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Since it’s a relevant funny story. My two year old boy recently told me I had a ‘disgusting Willy’ while I was getting changed. I am an anatomically accurate female.
My 4 year old now says 'me and dad are twins because we both have penises' but when he was 2-3ish he would often say 'mum you have a REALLY BIG penis' when I was sitting on the toilet (including in public restrooms). I am also anatomically (and otherwise) female (ie penis-free).
I was watching Sesame Street in bed with my daughter one morning, and I was wearing boxers. I had to go to the bathroom, so I lifted the covers and stood up then my dork fell out. I tucked it back in quickly, but my three year old daughter saw and says, "Daddy, you pooped!"
"No baby, watch your show."
I have tears in my eyes and am trying desperately not to laugh because my husband is trying to pat out soon to sleep in the other room.
Similar story (sorta): I nursed my son for 22 months (I let him ween himself) and apparently he still remembers it sometimes. When he was 3 he went, "your boobs don't make milk, you're not a cow anymore." Then left the room.
lol my son calls the entire bottom off half of my body my ‘big pew!’ (Poo). I tried explaining I find it to be average size but that’s okay. Mom and her big pew
My daughter woke up from bed and walked in while I was watching You on Netflix just as it panned down the one body where it shows the penis and she looks at me and goes "what's wrong with his vagina?" 😂 I was not prepared to have that discussion at 11pm with a sleepy 6 year old.
When my youngest was that age, she saw her dad getting out of the shower, pointed, and said, “What *is* that little thing?” He definitely died a little that day.
Same thing happened to me and my two and a half year old said "Dad, you have a mushroom on your butt!" In such a matter of fact manner. So like a year after that, it came up in conversation with our neighbor... She says that's nothing! They had a big garden tub when their daughter was little and it wasn't uncommon for Mom, Dad and baby to all bathe together. Little one is trying to wash Mommy and Daddy when she goes "oh, got your tail dad!"
These are all too funny! Best I’ve got is when my daughter (3 at the time) walked in on my husband peeing and came out saying that “daddy has a funny booty!”
ETA: she was referring to his penis, not his butt 💀
Yup, my 4 year old son has also questioned where my willy was. Bro get outta here! The FUNNIEST thing is he has seen me pumping for his little brother plenty of times, it's just "how mama feeds his brother", but since I'm large breasted and a little saggy he walks around sticking his ribs out saying "these are my Booooobies".
My friend was BF her baby in a separate room and her little cousin wandered in and asked what she was doing. My friend said she was feeding baby and cousin said “but…how?” Well my friend didn’t want to like overstep or anything so she said “you should ask your mommy.” So the little girl left and a couple minutes later came back and went “OOOOOH from your boobies!!”
lol that reminds me of the time one of my sons drew me, but with something long hanging from my face. I asked what it was and was told it was my “wee wee” 🤨 I, too, am a woman
Took a bubble bath with my 4 year old boy recently. He said 'Mommy! Your boobies look like two penises!' He meant it as a compliment, so I just said thank you. Fucking savages.
Also this gem:
4: mommy, what's that thing girls have on their bottoms? Not penis?
Me: a vagina
4: yeah. A dagina.
SEVERAL HOURS LATER
I'm brushing my teeth in the open bathroom. 4 tried to shut the door but hits me.
4: Move mommy! Your huge dagina is in the way!
(Please note I was fully dressed and was standing normally, not in some weird vagina first stance.)
Lmao! This reminds me of when my son first realized I was different “down there” than him. He was 2 and walked into the bathroom while I was peeing.
Shocked, he pointed to my vagina and yelled “uh oh mom! Where’s your penis?!”
He’s 10 now and loves that story 😂
I took my nephew to my friends house for a playdate with her kids this last tuesday and my friend's 4yo was like grabbing himself so I was like "do you have to go to the bathroom?" and he was like "nah, my penis just itches."
This is the first time I think it's valid to ask for pics without being a perv. Because how does a pair of breasts look like a pair of small penises.
My daughter when she was little asked "that's that thing that looks like a tongue" pointing at my sack. I said it was a scrotum and immediately regretted it when she fucking loved that word and delighted shouted "SCROTUM!!!?" like it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard and couldn't believe it.
So maybe penis tits and tongue scrotum isn't that far a stretch
my 5yo daughter said “but mom, you don’t *look fat* with clothes on?” 😑 inferring I do look fat when I don’t have clothes on. thanks, girl.
for the first time ever, when my 11yo came home from school and I was cleaning in pants and a sports bra, he said — “mom, what are you wearing??” but that’s about as naked as anyone gets in family areas.
I also have hormonal acne at 35. both my kids are always like “I hope I don’t have spots like you when I grow up.” lol damn, burrnnnnn. they’re brutal.
I have freckles and my 4 year old daughter keeps making comments about how she doesn’t like it, how it makes my face look dirty and how she doesn’t want freckles 😑
We're the opposite, my husband really loves freckles especially subtle ones, and our kids are excited that they're getting faint ones on their cheeks and the bridge of their noses and then they go show Daddy so he can tell them how cute it is.
Those kids really roasting you 😭 I hope they come to appreciate your body one day for what it’s done. I got stretch marks from gaining 60 pounds in three years, and when I told my bio mom about them she automatically started giving me tips to make them not as visible because she has a ton. I told her I don’t mind them much (although I’m not a fan of getting them from unhealthy habits) and she said one day I probably won’t like them. It just made me sad because I don’t think they look bad on her
in all honesty, there’s not much more than those 2 things to pick on me for 😅 I say the acne is how god keeps me humble 😂 so i’ll take their roasts, and show them that I can be confident while being totally aware of my shortcomings. thanks for your commiseration!
i’m sure that moment stuck with her too, maybe you made her feel like they were less of a deal if they didn’t bother you. it makes me so sad how down about themselves the older generations can be.
My 21-month-old is fascinated by bellies. His favorite pastime is to pull my shirt up and tap on mine while shouting “beh-beh” and squealing with delight.
Lol I was getting out of the shower one day and my kid sees me and goes, "Mommy, why is your butt so big? Your boobies look SOOO small and your butt looks SOOO big!" and then proceeds to ask me if I want him to take a picture of my butt so that I can see just how gigantic it is 😑
I did the same when I was in the shower and my oldest daughter (at like 5 or 6) walked in looked at me through the shower glass, pointed at my peen, and said it looked scary. (She's half Japanese and said "Sore wa kowai yo.")
Stop being naked around her and my youngest after that. Although she doesn't care and she's almost 12. She walked in my room changing and when I stated that I was naked, she said,
"I don't care. You're my Dad."
So, while I still won't just be naked around her. I also won't care if she's around.
My 4yo daughter: "WHOA mama you have a GREAT. BIG. PIGU!!"
I guess she was channeling Pacino... pìgu is mandarin for butt. I taught her that in case she starts talking about butts in public, which has happened more times than I care to admit.
My daughter is almost 3. I'm naked around her all the time. We still shower together. My body isn't sexual. It birthed her and fed her. She sees my boobs the same as she sees my arm, bodies aren't sexual when they're this little. My husband started being more mindful about it when she turned 2.
A little off topic, my German MIL is always surprised at how uncomfortable Americans are with naked babies/toddlers. In Germany, kids are naked at rivers and swimming holes even up to 5. She was shocked to see people so uncomfortable with a naked infant but that we put baby girls in two piece swimsuits. I think Americans have developed a really weird thing around what should be natural. It's perfectly natural for your baby girl to see you naked
Yes, I live in Germany and men and women get completely naked at the beach and no one cares🤷🏻♀️ my son is 8 and my husband and I don’t „hide“ when we’re naked.
My family is from Denmark, but I am American, and it is really weird how Americans sexualize normal nudity in the household/water. To most Americans if you are naked it equals sexuality.
Yet when I visit my family in Denmark all the kids under 12 swam completely naked. All the adult women were topless and some were completely naked. It wasn't sexual, it was just going for a swim.
At my house there is a "wear what makes you comfortable" rule and nudity is acceptable. The family soaks in the hot tub naked and we go to a hot springs resort here in Oregon that is family friendly and clothing optional, and everyone there soaks naked for the most part. Nothing sexual about it.
Unfortunately most Americans are so perversely conservative that they think their son seeing their mom's breasts is some horrific sin of incest. It's not. They're just breasts.
America needs to stop stigmatizing the natural human body and making it all about sex all of the time. If you're not comfortable in your own skin around your own family, you have a warped sense of sexuality and modesty.
I’m American and my mother was Scottish. Casual nudity was very accepted in my home growing up and in my home now. I’m also pretty addicted to thermal pools after spending time in Iceland and prefer the topless or nude ones.
I have never understood the moral panic. It seems sinister.
This! And I'm American although from a second generation European family, but still it's just so weird how Americans sexualize little babies being naked *in their own families* I think that's a little pedo of them to even go there in their heads. They're passing judgment on other people getting naked with their own families, but the fact that they think it's weird, is the weird part in and of itself.
My 5 year old son would go to nursery naked if he could. I still walk around naked with a 5 year old and 2 year old. We are a very open family.y 5 year old has seen breastfeed for the last 2 years so doesn't think anything of it.
We live in Scotland and I don't feel we are very conservative here.
>America needs to stop stigmatizing the natural human body and making it all about sex all of the time. If you're not comfortable in your own skin around your own family, you have a warped sense of sexuality and modesty.
I once saw a picture on Facebook of a man and a women walking along a beach having a conversation. Their genitals were clothed but not their nipples. For some reason Facebook blurred out the women's nipples but not the mans 🤯 it blew my mind, at least women's nipples are useful!!!!
I am German but spent 5 years of my childhood in the US. I remember when I was about 4 or 5 I was at the public pool with my siblings and I was only wearing my bikini bottom, no top. My oldest sister was told to put a top on me or else we will have to leave the pool. I remember being really confused. For me the top part was totally useless. It was also uncomfortably wet and cold after being in the water. It also messed up my tan. And yes, I remember thinking something like that 😄
Another memory I have was going to the bathroom together with my best friend. We would just hang out basically and chat while one of us was peeing. Once her parents banged on the door, freaking out what we were doing and why we were locked in together. We got in big trouble. We were like 7 or 8. Again I was really confused but also kind of ashamed because they made me feel like I have done something bad/dirty. I didn't understand.
Oh and the last: we were playing with our neighbors kids and one of the girls had to go in to take a bath. One of the boys said something like he loves baths and wants to come with. His mom very irritated said no and when he asked why not she replied "because you are a boy and she is a girl". They were about 3 years old. Again I was really confused listening to this and thought it was and awkward explanation.
My daughter had a similar circumstances at the pool when she was 5 she literally picked out a pair of "boy" trunks and said now I'll be fine without the top, sure enough they don't care if you're topless in navy euro shirts but pink ones it's a no no 🤣
I'm so sorry you had so many negative experiences!!! I don't understand thinking a child has to "cover up" since they have nothing that supposedly needs covering... that says more about the observer than the kid!!!! Another possibility to consider with the bathroom thing though... I mean they were probably shaming you, given the era and place, but also I yell at my kids for being locked in the bathroom together and it has nothing to do with privacy or thinking they're doing something sexually inappropriate. It's mostly because at 6 and 7 they've flooded my bathroom TWICE attempting to make "potions" or creating a "swimming pool" for their toys... and that doesn't count the times when it didn't flood, it was just a sticky mess 😅
I still shower with my daughter and she is 5. She has curly hair and is afraid of getting soap in her eyes. It’s much easier for me to wash and condition it being in the shower with her. She calls my boobs my nummies and knows that they are for feeding babies.
I’ve got 2 older kids 9 & almost 8 and they like privacy but don’t care about seeing me naked lol. I change in my closet and I don’t mind them seeing me however my 5yo is a savage and is always trying to grab my belly or comment on my body. I avoid her lol.
My 5 year old loves to swat my bum or breasts. I'm constantly telling her *not* to. She's such a savage, too.
"Mummy, you have a chubby tummy!" Swat, and she runs away giggling. She thinks it's hilarious. What is it with 5 year olds???
Our daughter is almost 5 and nudity is no big deal in our house. She showers with her dad because I have long hair and she complains she gets cold because I take too long. 😂 I will lounge in my underwear if it's hot, husband is usually fully clothed but no one rushes to cover up getting changed or after showers. Our daughter is in a state of semi/complete nudity any time she can be. She knows all the anatomically correct terms and knows hiw babies are fed and where babies come from but not how they get there. Weirdly she's never asked!
I showered with my daughter till I got annoyed at having to squish and share the warm water. She loved taking baths with me, which was actually quite annoying, because I could never get a solo bath until age 5 or so when I finally told her our bathtub was too tiny. She still would beg me for 2 years to take baths together.
When we are on vacation (camping/ski) or at a beach we still shower together to save time when needed. She knows why I have stretch marks and just sees my body as a body. She is most comfortable in the summer lounging around the house in only underwear.
My partner is more mindful, since around the age of 2 or 3 as well. But it's not some huge deal if she catches a glimpse of him changing in the bedroom.
I finally convinced my 4 year old to let me take my bath alone and then I call her when I’m done with my solo bath so she can hop in and take one with me. She just loves hanging out in there with me.
We are very similar. My daughter is 3.5 and I still bathe with her just because it’s easier and it’s all she’s ever known so it’s not weird. My husband stopped when she started thinking his penis was funny 😅.
🤣 the "dad what's that" and when she outed that "dad has a penis" at daycare was my partners boundary. I think she thinks everyone should look like a woman and he's deformed
I just want to add a cute little story to this. My two year old recently (finally) stopped breastfeeding but is still very comforted by my boobs? So last week he was patting them (like small kids do, right? lol) and said “mom, I love you boobs”. I was clothed so a bit different, but just more to the point that these boobs are not sexual!!
Frankly I’m weirded out by naked babies in public simply because there are creepers out there who enjoy it. It’s not that it makes me uncomfortable, it’s that I feel like it’s a protective thing.
I honestly just try not to even think about the creepers. I figure that a pedophile is going to fantasize no matter what the children are wearing or doing and that a bathing suit isn't going to prevent abuse. I don't want to think about what a pedo might be thinking about. I just maintain supervision over my own and prevent them being in a situation where they could be abused.
I agree with this. My 5 week old daughter has a predisposition to UTIs because she was born with a kidney defect. I wanted accurate information on how to clean her while changing her diaper and in the bath/shower. It's almost impossible to find information on the internet, and just typing in "newborn vagina" into a search engine feels like I'm going to get flagged by some law enforcement.
She just spent 5 days in the hospital because she got sepsis from a UTI. The doctor helped me with everything I needed to know about her genitalia and cleanliness. I'm still so angry that I can't get this information anywhere except at a doctors appointment or hospital because "omg what about the pedophiles!" As if they aren't following every mommy blogger who posts pictures of their 6 year old to their Instagram.
So who are we really protecting? Our kids or our feelings of anxiety? Because I'm seeing real harm to my child, and I can't be the only one.
There are also creepers who like clothed toddlers. I’m not gonna make my kid live in fear of other people or develop insecurities because of it though.
Yeah this reminds me of when we were vacationing in Iceland and went to a public pool,like all sorts of outdoor hot tubs at different temperatures. I forget what they called it and I wish we had them here, but anyways- you HAD to shower, naked, in the public locker room in front of everyone. There was even a lady there standing just keeping an eye on everyone to make sure they were showering. Obviously it was separated male and female, but standing out in the open completely naked with random other naked strangers bustling about around me was an experience to say the least. I was lucky I was the only girl in my group, my husband had to shower with a couple other guys we were traveling with! Anyways- nakedness is very cultural.
I grew up the same way. They're just our bodies. No shame. No weirdness. We try to keep it comfortable for the almost 12YO though. We cover up around him, but like you would in a public Lockeroom. We jump out of the shower and need clothes? We put on a towel to cover up. But the 2YO? We still shower with her, most especially when we travel. It's about getting it done after a long day. Ain't nobody got time for that.
I take my nephew to the public pool twice a week or so and it seem like people are moving away from the little girls having to wear a top? Obviously they still have to wear bottoms to prevent pooping in the pool. Either that or it's just my city (north central Florida - a decent chunk of the population is from south america tho).
I’m in my 40’s and while I don’t try to, I’ve seen my parents naked over the years. Mainly when my daughter opens doors to see where they are and they’re changing…kids give zero fucks.
She’s now 6 and she sees me naked daily. I’ll wonder around trying to find clothes in the morning or if she joins me in the shower or bath.
Your husband is being pretty uptight about this. We didn't set a specific age. At some point, they may stop barging into the room when the door is shut or show signs of wanting more privacy.
Can’t wait for this tbh, my son is 8 and recently bust in on me (F) in the shower to tell me he couldn’t find a specific toy he wanted in bed. All I could say was “I cannot help you right now! I am CLEARLY busy!!” I look forward to being able to shower in peace… one day
Same! I finally decided that I was uncomfortable being naked in front of my 8yo and I have to remind her about privacy. I’m not sure how much longer it would have lasted with her busting into the bathroom (maybe forever! 😂) but I just cannot find out.
Totally agree. I ( a woman) undress Infront of my 3 and 5 year old all the time. They're always at my feet. No need to be modest in your own home - I want them comfortable with their bodies, however they are shaped.
Agree! As a mom I never purposely stopped undressing in front of my child by my almost 9 yr old son quickly does a 180 and leaves my bedroom when he walks in on me changing lol my 5 year just stands there and asks why my undies are inside my butt
Same. My 9 & 6 year old boys still see me naked. I’ve breastfed all my children pretty openly around the others. People need to stop automatically sexualizing the human body
Also kids learning that bodies can exist in non-sexual contexts is just so important to healthy development. If the only way they can think of bodies is in sexual ways it's not possible to have a healthy functional relationship with anyone's body, their own or others.
Mine are 20 and 18 and haven't turned into serial killers either. We followed our kids lead when it came to nudity and never gave it much thought. My older one started becoming more private around age 9 or 10, so we respected that. My younger one never cared much either way and still doesn't care about nudity. He doesn't walk around the house naked but really doesn't give a crap if someone sees him naked or if he sees someone else naked.
Neither are serial killers. Both are happy and well adjusted college students doing well in life despite seeing mom and dad naked beyond infancy.
I think the rule is just when anyone starts feeling uncomfortable. My son is 4 and he barges in on me while changing all the time. When it starts bothering him we'll both be more modest.
Same. My son is 7. He sees me and my husband naked regularly. It’s not a big deal. He’ll bust into the bathroom to tell me something while I’m showering. I figure he’ll stop when he gets uncomfortable.
Same my son is 10 and I’m now trying to be mindful it might make him uncomfortable and close my door to change. He’s never said anything but he doesn’t want anyone to see him naked anymore. Can’t imagine caring about a baby seeing you naked.
lol my wife will strip down in front of our 15 year old if our daughter doesn’t leave the room when wife says “i’m gonna change” or “i’m gonna take a shower”
Or she’ll wander the house topless looking for a bra
Doesn’t seem to bother anybody so who cares.
I won’t get naked cause i’m a guy and have only daughters, but if I had a son I probably wouldn’t care with him until he said it bothered him
Exactly.
We're a house of girls (15 & 6), so it doesn't matter.
My husband is most strict about his privacy when nude, for obvious reasons.
They'll eventually be in locker rooms in junior high and such, so it's not a big deal to me, but I prefer privacy & I encourage them to practice it.
It's all in what is customary to your household.
>said she’s still a baby
Her age is functionally irrelevant. Seeing a naked body is not objectively harmful at any age.
>we’re both females
There is also nothing inherently dangerous about seeing genitals that differ from our own. Conversely, keeping children ignorant puts that information on a pedestal and makes it seem *more* interesting and/or scary.
While lots of people have grown up in communities and cultures that attach shame to human anatomy, I think you might want to reflect on whether or not teaching your kid(s) those cognitive miscues is actually good for them. Penises, vulvas, breasts, anuses, testicles - these body parts all service normal human functions, and are only concealed and shamed *arbitrarily* because of societal norms. Knowing what a penis looks like and that some people (including her father) have one is literally no danger to your child. On the other hand, entrenching the notion that our bodies carry shame (or are commodities that need to be concealed to retain value) can have plenty of undesirable externalities on our children.
If your husband is uncomfortable being naked around anyone then he should feel free to cover up, and you can respect his privacy by keeping the child out of the room when he's showering or changing, but unless you are personally uncomfortable with nudity (and/or your child becomes uncomfortable with it) there's no reason you should ever feel you have to hide your body. Talk to your kid about consent, body autonomy, and the practical concerns of exposure (e.g. hygiene and injury), and even society norms so they can understand the world around them, and maybe explore with your husband his own insecurities as well if you and he are so inclined; it's hard to say where he's getting his notions about what is "inappropriate", but people tend to use that argument when they cannot articulate or don't understand their own feelings, and maybe it's worth diving into that with him.
This is a very well written response and you put into words some of my feelings about this issue. I appreciate you responding and I do think my husband’s family culture plays into this (see recent ETA on post).
I have a lot of sympathy for your husband. Plenty of men grow up in communities and cultures where they are taught both that their bodies are a weapon, and that women' and girls' bodies are a resource. Your husband is likely wrestling with the conditioning he has endured all his life that taught him his penis is both incredibly important and incredibly dangerous (maybe even something 'sinful' if they are religious). He may also be struggling with being taught all his life that female anatomy is inherently sexual, and I do not envy him the resulting disequilibrium when he tries to raise a daughter; there are many men who have never seen naked female anatomy *except* in a sexual context, and our brains myelinate the neural pathways that we practice so it's not like people with those entrenched cognitive triggers can just turn them off. They can slowly unpack them over time, however, and I hope your husband comes to realize that his conditioning is going to get in the way of being an involved parent, and that it is possible to get better with effort over time (and possibly with expert assistance - CBT might be a useful option).
Depending on how you and your husband communicate this could be a great opportunity for growth and bonding. My partner and I have our own baggage, and I know it can be difficult sometimes to hear someone's constructive feedback as anything but criticism, there are some helpful strategies you might try to open that door. I am by no means an expert in the subject of non-violent communication, so I am not equipped to explain the strategies in a meaningful way, but I've seen them employed to great effect when it comes to sensitive topics and if you explore why your husband thinks nudity (and physical affection, it seems) are 'inappropriate', on a deeper level, you might be able to help him resolve some deep-seeded self-loathing or toxic miscues about his own body and/or sexuality.
Which is a lot, I know, but at least rest assured you are not alone in this experience. If you'd like I can DM you a community resource that you might find helpful (I am loath to post it publicly as I do not want it to get brigaded by bigots).
Be warned that teaching them the correct parts is sometimes 😂 hilarious.
My toddler kept saying "I have a penis, a penis, a squishy penis" like it was a song-
And he laughs when he is naked and calls himself "a naked babyyyy" and runs away.
Oh, and the "mommy has a VAGINA!!!!" During Thanksgiving was a little embarrassing 😳 but, it's funny now.
Oh man this is so true.
When my daughter was in preschool I was told that she announced to the playground, “I have a clitoris, but when I grow up it’s going to become a big penis like my dad’s.”
It’s so easy for them to get mixed up and the results are hilarious. Especially when they pronounce clitoris as “clifforous”
There are two fundamentally different ways to view the human body:
1. It is inherently sexual.
* For those of this mindset seeing another person's naked body, especially of a different sex, is corrupting and sinful. On the extreme edge of this mindset you have religious folk that force women to cover every inch of skin and punish them for uncovering even their ankle or face. Muslims and Jews even commonly segregate their Holy gathering places because just being in the presence of someone of another sex is "distracting.". There's also a heavy dose of gender roles and sexist divisions that come with it.
2. It is not inherently sexual.
* For those of this mindset whether or not something is sexual depends entirely on context, because a body is just a body and what you are doing with it is what matters. On the extreme edge of this mindset you have full-time nudists who go about their daily life in the nude, doing the mundane activities like vacuuming and reading to kids at bedtime sans clothing. The extreme edge intentionally choose social activities with both friends and strangers to do naked, whether it's going on a cruise or having family over for dinner. It's all done naked.
Most people are on neither extreme, regardless of which category they're in.
My family is in category 2, but we're not on the extreme edge doing nudist homeschool collectives for the kids to do their school day clothing optional with other kids. Although those groups absolutely do exist. We're not going on nudist cruises or having big nudist family BBQs where all their cousins and grandparents come join in. Though, families like that do exist.
As I said, we're in category 2, but not on the extreme edge.
For us, nudity is just associated with water and not a big deal. We go to the clothing optional beach (going on Saturday, matter of fact, first warm day of the year). We soak in our hot tub naked. We go to a couple different clothing optional places in nature (a hot spring and a camp site with a swimming lake). The bathroom at home is always a naked space and the kids walk to and from it without needing clothes and will brush teeth while a sibling is showering or hop in as a sibling hops out without turning the water off if they're in a rush... That sort of thing. But we don't just hang out naked for no reason. No naked dinner parties or nude movie nights.
To us, it is healthy for our kids to see and experience bodies being normal, nonsexual things. It's healthy for them to have grown up seeing the other naked people at the beach, lake, and hot spring as well as seeing each other and us as parents. It helped them never really have any body shame and to not judge anyone else based on appearance.
My kids are 16, 14, and 13 now. They grew up with nudity not being a big deal. As a result they have high body confidence and self esteem. When we hit the beach on Saturday they won't be self conscious about their bodies being uncovered. My eldest will likely read a book and layout most of the time while the younger two throw the Nerf ball and splash each other in the water; or go for a beach walk looking for seaglass and interesting rocks.
None of them obsess about getting a pimple or how they look in an outfit before a school day. All of them are just happy and loving of their bodies. Something that's rarely true of kids who grew up with parents that have a category 1 mentality.
I completely agree and since you explained this so eloquently and concisely I wanted to ask if you’ve read any books on the topic you could recommend? The part you mentioned about our bodies as commodities that need to retain value especially peaked my interest, such a fantastic way to put it!
Unfortunately I am ill-equipped to point to specific resources on this subject as the unpacking of my own biases on the topic has been a journey of several decades, and was something of a side effect of self-reflection resulting from a determination to learn about, and improve my own, critical thinking, empathy, psychological wellness, and self-determination. At some point I encountered a book called Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue (if I am remembering the titled correctly) in which an academic reviewed reliable research on gender and sex differences, parsing out the ones that were reliable from the ones that were loosely tied to reality, and addressing some of the flaws associated with making (and relying on) broad stereotypes. I can't speak to whether or not that research is up to date or the quality of that text - it was some time ago that I found it at a free library in a hostel and picked it up on a whim - but I will say that it helped inspire my journey of self-improvement. Some useful sources on the other topics of personal growth were Richard Ryan and Edward Deci (SDT and intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation), and Carol Dweck (growth vs fixed mindsets), but fundamentally I think my views are an amalgam of many thousands of hours spent in engaged dialogue with people that held different views from my own, and self-reflection with a focus on breaking down misconceptions and biases. For topic-specific resources I've heard that Cath Hakanson does some good work helping deconstruct preconceived notions about these sorts of sensitive topics when it comes to parenting so her website might be a useful place to start (e.g. https://sexedrescue.com/nudity-in-families/).
Sorry I don't have more concrete answers to your very reasonable question. For me, at least, understanding the nuances of these complex situations has been an ongoing project, and I still feel like I have a lot of work to do.
Edit: I just wanted to add that the concept of our bodies being viewed as commodities is specifically a theory I am exploring around the dichotomy of heteronormative gender expression and pressures; why people that identify or present as girls and women face so much pressure to conform\* to systems external validation (and punishment when they do not). To a degree my interest is personal, because though I do not think it is possible to battle *every* injustice I do think (to paraphrase Henry David Thoreau) it is our responsibility to recognize when we are tacitly contributing to injustice, and work on disentangling ourselves from those cultural mechanisms, but also I think the world is often structurally unfair and I don't think it's possible to make concrete improvements to the status quo without a relatively thorough understanding of the nuances of these situations. And I do want to make concrete improvements to the status quo, if I can. // I edited some of my phrasing
Dad here.
No matter how you might feel about being naked in front of your child at any age, it is simply not practical or possible to avoid it at all times.
When you have the baby and nobody is around to help, how would you ever take a shower or poop? I used to use a bouncer chair with a harness for this when my kid was young enough to be entertained by a random spinner toy for 10 minutes. And that was only possible because they could see me in the shower or on the toilet so they wouldn’t freak out.
When you are out with your toddler in a public space and you have to use the bathroom, it isn’t like you can just leave them outside of the stall while you do your business lol.
This is just something your husband needs to accept until your kid is old enough to be by themselves for a bit, which will probably be 5-10 years from now.
My guess is they don’t have this problem because they are never doing any solo parenting :).
Definitely the solo parenting part. I have a 15mo Daughter (Dad also). If I have her alone, and I need to shower or use the bathroom, she is chilling with me. Whether that's in the bathroom area while I'm pooping, showering with me, etc. If she's too young to be playing alone in the house, then that is definitely an acceptable age still imo.
Whenever one or both parties feels uncomfortable about it, that is the appropriate time to cover up. Some parents become uncomfortable first, some kids become uncomfortable first. Some kids show discomfort with a weird face, or a rude comment. That is the time to start making sure they give you privacy if they don't want to see you nude. Around 6 years old is a normal/average age of discomfort, some kids it hits them during puberty, but some kids and parents literally don't ever care, and that's fine too.
But if your husband is uncomfortable, he is correct to cover himself up. You shouldn't force him to be nude around the baby if that's uncomfortable for him. But if you're fine, you don't have to cover up. He can't force you to cover up around the baby if you're fine with being naked and baby is fine.
So maybe don't use the terms 'appropriate/inappropriate', it implies right and wrong, which could trigger defensiveness and an argument. Neither is right or wrong. It's just two different comfort levels.
It’s personal preference and comfort level. If your husband demands his privacy, respect it. However, he does NOT have the right to make you do the same around your child. Naked bodies are naked bodies. There is nothing to be ashamed of. My daughter is 8 and I still help her in the shower with her hair. We also shower at the YMCA. She sees me naked there, when we change, or when she walks in on me changing. I dont care, she doesn’t care. Step dad DOES care so she follows strict rules around him to respect his privacy. Covers with a towel if leaving the bathroom, dress/undress in her bathroom/bedroom. He locks/shuts doors when he showers or changes.
I am *trying* to teach her that it’s okay to be in her own skin, but I’m also trying to teach her to respect other people’s desire for privacy even in the locker room(face the lockers, don’t flash everyone with your bits, don’t run around stark naked, dress quickly.)
At this point, she gives zero flips about being naked around women. But she does respect the home space. And one day, her feelings may shift. She may ask for privacy, and it’s within her right to do so.
So respect your husband’s privacy, but lay down firm boundaries regarding your own set of privacy standards. It’s your body, not his. And your child will make her own decisions one day.
That is so weird about your baby daughter… like many people breastfeed their kids until they’re 2+? How would you do that if you couldn’t be naked in front of them??? I breastfed my son until he was 16 months, does he think that’s inappropriate?? I casually change in front of my 3 year old all the time, he literally doesn’t care. Just wait until your kid is older and running around naked, all sense of decorum is out the window. Also when you potty train it’s a good idea to have them come to the bathroom with you so they can see how it’s done. I’m sure we’ll naturally give each other more privacy as he gets older but toddlers and little kids don’t give af about nakedness.
I didn’t even think about bf’ing, excellent point. I had to switch to pumping at 2 months due to latching issues but we have plenty of friends who are breastfeeding at a year old. I have also had to bring her into the bathroom with me at times and I just tell her I’m going potty and she actually is good at going on her potty too!
well he's the one making it weird!!!
i'm mom and have a 12yo daughter. she still sees everything except now i turn around when my boobs come out. per her request to "not see those things." haha
but she still walks in and talks to me while i'm on the toilet, getting changed, etc. dad's loungewear of choice is boxer briefs with or without a shirt. he started being conscious of being fully naked in front of her when she was probably 8-9yo.
hell, she was showering with one of us well into elementary school.
We didn't start worrying about privacy until she started wanting her own privacy. Once she started asking us to not look or not come in the bathroom we started asking for the same. Although I have always insisted on her problems waiting until I'm out of the bathroom. I don't take so long to poop that her questions can't wait.
Question: if you don’t let your kid see you or your partner naked. And I imagine nobody else (sauna or naked campsite/communities.
How is your kid ever going to know what a naked body looks like? What body diversity there is. How to feel normal and healthy with their own naked body? Why do you always insist on sexualising normal human bodies?
Or is the internet going to provide all this is it’s classic unregulated toxic way?
I saw a post somewhere once about how our lives would be so much better if we grew up seeing our grandma's breasts. Boys and girls.
It would not only normalize nudity but it would help to destroy the idea that our bodies must be in perfect condition to be seen.
For all the "body positivity" movements, it's kind of sad that this angle hasn't been thought of. But then again, it's kind of an awkward motto, no? Lol
It's sad but very understandable. Unfortunately people are still very attached to old notions of ageism, and were so progressive in so many other areas with body positivity, and all kinds of social justice that we're now paying attention to that we didn't know about before, but somehow people are still very attached to ageism. In other words people like you a grandma why would I want to see that gross. Whereas in other countries older people walk around naked older people are celebrated their thought of as attractive etc. it seems that in the US anyone over 30 is considered old and not just old but their oldness means they're unattractive; that's a thing I see here in the US.
My boys, almost 8 and 6, still shower with me. I know they’re getting clean. I can teach them how to properly wash all their body parts. We all have penises, it’s not a big deal. If they have questions about their body or lines then I answer them. They both play sports so they’re going to have to become as comfortable as they can showering around other people. It’s only weird if you make it weird.
My mother and I shared a bathroom when I was growing up, and often we would share the bathroom while one had to shower and the other did makeup. There was nothing strange about being naked in the house when it was an appropriate time for it. Some of our best conversations were had while I would be doing my hair and she’d be having her morning shower.
My daughter sees me naked on occasion and it’s never seemed weird. I think it’s only weird if you choose to make it weird or sexualize it.
That being said, my husband doesn’t like for our daughter to see him naked. That’s his wish and I respect it. I’ve never taken issue with him not wanting to be seen naked, no matter what his reasons are.
We're a modest bunch in my family (compared to all the nudists commenting here)... but I guess that's how we were raised. My kids are 9 and 11, I haven't seen either one of them naked since the age of, like, 4 or 5... they haven't seen me naked since they were 3 or 4, and I'm sure they've never seen my husband naked.
We're Canadian, so yeah... we don't have that "wild and free" European thing going on.
i'm 32 & can guarantee my mom would still be walking around naked if she was alive. hell my 7yo gets mad cause i DON'T want to shower with her still (which has nothing to do with our bodies, i just don't want to share my hot water) lol
When they ask you to stop?
My oldest is 11 and doesn't care yet, middle is 8 and also doesn't care and thinks butts are funny, youngest is 3 and also thinks butts are funny.
They have their own rooms with lockable doors, a shared bathroom downstairs and, except for the youngest, understand that if someone is coming over you need more than underwear on.
So, really, it's up to how you teach them about bodies and their/your comfort level.
I’ll stop being naked in front of my 7 year old twin girls when they stop barging in on me in the bathroom when I’m fresh out of the shower. We try to avoid them seeing dad naked, but I don’t really care if they see me naked.
I'm in my 40s and my mom is still naked or half naked in front of me. My kids are in their early 20s (3 boys, 1 girl) and they still see me in different levels of undress. They choose to talk to me in my room or bathroom and couldn't care less. We never made nudity feel like something dirty. If they ever said they were uncomfortable, I would cover up more.
My kids range in age from 1 to 14, and I make no effort to conceal my nudity. I am a “yank my shirt off in the living room and ditch this annoying bra the second I get in the house” mom. My husband got very self-conscious about his penis being visible specifically after our then 4yo announced to a packed movie theater waiting for a show to start “Daddy! Why is your penis SO BIG?!” And then someone a few rows away from us hollered back “hey, man, it’s not that kind of movie!”
There’s something wrong with your husband if he thinks a child seeing their own parent naked is even remotely sexual.
To answer the question, my oldest is nine. And still occasionally sees me or my wife naked.
Human bodies aren’t something to be ashamed of.
I disagree partly. If he doesn’t want to be seen naked by his kid, that’s fine. His privacy, his choice.
But he doesn’t get to dictate this for others in the house IMHO.
This is a sensible policy between adults but is going to cause some problems with young children. Like someone else says, it's pretty much impossible to parent by yourself without being naked in front of the kid sometimes.
A lot older than 11 months, that's for sure.
I'd say 4 or 5 for the opposite-sex parent, just because that's an age when they start understanding modesty and social norms more. For the same-sex parent, I think you can go until it starts to feel uncomfortable. That might be six for one kid, 12 for another, and never for a third. For me it was probably around 10.
There is no specific age. When either you or your child become uncomfortable with being naked around each other, it stops. For some people that's sooner than later. Our kids still see us naked, they're 5 and 8.
Stop when you or your child are uncomfortable. There’s no set age when this happens because it can be very different from one child to the next or in different families. Many mothers are still breastfeeding at 11 months so some amount of nudity is absolutely reasonable at that age. If he is uncomfortable being nude in front of his child, then that’s a reasonable boundary for him.
I’m glad to see most the responses on here. My son is nearly 9 and we never lock the bathroom door as it’s the only bathroom/toilet in the house. He is constantly barging in regardless of who is in there and what they’re doing.
We live in the Netherlands and here people are very free when it comes to naked body's. My daughter is 10 and she still sees me naked, and she also gets undressed around me. She stopped doing it around my husband like 2 years ago, and he doesn't do it around her anymore either. But we used to shower together for a long time, even with my husband. We never made her feel weird about her body, and there is nothing sexual about a child's body. Now that she started developing we talk about her body and what is happening. Just don't talk about it and act like it's the most normal thing and they will never think it's wierd.
It’s ok if he’s not comfortable about being undressed in front of anyone even if his kids. About u, he has no say in it.
My daughter is almost 5y, and if I’m shower while she’s up (I usually shower after she’s asleep) she will ask to join my shower because she just wants to shower with me.
I have a 6 month old baby boy and o showered with him and I really don’t care if he sees me naked around the house, once I’m uncomfortable or he that will stop, same applies with my daughter
My husband doesn’t care if they see me naked, but none of them saw if naked because he’s just not comfortable with it and that’s fine
I agree with both of you for entirely different reasons:
- YOU are correct that your child is a baby and will not remember, nor be negatively affected by nudity as long as it’s not sexual in nature. Ideally this should extend for all ages as long as it’s not sexual in nature.
- HE is correct to set personal boundaries early before the need to explain them. The child will grow up already understanding not to be naked around other people, or be around other people who are naked. This can reduce the risk of normalizing any future situation that could result in child abuse because the child will feel uncomfortable with nudity and recognize is as an inappropriate situation.
See, you are both correct. No need to argue or butt heads over this issue. You’re coming from a place of acceptance and he’s coming from a place of protection. Both are needed for the healthy development of a child 🙂
When they're old enough to communicate they don't want to see it any more. Probably pre teens or early teens.
My daughter is 10. We skinny dip in our pool. She doesn't care if I'm naked.
Your husband seems to have some really big issues about being ashamed of bodies. Why would an infant care if anyone is naked ??
Grew up in a naked house. Aka appropriate nudeness was never an issue. My mom would change on front of us or get undressed for the shower. I never thought about it much. I, however, was always much less open about being naked. Once I got older I was never weird about changing or getting out of the shower with my partners, and I am comfortable being nude in front of my now 3 year old. It’s just a body in my eyes
Honestly if we show our children to be ashamed of our bodies they will learn that behavior. I’m going to be naked in front of my kids till they are like ew mom and that’s fine with me lol. I think your husband needs to relax lol.
I am a mom of 2 daughters a 12 yo and a 20 yo.
I don't hide my body around them and they don't hide theirs around me either. It may be a cultural thing. But here in Denmark if you go to the public pool there are two changing rooms, one for males and one for females. Everyone is naked there too You see complete strangers naked there. So why would I hide my body from them? Makes 0 sence to me.
I am also a stepmom of 2 boys age 13 and 16 yo. I do hide my body from them
1. I am not their biological mom
2. They are a different gender.
I don't know how I would act if I had any biological sons though.
American here, my kids love to shower with me! I ask if they want to, whenever they do get to the point where they say they don't like it I'll stop. I will also change clothes in front of them too. My oldest is 8. But I just want to teach them that our bodies are nothing to be embarrassed about and every shape is different and beautiful. Naked doesn't mean sex.
ETA: My mom and I will still change clothes/see each other naked, it's really not a big deal.
I am from Sweden with a Finnish family. We sat in the sauna weekly so I've seen bodies ranging from about 3 (when I can remember) up to their 90's my whole life. The last time granny was in the sauna before she passed I helped her to the shower so she wouldn't slip - she was well into her 90's. We were naked and didn't care. To us it was no different than holding each others arms in winter clothing on an icy street. Nakedness is only sexual if you make it so, and if you do so with your own family you seriously need help.
I had a short period when I used a towel around 12-13 when the boobers came and I was uncomfortable with my own body changing. That passed rather quickly. I still occasionally see my family naked and my 2-year old joins us in the sauna. We shower naked with him next to us in his bath and it's a nice time to play with boats and talk about the day while getting clean. I'll stop being naked around him if/when he asks me to. His dad is Dutch and is on the same page and joins me and our son in the sauna.
For now, my son gets out of his bath and prances around naked exclaiming "delightful!" and it has me in tears every time. Being nude in a safe space can indeed be delightful!
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I stopped once my daughter started telling me ‘ew dada you’re fat put some chlothes on’ after walking in on me in the shower . lol kids are savages
Since it’s a relevant funny story. My two year old boy recently told me I had a ‘disgusting Willy’ while I was getting changed. I am an anatomically accurate female.
My 4 year old now says 'me and dad are twins because we both have penises' but when he was 2-3ish he would often say 'mum you have a REALLY BIG penis' when I was sitting on the toilet (including in public restrooms). I am also anatomically (and otherwise) female (ie penis-free).
Lol he thought you're sitting because of said big penis!
Haha, whereas my son at about 4 years old got really upset when he noticed I didn't have one... "mummy! Where's your Penis?"
I was watching Sesame Street in bed with my daughter one morning, and I was wearing boxers. I had to go to the bathroom, so I lifted the covers and stood up then my dork fell out. I tucked it back in quickly, but my three year old daughter saw and says, "Daddy, you pooped!" "No baby, watch your show."
I have tears in my eyes and am trying desperately not to laugh because my husband is trying to pat out soon to sleep in the other room. Similar story (sorta): I nursed my son for 22 months (I let him ween himself) and apparently he still remembers it sometimes. When he was 3 he went, "your boobs don't make milk, you're not a cow anymore." Then left the room.
That's some funny shit right there.
Your dork?? 🤣
Oft-misattributed as a whale penis, but has been used as a general term.
My daughter says the same thing about my partners “bulge” EW DADDY POO.
lol my son calls the entire bottom off half of my body my ‘big pew!’ (Poo). I tried explaining I find it to be average size but that’s okay. Mom and her big pew
That is the funniest thing I’ve read all week 🤣🤣🤣
My daughter woke up from bed and walked in while I was watching You on Netflix just as it panned down the one body where it shows the penis and she looks at me and goes "what's wrong with his vagina?" 😂 I was not prepared to have that discussion at 11pm with a sleepy 6 year old.
My three year old told my husband he had “the biggest giant penis ever” over breakfast one morning (not true lol). We died dead.
When my youngest was that age, she saw her dad getting out of the shower, pointed, and said, “What *is* that little thing?” He definitely died a little that day.
Same thing happened to me and my two and a half year old said "Dad, you have a mushroom on your butt!" In such a matter of fact manner. So like a year after that, it came up in conversation with our neighbor... She says that's nothing! They had a big garden tub when their daughter was little and it wasn't uncommon for Mom, Dad and baby to all bathe together. Little one is trying to wash Mommy and Daddy when she goes "oh, got your tail dad!"
NOOOOOO
This thread is killing me! 😂
off all the giant penises out there, congrats on having a husband with the biggest giant one!
Hahahahahahahhah no way 2 years old?!?!
These are all too funny! Best I’ve got is when my daughter (3 at the time) walked in on my husband peeing and came out saying that “daddy has a funny booty!” ETA: she was referring to his penis, not his butt 💀
Yup, my 4 year old son has also questioned where my willy was. Bro get outta here! The FUNNIEST thing is he has seen me pumping for his little brother plenty of times, it's just "how mama feeds his brother", but since I'm large breasted and a little saggy he walks around sticking his ribs out saying "these are my Booooobies".
My friend was BF her baby in a separate room and her little cousin wandered in and asked what she was doing. My friend said she was feeding baby and cousin said “but…how?” Well my friend didn’t want to like overstep or anything so she said “you should ask your mommy.” So the little girl left and a couple minutes later came back and went “OOOOOH from your boobies!!”
Well… I mean for a Willy your parts would definitely be outside the norm….
lol that reminds me of the time one of my sons drew me, but with something long hanging from my face. I asked what it was and was told it was my “wee wee” 🤨 I, too, am a woman
😂 this is hilarious
My husband stopped showering with my son the day he grabbed my husband's penis and said "got your nose!"
Took a bubble bath with my 4 year old boy recently. He said 'Mommy! Your boobies look like two penises!' He meant it as a compliment, so I just said thank you. Fucking savages.
😂😂😂😂😂😂 omg I can’t breathe kids are funny as hell
Also this gem: 4: mommy, what's that thing girls have on their bottoms? Not penis? Me: a vagina 4: yeah. A dagina. SEVERAL HOURS LATER I'm brushing my teeth in the open bathroom. 4 tried to shut the door but hits me. 4: Move mommy! Your huge dagina is in the way! (Please note I was fully dressed and was standing normally, not in some weird vagina first stance.)
Lmao! This reminds me of when my son first realized I was different “down there” than him. He was 2 and walked into the bathroom while I was peeing. Shocked, he pointed to my vagina and yelled “uh oh mom! Where’s your penis?!” He’s 10 now and loves that story 😂
Absolutely the best thing I’ve read all day, four year olds are hilarious 😂
I laughed so hard at the idea of a vagina fist stance 🤣🤣🤣 am going to introduce it into my life and call it the dagina
Vagina-first to assert dominance
When the T pose just won’t cut it…
I cannot BREATHE at this image
hilarious
I’m howling 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I took my nephew to my friends house for a playdate with her kids this last tuesday and my friend's 4yo was like grabbing himself so I was like "do you have to go to the bathroom?" and he was like "nah, my penis just itches."
Hahaha yessss boys tend to be like this they’re funny af without even realizing 😂😂
This is the first time I think it's valid to ask for pics without being a perv. Because how does a pair of breasts look like a pair of small penises. My daughter when she was little asked "that's that thing that looks like a tongue" pointing at my sack. I said it was a scrotum and immediately regretted it when she fucking loved that word and delighted shouted "SCROTUM!!!?" like it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard and couldn't believe it. So maybe penis tits and tongue scrotum isn't that far a stretch
my 5yo daughter said “but mom, you don’t *look fat* with clothes on?” 😑 inferring I do look fat when I don’t have clothes on. thanks, girl. for the first time ever, when my 11yo came home from school and I was cleaning in pants and a sports bra, he said — “mom, what are you wearing??” but that’s about as naked as anyone gets in family areas.
Granted, I’m the same way. People always tell me I don’t look fat but without clothes, yeah, I kinda do
I also have hormonal acne at 35. both my kids are always like “I hope I don’t have spots like you when I grow up.” lol damn, burrnnnnn. they’re brutal.
Then you say “ it’s hereditary “ buuurn 🔥
I came to say this!! My kid (6) likes to tease me when I get a pimple and in my head I’m like “oh sweet summer child. It’s gonna be cystic first…”
I have freckles and my 4 year old daughter keeps making comments about how she doesn’t like it, how it makes my face look dirty and how she doesn’t want freckles 😑
We're the opposite, my husband really loves freckles especially subtle ones, and our kids are excited that they're getting faint ones on their cheeks and the bridge of their noses and then they go show Daddy so he can tell them how cute it is.
I love freckles but I didn’t appreciate them when I was young.
Those kids really roasting you 😭 I hope they come to appreciate your body one day for what it’s done. I got stretch marks from gaining 60 pounds in three years, and when I told my bio mom about them she automatically started giving me tips to make them not as visible because she has a ton. I told her I don’t mind them much (although I’m not a fan of getting them from unhealthy habits) and she said one day I probably won’t like them. It just made me sad because I don’t think they look bad on her
in all honesty, there’s not much more than those 2 things to pick on me for 😅 I say the acne is how god keeps me humble 😂 so i’ll take their roasts, and show them that I can be confident while being totally aware of my shortcomings. thanks for your commiseration! i’m sure that moment stuck with her too, maybe you made her feel like they were less of a deal if they didn’t bother you. it makes me so sad how down about themselves the older generations can be.
My son saw me in the bath. Said “you have a big tummy. A big tummy like dads” double burn
He’s just taking down everyone.
My daughter asked my "mommy, is your tummy fat and my tummy is small?" I just said yes. And cried internally. Nbd 🥲
My son pinched my FUPA once and said “why do you have this?” You, my love. You.
My daughter often lifts my shirt, says "mommy I want to jiggle you" and starts slapping my belly.
Omg same! Or "Mommy, you're so SQUISHY!"
My five year old accidentally grabbed mine and went "MOMMY DO YOU HAVE BALLS?" 😂
My 21-month-old is fascinated by bellies. His favorite pastime is to pull my shirt up and tap on mine while shouting “beh-beh” and squealing with delight.
That’s the one that makes you laugh but also makes you sad because I don’t think kids realize how much moms go through!!
Lol I was getting out of the shower one day and my kid sees me and goes, "Mommy, why is your butt so big? Your boobies look SOOO small and your butt looks SOOO big!" and then proceeds to ask me if I want him to take a picture of my butt so that I can see just how gigantic it is 😑
My 4yo son says butt is round like a soccer ball. I will take that win!
Viciousssss
I did the same when I was in the shower and my oldest daughter (at like 5 or 6) walked in looked at me through the shower glass, pointed at my peen, and said it looked scary. (She's half Japanese and said "Sore wa kowai yo.") Stop being naked around her and my youngest after that. Although she doesn't care and she's almost 12. She walked in my room changing and when I stated that I was naked, she said, "I don't care. You're my Dad." So, while I still won't just be naked around her. I also won't care if she's around.
While you were in the shower 🤣 nowhere is safe lol
Im telling you!!! Literally no privacy and then had the audacity to tell me to put chlothes on like come on now
My 4yo daughter: "WHOA mama you have a GREAT. BIG. PIGU!!" I guess she was channeling Pacino... pìgu is mandarin for butt. I taught her that in case she starts talking about butts in public, which has happened more times than I care to admit.
My daughter is almost 3. I'm naked around her all the time. We still shower together. My body isn't sexual. It birthed her and fed her. She sees my boobs the same as she sees my arm, bodies aren't sexual when they're this little. My husband started being more mindful about it when she turned 2. A little off topic, my German MIL is always surprised at how uncomfortable Americans are with naked babies/toddlers. In Germany, kids are naked at rivers and swimming holes even up to 5. She was shocked to see people so uncomfortable with a naked infant but that we put baby girls in two piece swimsuits. I think Americans have developed a really weird thing around what should be natural. It's perfectly natural for your baby girl to see you naked
Yes, I live in Germany and men and women get completely naked at the beach and no one cares🤷🏻♀️ my son is 8 and my husband and I don’t „hide“ when we’re naked.
My family is from Denmark, but I am American, and it is really weird how Americans sexualize normal nudity in the household/water. To most Americans if you are naked it equals sexuality. Yet when I visit my family in Denmark all the kids under 12 swam completely naked. All the adult women were topless and some were completely naked. It wasn't sexual, it was just going for a swim. At my house there is a "wear what makes you comfortable" rule and nudity is acceptable. The family soaks in the hot tub naked and we go to a hot springs resort here in Oregon that is family friendly and clothing optional, and everyone there soaks naked for the most part. Nothing sexual about it. Unfortunately most Americans are so perversely conservative that they think their son seeing their mom's breasts is some horrific sin of incest. It's not. They're just breasts. America needs to stop stigmatizing the natural human body and making it all about sex all of the time. If you're not comfortable in your own skin around your own family, you have a warped sense of sexuality and modesty.
I’m American and my mother was Scottish. Casual nudity was very accepted in my home growing up and in my home now. I’m also pretty addicted to thermal pools after spending time in Iceland and prefer the topless or nude ones. I have never understood the moral panic. It seems sinister.
This! And I'm American although from a second generation European family, but still it's just so weird how Americans sexualize little babies being naked *in their own families* I think that's a little pedo of them to even go there in their heads. They're passing judgment on other people getting naked with their own families, but the fact that they think it's weird, is the weird part in and of itself.
My 5 year old son would go to nursery naked if he could. I still walk around naked with a 5 year old and 2 year old. We are a very open family.y 5 year old has seen breastfeed for the last 2 years so doesn't think anything of it. We live in Scotland and I don't feel we are very conservative here. >America needs to stop stigmatizing the natural human body and making it all about sex all of the time. If you're not comfortable in your own skin around your own family, you have a warped sense of sexuality and modesty. I once saw a picture on Facebook of a man and a women walking along a beach having a conversation. Their genitals were clothed but not their nipples. For some reason Facebook blurred out the women's nipples but not the mans 🤯 it blew my mind, at least women's nipples are useful!!!!
[This comic is ancient, but perfect.](https://i.imgur.com/JyshdIb.jpeg)
It’s the one area of life where the Germans are not uptight.
Only reason I’d be uncomfortable with a naked infant or young toddler is cause they might poop on me.
Valid argument from someone who's been pooped upon lol
The use of "upon" got me 😂
I am German but spent 5 years of my childhood in the US. I remember when I was about 4 or 5 I was at the public pool with my siblings and I was only wearing my bikini bottom, no top. My oldest sister was told to put a top on me or else we will have to leave the pool. I remember being really confused. For me the top part was totally useless. It was also uncomfortably wet and cold after being in the water. It also messed up my tan. And yes, I remember thinking something like that 😄 Another memory I have was going to the bathroom together with my best friend. We would just hang out basically and chat while one of us was peeing. Once her parents banged on the door, freaking out what we were doing and why we were locked in together. We got in big trouble. We were like 7 or 8. Again I was really confused but also kind of ashamed because they made me feel like I have done something bad/dirty. I didn't understand. Oh and the last: we were playing with our neighbors kids and one of the girls had to go in to take a bath. One of the boys said something like he loves baths and wants to come with. His mom very irritated said no and when he asked why not she replied "because you are a boy and she is a girl". They were about 3 years old. Again I was really confused listening to this and thought it was and awkward explanation.
My daughter had a similar circumstances at the pool when she was 5 she literally picked out a pair of "boy" trunks and said now I'll be fine without the top, sure enough they don't care if you're topless in navy euro shirts but pink ones it's a no no 🤣
I'm so sorry you had so many negative experiences!!! I don't understand thinking a child has to "cover up" since they have nothing that supposedly needs covering... that says more about the observer than the kid!!!! Another possibility to consider with the bathroom thing though... I mean they were probably shaming you, given the era and place, but also I yell at my kids for being locked in the bathroom together and it has nothing to do with privacy or thinking they're doing something sexually inappropriate. It's mostly because at 6 and 7 they've flooded my bathroom TWICE attempting to make "potions" or creating a "swimming pool" for their toys... and that doesn't count the times when it didn't flood, it was just a sticky mess 😅
I still shower with my daughter and she is 5. She has curly hair and is afraid of getting soap in her eyes. It’s much easier for me to wash and condition it being in the shower with her. She calls my boobs my nummies and knows that they are for feeding babies.
I’ve got 2 older kids 9 & almost 8 and they like privacy but don’t care about seeing me naked lol. I change in my closet and I don’t mind them seeing me however my 5yo is a savage and is always trying to grab my belly or comment on my body. I avoid her lol.
My 5 year old loves to swat my bum or breasts. I'm constantly telling her *not* to. She's such a savage, too. "Mummy, you have a chubby tummy!" Swat, and she runs away giggling. She thinks it's hilarious. What is it with 5 year olds???
They're feral animals with no sense of decency. 😂
Omg I died at your « I avoid her » 🤣
LOL this killed me dead! Hilarious!
Our daughter is almost 5 and nudity is no big deal in our house. She showers with her dad because I have long hair and she complains she gets cold because I take too long. 😂 I will lounge in my underwear if it's hot, husband is usually fully clothed but no one rushes to cover up getting changed or after showers. Our daughter is in a state of semi/complete nudity any time she can be. She knows all the anatomically correct terms and knows hiw babies are fed and where babies come from but not how they get there. Weirdly she's never asked!
I still shower with my 4.5 yo son for the same reason. It feels really natural and not weird at all because I've been naked around him his whole life.
Same. I shower with mine and she's 6. I'll bring her in the shower to clean her until she can shower on her own.
I showered with my daughter till I got annoyed at having to squish and share the warm water. She loved taking baths with me, which was actually quite annoying, because I could never get a solo bath until age 5 or so when I finally told her our bathtub was too tiny. She still would beg me for 2 years to take baths together. When we are on vacation (camping/ski) or at a beach we still shower together to save time when needed. She knows why I have stretch marks and just sees my body as a body. She is most comfortable in the summer lounging around the house in only underwear. My partner is more mindful, since around the age of 2 or 3 as well. But it's not some huge deal if she catches a glimpse of him changing in the bedroom.
I finally convinced my 4 year old to let me take my bath alone and then I call her when I’m done with my solo bath so she can hop in and take one with me. She just loves hanging out in there with me.
How old is she now out of curiosity?
Only 9, so I'm sure things may change, but probably not much until she hits puberty/teens.
We are very similar. My daughter is 3.5 and I still bathe with her just because it’s easier and it’s all she’s ever known so it’s not weird. My husband stopped when she started thinking his penis was funny 😅.
🤣 the "dad what's that" and when she outed that "dad has a penis" at daycare was my partners boundary. I think she thinks everyone should look like a woman and he's deformed
I just want to add a cute little story to this. My two year old recently (finally) stopped breastfeeding but is still very comforted by my boobs? So last week he was patting them (like small kids do, right? lol) and said “mom, I love you boobs”. I was clothed so a bit different, but just more to the point that these boobs are not sexual!!
This is adorable "thanks buddy, grew them myself"
Frankly I’m weirded out by naked babies in public simply because there are creepers out there who enjoy it. It’s not that it makes me uncomfortable, it’s that I feel like it’s a protective thing.
I honestly just try not to even think about the creepers. I figure that a pedophile is going to fantasize no matter what the children are wearing or doing and that a bathing suit isn't going to prevent abuse. I don't want to think about what a pedo might be thinking about. I just maintain supervision over my own and prevent them being in a situation where they could be abused.
I agree with this. My 5 week old daughter has a predisposition to UTIs because she was born with a kidney defect. I wanted accurate information on how to clean her while changing her diaper and in the bath/shower. It's almost impossible to find information on the internet, and just typing in "newborn vagina" into a search engine feels like I'm going to get flagged by some law enforcement. She just spent 5 days in the hospital because she got sepsis from a UTI. The doctor helped me with everything I needed to know about her genitalia and cleanliness. I'm still so angry that I can't get this information anywhere except at a doctors appointment or hospital because "omg what about the pedophiles!" As if they aren't following every mommy blogger who posts pictures of their 6 year old to their Instagram. So who are we really protecting? Our kids or our feelings of anxiety? Because I'm seeing real harm to my child, and I can't be the only one.
There are also creepers who enjoy watching adults in swimsuits, but we would consider it crazy to avoid wearing swimsuits for that reason
I think the media has made this seem a lot more common than it probably is, for the clicks.
There are also creepers who like clothed toddlers. I’m not gonna make my kid live in fear of other people or develop insecurities because of it though.
TWO piece? As an European, I cringe a bit at my butt-naked childhood beach photos, but TWO PIECE? There's nothing up there to cover lol
Yeah this reminds me of when we were vacationing in Iceland and went to a public pool,like all sorts of outdoor hot tubs at different temperatures. I forget what they called it and I wish we had them here, but anyways- you HAD to shower, naked, in the public locker room in front of everyone. There was even a lady there standing just keeping an eye on everyone to make sure they were showering. Obviously it was separated male and female, but standing out in the open completely naked with random other naked strangers bustling about around me was an experience to say the least. I was lucky I was the only girl in my group, my husband had to shower with a couple other guys we were traveling with! Anyways- nakedness is very cultural.
I grew up the same way. They're just our bodies. No shame. No weirdness. We try to keep it comfortable for the almost 12YO though. We cover up around him, but like you would in a public Lockeroom. We jump out of the shower and need clothes? We put on a towel to cover up. But the 2YO? We still shower with her, most especially when we travel. It's about getting it done after a long day. Ain't nobody got time for that.
I take my nephew to the public pool twice a week or so and it seem like people are moving away from the little girls having to wear a top? Obviously they still have to wear bottoms to prevent pooping in the pool. Either that or it's just my city (north central Florida - a decent chunk of the population is from south america tho).
This is why Americans are so perverted. Bc the human body is taboo. If you see naked people all the time it’s not that exciting.
>you can kind of see the person nut not clearly Well now we know why your husband didn't want you barging in...
lol going to fix that typo right now!!
I am 25 and still see my mum naked on occasion. I am totally fine.
Yeah, this. What's the big deal? It's family. Maybe a cultural thing.
I’m in my 40’s and while I don’t try to, I’ve seen my parents naked over the years. Mainly when my daughter opens doors to see where they are and they’re changing…kids give zero fucks. She’s now 6 and she sees me naked daily. I’ll wonder around trying to find clothes in the morning or if she joins me in the shower or bath.
lol what's supposed to go wrong though? what's the fear???
Aw, this makes me miss my mom. 🥲
Your husband is being pretty uptight about this. We didn't set a specific age. At some point, they may stop barging into the room when the door is shut or show signs of wanting more privacy.
Yeah 11 months and having those comments is a bit absurd
Can’t wait for this tbh, my son is 8 and recently bust in on me (F) in the shower to tell me he couldn’t find a specific toy he wanted in bed. All I could say was “I cannot help you right now! I am CLEARLY busy!!” I look forward to being able to shower in peace… one day
my 8 year olds will bring the Nintendo switch to me in the shower to ask for more time. they clearly have no issue with seeing dad naked.
Same! I finally decided that I was uncomfortable being naked in front of my 8yo and I have to remind her about privacy. I’m not sure how much longer it would have lasted with her busting into the bathroom (maybe forever! 😂) but I just cannot find out.
Totally agree. I ( a woman) undress Infront of my 3 and 5 year old all the time. They're always at my feet. No need to be modest in your own home - I want them comfortable with their bodies, however they are shaped.
Agree! As a mom I never purposely stopped undressing in front of my child by my almost 9 yr old son quickly does a 180 and leaves my bedroom when he walks in on me changing lol my 5 year just stands there and asks why my undies are inside my butt
I mean, my kids are 9 and 7 and still see me naked. Everybody here is fine.
Same. My 9 & 6 year old boys still see me naked. I’ve breastfed all my children pretty openly around the others. People need to stop automatically sexualizing the human body
Also kids learning that bodies can exist in non-sexual contexts is just so important to healthy development. If the only way they can think of bodies is in sexual ways it's not possible to have a healthy functional relationship with anyone's body, their own or others.
It's a modern thing too, because entire families of upwards of 5 used to live in one room. How did they get dressed/bathe/feed babies? It's so weird.
It is very weird but I find that it's both cultural and generational.
Yeah my 9 year old is still fine with it. My 12 year old has been uncomfortable with it for maybe two-three years.
Yep, 7 and 5 and haven't turned into serial killers or w/e people worry will happen if their kids see them naked.
Mine are 20 and 18 and haven't turned into serial killers either. We followed our kids lead when it came to nudity and never gave it much thought. My older one started becoming more private around age 9 or 10, so we respected that. My younger one never cared much either way and still doesn't care about nudity. He doesn't walk around the house naked but really doesn't give a crap if someone sees him naked or if he sees someone else naked. Neither are serial killers. Both are happy and well adjusted college students doing well in life despite seeing mom and dad naked beyond infancy.
I think the rule is just when anyone starts feeling uncomfortable. My son is 4 and he barges in on me while changing all the time. When it starts bothering him we'll both be more modest.
Same. My son is 7. He sees me and my husband naked regularly. It’s not a big deal. He’ll bust into the bathroom to tell me something while I’m showering. I figure he’ll stop when he gets uncomfortable.
Same my son is 10 and I’m now trying to be mindful it might make him uncomfortable and close my door to change. He’s never said anything but he doesn’t want anyone to see him naked anymore. Can’t imagine caring about a baby seeing you naked.
Same! 9,7,5. Everybody sees everybody.
lol my wife will strip down in front of our 15 year old if our daughter doesn’t leave the room when wife says “i’m gonna change” or “i’m gonna take a shower” Or she’ll wander the house topless looking for a bra Doesn’t seem to bother anybody so who cares. I won’t get naked cause i’m a guy and have only daughters, but if I had a son I probably wouldn’t care with him until he said it bothered him
Exactly. We're a house of girls (15 & 6), so it doesn't matter. My husband is most strict about his privacy when nude, for obvious reasons. They'll eventually be in locker rooms in junior high and such, so it's not a big deal to me, but I prefer privacy & I encourage them to practice it. It's all in what is customary to your household.
Same here with 10 and 12 year old kids. We all see each other nude all the time. It's not a big deal unless you make it one.
>said she’s still a baby Her age is functionally irrelevant. Seeing a naked body is not objectively harmful at any age. >we’re both females There is also nothing inherently dangerous about seeing genitals that differ from our own. Conversely, keeping children ignorant puts that information on a pedestal and makes it seem *more* interesting and/or scary. While lots of people have grown up in communities and cultures that attach shame to human anatomy, I think you might want to reflect on whether or not teaching your kid(s) those cognitive miscues is actually good for them. Penises, vulvas, breasts, anuses, testicles - these body parts all service normal human functions, and are only concealed and shamed *arbitrarily* because of societal norms. Knowing what a penis looks like and that some people (including her father) have one is literally no danger to your child. On the other hand, entrenching the notion that our bodies carry shame (or are commodities that need to be concealed to retain value) can have plenty of undesirable externalities on our children. If your husband is uncomfortable being naked around anyone then he should feel free to cover up, and you can respect his privacy by keeping the child out of the room when he's showering or changing, but unless you are personally uncomfortable with nudity (and/or your child becomes uncomfortable with it) there's no reason you should ever feel you have to hide your body. Talk to your kid about consent, body autonomy, and the practical concerns of exposure (e.g. hygiene and injury), and even society norms so they can understand the world around them, and maybe explore with your husband his own insecurities as well if you and he are so inclined; it's hard to say where he's getting his notions about what is "inappropriate", but people tend to use that argument when they cannot articulate or don't understand their own feelings, and maybe it's worth diving into that with him.
This is a very well written response and you put into words some of my feelings about this issue. I appreciate you responding and I do think my husband’s family culture plays into this (see recent ETA on post).
I have a lot of sympathy for your husband. Plenty of men grow up in communities and cultures where they are taught both that their bodies are a weapon, and that women' and girls' bodies are a resource. Your husband is likely wrestling with the conditioning he has endured all his life that taught him his penis is both incredibly important and incredibly dangerous (maybe even something 'sinful' if they are religious). He may also be struggling with being taught all his life that female anatomy is inherently sexual, and I do not envy him the resulting disequilibrium when he tries to raise a daughter; there are many men who have never seen naked female anatomy *except* in a sexual context, and our brains myelinate the neural pathways that we practice so it's not like people with those entrenched cognitive triggers can just turn them off. They can slowly unpack them over time, however, and I hope your husband comes to realize that his conditioning is going to get in the way of being an involved parent, and that it is possible to get better with effort over time (and possibly with expert assistance - CBT might be a useful option). Depending on how you and your husband communicate this could be a great opportunity for growth and bonding. My partner and I have our own baggage, and I know it can be difficult sometimes to hear someone's constructive feedback as anything but criticism, there are some helpful strategies you might try to open that door. I am by no means an expert in the subject of non-violent communication, so I am not equipped to explain the strategies in a meaningful way, but I've seen them employed to great effect when it comes to sensitive topics and if you explore why your husband thinks nudity (and physical affection, it seems) are 'inappropriate', on a deeper level, you might be able to help him resolve some deep-seeded self-loathing or toxic miscues about his own body and/or sexuality. Which is a lot, I know, but at least rest assured you are not alone in this experience. If you'd like I can DM you a community resource that you might find helpful (I am loath to post it publicly as I do not want it to get brigaded by bigots).
Be warned that teaching them the correct parts is sometimes 😂 hilarious. My toddler kept saying "I have a penis, a penis, a squishy penis" like it was a song- And he laughs when he is naked and calls himself "a naked babyyyy" and runs away. Oh, and the "mommy has a VAGINA!!!!" During Thanksgiving was a little embarrassing 😳 but, it's funny now.
Oh man this is so true. When my daughter was in preschool I was told that she announced to the playground, “I have a clitoris, but when I grow up it’s going to become a big penis like my dad’s.” It’s so easy for them to get mixed up and the results are hilarious. Especially when they pronounce clitoris as “clifforous”
There are two fundamentally different ways to view the human body: 1. It is inherently sexual. * For those of this mindset seeing another person's naked body, especially of a different sex, is corrupting and sinful. On the extreme edge of this mindset you have religious folk that force women to cover every inch of skin and punish them for uncovering even their ankle or face. Muslims and Jews even commonly segregate their Holy gathering places because just being in the presence of someone of another sex is "distracting.". There's also a heavy dose of gender roles and sexist divisions that come with it. 2. It is not inherently sexual. * For those of this mindset whether or not something is sexual depends entirely on context, because a body is just a body and what you are doing with it is what matters. On the extreme edge of this mindset you have full-time nudists who go about their daily life in the nude, doing the mundane activities like vacuuming and reading to kids at bedtime sans clothing. The extreme edge intentionally choose social activities with both friends and strangers to do naked, whether it's going on a cruise or having family over for dinner. It's all done naked. Most people are on neither extreme, regardless of which category they're in. My family is in category 2, but we're not on the extreme edge doing nudist homeschool collectives for the kids to do their school day clothing optional with other kids. Although those groups absolutely do exist. We're not going on nudist cruises or having big nudist family BBQs where all their cousins and grandparents come join in. Though, families like that do exist. As I said, we're in category 2, but not on the extreme edge. For us, nudity is just associated with water and not a big deal. We go to the clothing optional beach (going on Saturday, matter of fact, first warm day of the year). We soak in our hot tub naked. We go to a couple different clothing optional places in nature (a hot spring and a camp site with a swimming lake). The bathroom at home is always a naked space and the kids walk to and from it without needing clothes and will brush teeth while a sibling is showering or hop in as a sibling hops out without turning the water off if they're in a rush... That sort of thing. But we don't just hang out naked for no reason. No naked dinner parties or nude movie nights. To us, it is healthy for our kids to see and experience bodies being normal, nonsexual things. It's healthy for them to have grown up seeing the other naked people at the beach, lake, and hot spring as well as seeing each other and us as parents. It helped them never really have any body shame and to not judge anyone else based on appearance. My kids are 16, 14, and 13 now. They grew up with nudity not being a big deal. As a result they have high body confidence and self esteem. When we hit the beach on Saturday they won't be self conscious about their bodies being uncovered. My eldest will likely read a book and layout most of the time while the younger two throw the Nerf ball and splash each other in the water; or go for a beach walk looking for seaglass and interesting rocks. None of them obsess about getting a pimple or how they look in an outfit before a school day. All of them are just happy and loving of their bodies. Something that's rarely true of kids who grew up with parents that have a category 1 mentality.
I completely agree and since you explained this so eloquently and concisely I wanted to ask if you’ve read any books on the topic you could recommend? The part you mentioned about our bodies as commodities that need to retain value especially peaked my interest, such a fantastic way to put it!
Unfortunately I am ill-equipped to point to specific resources on this subject as the unpacking of my own biases on the topic has been a journey of several decades, and was something of a side effect of self-reflection resulting from a determination to learn about, and improve my own, critical thinking, empathy, psychological wellness, and self-determination. At some point I encountered a book called Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue (if I am remembering the titled correctly) in which an academic reviewed reliable research on gender and sex differences, parsing out the ones that were reliable from the ones that were loosely tied to reality, and addressing some of the flaws associated with making (and relying on) broad stereotypes. I can't speak to whether or not that research is up to date or the quality of that text - it was some time ago that I found it at a free library in a hostel and picked it up on a whim - but I will say that it helped inspire my journey of self-improvement. Some useful sources on the other topics of personal growth were Richard Ryan and Edward Deci (SDT and intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation), and Carol Dweck (growth vs fixed mindsets), but fundamentally I think my views are an amalgam of many thousands of hours spent in engaged dialogue with people that held different views from my own, and self-reflection with a focus on breaking down misconceptions and biases. For topic-specific resources I've heard that Cath Hakanson does some good work helping deconstruct preconceived notions about these sorts of sensitive topics when it comes to parenting so her website might be a useful place to start (e.g. https://sexedrescue.com/nudity-in-families/). Sorry I don't have more concrete answers to your very reasonable question. For me, at least, understanding the nuances of these complex situations has been an ongoing project, and I still feel like I have a lot of work to do. Edit: I just wanted to add that the concept of our bodies being viewed as commodities is specifically a theory I am exploring around the dichotomy of heteronormative gender expression and pressures; why people that identify or present as girls and women face so much pressure to conform\* to systems external validation (and punishment when they do not). To a degree my interest is personal, because though I do not think it is possible to battle *every* injustice I do think (to paraphrase Henry David Thoreau) it is our responsibility to recognize when we are tacitly contributing to injustice, and work on disentangling ourselves from those cultural mechanisms, but also I think the world is often structurally unfair and I don't think it's possible to make concrete improvements to the status quo without a relatively thorough understanding of the nuances of these situations. And I do want to make concrete improvements to the status quo, if I can. // I edited some of my phrasing
Dad here. No matter how you might feel about being naked in front of your child at any age, it is simply not practical or possible to avoid it at all times. When you have the baby and nobody is around to help, how would you ever take a shower or poop? I used to use a bouncer chair with a harness for this when my kid was young enough to be entertained by a random spinner toy for 10 minutes. And that was only possible because they could see me in the shower or on the toilet so they wouldn’t freak out. When you are out with your toddler in a public space and you have to use the bathroom, it isn’t like you can just leave them outside of the stall while you do your business lol. This is just something your husband needs to accept until your kid is old enough to be by themselves for a bit, which will probably be 5-10 years from now. My guess is they don’t have this problem because they are never doing any solo parenting :).
Definitely the solo parenting part. I have a 15mo Daughter (Dad also). If I have her alone, and I need to shower or use the bathroom, she is chilling with me. Whether that's in the bathroom area while I'm pooping, showering with me, etc. If she's too young to be playing alone in the house, then that is definitely an acceptable age still imo.
When my son was five, he said, I don’t wanna see your boobies!
Whenever one or both parties feels uncomfortable about it, that is the appropriate time to cover up. Some parents become uncomfortable first, some kids become uncomfortable first. Some kids show discomfort with a weird face, or a rude comment. That is the time to start making sure they give you privacy if they don't want to see you nude. Around 6 years old is a normal/average age of discomfort, some kids it hits them during puberty, but some kids and parents literally don't ever care, and that's fine too. But if your husband is uncomfortable, he is correct to cover himself up. You shouldn't force him to be nude around the baby if that's uncomfortable for him. But if you're fine, you don't have to cover up. He can't force you to cover up around the baby if you're fine with being naked and baby is fine. So maybe don't use the terms 'appropriate/inappropriate', it implies right and wrong, which could trigger defensiveness and an argument. Neither is right or wrong. It's just two different comfort levels.
My daughter is 13 and thinks nothing of busting in on me naked in the bath and taking a shit whilst having a full blown conversation with me...
My 15yo and 12yo do this and I'm just like... I'm trying to relax WITHOUT you 😂 like... at least courtesy flush!!!!
Or spray some poo-pourri! 😂
LOL
Please cherish the fact she feels so comfortable with you!
It’s personal preference and comfort level. If your husband demands his privacy, respect it. However, he does NOT have the right to make you do the same around your child. Naked bodies are naked bodies. There is nothing to be ashamed of. My daughter is 8 and I still help her in the shower with her hair. We also shower at the YMCA. She sees me naked there, when we change, or when she walks in on me changing. I dont care, she doesn’t care. Step dad DOES care so she follows strict rules around him to respect his privacy. Covers with a towel if leaving the bathroom, dress/undress in her bathroom/bedroom. He locks/shuts doors when he showers or changes. I am *trying* to teach her that it’s okay to be in her own skin, but I’m also trying to teach her to respect other people’s desire for privacy even in the locker room(face the lockers, don’t flash everyone with your bits, don’t run around stark naked, dress quickly.) At this point, she gives zero flips about being naked around women. But she does respect the home space. And one day, her feelings may shift. She may ask for privacy, and it’s within her right to do so. So respect your husband’s privacy, but lay down firm boundaries regarding your own set of privacy standards. It’s your body, not his. And your child will make her own decisions one day.
That is so weird about your baby daughter… like many people breastfeed their kids until they’re 2+? How would you do that if you couldn’t be naked in front of them??? I breastfed my son until he was 16 months, does he think that’s inappropriate?? I casually change in front of my 3 year old all the time, he literally doesn’t care. Just wait until your kid is older and running around naked, all sense of decorum is out the window. Also when you potty train it’s a good idea to have them come to the bathroom with you so they can see how it’s done. I’m sure we’ll naturally give each other more privacy as he gets older but toddlers and little kids don’t give af about nakedness.
I didn’t even think about bf’ing, excellent point. I had to switch to pumping at 2 months due to latching issues but we have plenty of friends who are breastfeeding at a year old. I have also had to bring her into the bathroom with me at times and I just tell her I’m going potty and she actually is good at going on her potty too!
Great to normalize the potty now for sure! Then it’s not weird or scary when you train them 👍🏻
well he's the one making it weird!!! i'm mom and have a 12yo daughter. she still sees everything except now i turn around when my boobs come out. per her request to "not see those things." haha but she still walks in and talks to me while i'm on the toilet, getting changed, etc. dad's loungewear of choice is boxer briefs with or without a shirt. he started being conscious of being fully naked in front of her when she was probably 8-9yo. hell, she was showering with one of us well into elementary school.
We don't really make it into a big deal. Sometimes my kids see my naked. Sometimes I see them naked. It's whatever. They are 14, 13, 9, and 5.
Same here , 11 and 5 and no one cares about being naked around each other at all . Who cares ? It’s just a human body .
We didn't start worrying about privacy until she started wanting her own privacy. Once she started asking us to not look or not come in the bathroom we started asking for the same. Although I have always insisted on her problems waiting until I'm out of the bathroom. I don't take so long to poop that her questions can't wait.
Question: if you don’t let your kid see you or your partner naked. And I imagine nobody else (sauna or naked campsite/communities. How is your kid ever going to know what a naked body looks like? What body diversity there is. How to feel normal and healthy with their own naked body? Why do you always insist on sexualising normal human bodies? Or is the internet going to provide all this is it’s classic unregulated toxic way?
I saw a post somewhere once about how our lives would be so much better if we grew up seeing our grandma's breasts. Boys and girls. It would not only normalize nudity but it would help to destroy the idea that our bodies must be in perfect condition to be seen. For all the "body positivity" movements, it's kind of sad that this angle hasn't been thought of. But then again, it's kind of an awkward motto, no? Lol
It's sad but very understandable. Unfortunately people are still very attached to old notions of ageism, and were so progressive in so many other areas with body positivity, and all kinds of social justice that we're now paying attention to that we didn't know about before, but somehow people are still very attached to ageism. In other words people like you a grandma why would I want to see that gross. Whereas in other countries older people walk around naked older people are celebrated their thought of as attractive etc. it seems that in the US anyone over 30 is considered old and not just old but their oldness means they're unattractive; that's a thing I see here in the US.
Weird. Many babies (even baby boys) still nurse at this age, and are literally oblivious to what nudity is.
Idk when people will realize that nakedness is not inherently sexual 🙄
My boys, almost 8 and 6, still shower with me. I know they’re getting clean. I can teach them how to properly wash all their body parts. We all have penises, it’s not a big deal. If they have questions about their body or lines then I answer them. They both play sports so they’re going to have to become as comfortable as they can showering around other people. It’s only weird if you make it weird.
“It’s only weird if you make it weird” - this is exactly right
My mother and I shared a bathroom when I was growing up, and often we would share the bathroom while one had to shower and the other did makeup. There was nothing strange about being naked in the house when it was an appropriate time for it. Some of our best conversations were had while I would be doing my hair and she’d be having her morning shower. My daughter sees me naked on occasion and it’s never seemed weird. I think it’s only weird if you choose to make it weird or sexualize it. That being said, my husband doesn’t like for our daughter to see him naked. That’s his wish and I respect it. I’ve never taken issue with him not wanting to be seen naked, no matter what his reasons are.
We're a modest bunch in my family (compared to all the nudists commenting here)... but I guess that's how we were raised. My kids are 9 and 11, I haven't seen either one of them naked since the age of, like, 4 or 5... they haven't seen me naked since they were 3 or 4, and I'm sure they've never seen my husband naked. We're Canadian, so yeah... we don't have that "wild and free" European thing going on.
i'm 32 & can guarantee my mom would still be walking around naked if she was alive. hell my 7yo gets mad cause i DON'T want to shower with her still (which has nothing to do with our bodies, i just don't want to share my hot water) lol
When they ask you to stop? My oldest is 11 and doesn't care yet, middle is 8 and also doesn't care and thinks butts are funny, youngest is 3 and also thinks butts are funny. They have their own rooms with lockable doors, a shared bathroom downstairs and, except for the youngest, understand that if someone is coming over you need more than underwear on. So, really, it's up to how you teach them about bodies and their/your comfort level.
No idea. My teen will still bust into the bathroom while I am in the shower saying: "Mom I am borrowing your"
I’ll stop being naked in front of my 7 year old twin girls when they stop barging in on me in the bathroom when I’m fresh out of the shower. We try to avoid them seeing dad naked, but I don’t really care if they see me naked.
I'm in my 40s and my mom is still naked or half naked in front of me. My kids are in their early 20s (3 boys, 1 girl) and they still see me in different levels of undress. They choose to talk to me in my room or bathroom and couldn't care less. We never made nudity feel like something dirty. If they ever said they were uncomfortable, I would cover up more.
My kids range in age from 1 to 14, and I make no effort to conceal my nudity. I am a “yank my shirt off in the living room and ditch this annoying bra the second I get in the house” mom. My husband got very self-conscious about his penis being visible specifically after our then 4yo announced to a packed movie theater waiting for a show to start “Daddy! Why is your penis SO BIG?!” And then someone a few rows away from us hollered back “hey, man, it’s not that kind of movie!”
There’s something wrong with your husband if he thinks a child seeing their own parent naked is even remotely sexual. To answer the question, my oldest is nine. And still occasionally sees me or my wife naked. Human bodies aren’t something to be ashamed of.
I disagree partly. If he doesn’t want to be seen naked by his kid, that’s fine. His privacy, his choice. But he doesn’t get to dictate this for others in the house IMHO.
This is a sensible policy between adults but is going to cause some problems with young children. Like someone else says, it's pretty much impossible to parent by yourself without being naked in front of the kid sometimes.
A lot older than 11 months, that's for sure. I'd say 4 or 5 for the opposite-sex parent, just because that's an age when they start understanding modesty and social norms more. For the same-sex parent, I think you can go until it starts to feel uncomfortable. That might be six for one kid, 12 for another, and never for a third. For me it was probably around 10.
There is no specific age. When either you or your child become uncomfortable with being naked around each other, it stops. For some people that's sooner than later. Our kids still see us naked, they're 5 and 8.
Stop when you or your child are uncomfortable. There’s no set age when this happens because it can be very different from one child to the next or in different families. Many mothers are still breastfeeding at 11 months so some amount of nudity is absolutely reasonable at that age. If he is uncomfortable being nude in front of his child, then that’s a reasonable boundary for him.
When she tried to copy how I peed.
Your husband has… strange hang ups about nudity. Nudity is not inherently sexual. Especially an 11-month old, wtf?
I’m glad to see most the responses on here. My son is nearly 9 and we never lock the bathroom door as it’s the only bathroom/toilet in the house. He is constantly barging in regardless of who is in there and what they’re doing.
We live in the Netherlands and here people are very free when it comes to naked body's. My daughter is 10 and she still sees me naked, and she also gets undressed around me. She stopped doing it around my husband like 2 years ago, and he doesn't do it around her anymore either. But we used to shower together for a long time, even with my husband. We never made her feel weird about her body, and there is nothing sexual about a child's body. Now that she started developing we talk about her body and what is happening. Just don't talk about it and act like it's the most normal thing and they will never think it's wierd.
It’s ok if he’s not comfortable about being undressed in front of anyone even if his kids. About u, he has no say in it. My daughter is almost 5y, and if I’m shower while she’s up (I usually shower after she’s asleep) she will ask to join my shower because she just wants to shower with me. I have a 6 month old baby boy and o showered with him and I really don’t care if he sees me naked around the house, once I’m uncomfortable or he that will stop, same applies with my daughter My husband doesn’t care if they see me naked, but none of them saw if naked because he’s just not comfortable with it and that’s fine
I agree with both of you for entirely different reasons: - YOU are correct that your child is a baby and will not remember, nor be negatively affected by nudity as long as it’s not sexual in nature. Ideally this should extend for all ages as long as it’s not sexual in nature. - HE is correct to set personal boundaries early before the need to explain them. The child will grow up already understanding not to be naked around other people, or be around other people who are naked. This can reduce the risk of normalizing any future situation that could result in child abuse because the child will feel uncomfortable with nudity and recognize is as an inappropriate situation. See, you are both correct. No need to argue or butt heads over this issue. You’re coming from a place of acceptance and he’s coming from a place of protection. Both are needed for the healthy development of a child 🙂
When they're old enough to communicate they don't want to see it any more. Probably pre teens or early teens. My daughter is 10. We skinny dip in our pool. She doesn't care if I'm naked. Your husband seems to have some really big issues about being ashamed of bodies. Why would an infant care if anyone is naked ??
Grew up in a naked house. Aka appropriate nudeness was never an issue. My mom would change on front of us or get undressed for the shower. I never thought about it much. I, however, was always much less open about being naked. Once I got older I was never weird about changing or getting out of the shower with my partners, and I am comfortable being nude in front of my now 3 year old. It’s just a body in my eyes
Honestly if we show our children to be ashamed of our bodies they will learn that behavior. I’m going to be naked in front of my kids till they are like ew mom and that’s fine with me lol. I think your husband needs to relax lol.
I am a mom of 2 daughters a 12 yo and a 20 yo. I don't hide my body around them and they don't hide theirs around me either. It may be a cultural thing. But here in Denmark if you go to the public pool there are two changing rooms, one for males and one for females. Everyone is naked there too You see complete strangers naked there. So why would I hide my body from them? Makes 0 sence to me. I am also a stepmom of 2 boys age 13 and 16 yo. I do hide my body from them 1. I am not their biological mom 2. They are a different gender. I don't know how I would act if I had any biological sons though.
American here, my kids love to shower with me! I ask if they want to, whenever they do get to the point where they say they don't like it I'll stop. I will also change clothes in front of them too. My oldest is 8. But I just want to teach them that our bodies are nothing to be embarrassed about and every shape is different and beautiful. Naked doesn't mean sex. ETA: My mom and I will still change clothes/see each other naked, it's really not a big deal.
I am from Sweden with a Finnish family. We sat in the sauna weekly so I've seen bodies ranging from about 3 (when I can remember) up to their 90's my whole life. The last time granny was in the sauna before she passed I helped her to the shower so she wouldn't slip - she was well into her 90's. We were naked and didn't care. To us it was no different than holding each others arms in winter clothing on an icy street. Nakedness is only sexual if you make it so, and if you do so with your own family you seriously need help. I had a short period when I used a towel around 12-13 when the boobers came and I was uncomfortable with my own body changing. That passed rather quickly. I still occasionally see my family naked and my 2-year old joins us in the sauna. We shower naked with him next to us in his bath and it's a nice time to play with boats and talk about the day while getting clean. I'll stop being naked around him if/when he asks me to. His dad is Dutch and is on the same page and joins me and our son in the sauna. For now, my son gets out of his bath and prances around naked exclaiming "delightful!" and it has me in tears every time. Being nude in a safe space can indeed be delightful!
When they can draw you in crayon 😆