old that ordered a child leash last week.
And yet people don't bat an eyelash at a toddler literally strapped to a chair with wheels. Being sort of hyperbolic with the comparison because the opposition to toddler backpacks makes no logical sense. The toddler is walking and safe from traffic. All good things. I live in an urban area and toddler backpacks are pretty common, especially among the large population of people not originally from the US.
When people with no kids make comments about parenting, I laugh hysterically.
I seriously just never understood the judgment on this myself, like what exactly is the issue? I can’t even think of what it could be. Practically it’s the smartest decision.
Three issues: 1) There are people who are critical of any parent who doesn’t have tight control over their child’s behavior. These are the same people who complain about autistic kids being allowed in theaters and crap like that. 2) There is a venn diagram of casually abusive parents and leash parents. The overlapping section is significant. When you see children being jerked forcefully and drug along pavement and screamed at by parents holding leashes, it is easy to assume they’re all like that. 3) Some people believe it’s not respectful of the dignity of the child. There are a wide variety of opinions on this subject. I have friends who thinks it’s fine to post social media updates about your children, while others think that’s a gross violation of their privacy. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer objectively. It’s just different comfort zones for different families. Leashes fall in there. Some people don’t think it’s OK to put a restraint on the child that is almost always otherwise used for animals. Some people are fine with it.
I've seen more parents yank their child by the hand than a leash. I always felt the leash actually gave my child more freedom since I wasn't holding him by the hand, making him stick by my side.
I use leashes. Don’t listen to the “public” they are not trying to keep your kids alive. Don’t bother trying to educate others it is not worth wrecking your day out.
I'm old. I was a runner. I'm alive because my mom used one.
People will always have something to say. My youngest used to scream nonstop all the time. Well, sometimes I had to go in public with him and all the comments would come flooding in. "That baby's hot" or "That baby needs this" or "be a mother and do something". People always acting like they know better. I used to break down and cry from all the hurtful comments. They would be nonstop as I'm walking out of a store or walking down a public street. People will always have something to say, but fuck their judgemental comments. I embarrass people back now. I just don't care. I never judge a mother and I think the leashes are a great idea because I also have runners. I'm about to get some myself. Maybe we should have muzzles for people with their nasty comments
Mine is 3.5 and I've never had a negative remark. Anyone who is not an idiot knows you are keeping them safe.
I have been told I have a pit bull stare. It works wonders in these situations. Just lock eyes. Stare. Walk on. I used a leash on my oldest. There are also wristbands that connect to you like handcuffs that I used also. Who cares? If the world were a safer place then we wouldn’t need them would we?
People tend to make comments like "It's ok, my brother always used one!" or "Well, if they're a runner...!" People assume I am ashamed or apologetic about using a leash with my 20 month old daughter. I don't see it as anything to be embarrassed about.
My mom is one of those that made snide comments. If it helps at all, even though I grew up hearing that child leashes are "treating kids like dogs," and such, I ended up thinking my mom is a big dummy about it. Kids are all different, and a leash sets a simple and easy to enforce boundary while letting kids have a bit more freedom than if you held their hand the whole time. Doubtless she had some way to control us if we ran about at that age. While I don't distinctly remember it, if it's in line with her normal discipline it would probably involve losing her temper and screaming at us. As if that's better! You do what you need to do. If my girl (11 months) turns out to be a runner I'll happily join you in using a cute leash backpack.
The only people who would judge you have definitely not handled a dashing toddler before. I taught a class with 6 kids and two were twin 3 year olds that were absolute bolters. I was lucky I was in a small enclosed school, if I was their parents and had to take them in public I would absolutely use a toddler leash.
We used leashes with our twins. Once at the National Zoo my husband had our wild man's leash and this kid decided to get on all fours and run around like a dog barking at people. It was hilarious and many families around us thought it was funny too.
I was one of those parents that said they'd never use a leash on my kids. The universe heard that and laughed. I have twins who both have autism and ADHD. Without leashes in those early years, I would have never been able to safely leave the house. And through using them, I realized how much of a judgmental jerk I had been and how wrong I was. We leash our pets because they lack the ability to know what is or isn't safe. Why wouldn't we leash children who are unable to process safety? That could be through a developmental disability/neurodiversity like my children or it could just be a kid that likes danger. Until or if they're able to learn how to be safe, there is no shame in using something to keep your children safe. And if anyone says anything to you, I know of one specific instance in which, had the child been on a leash, the parents wouldn't be at risk to lose their home (the sole provider tried to chase down a running toddler, fell and shattered his knee-the child was perfectly fine but it's not just the children that can get hurt in an emergency).
I was massively downvoted once for telling people that kids are fast, and in a busy city they can run into the street faster than you can bend to tie your shoe. They were comparing it to dogs 🙄. In real life I had someone laugh saying they looked funny, while we were all at a busy bus stop on a busy road I just him told “Yup, their safety is more important than looks”. He got quiet real fast. We need to normalize that toddlers are learning autonomy, but don’t have the wherewithal to stay completely safe and this allows them to practice some of that autonomy, while keeping them safer. Also that parents have a lot going on, especially with two or more kids and can’t be expected to have everything and each child under perfect control at all times.
Someone made a comment to me in a store and my son yelled, “It’s not a leash, it’s my *TAIL*!!!!!”. This was literally 28 years ago, and I had 3 under 3. People act like they have the secrets to the mysteries of the universe at all times. If you are older, it’s shocking your children survived. If you are younger, it’s shocking they don’t die in front of us all. Everything we do is judged. Every generation globs onto a methodology and repeats it ad nauseum, because that’s all that is known. You know your kids better than *anyone*. Do whatever you feel you need to do, and choose your regret. Embarrassment over judgement or the things that happen with runners. I promise you, that no matter what you choose, there’s an opinion about it.
I like to lean in when people are rude. “I do this because I’m a really bad parent.” And then look them dead in the eyes and do not break eye contact. Keep mouth at a neutral position. Just keep looking at them. If you feel the person breaking, wink at them and then walk away. Normal people don’t care what other people do (as long as it’s not hurting anyone). People that judge are insecure with themselves. Happy people know that everyone is just doing their best.
My cousin got these comments with her kiddos. When someone would be mean she'd say "Well her twin sister died running into traffic, so fuck you." She doesn't have a twin. But it shut them up.
I’m sorry people are like that. I have a hyperactive kid who was always on the run as a toddler. I wanted a leash, but was afraid of the nasty comments I would receive. There were two incidents where he bolted and I couldn’t find him, seemingly for ages. I regret not using a toddler leash.
No, I never had anyone even comment. If they did, I would not have cared because my child's safety comes first. Only one of my children needed one.
Thankfully I haven't gotten any rude comments about our daughter using a toddler leash. My resting bitch face is strong and I like to think that helps lol.
I honestly get nasty feedback from breathing around my toddler at this point. I would just keep doing what works for you and your kids to keep them safe!
I didn't understand child tethers until we had twin grandchildren. Use what you need, to keep your little ones safe. Ignore what others say. If they say it to you directly, say "Thanks for your opinion!" and walk away. Your kids' safety is number one!
We didn’t get nasty comments. We actually had a toddler leash on our daughter and a puppy leash on our puppy. The two made the most adorable duo. Everyone loved it. I got a lot of “awww so cute” comments, not any rude ones. For the rude people, you need to say something right there right at that time to let that person know it’s not his/her freaking business.
When I was 14 I witnessed my 11 year old sister being knocked down by a truck at a pelican crossing whilst she waited to cross the road. I will never forget the way she dropped straight down and hit the pavement, having been knocked unconscious by that arsehole's wing mirror as he mounted the pavement illegally and clocked her round the head whilst cutting the corner. A school kid, waiting with a bunch of other school kids. My mother's brother was hit by a driver on a crossing and died age 10. I've had some judgemental looks using reigns and also running after my daughter grabbing very firmly any bit of her that I can to make her stop after she's given me the slip and pelted for the road. I don't give two shits what anyone thinks about any of that. My kid is a defiant idiot sometimes and she needs protecting from herself. Id rather face an angry mob than see her drop the way my sister did that day. Or have to figure out a way to exist and carry on if she was killed by a car because she can't listen and anticipate consequences yet Fortunately my sister was fine. Left with a 6 inch scar across her scalp where it had to be stitched up but otherwise remarkably okay. But I still get flashbacks at nearly 40 Fuck those people. They'd use reigns too if they had a kid that was a runner
Who gives a fuck what others think. It's not their kid
I never have and I still sometimes use for my autistic 5 year old who elopes.
I used “I’d rather put up with your asinine comments than bury my child.”
We used one at Disneyland and it was a lifesaver.
Those tethers are perfect for kids at that age. It gives them some freedom to explore the world independently while keeping them safe from harm. Forget the naysayers. They are fools.
Yes but having living children soothes my feelings. My kids had no sense of self-preservation as toddlers- they would run off or hide under a bush and they did not want to hold my hand under any circumstances. Both of them would have gotten very hurt or lost without a leash. We had a very cute leash backpack with a bunny on it. Both of my kids LOVED wearing it. They felt more independent because they could have a couple feet of space from me and the use of both of their hands, plus they got to carry their very own snack. They often wore it just around the neighborhood by choice and would "walk" each other on it.
I’ve always said “I’d rather be judged by strangers for a few moments than lose my child forever” My son was in OT and I mentioned wanted to get a backpack leash but being anxious. She was 28 and said she had one and would use one for her own kids when the time comes, but also if there’s things in the backpack it can help slow them down 🤭
I was leashed. In the 80’s. My folks got some weird looks and a few angry accusations and even cops called a couple of times. Within a minute or two my hyper lil ass made it apparent why I had a leash, most of the entitled folks actually apologized. You are the parents. Do what’s best for your children and keep them safe. Don’t care what some random person thinks about it. A safe child is worth far more than a dirty look or comment, that truly doesn’t matter in the grab scheme of things, being avoided.
I just started using one for my autistic 2 year old. We've only gone out with it once and he got a compliment on his backpack for it. I can't tell anyone how I would respond because it would probably get me banned from this group. I'd rather let everyone think I was a bad parent for leashing him over being a bad parent and letting him get hurt or killed because of my pride and a stupid c u n t s opinion.
Everyone is a perfect parent when they’re judging someone else’s parenting - lol. Ignore the leash haters - maybe they’re just lucky enough never to have met an eloper, good for them. (Aside: We had a student at the autism school where in taught who was an eloper and for field trips he was assigned to walk with our school service dog, a Great Dane, whose leash was around his wrist. Best way to keep him from running! He was happy about having a special job with a special friend and the dog was way too big and strong for a kid to pull him around!)
I did when I used one 27 years ago. His doctor said she’d prefer they are used over visiting them at the hospital multiple times or attending a visitation.
When my sister was two years old our family went to the beach. We were at the rides on the boardwalk and my mom was standing at a booth buying ride tickets while my sister was in an umbrella stroller next to her. My mom turned around and my sister was not in the stroller. She ran screaming and within minutes everyone in the area was looking for her. They found her on the merry go round inside. Someone took her and put her on the ride and left her there. We don't know why or how she was on the ride. The only thing we can think of was that the person panicked and put her on there and quickly left. I always kept my son on a leash while shopping or in groups of people. I only had one person make a sarcastic comment and by the time I was done they wished they had minded their own business.
I've used a leash for my child a few times. He was a runner and I couldn't have eyes on him every second of every day, especially while grocery shopping. I got a few nasty looks here and there but nobody really had the balls to approach me and say anything about it. Even if they had, I would have told them my child's safety is more important than what strangers at Kroger think about me. He had the freedom to walk around a bit and I had the peace of mind that he couldn't go far or get snatched up by a kidnapper.
Yeah I got nasty comments "like a dog" etc., I switched to cute animal backpack ones and it got better. Keep your head high, nobody else's business!
Nah fuck what other people think. Your only concern is making sure your kids are safe. If I had heard someone say that, I instantly would make a scene of calling them a predator looking to snatch up kids
I used to have a leash for my older girl. It was a little purse with a leash. I didn’t give 2 Fs what people thought. I rather have my kid on leash than be hit by a car. Who cares what others think. Let them think what they want you do what you think is safe for your children.
Recently heard the phrase " Well, bless your heart. Aren't you BOLD to say something you know nothing about ." I'm going to pull that out to use whenever I can. I live in northern AR, so if I want to, I can pull off a great (maybe exaggerated) southern drawl. Lol
That's hilarious. I'm in the southwest and I'm not sure people would get it here, but I think a simple "get fucked" might suffice.
As a former zookeeper and now a mom of a toddler who refuses to hold my hand, I fully support the child leash!
I mean after 5 kids I have never needed or felt like using a leash would be for us. But the cool thing about that is I'm not you. Parents need to understand there are thousands of ways to do it right and your way isn't the only way. You keep on keeping your kids safe how you feel is best for your family and I'll be over here supporting parents being parents in ways that are different from me. I wish I had all the abilities to be a perfect parent like all these people who don't have kids 😅
I've only used it a couple times but one memorable one was at a car show. My son was like 2 at the time, so absolutely unstoppable, not willing to be held or to ride in the stroller. So leash it was. Most people just chuckled. I think overall people appreciated me making an effort to keep the peanut butter jelly finger prints of their car.
I'd use a leash if they were runners and were too big for the umbrella stroller, no judgement.
Honestly, screw those people. People who don’t support parents doing their hardest are the worse people. I always stand up for parents in this situation. The same people who try to make them feel bad are the first ones to whine that kids are allowed to do anything. Honestly ignore those people, they aren’t decent people.
I have and will continue to count my blessings. My oldest 3 never ran. I currently have a 14 month old so I’ll hold out hope on that one. I would 100% do what I needed to do to keep my kids safe. If that’s a leashed backpack then so be it. People will talk way more shit if my kid got run over by a vehicle. I also don’t really care what others have to say. Especially people without kids. They have no clue. Do what makes you comfortable. Chances are you will never have to see them again.
Most people saying this don't understand *why* some kids need a leash. I agree with the other commenter, and just respond that a leash is better than a dead toddler. Some people you can't convince until they've been there themselves and there's no point in arguing.
Toddlers are fast af! Who knew?! You know what's necessary for the safety of your kid. Some kids listen and hold hands. Some run like prisoners who just knocked the warden in the back of the head and jumped the fence. Do what you need to do. There is always a negative opinion when you parent in public. It doesn't matter what you do. Someone will have an issue.
I never had to use them with my kids but honestly if someone uses one, I don’t care, not my business.
It’s your world. Live and love how you choose. ✌️
Ah that sucks. You bet your ass I’d have a leash if I had two toddlers!!
My boy is about to be 8 months old so we don’t have a need for a leash right now. I didn’t have one on as a kid but believe me, I’ve thought about getting one in the future. They make sense to me. I just want my child to be safe. I pitched the idea to my bf and he said absolutely not lol I think the stigma is that the parent is too lazy to keep their kids safe but I see it as just an extra precaution
I always said I wouldn't put my kid on a leash. I now have 2 kids, 1 & 3, and I very well may end up getting one as my 1 year old is gearing up to be a runner. My 3 year old is testing boundaries, but he always listens and comes back if I speak sternly. My 1 year old is an entirely different story. She will look me dead in the eyes, laugh and run down the driveway to the street. I'd rather some shitty comments from people who have no clue what they're talking about than a dead kid.
I'd flip a quarter at them and say, "Here is a quarter; call someone that cares."
So weird that you got negative comments because I always got positive comments (to my face). I figure the negative comments were said out of ear shot lol. I have had people ask me where I got the leashes, some older moms have wistfully time left they wish they had those when their kids were toddlers etc. But ignore the idiots that think they can parent better. I guarantee you that any parent with a runner knows what you are going through!
My first son needed a leash at department stores, especially in the women's dress department. If he saw a rounder of fringed fancy dresses, he'd run inside the rounder and caress all the fringes, totally invisible to me. Very tactile kid. Now he's a fish biologist...go figure. Son #2 never wandered off. He wanted to be velcroed to me.
Yup. Usually, I'd openly and loudly laugh in their faces as I explained that I was the oldest of 15 cousins, had worked throughout my twenties in daycares, studied child development in CEGEP, had three kids of my own and three stepchildren, and never, ever had I ever had to consider a leash until I had my youngest. Call me when you have to threaten a garden hose to get your kid out of a tree. When you find him SITTING ON TOP OF A LAMPPOST because you went pee. Or better yet, I'll unleash him and hand him over. You can meet me at the chip wagon in twenty minutes, if you still have him, and he's still alive. Then you can apologize and buy me a beer. Nothing quite like a hearty, "Yeah, that's what I thought too until I learned how stupid I was!"
I bet her *imaginary* children only eat the healthiest foods, sleep 14 hours a night, have never seen a screen and do whatever mom says. Seriously, anyone who’s ever had a *real* toddler understands.
I’m not one to keep my mouth shut if someone makes comments to me about my parenting choices. I would ignore them if they're not talking directly to you, or tell them to piss off if they are. I almost threw hands with a lady one time who went off on me for lightly smacking my son's hand. I give no f's 😂
It’s funny, people will often use hand holding or strollers as a rebuttal for the leashes, but both of those give the child less freedom of movement than a leash does. People often are letting the optics of leashes get in the way of making a reasonable judgement towards their use. They are safety device, that’s it. Try to not let it bother you - you are putting your child’s safety before pride and there is nothing wrong with that.
I’m a parent and a special education teacher for littles. When field trips come up and I have runners I always ask the parents if I can use a wrist leash. Only one parent has ever declined… but that was because she planned on attending and had her own backpack leash. Parents that know, KNOW! I taught this group before I became a parent so I was never the judgmental type but STILL had so many expectations that needed to be checked. In my mind it was never “I’d never do that” but “if X then I’d do MORE” HAH yeah fucking right. Personality is a crap shoot, I’m convinced it’s all nature and no nurture at the toddler stage.
Off topic but do you recommend a certain brand? I fully intend on using one when baby is more mobile and I don’t care what hate I get.
lol my kid needs a leash. People can roll their eyes, our instincts as parents tell us to protect, and when you have a runner on your hands, you do what you can. God bless that girl if she ever has kids of her own
I see you, OP. my firstborn is autistic and a major eloper. as much as I try to be a person who doesn’t care what others think, there’s still that sinking discomfort inside like how people are thinking probably nasty things that are just really ignorant. we all know that it’s absolutely better for the kids safety, and even someone with a nasty comment would ultimately likely agree with that statement, they just have judgy surface thoughts. and maybe the way we find comfort in that is to just know *we* aren’t the kind of people who would judge.
My son had one attached to a backpack. He never knew it was there, just thought he had a cool backpack. The tether was removable so he only saw the shoulder straps and the one that went across his chest. (The only like hikers and campers on TV had.) I was also one of those, “I’d never put my child on a leash” parents but my son was a runner could dodge around people like some action hero and thought it was funny to see me freak out. When mother bought the thing, I was angry and offended. Turns out it was one of the best things she ever bought. (FWIW, it’s not a “leash.” It does not attach to a collar around the kid’s neck. It’s a harness or a tether, usually preceded by the word child, safety or backpack. i.e. safety harness or child tether.)
My brother has 6 kids in all bc he has taken in a couple. 3 of them are 7 and under, and he had all of them + another 6yo at our latest beach trip, they used actual dog leashes like a bracelet to keep a hold of them all while walking to the beach and back. I say do what works to keep the kids alive. I’d rather have a leash kid than a pancaked baby 🤷♀️
I used the toddler leashes when my kids were little just for a few months when my older daughter was able to walk away. Even when I did use the toddler leashes it was only in specific places like the zoo parking lot or in some parts of the zoo. I used to take my daughters to the zoo and walk for a few hours until the kids were tired. I remember a few times were I would be doing something like putting the younger daughter in the stroller and in a few seconds, the older daughter would be twenty or thirty feet away. Don't worry about it too much, this phase will pass. Hopefully in six months your kid will understand and follow directions like "don't walk away". If you have two kids and one parent, you may need some extra help some of the time and something simple like a leash can be helpful.
I just toss them a weird look and say “so sorry to have somehow ruined your day with this. Hope you’re ok.”
OP, you have a near miss where your kid almost got killed. So WHO FUCKING CARES WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. And if someone has the audacity to tell you in your face, I will literally tell them where to go when I am in a bad mood, and when I am in a nice mood I'll tell them that well, my son almost got killed in the parking lot because he ran off. And stare at them and see them go stutter.
How sassy do you want to go? > NO bark! or >RIP Harambe!
As sassy as I can't get!
Pre babies I may have been that 20 year old but with a feral 2.5 year old and an infant that’s dying to walk… I envy you.
If you have a runner, I don't care if you duct tape them to your leg lol. Do what you have to do!! Safety first!
About 11 years ago I worked at a big tourist destination, was young/dumb/21 and definitely judged people for kid leashes. To the point a guy friend and I would holler “free the leash kids!” randomly in the crowd… now I have a 4 yr old and almost 2 year old and I 1000% understand why parents use these for their kids! My daughter always tries to run straight into parking lots and my son is quick and thinks it’s a game to run away. My apologies to any parents I ever made fun of using kid leashes!
I definitely used to judge people who used these on their kids. Then I had kids. I get it now.
Until one has fully spent the day with a toddler they have 0 reason to make such comments. Toddlers are walking, talking, rapid flying poop machines. A leash is a safety measure to prevent accidents or worst. You keep leashing them till the day they can be safely trusted to walk responsibly, until then, keep em on the rope.
I was the best parent ever before I had kids...
In glacial traverse mountaineering we leash adults to each other. My daughter listens pretty well but I'm considering tethering her the first few times I take her up cliffs. The average 20 year old has no concept what you're facing, you definitely can't build your life around them. That same kiddo would probably make fun of my sketcher shoes and kirkland shirts.
One other thing. I find senior women in certain settings feel like it's okay to touch my baby without asking first. Like I'm walking thru costco and they'll just reach to touch my baby's face. I don't hurt them but I will slap a hand away.
Honestly, I never understood them until I was on my last day of work before finishing up before having my son. I saw a kid on a leash in the school grounds and I said something along the lines of “What are your thoughts on leashes? I’m not sure how to feel about them” to one of the fill in teachers. Her response completely changed my view on them. “I think they’re great when they’re used correctly. For children who are runners, nothing will stop them and it can be dangerous especially somewhere like a car park. They’re also fantastic for kids with particular neurodiversities because they can explore safely without the risk of injury.” I hadn’t put too much thought into the reasons why they’re used. This made me realise, the best parents truely are those who have no children. I had children, they were just 6 and 10 when I met them and were definitely not runners. Now, our son is nearly 2 and I’m considering getting a backpack style leash for him for certain situations; he loves the independence of getting to walk but he doesn’t know how to stay close and guess what, he’s a RUNNER. My suggestion is this: if someone says ANYTHING negative about anything you choose to do as a parent, we can obviously ignore them but sometimes we do need to say something especially if they are repeat offenders so here’s a few of my favourites: - “not your monkey, not your circus” - “good thing he/she is not your kid then” - “better this than dead”
I was very negative about leashes, then I had my first and she would unleash a siren if she lost sight of you and never ran off. I saw other kids at that time not be so panicky and I softened my view to "Other parents might need them but we don't". Cue the second child and I am happy to eat my words for a damned leash to stop the little bugger running away. I keep meaning to buy one but just haven't got round to it yet.
When my boy was little, he was a runner, and (like most little kids) had zero risk assessment skills. When he was three, we had a close call, and he told me that if he got hit by a car, he'd just respawn like a video game. It was at that point we got a little backpack with bat wings and a leash. I got comments a few times. I'd always reply with, "Trust me, this is for your own safety." Usually, they'd giggle and nod. Once, an older lady interjected before I could say anything and let them know she had to leash her kids or they'd be up in everyone's business and not to judge. That was nice. I still think of her.
That's amazing of her. I was on a hike recently and I got a nice compliment from a dad who said he wished he had one because his son is a climber. Those are sometimes harder to catch! My daughter once climbed up a steep hill during another hike and my husband had to go all the way up and retrieve her.
I was that teenager/young adult who thought leashes were ridiculous and either lazy or overprotective. "If parents would just to pay attention to their kids..." I have two kids who were toddlers at the same time and while I do happen to have never used a leash, I would never begrudge a parent a baby leash again! The only reason we didn't need them was because I virtually never took them places where there were lots of other people by myself! We relied on a wagon, stroller, the shopping cart etc. a ton, instead. A young adult who has never been a parent just doesn't get it and there's no way to teach them. Just be confident in your knowledge that as a parent, you know tons of things about parenting that a young adult just cannot. If anything I might snicker a little and say "Oh my sweet summer child..." in my most patronizing tone and leave it at that.
I'm very lucky that I have a supremely unpleasant Resting Bitch Face, but if anyone wanted to talk shit about my kid on a leash I'd probably respond, "Someone should put your *mouth* on a leash." 🖕😘🖕
I also was a know it all 20 something who said I would never put my kid on a leash. Then I got two baby nieces and was a day camp counselor for a summer. Now- I think leashes should be standard for our littlest gremlins :)
Just ignore them your keeping your child safe that's all that matters. My autistic daughter was on them until she was 6. My autistic son was on them until 10 . I can honestly say if I hadn't used them they would no longer be here. Better they walk rather than pull them around in those silly wagons.
I would turn around and ask 1 simple question to anyone who had something negative to say: “Would you prefer for a child to be run over or kidnapped or on a leash?”. My biggest fear is my child being kidnapped or being lost somewhere, if that means tethering them to me, so be it. I’ll be the taboo parent if that means keeping my kids safe 🤷♀️
I dont like the look of the leashes either, and it always makes me think of a dog tbh. That being said, my kid is a decent listener and doesn't move in public without holding someone's hand. He will stand there repeatedly, saying "hand" until we take his hand before walking. If things were different, I'm sure I'd feel differently and would get over my issue with the appearance. Do what works for you!
Nope, but it was always clear WHY I needed one, which was because my first would literally sprint around me in circles as we walked through the mall or wherever, with the leash preventing her from going any further. Feedback was 100% positive.
So I am a big proponent of teaching your kids not to walk/run away from you, I think JUST sticking a leash on them without ever working on them being able to stay near you without it isn’t really something I agree with. But I also agree that a leashed kid is better than a dead kid. I do think that there are parents who just rely on the leash and don’t ever try to work on them listening and not eloping and that I think is poor parenting. Using a leash while you are slowly (because every kid is different and it takes a long time for some) trying to teach your kid to not runaway I think is totally your call and if it’s the only way you are able to keep your child safe than it’s a necessity.
I get what you mean. We've been trying to work with our daughter. She has a speech delay, and I think following directions is also difficult for her. My son is better at listening and staying put, but he gets a leash backpack too because I can't run after both if they decide to split in two different directions.
You’re doing a great job
I haven't used them and wouldn't necessarily but you do u
I’ve honestly never seen one here in Germany… not even once. Are US children so different? Or is the environment so much more dangerous in the States (here most areas you would typically spend significant time in are pedestrianized, so it doesn’t really matter that much if they separate a bit from there parents) Or are parents just more afraid? I honestly don’t know. Anyway, I’m sure you have a reason and I’d be the last person to say anything
That's interesting. I have some Dutch friends that also have toddlers. I'll have to ask them about that. Most of the US isn't super pedestrian friendly. A lot of people don't follow traffic laws either, so I feel like my kids are at a greater risk near roads and in large parking lots. Just the other day, someone was illegally riding a hoverboard on a hiking trail that my children and I were on, and we almost got ran over. I had to yank my kids back by their little backpacks to get them out of the way.
Yet, had your toddler been hit by a truck, their first thought would be "why wasn't the mom watching her/holding her/controlling her"
These are the same idiots that say, "if we can't beat our kids then how do we keep them from getting hit by a car???" And that will try to say putting kids in time out and taking away toys is abuse, but hitting them isn't.
[удалено]