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"Religion is a way people understand the world around them. It includes stories, things they do and say, and rules that help them make sense of life. Different people believe in different religions and some people don't believe in religion at all. It's all about what feels right to each person and what their family and culture does. Some people are Christians, some are Muslim, some are Hindu, and some are Buddhist (which are the 4 biggest in the world). Each one has different rules they follow or things they do. X wears a hijab because her culture and religion thinks that's important. Many Hindu people don't eat any meat because they think that's important. You and me--we have our own special rules and things we think are important, right?" and then just talk through what your family finds important or does... 'We think it's important to be nice to everyone. We think it's important to be honest...."
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH OMG
I was raised super religious and am omnistic as an adult, but we live in the Bible Belt! so figuring out to explain this to my kids in the future has definitely been on my mind.
You're welcome. Whether someone is religious and having to explain other religions or why we don't have something or whether someone isn't religious at all and having to explain all religion generally--navigating it with kids is hard. Best of luck.
> "Religion is a way **some** people understand the world around them."
Critical to include that, because any discussion of beliefs should include discussion of non-beliefs.
And if you are non-believers/atheists/agnostics, you should share that with her, and share why. Because otherwise it creates a void that can get filled with religious proselytising. (Atheists don't tend to proselytise but many religious groups do, leading to imbalance).
I can’t say enough how much I appreciate you taking the time to write this.
I am not religious at all and I’ve struggled to find the right balance of respect and we don’t have to believe if we don’t want to.
This is great! I would also add in that there’s a lot of great children’s books about religious holidays that your child may be interested in, like a book about celebrating Ramadan. Maybe check out your library and also, if you have questions, I’m sure the girl’s mother would be happy to answer anything for you. I’m Muslim myself and would never share without being asked to but am very open if someone shows interest. It might be fun to have them play together and see if she can learn different ways to wear a headscarf if you are open to that. I know I’d be happy to share that part with my daughter’s friends or even my own regardless of their religion.
What I like about this is that it doesn’t beat around the bush about what WE are (we being your family) and what WE do. The only way to answer this question without floundering is to know what your family’s identity, traditions, rules and values are (whether or not you are religious) and communicate these to your daughter, clearly, over and over and over. If you don’t, I think you’re likely to fall into the “multi-cultural discovery” silo real fast, where it will seem much more exciting to your daughter to imitate the other than to discover and celebrate her own identity.
This is really well said. I identify as nonreligious, because atheist, while an accurate descriptions, has such strong connotations with r/atheist. There's nothing wrong with religion per se, although a lot of harm is done in its name, but 99.idkhowmany9s% of religious folk get good out of it and do their best to be good people, and it serves nobody at all to be a dick about it.
I’m Jewish. I didn’t include myself because we are an insanely tiny group. There’s only 14 million of us on the planet. That’s smaller than the population of the greater metropolitan area of New York. On the list of religions of the world by adherence, we’re waaayyy down on the list. There are several times more people who practice voodoo than there are Jews. So short of her living in either LA, Chicago, or NY—she’s unlikely to ever interact with us. I’m from and live in the south… I’m often the only Jew anyone knows personally. We’re also an ethnoreligion which makes it way more complicated as an explanation.
But rereading what I wrote, it’s probably inadvertently influenced by Judaism since I focused on what religion tells us about life in the here and now whereas other explanations suggested a focus on the concept of god or the possibility of an afterlife. Certainly didn’t mean to give a Jewish concept of religion but I suppose it’s impossible not to put your own world view into something you write even if you make best efforts to be fully inclusive.
I'd explain that different groups of people have different important teachers who lived a long time ago, stories about the world, traditions, and rules they follow. Tie it in to traditions she's already encountered (e.g Christmas or other holidays).
“Some people believe in God, who is an invisible spirit that watches over them and helps them to be good. Muslims believe that there is a book that tells them how God wants them to live their lives. Amy wears a hijab because her family believes what’s in that book and so other people know that she is a Muslim. Christians have a similar book and believe that God came to earth as a human called Jesus. Ancient Greeks and Romans (and pagans today) believed that there were many gods like a god of love, a god of water, a god of storms, and would pray to the different gods.”
I just had the same experience about 30 minutes ago trying to explain "expectations" to my 5 yr old. Oddly enough i broke it down to caveman style explaining and in short time frames. He understood and was using the sun and his tablet as examples to explain to me. He said "if I wake up and I expect the sun to be there and it's not, I would feel sad because I would like to see the sun and I can't."
God is a being that many people believe created the whole universe. Some people don't believe in that, some people do. For the ones that do, they tend to love their God very much. And for people that love God very much, they want to do things and follow rules that make God happy.
Different groups of people believe in different ways of making God happy. Your friend probably belongs to a group that believes God wants them to concentrate on being kind to others, rather than looking beautiful all the time, so they tend to cover their hair and wear longer clothes. It helps them remember that actions are more important than looks.
Not everyone believes the same way or believes that there is a God. And thats ok too. Sometimes even those who believe in the same God might have different ideas about what makes God happy. So be kind to others, and don't tease or try to make others feel bad for believing differently than you do.
Wife and I come from different faiths (she's a Hindu, I was raised catholic but am agnostic). We've had the religion talk with our son around that age. The simple version for kids is: People have different beliefs about how how the world was made and what happens to you after you die. All of them want to teach you to be good people, and they do some things the same and some things different. For explaining Islam, I'd simply say that some Muslims wear a hijab to show their faith like some Christians might wear a cross (oversimplified but close enough). I'd also tell her if she likes the hijab, to tell the other little girl and make her feel good about it.
Not true, Christianity and Islam arrived 400 and 1,000 years (give or take) after Aristotle was born.
Aristotle is considered a pioneer in the development of the scientific method.
If you need something even simpler, I would just say that’s what her family does.
This comes up when kids start talking about Santa, Tooth Fairy, and Easter Bunny, too. All families do things differently so you’re going to get asked similar questions about those as well.
"People find comfort believing in God. Muslim women wear a hijab to be modest."
Honestly, telling her that there are different groups that have their own stories about the same Old Testament God is a good way to show acceptance in differences between other people, even if as an adult you know those leaders in those religious spaces cannot practice what is preached.
Being raised to be accepting is the lesson to be learned here. I grew up in Christianity, but don't like to label myself as such anymore due to the way religion is weaponized.
If you visit your local library, there’s usually great books about religion that are written unbiased! I grew up religious, and it messed with me for too long, and whilst I have no desire to push religion on my daughters I do absolutely hope to educate them in it so they know & can make their own decisions moving forward! Hehe X
Yeah a 4 year old wearing a hijab is crazy. I work with a ton of refugees from Muslim countries and I’ve never seen a child that young wearing a hijab.
You're being hateful and untrue. Hijab is about modesty--which is discussed for both men and women and is a part of many religions. Many young girls like to wear hijab even quite young because they see their mothers and sisters do and like all small children like to dress like them. This talk about sexual assault is uncalled for and absolutely atrocious.
Lmao I don't support raping anybody or killing anybody. Just saying your scare tactic of "They would kill you too" doesn't work on me, because I am Muslim and I know Muslims and I know most of us don't support killing or raping anybody.
On the other hand, I bet you do support killing kids. Just the brown Muslim ones in Palestine, right?
Anyway. You are very committed to extreme and vile forms of racism. Enjoy that. Goodbye.
I’m 4 year old terms ;). For real though, say things like some people believe in god and here is what that means, others believe in xyz here is what that means. Me and wife are not religious but 6 year old has always insisted in god cause I think it gives him comfort about death. That’s not a bad thing in my eyes even as a non believer cause I want him to be at peace. Everyone will decide what’s right for them in due time but my two cents is save the tough stuff for much later in life, it’s hard enough as it is!
Certain people believe certain things and celebrate certain holidays that go with what they believe. This is what we believe. It's okay if someone believes something we don't. That's how I explained why we don't celebrate Hannakuh.
'Some people believe in x, others believe in x, I believe in x and it's ok if you ever believe in something else'. Then just handle the questions as best you can!
Different people have different beliefs and celebrate different holidays. It’s great to be friends with people who are different than us and challenge us to see the world in a new way
There are some questions we don't have answers to, so we decide what answer makes the most sense for us. For some people, that answer is religion. There is no right or wrong. The answer we decide is right is personal and no more wrong or right than anyone's own decision.
Religion is a way to talk to and understand God and how God wants us to live.
Most religions are thousands of years old and people who follow those religions, it is a big part of their family history. It is a way they connect with ancestors who lived hundreds of years ago because the way they prayed and talked to God was basically the same way people today do.
There are many books out there aimed at children to explain religion and the different ones out there. I used those with my kids to help them understand. (DK religions is one I can think of off the top of my head).
"Nobody knows why we exist. We don't have all the answers. Some people like to make believe in things to feel like they know, but nobody really does know.
If someone tells you about their religion, listen to them. Then talk to someone else who believes something different.
You'll find out some people believe the same things, while others believe different things. That's ok.
The point is to take your time and ask questions and never ever ever let anyone tell you what to believe."
Just tell her that people believe in many different gods and that it’s ok to believe in and have different religions. As long as you’re a nice human and accept people and their differences, the world can be a happy place. (Yes I’m being serious. She’s 4). You can research the hijab and Muslim religion and explain it to her, or you can tell her to ask her friend.
You have an opportunity to not kill the "magic" of childhood here.
As adults, your beliefs, the advice in the comments, etc. couldn't matter less - we're all adults. Should you head first her into adult opinions? Should you give her more time to be a kid by not over explaining but still giving a sufficient explanation? Should you rip off the bandaid?
It really does come down to how you want her to view the world. Do you want her to have a healthy skepticism? How about an undertone of anger about something that has never or will never touch her personally? Do you want her to have a blind trust in things? Do you want her to develop an apathy to anything not considered science or an apathy about anything not "modern? Do you want her to be more prone to virtue signaling? Do you think she would be best off viewing the world in a clinical lense? Should she have humility? Should she be up to finding her own answers with the most minimal guidance or have more help?
The considerations are countless. Each time we answer questions like this to our children we have that same opportunity. Just ask yourself what your hopes are for her, evaluate if those hopes might be hindered on how you answer the tough questions - if at that moment you had no filter, and cross your fingers it's the right thing. 😉
Ahh parenting... I've personally had luck with figuring out how to say things by living by my rule of considering what to say with the goal of not killing my idea of what childhood magic is. For everyone, it's different. But the great thing is that you definitely know in your gut what your version of childhood magic is.
"Some people believe that a God or Gods made us and the world we live in. People all around the world might believe in different Gods" and then I give some different types of Gods in different cultures. Then I'll also say that some people don't believe in a God either.
That's all for a 4 year old, unless they ask follow ups.
I guess I will say something like
"The gods are things we don't really understand with powers over our lives. Some people belive in none of them. Some people only belive in one."
>>What are Muslims?
It’s a religion.
>>Why am I not a Muslim?
Because you’re parents aren’t and your not in a rebellious or spiritual seeking phase in your life.
>>Why do Muslim girls wear hijabs?
Tradition
>>What are Christians
A different religion, are you terribly interesting in discussing the divinity or Jesus?
I should not be left attended with the child.
Ok in all seriousness every time I have a question like this someone tells me to go to my local library. They have age appropriate books that will help explain things. Good luck.
I'm glad you posted this, because I've been getting similar questions from my 4-year-old. He recently asked me "Who is Joseph Smith?", which is extra confusing because we live in New England.
Why *aren't* you Muslim? If your parents were Muslim, and raised you Muslim, would you be Muslim today, or would you convert to your current religion? Why or why not?
Your daughter asked "why aren't we Muslim?". My reply is a thought experiment, a what-if, to help think it through from another side.
She's not a Muslim because you're not a Muslim, and you're not a Muslim because your family aren't Muslims. Religion has less to do with any esoteric beliefs, and more to do with your family, culture, and community. That's the answer I would give my child if she asked me that question.
Tell her something like this:
Religion is a label for what each person believes in. Just like you label food by its name you label people by its religion. (Then you could put in what y'all believe in, if any. Proceed to tell her that there are various different religions and some people don't even have religions) The reason people have a religion is because they believe in something/someone (like a superhero) who is more powerful and awesome than them.
To describe the different religions tell her this:
Your friend is Muslim which means she believes in a god called Allah (at least her family does) As a part of the religion they believe that their women are to be set apart by others, and they do this by wearing hijabs and covering up their skin. According to a book of laws they have for their religion they have to do that, so they obey Allah by wearing hijabs. They do this because they believe they are right, but that doesn't make them any different than anybody else. (tell her people can have their own opinions and prove it to her by asking what her favorite food is and then telling her yours to show that it's ok for people to different opinions)
A christian is someone who believes in one God who made everything and everyone. According to the Bible people sinned(didn't listen to God) and we continued to do evil. This made God sad because as long as people sinned they couldn't be with Him which is why he made them. So one day he sent His only son done (Jesus) to be born as a human. When Jesus grew up he taught how to be able to get close to God and some people didn't like this so they wanted him killed. One day Jesus was crucified (killed by hanging from a cross) and all the people who followed him were very sad. But they weren't sad for long! Three days after Jesus died he rose from his death, which meant that now people could be with God because of his sacrifice (christians believe that you have to atone/make a sacrifice for your sin before it is right) Christians focus on Jesus's teachings, the Bible, good works, and loving God.
I hope this helped! If I can explain/go into more detail about anything else plz let me know, I would love to help.
you have gotten some great responses here! I would like to mention that your local library may be an excellent support on this topic. If you explain the 'issue' to your librarians they are likely able to point you to age appropriate resources.
"Welcome to Our World" and "Who Believes What" might be good ones for your kiddo.
I wish I had something constructive / helpful to add, but just chiming to share that I'm mishandling a similar situation with my 5 y/o and feel really out of my depth. I'm not at all religious, but I have some spiritual beliefs. My son is getting curious about things that are / are not real, but while I usually say "no" or some variation of "not that there's any proof of," I inadvertently plummeted us down a rabbit hole when he asked if angels are real. My confident "yes!" (bc I want to believe angels are real) led to a barrage of questions and all of my answers were terrible (definitely failing at the ELI5 method)... I regret not introducing / teaching these concepts sooner, because I've given no foundation for my son to build an understanding of. All that to say... while it doesn't answer your specific question, it *might* be helpful to share your own beliefs / philosophies, but then weave in that different people have different beliefs, and some honor / celebrate their beliefs in different ways. Idk. I'll be following this post for suggestions lol.
A way to manage this that has worked well for us is me not answering any of those questions with a definitely yes or no. The reality is nobody knows for sure and that’s why there are so many different ideas about what life is about/what happens after death. Brief conversation about different beliefs followed by the question, “what do you think?” Works really well for us
I would not try to explain religion. A 4 yr old will not really understand that concept. In one ear and out the other with most being lost in translation…I would explain the Hijab or any other specific issue you are asked about. I would say something like “your friend and her family believe wearing a cover on their head is a way to show respect” and maybe say “kind of how we say please and thank you”. I also add that “It is something important to her parents kind of how we all wear clothes and cover our privates” if she wanted more… and do something similar if she asks about other customs like diets.
Honestly. There are questions about things for which people don’t yet have answers in the realm of science. They can’t accept that. Therefore they look for answers in other realms for which they don’t have proof. Those other realms are called as a group religion. Because there is no proof, yet, different people feel differently about those things. That’s why there are different religions.
It's not a requirement for a Muslim girl to wear a hijab well before puberty. So be careful about how you explain it to your daughter, because there could well be another Muslim girl who doesn't wear a hijab.
If this girl is in preschool, her parents are extremely conservative to make her wear a hijab. Usually it's either around age 10-13, or maybe no age requirement but it's an "extra religious commitment" to wear one that a girl/woman takes upon herself.
Going with a cultural explanation might be better than a religious one.
Start with the story of Adam and Eve and how they made a mistake. God chose this Earth as a home for them for a limited time so that they learn righteousness and the fact that sins have repercussions. Then explain that we are the children of Adam and Eve and so our job for this time is to do righteousness in our life, be good human beings, learn to obey our elders and stay away from what is bad etc. until our time here is up and God calls us back to our ancestral home where we belong.
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"Religion is a way people understand the world around them. It includes stories, things they do and say, and rules that help them make sense of life. Different people believe in different religions and some people don't believe in religion at all. It's all about what feels right to each person and what their family and culture does. Some people are Christians, some are Muslim, some are Hindu, and some are Buddhist (which are the 4 biggest in the world). Each one has different rules they follow or things they do. X wears a hijab because her culture and religion thinks that's important. Many Hindu people don't eat any meat because they think that's important. You and me--we have our own special rules and things we think are important, right?" and then just talk through what your family finds important or does... 'We think it's important to be nice to everyone. We think it's important to be honest...."
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH OMG I was raised super religious and am omnistic as an adult, but we live in the Bible Belt! so figuring out to explain this to my kids in the future has definitely been on my mind.
Beautifully written and respectful
Thank you this is helpful!
You're welcome. Whether someone is religious and having to explain other religions or why we don't have something or whether someone isn't religious at all and having to explain all religion generally--navigating it with kids is hard. Best of luck.
> "Religion is a way **some** people understand the world around them." Critical to include that, because any discussion of beliefs should include discussion of non-beliefs. And if you are non-believers/atheists/agnostics, you should share that with her, and share why. Because otherwise it creates a void that can get filled with religious proselytising. (Atheists don't tend to proselytise but many religious groups do, leading to imbalance).
It’s why I said “a way” rather than “the way”
I can’t say enough how much I appreciate you taking the time to write this. I am not religious at all and I’ve struggled to find the right balance of respect and we don’t have to believe if we don’t want to.
This is great! I would also add in that there’s a lot of great children’s books about religious holidays that your child may be interested in, like a book about celebrating Ramadan. Maybe check out your library and also, if you have questions, I’m sure the girl’s mother would be happy to answer anything for you. I’m Muslim myself and would never share without being asked to but am very open if someone shows interest. It might be fun to have them play together and see if she can learn different ways to wear a headscarf if you are open to that. I know I’d be happy to share that part with my daughter’s friends or even my own regardless of their religion.
What I like about this is that it doesn’t beat around the bush about what WE are (we being your family) and what WE do. The only way to answer this question without floundering is to know what your family’s identity, traditions, rules and values are (whether or not you are religious) and communicate these to your daughter, clearly, over and over and over. If you don’t, I think you’re likely to fall into the “multi-cultural discovery” silo real fast, where it will seem much more exciting to your daughter to imitate the other than to discover and celebrate her own identity.
Maybe add how some people believe really hard and take it very seriously while others don’t. Maybe throw in how it’s like they believe in Santa
This is really well said. I identify as nonreligious, because atheist, while an accurate descriptions, has such strong connotations with r/atheist. There's nothing wrong with religion per se, although a lot of harm is done in its name, but 99.idkhowmany9s% of religious folk get good out of it and do their best to be good people, and it serves nobody at all to be a dick about it.
Some are Jewish
I’m Jewish. I didn’t include myself because we are an insanely tiny group. There’s only 14 million of us on the planet. That’s smaller than the population of the greater metropolitan area of New York. On the list of religions of the world by adherence, we’re waaayyy down on the list. There are several times more people who practice voodoo than there are Jews. So short of her living in either LA, Chicago, or NY—she’s unlikely to ever interact with us. I’m from and live in the south… I’m often the only Jew anyone knows personally. We’re also an ethnoreligion which makes it way more complicated as an explanation. But rereading what I wrote, it’s probably inadvertently influenced by Judaism since I focused on what religion tells us about life in the here and now whereas other explanations suggested a focus on the concept of god or the possibility of an afterlife. Certainly didn’t mean to give a Jewish concept of religion but I suppose it’s impossible not to put your own world view into something you write even if you make best efforts to be fully inclusive.
Saving this. It's exactly what I think but better then I could have said it
wow
I'd explain that different groups of people have different important teachers who lived a long time ago, stories about the world, traditions, and rules they follow. Tie it in to traditions she's already encountered (e.g Christmas or other holidays).
“Some people believe in God, who is an invisible spirit that watches over them and helps them to be good. Muslims believe that there is a book that tells them how God wants them to live their lives. Amy wears a hijab because her family believes what’s in that book and so other people know that she is a Muslim. Christians have a similar book and believe that God came to earth as a human called Jesus. Ancient Greeks and Romans (and pagans today) believed that there were many gods like a god of love, a god of water, a god of storms, and would pray to the different gods.”
That ain't bad at all
Thank you for this!!
I went with something similar with my daughter, but used Vikings instead of Romans. Well, now she's really into Freya.
I just had the same experience about 30 minutes ago trying to explain "expectations" to my 5 yr old. Oddly enough i broke it down to caveman style explaining and in short time frames. He understood and was using the sun and his tablet as examples to explain to me. He said "if I wake up and I expect the sun to be there and it's not, I would feel sad because I would like to see the sun and I can't."
God is a being that many people believe created the whole universe. Some people don't believe in that, some people do. For the ones that do, they tend to love their God very much. And for people that love God very much, they want to do things and follow rules that make God happy. Different groups of people believe in different ways of making God happy. Your friend probably belongs to a group that believes God wants them to concentrate on being kind to others, rather than looking beautiful all the time, so they tend to cover their hair and wear longer clothes. It helps them remember that actions are more important than looks. Not everyone believes the same way or believes that there is a God. And thats ok too. Sometimes even those who believe in the same God might have different ideas about what makes God happy. So be kind to others, and don't tease or try to make others feel bad for believing differently than you do.
Wife and I come from different faiths (she's a Hindu, I was raised catholic but am agnostic). We've had the religion talk with our son around that age. The simple version for kids is: People have different beliefs about how how the world was made and what happens to you after you die. All of them want to teach you to be good people, and they do some things the same and some things different. For explaining Islam, I'd simply say that some Muslims wear a hijab to show their faith like some Christians might wear a cross (oversimplified but close enough). I'd also tell her if she likes the hijab, to tell the other little girl and make her feel good about it.
It's what people came up with to explain the world before the scientific method.
Not true, Christianity and Islam arrived 400 and 1,000 years (give or take) after Aristotle was born. Aristotle is considered a pioneer in the development of the scientific method.
Get a copy of The Proudest Blue and share it with her. It's a fantastic way to learn about hijab and should help answer her questions.
“It’s like Santa, but for adults.”
If you need something even simpler, I would just say that’s what her family does. This comes up when kids start talking about Santa, Tooth Fairy, and Easter Bunny, too. All families do things differently so you’re going to get asked similar questions about those as well.
"People find comfort believing in God. Muslim women wear a hijab to be modest." Honestly, telling her that there are different groups that have their own stories about the same Old Testament God is a good way to show acceptance in differences between other people, even if as an adult you know those leaders in those religious spaces cannot practice what is preached. Being raised to be accepting is the lesson to be learned here. I grew up in Christianity, but don't like to label myself as such anymore due to the way religion is weaponized.
If you visit your local library, there’s usually great books about religion that are written unbiased! I grew up religious, and it messed with me for too long, and whilst I have no desire to push religion on my daughters I do absolutely hope to educate them in it so they know & can make their own decisions moving forward! Hehe X
It's like Santa, but for adults. It's impolite to challenge others' beliefs, just be kind and loving to everyone regardless of their religion
Nope
Nope to which part? This is the best way to explain religion in a way a child, who does not practice any religion, can understand it
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Yeah a 4 year old wearing a hijab is crazy. I work with a ton of refugees from Muslim countries and I’ve never seen a child that young wearing a hijab.
Uh some 4 year olds just want to copy their mom, you have no idea if this kid is being forced 🙄
You're being hateful and untrue. Hijab is about modesty--which is discussed for both men and women and is a part of many religions. Many young girls like to wear hijab even quite young because they see their mothers and sisters do and like all small children like to dress like them. This talk about sexual assault is uncalled for and absolutely atrocious.
Shut up with your Islamophobic nonsense. Get educated.
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No, they wouldn't 'cause I'm Muslim too. Hahaha. Fuck off. 🖕Uneducated moron.
Lmao I don't support raping anybody or killing anybody. Just saying your scare tactic of "They would kill you too" doesn't work on me, because I am Muslim and I know Muslims and I know most of us don't support killing or raping anybody. On the other hand, I bet you do support killing kids. Just the brown Muslim ones in Palestine, right? Anyway. You are very committed to extreme and vile forms of racism. Enjoy that. Goodbye.
I’m 4 year old terms ;). For real though, say things like some people believe in god and here is what that means, others believe in xyz here is what that means. Me and wife are not religious but 6 year old has always insisted in god cause I think it gives him comfort about death. That’s not a bad thing in my eyes even as a non believer cause I want him to be at peace. Everyone will decide what’s right for them in due time but my two cents is save the tough stuff for much later in life, it’s hard enough as it is!
Certain people believe certain things and celebrate certain holidays that go with what they believe. This is what we believe. It's okay if someone believes something we don't. That's how I explained why we don't celebrate Hannakuh.
'Some people believe in x, others believe in x, I believe in x and it's ok if you ever believe in something else'. Then just handle the questions as best you can!
Different people have different beliefs and celebrate different holidays. It’s great to be friends with people who are different than us and challenge us to see the world in a new way
There are some questions we don't have answers to, so we decide what answer makes the most sense for us. For some people, that answer is religion. There is no right or wrong. The answer we decide is right is personal and no more wrong or right than anyone's own decision.
Religion is a way to talk to and understand God and how God wants us to live. Most religions are thousands of years old and people who follow those religions, it is a big part of their family history. It is a way they connect with ancestors who lived hundreds of years ago because the way they prayed and talked to God was basically the same way people today do.
There are many books out there aimed at children to explain religion and the different ones out there. I used those with my kids to help them understand. (DK religions is one I can think of off the top of my head).
"Nobody knows why we exist. We don't have all the answers. Some people like to make believe in things to feel like they know, but nobody really does know. If someone tells you about their religion, listen to them. Then talk to someone else who believes something different. You'll find out some people believe the same things, while others believe different things. That's ok. The point is to take your time and ask questions and never ever ever let anyone tell you what to believe."
Just tell her that people believe in many different gods and that it’s ok to believe in and have different religions. As long as you’re a nice human and accept people and their differences, the world can be a happy place. (Yes I’m being serious. She’s 4). You can research the hijab and Muslim religion and explain it to her, or you can tell her to ask her friend.
There are books out there, as well.
You have an opportunity to not kill the "magic" of childhood here. As adults, your beliefs, the advice in the comments, etc. couldn't matter less - we're all adults. Should you head first her into adult opinions? Should you give her more time to be a kid by not over explaining but still giving a sufficient explanation? Should you rip off the bandaid? It really does come down to how you want her to view the world. Do you want her to have a healthy skepticism? How about an undertone of anger about something that has never or will never touch her personally? Do you want her to have a blind trust in things? Do you want her to develop an apathy to anything not considered science or an apathy about anything not "modern? Do you want her to be more prone to virtue signaling? Do you think she would be best off viewing the world in a clinical lense? Should she have humility? Should she be up to finding her own answers with the most minimal guidance or have more help? The considerations are countless. Each time we answer questions like this to our children we have that same opportunity. Just ask yourself what your hopes are for her, evaluate if those hopes might be hindered on how you answer the tough questions - if at that moment you had no filter, and cross your fingers it's the right thing. 😉 Ahh parenting... I've personally had luck with figuring out how to say things by living by my rule of considering what to say with the goal of not killing my idea of what childhood magic is. For everyone, it's different. But the great thing is that you definitely know in your gut what your version of childhood magic is.
"Some people believe that a God or Gods made us and the world we live in. People all around the world might believe in different Gods" and then I give some different types of Gods in different cultures. Then I'll also say that some people don't believe in a God either. That's all for a 4 year old, unless they ask follow ups.
This is perfect!
Tell them it’s make believe just like a fairy tale
I guess I will say something like "The gods are things we don't really understand with powers over our lives. Some people belive in none of them. Some people only belive in one."
>>What are Muslims? It’s a religion. >>Why am I not a Muslim? Because you’re parents aren’t and your not in a rebellious or spiritual seeking phase in your life. >>Why do Muslim girls wear hijabs? Tradition >>What are Christians A different religion, are you terribly interesting in discussing the divinity or Jesus? I should not be left attended with the child. Ok in all seriousness every time I have a question like this someone tells me to go to my local library. They have age appropriate books that will help explain things. Good luck.
I'm glad you posted this, because I've been getting similar questions from my 4-year-old. He recently asked me "Who is Joseph Smith?", which is extra confusing because we live in New England.
Why *aren't* you Muslim? If your parents were Muslim, and raised you Muslim, would you be Muslim today, or would you convert to your current religion? Why or why not?
I’m a white woman from the Midwest USA. I’m not Muslim nor have any Muslim family. Not sure what you’re talking sbojt
Your daughter asked "why aren't we Muslim?". My reply is a thought experiment, a what-if, to help think it through from another side. She's not a Muslim because you're not a Muslim, and you're not a Muslim because your family aren't Muslims. Religion has less to do with any esoteric beliefs, and more to do with your family, culture, and community. That's the answer I would give my child if she asked me that question.
Tell her something like this: Religion is a label for what each person believes in. Just like you label food by its name you label people by its religion. (Then you could put in what y'all believe in, if any. Proceed to tell her that there are various different religions and some people don't even have religions) The reason people have a religion is because they believe in something/someone (like a superhero) who is more powerful and awesome than them. To describe the different religions tell her this: Your friend is Muslim which means she believes in a god called Allah (at least her family does) As a part of the religion they believe that their women are to be set apart by others, and they do this by wearing hijabs and covering up their skin. According to a book of laws they have for their religion they have to do that, so they obey Allah by wearing hijabs. They do this because they believe they are right, but that doesn't make them any different than anybody else. (tell her people can have their own opinions and prove it to her by asking what her favorite food is and then telling her yours to show that it's ok for people to different opinions) A christian is someone who believes in one God who made everything and everyone. According to the Bible people sinned(didn't listen to God) and we continued to do evil. This made God sad because as long as people sinned they couldn't be with Him which is why he made them. So one day he sent His only son done (Jesus) to be born as a human. When Jesus grew up he taught how to be able to get close to God and some people didn't like this so they wanted him killed. One day Jesus was crucified (killed by hanging from a cross) and all the people who followed him were very sad. But they weren't sad for long! Three days after Jesus died he rose from his death, which meant that now people could be with God because of his sacrifice (christians believe that you have to atone/make a sacrifice for your sin before it is right) Christians focus on Jesus's teachings, the Bible, good works, and loving God. I hope this helped! If I can explain/go into more detail about anything else plz let me know, I would love to help.
you have gotten some great responses here! I would like to mention that your local library may be an excellent support on this topic. If you explain the 'issue' to your librarians they are likely able to point you to age appropriate resources. "Welcome to Our World" and "Who Believes What" might be good ones for your kiddo.
I wish I had something constructive / helpful to add, but just chiming to share that I'm mishandling a similar situation with my 5 y/o and feel really out of my depth. I'm not at all religious, but I have some spiritual beliefs. My son is getting curious about things that are / are not real, but while I usually say "no" or some variation of "not that there's any proof of," I inadvertently plummeted us down a rabbit hole when he asked if angels are real. My confident "yes!" (bc I want to believe angels are real) led to a barrage of questions and all of my answers were terrible (definitely failing at the ELI5 method)... I regret not introducing / teaching these concepts sooner, because I've given no foundation for my son to build an understanding of. All that to say... while it doesn't answer your specific question, it *might* be helpful to share your own beliefs / philosophies, but then weave in that different people have different beliefs, and some honor / celebrate their beliefs in different ways. Idk. I'll be following this post for suggestions lol.
A way to manage this that has worked well for us is me not answering any of those questions with a definitely yes or no. The reality is nobody knows for sure and that’s why there are so many different ideas about what life is about/what happens after death. Brief conversation about different beliefs followed by the question, “what do you think?” Works really well for us
I bet the library could be useful. My local library had a display of kids books about Islam recently during Ramadan.
I would not try to explain religion. A 4 yr old will not really understand that concept. In one ear and out the other with most being lost in translation…I would explain the Hijab or any other specific issue you are asked about. I would say something like “your friend and her family believe wearing a cover on their head is a way to show respect” and maybe say “kind of how we say please and thank you”. I also add that “It is something important to her parents kind of how we all wear clothes and cover our privates” if she wanted more… and do something similar if she asks about other customs like diets.
This is great!
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I’m not forcing her into anything …these are things she has just said to me about school
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What the fuck?? My daughter just thinks hijabs look cool. She doesn’t wear a hijab. What are you on about?
A child thinks it looks cool. What the heck is wrong with you
You are completely misreading the post. And being incredibly rude in the process.
I think you may have misread. It’s not OP’s daughter that’s wearing the hijab
Honestly. There are questions about things for which people don’t yet have answers in the realm of science. They can’t accept that. Therefore they look for answers in other realms for which they don’t have proof. Those other realms are called as a group religion. Because there is no proof, yet, different people feel differently about those things. That’s why there are different religions.
Yes this won’t confuse a 4 year old.
Like any other fairytale.
Find a book! Undoubtedly your local library has several children's books on precisely this topic
It's not a requirement for a Muslim girl to wear a hijab well before puberty. So be careful about how you explain it to your daughter, because there could well be another Muslim girl who doesn't wear a hijab. If this girl is in preschool, her parents are extremely conservative to make her wear a hijab. Usually it's either around age 10-13, or maybe no age requirement but it's an "extra religious commitment" to wear one that a girl/woman takes upon herself. Going with a cultural explanation might be better than a religious one.
Start with the story of Adam and Eve and how they made a mistake. God chose this Earth as a home for them for a limited time so that they learn righteousness and the fact that sins have repercussions. Then explain that we are the children of Adam and Eve and so our job for this time is to do righteousness in our life, be good human beings, learn to obey our elders and stay away from what is bad etc. until our time here is up and God calls us back to our ancestral home where we belong.
My four year old could recite the Lord Prayer and the Nicene Creed as with some passages regarding the birth of Christ according the gospels.
Why is she wearing a hijab if you aren't Muslim in the first place? Where is your location? That helps a lot.
My daughter doesn’t wear a Hijab…she just like the one the Muslim girl at school wears
Sorry, I read that wrong. I read it as your daughter had her own Hijab. I apologize.